Latest / The Bigger Stage w/ Matt Stone / Ask Two People This Question To Find Your Real Values — with John Durso
Transcript
- TBS - John Durso === [00:00:00] I see him, grab the guy by the shirt, put him on top of a car and get his money back. It was one of my earliest memories when he came back. I was terrified. Things are going to happen and you are gonna have to decide what to do about it, where you spend your time. Where you spend your money and where you put your effort is what actually matters to you. [00:00:22] Her word was unstoppable and I did not see unstoppable coming at all. We just let them be themselves. [00:00:39] Matt Stone: Today's conversation is a deceptively simple one, and I mean that in the best possible way. We're talking about what might be the single best activity you can do to get clear on what your values actually are, not the values you think you have, not the ones that sound good on a website, the ones that are actually running the show. [00:00:58] This is foundational [00:01:00] work, the kind that serious leaders do at the beginning of the journey and return to when things get complicated. If you genuinely want to understand what great leadership looks like, this episode is for you [00:01:11] My guest today is John Durso. [00:01:13] John spent over 22 years in retail banking, working with hundreds of small businesses and nonprofits across the greater Philadelphia region. And today he runs Brilliant Business Strategies where he helps community banks, credit unions, nonprofits, and small businesses do the hard work. Stronger leadership, healthier cultures, better team performance, and smarter customer service. [00:01:37] He describes himself as someone who is at his best when an organization is stuck and needs someone to bring the clarity, rally people around a vision and build systems that make growth feel possible again. One of his personal core values is that listening is more valuable than talking, which we're unfortunately gonna have to challenge today because he's gonna be doing a lot of [00:02:00] talking and we're glad he is. [00:02:01] John Durso welcome to The Bigger Stage. [00:02:05] John Durso: Hey, Matt. Thank you. Uh, thank you for having me. [00:02:07] Matt Stone: I'm super excited. As I alluded to in the intro, we are gonna get into something, you're gonna kind of workshop us a little bit. [00:02:13] So stick around to the end because you're gonna, we're gonna go through an exercise. I've prepared for it a little bit, but I still don't know all of the contours and things that are about to unfold here. So I'll be right with you on as John's student. [00:02:28] So stick around for that. But first, let's get into your background so you didn't just pop out doing what you're doing now. Take us back to where it all started and, and how you got here. [00:02:38] John Durso: Yeah, that's a man, that's an interesting question. Uh, you know, um, I'm a sports guy and, uh, you know, from Philadelphia, there's, you know, sports is everywhere. um, I've always kind of enjoyed watching the dynamics of a team. And for whatever reason that really interests me. And it's, it's kind of [00:03:00] always been that way. [00:03:00] So whenever I've been involved in a group setting, meaning like two or more people, uh, for whatever reason, I notice all these little tiny things about people and, and things they do, things they say. Um, when they have an opportunity to do something, do they do? Or if the opportunity is there, they don't do anything. [00:03:19] And it's, it happens on the, the, you know, the field or the court or the ice. And it happens off the field. It happens in locker rooms. So I've always been sort of interested in sports and I think, um, that translates over to business very, very well. And you see lots of podcasts and lots of stories and lots of videos of people, um, equating sports to business, uh, and 'cause it's true um. I think, I think I first got a taste of it when I started working at a real company, like a bank when I was in my, I was 19 I got a job as a teller at, uh, a little bank called [00:04:00] Mellon, PSFS. Now I'm super dating myself for all the Philadelphia people. They're like, I know PSFS, I know Mellon. and, and it was, it was cool because I got to work with a bunch of people that I was playing baseball with on my team. [00:04:14] So we, we all started working there together and it made work more enjoyable because of that bonding outside of work and things carried over from one to the other. And, at that point I just really started to nerd out and started to read books, and watch movies, and watch videos. And, um, I ended up going to Eastern University and, and getting a degree in organizational leadership. um, I think my leadership journey really. Uh, took off during the pandemic, but before I get there, I just want to mention that, um, once I got into banking, I was in banking. Before that I was in restaurants, so I was a big hospitality guy. I was a cook, I was a waiter, [00:05:00] I was a bartender, I was a host. Um, my uncle, uh, my godfather actually is, uh, a, a restaurant manager and he had me working all over the place for him. [00:05:10] So, um, that kind of camaraderie as a, a waiter or bartender that you build with your clients over food and drinks, I brought that with me to banking. 