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A Changeling Wedding (Chapter 10) · The Apocalypse Will Be Podcasted

0:00
Hello, and this is the Apocalypse Will Be Podcasted.
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We are a married couple from Atlanta with boring
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day jobs. We have been together 12 years, and
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we usually create a lot of weird performance
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art to entertain people. But we are trying our
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hand at having a podcast because we have had
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an obsession lately, and that obsession is Dungeon
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Crawler Carl. This is a spoilers podcast, and
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we will be discussing plot points from all seven
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Dungeon Crawler Carl books. You should not start
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this podcast until you have finished book seven.
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We will not be discussing anything from Patreon
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or the Pineapple Cabaret. There are spoilers
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from this point forward. Be warned. This chapter
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starts out with the ever -present grumpy bouncer
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sitting in her chair at the entrance of the Desperado
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Club, Clarabelle. And Carl is very excited to
0:54
see that she did not. die or get fired or relocated
0:59
to somewhere else. It says that they are going
1:01
into the main entrance vestibule for the Desperado
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Club. And Brie and I were a little confused by
1:06
that because we thought they were already in
1:08
the Desperado Club. And upon reflection, there
1:12
is a kind of main entrance area where anybody
1:16
is allowed to go into without a Desperado tattoo
1:19
pass or anything like that. And then there is
1:22
the actual kind of main desperado club where
1:26
you can go to the markets and everything like
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that and that's this vestibule that they're going
1:31
through right now. Yeah and then in the last
1:34
chapter Juicebox was able to open up a secret
1:36
passageway that took them into another part of
1:38
the club. Right yeah I mean the desperado club
1:43
is very complicated and has lots of nooks and
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crannies and I don't think that there is any
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single definitive layout of it. Well, Carl says
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it's very well designed. He loves the layout.
1:55
Yes. Something to do with an art contest, I believe.
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Yeah. So they are rejected entrance to the club.
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All crawlers are. And according to Clarabelle
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and Donut's pretty fucking upset about this.
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Yeah, definitely. And Clarabelle is like, it's
2:13
not just you, but it is because of you. Even
2:18
though it's not entirely their fault with the
2:19
whole demon thing. Yeah, which he acknowledges.
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Carl is basically like, if crawlers can't get
2:24
in, well, what's the point? The point is irrelevant.
2:28
The new manager is extremely strict and wants
2:31
everything to go smoothly. He's very serious
2:34
about security. And Clarabelle makes the comment
2:37
that he is always surrounded by a whole slew
2:39
of bodyguards and that they're not exactly NPCs
2:43
and not exactly former crawlers. So these have
2:46
to be outworlders that he's using as security,
2:49
which is a very interesting development because
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he is an NPC. He's not a former crawler. So there's
2:56
obviously something going on from out of dungeon
3:00
powers that be to, I guess, be allowing him to
3:03
use outworlder security. And it is interesting
3:07
because I think this is a loose plot thread and
3:09
I don't think it ever comes up again. It does
3:11
not. It hasn't come up so far. Yeah, as far as
3:15
we can find, Hamed does not come up again in
3:18
this entire book. Interesting. Yeah, it is. Carl
3:22
is pretty surprised to find out that Hamed is
3:25
the new manager of the Desperado Club. He is
3:28
the Night Worm and the Guildmaster of the Guild
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of Suffering, or the leader of the Guild of Suffering,
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husband to the late Astrid, and father to Damascus
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Steel and Anaconda. And I think it's interesting
3:41
right here, and especially in the audiobook version,
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Carl says that Anaconda and Damascus Steel, who
3:48
were still supposedly in the nightclub hunting
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their own father. And he says it with the kind
3:53
of like sense of like, oh, my God, that's so
3:55
dark and messed up. Like, is it really, Carl?
3:58
Like, just the inflection in his voice in the
4:01
audiobook. It's like, I don't know why you have
4:04
some feelings about that. I mean, maybe it's
4:06
too close to his own trauma. I guess, but, you
4:10
know, he faced that trauma pretty head -on in
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the last floor, so... Well, that doesn't mean
4:16
he's processed it correctly yet, or ever. Or
4:19
ever, as we've discussed in a previous chapter.
