Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E24: How He Met The Love of His Life At the Rental Car Agency with Seth Dillon of the Babylon Bee

Transcript

E24: How He Met The Love of His Life At the Rental Car Agency with Seth Dillon of the Babylon Bee · The Lila Rose Show

• 0:00
  Hey guys, welcome to the Lila Rose Podcast.
• 0:03
  Today I'm going to chat with Seth Dillon, a serial
• 0:05
  entrepreneur and CEO of the satirical news site The Babylon
• 0:09
  Bee. We talk about his love story
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  with his beautiful wife, marriage, dating, his advice for
• 0:14
  men, some of my advice for women, and some other great
• 0:16
  topics. Yesterday this episode was
• 0:19
  released and unfortunately the audio was messed up so our bad.
• 0:23
  We're getting back into podcasting here and apologies
• 0:25
  for that. If you have yesterday's episode,
• 0:27
  you can just ignore that and you can listen to this one instead
• 0:31
  as the audio is way better. As usual, please subscribe,
• 0:35
  please share this podcast with friends and check it out on
• 0:38
  YouTube because we're now putting the full video along
• 0:41
  with the audio on my YouTube channel, which is at Lila Rose
• 0:45
  podcast on YouTube. Looking forward to hearing your
• 0:48
  eyes thoughts and let's get into it.
• 0:53
  We're already rolling and then Joe just puts on the camera when
• 1:01
  you don't know and it's kind of weird in creepy.
• 1:05
  OK, So yeah, Seth, how's it going?
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  So we were just talking about Joe Rogan and all this other
• 1:12
  interesting stuff that you're doing.
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  But the most interesting thing I think about people is their
• 1:17
  relationships. And I want to start by hearing
• 1:21
  your love story with your beautiful wife who is on
• 1:23
  Instagram. And we all look at her and she's
• 1:25
  like, wow, Seth has a really beautiful wife.
• 1:27
  She has beautiful, but she never comes to any events.
• 1:29
  So I mean, she's more than what we'd love to have her at the
• 1:32
  live action gala next year. But yeah, Tara, right.
• 1:36
  Tara, yeah. So how did you meet Tara?
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  What's? The.
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  Tara and Seth. Story.
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  I met Tara because she's a bad driver.
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  She didn't get in a car accident with me.
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  She got in a car accident with someone else.
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  It was like this road rage incident.
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  Someone was trying to pass her and then she tried to get around
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  them and then she lost control of her car and wrecked on the
• 1:55
  highway. I.
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  She OK? She was fine.
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  I at the time was working at a rental car agency and so I was
• 2:05
  at Enterprise Rent a Car. OK.
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  I was going to say which one, because the best enter the best
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  agency is Enterprise and I cannot see you at any other
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  rental car agency, but the Enterprise guys are always clean
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  cut, they're always responsible and you always know they're
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  going places like Enterprise is just one.
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  Oh, we should have gotten sponsored by Enterprise.
• 2:22
  This is like a. They are the best.
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  A great live ad read. I mean, don't you think?
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  I mean, who do you rent from? Enterprise will pick you up, you
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  know, it's but literally in my case, because that's where I met
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  my wife. Yeah, she.
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  So she came in for a rental car and she was too young to even
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  rent a car. She was like 19.
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  But it was an insurance deal because it was going through an
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  insurance company, which means they'll let you through the
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  insurance company. OK, so how old were you?
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  I was 21. OK, so I was gonna make for like
• 2:48
  I was 35. Like no, OK, cool. 21 and 19 so.
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  You guys were, Yeah, we were young.
• 2:53
  Yeah. I mean, that's appropriate,
• 2:55
  right? There's nothing wrong with.
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  That no, that's very appropriate.
• 2:57
  She's past 18. Yeah, exactly.
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  So so she came in and and rented a car from me and like it was
• 3:05
  just you know, she's a cute girl and I didn't but I wasn't like I
• 3:09
  wasn't flirting with her or anything or trying to ask her
• 3:11
  out. In fact, one of my coworkers was
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  and was trying to get her to come out with him and his
• 3:14
  friends like later that night. Which is not OK when you're
• 3:16
  trying to buy a service from someone in there.
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  Not OK. It was inappropriate.
• 3:20
  Yeah, exactly. So I didn't do that.
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  But then later on that evening, she called the office before we
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  closed and asked me out to dinner.
• 3:27
  OK. What?
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  So she asked me out. Yeah.
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  So not only was she a bad driver, she's also pretty bold,
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  so. She's very bold.
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  So wait a minute, what was your dynamic when you first met each
• 3:37
  other that like what and and what is her story?
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  I mean, why did she I'm not knowing?
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  Of course we would call you and ask you for dinner.
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  But I mean, what was like for her when she met you?
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  That was she's just like, he's so cute.
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  Like, do you know what what she would say if she was here right
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  now? What happened between you when
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  she came in to rent that car? Yeah.
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  I mean, obviously, yeah. She thought I was cute and, and
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  she was just, I don't know, she was just taking a shot, you
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  know, seeing if I wanted to have dinner.
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  And she was just very outspoken and bold, and that was was kind
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  of fun. But she must have known that you
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  liked like you liked her, I mean.
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  I don't know she. Maybe she's very confident
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  because she's lovely and she's smart and she just thought,
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  well, of course he'd have dinner with.
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  Me, I think she was just being confident.
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  I don't feel like I was. I mean, I was going out of my
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  way to be as professional as possible, so I don't think that
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  I was like being flirtatious or anything.
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  So she was just taking a chance. So what did you say?
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  I said sure, yeah. We ended up hanging out that
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  night. Wow.
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  Yeah, yeah. So that was crazy.
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  So I mean, we didn't like. Yeah, yeah.
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  But we tradition. Beautiful.
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  We didn't end up like immediately together.
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  We just kind of talked on and off for a little while.
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  It was it was a bit before we actually started dating
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  seriously, but that's how we met initially.
