Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E12: Self-care or Selfish?

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E12: Self-care or Selfish? · The Lila Rose Show

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Hello, you're listening to the Lila Rose show.
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This is Lila, and today's topic is on self-care or selfishness.
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Is it good to care for ourselves?
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What does it even mean to care for ourselves?
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And how do we avoid it turning into selfishness, especially in
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a world and at a day and age when there are so many
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opportunities to just focus on me and buy stuff for me and care
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about me, and so much of life is truly lived in loving and
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serving others. So my short answer, this spoiler
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alert, you could say for this episode, is that self-care is
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absolutely essential. self-care is absolutely essential.
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But it matters why we're doing it and what we're doing because
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otherwise it of course can turn into selfishness.
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And first of all, a shout out to any of the moms who are
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listening to this podcast. We have a pretty diverse group
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of people who listen and moms I know and dads are some of the,
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the audience. Some folks are also single or
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dating or teenagers. But we've got a lot of moms and
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moms, I think especially they work really hard.
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They love really hard. By nature, we're created to
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actually nurture and love physically.
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I mean, baby starts their life in our womb and our body, and
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then our life is spent with so much of that love and nurture
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for our child. And I'm not saying dads don't
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have their own profound experience of this too, but I
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think it's so important, especially for moms and dads to
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practice a healthy and a truly good self-care because it helps
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us to actually love others. And that's the core principle
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that I think is at the heart of good self-care, which is this.
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We are given as gifts, our bodies, our minds, and our
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souls. Our bodies, minds, and souls are
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all gifts, our lives, our gifts. And it's up to us to care for
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and cherish and cultivate the gift that we've been given of
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our bodies, minds, and souls in order, in order so that we can
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then love and be a gift to others, love others and be a
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gift to others. So we've been given the gift of
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ourselves so that we can then turn around and give that gift
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back. I think that is the heart of the
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purpose of being a human. I think the end purpose of being
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a human is to bring glory, bring glory to God and to be in
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communion with God, who is also a person.
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He's three persons and one he's, he's eternal.
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He wants us an eternal communion with him.
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So to love and to be loved by Him and all his creation, all
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his creatures, all people, all humans are also.
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We're called to love and to enter into communion with.
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And so when we care for ourselves and we care for our
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body, when we care for our heart, when we care for our
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soul, our mind and our soul, then we are better preparing to
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be a gift to others and to love others.
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So that I think is the ultimate aim.
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I think the ultimate aim is self gift, self gift, not selfish.
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What is selfish? Selfish is when it ends with us,
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when something is done because we want to experience some sort
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of often it's a short term pleasure or it's some kind of a
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worldly possession as a material thing, or we're absorbed in our
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own concerns and it's not interested in the other.
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It's not interested in being a gift to the other.
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It's really interested in only the self.
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And I think that and that of course is something to avoid,
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but what does it actually look like?
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What does that actually mean, especially in today's world?
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I mean, today's world is full of self-care language.
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I'm sure if you open even your Facebook news feed or you are at
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the mall, I'm sorry if you have to go to the mall.
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I used to like going to the mall when I was a teenager.
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I I remember those days. Now I dread it if I have to go.
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It's exhausting. That just shows that I don't
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know, I'm getting older, but for now I like shopping, but mall
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shopping, not so much. But wherever you go, I feel
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there's there's these notes of calling us to self-care.
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And I think some of it's good and I think some of it is not so
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good. And I think the lens for us to
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look at for all of it is what's the purpose of this?
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What's the end goal? Is the end goal to be a gift to
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others? And then number 2, is this
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practice actually good for me? Think about on an airplane when
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you are taking off there we're right before you take off.
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The flight attendant does the little rigmarole about this
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flight safety instructions. And I've heard this probably, I
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mean, I'm on a flight almost every week.
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So I probably have heard this, I don't know, thousands of Times
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Now. I mean, it's been so many times.
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So I kind of blank, blank out when they talk because I've
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heard it so many times. But they what they often say on
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flights, the flight attendant or the little flight training video
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for the for the passengers is before in the case of an
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emergency event or whatever, the when air masks will drop from
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the face mask will drop from the ceiling and before helping
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assisting another passenger, it's usually a child.
