Latest / Spinning the Light Podcast / Letting Go

Transcript

Letting Go · Spinning the Light Podcast

0:00
Hello and welcome to two girls in a pod.
0:01
I'm Sharon. I'm Christy.
0:03
Happy to have everybody back with us this week.
0:07
We're always happy to be here. We always talk about our coffee
0:10
time. Our coffee time is kind of our
0:12
creative time and our time that we kind of throw different ideas
0:16
back and forth at each other. Have really good conversation,
0:19
usually. Yeah, and you know, one of the
0:23
things we were talking about is this thing of letting go.
0:27
Yeah. You talked to me about that.
0:28
I I remembered, you know, 'cause I'm part of the wisdom map, and
0:31
they had asked that question of how do you let go of something.
0:36
I don't know if it's let go and get past or just how do you let
0:39
go, You know what I mean? Yeah.
0:41
I think it's really important for people to recognize that, to
0:45
be able to let go. And exactly what does that mean?
0:48
Yeah, it's not necessarily negating that something happened
0:52
and, you know, acting like it didn't happen.
0:54
It's not that. It's being at peace with where
0:58
you're at with it. Well, and I think sometimes we
1:02
hold on to things, whether it's a thought, an emotion, a
1:05
relationship, a, you know, a job.
1:08
I don't care what is an idea. And sometimes it's even our
1:12
ideas that keep us holding on to things, you know, and and kind
1:16
of prevent us from letting go. And I think to me, the hardest
1:19
things that we we do is we let go of an idea or a relationship
1:25
because our ideas to me, we get so enamoured with us or like
1:31
they're somehow interwoven with us, You know what I mean?
1:34
I think a lot of times we think we know best.
1:37
And so there's, you know, we're trying to get our point across
1:42
and make somebody else believe in it.
1:44
And sometimes you just have to let go of it.
1:48
I think, you know, when we come to the place and the realization
1:51
that we control absolutely no one and that's.
1:58
Really hard to accept, especially I think, for people
2:02
that you care about because you also want to.
2:06
You want to make things better, you want to make things easier,
2:09
things like that for people. And a lot of times we try to
2:13
circumvent the the outcome of some of those choices.
2:17
I think all of us have had that, either US doing it or others
2:21
doing it or seeing others do it, where they hold on to something
2:24
that is detrimental to them. You know, whether it's an
2:28
ideology, like I said, this idea of what something is.
2:32
We often talk on this on our podcast about the importance of
2:36
silencing all those thoughts, those whispers, those sounds
2:40
that we hear that do keep us kind of stuck, you know, and and
2:46
I don't know if there's fear in letting it go or if we feel like
2:50
if we let it go, then somehow we haven't done our best.
2:53
Or it's an interesting thing to me because often times as a
2:56
therapist, what I'm seeing is a lot of the stuff that people
3:01
won't let go of, you know? I mean, it keeps me busy.
3:05
But I think that that's a lot of times why people have so much
3:07
anxiety is because really, you know, it comes down to trying to
3:11
control a situation that you don't have any control and it's
3:14
about other people's choices and things like that.
3:17
And that's why you have to come to that place and understand
3:22
that everybody is on their own path and they have to make their
3:26
own decisions. And as much as we would like to
3:29
prevent them from having to face the consequence of some of those
3:33
decisions, and there's nothing that we can do to prevent that.
3:38
That is a part of the life journey.
3:41
That is a part of the experiences that people have to
3:45
have to educate themselves. And you can tell somebody until
3:49
you're blue in the face, but until you realize that it's
3:53
their decision, you don't have that power and control, and it
3:57
gives you a lot of angst when you try.
4:00
Well, I think too when you try to use old ideas in your present
4:05
situation, because we hold on to those, you know, I always tell
4:09
my clients and we talk about this, we're not the same person
4:12
we were a year ago, a month ago, an hour ago, you know, But yet
4:17
we try to use the same things. And I get it.
4:21
What we're taught, Neil, we talked a little bit about that
4:23
on pedal moments where we some of the stuff that we're taught
4:26
is so valuable to us and some of it's not.
4:30
But we might think, oh, because my parent taught me this, then I
4:33
have to keep doing that because you know, that kind of whatever
4:37
that is, whatever that ideology is around it.
4:41
And I was talking, what worked for you in the past does not
4:45
necessarily mean it's going to work for you in this present
4:47
moment, but it's letting it go. Yeah.
