Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E15: Living with Bipolar, with Ashley Bratcher

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E15: Living with Bipolar, with Ashley Bratcher · The Lila Rose Show

0:01
Welcome, everybody, Welcome to the Lila Rose Show.
0:04
Today's interview is going to be awesome.
0:06
It is with a friend of mine and someone that I admire who is
0:10
just a very talented and special person who's going to be talking
0:13
about an issue, a topic that first of all, it's very
0:16
courageous for her, but it's also something that is
0:19
important, I think, for us all to talk about, be aware of,
0:23
discuss, and that has to do with mental health.
0:25
I've addressed this on the podcast before.
0:27
We talked about depression with Doctor Aaron Carriotti several
0:30
episodes back, but now we're going to take another angle and
0:33
talk about bipolar and the challenges of that.
0:36
And my wonderful guest today is Ashley Bratcher.
0:39
Some of you may have heard of Ashley or actually seen Ashley.
0:44
She was the lead actor in the fantastic film Unplanned.
0:48
She's an actress. She has been working in on a lot
0:52
of other film projects. She's actually think heading to
0:54
her next film project next week in just a few days.
0:57
But Ashley, thank you so much for joining and taking the time
1:00
to come on to the podcast and talk about this.
1:03
Absolutely, Thank you so much Lila for having me.
1:06
So we were recently tweeting at each other about doing this
1:10
podcast on mental health. You have been recently talking
1:13
and opening up about bipolar, about mental health and the
1:18
importance of boundaries and healing.
1:20
And you've been in the public eye, especially in the last year
1:23
or two after the release of Unplanned, and then even before
1:25
that, doing acting. What first inspired you?
1:28
But this hasn't been the first time you've talked about this
1:30
publicly either. So what first inspired you to
1:33
open up about mental health and start talking about it?
1:37
The first time that I went public, I think it was in 2016,
1:44
it was either 2016 or 2017 because it was the one year
1:47
anniversary of the day that I had wanted to kill myself.
1:52
Honestly, I was super suicidal. I had sunken into a very dark
1:59
depression and I went through a lot.
2:03
I had a lot of support around me though.
2:04
God put people in my life that really just pulled me up and out
2:07
of the pit. There were days that I felt like
2:09
I couldn't pray for myself. I didn't even feel worthy of
2:12
praying for myself and other people.
2:14
They did. They refused to let me give up
2:16
my fight and they just rallied around me and pulled me out of
2:20
it. And there were a lot of steps
2:21
along the way to get me healthy and where I am.
2:24
But I remember on that one year anniversary, thinking, looking
2:28
at my photos because, you know, sometimes your photos will pop
2:30
up on social media and I'd be like, today's your memory.
2:33
And I remember looking at a photo and thinking, look at me
2:37
smiling. And no one knows what's going on
2:39
on the inside. Nobody would have had any idea
2:42
that I was harboring all of this stuff on the inside that made me
2:45
want to die. And so I remember posting a
2:48
photo and just saying, here's what my story is.
2:52
You know, here's where it started for me.
2:53
Yeah, this is my struggle. I have bipolar disorder type 2,
2:57
and I want to talk about it because Jesus saved me.
3:00
And this is my testimony. So first of all, that's
3:04
incredibly brave and I'm sure a lot of people that first saw
3:08
that I know people today are very inspired when they hear
3:11
people say this is my struggle. There is hope.
3:14
And like you just said, Jesus saved me.
3:16
And I want to I want to talk about that.
3:18
But before diving into what is bipolar type 2 and and more of
3:23
that, you, you're amazing. I mean, you, you just were the
3:27
lead actor and unplanned. I actually got to be on set with
3:31
you last year for the film. I had one line.
3:35
You carried the entire film. I had one line.
3:37
If you blink, if you blinked you, if you blinked, you would
3:40
have missed it. And I actually botched my line
3:42
when it was my turn to deliver it.
3:44
I said the wrong line. I wasn't.
3:47
There for that. Well, I missed it.
3:49
It was funny, but that's why you were the lead actor, actually.
3:54
But it's just such an amazing film.
3:55
And I know this wasn't your first rodeo.
3:57
You'd been in many films before and it's gotten rave reviews.
4:01
You just, you nailed it. You did an amazing job.
4:03
So first tell me, you know, this is sounds like it's been a
4:07
struggle. When did you first start
4:09
struggling with this and how did that interact with your acting
4:12
career? Well, I, I was undiagnosed for
4:16
so long, I didn't know that it was affecting my acting career.
4:22
Because one of the things with bipolar is when you're manic,
4:26
your moral compass is kind of skewed.
4:30
You don't really feel any sort of moral guidance.
