Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E92: Why Marriage is Worth the Fight: Bobbi Althoff, Brad Wilcox, and Fresh n Fit Debate

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E92: Why Marriage is Worth the Fight: Bobbi Althoff, Brad Wilcox, and Fresh n Fit Debate · The Lila Rose Show

0:00
The Harvard study is very clear about what helps you be healthy
0:02
and happy, committed, lifelong relationship.
0:05
But according to your average kid today, young adults think
0:08
that it's actually education and career.
0:10
When you are Madonna and you've lived a whole life of
0:14
entertainment, but you are maybe a decade or two or three away
0:17
from your last breath and you look back on all the accolades
0:20
and all the platinum records, but you're not surrounded maybe
0:23
on your last breaths by that person who loved you and you
0:26
loved them. Is that really a life well
0:28
lived? Hello, everybody.
0:33
Hello, YouTube. You're going to be listening to
0:35
this later on podcast. Welcome to the Lila Rose
0:38
podcast. Thanks for tuning in, guys.
0:40
We have a lot to cover today on today's LIVE, so thanks for
0:43
tuning in Here. We're going to talk about modern
0:46
relationships and dating. Some news in the pop culture
0:50
space, the YouTube and podcast space, a big YouTube who just
0:54
went extremely viral very quickly.
0:56
Bobby Altoff, young mother of two with her very good podcast.
1:00
She just announced very tragically that she and her
1:02
husband of four years are divorcing.
1:04
I want to talk about that and her own comments on that.
1:07
We're going to talk about a bunch of articles that are out
1:10
Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, talking about elites
1:13
and marriage. And actually my friend Brad
1:16
Wilcox, a sociologist who's brilliant, just came out the day
1:20
before Valentine's Day with his book called Get Married.
1:24
Why Americans Must Defy the Elites for Strong Families and
1:28
Save Civilization. So his message is get married.
1:32
I know some of you guys are probably thinking, OK, I'd like
1:34
to get married, but find me a wife or a husband, please.
1:38
We're going to talk about that too.
1:40
Obviously it's really hard today to get married.
1:42
And why is that? And are there solutions or
1:45
strategies for that? We are also going to talk about
1:48
some red pill stuff. I know we talked about this a
1:50
fair amount on the channel because it's just in the, the
1:53
social media narrative world of Red Pill versus Tradcon.
1:56
We, we did do an episode with Zooby this week, who is a rapper
2:01
and a commentator and we talked about prenuptials and prenups
2:06
before marriage. And I took the position that no,
2:08
we shouldn't be pursuing those. And he took the position that we
2:11
should. I actually want to talk about at
2:14
the end of this show, we're going to talk about Red Pills
2:17
challenges to me because they've been challenging me to debates.
2:20
And I want to respond my official response to their
2:23
invitations to debate them like the Fresh and Fit podcast.
2:27
It's one of the biggest red pill podcast in the country.
2:29
And just what my take is on that and my response to that.
2:33
And then we'll also do Q&A. So if you have questions, please
2:36
put them in the chat because I will be keeping an eye on the
2:39
chat. Hi, Brandy.
2:42
Hello, Lois. Oh, someone's listening in from
2:44
Uganda. How cool is that?
2:46
If you have questions, any questions at all, please put
2:49
them in the chat and we will be checking that out throughout the
2:52
episode and we'll be doing Q&A at the end.
2:55
All right, so for starters here, modern dating is tough, right?
3:01
I was just talking with someone about going on a date after they
3:05
went to they were doing online dating and then they met up with
3:09
someone and it was just sort of a train.
3:11
They felt it was a train wreck, right?
3:12
So they actually went in person from the online experience and
3:16
it was a disaster in their experience.
3:19
And unfortunately, this happens a lot where if people can even
3:23
get offline when they're having conversations about dating,
3:26
whether it's Tinder or any kind of match website, even when they
3:30
get in person, there's so much it, there's so many issues and
3:33
so much that can go wrong. The messages that people get
3:36
today around modern dating and modern relationships are very, I
3:41
will say conflicting and confusing.
3:44
Conflicted and confusing. There are messages such as sex
3:48
before marriage is OK and not that important, you know, so you
3:51
shouldn't be against having sex before marriage.
3:54
It should actually be an expected part of the dating
3:56
ritual. There is this feminist lie that
4:00
says that there are no gender roles and that this idea of
4:04
wanting the guy to pay during a date and wanting to be courted
4:08
as a woman and certain expectations about how what is
4:12
the feminine behavior and the masculine behavior, those have
4:15
been really blurred. All of those lines have been
4:17
really blurred. There's the lie that marriage is
4:20
just a piece of paper and therefore it's not that
4:23
important. You can just cohabitate and
4:25
that's good enough. There's the lie that you can and
4:29
should have sex without children, like expect to have
4:33
sex and not get pregnant. That is your right as an adult.
4:37
And so therefore you also have this right to abortion, right?
4:39
Because if you get pregnant, then you are entitled to sex
4:43
without children. So therefore you should be able
4:46
to have that abortion as your backup contraception.
4:48
All of this stuff is part of the craziness of the world and the
4:52
dating pool today. And So what is the why are
4:56
people not getting married as much today and as in the past?
5:01
That's certainly a huge thing to blame.
5:03
And a lot of these messages are coming from the sexual
5:06
revolution and ideologies of people that are kind of in
5:10
academia talking about modern families and polyamory and all
5:14
of these new 8 new modern arrangements of relationships
5:18
and quote UN quote love that really don't work out in the
5:21
real world. So I'm excited to talk about my
5:25
friend Brad Wilcox's book and some of the recent literature
5:28
and research on this. Because the reality is, it's all
5:32
lies. All this stuff about modern
5:36
dating and blurring gender roles to the degree that they don't
5:39
even exist anymore. Sex without consequences, sex
5:43
without attachment, relationship without commitment.
5:46
So sex without relationship, then relationship without
5:48
commitment. All of these things actually
5:51
lead to people being very unhappy and you don't need a
5:54
sociologist or a some sort of researcher to tell you that.
5:59
You can just talk to your friends and look at modern
6:01
dating and relationships and you can see that people are not
6:04
happy. So before we get into that and
6:07
more, I want to do a big thank you to the Amen app.