'cause banking is a service business. And I worked for, at this point, up until I, up, up until the pandemic, I think eight different banks, which is unusual in the banking world. uh, I would argue that a lot of people who stay at the same place experience the same one to five year period over and over and over again if they never move. You know, you have your occasional economic collapse and people have to figure out how to, how to exist. But, um, I worked for eight different banks, received eight different sales trainings, leadership [00:06:00] trainings, coaching. [00:06:01] I've served under some tremendous leaders, learned a lot from them. served under some terrible leadership and I learned a lot from that too. And I have absolutely made my own fair share of mistakes that I had to learn from the hard way. but everything really got shot out of a canon during, um, during the pandemic uh, you know, everything shut down. And I was able to sink my teeth into more opportunities to study the game of leadership and culture. Than I ever was before, because everyone had more time on their hands. They were working from home. Companies that were normally unaccessible made themselves more accessible. And if I could plug one, the Disney Institute, I am a huge fan of the Disney Institute, and normally you have to fly to Florida be, you know, have a robust budget to be there and, and really take part of [00:07:00] what they offer, which is incredible. And then, you know, during the pandemic, they brought everything online, so I was able to just really nerd out and, um, you know, then continued, continued on with my journey. So it's, uh, it's been a lifelong kind of thing. [00:07:14] Matt Stone: I, you know, I've, I've noticed with myself and other people that oftentimes we get signs. If we, if we look back on our childhood, our youth, we go, oh, you know, like, I, I'll give you an example. So I had microphones as, from the time I was, you know, yay high, I was always pretty tall, but I, I was recording stuff. [00:07:33] I mean, if you look back on my childhood, it's like this guy was gonna be doing some kind of media. I mean, no matter what. And of course, I went to law school and did all like you. I did all these other different things. I've, I've worked in a restaurant as well, but. What were the, the earliest signs that you can recall looking back, that you had this kind of acumen or what they call superpower or natural talent at like the observational [00:08:00] things that you just referred? [00:08:01] Being able to observe human dynamics. [00:08:04] John Durso: I, I think I, um, if I can go way back, my grandparents, so I, and this is before my sister, so my brother and I, my grandparents took my brother and I to a Phillies game. The Philadelphia Phillies game. And this was at Veteran Stadium, so it had to be in the eighties. Uh, so, so, okay. All you people that are taking your kids to sporting events right now, we were able to go to a Phillies game. [00:08:34] I remember the general admission tickets. This was not standing room only, they were $5 a ticket kids were three bucks. 'cause I have the ticket stub and you were able to bring in your own food so they didn't eat. So, I mean, you literally could take in a major league baseball game for two adults and two kids under $20. 'cause you brought your own food. So [00:09:00] my grandfather, now he, he, grew up in South Philadelphia. He was a boxer. He was, uh, street smart. And eventually he, you know, he was in the army and, and he, um, he worked in the Philadelphia, you know, parole and court system. So my grandfather, he was a real tough guy. We got down to the stadium. He bought tickets from a scalper 'cause he was trying to get better tickets, but he didn't want to pay $10. He wanna pay, you know, somewhere in between. I remember he was, he had to be 70 years old, right? We get up to the window, he tries to use the tickets from the scalper, they tell him that they're fake and he hands them to my grandmother and he runs as fast as I've ever seen a 70-year-old run down these ramps. [00:09:53] 'cause the veteran stadium used to have these ramps, uh, to walk up to where the ticket counter is. And I see him [00:10:00] grab the guy by the shirt and put him on top of a car and get his money back from this guy. And it was one of my earliest memories and. When he came back, I was terrified. My, I remember my grandmother saying, Eddie, leave him alone. [00:10:18] Eddie. Don't hurt him. Eddie don't hurt him. Even this guy's like 20 years old, right? And he comes back and he says to me, he's like, says thing, and he, and I never thought about this until you asked me this question. And he said something along the lines of, things are going to happen and you're gonna have to decide what to do about it. And if I let that guy go, what would you think