4:33
It's like you do things. And the only way I can explain
4:36
it is if there's this adrenaline rush and doing things and
4:41
there's always this high high speed, like quick, fast-paced
4:45
thing going on. When you're a little manic where
4:48
you're not really thinking rationally, you're just going
4:51
and there's this idea of almost euphoria that everything's going
4:54
to be great. You can conquer the world.
4:56
And with bipolar type 2, which is what I have, the highs and
5:01
the lows are not quite as extreme as with bipolar type 1.
5:05
Whereas with bipolar type 1, when someone's manic, for
5:08
example, they might think that they can fly.
5:11
Like that's not off, that's not crazy.
5:13
They would think that they could fly, or they think that they're
5:15
the president of the United States.
5:17
With bipolar type 2, we experience something more like
5:20
hypomania, which just means it's an extremely elevated sense of
5:24
self and mood and sometimes grandiose ideas.
5:28
And just an example of that in my career, when I realized it
5:31
was manifesting, I was doing so many things at once.
5:35
I mean, I was spinning multiple plays.
5:37
I think I had written, produced, starred in and raised money for
5:42
a short film in like a month, which is not, I mean, usually it
5:45
takes months and months of planning to pull off pulling
5:48
together a crew and doing all these things.
5:49
And I raised like over $10,000 in less than a month.
5:52
And I was just go, go, go, go, go.
5:55
And then, oh, yeah, yeah. But like when you're in the
5:59
middle of it, you don't think of it.
6:01
You're just like, I'm doing everything and I'm fine and it's
6:05
great and I'm so creative. And then when you, when you,
6:09
when you come down, what I didn't know is that depression
6:13
can also manifest as anger. A lot of people don't realize
6:17
that being depressed just is, is isn't being sad like being
6:21
depressed isn't just sitting around and crying and woe is me.
6:25
Depression can manifest as anger.
6:27
And so when I would come down, I would just kind of be kind of, I
6:30
don't know, irritated and angry. And at this point in my life, I
6:34
think it was 2016 when I got diagnosed.
6:38
If I'm going back in my time, I'm trying to remember because
6:40
when I posted on Instagram, I had come down from this high and
6:45
I was sleeping like 131415 hours a day and I just felt like I
6:50
couldn't get out of bed. I didn't want to do anything.
6:53
I had just had this amazing experience running non-stop,
6:57
doing really good things that I thought, and I just all of a
7:02
sudden felt like I couldn't do anything.
7:03
I felt crippled and it was to the point that I was angry all
7:07
the time. It was, it was taking a toll on
7:09
my marriage more than my career because I felt like I was able
7:12
to fake it and smile whenever I was around people I didn't know.
7:17
And I think that's, that's true for the general public, you
7:19
know, as individuals, sometimes it's a lot easier to fake it and
7:23
smile when you're out in public and be like, oh, yeah, I'm fine,
7:25
it's good. But when you're in your most
7:27
intimate situation, we with your family and your friends, they're
7:32
they see you, you know, you can't really hide that from them
7:34
forever. And so they were watching me
7:36
sleep and I was angry and bitter.
7:38
And finally, I just went to the doctor and I said I think I have
7:41
cancer. I thought.
7:44
I thought I was dying. I literally was like, there's
7:47
something wrong with me. Like, like my thyroid is wrong.
7:51
Like, I literally thought I was dying.
7:53
I made them run every test in the book and it came back and I
7:56
was completely healthy. And I happened to have a really
7:59
good Doctor Who just started asking the right questions.
8:03
And he said, you know, have you ever felt like this before?
8:06
And I had had an experience or two like that in the last couple
8:09
years. And he said, well, have you ever
8:11
experienced times where you have way more energy?
8:13
And I'm like, yeah, you would like just last month, you
8:15
wouldn't believe. The stuff I was doing.
8:18
And it's funny to me now because like, it's so apparent, but at
8:22
the time, I wasn't putting the pieces together.
8:26
My family didn't talk about mental health.
8:28
I mean it. The whole idea was, oh, you're
8:32
not feeling good, Go run and get some sunshine.
8:35
Like it wasn't a topic that we talked about.
8:37
At all. And it doesn't help our culture
8:39
is so focused on achievement and those highs are like how we're
8:44
expected to be almost, you know, this like intense accomplishment
8:49
and you know, be really positive and like, you know, go big or go
8:53
home. And so I think it's all so hard,
8:56
like when it's in a way the culture is rewarding that.
8:59
And then when we crash, nobody wants to talk to, I mean, like
9:02
that, like you said, it's your family sees that.
9:04
Are these like the manic depressive episodes with
9:07
bipolar, like the intensity of activity and then like the going
9:10
deep down, like getting low? I mean, that's there's not
9:13
really a people aren't on the lookout for that to heal it or
9:17
to treat it because it's almost like our culture rewards it.
9:20
Yeah, and you know, I don't think I would have even sought
9:24
help if I if it wasn't affecting my marriage the way it was
9:28
because I, I didn't want to lose everything that I had.
