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Tina Lifford (2nd Appearance) Full Interview · The Steve Harvey Morning Show

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Speaker 1: My Next Guest currently stars in the Cream Queen Sugar
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Speaker 1: series on the Oprah win For Network. She has also
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Speaker 1: recognized playwright and CEO of the Inner Fitness Project. She
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Speaker 1: is on the show today discussed her new book, came
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Speaker 1: out November nineteen, UM, The Little Book of Big Lives,
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Speaker 1: A Journey into into Inner Fitness. Please, welcome to Money
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Speaker 1: Making Conversation, Tina Lifford. Hi, son, It's so nice to
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Speaker 1: be here. First time we talked on the phone and
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Speaker 1: you was coming through Atlanta in the event here. I
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Speaker 1: was not able to make it because I travel a
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Speaker 1: lot and I try to get back in town and
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Speaker 1: sometimes I'm kidding my life. But the beauty of it.
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Speaker 1: I'm watching you now, I'm joined the relationship I'm creating
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Speaker 1: with you because I feel your relationship driven person and
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Speaker 1: reading your book, The Little Book of Big Lives, a
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Speaker 1: Journey into Inner Fitness. Okay, let's let's start right there. Okay, UM,
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Speaker 1: what is the Inner Fitness Project? So first, let me
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Speaker 1: define interfitness. Okay, cool. Inter Fitness is literally being fit
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Speaker 1: on the inside, developing the mental, emotional, and spiritual skills
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Speaker 1: and practices that can help us reduce stress, be strong
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Speaker 1: on the inside, feel resilient and more than anything, to
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Speaker 1: begin to thrive instead of just merely survive in our lives.
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Speaker 1: You know, uh, my aim, my personal aim is to
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Speaker 1: be fully alive when I die, you know. Um. And
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Speaker 1: so the inter Fitness Project recognized that, you know, there's
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Speaker 1: all this emphasis on physical fitness and literally no emphasis
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Speaker 1: on inter fitness, and we really have to address the
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Speaker 1: fact that we have there is a self inside of us,
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Speaker 1: that self has needs, and we must become as familiar
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Speaker 1: and practice in dealing with that self as we are
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Speaker 1: the physical body. Because so when you say that, can
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Speaker 1: I say right, when I say, therapy is something especially
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Speaker 1: within the in the community of color, therapy is something
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Speaker 1: like a word that's like, oh, you have something really
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Speaker 1: wrong with you and and and so that's what you're
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Speaker 1: talking about. Being able to to heal, to be able
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Speaker 1: to grow, to develop the internal, the mental structure, the
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Speaker 1: emotional structure will guide you through your daily life, which
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Speaker 1: sometimes is way more important than your outside, which is
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Speaker 1: your physical being. Absolutely well, your physical being can't help
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Speaker 1: you resolve those hurts, dramas, traumas, upsets, and disappointments that
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Speaker 1: you carry. And we all have unresolved hurts, drama's trauma's
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Speaker 1: upsets and disappointments. It's not our fault. It's by nature
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Speaker 1: of our nervous system when we have experiences and they
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Speaker 1: are not properly processed those experiences is hang on inside
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Speaker 1: as an emotional reaction. Cool, Now, before we get in
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Speaker 1: detail about the book, which I really enjoyed. Um there,
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Speaker 1: because you're sharing I guess emotional slices of your life,
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Speaker 1: some of them very personal and something. So when you
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Speaker 1: start writing a book like that, how do you make
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Speaker 1: the decision that I can I'm gonna be honest here.
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Speaker 1: You know, we're talking about your dad, this relationship with
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Speaker 1: your mom, with your mom, what is abusive at times?
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Speaker 1: And talk about the story when you know when your
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Speaker 1: dad got out the car and you got locked the
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Speaker 1: door and your mom drove home and your dad had
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Speaker 1: to walk in later, you know, and that that that
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Speaker 1: those type of personal experience you talk about when you know,
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Speaker 1: when you a little boy, Jeffrey and your best friend,
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Speaker 1: you know, he told you he loved you, and you
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Speaker 1: was a whole cloud nine and realized that was a Joe,
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Speaker 1: but that was those those are those what you're saying
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Speaker 1: is like, these are different moments, and there are more moments.
