Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E203: Battle of the Sexes: Are Husbands Failing Moms or Is the System Broken?

Transcript

E203: Battle of the Sexes: Are Husbands Failing Moms or Is the System Broken? · The Lila Rose Show

0:00
Women blaming men, men getting upset at women, and really the
0:03
war between the sexes. I think we can solve this guy's.
0:07
I think we can heal this divide. And here's how.
0:11
Hey everybody, welcome back to the Lila Rose show.
0:13
So from the beginning of time in the book of Genesis, you hear
0:16
the story of Adam and Eve and Eve biting the apple, offering
0:20
it to Adam. Adam takes a bite.
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God finds out after God had told them, don't do that.
0:25
God obviously knows and sees what they're doing.
0:27
Then he confronts them in the garden and said why did you do
0:29
this? And Adam says, well, this woman
0:32
that you gave me gave me the apple and basically blames Eve.
0:35
And then, you know, Eve ultimately is the one who gave
0:37
Adam the apple. So from the beginning of time,
0:40
there has been a tendency between men and women, men and
0:44
women who are made for each other.
0:45
God designed us to complement each other.
0:48
God designed us to be able to, as one flesh, bring life into
0:51
the world. It's an incredibly beautiful
0:52
design. But from the beginning of time,
0:54
there has been a tendency towards division, towards
0:57
confusion, towards ultimately even blaming each other from the
1:02
very beginning of time. So what I want to do in today's
1:04
episode is I have noticed some extremely viral videos and
1:07
commentary in just the last week about, yes, women blaming men
1:12
and men getting upset at women and really the war between the
1:16
sexes, which I think is kind of raging right now online and in
1:21
our culture. And my hope with today's episode
1:24
in giving my thoughts on this is to I help bridge some of the
1:28
divide, at least discuss some of the misunderstandings, some of
1:32
where I think there are opposite extremes that have gone too far.
1:36
And my end game is for there to be, yes, unity between the
1:41
sexes, for there to be harmony between the sexes.
1:44
Because the reality is the future isn't female, the future
1:47
isn't male. The future is male and female
1:51
and it's family. And we need each other.
1:53
Women need men and men need women, and when we can work
1:56
together in tandem, we can create not only beautiful
2:00
families, but a beautiful civilization and a beautiful
2:02
world. And that's how God designed it.
2:04
So with that in mind, we're also guys going to get into some
2:07
commentary from my friend Megyn Kelly.
2:09
She's given commentary on this topic in last week, and I want
2:11
to respond to what she has to say about conservative men not
2:15
wanting to date women who work. Yes, there is this bit of a
2:18
trend happening, especially in the more red pill parts of the
2:21
Internet. We're going to talk about that
2:22
and then a again, go back to that, that old theme that we
2:26
discussed on the show about mothers and what they do when
2:28
they work. All mothers work by the way,
2:30
guys. And this approach though,
2:31
towards mothers who work professionally, what that means,
2:34
how do we do that in a way that's loving and ultimately
2:36
prioritizing children first? So lots to cover in today's
2:39
episode, but I want to start with this viral video.
2:42
I think it's at, I don't know, what are we at now?
2:43
10 million views of a woman basically expressing her
2:49
frustration with her husband and threatening divorce, and this
2:52
opened an incredible amount of commentary online.
2:56
There are thousands and thousands of comments.
2:59
Most of the comments that I've seen of this video are
3:01
sympathetic comments. Let's take a look and then I'll
3:04
give you my thoughts. I've been with my husband for
3:06
almost 20 years, but about 3 years ago I was strongly
3:09
considering divorce and I want to talk to you about why.
3:12
So I'm going to tell you the story of the day where I thought
3:15
to myself, maybe I don't want to do this anymore.
3:18
My husband and I had four kids. We both worked full time.
3:21
We've been together for 16 years at this point.
3:23
We've been together since high school.
3:25
And on paper, I have an amazing husband.
3:27
He is incredibly supportive, he's kind, he's loyal, he's a
3:30
great dad. He's very hands on.
3:32
He's an active participant. He's always present.
3:34
Like on paper, what else could I ask for?
3:38
But in reality, my experience is very similar to the experience
3:42
of other women. I need you to do more.
3:44
I am exhausted. I am in charge of everyone and
3:48
everything in this house. Every night when we cook dinner,
3:51
you ask me what to make. Every day when you drop off the
3:54
kids at daycare, you ask me what they need in their backpacks.
3:56
I am the project manager of this home, and I need you to do more.
3:59
And he looked at me and he said, OK, just tell me what to do,
4:02
right? Every woman has heard this.
4:03
Just tell me what to do and I'll do it.
4:05
And I said, OK, you know something that would make my
4:07
life easier? As if in the mornings when I
4:09
came downstairs with the four kids, because I do mornings by
4:11
myself, the dishwasher was emptied, the dishes were put
4:15
away and the trash was taken out.
4:17
That would make my life so much easier because when I've got the
4:20
four kids running around and the baby crying, I can't be looking
4:23
for their favorite water bottle in the dishwasher.
4:24
I just need to know it's clean. And he said, yeah, of course.
4:27
What? Yeah, I'll do that.
4:28
That's no problem. And so of course, he does it.
4:31
But then I have to remind him, and then he forgets, and then I
4:34
have to remind him again. And there was this one morning
4:36
where I woke up and I went to put something in the trash and
4:40
it was overflowing. And I went to get my son's water
4:43
bottle and it was in the dishwasher with all the other
4:46
queen dishes. All right, so I have a lot of
4:49
thoughts about this guy's surprise, surprise.
4:51
And I think #1 very big picture about this video and the other
4:56
videos like it that inevitably pop up on the Internet where
4:59
there is a spouse criticizing the other spouse for something
5:04
that they've done. And usually, to be fair, this is
5:06
women often who are criticizing their husbands.