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It seems like therapy may just not exist in the
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inner systems in this galaxy, as a lot of people
4:29
who are extremely old seem to still be holding
4:32
on to trauma that happened to them. hundreds
4:34
of years ago. They don't talk about their therapy
4:36
that they've been to about it, which I mean,
4:39
maybe it's just our friends. We talk about our
4:41
therapy all the time. So let's backtrack a little
4:44
bit and talk about Astrid. So Astrid was the
4:48
former manager of the Desperado Club, and Carl
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and Katya had to assassinate her, which turned
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out to be on behalf of Hamed. And I would say
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that in my opinion, that this is one of... the
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murders that Carl wanted to do the least like
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he just did not want to do this from the beginning
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he was really upset about it from the beginning
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like he just wanted nothing to do with this but
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there was no way around it yeah I mean they had
5:15
a very complicated relationship but I do think
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that he had a level of respect for her and you
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know she was very stern but she was also I think
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fair as well um and Carl and Katya assassinating
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her and that whole plot is what It's what caused
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the portal to the nothing to open up in the club
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and for that shield demon to come out trying
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to kill Samantha. So this is all like very complicated
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and convoluted. But Carl says here that he's
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haunted by her last words before he killed her,
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which is I was almost done. And I guess she was
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almost like going to retire, I suppose. Like,
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did she have some kind of exit plan worked out?
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Was she aware of? Being an NPC. I would say that
6:01
I think that she probably did. She probably did
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what? I think she was probably aware that she
6:08
was an NPC. And I will say that we, I guess we're
6:14
just all about statements today, that we were
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planning on putting a statement in one of our
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episodes a couple episodes back that we were
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going to change the spoiler warning on the beginning
6:25
of our episode when we get to book eight. We
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don't think it's possible in book eight to talk
6:30
about the books without talking about Pineapple
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Cabaret. And I think this is related to the Pineapple
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Cabaret. Yes. Yeah, it's basically as of book
6:40
seven, the Pineapple Cabaret is a standalone
6:42
story that you don't have to read to understand
6:46
what's happening in the books. But in book eight,
6:49
that kind of goes out the window and we won't
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say any more about that. Otherwise, we are violating
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the terms of our intro. And we wouldn't want
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to do that. No, that's a legally binding intro.
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Of course it is. But yeah, when she says, I was
7:03
almost done, I think that that's related to the
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Pineapple Cabaret. And Hamed definitely must
7:10
have an awareness of himself, of being an NPC,
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especially because he has to have out -order
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security. There's no other way to interpret what
7:22
Clarabelle said there about his security. I don't
7:26
like definitive statements like that, but yeah.
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I mean, we got to make some definitive statements.
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We can't just pussyfoot around it all the time.
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I mean, I disagree. I think that sometimes there
7:35
could be a obvious third interpretation that
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we're missing. Yeah. So Drik appears and Ferdinand
7:42
is just hanging out on his head. He does this
7:46
the entire chapter. Yeah. We're not entirely
7:49
sure why Drik tolerates this, but kind of. Yeah,
7:53
it's odd. Well, my funny hot take is maybe he
7:57
also doesn't have a hat and Ferdinand is keeping
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his head warm. It's entirely possible. I also
8:02
like to think of Donut trying to hang out on
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Baroness Victory's head. I don't think she would
8:09
tolerate that for an instant. I don't think she
8:12
would tolerate that either. Yeah, so it's an
8:14
interesting look into the different personalities
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of the different adjutants. Well, Rick is a psychopath
8:21
according to Odette. Yeah, I mean, he doesn't
8:24
seem to do anything too psychopathic throughout
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the book. It is noted here that Ferdinand is
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the warlord on high Sir Ferdinand Cat level 100
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co -warlord of Team Retribution. And that does
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place him as one of the highest level characters
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in the series at this point, not including like
8:45
province or country bosses or anything like that.
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Which is interesting because I've never really
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gotten the impression that he does anything besides
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sit around and drink. Yeah, I mean, he was just
8:55
coded that way when he was brought in the dungeon
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because he was supposed to be a boss right under
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the level of the country boss Queen Imogen from
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the sixth floor. So he just was given that level.
9:06
Obviously, he didn't grind for it or anything
9:08
like that. But they noticed that he's got a pretty
9:11
shitty looking hat sitting on top of his head.
9:15
Really sad, actually. It is. But yeah, it looks
9:18
like he made it out of toilet paper. Like, does
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no one have a hat that they can give this poor
9:23
cat? I mean, prior to this scene here, I guess
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not. I mean, Juicebox does not like him. But
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I mean, they talk about that there's clothing
9:33
stores and such that aren't really good for outfitting
9:36
an army, but they still have some clothes available.
