Latest / The Pausecast / Ep. 103 - How I burned out of Google

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Ep. 103 - How I burned out of Google · The Pausecast

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  Hey you, it's Rachel O'meara. I'm host of the PAUSE cast, and
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  I'm so glad that you are Here we are discussing tips and proven
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  strategies in the world of emotional intelligence so that
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  you can rise to your next level of leadership without the
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  overwhelm. I'm also the author of the book
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  Pause Harnessing the Life Changing Power of Giving
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  Yourself a Break, based on my burnout of Google and all the
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  things that I've learned since that are really in this realm of
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  neuroscience, psychology, and emotional intelligence.
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  If you're interested to download my free guidebook for how to get
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  overwhelmed, I invite you to do that at
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  rachelomara.com/guidebook. Just so excited?
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  Let's just start and dive in. Hey you, it's Rachel.
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  And I have a very special episode today where I'm going to
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  get into how I burned out of Google and really where it all
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  led to. Which is right where I'm sitting
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  today as an executive coach who helps people get out of burnout
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  themselves or overwhelmed, but also just really rise to their
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  next level of leadership through selfawareness and emotional
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  intelligence and mastery. So I'm sharing today an excerpt
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  from a course that I have called Purposeful Living 8 Weeks to
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  Purposeful Living. And this particular chapter is
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  all about neurotic anxiety, which I really tie into my story
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  and you'll see how that works. So you'll hear me reference Rolo
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  May May. He is someone who I studied at
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  the right graduate university, really one of the influencers in
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  my. World as an existentialist and
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  one of the leading American psychologists in his day.
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  So he was in the 50s kind of right after World War Two and he
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  talked a lot about neurotic anxiety and how normal it is to
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  be with anxiety. And I really think about our
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  current world today. And he's so right on.
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  He is. It's as if he lived in the
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  future and knew everything that we are doing now, whether it's
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  social media and he only had TV and radio back then.
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  So you'll hear me reference May. A few times, not too much.
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  And this is a pretty short episode, but I really think it's
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  a great lens of my story that I don't usually tell.
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  And tying it to purposeful living, tying it to How do we
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  feel more purposeful in our lives?
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  Because ultimately we burn out, because we don't have purpose.
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  We feel like we're just going and striving and making things
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  happen, but we don't really feel like we got skin in the game or
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  we feel like we've lost ourselves because for whatever
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  reason, we don't remember what skin in the game we gave.
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  Or in other ways, something like that.
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  As well as just maybe not being in touch with our feelings and
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  wearing these masks that we put on.
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  And you'll hear me reference that too.
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  So anyway, I'll let you have at it.
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  Enjoy this episode. It's it's a short, sweet one
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  that my story's about 8 minutes long.
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  And let me know what you think, if this was helpful.
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  And if you're interested in this course 8 Weeks to Purposeful
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  Living, just reply and let me know because I'm actually
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  launching this very soon. It's not available yet and my
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  private clients have access to this, but I also am soon to be
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  making this available to the public.
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  We study all these incredible thought leaders who have
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  contributed to our world of how to live more purposefully,
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  whether it's Rolo May and his book Like Man, Search for
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  Meaning. Or Viktor Frankel, who was one
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  of his mentors on his will to meaning.
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  Carl Rogers, Holly Cheeks at Me High and Martin Seligman were.
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  We study all of those folks in this course, but you'll see how
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  their lens applies so that you feel more purposeful.
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  And that's what it's all about, right?
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  Why we live, why we show up every day, do the meaningful
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  things we do because it matters to us.
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  And when we lose sight of that, I think that's really when we
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  truly lose our way, we get burned out and we feel a little
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  hopeless. And that's exactly how I felt
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  when I burned out. So without further ado, here we
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  go. I want to share a little bit
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  about my story because you may know a little bit about it, but
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  I think I really relate to to May in a lot of these tragic
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  aspects of humanity and what I was living.
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  And I literally was in a great example of what he talks about
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  with the mechanics of life. OK, so here's me.
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  Imagine me. I'm 38 years old and I.
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  I am an achiever. I've got a lot of great things
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  happening. I own my own house.
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  I got a business degree from a good school.
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  I earned good money. I lived in New York.
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  I lived in San Francisco. I work for the number one
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  company to work for in the world, Google at the time.
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  And I also was a national champion in the field of my
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  sport, which was rowing. OK and all of that was great.
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  And I'm very proud of everything there.
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  And that's good. However, why did I fill up my
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  schedule all the time? And I think about it because I
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  was neurotically anxious. Historically, I just chose to
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  avoid my anxiety and I kept myself busy instead.
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  So there's a reason why we fall into work and be workaholics or?
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  Trained for Iron Mans or marathons, which I did, three of
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  them or a national championship, right?
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  And these are really good accomplishments.
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  I'm not dismissing that, but I was avoiding myself because I
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  wasn't comfortable in the fear of like, what?
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  If I just existed for me and did nothing, would I be okay with
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  that? And the answer I at the time was
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  no way. Like, I have to.