6:11
The Amen app is a free prayer app.
6:14
Yes, this is the first or the second day of Lent.
6:17
Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. Many of you observed that it was
6:21
also Valentine's Day. So it's unusual that those days
6:23
happen on the same day, but just while we're celebrating love,
6:27
we're beginning to prepare our hearts for the 40 days of Lent
6:30
and preparing our hearts for Jesus in the coming of the
6:33
celebration of Easter. The Amen App is a free prayer
6:38
app that you can download that has meditations, the Bible on
6:42
it, daily readings, prayers that will help you deepen your
6:46
relationship with God this Lent. So there are a lot of great
6:49
prayer OPS out there, and I love them all.
6:51
But the Amen App is great. It's a free resource from the
6:54
Augustine Institute and you can actually download it for free at
6:57
the link in the bio. Check it out.
6:59
Do something for prayer of this Lent.
7:00
I think it will really benefit you.
7:02
It has benefited me already. And just make that part of make
7:05
it make give it a try. Give it a try.
7:07
You have nothing to lose by giving God just a few minutes of
7:10
your day and it will and it can change your life.
7:13
So the Amen app, give it a, give it a, give it a check.
7:16
Check it out and you can download it at the link in the
7:18
bio. Thank you to the Amen app.
7:21
So you guys may have heard of Bobby Altoff.
7:24
Bobby Altoff is a let's pull up this recent headline about her.
7:28
We'll watch this here in a moment.
7:31
Actually, before we get to Bobby, let's go back to this
7:33
clip. I want to show this clip really
7:35
quick because I was talking about modern dating.
7:37
This was a viral clip recently that really showcases the
7:41
differences between dating 50 years ago versus dating today.
7:44
And I thought it was really cleverly done.
7:46
So let's watch this clip here. It's like very traditional.
7:54
The guy's putting his jacket on the girl.
7:56
They're looking in a sense of together.
7:58
It's very appropriate and sweet. Now they're watching Netflix
8:04
together. That's the dating experience
8:11
right there. They're sitting and watching a
8:12
movie. OK, there's one other I want to
8:14
show you guys if you can pull this up.
8:17
Is there one other besides this one?
8:19
This one is the one. Yeah, let's watch this one.
8:21
So this is the same skit, same actors, and they're just showing
8:24
modern dating in different parts.
8:26
So then we're going to see the old fashioned view first.
8:27
You can play it. It's a guy from the diner,
8:35
Suzuki's girl. But you are absolutely beautiful
8:39
and I would love to see you on a date sometime.
8:40
Do you want to take her in a date gets the number and then it
8:49
goes to he's looking at her provocative pictures on Tinder
8:52
or whatever and swiping through the pictures.
8:55
Okay, so the idea here obviously, is that in the olden
8:59
days, decades ago, people would actually approach each other and
9:05
ask each other out. Men would do that for women,
9:07
that women and men would have these beautiful dates where they
9:10
maybe be in nature watching a sunset, and they would be
9:12
enjoying each other's company, getting to know each other in
9:14
this appropriate, beautiful way. And now they're like in dark
9:17
rooms watching movies and, you know, who knows what else is
9:20
going to happen? And then they're swiping around
9:23
on apps and interacting through apps, and that's how they meet
9:25
each other. And there's just this
9:27
callousness that comes with it. So I think it's a good
9:30
depiction. And these are great viral shorts
9:32
that show the issues with modern dating.
9:35
Let's bump forward to the issues with modern marriage because the
9:37
divorce rate, as you guys know, is very high.
9:40
In the last few decades, it's spiked to rates that it had
9:43
never been before. This is post sexual revolution.
9:45
It's actually gone down a little bit.
9:47
But part of that is because less people are actually getting
9:49
married. And also the divorce rates among
9:52
certain groups are much higher than others.
9:54
So we're going to unpack a little bit about that when we
9:56
talk about Brad Wilcox's new book.
9:59
But I did want to talk about Bobby Altoff.
10:01
And first of all, I have to say, this is a young woman who's a
10:05
podcaster. She went extremely viral
10:07
recently for a number of interviews that she did.
10:10
She as the host of the, I think it's called the very good
10:14
Podcast. And she just got these amazing
10:17
interviews lined up with huge celebrities over the last year,
10:20
which rock skyrocketed her to fame.
10:23
And these celebrities included people like Drake, the very
10:28
popular, you know, rapper Aiden and singer, and it included Tyga
10:33
it or Kyga, Tyga, Kyga, Tyga, not Kyga, Tyga.
10:38
Kyga is also an entertainer. But he does doesn't he do techno
10:42
music? OK.
10:44
He goes like, I have no idea. OK, Tyga and Kyga.
10:47
But anyways, Tyga, she interviewed him.
10:48
Who is the, I guess the boyfriend of Kylie Jenner.
10:53
She interviewed, you know, Mark Cuban, and she does these funny,
10:56
deadpan interviews where she's sitting with them in kind of
10:58
awkward places and interviewing them.
11:01
Well, she before that was a TikTok star with millions of
11:04
views, and she would post her family content.
11:07
She's been married for years, and she has two young children.
11:10
And so it was really kind of fun, funny content about her
11:13
kids and her life, right? Then she went really famous in
11:16
the Hollywood circles and now she's this kind of a list
11:18
celebrity, at least interviewing a list celebrities.
11:22
Well, what happened recently is she came out with an
11:25
announcement that she and her husband are divorcing and it
11:29
says specifically her husband files for divorce.
11:32
Of course, we don't know the full story at all, but what we
11:34
do know is her comments about him and what preceded this
11:39
divorce. So let's go look at this article
11:41
from People magazine. And I want to share with you why
11:43
I think this is important for us to even be talking about.
11:46
You can Scroll down Franco to the article.
11:49
She says, as most of you have heard, Corey and I have Corey
11:52
and I have filed for divorce. So it sounds like they they both
11:55
did. She says, I mean, she's only 26.
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And she says, and as sad as I am right now, I'm thankful for the
12:01
time that I got to be his wife. So sad, right?
