Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E60: Facing Breakups and Rejection

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E60: Facing Breakups and Rejection · The Lila Rose Show

0:00
All right, we're doing something new on the podcast.
0:01
We're going to do a series of videos on dating, dating
0:04
etiquette, how to deal with tough things in dating.
0:07
It's kind of chaos out there. I hear a lot of Gen.
0:09
Z ers complain that dating today is harder than it has been for
0:12
millennials or Gen. Xers are certainly boomers, that
0:15
they have the worst of it. And I think from the stories
0:18
that I hear, I think that you're right, my Gen.
0:20
Z friends, I'm a millennial. Dating was rough for me too.
0:23
I dated all through my 20s and in my late teens.
0:25
So have my stories, I have my experiences to share, but the
0:29
reality is a lot of people I think are interested in open for
0:34
looking for love and struggling to find it.
0:37
So welcome to the dating master class we're going to talk about
0:40
today. Start with one of the hottest
0:42
topics in dating. Yes, you guessed it, breakups.
0:46
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delicious coffee. Who hasn't experienced A
1:52
breakup? OK, my producer here, Franco has
1:54
not experienced A breakup. Many people have.
1:57
And you know what? There's blessings and breakups.
1:59
There's actually a lot of blessings and breakups.
2:01
So we're going to talk about today how to break up a little
2:04
bit, how to know that you need to break up and a lot how to do
2:08
the breakup because I'm of the opinion very strongly that how
2:13
you break up and how you are broken up with can make a huge
2:17
impact on you and on even your future relationships.
2:22
Now, you're not doomed to anything.
2:24
Even if you experienced the worst breakup ever, the person
2:27
you broke up with was completely cruel to you.
2:29
It was such a confusing and chaotic relationship and then
2:32
they broke up with you in this completely unkind way.
2:34
That doesn't mean you're broken and that you can't go on and
2:37
have a wonderful, amazing future and have find, find and marry
2:40
the love of your life. So no, no one is doomed to
2:43
anything. Or maybe you made a mistake and
2:45
you were a total jerk and how you broke up with someone.
2:48
That doesn't mean you're doomed in the future.
2:50
The point of this episode is what do we do?
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How do we do this? And we're going to look at some
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famous scenes in movies to learn what not to do primarily.
3:01
Also, what to do. There's actually some good
3:03
examples, some good food for thought.
3:05
I'm going to share some personal experiences.
3:07
It's going to hopefully be more than anything helpful.
3:10
All right, so first of all, opening thoughts, I think first
3:17
OG podcast episode was on principles for dating, core
3:21
principles for dating. And it was, I think it's to this
3:23
day still the most popular or one of the very most popular of
3:26
all the podcast episodes I've ever done.
3:29
I think strongly believe that the point of dating is
3:33
ultimately to discern, is this somebody that I want to marry?
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And if they want to marry you, you want to marry them.
3:41
You've done some of the basic prep for marriage, then
3:44
wonderful, get married. It's going to be amazing.
3:47
This doesn't mean that dating can't be fun.
3:49
Dating isn't, yes, about building a friendship with
3:51
someone and really getting to know them as they are, not
3:53
having this agenda for them. But ultimately there is more to
3:57
it than a friendship, right? You're seeing, is this somebody
3:59
I want to spend the rest of my life with and maybe raise a
4:02
family with and have kids with, right?
4:04
Another important context here. All the advice I think I'm going
4:07
to give or most of it, and that we're going to like journey
4:10
together on. Especially like looking at the
4:12
clips and everything else. It doesn't apply to you if
4:14
you're in a really abusive situation, in that situation, go
4:18
to someone that you know, that you trust, that has wisdom.
4:21
If you need help with boundaries or you need help with like
4:23
dealing with how to get out of that harmful situation and get
4:27
yourself to emotional and physical safety.
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OK, All right, another sort of background thing here.
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I also believe that if you have been dating somebody for like a
4:38
long time, let's say at least a year or maybe 2, maybe through
4:42
4:00, and you're still not sure that you want to marry them.
4:46
Do them the favor of lovingly letting them go.
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Do yourself a favor. Do them a favor.
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If you can't fully commit, if they can't fully commit.
