Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E19: Finding the Love of Your Life During A Pandemic And Advice For Singles, with Stephanie Gray Connors

Transcript

E19: Finding the Love of Your Life During A Pandemic And Advice For Singles, with Stephanie Gray Connors · The Lila Rose Show

0:00
Hey everyone, welcome to the Lila Rose show.
0:04
It has been several long months since I have released a podcast
0:08
episode and I have so missed doing podcasting, so I'm very,
0:11
very excited to be back. Thank you to all of you who have
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been so encouraging and supporting of this podcast and
0:17
have sent me messages even in the last few days listening to
0:20
past episodes and encouraging me to continue to create content.
0:24
And so I'm really, really excited to be back at it.
0:26
I will be releasing episodes about twice a month, sometime
0:30
weekly, depending on what's going on.
0:32
And we will be talking about relationships, culture and
0:35
politics with a big emphasis on the causes that matter most, of
0:41
course, focusing on the cause for life, but also other, other
0:44
work that's being done in ways that we can become better and we
0:47
can help serve others to make our world and our communities
0:50
better. So over the last several months,
0:54
I have been partly, I was on a maternity leave last year.
0:58
We had our first baby. Some of you know that we had the
1:02
craziness of the pandemic happen.
1:05
My husband and I moved. I wrote my first book, which I'm
1:09
so excited to share with you guys that is coming out on May
1:12
4th. It's called Fighting for Life,
1:14
becoming a force for change in a wounded world.
1:17
So it's been a really busy last year, but going forward, I am
1:21
excited to be able to do the podcast and have on some great
1:25
guests and tackle some great topics.
1:27
So without further ado, today we're going to be interviewing
1:31
one of my dearest friends, somebody I greatly admire about
1:34
a topic that I love to discuss on the podcast because it's so
1:37
important. Relationships.
1:39
I think our relationships, the quality of our relationships,
1:42
whether we are in families with sons and daughters or we are
1:45
sons or daughters, siblings, our friendships and of course
1:48
romantic relationships, particularly dating and then
1:52
marriage, these can really transform the way that we live.
1:56
I mean, they're so the health of those relationships can make
1:59
such a difference on us personally and even how we can
2:03
make a difference in the world. So that's why we talk about it
2:05
so much. And it's also, you know,
2:07
connected to our relationship with God.
2:09
I'm really excited about this weeks episode.
2:11
We're talking about relationships and dating, one of
2:14
my favorite topics. I think if we were all in our
2:19
healthiest place when it comes to our relationships, especially
2:22
our family relationships, whether we're married, whether
2:25
we are sons, daughters, siblings, and then preparing to,
2:28
we hope get married in the future.
2:30
I think the healthier our relationships, the healthier we
2:32
are, the healthier our world is. So this is a topic that you guys
2:35
know we talk about a lot on the podcast.
2:37
And for today's episode, I'm really excited because I'm
2:39
interviewing, I'm having a conversation with one of my
2:42
closest friends. Actually, you may have heard of
2:45
this wonderful person. Her name is Stephanie Gray
2:48
Connors. She is a activist, speaker and
2:51
author. She's the cofounder of a
2:53
Canadian pro-life organization called.
2:56
CBR. As well as the founder of her
2:58
own organization and ministry, Love Unleashes Life.
3:02
You may have seen her debates or her speeches.
3:04
She's also an author of three different books and she's
3:08
someone that I greatly admire. She's brilliant.
3:10
She has some great insights for us.
3:12
She's actually going to be sharing her love story and some
3:14
of the struggles and heartaches that she had before she met the
3:18
love of her life. So can't wait to get into the
3:20
conversation. And without much further ado,
3:23
Stephanie, thank you so much for coming on.
3:26
Thank you, Lila. I'm excited to be on with you.
3:28
So there's so many things we can talk about and we go way back.
3:31
I think we first met eleven. No, no, no, no.
3:34
We first met 13 years ago. You.
3:37
You are the you're the brains in our operation.
3:39
You always remember things and I don't.
3:40
So when did we meet? It was either I'd have to check
3:44
my speaking records. It was either O7 or O8 because I
3:47
met you in California right before I went to do a speaking
3:50
event in Phoenix, AZ. We're looking at at least a
3:54
dozen years of friendship. OK, wonderful.
3:57
And we have, I think throughout those a dozen years.
3:59
So now we're both happily married and but during those a
4:02
dozen years, I'm pretty make sure you and I probably met half
4:07
a dozen boyfriends or more there.
4:10
I mean, there was a lot of like random double dates getting to
4:14
know different guys. So there, there we we saw each
4:17
other closely through those years of dating.
4:20
We did, and in fact, if I wasn't already married, I would call
4:24
myself a serial dater, although I think I was a serial dater and
4:27
just thankfully I'm no longer in that position.
4:31
So I, I want to hear your love story because I think it will be
4:34
very encouraging and it's just very great for people to learn
4:38
about it. But before diving into it,
4:41
there's a whole context versus, of just dating versus courtship
4:45
versus even how to approach relationships in general.
4:49
I actually did an episode on this, my very first podcast
4:52
episode was on dating. And my whole thesis was dating
4:56
should be about intentionality for towards a particular
4:59
purpose. And that purpose should be
5:00
marriage. It's like you're not just dating
5:02
to hang out or just to, you know, do whatever.
5:05
It's not just some past time or some hobby, but it's actually an
5:09
exercise to get to know someone to, you know, treat them with
5:11
respect and, you know, obviously have fun with them.
5:14
But ultimately towards the goal of is this the right person for
5:17
me? And, you know, are my the right
5:18
person for them to get married? But I want your take on this and
5:22
what you think about courtship versus dating.
5:24
Do you even see a distinction between the two?
5:27
Yeah, good question. I mean we're very like minded.
5:29
So I would say I absolutely agree that we need to be very
5:32
intentional with dating, whether you use the term courtship or
5:36
dating. I think what matters more is
5:37
what you mean by it and whether that's a good definition.
5:41
I just historically and even presently just more commonly
5:44
used the term dating. And I've always had the attitude
5:48
that I would be open about going on a date with a guy.
5:52
So going out for coffee, being taken out for dinner.
5:55
But whether that evolved into an exclusive boyfriend girlfriend
5:59
relationship, my standard always was, could I consider myself
6:04
possibly marrying this person? And it's not like I go on one
6:07
date and I say, well, I don't know whether I would marry them,
6:11
so I therefore won't go on any more dates or I won't be
6:13
exclusive. No, I mean, part of going on
6:15
multiple dates or even being in an exclusive relationship is to
6:18
discern whether you think the person is someone you could
6:22
marry. But if I know for sure I
6:24
wouldn't want to marry the person, then I would never allow
6:27
myself to get to an exclusive boyfriend girlfriend
6:31
relationship with them. So right, you don't want to
6:33
waste your time. And that investment of their
6:36
time and their heart in that in that relationship, I.
