Latest / The Feel Good Club for Ambitious Moms of Neurodivergent Kids / AI, Ambition, and Afternoon Snacks: Real Talk on Modern Life
Transcript
- ROCKY: because we're living in a world that is so different. Realistically, in this season of life when we're raising children, we will never get this time back. We're living in an age where we have to give ourselves permission to try new things and use the information that we have to make decisions versus asking for permission to do the old things because absolutely, yes, you're doing enough. Welcome to the Feel Good Club podcast. This is the place where ambitious working moms learn how to elevate their wellbeing, increase success in all areas, and create a positive, aligned life. Whether you're here to hear expert interviews or inspiring talks, this is your space to learn and grow. I'm Tia Graham, keynote and TED speaker, bestselling author, and founder of the Feel Good Club Community for high achieving moms. I am an expert in the science of happiness. This show is here to help you feel grounded, happier and connected to yourself and others. I know you are going to love it. Thank you for being here. Let's dive in. Hi, Jessica. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. We're going to talk about AI ambition and afternoon snacks, which I love. And this is going be conversation around modern tools and life right now being a working mom. So what got you interested and passionate about AI and tools and ⁓ really just living smarter as a working mom? Yeah, I mean, my career before all of this was actually as a teacher. And so I was no stranger to like the innovation and education and ed tech and all of those things. And now that I've been in startup land for the last five and a half years, really just noticing that there's so much innovation happening when it comes to like business related things like marketing, project management, like we're seeing all the AI tools, like there's no shortage of anything. Yeah, there's an explosion. Yeah, it's like overnight. There's another one. Yeah. But when it comes to caregiving, you know, there's a really slow sort of movement towards tools that are actually making an impact when it comes to managing the home or connecting with kids or like the things that mean a lot at the home at the home level. ⁓ Often see tools that are like due to one thing and it's like, okay, well, I don't need 15 tools to manage my family. That's the issue is that nothing is connected and it has to be connected and managed. And so that's where really this perspective of how can we make things better for families and leverage the technology and tools and things available right now for the use case of family life. And for everyone for listening, remember Jessica has six kids. So, um, that's, that's a lot of management and organization. ⁓ So for someone thinking, okay, yeah, I use AI at work or I use different tools, but thinking about this for my home or maybe I have, you know, a couple things. But what you're talking about is really looking holistically, right? At ⁓ family and the home. So let's talk about modern tools that can support me, you know, the listener right now. in daily life and leadership integrating tech in both work and home? How do we think about it and how do we do it in a practical way? Sure. I mean, I think as far as things that, like my general mindset is how can I use what I'm using for work for home? Like, I don't want to like double dip on tools. I don't want to have like 10, 15 apps for home. I don't want to have 10, 15 apps for work and be managing 30 apps. right? Right. And so thinking about some of the systems that could cross over, think, you know, super high level would be like a Google Calendar, right? Where you could then filter by, ⁓ this is my work calendar. This is my personal calendar. Maybe you even have it like split by kid. Yeah, we have it split, but we have calendar per kid. Yeah, yeah, there you go. And then you can just filter and see like where you might have ⁓ scheduling conflicts or like understand a whole more holistic view of your day. Right. We actually integrated with some smart home devices to Alexa, Google Home ⁓ with our calendar so that it announces things throughout the day because we homeschool our kids so we're home. thinking about how calendar and your home devices integrated. Yes. Yeah. So they can see it all too. And it just shows busy if mom's in a call or something. ⁓ But yeah, they can see it and it's transparent and ⁓ everything is really managed in one central spot for that. Okay, so think and just the mindset like you said of how can I look at the home and family and kids the same way I would look at work ⁓ with managing it? Okay, so you also are very passionate you write about the permission for working moms today to do things differently and and and not that there's not this right way. and which is really important. you talk about that? ⁓ I can talk about this. But I think in general, we're in a much more easily connected society than any other generation that's come before. And I'm sure that I'm speaking in this exact moment now, knowing that innovation and connectivity is only improving day by day. But there's so much information that is pervasive in