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Speaker 1: I don't want to really entire book because I want
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Speaker 1: you to buy the book, but those are These are
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Speaker 1: some of the key moments that you're talking about in
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Speaker 1: your past. You're in a fitness that you have to
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Speaker 1: correct or admit has happened in your journey in order
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Speaker 1: for you to move forward. That's exactly right. Talk to
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Speaker 1: us about that. Okay, So we we all have experiences,
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Speaker 1: you know, and you know, one experience can't be compared
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Speaker 1: to the other if it left you feeling less than,
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Speaker 1: not good enough, or disconnected from yourself in any way.
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Speaker 1: It is an experience that you can rewire your relationship. Yes,
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Speaker 1: and until we rewire our relationship to those experiences, those
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Speaker 1: experiences live inside and they actually dictate our behavior. You know,
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Speaker 1: if in fact you had uh, you know, like Jeffrey
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Speaker 1: in the book. You know, if in fact your first
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Speaker 1: experience with love was as disappointing and um shameful as mine,
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Speaker 1: then you can make decisions about love that aren't going
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Speaker 1: to be supportive of what you really really want because
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Speaker 1: you should have reflected your relationships moving forth. Yes, absolutely,
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Speaker 1: the nile because you instead of admitting that you are
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Speaker 1: hurt by that game, that your best friend leaning behind
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Speaker 1: you telling was a lie. You just went, oh yeah,
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Speaker 1: But isn't that that the natural response is to is
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Speaker 1: to shield yourself from pain. Well, that that maybe the reaction,
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Speaker 1: that's the surviving self reaction. But the I talked about
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Speaker 1: the three selves in the book, the surviving self, the
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Speaker 1: thriving self in the infinite self, and the surviving self.
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Speaker 1: It's its job is to help us feel safe, but
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Speaker 1: it's sometimes is helping us feel safe in ways that
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Speaker 1: no longer actually support our life. You know, if, in fact,
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Speaker 1: i made a decision as a you know, seven year
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Speaker 1: old or or seventeen year old, and now I'm still
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Speaker 1: living by that decision and I'm not free enough to
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Speaker 1: to see that I've grown beyond that hurt, then I'm
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Speaker 1: being held hostage by the past, right, And we don't
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Speaker 1: want to be held hostage, and we don't have to
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Speaker 1: be held hostage. I'm going to tell you that everyone
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Speaker 1: listening has some secret, you know, some fear something that
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Speaker 1: they feel that if if other people knew it, would
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Speaker 1: you know, in somehow um uh deflate their reputation, It
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Speaker 1: would uh make him seeing less than and so you
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Speaker 1: don't reveal that, but you carry it around as a
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Speaker 1: secret and you hope that people don't come anywhere close
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Speaker 1: to uh that area of your life. And that's why
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Speaker 1: I was really impressed with your book, because you revealed secrets.
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Speaker 1: You revealed moments in your life that I were very important.
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Speaker 1: And the thing about it is that when I look
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Speaker 1: back in my life, I can I loved your book
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Speaker 1: because of the fact that I can clearly remember moments
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Speaker 1: in my life. I can remember in the fifth grade
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Speaker 1: with my my teachers stopped me from running around the school,
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Speaker 1: so you can do better than this. Stop. You're not
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Speaker 1: like every other student here stopped. I can remember when
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Speaker 1: the little boy patted me down and took my money
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Speaker 1: every day, every day, you know, and I couldn't. I
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Speaker 1: couldn't figure out how could I get past this kid?
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Speaker 1: And I know that had to reflect on me, so
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Speaker 1: a reflection on me, and I can remember those those
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Speaker 1: moments like that. It's such an early age. And also
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Speaker 1: when I became up in middle school, I remember this
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Speaker 1: young lady. My teacher asked me to read, and uh,
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Speaker 1: because I was a very good reader, and this this
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Speaker 1: young lady said, why is he reading all the time.
