Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E311: Homeschooling, Marital Intimacy, and Miscarriages w/Chrissy Horton | Lila Rose Show

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E311: Homeschooling, Marital Intimacy, and Miscarriages w/Chrissy Horton | Lila Rose Show · The Lila Rose Show

• 0:00
  I will die on this sale. I do not think a married man or
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  woman. Should we need to knock this
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  off? You're a Catholic, you're a
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  Krishna. This is exactly how you should
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  be as a wife, as a mother. Or if you're homeschooling to
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  look down and people that aren't.
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  Oh, should we talk about the socialization with homeschool
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  when everyone freaks out about that?
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  I don't want people to look at me and think that's the only way
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  you can homeschool. He was not getting paid and I
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  was like, this is awful timing for me to get pregnant but Oh my
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  goodness does the Lord provide. People are like how do you even
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  have time to have seven kids? You catch my drift.
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  A little TMI, but we. How do you keep the romance and
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  spark alive in your marriage while raising littles?
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  OK this is a super hot take and I'm going to upset people.
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  Christy Horton, welcome back to the Vodka.
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  Thank you, I love. Being here, one of my favorites
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  of all favorites. I'm so and now we're like a few
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  weeks out, right? Yeah, I'm very good boy.
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  Is on his way. Yes, very pregnant.
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  How are you feeling? Fat.
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  Oh, I mean. Flip that one, guys.
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  I am though, sorry, I'm waddling everywhere like I have the huge
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  babies. So it, it's, it's a little bit
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  of physical challenge for me in the last few weeks.
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  I have six more weeks but I could I I'd be down if he if he
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  came today. Did the other ones come early?
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  No, none of them have. They all go to like 42 weeks.
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  That's probably why they're so big.
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  To 8 weeks. Yeah, exactly.
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  Six weeks. Yeah, I'm home and it's it's I'm
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  modeling. You look beautiful.
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  Oh, well, thank you. I'm.
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  So glad you're here. Thank you.
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  So we got a lot of questions and about topics for today.
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  One of the big things we're going to do is homeschooling and
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  then also to talk more about your story, marital intimacy.
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  There's so much there to unpack, so excited to dive in.
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  But before we get into everything, you publicly
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  announced that you had a miscarriage.
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  And I think if you're comfortable with it, I know, But
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  I you mentioned wanting to talk about a little bit on the show.
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  And so before we dive into it, I just wanted to like see how
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  you're doing and just. Thank you.
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  I am. By God's grace, we're doing
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  great. And yeah, this is our second
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  miscarriage. So between Peter and Leo, we had
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  a miscarriage a few years ago and it's just it's never going
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  to be easy to lose a baby even very early on because this is a
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  human being that you as part of your family, this is your son or
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  your daughter. I have a sense it was a boy.
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  We don't know for sure. And it was very unexpected.
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  Of course, I think few people expected, although maybe people
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  start fearing miscarriage if they've had multiple.
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  I was actually at the Live Action Young Leaders Summit here
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  in Socal and it was a big event, our biggest event yet.
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  It was going great. I just gave my opening talk and
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  then that's when, and I was actually thinking like, I want
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  to share that I'm pregnant right now.
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  But I was like, it's a little early.
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  I'm going to tell more people individually cause a lot of the
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  speakers were close friends of mine that were speaking there.
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  And so I was like, I'm going to wait, you know, a little bit,
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  even though I'm the type that as soon as you're pregnant, you
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  just want to tell everybody. I mean, it hadn't even told you.
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  There's a ton of people I hadn't.
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  Told you, but it's just joyous news.
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  It's like whoever has ears to hear, right?
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  Yes, like this is a new life. It's so exciting.
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  And then that day started the miscarriage symptoms that day
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  like pretty hardcore. So I had to leave the event And
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  there was hope still that this wasn't going to be a
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  miscarriage. And I was hopeful that, you
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  know, I had bled a little bit with another pregnancy.
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  I've had other friends who have bled.
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  I've had, I had a friend recently who was bleeding and
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  actually had twins and lost one. But then the other one was still
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  carry. She was still carrying the other
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  one. And so I was thinking, OK, well,
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  maybe this is going to be fine. God gave me a lot of peace
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  because I knew God's hand was in it.
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  But then, you know, we found out, confirmed that I got blood
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  work done and met with my amazing doctor and stuff and
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  confirmed that yes, this is a miscarriage.
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  So God gives and he takes. Our children are not our own.
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  So a little bit of a personal note.
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  So while I've never suffered A miscarriage, my mom had a
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  stillborn when I was a senior in high school and be like perfect
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  baby girl. Just I think that I, I don't
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  know, I think the umbilical cord, something happened with
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  that right before her due date and she still had to give birth.
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  And I remember asking like, you talking to my mom and I'm like,
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  what, what can we do? What can we do during a time of
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  loss like this? You know, doesn't make any
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  sense, right? And she's like, I need prayers.
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  I'm having a hard time praying. I'm having a hard time feeling
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  close to God at this time and I need prayers.
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  And so I think and we have in in our group at church, we have
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  when we find out a woman is miscarried, we do a spiritual
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  bouquet. How beautiful.
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  And so I'm just going to ask everyone listening like cover
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  Lila and prayers, please. So beautiful.
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  This can be a hard time and it's hard.
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  It's so it's so hard when we're we don't understand God's
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  reasoning. And I can see it being a very
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  hard time to lean on him and we need to lean on him the most.
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  But it's very hard. And so just ask.
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  Everyone covers Lila and her family and prayers during this
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  time. Thank you, Chrissy.
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  Is there anything you want to share with other women
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  experiencing this? Because it's a question I get a
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  lot on my channel and I honestly, I feel guilty like I
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  don't know why I've been blessed the way I've been blessed.
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  And so I, I don't feel, I don't know what I can say through any
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  of this, but I get this question so much.
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  And I got so many messages. Well, first on the prayer thing,
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  I, I felt tangibly the prayers. Oh, good.
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  When we were experiencing the miscarriage last week now so
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  it's completed. And I felt tangibly the prayers
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  and those meant the world to me. So prayer is real.
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  God hears our prayers. Grace of God is real.
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  And the prayers do matter. So thank you to everybody who
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  has prayed, and thank you for asking even more prayers.
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  Like, we all need prayers. Yeah.
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  I think there's a lot of mystery around miscarriages.
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  And, like, sometimes it seems like they're unspoken.
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  I even had a person, you know, respond somewhere saying, why
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  are you talking about this publicly?
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  Miscarriages happen all the time.
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  You're trying to get attention or something like this.
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  And I was like, I'm thanking people for their prayers and I'm
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  asking, it's OK. That's just one comment out of
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  there were way more positive comments than negative.
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  The reason I'm saying that though, is that is a thing where
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  we we don't really value these lives enough and we expect women
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  or even dads to not think it's a big deal.
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  And I'm not saying that you have to like sob and rye your heart
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  out with a miscair, like you're going to grieve the way you
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  grieve because every woman and man will handle it differently.
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  But I think because our society cheapens life, we don't value
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  unborn babies enough. And so there's this lack of
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  appreciation for a new life that's unborn and a lack of
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  mourning for lives that are lost, obviously with abortion,
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  100%. And then it can be the case with
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  miscarriage. So yeah, I was, I was, I was
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  surprised by how many people reached out.
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  Maybe not surprised, but I was impressed by how many people
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  reached out and shared that they had just gone through a
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  miscarriage or they were, you know, they've had a miscarriage
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  in the past. And I think the thing I keep
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  coming back to in my mind whenever I like words come out
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  of my mouth about miscarriage is our children are not around.
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  We're not promised children. We're not owed children.
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  What we're promised and gifted with with and blessed with is
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  like the everlasting, immense love of God, which fills the
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  deepest longings of the human heart.
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  And a child is like God's love Incarnate, in my opinion, like
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  they're just perfection. The children are just heaven
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  sent. But we're also not promised a
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  child. And then you, if you were given
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  a child, that child may be taken.
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  And I think about the Kims, Paul Kim and his beautiful wife, and
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  they just lost their five year old son, Micah.
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  I was actually just texting with him earlier today because.
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  I I pray for them every day. And when I was having the
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  miscarriage, Leo, our middle son who's almost who's four, he was
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  really sick and we were concerned at one point we had to
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  hospitalize him. And I was thinking about Micah
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  because I was like, I think Micah just had a fluke.
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  And then it just went from there.
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  Like they just, he, they lost him within just hours, you know,
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  days really. And I was just thinking like God
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  gives and God takes and we can clench like this to our
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  children, to our whatever The thing is that we prize, or we
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  can just hold it knowing that the Lord would will take it as
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  he pleases. And but to know that that's not
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  the end. That's the other thing.
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  There's heaven. We're, we're made for heaven.
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  And so we talked to, I talked to our, our kids, Joe and I talked
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  to the kids and we're like, you know, we, that we lost the baby,
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  but the baby's in heaven. And so we're going to get to see
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  the baby again someday. And our oldest, he said, I want
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  to go to heaven. And I was like I need to take
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  it. You.
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  Know like that? That's our.
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  That's our. House That's that's can I tell
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  you I heard this amazing parable.
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  I don't know if you've heard this parable.
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  It was it's two babies, 2 twins in the womb.
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  OK. And one twin goes twin calm A&B.
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  So baby A goes, I wonder what life is like outside of the
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  womb. And baby B's, like, what are you
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  talking about there? What what could possibly outside
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  of the womb? It's like, I don't know, maybe
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  we'll like walk with her feet and eat from our mouths, you
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  know, baby B's like eat from our mouths, like, you know, because
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  I'm vulgar cord and everything. And it just.
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  And then he goes and baby A goes, I think we'll get to meet
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  mother. And baby goes meet mother.
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  What do you mean meet mother? Mother doesn't exist.
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  Look around. There's no mother here.
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  And he goes. Sometimes when I'm quiet, I can
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  hear mom. I can hear her heartbeat.
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  I can hear her talking to us. I hear mother.
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  There's no mother. There's nothing outside the
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  womb, just darkness. And I think it's a really
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  incredible way to, like, teach kids about heaven.
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  And I'm like, that's our time on earth.
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  Like I'm like, do you remember being in mommy's womb?
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  Like, no, But I think that's the whole point of the parable,
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  though, is that our time on earth, like we think for those
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  who don't believe, right? It's like, well, what could be
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  after this? But I don't know.
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  I just thought and so to me that, yeah, the comfort in
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  heaven, right. And with everything with Micah
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  that happened, I was, you know, we've been praying for him.
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  The kids were praying for him. They're really worried.
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  They're like, is he going to be in heaven with all his parents,
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  though? And I said time is different
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  there. It's not like how it is here.
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  I don't obviously. I don't know, but my thought is
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  there's no loss. Yeah, there's no loss.
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  Like it. Like they'll be reunited.
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  Like he. It's not he.
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  Is with them because I believe, like we believe, that there's
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  the veil between heaven and earth.
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  There is a veil, but the veil is one way.
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  Yes. Like we don't see into heaven
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  the way that heaven can see us because they're outside of time,
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  they're perfected, they're in the presence of God, you know?
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  Oh, and the stories they've shared with Oh my gosh, it's
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  been incredible. Yes.
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  Yeah, I think everyone should check out the their profiles and
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  the stuff they shared with Micah since he since he's gone to
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  heaven. Yes.
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  And I, and, and I was texting with Paul and it was like, yeah,
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  Mike, I, I believe our little son is in heaven.
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  He's with Micah, he's with our other miscarried baby.
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  He's with all of the miscarried babies.
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  It's with all of the people who've passed before us.
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  And we will see him again. And it, I think it's, it's hard
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  to grieve someone that you never really got to know.
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  Yeah, and that's where that's where miscarriage is mysterious
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  for people because they like there's a lot of longing in it.
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  I think especially for people that they miscarry their first
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  baby. They've never had a baby before,
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  and then they lose this baby and they have all this expectation
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  and hope bound up in this baby. But when you don't know them as
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  well, you have to think about what could they have been like,
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  what would have the life, what would have, what would have life
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  have been? And that's where it starts to
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  really hurt, you know, that's where that's where you start to
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  feel pain. It's like I'll never know this
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  boy, this side of heaven. His siblings won't know him this
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  side of heaven in this more concrete way.
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  And you know, there's us longing for another baby.
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  But then you just put trust in heaven like that.
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  He's out there. You can, you can ask for his
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  little prayers. I believe that.
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  And he's in perfect joy and happiness.
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  And he's my little St. in heaven.
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  And the Lord has a plan here. Yeah, I, I think one of the
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  things that I find very comforting, and I asked my mom,
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  I was like, is this comforting to you?
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  You know, I want to make sure I'm sensitive with it.
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  But they've only known a world of love.
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  You know, when they're taken young, they've only known love.
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  And now that when they wake up and especially like miscarriage
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  stillborn, like they wake up in the savior's arms, like, I'm
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  sorry, I don't have more that I can offer, but I know there's so
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  many women who, like you said, I think it can be very isolating
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  because we're kind of told like it's not a big deal or and we're
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  not. I think a lot of women are have
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  a trouble navigating and dads and dads having trouble
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  navigating how they're supposed to feel when it comes to this.
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  And I don't think there's. And how to talk about it to us
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  and even talking about how many kids we have, because people
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  often will say, how many kids do you have?
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  And often I'll say 3 and one in heaven before this baby.
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  And now it's three and two in heaven.
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  So we have 5 kids. And sometimes people like, don't
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  know what to do with that because they think, oh, that's,
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  it feels like trauma dumping because they're like, yeah, I'm
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  sorry you lost babies. I'm so sorry.
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  You're like, I'm saying, Congrats on your three kids.
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  They're like, I'm so sorry you lost 2.
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  But it's also very, I think humanizing and, and good to even
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  talk like that because they're just as real as the born
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  children and they're all, they all matter.
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  And we don't really get to know with the the the two, but we
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  will know them more deeply one day and we can still love them.
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  And and it normalizes even talking about more scarage too,
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  which I think is important. Since you've been through this
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  twice now, how do you like people showing up for you during
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  this time? Like what can people learn more
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  to show up for those who are going through this?
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  I was so blown away because I did not, I was not really
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  thinking are people going to show up for me?
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  Wasn't even in that mindset. I was just like powering through
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  because between other kids work, Leo got super sick during the
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  middle of it. So it's like a crazy, crazy
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  week. And but what I was deeply moved
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  by is a bunch of people first of all, just messaging me.
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  How are you doing checking in a bunch of friends just offering
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  to bring me meals, which I felt almost like embarrassed to take
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  them because because they they like these are friends that have
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  like a million kids themselves. They're very busy moms.
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  But I've actually learned in the last few years like say yes,
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  when someone offers to do something with love for you,
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  even if it's something that you feel like I don't deserve or it
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  puts them out of their way because you want to create a
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  relationship of love where you can receive it and give it.
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  So anyways, that was like blowing people, sending me
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  flowers, like bringing me flowers, bringing food, the
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  prayers, of course, most importantly saying I'm praying
• 15:00
  for you. I'm just talking about it,
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  acknowledging it. All of that has meant a lot.
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  And I think if you know someone who's going through a
• 15:06
  miscarriage, talking about acknowledging it, don't leave
• 15:09
  them alone. I think that's the big thing.
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  I think when someone's going through something hard, they're
• 15:13
  going to be a tendency, but we're going to leave them alone
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  because they're going through something hard.
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  No, no, they need you to show up and saying like, well, what can
• 15:18
  I do to help? Or saying let me know if you
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  need something I would say is not what's best.
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  Get specific. Like, hey, can I bring meal over
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  tomorrow night? Or hey, can I, you know, come
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  do, I mean, if it's depending on the relationship, can I do your
• 15:30
  laundry or whatever it is? And then just showing up and
• 15:33
  doing the thing as opposed to like putting the ball in their
• 15:36
  court because their court is already full.
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  Like their court is already full of their own stuff they're going
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  through. And the way you can show up and
• 15:43
  love them is by just literally showing up and doing an act of
• 15:46
  love. So taking initiative, even if it
• 15:48
  feels uncomfortable or like, I don't know if they want this,
• 15:51
  like you can always caveat it with like, if you, if this, if
• 15:54
  this sounds terrible to you, just let me know.
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  But I, I want to do this. I, I'm going to bring you food
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  tomorrow night or whatever The thing is.
• 15:59
  And I think that really will make them feel your presence and
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  your love. Yeah, yeah, I think that isn't
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  like you. It goes back to acknowledging
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  this because we do live in a society that's like that brushes
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  some of this stuff off and I think that's incredibly
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  isolating. So I think this acknowledging
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  and and letting people mourn the way they they want to mourn and
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  grieve. And I just, there's, there's
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  just no right way to do it, you know?
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  And I think it's also we have to celebrate like we mourn together
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  and we want to celebrate together.
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  And like, your baby is coming. I don't know.
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  You could have a baby. Shower Christy.
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  I've never I only had a like 2 out of all the kids because.
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  Just busyness or yeah? I guess I just, I don't know.
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  I mean, I just don't really. I think it all just happened so
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  fast and I'm like, oh baby's here.
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  We should do a baby shower. Babies covered really soon so.
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  You could be right before it could be right out.
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  I mean, the other kind, depending on how that's like,
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  we, we can talk about it too off camera.
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  Yeah, we should do something to sell.
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  But even like that, right? Like we should just, I think
• 17:03
  like what's the point of this life?
• 17:04
  It's about loving God and other people and helping get souls to
• 17:07
  heaven by sharing the good news of Jesus Christ.
• 17:08
  How do you do that practically in family and in community
• 17:11
  milestones, events that have to do with human beings, which is
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  what it's all about. And so whether it's a
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  miscarriage or there's a birth or there's, yeah, a birthday,
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  I'm not saying it has to be some big, extravagant, expensive
• 17:21
  birthday or the person's birthday or, you know, their
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  baptism day or just like finding opportunities to celebrate the
• 17:29
  other person. I'm not saying I'm good at this.
• 17:32
  I want to be good at this is one thing I'm trying to work on
• 17:35
  because that's really a practical way to live together
• 17:38
  and show love. And it's sort of a lost art, I
• 17:41
  feel like, in our culture. I think it's on me though,
• 17:43
  because I've definitely had like my mom and people be like, let's
• 17:45
  do something for this baby. And I'm like, no, I'm too
• 17:48
  stressed out. I'm too yeah, and I just get
• 17:50
  like, I don't want to put anyone out, but I I am really bad at
• 17:54
  that. Like the people that can we sort
• 17:55
  of meal trainer. I'm like, no, don't do that.
• 17:57
  Like I'm. You didn't do meal trains for
• 17:59
  your babies. Well, sometimes no.
• 18:00
  Yeah, usually I try to stay out because I I just feel bad and
• 18:04
  then like also for me, I have a hard time keeping up with other
• 18:07
  people's meal trains. So then I'm like don't do it
• 18:09
  for. Me DoorDash gift cards.
• 18:10
  I know I've been doing that lately.
• 18:11
  Yeah, I have been doing that lately.
• 18:15
  Yeah, I'm. Like you don't want my food
• 18:16
  anyways, I mean. I know I'm not a good couple
• 18:18
  meals. That are good.
• 18:19
  But I'm like a lot of people, they're like, yeah, DoorDash,
• 18:21
  not like I like to get for my favorite restaurant.
• 18:24
  Yeah, so I just, I am one of those people that's like, I
• 18:28
  don't feel like I've given enough to you.
• 18:29
  So please, like don't, I don't, I don't want to, don't extend it
• 18:32
  to me. Like I I feel bad.
• 18:33
  I don't know. Let them go first.
• 18:35
  You feel more of a prompting to go second, you know, And then
• 18:39
  there's a relationship that happens like can come from that
• 18:41
  because this is like a mutual sharing and giving of each
• 18:45
  other. It's true.
• 18:46
  Something I should work on? Yeah, it is.
• 18:48
  Blessed I love when I can help other people of great when the
• 18:51
  opportunity presents itself so people want that people want to
• 18:54
  the. DoorDash gift cards are like.
• 18:56
  Are yeah, I've been doing that. You can do that.
• 18:58
  Here, like can trade time for money and like, say you know, I
• 19:01
  can't drop off a meal, but I wanna send this gift card.
• 19:04
  I have a hard time cooking for like my own family that big.
• 19:07
  Tim does a lot of it. Yeah, Tim's like you just gotta
• 19:09
  tell me when the meal trades are and I'll like cook up a Tri tip
• 19:12
  in. He's like.
• 19:13
  He's let him that's. I know I mean just I need to put
• 19:16
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• 20:55
  between this baby and next baby? The youngest?
• 20:59
  Oh, this one's one of our bigger age gaps.
• 21:01
  OK. 22 months. That's like my smallest age gap.
• 21:05
  Very big age gap, Chrissy. That's like the joke because
• 21:08
  what's? Your smallest age gap. 15 months
• 21:11
  I think. So no Irish twins yet.
• 21:14
  No, no 15 months. But that's the one.
• 21:18
  That was my conviction, baby. So I just gave birth to #4 and
• 21:23
  the math might be wrong, someone's probably going to
• 21:24
  correct me on this, but I gave birth to #4 He was five months
• 21:28
  old when I found out I was pregnant with #5 But this was
• 21:31
  the whole story where I was like, we thought we were done at
• 21:34
  4. My husband was going to get a
• 21:36
  vasectomy. And then you know, my whole
• 21:38
  journey. Check out that episode because
• 21:40
  it's a really good one on how I, how we got here.
• 21:42
  But you just share just with people.
• 21:46
  I didn't know if you wanted me to go down that road.
• 21:48
  That's. Why just share that part where
• 21:49
  you're? You're looking into the face of
• 21:51
  this baby #5 that's within 15 months of baby #4.
• 21:57
  Just a brief we want to hear it again.
• 21:59
  My husband and I never thought we'd have a lot of kids ever,
• 22:01
  ever. Like we had a very typical young
• 22:04
  20s American lifestyle. Like we went to church, but
• 22:10
  very, what did I call it, cafeteria Catholics where we
• 22:13
  picked and choosed and we were personally for me, I don't think
• 22:16
  I, I knew the faith very well. And so, yeah, we got married
• 22:21
  young, but I contracepted because that's what you're
• 22:25
  supposed to do, right? You're supposed to build your
• 22:27
  marriage first. That's what we're told.
• 22:28
  Like you need to build your marriage.
• 22:29
  And I'm not necessarily against that, but it was like against.
• 22:33
  Building the marriage. Obviously, Yeah, obviously I'm
• 22:35
  not against building up your marriage because I do understand
• 22:38
  that point. Like that's the foundation and
• 22:39
  all these things. But we had this idea that like
• 22:43
  kids could interfere with that, right?
• 22:46
  So we very young, I was 23 when I got married, but we were still
• 22:50
  living it up like young 20s, you know, had to go to brunch every
• 22:54
  Saturday, the whole thing. And I had to travel a lot and do
• 22:57
  all those things. And there's nothing wrong with
• 22:58
  that, by the way. But it was like we had the
• 23:01
  impression that like kids would burden us from living our life.