of me? You know? And I didn't even, I was so young, I didn't even think anything of him. You know, he's my grandpa. I would've loved him either way, you know, if he would've had to go pay more money. But, you know, being, I guess eight or nine, I didn't think that deeply about it, but I [00:11:00] remembered that moment, you know, where he kind of told me like, you have an opportunity to do something. So either you're going to do something and you're not. Either way, that says something about who you are. And he grew up in a different time. He grew up in, you know, street smart, south Philly, 1920s, 1930s, [00:11:17] Matt Stone: was gonna say Philly. I mean, you know. [00:11:19] John Durso: whole different, whole different animal. [00:11:21] Matt Stone: Yeah. [00:11:22] Wow. [00:11:23] John Durso: I think, so you're, you're, you're challenging me here. [00:11:25] And I think that probably is my earliest memory of when I was introduced say introduced to the idea that you can observe what people do and it tells you a little bit about them, [00:11:40] Matt Stone: Now let's leap to our exercise. [00:11:42] Set it up for the viewers. How is this going to help them if they're a leader in or they're a business owner, how is this gonna help them? [00:11:53] John Durso: Okay. So in my experience with all this, right, there [00:12:00] are, there's really one set of skill that the greatest leaders I've ever worked for have, and the greatest salespeople, right? They share, they share one thing, and I call it, I refer to it as values infused communication skills, right? They communicate authentically, they're genuine. The ones who are, who they are sort of unapologetically. They're okay with not having certain people on their team and they're okay with not attracting certain clients when they attract, like, not necessarily like-minded, but like values. And you build a team of a culture of people who all share the same values. [00:12:43] They behave the same way, they do the same thing and it's natural. They don't have to spend a lot of time training for it. Those are very high performing teams. And the same thing with your book of business. If you are attracting certain types of clients that love you for who you are and what your [00:13:00] advice is and what you're selling, and they're all about it, they're are raving, screaming fan. not selling anybody anything. They're doing the selling. They're telling other like-minded people. So how the heck do we figure out what you are? Right? That's where this whole came from. This whole thing comes from. And most of the business owners, and most of the leaders that I talk to when I've asked them about who they are and what values they have, they start off with the basic stuff. Honesty, integrity, truth, loyalty, like, okay, fine. Everybody's got an element of that, or else you shouldn't be in business. Let's get into makes you, you, right? And I said it earlier, where you spend your time, your money, your energy, and your effort. Okay? When, so for people viewing this, right, write down words that you would use to describe yourself and you're not allowed to use, you know, [00:14:00] you know, I'm a funny guy, right? [00:14:01] But, and, and this might take them a little bit longer, but what I've seen that the words people normally use to describe themselves often do not match the words that other people would use. To describe them, mainly because no one knows what's going on in between your ears, right? We all have our own stuff we're dealing with. I strive to be a philanthropist, so I try to do philanthropic things, right? When I did this exercise with some people, philanthropy philanthropist was not the word they used to describe for me. But meanwhile, I, I want that. That's what I want in my own mind. So what the exercise is, is this is how you figure out what you actually are in real life. [00:14:55] 'cause perception is reality. There are lots of [00:15:00] leaders who are stuck in that emperor's new clothes kind of vibe. Like I am walking around my company, and I think everything is wonderful you're telling yourself that meanwhile, you can't figure out why people keep quitting. And you can't figure out why your numbers aren't hitting your numbers and why people leave early, show up late and take extended lunch, but everything's great. [00:15:22] You're telling yourself everything's great. here's what the exercise is, how you find out what your values truly are. want you to go and, Matt thankfully did this, did his homework, and we're gonna find out his results in a second. But you go talk to one or two people who you have spent time with and periods of time, and if you can make them not know each other, if they're two different people, fine. I did this exercise with my wife, So you ask them describe you in one word. That's the exercise. Describe me in one word. they're not allowed to [00:16:00] say funny or awesome, right? It's gotta be a deeper kind of a thing. you want them to, and say whatever word you describe me with, I need you to tell me a story that backs up your claim. I