Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E250: From Satanism to Christianity: Shayne Smith’s Shocking Conversion Story | Lila Rose Show

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E250: From Satanism to Christianity: Shayne Smith’s Shocking Conversion Story | Lila Rose Show · The Lila Rose Show

• 0:00
  No money, no credit, no prospects, no future.
• 0:03
  But if I pick up a gun and I rob a 711 now I have respect.
• 0:07
  People know who I am. That's the dream.
• 0:09
  So when did you become a Satanist?
• 0:11
  So death threat, death threats. Over converting to Catholicism.
• 0:15
  Well, it's because to see Mary was like that times a million,
• 0:18
  and what it felt like was my mother was very toughly.
• 0:23
  He joined the temple of Satan, robbed convenience stores, and
• 0:27
  then had a life changing encounter with the Virgin Mary.
• 0:31
  Welcome back to the Lila Roche show.
• 0:32
  Today I sit down with comedian and convert Shane Smith.
• 0:35
  We discussed his journey from growing up in poverty and abuse
• 0:39
  to ultimately getting involved with Satanism, organized crime,
• 0:43
  leftist politics, the comedy scene in New York, and then
• 0:46
  being exposed to Father Mike Schmidt's videos.
• 0:49
  A deeper call in his heart for more and even running into
• 0:52
  videos of me doing life debating as he was preparing his anti
• 0:55
  Christian arguments. In this conversation, we not
• 0:58
  only discuss Shane's story, but we discuss the recent events
• 1:02
  including the escalation of violence in our country,
• 1:04
  including violence that Shane himself has faced personally.
• 1:07
  I also want to say thank you to so many of you who have reached
• 1:10
  out expressing your support of this show as well as live action
• 1:13
  and our work to save lives. In today's world, it's more
• 1:16
  important than ever to speak up and tell the truth with love and
• 1:19
  to not be afraid. And I want to thank everyone.
• 1:21
  It was absolutely devastating to lose Charlie Kirk last week in
• 1:25
  such a horrific way, but I believe that his legacy of
• 1:28
  engaging other people by telling the truth and advocating for
• 1:31
  life can live on. Thank you so much for being a
• 1:34
  part of that legacy. Also, please continue to pray
• 1:36
  for Charlie's family, his beautiful wife and children.
• 1:39
  Thank you to everybody who's been subscribing to this
• 1:41
  channel. We're almost at 400,000
• 1:43
  subscribers. Please hit that subscribe
• 1:45
  button, make sure that you ring the notification bell.
• 1:47
  And if you're listening on podcast app, make sure you're
• 1:50
  subscribed over there and leave us five stars and a review that
• 1:53
  helped the show continue to grow and us to spread our mission of
• 1:56
  goodness, truth and beauty with the world.
• 1:59
  Shane Smith, welcome to the podcast.
• 2:01
  Yeah, thank you for having me. Thank you.
• 2:02
  Very happy to be here. I'm so glad you're here and you
• 2:06
  brought something really special.
• 2:09
  I did one of my I've received 2 gifts that are just genuinely
• 2:13
  priceless and this is one of them and it's incredible.
• 2:18
  I say it's a gift, but I feel like I'm, I should be compelled
• 2:21
  to give it to someone in their time of need.
• 2:24
  At that point that it reaches me, you know, I'll know it when
• 2:27
  it happens. But a friend of mine who is a
• 2:31
  cabochon monk gifted me a piece of the True Cross.
• 2:35
  So just incredible. And then a friend of mine also
• 2:39
  gifted me a first class relic of Thomas Aquinas.
• 2:43
  So those two things, I mean, just incredible.
• 2:46
  Wow, that's amazing. Well, we have it right here on
• 2:49
  the table and it's going to accompany us in our
• 2:51
  conversation. I'm excited for.
• 2:53
  It, which is so crazy. This is also I just got this.
• 2:57
  This is five first class relics, so I'll talk about it.
• 3:00
  Monsignor Rosetti just gave it to me, so we'll talk about I'll
• 3:02
  talk about that another time, but we've got the first.
• 3:05
  We've got the Holy Cross here and we've got Shane Smith here,
• 3:09
  so we're going to have a great conversation.
• 3:11
  I know I feel like I'm at the table's buzzing right now.
• 3:15
  Come Holy Spirit, my gosh, did you, when he gave you the the
• 3:20
  relic of the True Cross, did he say anything about how the
• 3:24
  Capuchins got this? Like it's 2000 years, obviously.
• 3:28
  So I think he he received it from a sister who was the
• 3:35
  sisters at the Cabrini shrine were moving or something.
• 3:39
  And they had different relics and they gave they give them to
• 3:43
  him for safekeeping. And so he collects all these
• 3:46
  relics and stuff and organizes them and everything.
• 3:49
  And that one was done by a very particular Dominican whose name
• 3:54
  is escaping me right now. But, yeah, he just, that
• 3:58
  Dominican did everything and then sealed it and, and he got
• 4:03
  it and he was just waiting for, you know, at the right time or
• 4:07
  whatever. And apparently I'm the lucky one
• 4:10
  who gets to have it for now. Yeah.
• 4:12
  Yeah. It's crazy to, to go from my
• 4:16
  secular life to a life now where something is truly priceless to
• 4:20
  me. It's it.
• 4:21
  I mean, you know, it's a concept that is hard to grasp unless it
• 4:25
  is happening to you. You know what I mean?
• 4:28
  Like the idea that an object could be priceless, but it's
• 4:32
  beautiful. I'm very excited about.
• 4:35
  It because of whose it is, right?
• 4:36
  Yeah, it's from our Lord. Which is just incredible.
• 4:39
  Wild. Yeah, yeah.
• 4:40
  So wild. You and I were just talking
• 4:43
  before we sat down. You've had a crazy week.
• 4:46
  It has been a crazy week. Yes.
• 4:48
  We're filming this on a Monday. Yeah.
• 4:50
  Yeah. And it's Monday the 15th.
• 4:52
  And I might just start crying. Just, you know, I'll cry to you.
• 4:57
  It's. All good.
• 4:59
  How you doing? It's just a rough week.
• 5:02
  It's a crazy week. I'm I'm all right, but it's just
• 5:05
  like just absorbing so much hate.
• 5:09
  It would be one thing to just witness it, but the fact that it
• 5:12
  was like the hate was doled out so completely and totally to all
• 5:16
  of us everywhere, you know, just on display for you to watch just
• 5:20
  was like, it's heartbreaking, honestly.
• 5:23
  So I've been dealing with, you know, Charlie passed away, and
• 5:29
  that was devastating. And we were all horrified by
• 5:32
  that. And then people began to
• 5:34
  celebrate in the thousands, and that was even more horrifying.
• 5:37
  And then they began to like, you know, harass vigils, destroy
• 5:42
  things. And and then, you know, if
• 5:45
  you're a person online who spoke out about it, you got a lot of
• 5:48
  messages and stuff. And then I ended up getting
• 5:51
  threats, threats to my family, threats to my work, you know,
• 5:55
  and then of course, the most vile messages you could ever
• 5:58
  imagine. And then my father passed away
• 6:02
  and I, I posted about it kind of just to be transparent and like,
• 6:06
  you know, maybe I'll people can give me some grace and
• 6:09
  understand like I and then of course, those same people use
• 6:13
  that against you immediately. And you're like, oh, like evil
• 6:18
  is real. So I guess we're just having a
• 6:21
  week where we're sort of seeing, Oh yeah, that's right.
• 6:25
  Evil is a real thing in the world that's around, you know,
• 6:30
  it always feels like you read it abstractly in stories or you
• 6:33
  read about like something happening somewhere far away or
• 6:37
  in the past and you're like, that's so horrific.
• 6:40
  But to experience it, you know, in person, even from people who
• 6:45
  you may or may not have been acquaintances with or it's just
• 6:48
  been wild, really feels like something changed, right?
• 6:55
  And then I mean, on the positive side, I've seen so, so, so, so
• 7:00
  so many people choose radical love and empathy and compassion
• 7:07
  and so many people sending me messages like, what do I do to
• 7:11
  go to Mass for the first? Time.
• 7:12
  Amazing. Like a lot, a lot.
• 7:14
  It's amazing. So for every hate message,
• 7:16
  there's someone just saying like, Hey, how do I?
• 7:19
  What do I what do I do in church, you know, and.
• 7:22
  This is Today is the feast day of Our Lady of Sorrows and one
• 7:27
  of the readings. I thought this was very much
• 7:31
  speaking to what you're talking about, which is seeing this
• 7:34
  incredible response in the last week to Charlie's murder and how
• 7:38
  people responded. And it says Jesus father and
• 7:41
  mother were amazed at what he was said about him and Simeon
• 7:44
  blessed them and to his mother and to marry his mother.
• 7:47
  Behold this child. This is after their this is the
• 7:50
  prophecy of Simeon in in the gospel.
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  And this is, you know, to marry the mother of Jesus.
• 7:56
  Behold, this child is destined for the fall and the rise of
• 7:58
  many in Israel and to be a sign that will be contradicted.
• 8:01
  And you yourself a sword will be pierced, will Pierce so that the
• 8:05
  thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.
• 8:08
  And I just think witnessing God working, yeah, including in the
• 8:14
  horrific death of Charlie and seeing how people respond to
• 8:16
  that, it's revealing the hearts of so many people.
• 8:19
  It really is. That's really.
• 8:21
  Yeah. Wow.
• 8:22
  Poignant. Yeah.
• 8:24
  It's incredible to see. Like, I feel like there's a lot
• 8:27
  of obfuscation usually, especially in our, like, secular
• 8:31
  culture. There's a lot of of uncertainty
• 8:35
  and right now for all the negativity, I will say the one
• 8:39
  positive is there's a massive amount of certainty.
• 8:42
  You know, I know exactly what evil looks like and exactly what
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  good looks like right now. And I'm seeing both in their
• 8:49
  extreme. And I guess we should be so
• 8:53
  thankful that, you know, love and our Lord is moving in such
• 8:58
  big ways in order to match the evil.
• 9:00
  You know, it's that it's that that part of your human mind
• 9:05
  that is yearns for like, justice that is frustrated.
• 9:11
  But I feel like the reality is that so much love is coming out
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  of this that I probably shouldn't worry too much, huh?
• 9:19
  I should just lock in it's love people as best as I can and be
• 9:23
  as Christ like as possible and let it ride, you know?
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  But it's just what a crazy week. And I'm so sorry for the loss of
• 9:31
  your dad. Yeah, it's tough, but luckily my
• 9:36
  dad is a was a very, very brave and like self aware man.
• 9:41
  So he was, he knew who's passing away and he was ready for it.
• 9:46
  And so, yeah, he, he, he died Well, so I'm proud of him and I
• 9:52
  love him. And, you know, I'll be talking
• 9:55
  to him until I meet up with him next.
• 9:57
  So. Yeah.
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  Did he die with faith? He he did not, but he died.
• 10:04
  He never really got the chance. And we talked briefly about it.
• 10:08
  And right before he died, we were speaking and he was talking
• 10:12
  about certain trials I was undergoing because of my
• 10:15
  conversion. And my dad had never really been
• 10:18
  a person of faith. He was always like a, a sort of
• 10:21
  like, whatever, like not. And he was.
• 10:25
  What do I want to say? Live and let live, yeah?
• 10:27
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. So he didn't really go to
• 10:29
  church, but he was also like very supportive of anyone who
• 10:32
  wanted to go very like, you know, the classic liberal
• 10:36
  American, sort of like we're all in a plural society.
• 10:39
  Let's do what we want. And so, but he there was a point
• 10:43
  when he was sick recently, before he passed away, where we
• 10:46
  were speaking to some family friends and he was talking about
• 10:48
  my trials as a Catholic. And he did it in sort of a proud
• 10:52
  way, in a way that like, I'm like, oh, were you watching my
• 10:55
  podcasts? Were you watching my things?
• 10:57
  Were you, you know, thinking or believing or talking to God?
• 11:02
  And I feel like something was going on there.
• 11:05
  So I don't know. I don't know.
• 11:08
  I just, all we can do is pray. And my dad was a loving,
• 11:12
  beautiful person. And he just grew up in a world
• 11:16
  where he sort of never received the gospel, you know?
• 11:20
  And then by the time I received the gospel, it was a little too
• 11:24
  late for me to sort of get him in on that in a way that felt
• 11:30
  like natural, you know, because when your father's dying,
• 11:33
  there's a part of you that's like, I got to do everything I
• 11:35
  can. But then there's also that part
• 11:37
  of you that's like, am I going to waste these last couple weeks
• 11:42
  frustrating or making uncomfortable or maybe seeming
• 11:48
  not selfish? But there's that.
• 11:50
  Like, am I trying to help my dad in a way that makes sense?
• 11:55
  Or am I trying to help my dad in a way that is for my own sake,
• 11:59
  you know, And I guess I'll struggle with that, thinking
• 12:03
  about how that went or could have gone, but I don't know.
• 12:07
  My dad is a very loving person. And I think near the end of his
• 12:12
  life, he was much more open to Christ and God.
• 12:15
  And I just have this strange feeling from that conversation
• 12:19
  we had where he was sort of defending my Catholicism in a
• 12:23
  way that I never never, never, never in a million years would
• 12:26
  expect that to happen, you know? So yeah.
• 12:31
  That sounds like he was open to it.
• 12:33
  Yeah, in a beautiful way. In a quiet way.
• 12:35
  Yeah, I think it and it also at the end of his life too, I think
• 12:40
  he really became more open to these things so.
• 12:44
  We'll pray for his soul. Yeah, thank you.
• 12:46
  And anyone watching, please, Stephen Patrick Smith.
• 12:50
  Yeah, give him a prayer, please. OK, I, I mean, your story is
• 12:55
  crazy, Shane, and everything you're saying and have said,
• 13:00
  even the last few minutes connects back to even the, the,
• 13:04
  the, the vitriol you received because of your conversion, your
• 13:09
  father's passing, the death of Charlie Kirk, and that you in
• 13:15
  your world has been you, you've experienced, it's connected back
• 13:19
  to who Shane was before Jesus Christ and who Shane is now.
• 13:24
  And I think that is that story is incredible.
• 13:27
  And I, I really want, I'm excited for you to share it on
• 13:30
  this show. Yeah, I'm excited to share it.
• 13:32
  You're also hilarious because you're a comedian.
• 13:34
  So we're. Going to laugh guys, but the
• 13:36
  story is also insane. So where do we start here?
• 13:40
  I don't even know. We can start at the very
• 13:42
  beginning. Beginning is always a good
• 13:44
  place. Yeah.
• 13:44
  So I grew up in, like, a crazy place.
• 13:46
  I grew up in the middle of nowhere, Utah.
• 13:48
  And, you know, my mom married someone who wasn't too great.
• 13:55
  And that, of course, affected our family in a lot of ways.
• 13:57
  And so she had to shoulder the burden of basically being a
• 14:00
  father and a provider and a mother while enduring abuse and
• 14:05
  all sorts of other horrible things.
• 14:07
  And then, of course, those things affected me and my
• 14:09
  brothers. And so how many kids?
• 14:11
  So there was 4/4 of us, me and three brothers.
• 14:15
  And so I have more brothers and sisters than that.
• 14:18
  But that was our little unit. And so we're very poor, you
• 14:23
  know, trailer trash people like me and my brother would share a
• 14:26
  bed sometimes like that kind of that, that type of pour, like
• 14:30
  one of us is going to take the bottom of the queen bed while
• 14:32
  the other three sleep, you know, vertically or whatever.
• 14:35
  So it was tough. But it's funny, since my
• 14:39
  conversion, looking back on my childhood, it's like all
• 14:41
  positive. I don't know.
• 14:43
  I, I think I, you know, when I converted over time, I began to
• 14:48
  like, really think about, you know, the people in my life and
• 14:52
  the things I'd experienced in when I would think back to my
• 14:54
  stepfather, I would find myself wanting to forgive him.
• 14:58
  And, and I've forgiven everyone in my life.
• 15:01
  And that's just like turned my childhood from this horrible
• 15:04
  negative experience that I used to lament on podcast and talk
• 15:08
  about in comedy and whatever to this like really beautiful thing
• 15:12
  that I love. And like, I just hold on to all
• 15:15
  those positive memories and those things that made me who I
• 15:18
  am now. I don't know really.
• 15:20
  It's funny that Christ healed me before.
• 15:24
  Like time and space aren't a problem for him, you know?
• 15:28
  And it's so it just feels crazy to, I don't even know how to
• 15:32
  explain it for him to affect me in the past.
• 15:35
  It almost feels like looking back on me as a child.
• 15:37
  And I think back to some of these really horrible
• 15:40
  experiences. I have this weird comfort like
• 15:44
  God is with me and I'm okay and like because I used to get
• 15:50
  triggered in the way that like goofy liberals online talk about
• 15:54
  it, you know, it's a real thing. I shouldn't be so dismissive of
• 15:58
  it, but, you know, people experience severe trauma and
• 16:01
  then they get triggered when certain things happen and it
• 16:03
  affects them negatively or gives them anxiety.
• 16:05
  And of course people overdo it nowadays talking about that.
• 16:08
  But I used to have that where I would see certain things or
• 16:12
  think certain things and I would have like anxiety attacks or I
• 16:15
  would just become like world endingly depressed.
• 16:18
  You know, it would be horrific. I would feel, you know, alone
• 16:23
  and awful and miserable and all that has been healed.
• 16:26
  Can you? Give can you give an example of
• 16:28
  that just for folks what you're willing or comfortable sharing,
• 16:31
  like things that happened to you in your childhood that were so
• 16:34
  devastating that maybe would trigger you later on when you
• 16:38
  would be run, you know, rush up against that memory versus now
• 16:42
  how that memory has been changed post conversion.
• 16:45
  Yeah, so like this is I'll, I'm trying to think of one that's
• 16:50
  like not too so awful that people are like, oh, I got to
• 16:54
  pause the podcast. So it's terrible.
• 16:55
  But like my my stepfather would, if me and my brothers would
• 17:00
  argue, he would make us a fight each other.
• 17:04
  And so I have memories of like being forced to fight each
• 17:08
  other. And if we did not fight each
• 17:09
  other hard enough, he would just beat us both.
• 17:13
  And so we would like sort of gamify and be like you.
• 17:18
  You'd be like, just punch me in the face, you know.
• 17:21
  And that's a horrific thing for like a 12 year old to be like,
• 17:25
  just beat me, you know, like so that we can get out of this
• 17:28
  situation. And then looking back on that, I
• 17:31
  just have so much love for my brother being in that situation.
• 17:35
  And it's so like, you know, just the idea that my brother is so
• 17:41
  young would like offer to take a beating for me or vice versa.
• 17:46
  Like, you know, just the idea that we're arguing over like
• 17:49
  which one of us is going to be the one to take the more
• 17:51
  punishment or whatever. It's a horrific thing to
• 17:55
  imagine. But looking back on it, I just
• 17:57
  have love for my brother, you know, and I also is crazy as it
• 18:02
  is my stepfather, you know, he grew up in a different time in a
• 18:07
  different place. You know, he experienced an
• 18:10
  incredible amount of violence over the course of his life.
• 18:13
  He had substance abuse problems. And I think that in a weird,
• 18:19
  twisted way, he really wasn't trying to torture us.