• 23:04
  So I contracepted and then I got the only reason I got off of
• 23:10
  this because it's just started messing with me.
• 23:11
  And I was like, this is it like just turned a corner?
• 23:15
  So I got off of it. And lo and behold, I, I was so
• 23:17
  naive. I was like, oh, I've been on
• 23:19
  this so long. I'm not going to get pregnant
• 23:21
  right away. And I got pregnant right away.
• 23:23
  And it was bad timing because Tim had just quit like his like
• 23:27
  normal computer programming job. And he started this whole
• 23:30
  startup that made no sense to me whatsoever.
• 23:34
  And he was not getting paid. And I was like, this is awful
• 23:37
  timing for me to get pregnant. But does the Lord provide?
• 23:41
  Oh my goodness, does the Lord provide?
• 23:43
  Because there were just opportunities that got presented
• 23:46
  to him that never would have been presented.
• 23:49
  It was just amazing because I remember freaking out, being
• 23:51
  like, I was so excited to be pregnant, don't get me wrong,
• 23:54
  But I was like, how are we going to do this?
• 23:57
  So. So anyways, that's how I ended
• 24:00
  up getting off contraceptives. And then I never wanted to go
• 24:03
  back on because they messed with me so bad.
• 24:05
  So bad. But we used other preventative
• 24:08
  methods. I still got pregnant on those.
• 24:13
  Yeah. And so I got Frank a second
• 24:15
  time. Anyways, we always knew we
• 24:17
  wanted 4:00. So at some point we kind of like
• 24:19
  let go. And then we had our 4th baby and
• 24:21
  he's like, OK, that's it. Like I'm going to get us, I'm
• 24:23
  going to get snipped and. Which is what I think it's.
• 24:26
  I hear a lot of Christian women and Christian men talking almost
• 24:31
  casually about like, yeah, got a vasectomy, got snipped.
• 24:34
  Oh yeah, our friends like throw parties about it.
• 24:36
  Yes, yeah. Like that's a normal thing for
• 24:38
  Christians to do. And I think in this culture it
• 24:40
  is which. Is so normal.
• 24:42
  But you're, we're going to hear obviously your next, Yeah.
• 24:45
  And you know, like, yeah, it's just, that's just what we
• 24:47
  thought. Exactly.
• 24:48
  We just thought that's what you do, you know?
• 24:49
  And I was like 4 kids especially because nowadays it's like 3
• 24:52
  kids is like, that's it, you know?
• 24:55
  And now we're, we had four. So we are good, you know.
• 24:59
  And so as I'm pregnant with baby #4 this is 2021.
• 25:04
  So like a post very new post COVID, not even post.
• 25:07
  I think it's still very like COVID time because.
• 25:09
  Yeah. I had to wear a mask until.
• 25:11
  Birth my baby. So messed up.
• 25:14
  I did take it off. Me too.
• 25:16
  Yeah, but I had a baby in 2021. Yeah, our middle and I was.
• 25:20
  They were like you had to have your mask on when you're
• 25:21
  laboring. During that mask on yeah they're
• 25:23
  making Tim like COVID test every.
• 25:25
  Like the OR the indignity of being in like full on labor and
• 25:30
  they're sticking the swab up my nose.
• 25:32
  Yeah, I was like. With your mask.
• 25:34
  How dare you. Yeah.
• 25:39
  So. Yeah.
• 25:39
  So the very fragile time in the world, right?
• 25:43
  During that time, we switched parishes because actually my mom
• 25:47
  found a parish that had like a homeschool group.
• 25:50
  And obviously we're like very interested in the homeschooling
• 25:53
  during this like COVID, post COVID time.
• 25:56
  So she's like, it had a homeschool ministry.
• 25:58
  That's what it was. And so we go and there's I, you
• 26:04
  know, I know I share the story so much, but the sprinter vans
• 26:06
  galore. And I'm like, what is going on?
• 26:08
  Why are so many huge vans here? And lo and behold, these
• 26:12
  families had 88 kids, 12 kids, you know, 6 kids.
• 26:17
  And even though I grew up Catholic, I never grew up with a
• 26:19
  ton. There was like maybe one family
• 26:21
  in our whole parish who had a lot of kids and it was so
• 26:24
  foreign to me. I was like, what is happening?
• 26:27
  Like do they not realize it's 2021?
• 26:29
  Like why you having all these kids?
• 26:30
  Like I had the comments that I get is totally like because I
• 26:37
  used to say crap about big families I had.
• 26:42
  So I was so judgy. I don't know why I was so judgy.
• 26:47
  Meaning like you thought you would see these big families,
• 26:49
  this is pretty sort of like, you know, getting deep into the
• 26:52
  deeper into the faith and you would just judge them and think
• 26:54
  there's something weird, like there's something irresponsible
• 26:58
  about being having so many children.
• 27:01
  And. I think that's the typical
• 27:02
  judgement on bigger families, is there's something wrong with you
• 27:05
  and you are the irresponsible ones by having all these kids.
• 27:09
  Oh yeah, that was me. So whenever I get these
• 27:11
  comments, I'm like, it's not. I had the same thoughts, you
• 27:14
  know, I was like, there's no way you can give them enough
• 27:17
  attention. You only like babies.
• 27:21
  You only just want babies. You're going to parentify the
• 27:23
  older kids and they're going to be traumatized.
• 27:27
  Oh yeah, never been around big families like nothing.
• 27:30
  And I just had all these opinions.
• 27:32
  So I guess it's my humbling experience right now living it
• 27:35
  out online. But so I walked in like, what is
• 27:38
  going on? Where are these families?
• 27:39
  And then my mom got to know the women.
• 27:42
  And so she would host these baby blessings at her house where we
• 27:45
  go, we pray rosary, everyone would write little blessing
• 27:47
  cards to each baby. And I sit down next to some
• 27:50
  women and I go. So how do you guys know when
• 27:52
  you're done having kids? And these are devout Catholic
• 27:56
  women. I had no idea.
• 27:57
  I thought that's a very normal question in our society.
• 28:01
  And they were so sweet, not judgy at all with me or
• 28:04
  anything, like, well, what do you mean?
• 28:05
  And I was like, well, I'm pregnant with baby #4 I think
• 28:07
  we're done. They're like, oh, each child's
• 28:10
  such a blessing. Like we really leave that up to
• 28:12
  God's plan. And I'm like, what do you mean?
• 28:14
  And I'm like having this crisis because I'm like 30.
• 28:17
  What do you mean? And I'm like, I'm already have
• 28:19
  4. Like, what are you talking
• 28:21
  about? And and so I start kind of
• 28:23
  freaking out like these poor women, they never even met me.
• 28:26
  And I'm like, wait, what do you mean?
• 28:28
  And I'm like starting to freak out.
• 28:29
  But there's, they're just like, the Holy Spirit was just working
• 28:31
  through them. Like they're like, it's OK.
• 28:33
  Like there's natural family planning, like you can discern.
• 28:36
  And they're starting to educate me on these things.
• 28:38
  And I had heard of it, but I had no faith in this, you know, I
• 28:42
  was like, oh, you know, And so but they're telling me all these
• 28:46
  things. They're like, there's the
• 28:47
  Marquette method, there's this and all, and I'm just freaking
• 28:50
  out. Oh my gosh, I'm going to have
• 28:52
  like, I'm only 33 and you know, so I go home to Tim and I'm
• 28:56
  like, did you know, like you cannot get a vasectomy according
• 28:59
  to the Catholic faith. And he's like, what, what are
• 29:02
  you talking about? Like, you know, let's check the
• 29:04
  catechism again. I was like.
• 29:05
  It must be in there somewhere. I.
• 29:07
  Was like, I was like, no, this is wrong.
• 29:11
  And then so this is before I'm like into the Catholic faith,
• 29:14
  like we would just go to church Catholic because that's how we
• 29:16
  were raised. So I was like, this is the
• 29:18
  problem with religion. It doesn't say in the Bible and
• 29:22
  who's making the rules. A bunch of priests with no kids.
• 29:24
  Like I was just like, let's prove it wrong.
• 29:28
  And so he's like, yeah, I'm going to research this because
• 29:30
  there's no way right? And so we're diving and trying
• 29:33
  to find our point of view. Like we're going to prove this
• 29:35
  2000 and 2000 year old institution wrong.
• 29:38
  You know, like us millennials, we're going to be the ones to do
• 29:40
  it. Almost we.
• 29:42
  Almost did it and. So we start diving deep to like
• 29:48
  validate our point, and that's when we became so convicted, the
• 29:51
  more and more we learned about God's plan for us and this, you
• 29:57
  know, being open to life. So we get there mentally
• 30:00
  together. And I think it was so special
• 30:01
  for us to go on that journey together.
• 30:03
  That is very special. Because they do have a lot of
• 30:05
  women being like, how do you get your husband on board to have
• 30:07
  more kids? And this was just a journey that
• 30:10
  we went through together. Like I was really against having
• 30:12
  more. He was, you know, we were just
• 30:15
  were kind of drowning. It was like 4 under 4 or
• 30:17
  something like that, or 4 under 5.
• 30:19
  So I was like, there's just no way we can do this.
• 30:22
  And so we've become very convicted.
• 30:26
  But I'm like, well, I'm going to follow this Marquette method to
• 30:29
  the Max. Like I just need at least some
• 30:31
  space, right? But I was postpartum, so I
• 30:34
  didn't have a regular cycle. But I don't know if anyone's
• 30:37
  familiar with Marquette method. It's still pretty good for that
• 30:40
  even if you're postpartum because you're you're doing
• 30:42
  ovulation testing every day. You're like, you know, you're
• 30:45
  peeing on a peeing in a cup, so. You were doing that when you got
• 30:47
  pregnant with. #5 Coach. So did you not detect the
• 30:50
  ovulations? Oh, let me tell you what
• 30:52
  happened. Did I share it on that?
• 30:54
  I don't. Think we did.
• 30:55
  So this is actually really important information because I
• 30:58
  actually was just talking to another guest who came on the
• 31:00
  show after our interview with Mark Regneros.
• 31:02
  And he was talking about how he was interviewing all of these
• 31:05
  big Catholic families for his book.
• 31:07
  And he was talking about how a bunch of them are saying how NFP
• 31:09
  didn't they were, they were, you know, claiming in terms of
• 31:12
  spacing. And anyways, there's a lot that
• 31:15
  can be said about that, but this is your lived experience with
• 31:18
  it. So let's and by the way, I do
• 31:19
  think NFP is incredible and it absolutely can work.
• 31:23
  But there is this, you know, Gray zone of postpartum before
• 31:26
  your cycles returned where it can be trickier.
• 31:28
  And that's what what you're where you're at in the story.
• 31:31
  And again, I think people really need to understand because
• 31:33
  people will get on us a lot from that last podcast about NFP,
• 31:36
  like, oh, we use it as like birth control or whatever.
• 31:39
  And that's it's like first, not we have absolutely, but we're
• 31:42
  absolutely allowed to discern it's for spacing.
• 31:44
  Just to be clear, it's impossible to use abstinence as
• 31:48
  birth control. It's impossible because you're
• 31:50
  not having sex. That being said, you can have a
• 31:53
  contraceptive mentality where you're going into sex with with
• 31:57
  this like, you know, intention of your heart that says like, I
• 32:00
  don't want children, which is kind of a weird thing to be
• 32:02
  going into sex during your infertile period.
• 32:04
  Like I don't want kids. And that's why we're having like
• 32:05
  that doesn't even like make that much sense.
• 32:08
  But there's nothing wrong ever with consummating your marriage
• 32:12
  when 2 are coming together with love and freely right.
• 32:15
  And if you choose to consummate it when you're not fertile,
• 32:18
  there's nothing wrong ever with that.
• 32:20
  So this idea that it's wrong to do that when you're not fertile
• 32:23
  because it's birth control is just on its face false.
• 32:26
  Now you can, you know, reject sex during your fertile period
• 32:32
  intentionally, you know, for a long period of time out of
• 32:34
  selfish reasons that is possible.
• 32:37
  But coming together during your infertile period, it's can
• 32:39
  always be a beautiful thing, right?
• 32:41
  So. Right, yeah.
• 32:42
  And like for, I mean, for me, it's like there's also medical
• 32:45
  things involved too, where it's like, you really should space it
• 32:48
  out if you can, like, you know, because there's there, I know
• 32:51
  there's for me, like, so like right now, like I have two
• 32:53
  massive hernias. And it's to the point where like
• 32:56
  you need to, you need to get those taken care of.
• 32:59
  And it's been very painful this entire pregnancy.
• 33:01
  Like I'm wearing like crazy compression right now and I have
• 33:04
  to wear it every day. And it's been incredibly like, I
• 33:07
  have to get this taken care of, you know, and I'm not saying no
• 33:10
  to life, but there's going to be a period where I need to, and
• 33:13
  it's going to require a lot of sacrifice on mine, on my
• 33:15
  husband's part because I'm going to have, we're going to have to
• 33:17
  make sure like I don't get pregnant for a few months, you
• 33:19
  know, and so and that. Because you're going to do a
• 33:22
  surgery or what? Do you think I think you.
• 33:24
  Have to get surgery. Yeah.
• 33:26
  And so, I mean, I haven't, I haven't been able to get a scan
• 33:29
  because I've been pregnant. Yeah.
• 33:31
  And so actually the day I was supposed to get a scan for this
• 33:34
  one, they're like, Are you sure you're not pregnant?
• 33:36
  And I was like, OK, let me call you back because you know, I've,
• 33:39
  I've only done the whole NFP tracking once.
• 33:42
  And ever since then I haven't done it.
• 33:43
  And I took a test and called back.
• 33:46
  I can't get my CT scan, I'm pregnant.
• 33:50
  And so, so anyway, so we don't, we haven't like we don't know,
• 33:54
  but any anyway. And my husband, my husband was
• 33:58
  on the podcast a few episodes back too, and he talked a lot
• 34:01
  about how that time of abstinence actually brings us so
• 34:04
  much closer in such a, in such a different way.
• 34:06
  And then so I know people. Yeah, people freak out when they
• 34:09
  hear that. I'm just going to say too,
• 34:10
  because there was some, there have been a lot of viral clips
• 34:13
  and, you know, commentary and stuff and around us having these
• 34:16
  conversations and objectively speaking, like you want sex and
• 34:19
  marriage. Yes, sex is absolutely amazing.
• 34:22
  It's one of the. Closest ways you can.
• 34:23
  Get to heaven with your spouse this side of like it's it's it's
• 34:26
  it's a sacrament. Marriage is a sacrament.
• 34:28
  Sex is this, you could say Sacramento maybe, but sex is
• 34:32
  absolutely a part of that sacrament and it's absolutely
• 34:35
  amazing. Like there's there like it is
• 34:39
  truly a taste of heaven. And some of the spiritual
• 34:42
  writers and greats of the past have written about, you know,
• 34:46
  this ecstasy of being one with God and and sex, like the
• 34:49
  experience of sex this side of heaven is this almost
• 34:52
  foreshadowing of the intense joy that comes from unity with God.
• 34:57
  Like that's how God designed it to give us almost this
• 34:59
  foreshadowing of that. That being said, it does not
• 35:04
  kill you or your spouse to abstain for good reason.
• 35:08
  It does not and it should be good reason and you need to be
• 35:11
  on the same page. You should not be denying a
• 35:13
  husband that doesn't understand it is not in line.
• 35:15
  Like that's not fair to him. Similarly a wife I get a lot of
• 35:19
  stories of the wife wanting sex and the husband being too tired
• 35:23
  or testosterone issues. So I think there's also this
• 35:25
  modern day trope of stereotype of well the the man always wants
• 35:30
  sex and the woman doesn't want it.
• 35:32
  I hear a lot of the opposite today actually increasingly so.
• 35:35
  Maybe it is more typically that the man will want sex and the
• 35:39
  woman doesn't. But it does go both ways and you
• 35:42
  are meant to be 1 flesh and come together in that way as often as
• 35:45
  you can. That being said, to your point,
• 35:47
  medical reasons. Postpartum.
• 35:50
  Gosh, I can't believe that was what we went on fire for.
• 35:52
  Postpartum. Postpartum, you're literally not
• 35:54
  supposed to. Neither of you need to.
• 35:56
  Heal you have a dinner plate sized womb and that needs to.
• 36:00
  You don't need sex the way you need air, water, sleep in order
• 36:04
  to survive. It is this beautiful thing that
• 36:07
  is, yes, essential to marriage, but not in the day-to-day.
• 36:10
  And so that's. Yeah, we'll just restate that
• 36:14
  for the. Rest.
• 36:14
  We need to restate it. Figuring out the right daily
• 36:17
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  heartnutrition.com. I'm a huge fan of WE Heart
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• 37:34
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  at hallow.com. Lila you are in mid story about.
• 38:00
  Getting pregnant with #5 while you are for the first time
• 38:03
  practicing the Marquette method. Yeah.
• 38:04
  So we're doing the Marquette method and it's, you know, I
• 38:07
  don't have a cycle back. So we're going it based off this
• 38:10
  algorithm that has been proven. I think it's like 95%
• 38:13
  efficiency. So there's obviously this like 5
• 38:16
  or 3% chance that you can still get pregnant even with perfect
• 38:18
  use. Meaning with the perfect use of
• 38:20
  doing the ovulation strips and testing.
• 38:23
  So the way these work. For people that maybe aren't
• 38:24
  familiar is you get like a huge bag of ovulation strips and you
• 38:27
  also can get the pregnancy strips too and you basically
• 38:31
  test your pee every. Day, every day around the same
• 38:34
  like within that same window of time and.
• 38:36
  It's usually the morning morning pee.
• 38:37
  It's like the first pee, the 1st of.
• 38:39
  The morning, yeah. And then you're able to tell
• 38:42
  based on that if you have a spike in the hormone that would
• 38:46
  indicate ovulation, yeah. So you use it's like the clear
• 38:51
  blue monitor and there's low, high in peak.
• 38:56
  So low the stains like low, you're good to go.
• 38:59
  High is like OK, like maybe, maybe not.
• 39:01
  You're getting there though. And peak is like peak ovulation
• 39:03
  detected. Ovulating.
• 39:05
  Yeah. And so, but there's also like
• 39:07
  another algorithm. It's it's a lot of charting.
• 39:09
  I mean, it's like this work. Well, and also you can have sex
• 39:13
  when you're low, Yeah. And then you can start peaking
• 39:16
  or go to middle, like within days.
• 39:18
  And a sperm has a life cycle of up to five, maybe even more
• 39:22
  potential days. So there's that reality too,
• 39:24
  yeah. So we're doing the work.
• 39:26
  I have a coach, I'm doing perfect use, we're charting,
• 39:29
  we're doing the whole thing because I was freaked out.
• 39:30
  Like I was like, I cannot have more kids right now like this
• 39:33
  is. You felt overwhelmed, I.
• 39:35
  Did I felt completely overwhelmed That's a little
• 39:37
  sidebar really quick to the moms were like how are you doing it
• 39:41
  with six about to be 7 kids. I am so struggling with my two.
• 39:45
  I'm struggling with one like girl, so is I every mom who is
• 39:49
  has those a lot of kids was right there with you the first
• 39:53
  three that especially when they're all so little.
• 39:56
  Yeah, it is incredibly and it's your first time doing it now.
• 40:01
  My eldest is 10, right. My 2 eldest boys are 10 and 9.
• 40:04
  My my daughter, she's 6. You know, even my 4 year old.
• 40:08
  It's like I can, I have so much perspective now like this, this
• 40:12
  season of littles car seats where everyone's in a car seat,
• 40:15
  everyone, you know, it's like. It, it is so, it is so short.
• 40:20
  It is so short in the grand scheme of life and, and the life
• 40:22
  you're going to have with this, these, these beautiful children.
• 40:25
  And you can get through it. You do have the grace to get.
• 40:28
  Through it, no matter how hard it.
• 40:29
  Feels in the moment, even though it's it's, you can feel super
• 40:32
  challenging. It will pass.
• 40:34
  Yeah. And so it just I, so when all
• 40:36
  these moms are like, Oh, no, like 3's killing me.
• 40:39
  Like I was right there too. I was right there with you.
• 40:42
  I thought there's no way I could have any more kids.
• 40:45
  And this is where I was with four.
• 40:46
  It was like, there's, there is, there is no way.
• 40:51
  Like I will not survive, you know, like, but again, the grace
• 40:54
  of God, like we're not, we're not meant to do these things on
• 40:57
  our own. And sometimes it's like God
• 41:00
  wants us in heaven with him. And how we do that is having a
• 41:03
  relationship with him. And sometimes he's like, hey, I
• 41:06
  need you. You're not supposed to deal with
• 41:07
  this on your own. Lean on me, Lean on me.
• 41:09
  Let's get closer. And you have to lean on him.
• 41:11
  And that's what's going to bring you closer to him.
• 41:13
  And so. So yeah, I mean, it's
• 41:15
  coincidental, right? Like, I don't think I can do
• 41:17
  this. I'm diving deeper in my faith.
• 41:18
  And then I get pregnant with #5 So how that one happened was I'm
• 41:23
  charting and it's low. And like, where I'm supposed to
• 41:27
  be on the chart. And, you know, things happened
• 41:30
  that night. And then the next morning I wake
• 41:33
  up and it says peek not high. It says peak ovulation detected.
• 41:38
  I'm like what? How did it go from low to and
• 41:41
  it's? It I is that a typical?
• 41:44
  Is that like a typical thing that can happen or it's never
• 41:46
  supposed to? It's always supposed to go to
• 41:47
  middle then to high I. Mean, I guess I don't have
• 41:49
  enough like data on it, did you? Drink a lot of water the day
• 41:52
  before. So it was like your urine was
• 41:54
  extra. I had hormones extra water down.
• 41:56
  I don't know if that's. I have no idea, but it went from
• 41:59
  low and like where it's supposed to be on the chart, like I and
• 42:01
  it's a peak. And by the way, I have, I'm
• 42:03
  postpartum, so I've never even seen it peak ovulation before.
• 42:07
  So I right when I saw that, I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm, I'm
• 42:10
  pregnant and my husband's like, you don't know that.
• 42:13
  And I was like, I'm pregnant. I Oh my gosh, like I'm going to
• 42:17
  be pregnant. And lo and behold, I was.
• 42:19
  And my coach was How? How old?
• 42:20
  Was the baby at this point? Four months, Four or five
• 42:23
  months. Yeah.
• 42:24
  And I, I messaged my coach like, hey, I got peak ovulation.
• 42:28
  And she's like, OK, well, like, you know, let me know in a few
• 42:31
  weeks if you're pregnant. And then lo and behold, I did.
