Latest / The Feel Good Club for Ambitious Moms of Neurodivergent Kids / The Working Mom’s Travel Mindset: Turning Guilt into Growth
Transcript
- ROCKY: And these rituals build security for kids, and they're gonna soothe you by replacing anxiety with intentional connection. The real challenge that you face isn't leaving your kids for a work trip. It's learning to leave without losing your peace. The two Rs are reframe the story and ritualize connection. Welcome to the Feel Good Club podcast. This is the place where ambitious working moms learn how to elevate their well-being, increase success in all areas, and create a positive, aligned life. Whether you're here to hear expert interviews or inspiring talks, this is your space to learn and grow. I'm Tia Graham, keynote and TED speaker, best-selling author, and founder of the Feel Good Club Community for high-achieving moms. I am an expert in the science of happiness. This show is here to help you feel grounded, happier and connected to yourself and others. I know you are going to love it. Thank you for being here. Let's dive in. beautiful working mom. Welcome back to the feel good club podcast. The place where ambitious working moms like you get permission to thrive and not just survive. am so glad that you are here today. You love your kids deeply and you are really passionate about your career. I am too. And both can coexist. Some days and months and even seasons, it can be really messy and really hard. And sometimes you are in a great rhythm and things are working smoothly. Today, we're gonna talk about something that every working mom who travels has felt at some point or like me, a lot, the wave of guilt and anxiety that you feel when you are thinking about your upcoming work trip and being away from your kids and when you are packing your suitcase, getting ready, to go. Have you ever found yourself tearing up while leaving for a work trip? Even though you know it's an amazing opportunity for you and you are super excited about this trip. I remember feeling so much anxiety, tightness in my chest and worry for weeks leading up to a trip. And I can picture on multiple occasions trying as the Uber drives away from my house on the way to the airport to one of my many, many work trips over the past 11 years. There's that knot in your stomach that whispers, you're going to be missing moments that you'll never get back. Are you a good enough mom for doing this and for choosing this? Even though you're doing what's right for your career and probably what's right for your wellbeing because if you're ambitious, work can fill you up ⁓ in a lot of ways. By the end of this episode, you're gonna have two practical mindset shifting tools to ease the guilt and to feel more confident and proud instead of sad and torn. As I said before this work trip, in addition to feeling anxiety and guilt, you're also feeling self doubt, stressed, overwhelmed and fear of regret. You might be over preparing your kids before you go, spilling your anxiety from your body onto them. certainly did that. Feeling maybe distracted when you're away. and overcompensating when you get back. And all of these steal your joy, dim your confidence, and make it hard for you to fully show up and be present and joyful and happy, both in your career and with your kids. What I want you to do is to reframe guilt and anxiety as these really negative emotions and these indicators that you are doing something really bad because you're going on a work trip or because you travel for work. And I want you to reframe them as signs of deep love and care and of responsibility, not of weakness. These feelings mean that you care so much. They show that your heart is really invested. It speaks to the connection that you have and that you want to have with your children. Every devoted mom traveling for work feels this push pull. You are not broken at all. You are a human being that is feeling things that are congruent to your experience. We celebrate dads who travel for work. We call them successful, right? But moms, society labels them as selfish. We get judged maybe externally or maybe silently. And we also are bombarded with messaging from stay-at-home moms or moms who never travel, which makes us question ourselves. Dads, do not receive that. And instead of fighting the guilt, if you listen to it, not as a critic, but as a messenger telling you what matters most, how does that shift for you? Let's take a quick pause for something that can really support you. If you constantly question if you are good enough, as a working mom and desperately want to feel happier. I'd love to invite you to a complimentary discovery call with me. In 45 minutes, we'll get clear on what is out of alignment, what you want your days to feel like, and two to three simple changes you can make immediately to feel calmer and more confident. It's completely free and it's a chance for us to connect and see if the Feel Good Club for Working Moms or one-on-one coaching might support you. To grab a spot, go to tiagram.com forward slash discovery call. That's tiagram.com forward slash discovery call and pick a time that works for you. I remember when we were living in our house in Westwood, Los Angeles, and I had booked a leadership program for a group of