12:04
And it says that they cited irreconcilable, irreconcilable
12:07
differences. So this is not a question of at
12:11
least in the divorce filings, abuse or some sort of thing of
12:15
that horrible nature. This is more they weren't
12:17
working it out. And again, they have two young
12:19
children. And what's so heartbreaking
12:22
about this is they are a young couple.
12:25
They were sharing in some ways about the relationship on social
12:28
media. She gets really famous.
12:31
They have two very young children.
12:33
This is their beautiful family. You can see a photo here.
12:36
They have two very young children.
12:37
And then now they're divorcing. And I do think that Hollywood
12:42
entertainment and social media, especially social media fame,
12:48
can be such home wreckers. I don't think I need to persuade
12:51
you of that point. It it is such a home wrecker to
12:56
be in the limelight and to be in this very sort of superficial,
13:00
often egotistical world of entertainment.
13:02
It doesn't have to be that way, but it often is that way.
13:05
And the the thing I want to pinpoint here is some of the
13:09
videos that she created before this divorce announcement were
13:12
pretty suggestive. I mean, they were entertainment,
13:17
yes, but the podcast content was going the certain direction.
13:20
And one of these famous videos was with Drake, who's known to
13:24
be this kind of promiscuous guy who sings, has a lot of
13:27
promiscuous sounding lyrics. You know, sort of his music is
13:31
some of it. I think, you know, he's a
13:33
talented guy, obviously, but his lyrics aren't always very
13:36
respectful, let's just say of women.
13:38
And she's interviewing him in Drake's bed.
13:42
They're clothed, drinking alcohol, and he's sort of making
13:46
suggestive comments to her during the interview.
13:50
And I just think right there is this, the reason I'm bringing
13:53
this up and I think it's important to talk about is they
13:57
say, you know, art mirrors life. Well, life can mirror art.
14:00
And you know, entertainment, if we want to call it art.
14:02
But what we put out there and how we what we allow even in our
14:07
entertainment and our art does impact our lives.
14:10
Our ideas are powerful and our art, our entertainment is
14:15
powerful. I'm not saying that Bobby Altoff
14:18
getting in bed with Drake and filming that interview was what
14:20
led to her diverse divorce per SE.
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I don't know. Of course, I can't judge her or
14:25
her relationship. I don't know the details.
14:26
But I will say that that kind of behavior around marriage where
14:30
there's aren't boundaries, there is, you know, this like a spike
14:33
to fame and all of this attention and combined with lack
14:38
of boundaries, which were just presented as entertainment, like
14:41
the lack of boundary was part of the entertainment, right?
14:44
That she was in his bed and that was supposed to be kind of the
14:46
gimmick. And she's a married mother of
14:49
two young children. She's, I mean, it doesn't matter
14:51
if you even have any children. You're married.
14:52
You're in bed with another man. It just, it's not the right
14:55
picture, right? It's one thing if they're like
14:56
sitting on a sofa or they're like out on the patio talking,
15:00
it's OK, No, no issue. But you're in his bed and you
15:02
didn't need to do that. And I think it's important.
15:05
It matters. And I think there's this myth in
15:08
entertainment today that we've sort of bought, we've bought as
15:12
a society in general that these boundary moving acts that are
15:18
provocative, right? I'm going to push the boundary
15:21
here. The boundary pushing is somehow
15:24
part of the entertainment and part of the fun.
15:27
But when the boundary pushing is around the most sacred things
15:31
that we should be protecting, like marriage, of course, and
15:35
children, you know, I the sexualization of children is
15:38
another example of this. And the boundary pushing is
15:41
around sacred things and we are mocking or negating the sacred
15:47
in some way. It is not just going to be toxic
15:51
for our audience, but it's going to be damaging for us, for the
15:56
people creating the art as well As for the people consuming the
15:59
entertainment. I know some people listening are
16:02
like, that's not art. Why Lila, why are you calling a
16:04
podcast and a YouTube video art? OK, that's fine.
16:07
Sure. Call it just entertainment as
16:08
you will, but the point still stands.
16:12
And so how does this connect to the other topic that we're going
16:14
to get into about Brad Wilcox's new book?
16:17
It's because there is this narrative today that boundaries,
16:23
morality doesn't really apply to us anymore.
16:28
That we don't need to live by the boundaries or the traditions
16:31
of the past when it comes to relationships and sexual
16:35
morality and what it means to be a man and what it means to be a
16:37
woman. That we can throw it out the
16:39
window. We can recreate it the way that
16:40
we want to, whether it's through entertainment or through
16:43
ideology and academia, and everyone's going to be fine.
16:47
It's a big social experiment we're playing with ourselves and
16:50
we're all going to be fine. And the reality is we're not OK.
16:54
So I'm going to get to Brad Wilcox's book.
16:56
I wish Bobby Altoff all the best and her in her, you know, now
17:01
broken marriage and her children.
17:03
I hope that there can be reconciliation again.
17:06
I'm not in their marriage. But my hope would be that for
17:10
those that are in entertainment, that they can seek out the
17:13
community, the guidance, the mentorship, and the formation
17:17
that they need so that the entertainment doesn't become
17:21
destructive to them. And the boundary pushing that
17:24
maybe the artist likes to explore doesn't include pushing
17:27
the boundaries of the sacred. Because we can push the
17:30
boundaries of experimentation of our imagination and dreaming big
17:34
and creativity exploration. The when we push the boundaries
17:38
of moral law around the sacredness of life, around the
17:42
sacredness of marriage, the sacredness of sex, these things
17:46
we only hurt ourselves. So say a prayer for Bobby Altoff
17:51
if you are listening, and say a prayer for marriages in general.
17:54
Because marriages, whether because of the entertainment
17:57
world or because of social media, the hyper sexualization
18:00
of culture, pornography, all of these things are struggling.
18:04
And that is a direct consequence of the toxicity in our culture.
18:09
And we should pray for our own marriages if we're married, pray
18:12
for our spouses, and pray for other people's marriages too.
18:14
Because it can be hard to get married in this culture and it
18:18
can be hard to stay married in this culture.
18:21
And acknowledging that is not a defeat.
18:23
Acknowledging that is actually setting ourselves up for victory
18:27
because now we're saying yes, this is a battle.