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  And good for her for having. I mean, sometimes that's not the
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  route to go and sometimes it is. I think you there is a lot of
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  art to dating and not science. What she would say if she was
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  here, though, you asked, like, what would she say?
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  She would say, oh, he's, he looked like a nerd who'd make
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  money one day. So, you know, that's why.
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  Well, did it? Did it happen?
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  Did it work out for her it? Worked.
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  It worked out pretty well. She's.
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  She's reasonably happy and a good man.
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  So, OK, so when you did eventually, how many years from
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  when you met and went on that first dinner date to when you
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  got married? We got married in 2010.
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  We met in 2005 S five years, yeah.
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  So did you basically date the whole time?
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  Basically, we, we actually, we actually broke up and didn't
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  speak for about a whole year. These are always very interested
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  in, yeah, if you can share like what, what were the dynamics?
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  I don't know, I mean, we had like we had a rocky starts the
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  relationship, it was kind of like our age difference wasn't
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  great, but it was great enough where like she was still in the
• 5:47
  middle of college and I was already out of college and in
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  the workforce and, you know, trying to like start a career,
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  you know, and so we were kind of in slightly different places.
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  And, and so I don't know, it was just like it seemed like it was
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  just maybe bad timing. And so it kind of fizzled out
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  initially at the beginning and we we didn't get serious
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  immediately, so. But you stayed in touch.
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  But we stayed in touch. Yeah, we stayed in touch and we
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  ended up hanging out again a little while down the road.
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  And was she was she kind of like, was it like a mutual thing
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  or was one of you feeling like this is not?
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  I mean, you're very young. She's 19 and you're 21.
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  You're working at Enterprise. Yeah.
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  And so like. I initially broke up with her
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  OK, and I gave her the I gave her the we're in different
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  places thing. I wanted to be single.
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  I didn't I, you know, and, and, and I did feel like we were kind
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  of in different places. So she was still in like the
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  college age, like party scene, everything.
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  I was getting a little bit more serious and wanting to, you
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  know, so it it, I broke up with her initially.
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  We ended up getting back together, dated for a while, and
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  then she ended up breaking up with me and that's when we
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  didn't talk for a year. But then I did miss her a lot.
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  Yeah, we were both dating other people.
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  Did you feel, was that like a heartbreak breakup for you or
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  what? Yeah, it was.
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  It was, yeah, yeah, it was really tough.
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  How? Did you deal with that?
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  You know, a lot of drinking, crying myself to sleep at night.
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  No, no, no. It was, it was, you know, it
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  was, it was a lot of. Tweeting.
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  Were you tweeting? I don't know.
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  It was tough. I wasn't on Twitter yet.
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  I don't think it was. It was difficult.
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  You know, I, I really did love her.
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  And so, you know, I didn't, I didn't want that breakup when
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  that one happened. So it was, it was pretty hard
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  for me, but we did, when we did get back in touch, we were both
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  dating other people. We ended up like just meeting up
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  to talk and see how the other was doing, you know, one of
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  those things. And, and I don't know, it was
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  like we realized in that moment, like sitting there talking to
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  each other, like, what are we doing?
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  Like we're wasting our time with other people.
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  We love each other, we miss each other, you know?
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  So we almost immediately broke up with the people we were
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  dating and got back together. Wait, were you?
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  Exclusively dating with other people?
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  Yeah. Wow.
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  Yeah. That's both of us were.
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  And so that's big, yeah. So we started.
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  And when you were dating those other people, I mean, you can at
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  least speak for yourself. Were you thinking about Tara?
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  Oh yeah, yeah, I mean. But you were like, oh, it's not
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  working out with her. So I'm going to try to make it
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  work out with with this new person I'm dating.
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  I mean, I had, I had moved on to the extent that, you know, a
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  whole year passed. So it was like initially it was
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  a really hard breakup and everything, but I had, I didn't
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  expect to really ever talk to her again.
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  So she actually reached out to me and asked if I wanted to get
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  back together and just like meet up, you know, have coffee, talk.
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  And so I said sure, I missed her.
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  And so I wanted to see her so you know it, but it was then
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  that I guess she realized how much I, she was the one who
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  reached out to me. So apparently she had been
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  missing me a lot. So I had kind of just resigned
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  myself to to the fact that I had lost her, you know, that she was
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  gone. And then she like just called me
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  out of the blue. And so for me, I was very
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  excited to see her and see where that went.
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  And so that the fact that she had reached out to me, the way
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  that I describe it now is, you know, she came crawling back to
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  me after she after she realized she messed up when we broke up.
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  But yeah, I mean, it was it was it was ups and downs, ups and
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  downs. But within a matter of months of
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  us getting back together, we were engaged and on a path to
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  getting married. So we had decided that we wanted
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  to be with each other at that point.
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  And for you, when you were like, growing up and, you know,
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  thinking about your future, did you think about, you know,
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  getting married one day and the kind of woman you'd want to
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  marry? Or was it kind of like out of
• 9:30
  sight, out of mind until your 20s or something?
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  Yeah, it wasn't until it wasn't really something that I thought
• 9:37
  about a lot when I was younger. What did you think about me?
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  I didn't, I don't know. I mean, it wasn't, I didn't plan
• 9:43
  for my future. It's so.
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  Funny the difference between men.
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  And women there's. Definitely romantic men.
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  Not saying you're not romantic, but there's definitely some men
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  that do Daydream about that from a young age.
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  But most women. Not all, but most women, I
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  think. Daydream about it.
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  Yeah. I didn't have like my I I didn't
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  have my idea of how many kids do I want to have and what are
• 10:02
  their names going to be And no, I wasn't doing any of that kind
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  of stuff. Did.
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  You dream about this like dream girl.
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  Like, was there a dream girl for you?
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  I definitely, yeah, I definitely had an idea in my mind of like
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  who I wanted to be with and she really that.