• 18:24
  He thought he was like making us into men or doing something to
• 18:29
  help us. Like I, I don't think it was
• 18:31
  just to be cruel now that I look back on it, despite the fact
• 18:35
  that it was in fact very cruel. And so, you know, to see like
• 18:41
  even just see like the UFC sometimes back in the day
• 18:44
  before, you know, I would just suddenly have these flashbacks
• 18:48
  to beatings or, or whatever. And so that would be one example
• 18:53
  of something that just looking back on.
• 18:55
  I'm just like, so, so thankful for my brothers and, and the
• 18:58
  love of my family, you know, and so that would be 1.
• 19:03
  But so I grew up like that. And of course that makes you
• 19:09
  angry at God. And so I definitely was became a
• 19:14
  person who was actively trying to be mad at God, you know, and
• 19:20
  then I grew up around a lot of LDS people.
• 19:23
  And so I'm in Utah. And so Mormons, for those of you
• 19:27
  don't know, and LDS versus Latter Day St. but so they're
• 19:29
  Mormons, whatever you want to call.
• 19:31
  But and they would often, you know, try to talk to me about
• 19:34
  Jesus or whatever. And I would just, you know, be
• 19:37
  so mad, be so mad about it. I remember being a very young
• 19:41
  man, like 14, and we have these things called the lava flows
• 19:45
  where I'm from. It's a giant mile long rivers of
• 19:49
  lava rock. And they're very tall and you
• 19:52
  can go explore them. But at night if you get caught
• 19:55
  in them at night, they're pitch black and they're like razor
• 19:58
  sharp. And there's caves and people die
• 20:00
  by like falling. And I remember getting stuck in
• 20:02
  there at night and trying to get out by myself and purposefully
• 20:07
  being like don't ask God for help.
• 20:10
  Like, no, I don't need you. You've never been there for me.
• 20:14
  I'm going to figure this out myself.
• 20:16
  Like that's how how bitter I was, even as like a very young
• 20:21
  man, you know, And I just think like when you're living in a
• 20:24
  house full of violence. And then I was a young person
• 20:27
  who then began to do drugs and was drinking and involved in
• 20:30
  crime. And, you know, sin darkens your
• 20:33
  intellect. Sin begets sin.
• 20:36
  The more you do things, the more you're going to do things and,
• 20:39
  you know, just really hurt my, my ability to rationalize God
• 20:43
  or, or even think clearly about any of that stuff in any way.
• 20:47
  So I was an atheist, and not just an atheist, but an atheist
• 20:52
  who, like, I need to read the books, I need to have the
• 20:55
  argument, I need to be able to, like, lash out, you know?
• 21:00
  And then I experienced a lot of different things in life, and I
• 21:04
  got to a point where I began to get really interested in
• 21:07
  politics. I have one more question, if
• 21:10
  it's OK before we get to the politics.
• 21:12
  Just on the childhood front, it was your stepdad who was.
• 21:17
  My stepfather. Raising you guys and he was
• 21:19
  abusive. My biological father lived in
• 21:22
  California and I lived in Utah. So the times that we get to see
• 21:26
  my biological father who recently passed away were few
• 21:29
  and far between. Though those experiences
• 21:32
  affected me like so deeply. He was in a loving, committed
• 21:38
  marriage where he treated his wife incredibly well in front of
• 21:42
  us. Lots of memories of him making
• 21:44
  her laugh, which is like so beautiful and good.
• 21:47
  And then my stepbrother and sister and my half sister who
• 21:51
  y'all had, he just, he treated them so well and was such a good
• 21:55
  father that the times I got to be with them and inexperience
• 21:59
  that really, really kind of saved me and, and gave me like a
• 22:03
  small anchor into reality, you know, so as not to become like
• 22:08
  the most degenerate, insane person possible.
• 22:12
  And even at my most secular, even at my most like anything
• 22:17
  goes, do whatever you want. I'm a Satanist or whatever.
• 22:20
  I, I was an advocate for marriage and it was 100% because
• 22:25
  of my father's marriage and watching how it, how it played
• 22:28
  out and how sweet and loving they were and how much they
• 22:32
  accomplished together. You know, that was just
• 22:34
  something that I didn't see your experience as a kid at all.
• 22:38
  So to see that marriage like that it, you know, with my
• 22:41
  father, someone I looked up to, was so, so important.
• 22:46
  Did do you think he knew that you were being, that you were
• 22:50
  being so abused? No.
• 22:52
  So I hid it from him because if he found out, he would take me
• 22:57
  away and I couldn't leave my little brother and my mom with
• 23:00
  my stepdad. And then my little brother
• 23:03
  didn't tell his biological dad because again he would get taken
• 23:06
  away from my mom and me. So two of my older brothers
• 23:11
  eventually left with my brother's dad, and so me and my
• 23:16
  little brother were then at that point just left alone with my
• 23:19
  stepfather and my mom. And was that some of the worst
• 23:22
  of the abuse? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 23:23
  So it was pretty bad. But you know, we sort of, I
• 23:28
  ended up just running away a lot.
• 23:30
  So I would just be gone. I would just live at friend's
• 23:33
  houses or I would stay the night at people's houses every night
• 23:36
  and try to like they wouldn't realize that I was homeless, you
• 23:39
  know, or I would like walk around like it would be winter,
• 23:43
  so I can't just go sleep outside in the summer.
• 23:45
  I would camp a lot, but I'm from a really cold place, so I would
• 23:49
  just walk all night so I wouldn't freeze to death.
• 23:51
  And then in the morning, I would just go to a friend's house and
• 23:54
  be like, hey, do you want breakfast?
• 23:56
  Like, let's eat? And I would eat breakfast with
• 23:57
  his family. And they wouldn't realize that
• 23:59
  I'm like, not just bored or come and hang out, but that I'm
• 24:03
  trying to eat because I'm hungry and cold, you know?
• 24:06
  And so I hid it from everybody. We both did.
• 24:09
  And it basically because we loved our mom.
• 24:11
  We don't want to leave her alone with this guy, you know?
• 24:14
  And so, and that is how people get caught in weird cycles of
• 24:19
  abuse and stuff. So in retrospect, I don't know,
• 24:23
  we probably could have told someone, but you're young, you
• 24:26
  don't know any better. And then I was poor and I was
• 24:30
  also doing crime. So I didn't trust the police,
• 24:33
  you know, And I also watched them interact with my
• 24:36
  stepfather. It's a very small town.
• 24:37
  So he got, I mean, he was, he went to jail for manslaughter
• 24:41
  and they let him out in less than a year.
• 24:43
  So, you know, the system wasn't working well and people just
• 24:49
  didn't know so. Would you ever talk about it
• 24:51
  with your mom growing up? No, never.
• 24:54
  And we still don't really. I've forgiven her.
• 24:57
  And you know, and she, I'm so aware of like, how much she went
• 25:03
  through, how hard she worked, you know, as bad as things were,
• 25:07
  like she was doing her best. Like I cannot imagine if she
• 25:11
  hadn't have tried harder, how much worse it might have been.
• 25:14
  And I also don't know what she protected us from, what she
• 25:17
  endured. So yeah, my, we don't really
• 25:21
  talk about it. I just think it's like, so
• 25:23
  painful and so sad that there's really nothing to talk about.
• 25:28
  Like, we love each other unconditionally.
• 25:31
  We're family and that's that, you know, let's just move on
• 25:35
  forward. But you know, one very cool
• 25:38
  thing is after my conversion and dealing with all of this, my mom
• 25:43
  has started her conversion. Yeah, yeah.
• 25:45
  So she's in RCIA now? Or OCIAI guess so that's really
• 25:49
  cool. Yeah, and your step dad's no
• 25:51
  longer with us. No, he's not.
• 25:53
  So he's been gone for quite a while, since I was in my 20s.
• 25:58
  Fuck, that's was my childhood. And then my early 20s, I was,
• 26:02
  you know, involved in gangs and doing crime and also just being
• 26:05
  like, you know, a goofball degenerate, like hardcore punk
• 26:09
  rock guy, you know, going to shows and sort of just living
• 26:13
  for pleasure in the moment and. Were you doing comedy at this
• 26:18
  time? No.
• 26:18
  Not yet. I didn't start comedy until I
• 26:20
  was almost like a couple days before I turned 28.
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• 29:00
  How were you supporting yourself during that time?
• 29:02
  Crime. So we would do, you know, we
• 29:05
  would fence electronics, sell cars, we would do something
• 29:10
  called car hopping quite a bit, which is where you basically and
• 29:13
  you've everyone's experiences. It sucks.
• 29:15
  It's when a group of guys or a couple people just walk through
• 29:19
  your neighborhood and look for things in your cars and check if
• 29:22
  your doors are open or if there's something valuable and
• 29:24
  you break the window and you take it.
• 29:26
  And you can make quite a bit of money doing that if you're
• 29:28
  fencing electronics and things. So we were up to stuff and then
• 29:31
  I got involved in more serious gang activity and then I started
• 29:36
  to do things like, you know, robberies and stuff like that.
• 29:40
  And so, and then during this time also I, I did have a job
• 29:44
  because you have to have a reason to have money or else
• 29:48
  you're going to get in trouble, you know, so I worked at like
• 29:51
  goofy retail jobs. I mean, there was one point
• 29:54
  where I was like committing strong armed robbery at night.
• 29:59
  And then the next morning I was opening Lids, the hat store at
• 30:03
  the mall. You know, it's just, it's wild.
• 30:06
  But I don't know. That's what we were up to, so.
• 30:08
  Were you ever caught? No, no, I was never caught.
• 30:13
  Yeah, I was very fortunate not to experience any like anything
• 30:19
  like that or, or get caught in heard or anything.
• 30:24
  I mean, I was arrested or detained many times.
• 30:27
  Especially because when you're a gang member, the police know who
• 30:30
  you are. They know who you're affiliated
• 30:32
  with. They have a rapport with you.
• 30:34
  They'll talk to you often if they see you on the street,
• 30:37
  sometimes they'll pick you up and see what you're up to and
• 30:39
  check you, you know, and so you build this rapport with them.
• 30:42
  And so overtime, like, you know, it's at night and there's a fist
• 30:45
  fight down the street and a cop knows you already sees you and
• 30:48
  he's like, get over here. You know, you're getting
• 30:49
  detained or so I've been detained and arrested in things,
• 30:53
  but I've never been caught doing like, what would I call a high
• 30:56
  profile crime? I guess so very fortunate or
• 31:01
  unfortunate, depending on how you look at it.
• 31:03
  So. And what was the state of your
• 31:05
  soul during this time? Because you talked about, you
• 31:07
  know, you, you hinted at really horrific abuse.
• 31:11
  You hate you, you were God, you had nothing to do with him.
• 31:14
  These like goody 2 shoe Mormons that were saying Jesus, Jesus,
• 31:17
  you're like, I don't, you don't know what you're talking about
• 31:19
  basically. And now you're, you're very
• 31:22
  smart guy. You know, you're you're
• 31:24
  creative. Let's say you know, you are an
• 31:26
  objectively creative person, but that's like the life of crime is
• 31:29
  where you're finding yourself. And So what was going on in your
• 31:33
  soul at this time? So outwardly I was really
• 31:38
  obsessed with the idea of being like overtly positive.
• 31:41
  I was really into Albert Camus. Do you know who this is?
• 31:44
  So he he coined absurdism, which is like funny, funny or happy
• 31:49
  nihilism. And so I was really into that
• 31:52
  concept, like you must like, just to live and be happy as an
• 31:57
  act of revolution, which is actually a sort of like getting
• 32:02
  a piece of the truth where it is revolutionary to live in our
• 32:06
  world full of suffering and to love and to dance and to be
• 32:10
  happy and to care for people. You know, those are acts of
• 32:14
  revolution against sin and so on.
• 32:15
  But Albert Camus, he was not religious.
• 32:18
  And so, yeah, I was really into that.
• 32:21
  But my what? Did he write?
• 32:23
  What were his works? His, he wrote.
• 32:26
  Oh my gosh, I'm instantaneously blanking when you.
• 32:29
  Asked I'm gonna pull it up 'cause I, I.
• 32:30
  Wrote I. It's funny 'cause I know what
• 32:32
  the book is about. It's a.
• 32:33
  No, I've read him, so that's why I wish I could.
• 32:35
  Man in Algeria and every time. I can't remember the name of the
• 32:38
  book, but. We'll pull it up.
• 32:40
  Yeah, yeah. Now I need to know it's gonna.
• 32:42
  Weird me out till I'm weird it out too.
• 32:44
  It's gonna be the Stranger, the plague, the miss.
• 32:47
  The plague. Sisyphus, the Fall.
• 32:50
  The Rebel. Yeah, yeah.
• 32:51
  The myth of the myth of Sisyphus.
• 32:53
  One must imagine Sisyphus happy. That was a quote that changed my
• 32:56
  life for sure and I still really enjoy that.
• 32:59
  Quote So you were an intellectual ganger gang member?
• 33:02
  Kind of. I guess I'm a nerd.
• 33:03
  You're reading Albert Camus and you're like, let's go rob a
• 33:06
  bank, I mean. I've always been a nerd, so I
• 33:09
  guess. Were your other gang members
• 33:10
  reading Camus? No, no, they weren't.
• 33:14
  They were. They were doing other stuff.
• 33:17
  They were interested in girls and drugs and stuff.
• 33:19
  I was also so sober I. You were not drinking.
• 33:23
  No, when I was 14, I decided to become sober because I was just
• 33:28
  watching my step, like my family, my friends, families,
• 33:32
  you know, especially in the trailer park and stuff.
• 33:35
  And you could just see alcohol and drugs, like tearing people
• 33:38
  apart. And you could also see like, oh,
• 33:40
  this guy's so cool, but he's drunk half the time and he's a
• 33:43
  monster when he's. So I just decided I wanted
• 33:45
  nothing to do with any of that and so I just gave it all up
• 33:49
  and. Was that also because when you
• 33:52
  say you saw people who were monsters made monsters by drugs
• 33:55
  and alcohol, you saw your stepdad hurting your mom because
• 33:58
  of drugs and alcohol? Yeah, yeah, I don't think he in
• 34:01
  this, I don't know if I want to use the word to his credit, but
• 34:05
  I don't think he ever acted in an overtly evil way when he was
• 34:10
  sober. Like, he was a pretty cool guy
• 34:14
  when he was sober, but I just think he'd experienced so many
• 34:17
  bad things and had put himself in so many situations and didn't
• 34:21
  know how to handle it. And he was medicating, you know.
• 34:25
  And that's when he get. Violent.
• 34:27
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The violence was always.
• 34:29
  But you know, it's you can be drunk most the time,
• 34:34
  unfortunately. And so, yeah, there were times
• 34:37
  where that was the case. But what, you know, when he
• 34:40
  wasn't drinking, he was great. So that and and that's confusing
• 34:45
  and terrifying. And that creates a situation,
• 34:47
  too, where you're sort of walking on egg shells all the
• 34:50
  time. What's going to happen when I
• 34:51
  come home tonight? Is my stepdad going to be the
• 34:54
  one day a month where he's like, do you want to watch Terminator
• 34:57
  2 and it's really cool and he's fun Or is it going to be more of
• 35:01
  the usual and you are always sort of what's going to happen?
• 35:06
  Where should I go? What should I do?
• 35:08
  I'm taking risks like and that I think that does more damage to
• 35:12
  your mental health almost then knowing that you're in a
• 35:16
  permanent type of situation, you know, where it's always going to
• 35:19
  be bad because you're it's like living with two people almost.
• 35:24
  It's crazy. I yeah, that's really, really
• 35:29
  bad for your mental health for sure, especially as like a young
• 35:32
  man. So you at 14 you were saying you
• 35:35
  made this done and and why 14? What would what?
• 35:38
  Happened on my 14th birthday. I don't know.
• 35:42
  We were just partying and people were like, do you want to drink?
• 35:45
  And I was like, no, I'm over it. I'm I'm done.
• 35:48
  I just like made the decision. It wasn't, I did make it because
• 35:52
  I want, I, I became a part of a subculture called straightedge,
• 35:56
  which is like a hardcore punk subculture that promotes
• 36:00
  sobriety. And so I sort of like planted my
• 36:03
  flag in the sand. Like it was almost like, you
• 36:06
  know what, like the really the, the preacher's daughter and she
• 36:09
  drinks and she's, it's an act of rebellion.
• 36:12
  It was almost the reverse where I was like, I don't drink active
• 36:15
  rebellion. You know what I mean?
• 36:17
  And so I was sort of like sticking it to everybody, but I
• 36:20
  mean like, I'm different by not doing this.
• 36:23
  I'm being subversive. And so very luckily I just stuck
• 36:28
  with it. And I'm sure it's been amazing
• 36:31
  for me. I I'm already a bad decision
• 36:33
  maker sober, so I can't be, Can you imagine?
• 36:37
  I have a sword on my face sober? What would, what have happened
• 36:40
  if I was drinking? I'd have like, I, I would have
• 36:44
  like a gonzo the Muppet tattooed on my face or something crazy.
• 36:49
  When did you get the sword? The sword, you know, honestly,
• 36:51
  I'm talking trash. I got the sword like it's a
• 36:55
  couple years ago as an adult man.
• 36:58
  But pre or post conversion post. Pre.
• 37:01
  Pre pre that was just happened. But it is a Lord of the Rings
• 37:03
  sword. Yeah, I was gonna say a sword.
• 37:05
  That's there's. Like, yeah, and Christology that
• 37:07
  confuse it for a cross, which I'm very happy to be like.
• 37:10
  Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it could be a lot.
• 37:12
  It could be a skull. It's not a skull.
• 37:13
  Thank God. Yeah.
• 37:15
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh, I know.
• 37:18
  The, the, the sobriety did help you a lot, right?
• 37:21
  So, so when you're in your 20s and you're literally a member of
• 37:26
  the gang, you're sober, you're what can you just tell us?
• 37:32
  What does it mean to be a member of a gang?
• 37:34
  What did that look like, especially when you didn't ever
• 37:36
  drink with your gang? So that's a really good
• 37:38
  question. So there are different types of
• 37:42
  gangs and organizations and how they work.
• 37:44
  And so like for instance, I was straight Edge, which is
• 37:48
  considered almost like a hooligan type gang.
• 37:50
  There's lots of fist fighting and sort of like beating people
• 37:54
  up at shows and it is like soccer hooliganism.
• 37:58
  What kind of shows like music shows this?
• 38:00
  Is music, yeah. So there's a certain type of
• 38:02
  punk rock called hardcore that is really angry, and it's a very
• 38:08
  specific type of music, and the music has something in it called
• 38:12
  a breakdown, and it's almost like A-44 beat or whatever, and
• 38:16
  it's very slow and chunky. And when that beat happens,
• 38:19
  people in the concert, they punch and kick each other to.
• 38:24
  It's almost like dancing, and so the shows are like incredibly
• 38:28
  violent, but almost in a sort of football way, but because of
• 38:32
  this. If people get injured.
• 38:33
  Yeah, yeah, people get injured for sure.
• 38:35
  And people are jumping off the stage and stage diving and
• 38:38
  kicking each other and throwing trash cans around and going
• 38:41
  nuts. And it's kind of like a free for
• 38:43
  all to very masculine sort of crazy thing.
• 38:46
  And so groups of friends form things.