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Speaker 1: I want to read and she couldn't read. But but
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Speaker 1: that's that caused me to to change hot smoke. Yes,
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Speaker 1: it caused you to um uh dim your light. Yes,
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Speaker 1: it caused you self conscious speaking. Yes. And so so
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Speaker 1: when I when I'm reading your book, I'm going, Wow,
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Speaker 1: she's hitting so many steps on a person to me
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Speaker 1: and I'm I'm I'm a person who people deemed successful.
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Speaker 1: People come to me for advice all the time. I
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Speaker 1: motivate people. But then we have all these little layers
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Speaker 1: in our lives that if we don't talk about them,
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Speaker 1: we don't they admit that they happened. Then they get
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Speaker 1: they just stay there and they contain a whole dark
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Speaker 1: side of your life. That's what I took from your
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Speaker 1: book and i'm and I am recommending people by This
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Speaker 1: book is by Tina Lifford. Uh Little Book of Big Lies,
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Speaker 1: A Journey into Inner Fitness because I'm healing because of
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Speaker 1: your book, because of the fact that I tell these stories.
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Speaker 1: But to hear you articulate them in this book lets
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Speaker 1: me know I need to tell speak of them more. Yes, absolutely,
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Speaker 1: you know. One of the one of the things that
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Speaker 1: I love in the book Um, there's a couple of
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Speaker 1: things that UM I love about the book. Number one
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Speaker 1: is I wrote it because I wanted people to be
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Speaker 1: able to get to their better life faster. I used
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Speaker 1: to pray the prayer God helped me to go through
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Speaker 1: doors first so that I can turn around and show
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Speaker 1: others how to quicker with greater grace and ease. And
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Speaker 1: so this book, you know, in fourteen simple stories, really
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Speaker 1: delivers rather profound concepts and then at the end of
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Speaker 1: each chapter there are actionable one to three things that
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Speaker 1: you can do. And that was my frustration is that,
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Speaker 1: you know, with the motivation and going to church and
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Speaker 1: you know, those people on the stage were shining, but
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Speaker 1: I didn't know what I needed to do inside of
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Speaker 1: my own brain. You know, how did I need to,
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Speaker 1: uh think, what did I need to do inside of
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Speaker 1: myself so that I could take ownership of the concepts
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Speaker 1: that they were talking or you're one of the great
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Speaker 1: story you shares in the book about singing when your
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Speaker 1: mom said you could sing, you I can't sing, and
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Speaker 1: you share this story where you went into complete stage
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Speaker 1: fright and it just blocked out your ability to sing.
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Speaker 1: And it later played itself out in the future auditions
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Speaker 1: and you had to deal with that. So so basically
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Speaker 1: what you're saying in your book is that you can't
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Speaker 1: run from it, that it eventually going to ugly head somewhere. Absolutely,
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Speaker 1: and it rears its head. Uh sometimes as addiction it
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Speaker 1: rears its head sometimes as you know, depression. It rears
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Speaker 1: its head and in a multitude of ways, and you
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Speaker 1: can't outrun it. My father thought that he could outrun it.
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Speaker 1: My my cousin, my cousin, not my my cousin, cousin,
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Speaker 1: but you know, you know how we said cousin. My
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Speaker 1: my my cousin just died two weeks ago because she
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Speaker 1: had a pain a trauma when she was fifteen years old,
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Speaker 1: she got pregnant, had a baby. Um, this was not
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Speaker 1: the life that was expected for her. She was, you know,
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Speaker 1: a mensa child, and um, she literally drank herself to death. Right,
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Speaker 1: we can't outrun the past. We have to rewire it.
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Speaker 1: And the Little Book of Big Lies gives you very
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Speaker 1: clear steps, actionable steps and how you can do that
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Speaker 1: inter fitness practice where she just goes down the big
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Speaker 1: lie and ship what it was in that chapter you
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Speaker 1: just read the truth and explanation of that chapter. You
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Speaker 1: just read the possibility and then try this, which usually
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Speaker 1: about one of three different steps. Try this far from
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Speaker 1: this moment, which I loved about it when we were
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Speaker 1: talking to Tina Lift for the amazing actress as well
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Speaker 1: as a motivator and a transformer. We'll be back with
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Speaker 1: more of this information from home. Amazing book The Little
12:24
Speaker 1: Book or Big Lies, a Journey into Inner Fitness. You're amazing,
12:28
Speaker 1: Thank you. How you listening to Rashan McDonald and this
12:32
Speaker 1: is money making conversation my guest who is currently in studio.
