Latest / Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community / Choosing Kin | Part 3: Embracing New Family Dynamics with Danika

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Choosing Kin | Part 3: Embracing New Family Dynamics with Danika · Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community

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What does loving your neighbor actually look like? This
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is journey with care, where curious Canadians get inspired to
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love others well through real life stories and honest
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conversations.
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All right, we are back for our third episode in this
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series with my adopted daughter, Danica. The first
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episode, we talked a little bit about your story growing up, what it was
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like living with your dad, who suffers with PTSD,
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how that's affected you as a child, also just your school and
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home situation and how you transitioned into Bible college. And
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then for that second episode, we talked about from Bible
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college to the internship into joining our
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family. And that's where we kind of ended off, where I got to walk you
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down the aisle at your wedding, and you have.
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Unofficially, I'm an undocumented daughter. Yeah,
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that's it. So now we're going to go into that a little
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bit. What it's like navigating being an adult,
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adopted into a family, both from my perspective and
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from your perspective. Yeah. First off, some of our listeners might be
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asking, well, what do your parents think about
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you being adopted into a family? Well, my
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dad's the easy answer. He doesn't know. And it
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happened. And because it was so natural, I kind
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of neglected to let my mom fully know about
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it until, like a month before the wedding.
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And she took it well. It was
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tricky, but she just wanted to know you guys
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and get to know a little bit more about how it happened. And so she
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and I have had several conversations about it, and she's really thankful
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for it because she's walked me through it, and
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she's seen the pain. She's watched it, and so she's really grateful
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and very thankful that I have this and that God's
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answered that prayer for me, because it's just like she's been there the nights that
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I've just absolutely been wrecked and was really grateful,
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especially because I had this when my dad did what he did, because
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it's allowing me to heal. And so after we had
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a conversation and explained it, it's good. And right before the wedding, I
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think we sat down with your mom for maybe a lunch or something
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because she's like, I want to know who's walking my daughter down the aisle.
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That was interesting. Yeah. My mom, she
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also has people that are like family to her, too, so she really gets that
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understanding and has said, sometimes family's blood and sometimes
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family's just who you pick and who the Lord gives to you. So
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my sister is like, cool. Have they noticed any difference in you
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since you've gotten married? Yes. They're both really
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thankful for Jaden. I mean, it's helped. And they've
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just noticed more confidence and more. I know who I am,
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and I'm not ashamed of it anymore. And that they've just noticed
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an increase in just that. I'm happy. We live a province away
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now. It's like, it's not just because I'm sad and don't want to talk, but
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it's actually just because I'm just doing things that take up my time.
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And it's been really good, and they're really excited for me.
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Okay, so how long have you been married now? How long has it been? We
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got married July 30, 2022. So a
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year and like a half, I think. So you're still technically
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newlyweds, I would say. Technically, we're newlyweds, yeah. We're coming up on our
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second year this July. Again. You felt like
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family before then? Part of our household. I got to walk you down the aisle
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at your wedding. Well, I think on the topic of being walked down
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the aisle, because we didn't really talk about that in
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depth. What was it like on your guys'end after
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that, having that being solidified for you and your
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wife? Yeah, that's something that we still navigate. I mean, my
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wife has taken a long time, and she's getting way better at this.
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And I am, too. Like, when people ask us about our lives, about our
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jobs, how many kids do you have? The answer for
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the last. Well, I guess 13 years has always been, oh, we have
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three kids, but now we're just getting used to. And I think it's
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becoming way more common for us to say, yeah, we have four kids. And
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then they ask what their ages are. And that's always interesting because
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when we get to, our eldest is 24 years old.
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Yeah. And they're like, but how old are you?
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It's complicated. Right. That's always the answer. It's
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always the answer. But we are proud to say we have four
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kids, and we are proud to have you as part of our
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journey and our story. It's brought excitement to our lives.
