Latest / Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community / Choosing Kin | Part 1: The Path To Belonging with Danika
Transcript
- 0:03What does loving your neighbor actually look like? This
- 0:06is journey with care, where curious Canadians get inspired to
- 0:10love others well through real life stories and honest
- 0:13conversations,
- 0:19you divine providence. Traditional
- 0:23theism holds that God is the creator of heaven and earth
- 0:27and that all that occurs in the universe takes place under divine
- 0:30providence, that is, under God's sovereign guidance
- 0:34and control. According to believers, God governs
- 0:38creation as a loving father, working all things for
- 0:41good. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
- 0:45all right, here we are. Welcome to journey with care.
- 0:49We are starting off this new season, season three,
- 0:53with a three episode series. I am
- 0:56on with my daughter Danica. Hello, Danica. Hey. And
- 1:00just for the sake of clarity and giving context to what this
- 1:04episode and what this series is going to be about, Danica is our
- 1:08adult adopted daughter. And it's been just over a year and a half since
- 1:12we started using that familial language. So we're going to be talking
- 1:16about Danica's journey, about her early life
- 1:19experiences and how she came into our family. Just
- 1:23an awesome story about God's sovereignty and how he brings
- 1:27people into families and he makes families stronger and
- 1:31he brings joy into families. So I want to bring
- 1:35Danika on to share her story, and maybe we can even learn a little bit
- 1:38more about each other in the process. But really just want to dig into your
- 1:41story because I think that there's a lot there that will bring value
- 1:45to a lot of our listeners because this podcast is all about how to
- 1:49love our neighbors better. Yeah, we'll talk about it later in the podcast.
- 1:53But in my opinion, I think adult children
- 1:57who don't have that mother or father in their life, which is
- 2:00becoming more and more common when it comes to spiritual mothers and spiritual
- 2:04fathers, I've noticed it's like, oh, it's more like if you find
- 2:07someone that's the same gender as you, but for those who have that
- 2:11loss and that lack. But it's like, for me, I'm a
- 2:14woman. A lot of churches, especially, like, when I was starting to become an adult,
- 2:18they're like, oh, that's inappropriate. You're good. You're 18 now,
- 2:22you're fine. And I'm like, okay, I don't know what I'm
- 2:26doing, but it's like, you still need your dad and you still need
- 2:30a mom. And so it's just, I think this is a really important thing
- 2:33that isn't talked about in the church. You don't typically
- 2:37see these examples. And so my hope is that if there are
- 2:41people out there who are like, you don't have your dad in your life or
- 2:44your mom in your life. It's okay for unconventional things to happen and to do
- 2:47things that are against the grain. Just follow discernment and let the Lord
- 2:51lead in it. Yeah. In fact, there's been an official surgeon general
- 2:55warning that the next epidemic is loneliness.
- 2:59And that's crazy, if you think about it throughout. Covid. I mean,
- 3:03that's definitely contributed to loneliness and people being
- 3:06isolated for so long. And I believe the Lord
- 3:10sets the lonely in families. That's something he loves to do
- 3:14and wants to continue to do. So let's get right into your story, Danica. I
- 3:17want to hear a little bit about your childhood. Whatever you want to share.
- 3:21Tell us a little about your background story. Maybe early years.
- 3:25What are some of the good memories you had? Maybe some challenges.
- 3:28So I was born in Alberta, and
- 3:32so I grew up with my dad, actually. And so for my
- 3:35early years, I was very close with him. Like, pictured,
- 3:39perfect definition of a daddy's girl. He was. Pretty much all my
- 3:43childhood memories revolve around stuff with him or, like, our extended
- 3:46side of the family, on the paternal side. And so, yeah, I
- 3:50would talk to him a lot. We had a garage, and he
- 3:54would be in the garage, like, smoking and
- 3:58having one or two beers more than you should. And
- 4:02then I would just be sitting on the garage steps, and we'd be talking.
- 4:05And it's either we're listening to Stuart McClain
- 4:09or vinyl tap. I believe it was Sundays
- 4:12after the vinyl cafe. They would do, like, the rock and roll thing. And
- 4:16so I grew up with learning to appreciate classic rock
- 4:20and learning to appreciate history. And
- 4:23so those are, like, my fondest memories is talking to
- 4:27my dad about world wars, or we discussed World War
- 4:31II a lot because my
- 4:34family's background is austrian, and so that's a very
- 4:38big piece in our family history. And so my
- 4:42dad and I were really close, and he was pretty much, like, if someone asked
- 4:45me who my hero was, it was him. And before you get into some of
- 4:49the challenges which it feels like you're transitioning to, yeah, I
- 4:52can see already that a lot of that has shaped you to the
- 4:56person you are today. Like, even those early childhood memories and listening to music. I
- 5:00know you love vinyl. We bought you a record for Christmas,
- 5:04and you love history. You go through
- 5:08documentaries all the time, and that's just a big part of who you are.