18:29
We can't be lukewarm and pretend everything's chill and OK.
18:32
We have to be on guard and we have to be discerning about the
18:35
entertainment we consume, about the people that we listen to and
18:39
watch and about, of course, how we're living our lives and the
18:42
choices that we are making. Before we get into the book Get
18:47
married, I want to also thank our sponsor, 7 Weeks Coffee.
18:51
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19:31
Thank you to Seven weeks. So Brad Wilcox is a researcher,
19:37
sociologist. He's brilliant.
19:41
I met him I think for the first time last summer at an event and
19:46
I actually interviewed him. That interview will be up on the
19:48
Live Action channel. We'll maybe try to get him on
19:50
the podcast as well. He just came out with this book
19:53
called Get Married, Why Americans Must Defy the Elites
19:59
for Strong Families and Save Civilization.
20:03
It's a great title. It's like, sounds good, let's do
20:06
it. I the defy the elites part might
20:08
be a little bit like, why did he say that?
20:10
What does that mean? So we're going to unpack that
20:12
with one of the articles he wrote recently, I think for The
20:15
Atlantic. So let me pull that up and start
20:18
with that while we're pulling that up.
20:22
Some comments coming in, yes, pray for marriage is not Bobby
20:25
Altoff. Well, we can pray for them both.
20:28
Someone says she skipped her daughter's birthday.
20:30
OK, so there's a lot of down stuff on Bobby Altoff.
20:33
And I do think folks commenting there's truth to what you're
20:37
saying that it's partly lack of boundaries in her marriage,
20:41
potentially in what we saw the content she was creating, but
20:45
also a lack of boundaries possibly in in her motherhood.
20:48
Because again, when you're a working mother and you're doing
20:51
something really exciting and fun, like she was building this
20:53
new podcast like that can be really exciting and
20:55
exhilarating. But if you're not balancing your
21:00
motherhood and making sure that you're still putting your kids
21:03
first and you're not compromising their health and
21:05
their welfare, that can be damaging too.
21:08
Now, I don't know if she did that.
21:10
I'm not going to say she did or she didn't.
21:12
Someone commented her. She skipped her daughter's
21:13
birthday. I don't know the circumstances
21:15
of that. It doesn't sound great, but the
21:18
point here still stands that the destruction of boundaries around
21:23
our relationships, especially marriage, but also with our
21:25
children. We talk about this a lot in the
21:27
podcast can be very are destructive.
21:31
They are destructive. So back to our article with Brad
21:34
Wilcox. So this was in the Atlantic just
21:37
I think a couple days ago, and the title is the awfulness of
21:42
elite hypocrisy on marriage. It says the privileged classes
21:47
would never dream of saying one form of family life is better
21:50
than another. So why are they always married?
21:54
OK, what he's saying here is that people who are very wealthy
21:58
and pretty, very, very well educated, typically and very
22:02
successful and usually often very famous, these people often
22:07
say that you shouldn't judge different kinds of families.
22:10
Let there be two fathers or three fathers.
22:13
Let it be a single father or a single mother.
22:15
Let it be a not even a married couple and they have a child.
22:19
You know, you're a single woman and you want you're in a career
22:21
woman, you're 40. You want to purchase some sperm
22:24
and basically make your baby, make a biological child because
22:28
you don't want to never, you know, lose the fertility window.
22:30
Never have a child. Go for it.
22:32
You go, girl, you do you. And you look at the actual like
22:36
ideology of many of our academic elites and our politicians,
22:41
quite frankly, like someone like a Nancy Pelosi, right?
22:45
She's all for the Modern Family. She's all for if you want to be
22:48
a single parent and parent, it's not a big deal.
22:51
Two men can raise a baby, that baby doesn't need a mother.
22:53
Two women can raise a baby. That baby doesn't need a father.
22:56
She's for any kind of marriage or not marriage you want.
23:00
She's not going to judge you. She's obviously very for
23:02
abortion and Nancy Pelosi, who's a very much older woman, she's
23:08
got I think 4:00 to 6:00 kids and she's got at least 4 kids.
23:12
She's been married to one man for I think it's I don't know if
23:15
they're going on 50 years now. And she is someone who has tons
23:20
of grandkids and she's living by any measure.
23:24
When you look at her actual choices, she's made a very
23:26
traditional life. And yet she's promoting these
23:30
very non traditional lifestyles for other people, Right?
23:35
And that's what this article from Brad says.
23:38
Is it norm? Is it morally wrong to have a
23:40
baby outside of marriage? No, the answer I received from
23:44
about 2/3 of my Sociology of Family class at the University
23:48
of Virginia last spring when I put that question to them in an
23:51
anonymous online poll. The class of approximately 200
23:55
students was diverse geographically, racially and
23:58
ethnically. But in questions like this one,
24:00
asking whether society should promote or value one type of
24:03
family structure over another, the students I teach at UVA
24:07
generally say it shouldn't. They're not just coming up with
24:10
that on their own. They're coming up with that
24:13
because that's what entertainment, news media, you
24:15
know, politicians certainly, but certainly academia is telling
24:18
them that you should not. There's no moral issue with
24:21
having a child at a wedlock. There's no moral issue with
24:24
intentionally choosing to have a child.
24:26
A single person or two men, two women, whatever.
24:29
These are all morally neutral. And Brad Wilcox is saying, well,
24:33
actually the data proves that the elites, the wealthy educated
24:38
people have more traditional relationships, one man, one
24:42
woman, typically longer marriages and they have kids.
24:45
In addition to that, they are often the ones who are promoting
24:48
policies and ideas to say that Modern Family can be whatever
24:52
way you want to go. Let's go back to this article
24:55
here and then I want to pull up a second one.
24:59
And it says basically all of these students of Brad's
25:02
continuing his just commentary about interviewing his own
25:05
students. And he said to them, he asked
25:08
them, do you personally plan to finish your education, work full
25:11
time, marry and then have children?
25:14
97% said yes. So while they're saying it's not
25:19
a moral, it's morally neutral to have a child out of wedlock,
25:22
It's morally neutral to have different family structures.
