Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E105: Balancing Content Creation and Family Life w/ Allie Beth Stuckey

Transcript

E105: Balancing Content Creation and Family Life w/ Allie Beth Stuckey · The Lila Rose Show

• 0:00
  OK, I'm about to give birth, and you've done this three times.
• 0:03
  This is my third. I have.
• 0:04
  I'd love to just hear, like, how do you do what you do?
• 0:07
  You produce a show four days a week.
• 0:09
  Yeah. And you produce it like, it's
• 0:11
  not like someone's giving you a script.
• 0:12
  And you have 1000 episodes, right?
• 0:14
  Almost. 1000 episodes, a podcast, 4 * a week is a lot.
• 0:18
  It's mostly because I love it, like it is my professional baby.
• 0:23
  The thing that takes longer in parenting, I've realized, is
• 0:26
  typically the right thing to do. Like inviting kids into your
• 0:30
  mission, they are going to slow you down.
• 0:32
  Everything will bend to what our family needs.
• 0:36
  Every season is different, and God really does supply the
• 0:38
  wisdom and grace you need for every stage.
• 0:44
  Hello everybody. Welcome back to the Lila Rose
• 0:47
  Podcast. Today we're going to be talking
• 0:49
  with my dear friend, the lovely Allie Beth Stuckey of the very
• 0:52
  popular podcast Relatable. We're going to have a great
• 0:54
  conversation about motherhood, how we do it as mothers who are
• 0:57
  working to also be the best mothers we can be.
• 1:00
  We talk about her perspective and approach to her, what she
• 1:03
  talks about on her show, how it's been so effective,
• 1:05
  especially on younger women, and so much more.
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  I hope you enjoy this episode. And as always, don't forget to
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  free chicken. Allie, thanks for joining the
• 2:20
  podcast. Thanks.
• 2:20
  For having me. I'm so excited to have you out.
• 2:22
  Here. No, me too.
• 2:23
  Me too. I just had a great conversation
• 2:25
  with you over at the Live Action space.
• 2:27
  Yes. And we talked about IVF
• 2:30
  abortion. All the controversial.
• 2:32
  Things, The controversial things.
• 2:33
  So we're going to still go controversial with this episode.
• 2:37
  That's our job, right? To talk about the tough stuff,
• 2:40
  but also the fun stuff. So maybe, OK, I'm about to give
• 2:44
  birth and Oh my gosh, you're so close.
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  You've done this three times. This is my third.
• 2:49
  I have. Maybe let's just start there.
• 2:51
  Give me some advice with. Your OK, I actually love talking
• 2:55
  about birth. Not everyone talks or loves
• 2:57
  talking about birth as much as I do and so I have to temper it a
• 3:00
  little bit. And also I follow like a lot of
• 3:03
  birthing and pregnancy accounts on Instagram.
• 3:06
  And so I think that his made like desensitized me a little
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  bit in that most people see it as like a graphic process that
• 3:15
  they don't really want to discuss explicitly.
• 3:17
  So I will try to temper my language about birth, but I love
• 3:22
  birth. Just go.
• 3:22
  Full Just go be wrong, Molly love.
• 3:25
  Pregnancy. And I love to talk about
• 3:27
  people's birth, so I won't. Well, I want to hear.
• 3:29
  Have you have you told your birth stories for your first
• 3:31
  two? I don't think I have.
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  I think I will though, once this baby comes, because I wasn't
• 3:37
  really doing regular podcasting with the other ones.
• 3:39
  Yeah, So there wasn't really a vehicle yet.
• 3:41
  Did those births go well? Everything was all good.
• 3:43
  I mean, overall, you know how it goes like there I did not do C
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  sections. They were natural or they were
• 3:48
  vaginal births. And then the first one was, you
• 3:51
  know, unnatural, no little, no little anythings.
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  And that was pretty intense. And then the second one, I'm
• 3:57
  like, give me the epidural. Wait, the first one?
• 3:58
  You didn't have an epidural? How big was he?
• 4:01
  It was 777. OK, so the second one was
• 4:04
  886888877 and eight, eight. Oh my goodness.
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  My second was 882. That's.
• 4:10
  A nice little number. Yes.
• 4:11
  OK, wow. I am so impressed that she gave
• 4:15
  birth without an epidural. Yeah, I mean, my mother did that
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  eight times. Yeah.
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  So like, that's my, that's my legacy or my, that's my example.
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  Totally possible, totally doable.
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  And my mother-in-law did that eight times.
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  So that was like the thing. Everyone did it without
• 4:32
  epidurals in their day. So when I had that as my going
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  off, I was like, I don't know, not that it was a point of
• 4:38
  pride, but I kind of wanted to give it a shot.
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  And there's obviously there's some some potential issues with
• 4:43
  epidurals. Right.
• 4:45
  And you did it. Yeah.
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  The second one, you had an epidural.
• 4:48
  Yeah. And that's great too.
• 4:49
  I would. No judgment.
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  Yeah, no judgment at all. I think that there, I mean,
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  there are risks to epidurals. I wanted to.
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  So this time for me was AV back after 2C sections, which is
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  impressive. Alley.
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  It's it's difficult to find a provider that will do that
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  because there are some risks associated with it like uterine
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  rupture, but it's a very small percentage.
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  And so if you have a provider that knows the risks but also
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  the benefits because there's a lot of benefits to vaginal birth
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  and there are risks to repeat C-section.
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  So I wanted to give it a shot. And I was in a hospital setting
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  and with very supportive providers and nurses and and
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  everything. And I really wanted to have the
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  natural no epidural birth, because sometimes an epidural
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  can slow down birth. And I just really wanted to
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  avoid AC section. And so I didn't avoid the
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  epidural altogether. But I did wait till 7
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  centimeters. Whoa, that was.