4:51
You know, whether it's the thing of who I used to be.
4:53
I used to be able to run. Now I can't run.
4:55
I used to have money. I don't have money.
4:57
I I grew up without money. And I'm afraid I'm not going to
5:00
have money. I, you know, I didn't have good
5:01
relationships. I'm not going to, you know, we.
5:03
It's all of this stuff. I think it's about getting to a
5:08
place where people are ready to truly live their life for
5:14
themselves. Yes.
5:16
And I was having a conversation with my client and I told him, I
5:18
said you have to start doing things for you, you have to you
5:23
have to take care of you. And I hear this afternoon and
5:27
it's generational thing too. Well doesn't that make me
5:31
selfish? Is aren't am I supposed?
5:35
I said we have been taught this. I says, But I am going to tell
5:37
you what I tell everybody. You cannot feed from an empty
5:41
plate, and we continue to do this.
5:47
Yeah. And I think that a lot of times
5:49
that, you know, hanging on to things that keeps us, like you
5:53
said, it stuck. And it can be from anything.
5:57
It can be hanging on to the fact that that guy cut me off when I
6:02
was turning and that kind of thing.
6:05
You get enraged, you know, it's only to your detriment here.
6:10
You're probably shooting your blood pressure up through the
6:12
roof. And not only that, you're
6:14
probably not as vigilant as you should be to what's going on
6:20
around you because you're so focused on what that person did
6:23
to you. You know and.
6:25
Feeding it and holding up and you won't let it go.
6:27
Yeah. And if you just let it go and
6:29
realize that person, you know, who knows what's going on with
6:33
them, why they're doing that. And that's just on that level.
6:36
I mean, there are are so many other examples.
6:38
This is even more personal or things that we feel like are
6:42
even more of an impact. You're right.
6:45
That's kind of on such a a low level.
6:48
When we talk about those things, about letting go, letting go,
6:52
you know, sometimes we'll have relationships with people and
6:55
we'll sit there and say, Oh my God, I've had this and I, I hear
6:57
this. But we've been friends for seven
6:59
years and I have one that's really they've been friends for,
7:03
say, 13 years, whatever. And in this relationship, you
7:06
know, I'm there thinking, you know, you're in my office.
7:08
And part of the reason you're in my office is, believe it or not,
7:10
because of this relationship, there's a toxicity to it.
7:14
But often times they can't see well.
7:17
But it's 13 years and that one time that she was nice to me.
7:21
OK, yeah. But what is that fear of letting
7:24
go? It's a fear of hurting
7:26
somebody's feelings. It's a fear of, you know,
7:29
they're going to be mad at all this other stuff.
7:32
Or what happens if I let go of them and then I don't have a
7:35
friend, or I don't even know that the list goes on and on and
7:38
on for this. And maybe because of even other
7:43
influences, you know, I know that there's so many opinions
7:50
out there about staying in a relationship no matter you know
7:53
what's going on. But I feel like too, you have to
7:57
look at is that person interested in personal growth
8:01
too? And you know if you guys are on
8:05
the same path or can you be, you know try some things and but
8:09
realizing that you know you don't have control over that
8:13
other person's choices and and their feelings or perspective
8:18
and so sometimes you do have to let go.
8:22
And I feel like sometimes we have to let go in order to grow.
8:27
Yeah. And sometimes it's that growth
8:30
we don't. It's an unknown.
8:32
It's like, you know, what if it's not what I want it to be?
8:36
What if it's a mistake and I tell people, you know what the
8:39
cool thing is, is we have the ability to undo, change our life
8:45
whenever we want, how we view the world.
8:48
We can change that, all of those things.
8:51
But the only reason we don't is because we will get stuck in in
8:56
that thing and we will hold on to what's familiar.
8:59
We will hold on to what is comfortable for us.
9:04
We get stuck in a pattern. We get very complacent and then
9:08
we feel that and sometimes we don't even know why we're
9:11
feeling it until we sit back and we evaluate it and we say what
9:15
am I holding on to that's not allowing me that growth.
9:20
Sometimes it is relationship, sometimes it's a job, sometimes
9:24
it's and you know, I always tell people, you know, people say,
9:26
well, you know, it used to be there was so much more loyalty
9:29
to companies, you know, but that was because there was a
9:32
relationship with the employee and the employer so that it was
9:36
very different. So when we look historically,
9:39
those things are very different. Now.