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Then you should secure your mask 1st.
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And the idea there is not because you care about yourself
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more than your child. I mean, most parents would be
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would die for their child. They take a bullet for their
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child. They jump in front of a car for
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their child. It's because it with the
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airplane example, if you don't secure your mask, you might be
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passing out from lack of oxygen or as the air pressure in the in
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the in the airplane is going down before you have a chance to
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help your child. So that's really an extreme
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example. But I think the core point there
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is we have to care for ourselves so that we can care for others.
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We have to be care for the gift of ourselves so that we can be
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be a gift to others. I think there's some
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personalities. By the way, the last episode was
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on personalities. It was kind of a more light
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hearted episode, but we talked to my friend Simone and I talked
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about all the different kinds of personalities out there and
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temperaments, and there's different interpretations or
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lenses you can use to try to understand the way that some
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people are bent or are are tendencies.
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And there's a lot that goes into that.
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Why are certain people born in a certain way or develop a certain
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way? Is it nature or nurture?
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Is it because of the way they were raised or because of
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something genetic? I mean, that's a whole
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conversation right there. But the point is some people
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struggle with this more than others.
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I think that's an important point before diving into what I
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think is good and bad self-care. Because you might be listening
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and you don't have much of a problem with this because you're
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kind of good at taking care of your body.
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You're good at taking care of yourself as far as it's
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something maybe you were, we're taught how to do, you had in the
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way you were brought up and maybe some people listening, the
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problem you you struggle with is not thinking about yourself over
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much. Some people, I think on a
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natural level are or maybe more prone to certain shortcomings.
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We all have shortcomings, we all have shortcomings.
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Some people might be more prone to certain tendencies and others
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other ones. So for example, there's the
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codependent. Some people for myriad of
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reasons might be more prone to codependency or struggle with
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codependency. What is codependency?
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Codependency is not love. Codependency is when we lose
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ourselves and really in many ways our identity and the
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addictions or the, or the, the, the unhealth of another person.
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Often it's a family member, a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a
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friend even. And it's because we're just
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pouring ourselves out and we're all consumed with the problem of
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the other. And so we start to effectively
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adopt whatever unhealthy activities they're doing by by
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default. So they might, they might be an
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addict and we're, our whole life is revolving around their
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addiction. Maybe we're not an addict
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ourselves, but we're in a way addicted to their addiction.
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So this is very complex topic in and of itself, but the point
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here is some people don't do enough self-care and that's
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their struggle. They're not caring enough for
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their own physical, mental and spiritual well-being and other
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people because they're almost too focused on themselves.
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They're not oriented to care for themselves for the right
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reasons. Maybe they're you're so focused
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on your career, how much how much of your, your, your mind
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and your, your world is your career, your work and why is it
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so important to you? Is it because of material
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wealth? Is it because of prestige?
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You want to look good? Is it because of the feeling of
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success and accomplishment? What are we oriented towards?
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Selfishness can look like a lot of different things.
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And so the question for this is tremendously personal for me.
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For me, it's it's ebbed and flowed through the years when I
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was in my late teens and throughout my 20s.
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So I'm 31 now. I struggled a lot with burnout
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where I would overdo it because I felt this sense of obligation
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and calling, which is not bad inherently.
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But in my work at live action and even in many of my
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relationships, I would sometimes not be doing a good job of
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caring for what I've been entrusted with, meaning my
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physical health, my, my spiritual health, making sure
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it's taking time for prayer, taking time for my spiritual
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well-being, my mental health. And so I would, I could go off
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balance because of that. And then I'm not really actually
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loving and able to effectively serve others anyways.
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So everybody's struggle is going to be different, but I think
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that these, what I want to run through is what I think is good
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self-care, what I think is actually essential self-care for
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any human being. And then what I don't think is
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good self-care, what is actually a form of selfishness or
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something that's, you know, that's a, that's a tough and a
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harsh word, but stuff that is actually going to be harmful,
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actually not be actually caring of ourselves.
