Latest / Project You 2.2 / Carrie & Ammar Assad - Stop Waiting for the Perfect Time: Reinventing Your Life and Leading Your Family

Transcript

Carrie & Ammar Assad - Stop Waiting for the Perfect Time: Reinventing Your Life and Leading Your Family · Project You 2.2

• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Project U 2.2, a space for the in-between moments, the moments where you know something is shifting, but you're not quite sure what comes next.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Carrie, a former high school teacher of 31 years, a coach, a mom, and a woman who knows what it's like to do the responsible thing, but still feel called to do something more.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: On this podcast, we talk about identity shifts, reinvention, and the decisions that change the trajectory of our life.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And today's conversation sits right in that space.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you've ever wondered what it takes to step out of safety and create a life aligned with who you really are, this conversation is for you.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Today's guest is someone I genuinely admire.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: He is sharp, quick-witted, funny, and extremely competitive.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: He's also a husband, a father, and someone who chose to leave a safer, more predictable career to step fully into the life he felt called to live.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: He invested in himself when there were no guarantees.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: He was willing to be a beginner again, and he built a coaching presence rooted in honesty, discipline, and real-world responsibility.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: He's the kind of person who can make you laugh in one sentence and then challenge everything you thought you knew about yourself in the next.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Amar walked away from the security of a corporate professional career to take a bold chance on himself and build a career more aligned with who he is.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: He chose courage over comfort.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Amar Asad, welcome to Project You 2.2.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Harry, thank you so much for that awesome introduction.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like we should just end it right there because I feel so yeah.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you taking the time and bringing me on this awesome podcast.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: When I was a teacher, I used to put my students in the hot seat, and the class would ask them 22 questions to get to know them a little bit better.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I want to start by asking you five.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Just some fun questions so we can get to know you a little bit better.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Are you ready for this?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love this.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, let's roll.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I have to tell you that of all the hot seats I've done, this one is probably the most satisfying ever because Amar put me in the hot seat when I was doing some live training and he made me sweat a little.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So this is like a friendly little payback.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: So okay.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Your seat.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Here we go.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Amar, what scares you more?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Failing publicly or disappointing your kids?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh disappointing my kids by far.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, uh I want to make sure that the one thing that I, as a dad, is gonna be there for my children.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I always preach honesty.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: I always preach as far as say what you mean, mean what you say, execute.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: And if I say I'm gonna do something with my children and I don't do it, that is the biggest disappointment right there.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: So absolutely easy, easy answer for that one.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Love it.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: All right, what's a habit or a trait that you've had to work hardest to change?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, controlling the controllables.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: That um to me, it seems like sometimes I can get obsessed over things that I can't control and stress.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of stress is caused by things that you really can't control.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: You're focusing on the future or worrying about something that happened in the past.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: But what's habit that I've been just focusing on is that can I control the situation?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: Control the controllables.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: And if I'm able to control it, then I'm able to make some type of impact.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: But if I can't do anything about something that happened in the past or anxiety about the future, like if if it's not going to matter in five years from now, I don't want to waste five minutes worrying about it.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: That is that could be a whole podcast, I feel like I struggle with that one as well.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's a great one.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: Still working on it though.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: Still working on it.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: What do people assume about you that might be completely wrong?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: That I am always happy and energetic, and I wake up this way, and I am just like, let's go, like, you know, what is it called?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh uh wide-eyed, bushy-tailed.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: But no, it it it takes a little bit to get to that.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I am not like this 24-7 as much as I want to be, but um, I'm human.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: I have my ups, I have my downs, but I do know that like as a mentor and head coach for Rob Dallas at coaching business and a lot of like I coach youth sports that we were talking before.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you have to show up 100% authentic and 100% ready to freaking roll.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: So when when it's game time, I show up that way, but I'm not like that 24-7.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's where the difference for.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I always see you in that hype kind of mentality.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: So that's good to know.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can let it see.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: You have to prepare for that though.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: You you can't, I can't, like even before hopping on this podcast, I had to listen to upbeat music, get myself all in.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when you hop on my live Zoom calls, I have those hot, you know, high uh music, like high energy.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I gotta get myself in the zone before I come and do it.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: All right, finish this sentence.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: The version of me five years ago would be shocked that I now took the initiative to follow my heart and follow what's right and not follow what I thought was right from tradition, from family, from just the quote unquote norm.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Five years ago, six years ago, I thought working 50, 60 hours was normal.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And grind, grind, hustle, hustle, all that, and and and it's okay to not work.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's okay, it's okay to not play and work, work, work.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: And uh the the biggest lesson that I've learned is not work or play, work or fun, it's work and fun.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Work and play.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like I was wired completely differently, and that's why it's so important to invest in yourself if you have that like horse blinder like mentality.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I love that because I see you living that out with your kids and doing trips and doing some just fun bucket list items.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: So so important to include those because otherwise you get at the end and but that wasn't like that.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: But Carrie, that wasn't that wasn't that wasn't me prior to investing in myself.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: I I missed the birth of my third child because I was working.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was working, and I thought that was normal.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: Work first, everything else second.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: So when you're able to like realize, wait, yes, just because my dad did it, my granddad, my grandfather, my uncles, they're all workaholics, and you feel like, hey, success equals working long, working long hours, uh, sacrificing time with your family.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a little part of it.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna have to make little sacrifices, but it should not be the norm.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, I think the the biggest accomplishment in my life is doing those cool things.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: I had the like God, I don't even know what the word is, but I just brought my two sons to the Super Bowl.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I never in my life, and I was telling that to Rob Dial, like I was scared to take my kids on a one-hour car trip, and here I am flying cross-country to San Francisco.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: So when that tells you like growth, right, you know, I'm still growing each and every day, but God, like the the best thing I've ever done is uh just make sure I'm making experiences with my family.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like Trump's anything I've ever done in work, Trump's anything I've ever done in life, any of my success, any sports is the experiences I'm doing with my family.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a huge shift and so important, especially that you caught it while they're still younger and young enough to do those things and enjoy those.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: So awesome.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Who or what challenges you the most to grow?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I'll say Rob Dial challenges me all the time.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: I so it's always good.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if if you if people don't know Rob Dial is, he's the number one mindset mentor in the world.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: He always challenges me.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, my amazing wife challenges me.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: My friends, we always talk about surround yourself with people who want the best for you.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: So if you surround yourself with five lazy people, you're gonna be the sixth one.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: I surround myself with some bad asses that are going to lift me up, that are going to challenge me, the ones that are going to, yeah, like I always say, a pet in the back is 18 inches away from a kick in the ass.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like sometimes I need that kick in the ass.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: And those are the people that you want to keep in your corner.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I feel like I with between Rob Dial, between um the members of the team, the coaches that you're aware of, my family, my friends, my wife, it's it's all about, you know, challenging up versus challenging out.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you've mentioned Rob Dial.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: So Rob Dial is a powerhouse mindset coach, and that's actually how I met Amar was through this.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And Amar is Rob's number one coach, and he's his right-hand man.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it might be fun to do a little friendly edge.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: You two are very competitive when I watch both of you.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to do a little who handles it better, the OG or his right-hand man.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Just a couple of these.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: A night of no sleep and kids melting down.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Who handles it better?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Rob or Amar?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna say Amar because I've had four kids and Rob has one.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I think I think though, Rob is the type of guy when you talk competitive, he's gonna master it, he's gonna figure it out, and then yeah, he will.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: And and if he hears this, he's gonna be like, oh shit, Amar, whoop your ass.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: But I think it's because I have I have a little advantage, a little bit more experience on that.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll say Amar.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: How about a hard conversation with someone on your team?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: Rob, Rob Dial, mindset mentor.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: He's so good with that.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Is that just because you're just a softy at heart?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: No, I I think though I've seen him, I've seen him the way he communicates, where there's somebody struggling, somebody's crushing it.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: He does such a good job of letting them understand.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: And not saying that I don't, but I gotta give him his flowers on that.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: He does a great job communicating with that.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: All right, how about taking feedback without getting defensive?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good question.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: I I I've given Rob feedback, he's given me feedback.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think because like in that situation, it it's gonna be a tie.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'll give it to Rob.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'll give it to Rob with that because he's all about making things better.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I am at that point as well.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: And being a part of his company, I feel that he is um, yeah, I think I think he does a great job taking feedback, absolutely, because he runs a multi-million dollar company and we're on meetings all the time, so and he'll make the adjustments necessary.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll give it to Rob.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, all right.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: How about a flight being delayed for four hours?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: You're tired, you're hungry, your plans are ruined.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Who handles them better?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, probably him.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: I fucking hate that.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: Uh sorry, I'm not sure.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: I cannot, yeah, I'm gonna give it to him on as well.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: I cannot stand.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: I know I just said control the controllables, except when you're in an airport with four kids and you're ready to go.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, funny story, we were in San Francisco and the flight got delayed six hours.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, so yeah, you got the kids in the airport, you're going around, and yeah, I didn't handle it really well.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm I'm giving it to him just because that happened a few weeks ago.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, how about knowing when to stop pushing and just be present?