• 38:50
  And this is so dorky. I want everyone to know I know
• 38:52
  how dorky this is. So these hardcore kids, we call
• 38:56
  each other hardcore kids and we still do, even though I'm a
• 38:58
  grown man with a wife and children.
• 39:00
  I'm, I'm a hardcore kid. And so you form crews or little
• 39:05
  groups of people, your friend group, and then you go to shows
• 39:08
  and then you have conflict with other friend groups, very
• 39:11
  similarly to the way soccer hooligans would have conflicts
• 39:14
  with other teams or whatever. So shows would happen and then
• 39:18
  you would often have conflict with each other and then you
• 39:21
  would fistfight and be enemies, but it would usually never go
• 39:25
  more than than fighting. So that's one type of a gang you
• 39:28
  could be a part of. But I was doing that.
• 39:31
  That was like my reprieve from what I was really doing, which
• 39:35
  was getting involved with a motorcycle club that also had
• 39:39
  ties to prison gangs. And they were asking me and a
• 39:43
  particular friend of mine to do different types of work for them
• 39:47
  almost under the table. And so we were members of the
• 39:50
  club, but we were doing things that other club members wouldn't
• 39:55
  be able to. And we also didn't have certain
• 39:58
  tattoos that you get when you're in the club or you go to prison
• 40:02
  that like mark you as a person who has been to prison or a
• 40:05
  member of gangs. And so because we're not marked,
• 40:08
  we can do different things depending on if we get arrested
• 40:12
  or not. And and so I was involved in
• 40:14
  this crime and that's organized crime.
• 40:16
  That's that's like, like they approached me, they approached
• 40:20
  us at a show. And this is a guy from a club
• 40:24
  that was involved actually with my stepfather's motorcycle club.
• 40:27
  And they basically like, hey, you know, you guys want to make
• 40:32
  some real money. Like, we see you fighting and
• 40:34
  all the stuff, but you want to do something real.
• 40:36
  And then me and my friend at the time were like, yeah.
• 40:38
  And they had us rob a 711 almost as like a tester.
• 40:43
  But the person who worked at the 711 is in on it.
• 40:46
  So that's a kind of how robberies work.
• 40:48
  It's not just a, a strong armed robbery is that's strange to
• 40:53
  just go in like for organized crime.
• 40:55
  The the guy knows, they give him a little bit of money.
• 40:58
  We come in, we know when the safe is going to open.
• 41:00
  We pretend to rob him. We take everything.
• 41:02
  They cut us in. It's very like, chill, right?
• 41:06
  And so we did that. It's not.
• 41:08
  Dangerous physically. It's not dangerous physically,
• 41:10
  but it can be, especially in a place like Utah or Wyoming where
• 41:15
  random people could might stop you, you know, like maybe in
• 41:20
  California would be chill. But in a place where everyone's
• 41:22
  concealed carrying or like doesn't tolerate crime, it can
• 41:26
  be pretty dangerous. The civilians are almost more
• 41:29
  dangerous than the police often times.
• 41:30
  Like, no joke. So yeah, so we did that.
• 41:34
  And then it went well. And then they say you want to do
• 41:36
  more, what you want to do more. And then you begin to like, you
• 41:40
  know, you're in the culture and you begin to make friends.
• 41:42
  And you people are like, hey, I know offence.
• 41:44
  If you have any electronics, you can sell them here.
• 41:47
  And then you start car hopping. And then you get involved in
• 41:49
  this culture. And then you meet this guy and
• 41:51
  he's like, I know someone who has a bunch of drugs in their
• 41:53
  house right now. They just sold.
• 41:55
  Save a lot of money. Let's go get them.
• 41:58
  And, you know, and then it spirals into your fully doing
• 42:01
  organized crime. And so that's sort of was my
• 42:05
  experience. And then overtime, me and my
• 42:08
  brother were just experiencing so much violence and things were
• 42:12
  just so bad that we both decided together like let's leave this
• 42:17
  this. Was in your 20s?
• 42:18
  This was in my 20s, my early 20s, yeah.
• 42:20
  So I I stopped doing. I think I was about 24 when I
• 42:25
  quit everything. And was that because you were,
• 42:28
  like, you said, those are so much violence and you were with
• 42:30
  your brother? Yeah.
• 42:31
  Were you afraid of getting shot? Like what do you mean when you
• 42:36
  say you guys felt there was too much violence?
• 42:39
  We, we were inflicting violence. That was like, didn't it?
• 42:46
  They got to the point where it was escalating to the point
• 42:48
  where we were like, OK, this is, this is like wild, like, what
• 42:52
  are we even doing? You're looking over your
• 42:54
  shoulder constantly. You can't, you can never go
• 42:57
  anywhere alone because if someone who doesn't like you or
• 43:01
  has beef with you sees you by yourself, they're going to get
• 43:03
  you. And so you have to travel in
• 43:05
  groups always. So you're almost like
• 43:07
  sequestered in your home in a way, unless you have protection.
• 43:10
  You can't just go on a date with a girl.
• 43:12
  Like your life becomes this paranoid sort of horrible thing.
• 43:16
  And then, of course, you don't have a bunch of money.
• 43:19
  And when you do get money, you're spending it poorly, you
• 43:22
  know, on pleasure and other things that you don't need.
• 43:24
  And, And so, yeah, it's just a sad, lonely life.
• 43:31
  But at first, it is appealing, especially as a man.
• 43:35
  You know, you have all these these brothers who have your
• 43:38
  back. You feel like you belong.
• 43:40
  You feel like you have respect, especially when you grow up
• 43:43
  poor, like growing up in a trailer park.
• 43:46
  What are my options? I didn't graduate high school.
• 43:49
  I joined the Army. It didn't work out for me in the
• 43:51
  Army. I was injured.
• 43:52
  I was medically released. And then what?
• 43:55
  I'm, I'm going to go to college. I didn't even graduate high
• 43:58
  school. And then I don't have money.
• 44:01
  And I'm like, OK, well, I'm from the trailer park.
• 44:05
  I have no money. I have no credit because my
• 44:08
  stepfather put bills in our names and then didn't pay them.
• 44:12
  So he did that to me and all my brothers.
• 44:16
  So puts the gas in your name and then doesn't pay it till they
• 44:20
  shut it off. Puts the gas in your different
• 44:22
  name, doesn't pay it till they shut it off.
• 44:24
  Oh, he did that to all of us. So my credit was like so bad.
• 44:28
  I had thousands of dollars in debt.
• 44:30
  I tried to tell them what he did.
• 44:31
  They did not care. So like, I'm stuck in this
• 44:34
  horrific situation where I have no money, no credit, no
• 44:38
  prospects, no future. You know, what do I do?
• 44:41
  Do I go get a job at McDonald's? Women are going to want to date
• 44:44
  me. People aren't going to be nice
• 44:45
  to me. People aren't going to respect
• 44:47
  me. But if I pick up a gun and I rob
• 44:50
  a 711 and all these guys and their hot girlfriends and all
• 44:54
  these cool people who hang out at the clubhouse and stuff are
• 44:57
  gassing me up, telling me how awesome that is.
• 44:59
  And now I have respect. People are afraid of me.
• 45:02
  When I go places in public, people give me things.
• 45:04
  People know who I am. That's the dream, you know?
• 45:08
  Young men don't want money. They want respect, you know, And
• 45:11
  so it's intoxicating and it's sort of like it.
• 45:16
  It overshadows all the negativity, you know, but as we
• 45:19
  know from really talking to anyone who's done crime for any
• 45:23
  longer amount of time, you know that it wears off quick, so.
• 45:29
  The high, the high. The comfortability, comfort in
• 45:33
  the the brotherhood and all that it it, it can't outweigh the
• 45:36
  negativity over time, you know? And you were getting there with
• 45:40
  your brother. I was, yeah.
• 45:41
  And I think that like truly, truly, thank God that both of
• 45:45
  US1, we're on the same page together.
• 45:48
  So we could encourage each other to be brave enough to sort of
• 45:52
  leave that lifestyle behind and pursue something different,
• 45:55
  especially when we we didn't really know what we were going
• 45:58
  to do. We just knew like, we got to get
• 45:59
  regular jobs. And so, yeah, and that was
• 46:03
  difficult. And I worked a minimum wage job
• 46:05
  for quite a while. I worked like the hardest
• 46:07
  minimum wage job I've ever had. I work with disabled kids, so I
• 46:10
  was like wiping butts and getting bit, you know, 9 hours a
• 46:14
  day and in making $8 an hour or whatever for years.
• 46:20
  So it was a tough road to sort of get out of that situation.
• 46:24
  But again, thank God that my brother encouraged me and gave
• 46:28
  me the sort of bravery to be like, oh, yeah, let's like
• 46:32
  change our lives. And I think that also by me did
• 46:35
  the same thing for him and we encouraged each other so.
• 46:38
  How did you find that minimum wage job working with children
• 46:42
  with disabilities? The government, the government,
• 46:44
  I, my, my mom actually worked at a, that nonprofit.
• 46:48
  And then I had talked to the gang unit in Utah or whatever.
• 46:53
  They have like a, the government has like programs to help
• 46:56
  rehabilitate gang members or whatever.
• 46:59
  And I was just like, help me out.
• 47:00
  I undercover my tattoos. I want a job, yadda, yadda.
• 47:03
  And they, they, they were like, what kind of job?
• 47:06
  And I was like, my mom works here and they placed me like
• 47:08
  right away. I got the job right away.
• 47:10
  So were you working with children?
• 47:12
  Yeah. Like Young?
• 47:14
  Did you have a criminal record at this point or no?
• 47:16
  Yes. Yeah, they were like, let's get
• 47:19
  what we got, some autistic kids over here, let's get a felon in
• 47:22
  the mix and just see what happens.
• 47:24
  You kidding me? Yeah, but there's a method to
• 47:26
  the madness. It totally worked.
• 47:27
  It changed my life. Yeah.
• 47:29
  Working with those kids was of an incredibly humbling,
• 47:31
  beautiful experience that definitely made me a more
• 47:34
  positive person. Absolutely.
• 47:36
  And I think softened my heart over the course of time, you
• 47:40
  know? And were these children that had
• 47:41
  been entrusted to the state like foster here type children?
• 47:44
  They're so autistic that they're sort of dangerous to their
• 47:47
  family families, you know? And are these grow older
• 47:50
  children? They're like 1314, you know, but
• 47:53
  they. They can.
• 47:54
  They can punch, they can fight. They have severe behavioral
• 47:56
  issues and it's just so difficult, especially when you
• 47:59
  have multiple children. And so these families would
• 48:02
  often come to the group home and spend time and stuff, but it's
• 48:05
  just so difficult, you know, and especially because a lot of them
• 48:08
  are from single moms. And as a single mom, like, how
• 48:11
  are you going to work and take care of your other children
• 48:14
  while you're dealing with, you know, and then you're afraid
• 48:16
  that your one child is going to bite your other child.
• 48:19
  And so it's a heartbreaking situation, but it's also, you
• 48:23
  know, awesome that we have a society where we can find a
• 48:27
  compromise where parents can love and be with their kids and
• 48:30
  also be safe and they can have fulfilling lives where they grow
• 48:34
  up and, like, get to participate in society.
• 48:38
  So And I'm friends with a bunch of my old clients who are now
• 48:41
  grown men, but at the time they were like 1314.
• 48:43
  And, and did you watch them turn out like did they, when you say
• 48:47
  they're grown men now, are they still suffering their disability
• 48:50
  now? But they're are they still
• 48:52
  dependent now or how are they doing?
• 48:53
  Now, they're still dependent, they still live in the group
• 48:56
  home and stuff, but we stay in touch and yeah, yeah, I'm like
• 48:59
  of, of legal guardian of one of them.
• 49:02
  Yeah, yeah. Which means like every once in a
• 49:04
  while, like, you know, I'll give him a call and see him when I
• 49:06
  can or whatever. Or like, you know, if they're
• 49:09
  getting their medication changed.
• 49:11
  I'm like a part of that sometimes.
• 49:12
  But yeah, it's they're great. What was the, what did you learn
• 49:18
  or what was it like taking care of these children who had
• 49:22
  autism, all these older, you know, young teen, teen kids who
• 49:26
  were, you know, had violent outbursts and everything else.
• 49:28
  Like what? What was that like for you?
• 49:30
  You're leaving violence. Yeah.
• 49:32
  You're now taking care of these kids who are suffering.
• 49:34
  You suffered as a kid, Right, Right.
• 49:37
  So how did that look for you? And what was that like?
• 49:39
  What was that like? It's funny, when I first got the
• 49:41
  job, I was sort of just like, like, it didn't matter.
• 49:46
  I was just like, it's just a job and then you work there over
• 49:49
  time and you begin to get to know them.
• 49:52
  And it's that sort of what a, a person isn't their intellect,
• 49:57
  you know. And so a person is their heart,
• 50:01
  like God gives us a mind with which to know and a heart with
• 50:03
  which to love, but the heart with which to love is, I think,
• 50:06
  the main thing. And so yes.
• 50:09
  And so to get to know people who I would have never gotten to
• 50:15
  know and to understand that who they are as a person has nothing
• 50:19
  to do with their intellect, their place in society, or even
• 50:23
  how they can communicate with me or or even the bad things they
• 50:26
  do sometimes. You know, just to see the true
• 50:29
  heart of who they were. And that was like a life
• 50:33
  changing thing for me. And so, yeah, it was awesome.
• 50:39
  It's very good. Like truly, truly great.
• 50:42
  I think that I, I genuinely feel like everyone at some point
• 50:45
  should have to go volunteer at the Special Olympics, go do
• 50:49
  something for people who are, you know, so authentically
• 50:53
  themselves, so, you know, different.
• 50:59
  It's just really good. I don't know.
• 51:01
  I love it so but. Did you have a favorite moment,
• 51:04
  by the way, from that time? From that time, Yeah, I was just
• 51:07
  a moment that really stands out to you as just meaningful for
• 51:11
  you. Yeah, Yeah, I do.
• 51:13
  I had this client and he used to.
• 51:15
  So every Halloween, all the boys would be obsessed.
• 51:19
  Like literally all year they're talking about their costume.
• 51:22
  This is what I want to be. It's always changing every week.
• 51:24
  I want to be a cat, I want to be a Jedi, whatever.
• 51:27
  And so one of my clients, he, he wanted to be Batman and he
• 51:32
  wanted to be a Jedi and he couldn't decide.
• 51:34
  And I was like, dude, just be a bat.
• 51:37
  Like be Batman Jedi, just throw the robe on over the bat suit.
• 51:41
  There's no rules. And that like blew his mind.
• 51:46
  And so we also used to have this where the manager of the place I
• 51:51
  was working, she didn't want the boys going out into public like
• 51:55
  wearing costumes on the inappropriate days or whatever.
• 51:59
  And she was kind of like, they're adults.
• 52:01
  They need to like, or they're older.
• 52:02
  They need to act like it. Like you can't just go grocery
• 52:04
  shopping in the Batman suit. But I would I would consistently
• 52:08
  bring because there if what is the point of being old enough to
• 52:12
  make your own decisions if you can't grocery shop?
• 52:16
  It's Batman. What are we doing here?
• 52:18
  You know? And so I have memories of of
• 52:21
  taking that client out as as Batman or a Jedi and stuff.
• 52:27
  Yeah, yeah. So happy, so stoked.
• 52:28
  And of course, people taking photos with him and like being
• 52:31
  goofy and like, you know, he's doing the voice.
• 52:34
  And those memories are like really precious to me.
• 52:37
  I love that. I like encouraging people to be
• 52:40
  like wildly authentic, you know, just to go out in public and
• 52:45
  boldly be like, I'm Batman. Like, doesn't that that makes
• 52:48
  everyone happier. There is no loss, you know what
• 52:51
  I mean? So I I love that.
• 52:54
  It's like it's a positive Safeway to be fully authentic.
• 52:59
  When those guys struggled with these, you know, verbal and
• 53:03
  physical lashing out that they didn't even have full control
• 53:06
  over, they really struggled with right.
• 53:08
  So it's like this, this way to interact that was safe but true
• 53:12
  blue and fun. And I think that you gave them
• 53:15
  that space for that is so beautiful.
• 53:17
  And when you, you encourage them to use their imagination and to,
• 53:22
  to live in the world that they're, you know, they want
• 53:26
  this fantastical place where, you know, we don't get to live
• 53:30
  in that fantastical place, but they do.
• 53:32
  And that's a gift. That's a gift to them.
• 53:34
  Like that's their, that's the, the other side of the coin of
• 53:39
  their disability. They're disabled and that's
• 53:41
  heartbreaking and they're going to miss out on certain parts of
• 53:43
  life and, you know, maybe they can't take care of themselves
• 53:46
  fully and stuff, but they also get to live in this fantastical
• 53:50
  world where where Jedi's are real and Batman and he is Batman
• 53:56
  sometimes. And like I I think encouraging
• 53:59
  that in them made me encourage it in myself.
• 54:02
  And now as a comic, I like to encourage that in other people.
• 54:05
  That's like a huge part of what I'm up to, I guess.
• 54:09
  So yeah, I love that. I love that so much.
• 54:13
  So when did you become a Satanist?
• 54:15
  So I. What a question.
• 54:19
  Yeah, right. So things happen.
• 54:22
  I did that job. I ended up getting married and
• 54:25
  then I ended up starting comedy and then I, I was divorced and
• 54:29
  so that has been an old since, but my, my ex was into
• 54:34
  witchcraft and things and that kind of like push me towards
• 54:39
  opening up to that because this person I really cared about
• 54:43
  thought it was cool and interesting.
• 54:44
  And then more people that I thought were cool and
• 54:47
  interesting were sort of interested in that.
• 54:49
  And then I began to research it. And again, I, I like philosophy.
• 54:53
  I like all these things. And at the time I had read the
• 54:55
  Bible once, but I did it in the I like I read the Bible.
• 55:01
  You know how atheists are like, yeah, I've read it and you're
• 55:03
  like you speed read Genesis and like one man, Mark maybe, you
• 55:08
  know, So I like ready. So I was interested in religion
• 55:11
  and things. And as I began to research
• 55:14
  magic, then I began to get interested in sort of how it was
• 55:21
  in opposition to these institutions that in my mind
• 55:24
  were bad because again, I had I was angry at God and I had been
• 55:29
  an atheist and I'd read all these atheist books.
• 55:32
  And these books are basically asserting over and over again
• 55:35
  that Christianity is like this negative force in the world
• 55:39
  forcing people to do all these bad things and stuff.
• 55:42
  Of course, then you read a book like Dominion or you just open
• 55:45
  any history book and you go, oh, actually you're wrong.
• 55:47
  But so yeah, I, I was very negative.
• 55:51
  And then so I'm researching magic and all these things.
• 55:53
  And then I finish with that relationship with her and I
• 55:57
  begin to date someone new. And this person is a part of I,
• 56:00
  I think it's called the Temple of Satan.
• 56:02
  It's the the secular Satanist group.
• 56:05
  Not the Church of Satan. Not the Church of Satan, so not
• 56:07
  Levaean Satanism, which it would be like the I can't remember
• 56:12
  what this guy's name is. He's in charge of it, but he has
• 56:16
  like, you know, he has like one of his eyes is white and like he
• 56:20
  just looks scared. He looks like Marilyn Manson or
• 56:22
  whatever. It's actually very dorky.
• 56:25
  Now that I I'm looking at it from here.