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And it has been a significant time when we've really gotten to
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know each other, gotten to know each other's families, you know,
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spent that time. You're you're of age, you know,
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you're not some teenager. You're in your 20s or in your
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30s. It's been years.
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Let them go or let yourself go. All right, so then how do you
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break up? We're going to start with a
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scene of what not to do from a movie that many of us have seen
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and some have not. I actually, in Full disclosure,
5:19
have not seen this entire movie. I have read the Wikipedia and I
5:21
have watched this clip. So this is from Whiplash.
5:24
It's about a drummer. It's a psychological thriller.
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And what's going to happen? You're going to witness a
5:30
breakup and you can tell me afterwards if you think this is
5:33
a good breakup. I.
5:33
Don't think that we should be together.
5:36
And I've thought about a little lot and this is what's going to
5:39
happen, OK? I'm going to keep pursuing what
5:41
I'm pursuing. OK, already.
5:43
I do want to give him kudos that he was direct.
5:46
I don't see us together. And I think it's very important.
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That's actually one of the first principles I'm going to say is
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like, you've got to be direct. If you're going to break up with
5:55
somebody, don't hedge around, you know, beat around the
5:58
bushes, don't hedge it and be like, well, I'm not really sure,
6:01
but I think maybe we need to break up.
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Like be direct if you're ready to break up, you say I don't see
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us being together. You know, maybe you're not
6:09
attracted anymore. I'm not interested in you in
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that way. I don't feel that connection.
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I don't feel like we're meant to get married.
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I'm not interested and make it very direct.
6:17
Also. I think it's also nice that
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they're in a semi private, like there's not tons of people
6:22
around, but it's also semi public.
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So it's like they're in a fairly neutral location.
6:27
Now, depending on the context of the breakup, that might be
6:30
appropriate to do it over the phone.
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I'm going to get to that. But I do think it seems like the
6:34
location is fairly neutral. Maybe a park would be better.
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It could be a little more private, but still public.
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But it doesn't seem like an overly busy, you know,
6:42
restaurant or coffee shop. And because I'm doing that, it's
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going to take up more and more of my time, and I'm not going to
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be able to spend as much time with you.
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And even when I do spend time with you, I'm going to be
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thinking about drumming, I'm going to be thinking about jazz,
6:53
making my charts and all that. And because of that, you're
6:55
going to start to resent me and you're going to tell me to ease
6:57
up on the drumming, spend more time with you because you're not
6:59
feeling important and I'm not going to be able to do that.
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And really, I'm just going to start to resent you for even
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asking me to stop drumming. All right, so he's like
7:05
explaining himself a lot. I think it's not necessary to
7:08
explain this much, but let's see where he goes with this.
7:11
I mean, it it it, it looks like it's starting to go down a
7:14
little bit because he's a he's doing a lot of you things like
7:17
things that he's not happy about her.
7:20
And so instead of it being like, oh, I'm not interested in you, I
7:23
don't see a future with you. It's like you are not doing
7:27
these things for me, right? And it's like this is where it
7:29
gets into beating somebody when they're down instead of leaving
7:33
them with leaving them with love and and gentleness.
7:35
So let's see where this goes. And we're just going to start to
7:38
hate each other and it's going to get very, it's going to be
7:40
ugly. And so for those reasons, I'd
7:43
rather just, you know, break it off clean.
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Not too bad, I mean could have been better, but not too bad,
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OK. Because I want to be great.
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That's a little weird. Let's say maybe theoretically
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it's true because for him to be great, he can't be in a
8:02
relationship because he needs to practice on his little drums,
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you know, for 50 hours a week and for whatever reason you
8:07
can't be in a relationship. In that case, that doesn't mean
8:09
it's her fault. That's actually more his fault
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that he needs to be so exclusively dedicated to this
8:14
work that he doesn't have space in his life for love.
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And if that's the case, which is sad, I don't recommend that for
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anyone. But if that is the case, then he
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should just be honest and say that as opposed to making it
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like she is holding him back from being great.
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And when I did see you, you treat me like because I'm just
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some girl who doesn't know what she wants and you have a path
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and you're going to be great and I'm going to be forgotten and
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therefore you won't be able to give me the time of day because
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you have bigger things to pursue.