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Even the fact that you're going into social work, it's another
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child that we can be proud of for what she's accomplishing. And, of
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course, having our children and our daughter, especially
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having a big sister, it's been a huge blessing.
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We talk about how he brings the lonely into families, but he
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also brings the lonely for the family, I believe.
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And that's what has been you coming into our family. It was
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a huge blessing for us. And not just for you. It's not a one sided
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thing, because he knows what we needed. He knows what our daughter needed, and he
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knows what you needed. Yeah. It's wild to think going through
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it when we first met to now, it's just like, I wouldn't have.
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Even if someone told me that was going to happen, I'd be like, no.
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And now we're here. And so it's been good. And I think
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it was really helpful being a newlywed and having a male figure
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in my life and having that father figure, because it's like, I can talk to
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you as, like, parents and be like, is this normal in marriage or having help
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navigating that first year? Because no matter how stubborn you want
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to be, the first year is going to be hard. And honestly, I couldn't
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imagine trying to go through the first year without you guys. It felt like I
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had a safe place in a house. So if things were going great,
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we all celebrated. If things weren't, we were able to give you a call and
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be there. And coming over to do laundry all the time is fun. Just
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do laundry and we just all hang out. And then when it's done, we're like,
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hey, bye. Yeah, I mean, you guys come over every week, which is always a
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nice treat for us, too. I'm going to take us back to your
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wedding day. So I walked you up the aisle. I honestly felt
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very proud of you and Jayden because we love Jaden
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and I've known his family since I was younger, so I've
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seen Jaden growing up, which is kind of cool to see our adopted daughter
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marrying this kid that I grew up. And we're great friends with their family. We
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love them very much. They very much feel like our family as well. I
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was excited even for, as a husband, going into the family,
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there's always that desire that they have in laws as well that they can connect
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with. And that's something that he would have been lacking, I think,
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if we wouldn't have stepped in. Not to say we're the saviors or
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the answer to all the prayers and everything that he hoped for,
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but we're excited for Jayden to have that. Yeah, I was really excited
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about that, too. I'm glad you brought that up because it's know someone. Much has
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happened since we got married that it's easy to forget all the good stuff that's
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come out of it. And it's really good that he gets to have that, because
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I know early on when we're talking and stuff, I'm like, you know, if we
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do get married, you're not going to have in laws on my side. You don't
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get to experience that. And then sometimes it feels like
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the Lord's, like, chokes on you. And it was a good joke. I just
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wonder what he would have been like with me saying that. He's
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like. And we're like, I don't know, a few months away
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from that happening. And so it's just been really good to see that
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and see, because he is really close with you guys, too, and it's fun to
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see him bonding with you guys. We might talk about last episode
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a bit, but what was that like for you to have me walk you down
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the aisle? It helped a lot with the grief. I don't
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know what it would have been like because I don't
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love being the center of attention and everyone looking. At me, and that's
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what a wedding generally is. I took a lot of stress
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off, honestly, because it's like I wasn't the only one being looked at, which is
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nice. It's hard to explain because it was just like one of those moments, because
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you're walking me down the aisle and I'm like, this is fantastic. And then I'm
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getting married, and it's like this big day full of emotions. But I remember,
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I really think, looking back on the wedding, I'm really happy that happened because it
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doesn't feel like I had that gap. And it
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really helped because then I could see you guys sitting at a table together, and
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I knew that my dad was there, and so it really helped fill that
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void. Not only did I feel really loved by you guys, I really felt loved
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by God and super thankful and also just I needed it. And
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I think it made the wedding day overall more enjoyable for me
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because it was one less gap on
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my side that was open and
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noticeable. And it was really nice to have that because I feel like that was
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the most important gap for me to have filled. Do you recall anything that
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I said to you at the wedding? Because I honestly don't remember if I said
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anything to you. You did. I do remember that because you're like,
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all right, you ready? And I was like, yes. And before we
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left the room where. I was hiding the room, we
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were outside. It was very hot. We got engaged on
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the coldest day of the year and got married on the hottest day of the
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year. 40 degrees outside or something. Yeah, 40 degrees
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below when we got engaged. Welcome to Winnipeg. Yeah, welcome to
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Winnipeg. True Winnipeg or no, you did say,
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like, I'm not here to replace your dad, and I know I never would
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replace him for you. And you were just. I really hope that
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you said something like, the simple act
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would be a blessing to me. And so it was something along those lines. So
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you did say something to me. Oh, good job. Pat on my back. Sounds good
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to me. Pat on your back. Yeah. So, like we said, you guys are
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over every week doing laundry, just part of the family, eating lots of
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meals together, doing Christmas together. I know that first Christmas.
