Latest / ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿 / 💆‍♀️Self-Care Series: No is a full sentence 🙅‍♀️

Transcript

💆‍♀️Self-Care Series: No is a full sentence 🙅‍♀️ · ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿

• 0:05
  Hey, hey, and welcome back to another episode of a line that's
• 0:08
  thriving for teachers. It's time for another episode in
• 0:12
  our self care series, and this one's a biggie.
• 0:16
  We're talking about learning to say no and setting boundaries.
• 0:23
  Yep, it's that scary little word, No 2 letters that probably
• 0:29
  mean more to most teachers than anything else we say.
• 0:35
  So before you freak out or run off to make another To Do List
• 0:38
  instead of listening, here we are.
• 0:41
  This episode is for every people pleasing, over giving, stretched
• 0:46
  too thin educator out there who says yes out of guilt ends up
• 0:52
  with five extra jobs. Has ever stayed back for that
• 0:56
  one meeting again and just once a second to breathe.
• 1:01
  So if you've ever said yes when your whole body was screaming,
• 1:05
  Oh no, this episode's for you. So why does no matter more than
• 1:12
  you think? Because it honestly does.
• 1:14
  Saying yes to everything might make you feel like you're being
• 1:18
  helpful, but seriously, what is it costing you?
• 1:22
  Here's the hard truth. Obligation breeds contempt.
• 1:28
  You heard me right. Obligation breeds contempt.
• 1:33
  When you say yes out of guilt or fear, you start to resent the
• 1:37
  person who asked honestly you do You resent yourself too.
• 1:41
  That's not self care, that is self sabotage.
• 1:45
  And I'm saying this from the heart because I've done it
• 1:48
  before too. Honestly when I say yes because
• 1:50
  I just want that person to just go away sometimes and then I
• 1:55
  feel guilty and I honestly resent myself for making that
• 1:57
  decision. You can't live a peaceful,
• 2:00
  aligned life if you are always saying yes to the things that
• 2:04
  you hate. It's like drinking poison and
• 2:08
  hoping that someone else gets sick.
• 2:10
  Spoiler alert, they don't. You're the one who gets sick
• 2:14
  because you've done the thing. So think about that.
• 2:18
  So you need to have a bit of a mindset shift and I talk about
• 2:22
  this a lot, but it's the guilt free mindset shift.
• 2:26
  Let me give you your new permission slip.
• 2:30
  You are allowed to do what you love.
• 2:34
  Say it with me. I'm allowed to do what I love.
• 2:38
  And you are allowed to say no to what drains you.
• 2:42
  Even if you're the one who's good at it, even if they're
• 2:46
  desperate, even if you are feeling so guilty, and even if
• 2:51
  you've said yes the last time, or if you think no one else will
• 2:56
  do it, there will be someone else that can do it.
• 3:00
  Trust me, saying no does not make you selfish.
• 3:05
  It makes you self aware, it makes you strong, it makes you
• 3:10
  someone who respects their time, energy, and their own mental
• 3:14
  health. Now, I'm not saying turn around
• 3:16
  and say no to everything. I'm saying in those moments when
• 3:19
  you are probably already stretched really thin and
• 3:22
  someone's trying to add something else to your plate.
• 3:26
  So I'm talking about those times.
• 3:28
  So I want to talk to you about now the pain versus pleasure
• 3:33
  sort of principle. So everything you do in life
• 3:36
  will either lead to pleasure, so rest, joy, achievement, or it
• 3:41
  will lead to pain, resentment, exhaustion, overwhelm, that type
• 3:45
  of thing. So the next time someone asks
• 3:48
  you for something, I want you to ask yourself, are the benefits
• 3:53
  of this yes that I'm saying worth the cost?
• 3:58
  Will this add to your joy or like contribute to your joy
• 4:02
  through someone else's? Or are you just avoiding that
• 4:05
  really awkward inverted commas like no moment only to suffer
• 4:11
  through it later? So be honest with yourself.
• 4:14
  Your piece is too expensive to just hand out for free, OK?
• 4:19
  You have a limited number of like you have a limited amount
• 4:22
  of time and you need to spread yourself where you think is
• 4:26
  going to work best. OK, now there are a few
• 4:30
  different types of askers, if we call them that.
• 4:34
  Let's get cheeky for just a little SEC.
• 4:36
  You know what I'm like, I like, I like to be a little bit
• 4:38
  cheeky. You know the types of people who
• 4:41
  won't take no for an answer. OK, those people, there's a
• 4:45
  bully. They're the aggressive, pushy,
• 4:49
  might even threaten you with the oh, well, I'll have to go to the
• 4:52
  principal then. Your job is to stay calm, get
• 4:57
  out the door, breathe, be firm, and repeat after me.
• 5:04
  Unfortunately, I just can't help you with that right now.
• 5:09
  OK? That type of thing.