wanna hear a story. And the story has to be, well, John, one time you, and then whatever the story is, when you do this, the person you ask is gonna get mad and they're gonna go, I can't possibly do that. And so you put 'em on the clock, you say, you got 48 hours, you know, let me know. Don't you know, don't, don't let 'em off the hook. I did this with my wife and I'm thinking she's gonna say, kind, empathetic, patient. Her word was unstoppable and I did not see unstoppable coming at all. And I said, why? And she's like, well, and then she rattled off five stories when something got in my way, it was outta my control. I totally moped about it for like a day. [00:17:00] And then I did something about it. I-S-I-S-I most of the time didn't even spend money to fix it. I like physically had to do something to get over it. But is someone I've been around for the last 20 years, like every day. Right. So if that's been my pattern of behavior, and that's her word for, for me, I would've never described myself that way. But I'm flattered and I'm honored. And [00:17:24] Matt Stone: But what is it? Sorry, I'm, I'm just gonna relentlessly pull on this. It's great. I love that word. It's also, you know, it's a movie, it's a, it's a person apparently and a movie. Um, how tangibly has that helped you to know that information? [00:17:43] John Durso: Well, great point. Because I realize it, and this is something I try to explain to people all the time. Everyone is looking at you all the time, whether you know it or not. Even if you're sitting in a room by yourself, assume there's a hidden camera somewhere. Right? if I [00:18:00] know that about me, you said superpower earlier, I can lean into that. And I, one of, one thing that I get really excited about in this role is inspiring other people. If I feel like something I said or something I did, made someone else get off the couch and go do something about something and they have a better life now because of it. Or the trickle down effect from them is someone else's life is better because of it. We only have like 80, 90 years if we're lucky on this planet. You know what I mean? Like we have to make a difference for each other. And even if it's the smallest thing, if that happens, I get really excited about it that like make that totally lights my lights, my candle. You know what I mean? so now when I have the opportunity, when I'm faced with something, I think to myself, is my wife gonna be happy that I were ran away from it? [00:18:47] Or is she gonna be even happier if I go at it? And now that 48 hour moping period has become 24 and now that 24 hour moping period has become less and less. And it's like, it gives me kind of energy [00:19:00] to know that that's a thing. You know, so you, you said it earlier, like, what's the different people's superpower? [00:19:06] Well, understanding what your tendencies are and how you react and lean into it and not make it hard to lean into it, because that's naturally what you do naturally anyway, just realizing it. Right. So whatever those words are that these people come back with, that's something that you have impressed upon them because the one word they use is the summarization of all the behaviors you do in front of them that you don't even think about. Right. And then interesting little note, the perception of the behavior is different for different people. Based on their values. Okay. So my behavior of being unstoppable and, and saying, I'm gonna mope for a little bit, but then I'm gonna go do it and I'm not gonna give up. I'm gonna keep doing it until it's done. That can also [00:20:00] be perceived as stubbornness by other people. Okay. if my wife was mad at me at the time, she might've been like, yeah, you're like the most stubborn dude I've ever met in my life. know? So there's, there's two sides of the coin. I call those values and anti values, but I am dying to know Matt. [00:20:18] 'cause Matt, you were kind enough to do the exercise before we hopped on here. I'm dying to know what, uh, what, what words people used and who you, who you asked to describe you in one word and, and were they something you knew already or were they something outta left field? [00:20:34] Matt Stone: Thanks for joining us for today's episode. That's all the time we have. Join us next time we're, I'll review. No, um, [00:20:42] John Durso: I. [00:20:43] Matt Stone: I kid. I kid. Okay. Um, I had such a wonderful time, so I'll just tell the, the viewers. So John sends me this email and, and I took forever. [00:20:54] So anyway, I go back and I read this email. I was like, oh crap. I was supposed to respond to this thing like a while ago. [00:20:59] He's, and [00:21:00] so John's very, not only unstoppable, he's gracious. So I read this thing and he's like, he says, yeah, it's gonna take you a few days. And I'm thinking a few days I don't have a few day, I don't even have a few hours. Like I wrote him and he is like, no, no, no. Like it'll just take a few days to get responses. [00:21:17] It's only a five minute thing. So I only had like a day to do this, and