Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E319: Stop Chasing Chemistry: How To Find A Godly Spouse w/JP Pokluda | Lila Rose Show

Transcript

E319: Stop Chasing Chemistry: How To Find A Godly Spouse w/JP Pokluda | Lila Rose Show · The Lila Rose Show

• 0:00
  As we think we get better at dating, we get worse at
• 0:03
  marriage. Dating and the way that we're
• 0:04
  doing it, it's really conditioning our heart for
• 0:06
  divorce. You can tell a lot of a person's
• 0:08
  heart based on what comes out of the mouth.
• 0:10
  When you stand before God and you make that commitment, there
• 0:13
  are going to be days you don't feel like keeping that
• 0:16
  commitment. Those feelings are going to
• 0:17
  change. Do you think that any Christian
• 0:18
  man can make it work with any Christian woman?
• 0:21
  Such a hot take. Here's I'll prove it.
• 0:23
  Any I'll prove it. How would you advise knowing
• 0:25
  when you're ready to date? Do you think that somebody
• 0:28
  should date if they're actively struggling with pornography?
• 0:31
  That's my message to people, as I want you to know, is that you
• 0:34
  don't have to be addicted for the rest of your life like
• 0:37
  healing is possible. Do you think the woman should
• 0:40
  signal interest, and if so, how should she do that?
• 0:43
  Nobody stands before holy God and says why did you keep me
• 0:46
  single? Why did you not let me have sex?
• 0:48
  That's the conversation that's never happened in heaven.
• 0:53
  JP Pakuta, welcome to the podcast.
• 0:56
  I'm so glad this has worked out. So kind to give us this time and
• 0:59
  space for a conversation. One of the areas that I see a
• 1:03
  lot of beautiful just wisdom emanating from you is on
• 1:08
  relationships. Dating God's Mission for
• 1:12
  marriage Today, the average person has access to more dating
• 1:17
  opportunities in some ways, through apps, the Internet,
• 1:20
  social media. There's endless options that we
• 1:22
  are given as younger people and even older people who are
• 1:26
  single. But it seems for people today
• 1:29
  that the choice with endless choices, it's harder than ever
• 1:33
  to find a spouse. And objectively, the marriage
• 1:37
  rates have declined. Now there's fewer people getting
• 1:41
  married before 30 than I think ever before in Western history.
• 1:46
  That's right, more unmarried alive than married.
• 1:49
  This was a stat that I saw. But yeah, we have more dating
• 1:54
  websites, more matchmaking services, more personality tests
• 1:58
  and profiles. You know, whether it's the
• 2:00
  Enneagram or the Myers Briggs or the Lion, Otter, Beaver Disc,
• 2:04
  all of these things to tell us who we're compatible with.
• 2:07
  And people are getting married later, people, people are
• 2:11
  getting married less and marriages aren't lasting.
• 2:14
  So as we think we get better at dating, we get worse at
• 2:18
  marriage. And so you got to look at that
• 2:20
  and say, OK, what is the problem?
• 2:22
  And you're right, I think one of the issues is the optionality.
• 2:27
  And so until very recent, for most of history, you would have
• 2:32
  married someone that you were born within 5 miles of.
• 2:35
  And now that's, that's all changed.
• 2:37
  It's all kind of turned on its head because we have access to
• 2:40
  the whole wide world and because of the World Wide Web.
• 2:45
  And, and they did a, there's like a scientific study I point
• 2:50
  to where they were trying to sell jams like jellies in the
• 2:53
  store and they set out a sample size of three and Jelly cells,
• 2:59
  jam cells skyrocketed. And they thought, oh, this
• 3:01
  really works. So let's set out a sample size
• 3:04
  of 12. And jam size plummeted.
• 3:07
  And they realized that the more options people have, the less
• 3:09
  likely they are to make a decision.
• 3:11
  And I think that carries over the science of that experiment
• 3:15
  actually carries over and into dating.
• 3:18
  And so I think the issue is FOBO fear of a better option or FOMO,
• 3:22
  the fear of missing out. This is what I see is, is
• 3:25
  winning the day as people are like, but wait, but wait and
• 3:29
  marriage to to understand dating, we have to start with
• 3:32
  marriage. And and we've just complicated
• 3:36
  this because marriage is, is a partnership in life.
• 3:39
  It's like, you know, at the beginning, he says, be fruitful
• 3:42
  and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it.
• 3:44
  And so there's something to do with the way that God created
• 3:47
  us, bringing us together as man and woman and partnering in life
• 3:53
  because we need help and we need a partner.
• 3:55
  And, and this is the, the family that God has given us to create,
• 4:01
  make disciples. And this was his, this is the
• 4:04
  original Great Commission as, as he's like, be fruitful and
• 4:07
  multiply, fill the earth and subdue it.
• 4:09
  And so as we, he brings us together.
• 4:11
  So you say, well, then who am I looking for?
• 4:13
  What's like? Well, what's the job
• 4:14
  description? Do you know, like what, who,
• 4:17
  what are you? What are you trying to do when
• 4:18
  you're trying to have a home, a start a family, raise children,
• 4:24
  send those children into the world as adults?
• 4:27
  So it's like who's going to be a great partner for for you to do
• 4:30
  that? And what I think people are
• 4:32
  looking for, if you said, hey, what are you looking for in a
• 4:34
  spouse? I think today a lot of the next
• 4:38
  generation are looking for a good time.
• 4:41
  They're looking for a thrill. And that doesn't always even
• 4:44
  mean well-being it it can mean manic highs and manic lows.
• 4:49
  It it can mean like, why? You know anything that gets my
• 4:51
  heart rate up and you. Party it up.
• 4:53
  Yeah, party it up. And you think like who?
• 4:55
  Well, who is looking for manic lows in a relationship?
• 4:58
  Well, we're we're being systematically fed kind of
• 5:02
  reality TVI mean, this goes all the way back to the Real World
• 5:06
  on MTV. It's like we're kind of being
• 5:08
  fed that this, the, the, the tears and the sleepless nights
• 5:13
  are what marks our, our relationship.
• 5:16
  And in fact, I see people all the time, though they'll come
• 5:18
  and ask for advisor. Like, I just don't feel, you
• 5:21
  know, that just like where's the charge, the shock?
• 5:24
  And, and I'm, I'm like, I think sometimes we're chasing the
• 5:27
  wrong things and it's leading us down the wrong path and it's
• 5:29
  keeping us in places we don't want to be for too long.
• 5:32
  So that's kind of a opening statement for what I see as some
• 5:36
  of the challenges in in the landscape today.
• 5:38
  OK, That's a great opening salvo for this next question, which is
• 5:42
  I'm going to just pose A hypothetical.
• 5:44
  If somebody came to you and they're like, Pastor JP, I've
• 5:47
  got a person that I'm not really attracted to, but they're really
• 5:51
  godly. Yeah.
• 5:53
  And then I've got this person. Let's see, These are my only two
• 5:55
  choices. And then I've got and this
• 5:56
  person who's like I'm very attracted to, but they're not as
• 6:01
  godly. Like they're not as in line with
• 6:03
  the faith and like the same mission and vision.
• 6:05
  They're nice, but they're not as holy.
• 6:07
  Yeah. Who should I pick?
• 6:08
  Yeah, I would say let's go back. It's it to that person when I
• 6:12
  would say is like, Hey, let's look at your life so that I can
• 6:15
  grow in my understanding of why you're not very attracted to a
• 6:19
  godly person. The you know, God says in verse
• 6:23
  16, you do not look at what man looks at I I look at the heart.
• 6:26
  And so at what point did we begin to condition ourselves to
• 6:30
  to look at what we're now talking.
• 6:32
  We say attractive most often we're talking about physical
• 6:34
  attractive. And so when you know, what is it
• 6:37
  that we're like, okay, I am very attracted, drawn to moving to
• 6:43
  things that God's not very attracted and moving to.
• 6:46
  And is it an issue of pornography?
• 6:48
  Is it an issue of, of what you're watching the, the, the
• 6:52
  music you're listening to, what you're being entertained by?
• 6:55
  I think so often we're entertained by the things that
• 6:58
  Christ died for, which has has created a real predicament for
• 7:02
  us. And so I mean, I'm going to
• 7:05
  match your question with with a story.
• 7:08
  And it's really, it's not a one time occurrence.
• 7:11
  It's happened over and over and over and over.
• 7:14
  So young woman will come up after a sermon.
• 7:17
  And so you got to help me. I only date losers.
• 7:20
  Like I'm only attracted to guys that hurt me.
• 7:23
  And I just need help. And I go, OK, I'd love to, I'd
• 7:27
  love to help you. And I'm so sorry.
• 7:30
  You know what, what are you? What are you listening to?
• 7:34
  And she's like, what do you mean?
• 7:36
  I'm like, what's your favorite song?
• 7:37
  She's now I'm looking for dating advice.
• 7:39
  OK, we'll get there. What what's your favorite songs?
• 7:41
  I don't know, you know, please, please, please, you know, love
• 7:47
  Taylor. What?
• 7:49
  You know, there's this this song that's like the top in the chart
• 7:53
  right now that's about heartbreak and and one night
• 7:56
  stands. You know, I'm like, oh, OK, OK,
• 7:59
  what's your favorite show? She's like I'm looking for
• 8:00
  dating advice. Got you.
• 8:02
  We'll get there. But what are you watching right
• 8:04
  now? What's you?
• 8:04
  What are you? What's what's what are you binge
• 8:06
  watching right now? I don't know Love Island, you
• 8:09
  know. I'm not, you know.
• 8:10
  Reruns of Friends. So I'm like, OK, so here's the
• 8:13
  deal, Purse 423. Above all else, guard your heart
• 8:17
  for the wellspring of life. Everything you do flows from it,
• 8:20
  it says. So everything you do flows from
• 8:22
  your heart. What it's saying is saying
• 8:24
  protect your heart more than you protect anything because your
• 8:27
  heart is like a Bloodhound. Your heart gets on a scent.
• 8:31
  Your heart works like Netflix. You know, Netflix works you, you
• 8:34
  watch The Office and then it's like, what about Office Space?
• 8:37
  What about Suits? What about this?
• 8:39
  You know, you watch the Summer I turn pretty and it's like, what
• 8:42
  about Gilmore Girls? What about this?
• 8:45
  You know, it just feeds you more of what you look for.
• 8:47
  That's how your heart works. And so as you're feeding your
• 8:50
  heart those things, of course, you're only dating people who
• 8:54
  are bad for you. You've systematically went to a
• 8:56
  university in forming your heart to only look for things that are
• 9:00
  bad for me. That's the way that it works.
• 9:02
  And so you have to what is the the Scripture says do not
• 9:05
  conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be
• 9:08
  transformed by the renewing of your mind.
• 9:10
  Then you'll be able to test and approve what God's will is, his
• 9:12
  good, pleasing and perfect will. And so we have to renew our mind
• 9:16
  and renew our heart and say, OK, this is, this is what I want you
• 9:19
  to look for. So to back to your scenario,
• 9:22
  option A, option B, the proverb, it also says charm is deceitful
• 9:28
  and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to
• 9:31
  be praised. And so the Bible's doing
• 9:33
  everything it can. God and his kindness to us is
• 9:36
  doing everything he can to tell us, hey, this is what you look
• 9:39
  for. This is what you look for.
• 9:40
  So when someone says, but why it what if the sparks not there and
• 9:44
  chemistry and there's no attraction?
• 9:45
  Are you telling me to like just marry someone that I like?
• 9:48
  No. To the guy, I would say you have
• 9:50
  to be able to cherish her. You have to be able to make that
• 9:54
  woman feel like the most beautiful woman in the whole
• 9:57
  world. You know, like you've got to be
• 9:59
  able to do that. And so like, if you can't do
• 10:02
  that, don't, don't marry her. Like you're not do you know,
• 10:05
  you're not doing her service, You're doing her a disservice.
• 10:09
  If you're like, well, I'm just going to marry you, even though
• 10:11
  I don't find you trying to. That's that's not a kindness to
• 10:13
  anybody. But you do want to say, why am I
• 10:17
  not attracted to somebody who is godly?
• 10:20
  Because like as I'm raising my children, I'm like, this is what
• 10:23
  you want to look for somebody if you know, there's never in the
• 10:26
  history of the world been a divorce between two people
• 10:30
  radically pursuing Jesus. It's never happened in the
• 10:32
  history of the world. So that that kind of sets us up
• 10:35
  for success. You have never seen two people
• 10:37
  who are like the the God's word is my authority, my conscience
• 10:41
  and my guide. I'm yielded to the Holy Spirit.
• 10:43
  I'm loving the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.
• 10:46
  Those and. We fell out of love.
• 10:48
  Yeah, and those two people have never gotten a divorce.