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's something he's taught me.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: He's taught me that.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: I was always the guy that was looking for looking at tomorrow or stressing about yesterday.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: So um, I as again, I am getting better and better, but I gotta give credit with credit too.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll I'll give that to Rob again.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: I really love that you've given a lot of these to Rob.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to know how competitive you want to, but I gotta be honest.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Trust me, I don't want to do that, but but I gotta give him a lot because I I gotta give a lot of my success, a lot of my um, a lot of the like my mindset shifts has been because of the the way he has uh he he has coached me, mentored me, and now being you know the head coach and mentor in his his team, he does the same thing.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: He's always there for me.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: I can send him a voice.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: I just to be transparent, I sent him a voice note because we lost in our um uh uh tournament that we had in in um Florida.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I sent him a voice note about it and out because I was like, I damn, I switched the plays and blah, blah, blah.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't need to get back to like what he said, but he was there for me in that situation.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: So he's not just there only for business, he actually gives a shit about my kids, myself, and he's there anytime I need something.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: And he knows if he needs something, like vice versa.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: So, but he's been, yeah, he's been he's been great and helping me grow to be that better dad, that better husband, better business owner, better mentor, better coach.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: And you can't ask for more for that.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's wonderful to have that kind of working relationship where you guys just have that friendship too and just rely on each other and help each other and push each other.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: So that's exactly it.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Amar, when I look at your world before becoming a coach, it was very um it reminds me a little bit of mine with teaching because it was very numbers-oriented, structured, the logic.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: And as a teacher, my passion wasn't with the numbers, but it was with the students that came to me and pouring into them and forming relationships with them.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: You laughed that more predictable career and stepped into work that is more relational.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: So when you look at giving up that predictable world, what did it first take from you?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, let's let's go back.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: It was COVID 2020, world shut down.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: I own um, you know, um multiple, at the time, multiple uh rental car franchises in the uh businesses in in the travel industry.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: And as you know, the world shut down and people were traveling.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I my back was against the wall.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: That is why I decided to take the leap of faith and said, Hey, let me get into coaching, let me see what I can do from there.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: So it was scary.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: It was hard.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: It was, you know, the un either there's two ways change happens, Gary.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: Either you control the change or the universe controls the change for you.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: I felt in that situation, since I did not do anything, like I was not taking an initiative that something was going to happen if I didn't do anything.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I decided to say, you know what, let me try this whole coaching situation.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it was scary, it was hard.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: The first couple of weeks I took no action.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: I just kept on bitching and complaining because it was new.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: It was something I've never experienced before.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: It was something that I was so uncomfortable with that I try to find reasons to self-sabotage.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: And after getting on a call with Rob after about three weeks and like on a live Zoom call, the way that you were on, and and his business partner at the time, we were um, and he said, and I said, Rob, like this whole process is a bitch.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: And he goes, Amar, if you think it's gonna be a bitch, it's gonna be a bitch.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: And that was the light bulb I needed because that whole time I went in there, like, poor me, I just invested my money.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: What's going on over here?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: Blah blah blah blah blah, you know, where poor me.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: And then it was like, okay, I got a couple of weeks right now to like focus in.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: As you said, I'm competitive, let me give it a whirl.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: And then in five months, I was able to bring in$252,000, which is what showed me that holy shit, like I am fucking worth it.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: I can do it.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, like it took the world to shut down for me to take that leap of faith because I can honestly say if COVID didn't happen, I don't know if I would have gone this route because I was safe, it wasn't easy, it's it's scared, and so that's why I got into this world and um and and just thrive because I love it.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: I absolutely love it.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: It I love seeing somebody like you, for example, go on in and you know, join join the program and and want a little experience, go in that hot seat where are we going on sales, and then you end up you know doing a great job or learning a little thing, and then you end up signing clients from that.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: That to me is there's no there's no rush better than that.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: There's no high better than seeing your teacher.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know how it is when you have a student that succeeds from based on what you've given them or what you've taught them.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, as a as a coach, as a mentor, it is there's no feeling.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: Rob calls it coaching crack, like you get so high and excited.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I I just I I love that feeling.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: I love to, I love, love, love, love that feeling of of doing coaching and and and watching transformations go on.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: And my wife knows she was just like, oh, you had a good, you had a Rob Dial day today.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what do you mean?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, I just see you're lighted up, you're so excited.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: But when I have to do with my business stuff, she's like, Oh, okay, you got more of the business stuff, your energy is a little bit lower.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: But it it brings the best out of me because I feel like I do a great job of bringing the best out of somebody else.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if you feel like you don't have that potential, I will bring out that potential.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I always say, as long as you bring the will, I can teach the skill.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: But I can't teach will, I can't teach passion, I can't teach you to want this, I can't teach you.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um I can't, I can't teach you to love something, but I could teach you the skills.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: And if you bring the will, I got the skills from here.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: So that's why it just flourished and I just kept getting that feeling that I've never had corporate America 20 plus years.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: I it never gave me that feeling.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: No, yeah, that was great.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it reminds me of my father-in-law who worked in a foundry, and he always, when I would come home with teaching stories and now with coaching stories of filling in other people.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the same when I get off a great coaching call, and it's so fulfilling to help people reach their goals, to see them gain confidence from 13 years old, my youngest client, to 60.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's just so rewarding.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: And my father-in-law used to say, Carrie, I've never had a snap ring come back and thank me for the work I did.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we get that so much in the teaching and coaching world.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's just such a gift.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: It is.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I it's it lights me up.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like I have a coaching call after this, and I'm looking forward to it.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's beautiful.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's a great feeling.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I've never felt that that like feeling, and nor did I feel that know that this is even possible.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: I just thought, again, the old school mentality, nope, you just work hard, work long.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: You don't, you're not supposed to love your job.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's just supposed to be something that you do, pay the bills, and then groundhogs say, repeat, repeat, repeat.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you never came back after doing a rental car experience beaming with joy.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: There you go.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so Amar, you did this, and obviously it was during COVID, but you weren't in your teens or young 20s where you had nothing to lose.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you had a mortgage, a wife, you had kids, you had bills.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: So, what was the conversation or the hardest conversation you had to have with Shannon during that season?
