Latest / The Pausecast / Ep. 71 Dr. Daniel Goleman and How to Maintain a Healthy Brain using Emotional Intelligence

Transcript

Ep. 71 Dr. Daniel Goleman and How to Maintain a Healthy Brain using Emotional Intelligence · The Pausecast

0:05
Hey you welcome to the podcast. I am really excited today to
0:10
bring one of my most popular and needed guests from the podcast
0:18
archives to the Forefront. Dr. Daniel goleman.
0:21
Doctor damn Daniel. Goleman was on the podcast in
0:24
2018 and remains one of the most popular episodes to date it.
0:30
Goes without saying he is practically a household name or
0:33
at least the term emotional intelligence is after his book
0:36
in 1996 called emotional intelligence in the many, many
0:40
books that followed after that, I've had the honor of Hosting
0:43
him at Google in one of his talks for altered traits, which
0:47
was a recent book with him and dr.
0:49
Richie Davidson and took his course as a meta coach to help
0:56
others become more emotionally, indulgent using All of his 12
1:01
disciplines and the primary areas of social and emotional
1:07
intelligence that are needed in our today's business world.
1:10
I hope you enjoyed this podcast episode, leave me a comment, let
1:14
me know even though it is from the archives, it's super super
1:17
relevant. I think even more now than today
1:21
as we continue to feel challenged by meeting meeting
1:26
others where we need to at work and working on our own.
1:29
Two ships in the business world as corporate leaders and leaders
1:33
of Our Lives. Enjoy Hi, I'm Rachel O'Meara.
1:44
Author of pause, harnessing the life changing power of giving
1:47
yourself a break. I'm excited that you're here
1:49
today and joining me on the paws cast where I interview thought
1:54
leaders in the world of raising our Consciousness, emotional
1:58
intelligence and helping us really reach our potential for
2:02
more information, you can go to my website, Rachel, O'Meara.com,
2:05
and download my free guide book. How to turn earn out in to
2:09
thriving at work. Welcome everyone to the latest
2:16
edition of the podcast. I'm Rachel O'Meara, author of,
2:21
pause, harnessing, the life changing power of giving
2:24
yourself a break. And today, I am thrilled.
2:27
I'm thrilled to have dr. Daniel goleman, who is joining
2:31
us here to be a guest on the podcast where I post interesting
2:37
people in their field where they are leading their charge for
2:42
helping people be more. Or conscious more emotionally
2:45
intelligent and stronger, and better leaders.
2:48
Hi, Dan, welcome to the podcast. Hi Rachel.
2:52
I'm really happy to be here. I'm sure many of you are
2:55
familiar with with Daniel's work.
2:57
Dan is what I would consider the father of emotional intelligence
3:00
where he wrote the book. Emotional intelligence back in
3:04
1996, was it? And that's right.
3:08
And yeah, and so, it's been out since then millions and millions
3:11
of copies of soul, but really has I'm Decades of work around
3:15
this field and really brought it to the Limelight of our world.
3:19
Where now it's almost a standard and competency that we look at
3:23
with Business Leaders and in the field of Learning and
3:27
Development. So he's written many books.
3:29
His latest book called altered traits.
3:32
He is co-written with dr. Richie Davidson and I had the
3:36
honor of Hosting Dan and Richie at Google late in 19 in 2017 or
3:42
altered traits. So we can talk a little bit
3:44
about that where it's really the convergence of meditation and
3:49
emotional intelligence and your brain and your body kind of all
3:52
coming together. So I'm just really excited to
3:55
dive in. I have so many questions to ask
3:58
but I think what I'd love to do first and if you're into it is
4:02
to lead us off in a meditation and I call this a pause.
4:07
So would you like to take that away?
4:12
Absolutely. I'm I've been a meditator since
4:16
my college days. So pausing in that way, is one
4:19
of my favorite things to do. Let's start with a Sperry
4:23
simple, practice of centering our attention on the breath, and
4:29
just sitting up straight, and closing your eyes.
4:33
You're keeping them open, but not looking around.
4:35
If you do, bring your attention, your full awareness to the
4:40
Natural flow of your breath. Breathing in breathing out, pay
4:46
attention carefully to the entire breast.