9:31
I just I love my husband so much.
9:33
I love my son so much. And it was getting to a point
9:35
that it was ripping our family apart.
9:39
And this doctor, he was just able to kind of pinpoint these
9:42
cycles. And when he looked at me and he
9:45
said, Ashley, I believe that you are a textbook case of bipolar
9:51
disorder type 2. I thought, no way.
9:55
Like, not me, you know, not me. But at the same time, it was
9:59
also bittersweet because when I sat down, I started thinking
10:02
about all the things that I had done in my past.
10:06
It gave me a reason for the first time because I don't want
10:09
people to believe that my past is like, is squeaky clean
10:13
because I am a new creation in Christ, which makes it easier
10:16
for me to talk about the stuff that I did before because I did
10:20
some really bad things. Like I, I just, I wasn't
10:23
thinking rationally. I made impulsive decisions.
10:26
I would get blackout drunk. I mean, there's so many things
10:30
on the list that I could go down a dirty laundry list and talk
10:33
about transparently because I am not that person anymore.
10:37
That person is dead, and I'm a new creation in Christ.
10:40
But with that diagnosis, for the first time ever, I was like,
10:44
well, now I know why I did those things because people would ask
10:47
me like, why did you do that, actually?
10:50
And I'm like, I don't know. And I sincerely did not know.
10:53
And now I was able to kind of put the pieces together to
10:57
understand that my brain just hasn't been functioning like it
11:01
was meant to. There's been a chemical
11:04
imbalance in me that we needed to address.
11:07
And I, you know, in praying and, and searching for another doctor
11:11
and getting into counseling was able to find that stability.
11:15
And my faith is has been a core component of that.
11:20
And I want to ask you about that because the struggle my family
11:24
has struggled with all different number of mental illness in my
11:27
family tree, there's all kinds of mental illness challenges.
11:30
And it's something that is very, I again did the episode on
11:34
depression and personally struggled with depression,
11:36
clinical depression in the past. So it's something that is so I
11:40
think important to understand the family element to it.
11:43
And then also you mentioned faith and you know, when we and
11:47
giving your life to Christ, I mean, that is so incredibly
11:50
powerful and transformative. But then there's also the human
11:54
side where it's not like we can hyper spiritualize and say, OK,
11:57
I'm just going to pray my mental health issue away.
12:00
You know, that can be very dangerous.
12:01
Like am I just not a good enough Christian because I'm still
12:04
struggling even though I've given my life to Christ.
12:07
I'm trying to follow him. And so for for you, it sounds
12:11
like before this episode in 2016, when you got to a doctor
12:15
and you finally got clarity about what was going on, you
12:17
were a Christian. You mean you were trying to live
12:19
a Christian life. So it's not like that wasn't
12:21
part of your life. You were married.
12:22
You have a you have a child, you know, you have a son.
12:25
So tell me about how you see those two interplaying both your
12:28
faith, but then also following a treatment plan and getting
12:32
professional help. Yeah, exactly what you said,
12:37
praying it away. People were just thinking, oh,
12:39
you can pray it away and you can be healed.
12:41
Does God perform miraculous healing?
12:43
Yes, he does. But there's a lot of different
12:46
components to that. And we can't expect someone to
12:48
just walk into, you know, a pastor's office and then all of
12:52
a sudden the pastor lays hands on someone and they're
12:54
completely healed. Like that person has to be in
12:57
the right spiritual mindset. There's, there's all these other
12:59
factors like people have to come to their own terms with their
13:03
illness too. And not everyone is intended to
13:06
go on the same journey. For me, before I was a
13:11
Christian, I definitely saw a difference in my actions with my
13:16
bipolar disorder versus when I became a Christian because I
13:19
still didn't know I was diagnosed, but I had given my
13:21
life to Christ. And because I had done that,
13:24
there were at least more boundaries within my actions
13:27
because God was always, I just always had this God awareness.
13:31
So I was like, OK, well, I want to do this so much.
13:33
Like my flesh wants to do this so much, but I'm not going to,
13:35
I'm going to go quite as far because, you know, I gave my
13:39
heart to Jesus. And so it was this weird like
13:42
kind of thing where I had become a Christian.
13:45
And then now I had this, this notion that some of these things
13:50
after I did them, I'd be like, they're, they're not so good.
13:52
Like I'm a Christian. I shouldn't be struggling with
13:55
this. And then comes guilt and shame,
13:57
right? So you're thinking I'm a
13:59
Christian. I shouldn't feel this way where
14:02
the reality is there are other Christians in our life that God
14:07
puts in our life to help us get through these times.
14:11
And not only that, but I believe that God has given doctors the
14:15
wisdom to help treat people in positions like mine.