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That's exactly my .0. My gosh, OK, so even if he
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thought that, and yes, it's possible to think poorly of
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someone that you've dated. I'm not recommending that, but
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it's possible. You don't tell them, you don't
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say that to them. So, so mean, I just want to
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applaud the girl in the clip because she has enough sense of
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her value. She's not groveling at his feet.
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She's not, you know, convincing him to stay.
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He just dissed her. He just put her down really
9:08
significantly. And she's just like, I'm I'm out
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of here. We shouldn't date.
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And that's good. She has a sense of herself worth
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and anybody in any relationship, I hope that you have a sense of
9:19
yourself worth. When you date somebody and you
9:22
need to break up with somebody, you should start.
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I would say #1 principle is don't delay, you know, get make
9:29
the make it happen. So don't wait around until, OK,
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I'm going to wait till after their birthday or oh, I'm going
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to wait until after the wedding that we have to go to get
9:37
together or I'm going to wait until after the semester ends.
9:40
If you are already convinced. This is not someone I want to be
9:43
with. OK, then you need to just call
9:46
it and be honest with them and set them free.
9:49
It's not kind or loving or fair, in my opinion, to just continue
9:53
to date them. In addition, if this is someone
9:56
that is not long distance and there's someone that you're
9:59
dating in person, you know, that's not like a long distance
10:01
relationship. I think it's an in person
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conversation. So it's good in this clip that
10:05
they did that. But obviously how we did it was
10:07
wrong. But it's good to sit down like a
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park or, you know, a coffee shop or find a, you know, semi
10:13
neutral, public, semi public place.
10:15
You know, don't do it at your apartment or his apartment.
10:18
You know, I would avoid things like that.
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I would do in a neutral place, third party place.
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And you know, then we're going to talk what comes next, like
10:25
how to do this. But don't make them.
10:27
If you're in a long distance relationship, I do not recommend
10:30
flying across the country to break up with them or making
10:33
them fly across the country to be broken up with.
10:37
That can be a phone call that does not need to be an in
10:40
person. And again, if there's abuse in
10:42
the relationship, do you don't need any phone calls, You don't
10:44
need any in persons. You don't even need a
10:46
communication. If it's bad enough abuse, you
10:48
can just boundary yourself and stop talking.
10:51
Or if it's kind of a borderline situation, you could send an
10:54
e-mail and just be like, I cannot continue this And I, you
10:56
know, please do not contact me. So this is the one thing that
10:59
the guy did well, I think in the whiplash clip clip is that he
11:02
was direct. He started out by just saying, I
11:04
don't think I want to be with you.
11:06
I don't remember his exact words, but the first words are
11:08
fairly neutral. Basically, I don't see this
11:10
moving forward and I think people deserve that.
11:13
Oh, I think that maybe we should break up because I am figuring
11:18
some things out and I really like you, but I'm not sure.
11:22
Maybe in the future, like, give them closure, give them the gift
11:24
of closure and tell them I'm not interested in being with you
11:28
anymore. And you know, I don't feel the
11:30
connection. Make that clear by just saying I
11:32
do not see a future for us and I do not want to continue dating.
11:35
Don't beat around the Bush. All right, this next point I
11:39
think is a little maybe controversial.
11:41
We're going to watch a clip from a really fun movie.
11:44
This is one of my favorite books when I was a little kid, Little
11:47
Women, and this is the Joe and one of the Joe and Lori scenes.
11:51
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11:57
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share your values. And now that you're a graduate,
12:29
you'll be off on a long holiday. So gorgeous wherever they're
12:33
walking. So beautiful.
12:36
Why should we run off and join a pirate ship?
12:44
Oh, the danger of having your best friend be someone of the
12:47
opposite sex. I.
12:48
Have loved you ever since I've known you Joe, I couldn't help
12:51
it and and I tried to show you wouldn't let me, which is fine
12:54
but I must make you here now and give me an answer because I
12:57
cannot go on like this any longer.
12:59
I. Even.
13:01
Like I'm happy I did, it's fine, and I waited.
