Latest / ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿 / 💆‍♀️Self-Care Series: When they just don't get it 🤷‍♀️

Transcript

💆‍♀️Self-Care Series: When they just don't get it 🤷‍♀️ · ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿

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  Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Aligned and
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  Thriving for Teachers. Today we're diving into a topic
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  that I know many of you have dealt with, and it's a hard one,
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  thinking about dealing with a partner or even friends and
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  family who just really don't get what it means to be a teacher or
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  an educator. Now let me say this straight up.
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  This is both a blessing and a curse.
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  Don't get me wrong. Because on one hand, it's
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  amazing to have people in your world that aren't so deep in
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  teacher land 24/7 that they can help you and pull you out of
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  those stress spiral situations and remind you that there's more
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  to life than the marking and the planning.
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  But then on the other hand, sometimes they just don't
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  understand. And wow, that can get so
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  frustrating. So let's be real, you've
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  probably had some moments where you've come home absolutely
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  wrecked mentally, emotionally, physically, and then your
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  partner comes along and says something like, what's for tea?
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  And my brain is just done. Or if it's close to that time of
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  holidays you get, well at least you've got the holidays coming
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  up. Or you get that friend that
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  casually just drops in. Oh it must be so nice to finish
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  at 3 mate, really. Meanwhile you're sitting back
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  there thinking I've just worked a 10 hour day, I haven't peed
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  since recess and I'm mentally prepping tomorrow's lesson
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  already in my head and panicking about the stuff that I didn't
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  get organised this afternoon before I left.
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  So it's like trying to explain an alien language to someone
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  who's never heard it before. And honestly, it's not even
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  their fault most of the time, they just don't live it like we
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  do. But here's the thing, they need
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  to vent too, OK? And that's a big one.
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  They have their own stuff going on, they have their own work
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  stress, house stress, life stress, and just because we're
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  walking around with 600 to do lists and about 100 odd tabs
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  open in our head, a glue stick stuck in our hair, which also
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  doesn't mean that we get to dominate the emotional space in
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  the house. So how do you find that balance?
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  To be honest, it's something I'm always working on.
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  I'm not going to say that I'm perfect at it, you can just ask
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  my family, but I try. So how do we honour our need to
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  vent, our need to offload without pushing our partner, our
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  friends or our family away who might just not have the capacity
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  or the understanding to meet us where we are?
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  So here's some things that have helped me.
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  So let's break it down. Tip 1, negotiate the
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  conversation space. This is something that my
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  husband and I have had to learn the hard way.
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  If I come in guns are blazing, listing everything that went
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  wrong in my day and he's had a bad day too, we both just end up
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  drained and probably argue about something that's not related to
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  anything. So instead we've worked on
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  negotiating literally like hey, I really just need to get this
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  off my chest. Is now a good time or do I need
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  to talk to you later? Do you need to go out to the
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  shed and do something? And then when you come in, can I
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  talk to you please? Sometimes we have code word like
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  just a quick can I just brain dump for 5 minutes and then I'll
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  be done. I promise.
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  It makes it feel more manageable and respectful for both of us.
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  And to be honest, I married a man that needs to vent to and
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  he's not going to listen to this, but he knows that I'm
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  talking about him and it's fine. I'm not saying anything that he
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  doesn't already know or already own up to.
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  Bless him. So he needs to vent too.
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  So he might talk about his day. And I need to consciously make
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  that effort and time in my day to focus and listen and respond,
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  not just smile and nod people. I need to actually communicate
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  back and function. So we negotiate that time.
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  So it works both ways. It might work the same with your
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  family too, or your friends. So, tip #2 and I know I've
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  talked about this before, but you need to get yourself a
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  teacher bestie. Or two or three or more.
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  Let's be honest, there is nothing like a vent session with
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  someone who actually gets it. Your teacher, Bessie, will
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  understand the absurdity of you spending your lunch on duty in
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  35° heat trying to stop for a group of five year olds from
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  building a dig big like a dirt pile bigger than the actual
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  playground because they were hot and they wanted to bury
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  themselves in the dirt. I'm not speaking from experience
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  at all, am I? No, never.
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  We've also had them try and dig in the sand pit and dig to
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  China. But hey, it happens.
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  It's just a normal day in the playground.
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  They understand. They've probably been there too.
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  They've probably had other situations that they want to
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  share. They're your sounding board.
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  They can help you to decompress in a way that doesn't exhaust
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  your non teaching, non teacher, family, friends, relationships
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  if you know what I mean. I know that I have my teacher
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  besties and I also have a teacher for a mom.
