Latest / The Feel Good Club for Ambitious Moms of Neurodivergent Kids / Weekly Planning Routine for a Working Mom
Transcript
- ROCKY: Yes, there will always be some level of mom guilt, but how you go about prioritizing your energy and your focus and how you're present really is what matters. If you only have five minutes to be present, I would take your five minutes over 20 minutes of you not being present, but just physically there. Welcome to the Feel Good Club podcast. This is the place where ambitious working moms learn how to elevate their wellbeing, increase success in all areas, and create a positive, aligned life. Whether you're here to hear expert interviews or inspiring talks, this is your space to learn and grow. I'm Tia Graham, keynote and TED speaker, bestselling author and founder of the Feel Good Club Community for high achieving moms. I am an expert in the science of happiness. This show is here to help you feel grounded, happier and connected to yourself and others. I know you are going to love it. Thank you for being here. Let's dive in. Hi, Allie. Welcome to the show. Hi, it's so great to be here. I'm so glad to have you and I can't wait for listeners to be inspired by you and learn by you. So we're going to talk about Time Smart Motherhood, reclaiming your schedule. not losing your sanity. So staying sane. This is the feel-good club. you know wanting people to obviously reclaim some of their happiness as well. So how can busy moms create a routine, a weekly routine that supports their personal goals, their career goals and their family life without completely burning out? That's a great question. Well, you know, they can work with me, Time Smart Mama, but the tools that I implement that they could take away from today, there's about five. Having anchors is huge, establishing an anchor, defining your big three priorities that you wanna accomplish that day, and trying to limit it to be one work-related, one home and family, and then one personal. That'll just help you to feel a little bit more accomplished and well-rounded. And the rest of the stuff that you get done will kind of be in a way like a mind trick, but it'll be like a bonus because you accomplished your tasks. And are you setting these, the personal, professional, family, are you setting those goals the evening before? Or are you setting those on like a Sunday or how do you actually set those so that you make sure you kind of take care of the important things in your three big buckets. So high level, I plan my week out ahead of time. Like I plan months out, whatever I can. I mean, the entire school calendar for the full year is already in my calendar. Yeah, same. And then I kind of plan around that. So I do have a Sunday reset day. where I go and I look at everything I have going on for the week and all the things that I need to accomplish that week. So yes, home and family time, that personal, that will get taken, I would say that would get taken care of on Sunday where I would maybe say, think Wednesday's, a little more open for me, I'll probably get my nails done or whatever the personal thing I wanted to do for myself. Right. when it comes to work, sometimes things change. And so if I've got a deadline coming up, that will be my number one priority. I would get that done. Or if I have some research to do, it'll be based upon my energy, if that makes sense. If I have a really crammed day and I feel like I'm rushing, I'm not gonna be great at doing the research that I need to get done for whatever task from my assignment for work. So what I would do is I would plan whatever that priority was of that task on whatever day had the most flexibility for me. ⁓ But yeah, every night I would review my top three that I wanted to get done the next morning and just I think, with work, would be a little bit more interchangeable. Right. And so it sounds like you are quite consistent of making sure, because everyone listening is spending definitely, they're spending time on their kids and house and they're working. It sounds like you have intentionality and prioritization around that pillar of self, whether it be nails or working out or out with a girlfriend or whatever it is, right? Reading all the different things that fill us up. I'm hearing that you don't let that slide that you're not like two weeks go by and you haven't done anything for yourself. Well, I wish I could say that. I wish I could say that, but no, I will say that the third one, my personal always is going to be the one that's moved last and takes the back seat. However, I am more intentional with my time so I can have that flexibility of including myself as part of my daily routine. I block out time now. I simplify and I have systems that give me the freedom to have the time that I need for myself. So it's not so hard to take it, if that makes sense. Got it. And it's not about this, ⁓ rigid, and I don't like using the word, but I'll say it, like perfect, where it's this daily gift to self. But it's top of mind. You're creating systems so that there is more time affluence. And ⁓ you're making sure that self, again, still is top of mind. And ⁓ for everyone, as you're listening, Our taking care of our well-being right in the science of happiness. It is so so so important. So whether it's your spiritual well-being your physical well-being your mental your relationships with other people like besides your core family friends and family your emotional well-being etc. The only person that's going to make that a priority is you. Yes, no