Latest / Spinning the Light Podcast / The Practice of Becoming

Transcript

The Practice of Becoming · Spinning the Light Podcast

0:04
Hello and welcome to two girls in a pod.
0:05
I'm Sharon. I'm Christy Hope all of you are
0:08
doing well. We took a week off, but every
0:12
once in a while we have to do a little regroup.
0:14
Or stuff gets in the way. We get a little busy, but we are
0:17
going to do our best to stay on task and to stay putting out our
0:21
podcast weekly. We really do appreciate all of
0:24
you who continue to support us. We are tremendously grateful for
0:29
that. Yes, absolutely.
0:32
As we always talk, you know, Christine, always having these
0:34
conversations and stuff. And, you know, one of the things
0:36
we kind of noticed is we talk about things like gratitude and
0:43
not listening to the those voices, you know, of other
0:46
people's opinions and just the whole gamut of things, you know,
0:49
anxiety, the mental health piece of how to be mentally strong,
0:53
how to be your authentic self, all of those things.
0:56
But, you know, we realized that we really, we talked about these
0:59
things, but we've never really talked about why they became
1:03
important to us. Right.
1:05
I think we'll start with the gratitude one.
1:07
It was the time in our life when in 2010, neither one of us had a
1:11
job and we'd apply for jobs and Oh my goodness, the amount of
1:15
rejection letters, you're overqualified.
1:17
You know, I I didn't even care. We just wanted a job.
1:20
We didn't care if it was in the local gas state.
1:22
We did not care. No.
1:24
And it was for a few months. So it was getting to where that
1:28
it was really putting us in a bind.
1:31
And there was a lot of pressure, a lot of stress, a lot of
1:35
anxiety at that. We were so grateful to my
1:39
parents who would help us out. You know, we also didn't want to
1:43
go. They were on a fixed income.
1:45
It wasn't about that. And I mean, I don't know if that
1:47
was pride or I don't think it was pride.
1:50
I really think it was You don't want to take advantage of people
1:52
that you love and things like that.
1:54
And you know, your mom helped us out a little bit too, and we
1:58
just didn't share with a lot of people that we were struggling.
2:02
Yeah, except our good neighbor, June.
2:05
June Oh my goodness, Cuz. You know, sometimes she was kind
2:08
of in the same boat because her job didn't pay a lot of money.
2:11
She had two daughters at home. It was the struggle for her as
2:15
well. A.
2:15
Single mom. And yeah, it was rough.
2:18
We would rely on each other, you know.
2:20
And I remember her dad taking her some stuff from a farmer and
2:24
then June ago and split it up. So we got a cabbage.
2:27
She got a cabbage or, you know, whatever.
2:29
And and just those moments and and realizing how important and
2:33
grateful we were for that. But we didn't understand the
2:36
value of gratitude. I think it's more what it is.
2:38
You know what I mean? I mean, I think that we grew up,
2:40
you know, it was grateful, but yes, but you didn't articulate
2:44
it maybe. No and I well I think that.
2:47
During that whole time began a whole, entire shift of our
2:51
understanding of gratitude and how it plays out in your life
2:56
and what it brought to our life by switching our thinking around
3:00
gratitude because we were kind of in a funk, you know?
3:03
So it was like, you know, you don't have a job, so you don't
3:05
know if it's Monday, Tuesday, you just don't know.
3:08
You kind of start sleeping in, but then you start feeling yuck.
3:11
You know, it's like you don't feel a purpose.
3:13
And so we made a decision that we talked to you about the
3:16
importance of doing an action. And we learned that too, because
3:19
one of the things we did was we said we can't just lay around.
3:22
So we would get up and we would walk.
3:25
Yeah, we started coming up with, you know, more of a regiment for
3:29
ourselves where that we were getting out and and being more
3:32
active. We just started even walking
3:34
around town, so we weren't using gas and you know, things like
3:38
that. But it was really that thing
3:40
that was really interesting is because that actually taught us
3:43
the value of, you know, and even when I'm working with clients,
3:46
if you don't have a schedule or a purpose, you get stuck and you
3:52
kind of things become really mundane.
3:55
And we would we get up in the morning, we take our walk and
3:58
one day we're walking. And you know, of course, like we
4:01
said, we had no money. When we said zero money, we're
4:03
not talking about savings or this Saturday.
4:05
No, because we had to use a lot of that to keep our house and
4:08
keep our cars and phone and everything else you have to keep
4:11
going without any income coming in.
4:14
Yeah. And having that taught us a lot
4:17
about communication because we had to stay in constant contact
4:20
with creditors and things like that to try to be able to
4:24
maintain what we were going through and and still come away
4:29
with anything exactly. And you know, we didn't qualify
4:33
for any of the benefits stuff. Yeah.
4:37
So it was just a really difficult time for us and I
4:41
remember we started with gratitude because we started
4:44
reading The Secret. Yeah, we took a lot of our time,
4:47
you know, in setting up this regimen.
4:49
We also set aside time that we were reading.
4:52
We'd read to each other and we started reading the secret to
4:55
each other. Then we would talk about it and
4:58
we would talk about this gratitude things.