• 42:34
  And she's like, the only thing I can think of is that between the
• 42:38
  time you took the test or is it low your first egg of
• 42:43
  fertilization like came about in that like 12 hour span.
• 42:49
  Wait, not the fertilization of the?
• 42:50
  No, no. But like the egg ready to be
• 42:52
  fertilized. So like as you know in your
• 42:54
  postpartum, your eggs you're like staying put almost
• 42:56
  miraculously less like your eggs are put like you know you're
• 42:59
  not. But in that situation, isn't
• 43:01
  that crazy? Like that's which is so
• 43:03
  beautiful. This is, in my viewpoint, what
• 43:05
  is so beautiful about NFP and Marquette methods when there's
• 43:08
  good reason to use them and you use them and there's, you know,
• 43:10
  you discern it and you have your, you know, prayerfulness
• 43:13
  with your husband and you're like, we're doing this for a
• 43:14
  good reason for spacing or whatever it is.
• 43:17
  What's so beautiful is if you do follow it and then you do get
• 43:21
  pregnant, you know very well, right, God wanted this baby.
• 43:26
  And so that should give you such confidence and peace.
• 43:29
  God wanted this baby. God will not leave you stranded.
• 43:32
  He's going to give you the grace to handle it.
• 43:33
  Yes, there may be chaos and struggles and it's not your
• 43:35
  timeline, but God will give you the grace that you need and He
• 43:38
  has a very, very beautiful plan. Wait, I want you to speak more
• 43:42
  on this because a lot of women will say, well, yeah, so that
• 43:45
  mentality works when I go back on the pill or if I get an IUD
• 43:48
  because women get pregnant on the pill, women get pregnant
• 43:50
  with an IUD. So they go, if God really wants
• 43:52
  me to have a baby, I can contracept and it will still
• 43:55
  happen. But the difference is
• 43:56
  contraception is morally wrong, always.
• 43:58
  That's the difference. So yes, God can still bring
• 44:02
  beauty out of a morally wrong action.
• 44:04
  Premarital sex is morally wrong. You can have premarital sex and
• 44:07
  then something very beautiful can happen.
• 44:08
  You can conceive a baby, and that baby is perfect.
• 44:10
  That baby is purpose. That baby is planned.
• 44:13
  Like there's no such thing as an unplanned pregnancy.
• 44:15
  God plans every pregnancy. That doesn't mean the act of
• 44:17
  premarital sex was OK, but the baby is more than OK.
• 44:21
  And similarly, contraception. But again, if you're not aligned
• 44:24
  that contraception is immoral, then yeah, you can absolutely
• 44:27
  rationalize that nine ways to Sunday.
• 44:29
  But the reality is, what does contraception do?
• 44:32
  Contraception innately or it is designed to break the design.
• 44:36
  It's designed to break the design.
• 44:38
  The design is sex brings two people together and there's a
• 44:41
  potential to bring life into the world.
• 44:44
  And if you have sex when you're not fertile, you're not breaking
• 44:46
  the design. The design is that you're not
• 44:47
  fertile. But if you have sex when you're
• 44:49
  fertile and the contraception is there to stop the pregnancy from
• 44:52
  happening, you're breaking the design.
• 44:54
  Yeah, you're, you're, you're taking control of it
• 44:57
  essentially. Something that's sacred, that
• 44:58
  belongs to God. So even though yes, he can
• 45:01
  always intervene, but it's like you're making that point to be
• 45:03
  you're. Putting the plastic in between
• 45:05
  yourself and your husband. Or you're putting the chemical.
• 45:07
  You're putting either the plastic in between yourself and
• 45:09
  your husband, or you're putting or the latex, or you're putting
• 45:13
  the chemical or the, you know, hormone adjustment in between
• 45:16
  you and your husband to try to prevent pregnancy, right?
• 45:20
  Yeah. So that was, that's just what I
• 45:21
  get a lot too. Yeah, I've got it too.
• 45:23
  But it, it, I think it's, I think it's kind of the
• 45:26
  postmodern mindset of like blurring the lines when it comes
• 45:30
  to morality. And it's also, we just grew up
• 45:31
  in it. Yeah, I mean, we're so
• 45:33
  contraceptive as a society. They are not catechized on this.
• 45:36
  People are like. They don't understand why
• 45:39
  contraception's wrong. They haven't even maybe even
• 45:40
  fully heard that the Church says no, you can never use
• 45:43
  contraception. I mean, I'm living proof of
• 45:45
  that. Yeah.
• 45:48
  Yeah, it's so sorry. I didn't mean to go off course.
• 45:50
  I just want to do it. That's a great point in
• 45:52
  question. But yeah, so and with that, that
• 45:56
  is what I needed to be convicted in this.
• 45:58
  Because here's the thing, like even though we became like, OK,
• 46:02
  we understand why it's designed this way.
• 46:04
  We're going to be open to life. We're not going to do any other
• 46:06
  methods. We're not going to, you know,
• 46:08
  pull out, use condoms like that. Like that convicted us.
• 46:11
  I was still like, I really don't want to go pregnant, you know
• 46:14
  what I mean? Like I was still like, I was
• 46:15
  freaking out. So then when I did that, I mean,
• 46:19
  that video we have, we have it. It's like, it's one of my most
• 46:21
  popular videos on YouTube, things like 40 million views of
• 46:24
  like Tim finding out and he's so shocked because again, we're
• 46:29
  doing this method that we're told like was so and it, it
• 46:32
  should have worked. It should have worked.
• 46:33
  But again, it was what are the chances, right?
• 46:36
  And that needed to happen for us to like fully go on this
• 46:40
  journey. And so he's, he's like, he's
• 46:43
  like, no way. And he's like laughing and
• 46:45
  smiling and like he's processing.
• 46:47
  It's a really cute video, but I'm like freaking out behind the
• 46:51
  camera. You don't even see me.
• 46:52
  I'm like crying. He's like, it's OK, It's great.
• 46:54
  It's great, great. He's like 5 months old, like Oh
• 46:59
  my gosh, we're like drowned already.
• 47:01
  Like, you know, and then you'd think I would not get a much, I
• 47:07
  tell a story so much, but like, but then he comes the baby, the
• 47:11
  baby. And it's like, if it was up to
• 47:14
  me, like you wouldn't have been here.
• 47:16
  That is like the worst thing that could that could ever be.
• 47:20
  He's like, it's just and it was just in that moment.
• 47:22
  I'm looking at him and it's like to think that like, we were
• 47:26
  going to be done. My husband was going to
• 47:28
  permanently make sure we were done.
• 47:29
  You know, not I shouldn't. I didn't mean to phrase it that
• 47:31
  way. I mean, he was going to get a
• 47:32
  procedure. And I looked at him and I was
• 47:35
  like, if we went through with it, like you wouldn't have been
• 47:37
  here. Like if it was up to us, like if
• 47:40
  we were doing it the way we thought was what we're supposed
• 47:43
  to do, Like, like he wouldn't have been here.
• 47:46
  And they'd look at him and I look at him all the time and I'm
• 47:49
  like my little conviction, baby, you know, he's 3 now.
• 47:53
  But it's just like, and that is when I became just so fully open
• 48:00
  to God's plan. And this is the first time in my
• 48:01
  life where I had to give him something like this.
• 48:03
  I've lived a very like blessed, privileged life.
• 48:08
  I've never had something in my life where I was like hit rock
• 48:11
  bottom or, you know, something like, like, what was that cross
• 48:14
  that what's my cross I had to carry?
• 48:16
  You know, I've I've not I I've had some things in my life, but
• 48:20
  to me, I just never felt like I hit like a low point in life.
• 48:25
  And now that this was a low point by any means, but I was
• 48:26
  tested in a way that I've never been tested before to be like,
• 48:30
  OK, I give this to you, Lord, I've never had to do that.
• 48:33
  I've never had anything in my life where I'm like, I give this
• 48:35
  to you, or maybe I didn't. I just didn't and it.
• 48:37
  Really felt like you were stepping out of the boat on the
• 48:39
  water and you might sink. Yes.
• 48:41
  Exactly. Easy to give lip service of
• 48:43
  trust to Jesus and God and say I trust in you, I give you my
• 48:46
  life, blah blah blah. But then there's something that
• 48:48
  literally is really hard for you for whatever reason, whether
• 48:52
  it's a trauma, it's a relationship, it's a, it's a
• 48:54
  lack in your life, something you need that you don't have.
• 48:56
  Whatever it is, it's very hard and it hurts on a daily basis
• 49:00
  and you feel it. And then to give that to God?
• 49:03
  Yes, to surrender that to God. It's like the scariest thing
• 49:06
  ever. And, and yeah.
• 49:10
  And especially living in a world where it's like you were I, I,
• 49:13
  I've been on contraceptives for a very long time, you know,
• 49:16
  since college. And so to off of that and like
• 49:19
  totally be and, and realize that I am very fertile and I can get
• 49:22
  pregnant very easily. Terrifying.
• 49:25
  But then the baby comes, I don't know what I want.
• 49:29
  God knows he knows so much more than me.
• 49:33
  And now I have my other baby girl number six, and now I'm
• 49:36
  going to have him. And it's like, what's the
• 49:40
  saying? You never regret the children
• 49:41
  you have. You only regret the children you
• 49:43
  don't have. And so I do understand.
• 49:47
  We have more babies, Chrissy. I mean, I, I, I've been praying
• 49:51
  about finding a way to Foster and adopt as well.
• 49:54
  Like we, we've always, you know, I've always had that on my
• 49:57
  heart. But we'll see what the Lord
• 49:58
  does. But.
• 49:58
  Yeah, sorry, I I didn't mean to be insensitive with that cold.
• 50:00
  I didn't sensitive at all. I'm sorry, I probably.
• 50:03
  Should have inserted myself into your beautiful like comment.
• 50:05
  Everybody saying that but. I just, I just got like, I just
• 50:09
  meant there's a lot of times where we think like, no, no, I'm
• 50:11
  like, you know, I'm done with kids.
• 50:12
  And I, I was there too. And I cannot attest to anyone
• 50:15
  else's family planning and their journey.
• 50:17
  I don't know what their situation is like whatsoever.
• 50:19
  So whenever I speak, it's very personal.
• 50:22
  But for me, it was just like, I thought I knew what I wanted so
• 50:27
  firmly when it came to my our family planning and God's like,
• 50:30
  no, you know, and I know as Tim and I, when he was on here, we
• 50:34
  talked about the two like, because there's sometimes where
• 50:36
  it's like, wouldn't it be nice to know what the next chapter
• 50:39
  is, right? Like, wouldn't it be nice to
• 50:40
  know if we like, OK, we're done having kids now we can start
• 50:43
  planning all these things because the kids will be older
• 50:46
  and it'd be so nice. And Tim's like, you think
• 50:50
  really? Is that really you think it was
• 50:52
  a nice. Yeah, these are the glory days.
• 50:53
  And there's. And again, I don't mean to
• 50:55
  repeat myself, so I do apologize for people who've watched the
• 50:58
  other one. But I don't have also this like,
• 51:00
  dread of like, oh, this is the last first steps.
• 51:04
  This is the last everything. I have to soak it all in because
• 51:06
  I don't know. And there's such a beauty in
• 51:10
  life of like, just not knowing what's next.
• 51:12
  And knowing and also knowing that what's next is God-given
• 51:15
  and not a consequence of your sin.
• 51:18
  I mean, again, even God can work through the sin.
• 51:20
  So it's not to say you're doomed, but you can like at any
• 51:22
  point, you can turn away from sin and let God take, take this,
• 51:25
  take the wheel, as they say. But when you're in, when you're
• 51:28
  actively living life, where in the decisions you're making,
• 51:31
  you're doing your best to make them under God's authority,
• 51:36
  there's a freedom in that. Like there is so much freedom in
• 51:39
  that. And even like with this, the
• 51:40
  miscarriage and, and everything that our family's been through
• 51:42
  the last couple weeks, there's a freedom even in the suffering
• 51:45
  because I know that God's hand is in it and that it's, that's
• 51:49
  so beautiful. As long as I can try my best to
• 51:52
  follow Him in my own weaknesses, the Lord will make the way.
• 51:58
  And it may not look like how I expect it.
• 52:00
  We might not have any more kids. I don't know.
• 52:02
  I I'd love to have at least 5 or 6.
• 52:04
  That would be amazing. But it's in the Lorde
• 52:06
  Providence, and there's so much peace and freedom for that, in
• 52:10
  that for for his, for us as his daughters.
• 52:13
  Yeah, absolutely. You were things so beautifully.
• 52:15
  Thanks. You have a gift.
• 52:17
  You have a gift for this. So that's my little story on how
• 52:20
  we became. Our story, it's so good.
• 52:22
  Why? Did we talk about that again?
• 52:24
  We had to. We were meant to talk about it.
• 52:25
  So I think it was meant to be your oldest is 10 or 11.
• 52:30
  My oldest is 10. He's he's 10.
• 52:31
  My oldest is just turned 6 and we're figuring out education.
• 52:37
  I was homeschooled my entire education, but my parents
• 52:41
  started this classical part time homeschool Academy that was
• 52:44
  twice a week and then they started it and then when we were
• 52:48
  in high school, it started being more days we'd like to take
• 52:50
  Community College classes. I had a phenomenal experience.
• 52:54
  My husband was also homeschooled differently than I was.
• 52:56
  He didn't really have the Co-op experience etcetera.
• 52:58
  And then in 6th grade or 7th grade they bumped him into a
• 53:01
  school. It was a rough transition.
• 53:02
  So he has a different experience.
• 53:03
  But there were some blessings and and beauty in it too.
• 53:06
  And some challenges. And then some of my closest and
• 53:09
  best friends are homeschooled. Some of them aren't.
• 53:11
  I have a natural respect for homeschooling because I was
• 53:16
  homeschooled and I'm my parents were kind of oh, geez.
• 53:18
  I think today is very fad. It's almost a fad to homeschool.
• 53:21
  My parents did it when nobody was in the 90s.
• 53:23
  They were weird. Yeah, they like helped.
• 53:25
  They helped, you know, they didn't found HSLDA, the
• 53:28
  Homeschool Legal Defense Association, but they were some
• 53:30
  of the founding supporters of it ANYWAYS.
• 53:34
  So I am very curious about your experience with it.
• 53:40
  I think my biggest things I'm working through right now, and
• 53:42
  Joe and I are discerning right now is we have some amazing
• 53:45
  school options. And you know, we might do school
• 53:50
  for some period of time and then homeschool in the future or do a
• 53:53
  mix. Obviously for the very little
• 53:55
  ones that are home, we can still do like preschool at home, which
• 53:58
  you know, is pretty simple. Tell me about your experience.
• 54:02
  So this might be a hot take, but I don't think homeschools for
• 54:05
  everyone actually. I think it's a good take my.
• 54:09
  Whole advocacy when it comes to homeschooling is I just think
• 54:14
  every child can learn differently and we just need to
• 54:17
  provide different routes of education for these children.
• 54:21
  So I don't like a idea of like every child needs to be in this
• 54:25
  exact school setting because children learn so differently.
• 54:28
  I think children should have lots of options and sometimes
• 54:31
  they thrive in those school settings, sometimes they thrive
• 54:34
  in the charter settings, sometimes they thrive in this
• 54:36
  setting, sometimes they thrive in home school.
• 54:37
  And I, to me, I'm just an advocate for children's
• 54:41
  education. So I was a preschool teacher
• 54:43
  before I started having kids. I have a education and early
• 54:46
  childhood development. So I, I just, to me, I don't
• 54:50
  think there's a one-size-fits-all.
• 54:52
  And that's what I advocate for. And so if your kid is thriving
• 54:56
  in their current environment, I don't think you should feel
• 54:59
  pressure to homeschool your child if they're if they're
• 55:02
  doing well and they're enjoying themselves now.
• 55:05
  Now, I think the big thing with homeschooling, while there's
• 55:08
  more of it has been due to like a post COVID world, right where
• 55:13
  there are certain agendas that are being pushed, certain things
• 55:16
  being pushed in certain curriculums, certain rights
• 55:19
  being infringed upon. And I think that really the news
• 55:25
  is very sensationalized. I think people, everyone assumes
• 55:28
  every California school is like indoctrinating all their kids
• 55:32
  and all these other things. Some are, some are, but not.
• 55:35
  But I also know kids who go to, I know parents who put their
• 55:38
  kids in schools right by my house and they're like, none of
• 55:41
  that's happening at our school, you know?
• 55:43
  And so it's just. Like and those are public
• 55:44
  schools. Yeah.
• 55:45
  And so I think it. Really.
• 55:46
  You're saying not every public school in California is transing
• 55:49
  the kids? I I.
• 55:50
  Don't think so. I mean, I guess my kids don't
• 55:52
  go, so I can't speak of it. I think what's happening is
• 55:55
  there is curriculums that are they have to do, there are
• 55:58
  topics they have to discuss, but it really comes down to who's
• 56:02
  teaching them and how they're doing it also.
• 56:04
  Comes down to the other kids in the classroom.
• 56:06
  So I think, you know, when you're considering school and I
• 56:09
  know my parents really thought about this intentionally.
• 56:11
  There's curriculum, there is the teacher, there is this sort of
• 56:16
  timetable and schedule. Like is this an 8 hour day, a
• 56:19
  six hour day, A2 hour class, A1 hour class, a 30 minute,
• 56:21
  whatever. And then there's the other kids
• 56:23
  and families and those are all really key components.
• 56:26
  And when you're discerning what is best for my child and then
• 56:29
  there's reality of like the financial situation of the
• 56:32
  family, you know, where God has placed you, all of that.
• 56:35
  So and you know, you can get creative and often there's a way
• 56:38
  to like if you really feel like my kid would be best served in
• 56:41
  this school, you can often get creative.
• 56:43
  And whether it's financial aid or figuring out maybe taking out
• 56:46
  a part time work from home job or something, figure out a way
• 56:49
  to make it work. I do think it's very rare that
• 56:51
  like a parent's objectively decide this would be best for my
• 56:54
  child. And then there's zero way to
• 56:55
  achieve it. Right?
• 56:56
  Like God really does work through some chances.
• 56:59
  Yeah. But that being said, I totally
• 57:01
  agree with what you're saying. I think it will depend on the
• 57:04
  kid, but you have 7 kids, Chrissy, so it's not like you're
• 57:08
  going to put like one kid in this school.
• 57:11
  Kid #2 in that cool kid #3 would really be benefited by
• 57:13
  homeschool. So that's a whole homeschool
• 57:15
  curriculum. Kid #4 needs charter.
• 57:17
  Like that's typically not how families work.
• 57:20
  Yeah, so that's very true. And so from what I'm gathering,
• 57:25
  I mean, my kids are so young. That's another thing too.
• 57:28
  I, I've, I have a lot of kids, but they're still very young.
• 57:31
  So, you know, there's times I go to my mom friends who have, you
• 57:34
  know, a lot of kids and I'm like, how are you doing this?
• 57:36
  Like, even though I have 6, I'm still like, how are you doing
• 57:38
  this? You have 8, you have 9.
• 57:39
  And they go, well, my kids are a lot older, you know, like you
• 57:42
  had all of them within a decade. So it's I, I don't, you know,
• 57:46
  so, so because of that age, I really, This is why I, I, I
• 57:50
  hesitate to talk about homeschooling too much on my
• 57:52
  channels because I'm like, dude, I am so new to this.
• 57:55
  Like I am not the authority on this.
• 57:56
  I don't want you guys to think I'm the authority on this.
• 57:59
  I think people actually are, really.
• 58:00
  Interested to hear what you're going to say.
• 58:01
  Because you're saying you're not the authority on it.
• 58:04
  So you figured out how to do it without being the authority on
• 58:07
  it. Because that's exactly the
• 58:08
  reason a lot of moms don't homeschool, because they think
• 58:11
  I'm not the authority on this. Yeah.
• 58:13
  So how? Can I possibly do this?
• 58:14
  So that's yeah, so here's so like you said, the different
• 58:18
  teachings. So as of right now, everyone's
• 58:20
  thriving and homeschooling right now, right.
• 58:21
  But I also have. Curriculum are you using?
• 58:23
  So I use a bunch. So I don't, I'm not doing like a
• 58:26
  charter program. I don't use PCA funds.
• 58:29
  So there's two ways you can go about this.
• 58:30
  At least in California, you can do like a charter program and
• 58:36
  you receive funds. These are taxes that you pay
• 58:38
  into and you receive PCA funds. But with that, you can't just
• 58:41
  choose whatever curriculum you want.
• 58:43
  It can't be religious based, right?
• 58:45
  And so, but with those PCA funds, they're very helpful
• 58:48
  because you can buy your curriculum.
• 58:50
  They usually go for your kids after school sports, kind of
• 58:54
  things like your, you know, so you can pay for all these
• 58:58
  experiences for your kids to have, but you are beholden to
• 59:02
  the rules of it and you have to meet with someone once a month,
• 59:05
  prove you're doing all this work and everything like that, which
• 59:07
  isn't bad at all. But they don't mandate a
• 59:09
  curriculum. No.
• 59:10
  Well, you have to have a curriculum, right.
• 59:12
  But yeah, it's not like a blanketed you have to do this
• 59:14
  but. You can.
• 59:15
  So when you're homeschooling, you think there are like
• 59:17
  different like my girlfriend, one of my close friends, she's
• 59:20
  homeschooling her kids in Maryland.
• 59:22
  OK, so. Yeah, very different homeschool
• 59:24
  laws there. Right.
• 59:25
  But, but yeah, I think the key is she can choose her
• 59:27
  curriculum. You can, if you're
• 59:29
  homeschooling, you can choose your curriculum.
• 59:30
  I think wherever you live, you have the right to do that.
• 59:33
  And so she has a program which she literally orders it in a box
• 59:36
  to her home once a month. And there's a lesson plans.
• 59:39
  There's everything in the box that's just set for her.
• 59:43
  Yeah, I can't speak on the because I don't do the PCA fund.
• 59:46
  So I know some of them just go through like the women I know
• 59:48
  they all go through kind of the same charter, sure and stuff.
• 59:50
  So what I do, it's an affidavit. I can't even speak right now
• 59:55
  affidavit. And so we're considered like a
• 59:57
  private school, but I don't school other kids.
• 1:00:00
  It's just my own kids. You mean that's how you
• 1:00:02
  register? With, that's how I register with
• 1:00:03
  this state. You do need to register.
• 1:00:06
  Is what you're saying for California.
• 1:00:07
  Yeah, yeah, you register your kids, you put their ages.
• 1:00:10
  Like there is accountability, you know what I mean?
• 1:00:13
  And so 'cause I know there's this new push of like, oh,
• 1:00:15
  homeschool can, you know, it's dangerous, 'cause you can abuse
• 1:00:19
  your kids or at these things and I don't know.
• 1:00:22
  I don't know if you want to get into that.
• 1:00:23
  There's a total infringement on the parents.