I thought of two people in my life to talk to, and both one of 'em I just happened to have a meeting with. And so I asked her, and these are both very good people. Good on their feet. Okay. [00:21:33] so the first one, um, I won't call out their names just because I didn't get, well, they know what it's for. [00:21:41] But anyway, the first one I asked, uh, she said, charisma, [00:21:51] John Durso: Okay. [00:21:52] Matt Stone: and she said the good kind, not the. Not the sleaze bag, like, you know, um, pulling something over on you [00:22:00] kind, but, and she goes, it's not even really the full, and to your point, both people, when they said the word, they were like, it's not fully it, but it's the closest I can think of. [00:22:10] There's, it, it had a lot of other flavors in it that they couldn't quite identify. Um, [00:22:15] John Durso: she able to give you some of these specific stories as an [00:22:17] example? Yeah. [00:22:18] Matt Stone: cited this time recently where I went to meet her at her at her office and there's a, there's like a, a desk that you have to wait at when you go to the office and it's in, uh, Manhattan. And, and so I'm there, I've only been there twice and I'm standing there in the lobby and, and she comes down to, to meet me at the desk and I'm holding court with the guy behind the counter and they're acting like, oh, here's Kate. [00:22:41] And as if I'm the one with the office there, and I now know everyone there. I, I, I knew people better than she knew them after a few minutes. Um. So that's always been me. I, I just, you know, you [00:23:00] drop me somewhere and my first order of business is who's here and why are they interesting and how can we have a laugh and how do I make this feel like I've been here for 50 years? [00:23:10] John Durso: Yeah, [00:23:11] Matt Stone: Um, [00:23:11] John Durso: I'll, I'll, I'll pause you for a second. [00:23:13] Matt Stone: yeah. [00:23:15] John Durso: you mentioned earlier. You know, I, I, and we talked about it earlier, like, I see things and I just analyze 'em like this. [00:23:21] Matt Stone: Right. [00:23:21] John Durso: her, what's happening here is she's describing you with one word that's charisma. Inside of that are multiple core values at play. With that one story you just told, the fact that you can go into a room and you kind of hold court. to me, I'm assigning all these values to you in my mind. Friendliness, openness, uh, caring for other people, empathetic to a point, natural curiosity. So you ball all of those things up. And that is one of the thing, one of the parts that makes Matt, Matt, just labeled it, you know, charisma, [00:23:57] Matt Stone: Yeah, it's [00:23:58] well put. 'cause it's sort [00:24:00] of like the iceberg model, right? That the word that stuck out of the top of the ice was charisma. And underneath it is this whole other thing that makes it all up there. But the visible one that kind of popped was charisma. Of course I, that made me happy. 'cause I, I enjoy that value. [00:24:16] But as you also say, every strength will become a weakness. [00:24:22] Uh, [00:24:23] John Durso: God. Well, well, well, not won't become a weakness that it, it, it is a strength because it's your strength. It will never be your weakness. If you lean into that, you will attract people who like that and you will repel good. [00:24:41] Matt Stone: true. [00:24:41] My old mentor though, yeah, my old mentor always used the line, every strength. He said literally this, uh, every strength will become a weakness when overused. So that's where I was coming from on it. And maybe it's a different application, but, [00:25:00] um, [00:25:01] I think it's, I think rather than arguing the semantics of it with you, 'cause I, that's not what I'm trying to do here. [00:25:06] I'm just trying to say to your earlier point, we, these strengths also can be weaknesses and just being cognizant of that is helpful. You know, that's, I don't know if that's how you would put it, but, [00:25:20] John Durso: They, so we're saying the same thing, but I'll say it a little different. They'll become a weakness in the presence of people who do not share that value [00:25:28] Matt Stone: Hmm. [00:25:28] John Durso: to the extent that you share it, right? So if people look at that value that you're doing, right? So let's say you're, you're, you're going in there and you're practicing the value of kindness and friendliness and, and, and empathy, and you're sitting there and talking with the person who's supposed to be doing their job, and you're now impeding them from doing their job, then that becomes a problem. [00:25:51] That becomes a, a, it's, it's now a, a, a, a issue, right? Um, but if that person, uh. Is [00:26:00] aligned with those values and they're enjoying it and they share those values, you can do the same activity together for a while. [00:26:07] Matt Stone: Oh yeah, [00:26:07] John Durso: I, I agree with your mentor. I just wanna put a, a, you know, comma the, it, it's, it definitely shines and sticks out when you're in the presence of people who do not