5:01
Feeling that is one thing, but expressing it's something else
5:05
to feel gratitude. But nobody knows you feel
5:06
gratitude, do you know what I mean?
5:08
Right. Well, and realizing it helped me
5:10
to realize how many things we were actually still taking for
5:13
granted. Even though we had a lot of
5:15
gratitude for what was given to us, whether it be from our
5:20
neighbor June sharing with us, or whatever, there was always
5:22
gratitude for things like that. But there were so many things
5:25
that we didn't even realize that we were overlooking basically.
5:29
And I think that's where it really started.
5:31
And you know, we always talking about communication.
5:33
Communication. Well, I we've always talked.
5:36
We've always had, I feel like a really amazing friendship.
5:40
But it was even at that time we started talking even more.
5:43
Yes, because we started reading more books to each other.
5:46
We started formulating ideas and plans.
5:49
You know, what were we willing to do?
5:51
What were we not willing to do? You know, all those different
5:54
things that go on. And you realize.
5:57
How empowering that is to even just start taking action where
6:00
you can. Even though we were not in
6:03
control of the situation as far as the employment we were
6:06
putting in the applications and all of that stuff.
6:09
But we started looking at what we could do and that was to
6:13
start reading and see about developing new ideas like you
6:17
said and and also using it to help our bodies to be healthier
6:24
and things like that. And I guess the thing we have to
6:27
mention is that when we didn't have a job, we moved to Florida.
6:31
We were seeking whatever, you know, to try and and make things
6:35
work. And so we did.
6:37
We moved to Florida. I worked on getting my
6:39
provisional license there. Your mom and brother moved with
6:43
us and we were there for three months.
6:46
Yes. One of the things is, is that
6:49
Florida's insurance is extremely high.
6:53
There were a few hoops for your license.
6:56
I can live with all of that, but what could we not live with?
6:59
So that was quite an experience. We rented an apartment there
7:04
that, you know, from the outside, looked really nice.
7:07
We're in Orlando. Nice grounds and everything was
7:10
beautiful and then we got in there and cockroaches galore and
7:18
we were on 1st and aid basis with our organ, yeah.
7:22
And he was finally to the point that I can't come in here and
7:26
spray anymore because it's getting to toxic levels for you.
7:28
It's going to kill you and the cockroaches are still going to
7:30
live, basically. Yeah, but he's like the
7:33
neighbors. That's your problem.
7:35
I was like, okay, Great. And it was like, Oh my God,
7:38
we're putting so much into this. So we still had our home, of
7:41
course, in Delmore. So we made the decision to move
7:44
back. Your mom moved back to Alabama.
7:46
We moved to. Well, not only that, when you
7:49
were looking at jobs there, it was like it was some of the
7:54
areas were kind of high crime and you were like you, what are
7:57
you going to be dealing with and all of that.
7:59
So we were leery of that too, but I wanted to do
8:02
therapeutically, you know, so it wasn't.
8:04
And so I was, you know, I don't know if I want to compromise on
8:07
that. Anyway, we moved back and that's
8:09
when we actually started getting into gratitude because that's
8:12
what we didn't have a schedule, we didn't have anything.
8:14
And like I said and then you start getting, well, almost
8:17
depressed I guess or I'm not even depressed, but it's kind of
8:20
like disheartened because you put out all these applications
8:24
and you constantly get that thing of you're overqualified
8:28
or. The rejections, When they start
8:30
to mount up, you start to feel a little defeated.
8:34
But even through all that, once we started shifting that whole
8:37
thought process, it was an amazing time for us.
8:41
Even though it was, it stopped being a stressful time in a way.
8:45
Yeah, because we totally, you know, started shifting our focus
8:48
to what we were reading and getting into that and and
8:52
understanding that there were certain things that we could
8:55
take action on. You know, one of the things I
8:58
was grateful for is that I really did get to spend more
9:00
time with my parents, which was nice.
9:02
You know, I could go over there, help them out and do some stuff,
9:04
you know, that they needed done. Or I started looking more
9:07
towards some of the positive things that were going on with
9:10
us, you know what I mean? And I had time to take care of
9:12
my yard, which my yard is very important to me.
9:15
We started hanging out there more.
9:18
Like I say, I started getting healthier.
9:19
We started walking, yes. And so things started to shift
9:23
for us. And so we continued with this
9:25
gratitude, and we practice it even today.
9:30
Let's Fast forward now, 13 years later.
9:32
That pause because when we just first started doing this and
9:36
we're reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, by the way.
9:40
It was interesting because we started, you know, really trying
9:42
to implement some of those affirmations that they talk
9:45
about in the book and that. And things started to gradually
9:49
change. And one of the things I remember
9:52
is us being out, walking and looking down, crossing the
9:57
street and finding $20.00 right in the road.
10:00
Just little things like that started to appear and you know,
10:03
when you have no money, $20.00 is a lot.
10:06
That's big deal. So what did we go by?