• 56:27
  I'm like you're the aesthetics of your thing is so dorky.
• 56:31
  Like very cool. You look like an 80's pop star.
• 56:34
  Very evil, bro. But so they have their their
• 56:40
  Satanist organization and basically what they do is they
• 56:43
  use Satanism to cludge all Christianity out of politics and
• 56:46
  public life. And so like if you put the 10
• 56:49
  commandments in front of a courthouse, they will say, well,
• 56:51
  that's a religious item. You have to let us put Satan in
• 56:54
  there too. And so then as Christians, you
• 56:56
  know, you kind of say, well, I don't want that, you know, So
• 56:59
  then they want you to remove all religion so that they win, you
• 57:04
  know? And so that was that group.
• 57:06
  And I kind of thought like, oh, they're doing activism, activism
• 57:10
  against this group of people who are negatively affecting the
• 57:13
  world. And so I got involved with them.
• 57:15
  And I, I got to ask really quick, I'm sorry to interrupt.
• 57:17
  When you say you know, in your view, and this is your view now
• 57:20
  for like, I don't know, going on 2 decades or 15 years negative
• 57:23
  view of Christianity. Like if I had asked you then,
• 57:28
  OK, what are your three biggest beefs with Christianity?
• 57:31
  What? What do you think you would have
• 57:32
  said? I probably would have said they
• 57:36
  hate gay people and they want them to die and they they have
• 57:44
  promoted colonization and been a destructive force in the world.
• 57:50
  I would have said that the world wars were Christians fault
• 57:54
  probably. And what else would I have said?
• 57:57
  I probably would have said the repression in the mind control
• 58:02
  or whatever to repress people's sexuality is negative and, and
• 58:06
  bad and you're, you're hurting people and making them hate
• 58:09
  themselves or basically all that, all the, the basic things
• 58:14
  atheists say, you know, and I would have, I also like, you
• 58:17
  know, it's like people who play up their church trauma and then
• 58:20
  you're like, so can you tell me more about it?
• 58:22
  And they're like, so they made me go every Sunday.
• 58:25
  Like the traumas that you had to go in any case.
• 58:29
  Yeah, I was just talking to someone about their church
• 58:31
  trauma recently and or a friend of their that they loved his
• 58:34
  church and I was just trying to get like, So what happened?
• 58:36
  Like what they they hurt her feelings.
• 58:39
  And I. Was like how?
• 58:41
  And it like, you know, and again, there's real church hurt,
• 58:44
  but it's like when you really get down to it, you're like, is
• 58:46
  this the reason you're throwing away eternity?
• 58:49
  Like, you know, and hope and all the things that can come with it
• 58:51
  because this one person hurts you or these two.
• 58:53
  And there's some horrible things that Christians have done and
• 58:56
  still do. I mean, Christians are sinners
• 58:58
  like everybody else, right? But yeah, it's, it's tragic.
• 59:02
  It's it is tragic. I find very often when people
• 59:06
  reach out to me because I I get hundreds of messages over the
• 59:09
  course of the last like 2 1/2 three years I've been I
• 59:12
  converted and and am now Catholic.
• 59:14
  And people when they reach out to me and talk to me about their
• 59:18
  struggles, it's almost always just that them and their parents
• 59:21
  aren't close. And their parents are very
• 59:23
  religious and pushed it on them without sort of educating them
• 59:27
  well. And they resent their parents
• 59:28
  immensely. And then of course, they get
• 59:30
  involved in secular culture and they go to the college or, you
• 59:34
  know, and they become involved in like degenerate behavior.
• 59:37
  And then that widens the gap between them and their parents.
• 59:40
  And their parents just, I don't even want to say catechized
• 59:43
  because most of these people are Protestants, but they're,
• 59:45
  they're, I'll use the word catechized just as a catch all,
• 59:48
  but they're not educated. They're just not educated enough
• 59:51
  to sort of reach across the aisle in a way to bring them
• 59:56
  back or to lovingly explain their position.
• 1:00:00
  And I get it. Like, we are not all apologists.
• 1:00:03
  Like your parents aren't all going to be apologists.
• 1:00:05
  And sometimes it's very difficult to talk to someone and
• 1:00:08
  be like, even though I don't approve of or condone your
• 1:00:11
  lifestyle, I love you and I want the best for you.
• 1:00:16
  And I don't like resent you. But I we also live in like a
• 1:00:20
  world now where if you say like. Yeah, I'm Catholic.
• 1:00:23
  People are like, oh, so you hate me.
• 1:00:25
  Like what? Like immediately they just have
• 1:00:27
  this, this file of things they think about you, you know, so
• 1:00:31
  you know, people with their parents, but.
• 1:00:34
  So thank you for letting me take you on that and I want to, I
• 1:00:37
  want to come back to that because obviously your
• 1:00:39
  conversion is also having a new mind about even that the way you
• 1:00:44
  answered that question, which is so interesting.
• 1:00:45
  But so you're dating the second girlfriend and she is temple of
• 1:00:49
  Satan and you're explaining this.
• 1:00:51
  Had you been doing any magic practicing already at this?
• 1:00:54
  Point to do it and it was working so.
• 1:00:56
  Tell me about that. Yeah, so I was doing and I don't
• 1:01:00
  want to get too into it. And also I was reading certain
• 1:01:02
  books. I'm not even going to name them,
• 1:01:03
  but so there are, you know, books about the things and I was
• 1:01:07
  practicing something called chaos magic, which is it's like,
• 1:01:12
  it's literal magic. It's like spells and things.
• 1:01:15
  And so I began to do things for like money and power.
• 1:01:20
  And of course these are all, they have sexual components to
• 1:01:23
  them. And it's really, it's really
• 1:01:25
  gross and degenerate and sort of evil and, and they, they make a,
• 1:01:31
  they make a very specific mockery of, you know, certain
• 1:01:36
  sacraments or the marital act, Like they purposefully reverse
• 1:01:43
  the marital act into something that's totally self-serving.
• 1:01:46
  And you use that's the main tool by which witches and and people
• 1:01:54
  who practice magic get what they're going to get is by using
• 1:01:59
  the marital act in a subversive way with a ritual that is
• 1:02:04
  completely self interested and doesn't take into account the
• 1:02:08
  person you're with in any way, shape or.
• 1:02:10
  Form and is the other person part of the ritual?
• 1:02:13
  They don't have to be. They're willing, No, no.
• 1:02:15
  So it's like. In fact, if they're not willing
• 1:02:18
  and unaware, it makes it more powerful and that is
• 1:02:22
  specifically told to you. It's like a form of rape,
• 1:02:25
  almost. Wildly evil.
• 1:02:27
  Wildly evil, but you justify it to yourself at the time and
• 1:02:31
  then? And you justify it why and what
• 1:02:34
  it was going through the mind to justify it I'm.
• 1:02:35
  Not hurting them. They wanted to be with me.
• 1:02:37
  Who cares if I'm imagining other things or if I'm not thinking
• 1:02:42
  about them or if I don't care how they feel or if I'm focused
• 1:02:44
  on what this is going to bring me and not them, You know?
• 1:02:48
  And then you are with someone who's also doing it.
• 1:02:53
  And so now you're doing the marital act together.
• 1:02:56
  But it's something that is completely self-serving to both
• 1:02:59
  of your interests and not connecting you in any way, shape
• 1:03:02
  or form. And of course, we're not
• 1:03:04
  married. And it's just this, this
• 1:03:07
  complete and utter total reversal and mockery.
• 1:03:10
  Like so to the point that you're like, yeah, Satan is here, like
• 1:03:15
  you. You can't, you can't change the
• 1:03:17
  marital act to be that selfish. But in any case, yeah, I was up
• 1:03:21
  to that kind of stuff and it it works, but there's a cost.
• 1:03:25
  And when you say it works, you mean you were specifically doing
• 1:03:28
  these depraved things in these ritualistic satanic way in order
• 1:03:33
  to get specific objectives met like money and you would make
• 1:03:38
  you were you? Was it like you're literally
• 1:03:41
  trying to deal with Satan? Like if I do this for you then I
• 1:03:45
  get X. So it's more subversive than
• 1:03:48
  that. It's it's you don't even involve
• 1:03:51
  him. What you're doing is saying I my
• 1:03:54
  perception is reality. And so that is the concept of
• 1:03:59
  magic. That's like the underlying
• 1:04:01
  concept that all people who practice like evil magic, that
• 1:04:05
  is what you're doing. So your perception is reality,
• 1:04:09
  which again is a very self-serving me as the center of
• 1:04:13
  the universe, I am God, and when I do this, I get.
• 1:04:18
  So it's manifesting. It's manifesting.
• 1:04:21
  It is. Do they call it manifesting?
• 1:04:22
  No, OK, but. There's a lot of gurus out there
• 1:04:25
  saying I'm manifesting this and they make a bunch of money or
• 1:04:28
  they. They get it from magic.
• 1:04:30
  That's what they're doing. Manifesting is a form of
• 1:04:33
  witchcraft. When you're doing your like, I
• 1:04:35
  mean, a vision board isn't necessarily negative, but if
• 1:04:38
  you're doing it and you're sort of worshipping, you're doing
• 1:04:40
  rituals or it all that stuff is connected to magic.
• 1:04:44
  And so, and again, it's incredibly self-serving.
• 1:04:47
  It's about my power and how I see the world is reality, which
• 1:04:52
  then negates every other person's reality, you know, so
• 1:04:56
  every single one of us is experiencing our own specific
• 1:04:59
  reality basically. And so we're all the center of
• 1:05:02
  our own universe. And then of course, do what thou
• 1:05:05
  wilt will be the whole of the law.
• 1:05:07
  That's you know, what that results in.
• 1:05:10
  And so, and then it becomes subversive.
• 1:05:13
  And especially in in magic, there's like, you know,
• 1:05:16
  degenerate communities that are a part of it.
• 1:05:18
  And then they're like, well, as long as you're consenting, like
• 1:05:22
  who cares? As long as you consent.
• 1:05:23
  But consent isn't, you know, isn't the end all be all.
• 1:05:28
  And also sometimes consent isn't consent.
• 1:05:32
  Like for instance, in America, we're the only place that puts
• 1:05:36
  like that pays people to give plasma.
• 1:05:39
  And if you look at where plasma centers are, they're in low
• 1:05:41
  income neighborhoods. Are those people really
• 1:05:45
  consenting to giving away their blood for money?
• 1:05:49
  Or are they in a situation you've put them in where this is
• 1:05:53
  the the one of the only ways for them to make money so that they
• 1:05:58
  consent under duress? And they might even think like,
• 1:06:02
  yeah, this is something I do. I like to make this money.
• 1:06:04
  But the reality is that the consent is not all the way
• 1:06:07
  there. You have been coerced in a
• 1:06:09
  certain. Way they would never If they had
• 1:06:11
  already had the money, they'd never do.
• 1:06:12
  That 100 percent, 100%. And so that becomes a lot of
• 1:06:17
  fetish communities, a lot of magic.
• 1:06:20
  It becomes a sort of yeah, but we're all consenting.
• 1:06:23
  But it is incredibly subversive. And then it becomes more
• 1:06:28
  damaging to people. And then of course, you have all
• 1:06:30
  these people who of all this trauma and everyone's mentally
• 1:06:33
  ill and everyone's in therapy and they're like, I wonder why?
• 1:06:37
  So, so I've there's so much to unpack there.
• 1:06:40
  I know we're like getting up to the moment where you begin a
• 1:06:44
  conversion, but just to establish like where you came
• 1:06:48
  from. And I do think it's also very
• 1:06:50
  revealing to understand where some people even are today
• 1:06:53
  because it's, it is tied up with ideology.
• 1:06:55
  It's there's all these sort of tie, you know, crossovers,
• 1:06:59
  right. And so you're, you're
• 1:07:01
  describing, it sounds like you're getting deeper and deeper
• 1:07:03
  into this whole and you use the word degenerate or depraved a
• 1:07:06
  few times. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:07:08
  Is it constantly getting more degenerate and depraved because
• 1:07:11
  and why? What's the sort of motion like?
• 1:07:14
  I I just think that it's sort of like how people become, you
• 1:07:20
  know, addicted to pornography and it's sort of, it spirals out
• 1:07:25
  of control and now it doesn't satiate you and you need more
• 1:07:29
  and you need more, but the more you justify, well, if I've
• 1:07:32
  justified this, why wouldn't I justify that?
• 1:07:35
  And it becomes almost a logical problem.
• 1:07:37
  Well, if we're using each other in this way, why aren't we like
• 1:07:41
  hitting each other? Maybe we're into that.
• 1:07:42
  Why aren't we doing this or that?
• 1:07:44
  And it becomes, you know, you spiral out of control into
• 1:07:48
  degeneracy begets degeneracy. Yeah.
• 1:07:51
  And that's like something that's just a well known fact.
• 1:07:55
  Is there weird trauma bonding happening with people where
• 1:07:58
  you're building these like incredibly deep in one sense
• 1:08:02
  relationships because of the depravity you're involved in?
• 1:08:05
  So the depravity Stokes up all your feelings and the pleasure
• 1:08:09
  masks your pain. And so you're feeling so intense
• 1:08:14
  all the time. And you're with this person and
• 1:08:17
  you're also, you're very, you know, I, we all intuitively know
• 1:08:21
  these things are bad and evil. And so when you're doing them
• 1:08:25
  with someone, they're kind of giving you the go ahead and
• 1:08:28
  you're feeling seen and you're feeling like you're in this
• 1:08:31
  dangerous situation with them almost.
• 1:08:34
  And, and like they're seeing you in a bad, doing this bad thing,
• 1:08:38
  but they're choosing to stay. And that makes you feel
• 1:08:40
  important. And again, it's all a subversive
• 1:08:44
  mockery of love. Marriage, the sacraments, the
• 1:08:47
  marital act like they're perfect reverses.
• 1:08:51
  It's really creepy how reversed it is.
• 1:08:54
  But you, you know, you're doing all these things.
• 1:08:57
  And yeah. It's and and you're getting
• 1:09:00
  stuff for it. I mean, when you say you got
• 1:09:02
  money or power, you're you're literally seeing money just show
• 1:09:06
  up at your doorstep. Like what are?
• 1:09:07
  What does? It look like I'm beginning to
• 1:09:08
  get like just things are working out in weird ways.
• 1:09:13
  I'm getting I am I, I I do get more money.
• 1:09:16
  I do get an opportunity that is kind of crazy.
• 1:09:19
  You know, things happen here. I meet these people here and
• 1:09:22
  they, they give me more power or whatever.
• 1:09:26
  And this sort of self, it's almost like a self fulfilling
• 1:09:29
  prophecy, you know? And then there's also you're
• 1:09:33
  sick and you're telling yourself, my perception is my
• 1:09:37
  reality. And so technically also, it
• 1:09:40
  doesn't even matter if the magic is really working, as long as
• 1:09:43
  you believe it is. And if you believe it is, your
• 1:09:45
  soul is sick. And if your soul is sick, you're
• 1:09:48
  going to do degeneracy. And the more degeneracy you do,
• 1:09:50
  the more you need pleasure to cover the depression.
• 1:09:53
  The more you need pleasure, the more pleasure you need, the more
• 1:09:56
  pleasure you need, the more extreme you have to get.
• 1:09:57
  The more extreme you have to get, the more you have to double
• 1:10:00
  down on what you're doing. And it's like this, this crazy
• 1:10:04
  situation you get yourself in, you know, and that's why people
• 1:10:08
  have like entire lifestyles dedicated completely around
• 1:10:12
  these weird communities and rituals that that are just so
• 1:10:16
  disgusting. Are are what are those look like
• 1:10:18
  public facing? I mean, that's kink, OK?
• 1:10:21
  Yeah, just these, these, these, you know, people wearing
• 1:10:24
  diapers, you know, furries, furries, that anything that is
• 1:10:29
  sort of on the extreme end of pleasure where it's about you
• 1:10:34
  being the center of your world and what you can get and what
• 1:10:38
  you need and not what others need.
• 1:10:41
  And then how does this interface with LGBT ideology?
• 1:10:45
  Was that ever part of like, oh, pride parades or this is once, I
• 1:10:49
  mean, how, how does that, how does that interface with that?
• 1:10:52
  Well, too, because Christianity is the enemy of sexual
• 1:10:57
  expression and LGBTQ is like the final frontier of sexual
• 1:11:01
  expression. You know, it's so many people
• 1:11:04
  think it's negative or, or unnatural or so many people are
• 1:11:08
  kind of uncomfortable with it. And so to, to publicly put it on
• 1:11:13
  display and to be really into it, you know, that that fires
• 1:11:18
  people up who are into this kind of thing.
• 1:11:20
  And, and it does, it does end up being a thing where like, what's
• 1:11:24
  wrong with you that you wouldn't do this?
• 1:11:27
  What's wrong with you that you wouldn't be interested in this?
• 1:11:29
  Who cares what they you know? And so it is sort of all
• 1:11:34
  integrated in a way where it's just about pleasure.
• 1:11:39
  Did you do pride parades during? This season I went to like 1.
• 1:11:43
  I actually didn't like them. Even as a very secular
• 1:11:47
  supportive Satanist, I was like, these are creepy and corny.
• 1:11:52
  I didn't like them. So yeah, yeah.
• 1:11:56
  But I did go to a cup. I performed at one as a comic.
• 1:11:59
  So yeah, I've. I've been.
• 1:12:01
  And do you think that that world, people who identify that
• 1:12:05
  way and are part of kind of increasingly part of those
• 1:12:07
  cultures or subcultures, how much overlap would you say?
• 1:12:11
  Like there's the kind of Satanist over here, people doing
• 1:12:14
  kink over here. There's people who are just
• 1:12:16
  like, hey, I'm, I'm gay and I just want my rights.
• 1:12:19
  And then there's the kind of trans phenomenon over here where
• 1:12:23
  people really think that's their thing.
• 1:12:24
  You know, we just obviously had the horrific shooting of Charlie
• 1:12:28
  Kirk and reports are coming out that his roommate was trans.
• 1:12:32
  And they had this kind of very vigil.
• 1:12:34
  They had this very violent kind of trans subgroup they're part
• 1:12:38
  of that was kind of behind the shooting.
• 1:12:40
  So anyways, I'm just kind of curious if you have a
• 1:12:42
  perspective on this kind of map, maybe of where these different
• 1:12:46
  ideologies fall adjacent to each other?
• 1:12:48
  I think that in in that, like in the LGBTQ space, they are so
• 1:12:55
  wildly anything goes do with that will it should be the whole
• 1:12:59
  of the law that you know, you see people wearing satanic
• 1:13:04
  costumes and imagery and dog men and all that kind of stuff at
• 1:13:08
  pride parades. And I think that a lot of that
• 1:13:11
  stuff is, is, you know, LGBTQ plus 8 + + a, a sort of anger at
• 1:13:21
  Christianity of frustration, A lashing out and their, their
• 1:13:26
  self-expression is in opposition to whereas so they all get
• 1:13:32
  involved in this. But I do think there are people
• 1:13:35
  who, you know, are have same sex attraction and for whatever
• 1:13:40
  reason that that is just something they're struggling
• 1:13:43
  with. And that's not something that is
• 1:13:47
  in opposition to. And that's really the key.