14:20
And so the, again, that concept I just, I really, it breaks my
14:24
heart when people are like, oh, we're just going to pray for
14:27
you. Like, no, we need someone
14:29
getting down in the pit with people and pulling them up out
14:33
and helping them get the help they need, whether that means
14:35
seeing a doctor and being on a medication regimen or being in
14:39
counseling every day. And for me, that's what it took.
14:43
Did I seek out a Christian psychiatrist?
14:45
Yes, I did. Are they hard to find?
14:48
Yes, they are. But I was, I was adamant that I
14:53
wanted to be seen and heard by a Doctor Who shared my faith so
14:58
that they could understand the battles that I face as a
15:02
Christian combating something that can be seen as as not
15:09
normal within the Christian realm, if that makes sense.
15:14
It totally makes sense because there's this, there's an
15:17
expectation and, and it's, it's a, it's a holy expectation in
15:20
the sense that we know that God changes us and we know that he
15:24
has the power, like you said, to commit to, to do a miracle.
15:27
And he does do miracles. I mean, I still see miracles
15:29
happening today, But he also is the God of the, of the universe.
15:33
He created medicine. He created other people to, you
15:37
know, perform medicine. He created science.
15:40
I mean, these are all everything that's good and true and
15:42
beautiful as gods. So to use these things, these
15:45
natural means, these everyday means for our health and our
15:50
development is good and holy too, you know, So it's both and
15:55
it's not. It's not an either or.
15:58
And you know, I think a lot of people have approached me
16:01
sometimes and it does come from a place of just not
16:04
understanding. It is good hearted and it's good
16:07
intention, but it comes from a lack of understanding.
16:10
When people walk up to me and they're like, you realize you
16:12
can be healed from your from your bipolar and you're like,
16:17
oh. Yeah, I just want.
16:21
To like, I'm like, but there is this part of me that said that
16:24
wants to just say you don't understand what a blessing it's
16:28
been also because with such a journey, there comes a great
16:34
blessing because I have learned so, so much.
16:38
If I hadn't gone to such a dark place, if I hadn't experienced
16:43
those lows, there's no way I would be as compassionate and
16:49
empathetic because I am now. I just have such a deeper
16:53
appreciation for my life, for my family and helping other people
16:59
who are in that place. And, and that's what sometimes
17:02
God uses that like, well, sometimes not sometimes always
17:06
when you give it to God, he will use it.
17:08
If you allow your testimony to serve God, he will use that to
17:13
to serve other people. And I am, I'm grateful for that
17:17
because it opened my eyes to helping people in a different
17:22
way, to actually understanding understanding them, because
17:25
there's a great difference between sympathy and empathy.
17:29
And what people need in situations like this is empathy.
17:33
We don't want someone to say, oh, I'm so sorry that you feel
17:36
that way. We need someone to say, I'm
17:39
sorry that you're going through this.
17:40
How can I help? That's so so good and it and
17:45
having and suffering gives us the power to be able to
17:49
understand others because it's so hard for us to put ourselves
17:52
in someone elses shoes if we haven't been there.
17:54
I mean, it's still possible and we can still try it and we
17:56
should. That's part of the practice of
17:59
empathy. But I love what you're saying
18:01
actually. It's so beautiful because God
18:04
doesn't ever give us a cross that he doesn't use for his
18:07
glory. I mean, that is, that is just
18:10
the, the power of our God, you know, that's and the cross
18:14
itself. I mean, Christ dying on the
18:15
cross for all of us and then resurrecting again like he uses
18:18
the worst of the worst. I mean, crucifixion and all of
18:22
our sin, you know, on the cross, our Lord taking it on in order
18:27
to then resurrect in glory and to and to be able to take us all
18:31
with him, you know, to give us eternal life.
18:33
So it's just an it's just an incredible testament that you
18:37
have that perspective because it is the IT is the truth.
18:40
And you know, I think about people that say, well, why, why
18:44
is there suffering in the world? You know, why do some people
18:47
good people like you, good people, you know, why was Ashley
18:50
given this cross? And for you to say, well, it's
18:53
been this blessing for me to grow.
18:56
I mean, that's, that's just absolutely beautiful.
18:59
Yeah, and I want to encourage people to remember that, though,
19:02
when you're in the middle of depression, it just feels like
19:08
it makes no sense. It just, why would I be here?
19:12
But to constantly remind yourself that God is always
19:17
there. He is always with you.
19:19
He is never going to leave you. And if you look and you see, he
19:23
will always provide. So, I mean, even David, if you
19:26
think of David in the Bible and how much he cried out to God, I
19:30
mean, David was a totally imperfect man who God said was a
19:34
man after his own heart. He's a great person to look at
19:37
in the Bible and, and his struggles.
19:39
I mean, and then look at how God used that.