10:09
Cup of soup. Oh yeah, we lived on Cup of
10:12
soup. They were three for $0.99 and
10:15
that was quite a bit of food. I'm so grateful for the cup of
10:19
soup, but I cannot eat cup of soup.
10:23
I just we we ate a lot of it and you know I I sit here and think
10:27
now and they're like, Oh my God, I'm so dumb.
10:29
We could have gone and shopped at my parents house at any time.
10:33
My parents always had an abundance of food, and we could,
10:36
and sometimes we did. They did help us out in many
10:39
ways, even just by feeding us when we go over for meals.
10:43
But I got to tell you, my parents were so funny.
10:46
If my mom got up to go to the bathroom, my dad would tell me.
10:49
He thought, go get my bill, fold and I would be there like okay.
10:52
And here he'd be giving me money.
10:54
It's not much, you know. So here's a 20 and then, like,
10:58
my dad would go outside and my mom would come over.
11:00
He thought, come here and give me $20.00, but don't tell your
11:02
dad I was so cute. You know, I don't, you know,
11:06
they could have just given me the 40 together and I was happy.
11:09
But you know, they knew that I needed to have gas and stuff.
11:12
Yeah, so I could go see them. I mean, I guess I could walk the
11:15
five miles, but, you know, I wasn't quite there yet.
11:19
But that's something that was really important for us.
11:23
And even through that, we started looking more at how do
11:26
you follow your dreams? And then I was really grateful
11:30
because a friend, Heather, called me and said, hey, they're
11:33
hiring for MFLEX. Do you want to do that with just
11:35
military family life, counselor? I said, I'm not sure what that
11:37
is, but sure. So I applied there and I applied
11:40
other places. And then I get 3 phone calls,
11:44
three job offers. And I think one was Pueblo, Co
11:49
Springs in Denver. And I sat there and I said,
11:52
well, what would I like to do? And I thought, well, you know
11:54
what? I really like my friend Heather.
11:57
So I'm going to do that. Not that I would see her because
12:00
of Zenflex. We moved around but.
12:03
Which was kind of a blessing within itself because they took
12:06
care of our place to stay, so we didn't have to actually make a
12:09
concrete decision about moving somewhere or that.
12:12
And we weren't putting out expense for other another place
12:15
to live. So it worked perfectly because
12:17
we just basically lived in a hotel for the three months and
12:20
then we would every three months we moved a new rotation and that
12:24
was really great. But I thought, you know, I
12:26
really love being a therapist. You know, we talked about follow
12:29
your dreams, do that. And we had talked about it and
12:32
we had talked about wanting to have our private practice and it
12:36
was like, are we settling even some of the people I would work
12:41
with would tell me, you know, you're so much more of their
12:43
because the military failure life counselor, it's not
12:46
actually therapeutic in that same way.
12:49
So you do a lot of consultation. You kind of just are helping
12:52
with behavior. So I was working with kids a lot
12:56
and so for me it was like and I would tell you I like it, but it
12:59
doesn't fill me up in the same way.
13:02
Oh, like you mentioned, you weren't really doing therapy and
13:05
that then the next opportunity comes available.
13:08
Here comes Heather again. Heather stops being an amp flak
13:11
and she goes with this company and she said, hey, they're
13:13
hiring. So I went in, got the job.
13:17
So Heather and I are back again working together.
13:19
That was such a neat experience because, you know, not only had
13:23
I met Sylvia as an amp flak because, which was a blessing in
13:27
a way that we just didn't know at that time.
13:30
And then there was Kathy Weber, who was an MFLAC.
13:33
I had heard about her, she had heard about me, but we really
13:36
hadn't met a lot, you know, because she did adult.
13:39
So when I went over to this next company, Sylvia was there too.
13:44
So for me, it was like, Oh my God, this is so great.
13:46
Then in comes Kathy G and met her.
13:50
And once again, we didn't know what that was going to look like
13:52
either. But we sat down and we talked
13:56
and you know, we came to the decision in 2014 that we really
14:00
wanted to have that private practice.
14:03
We really, really wanted it. It was a dream that we had and
14:08
it was like, how do we make that come to be?
14:12
And the cool thing is that we had to trust in the process and
14:17
you had to have that position that you did to make the
14:20
connections that you needed. To move on to the next place,
14:24
the next level up, because that's what we've been doing
14:29
every time. I feel like leveling up a little
14:32
bit each time. It's when we're talking even on
14:35
the podcast and we're telling people follow your dreams, have
14:38
a goal, build those relationships, pay it forward.
14:43
These are things that we learned as we've been on this journey.
14:48
Yeah, exactly. I went and I was talking to
14:51
Heather and I said, you know, I really want to do private
14:53
practice. She goes, well, why don't you do
14:55
it on the days that, you know, I said I didn't work Mondays or
14:58
something. And so I started, I went down
15:03
there and Heather and Sylvia and Kathy Weber shared an office and
15:07
I said, well, can I have a space for a day?
15:09
And and they're like, sure. And they opened that up to me.
15:12
And so I started there and then then came the hole in the wall,
15:18
which was true because we thought we had a lease there.