leaders for a school district in Northern California. And I had to travel on Sunday, I was gonna stay overnight, and then leave the program on Monday, and then come back Monday night. leading up to it, I was questioning, ⁓ gosh, had I said yes to this, even though every single time that I was making deals and I'm a sales and marketing person, right, and I love what I do, I love my work, so, so excited, and I didn't even hesitate to say yes when this school district wanted to hire me to come teach the science of happiness to their leaders. Yet, During that Sunday where I am packing up and I can picture my husband and daughters playing on the front lawn and I'm in the house getting ready and my brain was flooded with thoughts like, should I have done this? This is wrong, I'm leaving on a Sunday. I should never miss a weekend day. Weekend days are family days. how come I made this decision, et cetera. And I'm so excited for the work, but my heart is so heavy about leaving my two girls. And I remember my daughter saying, bye mom, don't be gone mom, we're gonna miss you. And then instant pangs of guilt. And... while I'm traveling to Northern California, as I'm preparing, there's this cloud of questioning, of uncertainty, of self-doubt, you know, and I FaceTime them when I get there, and I'm scrolling through pictures of them, and I'm only going to be gone one night. And I gave an incredible program. I can picture the group photo that we took after the program and the superintendent just thanking me so much for the experience and the stories and the laughter and the teachings and the engagement and the connection and my body and my soul is filled up in a way that parenting just doesn't necessarily give me. And I realized that both can be true. I can love my kids fiercely and I can love my work deeply. And this realization and this truth is the same for you. So I want you to use this very simple framework if you are struggling with work travel, guilt, shame, anxiety, fear of regret. overwhelm, stress, etc. Number one is reframe the story. Okay, so this is using a positive psychology principle, shifting focus from I'm abandoning them, I'm leaving them to I'm modeling growth, I'm modeling courage and changing guilt to gratitude. I get to show my kids what it looks like to love my work and to take brave steps and to go after my dreams. And here's some micro questions that you can use to reframe your thinking. Number one, what bigger lesson am I teaching my kids by following through with this work trip, with this opportunity? And number two, how can I bring presence to them before and after my trip. All right, so you're gonna reframe this story that you're telling to yourself. And number two is ritualize connection. Create simple pre and post trip rituals to strengthen emotional connection and this is gonna reduce your guilt. So maybe you leave little notes on their bed. I do this often before you go on a trip. And during the trip, you have times where you FaceTime every single day and you're doing this joy check-in, right? And when you come home from the trip, maybe there is a pancake morning or maybe you do one-on-one with them each 30 minutes and you really get this connection time. And these rituals build security for kids and they're going to soothe you by replacing anxiety with intentional connection. So the two Rs are reframe the story and ritualize connection. The real challenge that you face isn't leaving your kids for a work trip. It's learning to leave without losing your peace. And so much about the Feel Good Club show and about the seven pillars for the members within my Feel Good Club membership. is about increasing inner peace. When we redefine what good motherhood looks like, we free ourselves from guilt and show our children what self-belief looks like in action. And don't you want your kids to go after their dreams? I certainly do. If today's conversation hit home, if you're ready to show up for your work and your motherhood, with more calm, confidence, and joy and inner peace, I'd love to invite you to a free coaching call with me. In this private call, we're gonna unpack what's going on in your present life, what's feeling guilt and unhappiness, and create a personalized plan to help you feel grounded and proud with. motherhood and your career and you'll leave the call with actionable steps based on the science of happiness that you can take right away. And I'll also share with you about the Feel Good Club membership. You can book it at tiagram.com forward slash free call. That's tiagram.com forward slash discovery call. I'm sorry. I'd love to connect with you one-on-one and walk beside you in this journey. And remember, prioritize your wellbeing, choose happiness, and make choices to sustain your happiness. See you on the next episode. Thank you for joining me on the Feel Good Club show. I hope today's episode left you feeling inspired and equipped to take on your day with confidence, self-love, and joy. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your fellow ambitious working moms. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. We're all here to support each other in feeling good, and living our best lives. Until next time, take care and be hopeful. And remember, prioritize your happiness.