Latest / Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community / The Wait Worth It | Part 2: Bringing Sami Home

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The Wait Worth It | Part 2: Bringing Sami Home · Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community

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What does loving your neighbor actually look like? This
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is Journey with Care, where curious Canadians get inspired
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to love others well through real life stories and honest
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conversations.
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Alright. We are back with our 2nd episode with
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our very own Kathy Boschmann. This is the
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2nd part of her story. If you have not listened to
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the first part, I really recommend you listen to that one first because you'll
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be missing a lot of context and just a fantastic story
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that's encouraging and uplifting. We talked about the
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whole process of her and her husband adopting their international
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child. And that was how many years ago, Kathy? 15.
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15 years ago. We ended the episode
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with them getting approved to go get
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Sammy, and they haven't left yet. And this is where We come
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in on this episode. So it's pickup of right where
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we left off, Kathy. You got approved for Sammy. You you have his name
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in front of you. You know you're going to adopt him, so
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what's next? Is he gonna be brought to you? Do you need to go pick
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him up? What what was that process like? There
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were a few options, but for us, there was no option. We
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wanted to go and experience Sammy's
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country, we wanted to experience where he
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was coming from, the children's home that they were caring for him.
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There was so much about it that we wanted to be there. There is an
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option of, you know, zoom in, get the child, and zoom out again
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without really experiencing that, but we chose to go for almost 2 weeks
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so that we could appreciate, you know, where he was coming
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from and, have that That experience with him
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as well as Heather, what some people refer to as a babymoon
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instead of a honeymoon, just to have that Time together as a family,
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and what a better way to start your relationship off than with a holiday.
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There are some Pieces in there when you go, you do have to
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get visas for your child to travel because they are still
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Samu was still an Ethiopian A citizen. He wasn't automatically
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Canadian citizen. But even though he was already legally
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our child and had been for 2 or 3 months,
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That had all happened in Ethiopia with the director of
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the children's home. She's our power of attorney. She goes to the court case and
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before the judge and confirms all of that on our
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behalf, which is such a beautiful gift to
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families. So we we chose to go.
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And and there was gonna be a group going in, like, the
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beginning of the new year. Like, in early January, there was gonna
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be a The whole group of parents going, but I just remember praying
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just like, lord, is there any way that we could go
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earlier? Like, I was happy to travel by ourselves. Like, I didn't feel like I
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need to be in a group to experience, you know, together with all these other
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families. I remember just like, Can I ask you, is it
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okay if I pray and ask you if we can do that early
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and go? Because when you got Sammy in front of you, he was 3 months
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old. How much longer did you have to wait when you found out you
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got to bring him home? Yeah. It was 10 months. 10 months?
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10 months. So he would have been our Adopted within,
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I guess, probably within 4 4 or 5 months, but then immigration
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piece, like, the waiting on immigration. And I think it's even worse now
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than it was then. Can you tell me about that 10 months? Because
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I can't imagine, Like, knowing, okay. We have our child.
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Mhmm. We're gonna be missing months of his development.
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Mhmm. And what what is he going through? What's happening with him right now. What
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was that like for you and your husband during that time? It was hard.
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Like, it's you know, you thought you're being very patient
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Leading up to there to even having a child placed with you. And
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I, personally, I felt a grace to wait. I remember
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My friend at the time who had also recently been through
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an international adoption, and they Didn't even wait as long
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as we had to have their child come home. She would kinda
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shake her head sometimes, like, wow. You know, just your ability to wait and just
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to recognize All these things need to happen, and
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recognizing too in even the expense of adopting
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just like All these people need to be paid. You know? This is their job,
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and we're not just paying 1,000 of dollars to we're
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not buying a child. We're paying people to care for him.
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We're paying people to help us get to
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achieve That dream to to reach that
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dream of being a family together. So, yeah, it was it was challenging.
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I got myself Very busy, you know, volunteering and
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distracting myself. I think I got a part time job
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doing something for a new organization in Winnipeg, You know,
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helping set that up. It was hard, but it's new. It is part of the
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process. But I think that's why when I was praying saying, god, can I ask
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you if we can go early? That was sort of me at the end of
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my my patients. During that 10 months, what was the
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preparation like for knowing you're gonna bring a child back home?