5:09
It seems like, you know, maybe because especially Instagram is
5:12
more, this is a TikTok video, but it's also an IG.
5:15
Maybe it's a more female platform.
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I don't know. But it seems there's a lot of
5:19
free conversation about the issues that men have right,
5:24
among women or husbands have among women.
5:27
And men are maybe by nature more private.
5:30
They're not willing to be as more out in the open about what
5:33
their issues are with maybe their wives or their women.
5:37
And so they're not going to go and put them on blast on social
5:39
media. What I'm trying to get at here
5:41
is I don't think it's good for anybody to put their spouse on
5:45
blast on social media. I think that's really toxic to a
5:48
marriage. Now, I'm not invalidating her
5:52
concern. So we're going to talk about
5:53
that in a minute, but I am saying at large, this idea of
5:57
criticizing your spouse on social media for the whole world
6:00
to see, airing your dirty laundry, it's not a good thing
6:02
to do. Now, there might be special
6:04
circumstances where you're maybe with your spouse and maybe you
6:07
guys wrote a book on marriage together and you personally,
6:11
both of you agreed we're going to share about what we go
6:13
through in our marriage. So for the benefit of the other
6:15
people. And you have this really
6:16
respectful way of talking about the issues you've had with each
6:19
other in the past that you're working through, you've worked
6:21
through so that you can support other couples, right, in their
6:23
own marriage health. That's that could be a good
6:27
thing, right? But this general idea of like,
6:29
I'm a content creator, I don't want, I don't like my husband
6:33
today. Or I've thought about divorcing
6:34
him because he doesn't pull the weight.
6:37
And then you put a video out that I think is very
6:39
problematic. Now, it could be that this
6:42
woman, her goal is to create content to make marriages
6:45
healthier and happier. And she talked to her husband
6:47
before this video and they like agreed that this was a good
6:50
video for her to do. It's hard for me to buy that
6:53
idea because he's not in the video.
6:54
She didn't say that at the beginning.
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Like, hey, this is my husband. I really, really worked on this
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in her marriage. And so I want to share about our
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struggles so we can benefit other people.
7:01
No, this is just kind of your standard.
7:03
I'm going to rant about something social media video.
7:05
So that's the first point. The first point is I don't think
7:08
videos like this at large are good.
7:10
It's not good to out your spouse online.
7:12
And, you know, as a woman, my husband is someone I have the
7:15
deepest admiration and respect for.
7:17
And I make it a point to always speak respectfully of him
7:20
because I respect him incredibly.
7:22
You know, he is the the the number one person and man in my
7:25
life. And so I want to show that
7:27
difference in respect to him if I ever talk about him publicly,
7:30
which you guys know I do on the show sometimes.
7:32
That doesn't mean we don't have a real and, and, you know,
7:35
authentic relationship where we joke with each other and we
7:37
have, you know, a lot of friendship and intimacy, of
7:39
course. But when I'm in public and he
7:42
treats me this way as well, we we treat each other both in
7:45
public and private, but especially in public before
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other people with special care and consideration.
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And I think that's really important for spouses to do.
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That didn't happen here. Now, what happened here is you
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have a woman who's expressing her concern and frustration
7:57
because she and her husband both work full time and someone's got
8:01
to manage the household and the children, and she finds herself
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managing the household, the children and working full time.
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Well, he works full time and he typically forgets to do some of
8:10
the heavy lifting in the household, even when she asks
8:12
him to. And so she talks about how
8:14
frustrated that makes her feel. And you see in the comments
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section so many comments of women agreeing with this woman.
8:20
As an example, one of the top liked comment on the TikTok
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video. Almost a quarter million likes
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on this comment, guys. It's almost a quarter million.
8:28
Presumably women may be wives themselves with children and
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husbands liked this comment. And the comment says a woman's
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love language is not having to ask.
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I'll die on this hill. Next comment.
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Having to ask is another task. Next comment, even the statement
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OK tell me what I need to do adds mental load in itself.
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I know his intent is there but it's just like, see it on your
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own. That comment has over 100,000
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likes so this video really resonated.
8:55
Why? Well look around at our modern
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era. It is so hard in the United
9:00
States. I'll just speak for the USA, but
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this is a lot of countries too. To raise a family on only one
9:05
income, it's increasingly more difficult. 3 or 4 decades ago,
9:08
it was much more typical for a family to be able to be
9:12
supported on one income, on the man's income.
9:14
And today, because of, I think, changing economic factors,
9:18
because of, yes, to some degree, feminism, other factors, modern
9:22
feminism, there is this new idea now that women should be in the
9:26
workforce professionally and that's where they belong.
9:30
And so therefore, who's at home with the kids, right?
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Who is raising the children? And so you find these incredibly
9:35
taxed, like stressed out living situations where a man and a
9:40
wife are together, they're both working.
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And it's like, who is there to take care of the household?
9:44
Who's there to take care of the kids?
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I went to the bank recently and I was just talking, talking with
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the banker because I was trying to deposit this check and he was
9:54
sharing with me. He's like, you know, talking
9:56
about I've got, you know, how many kids you have.
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I was like, oh, we have two kids.
9:59
We have two kids, but we're not sure we're going to have another
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one. And I said, oh, why not?
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And he was like, because we both work opposite days so that the
10:07
other person can stay home with the kids.
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He and his wife and they're never together as a family.
10:11
He was saying and like one day a few weeks ago, she called in
10:15
sick on a Sunday because she wasn't feeling well.
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And they had that one day together as a family.
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And he was like, isn't this amazing babe?
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Isn't it? Aren't we so happy doing this?
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He's like sharing me the with me, the story and this one bank
10:27
teller. This isn't the only person in
10:29
these in these boot socks shoes, right?
10:34
Or socks. This isn't the only guy wearing
10:37
those boots, OK? This isn't the only person in
10:41
those shoes. There's a lot of families today
10:43
in those shoes or those boots or those socks, whatever you want
10:45
to call it, because it is so hard again to raise a family on
10:49
one income. Now, it's not impossible.