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  Almost avoiding. Almost.
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  Almost. And maybe I could have.
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  But honestly, after I got the epidural, things just went so
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  much more quickly after that that I'm thankful for it.
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  I'm so thankful for it. I know that there risks and
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  there are reasons why people don't get epidurals and I and
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  like more power to you. I respect that for me.
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  I love an epidural. I feel like it is the common
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  grace of God-given to us through Madison.
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  And I can't say that about all medicines, but the epidural was
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  a game changer for I was like a new woman.
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  I had been for, you know, my entire labor, just cross street.
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  Like this is the worst thing. This is so painful.
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  I got an epidural. I was like, ready to chat.
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  I was ready for dinner. I was ready for.
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  Like how long after the epidural to the birth.
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  Like an hour? Yeah, that's good.
• 6:32
  That's good. And so.
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  We needed that. I'm doing AV back after C
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  sections. Two of them.
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  You know you need it. You.
• 6:39
  I'm surprised you made it that far without one.
• 6:41
  I don't. Well, you know, I don't know if
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  all hospitals offer this, but I had basically what's like
• 6:47
  laughing gas, nitrous. I don't know if did that work.
• 6:51
  Yes, until things got really. Did you laugh?
• 6:55
  No, I did not. I was not laughing.
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  It was still really painful, but it kind of numbs you or it puts
• 7:01
  you in a different headspace. And so if you want less
• 7:04
  intervention but you still need some pain management help, then
• 7:09
  that is a good option. I don't know if every hospital
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  offers it, but I had that and then I got to the point where I
• 7:14
  was like, OK, I'm dying and I got the epidural and it was all
• 7:18
  good. And I'm.
• 7:19
  I'm so thankful for it. I just wanted the option to be
• 7:21
  able to have more kids if the Lord blesses us with more kids.
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  And the more C sections you have, the more complicated it
• 7:27
  can be. And so having AV back just gives
• 7:30
  me a better possibility of having an uncomplicated future
• 7:33
  pregnancy and birth. So yeah, I'm so thankful for it.
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  using the code Lila at checkout. OK, So what I love about you,
• 8:52
  besides all the public work that you're you do, is that you're
• 8:56
  also a devoted Christian. You're a devoted mom.
• 8:59
  You're a devoted wife. I'll just say your baby and your
• 9:01
  very sweet husband and your adorable baby are over in the
• 9:04
  other room. And you're just talking about,
• 9:05
  like, managing our lives before we started the podcast and how
• 9:09
  this all goes. I, I, I mean, I'd love to just
• 9:13
  hear like, how do you how do you do what you do you you produce a
• 9:17
  show four days a week. Yeah.
• 9:20
  And you produce it like you. I mean, you have a team, but you
• 9:23
  are, you know, it's not like someone's giving you a script.
• 9:26
  Right, right and. You have 1000 episodes, right?
• 9:29
  Almost 1000 episodes I do. I'm only at like almost 100 and
• 9:33
  it's it's a lot. It is like a.
• 9:36
  Lot. It is a lot and even I have an
• 9:38
  awesome team and I have a producer and I'm so thankful for
• 9:40
  them and I've helped with research.
• 9:42
  That hasn't always been the case though.
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  Like before I had kids. When Relatable started in 2018,
• 9:48
  I was not only, you know, preparing everything like the
• 9:52
  script or the research and the subjects and the planning and
• 9:56
  all of that and the posting and the cutting, but I was also like
• 9:59
  uploading the audio on my own and I was like posting it.
• 10:04
  I was doing all of that and so and that in addition to, you
• 10:07
  know, beep bopping around the country, trying to speak to
• 10:10
  different colleges and things like that and trying to do a
• 10:13
  bunch of interviews. I mean, I was just able to, I
• 10:16
  had the time to do all of those things.
• 10:19
  And then as the show has grown, but also as I've had three
• 10:22
  babies since 2018, we've added more and more people and I
• 10:27
  wouldn't be able to balance it all without the Relatable team
• 10:31
  that's there. And really just I would say just
• 10:34
  this year as my husband has stepped in to help a lot more
• 10:39
  with helping manage me and manage our business and work
• 10:43
  together, we've realized how many more helping hands we
• 10:46
  actually need to like push what I'm doing in the right direction
• 10:51
  and consistent direction. And so I think that just how
• 10:56
  we're able to balance all of it, not that we do it perfectly, is
• 11:01
  with a lot of help. Even then you're right, a
• 11:04
  podcast 4 * a week is a lot. I've missed a lot of book
• 11:09
  deadlines, said no to a lot of writing opportunities, had to
• 11:14
  put off other kind of opportunities because the
• 11:18
  podcast comes first and it's mostly because I love it.
• 11:23
  Like it is my professional baby. It is my labor of love. 1000
• 11:30
  episodes and that is, you know more than 1000 hours because
• 11:35
  some of my episodes are long. But behind that are many, many
• 11:40
  more hours that go into the preparation then go into the
• 11:43
  posting and all of that. And so, yeah, I'm very like,
• 11:48
  protective of it and I'm very thankful for it.
• 11:51
  But it is how I channel all of the angst and all of the
• 11:55
  questions and all of the passion that I have in what's going on
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  with the world. And so, yeah, it it means a lot
• 12:03
  to me, never as much as the higher things in my life.
• 12:07
  But it's important to me to find a way to continue to do it,
• 12:12
  because, at least for now, I feel like it is what?
• 12:15
  Primarily, professionally anyway?
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  Way beneath my family? God has called me to do so.
• 12:23
  It's. A calling.