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  And that was the reason why that initial breakup, you know, where
• 10:17
  we were separated for so long, was so hard.
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  But it's because she checked those boxes for me and she.
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  Was the dream. Yeah, yeah, I really loved her.
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  So, you know, when we broke up and didn't speak for a while, it
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  was, you know, she didn't want me to be chasing her at that
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  point. You know, she wanted her space.
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  And so I gave it to her. And we and I, you know, I think
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  that that was probably that probably helped me out because
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  if I had been like that persistent, you know, chasing
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  after her and bugging her, I probably would have driven her
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  away. So in the.
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  Dynamics are so interesting because I, I think there's this
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  sometimes with dating, there's like, OK, there's, there's like
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  one way to do it. And if you do it this way, you
• 10:57
  have your best shot of succeeding and finding your
• 10:59
  match and all this. And there's actually a lot of
• 11:01
  ways that it, it can happen. And a lot of it has to do with,
• 11:05
  you know, you having good virtues and good sense of self
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  and a good sense of where you're wanting to go and, you know,
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  having a kind of a composure of who you are and what you're
• 11:14
  aiming towards. And because if you're like
• 11:16
  losing yourself in another person completely, you know,
• 11:20
  it's like your identity as that other person, then what do you
• 11:23
  have to give them ultimately, you know, and then it gets kind
• 11:26
  of crazy, especially if there's like heartache or disagreement
• 11:28
  or breakups or things like that. So you had there's the
• 11:32
  difference between like, courtship and healthy pursuit
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  and like, stalking and harassing somebody who's trying to, like,
• 11:37
  put space. Between OK, so that's an
• 11:39
  interesting. You gotta be careful with that
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  one. 'Cause I was gonna my where I'm
• 11:42
  going next with this is OK. So there's probably mostly if we
• 11:46
  put this out online, mostly women will listen to it, but
• 11:48
  there will be some men that will listen to it too.
• 11:50
  And I was just having a really interesting conversation with
• 11:53
  Doctor Kay. We're calling him but about like
• 11:55
  what is overbearing in the dating place for men to do?
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  But what is actually good, you know, good masculine authority,
• 12:02
  you know, assertiveness to ask a girl out.
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  Now, your wife asked you out first, which is, you know, it's
• 12:08
  own beautiful story. But what do you what's your
• 12:11
  advice to guys out there right now?
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  Because most people, most women I know who are single, like all
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  my single girlfriends complain about men who are just not
• 12:20
  serious enough. They want to hang out.
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  They're afraid. They all like say they have
• 12:24
  emotion. Like there's one friend of mine
• 12:26
  who's the guy's like, you know, saying he has emotional issues.
• 12:29
  He doesn't know how and when he's it's going to commit.
• 12:31
  I mean, there's just this whole minefield out there or just men
• 12:35
  that don't want to get married, but they want to like date it
• 12:38
  endlessly. You know, what's your I guess
• 12:42
  what's your advice to men who are?
• 12:46
  Well, not. Married and maybe want to get
• 12:49
  married and. If you want to get married, you
• 12:52
  got to act like you're worth marrying.
• 12:54
  You know, you got to, you got to you got to be the man and you
• 12:59
  know there is obviously there's something to be said for, you
• 13:01
  know, the assertiveness, knowing what you want and, and
• 13:04
  everything. How do you know what you want?
• 13:05
  But yeah, that's The thing is like when you talk about, when
• 13:08
  you put it in, in terms of advice, it's like if if a guy is
• 13:12
  like non committal and and isn't ready for that kind of a
• 13:18
  relationship, then you can't really give him advice to be
• 13:21
  like, oh, well, you should behave differently.
• 13:23
  You know, like, well, why that's against his interest.
• 13:25
  He doesn't want that. You know, ultimately those guys
• 13:27
  are the ones that you want to look past, right?
• 13:29
  You want to sift through them to try to find the ones.
• 13:31
  Who are, It's more the guy that wants to be successful in love
• 13:36
  and be married one day. Or maybe they don't even think
• 13:39
  of it as marriage, but they just want to be sick.
• 13:40
  They don't want to be alone, you know, They want to have a dream
• 13:43
  girl. What what?
• 13:44
  What's the advice to them? You should have, you should have
• 13:47
  values. You should be able to know what
• 13:48
  you believe and why you believe it and be able to defend it.
• 13:50
  You know, you should take care of yourself.
• 13:53
  You know, there's I, I think one of the issues that we.
• 13:55
  Have like oh. My gosh.
• 13:57
  Yeah. Read the Bible.
• 13:58
  Read the Bible. Jordan Peterson, CS Lewis.
• 14:01
  GK Chesterton's really good. I love Chesterton.
• 14:03
  Yeah, I almost quoted him out there when we were talking
• 14:05
  earlier. Should have Humor can get in
• 14:07
  under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle.
• 14:10
  That's one of my. Favorites.
• 14:11
  That's a good one. That's a really good one.
• 14:14
  But yeah, I mean, I think that one of the challenges that we
• 14:18
  have right now, and I'm not in the dating scene, you know, and
• 14:21
  I'm not a woman looking for a guy, but we do have this problem
• 14:23
  with men right now where men are like men are soft and men are,
• 14:27
  you know, they are, they're they're living at home into
• 14:30
  their 30s and they're not working out.
• 14:33
  And they're just like, they're just kind of listless and
• 14:36
  they're not, they're not principled and they're just, you
• 14:41
  know, testosterone levels are down and sperm counts are down
• 14:44
  and grip strength is weaker than it's ever been.
• 14:46
  And it's like some masculinity, masculinity is just withering
• 14:49
  away into nothing. And so it's like it for, for
• 14:53
  men, men who can really tap into their masculinity in a healthy
• 14:57
  way, you know, 'cause so many of them, when you talk about like,
• 14:59
  if you, if you think of like what actual toxic masculinity
• 15:02
  is, it's, it's, it's really like a man who's lost sight of what
• 15:05
  it actually means to be a man and is feeling like.