15:21
And then the next thing I know, Sylvia is calling me saying
15:24
they're putting a hole in the wall.
15:25
What's going on here? And then, no, they had rented it
15:29
out to somebody else and we're doing construction on it.
15:31
And here we were in trying to do therapy.
15:34
They were going to remodel the space and the lease was going to
15:37
somebody else and we were just kind of being pushed out.
15:40
So we had to scramble for another location, but it was
15:44
better for us because then the next location we got, we had
15:47
more space. It was more hours.
15:49
We weren't sharing it. It was a better thing then.
15:52
And then that's when we brought Kathy G in and we formed this
15:55
wonderful team. It really isn't 18, but once
15:59
again, it was about connections, It was about communication.
16:04
It was about creating and seeing opportunity.
16:09
Yes. And I think we were able to see
16:12
opportunity because we had switched in our mind to
16:15
gratitude. I really feel like that that was
16:19
the liftoff for us in all of that and that's like I said when
16:24
enabled us to be able to see when to make those moves and
16:29
just the opportunity. Yeah, exactly.
16:31
I agree with you. I think it really expanded
16:34
something in US. Not only I feel like as
16:36
individuals, but I think it really expanded and helped in
16:41
our relationship in a different way as well because we had a
16:44
greater appreciation for some things.
16:47
And I really feel like that that's what it takes is you get
16:50
so fixated sometimes on the problem.
16:52
You know, we were looking at the unemployment, and then you get
16:57
stuck. You feel like you're stifled
16:59
because you aren't able to see other things.
17:02
Yeah. And you're they're like, oh man,
17:04
you start thinking about your lack of money.
17:07
When you shift your focus to that, you're not shifting your
17:10
focus to, Oh my God, you still have a home.
17:13
Well, and it doesn't do anything to shift your focus to that,
17:16
because you don't have. That is not a solution.
17:19
You're just fixated on the problem.
17:22
Absolutely. And some of it was anxiety
17:24
provoking and we had to learn to navigate that as well.
17:29
You know, for me, I am. They're like okay, you have the
17:31
skills, use them kind of thing. You know, walking was really
17:35
great for us. Really having those
17:37
relationships and knowing that we had support was Sandra is has
17:45
always been from the time of our friendship just so supportive
17:48
and that was important, you know, to have those connections.
17:54
Absolutely, because when we were going through that whole process
17:57
of where should we move or what should we do, we need to find a
18:00
job. If it's not going to happen here
18:02
in Delnor, then it has to happen somewhere else.
18:05
Even during that time, actually before we went to Florida, we
18:08
went up to Grand Junction and we're there for a few months.
18:11
And during that time trying to make that move, it was our dear
18:16
friend Sandra that helped us with that move in the process.
18:20
So yes, those connections are so valuable.
18:24
I still feel a little bad about that because unfortunately I got
18:26
a migraine and so Christy and Sandra unloaded the truck.
18:32
I just could not. Oh, I was.
18:33
So I was just sick. And it was in the dark, Yeah, to
18:37
the storage unit. But you know, that's what I
18:41
mean. When you work on those
18:42
relationships, those relationships are there for you
18:44
and you get to be there for them.
18:46
And So what we're talking about this, a lot of the stuff we
18:50
talked about is because of the experiences that we have had.
18:55
You know, we often talk about those social constructs as well
18:59
and we all fall into them. That even that thing of, oh,
19:04
you're overeducated. What does that even mean?
19:07
How can you be overeducated for a job?
19:11
Do you see what I mean? But it becomes that social
19:13
contract. Well, I'm not going to hire you
19:14
because you're, you've got that master, so you're not going to
19:16
really stay here. Look, dude, I want to keep my
19:18
house, but people once again fall into that construct or that
19:23
business model or whatever you want to call it.
19:25
And then people who are really just, they're like, I just need
19:27
a job. And you learn that when that
19:31
social construct works against you, what can you do later on in
19:35
life to get out of those social constructs?
19:38
Exactly. And I think that you have to
19:40
realize that all of it, you know, we talked about the baby
19:43
steps. They add up to big things.
19:46
But it does. It takes time and it takes going
19:50
through that process to be able to come to that place.
19:54
Yeah, I mean I feel like that we're in such a much better
19:58
place today, but it was, it was a process and still is.
20:03
I think people always think of everything having a beginning
20:07
and an end, but it's not that way.
20:09
I mean it's sort of everything is like maintenance and
20:12
practice, you know, I mean it just continues on you're you
20:15
don't get to a certain age in life and never need sleep again.
20:19
That is a practice you will continue your whole life.
20:22
I think that, and I think that's really, that's really a
20:25
fascinating thing because I think what happens is people do
20:28
not understand. And I always tell my clients,
20:31
your life is your journey and your journey, you're on this
20:34
journey until the moment you stop your last breath, that's
20:38
when the journey ends, I said. And so you know, what you do on
20:43
that journey is about growth and you don't stop growing at 2040,
20:49
sixty, whatever your growth stops the moment you stop
20:52
breathing. Because we're always evolving in
20:56
some way, even sometimes when we don't realize we're evolving,
21:01
there are things taking place. Sometimes we don't have an
21:04
awareness to it. You know, we talked about the
21:06
importance of something being in our awareness.