• 12:23
  Yeah, and there have been different.
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  You know, I'm sure yours is the same way.
• 12:27
  Like different seasons where I feel like my husband and I have
• 12:29
  done it well, where we've balanced really well saying yes
• 12:33
  to the right things and saying no to the right things.
• 12:35
  And other seasons where we have it where I look back and I'm
• 12:38
  like we said yes to way too much, then what were we
• 12:41
  thinking? Or we said we probably shouldn't
• 12:44
  have said no or we didn't have to say no to those things.
• 12:46
  Or we could have figured out a way to include all of us in
• 12:49
  that. I feel like, you know, six years
• 12:51
  into the podcast, we are just now really like hitting our
• 12:56
  stride and figuring out how to balance everything.
• 13:00
  And so, you know, by the grace of God, we'll just continue to
• 13:03
  do that and hope for the discernment to say yes at the
• 13:06
  right times and no to the right. Things and the and the driving
• 13:10
  heart behind relatable from what I see looking in is you see the
• 13:15
  chaos out there and the confusion and God's given you
• 13:18
  these talents and so you're offering them do this format to
• 13:22
  direct people is that kind of the north Star with.
• 13:25
  Yeah. That I mean, that's exactly
• 13:27
  right. I use those words chaos and
• 13:29
  confusion a lot. I try to bring clarity and
• 13:31
  courage to a culture that is filled with chaos, confusion and
• 13:36
  cowardice. And you do the same thing.
• 13:38
  And yeah, that's. I just feel a pull every day to
• 13:43
  do it. Now.
• 13:44
  There are days where it's tiring.
• 13:46
  There are days when I don't want to do it.
• 13:48
  There are days when I'm disheartened, when I'm
• 13:50
  discouraged and I'm like, are things ever really going to
• 13:53
  change? Does anyone care?
• 13:55
  Like, is anyone out there? Am I just like, you know,
• 13:57
  yelling into the? Wind.
• 13:59
  I feel that sometimes. That was anyone listening
• 14:02
  because you clearly have a lot of people listening.
• 14:04
  Yes, but. You can go to your downloads
• 14:06
  page, probably right? And your YouTube views and be
• 14:09
  like, well, at least people are watching this or does it feel
• 14:12
  like they're just not enough of them watching?
• 14:14
  You know, both of us have a certain amount of followers and
• 14:19
  a quantifiable, I guess you could say impact or footprint.
• 14:23
  But then you look at the way the world is going or a new issue
• 14:26
  comes up and you're like, really?
• 14:28
  Christians are confused about this.
• 14:30
  Christians are too scared to talk about this.
• 14:33
  Christians don't know the answer to this.
• 14:35
  Or the election went this way, really.
• 14:38
  And you're like, OK, does it even matter?
• 14:41
  Of course it does, because it's not about that.
• 14:43
  It's for, it's about glorifying God by obeying him and being
• 14:47
  faithful. But of course it can feel.
• 14:51
  It can feel discouraging and disheartening when it just seems
• 14:53
  like the world is continuing to spiral.
• 14:56
  If you take yourself off the, if you bench yourself, you know,
• 14:59
  and all those things can they everything can always get worse.
• 15:03
  It can, but it can get better. That's the beauty of it.
• 15:06
  But we don't want it to get worse and we want it to get
• 15:08
  better. And God can do anything.
• 15:10
  I mean that's what always I've seen it.
• 15:12
  I've seen God just work miracles in all kinds of situations.
• 15:16
  And I'm I, I'm, I'm waiting and praying for it as I know you are
• 15:20
  to happen on the macro as well as the micro, and it has
• 15:23
  historically happened in the micro or the macro.
• 15:25
  Excuse me, God changing in the course of human history for
• 15:28
  better. So tell me, I'm curious how, how
• 15:32
  do you balance it? Because you've been running this
• 15:34
  organization for a really long time, longer than I've been in
• 15:37
  the game and like this is yours. I would say even more than like
• 15:42
  relatable as mine, live action is yours and this has just come
• 15:46
  from like your heart for unborn children.
• 15:51
  I mean, you run a like a really huge organization in addition to
• 15:55
  this podcast and so many other things, and you have three
• 15:58
  beautiful kids and so how do you balance it all?
• 16:02
  Tell me how you do it. Give me advice.
• 16:04
  I mean I'm it's figuring it out, it's working you know working as
• 16:08
  I go but live action is not mine and that's the thing like early
• 16:12
  days. Yeah, I would be the one staying
• 16:13
  up all night pulling the all nighter.
• 16:14
  It's kind of like you're describing early days of
• 16:16
  relatable, I think. And that's with start, you know,
• 16:18
  usually any kind of bootstrap startup, it requires like 150%
• 16:24
  of you and you stretch to the margins and then some.
• 16:27
  But now live action, we've got a staff of over 40 people that's
• 16:30
  not including our contractors and our part time.
• 16:32
  We've got an amazing executive team, we've got an amazing
• 16:35
  board. You know, I've got an amazing
• 16:36
  staff and they're doing amazing things.
• 16:39
  And so over the years I've learned to just, you know,
• 16:42
  basically select myself out of a job with most of the jobs I used
• 16:47
  to do. So I'm only doing the things
• 16:48
  that I can most, most contribute and best contribute and now
• 16:52
  there's an amazing team that are better than I am at so many
• 16:54
  other things and it's the only way we're able to make the
• 16:56
  impact we are able to make. So that really is it.
• 16:59
  And you know, I wouldn't like I wouldn't be able to be the
• 17:03
  mother and the wife that I feel called to and you're called to
• 17:07
  in the early days, live action, you know, So it's like the it's
• 17:10
  a timing thing. And then with the podcast, you
• 17:13
  know having certain structures set up in advance before even
• 17:17
  launching this podcast so that I'm not the one holding the all
• 17:20
  nighter posting it. Frank.