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So to jump right in, the culture today, of course, is focused on,
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I think American culture in particular is very focused on
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the material and on success and work and achievement.
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So there's harmful self-care that can be born out of that,
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which I'm going to get to. But first, what does it actually
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mean to take good care of ourselves, our body, our minds,
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and our souls? First of all, I want to start
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with our souls. I think that any human being, we
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are born, we are created to be in touch with our Creator, with
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our, I believe he's our Father in heaven.
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And that means we need to spend time talking to him and we need
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to spend time getting to know him.
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And we need to spend time in that way understanding even who
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we are before God. Because I think the secret to
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unlock human purpose and human identity is found in our
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daughterhood or in our sonhood and being daughters or sons of
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our Father in heaven. We are all daughters and sons.
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And until we really can experience that and acknowledge
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that and, and dive into that and that becomes our identity of a
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father who loves us. Now, maybe our earthly father,
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our earthly mother, you know, they, they tried, but because of
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imperfections, because of sins, because of things outside of
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their control or who whatever it could have been, we didn't
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really know what that meant to be loved by the father, by the,
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by the mother. And no parent can live up to
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God's love, no parent. But God's love for us as sons
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and daughters is, I think, the core of our identity because
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it's what we're destined for eternally.
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If we accept the gift of salvation, the gift of Christ
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salvation, we are destined to be sons and daughters.
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This is this is what I believe. So prayer is and even
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psychologically, I mean, you hear a lot today about
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meditation and yoga and journaling and, you know, take
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time to like think and, you know, plan your day and dream
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big. All those things are can be
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good. I mean, we can have a debate
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about yoga, but meditation is a form of prayer.
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But the question is, what are you meditating on and who are
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you meditating to? Are you meditating effectively
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towards yourself? Is it like just me and myself
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and I, or is there another person involved?
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Is that person your Father? Is that person God who loves us
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and is the Creator? And do we invite in that person
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that love? Or is it just us and it begins
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and it ends with us? Well, I'm going to say that
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prayer that begins and ends with us.
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It's I don't think it's a real prayer.
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And it's also, it's also so shallow and empty because it's
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going to, we're going to die. You and I are going to die.
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We are, we are not it. We are not able to save
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ourselves. And so I think a core part of
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self-care is acknowledging who we are in the universe, getting
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to know our Father in heaven, taking time every day.
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So for me, it's at minimum 1/2 hour that I need to to actually
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spend time. And for me, it's talking to God.
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It's really sharing my own soul, my own shortcomings, my own
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concerns, my own dreams. That's the time I try to dream
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and think, beg what God do you want me to do?
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What? What, what vision do you want to
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give me? It's sharing about my concerns
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for other people, praying for others, whatever it is, it's
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taking time to read the Holy Scripture for me, I'm Catholic,
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reading the Bible, taking time to read spiritual reading.
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I mean, there's a lot of different ways to do this.
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And but prayer just begins with try reaching out a movement of
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our heart towards God and a movement of our heart to want to
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be in the presence of the one who created us and understands
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us. And I think it's really
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important for self-awareness. We can't really be self aware if
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we don't really know who we are and we don't really know who
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created us and what our purpose is.
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And so prayer is the path to discover that and live that out.
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So prayer I think isn't the essential self-care activity.
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Even if you just do 5 minutes, 5 minutes, sit down.
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I don't know if you're listening, if you're a Catholic
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evangelical, what you're, if you have no religious background,
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but taking that time to sit in silence and ask yourself these
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big questions, what am I purposed for?
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Who created me or where did I come from?
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What's the point of it all and taking that time to attempt to
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connect And maybe you're not, your belief isn't there yet or
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you're you're wrestling with it, but connect to the larger
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purpose, the bigger picture of what this life is all about.
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Otherwise. Otherwise we will find ourselves
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in this rat race or living this aimless life that ultimately is
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a waste and it's all going to go to nothing.
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It's all going to go to dust. So self-care, essential
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self-care activity is prayer. I think the second essential
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self-care activity and that has to do with their soul.