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Let's talk about that first Christmas, maybe. I know that
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Christmas is hard for you, and it is with a lot of kids that grew
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up with family difficulties. So we invited you into our Christmas
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gathering. Obviously, we didn't really need to invite you. It was kind of a given.
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Although I think that first you needed to be invited. The first year
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was. I think that is one of the challenges, too, is the firsts
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is like, oh, first Easter, we need to invite you. But then
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the second one, it's fine. But I was really excited because
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I don't know why I didn't expect it, but I didn't.
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And it was fun. The first Christmas we were
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here till like, 02:00 a.m. It was last year. Us girls all like
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matching pajamas, and you guys gifted us our
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first Christmas ornament for our tree is like a married couple. And it was just
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really cool just getting to come alongside into your guys'traditions. And build some
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new traditions because you guys have joined the family, right? Like, even our
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breakfast dish that we started, everybody loves it. Yeah, we have
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that skillet meal. And then I think it's kind of becoming a
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tradition that we just end up watching some sort of funny movie altogether. It's
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just this year we were a lot more responsible with what time we started it.
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Yes, it was great that first Christmas. I think it was really fun
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getting to say up that lake. So I think it's just like we were all
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just enjoying it so much. And I remember, oh, man, the kids were
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just all five of us as kids. We were just
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amped all day. We were acting like we were not the
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ages we were, but it was really good. And we have a lot of
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really good memories from that first Christmas. And of course, this one, too.
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It helps even just being invited into it. I just
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want to say for people out there, even if you don't feel like you're being
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directed to adopt an adult, even just having someone
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being like a close family friend invite them to family events and
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things, it might be weird at first, but people won't come up and
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say to you, like, I don't have anyone, can I come to your Christmas?
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That's not common. And so just encourage that. If you know
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people that you think or they have told you that holidays are hard,
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include them. Everyone needs it. And for me,
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I am very thankful that I have that added level that it is
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family. And so we get to build those new traditions and
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incorporate your guys'traditions. And it's really good
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now, along with any family dynamics, not everything is beautiful
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and rosy all the time. No. We look forward to having you guys over
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every week as kids. Like anything. Like sometimes
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having people over, it's sometimes uncomfortable because it disrupts.
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Sometimes just chilling. Some nights where, okay,
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they need to sit and have conversations. Yeah, but that's
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just part of life. That is part of life. No, but it's any family.
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It's challenging. There's going to be nights as parents that you're going to be like,
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you want to chill. I would say in the last six months, that challenge
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just started reducing. Now we just sometimes just come over and we just do our
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own thing. Yeah. It feels like there were some expectations in the first
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little while to really set those family dynamics. Okay,
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Jaden and Danica are coming over. We need to make sure we set time
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aside to have conversations. And that's good. Yeah, you got to
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have that. But it feels like it's starting to become natural. Now
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that you are just family, you can walk through the door
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and just hang out and be who you are. Yeah. It's
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also challenging for us sometimes, like coming every Monday I have a bipret
13:23
complacent Mondays, or sometimes we'll come on a Tuesday evening and it's just like,
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I'm tired. And sometimes our youngest son is really
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loud. Oh, yeah. Sometimes
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I love it about him. And then on some days I'm just
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like, I would say just any normal family dynamic. It's
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just the biggest challenge is having that feeling
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of it being someone that's not your family member coming over. It takes a while
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for that to go away, even for us to feel like you guys weren't hosting
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us. It took me a while to just go into your fridge and grab food
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without asking first. And now I come over and I. Just grab food,
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which is fun to see that development. Right? It
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feels awkward at first. It's all new. You're bringing an
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adult, adopting an adult into your family. You're new coming
14:10
into someone else's household who were a couple of years ago
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just acquaintances, and all of a sudden, you're part of a family.