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: Shannon's awesome.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, that that's the best part.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: You need, again, I talked about supportive, you know, you need people in your corner supportive.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: She's just like, no matter what you're gonna do, you're gonna succeed.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: And to hear her say that and mean that is all you need to hear.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: That that's it.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: So she never felt nervous.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: She never felt good.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: No, did she show it if she did, but she knew that I all I needed was an opportunity and and you know, get my foot in the door, I will take, I will handle the rest.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I just need that foot in the door.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: So it was not a tough conversation.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: I actually was the one that was trying to back away from it.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: She was the one that was like, no, do it.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because again, comfort was so I was so comfortable where I was at.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: This was new.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: I did not want to do it.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: I um I did not know, and true story, I was not a like a Rob Dial like podcast fan.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like I only heard about him like probably a week or two before I joined the program.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I got the I I got the referral from somebody else that that was like sent me the the the podcast and said, Hey, like you always talk about coaching and everything.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, maybe you should check it out.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: That so I learned about him through the program.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: So this was like, hey, like, could this be a scam?
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: Could you know this may not have work?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what the heck is going on?
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: Who the heck is this Rob, dude?
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't really know much about it.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: So again, question, question, question, question.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Try to, I try to talk myself out of it.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then what Shannon, my wife, said was, Well, what happens if it does work?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: What happens if you do succeed?
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: What happens if it does?
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: And if it wasn't for her, there's no chance I would have done this.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, it was it was not a difficult conversation.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: It was actually a pretty, pretty easy one.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I was kind of I was kind of hoping she was gonna give me a little resistance, but she never did, you know, it was almost as if I wanted her to talk me out of it now that I'm talking to you about it, but no, she never did.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: She never talked me out of it.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: That is awesome to have a spouse who encourages you that much.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: And she was even a coach for you, you know, questioning you staying in your comfort zones.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone is one of the hardest things, but it's where we we develop so much pride in showing ourselves and competence to work through those things, besides just pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: What other fears maybe came with uprooting your whole career?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god, fear of failure.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, just straight off the bat, imposter syndrome.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: Who's gonna who's gonna want to pay me money?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: Who's gonna want to listen?
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, who's gonna want to listen to me?
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: Who's gonna how can I change somebody's life when they make so Much more money than me, or they've they've had success and uh fear of yeah, feel of failure, fear of success, meaning like what if this does work?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: How does this work?
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: Am I gonna self-sabotage?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I have had uh I mean so many emotions up and down about it, but but at the end of the day, you gotta realize like it's either I can just have my little pity party for myself or just grab that damn bull by the horn and and see how this works and take some action.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: And and fortunately, it ended up working out.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: And the thing that that I'm starting to realize, especially being in the self-development world, working for Rob for over five years, is that everybody that joins expects to be successful right away.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: And there's no such thing as a get rich, you know, fast scheme, whether in the coaching world, whether in any on time online world.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: And that right there is something I had to expect.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's a it's it's not a sprint, it's a marathon.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: When you run a business, whether it's coaching or anything online, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: The most successful people that I've coached and mentored that are now in the sixth and seventh figure mark, it took about three years for them to get there.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of the times people have that instant gratification.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like I can go, I can go on my phone right now and I can get my groceries done like this.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: I can go over here and get Amazon package in two seconds right now.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I can do all of that, but I can't hit a button to make my business grow.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: There's no app for that yet, yeah, at least.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's just being able to actually accept and believe.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: Accept and believe, not one or the other.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: Accept and believe that, hey, this is gonna take some time, but but I'm okay with it, and I'm going to change my life because of this.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: And believing, and as I said, accepting it, once they do that, once you actually believe and accept it, sky's the freaking limit.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: What you just shared is so true, I think, for more than just a professional career.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's true with weight loss, a journey going through that.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: We want immediate results, and it takes time, it takes discipline.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: There's the messy middle, it isn't linear, it's a curve.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's just up and down.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: It could be with a marriage, it's relationships in general, just so many things.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's switch gears.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk about dad life for you.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: So someday your kids aren't gonna remember the details of what you've done.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, usually my kids, anyways, are oblivious to what I do with my work, except for I had the advantage of my boys as student.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: So they got a firsthand front row seat, but they will remember the energy that you have.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: And your kids are gonna have a lot to remember because Amar is one of the most energetic people I know.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: So when you think about your kids, what is one lesson that you hope they absorb just by watching you?
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: That life hasn't does not have to be so serious.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: That life is, you know, because life is meant to have fun, life is meant for experiences.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: And and I just think the second or third time I brought up experiences, but it's it's all about like we are here to support whatever it is that they want and actually have them believe that.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I mean, Carrie, I'll I'll share with this first hand.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: We pulled our twins out of out of uh middle school, we're homeschooling them right now, and they've learned more at home than they did in in middle school, and it's all about experiences, and that is like that is the one thing, and uh again, if this wasn't for self-development, I would have never had the courage, my wife and I would never have the courage to pull them out.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: But we pulled them out because we felt in our gut and our heart that they're there's a disservice, they would come home stressed, they would come home low energy, and that was concerning.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: And you talk about energy and high energy.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: The the very first thing that Shannon and I noticed if our kid comes home and they're they're a little down, like what happened?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: What's going on?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: And there was more of that than actual happiness, which is why we ended up after the Christmas break, we're like, they're not going back.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: We got our two little ones in elementary school, great, great school, they're learning the ropes, but we may do the same for them and we don't know yet.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: But but when you talk about like energy, it's it's more about seeing the lack of energy, the lack of happiness, what's going on.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: Let's dive into it.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: And and my wife, my wife and I do a great job, I feel, of acknowledging it right away and and talking to them.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: And we have a rule in this house is that we don't keep feelings in.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: You have to talk about what it is that upsets you.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: And now that I have Molly who's seven, I got Eli, who's nine, and the twins that are 11, boy girlfriends that are 11, they're now in 2026, they are very comfortable sharing with us what's on their mind, what's bothering them.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: They don't keep anything in.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_01: And to me, that like that that is a big accomplishment as a parent because you don't want them carrying any weight when they go to bed.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: You want them to go to bed with being able to have that relationship to tell dad and mom everything and anything.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I just think that any parent who's listening to this, any uh any youth coach or the coach is that like do not dismiss your child when they want to share something with you.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: You have to listen, even if it makes no damn sense, let them get it out because it makes sense to them.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: And they're learning how to express their feelings.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: They don't even know how to express their feelings.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: So they may act out, they may have a tantrum, they may cry, they they they may it there's so many different behaviors that that will show, but you gotta ask sometimes versus and I'm guilty of this of just being like, what's going on?
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: What's wrong with it?
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: And just say, hey, tell me what's going on.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of how we teach the coaching, just be curious at that doctor frame.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, like so.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: Did anything happen in school today?
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: Did anybody upset you?