• 17:23
  Yeah we have other people who who you know who do stuff like
• 17:25
  that that it's again the reason that it's able to happen.
• 17:29
  So I think there's a season for these things and then it
• 17:32
  requires it's all, you know, and I I know you've seen this in the
• 17:35
  comments section where it's like because I don't know how much
• 17:37
  you've talked about this in your show.
• 17:38
  But on the show recently we've talked more about like stay at
• 17:41
  home moms and you know, what young, very young children need
• 17:45
  in terms of not just quality but quantity, time.
• 17:48
  And you know, I've had some people in the comments be like,
• 17:50
  you know, hypocrite, You know, you're you're working this
• 17:53
  corporate job. And yeah, I I in some ways yes.
• 17:56
  But I do. I would not survive in a law
• 17:58
  firm. I would not survive in
• 18:00
  investment banking with the kinds of hours in the format of
• 18:02
  hours that are required. I do put in a lot of hours, but
• 18:05
  I can do them at night, you know, I can do them at nap time.
• 18:07
  There's a flexibility with how I do things, and there's an
• 18:10
  expertise I've developed in how I can do the thing over the last
• 18:13
  two decades, really so that I can contribute and be able to
• 18:18
  make a difference in the work and lead.
• 18:20
  Well, still not compromising core things with my kids.
• 18:22
  And that's a privilege. Like, I'm not going to pretend
• 18:25
  like every woman has that opportunity and it takes a
• 18:28
  certain trajectory to get to that place of opportunity.
• 18:31
  And I'm. I feel extremely grateful that
• 18:33
  that's where the Lord has me at this time.
• 18:35
  Yeah. And that's the same for me too.
• 18:37
  And that is the wonderful thing about having the kinds of jobs
• 18:41
  that we do. And like you said, I understand
• 18:42
  not everyone can do that. But you know, we are essentially
• 18:47
  kind of our own bosses and I can dictate my schedule.
• 18:51
  There are times when I mean, of course, if I couldn't come in
• 18:54
  that day and do my podcast and I wouldn't come in.
• 18:56
  We have a ton of like prerecorded content that we've
• 19:00
  done over the years that we put out sometimes and really like it
• 19:05
  is kind of a balancing act, but people don't see all of the
• 19:09
  teamwork that goes into producing it.
• 19:12
  And in this season, like you just articulated, like, it's not
• 19:15
  me sitting for 8 hours a day or even 6 hours a day typically,
• 19:21
  like sitting at a computer. That's just not how it is.
• 19:25
  I get to go in and record my podcast in the morning and then
• 19:28
  I get to go home. And yeah, and it's, it's, it's
• 19:33
  definitely interwoven into our lives.
• 19:37
  What we do, or at least like what I do, what my family does,
• 19:42
  and my kids come along with me and my parents also.
• 19:47
  I mean, they live a mile from us and that's so awesome.
• 19:50
  Yes, we all support one another, but I spend so much time.
• 19:55
  I'm so thankful for that. I spend so much time at home and
• 19:58
  so much time with my kids, and I'm so thankful that in this
• 20:01
  season I'm able to do both. But it does mean saying no to
• 20:04
  some things. Like I don't do the interviews
• 20:06
  all the time like I used to. I'm not waking up for Fox and
• 20:09
  Friends first. Like, I'm just not.
• 20:11
  I'm just saying no to that. I'm sorry. 3:00 AM in
• 20:14
  California. Yeah, I'm sorry.
• 20:15
  Like, I'm just, I'm saying no to those interviews.
• 20:18
  I'm not like just traveling to any college that, like wants me
• 20:22
  to come speak. So anyway, yeah, so it's it's
• 20:25
  just different. It's different.
• 20:26
  I say no to a lot more things than I used to and I focus
• 20:29
  mostly on relatable and then taking the opportunities that I
• 20:32
  really care about. And we do it together as a
• 20:36
  family. And it's really like, it's a
• 20:38
  really beautiful thing. It's really rewarding, but how
• 20:41
  do you? Discern what to say yes and no
• 20:43
  to. Especially as your kids.
• 20:45
  You have more kids and they need different things from you as
• 20:48
  they grow, right? So like taking the newborn with
• 20:51
  you and you've got one child. It's kind of like they just they
• 20:53
  just come with me out there at the interview, do the interview.
• 20:55
  I'm going to go nurse him in the green room.
• 20:57
  But now there's a 2 year old at home and now there's a four year
• 20:59
  old and the four year old needs different things from the two
• 21:01
  year old. I think yours are maybe one year
• 21:03
  older than mine. I think so.
• 21:06
  You're like a little bit ahead on the on the trajectory, but
• 21:09
  how do you make those decisions? What does that decision making
• 21:12
  process look like, especially with your husband?
• 21:13
  Yeah, We look holistically at our schedule.
• 21:16
  What's going on. We're not doing like I was used
• 21:19
  to be able to do before kids back-to-back, Oh, I need to be
• 21:22
  in three different cities in one week.
• 21:23
  No problem. Like we'll just jet set and do
• 21:26
  that. That's just not what we're
• 21:27
  doing. We look at the organization, we
• 21:29
  look at the mission, we look at what the whole opportunity is,
• 21:32
  the time commitment that it's going to be like for example,
• 21:36
  I'm here less than 24 hours. It could be fun to make a
• 21:40
  weekend in Southern California, but that's you know, that's just
• 21:43
  not, that's just not what we do. And so, and sometimes it becomes
• 21:47
  like a whole family trip Disneyland.