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It's such a strange dynamic, transitioning. Yeah, it is. It's not just
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like, oh, we're family. As much as we said, it felt really natural, like the
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Lord putting it together. It still means that there's bumps.
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I don't know. Have we had a family conflict yet? I would just
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say just our personal issues that all come up. We discuss them, then walk
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through them as a family should. But I don't think we've had.
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No, we haven't had any drama, which is very strange for
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me with my side of the family. Conflict was
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definitely there. And so I think that's been a really big strange
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challenge for me. At first I'm like, did I talk too much? Or like,
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oh, did they have the energy for that conversation? It's taken me
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a long time to not overthink how I did coming
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over, but now it's like, I just come over and we'll just talk
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about, I think, the other night. I'm just able to casually tell you on Chris's
15:08
day. I'm like, oh, yeah, I miss my dad right now. And you're like, well,
15:10
yeah, understandable. And then we just moved on. But it's like, yeah, that was,
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like, a big challenge for me, learning what family is again, also,
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like, finding where my place is in the dynamic. Yeah. Because
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there are some differences, too. I'm not going to
15:26
have the same hugs as I
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would. Right? Yeah, there's still boundaries, especially you coming in
15:33
as an adult. Yeah. And also, I'm not the biggest hugger anyways.
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But, no, we have that boundary. And then I think it was a little challenging
15:40
at first between me and the oldest, because now I'm the oldest, but they've been
15:43
the oldest. So that's a fun dynamic because it's like
15:47
if we're playing a board game or doing something at the table,
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we will both do something like, no, you can't do that right now. We just
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sit there and it's like, but he can't boss me around because I am older
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than him and I will not let him. He needs that humbling, though. I humble
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him. I humble him. But it's been really good. I think the biggest challenge is
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just having that relaxed feeling coming.
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I don't know if that's a word I think would be good to explain it.
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I don't know about you, where it feels like you're not just safe
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as an individual, but you're safe coming into a house
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feeling like you're part of the house. Well, I actually feel
16:23
like a kid again. And maybe sometimes as an adult,
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maybe I should be like, oh, should I ask if we can have a deep
16:30
conversation right now? But I feel more welcome just to sit down and be like,
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hey, can I talk to you about this? And then you guys being there,
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how do you guys feel about that with managing, having an adult
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with trauma and having some of harder emotional
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conversations with me? I think when we use the word
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adoption, we know we're not bringing in a stranger into the house
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anymore. So with adoption comes all those hard
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conversations, and we need to be open to that. And
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we are happy to hear those conversations, because when you open
17:03
up, it means that we are trusted and we are your
17:07
family, and we can contribute to that part of you
17:10
which we didn't have with you growing up. That's true. Right.