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, tell me a little bit more about that, and getting to the root of it.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: And they're getting more and more comfortable just sharing it where before we would kind of have to dig in a little bit more, dig in a little bit more.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: But if you don't have that open communication with your children at a young age, it's it's not gonna it's gonna be a lot more difficult as they get older.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, I'm blessed that I got into self-development when my kids were very young because not only did I implement it on you know myself and and work on myself, but it's also like my wife was able to to get a coach and learn from that.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: And we at the end of the day are able to now the kids are, you know, the nut don't fall far from the tree, whether good or bad.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: So they are they are understanding that communication is big.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: If you got something on your mind, do not hold on to it.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: Let's talk about it and let's move forward.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: That was is so important, I think, to create that skill with kids when they are young as a teacher and as a mom.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: I would see that so often where students would feel more comfortable coming to me because they I know it's hard for kids to talk to their parents all of the time, but because they're with me during the day or because they didn't want to, maybe it was a relationship with the parents and they weren't comfortable talking about that.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so I always found as a mom that my kids, the best time to really get them to open up was bedtime, just spending time in their room with them.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it started when they were little by reading to them and then just some sharing, where it's just one-on-one talking to them is so important.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the skills that you just shared, you're right.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Even there are so many adults who don't know their emotions and to name those emotions, and there's more than just sad, there's more than just happy.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many complex emotions.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: So to share those, to be able to name those will carry over how you said just it's so important for kids to share that with their parents, but those skills will transfer over for more meaningful spouse relationships.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: So now you just have to pray that your kids are gonna find you know, a spouse someday that also has that great just ability to communicate.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's very long, long, long, long time, hopefully.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: I always told we always told our kids no, no relationship till after college.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that that is fabulous.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: I applaud you.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: I also remember when you first told your twins out, it was on my hot state call.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's a hard decision, and it is so scary to make those.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: But when you see your kids go through that, it's good to trust your gut.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that you were proactive to get after that into.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm glad that that's continued to work out and be a plus for your family.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it's always something that everybody always hears.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, follow your gut, follow your gut.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_01: But like follow your gut if you know it's wrong or you know it's right, just do it, just do it.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to answer to anybody.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: The number one thing that I'm realizing with just pulling the kids out of school or people starting an online business or people doing something that's quote unquote against the norm, is that they're not worried about the benefit of your family or your child.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: They're worried about what others are gonna say.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: Judgment.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: They're worried about, oh my god, like my kid, they just think worst-case scenario.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I it drives me crazy that you will actually like put yourself in a negative situation or a situation that you know is not good, but you keep them there because you're worried about what others think, what others say.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: And if there's one thing I've learned being in the mentor world for this long self-development world, is stop fucking worrying about what people think.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_01: Stop worrying about what people say.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: They're gonna talk whether you're doing good, they're gonna talk whether you're doing bad.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_01: So keep just don't worry about what they say.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: But it is so sad, Carrie, so freaking sad how I've seen people hold themselves back and do things that they're supposed to do, do things that they know is best for their family, but they don't do it because they're worried about judgment by other people.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_01: It drives me crazy.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: Absolute crazy.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just like a big, like, it's the number one conversation I have with coaches and and and and it drives me crazy.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: It is hard because you know, we get into this people pleasing, and we want our parents, we want our friends, our family to be proud of us.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so we do, we get in our own head, and just like you, not worrying what other people thought of you to make some of those big decisions, you also just get, you know, in this cycle of doubting yourself.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: So that's enough to worry about.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what it is.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like you start worrying about, yeah, you're right, you nailed it.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's why you're an amazing coach, Carrie.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_01: They worry about, they worry about so much, but they don't consider what's best for them.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: And no, they know what's best for them, but they don't consider it because of they want to please and worry about what everybody says.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just it's just something that I'm seeing more and more people are so hung up on that, that they will literally hold themselves back because of other people and or or do something that is detrimental to their career or detrimental to their family because they're worried about others, other opinions.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just like that's where priorities are all out of whack.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: And there's that piece of staying with what you know, and that that feels comforting versus being, like we said, pushing out of your comfort zone and trying something new and going there.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's it, it's all it's a lot, but in the end, I mean, look at you, look at so many people who do that.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: It ends in a better place.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: And now here you are, just traveling and doing fun things with your kids.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_01: But I wouldn't have been able to I am, but like people always see the highlight reels, right?
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're friends on social media.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_01: You see me, I was just in Orlando, I was in here, I was in there, I was in California, all this cool stuff, right?
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_01: But like people don't realize that it wasn't, it was not like that, that was never the norm.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like I had to rewire myself to do these types of things.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: I've had struggle.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: I've had clients say no, clients back up, back out.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_01: I've had issues with my businesses and management and all this type of stuff.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of struggle that happens to get to this.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's never easy.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's never going to be easy.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm sorry I'm pissing in anybody's cornflakes right here, but it's like change is hard.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_01: The most successful people that I've met, whether in the coaching world or outside of it, are the most disciplined and consistent.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_01: That is it.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: That is it, Carrie.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_01: It is all about discipline and consistency.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: If you're able to be consistent, knowing that you're doing the needle-moving things in your life, uh, you know, in your business, in in whatever it is that you want to do, and you you focus on that, you will achieve your freaking goal.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: There's no question about it.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_01: The timeline is a whole nother story.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like it may take me a year, maybe take you three years, you may take you five months, it may take me four years, but at least I'm being consistent.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_01: And that is something, again, instant gratification.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody wants the freaking quick fix.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_01: They want the the the right away.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_01: They want the money in their account as soon as they enroll in something.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, oh, they want to get better right away.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_01: We have to understand that growth takes time, success takes time.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: The only thing that separates somebody from being good to being great is actually making the decision to say, I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna follow through with it, and I'm gonna stay this way.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_01: That is a difference.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody that's good will find an excuse.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody that's great is gonna find a way.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_01: And that is the difference that I've seen from just in the self-development world, is that the ones that the ones that absolutely crush it, they'll find a way.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_01: The ones that are good and they want it, but they haven't hit their goals, they find excuses.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: They focus on the excuses.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_01: They focus, oh, I'm not uh the leads are this or this is that.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_01: But the ones that are great, they don't they don't focus on on that.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: They focus on let's just go after it.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just go.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: Who cares?
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: I had 23 people that said no to me, I'm focused on 24.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_01: Those are those strong, that's what builds willpower, that's what brings builds strong mind, uh strong-minded people, and that's what creates successful people.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: You have to be strong over here before you can, you know, have uh pad your wallet.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's just it.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so hard, so hard, whether it's a weight loss journey or a a job, a career, any of those things, but so worth it.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_01: So worth it.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_01: It is.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta choose your heart, like they say.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: Choose your heart, yeah.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of people, a lot of the time, just don't even want to do it because comfort zone is so comfortable.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: They want to be nice and cozy, they just want to put that blanket on them and they're like, Yes, I feel great.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_01: But then they realize behind closed doors, it's like, am I happy?
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: Am I happy where I'm at right now?
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a question that anybody listening right now is are you happy?
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, are you genuinely happy?
