Latest / HAIstoric Phonograph — irreverent dispatches from a history that never quite happened
Those Salem "Witches" Were Just Competent Women
Send us Fan MailOkay, let's wade into the sanctimonious bog that was Salem, Massachusetts, 1692. Forget what you learned in school. The real story—the one we’re telling, anyway—isn’t about spectral evidence or creepy girls having fits in a courtroom. It’s about a woman named Goody Proctor (yeah, that one, but our version is way more interesting) who was just too damn good at her job. And her job, because it was the 17th century and life was misery, was running a household. While the rest of the colony was wrestling with lumpy porridge and shirts that smelled like month-old ass, Goody was out…
The skinny
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