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  I have to do stuff to matter. And that was my limiting belief.
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  Like I won't matter unless I do things.
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  Even saying that, a lot of like, I feel that viscerally in my
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  bones, like that was just implanted in me at a very young
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  age. I got rewarded for good grades.
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  I did things that felt really good and people saw me and heard
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  me for it. So I got validated.
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  And I think a lot of us, especially us overachievers,
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  feel like we've kind of come from that background, right?
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  So what did I do? I never really like.
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  The irony is I never paused. I literally just kept going one
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  thing to the next. Every weekend I had a new person
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  I was going to go visit on the weekend or a race I was going to
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  attend or some big thing I was training for.
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  I was over focused on sports and things that kept me busy,
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  whether that just meant like visiting college friends or
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  planning a trip to Europe or whatever because it kept me
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  absent from being present. In my daytoday life, just being
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  like in touch with how I felt in the moment, I I was an extreme
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  example of what may shared, right?
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  And I think in my routine, feeling empty despite the
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  accolades and achievements the the external world praised me
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  with was what was going on. So how did that shift right?
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  So you all know the story now where I think I took.
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  I think I've told you all in some way or even if you don't
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  know, I I had to take myself out of the game.
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  I had to take an unpaid break because.
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  I literally was told by my manager that I wasn't doing
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  well. I had no idea, like I didn't
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  know how to fix it. I was super, super perplexed and
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  confused and I think it was really because I wasn't present.
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  I was just always like, OK, let me think of these things and
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  then I I just like would rattle something off without thinking
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  about it because my response was like, well, let me pull up the
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  space really fast because I need to look smart.
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  Is anyone relating to this? Right.
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  So for me, I felt that emptiness.
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  I was so scared to slow down or just even move into something
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  different because I was terrified of what I would find
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  out, which meant maybe maybe I'm in the maybe, maybe I'm nothing.
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  Like maybe I'm in the complete wrong job.
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  Maybe I'm not supposed to be in technology or working here or in
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  this job. Maybe I'm a failure.
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  Like, there were these existential questions.
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  That's what this existential neurotic anxiety is like.
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  Like, who am I as a person if I can't do this job Well?
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  What I didn't know is that I actually was a great, beautiful,
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  amazing human who can live and be okay without a job in a top
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  tier company. But I had to learn that because
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  I had to learn who I was and be okay with who I was and know
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  myself more on this deep contact, which is a term used
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  by. I think May and Carl Rogers uses
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  that, right? So I had to be willing to, like,
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  take off my mask right, that this is the mask.
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  Rogers talks about our our full mask, and just look at who I was
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  without the title, without the Google, without the growing.
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  And it was super scary. It was the first time in my life
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  that I really did that. But look where it got me.
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  Like I wrote a book about it. I learned how to help other
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  people do it, and it's the best thing I ever did.
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  And that's what. May is talking about when you
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  can go on the other side the the, the quote that he shares.
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  Anxiety is a gateway into the meaning of life.
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  That's what I got out of my anxiety, and that's what's there
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  for all of you. And I know that sounds crazy.
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  You're like, Oh my God, you really, Rachel, like you want me
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  to look at this stuff? And the answer is you can you.
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  It's a choice. And that's the existential part,
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  right? We all can.
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  Choose how we want to be. You can go and live your life
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  without ever taking a moment to notice anything.
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  But once you're on this path, you have a little bit of a
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  different course in front of you.
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  The journey is about discovering what and who I am so I can find
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  more meaning and you want to like that's a huge yearning you
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  have. Am I?
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  Am I accurate on that one? That's a little bit about my
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  story. And I just share that because
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  we've all been there and I share that because you're not alone.
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  Take a deep breath into that too.
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  You can tell yourself right now. Give yourself a little pat Touch
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  your heart space. Put a big hand on your heart.
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  Whatever hand is free. Just say I am not alone and let
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  those tears flow. If you feel sad, breathe deeply
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  into that space. This is you really, deeply
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  connecting with yourself. And I'm just so proud of you for
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  going there. You know, maybe you don't have
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  any tears and you're just like, I don't even know what you're
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  talking about. That's okay.
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  We are all different places for this.
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  But anxiety is what makes each of us a fully functioning human
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  being and live purposefully because it's part of our human
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  existence. And if we forget that part, if
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  we want to shun that away and avoid it, we're leaving part of
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  ourselves behind, which is why we don't feel purposeful.
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  I know that's a total catch 22, but bear with me and I think you
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  might be starting to understand this bigger picture.
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  And we can exist with our neurotic anxiety.
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  It doesn't mean it goes away. I can still figure out what am I
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  doing. I still can ask myself many
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  days, every day, what am I doing here?
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  That's okay, That's good. But if we learn to accept
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  ourselves knowing this is part of who I am, then it's a
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  different game altogether. Because now I'm in relationship
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  with myself versus running away from myself.
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  Thanks for listening today to the podcast You Rock.
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• 11:48
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• 11:54
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• 11:57
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