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're not, do something about it.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_01: Do something about it.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: I cannot stand people who are not happy and they don't do anything about it.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: People who are miserable and they don't do anything about it.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: People who are not where they want to be and they're not doing anything about it.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing's gonna fall in your lap.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing's gonna fall in your lap.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: You have to work for what you want, and it just takes consistency, some discipline, and just having a good schedule, and you will accomplish anything in life.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen way too many people in their lives go from nothing to six, seven figures by simply making a decision that they don't want to stay the same anymore.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: One thing I think is so interesting is that no matter what age you are, you can be, I've seen 80-year-old men who are not happy and they get stuck and they almost stop learning.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think it's so important.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: I hope when I'm 106, I hope I am still growing and learning and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone so that you can still feel that joy, that spark in your life.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a thing, is that again, I um there was a buddy of mine, um, and this is something that I hope resonates with with people, but he uh was 51 years old.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_01: You may have heard the story, uh, Carrie.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_01: I've shared it uh multiple times in Rob's program, but he was 51 years old, and he would always like comment on um my social media, like, you know, oh my god, Amar, that's you're doing something with your family.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's gonna be me one day.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna do it.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_01: And he would just like, we would go back and forth, back and forth about it.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: A little bit, my Brooklyn came out fourth, uh, back and forth uh with it.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and he would he would always just be like, Yep, I'm gonna take my kids in a couple of years, I'm just gonna finish up, ready to go, and then get a message that he just dropped dead.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_01: And it broke my heart because number one, he was he was he was a good buddy, but the thing about it was he did not live the life that he wanted to.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: He kept on waiting for the right time, really putting again old school Amartha thinking, uh like just work first and then we'll play later.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_01: And he ended up, you know, having a child, having kids, and and not being able to do just the the good old one vacation a year for one week, whether it's there, but he always wanted to do more.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: He was so ambitious, he did a great, great worker, great, great, just everything, and he just dropped, died, died at 51.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then you see that, and it's just like, do you think hindsight, if he was able to somehow pull it off, right?
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: And and and survive it, his priorities would have changed for good because he had that scare.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_01: And they always say, right, a healthy person has 10,000 problems, but a sick person only has one.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_01: And that is something that like I'm starting to preach to to a lot of people now is that you don't have to be 65 and then enjoy your life.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_01: That is a freaking sham.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_01: Start living your life now.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_01: Enjoy your kids if they're young, enjoy your kids as they're growing older, because they say it all the time.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: The kids will remember when I'm working till 9 p.m., missing events, missing stuff, right?
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_01: They're gonna remember those.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_01: They're also gonna remember those awesome experiences.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just so important to, as a family, if we have if you have a family or you want to live your, you want to live a life and travel and and do everything, just fucking do it.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_01: Just do it.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's there's no perfect time, or then you're gonna end up getting older, and God forbid you have some health issues, or something comes up, or your kids don't want to hang out with you because you're not as cool as you are as you're older than when you're younger, because I hear that happens.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_01: My our kids still think we're cool, so for now, but apparently that's gonna change in a couple years, according to a lot of parents that have older teens.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_01: But enjoy enjoy your life today because you never know.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_01: I can go after this podcast, Carrie, and I can get hit by a car, and I can say could you knock on wood right now, sir?
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, but it but it's reality, like anything can happen.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_01: What you know, what what's it saying?
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_01: A hundred percent of accidents happen unexpected, so it's that's why it's called an accident.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I'm a little extreme over here, but it's like, you know, live your life, just live your live your freaking life, do what you gotta do.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of people are maybe like, oh well, I don't have the finances, I don't have the money.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_01: Budget for it.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like, budget for it.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_01: I have budgeted for vacations and stuff when I had no money, when I was making a little bit of money, but you just plan for it.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: You can plan and stop stop focusing on enjoying your life in 20 years from now.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_01: Enjoy it today, or else I want to upsetting.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_00: I want to ask you.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, for the person who is work, work, work, or the parent who is a little bit like, oh, I can't instill this in my kid.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_00: I need to teach them hard work because that is a great life skill to be disciplined.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, what advice would you give to balancing that?
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't think you're saying just go off and and you know, live your life and don't worry about tomorrow.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_01: No, I think with kids, I think the best thing you can do to get your kids disciplined and understand is get them in youth sports.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_01: I feel that if you don't, I mean, it could be anything, it could be flag football, it can be tennis, it can be golf, but it has to be an organized sports where there's rules and there's discipline.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_01: My my son, my my well, all four of my kids have played sports, like and and and and uh football, many major flag football, all four of them.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_01: And they've all learned how to lose.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_01: They've all learned how to lose, which is like frustrating.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_01: They've cried, they've done that, but the first year they've lost every game, and they hated it, they cried.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then we just came back from the from a world championship where they were ranked eighth in the world.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_01: But again, again, Carrie, you can see the highlight reel right now, but you didn't see the struggles.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_01: But it was the discipline that got us there.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_01: And that to me, youth sports, it is much easier for me to teach discipline in sports than it is as a dad at home.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_01: I always use analogies with sports with my kids with that, and and they understand it.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I think it's very important that that youth sports get your kid involved in some type of organized sport, whatever it is, basketball, baseball, football, but they'll have that discipline there, and then they'll hear it from a coach.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_01: And most coaches are good.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_01: 99% of the coaches out there are really, really good.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm blessed to be around the most amazing, like great friends, um, football coaches that have the best interests for my kids.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I love that.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_01: To the parents that you're saying that are going work, work, work, work, work.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, hey, you got to pay your bills.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: So absolutely work.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: However, find some type of a passion project.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: Find something that you feel like lights you up.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like coaching, like mentoring for me, uh coaching the youth sports lights me up, right?
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_01: But find it.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever it's okay that you don't know what it is.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's not okay to try not to pursue it though.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_01: To find it, find what lights you up and then go after it.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_01: Go after it.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: Go do it.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there are people that you follow on social media that are less smarter than you and absolutely crushing it.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because they're passionate about it.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_01: So that is my that is my challenge to anybody right now is don't quit your job.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_01: I I can't send people that quit your job and go in your job.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like, no, you gotta pay the bills.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta do that.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_01: But have a plan.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_01: Start working on a blueprint for yourself.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because if if you really want something again, the action, the discipline, the consistency, you will achieve it.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_01: But you gotta know exactly what it is that you want.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_01: And there's no such thing as a stupid idea.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen a death coach out there who's been successful.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody helps people grieve all death.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen a basketball coach just shooting, uh, you know, people have shoot.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_01: There's so many different things, but you're not gonna know unless you try.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_01: So I would say to you parents that are trying to figure out a way is look for your passion project.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_01: Look for something that lights you up.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_01: And then your kids will realize, oh wow, I can do something that lights me up too.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: I love the uh sports with with your own kids because they do, like you said, learn to lose.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_00: I also just want to add, I remember our son, our middle son, who's 22 now, but when he was seven, he tried out for a soccer team and he didn't make the A team, which a bunch of his friends did, and he made the B team.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember him sitting outside in the driveway with his back up against the tire of our the back of our car.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to call it sulking, but kind of he was just so sad about not making the A team with his friends.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_00: But to watch him not quit, to watch him dig in and change his attitude and play and be, you know, get more playing time on the B team and to be an awesome player.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, he's not a soccer player.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_00: He ended up becoming a wonderful runner.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: But just that lesson, if they don't make a team, your mom heart wants to call the coach and say, What do you mean my kid didn't?
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_01: I got text, I got a full load of text messages on those, that's for sure.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: But to just sit with your child through that, to let them experience those, to talk them through it, and I guess to be there to support them.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_00: But that's such a good life lesson for them.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and um, we were just at the World Tournament, and the I remember talking to the team and I said, I don't give a shit.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't say that to I said, I don't, I don't give a damn.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'll give you the speech right here.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_01: I go, I don't give a damn if you drop the ball.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_01: What I give a damn is when you drop the ball and you got your head down, and then you got that body language, and then you look as if like you're all upset, and then you're gonna bring the team down.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's football.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: What on Sundays?
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_01: The best of the best drop the ball.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care that you drop the ball.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: I care about how you handle yourself after you drop the ball.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because guess what?