9:41
A lot of people, when I talk to them, you know, we've talked
9:43
with many people and they'll say, yeah, I'm just a commodity.
9:47
I'm just, you know, you use me and then you get rid of me.
9:50
Yeah, I think that's been a big issue in the last few years too.
9:54
People are really tired of being, not being rushed or
9:58
stressed out. Yeah, not being appreciated and.
10:00
You know what I think it is, is it's that thing of not feeling
10:05
valued. And I think a lot of times
10:07
people think it's money and it's this and sometimes it's not
10:10
that. It's for goodness sake,
10:12
acknowledge that I went above and beyond.
10:15
Acknowledge me and people aren't doing that.
10:18
And so when you're going into these companies, there's not
10:21
that same thing. So then companies get, well, you
10:24
know, jeez, they're just quitting like on a dying.
10:26
Well, you're not offering them the same thing.
10:29
There's not this relationship any longer within a lot and and
10:32
not all companies that's a generalized statement, but a lot
10:36
of them and that's what people are feeling.
10:38
So they're letting go really quickly, you know what I mean?
10:42
But they also are letting go and they're not understanding
10:46
sometimes. I think they're part in the
10:47
relationship building either. It's a two way St. kind of
10:51
thing. So sometimes we let go too
10:54
quickly and that's not necessarily the best either.
10:58
It's like OK, this didn't where I'm going.
11:00
And so if we start seeing that pattern though there's something
11:03
else that's going on there that's that's something totally
11:05
different. But when we're talking about
11:07
those things of letting go and I think it is hard when especially
11:11
if it's somebody that you love. Yeah.
11:14
And you see them doing the same behaviors over and over and over
11:18
again that are so harmful to themselves and that you continue
11:24
to sit there and fight. It's like that salmon swimming
11:27
upstream, You know what I mean? And you want them to care as
11:31
much as you do. And sometimes that's not the
11:34
case. Sometimes their priorities are
11:36
completely different. And you know, whether it be
11:38
about decisions, about their health, the best you know, or
11:42
whatever it is. I think we see it a lot of times
11:46
with parents, you know, that kids, they're kids and they make
11:50
crazy decisions and things like that.
11:52
And I think a lot of times you see parents trying to, like I
11:55
say, circumvent the the consequence of things and and
11:59
prevent them from, you know, seeing the harsh truth of stuff.
12:04
It's really more to their detriment if they don't
12:08
understand the consequence part. Well I think that's really a
12:11
huge thing is I think sometimes parents don't let go of the fact
12:16
that whether it's you know I want my kid to be have a good
12:21
education they they got to get good grades to my kid has to be
12:25
in sports and has to be the best my kid.
12:27
You know what I mean extra whatever it is and I get in
12:30
their head this is what's going to help their child to be
12:33
successful in life. But I also tell parents we no
12:37
more control A2 year old then we control a 20 year old or 90 year
12:42
old. We get this idea that we do
12:44
control them because once when when they're compliant with
12:47
something, they're only compliant by choice.
12:50
It's not because we have some magical thing that says you're
12:54
going to do this and you know they do it.
12:56
No, they're doing it because lesser to evil, whatever it is.
13:00
But we are not controlling people.
13:02
We're not controlling that 2 year old.
13:05
But what happens is we get into power struggles and we get into
13:10
power struggles. And I understand why.
13:12
Because a lot of times as a parent, you really do, you
13:17
really do know better because you have life experience.
13:20
Guess what? They don't care in their little
13:24
head or their teenage years. Whatever it is, I know you'll be
13:29
telling me nothing. I I got, I got it.
13:32
You know, you're just talking and I'm not listening.
13:36
Parents will push and push and push and then it leads to
13:39
conflict sometimes. And I tell parents, take a step
13:42
back. If your kid succeeds in school,
13:45
that's their success. If they fail in school, that is
13:48
theirs. It is not yours.
13:51
I said you don't get to go take the test for them, nor do you
13:54
get the bad grade on it. I said that's theirs.
13:59
And when you step away and you happen to understand that
14:01
they're accountable for that when you let it go.
14:05
Yeah. It's amazing the success we see
14:08
and in these relationships. Yeah, I think it's really a
14:11
struggle for people because they don't want to see people that
14:14
they love go through hard times based on, you know, decisions
14:18
that they've made in that. But that's also what teaches us,
14:21
you know, about life and resilience and what it takes to
14:26
to be not a, you know, is not successful, is not a.