6:40
Do both ways, yeah, for sure. Like the emotional investment of
6:43
just sharing yourself and getting to know someone.
6:47
You want to be guarded in that for sure.
6:50
Although the positive is if you can really seek after chastity,
6:54
which is really seeing yourself as a gift and the other person
6:57
as a gift and not doing sexual things that are not appropriate
7:02
for that time in the relationship.
7:03
If you're not married yet, then sex is not appropriate.
7:06
Getting to know someone can be a very beautiful thing and not
7:09
necessarily be the sort of taxing emotional thing if it's
7:12
really focusing on friendship and not just the romance,
7:15
because any good marriage will be based on a friendship.
7:17
What are your, what are your thoughts on that?
7:18
Because I think that's been, you know, and not to say you should
7:21
go on and be besties with your ex-boyfriend because that that
7:24
does not work, but you don't. It doesn't have to be a negative
7:27
thing I guess is what I'm saying.
7:28
To break up or to not continue to date someone once you started
7:31
dating them? I think if the dating hasn't
7:35
gone on too long, it's possible that it not be a negative thing,
7:38
But I think the reality is time should naturally lead us to
7:43
becoming more and more close to people, even friendly.
7:45
So I think of our friendship and the depths of how much we share
7:49
our hearts and how much we know about each other today in 2021
7:52
versus when we first met each other.
7:54
The more time we have drawn closer as friends, the more
7:58
intimate in terms of into me see sharing who one is and seeing
8:02
who the other person is, the more that naturally develops.
8:04
So the scene is true when you're dating someone.
8:06
So if you date someone, my I always had a standard wasn't
8:09
like this hard and fast world, but I kind of had this tendency
8:11
of breaking off relationships if I felt the guy wasn't the one
8:14
usually by three months. And it wasn't like I told myself
8:17
at three months it's either in or out.
8:20
But that just seems to be kind of how it worked for me.
8:23
And I know some people have had longer relationships, but what I
8:27
find is that if you date for months or a year or more and
8:30
then you break up, that is a very long time.
8:33
Even if you've been physically, sexually chased, that's a very
8:37
long time to have grown close to someone and not have the
8:42
permanence of marriage. And again, it obviously
8:47
everyone's story is different, but that's kind of been my
8:49
attitude of be open on dates, go out with someone, but then only
8:53
go exclusive if I think this is a possibility.
8:55
And then once we go exclusive, I'm really intentionally
8:58
spending more time discerning marriage with this person.
9:02
And once I or he decides this isn't going to go to marriage
9:06
then I or he would end the relationship until the right
9:10
person comes along, which for me took 40 years to happen.
9:14
Wow. Well, we'll talk about that in a
9:16
moment, but before getting into your love story and you're
9:19
happily ever after that you you're at right now, you are an
9:24
activist. You are an activist as pro-life
9:27
speaker, You know, as am I and have been for more than a
9:30
decade, almost 2 decades. You started very young, just
9:34
like me. And did you ever think I know?
9:38
Well, I know that you did think because we've talked about this
9:41
before, but I want to hear you share it with everyone
9:43
listening. What was your thought process?
9:47
Because we were so focused and you have been so focused on the
9:51
pro-life cause. Children are dying.
9:52
This is a crisis. We need to educate others, help
9:55
save lives. And you know, family life takes
9:58
time and it's a beautiful investment of your whole life to
10:01
give your life to your spouse and, you know, children you may
10:03
have. So what was your thought process
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and prayer process when you were discerning?
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OK, I could spend, you know, 24/7 on my cause, on the
10:11
pro-life cause, or I can also be open to love and to marry and
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see if that's what God has for me.
10:19
Yeah, I spent a lot of years really discerning which is it
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and feeling a conflict in my heart.
10:24
Could I do both? It wasn't possible to do both
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because up until the last year I was traveling all the time.
10:32
Basically from the time I graduated when I was 21, I've
10:36
been traveling non-stop. Now I'm 40, around the world
10:40
speaking on abortion and always thinking like, can I keep this
10:43
up and be be faithful wife and mother in terms of course I'd be
10:47
faithful, but in terms of being faithful to my commitment to
10:52
being present and so on and so forth, can I do both?
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And so I really wrestled with that.
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I discerned religious life in my early 20s.
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I remember visiting the Sisters of Life on a couple of occasions
11:00
over a two year period to think, well, maybe if I feel so-called
11:04
to do full time pro-life work, it's in the capacity of being a
11:08
nun and whose focus is the pro-life movement.
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But then I really sensed that that was not my call.
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So and the question then became, should I be some type of
11:16
consecrated single who is fully giving herself to the pro-life
11:20
movement in a single state or is it possible to be married?
11:23
And I so badly yearned for marriage but really felt like is
11:27
this possible? And now that I am so happily
11:30
married, like greatly happily married, I, I see just how
11:35
beautiful marriage is, but I also see the beauty of God's
11:39
timing. That I really think I wouldn't
11:42
have been able to do what I did for the pro-life cause and be as
11:46
present as I wish to be for my husband.
11:49
And that therefore the timing was right.
11:52
Because in a sense, I, I lived without being a consecrated
11:55
single. I lived that life for almost 2
11:57
decades. And then now I'm entering a new
12:00
vocation, which doesn't stop me from living out my pro-life
12:04
mission and being an activist and being an educator, but it
12:08
does change what that looks like and how I fulfill that in the
12:12
moment. And it and it is true to you
12:15
mentioned consecrated single people and and or consecrated
12:19
celibates. And what that means in the
12:22
Catholic Church particularly is a special role where you have
12:26
given your life to God and, and God is basically your spouse.
12:31
And so, but you don't, if you are consecrated, it's not like
12:34
you're not living in any kind of community or connectivity with
12:38
others. I think that's an important
12:39
point. Like, you know, we're not meant
12:41
to live alone. We're not meant to live in
12:42
isolation. So even if you do choose, like,
12:45
if you're feel called to only focus on, you know, A cause like
12:48
the pro-life, 'cause you'll still be called to love the
12:51
people around you. And, you know, if you're like a
12:54
priest, you're still called to, you know, love your parish and
12:57
you know, you're going to serve the people in your parish.
12:58
So at the end of the day, no matter what state of life we
13:01
have, our vocation we have all of them are calls to love other
13:04
people. So.
13:07
So yeah. And, and when you were and when
13:09
when you were kind of wrestling with that Stephanie, were you,
13:14
did you ever feel a desire to not be married though?
