Latest / Leading Leaders Podcast with J Loren Norris / 5/6/2026 DEFINE THE METRICS OF YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND YOU WILL ALWAYS MEASURE UP

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5/6/2026 DEFINE THE METRICS OF YOUR OWN SUCCESS AND YOU WILL ALWAYS MEASURE UP · Leading Leaders Podcast with J Loren Norris

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Shoot for the moon, they said. At least if you miss, you'll
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Join us, get away and relax. I'm Jay Lauren Norris with
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leading leaders podcast. Have you ever set a goal and
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then missed it? I mean, like, I don't know, this
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is May. We're five months into the new
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year. Any New Year's resolutions that
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you're still working on? Any that you already given up
1:29
on, maybe by week 3 of January, maybe it was a weight loss goal,
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maybe it was an income goal, maybe it was a new hire goal or
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a new sales goal. Maybe maybe you set a marker and
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said if so and so can do it, I can do it.
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If they can be a millionaire, I can be a millionaire.
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If they can wear a size 5, I can wear a size 5.
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If they can bench press 300 lbs, I can bench press £300.
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Now, I know through the course of my life, from middle school
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all the way up, I've set goals, often based on people around me.
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Well, if they can do it, I can do it.
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Or if they have it, I want it. Hmm.
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I wonder if there's a challenge there.
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I wonder if there's a problem there.
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See, we often have these very weighty goals of accomplishment
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that are, well, frankly, they're built on somebody else's
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accomplishment. And what we often miss is that
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the goals that they have achieved not only are based on
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their endeavors, their wants, their desires, but also their
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gifts, skills and talents, maybe even their calling in their
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assignment, their purpose in life.
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What if the reason they've accomplished what they've
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accomplished is because that's what they were made to do, and
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it's not what you were made to do?
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It doesn't mean you can't want the things that they have,
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although if that drives you, there's a bigger problem with
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that. That's more of a soul spirit
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problem that it is an accomplishment and having
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problem. It's not the things that you
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have. It's when the things you have
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have you that that's a bigger problem.
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But I want to focus on how do we determine what goals we should
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be setting? But if you've had the pain and
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the disappointment in life of I set a goal and I didn't reach
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it, I, I wanted to make this amount of money this year and I,
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I didn't quite get there. Whether you fell way short or
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just a little bit short, there's an alternative to establishing
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your goals, your measure of success by what everyone else
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has already done. There's an alternative to that
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if you define success in your life rather than letting the
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Kardashians I I mean, if you've got a podcast, everybody wants
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to be Joe Rogan. Everybody wants to have a $20
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million contract. Everybody wants to have hundreds
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of millions of downloads. But I was recently listening to
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some other media people talk about a particular podcast.
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I won't mention the name, but in their peak season, this podcast,
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one talent in their in their group had 120 million downloads.
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Same podcaster, same show, same audience now has seven million.
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What happened? What changed?
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What was it about the content or the cycle or society or culture
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or that individual? What happened to them?
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What changed? That failure would come that
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that drastically. I mean, 7,000,000 is still no
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failure. I'm not anywhere close, but if
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you're comparing the income from 120 million views to 7 million
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views, you're going to notice that in your bank account.
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You're going to notice that in your statistics.
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You're going to notice that in your sponsorships, the quality
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and type and number and volume of and the willingness to pay in
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those sponsorships. That's a pretty big decline.
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So what happened? Well, I can't tell you, but I
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can tell you this. If you're measuring yourself by
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someone else's success or failure, you've already got a
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challenge. If you're only able to mark what
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success looks like for you because you're competing with
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someone else, you could be in trouble.
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Now the double edged sword of that same concept is that and we
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see this happening, unfortunately, it's not just an
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individual problem, it's a cultural problem.
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And that is rather than look to those who've achieved well and
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say well if they can make a million, if they can make a
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billion, if they can make a trillion, I can do that too.