4:49
The entire exhalation, the pause the inhalation.
4:55
The pause again, same cycle. If your mind wanders off, and
5:03
you notice, it wandered, just bring it back to the breath
5:07
start again, with the next breath.
5:10
I have a few moments of Silence just be with the breath.
5:25
And the next breath. And whenever your mind wanders
5:38
off, bring it back to the breath.
5:52
and now, let's resume bringing that cause and on with us, Thank
5:59
you. I know I feel a little little
6:02
different and I know pop to me pausing is any intentional shift
6:08
in Behavior. So I definitely said the state
6:11
change with that and thank you for helping me be more centered
6:15
to As I said, it's one of my favorite things.
6:19
Yeah. And we all have the breath.
6:22
Yeah. Well, that's what I've been
6:23
learning to is, as much as I study emotional intelligence.
6:28
And I hope others learn it through my coaching and guests
6:33
on this podcast. If I'm not doing a practice like
6:37
that. It's almost like I get half of
6:40
the effect or, it's not as potent as it could be.
6:43
I don't know. I just feel the two of them that
6:44
work so well together. Well, what we found when we
6:49
looked at the, you know, 60, very top studies of meditation
6:53
in the book. Also traits that you mentioned
6:55
was that this very simple exercise that bringing your full
6:59
awareness at will to something that pauses your mind, which is
7:04
the real pause has lots of benefits that amplify into the
7:11
emotional intelligence Arena and one of them is that it is itself
7:15
an exercise in For which is the fundamental building block of
7:20
emotional intelligence, but another is that it strengthens
7:23
your ability to put your attention where you want it to
7:27
keep it there despite the distractions, in my Lord were
7:31
more distracted than ever these days.
7:33
But if you're going to, if you're going to pursue a goal,
7:36
if it going to finish a task, you just need that full presence
7:40
to what you're doing. And then it also it's kind of a
7:44
twofer, because the same brain circuitry.
7:47
That helps you keep your attention where you wanted is is
7:51
the part of the brain which manages upsetting emotions?
7:55
The strongest distractors. Aren't you know?
7:58
The sound of someone their emotional thoughts.
8:02
Why? That thing he said to me?
8:04
Why did you send that email those?
8:06
Those kinds of thoughts it up, set it.
8:08
And and the part of the brain in the prefrontal area and network
8:14
associated with it, the calms us.
8:17
Now, as the same part of the brain that helps us Focus.
8:21
So people become less reactive emotionally to things that were
8:25
triggers and recover more quickly along with becoming
8:29
better focused. And that really is foundational
8:33
for the first half of emotional intelligence, the self awareness
8:37
and self management and then when you're more present
8:40
yourself, you could be more present to others and that's the
8:43
basis of the relationship. Yeah.
8:47
Intelligence. So yeah.
8:50
You can see how this simple mental training.
8:56
We call it mental Fitness actually really is like going to
8:59
an in your gym. Yeah, you know, every time you
9:01
bring your mind back from wandering is strengthening the
9:05
brain circuitry for focusing and it's just like going to the gym
9:08
when you lift a weight. Every rep makes that muscle
9:11
Little Bit Stronger. It's exactly analogous and
9:15
that's Inner Strength. Is One of the maybe fundamental
9:19
muscles of emotional intelligence.
9:22
Yeah, I think that's that's spot-on.
9:24
Where retention training the brain, where it's the breath, or
9:28
something that you want to focus on.
9:30
I know for myself, helps me be more focused.
9:34
And that what you said was so key, is that, if I'm in a
9:36
relationship with myself, then I can be in relationship with
9:38
others. And that is a, that is such a
9:40
big lesson. Personally that I've been
9:42
learning a lot through the work that you've done and others.
9:46
That if I'm not in touch with myself and how I feel and how
9:50
I'm in the moment with myself, there's really no way to be in
9:56
relationship in the moment with someone else.
9:58
It's like that first step needs to happen and that tuning in I
10:01
think is yeah, really also thanks.