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So we're obviously happy to have those conversations, the difficult
17:18
ones. There are still those dynamics where I
17:22
could take my daughter Caitlin out to a movie and a
17:25
coffee, but that would be awkward for me to do that with you. Oh, yeah,
17:28
no, we don't do that. We don't do that. That's, like a really
17:32
firm. And I think that would be a
17:36
question that I wouldn't be surprised if listeners would want to ask. It's like
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there are gaps in it. Yeah, you've stepped into my life in this
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role, but there's gaps that you would. Don't take this
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personally. You are never going to be able to fulfill. There are certain things
17:51
that in not having my earthly dad in my life that I don't get
17:55
to have. I'm glad this came up because recently
17:58
I finally feel like some of the father wounds have healed enough that I've
18:02
been able to start talking to God about it. Because you weren't able to
18:06
relate to him as a father for the long time. No,
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I wouldn't even say I relate to him as a father now. I think I'm
18:13
just starting. It's like I'm scratching the surface. But
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I had a really good healing encounter with him about a month
18:20
ago, and I felt like he asked me, what is the
18:24
biggest thing you missed about your dad? And I was like, I don't want to
18:27
talk about this. And then I did. I
18:31
felt like God showed me a picture of sitting in that
18:34
garage. I wasn't a kid. And instead of it being my dad, he was there.
18:38
And in it, I feel like I finally realized the
18:42
thing that I miss the most about my dad is
18:46
because I felt like a weirdo. And I misfit and misunderstood most of my life
18:49
as a kid. He never made me feel that way.
18:53
And he always really championed me in that and
18:57
helped me not to change myself, to fit in. And
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I realized it was that delight I missed and it was that
19:04
delight that I get from you guys. In this sense, you're like, I'm proud of
19:08
you. Look at you guys go. But it's not the same. Not to sound
19:12
mean, but it'll never be the same with the emotional boundaries. It
19:15
shouldn't be because that's a big emotion
19:19
between a father and a daughter. And then in
19:22
that, I was able to finally realize that that
19:26
delight that my dad used to have is what the Lord has with me.
19:30
And I wouldn't have been able to do that if I hadn't had
19:34
someone in my life that I can have the things that is
19:37
appropriate in this dynamic, in this relationship, within
19:41
the boundaries, to be able to explore the
19:45
pieces that you're not able to with the Lord and to go to him for
19:48
that. And I think that's been really vital and important. When there's
19:52
a challenge where it's like, I don't think this is something that I can go
19:55
to him about, or is like, I'll go talk to your wife about it,
19:59
or I'll go talk to the Lord about it. But I'm just starting to
20:03
see that I'm more open to even starting
20:06
to talk about God being my father. And so it's been
20:10
very interesting in the last couple of months having that and just the change it's
20:13
had for me in my relationship and my walk with him. You said
20:17
there are obviously things that I would never be able to fulfill
20:21
as an adoptive dad. So let's go there a little bit.
20:24
This poses a scenario. What if your dad, all of a sudden his mind
20:28
shifts and his heart shifts, he becomes a Christian
20:32
and he steps back into your life, he seeks you out,
20:35
wants reconciliation. What would that scenario be like for you?
20:40
At first and where I'm at now, I would
20:44
reconcile with him to the point that he's forgiven and
20:48
knows that I'm excited for him. And it's really
20:51
cool to see God working in his life that way. But
20:55
I wouldn't want to reconcile with him as a father, and I don't think I'd
20:58
be able to. He missed so much of my
21:02
life and he's missed so many important things
21:05
that we can't redo, we can't recreate it.
21:09
And for the listeners, it's going to sound really blunt, but
21:13
I don't really want him back in my life now. I really enjoy being a
21:17
part of this family and this dynamic, and from
21:20
what I know of him, I don't think he'd be okay with it.
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And if he's not going to be okay with it, then it's like, no, thanks.
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I'm married now, and it's like, one day we'll have kids. I have to think
21:32
about them as well. And just at this point, I'd be
21:35
really happy for him, and I think I'd be open to
21:39
being friends. I wouldn't necessarily not be like, never
21:43
talk to me again. But I don't think that father daughter
21:46
relationship right now, I don't really want it because I've
21:50
gone so long without it. And I've grieved
21:54
him. I've gone through living grief. He's still alive, but I've grieved
21:58
him as if he's not. And so it would be
22:01
really difficult even just to go and have a cup of coffee. And
22:05
I don't know if I'd want to even talk to him about the ways he
22:08
has hurt me. So for where I'm at right now and just like,
22:12
having you guys, I'm like, I don't need it. And of course I want
22:16
him to become a Christian. I want to see him healed. And I also
22:20
know for myself I might never be ready to have him again in
22:23
my life that way. And I think something I'm starting to reconcile
22:27
with me is like, that's okay. I can still want him to be a Christian
22:31
and to be healed, but also accept the fact that he's
22:34
not really my dad in that relationship
22:38
sense. So that's currently where I'm at with it.