• 1:13:50
  You need to. When you talk to someone or or
• 1:13:53
  look at what they're up to, you can almost really
• 1:13:55
  instantaneously tell if if what they're doing is for them, or
• 1:14:00
  something they're going through personally or something they
• 1:14:03
  believe, or if the thing they're doing is in opposition to
• 1:14:07
  something. The ideology that's fighting?
• 1:14:10
  Exactly. Exactly.
• 1:14:12
  So do you know, to look at it objectively, LGBTQ, even from a
• 1:14:18
  Catholic perspective, should just be like, yeah, that's a
• 1:14:20
  thing that you're dealing with. But to then couch it in because
• 1:14:27
  I'm this, I'm anti you, which is, and that's why they think
• 1:14:31
  it's what we are doing. When I say I'm Catholic and a
• 1:14:34
  gay person gets bummed out and they think I hate them, it's
• 1:14:37
  because they are doing that to me.
• 1:14:40
  And you know, their their existence is in opposition to
• 1:14:44
  and they just don't understand that my existence is actually
• 1:14:47
  not that. Even if I don't agree with them,
• 1:14:50
  I'm not in opposition to them as a person, to their happiness, to
• 1:14:54
  their well-being. I think they would just say
• 1:14:56
  because my identity is gay, I want to get married as a gay
• 1:14:59
  person, I want to have kids. I want to be equal, you know, in
• 1:15:02
  society and not have anyone look down on me or look down on I
• 1:15:06
  shouldn't say me, but but this activity, right, that I'm
• 1:15:08
  involved in because and then they would say it is me.
• 1:15:10
  This activity, you know, you can't separate the activity from
• 1:15:13
  my identity. And so that's where they do
• 1:15:16
  sincerely feel like you are opposed to me, fully me.
• 1:15:21
  And as your self perception and your identity becomes wrapped in
• 1:15:25
  in the acts you do, you know, and in in opposition to, you
• 1:15:28
  just become militant. You become bitter, you become
• 1:15:32
  angry, you become frustrated. You also begin to see everyone
• 1:15:36
  is out to get you. And you know, it's just so
• 1:15:40
  damaging to your mental health. And it's just a fact that we
• 1:15:43
  know people are suffering mentally so horrifically in
• 1:15:47
  society. There's a lot of people that
• 1:15:50
  are, you know, I've known over the years who I, I've watched
• 1:15:53
  them get more and more into the ideology, right?
• 1:15:56
  And they become very mentally unwell.
• 1:16:00
  I mean, they're very like fraught, you know, that's all
• 1:16:02
  about therapy. They're always struggling, panic
• 1:16:04
  attacks, headaches, like they're very, they're, they're not well.
• 1:16:08
  And then everyone's out to get them.
• 1:16:10
  You know, everyone's out to get them.
• 1:16:11
  And then they have to fight for this identity and it, and it
• 1:16:14
  just becomes their whole life is oriented around fighting to
• 1:16:17
  protect this identity, which is this like intense emotional
• 1:16:20
  experience they're having, intense physical experiences
• 1:16:22
  they're having. And they feel like this is, this
• 1:16:24
  is reality. And anybody who tells me
• 1:16:27
  otherwise is is a threat to my. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:16:31
  It becomes like an existential thing and it's just, it's really
• 1:16:36
  sad. But again, that, that map, that
• 1:16:39
  there's definitely people who are just like, yeah, this is,
• 1:16:43
  these are my, these are my sexual inclinations, whether you
• 1:16:47
  approve of them or not as a Christian, but they're not my
• 1:16:49
  identity. And those people are almost
• 1:16:52
  always like very reasonable, very easy to talk to.
• 1:16:56
  Very, you know, I've never had a problem with anyone like that.
• 1:16:59
  It's always people who are sort of immediately in the second
• 1:17:05
  they hear that I'm a, you know, a member of an institution that
• 1:17:09
  that believes what we believe. They think like, oh, you're out
• 1:17:12
  to get me. You are.
• 1:17:13
  What you do is to stop me. They think I'm in church, like
• 1:17:18
  doing something against them instead of for God.
• 1:17:22
  They, they just fundamentally don't understand what we do is
• 1:17:24
  for God, not not against them or for us even, you know, and so
• 1:17:31
  it's, it's, it's a confusing, it's a confusing thing to
• 1:17:36
  navigate for sure. And especially we as Christians,
• 1:17:39
  like, you know, we're called to love these people and in
• 1:17:43
  empathize with them and sort of see their struggles and pray for
• 1:17:47
  them and care for them. But you know, you never know who
• 1:17:51
  who hates you. That's really scary right now.
• 1:17:54
  That's what, that's where I'm at, where I'm like, I'm almost
• 1:17:57
  like shoe on the other foot, like are you, are you OK?
• 1:18:02
  Are you going to attack me? You know, especially lately,
• 1:18:04
  yes, with all the stuff I've received online, it's.
• 1:18:06
  Oh yes. Insane.
• 1:18:08
  And I want to hear more about that in a in a minute.
• 1:18:10
  But so when you were during this time when you're practicing
• 1:18:15
  magic, you're a Satanist, you're involved in all this, you know,
• 1:18:19
  deviancy and everything else. And but then you're also kind of
• 1:18:22
  getting the the highs of pleasure or power or whatever it
• 1:18:25
  is. Was there any moment of
• 1:18:27
  conscience that you remember where you're like, there was
• 1:18:30
  that hit in your stomach or how did you navigate that?
• 1:18:33
  Yeah, there was, but it would. It's easy to like to, to shoo it
• 1:18:38
  away. And it is a nagging thing in
• 1:18:42
  your conscience. And that's why everyone is
• 1:18:46
  always gassing each other. Up You go, girl, you're doing
• 1:18:50
  it. They'll say something
• 1:18:51
  degenerate. Yeah, that's you.
• 1:18:53
  Don't even worry about it. They're all, they're all sort of
• 1:18:57
  encouraging each other through their their conscience and their
• 1:19:01
  thoughts and their frustrations. And they say like, oh, I'm
• 1:19:03
  sexually repressed. So this is just how I feel, you
• 1:19:06
  know, But what are you talking about?
• 1:19:08
  You're in your 30s or whatever. Like you, you didn't undo the
• 1:19:12
  programming by now. Or is it just your conscience
• 1:19:15
  and you need people to keep telling you what you're doing is
• 1:19:17
  good so you can justify it to yourself over and over.
• 1:19:20
  And. Over again, if they're still
• 1:19:21
  blaming their their parents at 15 and they're 3545 and it's
• 1:19:26
  like, is that your parents at 15 or is that a conscience thing?
• 1:19:29
  Right. And, and like you said earlier
• 1:19:30
  about people being like so depressed and posted like
• 1:19:34
  medicated and going to therapy all the time and they're not
• 1:19:37
  doing well. And but other people are like,
• 1:19:39
  yeah, that's normal. This is normal.
• 1:19:42
  This is normal behavior. Everyone should go to therapy.
• 1:19:45
  Everyone is medicated. You know it's.
• 1:19:47
  Everyone has trauma and constant panic attacks and nightmares
• 1:19:51
  and. Everyone has anxiety.
• 1:19:53
  All of us struggle to call the bank now.
• 1:19:55
  We don't want to talk to him on the foot.
• 1:19:57
  Like, it's, yeah, it's, it's it's obviously the victimhood
• 1:20:02
  mentality that people have been talking about forever.
• 1:20:04
  But it's like a cliche to say now at this point.
• 1:20:07
  But it really is. It's it's incredible.
• 1:20:11
  All right, So what happened? So I'm in this situation.
• 1:20:15
  I'm with her. Eventually my career starts to
• 1:20:18
  go well and I decide to move to New York City to pursue my
• 1:20:23
  career like fully. And when I get to new, I get to
• 1:20:26
  New York with like almost like no money, you know, just a
• 1:20:29
  couple $1000 in my bank account. I'm sleeping in a bunk bed in
• 1:20:32
  Brooklyn with my friend, and at this point I had sort of steered
• 1:20:38
  away from magic and things as I broke up with her.
• 1:20:41
  I was just sort of like, I don't want to do this.
• 1:20:44
  And I was also, I was having what I would describe as like
• 1:20:48
  demonic experiences. I was, when I was a young kid, I
• 1:20:53
  would be afraid a lot. I would, I would get really
• 1:20:55
  scared of like aliens or like, I don't know, like supernatural
• 1:20:58
  things, you know, and I would be deathly afraid to the point that
• 1:21:02
  I would like pee my bed type stuff, you know.
• 1:21:05
  And so I began to have those feelings as an adult, like I
• 1:21:09
  would have these really intense, really scary feelings or I would
• 1:21:13
  be alone in my house and suddenly I would be like, I'm
• 1:21:16
  not alone in the house. Like there's something in the
• 1:21:20
  house with me. Just this almost the reverse of
• 1:21:23
  feeling the Holy Spirit. You know, when you, you call
• 1:21:26
  down the Holy Spirit and, and you're in adoration or whatever,
• 1:21:28
  and you begin to just feel that lightness and that like
• 1:21:31
  everything is OK. And I'm connected to everybody
• 1:21:35
  and, and you, you almost just like weep without being able to
• 1:21:39
  control it. The reverse of that, the like, I
• 1:21:42
  am in trouble. I am not alone in the worst way
• 1:21:47
  possible. It's very oppressive.
• 1:21:49
  And so begin to feel that. And I was like, that was
• 1:21:51
  freaking me out. And I sort of was like, is this
• 1:21:54
  anxiety? Am I going through something?
• 1:21:56
  And so overtime I moved, I stopped doing that stuff.
• 1:21:59
  I wasn't around her. I kind of give that stuff up,
• 1:22:02
  but I did have some really gross tattoos still.
• 1:22:05
  I had more than a few satanic tattoos.
• 1:22:09
  And so I begin to pursue my career.
• 1:22:12
  My career starts to go really well.
• 1:22:13
  What is a satanic tattoo, by the way?
• 1:22:16
  Sigil of Lucifer 666 Magical symbols Pagan.
• 1:22:21
  Symbols place that you can see publicly.
• 1:22:22
  Oh yeah, I used to. So this cross on my hand for
• 1:22:26
  anyone who I don't know if this is letting you see.
• 1:22:29
  So the sigil abuse of Lucifer used to be here on my left hand,
• 1:22:33
  like the left hand path. And when I converted, I was
• 1:22:36
  like, I have to cover this right.
• 1:22:38
  And I went to my secular tattoo artist and I was like, I need to
• 1:22:41
  cover this. I don't know how to do it.
• 1:22:43
  It's it's really big. It's an awkward spot.
• 1:22:45
  And in my head I was like, oh, we're just going to end up
• 1:22:47
  blacking this whole piece out. And then she, she draws up this
• 1:22:51
  cross while I'm in the bathroom. Funny enough, I'm in the
• 1:22:54
  bathroom of this secular tattoo shop in Brooklyn and I'm washing
• 1:22:58
  my hands and I look up in the mirror and I hate getting
• 1:23:00
  tattooed. You'll be surprised to find I
• 1:23:02
  hate getting tattooed. And so I'm kind of hyping myself
• 1:23:05
  up like, oh, it's going to hurt so bad to get my hand tattooed
• 1:23:08
  right now. And I look into the mirror and
• 1:23:10
  behind me is a giant thing, a a giant tapestry of Saint Therese
• 1:23:15
  of Lazu just looking at me. They she said she just bought my
• 1:23:18
  tattoo artist just bought it in France because she thought it
• 1:23:21
  was beautiful. And she's my confirmation St. so
• 1:23:25
  just incredible, just there waiting.
• 1:23:27
  And so I come out thinking I'm about to just black out my whole
• 1:23:31
  hand and she goes look at this and she drew.
• 1:23:33
  She's like it's fat, but it's cool.
• 1:23:35
  And she drew my fat cross, but the sigil of Lucifer is shaped
• 1:23:40
  in such a way that she, when she drew it, she filled it in and
• 1:23:43
  turned it into a cross, but perfectly, there was left three
• 1:23:46
  diamonds in it for the Trinity. And I was like, whoa, that's so
• 1:23:51
  cool. So she didn't even know.
• 1:23:53
  She she wouldn't have even known to do that.
• 1:23:56
  Oh, she didn't know you were a Christian.
• 1:23:57
  No, she knew I was a Christian, but she didn't know enough about
• 1:23:59
  Christianity to be like the Trinity is in the cross.
• 1:24:01
  Like that is just how it how it happened to her when she just
• 1:24:06
  drew it like that for me. Incredible religion.
• 1:24:09
  I gotta ask. So that is that a rose on your
• 1:24:12
  forehead? So yeah, St.
• 1:24:13
  Therese probably doesn't mind that one.
• 1:24:15
  No so funny enough I so this rose I got for no reason I just
• 1:24:20
  wanted a tattoo so it means nothing or a long.
• 1:24:23
  Ago was that. 20 years, I don't know.
• 1:24:25
  I was a young man, so very young man.
• 1:24:27
  So I, I got this tattoo and it meant nothing.
• 1:24:31
  During my conversion I meet a gentleman named Father Weta and
• 1:24:35
  he's, I think a Norbertine priest and he's very funny.
• 1:24:39
  He's a religious and I was sitting at Sikh in my raggedy
• 1:24:44
  clothes and he came up to me because he thought I was
• 1:24:45
  homeless. And he was like hanging out with
• 1:24:47
  me, talking to me. And then he finds out I'm like a
• 1:24:49
  comedian. And he starts to ask me
• 1:24:51
  questions. And he goes, what's the deal
• 1:24:52
  with this tattoo? And I was like, it means
• 1:24:55
  nothing. It's literally just there.
• 1:24:55
  And he goes, can I give it meaning?
• 1:24:57
  And I was like, sure. And he goes St.
• 1:24:58
  Therese of Lucid. Was this before or after the
• 1:25:00
  tapestry? So this is before the tapestry.
• 1:25:03
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's following.
• 1:25:04
  You. I know, I know.
• 1:25:06
  That's amazing. She's incredible.
• 1:25:08
  So yeah, that's very funny that. So this is Saint Therese's.
• 1:25:12
  Rd. Yeah.
• 1:25:13
  And so I've had other people who have wanted, who have asked for
• 1:25:19
  intercession from Saint Therese that I have helped in ways that
• 1:25:23
  were like invaluable to them. But the Rose that showed up was
• 1:25:27
  my rose on my face. What do you?
• 1:25:32
  What is that? So when you pray.
• 1:25:33
  So yeah, I know when she intercedes for you, sometimes
• 1:25:35
  you get roses from her. Well, so I've, I've helped
• 1:25:39
  people who I didn't know had asked for that specific help in
• 1:25:44
  intercession from Saint Therese. And I was the the material
• 1:25:48
  method by which that intercession.
• 1:25:50
  Were the Rose. And I was the Rose.
• 1:25:53
  And they're like, I prayed for this help.
• 1:25:55
  And there's the Rose. And you were helping and I
• 1:25:58
  little to your little to your knowledge.
• 1:26:00
  Little to my knowledge, isn't that cool.
• 1:26:02
  Yeah. So that's.
• 1:26:04
  You're a son. You're stamped.
• 1:26:06
  I know. You're a son of Saint Therese.
• 1:26:08
  Wow, that's so crazy. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:26:11
  So that's really beautiful and cool.
• 1:26:13
  Really, like, really really really like a neat thing.
• 1:26:16
  Wow. Yeah, All right.
• 1:26:18
  I know I keep interrupting. There's so many sideways here,
• 1:26:20
  but you're you're getting up there, you're getting up there
• 1:26:24
  so. I'm doing comedy.
• 1:26:26
  My, my career's going well and it starts to go really well.
• 1:26:31
  And now I have money and we have a cool apartment and things are
• 1:26:34
  going well. And I have like every, any woman
• 1:26:37
  I want, you know, it like, well, not any woman I want, but I have
• 1:26:40
  access to women and all the things that men want, you know,
• 1:26:44
  secular, you know. And so I began to get the most
• 1:26:48
  depressed I've ever been in my life, more depressed than when I
• 1:26:50
  was a child or, or at any other point.
• 1:26:53
  All the violence I've experienced.
• 1:26:54
  I'm the most sad I've ever been, but I'm blown away because I'm
• 1:26:58
  doing the best I've ever been. I have money for the first time.
• 1:27:02
  Like I remember weeping in a, what was it a Chili's?
• 1:27:08
  Because I had just gotten my very first deposit from my
• 1:27:12
  comedy album and I ate and I didn't check my account before I
• 1:27:16
  ate. And I was, I just started crying
• 1:27:19
  because I was like, oh, I didn't even have to look at my bank
• 1:27:21
  account. I just have the money to eat
• 1:27:23
  here. And that was like a life
• 1:27:25
  changing thing at like 31. So because I was poor my whole
• 1:27:29
  life and so that this is, you know, this is a big deal.
• 1:27:33
  Why am I so sad? What is going on?
• 1:27:36
  And then I begin to make friends with famous people and I have a
• 1:27:38
  show and I'm involved in politics.
• 1:27:41
  I'm doing leftist politics. And I had a show on a major
• 1:27:45
  network in New York with a very famous friend of mine who's a
• 1:27:49
  liberal and we would like discuss politics.
• 1:27:52
  And she's a liberal and I was left of her.
• 1:27:55
  I was like a full on communist. And so we're doing the show.
• 1:27:59
  So I'm doing a communist show. I'm making all this money.
• 1:28:02
  I'm doing comedy, I partying, I have all the pleasure in the
• 1:28:06
  world I could want. I'm the most out I've ever been.
• 1:28:08
  And then I began to think about ending my own life.
• 1:28:12
  And I was like, something has to, this is crazy, something has
• 1:28:16
  to change. And so I was sort of really
• 1:28:19
  trying to think it through, you know, And I'm like reading
• 1:28:22
  different books and I'm trying to be self aware and I'm trying
• 1:28:25
  to like meditate my way out of this and exercise my way out of
• 1:28:29
  it. And I begin to notice that I'm
• 1:28:32
  friends with all these incredibly famous people or
• 1:28:35
  these people who are doing really well or these like, you
• 1:28:38
  know, beautiful women and stuff. But everyone like you look at
• 1:28:41
  their social media and they're doing so good.
• 1:28:43
  But then like close friends on Instagram became a thing.
• 1:28:47
  And you would see like the they would post like, Oh, I'm having
• 1:28:49
  fun partying. And then that night they're
• 1:28:51
  posting crying at home, and they're all medicated and
• 1:28:54
  they're all miserable. And we get to know each other.
• 1:28:56
  They need help, and they're all in therapy.
• 1:28:58
  And they have so much trauma and everything is bad.
• 1:29:02
  And I'm like, wow, they have everything they could want.
• 1:29:04
  They're the people and they're everyone.
• 1:29:06
  So miserable. And I was like, OK, so everyone
• 1:29:10
  I know in New York is miserable. Who's happy?
• 1:29:13
  And then I, I started to realize like my friends from where I'm
• 1:29:17
  from, my like non comedy friends, my real friends, my,
• 1:29:21
  you know, my friends from small town back home.
• 1:29:24
  And so I started to look at their stuff and like, oh, you
• 1:29:27
  post on Facebook once a year and you have a fish, you know, and
• 1:29:31
  you love your wife and you have kids.
• 1:29:32
  Like there. It kind of was the thing where I
• 1:29:35
  noticed all these people in New York are having lots of fun, but
• 1:29:39
  they're miserable. And then my friends with
• 1:29:42
  families were like worked to the bone, but they were so happy.