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  So what better way to try and process?
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  I've lost my train of thought again, talks underwater.
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  I'm trying to say. So with mom and I, because we
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  are both educators, we can dominate a conversation when it
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  comes to the family because we're trying to vent over the
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  top of the other people sharing. So we have had to work on that
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  too in the family. And I think a lot of the men in
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  our family have been very vocal about that and sort of named up
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  when we take over the conversation because they don't
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  get it. So we try and have our
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  conversations around them or at other times so that we can still
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  have a debrief too, because we understand each other.
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  I'll tell you what though, having some of those
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  conversations do and around other people, it does mean that
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  they develop their understanding of education as well.
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  And they might have a little bit more of respect and
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  understanding for those people that are in education and have a
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  bit more patience for teachers and kids when they know what
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  you're going through. So again, it's a balance.
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  My third tip for you, let them support you in their way.
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  Oh, now this is a big one for me.
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  Just because they don't understand what happened in that
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  staff meeting does not mean that they're not going to be helpful.
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  This is a short list of things that non teacher spouses and
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  friends can actually be amazing at.
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  And yeah, probably speaking a little bit from experience here,
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  but they can be amazing at getting you off your laptop at
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  9:00 PM when you're about to start that next unit plan.
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  They can be amazing at encouraging fun, restful times
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  or even encouraging you to do yourself care.
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  Like, do you need a minute? Do you need to go for a walk on
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  the beach, babe? Yep, Thank you, darling.
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  Those little moments, they can be great at offering an outside
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  a neutral perspective or other perspectives, you know what I
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  mean? On school dramas, obviously when
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  you have those conversations, you're aiming to be respectful
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  of those people and not naming people up.
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  You can talk in theoretics, and I do that a lot.
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  I talk in theoretic, like theoretically, if someone did
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  this and they did this in your workplace, what would you do?
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  And we sort of map it out that way.
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  They may also be really good at helping with preparing resources
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  like laminating. Yep.
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  Again, naming up my husband for this one.
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  He's really good at laminating. He's way better than me, mainly
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  because I argue with the machine and it hates me and it eats
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  everything that I put through it.
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  So he eventually just takes over because he gets frustrated and
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  he does an amazing job. Again, Don't probably don't tell
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  him I told you that. That's just between us podcast
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  people. Yeah.
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  They also might be really good at reminding you of who you are
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  outside of being a teacher because I've talked about that
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  with you guys before, that you're not just a teacher, you
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  are a human being 1st and people who aren't in the teaching or
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  education sort of side of things, they can remind you that
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  you are a human outside of your work.
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  They can also be good at booking something fun in the holidays so
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  you don't just work yourself out the whole time.
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  And again, go back to my self care episode about self care in
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  the holidays because remember, you need to map out your time.
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  So set some boundaries you. They might also be really good
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  at reminding you not to take it all too seriously because
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  sometimes we do get very obsessed with taking things on
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  and we get very serious about those things.
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  They might also be good at holding space for you.
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  Even if they don't fully understand what's going on, they
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  will take that time to listen and let you vent.
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  They might also not listen to this podcast so you can lovingly
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  roast them. Kidding, kind of.
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  Honestly, my husband will probably hate that I'm saying
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  all of these things because he is one of my number one people
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  to vent to. But lucky for me, he doesn't
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  listen to this. And lucky for him, I actually
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  mean every word. So he's learned a lot over the
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  years about what I need and how to live with a teacher.
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  And that includes giving me time to decompress in the holidays
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  and not asking me to do 5 jobs the moment that I clock off for
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  the term. Because like, life admin, hi.
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  Oh, can you go into town and do this now because you're not at
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  work and can you go pick this up?
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  No, no, we negotiate these things and we work together
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  because we're A-Team and we know what each other needs.
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  And your friends, your family, they will all be the same.
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  So if you don't have a partner, I'm talking about your family
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  and your friends too, because they are the ones sharing space
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  with you and they'll be the ones that are supporting you.
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  Tip #4 How to deal with those comments?
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  You know the ones. Here's what I want you to
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  remember when a friend or family member makes one of those
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  comments. OK, so these ones, you get so
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  many holidays. It must be so nice to finish
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  early all week. Why are you doing work on the
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  weekend? You don't get paid for that.
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  Wow. I would be a multi millionaire.
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  In fact, I could probably say I'd be a billionaire of all the
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  comments that I have had in regards to my teaching and
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  teacher life and how good my job is.
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  I mean, Yep, I'm going to own it.
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  Yes, I get holidays because I deserve them.