25:25
Modern Family, like the show says, 97% of them said that they
25:30
plan to finish their education, get a job, get married and have
25:34
kids, kind of a traditional route right there.
25:38
So again, it's that huge disconnect between preaching one
25:41
thing as the elites and living another thing.
25:46
Now, thank God that they want to live the right path.
25:49
They're trying to live the right path themselves.
25:51
But why are we promoting and pop culture and entertainment and
25:56
our academia? Why are we promoting the lies
25:59
about marriage, that marriage doesn't matter, that marriage
26:02
shouldn't precede kids? Why do we do that when we
26:05
ourselves, most of us are living the traditional way?
26:08
There's a second article about this that came out around the
26:10
same time. I want to point out second
26:13
author Rob Henderson. And he says the article says
26:18
luxury beliefs that only the privileged can afford.
26:22
And he says at Yale, I saw that extreme views on drugs, marriage
26:26
and crime served as status symbols.
26:29
You can Scroll down here and we can learn a little more about
26:31
his experience. But he basically says that in
26:34
the same way that you don't notice the specifics of your own
26:36
culture until you travel elsewhere, you don't really
26:40
notice your social class until you enter another one.
26:43
As an undergraduate at Yale a decade ago, I came to see that
26:45
my peers had experienced a totally different reality, had
26:50
to experience a totally different social reality than
26:52
me. I'd grown up poor, a biracial
26:54
product of family dysfunction. Foster care and military service
26:57
suddenly is constant affluence at an elite university.
27:01
And I found myself thinking a lot about class divides and
27:03
social hierarchies. So this article is a slightly
27:06
different take, but it's more about the experience of someone
27:09
who is growing up maybe in a broken family in a less
27:12
privileged area. You know, there's he talks about
27:16
he's being raised by race. He is, he is biracial and what
27:20
his experience was and what people said about his experience
27:25
was different because they were saying no judgement.
27:28
You know this, you do you, it's great and I'll do me.
27:32
But they had clear additional privileges coming from intact
27:35
families, wealthier background, better education, no background
27:39
than he did. And he's calling foul on it.
27:42
That again, for us to say that there's no morality around
27:46
marriage, there's no morality around these things is
27:49
ultimately not true. You are privileged.
27:52
Let me just say this very clearly.
27:54
Few were raised in an intact family with a mother and father
27:57
who are married to each other and sought, sought their best
28:01
and all their imperfections to stay married and love each
28:03
other. That is a tremendous privilege,
28:06
statistically speaking. And personally for you, it is a
28:09
tremendous privilege that you have.
28:11
And so the myth that marriage doesn't matter is a lie.
28:15
It's a myth and it's only hurting people.
28:19
Back to Brad's article, there's a another piece on this from the
28:23
National Catholic Register that if that was a good kind of
28:25
synopsis of his book, I highly recommend his book.
28:27
Go check it out. But it basically is the scarcely
28:31
scroll to the top here, 7 reasons to get married.
28:35
So let's kind of scroll through what some of what the data is
28:38
from Brad's book. And again, we'll try to have him
28:40
on the show. So one of his premises is that
28:43
marriage is the bedrock of society.
28:45
Fully agree with that, that you cannot have a healthy
28:48
functioning civilization without marriage.
28:51
And he uses the Harvard study, which I have mentioned in the
28:53
podcast before. And that's the longest, it's a
28:56
lot, the longest ongoing study of human happiness.
29:01
It's a longitudinal study over 100 years of two different
29:05
cohorts, men, some of them very well educated, from more
29:08
privileged backgrounds, some of them less educated, from lower
29:11
income backgrounds, and discovered that their outcomes
29:15
were not determined by how wealthy or educated that they
29:18
were. Their outcomes, health wise and
29:21
happiness wise, physical and emotional, mental health and
29:24
happiness wise, were determined most by their relationships and
29:29
whether or not they got married and stayed married.
29:34
Wilcox says the institution of marriage plays a central role in
29:38
organizing family life, promoting human flourishing and
29:41
maintaining order. And it's not just maintaining or
29:45
promoting human flourishing for the people who are married, it's
29:48
for the children too. Because the the research on the
29:53
impact of fatherlessness, the impact and the struggles of
29:56
single parents, the impact and struggles of divorce on children
30:00
is very clear that it is all very damaging.
30:04
So Brad is pointing this out. He goes on to talk in the book
30:07
about how most young adults today are actually valuing
30:11
career over marriage. Back to Bobby Alta for a moment.
30:15
Again, we don't know all the details interpersonally of her
30:17
life, but from the entertainment she was creating, sitting in bed
30:21
as a gimmick with another man when she's married, it's a sign
30:25
of valuing career and the the views that that that would get
30:29
on the Internet right over her marriage just is, it's sad.
30:33
I hate to say it, but it's true. And so many young people today,
30:36
I think we're being, we're just being brainwashed from a young
30:42
age to think that fame, money, career, educational outcomes,
30:48
even for ourselves are more important than our relationships
30:52
and that we need to go after these things no matter what.
30:56
And if a relationship suffers and falls by the wayside, so be
31:00
it. That your relationship should
31:02
only work as long as it's working for you and your career,
31:06
as opposed to you should work for your relationship and
31:10
prioritize that person, that human being that you would be
31:14
committing to for life. He goes on to write about how a
31:18
lot of people are delaying marriage and they're wanting to
31:21
even not get married. It says the that 12% of young
31:25
adults ages that, excuse me, 32% of young adults ages 18 through
31:31
40 think that marriage is essential to living a fulfilling
31:34
life, compared to 64% who think that education is essential and
31:40
74% who think that making money, making a good living is
31:44
essential. So the Harvard study is very
31:46
clear about what helps you be healthy and happy relationships,
31:51
committed lifelong relationship. But according to your average
31:55
kid today, young adults think many of them think that it's
32:00
actually not marriage, it's actually education and career
32:05
that is most important. Very, very sad, right.
32:09
We can go down here. Another thing that he said, of
32:12
course, the fact that, as I said earlier, fewer Americans are
32:14
marrying. So he analyzes that it's no
32:17
surprise that that's happening based on everything that we're
32:19
talking about. I want you to also flag what he
32:23
said here is that stable marriages are more common among
32:27
the well off. There you go.