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Yeah. So we had baby showers. Each of our families did a
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little, you know, something for us, and the church had a shower.
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Well, I mean, house group or I can't remember all those
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details, but, again, community coming around us and
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making sure and celebrating with us, really, for the exciting
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phase that we are moving into. You got to prepare his room and get that
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already, buy some clothes. Is that Yes. A part of the process? Yeah. All those
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things. We had personally a beautiful preparation in that. The
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lord brought a a lovely woman into our lives, an Ethiopian
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woman who has adopted us as her forever family.
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And she came as a student, and we got connected to
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her through one of our friends. And she lived with
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us actually for I think ended up 3 or 6 months,
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but she has become to us a real
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Blessing again. A mutual blessing. More like a
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little sister to me than I would say, you know, what you've
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experienced as a a daughter, But we've become
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her her forever family in her or her Canadian family, she calls
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us. And so we have had the blessing of learning so much
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about Ethiopia even in preparation for going and
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about culture just by relating with her. I'll
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tell more about that later. But Part of that preparation and understanding the
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culture and who we're bringing into our family and that we're gonna
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become a bicultural or a tricultural family
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In that, Eric and I have different come from different cultural backgrounds
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as well. And so we've become this multicultural family,
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which has been Lovely. Beautiful. I love it.
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Yeah. I'd love to get into the some of the cultural aspects a little
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bit later. So you guys jump on a plane, You and
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Eric, both very excited.
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So where did you go to meet Kathy.
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And what was it like the 1st time you guys laid eyes on him?
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It was that moment of a dream coming true
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when Sammy was placed in our
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lap, on our couch, and it you know, from the
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caregiver putting him in our hands, like, I
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think it's, like, surreal in some ways. Like, we have a video of it, so
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I know it really happened. But it is, you know,
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years of longing that whole idea of a dream coming
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true that it it feels surreal. And we
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had time to visit and ask questions and whatnot, and then we went out into
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the yard Just walked around, and Eric singing
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some childhood German songs to him.
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Sammy was rather confused. Yeah. Just to be able to point
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things out to him. He was just 1 year old, really. And then,
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he actually fell asleep on my shoulder because it was In the afternoon, like
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nap time. And so that was just so precious, like,
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so so precious that it's hard to even
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Describe what that that's I I don't know what it's like to hold your child
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for the 1st time after they've been born. Maybe you can tell us what that
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feels like. I can tell you if it feels anything the same. Oh,
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the first time was a bit hectic for us. There were
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some complications. My wife didn't even get to hold him. I I got to
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go into, a waiting area with him, but I don't know if I'll do
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birth stories on this podcast or not. I think there's a whole
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podcast out there for birth stories. Probably. Yeah.
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Have you and Eric been overseas prior to this
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trip to pick up Sammy? Yes. I had done
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several over international trips. I was with YWAM
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in Mexico and Israel In 2001,
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I had the privilege of going to India for just over a month,
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and we'd been to Australia and Indonesia together
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at the end of 2001. It was a very international year. So going
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to Ethiopia, I would don't think it was
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as much as of a culture shock as it
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would have been if we hadn't Had that experience
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of going to those other countries. How did that experience
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feel different from Those other trips because the purpose
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was completely different. Yeah. I wonder if
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if we hadn't been to those other countries, Perhaps because we were
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so singular in our focus on meeting our
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son that the shock of Being
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in such a foreign place wouldn't have affected us because we were just
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so so, like I said, singular on meeting him and
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connecting with him and bringing him home. Yeah. I don't think it had as
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big an impact as it would have been otherwise.
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You got there and you met him the next day. How much longer did you
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guys stick around? We had 12 days there.
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The 1st day we met him, but but, actually, he stayed the
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night At the children's home. So it was just, I think,
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for his sake, just a sort of more gentle. It probably could
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have been even more gentle for him if he'd you know, we've done that few
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days in a row, but the next day, we brought him home. So then another
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11 I guess, another 10 days after that. Alright. So you pick up
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your child, and You have more than a week out
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there with a brand new child, not even bringing them home yet, and you're
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already taking your child on an international trip. So what was that
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like? How did you guys navigate that? Not having your own space
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to bring a child into, that would have been challenging. We were prepared
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for it. So we, you know, had brought along
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our baby bottles and had all the tips from Other
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adoptive parents on how to put the powder in the bags and put
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elastic bands on them so you can go for rides and be prepared.