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So I don't see why he couldn't maybe get a hat
9:40
from there. Maybe one of the little... Samaru
9:43
dwarves, they have some pretty nice hats. Yeah,
9:46
and I'm just, I may be an idiot, but I just realized
9:50
this. Do you know why Donut and Ferdinand are
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both so obsessed with hats? No. Because of the
9:56
cat in the hat. Cat in the hat. You really think
9:59
so? Kind of do, yeah. Oh my God. You know, I
10:02
can see it. Yeah, cat in the hat. Yeah. I mean.
10:07
What other reason is there? I mean, I always
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figured. They're just both really into hats.
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I guess so. But like Donut definitely got her
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obsession with hats starting in Dungeon Anarchist
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Cookbook with the conductor hats. And I feel
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like she got obsessed with them because like
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she thought that she could sell a bunch of them
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and become millionaires. And then even once they
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were worthless, she still got a bunch of them.
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And I just feel like that kind of like prompted
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her obsession with having a collection of hats.
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Definitely something beyond that, though. Yeah,
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I mean, because that explains it for Donut, but
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that doesn't explain it for Ferdinand. So yeah,
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maybe cat in the hat. That's my hot take for
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today. There we go. He calls Donut his baby girl,
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and she's pretty pissed off at him for him telling
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people that she is his fiancée. She's very bossy
10:57
towards him and very mean towards him and almost
10:59
in a kind of like dom -like way. Yeah, she's
11:03
like, all right, remember what we talked about?
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Do it. Do it now. She threatens to pull Mongo
11:07
out on him. He says, OK, fine. You're not my
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fiance. Not yet. And we get this fantastic quote
11:15
from Donut, which is a pretty strong statement,
11:17
even for Donut. Yes, it's I would rather have
11:20
a sexual affair with the bloating corpse of a
11:23
syphilis infested cocker spaniel than ever consider
11:27
having a relationship with you. I don't know
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what I ever saw in you. Pretty strong take. with
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it being a Cocker Spaniel, as we all know, her
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feelings towards Cocker Spaniels, which don't
11:38
all of those feelings towards Cocker Spaniels
11:40
come from just that neighbor's dog. Yeah, which
11:43
just kind of is a funny aside. One of our best
11:46
friends has a Cocker Spaniel, which is very adorable.
11:49
Very well behaved. She is actually extremely
11:52
upset about how much of the merch says death
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to Cocker Spaniels or eradication of Cocker Spaniels.
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And she like, kind of keeps you know complaining
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about it and being like there's so few merch
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i can buy yeah especially for the official merch
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when it's donut related yeah absolutely hard
12:13
life hard knock life is a very first world problem
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the most of first world problems so donut is
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like you need to take that ridiculous hat off
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your head right now and he does this and it gets
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the toilet paper gets stuck on his claw and wipes
12:28
his paw on the side of drick's face to get it
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untangled from his his claw again why the fuck
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is drick putting up with this behavior i really
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don't know i mean like i know he's a worm head
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so like maybe that's somewhat related like maybe
12:42
they have less care or concern for like their
12:45
body their corporeal form that they're inhabiting
12:48
i think you might be onto something there yeah
12:50
i mean it's possible for valte worms that it's
12:54
just a vessel to them so they're not really too
12:55
concerned about like the autonomy of that body
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although i guess i wouldn't say that's true about
13:01
orin orin would definitely not tolerate any cat
13:05
sitting on his head i don't think although i
13:07
can totally envision orin having like a a cat
13:10
like donut in his lap when he turns around in
13:13
his desk to like talk to carl he's just sitting
13:14
there like stroking this big fluffy cat that
13:16
would definitely i feel like fit orin's aesthetic
13:19
uh perhaps maybe he's the bad guy from inspector
13:22
gadget um but Yeah. I also think that this is
13:27
Drek's first time being an adjutant. Maybe he
13:29
just thinks he needs to put up with anything
13:31
Ferdinand wants to do. I guess so. It's possible.