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Speaker 1: It's one of the stars in the Queen Sugar series
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Speaker 1: on the Oprah Winfrey Network. She's also recognized playwright and
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Speaker 1: CEO of the Inner Fitness Project, and she on she
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Speaker 1: has on the show that they discussed her new book, Uh,
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Speaker 1: The Little Book of Big Lives, a Journey into interer
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Speaker 1: Inner Fitness. Please welcome back to the show, Tina. Tina,
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Speaker 1: it was when I was reading the book, it was
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Speaker 1: kind of like I came across like you talked about
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Speaker 1: the twenties, thirties and forties. The twenties you were assessed
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Speaker 1: with figuring life out and the thirties was a time
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Speaker 1: of wakening to the puzzles of life and the afforties
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Speaker 1: had a dream that opened the door to a new
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Speaker 1: way of seeing yourself. I these are my take on
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Speaker 1: these So if I would like to take a moment
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Speaker 1: to go back, because we we we hit so many
13:20
Speaker 1: areas of how I try to communicate to people who
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Speaker 1: listen to this show. I always tell people it's not
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Speaker 1: your current resume that you should be concerned about. It
13:30
Speaker 1: should be what you accomplish in your twenties, your thirties,
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Speaker 1: and your afforties. Because by mastering that, accepting the values
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Speaker 1: that are the traits that come out of that, that
13:38
Speaker 1: is what you're gonna be making money on in your
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Speaker 1: afforities and fifties and sixties. That's gonna take you to
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Speaker 1: I don't even call it. I don't use the word retirement.
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Speaker 1: It will keep you through life. I think retirement as
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Speaker 1: a as a stop signed for to say you're supposed
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Speaker 1: to stop. And in life you're not supposed to stop.
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Speaker 1: You're supposed to keep gaining energy. So when you talk
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Speaker 1: about the twenties, thirties and forties, let's down a well
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Speaker 1: great and and and I love that you were talking about,
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Speaker 1: you know, career building and UM and and longevity um.
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Speaker 1: One of the things that people don't realize is that
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Speaker 1: when it comes to living a full and balanced life,
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Speaker 1: we're talking we're talking success and happiness, right, but those
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Speaker 1: are two separate skill sets. The skill set for success
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Speaker 1: and career is a different skill set from happiness. People
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Speaker 1: think that if they get the career and they make
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Speaker 1: the money, that they are going to be happy. Happiness, however,
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Speaker 1: is actually a byproduct of us feeling aligned with ourselves,
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Speaker 1: feeling that we are good enough, that we um have purpose,
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Speaker 1: that we are um on point, you know, that we
15:10
Speaker 1: that we literally just have a sense of our um
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Speaker 1: being worthy as we are. If we don't have that,
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Speaker 1: then all the money in the world still has you
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Speaker 1: feeling like there's something missing. Correct. You know, you can
15:27
Speaker 1: you can have the mate, you can have the kids,
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Speaker 1: you can have the money, but if you don't have yourself,
15:35
Speaker 1: you will wake up feeling like something is missing. And
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Speaker 1: so um, you know, the twenties for me, thank goodness,
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Speaker 1: the twenties for me were full of a curiosity, like,
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Speaker 1: you know, I didn't know how to I didn't know
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Speaker 1: how to make my career. So that was truly frustrating.
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Speaker 1: But I was also fortunate enough to have a circle
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Speaker 1: of friends and uh to have a place of worship
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Speaker 1: that was teaching me the importance of me connecting with
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Speaker 1: me you know, and me connect connecting with me. Over
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Speaker 1: over time, I came to distill that into one being
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Speaker 1: able to um acknowledge the things that have taken place,
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Speaker 1: you know, truly well. First you have to become aware
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Speaker 1: that there's an inner you and that you have to
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Speaker 1: take care of that person in addition to whatever your
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Speaker 1: external aims are. And once you are aware that there's
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Speaker 1: an inner you, now you have to acknowledge who you
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Speaker 1: are and what you do. You know, when you say,
16:57
Speaker 1: when you can say uh, from your aware this, uh,
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Speaker 1: I do this or ah, this happened to me and
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Speaker 1: this is how it made me feel. And these are
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Speaker 1: the conclusions I drew based upon what happened to me.