21:09
When we start reading the the secret that became part of our
21:13
awareness and then that became part of our practice.
21:16
Yes, even meditation and and quiet in the mind became part of
21:23
our practice. And when I say practice because
21:26
we, I don't know, I I know I haven't mastered it.
21:29
Certainly not. I mean and there, you know we
21:32
talk about all the time about having balance and things like
21:34
that. That is one of the most biggest
21:37
struggles to me. Is how do you do that?
21:40
How do you find the balance? And so that it's a continued
21:43
journey and it is about the journey, it's not so much about
21:47
the destination. I mean, that may sound cliche,
21:49
but I think that people really have to to look at that and
21:53
understand it's this moment right now that means the most.
21:57
And I think, you know, once again, that's another thing that
21:59
we talked about. You know, we're taught so much
22:01
of the time about think of your future, think of your future.
22:05
Yeah, another construct. Save for your future.
22:08
Do all this for your future. Well, if you're doing all that,
22:11
what are you doing in the present moment?
22:14
Right. You're not living because you're
22:16
so busy thinking about the future.
22:17
You're so busy suffering what you think is might happen, or
22:21
exactly it ain't even happened yet save for the future.
22:26
And I always love this when a parent says to their kid, you
22:28
know, get their birthday money or whatever, why are you
22:30
spending on foolishness? Something like they're living in
22:33
the moment, man, that what might be foolish to you as an adult.
22:36
That's really important to them. And it's in the moment.
22:40
They're enjoying it in that moment.
22:42
I think when people get to be adults and you know that same
22:45
thing of, oh gosh, you got to go to college, you got to go do
22:47
this and you know, all this pressure and, you know, when I'm
22:49
working with kids, it's like, Oh my God, they're talking to me
22:52
about college. I don't even know what I'm going
22:53
to wear next week. It's true.
22:57
So it's once again, it's one of those things that and I get
23:00
planning, but I think that people take planning and then
23:04
it's like it turns into almost a fear of what's coming and not
23:11
appreciating what's going on right now.
23:12
Well, because you can't plan for every variable either.
23:16
And we're just, we're going along and we're living and
23:19
hopefully enjoying at the same time.
23:21
And yeah, we have to, like I say, stay in the moment.
23:26
Well, and you know, I tell people The thing is, is like
23:29
sometimes you know you are going along, go fat, dumb and happy
23:32
and Wham. You got three free from your
23:34
goal. That's for a movie, but.
23:40
Yeah, that's the thing. You get 3 feet from your goal.
23:43
And their lights up and hits you in the gut.
23:45
Yep. And there you have it.
23:47
You know what I mean? And it's like, where did that
23:50
come from? And I tell people, we're always
23:52
going to have things coming because we do not control those
23:56
external things. But when we do control is how we
23:59
respond and react to those external things.
24:02
Yeah, and sometimes it can be whack.
24:05
You get, you know, 3 feet from go, get whacked and you fall to
24:08
pieces. Or you get 3 feet from your
24:10
goal, you get whack and you say, Dang, that hurt.
24:12
Now what do I do? You know, or whatever it.
24:15
Is and there's, you know, you try something sometimes and
24:18
sometimes it doesn't always work out.
24:19
Just like Florida didn't work out for us, You know, we
24:22
thought, oh, warm climate, we're going to love it on and on.
24:26
And yeah, it just didn't work out that way.
24:29
It was not what we expected. But that's okay because it
24:33
wasn't a complete failure. It was a learning experience.
24:38
And you know, one of the things is too is that we talk about
24:41
that thing. And you know, I say about I
24:43
don't know about failure because life is always about practice.
24:48
But I also tell my clients, you know what, when we're talking
24:51
about something and we're talking about a new idea and
24:54
they'll go use it. Whether it's a parent idea
24:55
didn't work, I'm there. Like you haven't practiced it
24:58
yet. If something does not become a
25:01
part of who we are, a part of our practice, it doesn't
25:05
solidify with people. Your kids don't believe you.
25:09
You know if you try something one and done, they don't believe
25:11
you. It's after you're being
25:13
consistent with them that it starts to ring true.
25:17
The same thing when you're doing something, the more consistent
25:20
you. Because we talked about that.
25:22
You know I said, you know I'd love the fact that we've been
25:23
really more consistent with our working out and stuff.
25:27
They always tell me consistency and I'm like today, when my day
25:31
started at 9 and didn't finish till six, I didn't have the same
25:36
amount of time to put that consistency in.
25:39
It doesn't mean I don't get up in between and do steps and do
25:41
stuff like that. But even remaining consistent
25:44
with that, I can't change my I do have the power to do that,
25:48
but it wouldn't be fair to my clients.
25:51
So therefore I've got to still meet those needs because I've
25:55
committed to this relationship as a therapist with my client.
25:58
So there's some of that that takes place.
26:01
But once again it's when you start something new, it doesn't
26:06
feel right all the time. When we first started with
26:09
gratitude, we fumbled with it a little bit.