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The second essential self-care activity has to do with how we
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treat our bodies. It's really easy in today's
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modern world to forget that our bodies are, I think temples,
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their bodies are, are tremendous gifts and we have to treat them
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that way. We have to treat them with
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respect. And So what that means on a very
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basic level, I think is making sure we're paying attention to
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our sleep. I know if your mom listening and
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you have especially for your young children, you're probably
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like, yeah, tell me about it. I would love to get a lot of
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sleep, but I'm not able to. But if you're listening and
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you're like a young 20 something and you're in college or you're
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just graduated and you're just kind of if you like staying up
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late looking at Instagram, I mean, we've all been there,
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right? But the point is having a night
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schedule when you go to bed and having a wake schedule, what you
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do when you wake up, having that time where you're trying to get
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that 7-8 hours, if possible of sleep.
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And you have a routine at night and then you have a routine in
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the morning to get your day going and just close your day at
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the end of the day. I think it's so healthy and
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there's so many studies and so much research that proves this.
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But sleep is really important to our mental and our spiritual,
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our physical well-being. Exercise is another thing.
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It's really easy in today's modern world to be sedentary.
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We're in our car. This is what we do.
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We wake up in the morning in our dorm, our apartment or home.
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We get into our cars. We drive to probably our place
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of work, sometimes our place of school.
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We get out, we walk maybe 30 feet, and then we go and sit at
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a desk, right? We sit at a desk, and that's our
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day. And then we go back into the
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car. We drive back to our home, and
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then we go back into our home. I mean, that's the day of too
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many Americans and too many people throughout the world.
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But we have to, we're called to move our bodies.
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I mean, our bodies need to be moved.
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And I don't just mean that sedentary lifestyle and then
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make up for it with a really hardcore intense workout there
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for 30 minutes a few days a week.
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I mean, if that's all you can do because of certain life
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circumstances, that's absolutely better than nothing.
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But walking is so healthy. Getting out in nature is so
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healthy. Moving our bodies at least every
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day, even if it's a short walk, it's so good for us.
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So I think essential part of our care of our selves is to be
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moving, to move to our bodies and to stretch our bodies.
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I think we can't really be healthy without that.
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Nutrition is another thing. Diet, I mean, not diet as far as
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the fad diet, the latest yo-yo diet, the latest, you know, do
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the whole 30. And I'm not down on certain.
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I mean, some people have to do, you know, gluten free or they
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have to avoid certain foods or they're on a certain regimen
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with their nutritionist or their physician, whatever.
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But I think the core principle here is try to eat healthy, try
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to avoid eating the foods, especially overeating foods.
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I mean, we have an obesity crisis in our country.
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A lot of our health problems in our healthcare system have to do
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with people, the fact that we're not exercising, we're not eating
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healthy. It's not about being skin thin
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or skinny. It's just about put what we're
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putting in our bodies. Are we really using our wills,
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our willpower to make good choices and say, hey, maybe I'm
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not going to just eat that bag of chips.
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Instead I'm going to have a salad or instead I'm going to
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eat some some fruit for my snack.
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And it can be hard because everywhere we go there is candy
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and snacks and cookies and like baked goods and delicious things
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that I'm not saying you should never eat.
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And trust me, I enjoy them. When I was actually my first
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trimester of pregnancy, so I'm pregnant right now, My first
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trimester, all I wanted to eat was candy.
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I will be honest, candy and smoothies.
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I try not to make that the only thing I ate.
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But the point is we're going to have times where we're not going
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to always do this perfectly, but we should be striving to care
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about what we put into our bodies.
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That I think is essential self-care.
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What are we putting into our bodies?
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Is it healthy? I think also connected to our
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physical health is also what kinds of other non even food we
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put into our bodies. I mean, I've talked a lot before
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and I haven't done an episode on this yet, but a lot of women
19:02
today are prescribed birth control pills, which are can be
19:04
cancer causing, cancer causing drugs, you know, their implants
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or patches or pills. And I think there are there.
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This is not ideal. And I'm a huge proponent,
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proponent of fertility awareness for women.
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We will be doing an episode on this in the future.
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I'll be interviewing some experts on this.
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But getting to know our fertility, getting to know the
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underlying causes for issues that we might be facing, whether
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it's cystic acne or really heavy periods or whatever it is.