• 10:50
  They've never said, Oh well you know, and while I was loving
• 10:53
  Lord with all my heart, so mind and strength, I started this
• 10:56
  relationship on the side or leaving my family for this.
• 10:59
  That's never happened. I mean, what you're saying is
• 11:02
  amazing. The stuff about what we are
• 11:05
  taking in is what we are attracting to ourselves and
• 11:09
  become attracted to. It's so powerful because that is
• 11:13
  part of the reason I think there's the chaos is the junk in
• 11:15
  the culture. You mentioned Netflix and TV
• 11:18
  shows and music. There's also just social media.
• 11:22
  And I'm imagining like the social media feed.
• 11:24
  I think about even mine, but like the average person's woman,
• 11:27
  say social media feed and like what she's ingesting about
• 11:30
  lifestyle, being, you know, provocative, attracting men, the
• 11:35
  kinds of men that I would want to attract or be with how the
• 11:39
  man is going to be, how I'm going to be.
• 11:41
  And like 90% of the messages I think are that I seem to be out
• 11:44
  there. Maybe that's a bit high, but a
• 11:46
  lot of them are not going to fuel a healthy relationship, a
• 11:51
  godly relationship. They're setting you up to prize
• 11:55
  beauty, sexiness, like, you know, this experience of like
• 12:00
  love that is not really God's love.
• 12:03
  It's the world's image of it. So here's the next question.
• 12:07
  What does it look like for moderate?
• 12:09
  What the what is, in your view, the aim of modern dating that's
• 12:13
  inaccurate? And what should be the aim of
• 12:16
  godly dating? OK, so let's just take this word
• 12:19
  dating. OK, this word, it, it entered
• 12:23
  the English language in, in, in commonplace for common use in
• 12:29
  1939. OK, that means it's it's less
• 12:33
  than 100 years old. Prior to 120 years ago, no one
• 12:40
  in the history of the world had ever been on a date It entered
• 12:44
  the English language as a euphemism for prostitution.
• 12:46
  It was on a radio show. A guy said yeah, and he's
• 12:50
  filling my dates. And then it became they started
• 12:53
  to use it as, as you would go and exchange a, a fun time for
• 13:01
  sexual favors. And that's how the word came to
• 13:04
  be. That's crazy.
• 13:05
  Fast forward to 2000, you know, 20, whatever.
• 13:08
  And here we are. And we're still using.
• 13:11
  That's still kind of. Alright, we're we're cutting
• 13:13
  that language today. No more dating panel on the
• 13:16
  show, guys. So what do we do?
• 13:17
  Courtship. What are we calling it?
• 13:18
  That's what you know that prior to that's what it was, because
• 13:21
  here's here's the deal. The in in people question
• 13:24
  they're like, that can't be true.
• 13:25
  That can't be true. Like look it up for yourself.
• 13:28
  But also, you just got to think the invention of the automobile
• 13:31
  really changed things. Prior to the automobile, you
• 13:34
  would, you know, if, if, if a young man was interested in a
• 13:37
  young woman, he would have to go to her father and, and you know,
• 13:41
  there he's like, what are they going to do?
• 13:43
  They, they hunked before the, the car.
• 13:45
  They're hanging out in the living room or on the porch.
• 13:48
  They're spending time with the family.
• 13:51
  And so they're getting to know the family and the family's
• 13:53
  getting to know the interested party.
• 13:55
  And that's how the relationship starts.
• 13:56
  That was like most of history prior prior to that, you know,
• 14:00
  arranged marriage, which still has the lowest divorce rates
• 14:03
  today. But there's certainly problems
• 14:06
  with it to some degree. Where it is, it is popular.
• 14:09
  So in Song of Solomon, I think it's chapter one, verse 4 says
• 14:12
  the friends and family plays praise their love more than
• 14:15
  wine. And what I, what I'm reading
• 14:17
  there is more than the party. Everyone is everyone is bringing
• 14:22
  them together in agreement. And I think that's the goal.
• 14:25
  Like that's that's what would be healthy.
• 14:27
  This is not people going off on their own and you know, being
• 14:31
  just this rogue thing. It's everyone around them
• 14:35
  saying, hey, we agree with this. Like this is we're in agreement.
• 14:39
  This just makes a lot of sense. So it's two people deeply embed,
• 14:44
  embedded in the body of Christ and they're coming together and
• 14:48
  the others around them, their community are saying, Hey, we
• 14:50
  agree with this. It's not in the back of a movie
• 14:53
  theater or the back seat of a car or like just a lot of
• 14:56
  isolation, which is immediately what people do now.
• 15:00
  It's like that I, they, I find this person that I'm physically
• 15:03
  attracted to. I get them to myself.
• 15:06
  I, I, I'm emotionally promiscuous.
• 15:09
  First, I just dump all my baggage on them.
• 15:11
  They dump all their baggage on me.
• 15:13
  Now our hearts are inter intertangled.
• 15:15
  We cross physical boundaries. We're essentially married, you
• 15:22
  know, emotionally speaking, so the breakup feels on par with
• 15:25
  the divorce. I would just say her heart was
• 15:27
  never made for that. When Jesus uses these words to
• 15:30
  Thomas, it's this beautiful language.
• 15:32
  He says he's like, but we don't know the way you're we don't
• 15:36
  know where you're going because you do know the way.
• 15:38
  In my father's house there are many rooms.
• 15:40
  If it were not that way, I wouldn't I have told you I'm
• 15:42
  going there to prepare a place for you.
• 15:44
  He's using Hebrew marriage language because a Hebrew boy
• 15:48
  would leave his father's house, go to a foreign land.
• 15:52
  Hey, you would to in search of a wife.
• 15:54
  He when you find a woman that he wanted to be married to, his dad
• 15:58
  would pay a dowry. They would toast, they would
• 16:00
  drink from the same cup. And then he would leave to to
• 16:02
  build on to his father's house, a room known as the bridal
• 16:06
  chamber. He's going to come back for her
• 16:08
  at an hour in a time that she does not know.
• 16:11
  And when he leaves his father's house, he would send word ahead
• 16:13
  of him. Hey, tell my bride I'm coming
• 16:15
  for her. And that word would spread in
• 16:17
  ahead of him and then she would get her bridal party.
• 16:19
  Bridesmaids thing even in the 1st century and he would come
• 16:23
  for her and he would take her home into that bridal chamber
• 16:26
  and they would be but they would be wedded there and then there
• 16:29
  would be a celebration outside and so much of this so the.
• 16:33
  Wedding night would happen there and then.
• 16:35
  Everyone else it was. Really, a wedding week and so
• 16:38
  much of this imagery, like even 7 day honeymoon, so much of this
• 16:41
  imagery we still use as common practice, a toast and these
• 16:45
  kinds of things. But it's all about us being
• 16:47
  wedded to Jesus, like Jesus can be married to his church.
• 16:51
  And so marriage is this thing that's a gift from the Lord that
• 16:55
  he gives us that, you know, is is teaching us about him.
• 17:00
  And you say, well, what about single people?
• 17:01
  With single people, singleness teaches us about the supremacy
• 17:04
  of Christ. I mean, Paul says in First
• 17:06
  Corinthians 7, he elevates singleness.
• 17:07
  He's plagiarizing Jesus. In Matthew 19, he says not
• 17:11
  everyone can accept this word, but those who can should.
• 17:14
  He's some live like eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom.
• 17:17
  And so these are our options. We can prioritize the Kingdom
• 17:20
  and our singleness like, you know, Mother Teresa, We can we
• 17:25
  can go and just say, how do I leverage this season of my life
• 17:29
  for the Kingdom of God? Or we can get married and, and
• 17:34
  pursue the things of God and discipleship through marriage.
• 17:38
  But these these are the two options for Christians.
• 17:40
  And so I think when you begin to put it like that and you see,
• 17:43
  OK, dating and the way that we're doing it, it's really
• 17:46
  conditioning our heart for divorce.
• 17:48
  Because think about the way that we date today.
• 17:50
  We get into a relationship until it's inconvenient for us, until
• 17:53
  the feelings leave, until we don't feel the sparks anymore,
• 17:56
  and then we get out of the relationship.
• 17:58
  Well, what's that training is for?
• 18:00
  That's, that's training is for divorce.
• 18:02
  And so then we get into marriage until, you know, then the
• 18:06
  feelings leave or someone better.
• 18:08
  I'm saying in air quotes comes along and then we jump out of
• 18:11
  the marriage and there's no commitment there.
• 18:15
  I, I think that that is what if you're going to go into dating,
• 18:19
  you have to have an understanding of commitment.
• 18:21
  You want to stay in the phase of, hey, I'm trying to just
• 18:27
  confirm that you are who I think you are.
• 18:30
  That's what dating is like I'm I'm here to confirm you are who
• 18:34
  I think you are. I'm I'm here to confirm that you
• 18:35
  love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and
• 18:37
  strength. And if you want a framework for
• 18:42
  how I think about that, I'm happy to give it.
• 18:44
  Well, that's. Perfect, because how do you what
• 18:47
  should we want the person to be? What, Because there's so many,
• 18:52
  there's a list. Make your list of all the things
• 18:53
  you want, like I remember being told as a kid, I don't remember
• 18:56
  who told me, but maybe someone at church.
• 18:57
  But you know, let your list of the things you want to be for
• 19:00
  your future husband. And thankfully whatever the
• 19:02
  advice I had was also like be the make the list of who how you
• 19:05
  want to be, how you can be the best future wife if you're
• 19:08
  called to marriage, blah blah blah.
• 19:10
  The word from US1 of my spiritual guides and directors
• 19:13
  that has always resonated with me before I got married was you
• 19:17
  want to date someone who wants to be a father and who you could
• 19:22
  totally trust with your future children.
• 19:24
  I'm sure that's going to be in your list.
• 19:26
  But give us your framework for how we should think about the
• 19:31
  person that we want to get married and what we should be
• 19:34
  looking for. And for both men and for women.
• 19:36
  One thing I look forward to every day are my bed sheets,
• 19:39
  pajamas and blankets from Cozy Earth.
• 19:41
  They're the softest and most comfortable I've ever used and
• 19:45
  all with a 10 year warranty, meaning you know it's a safe
• 19:48
  investment. Cozy Earth's brushed bamboo
• 19:51
  jogger set is made from viscose from bamboo.
• 19:53
  They're lightweight and the kind of soft that only gets softer
• 19:57
  overtime. It makes life around the house
• 19:59
  that much better. The sheets, though, are my
• 20:02
  favorite and those get softer with every wash.
• 20:05
  And Cozy Earth's clogs are the perfect fit for all day wear,
• 20:08
  whether you're in the kitchen, the backyard, chasing kids, the
• 20:11
  living room. They have a cushioned foot bed,
• 20:13
  a soft interior and an easy slip on silhouette.
• 20:16
  Get 100 night free trial and only keep it if you love it
• 20:20
  right now. You can get 20% off your
• 20:22
  purchase by going to cozyearth.com.
• 20:25
  And use the code Lila that's 20% off over at cozyearth.com.
• 20:29
  Use the code Lila and enjoy. If you want to have the best
• 20:33
  phone coverage possible while also supporting your values of
• 20:36
  faith, family and freedom, Patriot Mobile is the option.
• 20:40
  Patriot Mobile offers the same, if not better coverage of all
• 20:44
  the three major US networks. And you can keep your number and
• 20:47
  activate it in minutes. And everything is backed by a
• 20:50
  100% US based customer support team.
• 20:54
  Get everything you need and expect from a top tier service
• 20:57
  provider while putting your money towards values that you
• 21:00
  believe in. So right now, go to
• 21:01
  patriotmobile.com/lila or call 972 PATRIOT.
• 21:06
  That's 972 PATRIOT with code Lila and you'll get a month of
• 21:11
  free service. Shop America
• 21:12
  shop.freedom@patriotmobilethatspatriotmobile.com/lila or call 972 PATRIOT with code
• 21:20
  Lila for a free month today. Give us your framework for how
• 21:25
  we should think about the person that we want to get married and
• 21:29
  what we should be looking for and for both men and for women,
• 21:32
  become the. Person that the person you're
• 21:35
  looking for is looking for, you know, is, is what I would say is
• 21:38
  like that's what preparation looks like is becoming the
• 21:40
  person the person you're looking for is looking for.
• 21:45
  I have so many just sound bites here, but IIA framework, I think
• 21:50
  like I'll I'll say make a list. I'm pro list like make a list of
• 21:53
  everything you're looking for and then make a list of who God
• 21:56
  says you should be looking for. And then tear should throw your
• 21:59
  list away. Just hold on to the list that
• 22:02
  God says this is who you should be looking for.
• 22:05
  A framework is First Timothy 412.
• 22:07
  It says do not let anyone look down because you're young, but
• 22:09
  set an example. So we're talking about an
• 22:11
  example for believers in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity.