26:13
You know now you give me a topic if I can give you a gratitude
26:16
statement because you have to put stuff into a positive way
26:19
and and you can't use negative anyway, you can't do all that
26:22
stuff. So and now it's such a.
26:25
Natural thing to us, you know, that I don't even think about
26:29
it. My client says, oh, can I have a
26:30
what a grad student me about this?
26:32
And I'll just rattle it off because it's now our way of
26:35
life, which is really important. And a lot of my clients use
26:40
gratitude because gratitude, you know, when I tell people, you
26:44
know, when people say, well, how is gratitude therapy?
26:46
I said because it's still part of cognitive behavioral therapy.
26:49
We're changing the way in which your brain fires.
26:52
We're changing the messages that you're giving it.
26:55
And you know The thing is is we buy and and we talk about that,
26:59
the thing of buying into other people's ideas of who we are,
27:03
whether it's body shape or whatever that is that buy into
27:08
it, which is somebody says something that we we take it on
27:12
once again is our truth and it's not the truth.
27:17
It is that, once again, sometimes it's those social
27:19
constructs that we talk about. You know, same thing, you're a
27:23
girl, act as girly as you can. And you know, that's one of the
27:26
things that we love about this podcast is because we talked to
27:29
Erica, she talked about that thing of getting females into
27:33
sports. Yeah, breaking that barrier.
27:37
Yeah, because for so long, people have just carried that
27:39
idea around, you know, that girls don't enter sports, you
27:44
know, or they don't excel or whatever.
27:47
Well, and you know, now they have the new STEM programs and
27:50
you know, it's like, come on, get the girls in there once
27:53
again. We have those social constructs,
27:55
though, and I see that in my practice.
27:59
You're a girl, so you're not really into the math and the
28:01
scientists, sciences, You know, your arts and reading and
28:04
language, and there's still some of that that goes on.
28:08
Even if it's not verbal, Absolutely.
28:11
Do it. They kind of push boys into one
28:14
kind of thing and girls into another a lot of times I think.
28:17
And then when we do that, it's hard for that person not to
28:21
believe that's their place in life.
28:23
Yeah. And anybody listening, maybe you
28:26
can sit there and think of a time where you were told
28:29
something, you know, this is who you are and and you kind of
28:33
maybe even stayed stuck there from it.
28:34
Maybe you're still stuck there. I don't know.
28:37
Your dad was this, your dad was a teacher.
28:39
Your granddaddy was a teacher. You know, every.
28:42
He's a teacher. You're going to be a teacher
28:44
because that that's a different one.
28:46
That's a family thing, but it's the same thing.
28:48
You're sitting there thinking, I just want to be in the ballet or
28:51
whatever, you know, then it's like, no, that's not, well,
28:56
that's not going to happen. Do you see what I mean?
28:58
The social constructs are internal to our home.
29:03
So there's those, whether they're cultural or whatever
29:06
that is. And then there's the, you know,
29:09
the construct of your community and maybe even your church, you
29:13
know, and then society itself and all of that other stuff.
29:17
When I talk to people about body image or things like that, where
29:20
did that come from? I don't know.
29:22
You're supposed to look this way.
29:24
You're you're supposed to, you know, and that really messes
29:27
people up. Well, even like, I mean, I know
29:30
that genetics plays some role in different things, but I think
29:35
it's interesting that a lot of times you'll hear someone say
29:39
they come by it honestly, because it's.
29:41
A long line of my family has this in my blood, yeah.
29:45
So if you believe that about yourself, of course, why
29:48
wouldn't it be true? And you know what?
29:51
It's so interesting that you talked about that.
29:53
I was just talking to one of my clients about genetics.
29:55
And I said, the cool thing is though is that we have the
29:57
ability to change things by our behaviors, What we eat, what we
30:01
do, how active are we, what are we doing to contribute to our
30:04
own life and our own health, You know, And that's we're talking
30:08
about what is that contribution that you do for yourself, right.
30:12
You know, and how do you do it in a way when once again, the
30:15
social construct says if you make it all about you, then
30:19
you're being selfish or you're being this or you're being that.
30:23
And I have a lot of women I have worked with over these many,
30:26
many years and a lot of times they always put themselves on
30:29
the back burner. And no disrespect to the dads
30:33
out there, that's not what I'm talking about.
30:34
I'm talking about the people, the women.
30:36
I'm talking about where specific.
30:38
And they would often say, you know, I would say like, well,
30:41
what are you getting or what are you getting for yourself?
30:44
Oh no, my kids need this or my husband needs this.
30:48
And often times, you know, they won't, they won't buy for
30:52
themselves or they won't do for themselves.
30:54
And I asked one one time, I said, why would you do this?
30:58
And she goes, well, that's what you're supposed to do.
31:02
And I said, I'm sorry, who made this rule?
31:04
Where did this come from? And she goes, what do you mean?
31:08
I said once again, how do you feed from an empty plate?
31:17
How do you give when you have nothing?
31:22
Exactly. It doesn't make any sense.