• 21:51
  If you still do Disneyland. SeaWorld.
• 21:54
  Yeah. So like, for example, I we
• 21:57
  decided to do this because I believe in the mission of live
• 22:01
  action, because you're a friend, and because schedule wise, like
• 22:06
  we could make it work. And so yeah, we're looking at a
• 22:09
  lot of different factors. And of course, if there's ever
• 22:11
  any commitments that we have with our kids, for whatever
• 22:14
  reason, that always comes first, no matter what.
• 22:17
  And I'm just so thankful that I do have a job where at any
• 22:20
  moment I can drop everything and I can go, go do what I need to
• 22:24
  do. And I do.
• 22:25
  I do. That's what that looks like for
• 22:27
  me. And it sounds like you're with
• 22:29
  them because of your show schedule.
• 22:31
  It's not like they're, you know, handed off to, you know, there's
• 22:35
  no daycare involved. There's no You're handing them
• 22:37
  to someone, people you trust, and you're doing it for a pound
• 22:40
  of time that you're able to get your work in and then you're
• 22:43
  with them a lot of the day. I'm with them basically all day,
• 22:47
  except for when I'm actively, you know, recording my.
• 22:50
  Recording my That's such a blessing.
• 22:52
  But yeah, it is. Yeah, it's a blessing.
• 22:54
  So we figure it out. We figure it out as you are too.
• 22:57
  And maybe the next season will look different because you know,
• 23:00
  we're not in the season yet of school and we're still figuring
• 23:05
  out what exactly that's going to be.
• 23:06
  And obviously if we are full time homeschooling, which I
• 23:09
  don't know if if we. Got on the horizon possibly.
• 23:12
  Possibly it. I think it will depend on each
• 23:14
  child too. And, you know, all my kids have
• 23:17
  different personalities and they have different strengths.
• 23:19
  And so we'll figure out what that looks like.
• 23:21
  I mean, definitely, it's going to be Christian education no
• 23:24
  matter what. For us, public school is just
• 23:26
  not an option that we have on the table.
• 23:27
  But whether that'll be home school, whether that'll be a
• 23:30
  hybrid, whether that'll be a Christian School, I went to a
• 23:32
  Christian School, kindergarten through 12th grade, and I'm very
• 23:34
  thankful for that. But that's going to, you know,
• 23:38
  determine also what my work looks like and what the show
• 23:42
  looks like, and everything will bend to, you know, what our
• 23:46
  family needs. And so every season is
• 23:48
  different, and God really does supply the wisdom and grace you
• 23:51
  need for every stage. And it's such a privilege and a
• 23:54
  blessing. I know I experienced this to
• 23:56
  have the ability to do bending, meaning, you know, say no to
• 24:00
  something, say yes. I know again, there's women who
• 24:03
  are not in that position, especially if, like they're the
• 24:05
  sole breadwinner for whatever reason, where they have to sort
• 24:08
  of answer to certain demands that they feel are not conducive
• 24:12
  to family. So there's so many different
• 24:15
  variations of this and I think having this conversation is
• 24:17
  valuable. That though to say that you
• 24:20
  know, we can have our experience and our trajectories, but the at
• 24:23
  the end of the day the point is priorities and working towards
• 24:26
  those priorities. And for you and for me it's like
• 24:29
  the family that has to be the first priority.
• 24:32
  And that's not just for women, that's for men too.
• 24:34
  I think it looks different though for young mothers because
• 24:37
  of the the amount your your babies need and deserve you.
• 24:40
  And I've heard you talk about before and I think that this is
• 24:43
  really insightful. These like this black and white
• 24:46
  binary of stay at home mom versus working mom.
• 24:49
  They're not really real categories because there are a
• 24:52
  lot of moms who say that they're stay at home moms and they are
• 24:55
  because they're at home, But they've got their Etsy shop or
• 24:58
  they're making money somehow online or through social media
• 25:02
  or maybe they're knitting or maybe they're selling sourdough
• 25:05
  bread or something. So they are industrious and
• 25:08
  working and bringing in an income in some way, even though
• 25:11
  they are stay at home moms. You could also say that they are
• 25:14
  working moms. They're working in some way by
• 25:17
  bringing in that money, but they are also at home.
• 25:19
  And I think as you have said to me, like throughout history,
• 25:23
  there has typically been that kind of combination of, yes,
• 25:28
  prioritizing the home, prioritizing children while
• 25:30
  still being industrious and even entrepreneurial, which is very
• 25:34
  different, I think than the structure of, OK, dropping your
• 25:38
  kids off at daycare at 7:00 AM and you know, being in corporate
• 25:42
  America until 6:00 PM. There is a difference there.
• 25:46
  I know maybe for some single moms that's what they have to do
• 25:48
  necessarily. But there's a difference, I
• 25:51
  think, in like building the family economy, prioritizing
• 25:56
  your home while still being entrepreneurial in some way, and
• 26:00
  the girl boss culture of handing off your kids and, you know,
• 26:06
  pursuing some title at a marketing firm.
• 26:09
  Totally. As I've shared on the show
• 26:11
  before, I'm very picky about my skin care routine.
• 26:14
  In fact, I've tried many products over many years and
• 26:17
  never landed on a product line at brand that I really love.
• 26:20
  And then I discovered nimiskincare.com, that's Nimi
• 26:23
  skincare.com, Nimi Skin Care is a company that shares our
• 26:26
  values. It's Pro family and pro-life,
• 26:29
  but it also is a high quality, clean skin care brand based on
• 26:33
  decades of research. They use clinically proven
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  I really enjoy the hydration cream as well as their
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  I know you or the woman in your life will love their products,
• 26:53
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  the best products for your little one.