• 1:00:25
  I mean a couple. Quick things on that, there's no
• 1:00:27
  data that I've ever seen that says that homeschool families
• 1:00:30
  have higher rates of abuse. I think that's just objectively
• 1:00:33
  not. But what they'll do is they'll
• 1:00:34
  take homeschool families that have that and sensationalize
• 1:00:37
  them on the news, you know, and so.
• 1:00:39
  Right. But for every sensationalized
• 1:00:41
  story of a homeschool family who the parents are psychopathic and
• 1:00:44
  they, you know, torture their kids or something that exists,
• 1:00:47
  unfortunately in the public school system, it exists in the
• 1:00:50
  private school system. And they can say, well, it's
• 1:00:51
  more easy to maybe get away with it if you don't have these
• 1:00:55
  accountability check. Insurance.
• 1:00:58
  I have not seen evidence that's shown that children that are in
• 1:01:02
  school are safer. There's also a rate of sexual
• 1:01:06
  abuse that happens in school, including in public school,
• 1:01:09
  that's actually scarily high that a lot of people are not
• 1:01:12
  aware of. So I think at the end of the
• 1:01:14
  day, it comes down to what is God calling your family to?
• 1:01:17
  And in terms of parental rights, parents have the right to
• 1:01:21
  educate their kids. It's not just the right.
• 1:01:23
  They have the responsibility to educate their kids and that's
• 1:01:25
  not something that government agencies get to do.
• 1:01:29
  Yeah. So that actually brings me to
• 1:01:30
  another point. People will say, like, well, how
• 1:01:32
  are you qualified? Teachers go to school for years
• 1:01:35
  to teach your kids, and you don't go to any school.
• 1:01:39
  You know, you technically don't need.
• 1:01:40
  You don't technically need a college degree to teach your own
• 1:01:42
  kids, right. I mean, I have a college degree.
• 1:01:44
  My husband has a master's degree.
• 1:01:46
  But there's like, what makes you so qualified?
• 1:01:50
  I'm like, OK, let's take this down to a very basic level.
• 1:01:53
  You expect your 8 year old to know this stuff.
• 1:01:55
  Do you think you as a 30 year old parent should be able to
• 1:01:58
  know this stuff? You know what I mean?
• 1:02:00
  So I'm like, let's just take it slow.
• 1:02:01
  It's not calculus yet. Let's take it to elementary.
• 1:02:04
  But, and even then, even if it is, you expect your 16 year old
• 1:02:07
  to know this, but like you can't get to, you know what I'm
• 1:02:09
  saying? And so it's like what you're
• 1:02:10
  saying, yeah. So a part of me is like, OK,
• 1:02:13
  let's just take it one step at a time.
• 1:02:15
  We're talking elementary school here.
• 1:02:17
  Like you can very much know this stuff.
• 1:02:20
  And so let's go back to the teacher argument.
• 1:02:23
  I love teachers and sometimes people think like, oh, like
• 1:02:26
  because you homeschooled something like you're like anti
• 1:02:27
  teacher or whatever. I love teachers.
• 1:02:30
  I think there are so, so many means teachers.
• 1:02:32
  I have friends who are teachers who are incredible.
• 1:02:35
  What they go to school for, though, isn't like, oh, they are
• 1:02:38
  the masters of knowing 2nd grade geography, right?
• 1:02:42
  Like, they go to school because teaching is such an art.
• 1:02:46
  It's such an art to be able to teach 30 kids in your classroom
• 1:02:50
  and like, learn all the different.
• 1:02:51
  Teaching on the crowd control. Yeah, there is.
• 1:02:54
  There's so much. And so that from what my
• 1:02:57
  understanding, of course they're educated in the topics, but you
• 1:03:01
  could have a teacher teaching 4th grade one year and then
• 1:03:03
  teaching 3rd grade the next year.
• 1:03:04
  You can have a teacher that's teaching geography one year, but
• 1:03:07
  then they're teaching, you know, 4th grade science.
• 1:03:10
  And so it's not like they have a master's degree on 2nd grade.
• 1:03:15
  They don't need a master's degree in second grade science
• 1:03:18
  to, you know, you don't need to go to school that long for that
• 1:03:20
  particular level and topic. What teachers do is they, they
• 1:03:25
  know how to teach a class. You don't need those skills when
• 1:03:29
  you're one-on-one with your kid, you know that, you know, or two
• 1:03:32
  or three. Yeah.
• 1:03:33
  But when you're, when you're with your own children and you
• 1:03:35
  know what makes them tick and you and you, especially if you
• 1:03:38
  do homeschooling from the start and you start to learn like how
• 1:03:42
  they process things. So this idea of like, you're not
• 1:03:45
  qualified to teach your kids. Yeah, I don't buy that.
• 1:03:49
  Yeah, I just like. The one thing I do buy a little
• 1:03:52
  bit is if you're not willing to create routine and stick to it,
• 1:03:58
  then I do think that's a problem because your kids do deserve a
• 1:04:01
  basic routine and a basic, you know, to ensure that you're
• 1:04:06
  you're, you're checking off like important boxes.
• 1:04:09
  Now, I don't know that I've ever seen, I don't know personally of
• 1:04:12
  a homeschool family that like failed to teach their kids to
• 1:04:14
  read when they needed to or things like this.
• 1:04:16
  Theoretically that could happen, I guess.
• 1:04:18
  I'm sure it probably has happened.
• 1:04:20
  But the point is, if you're going to homeschool, it's less
• 1:04:23
  about like I have the qualifications and a teaching
• 1:04:25
  certification. And it's more about I have the
• 1:04:27
  will, the desire, and I'm going to put in the work to do this
• 1:04:31
  beautiful process with my child, even if it's not perfect or it
• 1:04:35
  looks like everybody else's. But I'm going, I have the will,
• 1:04:37
  I have the desire, I have, I have a sense of calling and I'm
• 1:04:39
  going to put in the. Work.
• 1:04:40
  I don't know why you would home school if you're not interested
• 1:04:42
  in that, right? It'd be easier to send them to.
• 1:04:44
  School, I think there's a lot of people who just really fear
• 1:04:47
  school and so it's less about a desire to home school and more
• 1:04:52
  about I don't want that. OK, gotcha, gotcha.
• 1:04:57
  There are so many things out there now, especially in this
• 1:05:00
  day and age with the Internet and being able to meet up and
• 1:05:03
  stuff. So what your parents did, My mom
• 1:05:05
  did homeschool. My youngest sister who's 16
• 1:05:07
  years younger than me, I went to public school, but she's 16 year
• 1:05:09
  and my mom homeschooled her. I mean, that was like in the age
• 1:05:12
  of the Internet too. So that's, I'm not even count
• 1:05:14
  her in that. But the ones who did it like in
• 1:05:16
  the 90s, like there was a lot less resources, right?
• 1:05:20
  But now it's like, I mean, your kids could take a college course
• 1:05:23
  online and there's so many options out there right now.
• 1:05:28
  We're developing a pod. So we're actually hiring a
• 1:05:31
  teacher. He was this teacher for 25
• 1:05:34
  years, like won awards. And he's going to do a STEM
• 1:05:36
  class. And so I'm going to find other
• 1:05:38
  homeschool families. I'm going to host it at our
• 1:05:41
  house and he's going to come in and it's going to be like 4
• 1:05:44
  hours a day and they're going to do all these cool.
• 1:05:46
  Oh no, no, no, no, just once and once a week.
• 1:05:48
  But you can do that. You could have like you could,
• 1:05:50
  so you can have a pod where you do hire a teacher.
• 1:05:51
  Maybe you're like. Science for like the sciences.
• 1:05:54
  Yeah, like, yeah, maybe you're like, oh gosh, like even though
• 1:05:56
  you can totally learn how to do those things, especially at the
• 1:05:59
  elementary level, you might just be like, that's a lot like, I
• 1:06:02
  want them to have a really hands on experimental class where they
• 1:06:05
  can do different experiments and see things.
• 1:06:07
  And I just don't think I can provide that for them.
• 1:06:09
  So there are these options where parents get together and they
• 1:06:12
  pay a teacher. You know, these teachers are
• 1:06:14
  retired, but they still love teaching, right?
• 1:06:16
  Or maybe some left because a lot of teachers are having issues
• 1:06:19
  with districts right now because of the way.
• 1:06:21
  These or they didn't want to get the vaccine.
• 1:06:23
  Or like these higher ups are pushing these curriculums that
• 1:06:25
  they're just like that they're not for or.
• 1:06:28
  I know of a teacher that they didn't want to, they were going
• 1:06:31
  to be forced to take the COVID vax during COVID and they didn't
• 1:06:34
  want to do it. And so they lost their job.
• 1:06:36
  But now they're basically doing a lot something along the lines
• 1:06:40
  of what you're describing. So but for you guys, what's the
• 1:06:42
  curriculum? So you said it's not like, but
• 1:06:44
  are there? Multiple ones that you, I mean
• 1:06:46
  one, I think one that's a really good.
• 1:06:48
  This is not sponsored obviously or anything.
• 1:06:51
  We use the good and the beautiful.
• 1:06:52
  It's a very popular home school curriculum.
• 1:06:54
  That for the kinder program I think.
• 1:06:55
  Yeah, it's very popular. They have a bunch of different
• 1:06:57
  grade levels. I love it.
• 1:06:59
  I think it's there are a lot of people out there who won't who,
• 1:07:02
  who have things to say about it. So far it has worked.
• 1:07:05
  Great. It's Mormon, right?
• 1:07:07
  No it's not. So the creator is LDS.
• 1:07:10
  OK, I have been using it for years and there is not one time
• 1:07:13
  where I have been like. If I didn't know, if I didn't
• 1:07:17
  have that. Knowledge so I so yeah, so right
• 1:07:18
  now I'm doing this again. My kids are young.
• 1:07:20
  That's why I don't talk about a lot because I have young kids.
• 1:07:23
  So my kid so and I started them later.
• 1:07:25
  So some of my kids have a September birthday and I kind of
• 1:07:28
  just followed the district with where they should be.
• 1:07:31
  And I do use the district, by the way.
• 1:07:33
  Like I'll be like, OK, like, where should my second grader be
• 1:07:35
  academically? You know, I I definitely use
• 1:07:37
  things to to show. And then I use these curriculums
• 1:07:39
  that are the good and beautiful. Like, yeah.
• 1:07:41
  It was started by a member of the LES church.
• 1:07:44
  But like she, she has like great teachers who help.
• 1:07:46
  Her do it and I've heard great things.
• 1:07:47
  By the way, I don't mean to. Disparage, but I think a lot of
• 1:07:50
  Catholics will be like. Well, and evangelicals, I've
• 1:07:52
  heard them say, oh, you know, that's one thing to be mindful
• 1:07:55
  of. But what you're saying is
• 1:07:56
  especially for the earlier grades, there's I think it's
• 1:07:59
  wonderful. It's wonderful.
• 1:08:00
  It's like God created patterns. If you go outside, you'll see
• 1:08:04
  certain patterns in this. Let's learn about patterns, you
• 1:08:06
  know, and it's like so they're got.
• 1:08:08
  So if you are using PCA funds, you can't use the good and the
• 1:08:11
  beautiful because it will, it will make it's barely, but it's
• 1:08:15
  like. By the way.
• 1:08:16
  Yeah, I'll just make like register my complaint formally
• 1:08:18
  with the state of California, among many other issues.
• 1:08:21
  And I love my state and I have such hope for this state.
• 1:08:23
  And I know that there will be renewal in the state of
• 1:08:25
  California, but this whole thing of we're going to let you use
• 1:08:28
  state funds to get educational resources for your child, but if
• 1:08:31
  they are faith-based, you are restricted from faith funds.
• 1:08:35
  What they're really saying is we will only fund atheistic or
• 1:08:39
  agnostic content because every bit of educational content has a
• 1:08:43
  worldview. The worldview either
• 1:08:44
  acknowledges the creator in heaven and a moral path, or it
• 1:08:47
  rejects it. And So what it's actually doing
• 1:08:50
  is it's subsidizing secularism. That's what it's doing.
• 1:08:54
  Like there isn't, there is a religion for the state of
• 1:08:56
  California and it's secularism. And by that I mean godless pro
• 1:09:01
  abortion, you know, usually more left-leaning, maybe even far
• 1:09:06
  left, pretty woke, not the good woke, the bad woke.
• 1:09:09
  And they're saying, well, if the curriculum ultimately is that
• 1:09:13
  and it doesn't have any but a bit of God in it, then it's OK.
• 1:09:15
  So I just think it's so, you know, this idea of the, the, the
• 1:09:18
  deed separation of church and state, which is not in the
• 1:09:21
  Constitution, by the way, it's kind of a concept that's
• 1:09:23
  discussed by the founding fathers, etcetera.
• 1:09:26
  But the idea is to protect the church from the state so that
• 1:09:30
  the church doesn't say that or the state doesn't say that you
• 1:09:33
  are not allowed to practice your religion.
• 1:09:35
  But there was never anything in our founding that said you can't
• 1:09:38
  bring God into the Capitol building or you can't bring God
• 1:09:41
  into, you know, politics. You invoke the name, we invoke
• 1:09:45
  the name of God in our founding documents.
• 1:09:47
  So anyways, I'll get off the soapbox.
• 1:09:50
  Amen. Yeah.
• 1:09:52
  So what I know, so the families I know that use PCA funds that
• 1:09:55
  use these funds, they have like a like a basic curriculum, but
• 1:09:58
  they still will do religious curriculum.
• 1:10:01
  It's just they pay for it with their own money.
• 1:10:03
  And so and they just, they still do it.
• 1:10:05
  They just don't. That's not they use the funds
• 1:10:08
  for. So it's not like you can't do
• 1:10:09
  it. It's just when you, whatever
• 1:10:11
  funds you're using have to be for that.
• 1:10:13
  So what grades are you teaching? So right now, yeah.
• 1:10:15
  So because they have that September, a few of them have
• 1:10:17
  that September date. I was always, ever since I was a
• 1:10:21
  preschool teacher, advocated to if you can, if it's beneficial
• 1:10:24
  for the child. But in most cases it seemed to
• 1:10:26
  benefit the child more if they were older in their grade rather
• 1:10:29
  than being the youngest 1. So with that September birthday,
• 1:10:32
  they could have been the youngest in the class or they
• 1:10:34
  can be the oldest. So I am like I say oldest
• 1:10:37
  because sometimes when they're the youngest, they might not
• 1:10:41
  like their brains every processing and you don't want
• 1:10:43
  them to get in the sense of like.
• 1:10:44
  Oh no, I I agree with you. Thanks.
• 1:10:46
  For some reason in my mind it was flipped.
• 1:10:47
  But yes, you want especially with the boy of her.
• 1:10:50
  You want them to be on the younger side in the class or,
• 1:10:53
  excuse me, older side of the class and the younger?
• 1:10:55
  Yes. Yeah, so so my 10 year old is in
• 1:10:58
  4th grade because I just I go again, you've got. 1/4 grader,
• 1:11:01
  do you have 1/3? Grader and then my my daughter,
• 1:11:05
  who's that September birthday. She could technically be in
• 1:11:07
  first grade, but again, I was. Like, so she's 6 right now,
• 1:11:09
  She's 6 and she's in kinder. Kinder, OK.
• 1:11:12
  And you're using for 4th, 3rd and kinder.
• 1:11:15
  And preschool, because I teach preschool you.
• 1:11:16
  Really have an age gap between kinder and 3rd.
• 1:11:19
  He's like in the middle, he's 9. So she's 9:00 and 6:00, but but
• 1:11:23
  she's going to be turning. I see so she it could.
• 1:11:25
  Be so it's like a 2428 months or not 2024 months, a smaller gap
• 1:11:30
  or 20. I don't know what their age gap
• 1:11:32
  do. I had three under 3 at one point
• 1:11:34
  with them so it's just where their birthdays fall right now.
• 1:11:36
  So, but the bottom line is you're using the good and
• 1:11:38
  beautiful for those three grades.
• 1:11:39
  Yeah, but for my 4th grader I did change up his math.
• 1:11:42
  OK, so now he's using Saxon. No, I can't think of the name
• 1:11:47
  off the top of my head. We text him right now and ask
• 1:11:50
  what it is. Because people listening want to
• 1:11:51
  know what it is. Hey, I'm on the show right now,
• 1:11:56
  but what is the math curriculum that our eldest uses?
• 1:12:01
  Math with confidence. That's right.
• 1:12:02
  Math with confidence. All right, I love you.
• 1:12:04
  Bye. Did you ever try Saxon?
• 1:12:07
  No, I. Haven't I did growing up I.
• 1:12:08
  Haven't tried it. I loved it.
• 1:12:10
  Yeah, I haven't tried it. I've been, we've just been
• 1:12:12
  doing, the kids have been thriving with what we've been
• 1:12:14
  using. So and then I'll do other things
• 1:12:16
  too. So it's not just good and the
• 1:12:17
  beautiful like sometimes I did AUS geography with, I forgot the
• 1:12:22
  name of that one. Haven't done it again, but oh,
• 1:12:25
  but I I've used out school, which is online and you can do
• 1:12:29
  live online classes or you can do pre recorded.
• 1:12:32
  So we did. So for US geography, I wanted to
• 1:12:35
  specifically focus on that. So I found curriculums for like
• 1:12:38
  second grade US geography and I would purchase those so.
• 1:12:43
  But you bottom line is it sounds like you're saying, I mean a few
• 1:12:46
  other things like Tim is less, you know, focused on work right
• 1:12:51
  now, right? And he's still working, but he's
• 1:12:53
  doing a lot of homeschooling. You're obviously doing some work
• 1:12:56
  with create content creation and every all of your platforms and
• 1:13:00
  stuff. So, but you're both home
• 1:13:01
  together so that you've been able to create a rhythm together
• 1:13:04
  as a couple where it's not like you're just on your own all day
• 1:13:07
  to handle homeschooling. But it used to be that way.
• 1:13:09
  And so I want, because I don't want people to think, oh, that's
• 1:13:12
  how she does it because her husband's home, because that's
• 1:13:14
  not an option for a lot of people.
• 1:13:16
  And so it's hard where I am with this content creation because
• 1:13:20
  I'm in this phase of life and people forget like I had this
• 1:13:23
  whole other phase before he was home, you know, and I did have 4
• 1:13:28
  kids and I was doing this and my youngest was like in first grade
• 1:13:31
  and I was homeschooling him and I was a preschool teacher.
• 1:13:34
  So I'm still like, preschool is really important to me,
• 1:13:36
  especially because I was a preschool teacher.
• 1:13:37
  So I do homeschool with the preschooler too.
• 1:13:40
  And so I don't want people to look at me and think I, that's
• 1:13:44
  the only way you can homeschool, right, Is if you're both home
• 1:13:48
  and all these things, 'cause that's, how did you do it?
• 1:13:50
  Different. How did you do it when Tim was
• 1:13:53
  not home? He's working a lot Pregnant.
• 1:13:55
  You have a baby toddler, you're trying to teach under under.
• 1:13:59
  I mean, at this point, under 6, under 6 and you're doing, you're
• 1:14:03
  doing first grade, you're doing kinder and you're doing
• 1:14:05
  preschool. Yeah.
• 1:14:07
  How did you do that? Yeah.
• 1:14:08
  So, well, they're younger too, so it's not as rigid.
• 1:14:12
  That's another thing people think homeschool needs to
• 1:14:15
  replicate public school, meaning however long kids are in school.
• 1:14:20
  Six hours. Yeah, you need 6 hours a day to
• 1:14:22
  do it. I'm like, the reason why it's
• 1:14:23
  six hours, One, it kind of has to match parents work schedule a
• 1:14:26
  little bit. 2, there's a lot more kids.
• 1:14:29
  You have to line up. You got recess, you have lunch,
• 1:14:33
  you have all these little breaks which you need to do, you know.
• 1:14:36
  But again, you have a lot more kids, so there's a lot more
• 1:14:39
  classroom management. And so the day needs to be
• 1:14:43
  longer and it's also time for socialization and all these
• 1:14:47
  other things. When you home school, you can
• 1:14:51
  get those academics done quickly, especially when they're
• 1:14:54
  young. You do not need 3 hours to teach
• 1:14:56
  a first grade curriculum every single day when you're
• 1:14:59
  one-on-one with your child, is what I'm trying to say.
• 1:15:01
  What would you say the rule of thumb is for first grade?
• 1:15:04
  One hour is a see I. Don't know, there is actually
• 1:15:06
  some like if you Google it. There are like homeschoolers who
• 1:15:09
  put this out. Heard some people say 1 1/2 to 2
• 1:15:11
  hours a day for. 1st. Grade and then it goes up by
• 1:15:14
  half an hour to an hour. For every grade.
• 1:15:15
  That sounds about right to me because you have to remember
• 1:15:18
  it's usually even with you have all these other little kids
• 1:15:21
  around you when it comes you're usually one-on-one with the
• 1:15:24
  child. Now, I'm not saying it's
• 1:15:25
  one-on-one and there's not a toddler in your lap, but when
• 1:15:28
  you're. Teaching a break to go do a.
• 1:15:30
  Lap But when you're teaching another child, yeah, I'm sitting
• 1:15:33
  down with that child. And so there was actually this
• 1:15:36
  teacher who I need to find this for more like solidified proof,
• 1:15:40
  but he taught this class. He taught this curriculum.
• 1:15:46
  The test comes six weeks later. No one did well.
• 1:15:48
  And he's like, OK, that's on me. Why did no one do well?
• 1:15:52
  So then he went and just did one-on-one with the kids over
• 1:15:54
  six weeks. Like he changed his schedule.
• 1:15:57
  So like do one-on-one and everyone got an A.
• 1:15:58
  It was the. Same time he would let the other
• 1:16:00
  kids just play in the classroom and he would be I.
• 1:16:02
  Don't know if it was like. After school or something I see.
• 1:16:04
  I don't know the logistics of it.
• 1:16:06
  And one attention. But he did this study basically,
• 1:16:09
  or it was like, I'm going to take the same curriculum, the
• 1:16:11
  same test, teach it in the setting.
• 1:16:14
  No one did. Well, OK, so now I'm going to go
• 1:16:15
  one-on-one with each student. And then they all did perfectly
• 1:16:18
  fine and that and I'm not. And again, there are some kids
• 1:16:21
  who thrive in that classroom setting.
• 1:16:23
  So to me, I'm not, I'm not saying like 01 on one's the only
• 1:16:25
  way to go and you're not going to get one-on-one in life.
• 1:16:27
  So you need to like prepare them for life too.
• 1:16:29
  But when they're young, I don't like the idea.
• 1:16:31
  Like you need to prepare them for the real world at six years
• 1:16:33
  old. I'm like, no, I don't.
• 1:16:35
  That's my job to protect them from this stuff at this age, you
• 1:16:38
  know? So anyway, but when you do
• 1:16:40
  one-on-one, you get through things a lot quicker because
• 1:16:42
  it's based on where they're at. You know, you don't have AI,
• 1:16:44
  don't know, you don't have to, like, stop and like, teach like
• 1:16:47
  this other kid who might learn differently, you know?