one else like is going to I mean maybe sometimes your husband's like hey You need to go out or go do the thing. And what I've noticed is I am the center of my household. My temperature dictates the entire temperature of the household. We are the emotional leaders. Yes. So if I'm stressed and anxious and I'm not keeping it calm and collected, my kids are going to replicate that. And they're going to feel that. So I need to take time to clear my headspace. to reset, to recalibrate, however it is I do it, whether it's a quick walk, whether it's a little of a read, whether it is getting my nails done or what you name it. Yeah. I do have amazing meditation this morning. Yeah. Does that be two hours? It can be like 30 minutes, which is one of the things I have. Protect white space. It's blocked in on your calendar. It's scheduled in for you so you can reset and move on to the next task without bringing in the stress and energy from the previous thing that you were doing into the next. And that helps me to just feel calm, collected, and in control. And when I feel like I'm in control, then I'm a much better representation for my whole family and showing them how to be in control and how to be happy. And then time blocking, that's my fifth tool that would be highly agree, I highly, highly recommend using. You obviously would apply this in your corporate world, but at home, time blocking is just as essential because it allows you to spread out what you need throughout the week. You don't cram everything at once and it helps you to do batching. like batching similar tasks like errands or even work assignments and things. So you're not wasting time doing it like three times or doing the process. Right. of in this even flow. And how much time do you block on Sundays for the reset, planning, looking at everything? like about an hour. know, ⁓ because everything is so fluid now where, you know, the cleaning, I have ⁓ a rhythm for that. Yeah. The groceries and stuff is all kind of planned. Yeah. you know, just verifying and checking, you know, throughout the day. I always look at my calendar every day and verify that I'm, you know, on it. Yeah. So having those little points of check-in really helped me throughout the week. So on Sunday, it's not like I'm playing catch up. I'm more just kind of prepping for the next week. looking at the week. Like, oh, there's a birthday party. Got to get a gift or, you know. Right. All those things of, yeah, of the looking ahead. ⁓ so my husband and I do a, so I have a, I'm similar with Sunday reset, but I'll share if this might be helpful for, if you're listening, ⁓ is my husband and I actually have a 30 minute meeting on Friday. So we both work from home. We do it in person, but you could obviously do this over Zoom or et cetera. But, ⁓ and we look at, the next week and sometimes we look at the next two weeks and looking at, okay, where do we need coverage, nanny hours, what's going on with kids, any appointments or things we need to do and that, and we do that on Fridays. And so I feel like when we go into the weekend, we're already like the next seven to 14 days are planned and organized and we know what's happening. And that's been really, really helpful because What happened was, I felt when I was doing it with my husband on Sundays, it felt more chaotic because the kids are around. Whereas on Fridays, the kids are not around in the middle of the day. yeah, that's a tool that helped. Let's take a quick pause for something that can really support you. If you constantly question if you are good enough as a working mom and desperately want to feel happier, I'd love to invite you to a complimentary discovery call with me. In 45 minutes, we'll get clear on what is out of alignment, what you want your days to feel like, and two to three simple changes you can make immediately to feel calmer and more confident. It's completely free and it's a chance for us to connect and see if the Feel Good Club for Working Moms or One-on-One Coaching might support you. To grab a spot, go to tiagram.com forward slash discovery call. That's tiagram.com forward slash discovery call and pick a time that works for you. What are the biggest mindset shifts? And I'm going to put in the word beliefs. That ⁓ that working moms need to make when it comes to time, guilt, mom guilt, work guilt, and productivity. And for someone listening that's feeling like, God, I never have enough time, need more time. Yes. So one of them is time is flexible, not fixed. The old mindset, as you just kindly stated, I never have enough time. You need to shift that and think about how you get to decide how you use the time you have. So you say to yourself, I get to decide how to use my time. Yes, the time that I have. whatever the block is, you're the one that's in control deciding how you manage it. And basically, it's kind of crazy. But when you prioritize and delegate, and simplify your systems, you would be so surprised actually how much time you do have in the day. And it just takes a little bit of work upfront. And then when it's like a well-oiled machine and it's going, you'll realize, ⁓ my gosh, like, wow, like, what am I gonna do? I do have like 30 minutes. I do have an hour right now. I do, it's, I know it seems far-fetched, but when you can simplify and delegate, telling you it works. I want to it again. You said simplify, delegate, and prioritize. prioritize. And so you need to prioritize creating time to figure out what you want to simplify, what are your priorities, and what