Latest / REZ CHURCH Podcast / REZ FIRESIDE CHAT // Episode 7: Could a solo Christian make it on their own?

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REZ FIRESIDE CHAT // Episode 7: Could a solo Christian make it on their own? · REZ CHURCH Podcast

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  This is episode 9 fireside chat and the title is How do I add
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  accountability and wise counsel into my life?
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  Hey res Pastor Daniel here with the fireside chat.
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  We're in an ongoing discussion over the last many fireside
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  chats about Christian friendship, Christian community,
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  and how that pertains to the Christian life inside our church
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  and how it shapes our culture in our church.
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  How do I answer this question today and maybe give you a
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  couple examples? And that is, how do I add
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  accountability and wise counsel into my life?
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  How do I add accountability and wise counsel into my life?
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  We know from previous episodes that both of those are extremely
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  important if we want to grow in Christ.
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  And we also know they're difficult.
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  They're difficult to Foster and grow and on.
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  So I want to talk about the process of adding them and I
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  want to give you some examples of where maybe that doesn't go
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  well, where it could go well. And I had a a few weeks ago, I
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  had a guy come up to me. He hadn't been in church in in
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  quite a while, months at least, maybe maybe years.
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  And came to me after a particularly, I think,
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  convicting sermon in which he'd been really the Holy Spirit
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  really worked, worked on him. And he catches me in the lobby
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  and he says, Pastor Daniel, I need your help.
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  I want you to hold me accountable for a series of
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  things. And I, I, I paused it for a
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  second. I don't want to chuckle, but I
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  just, you know, I want to say, hey, hold on, hold on, right?
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  This is not the way that you we go about it because I don't have
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  access to your life. I don't even know you.
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  I, I don't have a frequency of access to see you enough to be
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  able to hold you accountable. You haven't, you haven't been
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  here months, right? Let's talk about how that works.
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  And so I wanted to talk to you about how that works.
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  So what's the first step? If I'm looking at my life, maybe
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  doing a little inventory and I think, man, I don't really have
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  any close accountability and I don't have any wise counsel in
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  my life. What's the first step?
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  OK, this could sound a little bit counterintuitive, but it's
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  going to make sense. The first step, if you realize I
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  don't have any accountability and I don't have any wise
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  counsel in my life, is to start by investing in other people.
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  Yep, that's that's where you start.
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  I know that sounds weird. You find people to serve.
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  The first step is to serve others before you start
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  consuming and taking. So even though what you
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  recognized in your life and and by the way, admirable that the
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  the work of the spirit in your life has is is showing you that
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  you you lack that accountability.
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  You lack that wise counsel. That's awesome.
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  But the first step is always to serve others, because that's how
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  Jesus modeled this to us. Even though you see needs in
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  your life, we start by serving other people.
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  Mark 1044 through 45. And Jesus said it.
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  Whoever would be first among you must be slave of all.
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  For even the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve and
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  to give his life as ransom for many.
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  So we have a servant mentality. We serve before we consume.
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  Galatians 513 says, for you were called the freedom brothers.
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  Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh,
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  but through love serve one another.
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  So how do I go about serving others?
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  And how would serving others lead me to actually getting this
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  accountability and wise counsel in my life?
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  Well, you're going to need to foster relationships with other
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  people in order to build enough rapport with them and, and
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  enough relational equity with them that they can hold you
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  accountable and, and, and that you can trust their wise
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  counsel. And that's going to take time.
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  And the way you start is not by asking them to do a bunch of
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  things for you, the way you start building that
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  relationship. And by the way, some of our
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  previous fireside chats have talked a lot about building
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  Christian relationships. So if you may miss some of
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  those, it may be it, it may be edifying to go back and, and
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  listen to a couple of those. But we, we start by serving
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  others, by being a good listener.
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  So what you're looking for in, in that relationship is someone
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  that's going to listen well and pay attention to kind of what's
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  going on in your life. So you start by modeling that by
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  becoming a good listener to someone else, right.
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  If I want to be teachable, I don't want to.
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  I want to be able to actually listen and receive
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  accountability. I want to be able to listen and
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  receive wise counsel. I've got to become a good
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  listener. And so I start by investing in
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  people's lives and listening. I, I build those relationships
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  in the small group. Maybe it's in a ministry that I
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  serve in, maybe I've gone out the coffee with some, some
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  people in any of these avenues or methods.
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  However this works, I become a good listener.
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  I, I start actively listening to what's going on in their life,
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  paying attention to what's going on in their life and, and, and
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  speaking back into their life. I just want to listen, I want to
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  hear what's going on And, and, and it's probably one of the
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  fastest ways that you're going to build relationship is, is
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  really paying attention to another individual.
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  And then as you listen, finding ways to serve them, right,
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  you're investing in them. And so you spend enough time
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  listening what's going on in someone's life in the context.
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  Again, you need some sort of frequency of access, right?