19:42
It's incredible. The thing it's important for
19:44
people to remember to be encouraged that even when you're
19:46
in the middle of despair, to know that at some point, one of
19:50
the, one of my favorite quotes I just heard was at some point
19:54
your pain and suffering will be a survival guide for someone
19:58
else. I've read that and I thought,
20:00
wow, that's good stuff to remember that in the middle of
20:03
my despair, that when I get through this, because we're not
20:06
only survivors, we're more than overcomers in Christ, when I get
20:10
through this, what I have been through will be a survival guide
20:13
for someone else. I mean, that's really cool to
20:14
think about. It's a great spin on how you
20:18
feel when you're in the middle of something.
20:20
That's so beautiful. There's something else you said
20:24
you were talking about when you actually went and got finally
20:27
was you know, your doctor was able to say you're this looks
20:30
like classic bipolar type 2 and you were able to start
20:33
treatment. You talked about the importance
20:35
of finding a Christian psychiatrist important to you
20:38
for sharing your values. And I think that that obviously,
20:42
I remember when I first went to therapy, I wanted a Christian
20:44
therapist. My parents at the time, they
20:46
wanted that for me too. And over the years, I've always
20:49
wanted ideally, medical professionals that matched my
20:53
faith. You know, that's, that's always
20:54
ideal, but sometimes it's not possible.
20:57
And so, or it might be really hard to find.
20:59
And So what would be words to those people?
21:01
If someone is listening or they know someone who is struggling,
21:05
they have a loved one, whether it's struggling with something
21:07
that may be bipolar, maybe depression, maybe anxiety, some
21:10
mental health issue and they're looking for help.
21:14
What would be your advice? And maybe there doesn't seem to
21:17
be readily faith-based help available.
21:20
What would be your advice to them?
21:23
Well, I totally believe that there are doctors who don't
21:25
share the same faith that are highly qualified and wonderful
21:28
people to serve your needs. So I want to make that very
21:33
clear. I just think that when you were
21:37
searching for a therapist or counseling or, or you're seeking
21:42
for the first time, medication is a scary thing.
21:45
Anytime a doctor says, OK, well, we should try this medication,
21:48
it's scary. Like I know first hand that
21:51
saying, OK, well I'm going to trust this doctor and I'm going
21:55
to put this medication into my body.
21:56
It's a scary thing. You need to have a sense of
21:59
trust with your doctor. So for me, any time that I've
22:03
had to find a doctor, I moved now.
22:05
And moving to Georgia was another trigger for me because I
22:09
had the same doctors treating me since I had been diagnosed in
22:13
2016. They were the same doctors
22:15
treating me. And then I moved in 2019 and all
22:17
of a sudden I have to start over.
22:18
That was scary. And I had to find someone that I
22:22
trusted. And the way that I did that was
22:25
seen who I felt like was really listening to me, making sure
22:28
that these doctors were asking me questions and they cared
22:32
about where I had been and how I had gotten to where I was.
22:35
That they didn't just take out a prescription pad and say, well,
22:38
here's a list of medications that treat this this disorder.
22:43
I needed someone that cared enough to ask questions.
22:48
And I'm not saying that there are doctors out there that just
22:51
prescribed medications, but for me, I need a doctor that is
22:54
interested in having a more personal relationship with me as
22:58
a patient to know where I'm coming from, even if we don't
23:02
share the same faith, that they can understand why I make
23:06
certain decisions based on my faith.
23:08
And I think that that should be really important for anyone,
23:12
regardless of if you're a Christian or not, is making sure
23:15
that you have an open line of communication with your doctor,
23:19
that you feel comfortable and you trust them to be able to say
23:22
any and everything and you can be transparent about how you're
23:26
feeling. That's so good.
23:28
And being your, you have to be your own advocate.
23:30
I mean, basically and know and, and stand up for what you're
23:34
looking for and, and, and, and kind of fight for it a little
23:36
bit because you're right. Some doctors, I know they're,
23:39
they are different than others and they're quick to prescribe
23:42
without really taking that time with you or they're, you know,
23:46
there's just not that level of personalized care that maybe for
23:51
whatever reason, you know, they're not giving.
23:54
And so that's so good and so true.
23:56
And and to not feel feel bad about trying to get the best
24:00
answers, the best support you can, because at the end of the
24:02
day, this is your, your life, your health and your precious
24:06
you know your, your, your life is a gift.
24:09
I encourage people to remember, too, that when they walk into a
24:12
doctor's office, you're not going to serve yourself if you
24:16
hide things. So if there are going to be
24:19
things that are hard to say out loud, you have struggles.
24:22
Everyone has internal struggles that when you say it out loud,
24:26
oh, it makes it feel intense and shameful and guilty and, and
24:30
real and you don't want to deal with that.
24:33
But you don't serve yourself unless you say everything and
24:37
you're completely transparent with your doctor.