share that value. [00:26:17] Matt Stone: absolutely. [00:26:18] Yeah, [00:26:19] John Durso: at that behavior as the anti value, [00:26:21] Matt Stone: yeah, [00:26:22] John Durso: and many times they'll self-select out. but the question, the bigger question is, would you have ever described yourself that way? [00:26:29] Matt Stone: yeah. [00:26:31] John Durso: Would you [00:26:31] Matt Stone: oh yeah, I [00:26:33] John Durso: word charisma? [00:26:34] Matt Stone: I mean, I've done a ton of self-awareness work and stuff. I mean, I, I used to work previous to what I'm doing now. I was in the self-awareness feedback, leadership development world. And so I guess I was around that. So I've done countless exercises of, so, um, not that I'm a hundred percent self-aware, 'cause I'm not, but I, that's probably why. [00:26:56] Um, but you know, to your point, it, it doesn't [00:27:00] take away from your, your point, which I I, in my own observational experience is true that, um, we don't always see ourselves the way others see us. [00:27:12] and, and and the first thing that people generally think of when you say that in my experience has been. [00:27:18] They think, well, that, you know, you're, you're wor, you know, you're neg some negative thing about you, which of course could exist. But I, I love that you're, you're focusing on these positive strengths too. We don't see how great we really are at certain things until someone says, you know, you're, this is you. [00:27:33] And you're like, Hmm. So, [00:27:37] John Durso: it is interesting and, and plus with this activity, the, the instructions are not, go find someone that hates you and ask them this question. It, it's [00:27:45] Matt Stone: right, [00:27:46] John Durso: you know, [00:27:46] it's gonna be a positive, [00:27:47] Matt Stone: Who's your worst enemy that you have a massive resentment against and you broke up years ago? Go to that person. [00:27:53] Um, I'll just say, to answer the question that you haven't asked yet, I actually went to a second person [00:28:00] and she, that led to a whole, like, amazing just conversation that was really deep and beautiful and her word was generous. [00:28:09] And I have to say that, um, I do. Value, generosity, and I consider myself generous. But here's where the disconnect was, not disconnect, but here's where the perception maybe was, was off, is she is one of the most generous people I've ever met and I have felt, how could I ever be generous enough with her because she's so generous, if that makes sense. [00:28:35] So I do think I'm pretty generous, but vis-a-vis her in particular, I just have this feeling of like, no matter what I do, she's, it's hard to beat her. She's so generous. And the stories that she gave me really blew me out because the stories had to do with, she's had a lot of heartache in her family and she's lost a lot of family members, her, both her parents, her [00:29:00] brother, I mean, it's it. [00:29:01] She's doesn't have a whole lot of family left and she has become part of our family. She's really, I mean, I wouldn't even think twice about, Hey, come, come be with us for Thanksgiving, you know, with my extended relatives, like I just for a long time and invite her in. And I guess I didn't think much of it, it just seemed obvious to me. [00:29:22] And the, the impact on her [00:29:25] of, of being allowed into your, your space, like, I didn't even think of it that way. But for her, I saw the impact on her differently through that conversation, and I've known her a long time. So Thank you, John. [00:29:39] John Durso: Well. Well, I'm a, I'm thrilled that you had that experience because sometimes, you know, you, it, this, this, these types of things open up a whole new world for relationships, right? [00:29:50] Matt Stone: Yeah. [00:29:51] John Durso: to places they've never been before. But, um, I will say, you've, you've hit on the other secret of this exercise, [00:30:00] which you and I didn't talk about before. A, you're learning what other people see in you, okay? And so you're learning about yourself based on your behavior that you did and how people looked at it. Here's the real, like magic of this exercise. You now have learned what core values those people hold very high on their own list. Okay? If you're a leader, that is critical information to motivating your team. Absolutely critical when you're serving, let's say you and that that second individual, were in a team setting, right? And you want to motivate them and inspire them and rally them, you know, a behavior that gets their engine running. And if you can figure out a situation where it calls for you to do that behavior and you can perform it to the best of your ability in front [00:31:00] of them, it's probably gonna get them to go too. the very, very best teams have these leaders who are genuine. They know who they are, they know what makes them special, they lean into values, making that the culture of that organization. It attracts like-minded people. do an exercise like this now, the leader armed with the information on how to