10:04
That's the well, yes. And also there's a kind of a
10:07
neurological principle at work there that which is if yourself
10:11
Focus. If you're wrapped up in that,
10:14
you know, your own stream of thought your own Your own
10:17
upsets, you hardly notice the other person you don't have the
10:21
bandwidth if you know, I'm feeling this way.
10:25
You know, I'm pausing. I'm opening a space that space
10:29
allows you to tune in to the person in front of you and to be
10:33
present for them. Because if you're preoccupied,
10:36
you're going to be half somewhere else or actually all
10:39
some girls. Yeah, that's okay.
10:41
Seem to be there. Yeah, yeah.
10:44
Well I think that's a great segue into the Work that you've
10:47
recently been creating a no other traits came out and now
10:51
you're working on a coaching certification, in the lines of
10:54
all of your work with emotional intelligence.
10:57
I would love if you could share a little bit more about that.
11:00
I know we've got the five components of emotional
11:03
intelligence, can you share, why did you create this in?
11:06
Respect to your work? How do you think it will be
11:09
different from other coaching certifications out there and
11:12
tell us more what it is? Yeah.
11:16
Well, for one thing, I've updated my model of emotional
11:20
intelligence based on ongoing research and I actually talked
11:26
about four more four components of motion.
11:30
Tell, it's not five, my original article, what makes a leader in
11:35
the Harvard Business Review, which I did shortly after I
11:39
wrote emotion intelligence, I had five components, the fifth
11:43
was motivation. I fought with that into
11:45
self-management, a, particularly in the form, of a competence of
11:49
achieving, your goals. And not only have, I streamlined
11:54
it to four components, self-awareness self-management,
11:58
social awareness to relationship management with the in each of
12:02
those domains. I've identified specific learned
12:06
competencies that they people highly effective in leadership,
12:10
and this is Reese search based and knowing what they are, and
12:15
being able to help people assess their own strengths in things
12:20
like, you know, how persuasive are, you are able to empathize?
12:25
Are you able to adapt our you agile, how self aware?
12:29
Are you not only in terms of how the person sees themselves,
12:34
which can have blind spots? But how that meets what other
12:37
people see day in and day out and how they behave?
12:41
That's actually the wake-up call for many, many people is they do
12:45
a 360, we use the emotional social competence inventory,
12:50
which my colleague, Richard boyatzis, and I worked out with
12:54
which now Korn Ferry, hay group, and it assesses people
12:58
behaviourally in ways other people can see on these 12
13:02
competencies. Once you have, that kind of
13:05
diagnostic that raises your self-awareness in a way that you
13:09
wouldn't be able to, otherwise, A wise and and this all needs to
13:13
be done with the coach. I feel because sometimes maybe
13:17
all too often, when he's 62, used for performance reviews.
13:21
This one is not. This is only for leadership
13:23
development, but when the used for performance reviews, people
13:26
take the information and all the wrong way.
13:28
It's like, oh my God, yeah, they do.
13:30
Like I don't listen well enough or you know, you and then you
13:33
become self-critical, you judge yourself and it's kind of a
13:36
downward spiral and you need to avoid that and coaches can do
13:40
that. Framing the feedback is news to
13:43
use. This is an opportunity for you
13:46
to get better and not to judge yourself.
13:49
But to see, oh, this is where I am now.
13:51
I'm going to try to improve it is to use.
13:53
I like that. It is, it is yeah, that's what
13:57
data this kind of data is. And in the coaching
14:01
certification program, people will go through that process but
14:05
highly seasoned coaches and learn to do what for others and
14:09
then to help them. To support them at a change
14:13
process through ongoing encouragement modeling,
14:19
practice, you know, all of the tools of coaching.
14:23
But here, they're being used to strengthen the building blocks
14:29
of emotional intelligence. I should also mention that I
14:33
published a series of primers on each of the 12, key competencies
14:38
of emotional intelligence right there like that.
14:41
Available in books. There's small handy books that
14:44
you can compliance. Yeah.
14:47
Yes, yes. And they're very, I'm told the
14:50
clients know, keep them in their pocket to pocket sized.