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So that was Very helpful just having had other people's
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experience in our back pocket to to guide us in that. The guesthouse
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where we stayed was very nice in that it had, Like, we had a
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room, and we had a little kitchen. And the bathroom, they were all separate. So
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it felt a little bit more like a an apartment type situation,
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Which was really, really nice. The one big
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challenge of the 1st few days with us was
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that Sammy stopped eating. He refused to eat anything.
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The shock for him of being taken from home, what
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he knew as home, was Obviously, very
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stressful, and that really stressed me out
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that he wouldn't eat. He did drink his milk. That's what he
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wanted and understandably. And I still remember
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when after 3 days, we're at a restaurant
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and Eric, he was eating his meal, which is very
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simple food. Sammy, he took food from
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Eric, and I just remember, like, Just
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thank you. Like, just being so anxious about him not
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eating. He connected real right away with us, though, which so So I
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didn't feel like that he it's not that he was crying or, you know,
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resistant to us. Actually, we had a very positive
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experience with him When we did bring him back, I remember the
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1st night, I just rocked him in my arms and sang to him
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until he fell asleep. It must have been, like, 45 minutes Just singing
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worship songs over him, and we sang those songs together
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probably for 3 or 4 years every night. We always the
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same songs. So that 1st night, he he let me rock him to
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sleep. And then the next night, I go to do the same thing, and he
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kinda turns his head, looks at me, and then he looks at his cribs and
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sort of Juts' face towards the crib as in,
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like, lady, can you let me just go to my bed and go to sleep,
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please? Which is what he was used to. Right?
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So I just like, talk about good communication. Right? Like, even
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at 13 months old, he he is very Good at letting me know what
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he needed, and I was able to just let him do his
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thing and get to to sleep on his own. But We traveled a lot during
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those 12 days. We had the opportunity to go
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to a village called Nazareth, And
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there was a Canadian orphanage there,
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and the children all had AIDS and HIV, so they're being
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cared for. They were Not adoptable to Canadians.
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There were some Americans who were adopting the children, which was
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wonderful, But we had that the joy of being able to go to that
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place, bring some supplies and clothes and whatnot from Winnipeg
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here to them. So that was really neat experience to be able to
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go out of town and into the savanna and and experience
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travel a little bit to one of the lakes and And all of that with
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Kathy, and it was on that trip was the first time I heard Sammy
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laugh, really laugh. I Saw a chicken, and
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I started balking like a chicken, and he just
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was roaring with laughter. It was wonderful. So, of course, you
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know, I bucked like a chicken for a long time just to keep hearing that
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laugh, but it was some beautiful times to connect with him. And he
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still has a contagious laugh. Yes. Yes. He does.
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So did you notice any any shifts in your
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prayer life? What did that look like Even in the 1st
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week of having Sammy? We were honestly
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engrossed with Sammy, engrossed in connecting with him.
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But I do remember a few days in
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maybe towards the end, I remember going to a cafe. Eric
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and Kathy stayed back. I don't know if Sammy was napping or whatever and going
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to a cafe. They have awesome coffee in Ethiopia.
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It's where it's from. Yeah. Like, Super
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jolt that every new parent needs. I had this podcast called
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Awesome Things that I did kind of as an experiment when I was starting out.
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And I did 1 on coffee, and it talked about Ethiopia. So maybe I'll throw
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that on as a Yeah. Fun bonus episode on here.
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I'd like that. Just just a fun thing. Anyway, continue. Yeah.
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So I'd I'd gone to this cafe, just started
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journaling, like, just My experience, and I really should have reread
15:30
it before I came came on today, but
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I I think just affirming
15:37
The trust that I had in him to work
15:41
all things together for good, even though it had been so many
15:44
years To get to that point, to this place where here I
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am sitting in my son's birth country,
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being a parent, Being a mother, which is something I had
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longed for since high school, and I
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think a deepening of that trust In his goodness,
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his trustworthiness, his faithfulness. I'm sure
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I experienced Many times of like,
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oh, that's what it means to be adopted in the family of God. You
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know, there's all though those pieces that That I would have experienced,
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you know, early on as deepening my understanding of
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scripture and and what Was meant
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by those who wrote it in using that as an analogy for our
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relationship with god. I think The one
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verse, of course, that maybe hits a lot of
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adoptive parents is he settles The
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barren woman at her home is a happy mother of children. That's
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like my life. It's beautiful.