22:41
And I feel like that would just be my response in the beginning is like,
22:45
you're not my dad, and I need to get to know you and you
22:49
need to get to know me. And so I think it would be more of
22:51
a friendship dynamic that would come out. I don't even know because I don't know
22:55
him without any PTSD. Like, if he was completely healed, he'd be a
22:58
complete stranger to me. It would be weird. So, yeah, that's where
23:02
I'm at with it currently. I mean, I'm sure a lot of our
23:06
listeners all have a bunch of different thoughts on what you just
23:10
said, and that's fine. They're not in your situation.
23:13
No. And we have some of the tough, difficult
23:17
conversations on this podcast, and not everything is always rosy,
23:21
even the way we think, right? But like you said, you hope
23:25
for restoration. You hope he finds Christ, because that's
23:29
where he's going to find ultimate fulfillment. That's
23:33
where he's going to find healing. But, I mean, scripture talks about leaving and
23:36
cleaving from your parents, and you have a spouse now, too, right?
23:40
Your life has shifted and changed. So the dynamics are just.
23:44
It's complicated. And, yeah, I'm sure there will be listeners that
23:48
they're like, oh, maybe you could have a father relationship. I'm like,
23:51
I'd just be fine being friends with him, honestly, just to talk to him
23:55
every once in a while. But I've got the Lord and I have your guys'family,
23:59
and I think that just really shows how
24:03
life changing and how vital it was to be able to be
24:06
adopted into a family in this way. And just to see the Lord walk that
24:09
out where it's like, no, I would rather
24:13
continue to pour into my siblings now and you guys as my
24:17
parents. And if my dad can't accept that, then I think my answer would be
24:21
different. But that's where I'm at with it currently, and everyone's
24:24
different, and I don't know what the Lord's going to do with
24:28
him. He might become a Christian and get radically saved and then just
24:32
decide to not contact me out of love,
24:36
just to not put me through that difficult situation and
24:39
those difficult conversations. I'm going to shift the conversation
24:43
a little bit here because we're still early on in this journey.
24:47
You've officially been adopted for about a year and a half.
24:51
Undocumented. Yeah, undocumented. We know you still have
24:54
relationship with your mom and your sister,
24:58
and, like, as adopted parents, we
25:02
know you have someone else that you still call mom and another person you
25:05
call sister. And we want to honor that. Have you found it
25:09
difficult to be able to honor them in being adopted into another
25:12
family? That's a really good question. The wedding has some
25:16
dynamics that were tricky, and there's grace.
25:19
But I think a way to show
25:23
honor because it's early on. My mom hasn't been out to visit in Winnipeg
25:27
since the wedding and an event that will be coming up that she
25:30
probably will be here at the same time as when I do convocate with my
25:34
degree. And I think it's part of that honoring is like having her over for
25:38
a meal and letting her continue to get to know you guys and know that
25:41
she's not necessarily a part of the family, but that she's not
25:45
allowed to come and know you guys and that she can come in
25:49
and still be my mom when I introduce her to
25:52
mom. That'll be fun. Like, mom, meet mom.