motivate and get the most out of their team, and they just start to layer in intentionally. Layer in opportunities for the team to naturally be themselves and succeed. And I'll, I'll, and I know we gotta wrap up, but I have a, I have a story to, as an example, and it's a Disney thing. Um, I was at Disney training and a, a video was making its way around the internet. And, uh, I asked the trainer, I said, Hey, listen, did you see this video of Winnie the Pooh? says, no, no. What, what, what are you talking about? And I was like, well, look at this. And [00:32:00] what's happening is, if you've ever been to Disney, they have a character breakfast. And I'm not being paid No, no, no paid commercial here. Right? Uh, they have the character breakfast where you're eating and the characters come around and they, they, you know, mess with you a little bit. [00:32:11] And they, you know, some are nice, they take pictures. There was a special needs child in a wheelchair, and Winnie the Pooh comes over and the video was like. Seven minutes long. And Winnie the Pooh sat down with this child and was petting him and, and letting him pet him and doing all this sensory touch. And there he was not rushed the, the, the other people in the room. They wanted a piece of Winnie the Pooh. And he just, he didn't, he just stayed with them. And I'm asking the trainer, I'm going, how did you train the actor to do this? Like, what training do you give? Do, do you, do you recognize different, um, people with different abil abilities? Uh, like what, what? And the guy goes, no, no. We just let them be themselves. We cast them [00:33:00] in a role which is Disney Corporate Culture speak for, I hired you for a job. They don't say that. They say, I cast you in a role the person's role is Winnie the Pooh. And they said, go, do you just do whatever you, you full permission to do anything you want. And that's one of the magic secrets of these incredibly great hospitality driven companies is you cast the right person who matches your values and you put them in the right seat, and you leave 'em alone. Let 'em do their thing, and how you figure out what the values are and who those people are and how to hire. [00:33:40] That's what all this stuff is that we've just started to crack into. [00:33:43] Matt Stone: And they're gonna embody the, the values of what we know as Winnie the Pooh. It, it's set up that way at that point. It's not about learning it. They already know it. Yeah. [00:33:54] John Durso: they're just being themselves. They're [00:33:56] Matt Stone: S so let's really land this plane. So I'm gonna give you a couple scenarios, [00:34:00] okay? So, uh, you're a leader in a company. You might be the founder even, or you're in a larger organization and you, your team has seen some churn and now you've got it kind of, you've hired some new people. [00:34:13] And so you're kind of, it's not, it's not an entirely new team, but you've got kind of a new team. Or maybe you just came on board, you were just hired and you got a new, an actual full on new team. How do we use what you and I just did? 'cause it sounds like you don't need to do a whole bunch of complicated things to get started with this. [00:34:30] It's pretty simple exercise. How do they, do this with their team to set the tone and understand their team and also lead their team better right out of the gate? [00:34:41] John Durso: Um, I would, I would advise if you're the new person, like am I the new employee or am I the new leader? [00:34:48] Matt Stone: All right, let's do it two ways. So I've, I've been hired to replace someone and I'm from the outside. I'm coming on as the new leader, and I want to, I wanna really get a fast [00:35:00] start, [00:35:00] John Durso: Yeah. I would actually advise doing the exercise we just did not, I'm not, and I'm not copping out here, but if you think about it, you're the new person in the new organization. Uh, you need to learn their culture. So you need to observe The behavior tells you what time, money, energy, effort, where does the company spend its money? [00:35:22] Where do the people spend their time? What, what kind of things do they do? when you're, when you go into these meetings, you're not gonna meet with your entire new team in one shot. I mean, you might get the introduction, but you wanna have your one-to-ones. It's an interesting thing to do at the end of your first one-to-one, say, Hey, you know, I'm meeting with Matt in an hour. [00:35:41] Do me a favor, describe Matt in one word make it a game. Make it fun, make it whatever. And then you get to learn two things out of the answer, one. The way they're describing the next person you're gonna meet with, it's what they have observed that person do. And it's something high up on their list. [00:36:00] If it's good, you learn what motivates this person. If it's bad, you learn what irritates this person, but you know a little bit about the next guy. And then you go into meeting with Matt and you just, you know, you're being friendly, you're getting to know 'em. It's all about behavior. And just ask