32:31
The elites are living it. They know and they're living it,
32:35
but they're not recommending it or encouraging it for other
32:38
people, right? I know we've talked about Taylor
32:41
Swift in the last life. I have to bring her up here
32:43
because it's a good example. She's in her mid 30s.
32:46
She is not married. She has no children.
32:50
And she, you know, a lot of girls are in that space, by the
32:52
way, dealing with that. So I think a lot of people can
32:55
relate to her and she is prioritizing, I think dating.
32:58
It seems like she's trying to date.
33:00
We'll see. We hope that it can work out for
33:02
her to get married. But I think the message,
33:04
generally speaking is a sort of eternal youth message.
33:08
It's an eternal youth message coming from a lot of
33:10
entertainers who are just continually climbing the the
33:15
heights in their careers and they're single or they break up
33:19
and they get together and then they're single again.
33:21
And it's like, what is life about?
33:23
You know, what is life really about?
33:25
Of course, these things, being an amazing entertainer, it's
33:28
amazing, creating amazing art, being amazingly successful.
33:31
You're at the top of your of the, of the corporate ladder.
33:34
You're doing amazing things, right?
33:36
I mean, Taylor Swift is at the top of the entertainment ladder.
33:39
She's doing amazing things. That that is something that
33:43
there's goodness to that, right? There's something to be odd.
33:47
There's something awe inspiring about it.
33:49
But is that really what is going to bring lifelong fulfillment
33:53
when you are Madonna and you've lived a whole life of
33:59
entertainment, but you are maybe a decade or two or three away
34:03
from your last breaths, right? And you look back on all the
34:07
accolades and all the platinum records and all the stages that
34:11
you have danced on, but you're not surrounded maybe on your
34:15
last breaths by that person who loved you and you loved them and
34:18
you built a life with them. You don't have that person.
34:21
Is that really a life well lived?
34:24
And I'm not saying you have to get married to live a life well
34:26
lived because as you know, I believe that celibacy can be an
34:30
amazing calling for some people. But that's a calling that you
34:34
choose and you say yes to. And then you intentionally
34:36
develop relationships that are still often lifelong with your
34:40
order. If you're religious or with
34:42
other families or in a community, you're still focused
34:45
on relationships. You're still focused on service
34:47
as opposed to achievement or even your creative work or
34:51
success, right. And I just think about someone
34:55
like a Madonna and, you know, she's like, she's chasing
34:58
everlasting youth, but she's not young anymore.
35:01
And I, you know, I, I hope the best for her.
35:04
And we should pray for any celebrity we come across, you
35:06
know, if we read about them, say a prayer for them and for the
35:09
people that we know and love. And what's going to make her in
35:12
the end, happiest? And it's going to be first,
35:15
relationship with God who loves her and wants her love.
35:18
And second of all, it's going to be human relationship.
35:20
That is the secret to human flourishing and Brad Wilcox's
35:24
book Get Married lays it out. Couple more things to note
35:28
before we move on from Brad Wilcox's book here.
35:31
This is really important. This one, this is really big.
35:34
He says religious observance, ethnicity can predict marital
35:39
success. This is this is a big one.
35:42
So he's saying Americans who regularly attend church are more
35:45
likely to marry for life. No surprise, various studies
35:50
have shown that regular churchgoers are between 30 and
35:53
50% less likely than others to get divorced.
35:56
You want a divorce proof of your marriage.
35:58
One of the first steps is to build a relationship with God
36:02
and, and, and his church, his community, because you need, we
36:08
need community and we need God and his grace to live out the
36:12
vows of marriage. I, I think that's just a fact
36:15
and people who live marriage without God, they still, if
36:19
they're doing anything right in that marriage, like fidelity and
36:22
sacrifice, they're still living God, even if they don't call it
36:25
that in their marriage because that fidelity, sacrifice, love
36:29
is God. God is love, right?
36:31
He goes on to write Brad Wilcox commitment to family is stronger
36:35
in some ethnic communities than others, resulting in lower
36:39
divorce rates in some communities versus others.
36:42
This is controversial, but it's the facts, he says only 15% of
36:47
ever married Asian Americans ages 18 to 55 have divorced,
36:53
compared to 32% of whites, 29% of Hispanics and 42% of African
37:00
Americans. In other words, families, family
37:04
ISM, excuse me, found in Asian culture translates in America as
37:10
an Asia to markedly greater marital stability.
37:15
I don't think it's a coincidence.
37:17
I think there's certainly some causation that Asians are
37:21
economically faring better largely today than most if not
37:25
all other groups. And they typically are getting
37:28
better, have better educational outcomes as well because part of
37:31
that package of their culture that they're living is really
37:36
valuing marriage and long term lifelong commitment in a
37:40
marriage. I mean, incredible, right?
37:43
To think about that. What are the Asian Americans
37:44
doing that we can learn from when their divorce rates are so
37:47
low? They are investing and putting
37:50
marriage 1st. And whether no matter your skin
37:54
color, no matter your ethnicity, that's not just for Asian
37:56
Americans or for one ethnic group over another, It's for all
37:59
of us as human beings. But we can learn from them.
38:02
Brad also has this very controversial and very
38:07
surprising content in his book, research in his book that broken
38:12
her homes, actually hurt kids. Yes, this idea that you can
38:17
divorce as a as an adult and it's your kids are going to be
38:19
fine. They're going to be great.
38:22
It's a lie. And the the research proves
38:24
that. And it's what makes these tragic
38:28
divorce public divorces so sad is when the couples are like, we
38:32
love each other. We're still going to love each
38:33
other. Now we're going to be focused on
38:35
raising our beautiful kids as Co parents.
38:38
Yeah, but your beautiful kids are caught up in the mess of
38:40
your refusal to love each other till death do you part.
38:44
And now they have to deal with this broken home and there are
38:46
consequences for your child. It's harsh.
38:49
It's hard to hear, but it is a reality.
38:51
And adults should know that as they're making the decisions
38:54
about love that it does harm their kids.
38:56
So Brad gets into that excellent, excellent book.
38:59
Highly recommend it. Again, we will try to get Brad
39:01
on the podcast, but it's the it's what we need to hear.