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  That's everylife.com. And one thing that I've I was
• 27:52
  actually when we were talking earlier about womanhood and
• 27:56
  feminism for live action, I was thinking about and you know
• 27:59
  we're talking about the statistic of some women
• 28:01
  increasingly don't want to have kids.
• 28:02
  There's this whole concert of women that don't want to have
• 28:04
  kids and that's a bigger group, young women, it's a bigger group
• 28:07
  than men that don't want to have kids.
• 28:09
  So they just don't. The idea of having a child is
• 28:12
  goes against just their desires at a very innate level more than
• 28:15
  historically. And I think that we were talking
• 28:18
  about why that was. But one other thing that I was
• 28:20
  thinking that we didn't discuss but makes sense here to talk
• 28:23
  about his mother wounds or just being out of touch with being
• 28:28
  able to get down at a kids level and want to nurture a little
• 28:30
  one. And there's this woman, Erica
• 28:34
  Commissar, who talks about this mother wound, where if you
• 28:37
  weren't mothered as a child and you didn't have the experience
• 28:40
  of a mother delighting in you and being present to you
• 28:43
  emotionally and physically, it's hard for you to live that with
• 28:46
  your kids. Future kids potentially, or even
• 28:48
  want that with future kids. Have you come across that?
• 28:50
  And what is your? What's your take on that?
• 28:53
  I think that that's probably true, although I'm sure there
• 28:55
  are plenty of people out there who would say that they're the
• 28:58
  exception to that. Of course, you know.
• 29:01
  There's always. Yeah, there's always the
• 29:03
  exceptions to that, but I would say that's probably true as a
• 29:06
  general rule. It's probably true also for
• 29:09
  Father motherlessness. I think it can be difficult for
• 29:11
  men who don't have the example of a father to then fulfill that
• 29:15
  role. It's probably also true of
• 29:18
  mothers as well. But that does make me think of a
• 29:21
  debate that I saw on Twitter, that I'm curious what you think
• 29:24
  about this. OK, so this is like, yes, you're
• 29:27
  talking. I did not enter this debate, but
• 29:29
  I was just watching. It.
• 29:30
  I know that's that's a whole other discussion which Twitter
• 29:33
  debates to enter and which which to know.
• 29:35
  Oh, we should talk about that. But like, I don't even think it
• 29:38
  was conservative versus liberal, but this speaking about, like,
• 29:42
  being present with your kids and engaged with your kids.
• 29:46
  One woman was saying how this pressure to be constantly
• 29:51
  engaged with her kids, like constantly playing with them,
• 29:54
  constantly on the floor with them to some degree, maybe like
• 29:58
  constantly talking. Completely in tune with your
• 30:00
  child's emotional state. It's my impression of part of
• 30:04
  gentle parenting. Yes, I think she's just talking
• 30:06
  about literally, like, just always feeling like she has to
• 30:10
  entertain them in some way. How she felt that that was that
• 30:17
  was draining her, that was making her not a good mother.
• 30:20
  And then she heard this advice that really what kids need is
• 30:24
  like 220 minute sessions of 100% engagement with you.
• 30:30
  You don't have your phone, you're not doing laundry, you're
• 30:32
  not watching TV, but you are 100% engaged with them.
• 30:35
  That 40 minutes, She was saying. I don't know if this is true,
• 30:38
  that 40 minutes is really all the young kids need of your
• 30:42
  undivided attention. That's not to say for the rest
• 30:44
  of the day you leave them, but say for the rest of the day, say
• 30:47
  they're helping you with household chores or they're
• 30:49
  entertaining themselves. And I started thinking about
• 30:52
  that. I'm not sure where I land.
• 30:54
  I didn't really love like talking to my kids and reading
• 30:56
  to my kids and playing with my kids.
• 30:58
  And so I'm not sure if I entirely agree with her point.
• 31:02
  But I did think about the fact like I had such a present and
• 31:05
  loving mom and we still have a great relationship.
• 31:07
  I don't really remember though, like my parents constantly
• 31:11
  entertaining me, You know, like giving me games to play or being
• 31:16
  on the floor and like, doing playing dolls.
• 31:18
  Yes, Which I'm not saying that that's bad, but I do wonder if
• 31:22
  there is some value and kids just like coming along for the
• 31:26
  ride with us and what we're doing around the house or in
• 31:29
  work and also entertaining themselves.
• 31:32
  I my kid, my older kids have just gotten to the age to where
• 31:34
  I can like be like let them out the backyard and be like go with
• 31:39
  God like have fun and they, I mean, yes, yes, yes, totally.
• 31:44
  Our our backyard is very childproof.
• 31:46
  But you also have to be OK with some things.
• 31:48
  I have to be OK with them digging in the dirt and.
• 31:52
  Picking up slugs. Yes.
• 31:53
  And I have been OK with that because I want that's like
• 31:56
  creative for them. And so I have kind of let go of
• 32:00
  this pressure to constantly personally entertain even when I
• 32:04
  am present with them. If you let your kids, I think,
• 32:07
  get bored enough, they will figure out.
• 32:10
  What to do percent? So I don't know what you think.
• 32:13
  About that, I think you're spot on.
• 32:14
  I think I mean the whole like 20 minutes twice a day.
• 32:16
  I mean that might be a useful rule of thumb for people who
• 32:18
  need sort of to think in those terms.
• 32:21
  And like, I need to know. I need a marching order for how
• 32:23
  to do this exactly. But I completely agree.
• 32:26
  I mean, I'm, I'm one of eight. I grew up, we had this big
• 32:28
  backyard and we were just rough and tumble.