that person, Hey, you know, I'm meeting Sarah next, you know, de describe Sarah in one word. [00:36:20] You've worked with Sarah a while. What, you know, what, what's she like? You know? And, and just getting all that information about your team. You can learn a lot. And especially if you take notes. Now, there's all these different videos you can watch on memorization techniques, but, uh, I like to write things down. The that your job as a leader is to lead and be a leader, right? So, so these are things that are now part of your new job. You know, understanding what your team is, is like. So that's, that's one thing you can do [00:36:53] right away. [00:36:53] Matt Stone: And I, guess I was gonna ask you about another scenario, but what's dawning on me as I, as I'm thinking about the context of becoming [00:37:00] an authority, I say, you know, operator to icon transition. [00:37:03] 'cause I work largely with founders of service-based businesses who are kind of making that leap, either by necessity or desire or both from being an operator to. A proverbial or, and or literal bigger stage. And it's an inside game. And so what I'm getting here is what a great way to help you make that pivot is this is an exercise that if you do this, it kind of helps you see yourself even more clearly and even more positively as you step onto a bigger stage. [00:37:39] 'cause it's gonna come with nerves and self-doubt and all this other stuff. And I'm looking at these two people that have said, you're generous and you're charismatic in all the right ways. You, you hold a room, you, so now if I think of myself on a stage, I've got a new presentation I'm gonna be doing in a couple weeks. [00:37:55] This helped me with that knowing that helped me. Uh, [00:37:59] John Durso: Fantastic. [00:38:00] Now you're lighting my candle. You know something, [00:38:02] Matt Stone: yeah. [00:38:02] John Durso: everybody's getting something outta it. Great. [00:38:04] Matt Stone: So I think, I think there's a, you know, I, it's, it's applicable to a lot of different scenarios because our values really drive. Um, drive, drive everything. And if we're not in touch with what they really are, then there's this dissonance. And people, you know, people pick up on it. I mean, there's, when we talk about someone being inauthentic or you know, um, you know, obtuse or whatever, you know, it's often a misalignment of my perception and reality on that, is what I'm picking up. [00:38:34] Okay. All right, John, give us the little, you know, at the end someone's watching this and they're like, I like this guy. I wanna bring him in and help our, help our culture and our organization, our customer service get better too. How do they get in contact with you? How do you work with your, your clients? [00:38:50] John Durso: Uh, well typically we, we just do an initial phone call or initial zoom call because I, I find that I can give somebody a piece of [00:39:00] advice in 15, 20 minutes, a half an hour, can go fix whatever it is, great, you know, we don't, I don't need to, to, you know, engage them into a, a, a contract kind of a thing. [00:39:09] But normally it's, um, one or two meetings per month, but unlimited phone calls in between, and we work with whatever budget, you know, the individual or the company has. We'll, we'll, we'll figure it out. I, I, again, what, what gets me energized is making a difference in helping people improve their lives. So we'll work within, within budgets for that. [00:39:28] Matt Stone: So we'll, [00:39:29] John Durso: way to get in touch with me. [00:39:31] Matt Stone: go ahead. I'm sorry. I cut you off. [00:39:33] John Durso: No best way, I mean, LinkedIn is real easy if you just, you know, Google my name, I, I'm, I'm all over a bunch of different things. But LinkedIn is pretty simple. The email address is a little bit long, uh, which is jdurso@brilliantbusinessstrategies.com. Uh, when you can just go to the brilliant business strategies.com website [00:39:56] Matt Stone: The website. Absolutely. So reach out to John. If you're trying to build a [00:40:00] great team, a great organization, and you need a cultural shift, um, John will help you with practical, uh, ways of doing it and support you all along the way. And John, I just really, uh, appreciate your perspective and your stories and, uh, and tangible takeaways, which is fan. [00:40:16] We're kind of adding a layer to the show. Um, because we've been doing a lot of narrative about transformation. I thought this was one of the more useful things, I think, and simple things that makes a big impact. So thank you so, so much. I really appreciate it. [00:40:31] John Durso: thank you for the opportunity to, uh, to come on and share and, and have a little bit of fun. And, know, hopefully, hopefully we, we change some, change some people here and we, you know, we get, we get some things going and make a difference, right? [00:40:43] Matt Stone: Fantastic. The Unstoppable. John Durso everybody. Thanks for watching The Bigger Stage. We'll see you on the next one. Bye-bye for now. [00:40:50]