10:51
I know lots of families who are still raising a family on one
10:55
income and they're making a lot of sacrifices to do that.
10:57
They drive one car, they have a very modest home or they're
11:00
renting still. You know, they're, they're
11:01
making sacrifices to make that possible.
11:03
But the reality is it's really hard.
11:05
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So what does that mean then for the household project of raising
12:12
a family and supporting a family?
12:14
It means it's really complicated and it means that men who may be
12:18
in a different generation really could just wake up in the
12:21
morning, you know, grab breakfast, go to work, come home
12:24
and have dinner ready for him. That's not what's typically
12:27
available to the modern man today, right?
12:30
Because he can't afford to support that family potentially
12:33
on a single income or with the lifestyle that they want.
12:36
His wife is working too. Who's going to make that dinner
12:38
when they come home. So it's understandable that this
12:40
woman and this man are in the predicament.
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I don't think it's because they're particularly bad or good
12:44
people. It's just that this is the
12:45
modern era that we're in economically that a lot of
12:48
couples find themselves. So what does this mean then in
12:51
terms of the the man? Was it right for her to call him
12:54
out even in the marriage that they had separate from the
12:57
social media video that she made?
12:58
Was it right for her to feel upset?
13:00
And I think a lot of the comments show, yes, again, if
13:02
you're working full time, he's working full time and there's no
13:05
one there who is doing the household stuff and you just by
13:08
default or doing the household stuff because you are the woman
13:11
right there. There should be more
13:13
understanding and mutual support of the spouses because at the
13:16
end of the day, the most important thing that 2 spouses
13:19
have as a responsibility is to care for each other on their
13:23
journey to heaven, hopefully, right?
13:25
And to care for any children that they bring into the world.
13:27
And sometimes that might look like the man doing what is might
13:30
be stereotypically considered a woman's work.
13:33
You know, maybe they're cooking the meal.
13:35
Some men, by the way, love to cook and they want to cook,
13:37
right? Or they're unloading the
13:39
dishwasher. Just because it's work that has
13:41
to involve the kitchen doesn't mean that it's women's work.
13:43
And men should have nowhere close to it by some sort of
13:45
moral law. That moral law doesn't exist, by
13:47
the way. Guys, when you're married and
13:49
you're doing a family project together, you go above and
13:52
beyond to love each other and love your children.
13:54
And you don't get too caught up in, well, this is traditionally
13:57
a woman's role or a man's role. You do what needs to be done for
13:59
the sake of the family. Now, there's another thing I got
14:02
to say here, and you've heard me say this on the show before,
14:04
guys. It is uniquely a woman's role,
14:08
and it's separately, uniquely a man's role to have a particular
14:11
responsibility in family life when there are children
14:13
involved. And for a woman, you're the one
14:17
who has babies, you're the one who brings life into the world.
14:20
You're the one who gestates that baby and then you nurse that
14:24
baby. And then you are very
14:26
emotionally and physically connected to that child in a
14:28
very intense way, especially in the first few years of that
14:30
child's life. I know I've been through this.
14:32
I am in this. This is my role right now as a
14:34
mother. And that is different than a
14:36
father's role. He does not carry the baby in
14:38
his womb. He does not nurse that baby.
14:40
And so there are important roles in a marriage, especially when
14:43
the children are very young. We're having the mother be in a
14:46
situation where she can be with those children not just for
14:49
quality time, but for quantity time to care for them, to meet
14:52
their physical and emotional needs.
14:54
And that's the dad's still involved, He's still doing some
14:56
caretaking, but she's able to give that child with that child
15:00
desperately needs and wants, which is attachment to his or
15:02
her mother. That means, yes, largely the
15:06
woman going out to a job, working 8910 hours a day,
15:10
leaving her little baby at home feels unnatural.
15:13
And it largely is unnatural. And so having the man be in a
15:17
position where he can support her ability to be close and at
15:22
home with that baby, I think is a really beautiful and naturally
15:26
ordered thing. Now, that doesn't mean she
15:28
doesn't do professional work. That doesn't mean he doesn't do
15:31
some caretaking. That doesn't mean that she can't
15:33
have a career. That doesn't mean that he can't,
15:37
you know, have a flexible career where he's able to stay home a
15:39
lot. None of that is in any way some
15:42
natural law or some moral truth that you can't have some Gray
15:48
area or some blending of how these roles operate in a
15:51
household, especially in the modern era.
15:53
But there is that foundational truth that having and protecting
15:58
the mother's ability to mother and be that life giver for the
16:02
children. I think it's essential for any
16:05
marriage and it's hard to do in the modern era.
16:08
I'm not trying to blame people who are struggling to make this
16:10
a reality because it is hard to do.
16:13
I'm a big believer, as you guys know, for women to find ways to
16:18
develop your skills and your talents so that you can have
16:22
economic contributions to your family.
16:25
Not that you have to in the future.
16:26
If you have a husband who can totally provide and he's in that
16:28
position, wonderful. That doesn't mean you shouldn't
16:33
still work. Maybe you're still working to
16:34
use your talents and use your gifts, but you're still
16:37
prioritizing your children first, right?
16:39
And so maybe you have a job that is more flexible.
16:41
I'm very blessed, as you guys know, with a job that's more
16:43
flexible. I can work in the evenings, I
16:45
can work in the early mornings, I can do work from home.
16:49
These are gifts, right? Not every career or job offer
16:52
offers those opportunities, right?
16:55
But I think it's good for us as a society to value what mothers
16:58
do uniquely and to value what fathers do uniquely in a family
17:04
unit where the mothers can do that very core, essential
17:08
nurturing of very young children and the fathers can provide and
17:11
protect. So she's able to do that and
17:14
care for their family together. Right.