• 15:08
  It's. The absence of real masculinity.
• 15:11
  It's the suppression of real. It's the the feminization of men
• 15:14
  and then this and then this. Angst and outrage at the world
• 15:17
  for making them feel like an outcast or.
• 15:20
  It's a caricature of men because there is a toxic masculinity
• 15:23
  that is like if you call it, I don't like calling it that
• 15:25
  because like you said, masculinity is actually a good
• 15:27
  thing. But it there are jerks like they
• 15:28
  are like alpha male in the stereotypical negative sense.
• 15:32
  You know, there can be a positive sense, but they have,
• 15:34
  you know, they don't. They disregard people they
• 15:36
  disrespect. You know, they're not, you know,
• 15:38
  they're they have, you know, too many sexual partners.
• 15:40
  They don't really care about commitment and love or being
• 15:42
  fathers. I mean, the problem is we
• 15:44
  feminized those traits which are actually masculine traits.
• 15:48
  Like to be a committed husband is somehow a feminine thing.
• 15:52
  No, it's a masculine thing. To be a tender father is somehow
• 15:55
  feminine. No, that's masculine.
• 15:57
  Yeah, being protective, you know, recognizing that one of
• 16:00
  the most valuable things in the universe is a kept promise.
• 16:04
  I mean, like men don't have that mentality.
• 16:07
  If they did, they'd be a lot more attractive to women.
• 16:09
  I think so. And when women are really
• 16:12
  craving masculinity in men. We need it.
• 16:15
  Yeah, it's missing right now. So I don't know, I, I don't know
• 16:18
  how you like, condense it down into advice.
• 16:21
  Like what advice do I give to, to like young men who are like
• 16:24
  struggling in that environment? I don't know.
• 16:28
  I think a lot of it just comes down to, you know, really
• 16:34
  understanding what it is that women need and what they want
• 16:37
  and not thinking about, you know, cuz so many, so there's so
• 16:40
  much idealization. You know, you look out there and
• 16:43
  you say, this is what I want, this is what I want a perfect
• 16:45
  wife, right? This is what I want my wife to
• 16:47
  be like. Well, are you, are you spending
• 16:49
  any time at all thinking about like, how can I be the best
• 16:53
  husband to somebody? Like how can I position myself
• 16:56
  for that role and focus on yourself for the for that
• 16:59
  purpose, Then you might actually have a shot at finding a woman
• 17:01
  like that. But unless and until you do
• 17:03
  that, just being the loser that you are, well, well, chasing
• 17:08
  that dream, it's never gonna happen.
• 17:10
  It's never gonna happen. Does that make sense?
• 17:11
  It does. Is that advice?
• 17:12
  Does that I. Think that's it.
• 17:14
  Honestly, I feel like there's a book waiting to be written and
• 17:17
  maybe it has been and I haven't read it yet, but like the art of
• 17:19
  husbandry. Yeah.
• 17:21
  The art of not midwifery, but like being a wife.
• 17:24
  Because I, I think there's a lot of like stuff out there about
• 17:27
  relationships that's usually kind of superficial level or
• 17:29
  stuff about like communication, which is good and deep.
• 17:32
  And, but in today's world, I think because also like what it
• 17:36
  is to be a man and what it is to be a woman is being so erased.
• 17:40
  Like what does it even mean to be masculine?
• 17:42
  What does it even mean to be feminine?
• 17:43
  And it also so taboo in some ways.
• 17:46
  And there's so many caricatures of it too, right?
• 17:47
  Like to be woman is to literally put on lipstick and put on heels
• 17:51
  and you can be a man and do that and all of a sudden you're a
• 17:53
  woman. But.
• 17:54
  I can still have a beard though, right?
• 17:57
  It's just crazy when when I think, you know, my theory with
• 18:01
  all of this or my belief is that, you know, the core
• 18:03
  essential of a man versus a woman is fatherhood versus
• 18:07
  motherhood. And as a mother, you know, you
• 18:10
  are receptive, you're receiving the child into your, you
• 18:12
  literally have a child in your body.
• 18:13
  You're nurturing that child biologically and physically.
• 18:16
  And so there's this nurture, there's this tenderness, there's
• 18:18
  a vulnerability there that the mother has to have.
• 18:20
  The father does need to protect. I mean, he's not having his
• 18:24
  body, you know, bringing the life in the world.
• 18:26
  He has to protect his, the, the woman and the child now.
• 18:29
  So he that's why the protector provider stereotype or really
• 18:34
  archetype is true because he's there to care for her.
• 18:37
  And also just the differences between men and women, like
• 18:39
  women, you know, our hormones and our emotions and our
• 18:42
  temperaments at large, You know, on a larger scale, obviously
• 18:45
  there's, there's Anna, you know, there's outliers on both sides.
• 18:48
  But overall, like we have more intense emotion and hormonal
• 18:52
  experiences. You know, our bodies are
• 18:53
  literally going through the cycle every month to potentially
• 18:56
  be able to be moms, you know, to be to to be able to bring life
• 18:58
  into the world. Men are not.
• 19:00
  Men are much more, you know, static, you could say.
• 19:03
  And there's that stability there that actually isn't as a great
• 19:05
  compliment to to women. And again, there's always like,
• 19:08
  you know, outliers. But men are losing some of that
• 19:11
  stability, though I think with with the feminization of that,
• 19:14
  they're losing some of that stability.
• 19:15
  I. Was talking to a friend recently
• 19:17
  and he was saying like how in today's world, because of
• 19:20
  quotas, you know, we want 5050 fifty men, 50 women, percent in
• 19:23
  like, you know, the corporate office or in, you know, in the
• 19:27
  law firm or whatever it is. And the problem is a lot of
• 19:30
  women, you know, yes, they, they can do anything.