• 22:16
  And so these are great things to observe what comes out of their
• 22:19
  mouth. OK, speech, because Jesus says
• 22:23
  if you want to know a person's heart, look at what comes out of
• 22:25
  their mouth. What comes out of your mouth,
• 22:27
  out of your mouth, the heart speaks.
• 22:28
  That's what Jesus tells us. So examine their speech.
• 22:31
  How do they talk like, you know, are they given to anger?
• 22:34
  You know, this is because you don't want the person
• 22:36
  disciplining your children that loses their temper all the time.
• 22:39
  You know, that's that's not going to be a good father or a
• 22:42
  good mother for that matter. Or do they?
• 22:43
  Gossip. I mean, that's a big one,
• 22:45
  especially for women. Like men looking for a good
• 22:47
  woman like is she constantly like rattling off her grievances
• 22:51
  about other people? You can tell a.
• 22:53
  Lot of a person's heart based on what comes out of the mouth.
• 22:55
  That's just the wisdom of Jesus. So I would examine their speech,
• 22:58
  gossip, cursing. Do they bless or do they curse?
• 23:02
  Are they given anger? All all of those things, slander
• 23:05
  what not speech conduct. How do they act but not how do
• 23:08
  they act towards you necessarily.
• 23:11
  Like that's important, but they're interviewing for the
• 23:13
  job. So I'm looking at how do they
• 23:15
  act towards the the server, towards the valet person,
• 23:19
  towards the kids and kids ministry.
• 23:20
  You know, it's like where, where they're serving, how do they act
• 23:24
  towards people who can do nothing for them in return
• 23:26
  their, their conduct love, what do they love?
• 23:29
  It's OK if, if they love the Lakers, like that's fine.
• 23:32
  But if they, they love the Lakers more than God, like
• 23:35
  that's a problem. You know, it's like if they have
• 23:37
  these, these idols, the objects of their heart are before the
• 23:41
  Lord, That's that's problematic. So it's like, what do they love?
• 23:45
  How do they love speech conduct, love faith, you know the in
• 23:53
  Corinthians 614 it says do not be unequally yoked with
• 23:57
  unbelievers. And so it's like this is not a
• 23:59
  check the box like they've got some Bible memorized like are
• 24:03
  they running hard and fast after the Lord?
• 24:05
  Are you are you equally yoked? Do they believe what you
• 24:09
  believe? Have you guys had those
• 24:10
  conversations? And then purity, like if, if his
• 24:13
  hand is moving anywhere other than toward a ring box, you
• 24:18
  know, like that's going to be an issue.
• 24:20
  He's telling like people who are not committed to purity or
• 24:23
  communicating something they're saying I do not hold marriage in
• 24:28
  high regard. I'm willing to go outside of it
• 24:31
  like a man who will sleep with you is saying you need to know
• 24:34
  something. I am willing to go outside of
• 24:37
  marriage for intimacy should you marry me.
• 24:40
  I'm telling you right now, I do not hold the marriage vows in
• 24:44
  high regard. I'm willing to go outside of it.
• 24:46
  That's what they're communicating to you.
• 24:48
  And they're saying that in the in the clearest, most compelling
• 24:52
  way ahead of time. And so we need to, we need to
• 24:55
  take note of that. And, and so that I think those
• 24:59
  are five things to, to really examine in the dating era.
• 25:05
  And then, of course, like as you're interviewing for a job,
• 25:07
  you're interviewing for the job of a, a wife and a mom, a
• 25:11
  husband and a father. And so you just got to think
• 25:13
  through what are the character qualities that a Good Wife and
• 25:16
  mom would have? What are the good character
• 25:18
  qualities that a husband and a father would have?
• 25:21
  And you list those out because that's what you're looking for.
• 25:24
  I'll illustrate it like this. My wife is very particular in
• 25:30
  groceries. OK, like when she sends me to
• 25:32
  the store, she doesn't send me with just a list of groceries.
• 25:36
  Like she doesn't say get eggs, get milk.
• 25:39
  She says get this milk. It's it's the 2% organic blue
• 25:44
  label blue lid like this size. Like she's very specific.
• 25:48
  Yeah, like. Parenthetically, she's like this
• 25:50
  specific one. If I come home with the wrong
• 25:52
  milk, you know, she's she, I've disappointed her.
• 25:56
  And so when I go to the milk section and I opened that that
• 26:00
  refrigerated door and I'm staying, I don't think like, oh
• 26:03
  man, how do I feel? Like, how am I feeling about the
• 26:05
  milk right now? Which one?
• 26:07
  Where's my heart moving toward? I have a list and I'm like blue
• 26:10
  label, blue lid, organic 2%. And when I see that that one,
• 26:15
  the one that I'm looking for, I commit to it, you know, and, and
• 26:18
  that that's what I go for. This Is Us looking for a spouse.
• 26:22
  It's like we, you cannot find something if you do not know
• 26:25
  what you're looking for. So you got to know what you're
• 26:27
  looking for and then you don't go, well, how do I feel when you
• 26:30
  get on your head and all of your feel, how do I feel?
• 26:32
  How do I feel? It's like that has a place.
• 26:34
  It's just not first place. Then I think today that's what
• 26:37
  we're putting in first place. Well, how do I feel?
• 26:39
  How do I feel? It's like our heart is
• 26:41
  deceitful, but so there has to be like some head that like
• 26:44
  kicks in some logic that is is winning the day of like what we
• 26:48
  know we're looking for so that when we see it, we're around it,
• 26:52
  we experience that we can commit to it.
• 26:55
  This is where it gets really hard.
• 26:57
  I've heard on this show and like from people and I'm sure like
• 27:00
  even Harris listening right now, I'm going to guess a question
• 27:04
  that's coming to his mind. I'm going to do this to you,
• 27:06
  Harris. But OK.
• 27:07
  So we know, we know we want virtue.
• 27:10
  We know we want faith. Like you said, conduct speech.
• 27:13
  You did that beautifully. And I think that's all great.
• 27:15
  Like follow sexual morality. You know, they're not trying to
• 27:18
  jump into bed like all these things, right?
• 27:21
  But I think there's still a whole world of optionality that
• 27:24
  can feel endless. And there's a dating, you know,
• 27:26
  there's Christian dating apps that can, you know, you can get
• 27:28
  on, right? And then it's the question of,
• 27:30
  OK, so how do I then know based off of that?
• 27:34
  And I do think feeling is a big one for people, right?
• 27:36
  Like, do I feel like this checks out?
• 27:38
  Because the boxes beyond my feelings do check.
• 27:42
  Like they're aligned on faith. They seem like a good person.
• 27:44
  I have attraction for them. But then there's this whole like
• 27:48
  intangible world of like, well, but then should I pursue this?
• 27:51
  If you're the man you're thinking, should I pursue this
• 27:53
  one? And if then if you're the woman,
• 27:55
  you're thinking like, should I go for this guy?
• 27:58
  You know, like, should I do this?
• 27:59
  And I think people do really struggle to no like, is this,
• 28:05
  how do I know this is the one? And I could, you know, I'm sure
• 28:07
  you've heard endless stories from guys saying, well, I just
• 28:09
  didn't everything checked out. But like, I just couldn't.
• 28:12
  I just didn't want to go for it. And then the girl was saying
• 28:16
  like, he was great, but I just didn't want to go for it.
• 28:19
  Is that the Holy Spirit intangibly speaking, or is it
• 28:22
  some weird worldly standard we have going on?
• 28:25
  John. Tintin, John Tan, he says.
• 28:27
  You know my my sheep know my voice.
• 28:28
  And so I think we do. We are trying to learn the voice
• 28:31
  of God if he's, if he's trying to warn us.
• 28:34
  But I would look backwards, you know, and, and say, OK, like, am
• 28:40
  I driven by fear? Am I driven by insecurities?
• 28:43
  What has informed my feelings? Like, you know, we have feelings
• 28:47
  and what has informed them? And so if I say, and I've, I've
• 28:51
  got a lot of stories here. If I say why I'm just not
• 28:55
  attracted to this, like there's this thing that I'm not
• 28:58
  attracted to, like I don't. Like this about this person.
• 29:01
  There's a big. One, you know that as today,
• 29:04
  like this is pretty benign and usually people are like, Oh
• 29:06
  yeah, I get that. Like women are sometimes like, I
• 29:09
  don't want to date a guy that's shorter than me.
• 29:11
  Like, is that OK? And I'm like, well, what if you
• 29:14
  like turn that on his head? Like what if there's guys that
• 29:16
  are like these? This is the physical quality
• 29:18
  that I'm really attracted to in a woman.
• 29:20
  And I only want to date women that have this physical
• 29:22
  equality. And, and I would just say, gosh,
• 29:25
  I would put that on at least, you know, down the the list,
• 29:33
  because physical qualities change.
• 29:36
  And that's what the the wisest man who's ever lived other than
• 29:39
  Jesus is telling us is just was actually he might.
• 29:43
  Grow, I guess. It's Kim.
• 29:44
  It's just, but it's just like, I mean, like there's this, this
• 29:48
  couple that I talk about, they get married in in Hawaii and,
• 29:54
  and so they say their vows. They get married four days on
• 29:57
  the honeymoon. She's thrown against a rock and
• 30:00
  she's paralyzed from the neck Now, OK, now that is not what he
• 30:05
  thought He was signing up four days into his marriage, You
• 30:08
  know, And like, this is, this is not, I mean, not to be graphic,
• 30:12
  but it's just like now he's changing diapers, you know, like
• 30:15
  this is hard. This is a hard life he just
• 30:18
  signed up for. Well, let's go back to the vows
• 30:19
  for rich or poor and sickness and health till death do us
• 30:21
  part. I will love you as long as we
• 30:23
  both shall live. May the Lord deal with me, be it
• 30:25
  ever so severely if anything. But death separates me from you,
• 30:28
  right? Wow.
• 30:29
  OK, well, that was about if Ecclesiastes 5.
• 30:32
  Do not be hasty to make a vow before the Lord.
• 30:35
  Like, do we mean that? And you know, if Monica is
• 30:40
  beautiful, like I'm so physically attracted to Monica,
• 30:44
  but today if she's in a car accident and 93% of God forbid,
• 30:48
  you know, body's burned or she slides on asphalt, it's just
• 30:52
  something disfigures her. Am I in it, you know, is that
• 30:56
  what I signed up for? And like, we had like, let's
• 30:58
  just, let's just have a real and honest conversation as we're
• 31:01
  talking about. Well, I don't want to date
• 31:02
  anybody who's shorter than me. I was like, OK, like, that's
• 31:04
  your, your preferences can play a role.
• 31:07
  But you're, you're, you're making, you're making exchanges,
• 31:11
  you know, And so if you're going to compromise something, don't
• 31:15
  compromise character, don't compromise faith, you know,
• 31:19
  don't count. Those have to be the big rocks.
• 31:22
  And if, if ultimately you start, you know, increasing in age,
• 31:25
  you're like, but I thought I'd be married by now.
• 31:27
  And where do I want to compromise my list?
• 31:29
  I might compromise the height thing.
• 31:31
  If I'm on, I might compromise the style.
• 31:34
  I might compromise, though. I was really hoping he'd make
• 31:35
  this much money. You know, those, those might be
• 31:38
  where I would compromise. But don't compromise character.
• 31:42
  Don't compromise faith. Don't lower your standards
• 31:45
  there. Lengthen your patients there,
• 31:49
  but in some of these preferential areas, yeah, I
• 31:51
  might, I might if you're like, if the, if the years are going
• 31:54
  by, I may, I may make some compromises there and say that
• 31:57
  you know what, all of a sudden height's not that important to
• 31:59
  me anymore. Feelings.
• 32:03
  Here's the deal though. You just have to think about it
• 32:06
  like this. It's OK.
• 32:07
  It's OK to say I'm going to make a decision ultimately now on how
• 32:10
  I feel. You have to answer the question,
• 32:13
  is this the Lord or not? Like, is this the Lord or is
• 32:15
  this just my preference that I can't answer that for somebody?
• 32:19
  But but here's what I want you to know.
• 32:21
  Those feelings are going to change.
• 32:23
  And when you stand before God and you make that commitment,
• 32:28
  there are going to be days you don't feel like keeping that
• 32:31
  commitment. And that could be any number of
• 32:34
  things. It can be a long season.
• 32:35
  It could be a season of mental illness.
• 32:38
  I mean, do you know, somebody could have a brain injury and
• 32:40
  now their brains not producing serotonin and they go through
• 32:42
  deep depression or they struggle with anxiety and they can't
• 32:45
  leave the house. And you promise to love that
• 32:47
  person or it could be chemo and their hair falls out, you know,
• 32:51
  and, but, and you promise to love that person.
• 32:53
  And you may not feel it, but is your commitment going to win the
• 32:57
  day and is going to carry your carry you forward?