- 5:12So that's not a piece that you've shut off. Like, you've taken those
- 5:16good memories and you've brought them alongside to the person
- 5:19you are today. I didn't come by this naturally. So how
- 5:23early were those childhood memories that you're talking about in the garage? I
- 5:27can honestly remember going as far back as like kindergarten. So
- 5:30about five, I think even a little bit before that is when
- 5:34I remember being in the garage and it was like pretty much every
- 5:38single night for like an hour or two. That was my routine.
- 5:42So that was your time in Calgary? You moved at some
- 5:45point, right? Is that a transitioning point in part of this story
- 5:49here? That is the biggest transitioning point, even just as a family
- 5:53was that move. And so I would say the
- 5:56challenges started before we moved. My
- 6:00parents were separated before we had moved from
- 6:03Calgary. And then they got back together and did like marriage counseling. And I was
- 6:07eleven going on twelve at the time. And then a year
- 6:11later they were like, hey, since
- 6:14we've known each other, we've wanted to get a farm and be
- 6:17farmers. And I was like, okay.
- 6:22And so they just kind of told us one night, because I have one
- 6:26sibling and they're like, we're going to move to a farm.
- 6:29So do you think that was kind of like a fresh start that they
- 6:33wanted? Yeah, 100%. That's how they presented
- 6:36it to us. It's like this is going to be a new beginning for our
- 6:39family and that we'll have horses living with us
- 6:42and any animal we want. Do you remember what it was
- 6:46like during that separation period for you? It was hard.
- 6:50I think that's one area of my childhood that I kind of blocked out.
- 6:54But my dad was still pretty close at that point
- 6:57and I think it only really lasted like two months before they
- 7:01decided to work on it. But I remember we were going to move to
- 7:04Winnipeg or something. And so I was a little bit excited about that because we
- 7:08do have some family here on my mom's side. And so it was a
- 7:12very different response at that time. But
- 7:16I think it was that my dad was in a
- 7:19healthier mindset. His mental decline didn't
- 7:23start until we moved from
- 7:26Calgary. Now when you talk about mental decline, what kind of things are you talking
- 7:30about? So my dad is a veteran
- 7:33and so he was a peacekeeper from 93 till I think like
- 7:3796. So he went over to
- 7:40Croatia, was his first deployment, and so
- 7:44he developed post traumatic stress disorder from that and it
- 7:47was left untreated because that can. Sleep
- 7:51is a term that I've seen is that you can have it
- 7:55but not have any symptoms for years. And
- 7:59so he didn't start having the symptoms of having it
- 8:02until I was, like, 13 ish. That's when I've noticed. That's when
- 8:06my dad's personality and started to change.
- 8:10Do you think that contributed to some of the marital issues
- 8:14that your parents had? I think that's the entirety of the marital issues
- 8:18for my parents is that my dad, he completely
- 8:21changed the stories I heard from them when they met
- 8:25and stuff like that. He's not like that. And he was
- 8:29never like that either when I was a kid. So I think my
- 8:32mom. The decline started a lot sooner, but
- 8:36the very noticed personality change was started
- 8:40when I was 13. Now let's go back to the transition to the
- 8:43farm. What do you remember feeling when they talked about moving
- 8:47to a farm? And that's in Saskatchewan, right? A different province.
- 8:51Yeah. I wasn't excited. I really loved my
- 8:55paternal side of the family, and they all lived there.
- 8:58And I loved our house. I liked
- 9:02horses. We had had two horses. We were boarding
- 9:05in Turner Valley, but I liked not living with them. It
- 9:09was nice, but I wasn't excited. I
- 9:13like the outdoors, but I'm not like, I want to go out at
- 9:17-40 and feed the horses kind of girl. And so I wasn't excited about
- 9:20it. I was like, can we just stay
- 9:24here? But no, I got more excited after we started looking
- 9:28at farms and stuff. How about your sister? Oh, she was
- 9:31pumped. Yeah, well, she loves animals. Like, that's her thing.
