Latest / HAIstoric Phonograph — irreverent dispatches from a history that never quite happened
Two Balls, One Bactria: History's Horniest Conqueror Cage Match
Send us Fan MailAlright, buckle the fuck up, because we're diving balls-deep into a historical clusterfuck of epic proportions. The year is... let's say 327 BC, give or take nine centuries. On one side, you have Alexander the Great, a man whose primary motivations were conquering things, naming cities after himself, and cultivating a truly spectacular god complex. Having just finished subjugating the Persian Empire, this Macedonian super-twink and his army of beefy, wine-drunk hoplites are marching into Bactria—modern-day Afghanistan—probably looking for another hot local prince to marry…
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