Latest / ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿 / Parents & Boundaries: 👩‍🏫📱🧘‍♀️ Communicate Clearly, Protect Your Peace

Transcript

Parents & Boundaries: 👩‍🏫📱🧘‍♀️ Communicate Clearly, Protect Your Peace · ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿

• 0:05
  Hey there, beautiful educators. I need to change that, don't I?
• 0:09
  Because it's not always just educators.
• 0:11
  But hello everyone, and welcome back to Aligned and Thriving for
• 0:15
  Teachers. I reckon today's episode is
• 0:18
  going to have a lot of you just nodding along with me because of
• 0:21
  what I'm about to say. And you already know it.
• 0:24
  You're probably already doing it, but I also know how powerful
• 0:28
  it is when we hear our own thoughts said out loud, when
• 0:33
  someone maybe puts into words what we've been carrying around
• 0:35
  quietly. So maybe this episode won't
• 0:38
  change anything overnight, but hopefully it will help you feel
• 0:42
  seen, heard, validated, and maybe even just a little less
• 0:47
  alone. So today I want to talk to you
• 0:50
  about parents and about boundaries and about
• 0:54
  expectations and that silent load that we carry that no one
• 1:00
  seems to fully understand unless they've lived it too.
• 1:05
  Because let's be honest, teaching has always been
• 1:08
  demanding, but lately it's just gotten heavier.
• 1:12
  It's one of the biggest shifts that I've noticed at the moment
• 1:17
  is that we're not just teaching the kids anymore.
• 1:19
  We're teaching the kids of the pandemic, and I don't know about
• 1:23
  you, but I have absolutely noticed a difference.
• 1:27
  That time in lockdown, those years of remote learning,
• 1:30
  isolation and just unpredictability, it impacted
• 1:34
  these little humans in ways that we're only just beginning to
• 1:38
  understand. Their emotional regulation, it's
• 1:41
  completely different. Their social skills, their
• 1:44
  delayed, their stamina is just lower.
• 1:48
  Their resilience? Look, that's a bit wobbly.
• 1:51
  Everything takes a little more effort now.
• 1:55
  Everything just needs a little bit more scaffolding.
• 1:59
  And that means we've had to change how we teach, how we
• 2:03
  support, and just how we show up.
• 2:06
  We've eventually had to rewire our entire toolkit.
• 2:10
  That's what it is. Here's the tough truth.
• 2:13
  It would probably take years to recover from that disruption,
• 2:17
  years to rebuild the stamina, the skills and the expectations
• 2:21
  we used to take just for granted.
• 2:23
  If, and that's a big if, if we even get back to that baseline.
• 2:29
  And that's not a pessimistic take.
• 2:31
  It is just being honest because you know what?
• 2:34
  These kids are different, and so are we.
• 2:38
  And that brings me to the conversation about boundaries,
• 2:40
  especially, especially with parents, because right now, the
• 2:46
  boundaries teachers are trying to set, they're not coming from
• 2:50
  a place of selfishness or laziness or disinterest.
• 2:54
  They're coming from burnout, from exhaustion, from a deep
• 2:58
  need to protect our energy, our mental health, and frankly, our
• 3:02
  ability to keep showing up at all.
• 3:04
  We're not setting boundaries to be difficult.
• 3:07
  We are setting them to survive, to sustain, to make it to the
• 3:12
  end of the week without falling apart or breaking.
• 3:14
  I guess. So.
• 3:15
  Let me say this very loudly for the parents in the back.
• 3:18
  Just because we love your child does not mean that we are
• 3:22
  available 24/7. Do you get that?
• 3:26
  Please pass that message on to your friends.
• 3:28
  We are not counsellors, therapists, social workers,
• 3:32
  learning support staff, behaviour experts, pastoral
• 3:35
  carers, admin assistants and curriculum deliverers.
• 3:38
  Only one all in one body. Yet that's exactly, exactly what
• 3:43
  is expected of us. But we want to help and we do
• 3:47
  care. But we are not robots, OK?
• 3:50
  We are not OK being treated like we don't have limits at all.
• 3:57
  OK, You have this amazing thing in your hand called a phone and
• 4:02
  all of a sudden, over years of teaching, we've just become so
• 4:06
  accessible as teachers that it is an expectation that we can be
• 4:11
  accessed at any given time. I have literally had emails from
• 4:15
  parents at 2:00 AM in the morning.