• 33:00
  And so does that mean you need to get into it if you don't feel
• 33:03
  it? Not necessarily, but it does
• 33:04
  mean you need to go into it knowing there's going to be days
• 33:07
  and seasons that you don't feel it and and that you're committed
• 33:11
  to them. I think there's some men first.
• 33:14
  I'll speak for their perspective here.
• 33:16
  There's some men, and I've actually talked with some, you
• 33:19
  know, in this kind of dating, this is more the red pill world.
• 33:22
  But I see it also now kind of popping up in the some Christian
• 33:25
  spaces where they say, well, men are not wired for one woman, so
• 33:30
  they should. And This is why God permitted
• 33:32
  polygamy as an example, or polygyny.
• 33:35
  But this idea that you should have just one woman is not a
• 33:40
  natural state for men. Yeah.
• 33:43
  Yeah, one, God never permitted polygamy.
• 33:47
  I mean in in the sense that I mean he allows us to go the way
• 33:51
  of sin. And so in that way does he
• 33:53
  permit it. His, his wrath is not immediate,
• 33:56
  but it was in, in the beginning, he created Adam and Eve.
• 34:00
  And he said, for this reason, a man will leave his father and
• 34:03
  mother be united to his wife singular and the two will become
• 34:08
  one flesh. So this is God's design.
• 34:10
  And then we go outside of God's desire and where there were
• 34:14
  multiple wives, I mean, Solomon, his wives LED his heart astray.
• 34:18
  And so we see that it, it never, it does not go well to, for in,
• 34:23
  in a polygamous relationship. It's not God's desire.
• 34:27
  And, and so, yes, I mean, this is where I've gotten in trouble
• 34:32
  even in the way that I've tried to explain this in short form
• 34:34
  before, is I, I think our heart and our desire, our flesh has a
• 34:40
  desire for things that are not good for us.
• 34:44
  And so you can't say, well, if God didn't want me to do this,
• 34:46
  he wouldn't have given me this desire.
• 34:48
  I'm like, listen, I as a pastor and a middle-aged man with
• 34:52
  children, have desires that are not good for me.
• 34:57
  As I'm sitting in a a hotel room where I'm traveling, there are
• 35:01
  flashes of temptation that enter my mind that I have to say, I'm
• 35:05
  not going to entertain that even at the thought level because I
• 35:09
  can sin in my head. I can sin without taking action
• 35:12
  on something. And I have to surrender that to
• 35:15
  the Holy Spirit in in an effort to honor my God, my faith in my
• 35:21
  God, my wife and my children. I'm not going to act out on
• 35:26
  desires and people. I don't, you know, I don't even
• 35:29
  know how to talk about this because it's the people have
• 35:32
  picked apart these words like desires, lusts, all of these
• 35:35
  things like if, if I entertain them too long, they become sin
• 35:41
  is the temptation in and of of itself sin?
• 35:43
  No, the proposition to sin is not sin, but the choice to
• 35:47
  entertain it can be. And So what I would say to guys
• 35:51
  that are like, oh, you know, God did not desire us for one woman,
• 35:54
  design us for one woman. I'm like, listen, Genesis 3, the
• 35:57
  world we live in has fallen. Originally, God didn't design us
• 36:02
  for cancer. God didn't design us for, you
• 36:05
  know, all, all kinds of things that exist in this world today.
• 36:09
  But now the world has fallen and there's an ideal.
• 36:13
  God has an ideal that we're to live out in the Christian ethic
• 36:17
  that he blesses and we see him time and time again.
• 36:22
  Bless that and you can bless that regardless of your
• 36:25
  circumstance. Like, you know, I've heard you
• 36:27
  say like life has value and, and in the way that Christians value
• 36:31
  life, it's not going to be, it's not going to make sense to the
• 36:34
  watching world. They're going to say, well, why
• 36:36
  would they do that? You know, why would they care
• 36:37
  for that dying person in that way?
• 36:40
  Why do why do they support dignity in that way?
• 36:42
  What's because this world is short.
• 36:44
  It's about a vapor and we're living for another Kingdom that
• 36:48
  you can't always see right here. You know, we see commercials of
• 36:51
  it, but it's, it's not, we're not there yet.
• 36:54
  And so we are making, we are marching up that hill.
• 36:56
  We are marching up that mountain.
• 36:58
  We are going to where we will be forever and ever and ever and
• 37:01
  ever. We're building it in the way
• 37:03
  that we live right now. Like, like my soul is going to
• 37:07
  be somewhere forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.
• 37:10
  And that changes that reality, changes the choices I make
• 37:13
  today. That's so beautiful.
• 37:16
  And there's two things that you're talking about there that
• 37:20
  come to my mind about faith and trust.
• 37:22
  Number one, that God will give us the faith and trust that we
• 37:24
  need in this life, whether it's in the marriage that we choose,
• 37:28
  the person that we choose to love them faithfully to overcome
• 37:31
  the sin or the temptation that we may be facing.
• 37:33
  Because I think some people are afraid of relationship because
• 37:35
  they're going to mess up or they feel like the other person's
• 37:38
  going to mess up, then they don't trust enough.
• 37:40
  But if you're working with people who are trusting God, God
• 37:44
  can give you the grace, He can give you the grace and then also
• 37:47
  trust and faith that like you said, this is just a passing
• 37:50
  moment, this world and there's a afterlife, there's heaven, and
• 37:54
  this is a preparation. So what matters is to obey and
• 37:57
  to follow as best we can. And that's the, that's the
• 38:01
  Christian mission. And then we get all twisted with
• 38:04
  our own desires, like you're talking about Temptations,
• 38:06
  fears, hang ups. Whether you like it or not, your
• 38:09
  current healthcare dollars are likely supporting procedures
• 38:13
  that you and I don't agree with, from abortion to gender
• 38:16
  reassignments and more. But with our partner Presidio
• 38:20
  Healthcare, you can get the country's first pro-life
• 38:23
  Christian healthcare network. This is not crowd sharing, but
• 38:27
  real, comprehensive health insurance right now.
• 38:29
  If you're in Texas, visit presidiocare.com/lila to get
• 38:33
  your quote today. And stay tuned as Presidio is
• 38:37
  looking to expand to Florida, Indiana, Georgia, North
• 38:41
  Carolina, Ohio and more states help bring life affirming
• 38:45
  healthcare to the rest of the country.
• 38:47
  Visit presidiocare.com/lila to get started today.
• 38:51
  That's presidiocare.com/lila. Our babies deserve the best
• 38:55
  products and that's why I love Every Life.
• 38:58
  Every Life is the fastest growing diaper company in
• 39:01
  America with premium wipes, diapers and more.
• 39:04
  Their diapers are supremely soft, ultra thin, and designed
• 39:07
  for 12 hours of protection. I love the simplicity of the
• 39:10
  branding at Every Life and their commitment to no harsh
• 39:13
  ingredients. Every Life's mission is 100%
• 39:16
  pro-life and Pro Woman and they actually donate to pro-life
• 39:20
  organizations. Every Life has also launched
• 39:22
  Every Life Women which provides premium quality feminine
• 39:25
  products that are toxin free right to your door.
• 39:28
  If you go to everylife.com/lila you can get 15% off every order
• 39:32
  when you subscribe, plus a free jumbo tote and more perks.
• 39:35
  And Every Life will donate diapers to a church or pregnancy
• 39:39
  Resource Center of your choice. That's every life.com/lila.
• 39:44
  You've given this advice before. I've heard to single men, single
• 39:48
  Christian men find the most godly single woman that you can
• 39:51
  ask her out. Don't have a strategy.
• 39:53
  You don't have a three month timetable like figure it out and
• 39:56
  then you can go exclusive blah blah blah.
• 39:58
  Just start with there. Is it really that simple?
• 40:02
  Yes, it's. Really that simple.
• 40:03
  That's. That's great.
• 40:05
  Find the. Godliest girl you know, and ask
• 40:07
  her out and take her on a date. And you know guys, they get they
• 40:11
  get a lot of DMS and they're like the godliest girl I know is
• 40:15
  married or in a relationship or like, well, that's OK.
• 40:18
  The God most godliest available woman and and ask her out.
• 40:24
  And I mean, how many conversations like how many
• 40:29
  times have I heard? And I'm sure you also were like,
• 40:32
  I wasn't at all attracted to him at 1st.
• 40:34
  And then we went out for coffee and then I learned this and
• 40:36
  like, gosh. And now we're married and we've
• 40:38
  got five kids and happens all the time.
• 40:41
  So we always think in time and space that we know everything
• 40:44
  that we need to know. But a lot of times you learn and
• 40:47
  sometimes attraction grows over time.
• 40:49
  And I, when I asked Monica out, she didn't want to date me
• 40:52
  because I'm, I mean, I'm 6-7 and she's 5/2 and she thought I was
• 40:58
  too tall, you know, and she's like really funny when we dance
• 41:02
  and like, well, we don't dance much, you know, we, we, we, we
• 41:06
  do other things where we, we, yeah, dancing is not our, that's
• 41:08
  not what we're known for. But but yeah.
• 41:12
  And just like, so I'm grateful she gave me a chance.
• 41:15
  And you just never know what God's going to do.
• 41:17
  You don't know the story that he's going to write.
• 41:18
  And so I'm like, just give, if they are a God fearing person,
• 41:21
  give them a shot. And if if it's not like after,
• 41:25
  after coffee, you're like, man, this isn't going anywhere to be
• 41:27
  honest. Like just be honest.
• 41:29
  Like let them know. Like tell them the truth.
• 41:31
  Say I don't see this going further than coffee.
• 41:33
  I'd love to be friends or I don't even want to be friends.
• 41:35
  You know, whatever is the truth, the truth is always good enough.
• 41:38
  Do you think? That any Christian man could
• 41:40
  make it work with any Christian woman.
• 41:42
  Kind of like what you're saying earlier.
• 41:43
  If they were, love it. If they're serving and obeying
• 41:45
  God, yeah of. Course is is what I would say,
• 41:48
  which is such a hot take. People are like, there's no way,
• 41:50
  but here's I'll prove it. I'll prove.
• 41:52
  It I'll prove it. I mean, take any Christian man
• 41:55
  and any Christian woman. If they're on a deserted island,
• 41:58
  I bet you life goes on. So if that's true, then I just
• 42:03
  proved that theory. Reproductive aged like, you
• 42:07
  know, well, I guess maybe maybe not even, I don't know.
• 42:10
  We could go a lot of places with that hypothetical, if any.
• 42:13
  Man and any woman are on a deserted island, and they're the
• 42:16
  only man and the only woman that they and God can.
• 42:19
  Bless it as a marriage then. Yeah, I mean even even, I mean,
• 42:23
  I've just, I was pure like science speaking.
• 42:26
  I bet you life goes on that that is my hypothesis there now is it
• 42:30
  right and if they God fearing now it's right, you know so so.
• 42:36
  What you're saying resonates so much because I think the
• 42:39
  dopamine hit of like the modern experience of attraction because
• 42:43
  of all the crazy stuff we've like, we've like you were saying
• 42:45
  that girl who's kind of just kind of been ingesting the
• 42:49
  poison of like pop culture and social media, blah, blah, blah.
• 42:53
  And then maybe the man who's been ingesting the poison of
• 42:55
  pornography. And by the way, a lot of girls
• 42:57
  are now looking at pornography like we have just broken our
• 43:00
  senses of attraction in many ways today.
• 43:03
  But you really think, but you really would say like not to
• 43:07
  push you hard on this, but I think it's such a gold point
• 43:10
  you're making that people should prioritize godliness over
• 43:13
  chemistry. What if the godliest person you
• 43:17
  know like that, that hypothetical be a man, go ask
• 43:20
  out the girliest girl you know. You don't have chemistry with
• 43:22
  them. Yeah, a couple things.
• 43:25
  I just, you know, there's so much nuance here, so many much
• 43:27
  room to be misunderstood. Chemistry can be created and it
• 43:33
  often fails us. I think that's the essence of
• 43:35
  charm is deceitful, like charm is a liar attraction because the
• 43:39
  Bachelor would have the best statistic around success like
• 43:45
  the Bachelor and The Bachelorette.
• 43:46
  The show like we would look backwards and be like, wow,
• 43:49
  every show there's a successful marriage.
• 43:51
  There've been very few, isn't there?
• 43:52
  Like. 1. Sean and I think there were two,
• 43:54
  OK, they're. Christians, right?
• 43:55
  Yeah, they're. Christians, yeah, Sean and
• 43:57
  Catherine and and so and and they, they love Jesus and they
• 44:02
  have an amazing marriage, you know, as far as we can tell.