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And instead of just treating it with synthetic hormones, which
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is the go to in today's medical system, finding other ways that
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might be healthier and better for our bodies and don't have
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these side effects like cancer so that we can better take care
19:48
of our bodies. So I think care of our bodies is
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essential self-care. Care of our bodies sometimes
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could mean you get a massage or sometimes could mean you go and
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grooming. I mean, I like getting my nails
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done, things like that. Those things are not inherently
20:02
bad. Of course not.
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In fact, massages can be very therapeutic and very good.
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When my husband had a back injury, massages are a really
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important part of his healing process.
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So massages can be really good for stress relief, for healing.
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But the point is, I think a lot of times in our society, it's
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like all of these beauty grooming techniques are offered
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and and and encouraged. And we're not as much encouraged
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or offered to do the everyday things that are just good for
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health, like our sleep, like our nutrition, like our exercise.
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So sleep, nutrition, exercise, all very important.
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I think another essential self-care activity when it comes
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to our minds and souls and bodies, kind of the Triune of
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the three, has to do with digital detoxing.
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So we are constantly on our phones and on our computers and
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on our iPads or whatever device is your choice.
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And it's really actually crazy. I don't know if you have screen
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time on your phone. A lot of iPhones have this app
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called Screen Time. Actually, I don't even think
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it's an app anymore. I think for the iPhone 10, it's
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built in and I'm pretty sure they have this on Android,
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Droids, and other phones. But it tells you how much time
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you're on your phone. Now, if you're on your phone for
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work and it's during work hours and it's what's on your schedule
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to do, that's great. But my point here is, and we're
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all guilty of this, we overspend time on social media.
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I think we overspend time. We can't overspend time on on
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reading news, on watching TV, on whatever it is in front of
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screens, in front of screens. And I don't think that's good
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self-care. I don't and it can feel good,
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especially if we're feeling stressed.
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It can be like an escape route for us.
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It can feel comfortable and it also, quite frankly, is
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addictive. In fact, the social media
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companies, the tech companies, and for that matter, news media
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and all other kinds of consumption products, products
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that they're wanting us to consume, there can be an
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addictive element. They've done studies that show
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that the impact of scrolling through social media and
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clicking refresh right when you want to see maybe you posted,
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you want to see, did I get more comments or you wanted to see if
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there's something new, some new update to look at our new
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picture, to look at our new post.
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It can have the same chemical reaction in our brain as a crack
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addict has when they get a new hit of cocaine.
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That's how powerful this stuff is.
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And it's no wonder that people do have social media addictions
22:28
and it's also an Internet addictions and even, you know,
22:31
porn addictions. And it's no wonder porn is a
22:33
whole other story. I did an episode on porn itself,
22:36
which has its own moral dimension and its own very, very
22:40
powerful and, and and and negative moral implication.
22:45
But there's a lot of kids today who who are depressed and in
22:49
suffering anxiety because of social media.
22:51
So it is presenting itself to us as something that's a fun,
22:56
positive activity, right? Like go watch TV or hang out and
22:59
look, check out Instagram, whatever.
23:01
But it actually can be really toxic.
23:04
And so I think a good thing for self-care is actually digital
23:06
detox, taking the day off from your phone, taking the day off
23:09
from your screen, taking the day off from TV and instead reading
23:13
a book, spending time with friends, finding a hobby,
23:16
something that you really enjoy doing that's creative.
23:20
I'm a big believer that we should try to create more than
23:23
we consume. We should try to create more
23:26
than we consume. Now, I don't consider learning
23:29
necessarily consumption because in learning we're wrestling with
23:32
ideas and we're in a way it's part of the creative process.
23:37
But consume, it's just when we're, it's like eating again,
23:40
It's just like eating a bag of Skittles.
23:41
It's just scrolling through that Twitter and just constantly
23:44
looking. It's like reading 1 bad news
23:47
story after the other. It's it's binging on Netflix.
23:50
It's just eating, eating, eating media.
23:53
And I don't think it's healthy. I don't think it's helping us.