• 1:16:50
  And so, I mean, you will have to with your other kids, but you
• 1:16:53
  get what I'm saying? It's not 30 of them.
• 1:16:55
  So yeah, there's this misconception of like, I can't
• 1:16:57
  homeschool because I don't. That's a lot of hours.
• 1:17:00
  And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no.
• 1:17:01
  And there's so many ways you can homeschool.
• 1:17:04
  And I think we think like, sitting down at a desk, which is
• 1:17:07
  important sometimes. But I just saw this video and I
• 1:17:09
  thought it was really enlightening.
• 1:17:10
  This mom has a trampoline park membership and they go to
• 1:17:14
  trampoline park every day. She brings her whole curriculum.
• 1:17:17
  It's she doesn't have as many kids as I have.
• 1:17:18
  I think she had three kids. But she'd sit down, they go jump
• 1:17:22
  around, they get all their energy out and they'd be tired,
• 1:17:24
  they'd be cool. They have their their drinks of
• 1:17:26
  water, they'll electrolytes, they sit down.
• 1:17:29
  They'd be like, let's do a math lesson.
• 1:17:31
  They do their math lesson. And now it took probably about
• 1:17:33
  like 20-30 minutes to do the math lesson.
• 1:17:36
  Then they're off jumping again and then she could like rotate
• 1:17:38
  them too. She.
• 1:17:39
  Literally spends the whole day that she.
• 1:17:40
  Could rotate them, but it but it was like it's like 3 to 4 hours
• 1:17:43
  though you know, it's not, it's not six hours.
• 1:17:46
  And so there's so many different methods you can do this, like it
• 1:17:49
  doesn't all have to be like in a line at a desk and they.
• 1:17:53
  Need a lot of, I think the kids need a lot of like outdoor time,
• 1:17:56
  they need a lot of playtime, they need a lot of physical
• 1:17:58
  exercise time, but they also do need a level of routine.
• 1:18:02
  Absolutely, absolutely. I think everything you're saying
• 1:18:05
  it just, it sounds very attainable, which I think it is
• 1:18:08
  the message for us people listening.
• 1:18:10
  If you feel called to it, you need to, I think very important,
• 1:18:14
  have both spouses be aligned. You know, maybe one spouse will
• 1:18:17
  be more hesitant than the other. But really take a lot of time to
• 1:18:20
  talk through it, pray through it.
• 1:18:22
  Look at the homeschool resources that exist.
• 1:18:24
  We had Sarah McKenzie on the podcast.
• 1:18:26
  She's like a celebrity. Read aloud revival and she
• 1:18:30
  shared about it and how attainable it is.
• 1:18:32
  So there are tons of resources out there, but I think what
• 1:18:34
  you're saying earlier is good. And this is what Joe and I are
• 1:18:37
  discerning is it's I, I think I kind of come from the background
• 1:18:40
  of like, well, of course I would homeschool.
• 1:18:42
  It's wrong not to homeschool. Not not not like morally wrong,
• 1:18:45
  but why wouldn't you homeschool? Homeschooling is objectively the
• 1:18:49
  best. That's kind of the world I come
• 1:18:51
  from. And realizing that, first of
• 1:18:54
  all, the kinds of schools that were available to my parents and
• 1:18:57
  this is one of the reasons they chose to home school.
• 1:18:59
  We're not good options, right? And there can be really
• 1:19:03
  phenomenal schools that are really in line with your values.
• 1:19:08
  The community is great, the families are great.
• 1:19:10
  You know, the families that can be a wonderful option for your
• 1:19:13
  child. And again, every child is, is
• 1:19:16
  different too. So I I would say I would argue
• 1:19:19
  it all depends on how it's done. Like you were saying.
• 1:19:21
  I mean, I'm not even arguing this.
• 1:19:22
  We're we're in a full agreement on this.
• 1:19:24
  And it really is not one-size-fits-all.
• 1:19:28
  Yeah, absolutely. And I yeah, I think that's
• 1:19:30
  saying you feel like this pressure maybe pressure to home
• 1:19:32
  school just from you're. By the way, there's not a
• 1:19:35
  single. On yourself pressure, you're
• 1:19:36
  putting yourself on yourself. It's more of my internal
• 1:19:39
  dialogue of I was so blessed by homeschooling.
• 1:19:41
  I had these amazing experiences homeschooling.
• 1:19:43
  I mean, I started live action in part because I had all of this
• 1:19:47
  like independent study time and time to pursue, you know, things
• 1:19:51
  that I felt passionate about. I did homeschool debate and
• 1:19:54
  speech and all of that. But the I think the lie is,
• 1:19:57
  well, those things are just impossible in any other schools
• 1:20:01
  setting, which I don't think is is actually.
• 1:20:03
  There's so many different schools too.
• 1:20:05
  I mean, maybe in a public school setting it would be harder, but
• 1:20:07
  there's tons of charter private schools that I think even offer
• 1:20:10
  like this independent time for you to do research and do
• 1:20:14
  venture on these projects too. So I do think there might even
• 1:20:18
  be this movement though, for Christian women to feel like
• 1:20:21
  that's what they're supposed to do 100%.
• 1:20:25
  And again, it comes like, we need to knock this off.
• 1:20:27
  Like we need to knock it off. Like, oh, well, if you're a
• 1:20:29
  Catholic and you're a Christian or you're all these things, this
• 1:20:31
  is exactly how you should be as a wife, as a mother.
• 1:20:33
  It's like. What if you're homeschooling to
• 1:20:35
  look down and people that aren't?
• 1:20:36
  So I think that there and if you're not homeschooling somehow
• 1:20:39
  to look down homeschool like it just it there's a lot of Gray
• 1:20:43
  area, an area for the prudence of the parents.
• 1:20:45
  It's just, yeah, like I said, I'm an advocate for making sure
• 1:20:48
  the child just has a pathway to learn.
• 1:20:51
  And whether it's that in this certain school or in home
• 1:20:53
  schooling, it's just, I just my belief is there's just not A1
• 1:20:57
  size fits all. So let's not all box them into
• 1:20:59
  this type of schooling or box them into that type of
• 1:21:01
  schooling. I will say I think for younger
• 1:21:03
  kids, I also think it is not ideal to have a program that
• 1:21:09
  they're in 6 plus hours every day all week.
• 1:21:12
  Yeah. I mean, yeah, when they're
• 1:21:13
  little, it's if you can, like, definitely.
• 1:21:15
  Yeah. So I think stay home with the
• 1:21:17
  police thinking that is not ideal in my view.
• 1:21:20
  Now, I'm not saying that some kids are not very benefited by
• 1:21:23
  it, et cetera. But you know, first of all, up
• 1:21:25
  until the age of five, I'm not a big preschool person.
• 1:21:28
  I know you were a preschool teacher, but you know, we our
• 1:21:31
  family, like, I don't, I don't love, you know, we don't love
• 1:21:34
  daycare, We don't love preschool.
• 1:21:35
  I'm not saying that they cannot ever be as good situations, by
• 1:21:38
  the way, you know, we've had some hot, you know, debate on
• 1:21:40
  this show and had different experts on weighing in on these
• 1:21:43
  things. I think again, depends on the
• 1:21:45
  child, depends on the circumstances of the family.
• 1:21:47
  Generally speaking, though, I think kids are designed to
• 1:21:50
  thrive in close attachment to, you know, their ideally family,
• 1:21:56
  right? Or a surrogate person.
• 1:21:58
  That's another kind of family member that they can all be
• 1:22:00
  connected and close and they need a strong bond with mom and
• 1:22:03
  dad. They need lots of quality and
• 1:22:05
  quantity time. And, you know, putting them kind
• 1:22:08
  of in an institution for 40 hours a week, again, that
• 1:22:12
  doesn't happen frequently, but that does happen is not ideal.
• 1:22:16
  I agree. I think it's OK to say that.
• 1:22:17
  Yeah, it's not ideal, but it doesn't.
• 1:22:19
  But yeah, like you said, circumstances.
• 1:22:20
  So like my mom, like, you know, my dad left when I was three.
• 1:22:25
  My my sister was one. My mom was young.
• 1:22:27
  She was like 27 with these two babies.
• 1:22:30
  That's a great, he's a great story, by the way.
• 1:22:31
  Like when he found God, he shared this on the show.
• 1:22:33
  Yeah, he but he's a great story because because I don't want to
• 1:22:36
  make him sound like a bad guy, like he made some bad choices
• 1:22:38
  back then. But he is a great example of
• 1:22:40
  like finding Jesus dying to self, like dying to self and
• 1:22:45
  following the way Christ wants you to follow because he just
• 1:22:47
  did like a 180 as a dad. Right, so tell me what happened.
• 1:22:50
  He leaves. You guys, you were one and
• 1:22:51
  three. Yeah, one and three, My mom is
• 1:22:53
  like 27. Where does he come?
• 1:22:56
  With the other woman. I love you, Dad.
• 1:23:00
  Sorry I don't get back. No, it was come back.
• 1:23:03
  It was an emotional affair. I will say it wasn't physical,
• 1:23:06
  was an emotional affair and he was still active in our lives
• 1:23:11
  though. By the way, can we just put a
• 1:23:12
  little note in that that's a topic, Emotional affairs.
• 1:23:16
  Yeah, that is a. Very.
• 1:23:18
  Doctor can totally talk about that.
• 1:23:19
  Yeah, but finish the story and then we're gonna.
• 1:23:21
  He's very aware, you know what I mean?
• 1:23:23
  Like he doesn't try to justify. He was like, no, it was an
• 1:23:25
  emotional affair and he's like, it was wrong, you know, even
• 1:23:27
  though there was no physical line, he physically.
• 1:23:29
  Left the home. Yeah, he went to.
• 1:23:32
  Yeah. Yeah, he left.
• 1:23:33
  They did. He come back.
• 1:23:35
  Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I have the best.
• 1:23:40
  Like I never wanted my parents to be together because I never
• 1:23:42
  knew them really together. And sometimes when I was younger
• 1:23:45
  my dad would be like, I know you want your mommy and daddy to be
• 1:23:47
  together. I was like, no, I don't gross.
• 1:23:49
  Like I just, it just didn't. It was weird to me.
• 1:23:53
  But yeah, I mean, we still saw him and stuff.
• 1:23:55
  It wasn't like he like left and I never saw him again.
• 1:23:57
  Like we, he was still active. Yeah, he was still active.
• 1:24:00
  But my, you know, he wasn't in the house.
• 1:24:03
  And so my mom had to go to work and she needed preschool for us.
• 1:24:09
  And you know, so I definitely so I think there's.
• 1:24:12
  Like a was it like a 10 hour a day?
• 1:24:14
  It was, yeah. She had to go to work.
• 1:24:15
  And should we? We where we live was like kind
• 1:24:17
  of rural. And so she had to like, go into
• 1:24:19
  the city to work and stuff. Like it wasn't rural.
• 1:24:22
  I mean, I'm in San Diego County. I guess I could just say it if
• 1:24:24
  you used to live in Ramona for anyone, but it's like.
• 1:24:28
  It's the address, Christy, which is best.
• 1:24:30
  I mean, you're. Saying how old are?
• 1:24:32
  You so you were three. I was three.
• 1:24:33
  My sister was daycare. Yeah, it was daycare for 10
• 1:24:36
  hours a day, which is not my mom had to work.
• 1:24:38
  She had to provide like she had to do this.
• 1:24:40
  And so. So yeah, I always look at it
• 1:24:43
  with, great, I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all is
• 1:24:47
  when it comes down to like, yes, ideally my mom would have loved
• 1:24:49
  to have been home with us, don't get me wrong, but that wasn't
• 1:24:52
  the circumstances that she was in and.
• 1:24:54
  God met your mom in it and worked through it, and you and
• 1:24:57
  your mom are super tight and it sounds like you felt like you
• 1:25:00
  had a beautiful childhood. Yes, Oh my gosh, I have nothing
• 1:25:03
  to complain about. And like now that I'm a parent
• 1:25:04
  myself, I'm like, how did my mom do this?
• 1:25:08
  Like this is insane, you know, and it's just and I realized the
• 1:25:11
  sacrifices that were made and and I realized like what great
• 1:25:15
  how my parents truly put us first, Like my dad, even my dad
• 1:25:19
  who was making mistakes and stuff, he was just like they I
• 1:25:24
  never heard a single bad word about either of my parents ever.
• 1:25:27
  I thought they were friends. Like I just was like, oh, they
• 1:25:29
  didn't work out in marriage. They're just friends, you know,
• 1:25:31
  like because they were such good Co parents, like I had no idea.
• 1:25:36
  And you know the other woman like called her house looking
• 1:25:39
  for my dad one day and my mom just matter with such grace.
• 1:25:42
  Right, the other woman called your house looking for your dad
• 1:25:45
  the the woman he was having in the affair.
• 1:25:48
  Why was he calling your house? I don't know at this point they
• 1:25:50
  were like together though, like like mom and your dad.
• 1:25:53
  No, no, no. Like the him and his girlfriend
• 1:25:55
  were together and so. Meaning he thought he was
• 1:25:58
  picking you guys up. No, no, yeah.
• 1:25:59
  I was saying I was 90s so no one had cell phones.
• 1:26:01
  So like. Did your mom?
• 1:26:04
  Were they married in the Catholic Church?
• 1:26:05
  Yes, my mom was 8 months pregnant with me though when
• 1:26:10
  they got married in the Catholic Church.
• 1:26:11
  OK, so they were able to get an annulled?
• 1:26:13
  They did have an annulment, so there was there because.
• 1:26:15
  She was pregnant before. I think there's like a
• 1:26:18
  circumstance with that, like. Meaning she felt pressured to do
• 1:26:21
  the marriage I. Think that's what like it fell
• 1:26:23
  under something like that. Sorry parents, I know.
• 1:26:25
  But then when? They so so the an annulment is
• 1:26:28
  as if the marriage wasn't valid, null and void.
• 1:26:31
  It didn't exist. There was certainly a bond and
• 1:26:33
  you know, they were beautiful kids yourself that came from the
• 1:26:36
  But then did they end up remarrying?
• 1:26:39
  No, Oh gosh, no, I don't. My parents and other people, I
• 1:26:41
  was like, oh, gross, gross. They married.
• 1:26:46
  They married other people, yes. OK, OK, so my dad's not, my
• 1:26:49
  dad's not Catholic, but your mom.
• 1:26:50
  Remarried and then she did she have more kids?
• 1:26:53
  Yeah, they had my youngest sister, so that's why I was like
• 1:26:55
  16. Year age, I was I was trying to
• 1:26:56
  and. Then they had my other sister
• 1:26:58
  who we talked about earlier, who was who was stillborn.
• 1:27:02
  Yeah. So your mom has been through a
• 1:27:03
  lot? Oh my gosh, she has she's been
• 1:27:06
  through so much and she's so amazing and she went through a
• 1:27:11
  lot as a child too and she still graduated slew Dictorian like
• 1:27:15
  captain of the cheer team, captain of the dance team, like
• 1:27:18
  just excelled and always persevered like never had a
• 1:27:23
  victim mentality like worked her butt off.
• 1:27:26
  And then when she was left with us, like she they had no, she
• 1:27:30
  had no money like my, it was not a good financial situation.
• 1:27:34
  But she's so smart and savvy. I want her to write a book on
• 1:27:36
  like, finances because she, like, she ended up doing really
• 1:27:40
  well for herself, like before she even married my stepdad.
• 1:27:43
  Yeah. So she's a hard worker and she's
• 1:27:46
  smart, so. Like her daughter.
• 1:27:48
  Oh no, my mom's way better than me.
• 1:27:52
  I'm sure she's so proud of you. Yeah, I don't have.
• 1:27:54
  What were we talking about? Before I now have.
• 1:27:56
  Childcare, childcare, Now I have to ask.
• 1:27:58
  Why are you home schooling? I don't think I even asked that.
• 1:28:01
  Oh, so my mom was a big influence with that.
• 1:28:03
  So what's so interesting is. But yeah, that's why we talked
• 1:28:06
  about the divorce, because childcare is I think it was a it
• 1:28:09
  was a lifeline for my mom, you know, it was necessary.
• 1:28:12
  Yeah. So I think when it.
• 1:28:13
  Got used, made beautiful things. Yeah.
• 1:28:14
  So when it comes to like childcare, daycare, preschool,
• 1:28:17
  all these things, it's like, yeah, I don't think there's,
• 1:28:19
  again, I can't emphasize this enough.
• 1:28:20
  When it comes to schooling, there's just not A1 size fits
• 1:28:22
  all and like caretaking because every family has different
• 1:28:24
  situations. But yeah, what got me to
• 1:28:27
  homeschool was my mom. My mom really like pioneered
• 1:28:29
  this firm because my sister homeschools too.
• 1:28:32
  So I, my mom and dad had me and my sister, and then my mom and
• 1:28:35
  stepdad had my other sister 16 years later.
• 1:28:37
  So me and my sister, we were both public schooled everything.
• 1:28:41
  And we, we when she went to homeschool, our youngest sister,
• 1:28:45
  I was like, you're again, I get all the karma, right?
• 1:28:48
  The big families and all the homeschooling.
• 1:28:49
  I was like, you're going to make her a weirdo.
• 1:28:51
  Like, oh, should we talk about the socialization with
• 1:28:53
  homeschool? Everyone freaks out about that.
• 1:28:56
  So your mother why did your mother decide to homeschool your
• 1:28:58
  young She. Had the foresight about the
• 1:29:00
  iPads in school. Got it.
• 1:29:02
  Yeah, we. Were we were talking about this?
• 1:29:03
  Not I guess on the podcast before the podcast, but yes.
• 1:29:06
  So she was very much turned off by this whole technology in the
• 1:29:10
  classroom thing. She's like, no, no, this is bad
• 1:29:11
  news. She worked in tech, so it's not
• 1:29:13
  like she was anti tech. It was this, it was so new
• 1:29:17
  territory. There were no blockers on these
• 1:29:18
  things. It was just her daughter was
• 1:29:21
  going to be the Guinea pig for the Chromebook iPad movement.
• 1:29:25
  And she was like, uh, I'm not having this.
• 1:29:27
  And there was already it's. Already, but it just, it amazes
• 1:29:30
  me they've done studies. Even if you read a book on a
• 1:29:33
  Kindle versus a real book, the retention of what you're
• 1:29:35
  learning is less like, statistically speaking, on every
• 1:29:39
  level. Doing work on an iPad verse for
• 1:29:42
  a child versus learning how to write with an actual pen,
• 1:29:46
  learning how to turn an actual page, learning how to make eye
• 1:29:49
  contact with an actual teacher. The research all bears out that
• 1:29:54
  that is better than doing it via a screen.
• 1:29:57
  We're never going to go back, though.
• 1:29:58
  That's the thing. So This is why I think more
• 1:30:00
  people are homeschooling too, is because they've invested too
• 1:30:02
  much money and time. Well, there's no screen schools.
• 1:30:05
  They do it. Yeah, but I'm talking from the
• 1:30:07
  public sector. That's like, you know,
• 1:30:09
  obviously. You're saying the public schools
• 1:30:10
  have invested all this money and iPad?
• 1:30:12
  That's what I that's what I what I'm reading on about.
• 1:30:15
  I can't watch the public section.
• 1:30:16
  People listening can let us know if they have.
• 1:30:18
  Kids in public school if their public school is using screens.
• 1:30:21
  Yeah, see, exactly. That's why I hesitant to talk
• 1:30:23
  about some of these things. I'm like, I'm not the authority.
• 1:30:25
  This is all just based on like the content I'm consuming.
• 1:30:28
  I have heard people, I've had her schools, public schools,
• 1:30:30
  I've gotten rid of lockers because they don't use the books
• 1:30:33
  anymore. And now there's like couches
• 1:30:35
  with plugs for you to like sit and like go on your laptop
• 1:30:38
  instead. But I've had, I've seen great
• 1:30:41
  videos from teachers being like bring back textbooks.
• 1:30:44
  What's so awesome about textbooks is you can say, OK,
• 1:30:45
  this is a lesson we're on now and you can flip and be like,
• 1:30:48
  oh, we're going to be learning about that later on.
• 1:30:50
  And then when you're on that later lesson, you like, wait,
• 1:30:51
  what was what was it? We learned that the building
• 1:30:53
  steps to get here. And then you can just easily
• 1:30:55
  like flip back. And I don't know about you, but
• 1:30:57
  for me, like flipping through a book is so much more than like
• 1:31:00
  trying to like go through a screen to, I don't know.
• 1:31:02
  And then there's like answers in the back of the book.
• 1:31:05
  I don't know. There's just like she was giving
• 1:31:06
  all these great benefits of like hard copy textbooks.
• 1:31:09
  So your Mama, hardcore pioneer, amazing Mama, she decided I'm
• 1:31:14
  going to homeschool my daughter because the public schools are
• 1:31:17
  trash with these iPads, baby she.
• 1:31:18
  Just saw where was going and also, well, I think she wasn't
• 1:31:21
  even against it like, well, she was, she was hesitant, but there
• 1:31:24
  was just no supervision on these things.
• 1:31:26
  I should not be so pejorative, so I apologize because there's
• 1:31:29
  public schools are trash. Like that's like nothing is
• 1:31:31
  trash that involves human beings because human beings are
• 1:31:34
  priceless. And there's good teachers in the
• 1:31:35
  public, wonderful teachers. And I have heard of some good
• 1:31:38
  public schools that are very local and the parents are
• 1:31:40
  involved. So it's not to say that all
• 1:31:42
  public schools are evil or bad. I don't.
• 1:31:44
  Think stuff being forced on the public schools, though, that I
• 1:31:47
  know that some teachers, some even principals, you know, they
• 1:31:49
  don't like, but there was such a lack of supervision around these
• 1:31:53
  screens and you got curious 5th graders, what are they typing
• 1:31:56
  in? You know what I mean?
• 1:31:58
  And so so she just had the foresight for that.
• 1:32:01
  And so she decided to home school and we were so my sister
• 1:32:04
  were like, what are you doing, mom?
• 1:32:05
  Like what? She's going to be so weird.
• 1:32:08
  She, you know, all these things and she wasn't she's great.
• 1:32:12
  She's amazing. Did you do a Co-op?
• 1:32:14
  Yeah, my mom had her in all the things, OK?
• 1:32:16
  My mom had her in all. The things just like she was
• 1:32:18
  sitting at home by. Herself.
• 1:32:19
  So it kind of just opened my eyes to the whole socialization
• 1:32:22
  thing. It was like, oh, she has
• 1:32:24
  something every day of the week. Like she's busier than me, you
• 1:32:28
  know. And so, yeah, the myth around
• 1:32:31
  the socialization, that one kind of cracks me up because I'm also
• 1:32:33
  like, so if public school or school is like the end all be
• 1:32:37
  all to a successful social life, successful social emotional
• 1:32:41
  intelligence, what do you say has deeply failed?