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_01: In life, you're gonna drop the ball more times than not, and it's all about how you're able to get up from that.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_01: So that is, I know it's kind of like cliché, more like a rocky fucking type thing, but it's just like it is, it's about how you're able to get up, you know, after being knocked down.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_01: And that is the one thing that I've emphasized, and and they are starting to understand that is where confidence comes in, is after being able to mess up, being able to make, you know, and and be able to just regroup and be able to get back into, you know, the quote unquote get locked in and good to go.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_01: And there was uh there's this one um one kid uh that we were coaching, he dropped an easy pass, right?
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_01: Very easy pass.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it was just right there.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_01: He dropped it, hit his head down, went up to him.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, keep your head back up, they're gonna get you the ball again.
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_01: And he ended up catching the game-winning, uh, game-winning uh catch.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_01: But he was so hard on himself, but he was able to regroup.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_01: And because of that, because of the fact that he was able to mentally, again, back into the mindset, he was able to mentally get back into it.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_01: We ended up getting a game winning catch.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_01: And it's the same thing with business.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's like you don't hit your sales numbers, you don't achieve where, you know, you you you get a no in sales, you get a no in in anything in life, you get rejected by a girl and rejected by a guy, and then you're just like, I'm never gonna do this again.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's not the way to live life.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's about being able to handle yourself after the obstacle.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're right.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we watch people recover from those, that's who we admire.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's who we look up to and say, wow, they handled that so well.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because everybody's going to fail.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why youth sports teaches you, because I feel like my kids have learned how to fail at a young age, because they were on teams that were not good.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they were not good.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I in the beginning was not a great coach with youth sports.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_01: It was all new.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like everything was new to me, new to them, but we all learn.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_01: We all learn.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: And that is why, like, I'll I'll just emphasize it again.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_01: If you got if you got children and you want to increase their confidence and discipline, put them in youth sports.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_00: Tamar, are there any patterns from your life that you hope your kids don't have to experience?
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, being hard on myself.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I mean, I used to uh a lot of like getting anxious, kind of worrying about results, worrying about, again, things that I couldn't control, focusing on things I could control.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_01: That used to, that's why I started off by saying control the controllables, because that would literally cripple me.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, that to me is is letting them know, hey, like at a young age, I wish I had at a young age, I learned it a lot older.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a lot more of a habit for me.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but yeah, it's it's for them to realize, like, hey, is this something I can control or is this out of my control?
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_01: And being able to move forward with that.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_01: That right there, because as I said, I handle that poorly and I'm I'm starting to get in the groove, but I'm not perfect.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_01: But they are they are starting to see that there are things that you can control and there are things that you can't control.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_01: And um, them being uh less obsessive and less emotional than I was is something that I hope they they continue to get better at.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_00: Great advice for all of us.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when you look back, when your kids are grown, who do you hope they will say dad was?
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_01: My kids are grown.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_01: I just hope that dad says that they they say that dad was just there for them.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_01: Dad was there for me when I was happy, when I was sad, when I was up, when I was down.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_01: Just that I was there for them.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I can always talk to him.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_01: I can always come to him.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to everywhere, and and most importantly, feel safe.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_01: Feel safe that they can come to me for everything and anything.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, like they always say you'll die for your kids and you'll do anything for your kids.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, we we would, but like obviously there's a reason why we would.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to make sure that they know that no matter what happens in life, you know, whether they get older and things get crazier and they get in those teens, you got older kids, you know how things can go up and down, mine are not there yet, that they can always come to dad because it's a safe, safe space.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's true with so many things in life.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be present to win, and so to be present for your kids to win at being a dad.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and and that's that's like my my number one job, my favorite job in the world over coaching over over youth coaching is being a dad.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_01: I freaking love it.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_00: Amar, I have taught many twins.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, one of my best friends has a set of twins with your twins.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_00: Is there anything about raising them that people just don't talk about?
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, it's true.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_01: First off, it's not like the sitcoms, that's for damn sure.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_01: Let me just tell you that right now.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_01: The very first day uh Shannon and I brought home the twins, right?
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_01: And we're like, yeah, because they were in the NICU for two weeks because they were just uh just small.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they could breathe and everything was all good, but they were just uh underweight.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_01: So once they hit four pounds, they left the NICU and carried them in the nice two little, you know, baby uh baby seats that we took out and walking all in there and feeding um, and then it was nighttime.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_01: And and then we just like broke down.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_01: We were in like this little hallway, we're living in Hillton Head, South Carolina at the time, and I just sat and then I remember both of us having a full-blown meltdown, like how wait, how the hell are we gonna keep these kids alive?
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how the hell are we gonna take two from zero kids to two kids?
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember um my wife was like, Oh, but my mom's gotta come.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_01: So we like flew her mom down immediately, and then my mom came the week after, and it was it was the fact that it was so hard because you had two a boy-girl kids that were completely different.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_01: My twins are completely different, and they were on different eating patterns.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_01: One was good on this, the other one wasn't good on that.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_01: One had colic, one had this.
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_01: So it was one of the toughest.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_01: No, it was the toughest experience, toughest challenge in my life was going from no kids to two kids for my wife and I because it was, it was you were on 24-7.
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_01: You talked about sleep earlier.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_01: No sleep, no sleep whatsoever.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_01: I operated on one hour of sleep, hour and a half sleep.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_01: The more I think about it today, because now they're 11, they're awesome, they can, you know, they're you know, like it's it's a blur considering that when they came and I was just like, I don't remember ever watching a TV show or on the catalogs, they talk about this.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_01: They talk about this.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's all none of the all those baby books we read and all those like preparations did not prepare us for that at all.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_01: So, and then our kid was not able to poop or something, and I'm like, like, what the hell?
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_01: And then all of a sudden I'm googling stuff, and I'm like, okay, my kid got a disease all of a sudden, because you know every time you Google something, it's worst case scenario, and uh and I was just so scared.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_01: We called a doctor a million times, and then of course, after we figure it out, and then Eli came our third child, and then we don't have to do anything, it's just like we don't have to call the doctors, we got it all good to go.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_01: So the the one thing though that it did prepare us for it was it made us um very structural parents, like very routine parents, to the point where our kids stayed uh until our kids went to middle school, uh, right before we pulled them out.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_01: 7:30 was bedtime every day because we had to get structure in our house with the twins.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_01: If you did not feed them at a certain time, you do not do certain things, you will be all out of act the whole day.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, um, it's not Ramar.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate that story so much.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was trying not to laugh because I don't want the podcast to pick up my voice over your story and but was wiping tears from my eyes.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my favorite thing you said was we were like, How in the hell are we gonna keep these kids alive?
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_00: And my second favorite was probably the biggest lesson from this whole podcast, and that is always be nice and love your mom because you're gonna need them even later in life when you have kids.
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, there's no question.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_01: The first like lifeline call was it's like, Help! Help we're gonna keep these kids if they don't go, we can't even sleep, like help us.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_01: How are we gonna keep them alive?
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh yeah, it was it was scary.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_01: It was it was scary, that's for damn sure.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I I know what a huge change it was to go to the first child and how you lose part, you lose yourself.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I can imagine having twins.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um so Amar, I know all kids, all siblings, they have conflicts, they fight, challenges arise.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_00: How do you decide as a dad when to guide them or to step back?
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, as long as it doesn't get physical, that we let them figure it out.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_01: We let them go at it.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_01: We we have a rule you don't, you don't uh yell at your you don't yell at them, you don't curse at them, you don't say shut ups.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_01: When I say don't shut up, no stupid, none of that.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like we don't want any of that negative talk because my wife and I don't talk that way to each other.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_01: So we're just like, okay, if we're setting the bar there, you can't do it there.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_01: But they're siblings, there's four of them.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_01: They disagree all the time.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_01: We we let them figure it out until it starts getting loud, and then we step in and then we say, okay, what the heck's going on over here?