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There's nothing stopping me. What?
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There's a lot of truth in that. Rodger Banister ran the four
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minute mile before he did. No one had ever run the four
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minute mile since then. Hundreds of people.
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In fact, I heard a just a little local radio station report about
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one of the schools within 20 miles of here where a high
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school student ran the 1600 and 438.
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A high school student ran the 1600 meters.
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That's pretty close to a mile in 4 minutes and 38 seconds.
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That's moving that that that's moving.
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By the time he's a young adult, a 4 minute mile may not be out
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of the reach, but until someone did it and proved that's
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possible, most people thought it can't be done.
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So watching those who have succeeded before you and setting
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a market to go, if they can do it, I can do it.
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That's not an unreasonable thing, but it can't be your only
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target. Now the flip side of that, the
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double edged sword of that has its own problems as well.
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See the other side of that is to say, well I'll set my own
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targets for success. I I will be the only one that
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determines if I succeed. Well, there's good reason to do
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that from an ego standpoint. A whole lot less pain of failure
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if you look at it and go like the cat who runs under the patio
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door. That's what I was trying to do.
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That's what I meant to accomplish.
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If that becomes the way that you look at success versus failure
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and you say, well, I didn't fail because I wasn't trying to make
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a trillion dollars. I wasn't trying to have 120
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million downloads. I wasn't trying to be a top
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podcaster. You have to ask yourself, the
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honest question is, is that a genuine answer or is that an
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excuse? Have you made the lack of
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success a scapegoat by saying, well, I just didn't need to be,
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didn't want to be and so I didn't try hard enough.
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See, that's the other side of this double edged sword there.
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There are a lot of people who feel like if I don't reach the
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level that I want to, if I'm not at the tippy top top, then
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wherever I land, I'll readjust my goals to that.
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If I thought I'm going to make $10,000 on this project and I
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only made three, rather than say what did I do wrong for that
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gap, I simply say, well, three's a good target.
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OK, it's not a bad target compared to nothing.
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It's not a bad target if you compare it to everything you've
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done in the past and it's actual progress.
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But what if you said everybody else has done $20,000 on similar
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projects? My goal is 10.
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OK, not bad if you realize that you're making progress and 10 is
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a step forward, and although 10 is not where everyone else is,
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10 is still an improvement for you.
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That's a good goal to set. It's reasonable, it makes sense.
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But if you then land at 3 and not ten, do you settle for three
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being the new target? Do you rewrite your expectations
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to say, well, I'm not going to label that as a failure.
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I'm not going to say that I missed my target.
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I'm just going to accept that where I am is good enough.
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Of course you can succeed If you define your own success, you'll
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never be a failure again. If you define your own success,
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and especially if your success is a moving target based on what
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you actually accomplished, it can feel really good to say
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never failed at anything. I've I've always succeeded.
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Why? Well, because I moved the goal
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posts. I mean, I, I didn't kick it just
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through the goal posts where they were, but I moved the goal
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posts closer. And so I'm still kicking from
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the 50 yard line. Never mind that the goal post is
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now on the 20. I just made my life a little bit
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easier. I can still establish my goals
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now. Let me tell you, from a
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leadership standpoint, this is not just a personal challenge,
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but corporately we see a very similar thing.
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Culturally and societally we see a very different thing.
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We see that we have lowered the standard in a lot of areas of
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education, social behavior, ethics, morality, integrity.
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A lot of these things have completely gone out the window.
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And so behavior in public places is a great earmark for us to
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look at and go, that's not what it was five years ago.
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I mean, I'm, I'm old school enough to remember, yes, Sir and
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yes, ma'am. Holding doors open for
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strangers, especially for ladies and even for absolute strangers
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that you don't like, don't know, don't agree with, don't even
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like that color of their hair. Opening doors for other people
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is a polite thing to do. I've been in society.