14:30
Productive word. Yeah, like a productive and and
14:35
happy individual with the decisions that you make, you
14:38
know, and understanding the consequences of things.
14:43
And I think The thing is, is that we don't let go of the old
14:47
thought processes of it's about raising people to make money to
14:52
do this, to do that. We're not raising them to be
14:56
happy, to let go of those old ideas and not that they're not
15:01
good. It's a balance.
15:02
We get so caught up in one piece of it, I think, But I think
15:07
there's a balance in it. How do you teach how we learn?
15:11
And when I say we, it's everybody, this is a life
15:14
lesson. This is a life journey.
15:16
We still make bad choices. And we're like, oh man, why did
15:18
I do that last week? I knew it was a bad choice so
15:21
much. But then we hold on to it and
15:25
and and we do these things. And you, when you go back and
15:30
you say, well, why did I make that decision?
15:32
You know, I thought I had let that go.
15:34
But I think it's because it's a process, you know what I mean?
15:38
And I think that even when it's around people that we love and
15:42
we keep pushing and then we don't realize till later the
15:47
amount of energy that we expended on trying to get
15:51
somebody to change or to do the right thing.
15:57
Because sometimes maybe that's the right thing for them, even
16:01
though it's detrimental. But maybe in their head, you
16:03
know, I'm living my life and I'm happy or whatever it is, I don't
16:07
know. But at the end of the day, we
16:10
don't get to live anybody else's life.
16:13
Think about how much it takes just to live your own, You know
16:15
what I mean? And we've invested that same
16:17
amount of money, not money, but that same amount of time in
16:21
ourselves that we are in trying to change other people or or
16:25
holding on to those things that we should be letting go of the
16:29
how much energy a person would have.
16:32
I mean, just crazy. I think that a lot of times, you
16:35
know, we talk about how much anxiety is up these days and I
16:39
think a lot of the a lot of people feel completely drained.
16:44
They don't have the energy in that.
16:45
And I think that it is because our mind is often so fixated on
16:52
all these things that we don't control.
16:55
If we don't control it, we should be letting it go.
16:58
Exactly. But we still have this idea that
17:01
we can control something outside of our control and then we don't
17:05
control the stuff that we can't, which is my thought, my feeling
17:09
and how I respond and react to a situation will feel out of
17:13
control. But once I acknowledge that
17:16
that's what I have control over, I can let go of some other
17:19
things. But.
17:20
And I think that The thing is, is that it's something that we
17:25
always will face in a way because there'll always be
17:28
something that comes in our life that may be very positive at the
17:31
first, you know, at the beginning.
17:33
And then we. OK, well, that's positive.
17:36
Well, you know, I had those two years.
17:37
It was really great. So what if the last five years
17:39
have been cracked? Did you see what I mean?
17:43
And not to negate the two years that were positive.
17:46
I tell people, walk away from everything.
17:49
If you're going to let go of something, walk away with the
17:51
lesson learned, a positive lesson, not.
17:54
Oh, I ain't going to do that shit again.
17:56
No, that's not it. It's what did you learn?
17:59
You as a person, as an individual, what did you learn
18:06
that is positive, that's going to enhance your life and make
18:10
your life better? And that has to be our focus,
18:13
because a lot of times I feel like we think we know best for
18:16
somebody else and maybe you do have a better solution, but you
18:21
cannot make somebody do whatever it is and you.
18:26
Always tell my clients Christy and I are not any different.
18:29
We will have little stupid crap we did right before the podcast
18:34
rhymes for the podcast about our camera.
18:37
Just so y'all know I can break. With every time about the camera
18:42
angle, man. It's not just the camera angle
18:44
our our it's our oops, sorry about that it's our sound was
18:50
that but here we are doing this but we had to let it go.
18:55
Now I think in the past where it's a work in progress and I
18:59
tell people we don't have this perfect relationship by any
19:03
means, we have to learn to let shit go too, yeah.
19:06
Yeah, it happens on a daily and you can have little spats with
19:11
somebody. And if you hang on to that, what
19:15
does it do to the rest of your day?
19:18
I swear when I do couples counseling it cracks me up.
19:21
They will freaking go back and it becomes tit for tat.
19:25
Well, remember last Tuesday you did Oh well, last Thursday you
19:28
did this and then you're you're feeding that your kid and I'm
19:30
almost like, could we let it go and just be in the present
19:32
moment? That's what we're dealing with,
19:34
this the present moment. What are you going to do
19:36
differently? We do the same thing.