23:56
That's not to say it's all bad. We can use it, but it's in
23:58
moderation. We have to be really, we have to
24:00
be the masters. We have to be the ones in
24:02
control. So digital detox and then
24:04
replacing that with doing something creative.
24:06
What do you like to do? What do you especially like to
24:08
do? Maybe with other people?
24:10
It can be a great way to to invest in your relationships or
24:13
yourself care. The thing that is fun and
24:16
rewarding and interesting for you.
24:18
You can do it with your kids or your spouse or your friends or
24:21
your parents or someone else that you reach out to say, hey,
24:25
what are you up to? Let's go on a hike.
24:26
Or hey, what are you up to? Let's go and explore in a
24:30
museum. Or I mean, that might sound
24:32
really nerdy to you, but everybody likes different
24:34
things. Let's go to, let's go see to a
24:37
concert or let's go do a book club.
24:39
I love book clubs. I did when I lived out in DC.
24:42
We had a book club when I was growing up.
24:44
My mom and I had this mother daughters book club, which we
24:46
did for years, which was awesome With it was a group of other
24:49
mothers and daughters. We read a book every month and
24:52
then we would go and we would actually have a dinner.
24:56
So every mother and daughter, this is when I was like 12.
24:58
It was ages, I think 9 through like 14, so really formative
25:02
years for young girls. And every month we would go with
25:06
this group of other ladies, moms and daughters, daughters, and
25:08
each one would host. So my mom and I would host one
25:10
month, it would revolve and it would be another mother and
25:13
their and their daughter. We would pick the book, we'd
25:15
have discussion questions, we'd cook a dinner, we'd host a meal
25:19
and we'd have everyone over. And it was really wonderful.
25:21
I think that was excellent self-care.
25:24
That was also relationship building.
25:25
That was also learning. That was interesting.
25:27
We were cooking, we were sharing a meal, we were learning.
25:30
So stuff like finding things like that, especially those
25:33
human relationships, being able to do activities with your
25:37
relationships that are meaningful, that you enjoy, that
25:40
are fun for you. I think nature is a really great
25:43
form of self-care. Being out in our beautiful
25:45
nature. If you have access to nature,
25:48
that is such a beautiful gift. And I think we're made to be in
25:51
nature. I think that's our, that was our
25:52
original state, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
25:55
And the world is beautiful. So finding ways to be in touch
25:59
with the glory of creation and be away from our phones, away
26:03
from our devices, spending time with friends, spending time
26:06
growing in our relationships, doing activities that we enjoy.
26:10
I think these are all good self-care activities.
26:14
But the bottom line is, no matter how busy you are, no
26:17
matter how many responsibilities and obligations you have,
26:20
working hard to carve out that time for your prayer, working
26:23
hard and your, and your spiritual learning and your
26:27
spiritual development. Working hard and that time
26:29
you're spending dreaming and thinking and, and, and exploring
26:32
and, and, and connecting to your Creator, tarving out that time
26:36
for your physical health. That's so important.
26:38
Physical health underpins mental health.
26:40
It's hard to be mentally healthy if you're not physically
26:42
healthy. And if you're not mentally
26:44
healthy, it's hard to really be a good friend, a good parent, a
26:47
good spouse, whatever, even a good employee, whatever, a good
26:49
boss, whatever you are. And also carving out time for
26:54
your relationships to do activities that are meaningful
26:56
and fun or have the conversations that are rewarding
26:59
and rich. So I think these are all
27:01
everyday self-care activities that every human needs, but it's
27:07
easy to get lost in our society with all the noise and all the
27:10
busyness and all the rush and forget some of these basic
27:13
things. So what I'm sharing, I know is
27:15
it's not revelatory. This is not groundbreaking.
27:19
These are very simple things, but the simple things that are
27:23
often forgotten in this complicated world.
27:26
So prayer, care of our bodies, investing in our relationships,
27:30
having those creative hobbies, discovering what you really
27:33
enjoy, whether it's reading or writing for music, being out in
27:36
nature and digital detoxing, digital detoxing very important.
27:42
So with that said, I think we can run through some bad
27:45
self-care activities and I think it kind of flows.