24:39
It's all confidential. They can't, they can't go out in
24:42
the streets and be like, hey, Ashley came in today and here's
24:45
how she's, you know, it's confidential.
24:47
So I, I really encourage people to make sure that they're being
24:49
transparent because you get the best care when you are
24:53
completely transparent with your doctors.
24:55
That's so good. What has been your experience?
24:58
You mentioned, of course, your marriage and family, but what
25:03
for loved ones? I mean, somebody listening,
25:05
maybe they're struggling themselves or maybe they know
25:08
someone who's struggling. And what would you say to the
25:12
loved ones of who have loved ones who might be struggling
25:16
with a mental health issue, especially bipolar?
25:19
From your experience, what are the best ways to actually love a
25:22
friend or a family member who's struggling?
25:25
I want to mention one thing about bipolar too, just because
25:28
if anyone's listening and they don't exactly know how bipolar
25:31
works, it's not a daily swing. It's not like a couple of hours,
25:35
oh, Ashley's happy in the morning and now she's mad, so
25:37
she's bipolar. It's like people love to say,
25:40
well, the weather's bipolar today.
25:43
The weather is not bipolar today.
25:45
Bipolar can last. You know, it's, it's a certain
25:48
number of days where you're feeling one way or the other.
25:52
It's not a day here, a day there.
25:54
It's and for me it was weeks. I was in a sometimes up to three
25:59
months. I remember being manic for
26:01
almost 3 months at one point. So just I want to clarify that
26:05
for people before moving on. And then as far as as far as
26:10
loving someone and being a friend to someone that you know
26:13
is struggling or maybe you don't know what that they're showing,
26:16
they might not even know that they're struggling.
26:19
And a really cool thing that I learned in therapy was when we
26:23
communicate with people and we don't point the finger, it makes
26:27
it a lot easier to have conversations where no one gets
26:30
defensive. So instead of saying you're
26:34
acting this way and it's causing this, like you're acting this
26:40
way and you're getting yourself in trouble because you're doing
26:43
this, that's the you, you, you, you, you statement.
26:45
Instead, flip it and say, when you behave in this way, I feel
26:52
this way. So it's not like you're pointing
26:55
the finger at them. You're saying, you know,
26:56
sometimes when you make choices without considering how I feel,
27:03
it makes me feel like maybe you don't care about me as much.
27:07
So that way that it opens the door for that person to say, Oh,
27:10
well, you know, like that wasn't my intention.
27:13
And then it's a less defensive conversation.
27:16
It's a way to speak to someone without making them defensive,
27:19
trying to make sure that you explain how you feel because of
27:21
something without pointing the finger.
27:24
And then really sometimes it's just a matter of looking at
27:26
someone and saying, are you OK? How are you feeling?
27:30
Like I know you look like you've got a lot going on right now.
27:33
And when you someone, sometimes someone has a lot going on you
27:38
can say to them, wow, I can tell that, you know, you're super
27:43
ambitious and I can't imagine trying to spend so many plates
27:46
at one time. How are you feeling about that?
27:48
Are you doing OK? And then that moment your friend
27:52
might be like, Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you asked because I'm
27:55
falling apart. And it's just a matter of
27:58
checking in with people and loving them like Jesus and not
28:02
judging because using words like should or also guilt words
28:06
because we want to tell ourselves, I should feel happy.
28:10
I shouldn't be sad or telling someone else.
28:13
Well, you have you're so successful.
28:15
It'd be easy. It'd be easy for someone to walk
28:17
up to me on one of the days I'm not feeling so happy and I'm
28:20
maybe feeling a little depressed.
28:22
It'd be easy for someone to walk up to me and be like, you
28:25
shouldn't be sad. You're a very successful working
28:28
actress. That's not fair, you know, like
28:30
it's it's not fair to tell people how they should and
28:32
shouldn't feel. So remember that and encouraging
28:36
your friends that it's more important not to judge.
28:40
It's more important to just sit and listen and say, how can I
28:43
help? We need action and not just
28:46
listening, not just prayers. We need action like we need
28:50
people down in the pit like they were with me who make you get
28:54
up, who help your friends get up.
28:56
I mean, there were days I didn't want to get out of bed and my
28:58
sister would say, ash, like, let's get out of bed and just
29:02
walk for 5 minutes. I don't care if you haven't
29:04
taken a shower in five days, just walk for 5 minutes.
29:07
You know, it takes really being strong enough to get down in the
29:14
mud and pull your friends out and your family out.
29:18
Yeah. And I think what you're saying
29:19
too is like the assumptions that people we can have about each
29:22
other. I mean, we all operate off of
29:24
assumptions. Sometimes you don't even realize
29:26
we have them. And some of that can very
29:29
quickly get to be judgments which are not fair for us to be
29:32
making. And in challenging those even
29:34
about our loved ones or our friends, like if we see a
29:37
behavior pattern that we're like what's going on or maybe that's
29:40
just the way they've always been.