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I've been in a shopping mall where my boys and I were doing
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an event and watched an old man and an old lady making their way
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to the door. When I say old, I mean like two
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or three shuffle steps every 30 seconds.
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Kind of old. Probably pushing 8090 years old
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pretty easily. Not old like me.
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Older than me. Old enough to be my grandparents
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making their way to the door. And as they get about 10 steps
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from the door, she slows her pace and he picks his up.
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I mean, he was blazing fast, like 5 steps every 30 seconds
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instead of three. He was moving.
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He got to the door and reached through the door to open it, to
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hold it open for his lady and outburst.
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These three teenagers, I would say maybe preteens, even 11-12,
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thirteen years old in that range, three of them together,
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obviously brothers. They came out the door, all of
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them staring at their cell phones or their their digital
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devices. Burst through the door, nearly
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knocked the old man over. Ran right past the old lady and
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looked at her like, why are you in my way?
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Made their way outside and I thought, where's their dad?
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Somebody should have a talk with them about what it means to
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respect elders, especially feeble elders, that that they
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might need your help. Now the next person out the door
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literally did run into the old man, just to the old man let his
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wife walk through the door. A full grown man staring at his
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phone ran into the old man, bounced him off the door, and
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then threw his hands up. Like I was trying to come out
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the door. And I'm thinking to myself,
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well, those boys are never going to see correction because the
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only success model they see is, in my opinion, already a
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failure. That's not a good thing.
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That's not good for our society. That's not good for our culture.
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And if the best model they have is disrespectful, self absorbed,
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narcissistic, egotistical, if that's the best model they have,
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guess what they're going to strive to be?
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And if in their eyes, he is a success, income, accomplishment,
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education, career, they're not just looking at that going,
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well, this is the best model that I have, but they're looking
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at going. That's the model everyone should
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strive to. And suddenly leadership takes on
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a whole new role. See, we've got to realize as we
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as leaders, we're not just establishing what success looked
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like for ourselves. We're not just deciding, could I
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accomplish what that person has accomplished?
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Could I put that much money in the bank, buy that much real
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estate, build that many companies, start that many new
13:27
projects? Could I actually pull that off?
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Could I write? I met a guy recently wrote 140
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books, I believe is what he told me.
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Wrote fifty of those in the course of a year or two.
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That's, that's pretty impressive.
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So far I've written seven. I haven't published all of them
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yet, but that's a that's a lot of work.
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That's a daunting task. And when I asked how much of
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that was written by AI, said none.
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Absolutely none. I have a formula, I have a
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format, I have a tool, but I just spent all the time
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thinking, I I don't use AI to write books.
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That's quite an accomplishment. It will be quite the legacy when
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Gary Reid is gone to know that all of those books have been
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thought through, poured through, poured into, and left as a
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legacy. That's a lofty goal to achieve
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for anybody to say I'm going to write 140 books, you better get
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busy. That takes some time.
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That takes a minute. That may not be your goal it but
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it may be reasonable to say, I see you're 140 bucks, I'll go
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10. I can I think I can write 10
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books. I might not be a Grant Cardone
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when it comes to real estate. I I may not be a Patrick Bet
14:37
David selling off my company for $250 million at some point.
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That's OK, but they still have some things in their success
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principles, their success processes that I can model, that
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I can mimic. Now, I don't look at the top
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players in any game and say I want to be exactly like them.
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Gary Vee has a modicum of success, a level of success,
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grand accomplishments, a persona, a brand, an identity.
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Everybody knows who Gary Vee is. I actually met somebody the
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other day who didn't know the name I That was kind of baffling
15:12
to me. But everybody knows who Gary Vee
15:14
is. Everybody knows who Grant
15:16
Cardone is. Everybody knows who Diamond from
15:20
the Shark Tank. Why is his name escaping me?
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Most people know these names, right?
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Mark Cuban, you know who they are.
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We know what they've accomplished.