- 9:35And so she was really excited to be on the farm and getting to do
- 9:38all that stuff and getting chickens and whatever else we
- 9:42ended up getting down the road. Tell me about the early days at
- 9:46the farm. What was that like? I actually remember the first
- 9:49day we were there. It was weird. We were in a
- 9:53much bigger house than we had been in Calgary. And
- 9:57I've always loved rocks. That's another thing that I've loved since childhood. And
- 10:01so we had, like, gravel paths all over. So in the
- 10:04early days, I would just go outside hunting for rocks. There was a lot of
- 10:07quartz and stuff in that area, so that's what I did.
- 10:11And walking and listening to music or making up stories
- 10:15in other worlds in my head, like, just what I would usually do.
- 10:18But I had a very hard time adjusting to being in
- 10:22the middle of nowhere. Were you able to make some friends?
- 10:26A couple? I wasn't really a kid that really made friends. I mean,
- 10:30I talked to my dad about dictators at the age of
- 10:33eight. I don't recommend that for making friends.
- 10:37So I've always kind of been like, the weird kid in the misfit so I
- 10:40made like one or two friends, but that was about it. So it's just like
- 10:44the isolation. That's when I started noticing
- 10:48that our family didn't really have close family friends
- 10:51or I didn't really have friends back in Calgary. That's when I
- 10:55started to notice that there is a lot of isolation and seclusion
- 10:59in my life with our family style. So your parents
- 11:02wanted the fresh start at the farm. Did you notice that it helped at the
- 11:06beginning? And when did you see that decline? I
- 11:10cannot tell you why my parents decided buying a farm an hour and 15
- 11:14minutes away from my dad's office was a good
- 11:17idea. So he had to commute every day? Yeah, there and
- 11:21back. And then he had to get a second job because land
- 11:25taxes are really high and farms are expensive. He
- 11:29would go to work for like 8 hours a day
- 11:32and then he would go and work at the home depot for like four to
- 11:366 hours at night and then come home. So in the
- 11:39beginning we didn't see him that much. We only really saw
- 11:43him on Sundays or the odd Saturday that he wasn't working at Home
- 11:47Depot, but he wasn't really home. When you were in Calgary,
- 11:50you had that time in the garage with him. How
- 11:54did that change your relationship with your dad, not having as much time with him
- 11:58on the farm because he had to commute so much? Well,
- 12:01I'm a very stubborn person. And so for
- 12:05the first time in my entire life, I stopped listening to my mom and I
- 12:09would just stay up and wait for him. The biggest challenge was finding a new
- 12:12garage spot. Actually, the garage in the house didn't really have a place for me
- 12:16to sit. And then my mom's like, you're not smoking in the garage near the
- 12:19house because there's like sheds and stuff now. It's actually kind of funny.
- 12:23We ended up going to the one shed that was kind of
- 12:27in really bad condition. I'm talking like,
- 12:30bats are in there and it's the old workshop and stuff,
- 12:34so it still has all the built in wood benches and the built
- 12:38in storage for nuts and bolts. And there was a lot of
- 12:41leftover things. And so my dad and I would, we started
- 12:45to transition back to garage talks, but I only think we had
- 12:49a handful of them before and I really did
- 12:52notice a decline then. He was more to himself and
- 12:56more pauses in conversation. Or there would be times that
- 13:00if I got something wrong that he would snap at me, which
- 13:04was not usual. And so the disconnect with
- 13:07my dad started around that time. And so I really tried
- 13:11to maintain that and it was a very difficult
- 13:15year on the farm to transition. So I guess with some of the decline in
- 13:19the PTSD, that took a toll on their marriage as well
- 13:22at that time. So that's when you're beginning to see a decline in your parents
- 13:26relationship as well. And how was your sister handling that?