• 5:12
  The other type is the whinger. Like, you know the ones, the
• 5:17
  really whiny ones. Oh, but I've got so much on
• 5:21
  already. How could I possibly do that as
• 5:24
  well? Oh, you just can't imagine if I
• 5:27
  have to do that too. They always ask me to do that.
• 5:31
  Can you please help me? Please, please.
• 5:34
  So you cave out of guilt and you take it on on top of your load,
• 5:39
  and suddenly you're making 300 cupcakes for the staff
• 5:41
  fundraiser. Nah, well done.
• 5:43
  You Pat on your back. So your job is to politely point
• 5:48
  out that you also have a lot on to and your time is just as
• 5:53
  valuable. Do not shrink it.
• 5:56
  Speak up. OK, I said don't.
• 5:59
  Don't shrink yourself. You know, speak up for yourself.
• 6:02
  Then there's like the nagger, the one that just keeps asking
• 6:06
  you over and over and over and over like they're on repeat, but
• 6:12
  it's a new version of the same request every time.
• 6:15
  You need to have a firm line with this type of person, a
• 6:18
  repeatable phrase that you can just like feedback to them.
• 6:22
  But we'll talk about how you can do that next.
• 6:24
  But they're, they're the main types of askers that you'll sort
• 6:27
  of encounter, or should I say the main type of askers that
• 6:30
  I've encountered over my years in education.
• 6:34
  So let's give you some tools to help you say no, because I know
• 6:37
  I've had to learn this too. I'm a people pleaser, hands
• 6:40
  down. Like I was really scared about
• 6:43
  doing this podcast because I know that this will either be
• 6:46
  something that you guys will love or that there will be
• 6:49
  people that will want to contradict what I've said.
• 6:51
  And that's fine. You're entitled to your opinion
• 6:54
  and they won't agree. And the people pleaser in me is
• 6:57
  like, Oh no, what if they don't like it?
• 6:59
  Well, guess what guys? I've shifted my mindset and I've
• 7:03
  learned that what I have to say matters.
• 7:06
  And so I'm gonna say it anyway so you can listen or you don't
• 7:10
  have to, but I'm gonna give you some tools that will help you to
• 7:13
  learn the things that I've learned from my experience and
• 7:16
  that's what I'm here for. OK, so tools for saying no.
• 7:20
  Let me introduce you to what I've learned as the five part
• 7:23
  boundary setting formula. Think of it as your get out of
• 7:27
  obligation free card with class. So doing it with a bit of style.
• 7:32
  So number one, start with a compliment.
• 7:36
  Thank you so much for thinking of me or I really appreciate you
• 7:39
  trusting me with this. Then Step 2, give your answer
• 7:44
  clearly. Oh I'm so sorry I won't be able
• 7:47
  to take that on right now. Just keep it simple.
• 7:50
  Don't over explain yourself. You're just walking into trouble
• 7:52
  if you keep going #3 say thank you.
• 7:56
  Thank you for your understanding.
• 7:58
  Keep it warm, but don't budget and then #4 encourage them.
• 8:04
  I've done such a great job with this before.
• 8:06
  I know you'll find someone who's a perfect fit who can help you
• 8:09
  further and #5 change the subject or like exit.
• 8:16
  I'd love to hear how that staff meeting went the other day or
• 8:19
  oh, I really need to make this quick parent phone call.
• 8:21
  Good luck with that though. And then leave.
• 8:24
  So you that process in a nutshell for me.
• 8:28
  Oh, thanks so much for thinking of me, but I'm sorry I won't be
• 8:30
  able to help you with that right now.
• 8:32
  Thank you for understanding. You've done such a great job
• 8:34
  with that before. So I know that you'll be able to
• 8:37
  find someone else that might be able to help you further.
• 8:39
  So I've really got to go and make this quick phone call, but
• 8:42
  good luck. And then walk away.
• 8:45
  See process simple process works.
• 8:48
  Process also tried and tested and true.
• 8:52
  So your bonus tip, always have an exit strategy, even if it is
• 8:57
  just I'm focusing on my health and my personal boundaries right
• 9:01
  now. I'm sure you understand because
• 9:03
  guess what? You are allowed to be working on
• 9:07
  yourself. You're allowed to be improving
• 9:11
  your own mindset and behaviour and all of the things.
• 9:15
  It's no one else's business. So you're allowed to do that.
• 9:19
  You're allowed to name it up with people.
• 9:20
  I do and just be honest. I'm a very honest person.
• 9:23
  I've told you before, I can't lie.
• 9:25
  So just take a leaf out of my book, don't lie and just name it
• 9:29
  up. I'm really sorry I can't do that
• 9:31
  at the moment. I hope you understand and walk
• 9:33
  away easy as that. So don't ever apologise.
• 9:38
  You don't need to say sorry for having dreams or needing rest or
• 9:42
  working on yourself. Be vague when needed.
• 9:46
  You don't owe anyone your life story.
• 9:49
  It's your choice what you choose to tell.
• 9:51
  So you can say, oh, that just doesn't work for me right now.