14:53
Yeah, they're great. They're like fresh stuff,
14:54
though. Dude, like little pockets in the
14:57
you can pull out. And yes.
14:59
How can I be a better influence or any flip through them and
15:02
it's great. It reminds you on the spot.
15:04
There are available from Key step media.
15:06
Online key step is my partner in the coaching certification.
15:10
Then They're also the publisher of that of a book called what
15:14
makes a leader, which pulls together.
15:15
All of my Harvard Business Review articles including the
15:18
ones on the brain and emotional intelligence.
15:21
So, key step media is the place, it sounds also the place to find
15:25
out more about the coaching program and to get more details
15:30
because we want to have a basically, we're preparing a
15:34
suite of learning opportunities, for just people who want to get
15:39
better knowledge or what is emotional intelligence.
15:41
Since they'll be an online platform for that, people who
15:44
want to find a coach to help them.
15:47
Strengthen their emotional intelligence, people who want to
15:51
become a coach, but in the sense of coaching Mentor, you know,
15:55
leaders are one of the competencies of outstanding
15:58
leaders is that they don't just dismiss people as they are, but
16:01
they helped them grow. They coach them actually and so
16:05
leaders can be coaches. So, we have a program for
16:08
executives to learn how to Coach their direct reports.
16:12
And then finally there's this full-on coaching certification
16:15
and emotional intelligence coaching.
16:18
So you know it's really a a range of services that are keyed
16:25
to different where people are we're trying to be to everyone's
16:28
needs here and you know, the emotional intelligence has
16:33
become a kind of mini industry and Consulting and coaching and
16:37
I'm sure some people are doing it superbly but some people are
16:40
not doing it so well. So I thought, well maybe it's
16:42
about time that I put my foot down and set a standard that I
16:46
really believe it. Yeah, I agree.
16:50
So so kind of recapping here, key step media, you can learn
16:53
more about it, key step, media.com, and these four
16:56
competencies. I'm glad you told me about the
16:58
motivation being folded into the others.
17:00
I wasn't aware of that, so self-awareness self-management,
17:04
social awareness and relationship management.
17:06
Those four key components and then you've got 12 Hence under
17:11
there that are these different sub categories, like influence,
17:14
empathy, Emotional Self awareness, those those are all
17:19
tenants. It sounds like under these four,
17:22
four big pillars. Yeah, the components in that in
17:25
the program. What?
17:26
Yeah, it Rachel. Each one of those Builds on the
17:30
general domain but it builds in a very specific way.
17:33
And what our research has shown is that the most outstanding
17:38
High performing Goes really, you can save the bosses.
17:43
We'd all love to work for have are very well able to
17:49
demonstrate these abilities and each abilities learned at
17:52
learnable. I think that's very good news
17:54
for any, I know leader. Yeah.
17:58
I think that's, that's the best part about all of this work.
18:01
I believe, Dan for like, I totally agree and that it is a
18:05
skill. That's one of my main messages,
18:07
when I'm speaking with people and telling them, this is a
18:10
skill. Emotional intelligence is a
18:12
skill and I know I've been, I've been a student of it for about 5
18:15
years at the right foundation and the right Graduate
18:17
University in Chicago where emotional intelligence is one of
18:21
the six interdisciplinary studies that we work with and
18:25
I'm just a quick side. Note you rich you mentioned
18:27
Richard boy Addison the transformational leadership I
18:30
think is such a key component. So I'm glad to hear that that's
18:33
been melded and weaved into some of your coaching certification
18:38
to because I think that's been such an interesting Component.
18:42
And and like, I think the thing I could just keep coming back to
18:45
is, I think we talked about emotional intelligence a lot.
18:48
It means I'm tuned in to myself, but like, what does it really
18:51
mean? And, and one of the key things
18:53
that we do at right? Is we name the five primary
18:56
feelings. Joy, fear hurt sadness and anger
19:01
and to us. It's a skill for constantly
19:03
building to tune into that, and I'm curious to hear your
19:06
thoughts on is relating to that and coaching and just in general
19:11
Well, you know how important is it to tune in to know how you
19:14
are feeling in any given moment? Is that something that can be
19:17
can be a helpful tune in to know more about yourself and in
19:22
relationship with others. I'd love to hear your take on
19:25
it. It's really invaluable because
19:28
if you don't tune in to your feelings, they haven't gone
19:31
away. They're pushing it.