you want to delegate. So it's taking that time to actually step back and look at your entire personal and professional life as a whole. Yes. And in the beginning, it's going to take a little bit of time to do that. But the amount of return you get on that investment is going to be exponential and it's not going to just affect you. It's going to affect everyone around you. And it's so worth it. So worth it. My marriage is stronger. My relationship with my kids feels better, stronger. I feel more confident and rested and I just can't think that enough. I mean, can't say that enough and think and truly believe that it's all about how you manage your time. And think about time. Think about time and your relationship with time. Right, your relationship with time. I would love to hear your perspective and thoughts on guilt. Let's say there's someone who feels guilt on a regular basis. They question if they're spending enough time with their kids. Maybe they're in corporate, right? And they also struggle with feeling guilt that they are not spending enough time on work. What would you say, beautiful mom? Well, girl, work will always be there. Your kids want. And If you're sitting next to your kid, spending, let's say you have an hour or two and you're sitting on your phone answering work emails, that time, maybe you're dedicating two hours to them, is worthless. If you give them instead 30 minutes of your undivided attention, that quality time carries so much further than those two hours or one hour sitting next to them while you're attempting to work. Even though you're physically there, if you're not present, it just... It doesn't work. Also, being able to be consistent about your time. So prioritizing like, know I am going to make my family dinner at 5.30 every night. Like I will be physically there if I'm not on a work trip or something. And that is my time with my family. It's something that your child can depend on you to be there for. It's consistent and it's also sets up a great boundary with work saying, hey, this is my time. I have to be here for dinner. I'm going to put my phone away, I will return and I will check the emails and I will get it done. And that is a great way to help alleviate a little bit of mom guilt. I mean, we're moms, we are going to feel guilty probably until we die. Because we care, it means care, right? want to show up. Yes, there will always be some level of mom guilt. But how you go about prioritizing your energy and your focus and how you're present. Yeah, really is what matters. If you only have five minutes to be present, I would take your five minutes over 20 minutes of you not being present, but just physically there, but just physically there. So as you are being intentional about planning your week, you're going to look at what are those 30 minute windows? What are those? Maybe it's an hour. What is it where I'm going to be present? not on my phone. I'm going to really have that focus and have that goal and know that that's what matters. ⁓ And Ian, I will share because I struggled with guilt for a decade. I haven't felt that much guilt over the past year, but for a decade, I so much mom guilt for many reasons. But when I read the well-being research that there is no difference. between the happiness of children of a stay-at-home mom and a working mom, that kids, there is, doesn't, there's no research that's like kids of moms are way less happy. What matters are many different other things. For example, is there conflict all the time in the home? Right? If there's tons of like, is there lots of stress and lots of that? And for example, other things. There's not a marker that's like, ⁓ working mom, less unhappy kids. And I remember reading it being like, wow, I should have read this research a decade ago. So it's not about us working. It's back to your point. It's what are we doing when we're with them? How are we showing up when we're with them? Right. Which I love. That is so important is the quality over quantity. being able to create, if you can, a calm environment for your kids where they feel safe, where they feel at home and it's not like they're walking on eggshells and they don't feel like you're stressed all the time. I mean, that's one of my biggest things that I like to do is by implementing my Time Smart Mama program, my tools and my resources, I'm creating a calm environment for my family to start each day at their best. And that is it all starts with us, right? It's the same whether it's yeah, whether you want to feel like, I'm doing this and the mom guilt that I get because I'm not not there, but I'm but I'm laying down the foundation and I remind myself I'm doing this for them. I'm working here for them. And so I can get this done now so I can be present later and I can be focused later. Right. And we get a lot of purpose and meaning and value and connection. could go on and on work gives you as this human, this female human a lot. And you know, sometimes when I have gone down like the guilt train, my husband will be like, do you want the girls to work? And in half a second, I'm like, of course. Now, if they want to be a state of moms, I will support them. But I've always found so much joy and purpose in working. I've been working since I'm 12. I love working. Me too. So I'm like, yeah, no, we're also role modeling of independence or purpose, et cetera. mindset is a lot, whether it's mindset around time or mindset around the guilt piece. So what's a tactic or a habit? You've shared a lot. You've shared a lot around