everything, even in personal relationships. we're talking about getting parenting advice. Typically it's like passed down from generation to generation. Or I know that on cultural. Yeah. Yeah. Like all of those things. And so it's like, how do I know what works for me? How do I know it works for my family? My kids are different than the way that I was raised. I'm raising them with technology or not technology intentionally, unintentionally. Like there's all of the things like all of the right. want to say the parenting, every generation has those parenting. gurus, right? Like, I mean, I think of Dr. Becky Kennedy of like, there's also, and then there's all this different conflicting and yeah, there's a lot of information coming at working moms. Yeah. And it's like, how do we sort through all of that and figure out what's actually gonna fit best for me and my kids ⁓ when it comes to actual implementation? And something that I've talked about too is kind of like this this shame spiral where it's like, okay, I read about this in a Facebook group. This worked really well for this mom that has the same number of kids and or like her child is the same age as my child. And then you try it and it doesn't work. And you're like, ⁓ my gosh, I'm a horrible mom. Like it worked for everyone else, but it doesn't work for me. It was the wrong strategy. Yeah. Or it could be advice from your parent or your sister ⁓ or friend. Yeah. Absolutely, yeah. And then it's the internalization of like, ⁓ I failed my kids. And then it's like, okay, well then how do I got to pick myself back up and figure out what's next? ⁓ But I think we're living in an age where we have to give ourselves permission to try new things and use the information that we have to make decisions versus asking for permission to do the old things because we're living in a world that is so different. That's such a, ⁓ it's a beautiful message. And I want, you know, for the working mom listening to, to reflect on how much permission are you giving yourself to do things that work for you with work, with kids and, and no, we were saying this, right? No two working mom, working parent families are the same. The kids are different. You are different than your parents. The world is so different. ⁓ And also what I'm hearing is accepting the way you're doing it, accepting that there's going to be mistakes ⁓ and giving yourself grace and compassion when you fall on your face or when your kids fall on their face because that's part of this crazy journey. Yeah. what better? Not being so critical and hard on yourself. I'm hearing that too. All of the above. Yeah. And I think like when you, when you take a step back and you think about the lessons that you would want your children to learn is that it's okay to make mistakes and owning it or talking about it with your kids is a great learning opportunity too of like, ⁓ well we tried that and that definitely didn't work. Like we, we do that even at the dinner table. Like we try something new. Okay. Let's rate the recipe. Do we keep it in the lineup or no, this is bad. ⁓ Or like mom's version versus dad's version, you know, like it's just have fun with it Like who like who really cares like as long as you're connected with your kids and you can provide for them ⁓ You're doing enough really? Absolutely. Yes, you're doing enough. and ⁓ Okay, let's talk about this. We'll spend we'll spend time here. This is really valuable. Let's talk about Designing a support system that empowers you to live and lead with your family and your career in a way that works for you. So immediately when I think of support system, I think of grandparents or maybe siblings or aunts and uncles that I really haven't had. My husband, I've not had that much over the past 11 years. I think when I think of support system, I think about child care. That's what comes to mind. Right. ⁓ support and caring for like being with the kid when I'm at work or appointment or being with one kid when you're with the other. My husband's traveling right now. That's where my mind goes. What you write about and what you're creating with the tools to it's way more than child care. So. How do we need to think about designing a support system that encompasses everything? Can you talk about that? Yeah, yeah. I think it's more of like redefining what support system means. Because to your point too, people is one part of that. But realistically, systems have multiple different things. Like when you think about systems when it comes to work, there are the people part. Like you might have an assistant or someone who you know, leads a certain initiative, but there's also tools behind the scenes that they're using in order to get the job done. And so one of the ways that I like to think about things is that there's so much that needs to be done at home, but mom doesn't actually have to be the person who does it. So what the support system is, is any of those tools, people, like actual systems for, this is how it's done or processes, I guess you could say, ⁓ that takes that burden off of mom. What can she delegate? What can she automate? ⁓ What people can she bring in to help and support the full sort of process of raising and growing a family? Let's take a quick pause for