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  We deserve them people. And yes, sometimes I do have to
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  work on the weekend. And when you're like me and have
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  been a relief coordinator before, sometimes you work a lot
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  of outside of work hours. And no, you may not get paid
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  what you deserve for that time, but again, you are doing it to
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  support your team. So we'd be very wealthy if we
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  got paid. In all those comments, I have to
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  say. But here's how you can respond
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  without snapping even though you might want to.
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  And if it is a sibling like I have, you may want to hurt them
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  and inflict pain, but you don't because you love them.
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  Sorry. So #1 keep it light.
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  So your response might be, oh, you know, all that holiday time
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  is for me to recover from the 60 hour weeks I've been doing.
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  Remember report writing? Yeah, this is my recovery time
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  from that. Number two, it might be to share
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  your why I do it because I love making a difference and the
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  holidays help me balance everything else out and they
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  balance with rest #3 set some boundaries.
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  The next episode I come out with, oh sorry, the previous one
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  I did was talking about saying no and setting boundaries.
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  So this is about that too. So #3 setting boundaries.
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  Hey, I know it seems like I work a lot of hours, but it's just
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  part of the job. It helps me show up for the kids
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  and it helps me to feel like I'm organised and ready for the
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  week. But you can make it shorter than
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  that because really, you don't need to justify what you're
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  doing. You just do what's working for
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  you. As long as you are still
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  protecting your boundaries #4 is just to laugh it off.
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  I'll swap you a week in my classroom and then we'll compare
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  notes or hey, hey, you can come and take my job.
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  I'd love for you to come and have a go and then tell me what
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  it's like. Because remember, they don't
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  have to get it. They really don't.
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  I mean, look at some of the politicians out there.
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  And I know I shouldn't really be saying it at this time of the
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  year, but look at them. They definitely don't get it.
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  Can you imagine some of them coming in and trying to manage a
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  classroom for a day? Good luck with implementing your
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  new so called brilliant education strategy.
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  When you've got 22 kids and one's crying and one's missing
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  out on something else and their friends, what with this one and
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  there's glitter on the floor and you don't know where that glue
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  came from that's sitting over there and why is that child
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  doing that and why is this one now crying?
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  How are you going to do that and balance everything else?
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  So there's that whole process too.
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  So you don't have to justify all the wonderful holidays that you
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  get because you deserve them. And don't ever forget that.
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  You don't have to start an argument with people just
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  because they make a comment. I've learned that over the
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  years. Please don't take it to heart.
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  You've got to learn that and just move past it.
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  So the big reminder that I want you to take away today.
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  So to focus on, you don't need everyone to understand your job,
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  OK? Your family doesn't need to get
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  it. Your spouse doesn't need to get
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  it. You just need to understand the
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  why and why you do it. Understand your why.
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  Remember your why because this is who you are.
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  You are passionate. You want to change lives.
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  You want to make a school a safe place and a joyful place for the
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  kids that are in your care. Sometimes you see them more than
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  their parents see them throughout the day.
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  But it doesn't have to always make sense to the outside world.
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  Because Yep, in education, sometimes we are in a little
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  bubble, a little world of our own.
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  But it has to make sense to you. And hey, if the holidays are
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  what help you to recover and rest, take every second of it.
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  And do not feel guilty. Because those holidays, they are
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  not a luxury. They are your compensation for
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  the massive emotional and physical load you have to carry
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  all year long. So the next time someone's going
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  to throw a comment your way, just pause, smile and remember
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  your why. Then go text your teacher bestie
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  and let it all out with them. Have your little event session.
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  Thanks for being here with me today.
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  And don't forget to hit that follow button so you get
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  notified when every new episode drops.
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  And if you need more support, check out some of my resources
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  on Aligned and Thriving for Teachers.
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  Sorry, it's on Teacherspayteachers, but if you
• 15:16
  search Aligned and Thriving for Teachers, you'll find it on
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  there. You can DM me on Instagram.
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  The handle will be down in there as well.
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  You know that I've got your back.
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  You've all got this and you are not alone.
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  I mean, if you could hear through this episode and now
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  you're going to go back and listen really carefully that my
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  beautiful dog who loves to star in these things because yes,
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  this is real life and I'm only so good at editing things out.
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  But you will hear my beautiful girl barking in the background
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  because she's barking at her own reflection.
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  So she's venting to herself. So if you can hear her through
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  the episode, I am so sorry, but I can't get rid of that lovely
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  background noise, as much as I'd love to work that out.
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  But yeah, just remember that you've got this, you're not
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  alone, and I will talk to you again soon.
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  Bye, guys.