13:34
So here Ferdinand asks Donut if she got his trade
13:38
request and she's like, I sure did. And we rejected
13:41
it immediately, didn't we, Carl? But it also
13:43
goes back to Donut just making snap decisions
13:46
about things without really taking time to consider
13:48
it or talk to anyone else because this trade
13:51
deal is kind of a no -brainer. Yeah, definitely
13:53
it is. And I mean, Jonah has definitely gotten
13:56
a lot better about not just doing things without
13:59
considering it even a little bit. But sometimes
14:03
she is still going to be very petty. But the
14:05
trade notification that Ferdinand was referencing
14:08
was he wants his hat and Simoom back. Which is
14:12
a kind of mount. That's his rhinoceros mount
14:15
that he had on the sixth floor. And he's like,
14:19
yeah, Kibben won't give her back to me. And Carl
14:23
vaguely remembers who Kibben is. And then we
14:26
are reminded who that is. He's a stable master
14:29
from the sixth floor. And when they got here
14:33
and crashed onto the floor, Kibben took her and
14:35
wouldn't let Ferdinand have Kibben. But yeah,
14:38
Carl's like, look, if we can get Kibben back
14:40
to you, we will. No promises that we have her,
14:43
but if we do, we'll give her to you. But he's
14:46
like, we don't have your fucking hat. And Donut
14:48
says that she does have his hat. Yeah, that's
14:54
not very nice of her to let Carl walk into this.
14:56
But Carl's like, I guess I vaguely remember some
14:59
message that she sent that to me, you know, during
15:03
the Christmas party when she was drunk. And I
15:06
think that Carl not remembering things is sometimes
15:09
a literary device that Matt is using because
15:13
sometimes what's happening is referencing something
15:16
from two, three, four books ago. And so I think
15:20
being able to have I'll be like, huh, I don't
15:22
remember that. And then other people answer the
15:24
question for him. It's just helping us, the reader,
15:28
remember what happened. It's super useful. Yeah,
15:31
it definitely is. Even if it does make Carl seem
15:33
like he just has a really bad memory sometimes.
15:35
I mean, he has a lot going on. I mean, he's always
15:39
juggling, I think, more things at once than most
15:41
other crawlers. Yeah, I don't think he can be
15:44
expected to remember a cat's hat from two books
15:47
ago or two floors ago as the case may be. It
15:50
happened at the end of the Butcher's Masquerade.
15:52
But yeah, we get a great line here when Carl's
15:56
like, OK, but like if we give you back your hat
15:59
and Samoom, then I want something from you. And
16:01
Ferdinand says, you want something from the Ferdinand
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and Juicy Juice without giving anything up? I
16:07
think not. Juicebox says, if you call me that
16:10
again, I will neuter you with my teeth, which
16:13
I think is great. And I stay in Juicebox personally.
16:15
And Ferdinand is getting a lot of. ill treatment
16:19
in this chapter. I know he's kind of unbearable,
16:22
but everyone's really mean to him. Juicy Juice
16:25
is pretty bad. I guess. I mean, it's not the
16:28
worst, but if I was friends with Juicebox, I
16:31
might try and call her Juicy Juice. I think I
16:33
would have a little bit more leeway on it than
16:35
Ferdinand, though. Yeah, I mean, she's frustrated
16:38
with him from the jump, so it's definitely not
16:40
helping. Yeah, she's very upset that he has control
16:43
over her army and her people's fate. Carl is
16:47
like, OK, I have a secret hat that I can give
16:50
Ferdinand, which is a betrayal most foul to Donut.
16:53
Yeah. I mean, she is pretty upset about it. But
16:57
I also think it's fair that not every hat automatically
17:00
belongs to her. Yeah. He got that hat from Quan.
17:04
And I mean, when he looted Quan's inventory,
17:06
it was like so full of so much crap that like
17:09
sorting through all of it was an ordeal unto
17:13
itself. So Carl did. pre -negotiate with juice
17:16
box to get ferdinand to transfer mayorship of
17:21
shantytown over to carl and the plan was for
17:24
juice box to try and convince ferdinand of this
17:27
but because of his love and obsession with donut
17:30
and his affinity for hats juice box didn't have
17:34
to convince him at all so this just was better
17:36
telling you all cats are easily manipulated by
17:39
hats Cats or wet food or tuna, a number of things.
17:43
But cats can sometimes be very difficult to negotiate
17:46
with. Anyone who has a cat will tell you that.