25:56
I'm sure you probably have trouble saying that, though. That's been a new thing that
25:59
I've started referring to you guys as mom and dad. That's been a very recent
26:02
thing, and it is hard. Well, especially seeing how
26:06
you're one of my interns and I was always Johan. Yeah. I still
26:09
mostly call you guys by your first names, but it's still early
26:13
on. It's still early on, and I think it's more so where I refer to
26:17
you guys as mom and dad is, like, with other people. And so
26:21
the only time it gets really complicated is people that have known me before. They're
26:24
like, what? I'm like, I thought your dad was like this. I'm like, okay,
26:28
I need to get a good name for my tip for the other dad. But,
26:32
yeah, no, I think part of honoring it is just like, if they're in Winnipeg
26:35
or something, letting them know that they can come and connect with you guys, too,
26:39
and get to see that dynamic and see that they're not being replaced. And my
26:42
sister's like. She's like, cool. She's really great, and she's, like
26:46
another person I really deeply admire. And I'm really proud of where she is
26:50
and what she's done and just her journey through it, too. And so it
26:53
was really nice when I first talked to her about it. She was like, no,
26:57
I'm happy for you. And so just knowing that her and I just have
27:01
this bond where we know that we're going to be sisters, and
27:05
we also know that we are on two completely different directions in life and that
27:08
we love each other, and that's enough. And so, yeah, I think that's just the
27:11
biggest thing in honoring it, is just letting my family know that they're included and
27:15
that they get to come and even just get to know you guys as friends
27:18
and not feel that replacement thing. Yeah.
27:21
Okay, let's have a theoretical question here. What do you
27:25
see our dynamic looking like ten years from
27:28
now? What I see
27:32
is I've actually talked about this with a friend. In ten
27:36
years, I'm for sure going to have at least one kid.
27:41
Honestly, I'm not that old. But
27:44
the idea of having grandkids earlier than expected.
27:48
Right? Earlier than expected is kind of exciting. Yeah.
27:52
No, it will be. You're not pregnant? No. As of this
27:55
recording, can you imagine the announcement on the
27:59
podcast today?
28:03
Not pregnant? No. I think in ten years,
28:06
what I see is my mom being like the grandmother, get to
28:10
go and visit in Saskatchewan and have that really good memories of getting to
28:14
be in the house that they're in and my mom
28:18
being someone that they can talk to on video call and
28:22
be like the person that I think my mom would be the best person to
28:24
explain about my dad and in a really child
28:28
friendly way, and I would trust her to do that. And I just honestly see
28:32
it that my kids are going to have three sets
28:35
of grandparents, basically. And I'm really excited for that because
28:39
I thought my kids would only have the one set and then they would
28:43
feel that gap and that lack, and instead they just get to feel more
28:47
richness and more fullness. And so I really see it being like, not necessarily that
28:51
my mom would be a part of the family, but I do eventually see her
28:53
being friends with you guys and having a dynamic that there might be
28:57
challenges and probably conflicts on that side, but I could really see from
29:01
what I see now with the hearts and stuff, especially when kids get involved,
29:04
I just really see it being very rich and very full
29:08
and no gaps. It's going to be good, and it's going to be a really
29:12
good testimony. And something that my kids get to inherit
29:15
is that they're going to have three grandmas. And I
29:19
think that's just going to be so cool to have three really awesome women in
29:23
their lives that they can look up to. It'll be great for Jaden and I,
29:26
too. We're going to have a lot of support. So if we need to go
29:29
and have some time just to connect by ourselves, someone will
29:32
take the kids. And so I'm really excited to watch that. I
29:36
think that's what I'm most excited for in ten years, because my mom does desire
29:39
friendship with you guys and knowing you and I know she did feel, like, accepted
29:43
by you guys and included. And so I'm just really excited to see
29:47
what God's going to do with that. And there is a generational
29:51
blessing that starts with you being adopted in. Right,
29:54
is those kids don't have to grow up not having the
29:58
grandparents ten years from now,
30:02
they will have grandparents from the day that they're born. I think it'll also
30:06
be really cool because in ten years, I'm sure one of the sibs will be
30:09
married. Maybe two, possibly all three, possibly,
30:13
possibly. And who knows? We might even have cousins at
30:17
that point or be close to having cousins. I'll just be really, just
30:20
be beautiful and really rich and really just show God's goodness, honestly,
30:24
because the only reason you can explain it is that this is something
30:28
that God has done and it is good and it's for his glory.