• 1:32:44
  Because it's not like it's a guarantee when you graduate.
• 1:32:47
  Everyone's just like socially equipped.
• 1:32:49
  I mean, come on, let's get real here.
• 1:32:51
  So it can be great for socialization.
• 1:32:55
  I'm not saying it's not, but it's not the answer to
• 1:32:58
  socialization. And so I do think though, it is
• 1:33:02
  very important that if you are a homeschool parent that you do
• 1:33:05
  make socialization a priority though.
• 1:33:07
  And so this can be an issue if you're very introverted as a
• 1:33:09
  parent. So I think as long as you make
• 1:33:13
  it a priority, it's not going to be an issue for your child, you
• 1:33:16
  know, And so that might mean you have to step out of your comfort
• 1:33:18
  zone if you're introverted as a parent.
• 1:33:20
  Too bad, so sad. Yes, you got to make sure that
• 1:33:23
  because it's super important for a child.
• 1:33:24
  But I don't think public school or traditional school is the
• 1:33:29
  only way to socialize your child.
• 1:33:30
  In fact, it I can't even have some barriers with it a little
• 1:33:33
  bit because I know for me, when I graduated college and then I
• 1:33:38
  got like my first real job, like corporate job, I had a really
• 1:33:42
  hard time understanding that just because this person's older
• 1:33:45
  than me doesn't make them my boss.
• 1:33:48
  So I had people who were like 40-50 years old and I'm 23 and I
• 1:33:53
  didn't know how to have like a work relationship with them.
• 1:33:56
  They were just like the authority, even though they they
• 1:33:58
  weren't in the workspace. Because they were used to just
• 1:34:00
  being in this stratified system where if somebody's older than
• 1:34:03
  their must be more. And my friends were only my age.
• 1:34:07
  So like even the thought of like, so when I, I worked at
• 1:34:09
  Nordstrom for some for a bit and I worked with a gal who was like
• 1:34:13
  in her 50s, She had grown kids and she's like you and your
• 1:34:16
  boyfriend was Tim at the time. She'd come over for dinner.
• 1:34:18
  I'm like, huh. Like, but you're, you're like
• 1:34:21
  older than my parents. Like what?
• 1:34:23
  Like I, that idea of a relationship of like having an,
• 1:34:27
  an adult friend who's 20, you know, five years older than you
• 1:34:31
  or whatever. Like it was so foreign to me
• 1:34:33
  because I was like only friends with kids my age, people my age.
• 1:34:37
  And and that what you're describing that is I think a
• 1:34:39
  potential drawback of just kind of going with systematized
• 1:34:42
  school, sort of, you know, 6 to 8 hours a day in a classroom
• 1:34:45
  with other kids your own age, away from the family, blah,
• 1:34:48
  blah, blah. Yeah.
• 1:34:49
  I think that is one of the just amazing benefits that I
• 1:34:52
  experience of being homeschooled.
• 1:34:54
  I was, I felt comfortable in any environment.
• 1:34:56
  Yeah, I felt comfortable with older kids.
• 1:34:59
  I felt comfortable with younger kids.
• 1:35:00
  I felt comfortable with people that were professionals.
• 1:35:03
  I felt comfortable with the moms.
• 1:35:05
  I I just did not feel like there was a place I didn't belong.
• 1:35:09
  And partly that may have been personality, partly made, that
• 1:35:12
  may have been my mother's personality, which was very
• 1:35:14
  strong and extroverted and very much, you know, comfortable in
• 1:35:17
  her own skin. And so I'm very grateful for
• 1:35:18
  that. So I'm not telling people that
• 1:35:20
  if you homeschool, all of a sudden you can have a kid
• 1:35:22
  comfortable in his own skin in any environment.
• 1:35:24
  You have to do the work of going, taking the kids to
• 1:35:26
  different environments. That is one of my concerns with
• 1:35:30
  the more stratified traditional school system.
• 1:35:33
  But I think you can design things around that if you're
• 1:35:38
  intentional totally to make sure that your child does have the
• 1:35:41
  experience of being comfortable in their own skin and being able
• 1:35:44
  to interact with people of all different ages.
• 1:35:46
  Yeah, I think I, what I should have emphasized earlier is just
• 1:35:50
  with anything, that shouldn't be your only way of working on
• 1:35:54
  socialization with your child. Like that shouldn't be like, oh,
• 1:35:56
  well, they go to school, that's it.
• 1:35:57
  You know what I mean? That's their socialization.
• 1:35:59
  You know what I mean? Like we should all be actively
• 1:36:01
  trying to raise well-rounded children.
• 1:36:04
  And so but yeah, with homeschooling, there is this
• 1:36:06
  whole misconception that you're just stuck at home.
• 1:36:08
  Most of the homeschoolers I know aren't even home.
• 1:36:10
  They're like out on field trips and doing all the things.
• 1:36:12
  And but yeah, there's like I, I was like part of several co-ops
• 1:36:18
  and then I'm, I'm really, my kids love sports and because
• 1:36:21
  they're close in age, it makes it really easy because they're
• 1:36:23
  like, I got my 2 oldest on the same team.
• 1:36:25
  And then I have like the younger ones that we're going to put on
• 1:36:27
  the same like little kid thing. And then I have my daughter, but
• 1:36:30
  she's obviously interested in other, I shouldn't say
• 1:36:32
  obviously, but she is interested in other things.
• 1:36:34
  So, but it seems like it's more like 3 kids rather than like 5
• 1:36:36
  or 6 kids and activities, you know, because they're, when
• 1:36:39
  they're close in age, they can go on the same teams.
• 1:36:41
  But my kids love them. So I have them in traditional
• 1:36:44
  rec sports with all the other kids in the community.
• 1:36:46
  Some go to public school, some go to private school, some go to
• 1:36:49
  some are homeschooled. And so it's not like, Oh well,
• 1:36:53
  homeschool kids are only hanging out with homeschool kids too,
• 1:36:55
  you know? So there are so many ways to go
• 1:36:58
  about the socialization. My biggest advice would be
• 1:37:01
  though, is that if you find yourself as a parent more
• 1:37:04
  introverted, that is something you will have to like come out
• 1:37:07
  of your comfort zone. I mean, I think it's it might be
• 1:37:09
  easy for me to say because I'm so extroverted, but.
• 1:37:11
  Do more activities. But yeah, teach your children
• 1:37:14
  confidence. There are.
• 1:37:14
  So many opportunities for socialization with homeschool
• 1:37:17
  kids. I agree.
• 1:37:19
  Yeah, and they're and again, my kids aren't just hanging out
• 1:37:21
  with other homeschool kids. They do hang out with homeschool
• 1:37:22
  kids, don't get me wrong. And.
• 1:37:23
  That was my experience being homeschooled as I we did.
• 1:37:26
  I at 12 years old, I think I might have been 11.
• 1:37:28
  I wasn't even 12 yet. I was taking the junior college
• 1:37:31
  class. Yeah, and that's another thing
• 1:37:33
  you. Have I was with some other older
• 1:37:35
  kids including my older brothers and this was a college class
• 1:37:38
  that my grandfather happened to teach so I'm not saying that
• 1:37:40
  family should go put their 11. Year old in a college by.
• 1:37:42
  The time I was 13, yeah, I was taking junior college courses
• 1:37:46
  with people twice my age at the Community City College.
• 1:37:50
  And they're are myself and there's online college courses
• 1:37:52
  you can take too. So it's like there are so many,
• 1:37:55
  especially in today's world, there's so many options that,
• 1:37:58
  like you said, like if this is something you want for your
• 1:37:59
  family, there are definite ways to make it work.
• 1:38:02
  I know parents who work and still home school.
• 1:38:05
  So granted, I think mom might have a job that's more flexible.
• 1:38:07
  Like, I know I have a friend, she's a hair stylist, so she has
• 1:38:11
  those flexible hours. I know people are.
• 1:38:15
  People have said to me like, Lila, what do you mean you're
• 1:38:16
  considering home schooling? Don't you work?
• 1:38:18
  And I say, yes, I do. I actually work a lot.
• 1:38:21
  But you're. Delegating and I also.
• 1:38:23
  Am very my, my work is very flexible.
• 1:38:25
  And so the idea of like, if I was going to teach a class of my
• 1:38:28
  kids for one, I mean, again, they're very young right now,
• 1:38:30
  like for one or two hours a day, that would be doable for me.
• 1:38:34
  Again, I'm not saying that's what our family is, is planning
• 1:38:36
  to do. We're, we're kind of finalizing
• 1:38:38
  kind of what we're going to do for the next year.
• 1:38:39
  We're going to, we're also going to take it one year at a time
• 1:38:42
  because that's really I think what any family should can do.
• 1:38:45
  Is that was. One year at a time.
• 1:38:47
  That's the next thing. That was the biggest advice my
• 1:38:48
  mom gave me. Take it one year at a time.
• 1:38:51
  Stop thinking. If I commit to home school right
• 1:38:52
  now, that's what we're doing. In my whole life.
• 1:38:54
  You have so many options to change course as you learn more
• 1:38:58
  about your kids and what environments they thrive in.
• 1:39:00
  That's what it's coming down to. Like it's coming down to like,
• 1:39:03
  how can we make sure our my child is thriving educationally,
• 1:39:07
  academically, you know, all these other ways, like how can I
• 1:39:10
  give them the environment to thrive?
• 1:39:12
  And so that's, that would be my biggest surprise.
• 1:39:13
  Like calm down. It's OK.
• 1:39:15
  Like take it one year at a time, 1 curriculum at a time.
• 1:39:18
  You do not need to plan it all out like in advance.
• 1:39:20
  It's just every school year you readjust and you re evaluate.
• 1:39:25
  I hope people listening feel encouraged and it's a good just
• 1:39:30
  confidence booster that God's got them, that they don't have
• 1:39:35
  to be too anxious about this and there's a lot of options that
• 1:39:39
  they can consider about how to even homeschool or maybe other
• 1:39:41
  school options if that's not what they do and it's going to
• 1:39:44
  work out. God's got your kids.
• 1:39:46
  And one and one last thing, because a lot of people be like,
• 1:39:49
  well, how is it a great in school environment if you have
• 1:39:51
  like a baby crying and a toddler on your lap and you're trying to
• 1:39:54
  teach your kid? It is actually not always chaos
• 1:39:57
  like that 24/7. Sure, there's going to be
• 1:39:59
  moments in the days that are a little bit more chaotic, but
• 1:40:02
  there are times when they're not being, the younger ones are not
• 1:40:04
  being. There are times when they're
• 1:40:05
  having independent play like this idea of constant chaos.
• 1:40:10
  I think people don't think our house can ever be quiet.
• 1:40:13
  And there are times when all the kids like some will be sleeping,
• 1:40:16
  but they're like doing their own thing.
• 1:40:17
  We'll have like quiet reading time for the kids who can't
• 1:40:20
  read, they're, they're still looking at books or they're
• 1:40:22
  doing something. So it's, I think when you like,
• 1:40:25
  oh, this idea of like you have all these different age groups,
• 1:40:27
  it's just like constant chaos 24/7.
• 1:40:29
  Like I promise you, there are pockets of peace throughout the
• 1:40:31
  day. I do think that can be clouded
• 1:40:33
  if you're on your phone 100%. By like meaning if you're on
• 1:40:37
  your phone, you can miss the piece in your own.
• 1:40:39
  Heart or something like, yeah or if it's like, OK, they're
• 1:40:41
  independent plan, I'm going to scroll my phone for a minute or
• 1:40:42
  something like I don't think people realize how loud it can
• 1:40:45
  make your house feel, your brain feel because you're 1 probably
• 1:40:49
  log on. There's probably something that
• 1:40:50
  made you mad because rage beat is all the rage now.
• 1:40:53
  Like there's something that stirred you up, raised your
• 1:40:56
  cortisol levels and so now you're like in this heightened
• 1:40:58
  sense. So my advice would be when
• 1:41:00
  you're homeschooling, put your phone away.
• 1:41:01
  I promise you it's just going to seem a lot more doable without
• 1:41:04
  that there. But yeah, yeah, there's going to
• 1:41:07
  be moments of chaos. We're going to be handling it.
• 1:41:09
  But again, we it goes back to what we said that it's only you
• 1:41:11
  don't need 6 hours of this like solid academic time.
• 1:41:15
  And also I think it's really important for parents to
• 1:41:18
  remember like your children are learning life skills too.
• 1:41:21
  It's not just like, get the academics done, like when they
• 1:41:25
  see, I don't know, they're learning how to like work in a
• 1:41:28
  family. Well, they're learning values,
• 1:41:30
  yes. I think that's a huge thing.
• 1:41:32
  They're learning values, and whether you're homeschooling or
• 1:41:34
  you're not, that's your job as a parent is to instill values.
• 1:41:38
  We just had this amazing conversation on the show where
• 1:41:41
  this that episode should come out before this one, but with
• 1:41:43
  Greg and Lisa Gregory and Lisa Pop Popchak, and they have a
• 1:41:47
  whole bullet of books about marriage relationships and
• 1:41:50
  parenting. And I felt this was one of my
• 1:41:52
  favorite conversations we've ever had on the show.
• 1:41:54
  But they talk about parenting, about really instilling values
• 1:41:57
  in children and having it be very attachment based with the
• 1:42:01
  mom and dad. So it's not just about like we
• 1:42:03
  need to like press these buttons to get these outcomes with the
• 1:42:05
  kids, but we're building a relationship and we're teaching
• 1:42:08
  them to have a relationship with God.
• 1:42:10
  And I do think that that's something you can do whether you
• 1:42:12
  homeschool or you don't. And whether you homeschool or
• 1:42:15
  you do more traditional school. The end game is not so much my
• 1:42:19
  kid has to make grades as much as it as I'm preparing somebody
• 1:42:24
  for, yes, the world and also for heaven.
• 1:42:27
  And I want them to know the love of God and I want them to know
• 1:42:30
  right from wrong. And I want them to experience
• 1:42:33
  love in the family and to have the source of warmth in the
• 1:42:36
  family to be really what the coming from our faith because
• 1:42:40
  that was one thing that they shared that was so fascinating
• 1:42:42
  to me. Apparently 80 to 90% of families
• 1:42:46
  who raise their kids in the church, the kids will fall away.
• 1:42:50
  They don't want to practice their faith anymore.
• 1:42:53
  And so they did a study, an in depth study on the family is
• 1:42:56
  that 10 to 20% where the kids stayed, where they had 100%
• 1:43:00
  success rate, whether they had two kids or 8 kids who stayed in
• 1:43:03
  the faith. And they said the number one
• 1:43:06
  indicator, they had 12 actually indicators.
• 1:43:07
  But the number one indicator was, did the child growing up
• 1:43:11
  identify the source of warmth and affection in the home with
• 1:43:14
  faith? Or was faith something imposed
• 1:43:16
  on the family or something, God forbid, even like a like a
• 1:43:19
  negative experience with the family?
• 1:43:21
  Or was it the heartbeat of the home?
• 1:43:24
  And that meant they like talked about God together, They prayed
• 1:43:27
  together. It wasn't just like we pray the
• 1:43:28
  rosary, but it's like we talk to God.
• 1:43:30
  We tell them our feelings, we tell them our fears, we tell
• 1:43:34
  them our joys. And that makes that's a very
• 1:43:36
  normal part of the household life.
• 1:43:39
  I would say, and you get a lot of opportunity for that when you
• 1:43:42
  do homeschool. I will say that I'm not saying
• 1:43:43
  it's not possible not to, but because you are together
• 1:43:46
  throughout the day, there are just certain questions that
• 1:43:47
  arise and I get to be there. And my husband, I mean, we're
• 1:43:50
  really fortunate that we both get to be there to to answer
• 1:43:53
  them and have these conversations throughout the
• 1:43:55
  day. But yeah, like you said, it can
• 1:43:58
  happen no matter how your kid is schooled.
• 1:43:59
  I think it, I think it's really important when it comes to how
• 1:44:03
  your child is schooled, is that to realize that no matter what
• 1:44:05
  route you choose, it's still our responsibility as a parent to be
• 1:44:08
  involved in their education. So you just don't outsource that
• 1:44:12
  completely, if that makes sense. Yes, totally.
• 1:44:16
  But yeah, there's this homeless. Like we're raising Saints, not
• 1:44:18
  scholars. I don't want people to freak
• 1:44:20
  out, be like, oh, you're not going to raise academically
• 1:44:22
  inclined kids. But it was just like, but our,
• 1:44:24
  our main goal is to raise wonderful human beings who are
• 1:44:28
  going to serve one another and serve Christ.
• 1:44:30
  That's that's the main goal. Do you all have a prayer
• 1:44:32
  routine? So I get that question a lot.
• 1:44:37
  I would like to have a, we have a routine.
• 1:44:40
  Whether we stick to it every single day is the question, but
• 1:44:46
  we do have a routine. But I will say the conversations
• 1:44:50
  about our faith in God happened so much throughout the day.
• 1:44:54
  And we're not afraid to answer any questions.
• 1:44:55
  Like, you know, it's one time one of my kids was like, I
• 1:44:59
  really don't get the point of prayer.
• 1:45:01
  I don't get the point of doing any of this.
• 1:45:03
  You know, I wasn't like, how dare you?
• 1:45:04
  You know what I mean? Like it was like, oh, like,
• 1:45:06
  let's talk about that. Like, why do you feel that way?
• 1:45:08
  You know, and, and we could kind of dissect and just have those
• 1:45:13
  opportunities. And so there'll be times like
• 1:45:14
  we'll be doing some of the work and we'll stop doing that and
• 1:45:17
  we'll have these conversations. And so I do think it's very much
• 1:45:22
  ingrained in our day-to-day. In terms of our prayer routine,
• 1:45:26
  though, I just like use the hollow.
• 1:45:29
  Can I talk about Hollow on here or we?
• 1:45:31
  Love Hollow. Hollow's.
• 1:45:32
  The sponsor of the show, but. We use Hollow.
• 1:45:35
  We love Hollow so much. They have like a kids Lenten
• 1:45:39
  challenge right now. And so they have a great program
• 1:45:42
  called Saints Alive and I think. That Saints alive is.
• 1:45:45
  Actually amazing. My kids love that.
• 1:45:48
  Yeah, teaching your kids about the Saints is amazing because I
• 1:45:51
  always I didn't grow up knowing a lot about the Saints.
• 1:45:54
  And I always figured Saints, I was just talking about this too,
• 1:45:57
  when I was going to make up done that.
• 1:45:58
  Like I figured nuns and Saints and priests, like they're just
• 1:46:02
  born that way. They're just born holy.
• 1:46:03
  So when I hear these nuns like have a past that's like more
• 1:46:06
  partying than me. I'm like, what?
• 1:46:09
  You mean you weren't just born to be like a holy sister, like,
• 1:46:12
  you know, And so learning that these people were not perfect
• 1:46:18
  and just learning more like truly learning about the people
• 1:46:20
  in the Bible and the Saints and not just like, oh, you know,
• 1:46:24
  David was good. He he beat Goliath, you know,
• 1:46:26
  not like just the generic, but like really digging into it and
• 1:46:29
  like, yet that yet God used these imperfect people, you
• 1:46:33
  know, And so I think that's really helpful.
• 1:46:36
  So yeah. So for our prayer routine right
• 1:46:37
  now, it's Lent. We're doing the Lenten the kids
• 1:46:39
  Lenten challenge on hallow, which is great.
• 1:46:42
  It's very entertaining for the kids.
• 1:46:45
  And then? So you listen to that like in
• 1:46:47
  the morning typically. We do everything at night, OK,
• 1:46:49
  We do everything at night. And I actually bought these
• 1:46:51
  little, I actually just did a video on this.
• 1:46:53
  I bought these little candles that are like, you can charge
• 1:46:55
  them and then light them up. And so we try to set the tone,
• 1:46:58
  you know, So we'll do that and then we'll do a prayer.
• 1:47:01
  We like state our intentions. And it's hard growing up
• 1:47:03
  Catholic. Usually you just say all your
• 1:47:05
  prayers, but we're trying to do more like free form praying too.
• 1:47:07
  That was what? The pop checks were saying is
• 1:47:09
  that it should not be you recite a prayer and it's like you check
• 1:47:13
  a box. It should be you're talking to
• 1:47:15
  your father and have our Jesus, your, you know, Jesus your
• 1:47:18
  Savior or the Holy Spirit, your counselor and you have this
• 1:47:20
  personal relationship because at the end of the day, we're
• 1:47:23
  designed for a relationship. We're not a robot designed to.
• 1:47:25
  Achieve a like like check off a task task list.
• 1:47:29
  And so you have to like to do a relationship, though you got to
• 1:47:31
  get vulnerable. You got to share.
• 1:47:33
  You got to. Listen.
• 1:47:35
  And that's what prayer you want to teach that prayer with kids.
• 1:47:38
  Yeah, so there's a I've I've heard about.
• 1:47:40
  It was called, it's called prayer, like pray so as P for
• 1:47:44
  praise, R for repentance. So you go through your day,
• 1:47:48
  confess your sins, repent of your sins, pray for you know how
• 1:47:51
  to do better a for ask now you're stating your intentions,
• 1:47:55
  what who you want to pray for things for yourself you want to
• 1:47:58
  pray for. And then why is like yield like
• 1:48:01
  yield everything to God. And so that's kind of formula
• 1:48:03
  and we go around and we'd share it and, and then we'll do then
• 1:48:08
  we will do because I do think it's important to learn the
• 1:48:09
  prayers, the Catholic prayers. I think they are very beautiful.
• 1:48:12
  And so as long as they're, they're understanding the words
• 1:48:15
  they're saying though. So sometimes we'll focus on one
• 1:48:17
  prayer and be like, Hey, do you know why?
• 1:48:18
  Like I like all, I'm going to breakdown the our Father for
• 1:48:20
  them. We're going to go like line by
• 1:48:22
  line, like why? This is why this is the Lord's
• 1:48:24
  Prayer, you know, so you understand it because I grew up
• 1:48:27
  and I could recite all those prayers too.
• 1:48:28
  And I don't know, like I don't know what they mean.
• 1:48:31
  And so, and then sometimes we'll do a visual rosary that's on
• 1:48:36
  Halo app too. I, I, they don't sponsor me.
• 1:48:38
  I just, they're just sponsor all this stuff.
• 1:48:40
  They have so much good stuff, but it's a visual rosary and I
• 1:48:43
  put it up on the screen and so the kids can see where they are
• 1:48:47
  on the beads and stuff. And then we have like their
• 1:48:49
  little candles and I try to make it like an experience, but we do
• 1:48:53
  not, I need emphasis. We do not do that every night.
• 1:48:55
  We want to, that is the goal. They're nice.