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We can look back at their track records and Elon Musk and Jeff
15:31
Bezos, we can look at their track records and go, they've
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accomplished incredible things. We can read their books at the
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your next 5 moves or keep your enemies close.
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You can read those books and learn what those strategies
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were. Why did they accomplish what
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they did? What did they fail at?
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I've read Vivek Ramaswamy's book.
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You can see the patterns of their success.
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And then you have to ask yourself honestly, if I built a
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company like that, sold that much real estate, sold my
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company for that of money, employed that number of people,
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hired that many salespeople, if I did those things, would that
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be success for me or would that be me trying to live someone
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else's life? See, this is where we run into
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that problem, that looking at someone else's pattern of
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success, the process that it took them through to get to
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success as they define it, maybe even their success as you define
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it. Maybe they would look at it and
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go, I'm not done yet. I mean, yeah, I've, I've gone
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from nothing to where I'm at. That's awesome.
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But I'm not done yet. This is one step in my in my
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journey. It's not success.
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This is not the plateau. I'm not finished.
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I was working with a client just recently and they said, well, I
16:49
think I'm done with this story. I'm ready to move on to the next
16:52
one. I said, no offense, but you're
16:54
never done with the story because every time you use that
17:00
story, you'll rewrite it a little bit.
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Your life experiences are different today than they were
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the day that you crafted that story.
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Your understanding of how that story impacts other people, it's
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a little different than it was last time you used that story.
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And next time you use that story, you should have enhanced,
17:18
added to, polished up the refinement of how you tell that
17:22
story, if only just to add one more dramatic pause, if only to
17:29
look at a word that in the vernacular of a certain
17:32
audience, you're like, if I use this word instead of that word,
17:36
man, that's going to have so much more power to them.
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I learned a new word last night while working with clients.
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Someone said, I don't know if it was just ear hustle or blah blah
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blah. I went what the what?
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Huh? Ear hustle.
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It's not like ear wax. What is ear hustle?
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I've never heard that before. And when they explained it I
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went, Oh yeah, see the circles I run in would say a very similar
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principle. Things are caught and not
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taught. Fact, some of the best things
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are caught and not taught. It wasn't talking to me
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directly. I overheard him from somebody
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else. I heard the coach tell the other
18:11
player, you need to do this. And I went, Oh well, I'm not
18:14
doing that either. Maybe I should do that too.
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Ear hustle. New word on me in certain
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audiences, in certain vernacular.
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Perfect addition to my story. Perfect thing to add to my
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journey towards success. These are the kinds of things
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that I'm talking about when I say if you define your own
18:35
success, you'll never fail. Shoot for the the moon and
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you'll at least land among the stars.
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It's not an unreasonable philosophy, is it?
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I mean, unless you're a geophysicist or an astronomer
18:47
and you actually realize that the moon is far closer than any
18:51
star, And if you aim for the moon and fall short, Earth's
18:56
gravitational pull is probably going to suck you right back in.
18:59
And so you're not going to land among the stars, probably going
19:01
to land in the ocean. But I'm just saying, I'm not an
19:04
astronaut. I don't work for NASA.
19:06
I'm not an astronomer. Maybe you should ask someone who
19:09
knows better, maybe the philosophy or shoot for the moon
19:13
and at least it'll land among the stars was nonsensical when
19:17
they said it. But how many people build their
19:19
life around phrases? They have no reality at all.
19:25
They kind of get suckered in. It sounded good, sounded good in
19:28
the moment, thought I'd try it. And then I can't figure out why
19:31
it failed. See, when we set goals that are
19:35
easy to achieve, they don't stretch us, they don't pull us,
19:39
they don't cause us to take a risk.
19:43
Look for a reward breakdown. What it is that we're doing
19:46
right now will this will this next level of achievement, this
19:52
next plateau on my journey, will it demand a lot of me
19:58
financially, emotionally, relationally, time commitment?