something that can really support you. If you constantly question if you are good enough as a working mom and desperately want to feel happier, I'd love to invite you to a complimentary discovery call with me. In 45 minutes, we'll get clear on what is out of alignment, what you want your days to feel like, and two to three simple changes you can make immediately to feel calmer and more confident. It's completely free and it's a chance for us to connect and see if the Feel Good Club for Working Moms or One-on-One Coaching might support you. To grab a spot, go to tiagram.com forward slash discovery call. That's tiagram.com forward slash discovery call and pick a time that works for you. So thinking about home and work, sorry, home and kids like work, it doesn't have to be all mom. And in some cases, there's definitely things that the spouse, whether it's wife, know, husband, ⁓ things that they can also delegate and automate, making it easier and, and really being open minded around what technology and tools are available. what I'm hearing is you're, you're talking about both like this mental invisible load, and you're also talking about the actual physical labor, right? So how does someone listening start to think about, plan, maybe research? Like, OK, cool. Wow, this sounds great. Where do I start in thinking about ⁓ support systems and that kind of delegation automation? Yeah. I think it starts with a little bit of reflection and observation within your home. Like, if you're looking to start delegating and automating more, you kind of have to understand what you can or like what are those friction points throughout your day? ⁓ One example of something that we, a system that was very clunky in our household is we have a ton of shoes. There's eight of us. ⁓ And so that's at least 16 shoes just to get out the door on one day. And our second son has ADHD. And so he was getting really frustrated as we were getting ready to leave the house. He was feeling a of pressure. It's like, okay, we're getting ready to go. And it takes like 10, 15 minutes for him to find two shoes that match. ⁓ And mind you, we have a shoe organizer where they can put it in together. Like we have this stuff. Yeah. You know, but it was, yeah, it was tricky. It was tricky. And so, you know, it ended up that we reflected on that with him and was like, you know, what is it? What would be a solution that you could think of to help with this? And he was like, well, I can just keep my shoes in the car. Like I can walk barefoot to the car. Then I know both of my shoes are there right by where I sit in the car. That's something that we do with our littles, like our toddlers and stuff too is they're just, their shoes are in the car. And so he's like, I can do that too. And that really helped us move towards saving that 10 or 15 minutes of time and the like stress and chaos of like processing through that with him and like, okay, he can do it. He knows exactly where his shoes are. He feels more confident. ⁓ But that started with that observation of noticing that this was happening more than one or two times. This was something that was happening at least a couple of times a week. And now we're able to save 30 to 45 minutes in getting out the door time ⁓ just with that kind of simple tweak to the process ⁓ for that. So you can do this with AI. can do this, excuse me, Excel. And you could do this on pen and paper and then look at the tools of where are the friction points, what's causing extra chaos or stress, what's taking a lot of time and really just having the lens of what could be automated. And probably there's so much that we don't even think about that can be. Because we're talking about that lens of our house and kids. Yeah. And I love that you bring that up too about like the AI and automation because there's things too that, you know, the kids might not be using AI and automation for things like if a physical task needs to be done, you can't really have like, you're not like AI read the bedtime book. Yeah, right. Right. No, you should definitely be there as the mom. but AI can maybe make you a really fun story to help with like engagement or buy in or like just, you know, mixing up the routine a little bit. If your kids are always asking for the same story, give us this story, but change the character or whatever it could be. But yeah, there's also systems for, ⁓ I mean, another example there would be like meal planning, right? Like if that takes a significant amount of time prepping the shopping list, checking and making sure like, is it aligned with sales? I don't know if you shop like that, but I do and we buy in bulk for one big grocery shop. And so one of the things we did there was we just like preloaded our shopping list in. ⁓ to our shopping app. So it takes maybe 10 minutes to just glance through checkout and we're good. We order the same day every single month for our bulk. And then we're like good to go. ⁓ But thinking through like the intentionality of having to create, you know, the meal plan, if you put in the work meal plan, shopping list, which AI can also do for you. Use ChatGPT. This is great. Right. Right. And then you have to put it into the, to the shopping app. You're immediately I was thinking