planning and mindset and productivity and delegating and prioritizing self. ⁓ Can you think of a couple ⁓ habits that really help you feel good as a working mom? Yeah. So my daily top three, I have this every day that I said before, my top three priorities. having those taken care of every day. One priority I know I'll get done for work, one for my home and family, and one for personal. Making sure I check that box off every day just helps me with my mindset. It makes me feel like I've achieved and accomplished something. And it also makes me feel like I've given attention to all the areas that matter in my life. So there's that one. ⁓ Another thing that helps me feel good as a working mom, really is prepping the night before so I can create a very smooth morning the next morning. And creating a calm environment for my kids where we're not stressed and rushing out the door really sets them up for success that day. You can tell how different their mindset is, especially when they're younger. When you're rushing out and you're gonna be late and you gotta go and get your shoes and do this and do that. versus, yeah, we've got time, all right, let's go, okay, let's look a flower, awesome, you know, and rather than get going, get going. They learn better, they're more receptive, they're happier. Less anxious. Less anxious, and so just being able to take the step, the habits that I have of really being consistent at nighttime to prep and make sure that my morning will run smooth. And what I mean by prep is, Every night I make their lunch. Every night I lay out their backpacks with their waters pre-filled and their clothes. know, I mean, if they want a selection, I have two options of clothes, whatever. I try to make the decision-making in the morning as simple and smooth as possible. And that's also for me too. I'm gonna wear either workout clothes or work clothes if I'm going into the office, whatever it is. And I have... my lunch already ready to go. I have everything I need. So when I get up in the morning, I am getting ready. I am getting them ready. I am throwing in everything I need to just make sure we are all collected and able to walk out the door with so much more ease and be early, not late. So if you are not at this place right now, it's OK. No judgment, no shame. Beautiful working mom who's listening. Take the time to think about what do I need to plan? What do I need to organize? What do I need to think about and do the night before or the Sunday before the week to create more of a calmer rhythm? Every day is not going to be perfect. But taking that time to invest in that is going to reap benefits for you and your kids. I will share with you because I'm someone who hates being late. My mom was always late as a kid, nonstop. So I'm like, always have this anxiety of being late. And something that's helped me, because inevitably sometimes my husband and kids run late. Like stuff's out of my control. I say to myself, it's OK if we're five minutes late. It's OK if. She's going to be 10 minutes late. Like, do you want your kid to be late to school? No. But just saying that, it's not that we're starting heart surgery with you. And even that shift, usually we're not late. But just saying to yourself, anyway, that's been really helpful for me. No, that's a really good point. I do want to stress that. It's not life or death here. calm. Yes, keeping calm. Like me saying, I'm not stressed. I just want the buffer to be there. Don't have to be stressed about maybe being late. Yes. Absolutely. it's not the end of the world. It's not the end of the world. That's another thing I want to try to instill to my kids early on is being able to overcome not meeting your goals every time because you're not. No. Maybe I'm not going to be early every single day and that's okay. Yeah. Maybe I'm not going to to win the soccer match, that's okay. Maybe I'm not gonna hit whatever my earnings was or my bonus or my measurement in work. That's okay, I'm gonna learn from it and I'm gonna do better next time. Yeah, resilience and that self-talk. every day we learn from, well, maybe self-talk. Brush our teeth earlier. Yep, yep. So I know that you have a very valuable gift for the listeners. So can you tell us about that? Yes, so I have a 10-minute reset routine checklist that'll just help you to bring a little bit more calm and peace to your day, easily reset and move on. So I'm going to share that with you and hopefully it works. ⁓ that's awesome and I love that it's not a lot of time that you could do that reset. And Ali, where can people find you and follow you? if they want to learn more. Yes, please follow me on my Instagram at Welcome to Mama Hood, the number two. And you can also visit my website at welcometomamahood.org. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on the Feel Good Club show. And I appreciate all the tips that you shared and hope to see you again soon. Thank you. And I appreciate what you're doing for all the working moms out there, you know. It's so nice to have you in our court. Of course, of course. Thank you for joining me on the Feel Good Club Show. I hope today's episode left you feeling inspired and equipped to take on your day with confidence, self-love, and joy. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your fellow ambitious working moms. Remember. You are not alone on this journey. We're all here to support each other in feeling good and living our best lives. Until next time, take care and be hopeful. And remember, prioritize your happiness.