• 1:29:47
  So I'm like, all right, I'm looking at this the wrong way.
• 1:29:51
  I'm looking at this the wrong way.
• 1:29:52
  I, what I need is fulfillment. And so I began to think what
• 1:29:56
  would fulfill me? And I, I, I began to be like,
• 1:29:59
  what? I love my family.
• 1:30:01
  I love my grandfather. I love my mother and so I decide
• 1:30:06
  to get more into my family and basically I decide to myself,
• 1:30:10
  I'm going to go back to my conservative roots.
• 1:30:13
  And even though I'm a communist and I'm on the show and stuff,
• 1:30:16
  I'm going to be more socially conservative.
• 1:30:18
  So I'm going to start putting family 1st.
• 1:30:21
  And then my grandpa got deathly ill and he's in his 90s.
• 1:30:26
  He's going to die. He had like a pacemaker that
• 1:30:29
  stopped working years ago. He was invincible.
• 1:30:31
  It was crazy. He couldn't be stopped.
• 1:30:33
  And so he was like 100 years old and he's going to pass away.
• 1:30:37
  And I decide to move away from New York, give up possibly, you
• 1:30:42
  know, all these opportunities and things to just be with my
• 1:30:44
  family in Salt Lake. So I left New York and I came
• 1:30:47
  back to my family and I'm working on being more
• 1:30:50
  conservative and sort of putting family 1st.
• 1:30:52
  And maybe that's going to make me happier.
• 1:30:53
  And it's working OK, pretty cool.
• 1:30:56
  But I'm still making a lot of mistakes and I'm still pretty
• 1:30:58
  unhappy. And so I'm with my grandfather
• 1:31:01
  and eventually he passes away. And like that wasn't as sad as I
• 1:31:05
  thought it would be. He was 100.
• 1:31:07
  He wanted to, he literally talked for like 7 years.
• 1:31:10
  Like come get me, you know, come on.
• 1:31:13
  Jesus, where are you at? Let's go like.
• 1:31:14
  He was a Christian. He was a Christian.
• 1:31:16
  Yeah. He wanted to go.
• 1:31:17
  He was over it. He's, it is very funny like
• 1:31:20
  that. And so he was ready.
• 1:31:22
  So he passes away and he was so brave and so, so cool.
• 1:31:26
  And so I'm sure that it didn't, I wasn't grieved by it at all.
• 1:31:32
  And I was actually really blown away that I wasn't grieving.
• 1:31:35
  And then, but then I had to, I started to have these crazy
• 1:31:37
  thoughts, like I had to go to church and I was having these
• 1:31:41
  dreams about church. And they weren't just churches,
• 1:31:44
  they were Catholic churches, altar stone, you know, beautiful
• 1:31:47
  stained glass, like churches, proper capital C.
• 1:31:52
  So I'm like, that's weird. And it becomes almost like a
• 1:31:56
  complete obsession where I'm thinking about it without even
• 1:31:59
  wanting to like, why? Why, for the first time in my
• 1:32:02
  life am I thinking about this? And it becomes such a thing that
• 1:32:05
  it's begins to annoy me. And then so eventually I end up
• 1:32:11
  having a doctor's appointment. And in the middle of the day, at
• 1:32:14
  like noon, I go to this church. And in my head, I'm like, OK,
• 1:32:21
  I'll just go to the church and I'll have done it.
• 1:32:23
  I've done the thing and I can be done.
• 1:32:24
  And I was so used to Protestant churches that I thought, I'll
• 1:32:27
  show up at noon. It'll be closed, kind of like,
• 1:32:30
  you know, I tried. Oh well.
• 1:32:33
  But it was a Catholic Church and it was open.
• 1:32:36
  Where was this? This is in Provo, UT.
• 1:32:38
  Wow. It's a Spanish parish.
• 1:32:41
  So I walk in not understanding like what's going on had.
• 1:32:45
  You been in a Catholic Church before?
• 1:32:46
  I had been in a cathedral before as a tourist.
• 1:32:49
  So that was sort of in the back of your mind, a vision that you
• 1:32:52
  had maybe, OK. So I'm in a church that's
• 1:32:54
  smaller. It's a very beautiful church,
• 1:32:56
  though it's not a cathedral or anything, but I, I didn't
• 1:32:59
  really, it opened and I'm like, great.
• 1:33:01
  So I walk in and I open the door to like kind of go.
• 1:33:04
  I was going to sit in the Pew and they were having adoration.
• 1:33:07
  I didn't know that at the time. So there's all these Spanish
• 1:33:09
  women like rapid fire praying their rosary, very intense and
• 1:33:12
  they're wearing their veils and everything.
• 1:33:14
  And I'm like, oh, OK. And I'm really nervous.
• 1:33:16
  I don't know what to do. And I just like kind of walk in
• 1:33:18
  and, you know, I, I go to the very back Pew and a bunch of
• 1:33:24
  them are kneeling while they're praying.
• 1:33:26
  And I was like, OK, and I put the kneeler down, like, I guess
• 1:33:28
  I'll do this. And then I knelt down and I was
• 1:33:30
  looking at Christ on the cross and I was like, hey, God.
• 1:33:35
  Like that was that was my opening move was a, a, a life of
• 1:33:39
  atheism. And the first time I talked to
• 1:33:41
  God in my adult life, I say, Hey, God, like, what's up, big
• 1:33:44
  dog? Like it's very informal.
• 1:33:47
  I didn't know what I was doing, but I was like, hey.
• 1:33:49
  And then I was like, am I supposed to be here?
• 1:33:53
  And then I was kind of I began to have this dialogue without
• 1:33:57
  realizing I'm praying, you know, where like, do you love me?
• 1:34:00
  Do you care about me? You know, where's my grandpa?
• 1:34:03
  What? And I start to ask these
• 1:34:06
  questions and I start to have this experience and I look over
• 1:34:10
  and Our Lady of Guadalupe is there.
• 1:34:13
  And I'm so uneducated with Catholicism that I thought that
• 1:34:17
  was a different, I didn't think I was Mary.
• 1:34:19
  I thought that was a different lady, a different separate.
• 1:34:22
  I was like, whoever the Our Lady of Guadalupe is, good for her.
• 1:34:25
  You know, I had no idea. And so I'm looking at this this
• 1:34:29
  this painting of a woman. I have no idea who she is.
• 1:34:33
  And I kind of look forward and then it happens and I'm sort of
• 1:34:39
  in this strange state where everything is like bright and
• 1:34:45
  I'm, it's almost like I'm, I'm not dreaming, but I am.
• 1:34:50
  And I don't know how to describe it because she's there in front
• 1:34:53
  of me. And it was almost sort of like
• 1:34:55
  wherever she was, like bent everything away from her.
• 1:34:58
  Like she was just this light, but she was a woman and I could
• 1:35:03
  see her and she had features, but I, I can't recall them and I
• 1:35:07
  can't, I don't know how to describe her.
• 1:35:12
  And the only way I've ever known how to describe her is this.
• 1:35:14
  So she she walked close to me and I'm having this experience
• 1:35:18
  and I'm not scared, but I'm like blown like I'm like having a
• 1:35:23
  psychedelic experience is what I'm thinking is happening.
• 1:35:26
  Like I, I'm kind of freaked out, but it's very calm and she
• 1:35:30
  reaches out and she like touches me.
• 1:35:33
  And then like in that moment, well, I mean, my whole entire
• 1:35:38
  life changed immediately. It healed my resentment with my
• 1:35:42
  mother, my resentment for my stepfather, any hatreds, I it
• 1:35:46
  changed everything. It's often my heart in ways like
• 1:35:49
  just instantaneously. But the way I know how to
• 1:35:53
  describe her is this. So I can't describe her
• 1:35:57
  physically. I I saw her features, but I
• 1:35:59
  can't recall them. She was this bright light.
• 1:36:02
  But what I know more about her is what it felt like.
• 1:36:06
  And what it felt like was my mother was very tough lady and
• 1:36:12
  she was kind of my dad and my mom.
• 1:36:14
  So she didn't give us a lot of like motherly love.
• 1:36:17
  She was more interested in keeping us safe and strong.
• 1:36:21
  And to her credit, it worked. But so she was, she was my dad
• 1:36:25
  in many ways, you know, so she taught me how to fistfight.
• 1:36:28
  She's, you know, she's this rough and tumble lady and she's
• 1:36:31
  like a hardcore cowgirl, you know, you don't mess with her.
• 1:36:33
  And so not a lot of motherly love from her.
• 1:36:38
  She ended up in the role of like a provider more.
• 1:36:41
  And so I didn't experience that a lot, but one time I did and it
• 1:36:46
  stuck with me permanently. And I stayed the night at a
• 1:36:49
  friend's house and I'm sleeping in a sleeping bag on his floor
• 1:36:52
  and he's in his bed and there's his little CRTV.
• 1:36:54
  You know, this is the early 2000s.
• 1:36:55
  I'm, I'm a young boy, I'm like 13 or something.
• 1:36:58
  And I stayed the night at his house And I have severe insomnia
• 1:37:02
  in my whole life. So he's asleep and I'm, the TV's
• 1:37:06
  like on a little bit and I'm awake and I hear the door start
• 1:37:09
  to open and I pretend to be asleep.
• 1:37:10
  I don't want to get in trouble or whatever, or I don't even
• 1:37:12
  want to talk to whoever this is and into the room while I'm
• 1:37:15
  pretending to be asleep is his mom.
• 1:37:18
  I can't see her because I'm pretending to be asleep, but I
• 1:37:20
  can distinctly feel her in the room.
• 1:37:24
  She turns the TV off and she comes over and I can just feel
• 1:37:27
  her, you know, like looking at us and she's looking at her son
• 1:37:31
  sleeping. And you can like that.
• 1:37:33
  There's just like this feeling of love, you know, like a mother
• 1:37:36
  just looking at her son and and like filling the room with love
• 1:37:39
  and and appreciation. And she's just in this moment
• 1:37:43
  looking at both of us and she kind of tucked him in and I
• 1:37:46
  think she like kissing whatever. I could like feel her above me.
• 1:37:49
  And then she did the same for me.
• 1:37:50
  And you know, I wasn't awake for it technically or whatever, but
• 1:37:54
  it did felt like she was loving us and and that motherly love
• 1:38:00
  was like so special and good. And to see Mary was like that
• 1:38:04
  times a million. It was this incredible
• 1:38:08
  experience to that it, it was just like that unseen love that
• 1:38:12
  like, I want nothing from you. I just appreciate you.
• 1:38:16
  I'm just looking at you so peacefully and beautifully, like
• 1:38:19
  the only way a mom can, you know.
• 1:38:21
  And so that is what it was like to see her.
• 1:38:24
  I don't have her features. I don't, I don't remember what
• 1:38:26
  she was wearing, but I just remember her and how how
• 1:38:31
  powerful that felt. And so that happened and then
• 1:38:35
  she was gone. She touched me and then it was
• 1:38:37
  over and I was just like, where am I?
• 1:38:39
  Like, what was that about? And of course, I was such an
• 1:38:42
  obstinate little jerk that I left the church and I was kind
• 1:38:47
  of like, I think I, I think I did drugs or something like what
• 1:38:51
  was that about? And even though it affected me
• 1:38:53
  emotionally, I was, I was almost resistant.
• 1:38:58
  So I decided I was going to go back to church and not
• 1:39:04
  necessarily to test God, but to be like, what was that?
• 1:39:08
  And I, I went to the one cathedral I've been to, which is
• 1:39:10
  the cathedral, the Madeline in Salt Lake City.
• 1:39:13
  And I went into the Pew and before I had gone, two things
• 1:39:17
  that happened 1. I had a conversation with my mom
• 1:39:20
  where I found out for the first time in my life, my grandfather
• 1:39:23
  was Catholic. I had no idea he's from
• 1:39:26
  Switzerland. They were Catholic family that
• 1:39:28
  moved to Orange County. Actually, they were dairy
• 1:39:30
  farmers and so he was Catholic. And and then I begin to do
• 1:39:38
  research on the Catholic Church because of this, like, like
• 1:39:41
  literally minutes after leaving my mother's house, finding this
• 1:39:43
  out. And then I put on a video by
• 1:39:45
  Father Mike Schmidt where he's talking about praying for the
• 1:39:47
  dead. And I, that concept was blew my
• 1:39:52
  mind, right? I grew up with almost no
• 1:39:55
  religious education, but the religious education I did have
• 1:39:58
  was very, you know, it had nothing to do with.
• 1:40:02
  Praying for the dead or communicating with anyone
• 1:40:04
  besides Jesus. And so that was really
• 1:40:07
  interesting to me. And I thought, I'm going to go
• 1:40:10
  talk to my grandpa or try to figure that out.
• 1:40:12
  And so I went to this church and I do the same thing.
• 1:40:15
  I put the kneeler down. I'm in the big cathedral and
• 1:40:18
  it's not adoration or anything, but I'm in there and I get down
• 1:40:22
  on my knees again. OK, Hey God, I'm back.
• 1:40:24
  What's up? And I began to pray like, you
• 1:40:28
  know, grandpa, are you there? And then I sort of got, you
• 1:40:32
  know, this like God, please, like if my grandpa's with you,
• 1:40:35
  like, or even if he's not, like he was so cool.
• 1:40:39
  He was a really good man. Like I'm bargaining with God,
• 1:40:41
  like to get my grandpa in heaven.
• 1:40:43
  Like it's how it works. He's fine.
• 1:40:45
  But so I'm, I'm, you know, talking to God and I'm having
• 1:40:49
  this emotional experience where I'm, I begin to pray for my
• 1:40:51
  grandpa. Like it stops being about me and
• 1:40:54
  it's just about him. And like, please, like I wanted
• 1:40:57
  to be OK. Like, I hope he's with you.
• 1:41:00
  If he's up there, if that's real, take care of him.
• 1:41:02
  And it's really emotional and it's like affecting me.
• 1:41:04
  And then I, I have that same feeling again.
• 1:41:09
  And I just felt like Christ and Mary were there.
• 1:41:14
  And this time it wasn't a vision, but it was just that
• 1:41:17
  like that feeling you have when the Holy Spirit comes over you
• 1:41:20
  and that sort of I, I, it's so hard to describe an intense
• 1:41:26
  spiritual experience, especially when the spiritual experiences
• 1:41:30
  are interacting with you materially, but more than
• 1:41:33
  anything spiritually. And so I had this experience
• 1:41:38
  basically where I was very sure that my grandpa's in heaven with
• 1:41:43
  Jesus and I was like, all right, that's it.
• 1:41:45
  I'm dedicating my whole life to this.
• 1:41:47
  This is it. This is the way to be the church
• 1:41:49
  is true, and I converted and I converted before changing many
• 1:41:55
  of my leftist opinions. So I basically just submitted to
• 1:42:00
  the church. But over time, you know, all
• 1:42:02
  those I logic to my way into where I'm at now.
• 1:42:07
  But yeah, I fully committed myself despite the fact that I
• 1:42:10
  like didn't understand. And, you know, I just basically
• 1:42:15
  put all my faith in God. Like, all right, this is your
• 1:42:18
  church. You, you want me here?
• 1:42:20
  I don't know if he's I, I don't know about these rules, but
• 1:42:22
  let's go. Let's do it, you know?
• 1:42:25
  And so since then, this is this is where I've been.
• 1:42:29
  So I immediately enrolled in our CIA, you know, and like all
• 1:42:34
  adult converts who are too intense, I'm like, give me the
• 1:42:37
  summa theology, you know, like give me it all.
• 1:42:39
  And I was reading everything and, and since then I've just
• 1:42:44
  been plugging along, you know, doing everything I can to be the
• 1:42:49
  best Catholic I can be and teach people about Jesus and be a
• 1:42:53
  strong witness, but also not in a way that is comes across as
• 1:42:59
  goofy or corny. You know, I, I, I try really
• 1:43:04
  hard to be like, not a Catholic comedian, but a comedian who is
• 1:43:08
  unapologetically Catholic. I'm not Catholic on accident.
• 1:43:12
  But I'm also, you know, I want people to know that I'm like a
• 1:43:17
  whole and complete person because I think people think
• 1:43:20
  that you lose your identity or you lose your ability to pursue
• 1:43:24
  things when you become Christian.
• 1:43:28
  But I think it's the reverse. Once your heart rests in Christ,
• 1:43:31
  you are fully fulfilled. Once you're fulfilled, and this
• 1:43:35
  is the most important thing you can do, nothing else matters.
• 1:43:39
  Well, anything else you pursue is going to be totally,
• 1:43:42
  completely, authentically what you love or what you're
• 1:43:44
  passionate about because you are fulfilled.
• 1:43:48
  And so everything you pursue, if you are not fulfilled may not
• 1:43:53
  actually be for you or your calling or what you truly love
• 1:43:58
  because you're looking for fulfillment, not honoring your
• 1:44:03
  passion, you know, And so like, are you looking?
• 1:44:06
  Are you trying to make, I don't know, I'm going to say something
• 1:44:09
  dumb like scuba diving your identity, you know, and this is
• 1:44:12
  you dedicated your life to it and you love it.
• 1:44:14
  And I think people who do stuff like that are so cool to have
• 1:44:16
  like a passion, but that may not be the correct way to engage
• 1:44:21
  with that passion because you're trying to fulfill something that
• 1:44:24
  Christ can do for you. And how much more beautiful and
• 1:44:28
  fun and interesting would your passions and your hobbies and
• 1:44:31
  the things you pursue in your personal life be if they were
• 1:44:36
  nothing to do with what fulfills you and they were totally your
• 1:44:40
  authentic response to the world and how you want to express
• 1:44:44
  yourself? The overflow.
• 1:44:47
  Yeah. And so that's like what I want
• 1:44:51
  to show people the most is that once you find Christ and you
• 1:44:55
  rest in Him and your heart is fulfilled, that then what spills
• 1:44:59
  over is truly the most authentic version of you.
• 1:45:03
  Through submission to Him, you gain true freedom to express
• 1:45:07
  yourself, whereas all other self-expression may be yearning
• 1:45:11
  for him, you know, and pulling you into an opposite direction.
• 1:45:16
  And that's something that like I'm really passionate about and
• 1:45:20
  that I think people need to know for sure.
• 1:45:23
  So. Welcome and welcome to the
• 1:45:27
  church. I mean, it's been how long now?
• 1:45:29
  Is it 2 years? Two years.
• 1:45:31
  Yeah, yeah. So like 3 years, yeah, because I
• 1:45:33
  did RCIA for a full year. Wow, Yeah, it's amazing.
• 1:45:38
  What was the process like for you of first of all, it's just
• 1:45:43
  it's it's what's really beautiful.
• 1:45:45
  There's so much just beautiful about this, like our mother Mary
• 1:45:47
  loving on you and you know your grandpa in a way in his passing
• 1:45:52
  bringing I'm sure he was praying for you.
• 1:45:53
  He was like, let's just get this guy in Come on, guys, yes, I I
• 1:45:57
  did my time on earth. I'm in heaven.
• 1:45:58
  Let's get Shane. We need to get him in.
• 1:46:00
  I truly believe more, yeah, he interceded for me.
• 1:46:04
  Yeah. And Mama Mary's like, I'm ready
• 1:46:05
  to go here I am. But so.