29:41
But like you're saying, like taking that time to really
29:44
understand and ask the questions and be a listening ear.
29:48
And instead of immediately saying, well, they should, like
29:50
you said that that's the trick, the trigger word of should they
29:53
should be doing this because there's always, there's always
29:55
more to the story. That's, that's, that's the thing
29:58
that even in my own life, getting to know myself, I mean,
30:00
you, you talked about it took years for you to even discover
30:04
that this was a challenge that you were living with.
30:06
And then you finally got the help you needed.
30:08
I mean it's crazy how sometimes we're not even self aware of
30:11
what we're going through, let alone what other people are
30:14
going through. Yeah, being a good enough friend
30:18
or family member to say, hey, you're taking a lot right now.
30:23
What does that feel like? You know, saying I'm a little
30:26
worried about how much you're taking on right now.
30:29
I'm a little worried that you haven't left the house in a
30:31
couple of days. What's going on?
30:33
How can I be there for you? Yeah, it's, it's so important to
30:37
create that source of action and not use words like should you,
30:41
should, you should. I think any time that a word
30:44
triggers an emotion like guilt or shame, it says a lot about
30:49
your motivation for moving forward.
30:51
So if someone says you should feel happy and then it triggers
30:55
something and you're like, OK, well, I should, then that just
30:58
creates more anxiety. It creates more depression
31:00
because then you feel bad about feeling.
31:02
Bad. It's a.
31:04
Cycle and it's. I encourage people to not use
31:08
words like that either. Yeah, totally.
31:10
And I, I, I know we're running short on time here, but there's
31:14
two other things I wanted to ask you about.
31:16
First of all, you know you are a high-powered woman.
31:21
You mean again, like people haven't seen Unplanned?
31:24
Go check it out. It's a phenomenal film.
31:26
It's very inspiring, the story of conversion and forgiveness.
31:31
And it was in theaters, but now I think it's released on DVD if
31:34
I entered not DVD, but it's streaming.
31:36
It's both, yeah. So it's on DVD and it's
31:38
streaming on most platforms now. It's awesome although.
31:41
Who's watching DVDs anymore? Now it is streaming, so get it.
31:44
Get it on Amazon and wherever else you get used.
31:47
Lila, like, I can't believe how many DVDs we sold.
31:50
I was like, oh. Wow, I love.
31:51
DVD players, I guess they. Do exist?
31:53
That's hilarious. What would be your advice to
31:57
those who are in really, I mean, it's high pressure, high
32:01
pressure careers or even just, you know, they have their family
32:03
relationships to maintain their mothers or fathers or wives or
32:07
whatever it is, or they're in high pressure ministry.
32:10
I mean, the pro-life world specifically, I know you've
32:13
launched into that since making unplanned and that's intense.
32:17
I mean, we're dealing with life and death.
32:18
We're dealing with people making life and death decisions, You
32:21
know, the trauma of of that children who are being killed,
32:25
women who are hurt. What's your advice to those in
32:28
high pressure situations who are also dealing with or have dealt
32:32
with or ongoing dealing with mental health and other
32:35
struggles? Transparency, authenticity and
32:41
truth most importantly will always set you free.
32:44
Any time that you can admit and put into the light what has been
32:50
hidden in darkness, you will feel a sense of burden lifted
32:54
and not only that, you will minister to other people.
32:57
I think it's even more so important for people who are in
33:00
a high power situation or or high pressure situations to be
33:06
honest with other people. And for me, sometimes I think it
33:10
shocks people because I, I can't have known someone for 10
33:14
minutes. And depending on what the
33:15
conversation is, I'd like, Oh yeah, you know, like I have
33:19
bipolar disorder. So that experience for me was
33:21
like, like this. I mean, I was literally just
33:23
standing there like, oh, OK. Like they, they, sometimes
33:26
they're shocked by just because I'm so transparent about it.
33:29
But I need for people to understand that sometimes I
33:33
react differently in situations and sometimes I have to be self
33:36
aware enough to know how to set boundaries because of the
33:40
self-awareness that I now have with my disorder.
33:44
I know what is good and healthy and true and right for me and
33:48
where I have to set boundaries so that I'm not putting myself
33:51
in a position that can damage my mental.
33:52
Health, that's such a good point, because I think that's
33:55
another thing is people have different struggles and maybe
33:58
they're hidden struggles and they're in these high pressure
34:01
situations and maybe they need to take a break or maybe they
34:04
need to focus on their own health.
34:07
So that and give themselves permission to do that, like
34:09
you're saying, so that we don't make ourselves burnout.