27:47
It's pretty, I think obvious to some of us listening that one
27:52
thing that I think is often offered as self-care in our
27:56
culture today is material possessions.
28:00
We, if we get this thing or this service, it's a form of
28:04
self-care and we're going to be happier.
28:05
So buying stuff or buying beauty products or grooming experiences
28:11
and there's a whole world of, you know, plastic surgery,
28:15
changing the way we look, making ourselves look better, all these
28:18
things that are presented as a form of self-care.
28:21
Listen, material things might give us a little burst of
28:25
adrenaline or joy, but they're ultimately not going to make us
28:28
happy. And spending money we don't have
28:31
on things that often we don't need is definitely not going to
28:36
make us happy. That is not good self-care.
28:38
That is, that is you being sold stuff by a world full of
28:43
companies that is trying to make money off of selling more stuff.
28:47
So when we spend money on things, we might think we want
28:51
or need whatever, but it's money we don't have.
28:53
That is not that is already bad, bad sign, bad sign.
28:57
That is not good. And I think when we look at what
29:01
the world is offering, the latest thing, right, the latest
29:04
fashion, the latest beauty product, the latest trip that's
29:09
so exotic, whatever the latest thing is, I think these are
29:13
things not in and of themselves that are wrong.
29:16
I think sometimes they can be good in moderation and in the
29:19
right, right prioritization of the other things that matter in
29:22
our lives. But they're presented, I think
29:25
often in today's world as a as kind of an escape route, an
29:28
escape and as a way to get away from the stresses of our daily
29:32
lives. But material goods and buying
29:35
stuff is not going to do that. So spending money that we don't
29:39
have, thinking stuff, stuff, material things is going to make
29:42
us happy. That is not good healthcare.
29:45
That's actually bad. And that's going to harm us.
29:46
That's going to actually be harmful for us.
29:50
Anything that is harmful to our body, like for example, going
29:53
out and getting drunk, I mean, unfortunately that's something
29:55
that happens. And I think even in the world
29:58
today, a lot of people would say, oh, that's not self-care,
30:01
that's just bad for you. But it's presented as like the
30:03
thing to do, go out and party after a stressful week of school
30:07
or work. And a lot of partying is not
30:10
good for you. It's not good.
30:12
It's, it's actually, there's good partying, by the way,
30:15
there's, you know, not saying partying in general is bad.
30:19
There's awesome partying. But when you're going out and
30:21
getting drunk and that's, that's it.
30:24
That is not, that is not self-care, obviously that's
30:26
harmful to your body. That's the opposite.
30:28
Another thing is when we zone out for hours on end in the
30:34
world of media, and there is some media out there, there's a
30:38
lot of media out there that's not in and of itself bad, right?
30:41
So I don't think like social media is in and of itself bad.
30:43
We can use it in moderation and be the masters of it, but
30:47
there's media out there that's not bad, that's not good.
30:49
I think there are shows, TV shows, there's content out
30:52
there, there's music that is harmful, that is crass, that is
30:56
pornographic, that is negative about the human person.
30:59
That presents a really gleek view of the world and I don't
31:03
think it's helpful to us. So it's not going to really make
31:07
us happier. It's not going to make us
31:08
healthier. It's just wasting our time.
31:10
It's wasting our time and leaving this sort of negative
31:12
imprint in us. So really monitoring what we put
31:16
into our minds and our and our ear feel our ears with feel our
31:19
eyes with. And I think bad self-care is
31:22
zoning for hours on out watching a racy HBO show.
31:25
I think that's really bad. Even if you're feeling you're
31:27
having a bad day, it's you don't don't do that.
31:30
That's not going to actually be good for us.
31:33
Another thing that I think is an element of self-care in today's
31:37
culture anyways, that can be harmful is our attitude.
31:41
And it's an attitude of the wrong kind of it.
31:44
It's, it's kind of an entitlement where it's like,
31:46
well, I did, I worked really hard or I, you know, I, I did
31:51
this thing. So I, I'm owed this experience
31:54
or this material thing or this, this kind of pleasure.