39:05
It's what we need to know. It's the truth and the truth
39:10
sets you free and can set you up for success.
39:14
But you got to you got to accept it first.
39:15
You got to know it first. All right, another shout out to
39:19
our last sponsor for a podcast, which is Every Life.
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Every life.com is America's baby diaper and wipes company.
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They are pro-life. They support mothers and babies
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by giving part of their revenues back to the pro-life movement,
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which is beautiful. Every life.com actually just did
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a diaper drive with live action where we, I think we're at 1300
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everylife.com is also just great product.
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Thanks Everylife for supporting the pro-life movement.
40:24
We we love you guys. OK, last topic guys.
40:28
And then we're going to look at the we're going to look at the
40:31
comments here too. Savannah Lila, I love this
40:34
topic. Thank you for speaking on it.
40:37
Yay on on marriage, I think you're referring to there.
40:41
OK, so we're going to go now to the last topic here, which is
40:46
red pill. Red Pill leaders.
40:49
Recently there's been a lot of conversation about traditional
40:54
conservatives versus red pillars.
40:57
We talked about this a little bit in the last episode with
40:59
Zoobie. What are these terms even mean?
41:02
But there was this tweet that went around a couple weeks ago
41:05
from Myron of the Fresh and Fit podcast.
41:08
It's called in Miami. And they're they say they're the
41:11
number one men's podcast in the world.
41:13
You know, I don't know if that's true, but I do know they have a
41:16
huge audience and they're very much leaders in the red pill
41:19
space. So red pill, you can think
41:21
Andrew Tate, you can think, you know, this guy named Rolo
41:24
Tomasi, he was he's called the godfather of red pill ideology.
41:27
He's written all these books. And so they wrote this tweet
41:30
that's gone viral saying I challenge, they challenge a
41:34
number of people. And they challenged me to debate
41:38
them or any tradcon from the Daily Wire, it says to debate
41:43
the Red pill and fresh and fit pod.
41:46
And they tagged Lila Gracer as my Twitter handle.
41:49
And the guy Myron is saying I will either stay a neutral host
41:52
or be in the debate depending on what the opposition prefers.
41:56
And then he tags a bunch of red pill gentlemen, I'll call them
42:00
gentlemen, men that would be representing red red pill in the
42:05
debate. And he said, let's put the two
42:08
ideas to the test through debate.
42:10
And I did respond and I said I would be happy to do this.
42:14
Obviously would be more more convenient if it was in
42:16
California, but I would be happy to do this debate if we can
42:19
arrange it in the future. And the reason I said I would be
42:22
happy to do to do this debate because, well, I personally am
42:26
not really enthused about let's just say controversy.
42:32
Some people enjoy controversy and conflict and debate.
42:35
I personally actually don't enjoy that.
42:38
I love conversations and deep dives and discussions, but I do
42:41
not like conflict personally. I'm not drawn to it like some
42:45
people are, but I think that the ideas represented by Wet Red
42:49
Pill need to be challenged. And some of those ideas involve
42:54
especially morality and especially around sex and
42:58
marriage because there's certain principles that red pill has
43:01
that they share about what they see to be male's nature versus
43:04
females nature and basically holding men and women to the
43:08
same standards of sexual fidelity.
43:11
My understanding of red pill and everything that they say is that
43:14
that's not necessary, that you don't need sexual fidelity and
43:19
that it's actually more important for a woman to be
43:21
sexually faithful than a man. And they actually talk about
43:24
this kind of idea of this high class man, high status man that
43:30
can have multiple women even. And she should just be happy
43:33
that and just toe the toe the line and she should just be
43:36
happy with it. And I think that's not good for
43:40
the man or for the woman and there or the women, I should
43:44
say. And there was a viral clip of me
43:46
that got retweeted recently. And I think this is one of the
43:49
reasons is red pill stuff is bubbling up again, where I
43:52
almost inadvertently had this conversation with Justin Waller
43:56
is his name on the Whatever podcast.
43:59
And I haven't really talked about this very much publicly,
44:01
but I'll just say this now. You know, people saw this clip,
44:04
it went viral. I was basically asking him his
44:06
questions about dating because he was sharing about how he
44:08
dates or, or how he, you know, is, is in relationship with
44:12
women. And I felt there were a lot of
44:14
contradictions and what he was saying.
44:15
So I didn't know who he was. You know, it was my first time
44:18
meeting him, first time being on the show.
44:20
And so I was asking different panelists there about their
44:23
lives because we were asking each other questions and sharing
44:26
our perspectives. And he was saying he would say
44:29
during the conversation, he has room in his heart for only one
44:31
woman. He like has this ideal, I guess,
44:34
of a one woman, but that he's he ultimately has polyamorous, he
44:39
has multiple relationships and multiple children potentially
44:42
from those relationships. And so I was asking him about
44:45
why it was that he lived that way with this one idea of this
44:48
one woman that he could love. And then he was not practicing
44:50
that. And he basically said he wasn't
44:52
wired that way. And this is part of the red pill
44:56
ideology is that men are not wired that way.
44:59
And because they have these impulses for multiple women,
45:03
they should, it's not a big deal if they act on them.
45:06
And I think that is the brokenness there, which is, yes,
45:09
of course we can have impulses for multiple to be sexually
45:12
interested in other people, both men and women.
45:13
By the way, certainly men are sexually different than women
45:16
and and respond differently, but that is not unusual to be
45:20
attracted to more than one person.
45:22
That's normal. But that doesn't mean that we're
45:25
doomed to go sleep with multiple people and that we don't have
45:28
self-control. We can't direct our behavior and
45:31
our love towards one person to make a choice to love someone.
45:35
And I think if someone is really struggling with commitment and
45:39
they're really struggling to make the commitment to get
45:41
married, as an example, maybe they found this person that like
45:44
checks all the boxes and they they are in love with that.