• 44:05
  And it's awesome. But it was, it's not, not thanks
• 44:09
  to the show, right. But if if it was like if it is,
• 44:12
  if chemistry is ultimate, like that show would have the most
• 44:16
  successful marriages because you can create chemistry with a
• 44:18
  helicopter ride and shots of tequila and you know, whatever
• 44:22
  that a pool party, right? Like that's, that would be,
• 44:25
  that's like a, a case study around chemistry, but it's, but
• 44:30
  I know we're talking about like that spark, that intangible,
• 44:33
  like the feeling, that's where I just go back.
• 44:35
  It's like we're all broken people.
• 44:36
  We're all products of our story, products of our upbringing or
• 44:40
  family of origin. And so you just got to say like,
• 44:43
  why am I attracted to what I'm attracted to?
• 44:46
  And if it's, if I'm not attracted to the right things,
• 44:49
  like what is that? Like what has caused that?
• 44:52
  And if, if porn is in the in the rearview mirror, like
• 44:55
  pornography is in the rearview mirror, like we don't understand
• 44:59
  the, the vast majority of the population does not understand
• 45:04
  how damaging pornography is. You were never made to and we
• 45:10
  can go into the science of that, but like we just were not made
• 45:13
  like God did not design us to do that.
• 45:16
  He how did God design us? Take, take a man and a woman and
• 45:19
  you see God's design. It's very plain and simple.
• 45:23
  And, and he, he created us to give ourselves to one person for
• 45:27
  a lifetime. That's why I would argue with
• 45:29
  your, your polygamous friend, the hypothetical polygamous
• 45:33
  friend. That's what I would argue is
• 45:35
  like this is God's design because when when we experience
• 45:39
  sexual release, you know, our brain creates A synapse bonding
• 45:43
  us through our five senses to our surroundings.
• 45:45
  This is God's design. We didn't even have words for
• 45:47
  it. Now we look back in Genesis says
• 45:49
  for this reason, a man will leave his father, mother, be
• 45:51
  united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.
• 45:53
  Like that's biochemically happening to us just.
• 45:57
  Eve, Yeah. And just Adam and it's literally
• 46:00
  happening. I mean, psychologists call it
• 46:02
  sex glue. It's it's happening when we,
• 46:05
  well, what happens when you introduce pornography and
• 46:07
  masturbation is, is you are, you are rewiring your brain to be
• 46:14
  for variety, like monogamy is almost impossible for the port
• 46:19
  addict. And I mean, it's, it is, it's
• 46:21
  truly like you've gone to a university for variety.
• 46:24
  And so that's like, there's so much that is, is messed up when
• 46:29
  that's in the rearview mirror with a physical attraction.
• 46:33
  It has changed. So we've been taught what to be
• 46:36
  physically attracted to. You can Google like, Hey, what
• 46:38
  was physical attraction in the 20s?
• 46:41
  You know the the flappers what what it was physically attracted
• 46:44
  and is look at Song of Solomon. You know what was physically
• 46:48
  attracted into the? Doesn't say.
• 46:50
  She has a round belly. Yeah, like she's.
• 46:52
  Yeah, yeah. She's like that whip.
• 46:54
  Yeah, she's that was. That was like the and although
• 46:56
  like. Renaissance paintings of like
• 46:59
  the woman is like she would be considered like a real thing.
• 47:02
  She needs some. Ozempic today century.
• 47:05
  Century by century is a real thing.
• 47:07
  Physical attraction has changed. What's physically attracted
• 47:09
  today like today, what is the the icon for for the male like a
• 47:14
  physical attraction? And it's, this is very new, but
• 47:17
  it's, it's it's like, I don't want to put a name to it, but it
• 47:21
  it's, it's like the porn star like that is what is ultimately
• 47:25
  physically attractive, but the. But the porn star is not even
• 47:29
  like, like, who was seen as sexually fertile, beautiful, you
• 47:34
  know, alluring, like you're saying hundreds of years ago
• 47:36
  doesn't look like the porn star of today.
• 47:38
  So it's not just that they're like a sexually attractive
• 47:40
  person. No, no, no.
• 47:41
  It's that they were pornified in this weird modern way.
• 47:45
  And we're trained to think that that is beautiful.
• 47:47
  Kim. Kardashian would not have been
• 47:49
  seen attracted in 1920. Attractive like she like guys
• 47:54
  heads, you know, non believing guys.
• 47:57
  What we'll talk about Ted's would not have, you know, looked
• 47:59
  as a wow look at she wouldn't have stood out in a room.
• 48:03
  And so a physical attraction has changed century by century by
• 48:07
  century by century. And it's it's I think that's
• 48:10
  hard for people to believe, but it's it's absolute fact.
• 48:13
  I mean, you can go and just say, OK, who is the most beautiful
• 48:16
  person here? Who's the most beautiful person?
• 48:17
  Who's the most beautiful person here?
• 48:19
  And and likewise today there was some like the supermodel Twiggy.
• 48:27
  Yeah, Twiggy could walk through a room today.
• 48:31
  And I don't know. You don't think it's?
• 48:32
  A boy I don't know. That heads are gonna like, you
• 48:34
  know, and so it's these are hot. Takes.
• 48:37
  But no, I agree. It's, I mean, I think it's
• 48:39
  objectively true that the beauty standards have changed
• 48:42
  dramatically over the last few centuries.
• 48:46
  And I think Kim Kardashian's lovely.
• 48:48
  I do think there is, you know, in terms of a human being made
• 48:51
  in God's image. And but it's clear, you know, I
• 48:53
  think she's been open about this.
• 48:55
  Like she does do a lot of these enhancements and those are
• 48:59
  becoming wildly popular today, but not just like Botox, but,
• 49:04
  you know, plastic surgery fillers.
• 49:07
  There's obviously like BBLS, like, you know, breast lifts and
• 49:12
  augmentations, lip injections all to achieve this like really
• 49:17
  hyper sexualized over image that we now think is normal and it's
• 49:22
  feeding and trying to fuel porn brain.
• 49:25
  I mean, that's what it's that's what it's for.
• 49:26
  Like let's just be real about it.
• 49:28
  That's what it's for. What do we do with that as
• 49:32
  Christians? Like, I mean, here's another
• 49:34
  just maybe hot question or controversial question for the
• 49:38
  women listening. Should we do lip and like should
• 49:42
  we just be like no go guys like how should we approach it as
• 49:47
  women back up to? You guys, what do we do?
• 49:49
  We got to heal, we have to heal. And so if, if pornography is a
• 49:54
  part of your story, as it was a part of mine, we have to heal.
• 49:58
  Like you have to go through a season of, of healing.
• 50:02
  Like I wouldn't just jump into a relationship.
• 50:05
  I would say, OK, me and Jesus go through recovery, regeneration,
• 50:10
  Celebrate Recovery. I mean, find a 12 step program
• 50:14
  and began to my friend of mine wrote a book of freedom starts
• 50:18
  today. It began to start that healing
• 50:21
  process so that I think that's step one.
• 50:26
  And then you asked after that for.
• 50:29
  Women. I mean, this is also connected
• 50:31
  to modesty. I should have just framed it
• 50:33
  that way. Vanity.
• 50:35
  Is a sin vanity? Is a sin?
• 50:37
  Like plain and simple, OK, Is it?
• 50:40
  Is it wrong to get, you know, lip injections, lip filler,
• 50:44
  Botox? Is this wrong?
• 50:45
  It's like, here's what we know. Vanity is a sin.
• 50:49
  So your why matters in, in terms of I would say on issues of
• 50:54
  modesty, motive matters most. And so we just have to think
• 50:58
  through search of heart and what is my why?
• 51:00
  And so I'm not here to throw shade or to throw stones and,
• 51:03
  and to say, Hey, Botox is never OK, you know, and there's you
• 51:09
  could, you could say, well, listen, you put something in
• 51:10
  your hair today, right? Like, why did you, was that,
• 51:13
  that makeup on? You know, was that vanity?
• 51:15
  Was that? And I'm like, I'm like, man, I
• 51:16
  hope not, you know, hope it wasn't.
• 51:18
  And I have to, I have to search my heart like what's my, my why?
• 51:22
  And I think our why has to be first and foremost, we want to
• 51:25
  know God and make him known. And So what I do, you know, is I
• 51:30
  want it, my motive to be why. I want to, I want to advance the
• 51:33
  gospel. And, and we can, it can be, we
• 51:36
  can sit in paralysis by analysis and not do anything because
• 51:39
  we're like, well, I don't even, you know, there's, there's been
• 51:42
  fathers of the faith that have, I mean, there was a, there was
• 51:47
  a, a monk who was attractive and he would dress up like a clown
• 51:52
  because he didn't want to cause anyone to stumble.
• 51:54
  You know, I read thread that about that at once.
• 51:57
  So it's like, how far do we go? I think that's where we have to
• 51:59
  skip with the Lord and say, God search my heart.
• 52:01
  You know, when I sit and when I stand, reveal to me any anxious
• 52:04
  ways. I want to, I want to walk in
• 52:06
  righteousness and I want to do what's right.
• 52:09
  And I think those in those Gray areas search your heart, pray,
• 52:14
  listen, and I'm not here to say you can never have plastic
• 52:17
  surgery. You know what I mean?
• 52:18
  Because what, where would we draw the line?
• 52:20
  Like I've, I've had moles removed and, and, and, you know,
• 52:26
  didn't, didn't need to, it wasn't, wasn't even
• 52:28
  precancerous, just just had it removed.
• 52:30
  And that's, that was a cosmetic decision.
• 52:33
  And I think we have to ask the Lord just to search us on that
• 52:37
  and invite others in invite Christian Council search the
• 52:41
  word say okay, what is what does it say in here and my in
• 52:45
  violation to anything that he's saying in here and go slow the.
• 52:49
  Modesty thing. One more question on that.
• 52:51
  I think this is I have heard good Christian godly men say
• 52:57
  that modesty is a filter for them.
• 52:59
  Like if they see a woman especially like on her social
• 53:01
  media, she's showing a lot of cleavage.
• 53:03
  She's showing a lot of skin. Like, that's just a big part of
• 53:05
  her, you know, expression online that's already in a way of turn
• 53:10
  off because she's not dressing in a way that shows a reverence
• 53:15
  for her body and an understanding of like the world
• 53:18
  and the eyes and the pornographic culture we live in.
• 53:20
  Again, not that they're saying they should be like wearing a
• 53:22
  burqa, but just more tastefully dressed as what they would hope
• 53:25
  their their future wife would dress that way.
• 53:28
  Do you give any advice or do you have any advice for women for
• 53:31
  how they should see modesty standards such a double?
• 53:37
  Standard because there's like a a, you know, like the the church
• 53:40
  Chad who is is creating the reel where he goes and grabs his
• 53:44
  Bible, but he didn't have his shirt on or he's in a towel and
• 53:46
  he's like, what are you doing, man?
• 53:47
  And so it does. Go both ways.
• 53:49
  It needs a. Measure of, of probable, it's
• 53:51
  some kind of measure of spiritual maturity.
• 53:53
  I would think just like where you at in that process, where
• 53:56
  you at in your relationship with God and how you're growing it in
• 54:01
  the way that you're thinking about what, what image am I
• 54:03
  putting out there? And, and am I trying to attract
• 54:07
  people with my body? Am I trying to attract people
• 54:10
  with, with my, my physique or, or my, my physical attributes as
• 54:14
  opposed to my heart? And, and I, you know, I've, I've
• 54:21
  been challenged and I've had, and I've challenged people on
• 54:24
  that. And I, I think, I think it's,
• 54:27
  it's for sure something we need to think about.
• 54:30
  Do you think that young women and men who are single who feel
• 54:33
  a sense of a call for marriage, you know, they're seeking God,
• 54:36
  they should always be looking to date?
• 54:38
  Or should there be, or I should say court if we're not going to
• 54:41
  dump the word date? Or should they be kind of
• 54:44
  thinking maybe this is a season to pause and work on myself, if
• 54:48
  maybe there's porn in the picture or that would be an
• 54:52
  extreme case or there's just wounds or issues I have.
• 54:55
  Maybe I'm broken hearted for my last relationship.
• 54:57
  Like how would you advise knowing when you're ready to
• 55:01
  date? I wish it.
• 55:02
  Was an extreme case. First of all, I mean, it's like
• 55:04
  they say, I read a stat and you know 90% of men in the church
• 55:10
  are looking, are actively looking at pornography.
• 55:13
  You think it's that? High.
• 55:15
  That's according to one stat. I probably do think it's that
• 55:19
  high, but depending on how you define pornography, like you
• 55:21
  talk about Reels and TikTok and, and I, I think it's, I think
• 55:27
  it's very high. One in four viewers are, are
• 55:29
  female. And so it's a, it's a man and a
• 55:33
  woman problem. And I would just say if that,
• 55:35
  yeah, if you're actively looking at pornography, you, you want to
• 55:40
  go in your calendar, like find a date in the future, six months,
• 55:46
  a year, say, start to date again and then say, all right, I'm
• 55:49
  going to take that time and really pursue purity.