• 9:54
  That's a full sentence. Like you can say that you have
• 9:56
  my, you have my full permission to say that.
• 9:59
  Let people know what you're already carrying because it's OK
• 10:03
  to say, oh, I'm sorry, I've already committed to other
• 10:07
  things. So you're not being lazy.
• 10:09
  You're actually prioritising the things that you see as
• 10:13
  important. Sometimes people do though, they
• 10:17
  just want to vent, not get saved.
• 10:21
  They just want time to talk to someone and, and those are the
• 10:23
  times when you need to listen, nod, smile and stay in your
• 10:28
  lane. And I do apologise if you hear
• 10:31
  any small humans or animals in the background of today's
• 10:35
  podcast because it is the school holidays.
• 10:37
  So I am surrounded by my beautiful family and I'm just
• 10:40
  taking that little window of time for me because yes, I am
• 10:43
  venting through my podcast and I love that you guys can listen
• 10:48
  and hopefully nod and smile and agree with the things that I'm
• 10:52
  saying because this is real. This is real talk and real life.
• 10:56
  Next thing, you need to believe in yourself.
• 11:00
  OK, here's the part that we often forget.
• 11:04
  Boundaries are so much easier when you believe in your own
• 11:09
  worth, when you know that you're valuable and that you are
• 11:15
  important. When you know that you don't
• 11:19
  have to earn anyone else's approval by overworking
• 11:23
  yourself. When you trust that rest and joy
• 11:27
  are all a part of your success. You can stop people pleasing,
• 11:33
  you can stop shrinking yourself, and you can honestly step into
• 11:38
  your power. So not only do I believe in you,
• 11:44
  and I will make that clear, if you really feel like you're
• 11:46
  still working on your mindset of your confidence and believing in
• 11:50
  you and what you are capable of, just remember that there is
• 11:55
  always someone else that is there behind you backing you and
• 11:58
  believing in you too. Because there is always a
• 12:02
  support of educators around you supporting you whether you know
• 12:07
  it or not. If you ever feel like you're
• 12:12
  alone in this, Please remember that you're not OK.
• 12:16
  I've got your back. If you ever feel like you need
• 12:19
  to talk or vent to someone, you can DM me.
• 12:22
  I will be here. I am around and I just want to
• 12:25
  help. So I hope that you're getting
• 12:27
  this message. Let me leave you with this
• 12:30
  today. No is not mean.
• 12:36
  Saying no is not being rude. Saying no is not being lazy OK
• 12:45
  Saying no can be considered a part of yourself.
• 12:50
  Care because you are important and you get to choose what you
• 12:56
  say yes to. You are not here in this world
• 13:00
  to please everyone. You are here to live a joyful,
• 13:05
  purpose filled life and that life starts when you start
• 13:10
  backing yourself. So please listen to me when I
• 13:15
  say you are important, OK, Back yourself.
• 13:23
  DM me if you've been struggling with those boundaries or if you
• 13:26
  want a few get out of it extra lines just to keep in your
• 13:29
  pocket. Let's rewrite this narrative
• 13:32
  together because aligned and thriving teachers, they know
• 13:37
  they're worth. OK.
• 13:40
  You know that you are important and your time is valuable.
• 13:46
  You are worth just the same as every other teacher out there.
• 13:50
  You are just as important or in fact more important because you
• 13:55
  need to value yourself. This has taken me years to learn
• 13:58
  the value of myself and develop the confidence in myself.
• 14:02
  I may appear or previously probably have appeared to be a
• 14:07
  really confident chirpy person, but honestly, it was fake it
• 14:12
  till you make it. And that's what I did.
• 14:15
  So if you need to do that too, I get it and I see you and I'm
• 14:18
  here to support you because if you do keep doing things like me
• 14:22
  and fake it till you make it, you will make it and you will be
• 14:27
  so much better for it. So I really hope you got the
• 14:32
  message today and then I can help someone out there too.
• 14:36
  If you haven't already seen in some of the show notes or in
• 14:39
  some of my Instagram posts that I have started creating some
• 14:42
  resources on teachers by teachers to help back up the
• 14:46
  podcast. Just as those really gentle
• 14:48
  reminders and things that you can refer back to.
• 14:51
  Because I know in teacher life, sometimes I do forget.
• 14:55
  So I've started making some stuff just in in little
• 14:58
  documents so that you can just whip them back up and have a
• 15:00
  look and refer back to it and just check in with yourself and
• 15:04
  how you're going. So there's a new one there
• 15:06
  around boundaries to remind you of all the things that I've
• 15:09
  talked about and some helpful strategies.
• 15:11
  So if you are still learning to put those boundaries in place,
• 15:15
  you can download that one and it will help support you in that
• 15:18
  space. So as always, keep going in your
• 15:23
  life and if this is your holiday break or if you are at work,
• 15:27
  whatever you might be doing, enjoy, keep aligning, keep
• 15:31
  thriving and just keep being you.
• 15:34
  I believe in you, believe in yourself too.
• 15:37
  Talk to you next time.