13:04
And I complained. Because I, you know, I figured
13:08
you'd love me, John. I mean, you kind of got to give
13:12
them a little credit because they were best friends.
13:14
They did everything together. So it's not out of the ordinary
13:18
that if you're best friends with some of the opposite sex that
13:21
you would figure that they would love you.
13:23
I mean, they should. They do love you as a friend and
13:25
that you'd want something more that.
13:27
So that's often what happens, right?
13:28
If your best friend is someone of the opposite sex, I don't
13:31
recommend that. I really don't like you can have
13:34
deep friendships with people of the opposite sex, but I would
13:36
say your best bud should be your mom.
13:39
I'm just kidding. I mean, it can be your mom of
13:41
you love your mom, but it should be like your brother or your
13:44
sister or, you know, someone of the same sex because ultimately
13:49
it's just it's just rough. And then what happens when you
13:51
date someone? You're not going to be like best
13:53
friends going, getting dinner and getting coffee and like, you
13:56
know, going on hikes with this one other person of the opposite
13:58
sex. Like it doesn't doesn't register
14:00
right. So I think that a certain level
14:03
of decorum and sort of boundaries in friendships of the
14:09
opposite sex, both before, during and after dating, meaning
14:13
when you're single, when you're dating, and if you're married,
14:16
is absolutely essential. And I realize I'm not half good
14:19
enough and I'm not this great man.
14:21
And yes, you. Are you're a great deal too good
14:23
for me and I and I'm so grateful to you and I'm so proud of you
14:26
and I just, I don't see why I can't love you as you want me
14:30
to. I don't know.
14:31
Why not attracted? I also think he wasn't
14:34
intellectual enough for her. Like that was part of it.
14:37
She ends up marrying this professor and.
14:40
It will be a lie to say I do and I don't, but she's.
14:43
Being so honest and I think that's awesome.
14:47
I'm so sorry but I just can't help it.
14:50
I can't love anyone else, Joe. I only love.
14:52
You Kenny, It would be a disaster if we it.
14:54
Wouldn't be a disaster, we'd be miserable, I.
14:57
Can't. I can't.
14:58
I've tried it and I. Failed.
15:00
So she's trying to like he's pushing her and she's like
15:02
saying I can't do it, I can't do it.
15:03
And OK, first of all, she's being direct.
15:05
Fantastic. She's like telling him directly.
15:07
There's no beating around the Bush.
15:08
She's like, I do not see this. I do not, you know, I don't, I
15:12
can't see us together. I can't love you like that.
15:14
So she's being very direct, very good.
15:17
The other thing that I think Joe does that I really love here
15:20
actually, and this is going to be kind of my last principle
15:23
that I wanted to share on good breakups is that she affirmed
15:27
him. Like she directly affirmed him
15:30
as being someone that she's proud of, that she thinks she
15:33
even says you're better than me, you're too good for me.
15:36
I'm not saying you should tell the person you're breaking up
15:38
with or you're rejecting that they're too good for you unless
15:42
you sincerely think that, you know, that's a big thing to
15:44
think. But more that they are somebody
15:47
that has incredible value as a human being and they have
15:50
attributes. And if you believe that they
15:52
will be a good spouse for someone someday and it, you
15:55
know, make someone very happy one day, say that I really think
15:59
that you can tell someone when you're breaking up with them.
16:02
Be direct, right? Keep it simple.
16:05
Find that neutral place, like the honoring of them.
16:09
Don't beat around the Bush, but say something affirming of them,
16:14
you know, leave them with ultimately positive, a blessing
16:17
on them, saying like, look, you're an amazing man or woman,
16:21
you know, look, I think you're going to make someone so happy
16:23
one day. I don't feel that connection
16:25
with you, but I know you are a catch.
16:28
Like I know you are a great person and yeah they'll that
16:31
person may still feel terrible afterwards.
16:34
It still may be a blow to their self esteem depending on their
16:37
situation. But I guarantee you that those
16:40
positive words long term are good things to leave somebody
16:44
with. Now some people might argue and
16:45
be like oh that's leading them on.
16:47
Like oh to say someone oh how great they are while you're
16:50
breaking up with them. It's a mixed message.