• 1:46:08
  But what's so beautiful? You you made some comment just a
• 1:46:11
  few minutes ago about how you still had all these leftist
• 1:46:14
  politics and ideologies, but then you're like, OK, what?
• 1:46:18
  Whatever just happened between me and God is real and I'm going
• 1:46:22
  with that. And I believe it.
• 1:46:24
  It's it's the Catholic Church. You know, you're Catholic.
• 1:46:26
  You're not just like, oh, I accept use into my heart.
• 1:46:28
  I'm Christian over here. It's like, you know, this is the
• 1:46:29
  church and we're going to do the Catholic.
• 1:46:31
  We're going to be Catholic. Was there.
• 1:46:34
  Did you wrestle with the ideologies that you had and the
• 1:46:38
  church not agreeing with you? And how did you come to a
• 1:46:44
  resolution there? And and I ask that because there
• 1:46:46
  are a lot of people who are Catholic or were raised
• 1:46:49
  Catholic, but they hold on to ideologies and ideas that are
• 1:46:56
  contrary to the faith. But then they still say, well,
• 1:46:58
  but it's, you know, the Catholic Church will figure it out
• 1:47:00
  eventually. Like they're they are God
• 1:47:01
  ultimately. They wouldn't maybe say that,
• 1:47:04
  but that's how they're behaving. You were not in that.
• 1:47:06
  Lane at all they perceive this to be the right thing.
• 1:47:11
  So eventually the church will come to my reality right.
• 1:47:15
  So yeah, I just thought I think I'm very fortunate that I have
• 1:47:20
  like a philosophical education and that I once I realized God
• 1:47:25
  was real and then this is his reality and I'm in his reality.
• 1:47:30
  You know, I'm only here because of him.
• 1:47:33
  And so like, what is real has nothing to do with what I
• 1:47:37
  perceive, which is a really, really, really freeing
• 1:47:42
  realization, like a really beautiful good realization to be
• 1:47:45
  like reality is reality no matter what I think, feel or
• 1:47:48
  see. And sure, it's, it's incredibly
• 1:47:51
  important, like. Very comforting.
• 1:47:53
  Yeah, it really is. And so I had a ton of, I had
• 1:47:56
  issues with abortion. It was funny enough when I was a
• 1:48:00
  secular person, I watched a debate you did to prepare to try
• 1:48:05
  to debate for abortion. And you did a very good job, by
• 1:48:08
  the way. But I isn't that crazy.
• 1:48:12
  And look at us now. We're here talking about Jesus
• 1:48:14
  with a piece of the true cross on the table crying about Mary.
• 1:48:18
  And I was watching you as an enemy, literally trying to gain
• 1:48:23
  arguments so that I could do a public debate on my platform.
• 1:48:28
  Isn't that incredible? And now we're here together.
• 1:48:32
  So that's really beautiful. But yeah, I struggled with a
• 1:48:36
  bunch of different doctrines. And I also struggled with, like,
• 1:48:39
  ways I perceived church history. And I also was one of those
• 1:48:44
  weird freak guys who was like, maybe Jesus wasn't even real.
• 1:48:48
  And so after converting, I thought I have all of these
• 1:48:52
  issues, you know. After, not during.
• 1:48:55
  Yeah, after I'm I'm I've I, my heart is healed.
• 1:48:59
  That is real. It happened.
• 1:49:02
  I'm all in, right? But I have all these struggles.
• 1:49:06
  And so I go, OK, I'm, I need to intellectually get there.
• 1:49:12
  Now I'm spiritually there. I want to intellectually get
• 1:49:16
  there. My my heart with which to love
• 1:49:18
  was moving, but my mind with which to know needed some time.
• 1:49:22
  And so I began to dedicate myself to that.
• 1:49:24
  And luckily the Catholic Church is wildly true and very easy to
• 1:49:29
  just, you just research and you go, oh, good.
• 1:49:32
  And you know, like, oh, awesome. Like Jesus is so real, like the
• 1:49:35
  most documented guy, Alexander the Great is less documented
• 1:49:39
  than Jesus, you know. And so you're like, oh, OK,
• 1:49:41
  good, good. And then you learn about church
• 1:49:44
  history and you see all the beautiful, good, wonderful
• 1:49:46
  things the church has done and you see its mistakes as well.
• 1:49:50
  But in seeing that it is run by sinners, you also see the
• 1:49:55
  trueness in it, you know, because it is a real institution
• 1:49:59
  of men and women and they are doing their best, you know, and
• 1:50:04
  moving the ball forward. But it does it's, it's how you
• 1:50:08
  would expect it to be, you know, because people think like, Oh,
• 1:50:11
  you're Christian, you think you're perfect or whatever.
• 1:50:13
  And then you read about the Saints and you're like, oh,
• 1:50:15
  they're just like me. Oh my gosh, they are.
• 1:50:18
  Some of them are really bad at life until they become Saints,
• 1:50:21
  you know, like, oh, good. And so I'm intellectualizing a
• 1:50:26
  lot of this and I'm learning about church history and I'm
• 1:50:28
  reading books and, and it all just starts to fall into place.
• 1:50:32
  And, and as, as you do the research and you do the work and
• 1:50:36
  you read the Bible and you pray and you're like, you know,
• 1:50:39
  reading Josephus and you're finding out that like it, Jesus
• 1:50:42
  is definitely true. And you're reading about, you
• 1:50:44
  know, church history and the councils and, and, and all these
• 1:50:48
  things that happened and you're, it just, you know, and then
• 1:50:52
  eventually you intellectually catch up with yourself
• 1:50:54
  spiritually. And now I'm here.
• 1:50:57
  But the submission to the, to God and the church, you know, if
• 1:51:00
  you submit to God, you submit to the church.
• 1:51:03
  I think that that was incredible for me.
• 1:51:05
  I think God gave me exactly what I needed because I would have
• 1:51:08
  tried to intellectualize away the church I needed.
• 1:51:11
  I, I would never have gotten there intellectually.
• 1:51:15
  And then spiritually, which I think a lot of people's how they
• 1:51:17
  do it, I think that they do the research and they kind of
• 1:51:20
  realize, I think this may be true.
• 1:51:22
  I'm going to come see what it's about.
• 1:51:24
  And so their, their heart is meeting up with their mind.
• 1:51:28
  But God gave me exactly what I needed, which was my heart first
• 1:51:32
  mind 2nd. And now the intellectualizing of
• 1:51:36
  the faith, which I've some, some of my spiritual directors have
• 1:51:39
  been like, Hey, don't do that too much.
• 1:51:41
  You need to, you know, maintain your spiritual life.
• 1:51:44
  Don't, don't go too crazy on just reading Aquinas all the
• 1:51:46
  time and making and making it into like a, a scholastic thing,
• 1:51:51
  you know, but at the same time, I love it.
• 1:51:54
  It's my favorite. I'm sure there'll be people who
• 1:51:56
  will be really moved by that specifically.
• 1:52:00
  So I'm not your spiritual director.
• 1:52:02
  Obviously your spiritual director is no better, but I
• 1:52:05
  don't know. I feel like if that's your,
• 1:52:07
  that's your love, then God, God will work through that.
• 1:52:10
  I'm sure an arity is working through that, which is really
• 1:52:13
  beautiful. I I should have already asked
• 1:52:16
  you, but when you talked about this moment of healing that you
• 1:52:19
  received from Jesus and Mary and you well for Mary and then you
• 1:52:24
  know, further healing from Jesus and Mary.
• 1:52:28
  Can I, can I tell you one specific thing about that
• 1:52:31
  experience? So I was, I'm kneeling in the
• 1:52:34
  Pew and I looked to my left and Our Lady of Guadalupe was like
• 1:52:39
  over my shoulder, like far enough left.
• 1:52:41
  I begin to have this experience and I look forward and Our
• 1:52:43
  Lady's in front of me and she reach out and touched me.
• 1:52:46
  And as she did, she was gone. And in front of me was Jesus,
• 1:52:51
  the crucifix. This was exactly where I was
• 1:52:53
  looking. So again, Our Lady leads me
• 1:52:56
  directly to her son, like immediately.
• 1:53:00
  And so yeah, yeah. I just wanted to point that out
• 1:53:04
  that it it was it was a moment that I remember specifically in
• 1:53:08
  something that's just so beautiful.
• 1:53:10
  And like, obviously that's her whole thing.
• 1:53:13
  She leads us to her son in such a way.
• 1:53:17
  But yeah, it was really good. So yeah, yeah.
• 1:53:20
  Jesus really doing the work. Explain more what it felt like
• 1:53:25
  with the experience of being healed emotionally and maybe I
• 1:53:29
  maybe it's psychological and spiritual even to be healed of
• 1:53:33
  childhood trauma and the resentment towards you mentioned
• 1:53:36
  your mother and your stepfather for the abuse you experienced.
• 1:53:39
  Yeah, and, and and many, many others too.
• 1:53:41
  I mean, I let go of of hate I had for so many people.
• 1:53:46
  I don't know how to describe it. It was, I mean, it is we all
• 1:53:50
  know that feeling of having that weight lifted off of you when
• 1:53:53
  you tell someone something you've been holding in or
• 1:53:55
  whatever. It felt like that times a
• 1:53:57
  million. It was, it was incredible.
• 1:54:02
  I think that how instantaneous it was is what shocks me most
• 1:54:06
  because it wasn't like it happened And then right away I
• 1:54:09
  was self aware like, Oh my gosh, I forgive my stepfather, but it
• 1:54:13
  was, she touched me and it affected me so much.
• 1:54:17
  And I was so, so moved that as I began to to live my life
• 1:54:24
  afterwards, anytime I would, I would imagine these things that
• 1:54:28
  normally I would be hateful or frustrated.
• 1:54:31
  I sort of found my heart to be like soft and malleable and
• 1:54:37
  like, I just, I just didn't have it in me to be mad or to be
• 1:54:42
  resentful. And then when you're not
• 1:54:45
  resentful and you're thinking of people like loving thoughts lead
• 1:54:49
  to loving action, you know, And so I'm, I'm, I'm now, I'm not
• 1:54:53
  resentful of my stepfather. And I'm thinking of him.
• 1:54:56
  And I'm now I'm thinking of the good, the good parts, you know,
• 1:55:00
  And then I realized like, Oh, I don't, I, I wonder what happened
• 1:55:04
  to my stepfather after his death.
• 1:55:06
  And then I began to realize like, Oh, I, I so badly want him
• 1:55:10
  to be in heaven, like so much, you know, And then there's that
• 1:55:15
  like, you know, she leads you to this place where Christ's mercy
• 1:55:19
  is so, so available, so obvious to you and, and something you
• 1:55:23
  want to emulate so much that, you know, I'm praying for this
• 1:55:27
  man who, who treated me so badly.
• 1:55:30
  And I'm like, you know, I just, that is just an experience I
• 1:55:35
  would never have had. I, I just, there's no
• 1:55:37
  explanation for how my heart would move in that direction.
• 1:55:43
  Like I hadn't, I hadn't done anything except for open myself
• 1:55:46
  up to God. Like that was the antecedent,
• 1:55:49
  right? I just, I, I came into church
• 1:55:52
  with an open heart in a truly like I'm here, like I, I give it
• 1:55:58
  all over. What's up?
• 1:55:59
  Are you real? And, and by opening myself up in
• 1:56:03
  that authentic way, I think Christ was like, let's go,
• 1:56:06
  buddy. Yeah, awesome here.
• 1:56:09
  You, you know, you, you had struggles with your mom when you
• 1:56:11
  were young. Borrow mine and then it will get
• 1:56:15
  you going in life. So that's like you experienced
• 1:56:18
  the healing. The healing happened when you
• 1:56:21
  saw Our Lady and she pointed to Jesus on the cross, but you
• 1:56:24
  experienced the healing in iterations afterwards when you
• 1:56:27
  realize, well, I don't have hatred, I have only love in my
• 1:56:30
  heart. Right.
• 1:56:31
  I just, it just felt like like she just like my heart was like
• 1:56:37
  covered in crust. And as she touched it, it just
• 1:56:39
  melted away. And what was left was a real
• 1:56:42
  Grinch moment, actually. And it was.
• 1:56:45
  And then I find myself still to this day, I just don't have it
• 1:56:48
  in me. I just don't have it in me to be
• 1:56:51
  hateful, to be miserable about my childhood, to be resentful,
• 1:56:56
  to be anything but loving those who are with me and those who
• 1:57:00
  have loved me. And you know, those who will
• 1:57:03
  like I, I don't know, it just changed me fundamentally, But I,
• 1:57:07
  I wanted the change I did. I I was interested in the change
• 1:57:13
  and I think that, you know, that's a big part of it too.
• 1:57:17
  I think about the fact that love is a gift and faith and hope.
• 1:57:22
  These are theological virtues that are gifts.
• 1:57:24
  So we can't earn them. We can develop them more with
• 1:57:27
  our other virtues by receiving them.
• 1:57:30
  But they're really given, they're infused.
• 1:57:32
  And so you, you were given love and you received it.
• 1:57:36
  Of course, 'cause you have to receive half, the half of it is
• 1:57:39
  getting it. To get it, you have to receive
• 1:57:41
  it and and choose to receive it. Yes, yeah.
• 1:57:44
  And then that's a big part. I think that that's that is, as
• 1:57:47
  far as my conversion goes, something that when people ask
• 1:57:49
  me for advice, like I don't have a lot of spiritual experiences
• 1:57:53
  or I'd really like one, or I mean, firstly, you don't need a
• 1:57:56
  spiritual experience to convert. Like everyone's path is going to
• 1:58:00
  be different, you know, and I know so many cradle Catholics
• 1:58:03
  were like bummed out. They're like, it's so cool that
• 1:58:06
  you have this big experience. And I've just been like going to
• 1:58:09
  Mass since I was a baby, you know, But that's not, you know,
• 1:58:13
  you shouldn't worry about that. That's.
• 1:58:15
  You can, you can talk to Jesus about that.
• 1:58:17
  Yeah. Tell him I'd be like, listen, I
• 1:58:19
  would like a something. Can you give me something?
• 1:58:22
  Right. If it's your will, I love you.
• 1:58:23
  I want to be, you know, obedient and loving you, love you.
• 1:58:25
  But the Lord's so generous. And I just think he does
• 1:58:29
  actually give you a lot. There's a lot of graces, but you
• 1:58:32
  kind of have to develop the ears to hear it in the eyes to see it
• 1:58:35
  a little bit, which you, you develop by asking him for and
• 1:58:38
  going to pray and, and just sitting with him in adoration.
• 1:58:41
  Yes. Yes.
• 1:58:42
  And so I think that's a big part of it.
• 1:58:44
  You have to, you have to make an effort, open your heart.
• 1:58:47
  You have to desire, you know, and then of course, if you do,
• 1:58:52
  he wants that for you more than anything.
• 1:58:53
  Wow. So you're going to get it.
• 1:58:55
  What does the aftermath look like for your relationships post
• 1:59:00
  conversion? A bunch of them and
• 1:59:02
  instantaneously, like I as soon, well, when I publicly came out
• 1:59:06
  as Christian, when I was telling people like, yeah, I'm going to
• 1:59:09
  classes at this Catholic Church and I go to Mass like multiple
• 1:59:13
  times a week and I pray. And they were kind of like,
• 1:59:16
  yeah, whatever, like you're on your journey.
• 1:59:17
  But once I, I did Matt Fradd's podcast, Pints with Aquinas and
• 1:59:22
  I came out publicly like Shane Smith converts.
• 1:59:24
  I posted it. I, I very, I was like, this is
• 1:59:26
  what I'm up to everybody. I I felt convicted to do this.
• 1:59:30
  That is when people began to abandon me because now it's bad
• 1:59:33
  optics. Now it's bad optics.
• 1:59:35
  Now I'm all in. Oh, Shane's not just doing a fun
• 1:59:38
  praying thing. He's one of those weirdos.
• 1:59:41
  And it was it because you now are pro-life, pro marriage, is
• 1:59:44
  it? It's just because of everything
• 1:59:46
  that comes with it. I think that they just assume,
• 1:59:48
  like if you're Catholic, you're all these things, which is true.
• 1:59:51
  But like, yeah, they, they just. And you know what?
• 1:59:56
  Honestly, I don't think most people who didn't want to be my
• 1:59:59
  friend anymore or who treated me badly online even know what the
• 2:00:03
  Catholic position on a lot of this stuff is.
• 2:00:05
  So I think they just dislike me based on just Christianity.
• 2:00:09
  That's it. That's enough.
• 2:00:10
  Like they've framed Christianity as the enemy in culture and so
• 2:00:16
  that's just how it happened. So I publicly converted thinking
• 2:00:21
  this may be bad. And I also was like, I'm going
• 2:00:23
  to, I decided when I converted, I was no longer going to do like
• 2:00:27
  I was only going to do clean comedy.
• 2:00:29
  I want, I was like, I all my comedy from now on, even if it's
• 2:00:32
  live is going to be consumable by like if you want to bring
• 2:00:35
  your 13 year old, you could. And so that may hurt my career,
• 2:00:38
  but we'll see. And then coming out, you know,
• 2:00:41
  and telling people I'm a Catholic, that may hurt my
• 2:00:43
  career. I was kind of was like, we'll
• 2:00:44
  see. When I posted it was crazy.
• 2:00:48
  I mean multiple people who I am good friend like good friends
• 2:00:52
  with people I have been on road trips with that I spent time
• 2:00:55
  with that know my secrets were like I don't want anything to do
• 2:00:58
  with you. How would they express that like
• 2:01:01
  that? Telling me, yeah, straight up,
• 2:01:02
  like, you're lost when you're done.
• 2:01:04
  Yes, literally. I'm disappointed in you.
• 2:01:07
  This is disgusting. When you're ready to see, when
• 2:01:10
  you're ready to stop doing sky daddy things, I'll be waiting
• 2:01:13
  for you to apologize to me. Like, yeah, just straight.
• 2:01:18
  Just horrific. Like did they make it about
• 2:01:20
  like, well the church hates gay? Like something that they could
• 2:01:23
  cling on to about why specifically they hated
• 2:01:27
  Christianity. Some people did, but mostly it
• 2:01:30
  was just this vague, like just I don't like you or I don't want
• 2:01:33
  to be involved with you if you're going to be a devout
• 2:01:35
  Christian or a Catholic, you know?
• 2:01:37
  And of course, many people through the abuse scandals in my
• 2:01:40
  face, like, oh, so this is what you're about.
• 2:01:43
  This is your deal now. And so that's awful.
• 2:01:46
  And, yeah, I mean, that happened.
• 2:01:49
  So I lost a bunch of real life friends.
• 2:01:51
  I lost work. There were people who didn't
• 2:01:54
  want me to do their shows anymore.
• 2:01:57
  And so I lost quite a bit of like, places I could perform
• 2:02:00
  other comics, like, kind of don't talk to me anymore.
• 2:02:05
  And then, you know, then the harassment online was
• 2:02:07
  incredible, Like the death threats.
• 2:02:11
  Death threats over. Converting to Catholicism.
• 2:02:14
  Well, it's because I went from a secular communist who's
• 2:02:18
  championing communism basically, or the ideals of cultural
• 2:02:22
  Marxism and stuff to Hey, I'm Catholic, you know, we're, we're
• 2:02:27
  vampires and werewolves, you know, we're the opposites.
• 2:02:30
  And so that blew that. Just people couldn't handle
• 2:02:35
  that. And so, so many of these people
• 2:02:37
  lashed out at me and really, really vile, intense ways.
