Latest / Project You 2.2 / Carrie - Why You Don’t Trust Yourself (And How to Start Again) | Rebuilding Self-Trust One Small Win at a Time ...Series: Clutter → Clarity → Capacity, Ep. 3

Transcript

Carrie - Why You Don’t Trust Yourself (And How to Start Again) | Rebuilding Self-Trust One Small Win at a Time ...Series: Clutter → Clarity → Capacity, Ep. 3 · Project You 2.2

• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, friends, welcome back to Project U two point two.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Carrie Helmer, life coach, former teacher of 31 years, mom of three boys, and someone who has had to rebuild trust with myself more than once.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're talking about something that affects everything in your life, and most people don't even realize that it's the root issue.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking about self-trust.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: When you don't trust yourself, everything feels harder.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Decisions feel heavier, goals feel harder and further away, and you start living in a cycle of starting, stopping, and questioning yourself.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it's time to get real.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you told yourself, I'm gonna start on Monday?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna get back on track.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really gonna do it this time.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: This time is gonna be different.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Then a few days later, you don't follow through, and this isn't happening because you don't care, because you care about it a lot, you think about it a lot.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: But just stuff gets in the way, like life, uh, stress or old habits, and then you subconsciously start believing something that's kind of dangerous.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: You think that you can't trust yourself to do what you say you're gonna do.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And once that thought sits in, it doesn't just stay in one area of your life, it spreads to others.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: It shows up in things like your health, your routines, your relationships, your confidence.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's not just about that thing that you didn't do, but it's about how you see yourself.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was working with a client recently, and one of the first things she revealed to me was that she didn't trust herself anymore.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And she didn't say it quite in those words, but when we started talking about it, she had all of this evidence stacked up that she doesn't trust herself.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: She would say things like, I start things, but then I don't finish.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: I say I'm gonna change, but then I don't.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: I always fall back into the same patterns and I'm discouraged.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I could see it for her.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: She had built this case against herself.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I questioned her and I asked, Tell me about a time you did follow through.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And she paused because we don't usually look there.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: We have that negative voice in our head, and we tend to treat ourselves so unkindly, and we focus on the negative.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: So when I asked her that, she paused and she started remembering that she got up and gave a speech at her own mom's funeral.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: She raised amazing kids.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: She was brave enough to leave a job that wasn't right for her and find one that aligned with her.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: She showed up in hard moments over and over again.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so I said to her that this doesn't sound like someone who can't follow through.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds like someone who trusts herself when it really matters.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it clicked for her then that her issue wasn't that she doesn't follow through, it's that she doesn't trust herself in the small moments, those everyday decisions, the quiet promises that she thinks about.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And those are the ones that build our lives because self-trust isn't in those big moments, it's in those small ones.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's built when you say, I'm gonna go for a walk and you go.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna stop at one and you stop, you follow through, and you don't have to be perfect, but that consistency is key, and that's how we build trust with ourselves.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Most people don't like to start small.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: They go big, they go all in because we have something that's bothering us, and we finally just get tired of it, and we decide to just do it to go big.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: We try to change everything at once, and then we can't sustain it, and so we stop.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And every time that happens, you chip away at your own trust.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of going big or go home, we go smaller.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of proving something, it's important to start building something to lower the bar.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: And trust me, you're not lowering your standards because I'm all about having high standards, but we just are learning how to keep promises to ourselves again.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to try this.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Think about one thing, one small promise, something that you know you'll follow through on, and then do it.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And don't expect great big results or this huge progress, because I just really want you to see that you can follow through and you can trust yourself.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: And every time you follow through, you send yourself a message.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: I do what I say I'm going to do.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so over time, that voice in your head starts to change.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of here we go again, you're gonna quit, it becomes, no, I've got this.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that shift will change everything.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is why coaching is so powerful in this area because when you don't trust yourself, you hesitate, you second guess, you stop.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: But when you have someone walking with you, helping you set the right pace, helping you see your wins, helping you stay consistent, you rebuild that trust so much faster.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: You think differently, and so you start showing up differently.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: If something in this episode felt a little too close to home, don't ignore that.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's awareness.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And awareness is where everything starts.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: The next step is deciding you're not going to stay there.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready for that, go to www.project you22.org and set up a call.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: We'll talk through what's really going on, map out what your next steps could actually look like because you don't have to figure this out alone.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great day, and I'll see you in the next episode.