13:17
Or was the whole time? You're like, I'd like to be
13:19
married. I just don't know how it will
13:21
work exactly with my pro-life work.
13:23
Yeah, that's a good question. I would say it's more the latter
13:26
now. I would feel a great desire to
13:30
help so many and to read them. And and usually it was like when
13:35
I was at an event whether I just given a talk, was speaking to
13:39
someone one-on-one afterwards who was really sharing their
13:42
soul and it was an opportunity for me to really help them.
13:44
I would feel so fulfilled and think, Oh my goodness, like I'm
13:49
so grateful for this opportunity to be able to be God's hands and
13:52
feet and voice in this moment to this person or to this audience.
13:56
So it was in those moments where it wasn't so much that I thought
13:59
I yearned to be a consecrated single, but it was like I yearn
14:03
to give myself so fully and so holy and to help so many.
14:09
But at the same time, no matter what feelings of those I had,
14:12
usually it was just this constant for a life's companion
14:18
and and for married life. And I, I always felt it was a
14:21
conflict. And now I, I don't feel that
14:23
conflict. But for many years it was.
14:27
Especially when you don't have the right person in your life,
14:29
then all the more you think, well, then am I just waiting for
14:33
the right person or am I not accepting the signs that that
14:36
call isn't for me? And so you really do wrestle a
14:39
lot. As you know, I, I wrestled a lot
14:41
and very intensely. My spiritual directors can
14:44
testify there was a lot of emotional ups and downs over the
14:47
years. Yeah.
14:49
And I think there was a lot of ups and downs like you say, but
14:53
there was also, I think, a conviction you had.
14:55
I mean, you, you felt like you were you, you, you wanted deeply
14:59
to get married. I think that's important because
15:00
I think some people, they have these deep desires, like they
15:04
really want to be married. And I, I always say, and I know
15:07
we've talked about this before, you know, nobody's promised
15:09
marriage. I'm not even promised tomorrow,
15:11
like I can die tomorrow. You know, we, we don't know what
15:14
tomorrow will bring, but it's not bad to have that desire to
15:17
be married. It's natural, it's beautiful.
15:19
And that's because we know that marriage is good.
15:21
And I mean, the other sad thing is think a lot of people today,
15:23
they don't really think marriage is that special anymore.
15:27
I've seen a lot of that. I don't know if you've seen
15:29
that. I know we've talked about some
15:30
of this. Like in our culture there's this
15:33
because of divorce and because of failed relationships and
15:37
marriages that haven't seemed beautiful or life giving.
15:40
People are like, why would I want that in the 1st place?
15:42
So what was it about marriage that made you attracted to it?
15:47
And why do you think some people today struggle with even wanting
15:50
to get married? Well, if we start with the
15:54
latter, I would say I think people struggle because as you
15:57
say, it's bad examples. And so people think, why would I
16:00
want to enter into a commitment that would break which
16:03
tragically, statistically, a large percentage of marriages do
16:07
end in separation or divorce. What attracted me to it was the
16:12
beauty of a companion on all levels.
16:15
So not just, oh, you know, a roommate, you know, like a
16:18
building roommate, because, you know, any friend or sibling
16:21
could could be a roommate, but the one to get to heaven with
16:25
for life that we've committed to each other that there will be a
16:28
spiritual companion that I will pray with that I will go to Mass
16:33
with that. I will go to confession with
16:36
that will enter. I mean not at the exact same
16:37
time, but like live the Sacramento to life that I will
16:41
be able to build a domestic church to image God as a Trinity
16:47
in my family, you know, with my spouse and God willing with,
16:50
with children. And what do you mean by domestic
16:53
church? Sorry, say that again.
16:55
What do you mean by domestic? Church, yeah.
16:58
So basically a church should be a family of faith.
17:01
It's a community of people that are oriented to the other.
17:05
And that is really what the Trinity is, God the Father, God
17:08
the Son, God the Holy Spirit always oriented to how can I
17:11
pour myself out for the other as well as a church worships God.
17:17
And also within a church, though there are spiritual leaders.
17:20
So Catholic Church, there's a priest, a Protestant church
17:22
about a pastor still that there's some degree of
17:25
hierarchy. You're being led by a shepherd.
17:28
And so a domestic church is really like building within the
17:32
home life, that very same nature that there's a leader.
17:37
And I firmly believe that within the home life there should be a
17:41
spiritual leader. I believe that's the husband.
17:43
And I'm just very blessed to have an incredible spiritual
17:45
leader. So we're modeling the church in
17:47
that. There is one of us who is
17:50
leading the way. It's not that I don't
17:52
participate or don't have insider input, but I can
17:56
actually trust and respect my husband to lead and love as
17:59
Christ loved the church and that we would then bear fruit just as
18:06
a church bears fruit by serving others.
18:08
That that would very obviously hopefully happen through
18:11
offspring, but then through a broader service of our
18:14
community, you know, husband and wife, you know, whether it's
18:17
serving through their jobs, serving through volunteer work
18:19
or so on and so forth. So we kind of like create a mini
18:21
church at home. And what does it look like for
18:25
you and I? I love that.
18:27
And I, we think about that the same way in our home, which is
18:30
we believe, you know, Joe is the spiritual leader of the home.
18:33
That doesn't mean I don't take leadership sometimes.
18:35
It doesn't mean that, you know, sometimes the wife can even be
18:39
more spiritual naturally. She women, I think sometimes
18:42
tend to be very in tune with that.
18:44
I think it's it's connected to our just femininity.
18:48
But ultimately Joe is the tiebreaker, you know, on big
18:51
decisions where we're not sure what to do.
18:53
And he's he's has this responsibility of being a
18:57
protector. And that's not just a physical
18:59
protector, but a spiritual protector.
19:00
So it's a big responsibility on his on his shoulders.
19:04
What do you think, You know, when you were dating?
19:07
OK, so you just like laid out a very beautiful vision of this,
19:11
you know, beautiful marriage of domestic church and getting to
19:14
heaven together. So when you were dating before
19:17
you met your husband, which we will get to that story soon, but
19:20
before you met your husband, what was it when you dated guys,
19:24
how did you sort of evaluate, OK, this is a good guy to date
19:28
or this isn't like, what were your non negotiables?
19:31
And then what were your red flags?
19:33
So non negotiables, things that you definitely wanted to see in
19:37
order to date somebody. And then red flags, meaning if
19:39
you saw these things pop up, you're like, I don't think I can
19:42
move forward and continue to date this person.
19:44
Yes, good question. So in terms of what I was
19:48
looking for, it's someone who was rooted in their faith and
19:53
had a serious prayer life, serious spiritual life, serious
19:57
Sacramento life. And so I wanted someone who was
20:02
already living that out because I needed to look to them to be
20:06
the leader. And so if they weren't yet
20:08
living that out, then it would be hard.