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So you guys had an extra time there probably already planned out
16:52
ahead of time. Were you quite anxious to get home and kinda
16:56
get life started already, Or were you happy to
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spend time out there and taking in the culture? Like, was that important to you
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to even take in as much as of the Ethiopian culture as you can
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to Even pass on to Sammy so that he knows his
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origins. Right? Absolutely. That was that was really
17:14
important to us to experience that, To have that
17:17
opportunity to to learn as much as we could
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and be able to understand The
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amazing culture that he comes from. Yeah. We we did quite a
17:28
few of the touristy things. Well, the other beautiful thing that we
17:32
had Was I mentioned in the last
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conversation we had about our dear friend, Adis, who is from Addis
17:39
Ababa, and She made sure that we went to see
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her parents, her family that lives there,
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and they treated us to a feast. But
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also even more amazing than that was just having a
17:54
day with them to experience life
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In Ethiopia with an Ethiopian family. It was
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so beautiful just to super relax and just to hang out and
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See their cat and and to see the compound where our
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Wendi, Adis, had grown up and the in her her childhood home
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and meet her parents. And I mean, her sister-in-law did a
18:17
coffee ceremony for us after the meal, which is if you've
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no. People have never Experience an Ethiopian coffee
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ceremony. Like, it's really special just to have
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that experience and to know that this is A really beautiful
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part of the culture as well. We ate out a lot, and
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I even got on stage and did some Ethiopian
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dancing. Do you have video of that?
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Yeah. I probably wasn't as good as I thought I was,
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But it was fun. And something beautiful about the
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the Ethiopian culture is just their warmth and beauty inside
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and out. They're just a very Lovely,
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respectful people that, should be
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honored. So have you seen some of those
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I mean, Sammy was really young when you brought him home. When you look at
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him today, do you see some of those
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Ethiopian cultural things that he that he's brought with
19:16
him. I I do see it once in a while. He speaks
19:20
very quietly. Now I don't know if that is,
19:23
common. I know our Wendi, Adise, is is quite a quiet person.
19:27
When we were going through our sort of orientation with
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adopting from Ethiopia, I remember them mentioning to us
19:35
that in Ethiopia, Instead of saying yes,
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sometimes they will blink. So that is
19:43
a way of of just affirming yes without actually saying the
19:46
word, And I had forgotten that. And
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when we arrived in Ethiopia, I remember there is a soldier in
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the airport with his machine gun. We're kinda
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looking at him going, like, did we go this way? Like, I'm trying to pointing,
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and I wasn't really sure where to go, and he did that blink to
20:05
me. They don't even nod. It was just a blink, but I'd totally forgotten
20:08
it. I'm like, excuse me. Should we go this way? And he did it again,
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and then And I started asking again. He's like, yes.
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It doesn't go that way. Anyways, fast forward many
20:19
years, Sammy did that to me once. He just blinked at me
20:23
as if to say yes to me without verbally saying
20:27
yes. I thought, Is that it just really
20:31
surprised me to see a genetic communication.
20:35
Now maybe he'd learned that as a baby, And it just sort of stuck with
20:38
him without realizing. He doesn't do it a lot, but I just remember being like,
20:42
oh, that was very, culturally appropriate
20:45
response from him. And, you know, perhaps other
20:49
Ethiopians would kinda say he's definitely responds
20:53
in that way, but beyond that, I can't really say.