• 55:53
  I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to invite in
• 55:55
  accountability. I'm, I'm going to go through a
• 55:58
  recovery program. Like I really want to, to
• 56:01
  prioritize Jesus. It's not just what you're
• 56:03
  cutting out, it's, it's really you're, you're changing your
• 56:06
  affections. I want to love God with my whole
• 56:10
  heart, soul, mind and strength. Like, how do I prioritize the
• 56:13
  things of God in the season? And, and that is the foundation
• 56:17
  of being dateable, if you will. And, and so then how do, how do
• 56:23
  you know you're ready? A friend of mine says when your
• 56:27
  repentance is notorious as your rebellion.
• 56:30
  And so I think it's depending on what your rebellion was.
• 56:33
  But like, when you know, it's like you can, can you be a bad
• 56:35
  person and say, OK, now I want to get right with the Lord.
• 56:39
  And, you know, it's like we can be instantly forgiven.
• 56:42
  You know, we can trust in Christ and become a Christian.
• 56:45
  We can, but it's like there's this aspect of I want to pursue
• 56:49
  Christ for a season and, and, and have a season of Wellness
• 56:57
  and free from relapse, you know, and what does that look like?
• 57:01
  And so I'm not here to tell somebody exactly what that
• 57:03
  length of time should be, but I would bring in people close to
• 57:07
  you who you trust and respect and have them speak into what
• 57:10
  that length of time should be. And then also ask them and
• 57:13
  invite in their accountability. And I think it's really
• 57:16
  problematic when we want to hide it.
• 57:19
  And so I also think with the heart that's well is the heart
• 57:22
  that tells. And so when you get to this
• 57:24
  place where you can, you know, in Revelation 12 says we, we
• 57:29
  trample over the enemy by the word, by the blood of the Lamb
• 57:32
  and the word of our testimony when we can use our testimony
• 57:35
  for good, like that's a good sign of health, I think.
• 57:39
  Do you think that somebody should not date if they're
• 57:44
  actively struggling with pornography?
• 57:47
  They should not date I. Think that's somebody who's
• 57:49
  actively and nor would I recommend dating someone who's
• 57:53
  actively looking for every by the way, my story like just in
• 57:56
  case your viewers and listeners aren't aware like that.
• 57:59
  That is my story. I was a poor, I was addicted to
• 58:01
  pornography and, and, and I thought, well, when when I
• 58:06
  wasn't a belief, when I wasn't following Jesus, I thought this
• 58:10
  is just normal. Then I became that I started to
• 58:13
  follow Jesus, but that didn't just go away.
• 58:15
  I mean, some of the things changed immediately.
• 58:16
  My language changed immediately, but that addiction gripped my
• 58:21
  heart so tightly that I had to go through a season of recovery.
• 58:25
  I had to confess. James 516 confess my sins to
• 58:28
  others, ask for prayer. How old were you?
• 58:31
  When it started, JP for your for your addiction, yeah.
• 58:34
  Oh. 5th grade. Wow, I mean, first saw porn in
• 58:39
  the 5th grade and then and then just really into college.
• 58:44
  I would say like with the invention of the Internet, then
• 58:47
  it just was a was a daily struggle in college and then so
• 58:52
  I'm coming out of college and I just, I'm just broken.
• 58:55
  Like my, my I'll all line. I mean, I've systematically gone
• 59:00
  to a university learning how to objectify women.
• 59:03
  And so it's like I have to like the God has to do a supernatural
• 59:07
  work and in the context of Christian community to really
• 59:11
  relearn and unlearn some things. And so yes, if somebody is act
• 59:18
  really, you know, Jesus says anyone Matthew 5, anyone who has
• 59:23
  looked at someone lustfully has committed adultery.
• 59:26
  And so somebody says, well, is it OK if I date someone who's
• 59:29
  looking at pornography? I was like, would you date
• 59:31
  somebody who's actively committing adultery?
• 59:33
  Like would you date somebody who's regularly sleeping with
• 59:36
  other people? That's really the question and I
• 59:39
  hope the answer is no. And so how did?
• 59:42
  You break free from porn, from porn addiction.
• 59:45
  Great. Question longer podcast, but CPR
• 59:51
  is is my is my acronym confess OK, confess and you want to move
• 59:57
  the confession to the thought level.
• 1:00:00
  That's how you know you're going to be free is like when you can
• 1:00:02
  get to Hey, I want to not I did. Like, hey, I really want to look
• 1:00:06
  at pornography right now. When you can confess at that
• 1:00:09
  level, like that's a great sign. Who are you?
• 1:00:12
  Confessing to SO. Christian community.
• 1:00:16
  So guys in my life who are committed to, to helping me and
• 1:00:19
  I'm committed to helping them. Think about when the, the guy,
• 1:00:23
  the paralytics on the mat and his friends carry him to Jesus
• 1:00:26
  and it's crowded so they go to the roof, you know, So Christian
• 1:00:30
  community. So I've got a Christian
• 1:00:32
  community. I'm I'm confessing to them.
• 1:00:35
  So James 516 says confess your sins to each other and pray for
• 1:00:38
  each other so they may be healed for the prayers of a righteous
• 1:00:41
  person are powerful and effective.
• 1:00:42
  So I'm confessing, I'm praying. So I'm confessing them for the
• 1:00:46
  to the for the purpose of prayer and accountability.
• 1:00:49
  I'm praying very honest prayers, like in the in the gritty
• 1:00:53
  darkest season of my addiction, I am going to God with the most
• 1:00:59
  like honest prayers. I'm like, Lord, I'm going to I
• 1:01:01
  don't want to want. I don't let my mind wander here.
• 1:01:05
  I don't want to think about this person in this way.
• 1:01:08
  Like can you, would you just help me not to to want to to
• 1:01:12
  double click on something or to to take second looks or would
• 1:01:15
  just keep my mind pure? Would you would you strip my I'm
• 1:01:18
  just praying these really gritty, really honest prayers
• 1:01:23
  and then ours remove access says if your your your eye causes you
• 1:01:27
  to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away.
• 1:01:28
  If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off for it's
• 1:01:30
  better to enter the Kingdom of heaven without an eye or hand
• 1:01:33
  then for your whole body to be dragged away to hell is what
• 1:01:36
  Jesus says. So if you access pornography
• 1:01:40
  through your phone, you may need to get rid of your phone.
• 1:01:42
  People are like, gosh, you're such a legalist.
• 1:01:44
  Jesus says I in hand so. You can do without the iPad I
• 1:01:49
  think I. Think it's like the the phone
• 1:01:51
  you know, or get a brick phone, you know, get coveted eyes, get
• 1:01:55
  some accountability software. So you remove access and then I
• 1:02:00
  know no greater way to to overcome sin than to find a
• 1:02:04
  superior satisfaction in Jesus Christ.
• 1:02:06
  And so you have to replace like you.
• 1:02:09
  That's the defence. Now you got to go on offense and
• 1:02:12
  say, all right, I've got to grow my affections for Christ.
• 1:02:15
  So I thought I would be addicted to porn my entire life.
• 1:02:18
  And I remember I was I was in sales at the time, this pre
• 1:02:20
  ministry and I was driving down the road and there's this like
• 1:02:23
  there's this in Dallas. I was going down the highway,
• 1:02:26
  the freeway and there's this like adult bookstore and over
• 1:02:29
  that adult adult, you know, adult store, there's this
• 1:02:33
  billboard. And on this billboard is this,
• 1:02:35
  this woman in, in a bikini and, and just, it's kind of like
• 1:02:39
  larger than life billboard and this woman that I would see at
• 1:02:44
  the end of every day on my way to my house.
• 1:02:46
  And every day I would look up at that billboard.
• 1:02:49
  And on this particular day, I'm, I'm growing my relationship with
• 1:02:52
  Christ. I'm in my car, I'm worshipping
• 1:02:54
  and it just feels like Jesus is there with me.
• 1:02:57
  And I can feel as I'm driving down the freeway, I can feel
• 1:02:59
  that billboard getting closer and closer and closer And that
• 1:03:02
  on this particular day is like, I'm not going to look up.
• 1:03:04
  It's not worth it. I don't want anything to
• 1:03:06
  compromise the intimacy that I'm experiencing with Christ It I'm
• 1:03:10
  not going to look up and I passed it And I thought I'm
• 1:03:14
  going to be OK, like I'm going to be OK.
• 1:03:17
  And it was the first moment in my life I was like, I'm, I'm
• 1:03:20
  like healing is possible. And that's my message to people.
• 1:03:24
  As I want you to know, it's like you don't have to be addicted
• 1:03:28
  for the rest of your life. Like healing is possible.
• 1:03:32
  And so, and that's, that was just like, it was a turning
• 1:03:35
  point for me. Like I remember it like it was
• 1:03:36
  yesterday. I mean, but the emotions and
• 1:03:37
  whatnot. And I just you, I'm just like,
• 1:03:40
  it's, it's OK. Like it's possible now I'm this
• 1:03:45
  far. I mean, I've been married for 22
• 1:03:46
  years with three kids and it's like is, is the, is the desire
• 1:03:51
  for lust still there? Like this is people come after
• 1:03:54
  me for this and it's frustrates me and I, I think I, I, I, I'm
• 1:03:58
  confident I've misspoke here and I've said this the wrong way.
• 1:04:01
  But like, I want you to know it's not like I never desire
• 1:04:06
  that. Like the desire can still be
• 1:04:09
  there and you can still, it doesn't mean you just want to
• 1:04:12
  throw in the towel and just give way to it.
• 1:04:14
  You say, no, I'm going to fight because why?
• 1:04:17
  Because I still have an enemy. You know, the, my last book,
• 1:04:19
  your story has a villain. Like I still have a villain.
• 1:04:21
  There's still a Satan still hates me and there's still
• 1:04:24
  demons that come after me, but at the end of the day, I'm going
• 1:04:28
  to hold up the shield of faith, which extinguishes the fiery
• 1:04:30
  darts of the evil ones. You know, I'm going to walk in
• 1:04:32
  the path of righteousness and I'm going to surround myself
• 1:04:35
  with God's people and it and I'm going to confess.
• 1:04:37
  If I send as a pastor, I'm not going to hide it only to be
• 1:04:41
  found out. I'm going to expose it and say,
• 1:04:43
  look, look what I did, look what I wanted to do even, you know,
• 1:04:47
  and, and I just people, you know, I get criticized for that,
• 1:04:50
  but I'm just like committed. I I don't know why I would think
• 1:04:53
  you'd want to criticize people who hide their sin.
• 1:04:56
  Criticize. Because they're like, well, if
• 1:04:58
  you desire it, that you're still what, not qualified to be a
• 1:05:02
  preacher or like to have a temptation means you're not
• 1:05:05
  qualified. I mean, Jesus was obviously
• 1:05:07
  tempted. I think I've.
• 1:05:08
  Been to I think I've been to like reckless with my words and
• 1:05:12
  in the way that I've said that I desired it and like one time I
• 1:05:15
  did that, I said that and I and I even checked had a check and
• 1:05:19
  like took a video down, but it's too late.
• 1:05:22
  I see. Because it's just like the
• 1:05:24
  nuance of desire versus temptation versus like active
• 1:05:27
  entertainment of the thing, you know, can be maybe confusing for
• 1:05:31
  people. I, I really appreciate you
• 1:05:33
  sharing that. I think it's incredibly powerful
• 1:05:36
  because like you said, so many people in the in our faith
• 1:05:40
  struggle with pornography, men and women.
• 1:05:43
  And there's shame and there should be shame in the sense
• 1:05:45
  that it's wrong, it's evil, it's dark.
• 1:05:48
  But if the shame is turned into hopelessness, despair, you know,
• 1:05:54
  like a turning inward, unwilling to trust other people's love for
• 1:05:57
  you, God's love for you, and the hope, like you said, of being
• 1:06:00
  free of active sin and continue to.
• 1:06:02
  Hide it. I think that's what the shame
• 1:06:04
  does, is it causes the people to continue to keep it in the dark
• 1:06:07
  and things grow in the dark. So, you know, he says we're to
• 1:06:11
  be children of the light, to walk with the light and so.
• 1:06:15
  I want to throw in one more thing here too, which is
• 1:06:17
  connected to all of this, which is people who struggle with same
• 1:06:20
  sex attraction and that is a whole.
• 1:06:24
  We could do a whole other conversation just on their
• 1:06:27
  struggle, what their experiences are.
• 1:06:29
  But I think the through line with what you just shared is
• 1:06:32
  that you can have a disordered attraction or desire and you
• 1:06:36
  it's not for the same sex, It's for this for the other sex.