19:38
But then we will go sometimes back and talk about it and say,
19:41
you know, why did we even do it for that long?
19:43
We're a little bit different on that because way difference for
19:47
you now. But when we first even got
19:49
together, she could stay mad. And I whatever it is, once I'm
19:55
done with it, I'm done with it. And I'm off to the next thing.
19:57
And she's well. Oh, how'd you?
19:59
You know, Why aren't you still mad?
20:02
I don't know. I forgot what I was mad.
20:06
Yeah, I could hang on to things for a while.
20:08
I used to, But I feel like I've gotten way better.
20:13
Absolutely. And I get it.
20:15
And because you, you were holding on to your past and how
20:19
you dealt with things in your past, you know, we would talk
20:23
about that. But yeah, it's not that.
20:24
But why do I still do At the base of everything, It's how do
20:28
we have those conversations? You know what I mean?
20:31
How do we talk about those things and do it in a way that
20:35
we're not being hateful or rude or anything?
20:39
It's really about what can I do better, You know, Once again,
20:44
we're no different. You know, we just have more
20:46
years doing this. But it's always a work in
20:50
progress. Yeah, and I don't ever want the
20:54
people listening to feel like we don't have shit, because y'all
20:58
we everybody has shit. Yeah.
21:01
And when we we always talk about it being a daily practice, it
21:04
truly is because you know, you know, like you said, I feel like
21:08
that we've come a long way. But even in the beginning, you
21:12
know, you would come up against. I know I was defensive a lot of
21:16
the times. And so and it is if people will
21:21
get in, you know, you're stuck in in that you're rooted in this
21:25
idea or whatever that you're right about something or that
21:30
and become defensive when somebody says something not
21:34
understanding, 'cause you're not hearing truly.
21:37
So I mean that makes it hard to let go.
21:40
Once again, we don't even know that those things that we've
21:43
learned, we don't understand that we don't have to use the
21:47
same things in different relationships.
21:50
But what happens is once I learn it, wow, that looks pretty good.
21:53
You can see that with kids. We're no different than
21:54
children. I'm telling you right now,
21:56
little kids, if it works here in this arena, well, I'm going to
21:59
use in this arena. Well, no, it doesn't work in
22:00
that arena. You know?
22:02
And it's not even unconscious thought really.
22:05
It's just out of habit you. That's the way you deal, you
22:09
know? Absolutely.
22:11
You know, you were talking about, you know, sometimes where
22:14
we grow up and those kind of things, you know what I mean?
22:17
And you talked about the South, You know, we always tease, you
22:20
know, and you would say it or even the church, you would have
22:23
the potlucks and. You make it sound like it came
22:27
from the. South, I know, I didn't know.
22:29
I said when we were talking about the South.
22:31
I know better than say no, she is not from the South, but you
22:34
know, he would go back to the South because that's where your
22:36
family's from. And so a lot of the stuff is
22:40
around. They have good food.
22:42
Y'all, but it's food that you probably shouldn't eat
22:45
something. Deep fried and all that stuff.
22:49
That's why I got so much flavor. No.
22:53
But we'll get into that thing of, well, that's just the way we
22:57
do it. Do you see what I mean?
23:00
So it's hard to let go of that idea if I've always done it
23:03
well. That's just the way we do it.
23:06
And how many times, and I mean, I've been guilty of saying stuff
23:08
like that too. Well, that's just the way I've
23:10
always done it. Or don't even.
23:13
I mean, they don't even say that, say that's just how I am.
23:15
And when you say that about yourself, I feel like that you
23:21
put yourself in a box and feel like you cannot change.
23:25
And that's completely not true. I 100% agree with that.
23:32
We make those statements and don't even realize it.
23:34
That that keeps us stuck and it keeps us from letting go of
23:38
things. Yeah.
23:39
And your mind is reaffirming that this is just how I am.
23:44
This I've always done it, you know, and it's OK, but it's the
23:49
thing gives us that. Part of, I think, the evolution
23:53
of who we are as human beings is that we evolved by doing
23:57
something different. We do not evolve if we continue
24:00
to do the same thing over and over and hold on to that, that
24:04
whatever those things are. I mean, I know that in my life I
24:08
have had to learn to let go of things, and sometimes it's been
24:11
extremely painful for me. And sitting there, do I really
24:16
want to deal with the pain of this?