• 32:30
  And yes, there were moments where my mother was like reading
• 32:33
  to me or like really engaging with me, of course, But she was
• 32:36
  busy, very busy with the household.
• 32:39
  She was educating us. She was starting a school to
• 32:41
  educate more children. She was doing all of this stuff.
• 32:43
  And I never felt that she wasn't engaged with me or nurturing me,
• 32:47
  but I wasn't being like led the gamut of the craft tape.
• 32:50
  You know that it was, it was a different and I think people
• 32:53
  have different personalities, children have different
• 32:55
  personalities and so there's not A1 size fits all with a lot of
• 32:59
  this, but the principles are the same as getting to know your
• 33:01
  kid. What does your kid need?
• 33:03
  Providing enough independence and exploration and play time
• 33:06
  that's not dependent on you. And then doing your
• 33:09
  responsibilities as a parent to create the environment and to
• 33:13
  really have service of others too, beyond even your immediate
• 33:17
  family and your family's a part of that.
• 33:19
  I remember some of the best advice I received and it wasn't
• 33:21
  that long ago. It was maybe four or five years
• 33:23
  ago. I was at a speaking event and I
• 33:24
  met this amazing couple who was a missionary couple from some.
• 33:27
  I forgot which African company country, but they started this
• 33:30
  hospital in an area where there had been no healthcare services.
• 33:33
  They did these incredible feats. They had three young children
• 33:36
  during the time they did this together.
• 33:38
  They're both doctors with very young children.
• 33:42
  And I remember asking the woman because the the sons are like
• 33:45
  super, they're grown up and they're super good.
• 33:47
  They're they're, they're they're there's not like the sad
• 33:49
  Missionary kids story of like they went off the deep end and
• 33:52
  had a horrible. I mean, I know there's obviously
• 33:53
  tragic stories that are not everybody necessarily the
• 33:56
  parents fault, but the point is they had this really healthy
• 33:58
  family from what I understood. So I was asking her
• 34:01
  specifically, how did you do that?
• 34:03
  You built institutions in a foreign country with very
• 34:07
  limited resources and support, and you seem to have really been
• 34:10
  successful in raising this family.
• 34:11
  How did you do it? And she said she used this
• 34:14
  phrase. She said I had them sit at my
• 34:15
  feet. She brought them with her.
• 34:19
  She took them with her. And I think in that culture she
• 34:21
  was in, it's a very accepted, accepting culture of children
• 34:24
  just being everywhere. So I think that that helped.
• 34:27
  But they were a part of her work and she taught them.
• 34:30
  She took maybe that 20 minutes multiple times a day to stop and
• 34:33
  teach them something and engage with them.
• 34:36
  She made sure their needs were met.
• 34:37
  She made sure they were safe, that she had some structures for
• 34:40
  them. But they were part of the family
• 34:42
  project. And I love that idea that
• 34:46
  there's a family project that each family is called to
• 34:48
  primarily help each other get to heaven.
• 34:50
  You know, like help each other glorify God, but then as part of
• 34:54
  that, serve the people around you.
• 34:57
  Bring. Other people with you?
• 34:59
  And I think when we have toddlers, sometimes it feels so
• 35:01
  impossible because toddlers are going through something.
• 35:05
  They're always going through something because, I mean, it's
• 35:07
  just, it's just natural. Yeah, they're like trying to be
• 35:10
  independent, which is great, but they don't realize how dependent
• 35:13
  they really are. And so there are a lot of
• 35:15
  emotions that are tied to that and learning obedience and all
• 35:18
  like all of those things. But I've learned, like something
• 35:21
  in parenting that the quickest, the thing that takes the longest
• 35:27
  is usually the right thing. Not always, but is usually the
• 35:30
  right thing. The quicker, easier thing to do
• 35:32
  when your kids are unruly or when your kids are like, Oh my
• 35:35
  gosh, like they're not obeying or they're going through this
• 35:38
  whiny stage or whatever, is to satiate them with a screen or
• 35:42
  to, I don't know, do just like the quickest fix thing to not
• 35:46
  take them with you. Yeah.
• 35:48
  Get them in front of a movie or give them a cookie or whatever.
• 35:51
  That's always wrong by any means.
• 35:53
  Of course there are times. There are times that we do that.
• 35:56
  Or the easiest thing is to not take them with you.
• 35:58
  Like the easiest thing is to not include them.
• 36:00
  Including in work stuff, admission stuff.
• 36:03
  Because they're going to. They are going to slow you down.
• 36:06
  It would be easier for you to do it by yourself.
• 36:08
  It would be easier to not include them in things.
• 36:11
  It would be easier to not teach them things.
• 36:12
  It would be easier to not make them do hard things.
• 36:15
  It would be easier to not let them make mistakes.
• 36:17
  It would be easier to not get through that difficult period
• 36:20
  before they figure out how to entertain themselves.
• 36:24
  Like that period of boredom where they're constantly asking
• 36:26
  you to, like, do something for them.
• 36:28
  It would be easier to just curtail that and give them
• 36:33
  something easy to do that distracts them, like a phone
• 36:36
  game or something. Like, the thing that takes
• 36:38
  longer in parenting, I've realized, is typically the right
• 36:41
  thing to do. And that is so true of what you
• 36:44
  just said of, like, inviting kids into your mission and
• 36:48
  discipling your kids. Like, it's so easy to think when
• 36:52
  your kids are toddlers and it seems like they don't understand
• 36:55
  things, that there's no use in praying with them.
• 36:57
  There's no use in reading the Bible to them.
• 36:59
  There's no use in trying to get them to memorize these things
• 37:02
  because they can't or, you know, they're being silly.