17:16
So the comments on the video weren't only sympathetic.
17:19
The comments on the video were also some of them very angry
17:22
towards this woman. And I want to take a look at
17:24
those as an example. Here's a comment.
17:27
Your husband should do himself a favor and file those divorce
17:29
papers. Your husband deserves better.
17:33
Hope he finds someone better. I feel so bad for your husband
17:38
now. These comments are not as well
17:40
liked as the other comments. So these comments have hundreds
17:43
of likes. The other comments have 10s of
17:45
thousands of hundreds of thousands of likes.
17:47
But there is a real backlash happening in our culture right
17:50
now of certain groups who see what is perceived or could
17:55
actually be the disrespect of men and are saying this is over
18:00
the top, this is unfair. This is not misogynist, this is
18:03
misandrous. This is the hatred not of women,
18:05
but they hatred the special hatred of men and the
18:07
mistreatment of men. They're not treating them as
18:09
equal even to women. They're making women be superior
18:12
to men, right? And so people are sensing this
18:15
unfairness. It's like men can't do anything,
18:17
right? Men are supposed to protect and
18:19
provide. They're supposed to lead.
18:21
And yet when they forget to put the sippy cup out of the
18:24
dishwasher, their wife puts them on blast on the Internet, right?
18:28
And so some men are thinking this is impossible.
18:31
It's an impossible situation. I find myself and I can hardly
18:33
provide for a family on a single income because of the economy.
18:36
When I don't put the sippy cup out of the dishwasher, my wife's
18:39
mad at me and puts a video, puts me on blast.
18:41
And on top of all of that, I'm supposed to protect and provide
18:44
and be the tough one for the family.
18:45
And she's out there making money.
18:48
Why does she even need me? This woman even says in the
18:50
video, why do I need him when he can't take the when I make money
18:54
too? And I take the dishwasher.
18:56
You know, I take the sippy cut myself out of the dishwasher,
18:58
right? So we have this video, right?
18:59
This woman threatening divorce. Share my thoughts on that same
19:02
week. Last week, another video came
19:04
out of an interview on the popular Pretty Raunchy podcast.
19:08
I would not recommend it, but the popular podcast called Call
19:11
Her Daddy. It's a women's show with a
19:13
singer named Chappelle Roan on the show talking about how she
19:18
maybe doesn't want to be a mom. Let's take a listen to that, OK?
19:21
Are you still close with your friends or back home?
19:23
Yeah, I am. They're really awesome.
19:25
We have such different lives. They are.
19:27
A lot of them are married with children and like, they have
19:30
their own houses and like, I don't know what that's going to
19:32
happen for me. Like I don't know when that is
19:34
realistic, if ever so. You want that?
19:36
Like, get married. And yeah, I don't know.
19:39
Part of me is like, is it even going to be legal to marry like
19:44
my wife one day? You know, all of my friends who
19:46
have kids are in hell. I actually don't know anyone
19:48
who's, like, happy and has children at this age.
19:51
Anyone who has, like light in their eyes.
19:52
Anyone who has who has. Slept.
19:54
This is also going viral online. The singer Chappelle Roan is
19:57
here saying, I have all these married friends and with
20:00
children, and none of them seem to be happy.
20:02
They seems like the light has gone out of their eyes.
20:04
And the host of Call Her Daddy, this woman Alex, is saying,
20:06
well, do you want to have kids? And she's like, I don't even
20:08
know if I want to have kids. And again, it connects back to
20:11
the central theme of women feeling like they are just
20:15
overworked. They're exhausted.
20:17
And many of them may be feeling that way because they are trying
20:21
to work a job outside of the home in addition to working the
20:24
job inside of the home in addition to managing.
20:28
In their marriage to have a good marriage, which is it's other
20:31
responsibility and should be quite frankly, the priority.
20:35
And again, the men are also working hard, but then they're
20:38
not enjoying the satisfaction of having this rested, happy wife
20:41
at home because she has has to work really hard.
20:44
So everyone's just working hard and it's it's tough.
20:47
That being said, what Chappelle is describing as these unhappy
20:51
women, maybe this is her experience.
20:53
Again, I don't know. I don't know her on a personal
20:55
experience. I'm not her, is what she's
20:57
saying, right? But I will say a lot of women
21:01
that I know who are married, who have children, myself included.
21:03
When you have single friends who are out there kind of living
21:05
their best life, trying to do their careers or whatever,
21:08
you're not going to be constantly bragging to your
21:10
friend about how great it is to be a mother.
21:13
And, you know, look at you. You don't get to have this
21:15
beautiful gift that I have. Not that you're hiding it, but
21:18
you're not going to sit down and constantly tell them all the
21:20
great things. You might say, oh, yeah, the
21:21
baby was up late last night, you know, I didn't get a lot of
21:24
sleep or oh, yeah, so and so is teething or yo, yeah, I'm
21:27
really, really tired or yeah, it's.
21:28
This week has been stressful at work.
21:29
You might share where you're having some struggles with your
21:33
single friend to kind of commiserate with them.
21:35
But your goal is not to be like, hey, marriage and children is
21:38
horrible. It's just a try to be down to
21:40
earth and talk to your friend. Now, I'm not saying that that's
21:42
a good thing to do necessarily, but I'm just going to guess that
21:45
this woman's friends, Chappelle, they're not all as miserable as
21:48
she's making them out to be. That they're probably really
21:51
grateful that they have kids and they get to be married.
21:53
And they were really sad when they were single and didn't have
21:55
children. And yeah, it's tough.
21:57
Like, these are the, these are the difficult years.
21:59
These are the busy years. You have beautiful little human
22:01
beings to cultivate and nourish. And you're also working.
22:04
You've got your spouse and you've got like a lot of your
22:06
life is full, right? It's full and you're not living
22:09
it on your own terms. Like I'm going to sleep in this
22:11
morning and go out to brunch and do whatever I want.