- 13:31She didn't handle the move well, actually. So she
- 13:34looked forward to it. But when she got there, yeah, it was just. It was
- 13:37a really big change. Living in a new space was really hard
- 13:40for her. I don't know so much on her end. We don't really talk about
- 13:44this, but she was not as close with my dad as I was, so
- 13:48it was a very different experience for her. So when did your
- 13:51parents decide to get that divorce, and how do you remember
- 13:55feeling at that point? It was the January
- 13:58after our first Christmas there as a family. And how old were you there? I
- 14:02was 14 at that time. And they sat us down for a
- 14:06family meeting and I don't remember how they said it,
- 14:10but what I remember is they're like, they were going to separate, but this time
- 14:14was going to be for real and that my dad
- 14:18didn't want to work on the marriage this time. And so I was absolutely
- 14:22devastated this time. Do you remember some of the questions going on in your
- 14:25head at that time? At first
- 14:29I was just wondering where he would end up. Was he going to go back
- 14:32to Calgary? What would custody be like? And
- 14:36so just all those questions going through my mind. And
- 14:39the one thing we did learn is that the farm we had bought,
- 14:43the more time he spent on it, the more it triggered his PTSD. And so
- 14:47that also made his PTSD worse because apparently some
- 14:50of the layout on our farm was very similar to his base camp.
- 14:54So that was also when we found out about the PTSD for
- 14:57the first time. So the divorce happens. What
- 15:01happens to your parents at that point? So my dad slept
- 15:05downstairs because we had like a room downstairs. And then
- 15:09his goal was to stay until my sister and I
- 15:13both had our birthdays that year. But then he found a
- 15:16really good deal for a house to rent closer to his job. So he
- 15:20moved out, like, I think three weeks after. How did you feel when he moved
- 15:24out? I still have that memory of him getting in
- 15:28his car and driving away very vividly in my mind. I
- 15:31think that was one of the hardest points of it, was watching my dad
- 15:35leaving and he took like two of the dogs with him too, so
- 15:39it made it more real. And my birthday
- 15:42was very important. To me now, it's like, it's mixed, but
- 15:46it really hurt that he didn't keep his word and that he
- 15:50left. So I think I just kind of
- 15:54got so overwhelmed with it that it was more of a numb feeling and like
- 15:57a shock. Like he's actually going. So what happened to
- 16:00your relationship with him after he's moved away? So the first couple of
- 16:04months he would email regularly, and then if you didn't
- 16:08contact him, he wouldn't contact you. So
- 16:12slowly, I just didn't hear from him and we didn't see
- 16:16him. I don't think we'd gone out to visit or see. Yeah,
- 16:19actually, we didn't go and see his house for, like, ever. So we didn't see
- 16:23him after he left, when he drove away. And he didn't visit too
- 16:27often. Never. He'd never stepped foot on the farm again after
- 16:31that. I think there's only one other time he did, but that's it.
- 16:34What happened then? What happened at that point? Well, this is
- 16:38a really great transition because it's like. So I wasn't raised as a
- 16:42Christian. I was actually raised, and my dad's like a really hardcore
- 16:45atheist. Like hardcore. Interesting. Yeah,
- 16:49I'm talking like, talking about just certain things
- 16:53about Christianity in a very negative light growing up. But I've
- 16:57always been interested in church. For some reason that just never got
- 17:00drilled into my head is that christians were bad. So even though you were
- 17:04heavily influenced by your dad and some of his likes and
- 17:07interests, that's one thing that didn't seem to stick. That
- 17:11one didn't stick. I knew he was.
- 17:16So what ended up happening is we got invited to youth
- 17:20group in the small town near where we lived. And it was
- 17:23my first time ever being in a church. And that was my first time hearing
- 17:27about Jesus and him dying. What kind of church was that? It was a
- 17:31pentecostal church. And so it was the first time I'd ever heard the gospel. Like,
- 17:34I didn't know anything about Jesus dying on the cross or things like that. And
- 17:38so I almost gave my life to Jesus, like, right then and there. But
- 17:42I actually waited a long time. I put it off for a very long time.
- 17:46How old were you at that point? I was still 14 at that point. So
- 17:49it was like a month after my dad left, because at that point I
- 17:53was in the school in town. And so the pastor's kid was
- 17:57actually in my class and had told them that, hey, someone in my class,
- 18:01it's not good. And so we got connected to
- 18:04church, and then my mom was like, we have a meeting with the
- 18:08pastor to see if this church works for us. And I was like, what do
- 18:11you mean, if this church works for us? And she's like, I've been a
- 18:15Christian this whole time. And so we went from being a non
- 18:18christian household to a christian household by October of that
- 18:22year, which was pretty wild. Your mom was a secret
- 18:26Christian? Yeah, she was.
- 18:29So you accepted Jesus. How has that
- 18:32influenced your relationship with your father and
- 18:36mother at that point? Did it change anything? So.
- 18:40It did. It did change a lot with my dad. I didn't tell
- 18:44him I was a Christian until, like, months later. You had some fear?