• 37:05
  Every time I try to pray with them or I might read in the
• 37:09
  Bible, they act like they understand it and they turn
• 37:10
  around and hit their sister, whatever it is.
• 37:13
  But then one day you pray and then your four year old takes
• 37:17
  over and starts praying and you're like.
• 37:18
  Fruits amazing. There's fruit.
• 37:20
  I didn't see the fruit, but there it is.
• 37:22
  They know the. Prayers that you've been saying
• 37:23
  that you're not even sure they were paying attention.
• 37:25
  To yes. It's an incredible experience
• 37:28
  when they start to say the words back to you and then they ask
• 37:30
  the questions like our four year old is asking all these
• 37:32
  theological questions every night.
• 37:34
  Yes, that's fruit. It's.
• 37:36
  Beautiful. That's fruit and all those
• 37:38
  difficult periods, all that time where you were like, don't.
• 37:41
  I'm going to do the harder thing right now.
• 37:42
  I'm going to do the more difficult thing.
• 37:44
  I'm going to do the longer bedtime routine, even though I'm
• 37:47
  tired. That includes the Bible reading.
• 37:48
  That includes the praying. Because even if I don't see the
• 37:52
  fruit right now, I know that God is going to be faithful in that.
• 37:57
  Yeah. So I'm not acting, I'm not
• 37:59
  acting. Like we do that perfectly.
• 38:01
  But that is something that I've realized over time.
• 38:04
  And that takes a lot of self-control, too, especially if
• 38:08
  you're busy doing something else and your kids are, like,
• 38:10
  demanding something instead of, you know, snapping or instead of
• 38:14
  being like just fine, you can have what you want.
• 38:16
  And dying to our own immediate priorities in the moment I I I
• 38:20
  have to like I've been learning new lessons of patients that I
• 38:23
  didn't even know I needed to learn because everything I was
• 38:25
  patient before kids, nothing bothered me.
• 38:28
  Nothing to wait on, It's really easy to be patient.
• 38:31
  Yeah, but now learning, I I what you just said, it's so profound
• 38:35
  and true that taking that time and sacrificing other things for
• 38:39
  the sake of that time is really that what is parenting?
• 38:42
  That is parenting, right? Reason #1000 to have kids is
• 38:46
  that it makes you like it, sanctifies you, like it makes
• 38:50
  you a better, more compassionate, more patient,
• 38:54
  more self controlled person. Like you learn so much about
• 38:58
  regulating your own emotions and how to like communicate clearly,
• 39:04
  how to manage a team, how to multitask.
• 39:06
  Like, there are just so many things that you learn and being
• 39:09
  a mom that I don't think corporate America can teach you
• 39:12
  in 20 years. I do want to ask because you
• 39:15
  mentioned you're working with your husband now you've always
• 39:17
  worked with him. Obviously we work with their
• 39:19
  husbands, but professionally now he's like the family business,
• 39:23
  the family mission more. You're on the same team 100%
• 39:26
  with like the structure he's managing now sounds like part of
• 39:29
  your business and your work. What what inspired that?
• 39:33
  How has that been? So he has always been from the
• 39:37
  very beginning, like we have always been in it together and
• 39:41
  he has, I mean we are like such a supporter of each other.
• 39:46
  But he has always 100% believed in me and seen things in me,
• 39:50
  like even before I started my blog or anything.
• 39:54
  And people can tune into the live action exclusive to that we
• 39:57
  did together to hear about that whole story.
• 40:00
  But he has just always like led me and guided me but really
• 40:04
  encouraged me along the way. And he has always been, he's a
• 40:09
  decision maker for our family, like the big decisions, but now
• 40:12
  in like a professional capacity, him helping me with just
• 40:16
  discernment of like what opportunities to take and what
• 40:19
  not to take. But even down to like, I mean we
• 40:22
  talk about again, always have, but now he just has more time to
• 40:25
  do it. Talk about like wait, should I
• 40:27
  wade into this Twitter controversy, Should I respond to
• 40:30
  this person. And that doesn't mean he doesn't
• 40:32
  micromanage me like you know, he trusts me completely.
• 40:35
  But I just like want his wisdom on those things.
• 40:38
  But now it takes a much more like I guess involved form and
• 40:44
  that he is handling a lot of the communication, a lot of decision
• 40:48
  making that I just didn't have the capacity and time to do.
• 40:51
  And I'm just so thankful for it. And I never have to worry about
• 40:54
  anything. Like I never.
• 40:55
  I just trust him completely. So what's?
• 40:58
  The plan where where are you going with this new arrangement?
• 41:01
  Well, you know, we don't know where.
• 41:03
  I mean, I'm going to continue doing my podcast and we've got
• 41:06
  an event coming up this year that I haven't even like
• 41:08
  officially announced yet, but that's going to be awesome.
• 41:13
  That's going to be in Texas. So there will be more details of
• 41:15
  that coming out soon. And we've got some different
• 41:18
  plans in the works of how we want to just continue doing what
• 41:21
  I do, but in different forms. Bringing clarity and courage to
• 41:25
  a world that is confused and chaotic and cowardly and yeah,
• 41:30
  and continuing to partner with people like you, and hopefully
• 41:33
  being bringing truth to a very truthless world.
• 41:36
  I love it. Well, excited to cheer you on
• 41:39
  the best. Is yet to come.
• 41:40
  Thank you. Thanks so much for listening to
• 41:44
  this episode of the Lila Rose Podcast.
• 41:46
  Hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to join our Patreon
• 41:48
  and our local communities. That's how we help the show grow
• 41:51
  and reach more people. You can do that at the link in
• 41:53
  the bio. Thanks so much for all of your
• 41:54
  support. It means the world to me and we
• 41:56
  will see you next time.