20:57
Alright. So we're gonna fast forward a bit. You guys finished your
21:00
time there in Ethiopia. You're bringing him
21:04
on to an airplane. I share a little bit of that
21:07
experience. Yes. Yeah. We had to travel. I
21:11
think we landed in Yemen and then over to Germany and
21:15
then back to Winnipeg. I remember being really well treated. We
21:19
actually boarded the airplane on Christmas Eve on
21:22
Lufthansa, which is a German airline,
21:26
and they treated us so well. Like, they were just
21:30
giving us the royal treatment, like, as if we were in 1st class with
21:33
Sammy, and we had a bassinet. He could sleep there, and
21:37
Santa Claus came on the airplane. They saw him on the
21:41
wing, and he came on the airplane, and he was handing out Lufthansa
21:45
gear, you know, to different people. And That was really, really
21:48
great. Sammy slept. We slept, as much as we
21:52
could. But when we landed in in Germany, in Frankfurt, Sammy
21:55
would not go to sleep. Like, we we we had to walk him
21:59
around the airport. I remember being so
22:03
exhausted. Just like, please, please, like, let
22:07
me stop pushing you so I can rest. And
22:11
and as soon as we'd stop, he'd wake up or Start crying or or
22:14
whatever. So maybe, like, just So you're getting a real
22:18
new mom experience. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.
22:22
But The really neat thing was flying
22:26
home and landing on Christmas day
22:29
and coming down that elevator, And there was
22:33
40 or 50 people waiting in the airport for
22:36
us just blew my mind. To think
22:40
that people would give up their Christmas dinner together as a family
22:44
just to be there for us, for Kathy, it was
22:48
Still is obviously very overwhelming to think of that
22:52
love that was being poured out on us as a
22:55
family And to be able to celebrate together on
22:59
Christ's birthday. I had mentioned in my last our last
23:03
conversation that We left on my birthday to go to
23:06
Ethiopia. Sammy joined our family on that when we
23:10
got to bring him back to the hotel on my mother's birthday, And
23:14
then we were able to return to Winnipeg on Christ's birthday
23:18
or when we celebrated, really
23:22
solidified, like, the timing, the perfect
23:25
timing. The father's perfect timing. Even
23:29
back to my question about, can I ask
23:33
you that we can go earlier than than the
23:36
group? You know? And just affirming his
23:40
goodness and grace to us over
23:43
the many years of pain
23:47
And, suffering waiting for this day to happen.
23:51
It was awesome. Best Christmas ever.
23:55
Absolutely. So we don't have much time to go into
23:59
what life's been like for the last 15 years with
24:02
Kathy. But what about this 1st few months? How important
24:06
was community around you at that point? What kind of supports
24:10
do you remember We're really helpful during that time.
24:14
I think those 1st days were
24:18
wonderful, you know, As much as I'm
24:22
sure when people bring their babies home from the hospital, you're kind
24:26
of in like, what is going on? And trying
24:30
to find a rhythm together as a family.
24:34
We were getting up at 4:30 in the morning because of the jet lag,
24:38
and I think that 1st season
24:42
was very exciting for us, and there is
24:45
some Beautiful things that happen, like church community put
24:49
on a sort of a welcome home for Sammy and a fundraiser to help
24:53
Pay for the adoption and Wendi up raising enough to have paid for
24:57
the trip itself, which was really wonderful and such a
25:01
huge blessing to us. And just to know that
25:05
there was that desire and connection to
25:08
support us that way, with the family. I did feel some of
25:12
the isolation of parenting. Eric
25:16
went back to work almost right away, which is,
25:20
you know, understandable because we had to keep living.
25:24
But, then also in feeling more of an isolation, I think,
25:28
in parenting and probably, again, very normal, I
25:31
imagine. I think one thing that I probably didn't
25:35
Speak up about because it seems very selfish that would have been very helpful
25:39
is how often you hear of, oh, the new
25:42
baby. Let's bring meals to the family to make sure that they have what they
25:46
need. And, that was something that I didn't
25:49
experience, which kinda felt like a bit of a a letdown that way. But
25:53
I'm sure there's like, oh, well, you didn't give birth to the child, so you
25:56
probably aren't feeling the physical aftereffects
26:00
of of birthing a child. I'm guessing that's sort of the
26:03
mentality or whatever, but I think that I feel like I would have
26:07
benefited from some of that support just
26:11
Even emotionally emotional support of knowing that,
26:14
okay, they're they're thinking about me and and the challenges of
26:18
parenting a new child. I think that's so important to bring up
26:22
because, like, that's what our podcast is about, how do we love our
26:25
neighbors better. And even for those that are bringing in
26:30
Foster children Mhmm. Or if if they're temporary
26:33
placements and adoption, like, that's still a new person in a
26:37
home. Both people are adapting to life and
26:41
they need to even feel that love and support around them. So
26:45
People coming around, bringing meals. You don't have to
26:49
actually physically give birth to a child to need that support and
26:53
that love surrounding you from your community. Yeah. I do wanna
26:57
apologize for anyone who did bring me a meal, and I've forgotten that you did.