• 4:18
  It is not OK, people. We have a right to disconnect in
• 4:22
  every job or workplace, and that includes teaching.
• 4:25
  But there's just some people that aren't getting the message.
• 4:29
  So here's what I want to normalise in staff rooms, school
• 4:32
  policies and community conversations.
• 4:35
  We're not going to reply to messages after hours.
• 4:38
  It's our choice if we do, but it is not an expectation that we
• 4:42
  do. Obviously there are extenuating
• 4:45
  circumstances where that may be something, something may just
• 4:48
  happen then we do, but we're not going to do it for anything
• 4:52
  minor. Mate, if you have forgotten if
• 4:55
  your kid got their jacket or not and you send a message at 11:00
• 4:58
  PM at night, no, we are not going to open it.
• 5:01
  We're not going to respond. We might check it in the morning
• 5:04
  when we get to work because that's when we are at work.
• 5:07
  So I'm very sorry about that. I actually need to apologise to
• 5:11
  teachers too, because I am also a parent and I have done that
• 5:14
  because that's when I remember. But I make it very clear that
• 5:20
  like I make it really clear that please do not respond to this.
• 5:23
  Respond in the morning like that's the initial heading,
• 5:26
  subject line, whatever it might be.
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  So I make it clear that I'm not expecting you to reply.
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  But obviously most of them I'm friends with and they're just
• 5:32
  like, yeah, no, no, wait, sorry. So don't do that.
• 5:35
  And I will stop doing that too, saying no to last minute or
• 5:40
  unreasonable requests. We do not have to say yes to
• 5:44
  every single request, OK? We will say yes to what is
• 5:49
  reasonable and within our boundaries because that's what
• 5:51
  we are setting is boundaries. I'm sorry if you can hear any
• 5:55
  loud noises in the background. My washing machine is on at the
• 5:58
  moment and if it decides to take off I can't control that so I
• 6:01
  apologise. My editing skills are not that
• 6:03
  amazing to edit that out if it does happen.
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  So sorry. Again, that's part of my
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  boundaries because I put boundaries around my time and
• 6:11
  this is technically my recording time, but also my doing my
• 6:14
  washing time because this is real talk, people, real talk.
• 6:19
  I'll get back on track now. Redirecting parent concerns
• 6:23
  through appropriate channels. So please don't message us
• 6:26
  through Facebook, like our personal Facebook account.
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  There are proper things and channels that you need to go
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  through to actually contact us. We are going to choose our own
• 6:37
  well being over trying to please everyone.
• 6:40
  We're going to let go of guilt for not doing more when you're
• 6:44
  already stretched thin. And you are going to take your
• 6:48
  darn sick days when you're sick without feeling guilty or
• 6:53
  judged. Please don't go to work when you
• 6:56
  are getting those horrible sniffles and then make 10 other
• 6:59
  teachers sick. And parents, if you're
• 7:01
  listening, please don't send your children when they are sick
• 7:04
  because then they infect us and then they don't have a teacher
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  and we can't get relief and it's an endless vicious cycle.
• 7:10
  So teachers, if you are getting sick and you need a day of rest,
• 7:14
  please do it. We will survive and we do make
• 7:17
  things work. Do not apologise for being a
• 7:20
  human being because that's what you are.
• 7:22
  First, the emotional labour that we carry as teachers.
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  It is real, it is invisible, but it is heavy.
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  And if we want to stay in this job for the long haul, not just
• 7:34
  survive but actually thrive in this position, we need to stop
• 7:38
  wearing like the matron of like a badge of honour.
• 7:43
  Like we can't do that. We need to model boundaries to
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  our students, our colleagues and yes, the parents too.
• 7:51
  Because when we protect our energy, we protect our passion.
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  And when we protect our passion, we protect the quality of
• 7:59
  education that our kids receive. So for every teacher out there
• 8:03
  who's drawing the line in the sand, whether it's big or small,
• 8:06
  know this. You are not a bad teacher.
• 8:09
  You are not being difficult and you are not letting anyone down.
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  You are being real, you are being wise and you are being
• 8:20
  completely and utterly sustainable because you are
• 8:24
  setting boundaries around your time, your energy, your effort,
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  which then make sure that you are turning up as the best
• 8:31
  version of you for those kids every single day because you
• 8:36
  come first. You're a human first.