19:34
So it's better that you know what's going on emotionally in
19:38
any given moment, you develop the Stay to do that.
19:41
That's why I think your your paws principles, so brilliant.
19:45
Because it's in that pause where you can tune inside and see
19:50
what's going on and then act from there.
19:52
And you know, there's a range of emotions you say, there are
19:55
those five basic emotions which might old friend, Paul Ekman did
20:00
research on this. Got a wonderful website by the
20:02
way, it, Paul, Ekman Paulie k m. Ay n.com, where he unpacks those
20:10
face Basic emotions into the the multitude of nuance within each
20:16
family, which is a wonderful tool for helping people
20:19
understand emotions, more deeply, at least from a
20:22
cognitive point of view. But if you understand motions,
20:26
emotionally experientially need to tune in to what your feelings
20:31
are. And then with that knowledge,
20:34
you can either go with it, maybe feel joyous, maybe feel energy,
20:39
maybe feel exhilaration, That's going to help you because it
20:43
energizes whatever you're doing but maybe fear and anger, that's
20:47
not going to help you. And you can choose whether
20:50
you're going to like, you know, am I pulling to act out of fear
20:55
and anger? Well, fear and anger close down
20:58
the capacity of the networks, in the prefrontal cortex, which are
21:03
what help us function, effectively, so, fear, and
21:07
anger. You, you might, for example, if
21:10
you feel a Anger usually feel anger because you have some goal
21:13
and there's an obstacle, you see?
21:15
This person is getting in the way of something you want or
21:18
whatever it may be. Well, you can either be angry or
21:22
you can be assertive. Assertive is where you want to
21:25
go, because that means you act forcefully and with strength,
21:29
but not with, thank you. Drop the anger part and you use
21:33
the energy of the anger to say emphatically.
21:37
How do you see things what it is?
21:39
You need in the moment. And that's a healthier way to
21:43
manage your emotions. And remember, Emotional Self
21:48
management is one of the key principles of emotional
21:51
intelligence. So, what we find is that leaders
21:55
Executives managers, anyone who can do this at work, gets things
22:00
done better. If you only act out of anger,
22:04
people, you'll alienate people. Yeah, you'll be a boss.
22:09
No one wants to work for. Or take the energy of it and
22:13
keep going forcefully towards your goal.
22:16
That's another thing entire. Yeah.
22:17
Oh it's so critical. Yeah, I love what you're saying
22:20
because when I'm learning in this is my own personal
22:23
development, I'll speak for myself and and and we and our
22:28
Plug Bob right here, one of my mentors.
22:29
He has a way of the right to vote developmental model and
22:32
anger is a certain level in there, but I want to end if you
22:35
choose to use it you can be assertive and you can drive
22:38
towards what you want or you can fall back.
22:41
Into this reactive not really productive way of the state of
22:45
anger which is that that reflects that may not be so
22:48
serving, like you said, yeah. And I'm learning how to go
22:53
towards more of that assertion and use anger to get what I
22:56
want. But it's more in the assertion
22:57
side and it's not necessarily reactive at all and that is a
23:00
totally new feeling for me and it's been game-changing for how
23:05
I am in relationship with others and getting my satisfaction
23:08
which has been as a leader of something important.
23:11
Absolutely. And there's another way it can
23:13
go which is even worse, which is passivity.
23:16
Yes, I know that one. Do you repress?
23:19
The anger, totally. And you don't do anything, which
23:22
doesn't help at all. So I heard of this is that
23:25
beautiful, Middle Ground there. Yeah, yeah.
23:28
And this is, I think one of the principles of why coaching is so
23:30
critical. So when you're launching a
23:32
program like this, and I see the tenants of core, the core four
23:36
pillars, you've got. And knowing this is, you know,
23:38
the Crux of the is all this emotion that we Old carry each
23:41
day and all the moment by moment.
23:43
We can choose to use it in different ways.
23:45
And probably, my guess is like through this.