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Speaker 1: When we can be honest about that, then those those
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Speaker 1: past experiences aren't held inside of us in what I
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Speaker 1: call an emotional loop. When we don't acknowledge what happened
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Speaker 1: to us and how it made us feel, there is
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Speaker 1: a part of us sitting inside begging for that acknowledgement.
17:44
Speaker 1: When you say that this is speaking it, speaking it tells,
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Speaker 1: sharing experience with someone, writing it in your journal is
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Speaker 1: a great starting point, you know, being able to have
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Speaker 1: just another person hear you. We all want to be heard,
18:01
Speaker 1: we all want to be seen, and and in order
18:05
Speaker 1: to have that happen, you have to develop community or
18:10
Speaker 1: relationships where that can take place. But the most important
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Speaker 1: thing is you have to see yourself. You have to
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Speaker 1: acknowledge to yourself that you have these feelings and that
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Speaker 1: this is where you are. And that's where I love
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Speaker 1: the book. And when I say the book, I'm talking
18:29
Speaker 1: about the Little Book of Big Lies, a journey into
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Speaker 1: into fitness because I have those stories, I have those
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Speaker 1: moments in my life that I reveal some of them
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Speaker 1: to you that will really if they if they still
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Speaker 1: with me, that means they had an impact on that.
18:42
Speaker 1: If I can vividly see that young man patting me
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Speaker 1: that on the corner Rushing and Bain Street, that's that's
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Speaker 1: where I was at the walk passing suddenly just stopped
18:51
Speaker 1: showing up that Lord know I prayed enough. I don't
18:54
Speaker 1: know where he went, but Lord, he stopped. And that
18:57
Speaker 1: that my life was able to go on and so
19:00
Speaker 1: and even even from the standpoint. I can remember in
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Speaker 1: the elementary group with my a good friend of mine died.
19:06
Speaker 1: You know how that emotional play this role and you
19:09
Speaker 1: know he had uh he was blowing up a balloon
19:12
Speaker 1: and he inhaled it then and that affected me how
19:16
Speaker 1: my daughter I would never a lie hard to have balloons,
19:19
Speaker 1: tell my wife, nope, no balloons in hire. You know,
19:23
Speaker 1: have to be blown up already. But she's not blowing
19:25
Speaker 1: off anything. So those little things that you're talking about,
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Speaker 1: that journey as you go up, as you evolve, those
19:31
Speaker 1: moments really do play itself out again and again, and
19:35
Speaker 1: you have to acknowledge it and admit that this had
19:37
Speaker 1: a negative or positive effect, because a lot of times
19:39
Speaker 1: there is positive. But you still have to acknowledge it
19:42
Speaker 1: either way. Absolutely, you have to. You have to. You
19:44
Speaker 1: have to acknowledge it because once you acknowledge it, then
19:49
Speaker 1: you can actually begin to observe yourself almost like you're
19:55
Speaker 1: watching a movie. You know, I call it sitting in
19:59
Speaker 1: your observer chair, where you sit and you watch your
20:03
Speaker 1: life like you're watching a movie. And that objectivity allows
20:08
Speaker 1: you to see things that you're subconscious hasn't yet um
20:14
Speaker 1: brought to the surface. It was something before we wrap
20:16
Speaker 1: up the interview, I wanted to make sure we talked
20:18
Speaker 1: about this, and you made a statement in your book.
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Speaker 1: We are preconditioned to think something is always wrong. Absolutely,
20:25
Speaker 1: that's the surviving, that's the survive itself. But you know,
20:29
Speaker 1: we we somebody calls you early in the morning, what's wrong,
20:33
Speaker 1: that's right, that's right, that's right, and just imagine that
20:37
Speaker 1: that we laugh about it right here, But that's happening
20:42
Speaker 1: all the time. You get called into your boss's office,
20:46
Speaker 1: and the immediate thing is, you know, what's wrong? What
20:49
Speaker 1: did I do wrong? And the what did I do wrong? Is?