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  You need to fill your cup first, so you are allowed to put those
• 8:42
  boundaries in place. And to the parents who do get
• 8:46
  it, who show us kindness and compassion, the ones who say
• 8:52
  thank you even on the really tough days, and who trust that
• 8:56
  we are doing our absolute best with what we have, we see you
• 9:01
  and we thank you for it. And if you are a teacher that
• 9:05
  has some of those parents, make sure you thank them back and
• 9:08
  thank them for their patience, their effort, and for respecting
• 9:11
  your time. I have done that to parents
• 9:14
  before. And I have said, oh, thank you
• 9:15
  so much for your message last night.
• 9:17
  And thank you for telling me that I didn't have to respond
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  and then talking to them personally as I have had that
• 9:24
  happen multiple times before. And I've had teachers that
• 9:27
  haven't respected my boundaries as well and have expected
• 9:31
  replies from me at certain times.
• 9:33
  And I'm sorry, no, there are boundaries around my time.
• 9:35
  If you message me on the weekend, it is my choice whether
• 9:39
  I reply to you or not because my weekends are my family time.
• 9:43
  Maybe, just maybe on a Sunday night, I might check things if I
• 9:49
  think that it's urgent. But the rest of the time I have
• 9:52
  boundaries around. Like Friday afternoon when I
• 9:54
  leave work, I have clocked off and I won't clock on until
• 9:58
  Monday morning or as I said, Sunday night.
• 10:01
  If there is something that I think, oh, that's really urgent,
• 10:04
  I probably should. They need to know that to
• 10:06
  prepare for Monday, that type of thing.
• 10:08
  That's different. But that is my choice.
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  And that I know that every leadership team has different
• 10:16
  expectations as well, but you need to be the person who sets
• 10:20
  the boundaries and just be consistent with it.
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  You've got to stick with it because if you don't, the minute
• 10:28
  you say yes once, that then becomes an expectation.
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  So make sure you make that clear.
• 10:34
  Like if I respond, I say I'm only responding because I have
• 10:37
  done so. Please do not expect that I'll
• 10:40
  reply again if you send this at this time because then I'm
• 10:43
  setting up to say, please don't make a habit of this because I'm
• 10:47
  not going to do it because you have boundaries.
• 10:49
  You can set that around your time.
• 10:51
  And there's another episode on that too and letting to say no.
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  So if you haven't listened to that episode before this one,
• 10:56
  maybe go back and listen to that episode and remind yourself of
• 11:00
  how to set your boundaries and how to learn to say no, OK, you
• 11:05
  need to learn to be and to use that as your strength, to be
• 11:08
  that person that sets boundaries and to use it as your strength,
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  right? So you make a massive
• 11:16
  difference. Remember that.
• 11:18
  And thank you for tuning in to another episode.
• 11:22
  So keep holding the line, keep honouring your limits and keep
• 11:27
  choosing you first. And remember this, your
• 11:32
  boundaries don't make you any less dedicated, they make you
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  sustainable. OK, that's important.
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  You can't do you unless you have boundaries in place to protect
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  your human side first. Because remember, you're not
• 11:48
  your job, you are a human first. You've got to fill your own cup
• 11:52
  first so then you can overflow and fill on and unto others.
• 11:57
  So you guys, you have got this and you are going to go and have
• 12:01
  the most amazing weekday night wherever you're up to because I
• 12:07
  am cheering for you always. And if you need help in any of
• 12:12
  those areas and learning how to say no or setting those
• 12:15
  boundaries, feel free to send me a message on Instagram or on
• 12:19
  Facebook or an email. I'm only just a click away and I
• 12:24
  can give you some guidance and support around that, but talk to
• 12:27
  your teacher, friends and your colleagues.
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  Talk to your leadership team about expectations and what is
• 12:33
  actually expected of you. You can even ask to look at
• 12:36
  policies if you want to. There is nothing stopping you
• 12:39
  from doing that, to know what the actual expectation is on you
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  and your time. And then you just do what your
• 12:46
  expectation is. You can draw a line in the sand
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  and just do what is expected of you because that is all that's
• 12:53
  expected of you. And it's your choice whether you
• 12:56
  do any of those other things. So I hope that's all made sense
• 13:00
  to you. So until next time, keep being
• 13:04
  aligned, keep thriving, keep setting your boundaries, and
• 13:08
  keep to your boundaries and have the best day.
• 13:12
  I'll talk to you again next time.