23:47
You would build skills as a leader to know, to tune in and
23:51
say, okay, wow, this kind of feels like anger.
23:53
Well, I don't want to be passive about it so I can choose at this
23:56
moment to do this or that and like drive and well.
23:59
Yeah, that's just exactly. And you can't be angry yourself
24:04
and attract you. It's better if you can help them
24:07
Express what it is they want or need Without Anger.
24:10
And so the other person can hear so these competencies support
24:15
each other. If you're going to try to
24:17
persuade her influence, someone you can't just yell it.
24:20
And you can't be angry, you know, you need to be, you need
24:23
to understand what it is. They need to hear me, come
24:27
around. What kind of data you need to
24:29
empathize? And anger gets in the way of
24:31
empathy to. So this is a really good example
24:34
of how emotional self management.
24:36
One of the core competencies of emotional intelligence, also, Is
24:41
into many other competencies that help people be effective.
24:48
Let's switch gears a little bit to more about how you work with
24:52
in emotional intelligence, Dan. I think I'm curious and I'm sure
24:55
a lot of people out there are as well.
24:57
How do you consciously engage in your own transformation and what
25:01
do you do to keep learning and growing?
25:04
You know, I find there are three areas or bow down with ease that
25:10
Helped me enormously one is like I really try to keep up with a
25:15
research with what science is saying about.
25:18
Underlying neural networks, for example, or what competencies
25:24
actually do pay off in the workplace.
25:26
So, that's it kind of at the cognitive level and then there's
25:32
the work that I do with my meditation practice, which is
25:37
the kind of the pause principle extended.
25:40
I'm With a meditator for decades and I'm getting more and more
25:43
serious about it and try to put more and more time into it.
25:47
I like the changes. Remember the name of the book
25:51
that I did is altered traits. I'm not just interested in the
25:55
temporary changes that I experienced while I practice.
25:59
But how it changes who I am during the day?
26:02
And I do feel that it helps with self-awareness and managing my
26:07
own inner world and being present to others in Social
26:10
awareness. And then in my relationships
26:13
generally, so I'm very intrigued by the ways in which meditation
26:18
melds with emotional intelligence.
26:22
And I think there's a general Improvement that occurs, the
26:27
more you practice mindfulness, for example, and then the third
26:32
is the emotional work I do with my wife.
26:35
Oh, that sounds interesting. Tell us more therapist.
26:40
He was the first person to integrate mindfulness with
26:45
cognitive therapy or training is in a kind of psychodynamic
26:49
version of cognitive therapy called schema therapy.
26:53
And she wrote a book called emotional Alchemy, which I
26:56
highly recommend, okay? Which actually she was, you
27:02
know, the inventor of cognitive therapy, which is very hot
27:05
modality. Now, right was Aaron.
27:08
Beck, she was the person who Who taught mindfulness to Aaron
27:12
back? I mean, she knew she was right
27:14
there at the very beginning and you know what happened, a Jon
27:17
kabat-zinn is another old friend of ours and Johnny who I've
27:21
known since my graduate school days, you know, started out with
27:26
mindfulness-based, stress reduction, in a medical center
27:30
without anybody really paying much attention to it?
27:32
Now it's everywhere. Not see ya, most research form
27:36
of mindfulness. So anyway, tomorrow.
27:40
Bye. My wife at our been at, Goldman
27:42
is her name. When she wrote emotional
27:45
Alchemy, she was bringing together mindfulness with a more
27:50
systematic. Look at your emotional patterns
27:53
and which patterns were dysfunctional, which were
27:56
functional. And also how to change those
27:58
patterns because I think the mindful step the paused is
28:03
crucial. If it going to understand in
28:05
fact, we use it in the coaching program that I've designed as a
28:09
way to understand. What your habits are, what your
28:13
emotional patterns are, how you think, and how that affects what
28:18
you do, and then we can tweak those.
28:21
That's where that's the nice thing about learn to learnable,
28:24
is it once you see that, then you have choice that you didn't
28:27
have before, when they run us, when they run through
28:30
automatically and we have these new jerk reactions, we don't
28:33
have the pause, we don't have the leverage inside that can
28:37
help us change for the better. But once you do, once you add
28:40
the Mindfulness to your emotional life, then things can
28:44
improve and I'm you know, still working on it.