• 1:49:00
  We don't, but I think integrating it and just like
• 1:49:04
  your day-to-day and your conversations and, you know,
• 1:49:07
  giving thanks to God always like every, everything, give glory to
• 1:49:10
  God and living that way. That's, that's the way to do it.
• 1:49:14
  You know, there's other people who've talked about this, like
• 1:49:16
  if you want your kids to do the rosary, you don't necessarily
• 1:49:18
  need to like sit down or doing the rosary.
• 1:49:21
  You and your spouse can do the rosary together and the kids can
• 1:49:23
  just be around. And I know a lot of people are
• 1:49:26
  like, oh, but my toddler's screaming.
• 1:49:28
  You know, there's a lot of times during our family prayers, Tim's
• 1:49:30
  off. He's he's with the taller, you
• 1:49:33
  know, and we'll switch off. I mean, you just, I think it's
• 1:49:36
  just you just do it. Got to roll with it.
• 1:49:38
  Just do it. Yeah, it's fine.
• 1:49:40
  And like the same with the church.
• 1:49:41
  And when going to church, people get really intimidated to go to
• 1:49:44
  church. And I just said this the other
• 1:49:45
  day on one of my business. Like, I didn't come up with this
• 1:49:48
  by any means, but if the church ain't crying, it's dying.
• 1:49:50
  And if you have any pastors, priests, anyone who doesn't
• 1:49:53
  agree with that, I'm sorry that they're they're wrong.
• 1:49:55
  We. Did get that question, yeah.
• 1:49:58
  Saying what? How do you handle Mass with a
• 1:50:00
  bunch of kids, especially little ones in different ages?
• 1:50:03
  Yeah. So here's here's what you do.
• 1:50:04
  You go, you go. And I know you're gonna think,
• 1:50:07
  but I don't hear anything. Especially in the back,
• 1:50:10
  literally chasing my. Daughter or especially for my
• 1:50:13
  fellow non denom or Protestant or evangelicals where they don't
• 1:50:17
  do the Eucharist right. That's the big reason we go
• 1:50:19
  right is for the Eucharist. But if you don't do it's like,
• 1:50:22
  well, I don't even hear the sermon.
• 1:50:24
  I don't hear you can just come. To the Catholic Church, you're
• 1:50:29
  welcome. But you go because one, you're
• 1:50:32
  going to develop the habit. By the time my kids are like 3,
• 1:50:35
  it's like they know the drill. And so when I it's 3 and up,
• 1:50:39
  it's like easy peasy. It's the it's the it's when
• 1:50:42
  they're little to about that age that it's that it's hard.
• 1:50:45
  I love this thing you're worshiping with your feet.
• 1:50:47
  God sees you. And I know you may not be
• 1:50:50
  thinking, not getting anything from this, but I think we need
• 1:50:53
  to remember church isn't just about us or they're like praise
• 1:50:57
  and worship God. And so I think Jonathan Rumi
• 1:51:00
  said on one of your podcasts more recently, it's like, Oh,
• 1:51:02
  you, you're looking for that really heartfelt homily and and
• 1:51:06
  the music and this. And when you go to church and
• 1:51:08
  you're not getting that, you're like, oh, like, I don't feel it.
• 1:51:10
  But it's not about a feeling. It's about worshipping Christ.
• 1:51:14
  So you're worshipping with your feet when you're in the back,
• 1:51:17
  taste your taller. You don't hear a word anyone
• 1:51:18
  saying like it's OK, like you're there and you're making it a
• 1:51:22
  habit. You want to raise your kids in
• 1:51:24
  the church. You got to bring them to church
• 1:51:25
  because what's going to inevitably happen?
• 1:51:28
  OK, we're just in this season. It's too hard right now.
• 1:51:30
  And then it's just going to slowly slip away from you.
• 1:51:33
  And then what? So now that kids three, but now
• 1:51:35
  you have another kid and they're not.
• 1:51:37
  The three-year old's not used to going to church now, and I have
• 1:51:40
  this other, you know what I mean?
• 1:51:41
  And so it's just just go. And I know it's going to be
• 1:51:43
  hard. And I'm not saying disrupt the
• 1:51:45
  entire congregation if your child's screaming their head off
• 1:51:48
  by any means. Walk them in the back.
• 1:51:49
  Walk them outside if you. Yeah, if you need to go outside,
• 1:51:51
  it's fine. It's like a little fussing
• 1:51:52
  though. Like if, especially if you're a
• 1:51:54
  nursing mom and they're like fussing while you're trying to
• 1:51:56
  situate yourself, that's fine. I was.
• 1:51:58
  Don't panic about that. Little family at church the
• 1:52:02
  other Sunday and they had maybe 2 1/2 boy, year old boy in the
• 1:52:05
  stroller and he was crying. He's just crying, but he was
• 1:52:09
  tired. You could tell he was like ready
• 1:52:10
  for a nap time. It was like around nap time.
• 1:52:12
  And so they're pushing the stroller back and forth.
• 1:52:14
  And I could tell the temptation in the mom to like, let's just
• 1:52:17
  get out, be like, get get out of here because I'm like, people
• 1:52:20
  are looking at me. But she also knew, like if I do
• 1:52:21
  this a little longer then he'll fall asleep and I can stay
• 1:52:24
  anywhere. And I can worship you.
• 1:52:25
  And I was so proud of her for staying.
• 1:52:27
  But, you know, he wasn't screaming at the top of his
• 1:52:30
  lungs. He was crying, though.
• 1:52:31
  And it was maybe a few minutes, but like, So what?
• 1:52:34
  And I was so proud of her for staying because she belonged
• 1:52:36
  there and he belonged there. We can practice respect for the
• 1:52:39
  rest of the church and the Mass while still tolerating some
• 1:52:42
  crying because that's like the noise of heaven, you know, like
• 1:52:45
  heaven hears those noises and loves it.
• 1:52:47
  And like you said, if you're not crying, you're dying.
• 1:52:48
  As a church. Yeah.
• 1:52:50
  And we we need to make space for families more.
• 1:52:52
  Do you? Are you?
• 1:52:54
  Are you? Food or no food in church for
• 1:52:56
  little ones? Oh I'm pro food 1000 person let.
• 1:52:59
  Them have the pretzel of the cheerio.
• 1:53:00
  Oh my gosh, that's how we survive.
• 1:53:03
  I so and I also have activities for them too.
• 1:53:05
  I actually have a video on this and I always get heat whenever I
• 1:53:07
  show activities like they're there for you're there for God.
• 1:53:09
  I'm like, okay, they're 15 months old.
• 1:53:11
  Like let's calm down. Well my 15 month old understands
• 1:53:14
  the importance of the Eucharist and done it.
• 1:53:15
  I'm like oh God, 15 months old is.
• 1:53:17
  Genuflecting and they keep a reverent silence during the
• 1:53:20
  that's. What they told me maybe I just
• 1:53:22
  don't know what I'm doing, which is all very you know, that's
• 1:53:26
  true but yeah, I bring activities I bring quiet
• 1:53:29
  activities. I will not let them go on a, an
• 1:53:31
  electronic device. Not absolutely not no.
• 1:53:35
  But I bring coloring books. I bring, I have these great
• 1:53:38
  little pads that you can draw and you press a button and it
• 1:53:41
  disappears. And so they look, they kind of
• 1:53:43
  look like iPads. They're not.
• 1:53:45
  They're just a drawing pad. I bring the Cheerios, we bring Z
• 1:53:49
  bars. We try to bring things aren't
• 1:53:51
  noisy snacks like the crinkling and stuff.
• 1:53:54
  You're kidding me. Pop a Cheerio in the mouth.
• 1:53:57
  Like, you know, I will let them bring like a quiet toy depending
• 1:54:01
  on their age and they can like kind of, you know, this little
• 1:54:04
  motion with them, but it cannot like I know some kids like
• 1:54:07
  they'll bring like little cars in.
• 1:54:08
  I'm like, it's loud. Like it has to everything has to
• 1:54:10
  be quiet. And I was a preschool teacher.
• 1:54:12
  So like I was like, I'm like aware of what, like quiet time
• 1:54:15
  because we had some kids who wouldn't nap and so we had like
• 1:54:18
  a quiet toy bit, you know, So I was like, I, I don't know, I had
• 1:54:21
  some familiarity, I think the. Bottom line is your kids belong
• 1:54:23
  in church with you, yes, and you should not feel any shame or
• 1:54:26
  embarrassment. And let them eat the Cheerios,
• 1:54:29
  you know, Let them have a little snack.
• 1:54:31
  They worry like, well, if you're letting them do that, how do
• 1:54:33
  they form the habits? But you just do.
• 1:54:35
  I don't know. I guess I think of it like the
• 1:54:36
  way. A six year old knows he does not
• 1:54:38
  receive totally communion yet, but he knows he doesn't eat.
• 1:54:40
  Yeah. And at some point they get older
• 1:54:41
  and you start to understand and like, yeah, they just, you kind
• 1:54:45
  of wean them off that stuff the way like, you know, you just
• 1:54:47
  kind of wean them. As they get older, you start to
• 1:54:49
  realize like they don't need as much or whatever.
• 1:54:51
  But yeah, that's my advice is like, it's intimidating and it's
• 1:54:54
  not going to be easy and it may not get easy for a while, but I
• 1:54:58
  promise you won't regret it. Yes, that's beautiful.
• 1:55:01
  Yeah, so beautiful. Christy, thanks.
• 1:55:03
  You guys are crushing it. But yeah, I do.
• 1:55:05
  I do have my husband though with me.
• 1:55:06
  Like I don't know if I could do it by myself.
• 1:55:08
  It's like because I know some moms like the dads deployed or
• 1:55:10
  something. So I mean, take what I say with
• 1:55:13
  a grain of salt, you know what I mean?
• 1:55:14
  Like this is based just on my experience so.
• 1:55:17
  So we have this. List of questions that came in
• 1:55:20
  and there's so many good ones I want to run through some.
• 1:55:24
  We'll like do a rapid fire. Yes.
• 1:55:26
  And then also we were going to do the hate comments.
• 1:55:29
  Maybe we'll do a couple just for fun at the very end, OK.
• 1:55:31
  All right, I wouldn't be. I don't mind.
• 1:55:33
  Missing one topic that we were going to put a pin in, which I
• 1:55:36
  think maybe we can both give a quick take on it.
• 1:55:38
  But the romantic, emotional, fair topic, do we want to talk
• 1:55:43
  about that? OK, We were not asked
• 1:55:46
  specifically about that topic. We were asked about keeping the
• 1:55:48
  spark alive in a marriage with young children.
• 1:55:51
  And I think emotional affairs are obviously one threat, could
• 1:55:54
  be one threat to a marriage, and obviously can be a consequence
• 1:55:59
  of feeling like you're drifting apart and you're not having good
• 1:56:01
  boundaries. But what's your take?
• 1:56:04
  Well, one, I do think, OK, this is a super hot take and I'm
• 1:56:07
  going to upset people. I think some romance novels are
• 1:56:11
  an emotional affair in some level.
• 1:56:13
  Some level like maybe not emotional.
• 1:56:15
  Fair an emotional. Affair, affair 100%.
• 1:56:18
  I think it can contribute to things in the marriage.
• 1:56:21
  Now I have women be like, no, they revved me.
• 1:56:26
  I'm more romantic because I read these.
• 1:56:29
  I want to be more intimate with my husband because I'm like all
• 1:56:33
  revved up on reading. And talking about talking about
• 1:56:34
  pride and prejudice. Or we all talk like smut.
• 1:56:37
  That's very popular. And it's objectively wrong.
• 1:56:39
  Yeah. If you're reading erotica, it is
• 1:56:42
  like looking up pornography. So you do not read erotica as a
• 1:56:45
  Catholic or Christian woman. You do not do it.
• 1:56:47
  And if you do it, you need to go to confession.
• 1:56:49
  Yeah, period. I mean, it's that simple in my
• 1:56:51
  view. Yeah.
• 1:56:52
  I would say I will. I'm going to do a little bit of
• 1:56:54
  a hot take here. I wouldn't.
• 1:56:56
  It's like pornography, but it's not pornography because
• 1:56:58
  pornography does involve real people and all these other
• 1:57:01
  horror. Horrific.
• 1:57:02
  Pornography that's like that, that's fictional.
• 1:57:04
  But it's like fictional, Yeah, yeah.
• 1:57:05
  But either way, it's what's in the mind, like what you're
• 1:57:08
  envisioning and what's in the mind and also like but.
• 1:57:10
  It's just as morally wrong for the person consuming it, right?
• 1:57:14
  But the thing my issue, and even some that aren't like heavily
• 1:57:17
  smut, but even like some romantic ones, we've talked
• 1:57:21
  about this in the past where it's written by a woman.
• 1:57:24
  This person does not exist in real life.
• 1:57:26
  And then you expect your spouse to behave in this way of this
• 1:57:29
  fictional male character and you start to compare your spouse to
• 1:57:33
  this fictional character. And I always kind of equate it
• 1:57:35
  to like, that would suck if my husband expected me to have like
• 1:57:38
  a Victoria's Secret body, like after 7 kids.
• 1:57:41
  Like, that's an unrealistic expectation.
• 1:57:43
  And I think women can do that with romance novels.
• 1:57:48
  And so again, sometimes that's not, yeah, like, it looks great,
• 1:57:51
  but even some. And there's something wrong
• 1:57:53
  with, like, enjoying a romantic novel that's, you know, not
• 1:57:56
  smutty, but we have to look at it because I know there's been
• 1:57:59
  times where I've been reading one and, like, I don't know my
• 1:58:02
  husband. A romantic novel, not a.
• 1:58:03
  Smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:58:04
  And my husband wouldn't give me like, a certain amount of
• 1:58:05
  attention that day that I wanted.
• 1:58:07
  And I'm like, I feel like so down, like, wow.
• 1:58:10
  Because what? Why?
• 1:58:11
  And I realized I'm comparing it to our scene.
• 1:58:13
  Yeah, I'm comparing this fictional character.
• 1:58:16
  I was written by a woman like and so I'm not.
• 1:58:18
  So again, I don't think that's like a contributing, but I think
• 1:58:21
  we should just be mindful always.
• 1:58:23
  We should always be mindful of the content we consume.
• 1:58:25
  Because I think, I think let's talk about like things too.
• 1:58:30
  Tim talked about this when he was on the podcast as well.
• 1:58:32
  Like men, you should not be on Instagram and social media like
• 1:58:35
  looking up like gym girls. Of course not.
• 1:58:38
  You know what I mean? So like the whole lustful thing.
• 1:58:40
  And I think in a world where we're separated from it
• 1:58:43
  physically, it's on our screen, there's people tend to justify
• 1:58:47
  it more. Well, I think for women who like
• 1:58:50
  our imaginations are so powerful as women, they are so powerful.
• 1:58:54
  Our inner thought, life, our hearts, our desires.
• 1:58:57
  I mean, for men too, of course, but speaking to the women, I
• 1:59:01
  think you're, you want to Revere, respect, protect your
• 1:59:04
  marriage and your husband. And this is like you mentioned
• 1:59:08
  your mother, right? This is how we kind of got into
• 1:59:10
  this a little bit, but and what she went through with your dad
• 1:59:13
  and, and the emotional affair and everything that took place.
• 1:59:15
  Like my, my mother would say this to me growing up.
• 1:59:18
  I don't remember the context, maybe like friends we knew were
• 1:59:20
  getting divorced or something, but she would say most men don't
• 1:59:22
  know they're having an affair until they're in bed with the
• 1:59:25
  man or with the with the. Woman.
• 1:59:26
  Excuse me? And I think it could be the same
• 1:59:28
  for the woman like. A.
• 1:59:30
  Affairs do not start out as affairs.
• 1:59:32
  They start out as inappropriate connections with somebody of the
• 1:59:37
  opposite sex where you're not honoring the marriage and
• 1:59:39
  usually the other spouse is not aware and they because they take
• 1:59:43
  on a life of their own. And you want your spouse to be
• 1:59:45
  your best friend. And I, I, I will die on this
• 1:59:48
  sale. I do not think that a married
• 1:59:51
  man or woman should have a best friend who is of the opposite
• 1:59:54
  sex that is not their spouse. And I think they can have close
• 1:59:58
  friends that are the opposite sex, but they have to also be
• 2:00:01
  close friends with other spouse. And they should also be if
• 2:00:05
  there's a, if they're married to a man, close friends with their
• 2:00:07
  spouse because they are 1 flesh and you are one flesh.
• 2:00:10
  So you can still have like tight relationships with other
• 2:00:12
  couples, but they need to be in context of the couples.
• 2:00:15
  Yes. So do you want me to get into
• 2:00:18
  the beginning part of our marriage?
• 2:00:19
  So when we got married, I was young, I was 23, was the first
• 2:00:23
  of my friends to get married. And I had a huge group of
• 2:00:25
  friends, Co Ed group of friends still in college kind of thing.
• 2:00:28
  Like I think I was 22, yeah, still in college or still very
• 2:00:31
  much in that young 20s lifestyle.
• 2:00:33
  And Tim, my husband, he, he did not, he's older, he's like 4
• 2:00:37
  years older than me. But he was also like he had his
• 2:00:40
  master, he was working like all these things and he didn't
• 2:00:43
  really like to go out a lot. And I love to go out and he is
• 2:00:46
  not the jealous kind. He like, go ahead, go have fun.
• 2:00:48
  Like, you know, I trust you and I, no, no physical lines were
• 2:00:52
  ever crossed. Not even like, I wouldn't even
• 2:00:53
  say emotional lines were ever crossed.
• 2:00:55
  But I look back at some of this, there was a lot of alcohol
• 2:00:59
  involved, you know, we'd all go out together.
• 2:01:01
  And while there was no nothing, I didn't have anything.
• 2:01:04
  I just. There were you're saying it
• 2:01:06
  wasn't just with girls. It would be with our big group
• 2:01:08
  of friends. Men and.
• 2:01:09
  They knew and they knew Tim, and they'd come to the house and you
• 2:01:11
  know, Tim wouldn't necessarily call them friends by any means.
• 2:01:14
  But why are you as a married woman, going out and hanging out
• 2:01:17
  right and like it wasn't a good. Thing I just but Tim didn't see
• 2:01:20
  anything wrong with it at the time.
• 2:01:21
  I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time.
• 2:01:22
  You know, like I was still also like I was having my cake and
• 2:01:26
  eating it. She was like, I'm married, but
• 2:01:28
  I'm still like doing all the things and like going on trips
• 2:01:31
  with my friends and stuff, you know.
• 2:01:32
  And so I don't think I went on any trips without Tim.
• 2:01:34
  But but yeah, there would be alcohol involved.
• 2:01:37
  We all hang out. I would like, I mean, I'm not
• 2:01:41
  proud of it, but I would go get drunk.
• 2:01:43
  Tim would pick me up. But like with this whole group,
• 2:01:46
  he thought. Oh, she's with the.
• 2:01:47
  Girls and some guys. So yeah.
• 2:01:49
  I know the difference is nothing was secret, you know what I
• 2:01:52
  mean. I never like would text and see
• 2:01:54
  I mean he knew everything but but he wasn't threatened by it
• 2:01:57
  but. The point of what you're saying
• 2:01:58
  is now. Looking back, he would not do
• 2:02:00
  that, no. It's not.
• 2:02:01
  Doesn't make. Sense because there's also why
• 2:02:02
  in positions where things could have happened, I guess, and why
• 2:02:06
  would you put yourself in that in that position, you know and
• 2:02:09
  so again I you at the time I'm like nothing can happen I'm not
• 2:02:13
  even like attracted to any of these people, you know what I
• 2:02:15
  mean but like it still just wasn't it's.
• 2:02:18
  Just not honoring of the marriage.
• 2:02:19
  And again, you didn't and I'm not trying to you, you were in
• 2:02:22
  this situation. You didn't have this
• 2:02:24
  understanding. But I, yeah, I think in our in
• 2:02:28
  our culture where on the one hand, we're so alienated from
• 2:02:30
  each other. We don't like each other in the
• 2:02:32
  eye. We don't ask each other really
• 2:02:33
  how we're doing, get to know each other like we're on our
• 2:02:35
  screens all day. We want to go out of our way to
• 2:02:37
  be personal with people. I do think that's important and
• 2:02:39
  tender with people. But then at the other hand, you
• 2:02:42
  know, navigating the boundary of if you're married and even if
• 2:02:45
  you're not married because you want to to be chased, your
• 2:02:48
  interactions with other people have to be intentional.
• 2:02:51
  And where you don't protect your marriage is when you allow
• 2:02:54
  things to take on a life of their own that are not under
• 2:02:58
  the, you know, the umbrella of intention.
• 2:03:00
  Like this was something that was intended.
• 2:03:02
  This is something that, you know, my house spouse and I are
• 2:03:05
  on the same page about. And then it it ultimately can
• 2:03:08
  threaten the marriage. Yeah, and I think also, like I
• 2:03:12
  watch shows like Friends where everyone was just friends and
• 2:03:15
  that's how I looked at it like. Slept together they.
• 2:03:17
  Were not just friends. Yeah, I guess, I guess.
• 2:03:19
  But I was like, you know, I don't know, but I just looked at
• 2:03:21
  it like I never that's a whole let me back up a little bit.
• 2:03:24
  I may have had a Coed group, but I was very strict about not
• 2:03:26
  dating any of those guys in the group.
• 2:03:28
  Like I had this weird thing where I was like, Nope, like
• 2:03:30
  you're my friend group and if I date, it's gonna get messy.
• 2:03:32
  Like I all. Friend zone them.
• 2:03:35
  Yeah, I had, you know, and I I don't have a lot of experience.
• 2:03:37
  I've been with Tim since I was 19.
• 2:03:38
  So but I was like, I just never like I never, Yeah.
• 2:03:42
  So that I didn't have any like hookups with or I guess you
• 2:03:45
  could say with any, like I began.
• 2:03:47
  I've been with Tim since I was a teenager.
• 2:03:49
  But so, but again, I just the situation, Tim.
• 2:03:54
  But at the time you like couldn't convince us that was
• 2:03:57
  not honoring the marriage. I guess because I was just doing
• 2:04:00
  what I thought was it was normal and because I wasn't attracted
• 2:04:04
  to anyone, I didn't feel that way.
• 2:04:05
  You know, I only had ice per Tim.
• 2:04:06
  But it did come out like some people roll like some like if
• 2:04:10
  you got in another life like to me like that they.
• 2:04:15
  Were they profess their love to you?
• 2:04:16
  Oh. Not Professor Love, but like it
• 2:04:18
  came out that it wasn't just platonic the.
• 2:04:20
  Bottom line is inappropriate stuff happened and.
• 2:04:22
  It was based on alcohol too. It's not.
• 2:04:24
  And they didn't cross any lines, right?
• 2:04:25
  Like they didn't physically come on to me or anything like that.