• 19:33
  I mean, intellectually we can do a lot of things and anything.
• 19:36
  But women, when they become moms, they need flexibility and
• 19:40
  many of them don't want to be in an office 8 hours or 10 or 12
• 19:43
  hours a day. And So what has happening is,
• 19:45
  you know, men are now getting passed over ultimately for some
• 19:49
  of these jobs, but they are there, they would be there to
• 19:52
  provide or to care, right, for a, a mom or, you know, a wife or
• 19:57
  a woman. But now they get, they don't
• 19:59
  have the jobs basically, or they don't have the same
• 20:01
  opportunities because we're we're trying to push this total
• 20:05
  equality, this equity between men and women in the workplace.
• 20:09
  That's not a very healthy place to be when you're forcing that,
• 20:11
  I don't think. Yeah.
• 20:12
  I just don't understand why. Why why don't we let women be
• 20:15
  women and men be Ben, You know, and and ultimately, when it
• 20:17
  comes down to it, no one actually believes that, by the
• 20:19
  way. Like, you don't see women saying
• 20:22
  that we need more female welders, you know, or like or
• 20:26
  roofers, you know, like they're not.
• 20:27
  They're not suggesting that those jobs should be evenly
• 20:30
  shared. Exactly.
• 20:31
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 20:32
  Like garbage men, you know, plumbers like these are not
• 20:35
  dominated by the. The dirtiest and most dangerous
• 20:38
  jobs are being done by men for a reason.
• 20:41
  You know, men are men are willing to do those jobs.
• 20:43
  Women generally aren't. I.
• 20:45
  Want to go back to something? Why did Tara break up with you
• 20:48
  the second time? Or was it the first time, the
• 20:51
  time before you got back together for the?
• 20:52
  Last I broke up with her the first time she broke up.
• 20:54
  With Why did she break up with you?
• 20:58
  It's a very personal question, Lila.
• 21:01
  I, I think that I think our relationship had just gone off
• 21:06
  the rails, you know, it just become very, it had become very
• 21:09
  tumultuous and we were fighting a lot and it just wasn't like it
• 21:13
  had start. It started out so fun and then
• 21:15
  it became so much work, you know, and, and we had different
• 21:19
  fighting styles. This has changed a lot now in
• 21:21
  our relationship, but we had very different fighting styles.
• 21:24
  I was one of those people who when we when there was a
• 21:29
  conflict, when there's something going on, I wanted to fix it.
• 21:32
  I want to talk, I want to work it out.
• 21:34
  And she was is that. How you were raised.
• 21:36
  I don't know, I mean. Modeled in your home, your
• 21:39
  personality. I know, I mean my, my, my
• 21:41
  parents are very nurturing and there was a lot of communication
• 21:44
  and there was a lot of like there wasn't rage fighting, it
• 21:46
  was working through things. So I was always approaching her
• 21:51
  and she always wanted space and I was encroaching on that space
• 21:55
  to try to resolve the problem. And it only made things worse.
• 21:59
  And so our, our, our, we were just like a lot of it was how we
• 22:03
  dealt with conflict. And it was just, it wasn't
• 22:05
  working for her and. How was conflict dealt with for
• 22:08
  her growing up? Very, in a very dramatic way,
• 22:11
  you know, it was, it was a lot of, you know, name calling,
• 22:14
  storming out, I'm moving out kind of stuff.
• 22:16
  You know her parents had, you know her parents had been
• 22:18
  divorced. She Italian.
• 22:20
  Yeah, so she, you know, she fought differently than me and I
• 22:23
  couldn't handle that. And so, and, you know, they
• 22:26
  have, there's so much bad. You're just like please.
• 22:27
  Don't hurt me there's. So much bad advice.
• 22:29
  You know, I think one of the worst pieces of advice you can
• 22:31
  give somebody is never go to bed angry.
• 22:34
  I don't know if you've heard that one.
• 22:35
  Never go to bed angry. Just sometimes.
• 22:36
  So we're just at. All and you need to sleep and
• 22:38
  get your rest. Yes, My my response to that is
• 22:41
  no, no, no, no. If you're mad at each other and
• 22:44
  you're fighting and it's bedtime, like go to bed, just go
• 22:47
  to bed. Don't talk to each other.
• 22:48
  Roll over, go to sleep. Deal with it.
• 22:50
  Tomorrow you're going to have cooler heads.
• 22:52
  It's so true because nothing good happens in the moment of
• 22:55
  intense anger or emotion. I mean.
• 22:57
  You say things that you regret and.
• 22:59
  Now, if you're having an intense emotion of of like grief and
• 23:01
  need to be held, obviously like show support for that emotion.
• 23:04
  But if it's like combative emotion with each other, duking
• 23:08
  it out is only going to make you spiral.
• 23:10
  You're like it's a negative feedback loop.
• 23:12
  You need to take a break, a breather and and return when
• 23:16
  cooler heads up prevailed. Yeah, I agree with that.
• 23:19
  So I think that, you know, I think that's bad advice, that
• 23:21
  idea that you should never go to bed angry and that.
• 23:23
  And that was kind of like, I wasn't thinking of it in those
• 23:26
  terms at the time, but that was how I dealt with conflict, was
• 23:28
  it needs to be resolved now. I don't want to wait until
• 23:31
  tomorrow. I want to fix it.
• 23:32
  You know, I want to reason through it.
• 23:33
  Let's talk. And so I would just talk and
• 23:36
  talk and talk at her. And it was just a disaster,
• 23:39
  total disaster. So things got, things got
• 23:42
  difficult actually later in our relationship when I changed my
• 23:44
  mentality about that when we got back together later on down the
• 23:48
  road after we were married and everything, you know, our, we,
• 23:51
  we wouldn't slip back into some of our old ways of handling
• 23:54
  conflict. And it wasn't, it wasn't
• 23:56
  working. And so I'm like, you know what,
• 23:57
  I'm doing this differently now. I'm going to just walk away and
• 24:01
  give her her space and we'll deal with it later.