20:10
For me to kind of establish just what I described with regards to
20:14
that domestic church, I, it was really important for me that the
20:17
person be hard working. It wasn't that they needed a
20:20
specific career. You must be a doctor, you must
20:23
be a lawyer, you must be an accountant.
20:24
It wasn't anything like that. It was more do they work and do
20:28
they work hard and do they take their job seriously?
20:32
Are they in a position to be a provider?
20:35
Do they want a more traditional home where the husband would be
20:39
the main provider? And any work that I do, because
20:43
especially I felt so-called to mission based work, it would be
20:46
done not from a provider perspective, but from a
20:50
contribution perspective that by primarily being a stay at home
20:54
wife and mother, I would be able to give of myself to the
20:59
pro-life cause because I'm not needed to go out and work in
21:04
another job elsewhere. For some people that doesn't
21:06
matter. For some people, they want to
21:08
work outside the home. Doesn't say I'm still doing that
21:11
through the pro-life cause. But the perspective isn't that I
21:14
must do this from a financial perspective, but rather I feel
21:19
called to do this and to the the level that it fits within the
21:22
nature of the vocation of our marriage, then certainly I'll,
21:25
I'll continue to do that. So yeah, spiritually.
21:28
Opposed to working, I mean, you're still OK with working if
21:31
that's what's needed for your family.
21:33
But ultimately the goal was finding a man who took it
21:35
seriously and wanted to be a provider.
21:37
Because I think there are some men which, you know, it may be
21:41
in very unique situations as can be, I think it could maybe make
21:46
sense. But there are some men that
21:47
don't want to be the primary provider.
21:49
They are looking for a woman and that will bring in at least 50%
21:52
as much. And that model is a lot of
21:54
burden on a woman who's also going to be having children.
21:57
You know, the man's not having a child, not, you know, nurturing
22:00
a child. And so that's why that we have
22:02
that traditional split is it's not just traditional, it's
22:04
actually natural and sort of instinctual.
22:07
So that we are, we are in a position where we can take care
22:10
of our babies and not, you know, ideally having a partner, a
22:14
husband that is going to like pull weight in a different way
22:18
to make us, you know, make make up for what, you know, the, the
22:22
weight that we're pulling or the work that we're doing, right.
22:25
I mean, I often think of it as, you know, having run a large
22:28
ministry that I was previously at which you mentioned CCBR is I
22:33
about how to run businesses and different business books.
22:35
And I often view like an ideal marriage or married life as a
22:39
well run business that no one, everyone rather in the business
22:43
does not do the same thing. If if you want a really smooth
22:46
running team, then people have different roles, but all the
22:49
roles work together in synergy to make for an incredibly smooth
22:53
running operation. And so this is true, I think.
22:57
And certainly what I was aspiring towards in marriage was
23:00
we would have different roles and different things that we
23:02
would tribute, but together we would be more full and more
23:06
successful as it than if we were alone or if we were together
23:11
doing the exact same things. Well, I've actually seen, it's
23:14
interesting you say that because I've actually seen or read
23:17
research that shows that, you know, the value of sort of a
23:21
homemaker, someone who's making meals and who's caring for
23:25
children and everything. I think it's at six figures.
23:27
I think if you tried to like, you know, take, you know, all
23:30
the child care, all the homemaking, all the, you know,
23:33
meal making, everything that your traditional sort of
23:36
stereotypical stay at home partner woman does, it adds up
23:40
to a lot of money. So from that vantage point, it
23:42
makes complete sense, sense that financially and just as a well
23:46
running ecosystem of a home that there is split responsibilities.
23:50
It's not just we're each doing the same things and duplicating
23:53
responsibilities. That's inefficient and it can
23:56
lead to just burnout, I think, for a family.
23:59
And some people might find that they want to split responsibly
24:02
responsibilities differently in different ways.
24:04
But in terms of what that I was looking for, certainly it was
24:08
that more, more traditional, yeah, traditional role.
24:12
And then in terms of red, yeah, we could ask all the red.
24:16
The red flags, the juicy stuff. So any men who are listening,
24:21
listen up or it's not just men, it's women too.
24:25
These are and by the way, my big thing with red flags is this.
24:28
It's not just like, oh, I'm so great and I do can't, you know,
24:31
date these people with these terrible red flags.
24:33
It's more that, OK, I'm a work in progress and these are red
24:39
flags for me too. Meaning if I was possessing this
24:42
behavior or doing this, then I don't think I'm ready to be
24:45
married either. And I shouldn't be in the dating
24:47
pool. I should be working on, you
24:48
know, fixing these serious issues that I have.
24:50
So red flags cut both ways. And it's a really a question of
24:54
preparing ourselves to be better at loving.
24:57
And, you know, sometimes there's core integral things and
25:01
sometimes they can be a little different for men and women, but
25:02
a lot of them are the same. There are these core integral
25:05
things that if we are not healthy in these places, then
25:09
we're not going to be set up for success in our dating or our
25:11
marriages. So and I.
25:14
Think. Yeah.
25:15
So with that, I would say actually for me, like I, I think
25:19
it's good to speak generally in terms of red plates.
25:21
The one of the things that was really important to me was how
25:25
anyone I consider as a boyfriend or as a potential spouse, how
25:30
they interacted with their families.
25:32
So it was very important for me to see them, their parents, they
25:36
were still alive with any siblings that they have or any
25:39
extended family that happened to be in, in that community in
25:42
order to see how they interact with their loved ones.
25:45
What is their disposition? Again, we're not perfect, so all
25:49
of us will have time to be with our loved ones, but you just get
25:53
a general sense of someone when you see them with the people
25:55
that are poses to them. So a red flag could be then very
26:00
poor behavior with such loved ones.
26:02
But the point was, the point is rather if I'm looking for is
26:06
something a red flag, it's how are they treating their loved
26:08
ones? How do they speak about other
26:10
people? How do they interact with my
26:14
friends? Do they seem comfortable or
26:17
uncomfortable? And if so, why?
26:19
And sometimes if you identify what the reason is, you realize
26:22
that's not a red flag, but other times something could be a red
26:24
flag. So how they interact with others
26:27
is huge. And then is there any kind of
26:29
deep seated behavioral issue that could perhaps be a serious
26:33
addiction that is not being addressed?
26:36
So I realized because we all have different wounds, but we
26:39
all have wounds for some people, maybe there's a serious
26:43
pornography addiction in their background that other people
26:46
don't have. The key when I'm was dating
26:49
someone was to find out is this a historical problem or even is
26:54
this a present problem that is being seriously addressed with
26:57
serious help being applied and this person getting better?