20:01
Will it demand a lot of me and then cause me to become someone
20:08
I'm not meant to be? That's a question worth asking
20:16
every day. So when you define your own
20:20
success, you get to determine whether you win or lost.
20:25
You get to determine was that a grand success or a grand
20:29
failure? You get to determine am I
20:33
becoming a better me along the way?
20:36
I mean many people woke up and had all the money in the bank
20:39
they wanted and realized it was a huge mistake.
20:42
Listen to the story of Myron Golden or even Paul Martinelli.
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These are guys who can tell you I started off with nothing.
20:48
I worked my way into the millions.
20:49
Then I lost it all. Why did you lose it all?
20:53
For some it was a straight up character flaw, for others it
20:56
was a mistake and trusting someone they shouldn't have.
20:58
For others it was just taken away from them.
21:01
But see it wasn't success then failure in the end.
21:06
I I don't remember who said the quote, but it's a brilliant
21:08
quote. It says success is not permanent
21:16
and neither is failure. That's paraphrase.
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Success is not permanent, and neither is failure.
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You don't fail once and stay there unless you quit, unless
21:26
you give up. You've got to redefine success
21:29
again and again and again. I don't suggest that you take
21:32
the high bar of success in your life and you lower it to the
21:35
place where it's comfortable and easy.
21:37
I don't want you to create in your life a bar so easy to jump
21:40
over that you can call success getting out of bed.
21:44
I do know people who've gone through seasons of depression,
21:46
overcoming addictions, the loss of a loved one and getting out
21:49
of bed was a huge success. I watched the little Facebook
21:53
reel. The guy who does all the street
21:55
photography, I think his name is Zach.
21:57
He's doing St. photography. He sees this very funny looking
22:00
little dog. It was a, a particular breed of
22:02
a greyhound. He sees the dog and he asks the
22:05
lady who's walking the dog, can I take a picture of your dog?
22:08
He he takes a couple of really cute shots.
22:10
This dog's got one of those ears that likes to stand up, one
22:12
that's floppy and you may have seen it on Facebook.
22:16
And then he says, what does the dog mean to you?
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I see so well, I adopted him after a really bad breakup in my
22:23
life. And in all honesty, I didn't
22:25
want to go on. I lost my routine, I lost my
22:28
day, I lost my purpose. I lost everything.
22:31
But when he came out of my life, I had a reason to get out of
22:33
bed, a reason to go to the park, a reason to walk around the
22:36
block, a reason to keep going. The dog became my hope.
22:40
Now the dog is not success, but if your life has reached that
22:44
kind of place where you've fallen from the highest plateau
22:47
and splatted on the ground, Dave Ramsey says when you fall that
22:49
far, you don't bounce back, you splat.
22:51
You got to get up again like a really bad cartoon character.
22:55
If your life is there, then redefining success to say I
22:59
don't just win when I have $1,000,000 in the bank.
23:03
If I get up for the next 5 days in a row and I get out of my
23:06
pajamas and I put on some clothes and I go apply for a
23:09
job, or I go have coffee in a public place and have a
23:12
conversation with a stranger. If that's what success looks
23:15
like for you today, strive for that.
23:21
If reading a book cover to cover, that's going to change
23:23
the quality of your life, if that's success for you today,
23:26
strive for that. Invest in that.
23:33
The biggest failure is to look at someone else's
23:35
accomplishments and say that's my only goal of success.
23:38
If I don't do that, I'm a failure because that's not true.
23:44
Every day you can approve yourself, that's success.
23:48
Define your success. But let me, let me encourage you
23:50
in this. Don't define your success so far
23:54
out that it's unachievable. You'd be amazed what you can do
24:00
in a day if you do it every day with consistency.
24:04
Success will come a whole lot faster that way.
24:08
I'm going to give you one more encouragement.
24:12
They say you will become like the five people that you hang
24:15
out with. You've got to associate with
24:17
people who are going to push you to be your very best.