22:12
Like maybe Chappelle can do. So I think there's also a
22:16
misunderstanding that she might have.
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The statistical evidence shows us that women who are married
23:25
with children, according to the social data, are actually
23:29
happier than women who aren't married or don't have children.
23:33
And I want to share this not because I'm trying to shame
23:35
people who don't have kids or aren't married yet or anything
23:38
like that, because I want what's best for everybody listening.
23:40
I want you. If you're the desire of your
23:41
heart is to get married and have children, I hope and pray that
23:43
that is what God has for you. But I'm sharing this to push
23:47
back against the relentless cultural narrative that being a
23:50
mother is just the doldrums. And it's terrible and it's rough
23:54
and people shouldn't want to be mothers because yes, motherhood
23:57
is a tremendous amount of work, but it is the most meaningful
24:00
work and the most beautiful work.
24:02
And I think the gift that it brings to women cannot be
24:06
understated. And unfortunately, motherhood
24:09
gets a bad Rep in a lot of our culture today.
24:11
So I want to point you to some of this data That's really
24:13
interesting, guys. Here's a 2022 survey.
24:16
It found more than 80% of mothers aged 18 to 55 are happy
24:21
with their lives today, compared to 68% of women without
24:25
children. And women who are married with
24:27
children are the happiest group of women, according to the most
24:30
recent data from the 2022 General Survey.
24:32
So this is just one example here.
24:34
The Wheatley Institute Family Survey shows this is a survey of
24:39
women who have children, women who don't have children.
24:42
Again, they surveyed women ages 18 to 55.
24:45
It says mothers lives are less lonely, more meaningful and
24:48
happier. But it shows, you know, women
24:51
answering different ways. So mothers are answering and
24:54
then women without children are answering.
24:56
The question is life is lonely most or all the time.
24:59
Women who have children say 17%, women without children 28%.
25:04
So it's not to say like being a mother is a cure all.
25:07
I think that's an important point.
25:08
It's not like when you're a mother, all of a sudden all your
25:10
problems go away. No, when you're a mother, you're
25:11
embracing the gift of a child and all of the problems that
25:15
they might face and you might face in raising them.
25:18
But it is incredibly meaningful. It is.
25:20
It is what we're made for many of us, right?
25:23
Another question. Life is meaningful most of all
25:25
of the time. 56% of mothers are saying it is, versus just 38% of
25:30
women who aren't mothers. And then you are very or pretty
25:33
happy, 82% of mothers. 83% of mothers are very or pretty happy
25:40
versus just 68% of women who aren't mothers.
25:42
I got to share this, guys. I got to push back against the
25:45
narrative that being a mother is miserable or makes you unhappy.
25:48
The light goes out of your eyes. No, they are the light in my
25:50
eyes, like my children are the light in my eyes.
25:52
And this is not just my experience.
25:53
This is the experience of over 80% of women who are mothers
25:56
today. Even those women who might be
25:58
single mothers or struggling mothers or economic problem
26:01
mothers or whatever, you know, postpartum depression, you might
26:03
face that with all of the challenges that might it might
26:06
bring. Motherhood is this incredible
26:08
gift, right? So again, not just shame women
26:10
who can't have children or haven't had children yet.
26:12
We love you. You know, God might have a
26:15
different call for your life and all these calls are beautiful
26:17
and have dignity. But we've got to push back
26:19
against this relentless cultural narrative that just being
26:23
footless and fancy free and all about me is the path to
26:28
happiness. The path to true happiness,
26:31
which I would consider the word joy, where it's deeply rooted
26:36
because you are oriented towards what you were created for, is
26:41
relationship, is service of God and others.
26:45
And for most of us, that's going to look like getting married and
26:48
having children. Not all, but most of us.
26:51
And that's a good thing. And I got to add 1 important
26:54
caveat here, which is that you don't need to have children or
26:58
to get married to be fulfilled or to live out God's call for
27:01
your life. There are people that are
27:03
actually called to a religious vocation to not marry, to not
27:07
have biological children, that have spiritual children, or
27:11
maybe they will live in their life, not sure if the religious
27:14
vocation is for them. They're not getting married,
27:16
they're not having children yet, but they're still loving God
27:18
passionately, loving other people and giving their life to
27:23
God and doing beautiful service for God in the day-to-day.
27:25
And that has incredible meaning. The defining factor is who do
27:28
you live for? What's the purpose of your life
27:31
and you know, get not to just be hard on this singer, Chappelle
27:34
Roan. But based on her interview, my
27:36
strong impression was that her life was about her, you know,
27:39
ambitions and like her lifestyle and kind of about her as opposed
27:44
to is it about serving and loving other people and
27:47
committing to other people because that at its end is what
27:51
we are made for. Like that is what we are
27:52
designed for as human beings is, you know, the the command back
27:56
to Genesis, Adam and Eve and Genesis, right.
27:58
The command that God gives is to be fruitful and to multiply and
28:02
to basically have dominion over the earth.
28:05
Men and women together are given that command.
28:08
And again, fruitfulness might be spiritual, might not just be
28:10
biologically, might not be called to having physical
28:12
children, but if you're married, you are called to be open to
28:15
life. You are called to be open to
28:17
having children. That is the supreme gift of
28:19
marriage, right? All right, let's go to Megyn
28:22
Kelly. Now, I mentioned I would bring
28:23
her in here and I want to bring her in.
28:24
So Megyn Kelly is a conservative commentator, as you guys know.
28:27
She has a huge podcast. She's a big personality and she
28:30
has been tracking some of these trends as well.