• 2:02:42
  I mean, docks to me, docks to my family, threatened my work,
• 2:02:46
  called all my Co workers, my eight people to try and get me
• 2:02:50
  fired or to try not get to me work at certain clubs.
• 2:02:54
  People were saying I was racist. Like, I mean, the gambit of all
• 2:02:59
  the kinds of crazy things you can experience to the point that
• 2:03:02
  I was like, oh, my career is over.
• 2:03:04
  I literally thought like, well, I've isolated 90% of my fans and
• 2:03:09
  so like what's going to happen when I tour next?
• 2:03:12
  Like this is awful. Thank God that is not what
• 2:03:16
  happened. And I went and many people still
• 2:03:19
  support me. You know, it turns out a lot of
• 2:03:21
  my fans are regular people and regular people aren't
• 2:03:23
  psychopathically evil. So, but I did have a lot of
• 2:03:27
  those people who just lashed out so crazy in their head.
• 2:03:31
  They are in an existential fight to the death for like the soul
• 2:03:36
  of the world I get, I don't know against.
• 2:03:38
  Christian. Yeah, I mean.
• 2:03:39
  That was Charlie Kirk's murderer.
• 2:03:41
  Truly, it's that same space. Exactly.
• 2:03:45
  It's that and it's. Demonic.
• 2:03:46
  It is and it's it's pervasive in society.
• 2:03:50
  I don't think we live in a we live in a post Christian
• 2:03:53
  society, but everyone says it's secular, but I don't think it
• 2:03:55
  is. I think we live in a Pagan
• 2:03:56
  society. We live in a society that
• 2:03:59
  sacrifices children, worships money, worships pleasure, has
• 2:04:05
  the is new age is all about magic and astrology and all
• 2:04:09
  these other. I mean, we live in a Pagan
• 2:04:11
  society right now and I think that's why we're coming up
• 2:04:14
  against so much opposition, whereas the secular society was
• 2:04:18
  more or less like, whatever you guys are you, you're dumb.
• 2:04:22
  You don't know what you're talking about, but enjoy, you
• 2:04:24
  know, the pagans are the ones who are like, no, I am in direct
• 2:04:28
  opposition to you. You don't want me to be this, so
• 2:04:32
  I don't want you to be that. And I, I mean, that's, I mean,
• 2:04:36
  people disagree with me, but that's really how I feel.
• 2:04:38
  It's crazy. So I did that and I received all
• 2:04:41
  that stuff. And to this day, randomly every
• 2:04:44
  week, I get messages every week. From people who hate you.
• 2:04:48
  Yeah, yeah. And, and you were mentioning, I
• 2:04:51
  mean, after Charlie's death last week, you were saying you got
• 2:04:54
  another outflow of hatred and because you spoke out expressing
• 2:04:59
  your pain over Charlie's passing.
• 2:05:02
  Yeah, I, I, I just, I wasn't going to say anything.
• 2:05:06
  I mean, I, I'm a comedian and I, I commentate on like certain
• 2:05:09
  things. You've just like as a public
• 2:05:11
  person, you can't commentate on every single issue.
• 2:05:14
  And and I was like, how do I post about this?
• 2:05:17
  And then people were celebrating and I just felt the.
• 2:05:19
  Need How did you see them celebrating on your feed was?
• 2:05:21
  Unfortunately, on my feed, yeah. Old people you used to know in
• 2:05:24
  New York A. Bunch of people I used to know,
• 2:05:26
  a bunch of people who I thought were good friends of mine, a
• 2:05:29
  bunch of people who I thought were normal.
• 2:05:30
  And then, you know, you'll just see a post with hundreds of
• 2:05:34
  comments and then and it just, it was, I mean, there's easily
• 2:05:39
  hundreds of thousands of people celebrated.
• 2:05:40
  And how? How were they celebrating?
• 2:05:42
  Did you? Did you observe?
• 2:05:43
  Yeah, I mean, just, well, it's videos, jokes, you know, all the
• 2:05:49
  like, good riddance. Like rest in piss, like all
• 2:05:52
  that. Just hundreds, thousands,
• 2:05:55
  thousands of messages. People immediately he was shot.
• 2:05:58
  Within hours, people were posting memes and jokes and
• 2:06:03
  images of him being killed. So evil.
• 2:06:08
  It's it's insane. And so, and it affected me so
• 2:06:11
  much that I was like in the airport, like I'm at, I just
• 2:06:13
  want to say, I just feel like I have to say something.
• 2:06:16
  So I made a video that was like, it couldn't have been more like
• 2:06:19
  moderate I. Saw that?
• 2:06:20
  Yeah, it was. Very moderate.
• 2:06:22
  It was literally me being like, listen, I just, you don't have
• 2:06:25
  to agree with him, but like he's a father.
• 2:06:28
  I'm a father. I know like, it's just so sad
• 2:06:31
  and I was a little emotional and of course then people use that
• 2:06:35
  against me. Nothing's funnier than the like,
• 2:06:37
  oh, gender is a construct society.
• 2:06:41
  Is it being a man? Isn't it toxic masculinity?
• 2:06:44
  And then I cry because a man was murdered in front of his child
• 2:06:47
  and people are like, you're a wimp, you're pathetic.
• 2:06:50
  Cry more Nazi, you know, like calling me names, making fun of
• 2:06:54
  me for being emotional. It's like, I thought you guys
• 2:06:57
  were the where the emotions are good.
• 2:07:00
  Masculinity is fake people. So now you're like making fun of
• 2:07:04
  me. And then of course people were
• 2:07:06
  telling me I was because I not even, I didn't even say I
• 2:07:10
  supported him. I simply said I I wanted people
• 2:07:14
  to do something good in honor of him and to just not be
• 2:07:19
  celebrating. If people were like immediately
• 2:07:23
  tried to, to started messaging me like which school does your
• 2:07:27
  daughter go to? It like evil, evil, evil
• 2:07:30
  message. People telling me they're going
• 2:07:34
  to shoot up my shows, people telling me all kinds of crazy
• 2:07:37
  stuff. And then I had insane people
• 2:07:40
  like sending me messages and then unsending them and sending
• 2:07:43
  like it was, it was crazy. And so now I have to have this
• 2:07:47
  security at my shows for the rest of the year.
• 2:07:50
  And of course I'm living in like, what's going on?
• 2:07:53
  I'm a very recognizable person. So that's sketchy and like.
• 2:07:57
  Sunglasses don't really do the. Trick they don't when you get a
• 2:08:01
  sword on your face. That's my bad.
• 2:08:03
  That's my bad, but it's yeah, I I just so I experienced like so
• 2:08:09
  much hate this week that it was so much personal vile all and
• 2:08:14
  not because I even was like I I didn't even say I agree with him
• 2:08:19
  or whatever, which I do agree with him and people know that,
• 2:08:23
  but like they were simply mad at me for just being like I have
• 2:08:26
  compassion. For, for grieving, for grieving.
• 2:08:28
  I mean, I think that's what's so crazy is you're not allowed to
• 2:08:31
  grieve Charlie's death. That and that's a real thing.
• 2:08:35
  You're not allowed. I've seen multiple people who
• 2:08:38
  are liberals that I'm friends with post like oh this is so sad
• 2:08:42
  and they get attacked as a Nazi sympathizer which is crazy.
• 2:08:48
  There's this woman, there's a bunch of them, but you know,
• 2:08:51
  from my childhood and there were some people that got really
• 2:08:55
  radicalized later on became super left wing.
• 2:08:57
  They were kind of because I was homeschooled.
• 2:08:58
  So I know a lot of these homeschooled kids, some of them
• 2:09:00
  from really fundamentalist families, they had issues,
• 2:09:02
  trauma, so they ended up getting a radicalized.
• 2:09:05
  And anyway, so I, I see a lot of their comments on Facebook.
• 2:09:08
  It's kind of an interesting kind of subgroup, you know, of, of
• 2:09:11
  people out there. But people that I can tell, like
• 2:09:14
  in their comment, they really pride themselves on their
• 2:09:16
  humanity. They really pride themselves on
• 2:09:19
  how fair they are equitable loving.
• 2:09:23
  They are the ones that are just really, you know, tone checking
• 2:09:26
  people and they're out there saying, well, he, his words were
• 2:09:30
  violent. So, you know, should it really
• 2:09:33
  be a surprise that he he, he was gunned down like equating
• 2:09:38
  equating his speech, which was not he never called for anyone
• 2:09:41
  to be, you know, he, he his, his, his, his message was never
• 2:09:45
  to harm people, innocent people or bring about, you know, pain
• 2:09:48
  on human beings. I mean, he, he had some, you
• 2:09:51
  know, tongue in cheek way. He would say things sometimes,
• 2:09:53
  but overall, especially in the more recent years, as he was
• 2:09:56
  more passionate about his faith, his message was so one of
• 2:09:59
  inviting people in. But I just, I it just it, it
• 2:10:02
  kind of blew my mind that the very people that were professing
• 2:10:07
  their sort of liberalism, this loving liberalism, yeah, can't
• 2:10:12
  allow a shed of like a bit of love or a father and a husband.
• 2:10:18
  Yeah, it's insane. It's so evil that even if you
• 2:10:22
  were, and God forgive you, secretly happy it happened, you
• 2:10:28
  can't just hold that emotion and be a human being and say, hey,
• 2:10:34
  father shouldn't be murdered in front of their kids like you.
• 2:10:37
  You're so evil that you're like, no, I need to publicize this
• 2:10:41
  one. I need people to know how happy
• 2:10:43
  I am. Like you.
• 2:10:45
  You can't even be secretly happy that your enemy is gone.
• 2:10:48
  You know that like that. That to me is like, that's like
• 2:10:52
  Joker level evil. It's it, it's, it's irrationally
• 2:10:55
  evil like you, you're not even privately doing it.
• 2:10:59
  You're not even talking. You're you're celebrating as if
• 2:11:03
  it's, it's great. And then it's funny too, because
• 2:11:06
  you say, oh, his, his speech was violent.
• 2:11:08
  So who could be surprised? Well, by celebrating his death,
• 2:11:11
  who could be surprised if something were to happen to you?
• 2:11:14
  Are we not going back and forth on this because that's why we
• 2:11:16
  have free speech, because that's what happens.
• 2:11:18
  You kill someone for speech, and then you use your speech and
• 2:11:21
  they go, well, I'm going to kill you over speech.
• 2:11:23
  And now we live. Yeah, we live in a horrible
• 2:11:26
  place. Like that's the whole idea of
• 2:11:28
  our country. Well, I think about Mother
• 2:11:30
  Teresa's very prophetic words. And she said this when she got
• 2:11:34
  her Nobel Peace Prize. And people were very mad that
• 2:11:37
  she said this. But she said, in a nation where
• 2:11:39
  a mother can kill her own child, what is left but for me to kill
• 2:11:43
  you and for you to kill me? Right.
• 2:11:45
  Yeah, that's very real. So.
• 2:11:48
  Oh man. So you're doing comedy now.
• 2:11:54
  You are speaking out, obviously upon your faith, despite the
• 2:11:58
  attacks that you're getting. What do you feel called to?
• 2:12:04
  Well, at first when I first converted, I was like, I'm going
• 2:12:06
  to be a religious. This looks so appealing to me,
• 2:12:09
  and it is. I am I, I think that I have the
• 2:12:12
  I'm born for it. I would do so well as a monk.
• 2:12:16
  As a monk, I really would. You probably would I.
• 2:12:19
  Mean you're like the discipline, the structure.
• 2:12:22
  It appeals to me really a lot. But I fell in love and God
• 2:12:27
  doesn't call us to the thing that's easiest for us.
• 2:12:29
  He calls us to the thing we're called to.
• 2:12:31
  And so I ended up falling in love.
• 2:12:33
  And post conversion. Post conversion and I fell in
• 2:12:37
  love with someone who is going through a reversion.
• 2:12:39
  So we became educated and grew our spiritual lives together up
• 2:12:46
  until our our marriage. So I've had this incredibly
• 2:12:50
  beautiful relationship with my wife who is like helped grow me
• 2:12:55
  spiritually and push me. And, you know, all the gifts of
• 2:12:59
  the sacrament are just so incredible.
• 2:13:00
  And to learn to love and to for the first time in my life, like
• 2:13:04
  she's the first person that I've ever been like, wow, this is
• 2:13:07
  really hard. And I stay, you know, and that
• 2:13:10
  has been like paying dividends and it's been so wonderful.
• 2:13:14
  And now I have this whole other family that is a part of my
• 2:13:17
  family and we're like all together and God's gifts are
• 2:13:22
  just like, so, so, so incredible.
• 2:13:24
  So I feel called to grow this family as big as I can get it
• 2:13:29
  and to just keep doing what I'm doing.
• 2:13:32
  But I think most most importantly, I really just want
• 2:13:36
  to live out my my life as a layperson in such a way that I
• 2:13:42
  can convict others. Like I think it's cool that I
• 2:13:44
  have a public platform. I think it's cool that I'm
• 2:13:47
  comedian and I think it's beautiful to do things like this
• 2:13:50
  and it's really helpful. But at the end of the day, if I
• 2:13:53
  lost my career, that's fine, right?
• 2:13:57
  Like I'm, I'll just work at a factory again, whatever.
• 2:14:02
  I just feel really called to to grow my family and to to love
• 2:14:08
  them correctly and to basically, I think that the thing that is
• 2:14:12
  going to heal the country most and this I whenever I talk about
• 2:14:16
  my conversion at a parish, this is the point I try to make is
• 2:14:20
  that my conversion is the catalyst.
• 2:14:24
  The number one. The first thing that pointed me
• 2:14:28
  towards Christ was looking at my friends who are loving husbands.
• 2:14:33
  So I when I was like what's wrong with these people and, and
• 2:14:37
  what do I want to be like? And the people who I wanted to
• 2:14:39
  be like we're just loving husbands and my friends are, I
• 2:14:43
  cannot stress enough how stupid my friends are.
• 2:14:46
  We're just dumb rednecks, you know?
• 2:14:48
  But like my friend who works at the auto Body Shop and is
• 2:14:51
  obsessed with bass fishing, but just loves his wife, you know,
• 2:14:55
  and has kids and just quietly does his thing and plays Xbox
• 2:15:00
  and is just a good kind father and a loving husband.
• 2:15:05
  Nothing crazy, nothing. You know, he's not the most
• 2:15:08
  devout guy doesn't, but it doesn't matter.
• 2:15:11
  By by observing someone being in that loving situation and
• 2:15:16
  showing me like what's possible that pushed me towards Jesus.
• 2:15:21
  And now I'm in that situation and I just feel like the most
• 2:15:24
  important, brave and a powerful thing a Catholic can do is to
• 2:15:30
  love and grow their family well and unapologetically so that
• 2:15:35
  others can see, you know. And so like the most important
• 2:15:39
  thing I feel like I can do even outside of this evangelization
• 2:15:43
  or, or sharing is for people to just witness that like these
• 2:15:48
  Catholic families are beautiful and loving and good.
• 2:15:52
  You know, I want to, I want kids who are struggling to have my
• 2:15:57
  same experience I had in my friend's room when his mom came
• 2:16:00
  in. You know, I, I just want people
• 2:16:03
  to to, and I feel like that's how we move the ball forward.
• 2:16:06
  That's how we heal the country is, is by all these lost, hurt
• 2:16:11
  people to overtime be like, we'll look at that.
• 2:16:14
  What am I doing? You know, I got to get involved
• 2:16:17
  in this. I got to these people are happy
• 2:16:20
  and they're supportive and they're loved and they're
• 2:16:21
  fulfilled and you know, I love that.
• 2:16:24
  That's what I want so. I love that.
• 2:16:27
  Yeah. That's the biggest witness.
• 2:16:29
  And that's the that's the beauty of vocation.
• 2:16:31
  You're called to marriage. You're married to your beautiful
• 2:16:33
  wife. Loving her is your path to
• 2:16:36
  heaven and your path to help other people, Right?
• 2:16:38
  Get there too. And you think people aren't
• 2:16:40
  watching? You have no idea.
• 2:16:41
  Like again, my dumb redneck friends don't think that I'm
• 2:16:46
  watching them thinking, you know, anything emotional or or
• 2:16:50
  special. They think that their lives are
• 2:16:53
  par for the course, you know, but simply by just like not
• 2:16:57
  giving up on your wife and loving your children, I was
• 2:17:01
  like, Dang, there is a better way that looks way better.
• 2:17:04
  And I just, that's the most powerful thing anyone can do.
• 2:17:07
  So marry someone and love them with all your heart and make
• 2:17:11
  babies. And go to church.
• 2:17:14
  And go to church. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:17:16
  It's amazing. You can't get married if you're
• 2:17:17
  not going to church. Yeah, go to church and then get
• 2:17:19
  married. Yeah, yeah, the best.
• 2:17:23
  Shane, you're amazing. Thank you for coming.
• 2:17:25
  Thank you for. Having me this has been amazing.
• 2:17:27
  And I've been a huge fan of you for so long, and so is my wife.
• 2:17:30
  That's so sweet, thank you. You'll have to tell her hello
• 2:17:33
  for me. I will.
• 2:17:34
  Where can people find you online in your work?
• 2:17:37
  People can find me, I have a website, shanesmithcomedy.com.
• 2:17:40
  You can find my tour dates and stuff there and I'm going to be
• 2:17:43
  I'm actually coming to San Diego amazing form in December so you.
• 2:17:46
  Should OK, we'd I, we'd love that.
• 2:17:49
  And then, yeah, so I have shows. And then you can follow me on
• 2:17:52
  Instagram at Shay Dozer. Shay.
• 2:17:54
  Send him some love and IG you get Oh my gosh.
• 2:17:58
  I will say that I got like an incredible amount of hate, but I
• 2:18:02
  posted like basically being like, I'm not backing down.
• 2:18:04
  I double down and the amount of support I got was wildly
• 2:18:09
  overwhelming. So thank you to all the
• 2:18:11
  Christians who who are witnesses, who have had my back,
• 2:18:14
  who have taken care of me. If you've ever sent me a nice
• 2:18:17
  message, know that even if I didn't respond, I saw it and it,
• 2:18:20
  it, it was nice. It was good and I needed it.
• 2:18:23
  So yeah, yeah. The so Instagram website Shane
• 2:18:26
  Smith you can find me amazing Google tattoo face comedian.
• 2:18:32
  Thank you, Shane. Thank you.
• 2:18:34
  Thanks so much for listening to this episode with Shane Smith.
• 2:18:37
  What a story. What an amazing path that God
• 2:18:40
  has taken Shane on and he wants to take you on.
• 2:18:43
  He wants to take all of us on if we're willing to open our hearts
• 2:18:46
  up to the love of Jesus Christ. Don't forget to subscribe to the
• 2:18:49
  channel if you're not already subscribed.
• 2:18:50
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• 2:18:52
  subscribed over there. Leave us five stars in a review
• 2:18:55
  to help the show grow. Thank you all so much, Huge
• 2:18:58
  thank you to our partner EWTN, the largest religious
• 2:19:01
  broadcaster in the entire world. EWTN is reaching millions of
• 2:19:04
  people every single day with the beautiful truth of the gospel.
• 2:19:08
  You can watch new episodes of the Lila Rose Show 24 hours
• 2:19:11
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