27:01
Or is this something that is a present problem without help
27:07
being received and therefore being brought into a marriage
27:11
could be very disastrous. So those things would matter as
27:14
I got to know someone, obviously on the first date, you're not
27:17
going to ask their deepest darkest secret.
27:20
But in terms of what was I looking for in a spouse, general
27:26
virtue, overall or character as they interact with others?
27:30
And then kind of what are their own challenges and what are they
27:34
doing about them? We all have challenges, we all
27:37
have sins. So the question is, are we
27:39
admitting to them and are we getting the help that we need?
27:42
And if we're not admitting and we're not getting help, then
27:45
that is going to inevitably cause problems down the road.
27:50
Yeah, I think that's why self-awareness is so key and so
27:53
attractive in people because you and in dating, I remember, you
27:58
know, when I was dating Joe, his self-awareness and just his sort
28:01
of the work he done in his life on himself was so attractive
28:05
because I knew that it was a great foundation for any kind of
28:08
challenges that might come in the in the future.
28:11
So any so for so for those red flags, I think those I and I, I
28:15
think I'm with you on all of them.
28:16
Those are, I think, pretty much red flags.
28:18
I had one one other question actually on the you mentioned
28:22
addiction. I've gotten this question
28:24
actually on the podcast before we actually did an episode on
28:26
pornography. And the question was, you know,
28:29
when do you even bring this up and dating because it's such a
28:33
hugely pervasive problem, but it's so personal and it can be
28:37
so shameful. And I mean, it is, you know, it
28:41
porn itself is shameful. And So what?
28:43
How do you even broach such a topic?
28:46
I want to get to the love story next, but do you have any
28:48
thoughts on that? Because I know it's something to
28:50
a lot of people are navigating in their dating relationships.
28:53
Right, it is hard to give a fast hard and fast rule like on date
28:59
3 or only once you're exclusive because each person is so
29:04
unique. Personality types also make a
29:06
huge difference when it to discussing the harder topics.
29:10
I am a more extroverted blunt person so I can ask tougher
29:14
questions but other people might be like whoa I need to really
29:18
know someone before before I ask that.
29:20
The other thing to realize is if you ask someone a really
29:22
personal question too early, it's possible that they will not
29:26
be honest or as honest as they should because they haven't
29:31
established trust with you to be confident that what they say
29:35
will be kept private or will be treated with the deepest
29:39
respect. You know, when you only consult
29:41
people they agree with you consulting, you know, such as
29:43
spiritual director, how do we work through this or so on and
29:45
so forth. So I don't know if I can say a
29:48
specific, you know, number of dates you should have other than
29:53
it should be fairly early in a relationship where you actually
29:58
are thinking of exclusively dating someone that you want to
30:05
know some of the more important questions.
30:08
I mean, if you go out for dinner with someone twice, No, I don't
30:10
think you should dive in on the third date.
30:11
Hey, so addiction and what have you done about it If you do?
30:15
I mean, maybe someone is harming, but when when you're
30:20
really moving towards, a lot of things seem to be lining up.
30:24
A lot of arrows are saying this is someone that I could discern
30:27
marriage with. And they agree that that's the
30:31
intention behind any exclusive dating we would do.
30:34
And so now as we start to exclusively date, we're going to
30:37
start to share more and more of ourselves.
30:40
If both parties have that perspective, then I also think
30:43
the conversation will just very naturally come.
30:45
So it's not like you need to say, well, today's the day.
30:48
I'm going to ask as you interact with each other, as you watch
30:51
certain movies or go to talks together, someone somewhere
30:55
might say something so that it just naturally prompts a
30:59
conversation that you didn't plan out to be that day in that
31:03
time, but it happened because you guys are intentionally
31:07
growing together. Totally.
31:10
And I think that I liked what you said about treating people
31:13
with the deepest respect and also the trust thing, because I
31:16
think that's also really key. I mean, we don't, they don't owe
31:19
us any information about themselves, period.
31:22
I mean, it's a dating relationship.
31:23
They can share what they want to share and we share what we want
31:26
to share. But ultimately the goal is to
31:27
really get to know one another and to discern if you're meant
31:30
to marry or should marry. And so having the conversations
31:33
are key, but the way that they're brought about is really
31:37
important. It's very personal and can be
31:38
very subjective because you're dealing with two unique people
31:42
like you're saying. I think that's a really, really
31:44
good answer. OK, so going into the love
31:47
story, so you dated for years. Like, you know, we've, we both
31:50
dated a lot. I remember a lot of many, many,
31:54
many conversations and laugh, laughter and tears over the
31:58
years about different relationships and figuring it
32:00
out before sharing about Joe specifically your husband and
32:06
we, we also have husbands that share the same name, Joe and
32:09
Joe. So we highly recommend Joe's for
32:11
husbands. Tell me about the years leading
32:15
up to Joe. So you mentioned you got married
32:18
at 40 and you, I think, wanted to get married pretty young.
32:22
I mean, you were definitely open to getting married very young.
32:24
So what was it like dating in your 30s, not finding the right
32:28
guy? Tell me.
32:28
Just kind of your state of mind, what you're experiencing
32:31
emotionally, psychologically. Sure.
32:34
Well, I'll probably go back even to my 20s.
32:36
So I have journals that go back to my early 20s where I am
32:40
begging God for a husband. Dear Jesus, please send me a
32:43
husband. Now I would say around 2003,
32:46
four and five is when I was discerning religious life.
32:49
That was 23 to 25. But come around 25, I was like,
32:52
OK, it's I think I can close the door in religious life unless
32:55
God reopens it. So it's like, am I going to be
32:57
single or married? And so I just have journal entry
32:59
after journal entry begging God for a husband.
33:02
But I would define my dating in my 20s as me dating guys and
33:07
having exclusive relationships with several, you know,
33:09
boyfriend, girlfriend relationships.
33:12
And I would define them as the guys were madly in love with me.
33:16
And I actually viewed all of them as very good men that I
33:21
would actually set up friends with.
33:23
Like they were really good men. But there was something deep in
33:26
my heart that was like, I cannot love them the way they love me.
33:30
I don't think I'm actually meant to be married to this particular
33:34
guy. And so I define my 20s as me
33:36
always being the heartbreaker and ending the relationships
33:39
once I got to the point where I thought great guy, but I just
33:42
don't see myself being married to him then along.
33:45
But I will say also, one of the things I then started to
33:48
struggle with as I hit my early 30s is what's wrong with me
33:51
because these were all really good guys.
33:54
I was like, why can't I fall in love?