• 1:06:39
  It's lust, like lust effects every human can affect really
• 1:06:43
  every human person. And I do think in the church
• 1:06:46
  sometimes we isolate conversations about sexual sin
• 1:06:50
  to more disordered things of like, well, I same sex
• 1:06:53
  attraction or like, you know, you're not supposed to be living
• 1:06:55
  in a gay lifestyle when you're a Christian, etcetera.
• 1:06:57
  But the sins of the heart and the eyes, for someone who's just
• 1:07:02
  looking at some of the opposite sex, right, that is just as much
• 1:07:05
  a sin in God's eyes. That's what I.
• 1:07:08
  I think Jesus is saying in Matthew 5 when he says cut off
• 1:07:10
  your hand, gouge out your eye. I I don't think he's literally
• 1:07:13
  saying gouge out your hike. I cut off your hand, but he is
• 1:07:16
  saying one first and foremost makes send difficult.
• 1:07:21
  Like, you know, it's it's like consider offensive, like our
• 1:07:26
  defense rather like what does it look like to make send difficult
• 1:07:28
  for me? But two, he's saying you could
• 1:07:30
  cut off your arms and your legs and and, you know, be left with
• 1:07:34
  your torso as long as your heart's still there.
• 1:07:36
  The it's that's where the problem lies.
• 1:07:39
  Like the problem is within the heart.
• 1:07:41
  And that is what I'm I'm my message.
• 1:07:43
  I'm always trying to say is like we have you.
• 1:07:48
  You call it a desire, a lust, an attraction, an affinity for
• 1:07:53
  flesh, a sin nature. There are things that we want to
• 1:07:57
  do that are not good for us and and will ultimately lead to
• 1:08:01
  death. There's a way that seems right
• 1:08:02
  to a man, but in the end its way is death is the proverb says.
• 1:08:05
  And so we have to, we have to look at that, acknowledge it and
• 1:08:08
  say I'm not going to act out on that.
• 1:08:10
  That may be polyamorous desires, polygamous desires, homosexual
• 1:08:15
  desires, who know? It may be materialistic desires,
• 1:08:19
  desires for pornography, whatever.
• 1:08:21
  That desire is vanity. Desires like I just want to be
• 1:08:24
  more beautiful, get more lip injections like whatever say.
• 1:08:27
  Looks maxing. Yeah.
• 1:08:29
  Whatever it is that you say you know what their control, obsess,
• 1:08:34
  obsession. Whatever you look at it, you say
• 1:08:36
  this thing. This is my this is my
• 1:08:40
  proclivity. This is my inclination.
• 1:08:43
  I'm not going to act out on that.
• 1:08:45
  I'm going to be filled with the spirit.
• 1:08:47
  It could be a desire for drunkenness, desires to escape,
• 1:08:50
  desires to harm yourself. I'm looking at it.
• 1:08:53
  I'm not going to act out on that as it relates to homosexuality
• 1:08:56
  specifically or, or same sex attraction.
• 1:08:59
  You know, I think there's there's this verse that a lot of
• 1:09:01
  we hardly ever talk about in Matthew 19, Jesus talking about
• 1:09:05
  divorce and he brings in this idea of, of being a eunuch.
• 1:09:09
  And a eunuch is somebody who who does not have sexual
• 1:09:14
  reproductive parts. And he says some are made that
• 1:09:17
  way, which is really unfortunate.
• 1:09:18
  But that happened. If you were like watching over
• 1:09:21
  the King's harem as an example. And in the 1st century, you
• 1:09:25
  would be made a eunuch. And he said, but there are
• 1:09:28
  others who choose to live that way.
• 1:09:30
  They so they choose to live as though they don't have sexual
• 1:09:33
  reproductive parts for the sake of the Kingdom of God.
• 1:09:37
  And so they say, I'm not going to act out on my sexual desires
• 1:09:41
  because I'm going to prioritize the Kingdom of God.
• 1:09:44
  And he goes, not everyone can accept this.
• 1:09:45
  So he's saying, hey, this is this isn't the norm, but those
• 1:09:49
  who can accept it should. And so I think, I think Jesus is
• 1:09:53
  giving us a, a way here. He's saying, hey, there, there
• 1:09:56
  are people who have desires, but they're not going to act out on
• 1:09:59
  those desires because they prioritize the Kingdom of God.
• 1:10:02
  And that, I think that's something to that we should know
• 1:10:07
  and understand if we desire to follow Christ, yes.
• 1:10:10
  That's beautiful Some other dating questions and by the way,
• 1:10:15
  do you say date or court? I actually should I don't I?
• 1:10:18
  Don't say court, but like a lot of people do and and I I don't
• 1:10:23
  have a dating is the way today. I mean that that is the the
• 1:10:26
  modern phenomenon. I just think it's interesting
• 1:10:29
  like the where the word came from was the euphemism for
• 1:10:31
  prostitution. It's.
• 1:10:32
  Super interesting. I I want to just get granular
• 1:10:36
  one more time. Just as advice, practical advice
• 1:10:39
  for Christians who are listening who want to find their spouse.
• 1:10:44
  So for that first date and if they're using a dating app like
• 1:10:47
  Sacred Spark for as an example, which you guys know if you're
• 1:10:50
  listening, you may probably heard me talk about Sacred Spark
• 1:10:53
  before. It's a great dating app.
• 1:10:55
  What do you think? That first date?
• 1:10:57
  Or you're the guy who asked out the most godly woman and she
• 1:10:59
  said yes, that you know, what is that first date supposed to
• 1:11:03
  accomplish? The first date is supposed to
• 1:11:07
  accomplish an expression of intentions.
• 1:11:10
  And so in a confirming of intentions, meaning, hey, you're
• 1:11:16
  in a place where you to date, they're in a place to date.
• 1:11:20
  You're you're trying to understand that they are who you
• 1:11:24
  think they are. I always say that people ask me
• 1:11:26
  about Matt about dating sites, like I'm not a fan of going on a
• 1:11:31
  date with a stranger, you know, and say, well, how, how do I do
• 1:11:35
  that? Well, check references or like,
• 1:11:37
  you know, so hopefully they have some kind of reputation or
• 1:11:40
  they're, they belong to a congregation that, that you
• 1:11:43
  know, and are aware of and you understand that they're serving.
• 1:11:45
  And so people are like, like what, you know, what if I go on
• 1:11:48
  a date and I find out they're not a Christian?
• 1:11:50
  Like I get that asked that sometimes they're like, I don't
• 1:11:52
  know that I would go on a date with somebody that you, that you
• 1:11:56
  don't know that they're a Christian.
• 1:11:57
  Like I, I don't know that I would spend time with that.
• 1:12:00
  And so like you mentioned the one at some point.
• 1:12:02
  And, and so like the soul mates, like soul mates comes from Greek
• 1:12:06
  mythology, this idea that we are like two people or once one
• 1:12:09
  person, they were cut in half. And, and so you're trying to
• 1:12:12
  find your soul mate. And so like, I don't believe in
• 1:12:14
  the 1. I believe in, you know, the one
• 1:12:18
  is the one that you commit to. I believe in the you're looking
• 1:12:23
  from, you're not trying, you're not looking and searching among
• 1:12:26
  8 billion people. You're searching among a much
• 1:12:29
  smaller group of people who are committed to the Lord, which is
• 1:12:32
  actually good news because it's, it's not so much trying to find
• 1:12:35
  a needle in a haystack, but you're saying, hey, this group
• 1:12:38
  of people I could probably make it work with, with most of them.
• 1:12:42
  And so I'm, I'm trying to find the one that that is, you know,
• 1:12:46
  it would be, it is a real, a great compliment to, to my
• 1:12:51
  weaknesses and, and my strengths, you know, and you're
• 1:12:54
  thinking about it that way. And so as you go on that first
• 1:12:58
  date, you're, you're trying to figure out if there's going to
• 1:13:01
  be a second date. I mean, that really is it.
• 1:13:03
  And then, and then I just wouldn't the, the thing I would
• 1:13:06
  caution people from this is a hot take is staying in that
• 1:13:10
  relationship, that committed relationship season too long,
• 1:13:15
  because you know what I mean? It's just like you go on a first
• 1:13:18
  date, OK, They are who I think they are.
• 1:13:20
  We're going to go on a second date, OK, at some point that the
• 1:13:23
  third date you're like, now it's just us like, like you would be
• 1:13:26
  hurt if I went on a you found out I went on a date right
• 1:13:30
  before this one at the third date.
• 1:13:31
  You know, it's, does that make sense what I'm saying?
• 1:13:33
  And so now it's like, OK, we're not just like dating around like
• 1:13:37
  now we're, we're just at some point we're just dating each
• 1:13:40
  other. That's the season.
• 1:13:42
  I would stay in the least amount of time.
• 1:13:44
  How long I I think you want to long enough to know they are who
• 1:13:50
  you think they are. Some people.
• 1:13:51
  Say some people. Say you got to see them in all
• 1:13:54
  the seasons, like man, you can do that prior to even going on a
• 1:13:58
  date, you know, and so you can observe them from afar.
• 1:14:01
  You can serve with them in kids ministry.
• 1:14:03
  You can go on mission trips, you know, do all the thing.
• 1:14:05
  But, but like, now that you're in a committed relationship, I'm
• 1:14:08
  just like, man, God did not design us like, like when you go
• 1:14:13
  to the, the physical makeup of a man and a woman, He did not
• 1:14:16
  design us to spend a lot of time together and not be physical
• 1:14:19
  with one another. So, so it's a difficult thing.
• 1:14:22
  And so then what happens is a often a woman is like, OK, can't
• 1:14:26
  be physical, can't be physical, can't be physical, can't be
• 1:14:28
  physical. We walk down the aisle and the
• 1:14:30
  switch flips. And now I'm supposed to like,
• 1:14:33
  give, you know, be naked with this guy.
• 1:14:35
  You know, it's like, how do I do that?
• 1:14:37
  And, and so I, I, I would just say that season, we were not
• 1:14:42
  designed to stay in for a long period of time.
• 1:14:45
  And so I would say, so there's like what if you know, our
• 1:14:48
  engagements in a year, say, man, I would it's a long.
• 1:14:51
  Engagement. I would.
• 1:14:52
  I yeah, one, I wouldn't recommend it to and it's I not
• 1:14:55
  the Lord, you know, but two, I would limit time alone.
• 1:15:01
  I mean, I would be in groups and, you know, with your family
• 1:15:05
  and I just wouldn't I wouldn't be hanging out at her apartment
• 1:15:08
  just the two of you for a year. Like just weren't designed for
• 1:15:12
  that. I mean, that that you're asking
• 1:15:13
  for trouble. We had a.
• 1:15:15
  Nine month engagement, my husband and I too long yeah, we.
• 1:15:18
  Did four months, yeah, that. My my parents did like 2 months.
• 1:15:21
  His parents, I think was, it was less than six months and our
• 1:15:24
  story. Is we we got married.
• 1:15:25
  I mean, we got we started dating not as believers and and so
• 1:15:29
  didn't prioritize Christ. We became Christians and then I
• 1:15:33
  would and we cut out all the physical stuff when we became
• 1:15:35
  Christians. I said, I guess we're not
• 1:15:38
  supposed to do that. And then I was like, well, this
• 1:15:40
  is really challenging. We should probably get married
• 1:15:43
  and proposed that we were married four months later.
• 1:15:46
  I think they'll get me. I mean, if they're if they're
• 1:15:48
  godly, if you're godly, if you have good guidance and
• 1:15:51
  mentorship, if you're, you know, free of addiction and you know,
• 1:15:54
  active sin like that, like we were discussing and if you have
• 1:15:57
  this community around you, like, why would you wait more than a
• 1:16:00
  year, you know, to get married? I think that in today's world,
• 1:16:04
  it's usual or it's typical to wait maybe years, you know, for
• 1:16:07
  that wedding day. But I think that's because we
• 1:16:09
  have so much cohabitation. So we're just, we're all out of
• 1:16:12
  whack. Our timelines today I think are
• 1:16:14
  all out of whack. You mentioned the importance of
• 1:16:18
  physical and emotional boundaries.
• 1:16:20
  I think earlier emotional, but you just now physical.
• 1:16:22
  How early in a relationship should those be discussed?
• 1:16:27
  Like you had somebody on the show where y'all like talked
• 1:16:29
  about this and I remember seeing a reel and I was like, oh that's
• 1:16:31
  really interesting. Talking about like the first
• 1:16:34
  date, second date, third date. I think, I think in, in the
• 1:16:40
  first date, as soon as you're like, this is going somewhere,
• 1:16:44
  it's like, Hey, I want the guy. It should express his
• 1:16:46
  intentions. What I would say to guys
• 1:16:48
  listening is girls wonder, like they wonder if you're going to
• 1:16:51
  text, they wonder if you're going to call, they wonder where
• 1:16:53
  they're going, they wonder what you're thinking.