- 18:48Oh, yeah. Like, that's why I didn't accept Jesus right away,
- 18:51man. I was like, whoa, what will my dad think? Yeah. I'm like, what's
- 18:55dad going to think? But I've lost my mind. And so
- 18:59it was after going to Bible camp that summer, and then
- 19:02I had been actually serving in the church at Sunday school and a
- 19:06kids group. And then I just finally was like, oh, well, you know what? At
- 19:09this point, I probably should become a Christian. And I knew
- 19:13Jesus was real, so I was just like, I ripped off the band aid. And
- 19:16then it was months later I finally told my dad, and it was in
- 19:20an email. And I think, what did I write to him? It
- 19:24was really short. I was like, hey, dad, I'm a Christian now. I
- 19:27hope you don't hate me. Bye. Did you get a
- 19:31response? I did, and he's like, it's okay. I love
- 19:35you no matter what. But it drastically changed our
- 19:38relationship. In what ways? Well, I
- 19:42would talk about Jesus. I didn't see him that often either.
- 19:45So I think it's just a mix of everything. He's declining and
- 19:50with PTSD, one of the symptoms is that
- 19:54you are in survival mode. So, like fight or flight
- 19:57all the time. And what that means is you're only using one part of your
- 20:01brain. And so the part of your brain for connecting with people, building
- 20:04relationships and trust, and those emotions you're not using
- 20:08anymore. And the longer you do that, the harder it
- 20:12is to go back. And so my dad was just
- 20:15losing that ability to have emotions towards another person and
- 20:19to trust people. Now, you have a lot of
- 20:23knowledge of that stuff now, especially being in school and doing
- 20:26social work programs back then.
- 20:30What were you thinking as kids? Did you know he struggled with
- 20:34mental health? Did you learn on how that would affect him and on how
- 20:38it would affect you guys as a family? No. There was no resources
- 20:41then for families. We tried so hard to find family
- 20:45resources to explain it, but PTSD research was still pretty
- 20:49new, and so, yeah, you
- 20:52don't understand it. So I didn't understand that when I was
- 20:5614 to 18, it was very
- 21:00recent that I finally gone in and researched it
- 21:03enough to have that understanding of why it happened. But for me
- 21:07at the time, it just felt like my dad didn't love me anymore.
- 21:11And the worse it got, the more I felt this
- 21:15way. And so what ended up happening was
- 21:19I explain it. It was like a revolving door.
- 21:23So what would happen is we wouldn't talk for months, because
- 21:26I'm like, I want my dad to contact me first, and then I don't hear
- 21:30from him for months. And then at one point, I'm
- 21:34like, I forgive him. God is good. He'll bring him back in my
- 21:37life. I'll be a light, and then I contact him. And then we'd, like,
- 21:41go to a museum or something every once in a while and talk on the
- 21:45phone, and then it would get bad, and he'd
- 21:49start hurting my feelings, and I would be like, I can't do this anymore. I'm
- 21:52going to close the door. And then it would just start again.
- 21:56And it was like that for, like, ten years. So let's talk about some of
- 21:59those high school years after you got saved. Go through that time frame, for
- 22:03me, of what it was like just leading up into the next
- 22:07transition period. So, high school
- 22:10sucked. I made friends, but, oh,
- 22:14man, small towns, everyone knows everyone,
- 22:18and everyone knows everything. And so I experienced a lot
- 22:22of bullying again, it's being that misfit and that
- 22:25different kid, and I was quite an outspoken Christian without
- 22:29knowing how to be an outspoken Christian correctly,
- 22:33so that didn't help. But, yeah, I just didn't
- 22:36really have close friends in my actual grade class. And
- 22:40in a small town like the one we were in, you're with those people till
- 22:43you graduate. So I spent five years with people I didn't like, and
- 22:47so I was also, like, one of the smartest kids in the class and then
- 22:50a bit of a teacher's pet because I get along with adults a lot better
- 22:53than I do people my age always been like that. And so I
- 22:57was the weird kid, and even at youth group, I was the weird kid.
- 23:01I'm not putting anyone down. I'm not going to be like, I was the super
- 23:05Christian, but I was a little bit more invested in
- 23:09really loving Jesus. And I think part of that was I was so
- 23:12determined that God was going to use me, have
- 23:16my dad get saved. And then his PTSD would get healed, and everything would be
- 23:19okay. And so a lot happened there.