33:57
Is and that really made me question exist me and I'm not
33:59
meant to be married. So then I would define my 30s as
34:03
especially my later 30s as getting into a couple
34:06
relationships where I finally knew what it was like to fall in
34:10
love. But then I experienced what I
34:12
inflicted in my 20s, which was I had my heart broken time and
34:15
time again, and that was devastating.
34:19
Probably the most devastating, devastating point was in 2015,
34:23
I, I had the dream of a, of a lifetime be fulfilled and that I
34:27
got engaged. And so I thought the big dream
34:29
was going to be fulfilled and that I was going to get married.
34:31
And I had my heart broken, which you know very well about.
34:34
You were right there supporting me and comforting me.
34:38
So when that relationship ended, that was 2015, I would say the
34:44
next four to five years, there was so much heartbreak, so much
34:51
frustration, so much just crying out to God, like, why haven't
34:56
you sent me my husband? Like, am I even meant to get
34:59
married? Like why must I go through all
35:00
this heartbreak? But it was those five years that
35:04
led me to 2020 where I met my now husband.
35:07
And as I look back, the growth that I went through, the things
35:11
that I learned that have all formed me to be the woman I am
35:14
today, to be the wife I am today.
35:16
As painful as all of that was, if I had married my husband
35:23
right after I got the broken engagement, the broken heart, I
35:27
don't think I would have been as good a wife to him then as I am
35:32
now. That as painful as the last five
35:34
years were, that gave me so much growth and so much insight to
35:40
for me to be the better person I am for my beloved Joe today.
35:45
But the interesting thing is, and I think your viewers need to
35:47
know this and your listeners need to know this, just because
35:49
you're just such a dear friend that you are the reason that I
35:53
have my husband other than God. This is a big promo for my
35:57
dating service. Wait a minute.
36:01
So so I actually don't have a dating service, but I do like to
36:04
set people up. So but but before we get into
36:08
like when you meet, when you meet your Joe, you said
36:10
something really powerful. You said that you don't think
36:14
you would have been the wife you are today without those years of
36:18
heartache. And in this way you are grateful
36:21
for it, even though it was very painful and difficult for you.
36:24
How and what do you mean by that?
36:28
I certainly couldn't have said that then.
36:30
By the way, you, you, you, you can testify to those moments
36:34
where I thought this is pointless, this is futile.
36:37
I remember a friend once saying to me, what do you think about
36:39
the saying? Better to have loved and lost to
36:42
then never to have loved at all? And I remember looking at her
36:44
saying, yeah, I don't know who said that statement is stupid,
36:47
but it's only now that I actually can understand.
36:50
Actually now there is beauty and there's power in in loving.
36:54
But what I would say is that what I learned if if we go
36:58
specific is through the broken relationships.
37:00
That really made me look a lot at relationships and what it
37:04
means to know your own wounds. What it means to know your
37:07
family of origin, what it means to know about the other person,
37:12
their family of origin and their wounds and where wounds can
37:15
clash and what it means to be a good woman, what it means to be
37:21
a Good Wife. So I literally spent, I mean, in
37:24
some sense, I've spent two decades trying to like study,
37:27
you know, the art of dating and the art of marriage.
37:29
I mean, I think a lot of single women just read all these books
37:32
that are supposed to, to help us.
37:34
But the last five years in particular, when you, when you
37:38
have one broken relationship after another, where you've
37:40
really loved and had your heart broken, it really makes you
37:43
question a lot of things about yourself, about life.
37:46
And so I did a ton of reading, a ton of study.
37:50
I did personal development, meeting with two spiritual
37:54
directors on a regular basis. I went to counseling.
37:56
OK, Are there things with me that I need to sort through and
38:00
work through? And so I would say the
38:01
compilation of all of those things put me in a very good
38:05
place to really understand the nature of the female
38:08
relationship, a female male relationship, what makes for a
38:13
happy marriage? What makes for a stable
38:18
relationship and and so I feel like where I was at 40 was very
38:22
different from 35. I think that's so probably, I
38:25
hope encouraging for some people listening because I there are so
38:28
many. I mean, beautiful, wonderful.
38:31
And I know you know, many of these women too, and men who are
38:36
single and they don't want to be single.
38:38
And you know, I think sometimes there's like a blame game that
38:41
happens. Like the men are like, there's
38:42
just no good women and the women are like, there's just no good
38:44
men. And I'm like, actually, there's
38:46
good women and good men. They, they are out there, but it
38:49
can be really hard to meet one another.
38:50
And it might take years. I mean, it really just might
38:53
take years. And there's pain in that for
38:56
some people. Some people, I think they're
38:57
much more approach it more positively personality wise or
39:01
just for other reasons, and it doesn't grate on them as much.
39:03
But for some people it's devastating because they want to
39:06
think they're, they feel lonely and they want to be starting
39:09
their life. They just have this like vision
39:11
and their head of this, what they want and they're not
39:13
achieving it by living it yet. And I, I am curious what you
39:18
think about that? Like why it is that some people
39:22
really feel it more acutely than others.
39:25
Like some people really feel the the sense of not being married
39:28
yet or not being in a relationship and and and be
39:31
actively moving towards marriage and then other people are more
39:34
contented. Yeah, good question.
39:37
I mean, there's probably a lot of factors.
39:39
I think family of origin, any unresolved issues could be a
39:43
potential there just general personality type, you know, or
39:46
some people more comfortable being on their own, more
39:48
energized when they've spent time alone and more drained when
39:52
they're in a crowd. But I know for me there was just
39:54
so much angst. I mean, so many pretty friends
39:58
when I got married were like, I'm so excited that there'll be
40:01
no. More tears about where is my
40:03
husband? No more crisis calls.
40:05
Yes, yes. So yeah, so I.
40:10
I think that that makes sense. So.
40:11
So let's get to it then. So you're 35 or how old are you
40:16
when you first encounter Joe and how did it happen?
40:21
Yeah, so, well, this case, so This is why I was, you know,
40:25
right after the engagement, because you so wonderfully were
40:29
inspired in January of 2016 that this Joe that you knew, because
40:36
his brother had married a dear friend of yours, would be a
40:40
great guy for me to consider dating.
40:42
And I remember you presenting this possibility to me.
40:45
And I was living in Western Canada, Vancouver at the time,
40:49
and he was in Florida. And I remember saying to you,
40:52
like, Lila enough, I've had enough long distance
40:55
relationships like this is going to be like literally across the
40:58
whole continent. Like, you know, I don't know.
41:00
But you were just convinced and you worked really hard to sell
41:03
him on me and you succeeded because I remember saying, OK,
41:07
I'm open to hearing from him. And you reached out to him to
41:10
see if he was open to a setup. And he was.
41:12
And so we actually had an e-mail exchange for several weeks.