about the logistics also with multiple kids and if there's different activities, you know, we talked with you know with the working moms in in in our community, excuse me about that and just thinking like there's another brain and it's a really smart brain and someone who's not emotionally as invested or attached or you know, to as parents that can really really help you. ⁓ and not feeling like you have to figure it out all yourself. And also what I love about this is I think that working moms and me, I definitely struggle with how invasive and how much technology, you know, I think about like social media and like young girls, because I study positive, you the science of happiness and even like managing screen time, like, and our brain has a negativity bias. So, you know, going to these negative places, But you're saying, yes, and it also can be this massive source of help. It can relieve stress, anxiety, and it can give you more time to be present and play with your kids, which is why we had kids anyway, right? Mostly it's not like the meal planning and all the other stuff that we actually can have more time for the purposeful stuff, the connection piece. if we embrace this mindset around automation, delegation, and finding tools. Yeah. And I think it starts with that mindset of, mom doesn't have to do everything in the home. What can be offloaded to someone else? And what are those things that mom has to be there for? Mom has to be there for bedtime or breakfast or whatever that looks like. Those contact points with your kids will never be replaced. But mom doesn't have to meal plan. Right, mom doesn't have to meal plan. Mom doesn't even have to go grocery shopping. Maybe you get Instacart delivered or something and save yourself some time. ⁓ We see these advances and sometimes it's just not through the lens of the family to be able to understand, ⁓ yeah, this could work in my house in addition to working for my business or whatever it could be. And using it also, I love how you said it. Because the tool you're building in Launch Family, is this parent parent coach and there's all of these different applications. But instead of going into Google and reading these different sites or looking on Instagram for this and getting lost and getting overwhelmed and then maybe feeling like shame or inadequacy of, you know, this of actually using AI to help you think through the specific problems you're experiencing. with a kid, like, right? Maybe one of your kids is getting bullied. Maybe one of your kids is, who knows? There's a million different, you know, is having anxiety about the first day of school that one of my kids was having a lot of that, right? Of using it to really help you and using it as support with the challenges that you have. Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, that's what is baked into LaunchFamily, which is that kind Yeah, let's talk about it. The customization to your family, like understanding, like when you put things into ChildGPT, even you may get general responses, because it doesn't know how old your child is, or if they have any learning differences, or what your parenting style is. Like the things are not personalized, but they're not personalized. And so it can also give you some of those things that may lead to that shame spiral. Like, ⁓ well, this was recommended and it didn't work out the way that I thought. And then it's like, okay, well, that's no better than a Google search. ⁓ But with LaunchFamily, what we've done is we've actually trained our model on child developmental research and content pillars related to parenting. And we have expert oversight into everything that is being put out there to families. And you're only seeing what's for seven year olds that may have ADHD in a big family of six. It's like, okay, that is the sort of narrow focus scope to help you save that time and also get closer to that idealized solution or next step with your child. And so you're building this family home profile, including work and everything, so that it knows you and yeah, understands age of your kids or specific things. And so it's going to give more customized. I love and I haven't even thought about doing that, like creating your own. So I think, so cool. And, ⁓ and everyone listening is going to be able to get a free, you know, specific access to Launch Family to try. And I think just that is going to open people's eyes. ⁓ Something else I want to talk to you about, because I think it's really, really valuable advice and ⁓ spoke to my heart, was about this idea of ⁓ redefining ambition as it relates to career and parenting. Because ambitious moms, we want to be great at both. We want to we want to be this awesome, connected, loving parent, involved parent. And we want to kick ass at work, whether that be in a company, nonprofit, you're running your own, you know, you're an entrepreneur, whatever it is, or, you know, several things. ⁓ And a lot of times that it feels very challenging to be great at both. And ⁓ there's a constant feeling of, know, one is going really good, but the other one's not right now, or vice versa. Or maybe they're both, you know, I'm feeling inadequate in both. I'm not really feeling good in both. But you have a very supportive approach and mindset around ⁓ ambition and kind of like phases of life. So can you talk about that? Yeah, I mean, I would love to. I think this is something that I'm still going through and still having to learn and the daily self-talk. ⁓ But, you one of the things that really jumps out to me with being an ambitious mom is that just like how you said, I want to perform to my peak in work. I also want to perform to my peak at home. But realistically, you know, in this season of life when we're raising children, we will never get this time back. You know, in those foundational years with them, I for sure want to be a hundred percent because I know I can give a hundred percent of my career for my whole life. whatever that looks like in twenties and thirties. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. And so one of the things that I've actually been telling myself is like, I need to be a hundred percent with my family right now, knowing that I'm still giving a hundred percent. just looks different for my career. I'm still learning, I'm still growing, I'm still meeting people, I'm still staying up to date on all of the things I'm still building, but my velocity just looks a little different. Knowing that as soon as my kids are gone, grown, and they no longer need me to wipe their booty and prepare every meal, that, okay, here I am. I'm a force to be reckoned with when they're grown and gone. And so having that mindset of this is a season of life where I would regret not being a hundred percent with my kids because I will never ever again have this opportunity. Whereas there will always be times to level up my career to do more. And I'm still using this stage of life to like prepare and pour into myself. ⁓ but it looks a little different than maybe what I thought of before I had kids. Right. And for, for the working mom listening, what your hundred percent with your kids is, Is what works for you right where there is like that isn't a right or wrong of ⁓ that means four hours a day with your kids or that means on Saturdays it looks like this back to what Jessica was saying about permission to do what works for you right and and and Doing everything you can doing everything we can to not judge how we're doing things based on how our parents did it Our siblings do it, our friends, our family members, and then social media saying, right? It's what works for you. ⁓ And velocity is a cool world. There's velocity that you're giving to your kids and home, and then there's maybe this velocity that you're giving at work, and we have to sleep, and we have to take care of ourselves. Otherwise, we won't be good at any of it. ⁓ But just understanding you're going to have more velocity. in a decade or in 15 years for work. ⁓ And along the way, not beating yourself up, like giving yourself, yeah, grace. Yeah. Whatever it looks like for you and whatever season you're going through, know, there will, at least from my perspective, there will always be people that are like, well, why are you doing that? Or like, why didn't you stay late at the office? Or why didn't you stand up for the next project? Like, I was a teacher before all this. And it was always like, ⁓ why didn't you volunteer for the family event? It's like, Because I have children at home waiting. That is my family event. Like I'm not going to volunteer for more things to pull me away from them if I don't have to. so just knowing what that is. Yes. Yes. OK. So we've talked about a lot of awesome tools and systems. What is one thing that you do that helps you feel good as a working mom? Something simple that helps you feel good. ⁓ always have this set time on Friday for family time. And then it's like non-negotiable, everything for work gets shut off. It's solely family time every single Friday from five to seven PM plus bedtime routine. However, like that goes, knowing some nights is a little longer than others. But that is like the thing that I look forward to most during the week because it's like nobody's distracted. We always have that time. ⁓ helps me kind of rejuvenate before going into the chaos of a weekend or prepping for the next work week. Okay, I love that. And where can people find you and follow you? Yeah, LinkedIn, I'm super active there. Would love to connect with anyone, working moms, ambitious moms, like ⁓ sign me up, let's connect, let's chat. And of course, if I can ever be of support to anyone too that's listening in, by all means, ⁓ feel free to call on me. But LinkedIn is probably the best place to connect and ⁓ I'll see you all over there. Perfect. Well, thank you for coming on the show. You've inspired me and I can't wait to check out the tools that you're creating. Amazing. Thank you so much for the opportunity to share and connect. Thank you for joining me on the Feel Good Club show. I hope today's episode left you feeling inspired and equipped to take on your day with confidence, self-love, and joy. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your fellow ambitious working moms. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. We're all here to support each other in feeling good, ⁓ and living our best lives. Until next time, take care and be hopeful. And remember, prioritize your happiness.