24:21
Maybe they have not achieved that financial status that you
24:25
seek. Maybe they haven't accomplished
24:27
as much in the business world as you would like to accomplish.
24:30
I get that. That's fair.
24:32
But if they're the kind of people that you look at and go,
24:34
your core values, your principles, your practices in
24:37
life, the way you treat others, those things I admire, you can
24:42
hit your wagon to that star and hold on for a ride.
24:44
Because as you become a better person, as you grow in your own
24:49
self development, you're going to find that access to all these
24:53
other things that you've been setting as your goals becomes
24:56
easier. I tried out for the DFW Fire
25:00
Department, Police Department EMT in 2001, in fact, in the
25:06
first week of September of 2001. And because it's police fire and
25:13
EMT, there was a pretty strenuous physical agility
25:18
exercise that you had to accomplish just to be in the
25:20
running to be considered for the job.
25:23
And so I practice my running because I'm a big fat guy and,
25:26
and running is not my easy thing.
25:28
I practice my running. My son would get on his bicycle
25:31
with his training wheels and we jogged through the neighborhood
25:33
over and over and over. The day came for the test and I,
25:36
I thought, you know, they're going to put us out there in
25:38
blocks, a little groups of people and we'd all take off
25:40
according to the gun and, and, you know, at least have a pace
25:42
to run with. No, no, no, I get to the track
25:44
and there's like 10 guys with stopwatches.
25:47
And so I walk up there, I'm waiting for a crowd and he's
25:49
like, go. And I'm like, go fine.
25:52
So I take off, but there's only one other person on the track.
25:56
He's about 8 inches taller than me.
25:58
He's got legs like paper clips stretching way out there, like a
26:01
15 foot stride. So it looked like I felt like I
26:04
was trying to chase a cheetah down.
26:06
It was crazy. So there's this little fat guy
26:09
chasing this cheetah around the track.
26:11
It's just a 440 meter Sprint and I'm thinking I'll be lucky if I
26:14
make it past the finish line alive.
26:17
I have to finish this in 2 minutes to qualify.
26:20
I crossed the line. I look at the guy, I'm
26:22
breathing, my lungs are, I feel like they're on fire.
26:26
And I looked at the guy with the stopwatch.
26:28
I said, did I even make it fast enough to qualify?
26:31
And he laughed out loud. And I'm like, well, I thought if
26:34
there was anything that was going to be my Achilles heel, it
26:36
was going to be this Sprint. And he turns the watch around.
26:39
He said, you got to qualify in 2 minutes, right?
26:41
I said, yeah. He said you did it in 48
26:43
seconds. I'm like, I can't run for 40 and
26:47
48 seconds. I have done that since I was in
26:48
Honduras in my 20s, is what you did it today.
26:53
Why? Because I set my pace based on
26:56
someone so far ahead of me, so much more gifted and talented
27:00
me, so much more prepared for that run than I was, that I
27:04
strived to achieve what he was achieving.
27:08
I felt like I nearly killed myself doing it.
27:10
But I did get there, and I did qualify.
27:13
Maybe you need to stretch yourself just a little bit, find
27:17
that person who's just a little bit ahead of you, not so far
27:20
ahead that it seems unrealistic. Look, if you define your own
27:24
success, you'll never be a failure.
27:28
There is a fine balance between settling, setting such a low bar
27:33
that anybody could pass it, or that every failure still looks
27:36
like a success, and setting a bar South high that it's
27:39
unachievable. Define your own success based on
27:42
your core values, your principles, The Who, that you're
27:45
meant to be in this world. And not only will you find
27:48
success, but you'll find yourself to be a role model for
27:51
a lot of people who are really close to giving U right now.
27:57
Change the story about what success means to you and you can
28:01
transform your life and a lot of lives around you.
28:04
I'm Jay Lauren Norris with leading leaders podcast or tell
28:06
it like it is TV. Have a blessed day.
28:16
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