30:32
And like I said in the first episode, that's what got me through the hard
30:36
stuff. It's just, I just need to love God and he's going to figure it
30:39
out and it's going to glorify him. And in ten years, I think it's really
30:42
going to be that. I know for me, when I
30:46
think ten years from now, I got a big smile on my face, on
30:49
the inside. When I think about ten years, I don't know, I think about the
30:53
Bible verse, psalm 127. Sons are a
30:56
heritage from the Lord and children a reward from him.
31:00
So, I mean, your daughter, but eventually,
31:04
probably there's some grandkids, maybe some grandsons in there, but I
31:07
just feel like you are part of the reward the Lord has
31:11
given to me. And ten years from now, I get to see more
31:15
fruit of that and walking through more experiences with
31:18
you, you and Jaden feeling more and more comfortable to call us
31:22
mom and dad and Corey and I feeling more
31:26
confident when we say we have four kids just going through
31:30
those trials and those awesome times where we
31:34
are just comfortable with that. We're just excited for the years to come
31:38
and what the Lord is going to do through you guys as we get to
31:41
see more fruit and see what the Lord works
31:44
in a whole other couple that we can call children. And that's
31:48
just a blessing to us. And it's kind of cool to have a son
31:52
in law that's an engineer, too, so that's kind of neat. That is neat. Yeah.
31:55
He is an engineer. We are polar opposites, but we work
31:59
together so well just to end it off here, because I think you and I
32:03
could talk about the family dynamic for hours, probably these last two
32:06
episodes. What do we want to leave with out of this? I think the biggest
32:09
thing, the whole purpose behind this podcast wasn't just for us to go down
32:13
memory lane and get to talk about this, which was nice, but
32:16
being able to highlight care impact, part of it's like talking
32:20
about the heart issues, but also highlighting individuals that are hidden within the
32:23
church. And I think, in my opinion,
32:27
that there are many people who either have
32:30
disconnected relationships with their parents or even
32:34
grandparents, honestly, and are missing that. I
32:37
just really want people to know that it's okay
32:41
to explore that, especially when God's leading, because you
32:45
can set the appropriate boundaries that work for you. And it's just a
32:48
way, like you said, to bring more richness, not just to the lives of those
32:51
that are being adopted and those that are coming in, but also
32:55
to those who are doing the adopting. And so I just really would want to
32:59
encourage listeners that it is scary and it's challenging, especially
33:03
in the beginning. But it's worth it. But it's so worth it. And it was
33:06
so life changing for me. And so not like, don't go ask
33:10
people. Be like, do you have a dad or not? But
33:13
I really want to put the spotlight on people who are fatherless or motherless
33:17
or even those who just have lost grandparents, even
33:20
if they were great. But you're just missing that gap and you really want to
33:23
have that again. Don't be afraid to ask the Lord for it, and don't
33:27
be afraid of the Lord moves you into a place that you get to do
33:30
that for someone else. And I just think it's a beautiful thing to explore
33:34
spiritual adoption and that stuff because the Bible talks about it
33:38
and Romans would just pick up abandoned babies off the street.
33:41
There you go, new kid. And so it's rich and it's
33:45
full and it's scary, but I'm pretty sure that's a really good
33:49
definition of God's sovereignty. It's rich and it's full and it's terrifying,
33:52
but everything works out for his glory and for his goodness. And so let
33:56
him put a spotlight on people that might have been told that this is
34:00
inappropriate once they turn into an adult. But the good thing about adult children
34:03
is talking about boundaries and stuff is a lot easier and it's good.
34:07
I'm just going to end it there because that's a good bike drop.
34:12
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