17:48
So they put the hat on Ferdinand's head. And
17:53
I will say that this hat actually did have some
17:58
pretty good magical abilities where I understand
18:00
where Donut was somewhat upset about this. But
18:03
this is actually one of my favorite little sides
18:06
in the series. Without saying anything, Brittany
18:10
just pulls out a mirror so that Ferdinand can
18:13
look at himself. And they're just appealing to
18:16
his vanity here. And I think it's hilarious.
18:18
Yeah, definitely. And the plan is to get the
18:20
hat back from Ferdinand so that Donut can get
18:24
it back and place it on her charging pillow and
18:25
get that boomerang effect into her tiara. It's
18:29
a little interesting here. So after this trade
18:31
request is done, Carl notes that he met eyes
18:35
with Drick as the cat sat on his head. who continued
18:38
to pose, and the elf's mouth turned upward in
18:42
an unreadable expression. It was like a mixture
18:45
of annoyance, exasperation, and panic. I mean,
18:49
maybe he's just done with having the cat on his
18:51
head, which is fair. I will say it's funny that
18:54
Ferdinand does say, I'm a very handsome boy.
18:58
He says that a lot. I know, but the reason I
19:01
think that is funny is that's how humans talk
19:03
to their cats. And they say, like, you're such
19:06
a handsome boy. So he just kind of repeats that
19:09
back. Like, I am a handsome boy. Like, I'm sure
19:11
his owner did that to him. Yeah. And I mean,
19:14
obviously, Donut has her own vanity ways of talking
19:18
about how beautiful she is. She does have very
19:20
many. So the trade request goes through. Carl
19:23
becomes mayor of Shantytown and their alliance
19:26
is renamed from Ferdinand and his bird to the
19:29
good guys, which is what it will stay for the
19:32
rest of this inevitable ruin in Faction Wars.
19:34
Yep. Sounds good. Oh, my God. Wedding. It's happening.
19:38
Yay. This is actually one of my favorite scenes.
19:41
I think the lore building in this is fantastic
19:44
and goes back to what I was saying last week
19:48
that I don't think it ever even crossed Donut's
19:50
mind that maybe the changelings had their own
19:54
wedding traditions that weren't ours. And it's
19:57
so cute. Yeah, it is. But it's also I mean, it's
20:01
cute, but it's very also practical and pragmatic,
20:03
their approach to marriage. Yeah, one of the
20:06
things that I think is interesting is when you
20:09
find out that changeling weddings are usually
20:13
arranged, I think that Juicebox's attitude towards
20:17
getting married and Louis' attitude towards getting
20:20
married makes so much sense. Right, yeah. I mean,
20:24
it absolutely does because she gets to have the
20:27
choice of who she's marrying and it's someone
20:28
that she likes and knows and presumably loves
20:31
and all that. But also if their marriages are
20:34
usually arranged, it makes sense that she does
20:37
not view it as a big deal to marry someone she
20:39
barely knows. And also just in the context of
20:42
like how their weddings work, which I guess we
20:45
should break down here. So the first one is very
20:48
simple, just a simple ceremony, no big to do,
20:51
not a lot of guests. It just happens and it's
20:54
like a couple minutes and then it's over. And
20:56
what they do during that time is basically they
20:59
go into a corner and they whisper their vows
21:02
into each other's ears. Right. And I don't know
21:05
if it actually happens here, but typically in
21:07
Changeling culture, the first part consists of
21:10
signing divorce papers. And then the big ceremony
21:15
happens 30 days later. And in that interim time,
21:18
either of them can file those divorce papers
21:21
and call off the wedding and call off the marriage
21:23
with absolutely zero consequence. Which I do
21:26
think is kind of neat. It's like a little trial
21:28
period. Yeah, and they just expire if no one
21:30
files them. Right, absolutely. I feel like something
21:33
like that should maybe exist in human culture,
21:36
maybe with a slightly longer duration than 30
21:38
days. Maybe let's say 90 days. Yeah, I feel like
21:40
that could work. And I know we've had... Excuse
21:44
me? Sorry. No, just thinking of that just made
21:48
me laugh. Okay. Yeah, I was going to say that...
21:51
We've had so many digressions this episode, but
21:54
one of the things... This short episode, we have
21:56
had so many digressions. You know, we thought
21:58
this episode was going to be like 20 minutes.
22:00
But one of the Reddit posts I will always click
22:05
on is people whose marriages immediately failed.