- 23:23And I spent most of my high school years feeling very much like
- 23:26on my own, with very intense anxiety and
- 23:30depression. And my family unit with my mom and
- 23:34my sister was also really strained. And
- 23:38so I just felt like all I had in the world was Jesus. And that
- 23:41was it. How was it strained? My sister and I reacted very
- 23:44differently. She didn't want a relationship with my dad, and I
- 23:48did. And then I ended up spending a lot of time
- 23:52with my mom, so it kind of became like she didn't really
- 23:55get as much attention. And
- 23:58so it was hard for us all. It's
- 24:02hurting. People hurt. And we all responded
- 24:06very differently. And I think we didn't have
- 24:09family around. We didn't really have that support system, and so
- 24:13it was really tricky. And you add mental health into stuff, and
- 24:17it's hard, especially then. People were just starting
- 24:21to talk about it and that it was okay to have it, but the stigma
- 24:24was still very strong. So recently, I
- 24:28didn't know it at the time because of how my dad
- 24:31treated me and then some other events
- 24:35at my church and with friends, like gossiping and bullying
- 24:39and stuff. It wasn't just anxiety, depression. I was developing
- 24:43what is called complex post traumatic stress disorder. And the only
- 24:46difference is, between the two is, for my dad, it's
- 24:50one event that traumatized him. It was being
- 24:54a soldier. But for a complex post traumatic stress
- 24:57disorder, this is more so experienced by people
- 25:01who have had adverse childhood experiences, trauma and
- 25:05trauma. And so it's because you just have repeated things that are very
- 25:09traumatic happening over and over
- 25:12and over again. And so your brain develops in
- 25:16survival mode. And so that's what I lived in
- 25:20for all of high school. That feeling of, like, who hates me? Did
- 25:24I do everything right? Am I going to be misunderstood? Oh, did I make
- 25:27a mistake? I don't want people to think I'm a bad christian. And just
- 25:31on and on and on. And so that was another part of the
- 25:35isolation for me. I didn't feel loved, and I didn't trust anybody,
- 25:39not even my own family at that point. So, small town,
- 25:42Saskatchewan, bullying at school, feeling like a
- 25:46misfit. That sounds like a formula for someone that would probably
- 25:50try to escape at some point. So where did
- 25:53that happen? When did that happen, and how did that happen? Well, one
- 25:57thing with my youth group is they're really connected to a bible college,
- 26:01and so we would go to youth retreat weekends
- 26:05once a year. Highlight of my year by the way, amazing
- 26:08experience. And so I decided that
- 26:12from 16 on, that I was going to go to that bible college and
- 26:16get completely healed and find my community of
- 26:20people and have friends for the rest of your life, like the
- 26:23idealistic. I just want to get out of here. And so
- 26:27I spent a summer working at the Bible camp I had first
- 26:30attended. I'd done that for many summers, and then
- 26:33I moved to this Bible college. That was right
- 26:37after graduation. Yeah, it was the year after graduation. I didn't take a year
- 26:41off. And so this also strained my dad's and I
- 26:44relationship quite a bit. What was it like when you told him you're going to
- 26:47Bible college? He didn't take that well. He didn't understand why I was
- 26:51wasting my money on something that wasn't going to get me a job. And
- 26:54so it was weird, actually. I tried to explain it to him, that
- 26:58it's like it's a year to find who you are, learn more about God, decide
- 27:02what you want to do with your life. And then apparently he had a coworker
- 27:05that was a Christian, and so he was talking to his coworker, and his coworker
- 27:09was the one that helped my dad accept it. There's always
- 27:12those double agents amongst us, aren't there? Yeah.
- 27:16I still pray for that person regularly. I don't know who they are, but I'm
- 27:19like, hey, listen, you're the only light in my dad's life I know of right
- 27:22now. He's on you. I'm going to pray for you.
- 27:26So what was it like being in Bible college for that first
- 27:30little bit? Well, it was
- 27:33not what I expected and not the good way. Well, what did you
- 27:37expect? I expected to be accepted by people and not be
- 27:41the misfit anymore, and that didn't happen.
- 27:44And I had an absolute mental breakdown, actually, when I first
- 27:48went, and that's because of my experience with trauma, and I didn't know
- 27:52that at the time. Which, by the way,
- 27:56is one of the reasons why we do trauma care training at care impact,
- 27:59is we believe these organizations, church organizations, should
- 28:03all have this trauma care training because there's young people like
- 28:07Danika coming into these situations with trauma, and they don't know how to handle
- 28:11it. But that's just a sidebar. Yeah, we'll just keep going.