• 24:05
  And that was like all hell broke loose.
• 24:08
  She couldn't handle she she thought it meant I didn't care
• 24:11
  anymore. Wait, so so you're saying she
• 24:13
  used to ask for the space, but then she was acclimated to you
• 24:16
  always like being so like when you change your behavior?
• 24:19
  I was like, wait a minute, I don't know what to do with it.
• 24:20
  Was perceived as I had given up on our relationship like that
• 24:23
  was how it was like perceived on her.
• 24:24
  End I feel I mean, I feel like with with my husband and I it's
• 24:27
  like if he's not like really engaging whatever thing I have
• 24:30
  like it can be hard as but what I really.
• 24:33
  The lesson is it's lose. Lose no matter what you do with
• 24:35
  a woman. That's the lesson.
• 24:37
  So there's no winning strategy here, guys.
• 24:39
  No winning strategy. Flowers that require special
• 24:42
  nurture and care. Right, okay.
• 24:43
  Yeah, all right. Like any plant.
• 24:46
  Flower So it just takes a little time.
• 24:49
  Intelligence, Presence. Presence too.
• 24:53
  No, we're just kidding. Presence help my one of my
• 24:56
  wife's things is gifts. That's her, you know.
• 24:58
  She. Loves a good gift.
• 24:59
  The love language is helping. That's the thing.
• 25:01
  Like I think it's like how much nurture are we putting into the
• 25:04
  relationship? I feel like that's a big part of
• 25:06
  like dealing with conflict is, is the relationship getting lots
• 25:09
  of nurture with all the tough things happening to or is this
• 25:11
  the tough things taking over the relationship?
• 25:13
  Yeah. And what does that mean?
• 25:14
  Because like I said before, you know, so much of our of our
• 25:17
  focus is on the other person. Like I could, I could, I could
• 25:20
  write a list for you about issues with my wife.
• 25:22
  You know, things that she needs to fix, right?
• 25:24
  That's another show she can come over.
• 25:26
  Yeah, we can do that. Let's do that.
• 25:27
  We'll each write down our list and then talk through them.
• 25:30
  Bring the psychiatrist, Doctor K and we'll have a whole session.
• 25:33
  Free entertainment that's free at Free set Counseling that's
• 25:36
  also entertaining. There you go.
• 25:38
  But I don't think that's like a healthy way of approaching your
• 25:41
  issues, you know, like the better way is OK.
• 25:44
  What are her issues with me and, and, and what can I work on for
• 25:48
  myself? And if you're, if you're willing
• 25:51
  to do that, if you're willing to focus on your own things that
• 25:53
  they have an issue with, they're going to be a lot more willing
• 25:56
  and interested in working on their own.
• 25:59
  And they'll even do it sometimes without you asking.
• 26:02
  So it's not really like, I think in some ways it can be perceived
• 26:07
  like the love language thing can be perceived as like
• 26:09
  manipulation. Oh, if I do this for them,
• 26:11
  they'll do this for me. And it's like you're doing just
• 26:14
  to get what you want out of things, but it's just the right
• 26:16
  thing to do. It's the right way to handle
• 26:18
  things. You need to focus on as a man,
• 26:20
  you need to focus on being a good husband.
• 26:22
  And what does that mean? And if that, if that's in place,
• 26:25
  you're going to have a much better wife than if you focus
• 26:26
  on, I need my wife to be perfect and I'm going to mold her into
• 26:29
  the perfect wife. And I think actually, women
• 26:31
  probably struggle with this more than men because they're
• 26:33
  constantly trying to like nag their husband and get him to do
• 26:37
  the things that they want him to do.
• 26:39
  And that's not the approach that doesn't work with men.
• 26:41
  You're just going to drive them away when you do that.
• 26:43
  It's, it's, you know, it's, it's the exact opposite.
• 26:47
  Well, we can only be, we can only be responsible for
• 26:49
  ourselves. Like we can't, we can't change
• 26:51
  other people, including the people most close to us,
• 26:54
  especially the people most close to us.
• 26:56
  We can change ourselves. Anything about like the first
• 26:58
  quality of love is, I believe patience.
• 27:00
  Love is patient. It, it waits for the person, it
• 27:03
  allows the person it, it celebrates that the person
• 27:06
  exists and the the goodness of the person, like how good it is
• 27:08
  that you exist. But then it gives that person
• 27:11
  space to exist because what has God done for us?
• 27:13
  Like he gives us space to exist and to make choices sometimes
• 27:16
  that God I'm sure doesn't agree with.
• 27:17
  Right? But that's what love is 00.
• 27:20
  Coffee has arrived all right. Cheers.
• 27:23
  Let's just take off the Starbucks logo.
• 27:24
  Can we do that? Hide the logo, obviously.
• 27:27
  Cheers. All right, so that's OK.
• 27:30
  So what do you have to say to married men who may be
• 27:35
  listening? You kind of said something
• 27:37
  really good already, which is try to be like focus on being a
• 27:40
  good husband instead of trying to change things external, you
• 27:43
  know the other person. What would be like, how many
• 27:48
  years are you married now? How many?
• 27:50
  12 years. That's a long time, yeah.
• 27:53
  What's 1 of the biggest lessons you've learned in those 12
• 27:55
  years? You know, ultimately no
• 27:58
  relationship is perfect. And I don't think that I think
• 28:03
  so much of the time we everybody gets focused on, you know, like
• 28:07
  happiness needs to be go am I happy?
• 28:09
  Yeah. Do I feel good?
• 28:10
  Right. Now, do I feel good?
• 28:12
  Am I personally happy? And you lose sight of the fact
• 28:14
  that, you know, there's so much more to like a a, the, the love
• 28:17
  commitment of marriage goes so much deeper than just the, the
• 28:20
  emotional feeling of happiness so good.