22:08
Those are gold. They are. You've sent me a lot
22:11
of those, and it's just absolute diamonds every
22:16
time. Yeah, so I think 30 days could work for
22:19
some people. I would say 90. 30 days isn't very
22:22
long. All right. So before we keep going, so
22:25
Carl does note that juice box in her blank changeling
22:30
form is listed as level 120. And in the previous
22:34
chapter, I don't think we talked about it, but
22:36
basically it's hard to know what the true level
22:38
of a changeling is. Mordecai tells Carl that
22:41
that's kind of a quirk of high level changelings.
22:44
If she's level 120, I mean. It seems like that
22:48
could possibly be her real level. But also, I
22:50
think that, you know, they've been trying to
22:52
get the form of a god in their inventory of things
22:56
that they can change into. So, like, if she transformed
22:59
into Grawl, for example, is she going to be listed
23:02
as being level 250? It is interesting to think
23:05
about. Or Skullapindra? Oh, gosh. Louis says
23:09
he wishes his mom could be there, which is just
23:11
such a adorable humanizing moment. I really love
23:15
this entire chapter. And that definitely fits,
23:18
I think, with Louis' character and personality.
23:21
He's such a sweetheart, which is why Juicebox
23:24
loves him so much, because he's very just kind
23:27
of sweet and pure at heart. During this ceremony,
23:30
everyone's views are absolutely spiked to the
23:33
max. Absolutely. And then once the ceremony is
23:38
complete, Zev chimes in, well, that was a first.
23:41
So, I mean, I guess that makes sense why everyone's
23:44
views were just absolutely spiked because this
23:45
is something that the viewers have never seen
23:47
happen before. Yeah, and I mean, I think it is
23:50
interesting. And while I think Louis does this
23:53
because he thinks it's the right thing to do,
23:56
I do think it is interesting that they don't
23:59
really talk about the long term of what does
24:02
being married mean. juice box doesn't really
24:06
have a way out of the dungeon although that could
24:09
change so interesting to discuss yeah i mean
24:13
i i think at this point they're not really too
24:15
concerned about it beyond floor you know beyond
24:18
floor nine at this point because they don't really
24:20
know is juice box going to carry on over to the
24:22
next floor with them like when is the next time
24:24
they're going to see juice box so i think that
24:26
really even louis and carl are kind of of the
24:31
understanding like this is temporary, basically,
24:33
until the floor is over, and then we, like, don't
24:35
know where this is going to go. No, but the long
24:37
-term implications are very interesting to me.
24:39
I mean, maybe Louie could stand to inherit a
24:42
lot of money from Juicebox. Maybe she has some
24:45
rich relatives. Not entirely sure how that works
24:47
with NPCs, but I mean, like, if he was a game
24:50
guide for a hundred seasons, like... Is he going
24:52
to be married to Juicebox? Like, she could be
24:54
visiting him for, like, a thousand years while
24:56
he goes through that contract. Yeah, definitely
24:59
interesting thing to think about. It's also noted
25:02
right before Zev saying, well, that was a first
25:05
that Brittany was barely paying attention to
25:07
the ceremony as she clutched onto a pile of automaton
25:10
plans. And this is, I guess, just kind of building
25:13
the point of her character serving as the intermediary
25:17
between the NPCs and the crawlers. I don't know
25:21
where her like kind of fascination with what
25:23
the NPCs is doing comes from, but I guess they're
25:27
just setting this part of her character up for
25:29
this inevitable ruin. Maybe she just finds things
25:32
like that interesting. I guess so. Is there a
25:35
class related to that? I don't actually know
25:37
what her class is. So what is Carl doing here,
25:40
Bree? Muting his notifications again. Yep. Gets
25:44
a lot of new recruit notifications and decides,
25:48
ah, that's not important. Let's mute that. And
25:50
this is where Florin sends him a message. Mate,
25:54
I'm about to blow your fucking mind. You need
25:57
to get your ass to the headquarters. We've secured
26:00
the safe room here. So you can use the doggy
26:02
door. There's a large group of people here who
26:04
would really like to meet you. I love this. This
26:07
is a game changer and I am so excited to talk
26:10
about it next week. Yes, the next chapter is
26:12
one of my favorite chapters in the entire series
26:15
and every single episode I have talked about
26:18
how I am excited for this point in the book.
26:21
So we look forward to having you join us next
26:24
week. New achievement. You've listened to another
26:27
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