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Transcript

Messy Advice... | Banishing the Inner Wince · Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community

• 0:00
  This one's for anyone who's ever sat across from someone they love,
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  smiled, nodded, and quietly thought, this is not
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  how I would have handled that, and then immediately judged yourself for thinking
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  it. Loving people gets a lot trickier when their
• 0:15
  choices rub up against our convictions, especially when you care
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  deeply, but your inner monologue is one long uncomfortable
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  wince. And now you're stuck in the slow dance of wanting to love
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  well or trying not to cringe too loudly on the inside. You know
• 0:29
  the moment someone opens up to you about a big life decision.
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  They're excited, looking for your support, while your brain is
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  screaming, wait, you did what? You wanna stay
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  connected, but everything in you is trying to figure out how to love them
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  without accidentally endorsing something you're not okay with.
• 0:49
  This is messy advice for people who care, for anyone trying to
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  stretch far enough to hold grace and honesty without pulling
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  something. I'm Johan on the edge of helpful, walking the
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  thin line between faithfulness and passive aggressive silence.
• 1:04
  Today's question is the kind of question that gets
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  under your skin in a good way. Let's get right
• 1:12
  into it. There are people I care about who are making
• 1:16
  choices I really don't agree with. I don't wanna ghost
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  them, but I also don't wanna pretend that I'm fine with
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  everything. How do I love them without compromising my
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  beliefs or damaging the relationship?
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  Hey. If you've ever wrestled with loving someone in real life while
• 1:34
  disagreeing with their life choices, this episode's for you, and you've
• 1:38
  probably had teenage children at some point in your life. A
• 1:42
  2022 Angus Reid poll found that 71% of
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  Canadians say they self censor around people they care about,
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  especially on moral, political, or spiritual topics to
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  avoid conflict. Turns out, a lot of us
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  are doing emotional gymnastics just to keep peace.
• 2:00
  We're not avoiding people. We're avoiding the fallout of honesty.
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  That doesn't mean we're dishonest. We're just exhausted by how
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  hard honesty can be. But how do we stop avoiding and
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  start loving honestly without weaponizing our opinions or
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  swallowing our convictions? Disagreeing with someone doesn't
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  mean that you failed them. It means you're human. And in most
• 2:24
  cases, you can still bring banana bread without bringing a TED talk.
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  Because let's be honest, no one's ever said thank
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  you for that unsolicited moral clarity unless they're
• 2:35
  being sarcastic. Think of this scenario.
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  Your cousin announces something big. Maybe it's a
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  relationship, maybe a career path, a life
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  shift, and everyone's celebrating around you.
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  Meanwhile, you're in the corner silently panicking about how to
• 2:53
  stay in their life without betraying your own values. You
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  don't wanna lie. You don't wanna lecture. You love them. You
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  really do. But the gap between what they need and what you
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  believe is starting to feel like a canyon. You just
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  wanna love them well, but you're not sure what that even
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  looks like anymore. That's a tough one to wrestle with.
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  Let's take a look at what the Bible has to say. Let's get
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  biblical, biblical. Matthew
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  26, right near the end of Jesus' life. So it's
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  in the middle of the night. Jesus is praying in the garden,
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  already feeling the weight of what's coming, and then
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  here comes Judas, not with a confrontation,
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  not with a sword, but with a kiss. Honestly,
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  it's one of the most uncomfortable moments in all of scripture.
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  Judas is already fully committed to betrayal, and he chooses the
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  most intimate gesture possible to do it. And what does
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  Jesus say? Friend, do what you came
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  for. Let's be clear. Jesus knows
• 4:00
  exactly what's happening. He doesn't interrupt with outrage.
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  He doesn't call down fire from heaven, even though that's something his
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  disciples have wanted to see throughout Jesus' ministry. He doesn't
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  drag Judas in front of the group for public rebuke. He calls
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  him friend. And Jesus isn't one to be
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  sarcastic. Now I don't know about you, but I
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  would not have gone with friend. I would have gone with something a
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  little more pointed. Really, Judas?
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  Nice timing. Didn't see this coming, except that
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  I did. But Jesus, he stays
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  present, honest, soft spoken,
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  devastatingly composed. He names what's
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  real, but without tearing down the relationship in the process.
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  That wasn't approval. That wasn't passive aggression.
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  That was Jesus showing us how to love someone who's walking a path we
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  cannot follow without pretending, without performing,
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  and without ghosting. That is what grace looks like when
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  it costs something. Not the nice filtered kind,
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  but the kind that holds eye contact in the middle of heartbreak
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  and still says friend. Grace doesn't mean ignoring what's
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  hard. It just means choosing love even when it's
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  complicated. You can love someone deeply and still
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  hold boundaries. You can disagree and still show
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  up. Love doesn't mean silence, and it doesn't mean
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  control. It means presence. Steady,
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  humble, honest, and anchored in something bigger than
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  approval. So if you've been tiptoeing through truth and
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  love, wondering if it's even possible to hold both,
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  take heart. Loving well doesn't mean you always say
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  the perfect thing. Sometimes, it just means that you don't
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  walk away. And, hey, if you wanna join the conversation of like
• 5:57
  minded individuals asking these questions, join us on our Care
• 6:01
  Impact podcast group on Facebook. We'd love to hear how you're navigating
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  these gray areas. And until next time, keep loving,
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  keep laughing. And if you're wrestling with how to be honest and stay
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  close, that's what real care looks like. Slightly
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  awkward, deeply human, still holy. And
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  always remember to stay curious.