• 28:22
  And there's like, there's gonna be a lot of like in a marriage
• 28:25
  relationship, especially once kids are in the picture and life
• 28:28
  gets really complicated. And there's and there's like
• 28:30
  challenges and hardships and losses.
• 28:33
  And you know, you're going to have these emotional ups and
• 28:37
  downs where you don't even necessarily feel like you like
• 28:40
  the other person that you're in this relationship with, right?
• 28:44
  And you even think like I remember one of the couples that
• 28:47
  did like counseling with my husband and I, Joe, before we
• 28:49
  got married. And they're like, we guarantee
• 28:51
  you there will be a day in the future after you marry when you
• 28:54
  will consider divorce or you'll not that you like seriously
• 28:56
  consider it. But when you'll think like, oh,
• 28:58
  if I wasn't married to this person and you're like, no, we
• 29:00
  would never, you know. And then like, remember, like,
• 29:03
  you know, but that's just, that's just being human.
• 29:06
  Yep, the difficult things and the emotions that come into play
• 29:09
  where, you know, you may not even feel like you like this
• 29:11
  person. You know, it's like even in
• 29:13
  those moments, you still need to act like you love the person you
• 29:16
  do. You do love them.
• 29:17
  You know, underneath all of that, there's still love there.
• 29:20
  And when you when you act like you love them, even in those
• 29:24
  moments that are difficult, you will come back to those feelings
• 29:27
  of love, those emotions. They're not, you know, it's you
• 29:30
  can't let it get buried under all of that hardship, right.
• 29:33
  So there's a lot of a lot of a lot of I think, you know, the
• 29:36
  marriage relationship is, is that that quieter love.
• 29:39
  That's that's what the persistence of just keeping the
• 29:42
  promise of being loyal and loving and kind to this person
• 29:46
  who were even though we're having these challenges, you
• 29:49
  know, that is how you get through those things is by
• 29:51
  keeping that in in focus. It's not a very specific thing.
• 29:54
  That's more like a general idea, but.
• 29:56
  That's beautiful. And it's so needed for people to
• 29:59
  hear that, that tough things happen and to stay the course
• 30:03
  and realize it. Your emotions will change, but
• 30:05
  love is a choice. Yeah.
• 30:07
  That's a promise, too. It's.
• 30:08
  A promise when there is conflict happening, which we all run into
• 30:13
  in marriage, almost all of us, especially if you're Italian or
• 30:16
  married to an Italian, what do you do?
• 30:18
  And like you're in the kind of rut of like controversy or
• 30:21
  discord together. What are some of the things to
• 30:24
  get out of the rut and to, you know, if you're not really, I
• 30:27
  don't like this person, but I love this person, you know, when
• 30:29
  it gets to that moment, what are some things to get back to the
• 30:33
  love feelings again? I mean, that's a really hard
• 30:37
  question. It's a hard question.
• 30:39
  I think probably that's going to differ depending on who you're
• 30:41
  with and what speaks to them. I think that, you know, if
• 30:46
  sometimes, you know, we would get stuck in a cycle of, you
• 30:49
  know, they're wrong, she's wrong or he's wrong and they need to
• 30:52
  come and apologize to me. And until that apology happens,
• 30:55
  you know, like we're not moving forward.
• 30:57
  This is like I'm standing my ground and everyone gets
• 30:59
  stubborn, you know, like. Like I apologize last time, it's
• 31:02
  their turn. Right, you got to have the not
• 31:05
  that I could. Track or anything?
• 31:07
  You got to have the humility to say, you know, like, I would
• 31:09
  much rather be with you than be right.
• 31:11
  It's not about being right. It's so you know, and that
• 31:14
  doesn't mean it doesn't mean that you need to be a pushover
• 31:17
  who just always like caves on everything and like and admits,
• 31:21
  you know, wrongdoing even when you're not wrong.
• 31:22
  You don't have to do that. You just don't have to insist on
• 31:25
  being right and getting that apology, like actually show
• 31:28
  love. And and I think that that's how
• 31:31
  you, I think that's a good way of like getting out of that
• 31:33
  spiral, which which could be just a vicious cycle of
• 31:36
  negativity. Yeah.
• 31:39
  I don't know. Is that a good answer?
• 31:40
  It was a really good answer. OK, Yeah.
• 31:42
  OK close it out with three fun short questions.
• 31:45
  OK, First of all, favorite date night?
• 31:47
  What is your guys's favorite date night?
• 31:50
  I feel like our favorite date night is boring.
• 31:52
  It's just a tip. It's just like we don't, we
• 31:54
  don't do, we're not one of those couples that does like tries to
• 31:56
  come up with all these like exciting new ways to go out and
• 31:58
  have fun on dates, you know, like.
• 32:00
  You're a married couple. You always be together.
• 32:02
  Yeah, but we do make time for date like I and I would, I would
• 32:05
  strongly encourage this for, for couples out there is that you,
• 32:08
  you set aside that time you find you have it every week we have a
• 32:11
  date night every single week. We, we try not to miss it and we
• 32:16
  just go out and have dinner, couple drinks, you know, like we
• 32:18
  just enjoy each other's time. We do often do it with friends,
• 32:22
  but it's important, I think to just go out the two of you too,
• 32:24
  and just get some time away from the kids and out of the house.
• 32:27
  And, and so for us, it's just dinner and drinks.
• 32:29
  That's it. It's very simple.
• 32:31
  It's awesome, very simple. But we we make time to do it
• 32:33
  every week. It's awesome.
• 32:35
  OK. And then your top love language
• 32:37
  and Tara's top love language. Hers are definitely acts of
• 32:42
  service and gifts. If I if I make the bed, that's
• 32:47
  foreplay, which is weird. I don't know why.
• 32:51
  I don't know why for some. People, that's totally normal.
• 32:55
  It's like the hottest thing in the world.
• 32:57
  See and Joe. Unload the dish.