28:32
She actually did a bit of a segment with another commentator
28:35
named Ana Kasparian, who's a more left-leaning commentator,
28:39
but she's I think been moving more conservative in recent
28:41
years. Anyways, they were discussing
28:43
this phenomenon increasingly of men that are more maybe on the
28:47
right now rejecting women who are working and basically
28:52
looking at them with in a disparaging way or just not
28:55
wanting to marry them. Now, I want to again say this
28:58
important point that if you're a man who really doesn't want a
29:01
woman to work, I think the important question to ask is
29:03
why? Is it because you want her to be
29:07
able to raise your children and not have the added stress of a
29:10
career or of a job? And if that's the case, I think
29:13
that's an incredibly beautiful and noble motivation.
29:15
And I just hope that you're very successful in pursuing that and,
29:19
you know, developing the career that you can do that.
29:22
And I think it's very beautiful for you when you're dating to
29:25
make that heart, you know that that heart that you have known
29:29
to the person that you're dating and to discuss that with them.
29:31
Maybe they are hoping for the same thing where they don't want
29:35
to have to do any professional work.
29:37
They want to be able to just stay at home and raise the
29:38
children. And that could be a beautiful
29:40
thing that you share in common that would bring you together
29:42
and make you have this family project together, right?
29:45
That's beautiful. But if you're a man who doesn't
29:48
think women should work because you think that women,
29:51
ontologically speaking, have some a deficiency compared to
29:55
men that makes them less intelligent or less able to, I
29:59
don't know, create goods for the world that can have an economic
30:02
value or whatever it is, and you think that's this is just a
30:05
man's space and not a woman's space, I would argue that that's
30:09
sexist. I would argue that that's not a
30:11
certainly not a Christian view and not a conservative view of
30:13
women. And I'm not saying that this is
30:15
all men, certainly not. Most men I know are not like
30:19
that, and just like most women I know are not sexist or
30:23
disrespectful of men themselves. So again, most women and most
30:26
men that I know are actually very respectful, loving, and
30:30
balanced in their views of the other sex.
30:33
But we're talking about extremes on the Internet, guys.
30:34
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miracles. So let's take a listen to what
31:25
Megyn Kelly has to say. As we have bent over backwards
31:29
as conservatives or you know, right leaning people to make
31:31
clear to women that they don't have to quote, have it all that
31:35
like if they don't want to work outside of the home and they
31:38
want to be stay at home wives or stay at home moms to like doing
31:42
it all. That's a totally amazing choice
31:46
and no one should look down on it.
31:48
It's the most important job in the world.
31:49
It's literally the most important job in the world to be
31:51
to be a mother and to raise good children.
31:54
But like so many things, we overcorrect.
31:57
We do it on the right. The left does it too.
31:59
All right, I got a comment really quick on this first part
32:01
of what she said, which I think is a really good point, which is
32:03
that the right and not just the right.
32:05
I would just say people in general, regardless of what
32:08
their political label is, are looking at this cultural push to
32:12
get women in the boardroom, to get women in STEM, to get women
32:14
to go to law school, to get women, women, women, women to go
32:16
to space, women to go to this, women to that, women to be in
32:18
the military. And it's like, no, just because
32:20
you're a woman doesn't mean that you should be equally present in
32:23
a any particular industry to men, right?
32:26
Some sexes are going to naturally prefer certain
32:28
industries to others. And that is totally OK.
32:30
That's not discriminatory. That's not inequality, right?
32:33
That is natural. And to push women into certain
32:36
careers versus men, I think is actually potentially very
32:41
harmful, you know, affirmative action against men and for women
32:44
in certain career fields, unless there's a really important
32:47
reason for it. Like, you know, I'm just
32:49
imagining, you know, kindergarten teachers and you
32:52
want to make sure that maybe women are over represented being
32:56
the kindergarten teachers. I guess you could maybe make an
32:58
argument for that. You can certainly make an
33:00
argument for, you know, the front lines of battle.
33:02
That's typically a better place for men than for women, right?
33:05
So there are certain industries and jobs that may be better
33:09
suited to one or the other of the sex, and that's OK.
33:11
That should not be rejected or called sexist.
33:15
That's a natural order thing. Now it crosses the line into
33:19
potential sexism if you're saying, oh, because you're a
33:22
woman, you're not allowed to pursue maybe a job in, you know,
33:27
aerospace engineering or whatever, because you just
33:30
happen to have the biology of a woman and that would be a
33:33
problem, right? Or because you're a man, you're
33:35
not allowed to be a makeup artist, or you're not allowed to
33:38
be a hairdresser, or you're not allowed to be a chef because
33:40
those are more womenly deals. Or you don't want to be a
33:43
teacher because those are more female professions.
33:45
That would be ridiculous, right? So we can just go to extremes
33:49
all day long with this stuff because the culture is so
33:51
confused. And so we're looking for truth.
33:53
We're looking for the North star.
33:54
We're looking for true north. And so we're like, OK, that's
33:56
new true north. But then it's this new extreme
33:57
that we've created. And then the the solution that
34:00
we're inventing to what we perceive as the cultural
34:02
problems is sometimes as bad as the cultural problem or worse
34:06
than the one we're trying to solve.
34:07
So that's what Megyn Kelly is about to speak to here.
34:10
And I think that she is right about the fact that I do think
34:14
I've seen more of a resurgence in our culture of acceptance of
34:17
stay at home moms because I think there was a hot minute,
34:21
you know, maybe in the 90s, I was a little kid.
34:22
So I don't remember it myself. But what I've been told by my
34:25
mother and other women that there was a little bit of a over
34:29
intensity of girl boss. Like I'm the going to be the
34:32
corporate woman, lean in whatever.
34:34
Sheryl Sandberg, go to the boardroom.
34:37
And there was this rejection of the model of a mother who was
34:41
just, you know, not some professional firebrand, but she
34:44
was really just focused largely on her home.
34:47
And we've sort of lost the appreciation for that as a
34:49
culture. And I think there's a lot of
34:51
truth to that. And I think we're doing a good
34:54
correction in many ways where the resurgence of the trad wife
34:59
who likes to bake sourdough bread and homeschool her kids is
35:02
now kind of popular again. That's not a bad thing.