28:46
You have to ask my wife to be very valuable.
28:50
Yeah, I love that. You're working on that with her
28:52
to. That's, that's pretty great as a
28:54
partnership. I have another question you
28:57
mentioned earlier about being hijacked and having that
29:01
emotional state where we're triggered and we're just in this
29:03
state of Rush and we don't know exactly what to do next when
29:08
that happens to you because I'm sure it happens.
29:10
You too, what brings you back to yourself and how do you handle
29:15
those types of situations? Well, that's one of the things I
29:18
find of interest is that, you know, since I've been putting
29:21
more time into my own meditation practice.
29:24
I find that I get triggered less often and when I do, it's less
29:29
extreme and I recover more quickly, which is exactly what
29:32
the scientific literature is showing happens.
29:36
You know, there's a kind of dose-response relationship with
29:42
Meditation that in that all of the effects become stronger.
29:46
The more hours you put into it and I I think that's been one
29:51
thing that's being Norma, SLI helpful for me.
29:53
When I in terms of my own hijacks, the other is that I
29:57
somehow have become more able to see them as hijacks and not be
30:02
seduced by them, you know, they're very seductive.
30:04
Yeah. In the moment you can see what
30:07
this is. And that's one of the powers of
30:28
naming. What's going on?
30:29
Emotionally is, if it's something that's toxic for you
30:33
and emotional sake, that doesn't help you at all.
30:36
If you can name it, you've already started from a neural
30:39
point of view. To disempower it because you've
30:43
started by naming it. You activate circuitry in the
30:47
prefrontal cortex to condemn things rather than just sloshing
30:52
around inside all of that murky feeling that didn't lead you in
30:57
a healthful direction and and as part of the as the energy goes
31:02
to the naming, it actually takes energy from the emotional
31:06
hijack. Yeah.
31:08
And and yes or naming attainment, name it A teammate.
31:11
And yeah I feel angry or I feel sad.
31:14
I feel I'm feeling some fear frustration right now, that's
31:17
great, exactly tips and you're giving us hope Dan.
31:20
There's the, it's promising to know that meditation and being
31:24
being an attention training type activities will be helpful for
31:27
that. That that's very helpful and
31:29
reassuring. For me, last question I have is
31:32
what are what are the three most important things that you
31:35
believe would be for for a healthy brain, maintaining a
31:38
healthy brain, hope for maintaining a healthy brain.
31:43
I think meditation. Practice is think we got that
31:46
one. Yeah, yeah, aerobic exercise is
31:49
another and social connection is a third, our relationships
31:55
active being, you know, staying connected to people, very
31:58
important. Yeah.
32:00
Connected exercising. Practicing.
32:03
Mind-body relationship. Thank you, great.
32:10
Well dr. Daniel goleman, thank you so
32:12
much for being with me today. It was truly an honor to be with
32:15
you and ask these great questions.
32:17
Learn more about your coaching practice that you're launching
32:21
talking more about alter traits and again where can we go to
32:24
find everything out more and I'll put the links up, all the
32:27
links that we've mentioned. I'll have that on my wonderful.
32:30
Yep, the primers which are called Building blocks of
32:33
emotional intelligence there, a key, step media.com, and the
32:37
information on the coaching certification, and the other
32:40
programs for putting together. Also key step, media.com, he
32:44
sent media.com. Okay, great.
32:46
Thank you so much Dan. Appreciate your time.
32:49
Thank you. What a pleasure be.
32:52
Well this is a lot of fun. Thanks.
32:59
Thanks for listening today. I'm Rachel O'Meara, the author
33:03
of pause, harnessing the life changing power of giving
33:06
yourself a break now that you've had a chance to listen to the
33:10
podcast. I want to invite you to continue
33:12
the conversation and join the private Facebook group.
33:16
Be the pause, you can search for it on Facebook or go to
33:20
facebook.com slash groups /b the pause.
33:23
It's also in the podcast notes for this episode,