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_01: He took this, it's my turn for that, dot, dot, dot, dot, all, you know, all that situation.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then we let them figure it out, but we don't make the decision for them at all.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_01: We used to, obviously, when they were a lot younger, but now that you know my youngest is seven, we we treat them now like we don't treat them like they're four.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like we let them figure it out.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's it's very important that we don't get involved in every type of conflict that happens because it's good.
• 56:27
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I have a sister, right?
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I have an older sister, and her and I can go at it at times, but we're able to get over it.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I gotta let them know that this is not gonna be the first or last, they're gonna be having disagreements with their siblings forever, but they're also their best friends, like they always hang out with each other and we do things a lot that way.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_01: So you know how it is.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_01: When you're around the same amount of people, you're gonna love them, but you're gonna also have some friction.
• 56:48
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, they they they handle it.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_01: Thank fortunately, it the twins used to be physical, believe it or not, boy girl, they used to have the biggest fights when they were younger.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_01: And now my my son Eli and Molly, they're two years apart.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_01: They uh they go at it a lot because she's very strong.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_01: She she's she's the watch out.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_00: When how you reminded me of one of my favorite children's books is Have You Filled the Bucket Today?
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I would read that every trimester, even to my high school students.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_00: But it it talks about doing kind things for others and filling their buckets and how you can be a bucket dipper.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll never forget when my kids were young, it was one of my proudest mom moments when they would call each other like stupid, or and so you try to get them not to.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember our middle son looked at his big brother and said, You're such a bucket dipper.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 57:38
  SPEAKER_01: Or they say things that just make you like, oh, there's times too where like my wife and I are like laughing for that's coming out.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, we shouldn't be laughing at what's going on here, but like it's pretty funny, so yeah, I'm with you there.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_00: How do you push your kids to push themselves out of their comfort zone?
• 57:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I mean, we do cold plunges, that's literally what we do.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_01: We do cold plunges in our pool.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_01: Where now I just found this out two weeks ago that my youngest takes the because I I still do cold showers at the end of the shower.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't realize this, but apparently my wife was telling me that my youngest Molly has been doing it for months, where when she's done with the shower, she'll do the cold water.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_01: And because number one, I mean, anybody who's done the cold plunge, and and I'm not at all being like, I'll do the cold plunge, but for them, it knows that it's uncomfortable, you don't want to do it, it's staying, it hurts, but it also lets them believe that they can do they can do hard things, and that actually at a young age, they've been doing that.
• 58:38
  SPEAKER_01: Where now I feel like that discipline of them being able to like, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna jump in the pool, I'm gonna do the cold shower.
• 58:46
  SPEAKER_01: They're now able to do much more uncomfortable things that don't feel as bad as that at that age, and that's something actually I wish I would have known.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't realize that they even enjoy it like that.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like they'll do it like seven times, jump into the pool in the winter time, and I'm just doing it once.
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you kids are freaking crazy.
• 59:01
  SPEAKER_01: But then again, they're not gonna fall far from the tree.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_00: So uh but yeah.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_00: I love the resiliency that they're building.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_01: They're that's what it is.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_01: So they they um that's what's so cool about being in this self-developed development world is that they'll they'll heal me, they'll hear me on coaching calls, they'll they'll they will hear me challenge people, and they are also I challenge the way I challenge you, the way I challenge um, you know, the coaches, the clients, the same way I challenge my kids and you know, my wife and I, we we let them know that you know, discipline, you know, uh meaning what you say, saying what you mean.
• 59:34
  SPEAKER_01: And most importantly, like things are going to be more uncomfortable in life than comfortable, and you got to tackle it.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_01: And we're letting them know that at a young age, especially when my kids are playing competitive sports and they're able to now not let the nerves get to them where it did before.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_01: And that's just the reps, and that's confidence.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_00: Amar, you had a podcast transforming challenges into growth.
• 59:56
  SPEAKER_00: It was the top 1% of podcasts.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have a favorite solo episode that you thought, dang, that was good.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_01: I love my guest episodes.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_01: There was a lot of guest episodes.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I when you meant when you asked me, I absolutely loved it.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_01: I think every guest episode was great because there's always value out of something that comes out.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because I can say something that may not may not resonate with the listener, but you can say something that can resonate.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just a lot of different takes.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_01: But again, our messages are all always the same.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just like, do whatever you want to do in your life, be happy.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, so for me, um, it was, and you know, and the reason why I stopped at the podcast, I took a pause, and I'm gonna come back to it, but I took a pause was because I wanted to enjoy my life.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_01: Here I am preaching on the podcast, go do stuff, go do, you know, enjoy your life and and uh, you know, l live live the way you should, and not or and and and all of that.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then I caught myself not doing it.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, you know what, I'm gonna take a pause because I have to mean when I say say what I mean and be be about it, not just talk about it, and took a good break.
• 1:01:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I did not want the podcast to feel like work.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_01: And once it started to, I said, I'm gonna back away.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm getting excited and it's gonna come back again, and I'll keep you posted once we're ready to roll with that.
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_00: It is so hard when you're driven, like you are, that driven, successful personality to know when to it was hard though.
• 1:01:19
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't easy, it wasn't easy.
• 1:01:20
  SPEAKER_01: I should have stepped back probably a month or two before it, but I said, you know what, I'm gonna enjoy the summer, we're gonna travel, we're gonna have a good time, and then I'll just get back to it when I can.
• 1:01:28
  SPEAKER_01: But then all of a sudden, then I just started to push it away.
• 1:01:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it and you know, top one percent.
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_01: I had people messaging me, and I was like, holy shit, I didn't realize I impact people.
• 1:01:36
  SPEAKER_01: So weird.
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and so that's why um I'm working on on a on a comeback and switching up a little bit and looking forward to it.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_01: So stay tuned.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm looking forward to it as well.
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_00: Amar, a lot of people who are listening might feel called to chase a dream or to push themselves out of their comfort zone, but it feels hard.
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or they might think it's not the responsible thing to do.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, what would you say to them without sugarcoating it?
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I probably didn't even have to tell you that hard.
• 1:02:05
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, why are you not doing it?
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you got to ask yourself why.
• 1:02:09
  SPEAKER_01: Is the pain of staying the same greater than the pain of change?
• 1:02:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like, are you right now like, oh my god, like I'm miserable right now, but I'm staying the same?
• 1:02:21
  SPEAKER_01: Or are you like, I am at the point where I have to make a change in my life?
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_01: But the thing about it is, and we'll bring back to the comfort level, like when I and when I decided to join uh you know uh uh Rob's program back in 2020, like I try to talk myself out of it.
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's very normal.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're not weird or you're not crazy because you are trying to talk yourself out of something new.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's uncomfortable.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's very normal.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_01: That still happens to me, and I've been in this world for a while.
• 1:02:50
  SPEAKER_01: But the thing you gotta ask yourself is like, how bad do you want it?
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_01: And what you're is what you're doing right now making you happy?
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_01: Happiness is not a luxury, it's a choice.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I say that because people actually think happiness is is a luxury, and it is not, and and happiness does not just you know, you know, the saying, like money, money can't buy happiness, and I truly believe that.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen a lot of successful people that are miserable.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't don't be miserable.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like anybody who I'm not and I would say have a plan.