34:13
Or so I think I love what you're saying about authenticity and
34:16
even conspiracy, But also part of that too is, you know, you're
34:20
you are on a treatment plan. You know, I right now in my
34:22
life, I'm doing things so that I don't go into a depressive
34:25
episode. So I take good care of myself.
34:28
And the good news is those things exist.
34:30
I mean, there's different levels of healing.
34:31
There's different ways. I mean, there can be ongoing
34:33
struggles, but the point is you can do things in your life and
34:37
take that time. And maybe that means saying no
34:39
to a career opportunity or saying no to a commitment so
34:42
that you can focus on your health.
34:46
One more question for you, Ashley.
34:48
What about resources? I mean, we talked about
34:50
professional help. We talked about friends.
34:53
What have been some other resources or other things that
34:56
have helped you in your journey and that you would recommend to
34:59
others? I mean, there's a ton of
35:03
organizations that have 24/7 hotlines, and I know that the
35:06
idea of talking to a stranger can feel so vulnerable, but also
35:12
it's so freeing because it's someone that you don't know who
35:15
can just offer outside unbiased opinion.
35:18
And these people are trained counselors.
35:22
I'm not ashamed to admit that I've had to call the 24/7
35:26
hotline with my therapist. There were moments where I felt
35:29
overwhelmed and it was 10 or 11:00 at night, and I couldn't
35:34
get a grip. And so I called them and they're
35:36
like, OK, what's going on? Right?
35:38
Here are some things that we can do to work through it.
35:41
And I have no shame in saying that that's a really amazing
35:45
resource. There are also courses, I went
35:49
through group therapy and there's a lot of free group
35:53
therapy, which is beneficial for both grad students because a lot
35:57
of them are run by grad students who are transitioning into
36:00
careers and they're free. So you can go into those courses
36:04
and and get some really great tools out of it for a good
36:08
communication and self-awareness and it's free.
36:11
It's really great. I do just also want to point out
36:14
the spiritual root of things too, because there is a
36:17
spiritual battle for our lives as Christians.
36:21
There's a spiritual battle like the enemy wants nothing more
36:24
than to see us destroy ourselves.
36:27
And so I think it's really, really important to to make sure
36:31
that when you start to feel that way, that whatever you're taking
36:35
in that it should line up with the Word of God.
36:38
As a Christian, if you go somewhere and you're getting
36:41
advice that doesn't line up with the Word of God, you know, think
36:46
about it, challenge it, and make sure that you are in line with
36:51
what God wants for your life and it lines up with your values and
36:54
your faith. So good.
36:57
Thank you, Ashley. OK, what are you up to next?
36:59
I know you mentioned, I don't know if you're allowed to talk
37:01
about it, but your next project or where will people be able to
37:04
see you on the on the screen next?
37:07
I've worked on a couple TV shows this year. 1 is called
37:11
Washingtons Armor, which is a historical drama based on the
37:15
life of George Washington and how he rose to presidency and
37:18
his faith during that journey. How fat are you wearing an old
37:22
fashioned dress? Oh yeah, it's.
37:24
Totally cute. So that will be out hopefully
37:28
later this year. I just put the lead in a
37:31
romantic comedy, which is so refreshing after doing so much
37:35
heavy, hard work this year. To be able to go into something
37:37
a little more light and fun. I start working on that next
37:41
week, so that's exciting. I still have a lot of
37:43
opportunities coming up in the next year.
37:45
I'm in the process of developing two of two other stories that
37:50
I'm very passionate about that I came across, so I might be
37:52
putting on a producer hat. And.
37:55
My own projects, I'm excited about that.
37:57
And. Whatever the future holds,
38:00
whatever God really wants me to do, that's what we're going for.
38:02
I. Love it.
38:03
Well, I'm excited to see it all and I know you're going to
38:06
continue to just make a beautiful impact on the world
38:08
with your art, so thank you. Thank you so much for joining
38:12
today and chatting with me about this such important topic and
38:15
for being so open. I know it has impacted so many
38:18
people and will help and serve so many others.
38:21
Thank you, Lila. Thanks for giving me the chance
38:23
to share. Thanks everybody for listening
38:25
to this important conversation on mental health and bipolar
38:29
disorder. And if you know somebody who is
38:32
struggling or if you are struggling, please know that you
38:35
are not alone or let them know that they are not alone and that
38:38
there is help. At any point, you or you can
38:41
give this number to a friend to call.
38:43
There is a confidential free hotline for national suicide
38:48
prevention. It's a lifeline.
38:50
That number is wanting 102738255TO connect with
38:55
professional confidential help. That's 1-800-273-8255.
39:02
Also, at any point you can text the word talk.
39:05
TALK to the number 741741 for free confidential help.
39:12
That's talk to 741741. Thanks again guys.
39:17
I hope you can share this podcast.
39:18
I hope you can continue to subscribe or encourage friends
39:21
to subscribe and I look forward to talking to you all next week.