41:17
And this is this is one of my regrets to this day is that I
41:22
shut it down. And it's only now that I have
41:26
married what I think is the best man in the world.
41:28
I'm horrified that I almost let that possibility slip through my
41:32
fingers. But as I say, there were things
41:34
that I think I needed to learn that make me a, a better person
41:37
for him now. But Long story short, we emailed
41:40
for a few weeks and then the day we were going to have a phone
41:43
call, which he had initiated. So he was like moving things
41:46
very nicely from e-mail to phone.
41:49
I didn't even know he'd already Googled flight.
41:51
So he was going to consider in person.
41:53
And I emailed him the day of the phone call and I said, you know
41:55
what? I just decided I want to focus
41:57
on in the flash relationships and I don't want to do it
42:02
willing to screen relationships. So it's been nice getting to
42:05
know you, but I, I, I don't think I'd like to bother going
42:09
to the phone. And I remember you were
42:11
horrified that I shut this down because he was so convinced that
42:14
we were right. And I was like, no, no.
42:17
And so, so literally for the next 4 years, Joe and I had no
42:19
contact. And you however, were like
42:23
relentless. Like every time I would see you,
42:26
which is several times a year, plus all our phone calls and
42:29
texts, you would bring him up pretty much every conversation.
42:34
I mean, unless I was actively, like, exclusively dating
42:37
someone, which I was at certain points in those years, you would
42:40
always bring Joe up and tell me I was wrong, tell me he was
42:44
right and that I could give him another chance, and I refused.
42:49
I was digging my heels. And I'm like, this is
42:51
ridiculous. But everything changed in
42:54
January of 2020. I was newly settled into a new
42:59
place that I was living in close to my family.
43:02
I was in my 39th year of life. And I was like, OK, I just have
43:05
to accept that single is my reality.
43:07
Unless God brings a man, like literally drops him from the
43:10
sky. My spiritual director would
43:12
always tell me God could bring a man from a rock.
43:15
And I'm like, yeah, right, Father, like that's ever going
43:17
to happen, happen. And I remember my spiritual
43:20
director came last, my new home in January of 2020.
43:24
And because he's my spiritual director, you know, I just
43:26
opened up with everything that was weighing on my heart.
43:29
And I told him, father, like here I have this beautiful home
43:32
to live in and I'm living alone. Like I just want to share my
43:35
life with someone. Why hasn't God sent me my
43:37
husband? Of course, for four years I've
43:39
been saying this and now I realize God did send me my
43:41
husband four years prior for your suggestion.
43:44
And I've been blaming God for what's been my fault the whole
43:46
time. So father sat with me and I just
43:50
sobbed. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
43:52
And he was like praying over me. And what I found out a few days,
43:57
well, what I found out months later, but at the very same
44:01
moment that I was crying to my spiritual director, begging God
44:06
for my husband, out of the blue, after four years of no contact,
44:10
I popped into Joe's head and he thought, I wonder about that
44:13
Stephanie Gray girl and if she's still single and would be open
44:17
to reconnecting. And so he texted you to find out
44:21
if I was still available and when months later we looked at
44:25
the date stamp. The exact time that he texted
44:29
you was the exact time I was sobbing to my spiritual
44:33
director. I mean, the hand of God is just
44:35
in. This is truly remarkable.
44:37
So Long story short, he contacted me in February and we
44:41
had a chance to meet up before COVID broke out in in March.
44:47
So we met in person and hung out doing all kinds of fun things
44:50
for a weekend when I was in the states.
44:53
And we both pretty much knew by the end of the weekend, like
44:56
there was really something special going on.
44:58
And I thought, Oh my gosh, Lila was right.
45:00
Lila was right. So Long story short, we started
45:04
dating after that first weekend in March and he proposed late
45:07
May and I got married August 1st and I couldn't be happier.
45:14
OK, so you met in February for the no March for the first time.
45:19
You're engaged in May, No, June and you're married in OK, and
45:25
then you're married in August. So talk about a timeline.
45:29
And I remember, I remember talking to you, I think when you
45:32
were 40 or 30, no 39 and you were saying, you know, I I it
45:38
can't happen so quickly. It takes at least a year.
45:40
We were saying we would like calculate, you know, about when
45:44
you could maybe meet this, you know, future husband person that
45:47
you were trying to meet. And you're like, it's so
45:49
frustrating because it probably will take at least a year to get
45:51
to know them in six months, at least to be engaged.
45:53
And then by the time I can get pregnant and have a baby, I mean
45:56
the. Calculation was kind of.
45:58
Looking looking negative, but it turned out the fastest possible
46:02
timeline I think for you this last year.
46:05
It's truly remarkable. So it should be backtracked a
46:07
little bit when. You're pregnant now too, and I
46:09
think you. Should I have already produced
46:12
the same in heaven? So within that short timeline, I
46:16
got married August 1st. We got pregnant in September.
46:20
Sadly, we lost our baby November and but, but I say like what?
46:29
What's our job ultimately is to get to heaven and produce Saints
46:31
for heaven. And so we already have a child
46:33
in heaven and we have another one on the way.
46:36
So literally, it's not even been a year.
46:38
It's not even March 2021. But if we backtrack and go to
46:42
October 2019, before Joe was back in my life, I was visiting
46:46
you. I was on a work trip in
46:47
California and I had a couple days in between events and I had
46:51
one of my many breakdowns about what was me.
46:54
I'm still single. I'm so angry.
46:56
I'm so frustrated. And you were just so consoling
46:59
and so helpful, but also quite distressed because I remember,
47:01
as you recall, like I was really, really in the depths of
47:05
despair about being single, very dark.
47:09
It was very dark. And probably then is certainly
47:12
at other points. But yeah, I threw out that
47:14
timeline like, because you would, you know, trying to be
47:16
ever hopeful, like it's God could bring someone.
47:19
You never know what your next event, like God could bring
47:21
someone. And that's when I would throw
47:22
out my timeline. I just come up with in my head
47:25
like it will never happen as quickly as I want it because I
47:28
want a husband yesterday and and because I had actually fallen in
47:32
love a couple other times you invest as I had with those other
47:36
relationships. So then I lived with this fear
47:38
of well, what if I meet someone, fall in love again, date for six
47:42
months because I'm actually in love.
47:43
So I think it's going to marriage and then it ends and Oh
47:46
my gosh, I'm, I'm back to the beginning.
47:48
And I always viewed it as going back to the beginning.
47:51
And so that was October. And it truly is like, you know,
47:56
and some people would say, oh, well, that's a little too fast.
47:59
But one of the things I say again, not quite with anything,
48:03
you can't have a hard and fast rule.