• 1:16:55
  And so people always ask about like, what does leadership look
• 1:16:57
  like in, in dating? And I was like, leaders remove
• 1:17:00
  confusion. And so I, I want to anticipate
• 1:17:02
  confusion and, and remove it. And so you, you clearly
• 1:17:06
  expressed your intentions. I had a great time tonight and I
• 1:17:09
  would like to see you again. I would love to take you on
• 1:17:12
  another date. I'm going to call you tomorrow.
• 1:17:14
  I'm going to give you some time to process that.
• 1:17:16
  You just need to know I'm going to call you tomorrow and I'm
• 1:17:18
  going to ask you like where you want to go from here.
• 1:17:21
  Be intentional. Do not be intense.
• 1:17:23
  The, the different intense is like, you know, hey, I'm going
• 1:17:26
  to pick you up and I'm going to, I'm going to walk you to the
• 1:17:27
  house. And there's that I'm not going
• 1:17:28
  to, and I just want you to know I'm not going to kiss you
• 1:17:30
  another. It's like that's, that's a lot,
• 1:17:32
  you know, but intentional is like, This is why we're here.
• 1:17:36
  This is where I hope this is going.
• 1:17:38
  This is what you can expect next.
• 1:17:40
  And that way she's not wondering.
• 1:17:42
  She's not, is he going to call me tomorrow?
• 1:17:44
  Is he not? Where's he going to go?
• 1:17:45
  He's like, no, I'm going to call you tomorrow.
• 1:17:46
  And if you want me to stop calling you after that, you
• 1:17:48
  should be prepared to tell me that tomorrow, do you think?
• 1:17:51
  The woman should signal interest, and if so, how should
• 1:17:54
  she do that? I have no.
• 1:17:54
  Problem with the woman signaling interest because Romans 12 says,
• 1:17:59
  you know, love must be sincere. And and I I think it's like
• 1:18:04
  you're playing games if you like a guy, but you like don't want
• 1:18:06
  him to let him know that. And so I don't even have an
• 1:18:10
  issue with with a girl saying, you know, if you ever asked me
• 1:18:12
  out, I'd say yes. I love that.
• 1:18:14
  That's pretty bold. You know what?
• 1:18:16
  I mean, if you ever asked me out, I just want you to know I'd
• 1:18:18
  say yes. It's like, OK, you're choosing
• 1:18:21
  your problems. Because like, if, if a guy is is
• 1:18:25
  and people change, like guys will grow into sometimes, you
• 1:18:31
  know, being more driven and clear and intentional.
• 1:18:35
  And, you know, it can be a, it can be a, an honoring thing that
• 1:18:39
  he's so smitten by you that he just is nervous and doesn't want
• 1:18:43
  to take action. I mean, that that can be a good
• 1:18:47
  thing. Yeah.
• 1:18:48
  I. Think you're saying we don't
• 1:18:49
  need to stigmatize like if the man isn't the first one to make
• 1:18:52
  the overt move. But she made, I had this thing
• 1:18:56
  about dropping the handkerchief, like I said, handkerchief, by
• 1:19:00
  the way. And I was like, it's chiff Lila.
• 1:19:02
  I'm like, it is OK. Well, I saw that.
• 1:19:04
  Lila and I thought she's saying that word so weird.
• 1:19:07
  Oh man. I was like why?
• 1:19:08
  Is she saying that word like that?
• 1:19:10
  I saw that. It's so funny that I learned.
• 1:19:12
  That day that it's handkerchief. I guess I've always my whole
• 1:19:16
  life said handkerchief. It's reading too many romance.
• 1:19:18
  Not like Laura Ingalls Wilder books when I was like 10 years
• 1:19:21
  old and like I never heard the word handkerchief.
• 1:19:24
  I I read it so I think it says chief anyways, whatever.
• 1:19:27
  Hilarious that we're talking about that 'cause I saw that
• 1:19:29
  clip. You judged me.
• 1:19:31
  No, I just was like, that's, I was like, maybe I don't know
• 1:19:33
  where she's from. Maybe that's like a that is.
• 1:19:35
  So funny. Australia, obviously, I don't
• 1:19:37
  know what they say there, but that is so funny.
• 1:19:39
  Well, handkerchief, Handkerchief, however you want
• 1:19:41
  to say it, but I totally agree. Like I, but I think some girls,
• 1:19:46
  if they're extra like type A types and they're like dropping
• 1:19:49
  it everywhere, like in a line, like you got to know yourself
• 1:19:51
  and like, you know, be, be demure.
• 1:19:53
  Like let yourself give him the opportunity.
• 1:19:55
  But at the same time expressing interest in a, in a feminine,
• 1:19:59
  you know, in a way, I think as a beautiful can be a beautiful
• 1:20:01
  thing. And then, and then you want to
• 1:20:04
  give him space to lead, though, like you were saying, like a
• 1:20:06
  leader's providing clarity and taking initiative like that is
• 1:20:09
  very much wired into the masculine.
• 1:20:11
  You want to give him space for that.
• 1:20:13
  Be intentional, not intense, ladies, no problem with you
• 1:20:17
  expressing interest. And and yeah, I just, I hope, I
• 1:20:22
  hope guys remove confusion. And another thing I would say
• 1:20:24
  about leading, because it's, I would say it purity.
• 1:20:28
  It's like that's, that's the other thing.
• 1:20:29
  It's just like, hey, we're, we're, we're going to be wise in
• 1:20:34
  the way that we go about this. So because like like impurity,
• 1:20:37
  like sexual, crossing sexual boundaries just confuses
• 1:20:43
  everything. At that point, you don't know
• 1:20:45
  what you feel because it's a liar.
• 1:20:47
  Like it will lie. It's like putting a magnet by a
• 1:20:49
  compass. So you don't know where it's
• 1:20:51
  going. At this point.
• 1:20:52
  It is like, of course you feel all of these things for somebody
• 1:20:56
  because you just did this thing that is supposed to take happen
• 1:21:00
  in the context of marriage. And it's just now it's it's so
• 1:21:03
  corrupted and it's hard to know which way is up.
• 1:21:06
  I have to. Brag on my little sister for a
• 1:21:08
  minute. She was not walking with God for
• 1:21:10
  a period of time and she shared this publicly, so she lets me
• 1:21:13
  share it. But she was, you know, had a
• 1:21:15
  baby with this young man and they were still dating and
• 1:21:19
  living together afterwards, but not married yet.
• 1:21:21
  And then he asked her to marry him, which is beautiful.
• 1:21:24
  And then they were and she was kind of coming back to faith,
• 1:21:26
  but then she made a decision to move out, to just be completely
• 1:21:30
  sexually pure before marriage as a part of as an act of obedience
• 1:21:34
  and final discernment because she knew like, I've had a baby
• 1:21:37
  with this man and you know, all these good reasons to marry him
• 1:21:40
  alongside that. But is this really what I'm
• 1:21:42
  supposed to do? I need to be clear headed, clear
• 1:21:44
  hearted. And so she moved out and she did
• 1:21:46
  that, I think for six months before they finally married.
• 1:21:49
  And he was beautifully respectful of that.
• 1:21:51
  I mean, he could have fought that, but he didn't.
• 1:21:53
  And I think that just took a lot of courage.
• 1:21:55
  And so that's anybody listening who, you know, maybe they've
• 1:21:58
  made mistakes sexually or they're even in a relationship
• 1:22:00
  where they're cohabitating, but they're finding faith again.
• 1:22:03
  Like you might feel like, how am I going to figure out the
• 1:22:05
  details? And it was super complex for my
• 1:22:06
  sister. Like, they had a baby together.
• 1:22:08
  So how's that going to work, you know?
• 1:22:10
  But they figured it out. She made that a priority.
• 1:22:13
  And God's grace came alongside the decision.
• 1:22:16
  And now they have 5 kids and they're happily married.
• 1:22:18
  You know, I don't know how many years later.
• 1:22:20
  Yeah. Yeah, man, it's amazing.
• 1:22:23
  Praise God. So.
• 1:22:24
  If you could give to close us out here, and this has been
• 1:22:27
  amazing. There's so many more wonderful
• 1:22:29
  things we could talk about. So you got to come back, JP.
• 1:22:31
  This has been awesome. If you could give one piece of
• 1:22:33
  advice to every single Christian person in the world today, what
• 1:22:37
  would that piece of advice be? Yeah, it's, it's, it's going to
• 1:22:41
  be so predictable. I'm almost and I'm sorry and I'm
• 1:22:44
  sorry. I'm not sorry, but it is.
• 1:22:48
  It's to prioritize the Kingdom. We're not here very long and,
• 1:22:52
  and nobody, nobody stands before holy God and says, why did you
• 1:22:57
  keep me single and why did you not let me have sex?
• 1:23:01
  You know, like that's, that's the conversation that's never
• 1:23:03
  happened in heaven, you know, And so I, I think you prioritize
• 1:23:08
  the things of the Kingdom because we're really training to
• 1:23:11
  live in this Kingdom in the presence of God forever and ever
• 1:23:14
  and ever and ever and ever. And I promise you will never
• 1:23:17
  regret going his way. And so I'm a guy that for for
• 1:23:20
  much of my life, I would say my, my young adult years in college
• 1:23:25
  and my young adult years, I just ran from God as hard as fast as
• 1:23:28
  I could. And I have, I have enjoyed the
• 1:23:31
  things of the world in like, in reckless proportions.
• 1:23:36
  So think like, think like binges in Vegas.
• 1:23:40
  You know, they say drug sex and rock'n'roll drug sex and hip
• 1:23:44
  hop. In my case, I was a man of the
• 1:23:47
  world. I had a penthouse condo in
• 1:23:50
  Uptown, bottle service on the weekend and was making money,
• 1:23:56
  you know, in the corporate world and spending it on the weekends.
• 1:23:59
  And I, I found Jesus and I'm totally sober minded right now.
• 1:24:04
  And I'm just telling you, he is where the life is.
• 1:24:08
  He's where the real adventure is, like he is where the
• 1:24:11
  goodness is. Like I have, you know, I thought
• 1:24:14
  Christians were lame and they didn't know how to have fun.
• 1:24:16
  And I'm like, they like, that's where it's at.
• 1:24:18
  Like that's where life is. And and so as you're thinking
• 1:24:22
  about, hey, what do I do in the season of singleness?
• 1:24:25
  It's like, I don't know if that season is for the rest of your
• 1:24:28
  life or for the next two months. You never know.
• 1:24:30
  That's that's the exciting thing about it.
• 1:24:32
  If you desire marriage, today may be your day like that.
• 1:24:35
  That person may walk into your life today.
• 1:24:37
  You have no idea for the sunsets.
• 1:24:39
  That's so exciting, but it's like as you as they find you,
• 1:24:43
  you want them to find you pursuing and prioritizing the
• 1:24:47
  things of God's Kingdom. And so look at your life right
• 1:24:50
  now, like what of your life is consistent with the Kingdom of
• 1:24:54
  God? And it's like, celebrate it,
• 1:24:56
  grow it, you know, pursue it. What of your life right now is
• 1:25:01
  not consistent with the Kingdom of God?
• 1:25:03
  Remove it, you know, delete it, get rid of it.
• 1:25:07
  And then we could be talking about paraphernalia, we could be
• 1:25:09
  talking about websites, we could talk about relationships, phone
• 1:25:12
  numbers, contacts, whatever, you know, whatever is in your life
• 1:25:16
  that is inconsistent with the Kingdom of God, you want to
• 1:25:20
  remove that from your life and prioritize the things of the
• 1:25:22
  Kingdom. And, and don't be afraid to
• 1:25:27
  pursue and look for marriage. If you desire that.
• 1:25:31
  Like it's, you know, the Lord is probably not going to have them
• 1:25:34
  fall through the roof, you know, And so if you're a guy and you
• 1:25:37
  desire marriage, there is a lot, there are a lot of amazing
• 1:25:43
  single women around you. Find one and ask her out.
• 1:25:48
  And you can do that before the sunsets today.
• 1:25:50
  You can take that initiative and see what God does.
• 1:25:53
  Amen. I love it.
• 1:25:55
  Thank you so much, Pastor JP. This has been awesome.
• 1:25:57
  Yeah, it's been. So great, thank you so much.
• 1:25:59
  I'm a fan of of your work in the show and grateful to be here a
• 1:26:03
  big. Thank you to our channel
• 1:26:04
  partner. EWTNEWTN is the world's largest
• 1:26:09
  religious broadcast network, reaching millions of people
• 1:26:12
  every single day with the beautiful truth of the gospel.
• 1:26:15
  You can be the first to watch new Lila Rose Show episodes 24
• 1:26:19
  hours before YouTube over at ewtn.com, slash on demand and on
• 1:26:24
  the EWTN app.