31:58
And I think we should not be, it shouldn't be the context of
32:03
indulging ourselves because I think there's again, this
32:06
indulgent, like I, I need this, I deserve this.
32:09
But instead that is this thing good for us to begin with.
32:13
If it's your sleep, getting a good night's sleep, that's not
32:16
just I need this, I deserve this is that's, that's what we're
32:19
made for, to get it. I think we're made to take care
32:21
of our bodies. So not having a spirit of
32:24
indulgence or a spirit of, of a, of I'm owed this thing because I
32:30
think that can quickly lead to discontentedness and even
32:35
jealousy or envy when we see other people getting something
32:38
that we think we need or we deserved and we are not getting
32:40
it or we're not experiencing it. And I think the deepest root of
32:44
that is because we're not happy with our lives.
32:46
If we're not happy with our lives because we're not putting
32:48
those things first, like our understanding of ourselves in
32:51
the universe, our prayer, our soul, we're not caring for
32:54
ourselves. You're not caring for a
32:55
relationship. So we're not caring for our
32:56
mental, physical health. Then it's easy to have
32:59
resentment and it's easy to want to do things that are unhealthy
33:03
for us to want to escape into social media, to want to escape
33:07
into the world of Netflix, to want to escape into shopping, to
33:10
want to escape into our drug of choice and addiction of some
33:14
kind, whether it's drugs or it's sex or it's partying or it's
33:17
alcohol. So those are all escapes.
33:20
Those are all those are all us trying to deal with the stress
33:25
of our existence because we're not actually caring for
33:28
ourselves and we don't actually understand ourselves and we're
33:30
not actually caring for ourselves.
33:32
So those are some bad self-care activities.
33:35
Curious on your thoughts? Of course, as always, send me a
33:38
message. You can always e-mail me at
33:40
thoughts@lilaroseshow.com. But the good news here is good
33:45
self-care are the is a lot of it is the simple going back, simple
33:49
things in life, going back to the basics.
33:52
And I talked at the beginning about the purpose of all of
33:54
this. The end goal is to be a gift to
33:57
others. There's another thing I want to
33:58
say about that before I close, and that's that I think the word
34:04
leisure is really important. It's forgotten in today's world
34:09
often this idea of leisure. And I think leisure as the basis
34:13
of culture, leisure, which is you can understand leisure
34:17
through the lens of the work week.
34:19
You have your seven days in a week, you work during the week,
34:22
and you have your Sabbath, you have your Sunday.
34:25
That, by the way, is from the book of Genesis.
34:28
God worked for six days. He worked to create the world
34:31
and all creation. And then it said he rested.
34:34
And he also took that time to look at, he looked at all
34:37
creation and he said it is good. He looked at his own creation.
34:40
He marveled in what he had created and he rested.
34:44
He rested on the 7th day. We are called to take Sabbath.
34:48
We are called to rest because our ultimate destiny is not to
34:52
be working away. Our ultimate destiny is to be at
34:56
rest with God eternally. And that's why the Sabbath is so
35:01
important. And I'm not just talking about
35:04
Sunday in your work week. And I do, I do think Sunday in
35:07
your work week is important. But the purpose of the human
35:10
life is not so much what we create.
35:12
It's not so much what we do. It's not it's not our output.
35:16
I think a lot of today, it's about our output, our success,
35:19
it's about our how much we produce.
35:24
And that is actually not the measure of a human measure of a
35:28
human. What what is actually our value
35:31
is who we are, not what we do. And our existence itself is to
35:35
bring glory to God. And that's meant for eternity.
35:39
So leisure. Leisure is when you, you've yes,
35:44
you've worked, but you are now enjoying and communing with God
35:49
and with others. And that is ultimately eternity.
35:52
That is ultimately, I think what we're called to in heaven.
35:55
So let's cultivate, let's cultivate heaven here on earth
35:59
on our Sabbath days and throughout our work weeks and
36:02
truly caring for ourselves so we can then care for others.
36:08
Thank you all very much for listening.
36:10
I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
36:13
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36:16
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36:18
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36:20
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36:24
And as always, you can learn more about the show at
36:26
lilaroastshow.com or e-mail me at thoughts@lilaroastshow.com.