31:24
That's why we talked about this on this podcast, The importance
31:27
of taking care of yourself. Because Oh my goodness, there's
31:33
so much that people take on sometimes and then you find out
31:38
they don't even know why. Exactly.
31:41
But yet it's a burden on them. Yeah.
31:44
So they don't have that ability to have that sense of freedom.
31:49
And it's a social construct, right?
31:52
But it's so ingrained and it can be generational stuff.
31:56
And, you know, you're just there like, Oh, my goodness, I was
31:59
talking to one of my client and you know, even like you said, he
32:02
goes, it's like you go back home and the same person is on the
32:05
same street corner. It's like they never left.
32:10
It's like, how do you not want to be more or whatever?
32:18
And I said, I don't know, maybe they're happy on the street
32:20
corner. I said, I don't know, He was
32:22
talking about, you know, and he goes, but I know them and you
32:24
know, and I said, I get that. And I said, I think The thing
32:27
is, is because sometimes we're told, well, nobody in your
32:31
family's ever gone to college. Education's not important.
32:34
Go get a job, you know, or whatever, or everybody in your
32:37
family goes to college and all you want is a job.
32:40
It works both ways. But you listen to it long
32:44
enough, you'll really believe all those things about yourself.
32:46
And then you basically paint yourself into a corner because
32:50
you're you're not going to feel like that.
32:52
You can move in a different direction.
32:54
Well, then I think, you know, one of the things I I talk often
32:57
with my clients about is labels. I always tell them you're more
33:01
than your diagnosis, You're more than you know we're not.
33:05
And to learn to start to embrace the whole entire person.
33:10
You know what I would tell people?
33:11
There's good, bad and ugly in all of us.
33:13
We're not immune to it. We're not immune to being angry
33:15
and yelling, doing all the other stupid stuff that people do.
33:18
But The thing is, is that what do you learn from it?
33:22
If you're doing the same behavior and you learn nothing,
33:26
then you're stuck. But often times, well, that's
33:29
how everybody in my family's handled this or it Once again,
33:33
it becomes those constructs and people get stuck in these boxes.
33:38
And so we talked with people on this podcast that are breaking
33:41
barriers that are believing and following dreams.
33:45
Believing in themselves enough to make these changes, to step
33:49
out, to have the courage, and even to step out and talk about
33:55
things like Bigfoot or UF O's or things like that.
34:00
Because that takes courage. Because a lot of people, they're
34:02
like, well, they're nuts. How many times do you have
34:05
people that will come in and see you and have said I don't want
34:08
you to think I'm crazy and then tell me this very interesting
34:12
story that I would do not psychotic or anything.
34:16
And they're like, I don't know, you're experiencing something.
34:20
It seems to be like a a supernatural experience.
34:23
I said because it's not internal to you.
34:25
So you know, I mean we break that down and stuff and but yes,
34:28
please don't think I'm crazy. They're like okay, but
34:32
absolutely because their fear of talking about stuff and that and
34:37
I'm they're like it's an experience.
34:39
It's neither good nor bad. It's not you know what I mean?
34:43
It's not to be judged. It just simply is.
34:48
That's what we're talking about on every podcast.
34:51
It is always about being the best version of you and breaking
34:57
down those barriers that are keeping you encased from
35:03
following your dreams or from for whatever it is, Big, small,
35:09
it doesn't matter. Because it's keeping you from
35:12
moving forward and and fulfilling your purpose and
35:17
moving ahead and excelling. At whatever it is that you're
35:21
good at. The other thing is I don't think
35:24
I always tell people, listen to yourself, listen to your gut.
35:30
You know, often times it really is there for a reason and you
35:35
know, sometimes even there will be fear.
35:38
And we talked about that in the pocket.
35:40
Sometimes when we're the most afraid is when we need to take
35:44
an action when we're goal setting because it's like, Oh
35:49
my. And you know, that was, you
35:51
know, it was like, Oh my. And I kept saying, oh, geez, I
35:53
don't know. I don't know if we should do
35:54
this with the private practice here.
35:58
You were learning stuff you knew nothing about with insurance.
36:01
Yeah. And credentialing.
36:03
And then she got a side gig because she figured out
36:06
credentialing for me, which that means I just can bill out
36:09
insurance. And so I get paneled with them.
36:12
She figures it out, and they're pretty soon the other
36:14
clinicians. Christy, can you do this for me?
36:18
Will you help me with credentialing with these
36:20
insurances? So she got a little side gig
36:22
there, you know, and people were asking her to help out with that
36:26
and stuff like that. So she was learning a whole new
36:28
thing and they had to be scary. It was, yeah, because I wanted
36:33
to make sure that I was, you know, doing everything right and
36:36
providing the right information and making the right connections
36:39
and all of that, so. It was.
36:41
It was a little nerve wracking, but it was nice.
36:43
And I mean that was another thing was when you first got
36:47
going with that company, I mean we hadn't even, we were just
36:51
barely getting started. But it was making those
36:53
connections and that and it was providing extra income and
36:57
things like that. I mean, more little steps along
37:00
the way. One of the reasons we wanted to
37:03
talk about this too, is because we're far from knowing
37:09
everything. We're still evolving.