16:52
I totally disagree. If you are breaking up with
16:54
someone, and this is not an abuser, you're breaking up, but
16:57
this is just a person you're not connected to, you don't see a
17:00
future with for whatever reasons, and you are being
17:04
direct with them about it. You're telling them I don't see
17:06
us getting married. I don't feel that connection
17:08
with you. I don't desire that with you,
17:11
but you tell them that they are someone of value that you
17:15
appreciate and that you know will have a great future.
17:18
I think that that is honorable. The last thing is if they don't
17:22
take no for an answer. So in the scene with Joe and
17:26
Lori, I mean, he keeps pushing. Eventually he does take no for
17:28
an answer and he goes and marries his sister.
17:29
OK, So there's a half ending for for Teddy.
17:33
But if they don't take no for an answer in the conversation, like
17:36
have a boundary, right? If they're just like really
17:38
struggling with it, just be like, listen, this is where this
17:41
is where it is. This is where I'm at.
17:43
I don't see a future for us. And I'm I'm sorry.
17:45
And then call it, you know, to say like, I've got to get going.
17:48
You don't have to talk for five hours about it.
17:51
Now, if you've dated them for five years, you know, maybe you
17:54
will talk for a few hours about it.
17:55
I'm not saying just to not answer any questions, not
17:58
dialogue with them. But ultimately you want to
18:01
signal that your no is a no, that the end is the end in how
18:04
you behave and how you talk, not just in the physical words
18:07
you're using, right? Yeah, maybe.
18:09
Maybe it is a few conversations you'll need to have.
18:11
Maybe it is a couple meetings, especially if it's a very long
18:13
relationship. But ultimately, I think that
18:16
does more to make it hang on the relationship than, you know,
18:22
giving them positive words about how great of a person there, if
18:25
you have made-up your mind, right?
18:27
Meeting up with them 10 times to talk about why you've made-up
18:30
your mind to pick up with them and having like 10 more dates
18:32
with them to talk about it, I don't think is a good way to
18:36
break up. What about just regular everyday
18:38
rejection, though? What about if it's not some big
18:40
breakup, it's not some big relationship?
18:42
Maybe you went on one date, maybe you didn't go on any
18:45
dates. And like, this is someone who's
18:47
asking, asking you out. How do you reject somebody in a
18:51
classy way? Well, I think the most
18:54
fundamental way to reject someone in a classy way is the
18:57
very simple line that says something along the lines of I'm
19:01
flattered you asked, but no, thank you.
19:04
I'm not interested. And maybe, yeah, you're not
19:06
flattered. Maybe you're, you're like,
19:08
you're only a teeny tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny bit flattered.
19:12
But the beauty of saying I'm flattered, you asked, unless
19:15
they're a complete creep, this does not apply.
19:17
Like if this is someone who you know, is like an abusive super
19:20
creep, like someone that's not a safe person, you don't even need
19:23
to respond. You can just ignore.
19:25
And you certainly don't need to say you're flattered.
19:27
But this is like just a decent person who went out of their way
19:31
to ask you out. You know, that takes courage.
19:34
That takes a level of, like, oomph that you should, I think,
19:40
acknowledge because it's really hard to do today.
19:44
Women complain constantly to me. I hear all the time, nobody's
19:48
asking guys anyone out. Like, guys are not asking girls
19:52
out. And then maybe they'll get asked
19:54
out in some way by a guy that they're not interested in.
19:56
They're like gross. That's not the way to go.
19:59
Like if you want to further pollute the dating pool to make
20:01
guys even more discouraged and even more disenchanted and even
20:06
less likely to ask anybody out ever again.
20:08
Because like, you might not like him, but your friend or your
20:10
friend's sister might like him, right?
20:13
So give him that. Give him a little positivity of
20:16
the I'm flattered you asked because it takes courage to ask.
20:19
So that's why I really like that line.
20:21
Keep it simple, keep it classy, keep it positive, be direct.
20:25
I'm flattered you asked. All right, so there's this
20:27
scene. You might have seen this before.
20:29
I find it very funny, but I think it's a good, it has a good
20:32
lesson for us. What do you think the chances
20:34
are of a guy like you and a girl like me ending up together?