- 28:14Quick plug there for trauma care. It's not been until recent
- 28:18years, talking to some people that I went to Bible school with, that I realized
- 28:21that the idea that they didn't like me was just in my head, and
- 28:25that the anxiety I felt was just what I felt.
- 28:29But, yeah, you have trauma responses. You protect yourself.
- 28:33All I knew was people hurting me and being afraid
- 28:36and all these different things. And so that made it really difficult to
- 28:40be at Bible college. And the only thing that really was great is
- 28:44that I just wasn't at home. And I did have
- 28:48three people that I ended up getting really close to. And so I did have
- 28:51a small group of friends, and so I'm still friends with them today, and I'm
- 28:55really thankful for them. They've been people that have walked through
- 28:58most of my discovery of what trauma
- 29:02is and honestly, in helping me to accept the things that
- 29:06have happened to me and to move forward and stuff. But at the
- 29:10time, it was awful, and I
- 29:14was really struggling and feeling like I was on my own still, and
- 29:17it was just me and Jesus. And so it actually really. The one thing
- 29:21that really came out of that whole transition period and
- 29:25even, like high school, was that I wasn't going to God as a
- 29:29father. That was not happening. But I went to him as my friend,
- 29:32and so I knew his voice well, and I knew he
- 29:36loved me. I just knew all things would work out
- 29:40because of romans eight. Summarize Romans eight.
- 29:44So the section of Romans eight is like. It's like
- 29:48living that spirit filled life, which was like, I wanted that. I wanted to walk
- 29:52with God in that way. But specifically, the chapter on
- 29:55love, where it's like, you're no longer a slave,
- 29:59you're loved by God. And you're like, I think that does talk about adoption
- 30:03in some point into his family, and then the way that
- 30:07nothing can separate you from the love of God. And then
- 30:10also, all things work out for the good and for the glory of
- 30:14God, for those who love him, and knowing that all I needed
- 30:18to do in any situation was love God, and that's it. And then
- 30:22just trust him. It would work out for his glory. And
- 30:25that got me through high school, and that got me through my year at Bible
- 30:29college is just every time I felt anxious or depressed
- 30:32or just something happened, I would just be like, I just need to keep
- 30:36loving God. And then that just got me through. So we're coming
- 30:40close to the point where I get to meet you, but we're going to save
- 30:43that for the next episode. If we can end the episode
- 30:47by me asking you, if you had to give your 18 year old self
- 30:51any piece of advice going back as you
- 30:55entered Bible college, what would that be?
- 30:59It's not so much advice because I'm really
- 31:02thankful for next episode, you'll figure out why. I'm really
- 31:06thankful for how that year did play out. I would say it's okay to be
- 31:10a misfit. Embrace it. I would also tell her that the
- 31:14program you ended up taking is what God wanted you to
- 31:18do and you do figure out why. And then I'd also say I also
- 31:21wouldn't change a thing. I'm very thankful for everything that will end up
- 31:25happening and all the hard stuff and the good stuff. And
- 31:29there's more reassurance. And the decisions I make going forward
- 31:32all work out and that God does answer our prayers and
- 31:36it's going to be okay and that we're going to get where we want to
- 31:39be. Thanks for sharing your story. Looking forward to next
- 31:43chapter because that's the chapter that I get excited about because I get to meet
- 31:47you. Yeah, it's a lot less like
- 31:50depressing at that point.
- 31:55Thank you for joining another conversation on Journey with care,
- 31:58where we inspire curious Canadians on their path of faith
- 32:02and living life with purpose in community. Journey with Care is
- 32:05an initiative of Care Impact, a canadian charity dedicated to
- 32:09connecting and equipping the whole church to journey well in community.
- 32:13You can visit their website at Careimpact CA or visit
- 32:16Journeywithcare CA to get more information on weekly episodes,
- 32:20journey with prayer, and details about our upcoming events and
- 32:23meetups. You can also leave us a message, share your thoughts,
- 32:27and connect with like minded individuals who are on their own journeys of
- 32:31faith and purpose. Thank you for sharing this podcast and helping
- 32:35these stories reach the community. Together we can explore ways to
- 32:38journey in a good way and always remember to stay
- 32:41curious. You
- 32:54our you
- 32:59close.