45:46
They are afraid and they struggle to commit to that
45:48
person. I would say there's work that
45:50
that person has to do on themselves to become healthier
45:53
and maybe work on their virtue and maybe addictions they may
45:56
have or other issues they may have so that they're able to
45:58
have that lifelong, satisfying, beautiful relationship with one
46:03
other person. So that would be my hope for Red
46:05
Pillars, that they can come to see marriage as beautiful and
46:08
good and that they can take, you know, Brad Wilcox's advice,
46:12
right, get married. And that they can, you know, we
46:15
can resolve some of these painful things like the pain of
46:19
divorce, the pain of betrayal, the pain of cheating.
46:21
Because I think a lot of that drives red pills like men are,
46:25
you know, men are being cheated on.
46:26
Men are not being treated well. You know, men get the short end
46:28
of the stick in today's culture because of feminism and all
46:30
these things. And while some of that may be
46:32
true, I think the solution is not to say, OK, I'm going to put
46:36
up these boundaries on these walls around my life and never
46:42
enjoy deep intimacy and trust with one woman in a marriage.
46:46
I don't think that rejecting that is the answer.
46:49
So I'm down to debate Red pill. We'll see if that ends up
46:52
materializing. As you guys know, I'm going to
46:54
be on maternity leave coming up in a couple months here.
46:58
So we'll see if it could happen before then.
47:00
But either way, I think these conversations are important.
47:03
So I appreciate Myron for wanting to have the
47:05
conversation, appreciate Justin Waller for engaging with me as
47:09
much as he did on the podcast. And I think these conversations
47:12
like the one I just had with Zubi earlier this week that we
47:14
released are very good conversations to have.
47:17
All right, let's go to the chat here and see if there's any
47:20
comments before we wrap up and any questions.
47:24
We also got some questions from Instagram and direct message.
47:28
All right, we'll go to. OK, here's a here's a good one
47:33
from Cargo Pilot guy. Would Christ think women should
47:37
have the right to vote? All right, Christ never said
47:41
anything about women's right to vote or not right to vote or
47:43
men's right to vote or not right to vote.
47:45
So I can't tell you what Christ would say.
47:47
What I can say is that Christ did something very radical among
47:51
many things when he came into the Roman Empire and was
47:55
ultimately killed and then resurrected as our savior,
47:58
right? But that he came in with this
48:00
radical teaching on the dignity of children and women and all
48:05
peoples. And he showed love and respect
48:09
in a way that was revolutionary to the lower class people,
48:15
including the, you know, the Gentiles.
48:17
He has a Jew to the Gentiles to women, including women who were
48:22
prostitutes and living and sin tax collectors, children, let
48:26
the little children come to me. He was incredibly, he was
48:31
incredible as God in showing that we are all made in God's
48:35
image, men, women, children, all of us, and we have equal dignity
48:39
in the eyes of God. And so I think pulling from that
48:43
foundation that Christ clearly laid and shows us and how to see
48:47
other people, I think you can definitely make the case that we
48:51
as women, adult women, adult men should both have the right to
48:53
vote. That would be my argument.
48:55
We're not going to get into details on that.
48:57
I know that that's kind of raised its head lately.
48:59
Repeal the 19th and all of this. Maybe we'll do a debate on that
49:03
and episode on that. Let me know if you guys want to
49:04
see that. OK, going back to the comment
49:09
section here, this is an interesting question from
49:13
someone about the marriage and happiness link.
49:16
Are they happy and successful because they got married, or are
49:20
they married because they're happy and successful?
49:24
So I think it's an interesting question.
49:27
But the reality of the Harvard study was that they took people
49:32
that were not successful in one group financially or with a good
49:37
education, and they took people that were successful financially
49:41
and with a good without a good education.
49:44
So one group had it, one group didn't.
49:46
And what was the determinate determining factor for both
49:48
groups for lifelong happiness and success was whether they got
49:53
married and stayed married. So to answer your question,
49:57
marriage help them be happy and successful.
50:02
Now, that doesn't mean that everyone who gets married will
50:04
be happy and successful. That's not the promise.
50:06
This is not some magical trick that will solve everyone's
50:10
problems. But it does lead to more human
50:14
flourishing than any other arrangement that the modern man
50:18
can devise, right? Marriage, traditional marriage,
50:20
one man, one woman for life is the way.
50:24
OK, I think we're going to take one more question here.
50:27
People loving Brad Wilcox. Love Brad Wilcox's advice.
50:31
That would be an epic debate. Someone says if you do go on the
50:35
podcast, we should do an Ester fast for you.
50:37
Thank you. I'd love that.
50:39
That would mean the world to pray for me for that.
50:43
Thank you so much. Yeah, we'll see.
50:44
We'll see if it materializes, if that, if that debate
50:48
materializes, I would love to do it.
50:50
OK, one last one just joined as she addressed the red pill
50:54
challenge, the debate. Yes, I did do.
50:56
We did talk about red pill and I'm down to debate.
50:58
We'll see if it works out because it would be great.
51:01
OK, one last question. Actually, this is on bringing it
51:04
the close, a nice way to close out.
51:05
This is the first day, the second day of Lent.
51:07
Is Lent biblical though? Yes.
51:10
Lent I think is very biblical. We're actually going to have on
51:13
a priest and a philosopher and theologian to talk about the
51:17
biblical basis for Lent, so stay tuned on that.
51:21
But one little sneak peek into that is the idea of preparing
51:25
for God is very biblical. And there's 40 days that Jesus
51:31
prepares for his ministry as God.
51:34
As you know, in the wilderness, he prays and fast and he's
51:36
tempted before he begins his public ministry.
51:38
So this idea of 40 days of preparation is profoundly
51:41
biblical. And we will talk about how that
51:44
connects to Good Friday, observing the passion of Christ,
51:48
and then, of course, celebrating the resurrection of Christ on an
51:51
upcoming episode of the Lila Rose podcast.
51:53
So guys, thank you so much for joining.
51:55
I really appreciate it. It's been really fun to be on
51:56
here with you all and thank you for those listening on Podcast
52:00
app. As always, don't forget to
52:02
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52:05
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52:16
So whether you use Patreon or Locals, please join our
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52:22
If you become a supporter, you can get behind the scenes access
52:25
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52:26
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52:28
Our locals community is brand new.
52:30
We're excited to build that. Check those links out at the
52:33
link. Check those links out at the
52:35
links in the bio. Thanks so much, guys.
52:36
And we'll see you next time, yeah.