24:17
Or would I rather just keep the status quo?
24:20
And that's what it is. Sometimes the status quo isn't
24:25
really that bad, but it really is.
24:27
Because you're not moved. There's no movement with it.
24:30
You know what I mean? There's no room for growth if
24:33
you, you continue to reaffirm over and over again that you
24:37
are, you know, basically stuck in that mindset.
24:41
And I think the other thing is, is when we don't let go of some
24:43
stuff, we don't realize letting go of some of that stuff
24:47
actually has the potential to make things better in whatever
24:51
you're doing now. And we have found that some
24:53
stuff you've let go of, some stuff I've let go of.
24:56
And not only has it helped us as individuals, but it really has
24:59
helped us in our relationship. Definitely.
25:02
But still, wasn't easy. It was like, man, do I really
25:04
want to do that. It's not that we have to let go
25:08
of everything. And I always tell people you let
25:10
go of those things that are detrimental to you, that are
25:13
toxicity. Yeah, because of what the impact
25:17
that it's having on you. I think that you know, letting
25:21
go of something. You know, we talk about a lot of
25:24
people say about forgive and forget or whatever like that you
25:28
learn through those processes and maybe you learn something
25:33
about that individual or or whatever it is and you you still
25:38
take that lesson learned and it doesn't mean that you act like
25:44
nothing happened. You just learn from it and learn
25:48
to let go. Not be so tied to the emotion of
25:52
that that it prevents you from being a better person or being
25:59
free of of what's holding you back because of it.
26:03
Do you know what I mean? I mean, you have to let go in
26:06
order to be able to free your mind of it.
26:11
Well, I think sometimes too realizing than we and all these
26:15
people is sometimes when we let go of relationships.
26:20
But we have to accept that sometimes we're the detriment to
26:24
them too. That we're holding somebody
26:28
back, that we're not believing in them or trusting that they
26:34
can navigate the world without me.
26:37
Yeah. And sometimes that's what's hard
26:41
is when we don't think we're needed or we don't think we're
26:46
valuable or whatever we we get stuck in that thing of.
26:50
Or if they're without me, they're going to be happier.
26:54
There's selfishness that, but not on a conscious that.
26:57
I'm not saying they're saying people do this, but I think it's
27:01
once again, it's those ideas and things that we hold on to.
27:05
And so when we're able to sit there and say, would this
27:09
person, if I care about this person, but am I truly willing
27:14
to walk away from it so they can be the best version of who they
27:17
are? Am I willing to let it go?
27:20
Yeah. And I think that's really
27:22
difficult. Oh.
27:24
A lot of people. Because yeah, that is about you
27:29
and you know what? What your contribution is?
27:33
And sometimes we can love people so much that we don't even
27:39
realize maybe that we're suffocating or that we think
27:44
that we're doing what's best for them and we're keeping them as
27:50
much in that box as we're staying in a box.
27:54
And nobody's growing. Everybody is just surviving or
28:01
doing the status quo. And sometimes that's a very
28:04
difficult thing to come to the realization of that if I don't
28:10
let go, you don't get gross. And we have to be willing to do
28:16
that if it's somebody that we love.
28:18
And I think on any level we should, our thing should be
28:22
about people being the best version of who they can be, you
28:26
know? And I think that sometimes maybe
28:29
it's ego. I'm just at a place in my life
28:31
where I can sit back and I can do that.
28:33
And I can understand that sometimes in relationships where
28:36
I should have walked away, I didn't walk away.
28:38
And the growth of finding, walking away or whatever, I
28:43
think it's so much a better thing because I think that you
28:47
just get to that place where you get to be the person you were
28:51
meant to be. Yeah, I think that one of the
28:55
places that I've experienced this and had to let go, you
28:59
know, we just did the episode not that long ago.
29:02
Tough decisions, which was about end of life care for my mom and
29:09
there's a lot of letting go you have to do through that process.
29:14
Absolutely, I mean. You know you you want to be.
29:19
I guess it's selfish. You want to be selfish and do
29:22
what you can to keep that person here.
29:25
But that's not always the best choice.
29:28
It's not always the best choice for them.
29:31
And I thought it was so interesting because when because
29:33
we had this conversation with your mom, we went and spent time
29:35
with her and when she went into Hospice and her response was
29:43
golden because she goes, oh, now I can have whatever I want.