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Speaker 1: We need to begin to rewire um our immediate uh
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Speaker 1: position with ourselves. You know, we need to realize that
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Speaker 1: we are we are I'd love to say, crew up,
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Speaker 1: you know, realize that we are innately creative, resilient, empowered
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Speaker 1: to choose how we think in a moment and were whole,
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Speaker 1: so to think of ourselves as worthy first and then
21:25
Speaker 1: be free enough to uh make decisions about what needs
21:30
Speaker 1: to change in our lives. It was so interesting, and
21:33
Speaker 1: you know, we talked about the House of Mirrors, which
21:35
Speaker 1: are very relatable. Found the looking at the two D
21:39
Speaker 1: movie and seeing the three D image in the background.
21:41
Speaker 1: We just sent a Monica pere, but the line also
21:44
Speaker 1: stood out. A question stood out to me that I
21:47
Speaker 1: wanted to make sure I got answer to the choken.
21:49
Speaker 1: What is real confidence? Uh, real confidence is the ability
21:55
Speaker 1: to be with yourself no matter what the challenges are.
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Speaker 1: A lot of people can't be with the uncomfortable parts
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Speaker 1: of themselves. But the moment that we learned to truly
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Speaker 1: accept ourselves, then the opinions, the judgments and the um
22:19
Speaker 1: you know, the the being being looked at by others
22:26
Speaker 1: will not impact us in a negative way because we
22:30
Speaker 1: know who we are. You know, I I feel you're
22:34
Speaker 1: a soul mate. I'll just let you know that because
22:36
Speaker 1: of the fact that you do a lot of things.
22:38
Speaker 1: One of the things I really loved about when reading
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Speaker 1: your book. You you have a downloadable free tool call
22:44
Speaker 1: a s A l Ascending Scale to an Awesome Life.
22:48
Speaker 1: You go to Tina the Foot dot com and download
22:52
Speaker 1: a free tool a s A l Ascending Scale to
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Speaker 1: an Awesome Life. Please tell everybody what that is because
22:59
Speaker 1: I want to put that in my news letter. Yeah. Well,
23:01
Speaker 1: you know, one of the most important things we can
23:04
Speaker 1: do is to begin to understand the power of the
23:09
Speaker 1: thriving self. And what the thriving self gives us is
23:13
Speaker 1: a sense of possibility. And we need to build the
23:17
Speaker 1: muscle of being able to no matter what our situation is,
23:22
Speaker 1: to get to a legitimate and resonating sense of possibility.
23:27
Speaker 1: If you have a sense of possibility, you can move
23:30
Speaker 1: through anything. And it's really important for people to know that.
23:34
Speaker 1: One of the biggest lies in this book is that
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Speaker 1: who you are as you are is all that you are.
23:40
Speaker 1: That is not it. You are so much more. But
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Speaker 1: you can't access all that you are if you are running.
23:49
Speaker 1: You can't access all that you are if you don't
23:52
Speaker 1: accept that there is more in you and then invest
23:56
Speaker 1: time in order to you know, in order to express
24:00
Speaker 1: it and build it. And so those fourteen little stories
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Speaker 1: big stories, big stories, yeah are they are big stories
24:08
Speaker 1: because it changed They changed my life. They listening because
24:11
Speaker 1: it made me open up and realized, I gotta tell
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Speaker 1: my story. I gotta be honest about myself, especially about
24:17
Speaker 1: my past. And we're talking about the little book of
24:20
Speaker 1: Big livees of Journey into Interfitness. She's to starve Queen Siries,
24:23
Speaker 1: but Queen Sugar, but the amazing thing about you're changing
24:26
Speaker 1: lives with this book. The first time I interviewed you,
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Speaker 1: I thought to you are amazing, and to have you
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Speaker 1: in my studio as a guest, you're equally amazing. I
24:35
Speaker 1: want to promote your brand. I want to continue to
24:37
Speaker 1: be a fan of what you do. Know that money
24:40
Speaker 1: making conversations, whatever you need to promote. Always you know
24:43
Speaker 1: there's a home for you here. Fantastic. I thank you
24:45
Speaker 1: so much for something I appreciate you. Thank you