Latest / Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community / Messy Advice... | Committed But Not Connected

Transcript

Messy Advice... | Committed But Not Connected · Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community

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  This one's for anyone who's ever shown up, served faithfully, and
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  still feels like a guest at someone else's potluck. Let's be
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  honest, we don't talk enough about what it feels like to show up
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  faithfully and still feel like you're on the outside looking in.
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  Like there's a secret signal, some invisible nod that says,
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  you're in, and you keep looking for it, but it never comes.
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  You show up to serve, smile, and still somehow feel
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  like a guest at someone else's family dinner. Nobody's rude,
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  but nobody really sees you either. And eventually, you start
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  wondering if the welcome was for you at all or just the people who already
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  knew where to stand. This is messy advice for people who care,
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  for anyone quietly wondering if loving the church is the same as actually
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  feeling loved by it. I'm your host, Johan, on the edge
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  of helpful, learning that acknowledging those on the fringes might
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  be the most spiritual thing you could do all week.
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  Today's question is painfully honest and deeply relatable.
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  Let's get right into it. I'm committed to my
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  church. I show up. I serve. I care,
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  but I still don't feel like I belong. What do I do with
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  that feeling, and does it mean that I'm doing something wrong?
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  Hey. If you've ever wondered whether being left out means you're out of place, and
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  that's probably most of us, then this episode is for you.
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  And it's for you anyway because there are others around you that do feel left
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  out. According to a 2023 Carta study, forty
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  six percent of Canadians who attend church regularly say that they've
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  struggled to feel a sense of real connection or friendship in their faith
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  community. Forty six percent. Turns out
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  showing up isn't the same as feeling seen. And a lot of us are
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  standing in the pews thinking the same quiet thing. Why does
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  this still feel lonely? We show up. We serve.
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  We stay longer after the service, but we still wonder if anyone
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  would notice if we didn't. So what do you do when you're
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  committed but disconnected? Present but
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  still peripheral. Sometimes finding community feels
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  like trying to sit at a lunch table that's clearly full while
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  everyone insists there's always room for more. That's a tough
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  feeling. Picture this. You're at a ministry event.
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  Everybody's laughing, catching up, clearly
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  in some ongoing group thread that you're not a part of, and then
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  someone says, oh, you haven't heard the story? And you
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  fake laugh like you're in on the joke. You're physically there, but,
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  emotionally, you're folding chairs in the back of your own
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  belonging. Let's take a look at a scripture passage. Let's
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  get biblical. Biblical. We're looking
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  at Luke 19, the story of Zacchaeus and the tree.
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  Zacchaeus was not the guy people invited to sit at their table.
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  He was short, socially awkward, excluded,
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  and let's be honest, he was a tax collector, which in that
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  context meant he had the moral reputation of a broken
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  photocopier and the relational warmth of a wet sock.
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  So what does he do? He climbs a tree,
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  literally. While the crowd presses in close to Jesus,
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  Zacchaeus has to scale a sycamore just to get a glimpse of
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  him. No one's making space for him. He's
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  curious, but completely on the outside. And
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  here's the moment. Jesus walks by,
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  looks up, and says, Zacchaeus, come down.
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  I'm coming to your house today. He doesn't pull him out of the tree to
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  lecture him. He doesn't ignore him. He doesn't wait
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  till Zacchaeus apologizes or gets his theology sorted.
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  He invites himself in. Let's eat.
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  Let's be together. Jesus doesn't just see
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  Zacchaeus. He dignifies his presence. He
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  chooses him publicly in a crowd that had already decided that
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  he didn't belong. Maybe the story of Zacchaeus is for
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  all of us who stood at the edge of the group, wondering if there's
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  room, who've metaphorically climbed a tree just to see if Jesus
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  would notice. The answer, he does,
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  and he calls you by name to dine with him. Jesus
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  doesn't wait for Zacchaeus to belong by community standards. He makes
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  him belong by calling him by name, and that's still
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  true for us. But you might be wondering, how does this solve the
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  problem of me getting into the group? Well, the fact is
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  that each and every one of us are sometimes on one side of that
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  group or the other. Sometimes we're on the in crowd.
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  Sometimes we're on the outside looking in. So here's our
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  opportunity to be like Jesus. We're in that in
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  crowd. We can call those on the outside by name and
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  invite them in. It starts with us, and this becomes
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  the mutual transformation where we set the culture of inviting
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  those in and calling them my name. Feeling like an outsider
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  doesn't mean you're spiritually broken. It makes you honest.
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  Belonging starts with being seen, and sometimes the
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  first step is choosing to see someone else.
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  That person lingering at the edge of the room, they might be feeling
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  what you feel too. What you're missing, you might be the
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  one who can offer it. So if you're feeling like a guest in a
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  space you've committed to, don't give up. And maybe this
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  week, be the person who notices someone else on the fringe.
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  You know exactly how that feels, so start there.
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  Hey. And if you got a question or if you wanna get in on the
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  conversations with a like minded group of people, join us on our Care
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  Impact podcast group on Facebook and start a
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  conversation. And you can visit our website at
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  karenpak.ca if you just wanna get in on the know on
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  what we're doing. Until next time, keep loving, keep
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  laughing. And if you ever stood awkwardly near a circle of church
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  people waiting to be included, we've all been there.
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  And one honest smile might be more powerful than you think.
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  And remember to stay curious.