35:05
I think that's a good thing. It can become a bad thing if in
35:09
pursuing the trad rife model, we start to shame women who are
35:14
contributing economically or, you know, very gifted in
35:17
different career fields and making a a difference in those
35:20
fields. Or maybe the woman who doesn't
35:22
like baking a sourdough bread and she likes to buy her bread
35:24
with the money that she makes from selling her sub stack,
35:27
right? And she's an intellectual
35:29
whatever, right? Whatever it is, I think we can
35:32
go to different extremes. But Megyn Kelly, let's listen to
35:36
the rest of this because she says this other interesting
35:38
comment about the current state of some of the extremes
35:42
happening right now. Young women, I and I talk to
35:44
young conservative women all the time about their lives and their
35:46
goals and you know, the things that they want.
35:48
And what's happening is they can't find men who are maybe
35:55
more conservative. Usually they're looking for
35:57
somebody who is religious, you know, like they're a lot of
36:00
conservative women tend to be God, God loving conservatives.
36:05
And they can't find a lot of young men who want to marry a
36:09
working woman now. And this is an actual problem
36:12
that's that's coming up on the right.
36:14
And to me, it's so sad because it's like.
36:16
So I want to make a point right here.
36:17
I think there's something here called confirmation bias where
36:19
the kinds of women that maybe Megan are speaking with are
36:22
these very high performing, professional women that have the
36:26
opportunity to even speak with Megan about their high
36:28
performing professional work and they're saying it's so hard to
36:30
find a man who wants to be with me.
36:32
I can tell you for a fact that there are just as many women who
36:37
maybe aren't as high performing and professional that would be
36:40
happy to not work and just be a stay at home mom who are also
36:43
having trouble finding good men. I hear from both sexes and you
36:46
guys know we just started a call in show.
36:48
So I love hearing from you guys. You actually leave me
36:50
voicemails. We do phone calls live in
36:51
studio. We're doing this new thing
36:52
called Ask Lila. Really enjoying that.
36:55
But I hear from both sides, the men saying it's so hard to find
36:57
women and the women saying it's so hard to find men.
37:00
And usually like if you're a woman like Megyn Kelly and
37:04
you're talking to other women younger than you who aren't
37:06
married, they're like it's so hard to find men.
37:07
They don't want me for this reason or I don't want I don't
37:09
like them. So I don't think that it is one
37:13
extreme or the other currently in our culture.
37:16
I think they're competing extremes where there are men
37:20
feeling there aren't enough good women, women feeling there
37:22
aren't enough good men. And there are all these
37:24
conclusions that might be drawn from that, which might not be
37:26
actually correct. So I hate to be the bringer of
37:29
nuance here, but that would just be my argument that it's not a,
37:35
you know, a set in stone. There just aren't enough good
37:38
men who appreciate working women out there.
37:40
It's it's much more complicated than that.
37:42
And it's a big mix. It's a big, big mix of confusion
37:45
and craziness in the culture right now.
37:47
Let's finish up with Making sense because I like what she
37:50
says after this. This last point she makes is
37:52
really, really good. To me, it's so sad because it's
37:54
like, how do we get to the point where we we're now telling
37:58
young, conservative, amazing women that they're not
38:03
attractive if they also work, if they choose to, let's say, do
38:07
what I'm doing and what you're doing and like get their voice
38:10
out there. But I'll stick with me just
38:11
because I think conservatives listening to this will like the
38:14
thought of another Megyn Kelly voice up and coming.
38:18
Well, why wouldn't we want that? Why would we take somebody who's
38:21
talented in this field and really wants to make a
38:24
difference and have the messaging to her be you're
38:27
really not that valuable unless you give it up and go into the
38:30
home and only have a family and only raise a family.
38:34
And the and the not only resending her that message, but
38:36
young men are actually believing that.
38:38
And this is where I agree with her.
38:40
I do think that there is this message that is not on the full,
38:44
on the right conservative side, but aspects of the right or
38:46
parts of the conservative world where it's like it says the
38:50
women's place is in the home, the man's place is in the world.
38:53
And that's the traditional way. And you guys know, I've already
38:55
done episodes on this and I'll continue to do content on this,
38:58
but that is not per say, the traditional way.
39:00
It's a lot more complex than that.
39:02
And the reality is you keep the true blue, true blue, the the
39:07
North Star, North star. Women need to be with their very
39:10
young children. Women largely are going to be
39:11
involved in caretaking more than men.
39:13
That's natural and good and right.
39:14
Men are protectors and providers, natural, good and
39:16
right. But there's a whole lot of
39:19
complexity, Gray area, merging of the family roles for how we
39:25
raise a family in the modern world.
39:27
And that is not right or wrong. That is in throughout human
39:31
history, there been different variations of it and that really
39:35
hinges on the willingness of two people in a marriage to go 100%
39:40
and go all in to serve each other, to serve their children
39:44
and to serve God. But I think we got to be real
39:46
that not every job is going to be suitable for every mother, I
39:51
mean, or any mother. Some jobs are really unsuitable
39:53
for a mother, especially mother of young children.
39:56
And I don't think we should shy away from that truth.
39:59
And, and the reality is, from what I understand of Megyn
40:01
Kelly's own story, which I think is really beautiful, she was
40:04
working this high-powered Fox News job where she was supposed
40:07
to always be on call, I think first in the morning, then in
40:09
the evening should an evening show.
40:11
But her hours required her to be away from her young children
40:15
more than she felt comfortable with.
40:16
So she quit Fox News, which was a big opportunity, a lot of
40:20
money. She ended up doing this other
40:22
show, I think it was NBC. Less time, less hours away from
40:26
her kids, ended up leaving, departing them.
40:29
Right now she's working for herself.
40:31
So she has maximum flexibility being able to do that, right?