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  I got AI need a small group, I need a mentorship, I need a
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  ministry I'm serving in. I need, I kind of see those
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  people, right? And, and look, we have previous
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  episodes on kind of choosing the right friends.
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  I mean, these people need to love Jesus.
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  They need to love the church. They need to love you.
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  We've talked about some of these things, but but I really need to
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  listen now as I'm trying to be a better listener.
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  One of the things I'm really paying attention to as I'm
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  developing this relationship in order to really bake
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  accountability and good counsel into my life is I'm really going
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  to take a self-assessment of how well I do when I get corrected.
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  I think that's a big deal, right?
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  So when someone tells you something you don't agree with
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  esecially about you, am I good at listening to that?
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  Do I actually receive something from it?
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  Am I good at asking clarifying questions?
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  Hey, what do you mean by that, right?
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  Those are, those are important things that you need to learn if
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  you want to get accountability and wise counsel in your life.
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  Otherwise, it's wasted on you, right?
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  And, and, and it won't last. If you're terrible at receiving
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  feedback, it will not take very long for people to stop giving
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  you feedback. If you're terrible at receiving
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  correction, it will not take very long for people to stop
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  correcting you. If you're horrible at receiving
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  wise counsel, it's not going to take very long before people
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  don't give you their wisdom. Not casting pearls among the
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  swine, right? We're not giving wise counsel
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  where it's not even received, where it's not warranted, where
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  it's not wanted. And so you're proving you want
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  wise counsel. You're proving that you want
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  accountability by being a good listener.
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  I demand that I learn something from every conversation.
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  So someone is ripping me a new one.
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  I mean, just tearing me up, but with criticism, I'm going to
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  find some nugget in there that I can grow from.
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  We would call that eating the meat and spitting out the bones.
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  Right? Now, here's the thing.
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  Let's say you're building this a relationship with someone or a
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  group of guys or gals or a small group or ministry partners and
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  that you volunteer with whatever these contexts, right?
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  You're building this and you've been really practicing on
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  listening and kind of investing in their life, finding ways to
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  serve those people. And you, you think you got to
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  the point where man, I, I think I've, I've earned enough.
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  This relationship's deep enough. It's safe enough that I can, I,
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  I would really like accountability and wise counsel
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  in this relationship. OK, here's the next step.
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  Ready. This is, this is the shocker.
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  You ask for it. Yeah, that's right.
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  You ask for. So in the context of the
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  relationship, now that you've built by listening, by serving
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  others, you then ask for it. Now that doesn't come a week
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  into the relationship, right? That, that it's going to take
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  some time. It takes time to fall in love.
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  It takes time to build relationships.
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  It could take time for you to listen.
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  It's going to take time for you to find opportunities to serve
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  someone. But, but in time, when you built
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  that relationship, you're going to ask for the accountability.
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  You're going to say, Hey, would you be willing to hold me
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  accountable to something in my life?
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  And, and, and you're, you're going to accept the answer
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  because the answer may be no. The answer may be a very polite
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  way of saying no, and that's OK, but you can ask for it.
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  You can be clear on what you want out of that accountability.
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  So if it's that you're really struggling with a specific sin
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  in your life or a specific thing that is morally neutral but has
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  begin to have too much maybe of, of, of an influence on you,
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  you're going to say, hey, here's what it is.
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  Here are the ways that I often succumb to this sin or this
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  area. And here's what I here are the
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  markers I need you to look out for.
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  I mean, you're laying it all out out there and you're saying what
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  I'd love for you to do is hold me accountable in this way.
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  I'd love you to text me once a week.
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  I'd love you to ask me these questions.
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  I'd like, I mean, you're be clear, be articulate, don't be
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  vague. Ask for it.
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  If you want accountability wise counsel in your life, number
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  one, you're going to earn it by serving other people, becoming a
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  good listener and investing in their life and then giving that
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  some time and space to develop. And then when appropriate, And
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  you're going to have to feel that out a little bit based on
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  the the growth in the relationship, you're going to
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  ask for it and you're going to be specific about what you're
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  looking for and you're going to walk through that.
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  And then again, if you get good at accepting the wise counsel,
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  if you get good at accepting the correction and show that you
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  actually treasure it, what what will happen is you, you will
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  have shown the other party or, or people in that context that
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  you really do value it. And you'll find that that
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  they're willing to invest their time and their energy in that
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  with you because you value it. I hope that's helpful for you
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  guys. I know each of these situations
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  sometimes a little bit different.
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  So I talk a little bit in generalities around some of
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  this, but I will, just from personal experience, I will tell
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  you that close accountability and good wise counsel in your
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  life is so invaluable. There's not really a parallel to
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  it. And we were designed for it.
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  We need it. It will help us grow and we can
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  earn it. And we can earn it through our
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  own willingness to serve others. Be humble in in our listening,
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  particularly around correction and things we disagree with.
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  And in time that will actually pay off as a phenomenal
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  relational investment in our life to help us love Jesus more,
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  but to look more and more like Jesus Christ.
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  I love you, Rez. Until next time, Pastor Daniel.