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_01: The very first thing you want to do, if you're ready to to just bite the bullet, take an initiative and and start something that you've been thinking about or flirting with, whatever it is, just come up with a plan, come up with a blueprint, start planning.
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm working with this job, I'm gonna show up, I'm gonna still do everything, but I'm gonna give myself an and then you write down the date by December 15th, 2026.
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_01: I will quit my job because I've already done XYZ.
• 1:03:54
  SPEAKER_01: You got to be a slave to your schedule.
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_01: And and for you to implement and hit your goals and uh and and be able to achieve everything that that you want in your life, it all starts with a plan.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_01: You can't wing it.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_01: So, my very first advice is don't wing it.
• 1:04:09
  SPEAKER_01: Get specific on what you want to do.
• 1:04:12
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, again, it's a spru, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon.
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_01: Get the blueprint, do not, and I'll say this again to everybody, do not quit your job right away, just because unless you have that money and that backup or whatever, go ahead and do it.
• 1:04:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like, absolutely.
• 1:04:28
  SPEAKER_01: But try to do it as a passion pro like a passion project, and then from there you can blow it up, and then you can say goodbye to your corporate job.
• 1:04:37
  SPEAKER_01: That that's what I would say.
• 1:04:38
  SPEAKER_01: But just don't try to wing it.
• 1:04:40
  SPEAKER_01: Come up with a plan, talk to professional, a carry, or anybody else who who's know people who've done this if you can't do it alone.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_01: But and that's another thing.
• 1:04:48
  SPEAKER_01: And my next thing is you're not alone.
• 1:04:50
  SPEAKER_01: There are people who specifically can help you with this.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_01: There are so many amazing, amazing people, coaches that can can give you the blueprint for this if you cannot find that blueprint.
• 1:05:01
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, I'm just sick and tired of people being sick and tired, and I'm sick and tired of hearing people just complain all the damn time about how their job sucks, how they're not happy, how they're not living their life that they want, how they just wish they would have done this, or I should have done that, I should have done this, all this should have, should have, should have shit.
• 1:05:16
  SPEAKER_01: That it's just like right now you have the opportunity, come up with a clear, concise plan, and then put on some dates, some deadlines, and then you execute.
• 1:05:27
  SPEAKER_00: So good because nobody wants to be an ER and nobody wants to be around an ER.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_01: No, but there's a lot of ERs, that's for damn sure.
• 1:05:36
  SPEAKER_00: Amar, before we wrap this up, is there anything else you'd like to share with our listeners or where they can find you?
• 1:05:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm on Instagram uh at Amar Sad and Leaders Life Podcast.
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so you can find me over there.
• 1:05:47
  SPEAKER_01: But I just think uh the number one thing that I want anybody to get out of this is that you have the option to control your change.
• 1:05:55
  SPEAKER_01: And you are not handcuffed.
• 1:05:56
  SPEAKER_01: And the only person, if you feel like you are handcuffed, is you're the one that has the So I always say that again, change is going to happen in two ways.
• 1:06:05
  SPEAKER_01: If you do not control the change, the universe will control the change for you.
• 1:06:10
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes the universe is not that rewarding.
• 1:06:12
  SPEAKER_01: So that is why it's good to get ahead of it.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you, as I said, you feel unhappy, you feel like you're not where you want to be, you're feeling kind of like in that uncomfortable or unstable.
• 1:06:23
  SPEAKER_01: Am I going to get laid off?
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_01: Am I not?
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's a very tough time right now.
• 1:06:26
  SPEAKER_01: Do something about it.
• 1:06:28
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing, nothing is gonna fall in your lap.
• 1:06:31
  SPEAKER_01: But I promise you, with a plan, with clear, concise plan and execution, you can achieve anything you want in your life.
• 1:06:40
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen way too many people that are less qualified do it all because they were consistent and disciplined doesn't mean you can't do it.
• 1:06:46
  SPEAKER_00: I just want this on record.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_00: I also invited Rob Dial to be on my podcast, and he has not responded yet.
• 1:06:55
  SPEAKER_00: So for now, Amar Asad, you officially win.
• 1:06:58
  SPEAKER_01: Ha ha ha ha ha.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'll take it.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'll take it.
• 1:07:01
  SPEAKER_01: Got the W on your Rob.
• 1:07:03
  SPEAKER_00: What stays with me after talking to you is not the leap you took, Amar.
• 1:07:09
  SPEAKER_00: It is the responsibility to your marriage, to your kids, to your life, to your joy and to the truth that you didn't ignore.
• 1:07:18
  SPEAKER_00: So when we take leaps of faith, there are moments when we feel like we might be blowing our life up.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_00: And after listening to Amar, I think it's more about not just going through the motions, but being honest with ourselves and living in alignment with that.
• 1:07:34
  SPEAKER_00: So to everyone listening, if something in this episode stirred you, don't rush to fix it, like Amar said, but sit with it.
• 1:07:41
  SPEAKER_00: Come up with a blueprint, have the conversation you've been avoiding, reflect on the energy that you bring to your work, your family, your friendships, and then ask yourself if it aligns with who you want to be.
• 1:07:53
  SPEAKER_00: And if you need someone to walk with you through these moments, that's what I do now.
• 1:07:57
  SPEAKER_00: I walk with teens, I walk with adults, helping them level up.
• 1:08:01
  SPEAKER_00: So if today's conversation resonated with you, career pivot, struggling with a tough decision, or just wondering how to grow without losing yourself, I hope you'll take a moment to talk to someone you trust.
• 1:08:13
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want support, reach out.
• 1:08:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm here for.
• 1:08:16
  SPEAKER_00: Amar, thank you so much for your wisdom, for your liveliness, for your tigger energy, your humor, and your willingness just to be here.
• 1:08:25
  SPEAKER_00: This was truly an honor for me.
• 1:08:27
  SPEAKER_01: It was an honor for me too.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for having me, Carrie.
• 1:08:29
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you more than you know.
• 1:08:32
  SPEAKER_00: This is Project U 2.2.
• 1:08:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Carrie.
• 1:08:35
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great day and keep leaning into the spaces where growth is happening.
• 1:08:59
  SPEAKER_00: I also have a little 10-pound pup here.
• 1:09:01
  SPEAKER_00: You might see me reaching for at times.
• 1:09:03
  SPEAKER_01: We just got one.
• 1:09:04
  SPEAKER_01: We just got a little cockapooo.
• 1:09:05
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know what the heck it is.
• 1:09:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's literally the size of my hand.
• 1:09:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I almost killed it 37 times trying to step on it by accident.
• 1:09:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm like, it's a little, but it's so cute.
• 1:09:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna guess you named it after some athlete.
• 1:09:17
  SPEAKER_01: You are so fucking smart.
• 1:09:18
  SPEAKER_01: Rocky is what we needed.
• 1:09:21
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 1:09:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's a kid's dogs, but I was against it.
• 1:09:24
  SPEAKER_01: So they're they were like, well, we'll name it Rocky because I wanted to name funny story, I wanted to name my son Rocky.
• 1:09:29
  SPEAKER_01: And my wife was like, Hell no.
• 1:09:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that is funny.
• 1:09:34
  SPEAKER_00: Our kids wanted a dog for years.
• 1:09:35
  SPEAKER_00: My husband didn't, but my husband went to a private uh Christian college, Calvin College, and so our dog's name is Calvin because you gotta get the hook to pull him in.
• 1:09:43
  SPEAKER_00: So oh my god, that's so funny.