37:13
We're we're putting into practice all of these things and
37:19
understanding that it didn't start out this way.
37:23
Yeah, definitely. I mean, I still feel like
37:25
there's so much more room for improvement and but it's still I
37:30
feel like that we are at a much better place.
37:33
And yes, it didn't happen overnight.
37:35
It just slowly has. And I think another thing that I
37:41
know it's important is that I feel like we had a good
37:44
foundation to start with. I mean, I really, you know, my
37:49
family support my parents, you know, and then of course I have
37:56
five brothers and five sisters. So there's a lot, you know, we
37:59
could play games together and be have two beans.
38:02
That was awesome. But even that being in a system
38:05
that big, you learn to be around people and deal with talk about
38:12
a lot of difference, all these there, Oh my.
38:15
But you learn to do that So that for us.
38:19
And it was very different for me because we talked about lots of
38:22
things. We watched shows together and
38:25
talked about them, we did certain things.
38:28
Of course we worked the fields together too.
38:31
And then we covered for each other as well.
38:35
That was part of that relationship building.
38:37
I am immensely grateful for my opinion and for my family.
38:41
I really AM. And I know for you.
38:44
You know when things your dad in his worth his work.
38:48
My dad had a really strong work ethic and he was a hard worker
38:53
and my growing up years he was a plumber and electrician and then
38:58
a janitor and he, I mean he was always cleaning up.
39:03
It didn't matter where he went, he would clean the whole town,
39:06
picking up trash everywhere. He just.
39:08
He just had a way about him that he he wanted things to look
39:12
nice. He wanted things to be good for
39:14
people. And you know, I mean, everybody
39:18
has their faults, but he was a good man.
39:23
I appreciate my upbringing. I really do.
39:26
It was a happy home. And you're you were more of a
39:29
church family, too. Yeah, I was.
39:31
Your mom was very involved in the church and and sometimes she
39:35
was drummer, sometimes she was. Yeah, she played drums, she
39:38
interpreted for the hearing impaired in the church, and she
39:43
did a lot of things and it was the minister in there too.
39:45
The minister Yeah. So there's a lot of things.
39:49
And I think when you learn gratitude and then you get a
39:52
step away, you really start to appreciate those things that you
39:56
didn't realize was so great and wonderful in your life because
40:00
you start to understand the value of them.
40:03
The way this happens is when we take time, we really take time.
40:07
To take care of ourselves. To be selfish, if that's the
40:12
word it is or whatever you know, whatever that is.
40:17
And to look in the mirror and know you are the best version of
40:21
you at this moment. And the hope is that the next
40:25
moment you get to be a better version of you in a stronger
40:27
version and or whatever that version that you see yourself
40:31
as. And we stop listening to those
40:35
voices, those little naysayers. You have to listen to them, but
40:40
we do those things and along the way it is really amazing when
40:46
you get to laugh with those people, whoever they are,
40:51
whoever comes in your life, if it's a stranger, you can sit and
40:53
laugh at the 5 minutes, have gratitude for that because it's
40:57
a true moment. And we always talk about that
41:00
because I don't know, we just say stupid.
41:01
We're just really goofy, you know?
41:07
Oftentimes talking movie quotes and things like that, yes.
41:12
But sometimes, and it seems late at night, when we should be
41:15
going to sleep, we will find something and we can laugh and
41:19
laugh and laugh. It's the best feeling ever, yes.
41:23
So make those moments, because those moments become a memory
41:28
and you can always draw on those memories.
41:30
There's just something really special about that.
41:33
But we wanted to take this opportunity to share with you a
41:36
little bit more about who we are and why we're at the place we
41:40
are, Why this is important for us.
41:42
Because we appreciate every single person along the line in
41:46
our journey and that we're grateful for them and that if we
41:51
can be that for anybody and we always say whether it's that one
41:56
person, it doesn't matter to us. If somebody's listening and this
42:01
resonates with them, then we're truly happy and we are truly
42:05
grateful. And thank you.
42:07
Thank you for listening. Yes, we greatly appreciate it.
42:12
We hope that you guys have a wonderful, fantastic week and
42:15
weekend. Enjoy.
42:18
I will be enjoying a class reunion this year and so
42:23
grateful to the people who came together, to my friend Joe John
42:28
Amigas, who really at the last minute came in and just was
42:31
swooped in and really helped to make this happen.
42:34
And for the people who are attending and all the help we
42:36
had, it was great. And guess what?
42:39
It's great because I get to go back and meet with these people
42:43
who I had such a strong connection with because these
42:46
were my classmates from first grade to graduation because I
42:51
come from a very tiny school so we all knew each other.
42:54
So very excited about this weekend.
42:57
I'll get to, I don't know, Christy gets to maybe learn
43:01
stuff about me that I don't know.
43:02
We'll see how that goes. We'll keep you posted.
43:06
Anyway, thank you so much for listening and have a great week
43:09
and we will be back next week. Bye, bye.