48:04
It must be this way or that way because every person in every
48:07
situation is unique. But when you're 40, you really
48:11
know what we're looking for. And when you have dated as often
48:17
as I had and for as long as I had, I almost felt like
48:21
discernment for who ultimately would be my husband was largely
48:25
done by interacting with all the people who weren't meant to be
48:29
my husband. And all the study I had done
48:31
about an ideal marriage and an ideal relationship, all that
48:35
prepared me so that when I finally met my husband, there
48:40
was no doubt in my mind it was this was it.
48:44
And it literally just unfolded. It didn't have to be forced.
48:48
All the other relationships, if I think back to them and if I'm
48:50
honest there, there was forcing on one part or the other.
48:54
There was tension, there was conflict.
48:56
But this literally just unfolded like a flower.
49:00
And there's a beautiful song by at least it's sung by Leland,
49:03
but other groups, Christian fans sing it too.
49:05
But it's called waymaker. And that was like the theme for
49:09
me of my dating relationship. I listen to it almost every day
49:12
in prayer time. And the chorus goes, you are a
49:15
waymaker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the
49:19
darkness. My God, that is who you are.
49:21
And I really felt like this whole very fast relationship,
49:25
God was that waymaker. He was a promise keeper.
49:27
He was parting the waters. I I felt like like Moses walking
49:32
through the red and parting for all the Israelites to follow
49:35
behind him. I really felt like in this year
49:38
of COVID where the world was shutting down, where forces
49:41
would seem to be against the blossoming of any relationship,
49:45
especially a long distance one separated by a border.
49:49
It was as though God was walking ahead and parting the waters in
49:54
truly miraculous ways. And to the point that, yeah, now
49:59
I'm happily married to the best man in the world, one child and
50:03
another woman. And I think every happily
50:06
married woman should be able to say, no, mother is the best.
50:09
So my. OK, I know you have to go in a
50:12
moment and we're going to wrap up, but I, I think we could talk
50:15
so much longer about this and so many aspects of it.
50:19
But what is your advice for anyone listening now,
50:23
particularly maybe single women or single men for that matter,
50:26
who are just like, OK, that's great.
50:28
She got married at 40. She found the love of her life.
50:30
I'm so happy for her. But you know, how to, how to,
50:34
how does that happen to me? I mean, and maybe they're
50:36
listening. They're like, I want it to
50:37
happen now and I'm 25 or I'm, you know, 30 or whatever.
50:40
So what would be your advice to somebody listening who is hoping
50:43
to meet the love of their life and get married soon?
50:47
Oh. Gosh.
50:48
Well, the first piece of advice or or just first comment I would
50:51
have is, is my heart goes out for you because before meeting
50:55
my Joe, the the pain that I went through longing for a husband
51:00
and having an unfulfilled desires is a deep, deep
51:02
suffering. So as someone who's managed to
51:06
come through that suffering and literally I got married three
51:09
weeks after I turned 40 and what seems like truly a story of
51:13
biblical proportions with the the 40th year is to not lose
51:19
hope. And there were many times where
51:20
I felt hopeless. And if I think back as to what
51:24
carried me through the hard times, it was having a close
51:28
group of friends of which you were one, and spending time with
51:32
those friends, having joy with those friends, doing activities
51:36
and adventures that are very life giving.
51:39
The other thing that really helped over the years is serving
51:41
others with the thing that you love.
51:44
So for me it's music. I love to sing and I love my
51:46
ukulele and so, So in the last couple of years leading up to
51:50
finding Joe, I volunteered a hospital and would routinely
51:54
play and sing for patients, many of whom otherwise had no other
51:57
visitors. And I remember 1 old woman
51:59
saying to me, when I hear the music, my pain goes away.
52:05
And it was though what she was saying was also what I was
52:08
feeling because when I hear the music, my my emotional pain was
52:11
going away. So the things that gave me life,
52:15
I focused on. I found people who enjoy those
52:18
things too, and then I participated in that with them.
52:21
I also sought counseling help. So I would encourage anyone who
52:25
doesn't have a spiritual director or spiritual advisor or
52:28
mentor, someone they can look up to and get counsel from, to seek
52:31
that out. If you think you need more
52:33
intentional professional counseling as I had a season up
52:36
also, that might be something that that you want to consider
52:39
as well. Hold up in your mind good
52:42
examples of what you want. As I say, I, I read a lot about
52:45
what does it mean to be a Good Wife and a good woman and have a
52:48
good Holy Family? And so the more you study that
52:52
now, then when you meet the right person, you're even even
52:56
more ready. So I would say all of those
52:58
things were, were hugely helpful, but it's, it's not
53:03
easy. So you continue to also ask God
53:06
and beg God and and see how he's going to unfold things.
53:12
I love that. I love that focus on hope.
53:14
Hope and preparation hope keeps you going and it reminds you
53:18
that life is such a beautiful thing, even if it's be
53:22
difficult. And then the preparation is like
53:23
that's what life is about preparation for the next for the
53:26
next life as well As for, you know, the people that we'll love
53:29
in this life. So thanks my dear, thanks for
53:32
this interview. There's so much more to talk
53:36
about, but if anyone listening has questions, by the way, about
53:40
this topic, dating, newlywed, life, heartbreak, we will be
53:45
doing some question and answers in future episodes.
53:47
So please send those to thoughts@lilaroshow.com.
53:51
And Stephanie, where can people find you and also the books that
53:54
you write? Word has it you have a new book
53:56
out. Yes, So people can learn more by
53:58
going to my website, which is Love Unleashes life.com.
54:03
And I've just released a book under my new name, Stephanie
54:06
Gray Connors called Start with What 10 Principles for Thinking
54:10
about Assisted Suicide? And I also a few years ago
54:13
published a book on abortion. So by going to
54:15
loveunleasheslife.com com clicking on the books section,
54:18
people can go there to get the links on Amazon.
54:22
Awesome. Thank you.
54:24
Thanks so much for coming on. Well, thank you.
54:27
We'll have to have Joe on sometime.
54:28
Our both of our Joes. Thanks so much for joining this
54:33
episode of the Lila Rose Show. If you enjoyed it, if you liked
54:37
it, please share it with your friends and family.
54:40
This will help the podcast reach more people.
54:41
You can also leave it a review on Apple and give it five stars.
54:46
That will also help it reach more people.
54:47
And as always, I love to hear your feedback or thoughts.
54:49
You can send them to thoughts@lilaroseshow.com.
54:52
I also am on Instagram and I love to respond to direct
54:56
messages there. Sometimes I'm not able to get to
54:58
them all. So the thoughts at
54:59
lilaroseshow.com is a great place because I do read all of
55:02
those females. Thank you all so much and have a
55:05
wonderful rest of your week and I'll see you back next week.