29:47
Can I have a, can I have a Hershey's bar, Hershey bar.
29:50
So they got her Hershey bar, you know, then she wanted an apple,
29:53
then she wants her Pepsi. And she goes there was a freedom
29:57
in it. And I think in a weird way that
29:59
actually made me feel better, not feel better that it's the
30:05
end but that she wrote there was a sense of I can just I don't
30:09
have to do it anymore and she has surprised everybody by she's
30:14
still she's still in there. It's it's it's not as good this
30:18
week at all you know. So don't know what that'll
30:21
bring. But you're right.
30:23
It's letting go of things and it's being able to say and I
30:27
think in letting go sometimes we've done the best that we
30:31
could in all of those situations and walking away from it and
30:34
understanding whatever that relationship is.
30:37
In this case, you know when it's such a final thing, because
30:40
death is our finality and to be able to to let go of whatever
30:47
those ideas or thoughts because they don't really matter
30:50
anymore, you know? Because there is a point, you
30:53
know coming up to this that we were like, OK, this and this and
30:58
this can be done and we can do this and we can take you here
31:01
and this doctor can work with you and you know, and she was
31:04
already at that point just done with.
31:07
Looking at us like please just shut the hell up.
31:10
Yeah, she's like. I'm not going to do that.
31:12
I'm not going to do that. But no, you don't understand.
31:14
Yeah. It was.
31:15
It was difficult and but we had to really.
31:18
And I say we because I was as pushy as you are when it comes
31:22
to because of course she wants your mom around.
31:25
You know what I mean? Yeah.
31:26
But finally getting to that place of letting that go,
31:30
realizing it's her journey and not ours, and so letting go is
31:36
not sometimes can be very, very difficult and sometimes it can
31:39
be very, very easy. But finding out when we have to
31:44
let go of those things that are no longer serving us, that and
31:48
and it's not a negative, people come in and out of our lives all
31:52
of the time, and they serve that purpose.
31:55
We serve that purpose and their lives.
31:57
We're not sometimes. We're not meant to be there
31:59
forever. Yeah.
32:01
But that's OK. As a therapist, you really learn
32:05
that I get to be on little parts of journeys, this journey of
32:10
these people, but I don't get to be on the whole journey.
32:13
And I'm not supposed to be. I just played this role for this
32:17
time period, so that has been very helpful for me in my life
32:21
to understand that the it's transient in a way.
32:24
The people that you need show up.
32:26
When you need them and then they walk away when you're done with
32:29
them. Another thing about letting go
32:32
is it's not even always about people.
32:34
It's sometimes it's letting go of habits that no longer serve
32:36
you. Absolutely.
32:37
You know, maybe before that was a great coping mechanism, but
32:41
now it's not, you know, it's not serving you the same, so you
32:44
have to let go of those things. You know and and once again not
32:49
viewing the letting go as a negative, I think it's the
32:52
biggest thing, but viewing it as an opportunity for growth, your
32:57
individual growth, if it's a relationship, they're gross.
33:00
If it's you letting go go of ideas or habits or whatever it
33:04
is, that becomes about your growth.
33:07
And it becomes about you being more content in your life
33:11
because you cannot have peace if you are constantly trying to
33:15
figure out everything for everybody else and tell them how
33:18
they should do things and then them not doing it and you
33:21
getting all worked up about it. Exactly.
33:23
We have to always remember, like we say, you cannot feed from an
33:28
empty plate. Yeah.
33:30
So you know, maybe hopefully you will sit back and reflect and
33:34
look at some of those things that maybe you feel you've been
33:36
struggling with to let go or you know and maybe this will help
33:40
you to do that re evaluate things.
33:44
We can help a little bit on that journey that we're all on.
33:47
And you know some things like I said, you got to let that shit
33:49
go. But hopefully it resonates with
33:54
you. That's what we're always hopeful
33:56
for is that it resonates. And you know, we always
33:59
appreciate all of our listeners always.
34:03
And once again you can find us on.
34:05
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34:29
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34:51
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34:55
are certain topics that you would like to know more about
34:58
too. Yeah, absolutely.
35:00
Yeah. Talk to us.
35:01
We look, y'all can tell. We like talking, right?
35:05
Yeah, share your ideas with us. We so look forward to it.
35:09
OK. And we so appreciate you all and
35:12
we will be back. So y'all have a great week.
35:15
OK, bye. Bye.