40:35
I mean, a lot of flexibility when you're your own business
40:37
owner like she is. And she is maybe working a
40:40
little more than before because the kids are a little bit older.
40:42
But she's in control of her schedule.
40:44
She's in control of her schedule.
40:46
So I think if we talk very candidly with women that
40:49
motherhood is different than fatherhood, that if you're going
40:53
to work, which I think we all work in one way or another, stay
40:55
at home moms work, working moms work who are working
40:58
professionally. But if you're working
41:00
professionally, you want to pursue a career that has
41:03
flexibility built in, that you have more autonomy built in so
41:07
that you can put your children 1st and make them the priority.
41:11
And that that arrangement is a beautiful thing.
41:13
It's a good thing. And it's a it's a thing that
41:16
many women are facing today because of the nature of our
41:19
economy and the importance of having to multiple streams of
41:22
income into that family project. All of these things are true at
41:26
once. So in conclusion, guys, I want
41:28
to close with some truths about men and women, and particularly
41:32
about women who are working and their desire to be mothers,
41:36
desire to be wives. And I think again, in today's
41:39
social media discourse, there can be such a tendency to veer
41:42
to 1 extreme or another, to make sort of often brash commentary
41:46
in order to attract views and to show distinctions between your
41:50
point of view and another person's point of view.
41:52
But I think a lot of that only contributes to the confusion.
41:54
And I think we got to come back down to some core truths about
41:58
men, about women, and about, quite frankly, work.
42:01
And so see, these are some things I want to end with, first
42:02
of all, the, the, the, the truth.
42:05
And this is a, a truth of both natural law, the natural order
42:09
and divine revelation that men and women are different.
42:14
We are different, we are created different differently, but we
42:17
are both created in the image of God.
42:19
We are both created in the image of God and we are equal in
42:22
dignity. Men and women are equal in
42:24
dignity that I would argue men and women are actually more
42:27
alike than they are different. There are key differences that
42:30
we should not erase, but they're actually more alike.
42:32
Our humanity makes us alike. Our souls makes us alike.
42:36
That it takes both a man and a woman to make a family.
42:40
It takes a man and a woman to make a marriage.
42:41
And that they are both essential. 1 is not more
42:43
important than the other. They are both essential when it
42:46
comes to work. Historically, women have always
42:49
worked, as have men, in one way or another, and that work based
42:54
on technology or that work based on economic changes will look
42:58
different in every century and every generation.
43:01
Whether laboring by hand or laboring intellectually, whether
43:05
serving another human beings physical needs, emotional needs,
43:07
or spiritual needs, and whether that work is paid financially or
43:11
not, all work has dignity. So this idea that a woman
43:16
working a corporate job is more valuable than a mother staying
43:19
at home is ridiculous. Of course, the mother staying at
43:22
home is working, and I would argue that the most important
43:26
work is that work to care for the next generation, to care for
43:29
children, your children, if you were blessed with them.
43:32
Work is going to look different in every generation because of
43:35
technological changes. That said, I would argue that
43:38
professional work that can be done flexibly, largely from
43:41
home, that accommodates the needs of the children and puts
43:44
the children first is the ideal work for a working mom.
43:47
I, I feel, you know, a lot of sympathy for those women who are
43:52
in situations where they have to work jobs that take them out of
43:55
the home for a long, long hours, that lacks flexibility.
43:58
And they, they feel that they have to do it for economic
44:00
reasons. You know, that takes a lot of
44:02
sacrifice. And I, I, I would argue that
44:04
most of those women in those jobs, they don't want that.
44:07
They would rather a more flexible arrangement where they
44:09
could be with their children. And the work that we do as
44:13
mothers and as fathers, whether it's in the home or outside of
44:17
the home, should be ordered towards love of each other, love
44:20
of the children, and love of God.
44:22
In the end, that is what our work is for.
44:26
Some mothers contribute financially to their families
44:28
and others do not. One model is not inherently
44:32
superior because any work done for the family is work done for
44:35
the family, whether it's done inside the home or outside the
44:38
home. And in the end, my friends, when
44:41
we again, when we trust God with our lives, with our work and we
44:46
ask him for his help, he does provide.
44:49
That doesn't mean life will be easy, but it means that life
44:52
with God always has the grace that we need to persevere and
44:56
allow his calling for us. All right you guys, I hope this
44:59
was helpful for everybody. I want to finish with a Bible
45:01
verse that I think is relevant. Jesus is talking to us and he
45:05
says, therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what
45:08
you will eat or what you will drink or about your body.
45:11
What you will wear is not life more than food and the body more
45:14
than clothing. Look at the birds of the air.
45:16
They neither sow nor reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your
45:19
heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than
45:22
they? And can any of you, by worrying,
45:25
add a single hour to your span of life?
45:28
And why do you worry about clothing?
45:29
Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow.
45:31
They neither spin nor toil. Yet I tell you, even Solomon and
45:35
all of his glory was clothed, was not clothed like one of
45:37
these. But if God so clothes the grass
45:39
of the field, which is alive today, and tomorrow is thrown
45:41
into the oven, will He not much more clothe you?
45:45
You of little faith, therefore do not worry, but strive first
45:50
for the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these
45:53
things will be given to you as well.
45:55
So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries
45:58
of its own. Today's trouble is enough for
46:00
today. How comforting is that?
46:04
All right, you guys, the rosereport.supercast.com.
46:08
rosereport.supercast.com is the place where we get to do behind
46:12
the scenes access stuff. You'll have every episodes
46:15
there. Other cool stuff, go check it
46:17
out. All right, you guys, we'll see
46:18
you next time. And a huge thank you to EWTN
46:21
Eternal Word Television Network, which is the largest religious
46:24
broadcaster in the world. You can get access to Lila Ro's
46:28
show episodes 24 hours in advance at ewtn.com.
46:32
Slash on demand. And a big thank you to EWTN and
46:35
their incredible mission to bring souls to Jesus.