• 2:04:27
  But but I think this, this is this is, and I say this to
• 2:04:30
  single women too, you get to control your environment largely
• 2:04:36
  and you get to largely control the conditions that you put
• 2:04:39
  yourself into. Like, you choose to go to the
• 2:04:41
  bar, you choose to drink, you choose to, you know, spend a lot
• 2:04:45
  of one-on-one time with this male friend when you know, in,
• 2:04:50
  in circumstances where there could be boundaries crossed,
• 2:04:52
  whatever, right? And again, this is not like, oh,
• 2:04:54
  Lila's now blaming rape victims for the rape.
• 2:04:57
  No. I'm not doing that.
• 2:04:58
  No, no, no, no, no. I don't know.
• 2:04:59
  Whatsoever. But I am saying we control what
• 2:05:03
  we can control. Yeah.
• 2:05:04
  And so when it comes to boundaries, we should have our
• 2:05:08
  boundaries already thought through when we're going into
• 2:05:10
  circumstances. And I just have them as an
• 2:05:13
  operating assumption for how we roll in the world.
• 2:05:16
  And this is how you protect yourself from unwanted advances
• 2:05:20
  largely. Again, I'm not saying this is
• 2:05:22
  like a fail proof because evil people can still do evil.
• 2:05:25
  Things. But this is how you kind of, you
• 2:05:27
  know, you, you, you navigate life and I, you know, people say
• 2:05:31
  to me like, well, how have you, like, haven't you had like
• 2:05:34
  unwanted advances, Lila, like in my history and all this stuff.
• 2:05:36
  And yeah, I've, I've had all kinds of like, crazy
• 2:05:38
  experiences, but thanks be to God, I've gone into all the
• 2:05:43
  different circumstances I've been into, been in largely with
• 2:05:45
  like, this is how I roll. Like, I'm not going to spend a
• 2:05:48
  lot of time alone with like, you know, men that I'm not, you
• 2:05:52
  know, dating. And there's like a context for
• 2:05:53
  it. I'm not going to be spending
• 2:05:55
  time alone with married people or married men where there could
• 2:05:57
  even be that possibility. This is even before I got
• 2:06:00
  married myself, right. And, you know, I think about the
• 2:06:02
  Mike Pence rule like he did not have dinner.
• 2:06:05
  He would not have dinner with women.
• 2:06:07
  Well, he's, he's a married man. I mean, he is a married man.
• 2:06:09
  He's not going to go have dinner with another woman.
• 2:06:11
  I think that's a really good rule.
• 2:06:13
  Let's talk about work. You had someone on your show, I
• 2:06:15
  forgot his name or maybe you were on his show where you have
• 2:06:19
  people like that's where a lot of affairs happen is at work.
• 2:06:21
  And so I was talking about this with my husband because that
• 2:06:23
  one, so he's always been the startup scene.
• 2:06:25
  It's always been like all dudes like in his tech stuff.
• 2:06:28
  Not because they were just, it was just, it was always a small
• 2:06:30
  group of guys like it and they didn't have a lot of employees,
• 2:06:33
  but at one point they sold his, they, he sold his company and he
• 2:06:36
  became the CTO of this company and it became it was big and my
• 2:06:40
  husband never went on business trips, but like they would have
• 2:06:42
  business trips and they would like partner up these people
• 2:06:46
  like man. And you know, she, she
• 2:06:47
  represented this, he represented.
• 2:06:48
  Then they would go on these trips together.
• 2:06:51
  They had families at home and I and I thought nothing of it
• 2:06:54
  because I'm like, they'd be. On the same flight they'd be on
• 2:06:56
  the. Same hotel.
• 2:06:57
  Oh, like, not the hotel room, obviously, but it was just like.
• 2:07:01
  It's a little weird. Yeah, and I'm like, but it's
• 2:07:03
  very normalized or you And like when I was in corporate position
• 2:07:07
  for the short time I was, I would notice these people would
• 2:07:10
  go get like lunch together, just the two of them.
• 2:07:12
  And I remember thinking like aren't they, you guys like both
• 2:07:15
  married? But I'm like yo.
• 2:07:16
  But like I was still doing the whole like hanging out with my
• 2:07:19
  friends and stuff. And so to me it was very like
• 2:07:21
  normal. But now I'm like, looking back,
• 2:07:23
  like these are positions you're putting yourself into.
• 2:07:25
  And it's like, I think I forgot who it was.
• 2:07:28
  He's famous too. I don't even know who I I'm just
• 2:07:30
  really bad with people. But he was saying, like, when
• 2:07:33
  you're at work, you're like dressed probably your best.
• 2:07:35
  You know, you're looking. At the loony clip, I.
• 2:07:37
  Think that. Yeah, yeah.
• 2:07:38
  He's been on the show, yeah. Yeah, you guys were talking
• 2:07:41
  about that and it was like, I was thinking about this too,
• 2:07:43
  like when you're when I was a stay at home mom and like he'd
• 2:07:45
  go to work. I wasn't, I mean, I, I, I didn't
• 2:07:49
  think anything of it then, but now I think I'm like, oh, did
• 2:07:51
  you go to work and see like pretty women?
• 2:07:52
  They come home to me like with the baby to taller on my hip and
• 2:07:55
  my hair up and like spit up on me and like he never, he always
• 2:07:59
  thinks I'm beautiful or whatever.
• 2:08:01
  But I could see this. Like you go to work and then
• 2:08:05
  you're surrounded by like, let's say like beautiful Co workers
• 2:08:07
  because they're dressed their best.
• 2:08:08
  They're not having to take care of a bunch of babies at work,
• 2:08:10
  you know, and and then you're working towards something
• 2:08:14
  together, right. So you're let's say you're
• 2:08:16
  working at like a big Fortune 500 company and you guys just
• 2:08:18
  make make a huge goal and you're celebrating that together.
• 2:08:21
  And I don't know. So it's just the work thing.
• 2:08:24
  I know I might sound crazy but it's like.
• 2:08:26
  I think you're actually boundaries that work, really
• 2:08:28
  good boundaries, yeah. And I think that that's not to
• 2:08:31
  say you could never have a one-on-one meeting with some of
• 2:08:34
  the other sex, of course you can.
• 2:08:35
  But just being very mindful of the dynamics, being very careful
• 2:08:40
  do only doing things when necessary, making sure your
• 2:08:43
  spouse is always looped in. I mean, there's just a lot of
• 2:08:46
  basic things that I think are are important because your
• 2:08:48
  marriage is so sacred. Yes, I mean, marriage is such a
• 2:08:52
  blessing. It's so sacred.
• 2:08:54
  It's so beautiful. This is your one flesh.
• 2:08:56
  This is your love of your life. And the The devil wants to
• 2:08:59
  destroy marriages today. Yeah, absolutely.
• 2:09:01
  He. Loves to destroy marriages.
• 2:09:04
  And there the devil wants to create a wedge in your
• 2:09:07
  relationship with your spouse. He want he, the evil one wants
• 2:09:11
  to sow distrust. He he wants to sow suspicion.
• 2:09:15
  He wants to sow anxiety, division, all of these things.
• 2:09:19
  Absolutely. So now let's talk into how do
• 2:09:20
  you keep it? How do you keep it?
• 2:09:22
  Spicy. What's your take on on how to
• 2:09:24
  keep the spark alive? The exact question was how do
• 2:09:28
  you keep the romance and spark alive in your marriage while
• 2:09:30
  raising littles? Sure, OK, it's hard.
• 2:09:34
  My husband is social like it's like sometimes I like stir the
• 2:09:38
  pot just to get some drama out of so.
• 2:09:42
  But I think for us, appreciation and affection, the 2A's
• 2:09:48
  appreciation and affection and you can both share that with
• 2:09:52
  each other, like appreciate one another even when.
• 2:09:54
  You're holding the baby with spitters?
• 2:09:55
  Yeah. Absolutely.
• 2:09:58
  And OK, let me give you a practical tip though.
• 2:10:01
  You have to sacrifice sleep. So people are like how you even
• 2:10:05
  have time to have seven kids, if you catch my drift.
• 2:10:08
  And it's like we sacrifice sleep and we are in the thick of it.
• 2:10:16
  Like we have been in the thick of it.
• 2:10:18
  Obviously we have learned how to cope and manage a lot more as we
• 2:10:21
  have more kids. There have been nights where it
• 2:10:22
  takes a really long time to get the kids to bed.
• 2:10:25
  And by the time we get them to bed, we get the house cleaned
• 2:10:28
  up, we shower, we get ready for bed ourselves.
• 2:10:31
  There have been times where it's like literally midnight one in
• 2:10:33
  the morning sometimes, or we got the kids to bed but the baby
• 2:10:36
  kept waking up or the taller kept waking up and we couldn't
• 2:10:39
  get to bed, You know, in time or someone's in our bed, right?
• 2:10:43
  That's our situation. Yeah, OK, one get creative guys.
• 2:10:47
  Bed is not the only place it needs to be OK two, but there
• 2:10:53
  have been times where we it there's lots of times.
• 2:10:56
  I don't understand the times like it's rare where it's one in
• 2:10:58
  the morning and we're both tired, but we do the thing, you
• 2:11:01
  know, we get intimate and. Because you're saying if you
• 2:11:06
  didn't. When would we ever?
• 2:11:07
  Where would you? Right.
• 2:11:10
  And so here's the thing. You're sacrificed sleep, and I
• 2:11:13
  know you're tired, but you're going to get going.
• 2:11:15
  You're going to wake up. You're going to get energized
• 2:11:18
  and two, like it's going to energize you throughout your
• 2:11:21
  next day, I promise you. Like it's going to energize your
• 2:11:24
  marriage, it's going to energize you guys.
• 2:11:26
  And so there has to be, there's always sacrifices taking place.
• 2:11:29
  And so for us, how a way that we can make sure we keep it alive
• 2:11:33
  is we have sacrifice. We sacrifice sleep, sacrifice.
• 2:11:37
  Sleep before you sacrifice your sex life is what you're saying?
• 2:11:40
  Yes, which I think is really good advice.
• 2:11:42
  Yeah, I'd rather do that than. Yeah, exactly.
• 2:11:44
  And there's. Can be some balance.
• 2:11:46
  It's like, well, every night. Well, you know, maybe once or
• 2:11:48
  twice. A week and then the other nights
• 2:11:49
  like. Use the extra hour, half hour to
• 2:11:52
  sleep. Yeah, absolutely.
• 2:11:53
  Yes. Does not have to be every night.
• 2:11:55
  Yeah. No, no, no, no.
• 2:11:56
  But. I think that's another thing
• 2:11:57
  that some people, especially in, you know, the, the faith-based
• 2:12:00
  world, they're like, OK, what's the optimum amount of intimacy?
• 2:12:05
  That we talk about that really quick.
• 2:12:08
  And there's studies that have been done that show that couples
• 2:12:10
  that are intimate at least once a week.
• 2:12:12
  OK, I reject those studies. You want to know why?
• 2:12:15
  Well, I'm going to reject it because everyone is in different
• 2:12:18
  seasons, so. Like the studies are not
• 2:12:20
  designed for families that have 3.
• 2:12:22
  Little exactly like and I always take every study with the great
• 2:12:24
  assault now because I'm like, how OK, who who did you study?
• 2:12:29
  What was the focus group here and what was their situation?
• 2:12:32
  Because at the end of the day, we are so unique as individuals
• 2:12:36
  and as families. I just don't think there's any
• 2:12:38
  way to like data, data eyes. I don't even know the right word
• 2:12:41
  for it, but to like create data out of it.
• 2:12:43
  Because again, who was the focus?
• 2:12:45
  Like I want to know about every single family member in that
• 2:12:47
  focus group. I want to know how many were in
• 2:12:49
  that group, you know? And so it's just like, can I
• 2:12:52
  even relate to a single person in that focus group with this
• 2:12:55
  study done that says it's optimal to do it once a week.
• 2:12:57
  So I do reject that. But however, I, I just think
• 2:13:02
  everyone has different, different seasons.
• 2:13:05
  So like obviously they're seasons.
• 2:13:07
  Like especially like when I have to get this surgery, I have to
• 2:13:09
  make sure I'm not pregnant. We don't use contraceptives.
• 2:13:13
  We are going to have to stain. Once a week is not going to be
• 2:13:15
  doable for us at that point. And that absence period might be
• 2:13:18
  months is what you're saying? Yeah.
• 2:13:19
  Yeah, and people freak out at that.
• 2:13:22
  Well, and then they go, of course, like we'll do all the
• 2:13:23
  other things and it's like, OK. No, we don't do that.
• 2:13:26
  You. Can do all the other things, but
• 2:13:27
  you have to end in the. You have to end in the act.
• 2:13:30
  In intercourse, yes. Those periods of absence though,
• 2:13:33
  we grow so close and intimate in so many other ways.
• 2:13:38
  And then when we do get to, it's like being newlyweds, a guy, you
• 2:13:43
  know. And so like, I don't know, there
• 2:13:45
  can be a lot of like romance and the abstinence periods too.
• 2:13:49
  Like I, I'm a little TMI, but I think I talked about the first
• 2:13:53
  time I was on here too. But like, we were like making
• 2:13:56
  out like high school teenager. Like, I mean, I don't know if I
• 2:13:58
  don't know if high schoolers should make it out that way,
• 2:14:00
  but. It was like should not make that
• 2:14:02
  up here in high. School, but I just shouldn't.
• 2:14:03
  It was like very like, it was so different, especially when we
• 2:14:08
  were in the contraceptive phase where it was just sex was just
• 2:14:12
  part of the routine, you know, it just became very routine
• 2:14:14
  because like. But wait a minute, are you
• 2:14:17
  recommending making out when you're trying to be abstinent?
• 2:14:20
  Because that's. I don't know.
• 2:14:21
  I guess it depends on like what you guys can.
• 2:14:24
  Yeah, I think I would just say like, like you can definitely do
• 2:14:28
  like some, you know, very tender kissing and like be very close,
• 2:14:31
  but you also don't want to like intentionally arouse the other
• 2:14:34
  person. Sure, sure, when you're trying
• 2:14:36
  to. Avoid passionately.
• 2:14:37
  We're just being passionate. Yeah.
• 2:14:39
  And it was just like, it wasn't like, let's make, let's have our
• 2:14:41
  make out. It was just there was like a
• 2:14:43
  passion there, like a more spontaneity that wasn't there
• 2:14:47
  before. Because usually how it was
• 2:14:48
  before was like, you make out, you do you have sex and it was
• 2:14:51
  just routine. Whereas this was like, I don't
• 2:14:54
  know, it was just like we're kissing, but it's like didn't
• 2:14:59
  necessarily like, I don't know, it didn't end and it was just a
• 2:15:01
  nice passionate kiss. I guess you could say, because
• 2:15:04
  usually when there's a lot of tenderness and effect.
• 2:15:06
  Yes, exactly. I guess that's what I'm trying
• 2:15:07
  to say so it. Was in longing, but you weren't
• 2:15:09
  like feeding the longing. But you're expressing at least,
• 2:15:12
  yeah. And so there's just so many
• 2:15:13
  beautiful moments in these periods of absence that for us
• 2:15:16
  and his work closer and again, those periods of absence aren't
• 2:15:19
  used in a manipulative way, though.
• 2:15:20
  It wasn't like we were in a bad place or any of these things or
• 2:15:23
  I was mad at him. And I'm, I'm withholding, I'm
• 2:15:26
  using it to manipulate my husband.
• 2:15:28
  It's like, obviously like, oh, your health is important.
• 2:15:31
  We can't do this thing right now.
• 2:15:33
  And we were still able to be intimate in other ways, is what
• 2:15:35
  I'm trying to say. And so, but in terms of like,
• 2:15:39
  yeah. So that like those periods of
• 2:15:40
  abstinence keep spice alive for us, believe it or not,
• 2:15:44
  sacrificing sleep, putting your phone down.
• 2:15:47
  I don't think people realize like how much they're on their
• 2:15:49
  phone honestly. Like don't doom scroll in bed if
• 2:15:52
  you can. I know it's hard, but you're in
• 2:15:55
  bed like with your hot spouse like.
• 2:15:58
  Knuckle up. Come on, you know and so.
• 2:16:02
  Well, here's another thing. I, I, I, I've, I think the whole
• 2:16:05
  like initiation to question of like, who initiates when?
• 2:16:10
  Like I know some, you know, I've seen, you know, from people that
• 2:16:15
  just share more anonymously, like Reddit boards and things
• 2:16:17
  like that. But you know, a complaint has
• 2:16:19
  been like the woman doesn't initiate or the man, like she
• 2:16:22
  never initiates. And I think women feeling more
• 2:16:25
  confident about initiating, I do think is good.
• 2:16:29
  And if you're, if you were raised, you know, you're trying
• 2:16:33
  to be raised with faith and chase and everything else, it
• 2:16:36
  can maybe feel, you know, intimidating, like, I don't
• 2:16:39
  know, I, I was trying to, you know, be this good, pure woman.
• 2:16:43
  And then I'm married and how do I do that?
• 2:16:44
  How do I do this transition? And just to give yourself a lot
• 2:16:47
  of freedom to enjoy sex, freedom to initiate sex, freedom to
• 2:16:51
  desire sex. Like those are all very
• 2:16:53
  beautiful things. And you want to, like you're
• 2:16:57
  saying, create potential space for it, even if you're losing
• 2:16:59
  out on sleep or you have to actually schedule it in and make
• 2:17:02
  a date for it. All those things I think are
• 2:17:04
  good in marriage because this is a beautiful core part of
• 2:17:07
  marriage. Yeah, absolutely.
• 2:17:09
  So yeah, I mean that's, I mean, I guess that's what it comes
• 2:17:11
  down to. And then in terms of like just I
• 2:17:14
  think appreciating one another is huge.
• 2:17:16
  I think it's so huge. Appreciate one other enjoying
• 2:17:18
  affection and that doesn't even have to be obviously sex like
• 2:17:20
  affection and just the day-to-day of putting the hand
• 2:17:24
  on the small of your back, her back, like, you know what I
• 2:17:26
  mean? Like coming up behind her when
• 2:17:27
  she's doing, I mean, dishes. Well, she's like totally touched
• 2:17:29
  out for the day. I kind of feel that sometimes,
• 2:17:31
  but you know what I mean? But just like I actually saw
• 2:17:34
  something I, and it's not going to apply to everyone, but the
• 2:17:38
  sentiment I enjoyed this guy was saying like when I'm with my
• 2:17:41
  wife anywhere, like I'm touching her in some way, like if we're
• 2:17:44
  sitting down together and we're talking to someone like my hands
• 2:17:46
  on her leg or I'm holding her hand or my arms around her.
• 2:17:51
  And just like just just little touched moments of like I'm your
• 2:17:55
  person still. And so I, I actually did a video
• 2:17:58
  on this too, where I'm like, if you really are in this area of
• 2:18:00
  like the roommate stage, because that can happen.
• 2:18:03
  You're just both caring for the kids.
• 2:18:05
  You're, you know, you kind of are trying to keep the house
• 2:18:07
  running, trying to keep the kids running.
• 2:18:08
  They're so little, you might forget to just touch each other
• 2:18:13
  honestly. And that can slowly kind of
• 2:18:17
  drift you guys away. So this is like, it's going to
• 2:18:20
  sound so technical and not romantic, but like put a note in
• 2:18:24
  both your phones and have a reminder.
• 2:18:25
  Go off every single day that you guys are going to hug for like a
• 2:18:29
  full 30 seconds. Seriously.
• 2:18:31
  And like, time it if you need to.
• 2:18:32
  I'm not kidding. You like, don't just hug.
• 2:18:34
  Be that. No, like hug.
• 2:18:37
  You don't have to kiss. You don't have to hug.
• 2:18:39
  Like remember, ground yourselves in one another for 30 seconds a
• 2:18:43
  day. Because I, I read this story, I
• 2:18:44
  don't even know if it's true, but I just remember reading this
• 2:18:46
  story like on Pinterest years ago.
• 2:18:49
  And I think this wife or this this husband wanted to leave his
• 2:18:52
  wife and she was like dying of cancer or something like
• 2:18:54
  something awful or she was sick. And so he had to carry her down
• 2:18:58
  the stairs every day. And again, I don't know if this
• 2:19:01
  is true or not. It's like something I read, but
• 2:19:03
  him picking her up and holding her and like just being close
• 2:19:07
  with her like that every day he fell back in love kind of thing.
• 2:19:09
  Like he was like they grounded in one another and remembered
• 2:19:11
  like why they were together. And so when I say if you're
• 2:19:15
  seriously like in the roommate stage and you're just like, it's
• 2:19:17
  like, oh, my husband doesn't want to touch me or my wife
• 2:19:19
  doesn't even want to touch me. I don't care how technical this
• 2:19:22
  is. Like put alarms on your phone
• 2:19:24
  and the times you guys are home together, you're going to hug
• 2:19:26
  for a full 30 seconds and just be in that moment and like
• 2:19:30
  really hug. I love that.
• 2:19:33
  I love. That and it reminds me of Emily
• 2:19:35
  Wilson, who's Sam, who is amazing, and she shares about
• 2:19:39
  how when she's unloading her kids from the car, she tries to
• 2:19:41
  just, like, hug them for a moment.
• 2:19:43
  Because you can. Do this with your kids too.
• 2:19:45
  I know everyone didn't spark alive in marriage, but also just
• 2:19:47
  as a way to love your kids. So like look them in the eye and
• 2:19:50
  just hug them. But yeah, definitely hug that
• 2:19:53
  husband so. Those are like my very technical
• 2:19:55
  like, here's things you can check off a box to keep your
• 2:19:58
  marriage hot. We've got so many other topics.
• 2:20:03
  We've got to do 2. Day one.
• 2:20:04
  One day. Yeah, we just answered
• 2:20:06
  everyone's question because there's so many good topics, but
• 2:20:09
  this has been awesome. Yeah, I love You are the best.
• 2:20:13
  It's so fun. I'll come on whenever you want
• 2:20:16
  me to. Next time you come on, you're
• 2:20:17
  gonna have a baby. I know.
• 2:20:18
  I mean you. As long as you.
• 2:20:19
  Can breastfeed on the show 1. 100% we found breastfeeding on
• 2:20:22
  the show. Yeah, I'll be here 100%.
• 2:20:25
  I was telling your producer. I was like, I was like, I'll
• 2:20:29
  come in when I'm in labor. I love feed all this.
• 2:20:31
  Hey, I'll deliver a baby on camera.
• 2:20:34
  There we go, the birth. Suite.
• 2:20:38
  That actually probably would. People would really be
• 2:20:41
  interested in that episode, a live birth on the show.
• 2:20:45
  We are not prepared for that here, right here.
• 2:20:46
  No, I've never done a home birth.
• 2:20:48
  I've only done hospital births. You're the best.
• 2:20:50
  Thank you, Christine. You're the best, thank you for
• 2:20:52
  having me, I love our time together.
• 2:20:53
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