• 32:58
  My husband that's super hot for some reason.
• 33:00
  My husband will make the bed and unload the dishwasher.
• 33:01
  I'm like, why are you wasting your time?
• 33:03
  Why aren't you talking to me instead?
• 33:04
  Really. Yes, I know.
• 33:06
  I want to like, tell me how much you love me.
• 33:08
  Oh, no, no, no, no. He's like I am, I'm loading, I'm
• 33:10
  unloading your our dishwasher, you know, so it's.
• 33:13
  Just it's a lot of that is about how you're raised.
• 33:15
  Right. So and that what you yeah.
• 33:17
  And. Tara, it's you know, words of
• 33:20
  this is the thing. This is what's so challenging is
• 33:21
  when your when your love languages are different you.
• 33:24
  Most of most couples there are different.
• 33:26
  You talk past each other and you don't You like what what she
• 33:29
  tries to do to communicate love to me, I don't receive and what
• 33:32
  I try to do to communicate love to her, she doesn't receive and
• 33:35
  and you just end up like missing each other.
• 33:37
  And so getting into it actually is very important to get in tune
• 33:40
  with that. I don't know if people all buy
• 33:41
  into the love languages thing but.
• 33:43
  No, I think. There's definitely a lot.
• 33:44
  There's a lot there. So those are hers.
• 33:47
  Mine would be more like, so it is.
• 33:50
  It is opposite. We're flipped.
• 33:53
  Yeah. Where it's like I like if
• 33:55
  someone is if, if I get home from work and she's not greeting
• 34:00
  me and we're not talking and, and we're and she's not, you
• 34:03
  know, if something really big happens and she doesn't have
• 34:05
  anything to say about it. Like those things affect me.
• 34:07
  Like I want to, I want my wife to be my cheerleader and I want
• 34:10
  her, I want to feel like there's affection and warmth there.
• 34:12
  And for her, it's more like, you know, she wants to have a lot of
• 34:15
  fun and, and she wants to have me do work around the house and,
• 34:21
  and buy her things, you know, So, you know, we all have
• 34:24
  different love language. And he was like, tell me how
• 34:25
  awesome. I am.
• 34:26
  Please, please praise me. More praise.
• 34:28
  Me more. Give me a hug, yeah.
• 34:30
  That's awesome. I need a hug.
• 34:31
  Yeah, those are it's it's weird when you when you have
• 34:34
  mismatches that way that those are tough to work through.
• 34:36
  I think. I don't know.
• 34:37
  Is it better than if you match up?
• 34:39
  Like, imagine if both of us had words of affirmation.
• 34:41
  No one would do the dishwasher. Yeah, no one would enter the
• 34:44
  dish would. Be a mess.
• 34:45
  You know, like. No one would have a Christmas
• 34:47
  present, I mean. Yeah, I don't know.
• 34:50
  I don't know that it's ideal to have them match up exactly, like
• 34:53
  maybe a little bit of. Overlap to have a little, I
• 34:55
  mean, I think love is a love is a journey, right?
• 34:58
  It's all of the choices you make every day.
• 34:59
  And, and so you're, you're learning about something new and
• 35:03
  different from yourself, I think.
• 35:04
  That's are you impressed that sitting here as a man, I know
• 35:07
  the love languages. Are you impressed that I know
• 35:09
  that? But I think you're like, you're
• 35:10
  excited. You obviously have something
• 35:12
  like the whole whole thing about like you like to talk things
• 35:16
  through and you're kind of you're, you've got like you've
• 35:20
  got the sensitivity thing going, which for the head of the
• 35:23
  Babylon be, you know, you wouldn't really expect that.
• 35:25
  So it's good. OK, last thing.
• 35:26
  Where did you guys go on your honeymoon?
• 35:28
  We went to Napa. Yeah, wine country, love Napa,
• 35:32
  which is fun, but we didn't do it right away because we were
• 35:34
  super poor. So we spent all of our we spent
• 35:37
  all of our money on the wedding. And so we went to Napa.
• 35:41
  Did you do the thing of like, don't give us gifts, give me
• 35:43
  money to pay for my expenses and the wedding I just threw for
• 35:46
  you? Yeah.
• 35:47
  The problem is that we, our wedding, Even so, our wedding
• 35:50
  was so small, there weren't a lot of people even give us some
• 35:52
  money. Yeah, yeah, so and we were
• 35:54
  young, you know, our friends didn't have a lot of money.
• 35:56
  So I think our wedding cost, I think we had like 30 people
• 36:00
  there and it cost like $7000. That's actually expensive for 30
• 36:02
  people. Was it?
• 36:04
  Yeah, I mean, or maybe not actually, hold on.
• 36:05
  I mean, how much was my wedding? I don't know.
• 36:08
  All right. It was a Weddings are crazy.
• 36:10
  And affordable wedding now it was like we couldn't do more
• 36:12
  than that. But yeah, so we did our
• 36:14
  honeymoon a year later. Nap is awesome.
• 36:16
  Yeah, it. Was fun.
• 36:17
  You guys should come. We're in California.
• 36:19
  Come out to Southern California, do the Laguna Niguel, Dana Point
• 36:23
  versus Carlton little honeymoon for the Live Action Gala and do
• 36:27
  some fun stuff. Drive up the coast through Big
• 36:29
  Sur, go back to Napa, do like a week together.
• 36:32
  You got to send Tara like a little outline of all of these
• 36:35
  things and sell her. On it and get out here.
• 36:37
  Yeah, awesome. Thanks.
• 36:39
  Seth, cheers all. Right, cheers to marriage and
• 36:41
  love. To marriage and love.
• 36:42
  That was great, Seth, you're good.
• 36:43
  That was fun. My next wife is going to have
• 36:45
  different love. Languages and.
• 36:48
  And they're going to be awesome. Hey, look, cameras still
• 36:51
  running. So she's going to kill you and
• 36:54
  you're going to deserve it.