27:01
Please don't be offended. So that would have been a challenging journey,
27:05
feeling isolated like a lot of new moms do because
27:09
all of a sudden They're left alone. Their spouses aren't around, and they're left
27:12
with this new person to care for. What are some ways that you're
27:16
able to Stay strengthened spiritually during that time
27:20
and even even mentally like, staying mentally healthy during
27:24
that time. I think the,
27:27
Opportunity to get to connect with other mothers going
27:31
through the challenges of parenting is a really good
27:35
thing. Moms groups, small groups,
27:39
and taking those opportunities, but also
27:42
Something I maybe wasn't as good at as I am now
27:46
is taking care of yourself and taking
27:50
those The time to get out to exercise, taking the
27:54
time to be silent and to to be in
27:57
prayer, to remember That you
28:01
are an individual as well as a mother, and that you're a
28:05
couple as well as parents, All those very important
28:09
pieces, to keep in mind. I know it's hard. It can be
28:12
hard because it's so easy to get wrapped up in Caring
28:16
for your children and their needs and
28:19
their well-being and but just being able to remember our own
28:23
is good. It's not selfish. It's important so that you can care well,
28:27
in caring for yourself. Yeah. And I think just the whole journey in of
28:31
adoption, like, That whole mental health piece is huge. Dealing
28:35
with infertility, you know, having gone through those years of it
28:38
and processing it and Grieving, really, that
28:42
loss, but also in an adoption knowing your family
28:46
is about to be transformed forever, and I even
28:49
liken it to getting married. You're making a choice to
28:53
not be single anymore. You're making a choice for this person, and and the same
28:57
thing with adoption. You're making a Choice to add this person to your
29:01
family, and what a beautiful picture of
29:05
commitment to one another, to saying, I choose you.
29:09
You know? Just like you do when you're when you're getting married, you say to
29:12
your your spouse, I choose you From this time forward, it it's
29:15
the same thing with your child. I choose you,
29:20
whatever that might mean, And for the future.
29:23
Choosing to love another person that might not
29:27
necessarily have that same Family, that
29:30
same love if we didn't choose it. And that's what
29:34
Christ does for all of us every day.
29:38
He chooses to love us, and we get to reciprocate that by loving each
29:42
other. It is so beautiful. And to be able to be a part of it
29:45
and to Experience that as a family together and to live that
29:49
out is sometimes challenging, you know,
29:53
as as any relationship can be, but I would make that
29:57
choice all over again. Now if you were doing it all over again, I'm
30:00
gonna ask this question I did last episode. What kind of words would have been
30:04
helpful for you to hear? I think just in the whole parenting
30:08
piece, I would say to myself, relax,
30:13
enjoy, because the years
30:17
speed by so quickly and
30:20
celebrate each moment. What do you think the
30:23
Lord thinks about your adoption journey? If you looked at his
30:27
face and told him that story, what would the look on
30:31
his face be? I can only think that it's joy.
30:35
Do you know that yes. Yes.
30:39
That That creation of family. I
30:43
mean, isn't that what he did when he created us?
30:47
That finally being able to Pour out his
30:51
love on us, the human race, that
30:54
he's made us to be in relationship with that
30:58
almost like a A dam bursting, you know, and the water
31:02
gushing out. Finally finally, I can pour out
31:06
my love. Yeah. The reality is we are all part of
31:10
an adoption. He's adopted us, and
31:14
so this conversation's relevant for all of us. We can get a
31:17
glimpse into his heart, and we're so thankful that you you shared your story.
31:21
We got to see a piece of the lord's heart that you've demonstrated for
31:25
us. So thanks for joining us.
31:29
Thank you for joining another conversation on Journey with Care, where
31:33
we inspire They're curious Canadians on their path of faith and
31:37
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31:40
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32:14
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