20:43
Well, Lloyd, that's difficult to say and we really don't.
20:48
Hit. Me with it, just give it to me
20:50
straight. I already blew it, right?
20:52
It's difficult to say. She doesn't like him.
20:54
She does not see herself with him.
20:56
She just say zero. I'm not.
20:58
I mean, that sounds harsh, OK? She just say that's very sweet,
21:02
but I'm not interested in you at all.
21:05
I mean, you got to you got to not lead them on, right?
21:09
OK. Wait just to see you Mary, just
21:12
at least you can do is level with me.
21:15
He wants honesty. He wants honesty.
21:17
What are my chances? Not good, Not good.
21:19
OK, sounds pretty honest. You mean not good?
21:25
Like one out of 100. I'd say more like 1 out of
21:31
1,000,000. So you're telling me there's a
21:35
chance? All right, let's curious.
21:40
Yeah. What's the lesson here?
21:42
Yeah, some people, they will be the eternal optimist.
21:46
But if you know they're the eternal optimist type, it's very
21:48
sweet. But you're like on the receiving
21:50
end of that and they're interested in you and they're
21:52
asking you about you. Just say I'm not interested.
21:53
If you really are not interested, you do not see
21:55
yourself with this person. Don't say that there's a one in
21:58
a million chance. Do not say that That's actually
22:00
the one of the worst things that you can say is going to make
22:02
them try harder. OK, so classy.
22:05
Rejection is simple. It's final.
22:08
And it has something like, I'm flattered you ask or, you know,
22:11
it's really flattering of you and you know, that's really
22:13
thoughtful of you to ask me. Or I really admire the courage
22:16
it took for you to ask me, but I'm not interested, OK.
22:19
And listen, I think at large, both men and women appreciate
22:23
sincerity, appreciate respectful communication and appreciate
22:29
direct communication. OK?
22:31
So being direct with the other person in dating is always a
22:36
good mantra, is always a good principle, always a good rule of
22:40
thumb. Last one we're going to do here
22:43
is a, you know, a little bit of a what not to do, OK.
22:48
You need to hear the truth Bella.
22:52
Understand all your options and I want you to choose me instead
22:57
of. Him.
22:59
I hate this movie, by the way. I don't understand.
23:02
I don't feel that way for you. I don't buy it.
23:04
Don't you buy, OK? Believe them.
23:08
If they tell you that this is so little freebie advice, believe
23:12
them. If they tell you that they're
23:13
not interested in you, believe them.
23:15
Let's pretend they are, but they're saying that they're not.
23:18
You don't want to play be with someone who plays games like
23:20
that. You don't want that.
23:21
That's going to be a mind trick for you.
23:23
And it's not going to be a healthy, It's definitely an
23:25
unhealthy, unstable place to start a relationship.
23:29
And if they're sincerely not interested, take them at their
23:32
word and move on so you can move on to something better for you
23:36
and they can move on to something better for them.
23:38
That's how I feel. You feel something else for me,
23:42
you just won't admit it. So I'm not giving up.
23:46
Yikes. I don't know.
23:47
I think the, the message here is first of all, I do think this is
23:50
like a genre in movies of like the overbearing lover who really
23:54
wants the girl. You know, sometimes it's the
23:56
girl who wants the guy, but usually it's the guy who wants
23:58
the girl and she's like rejecting him.
24:00
And I think that there is sort of this fantasy is a strong
24:04
word, but there's a sort of like romantic narrative around like
24:06
being pursued so heavily by someone that you don't really
24:08
love, you don't really want to be with, but they're still
24:10
pursuing you so heavily. Not taking no for an answer.
24:13
I don't think we should glamorize that.
24:14
I understand, you know, on an archetypal level that, you know,
24:19
I think about like salvation and God, like God that loves us so
24:23
much he sent his only son to die for us, Jesus Christ in a cross.
24:25
Like he is the ultimate lover who took the worst rejection for
24:29
the sake of us, right? He took on all of our sin, on
24:32
all of our rejection. And so I can see, you know, the
24:36
temptation to kind of romanticize in like a
24:40
relationship, a romantic relationship, the sort of, I
24:44
guess, attraction of someone who just like goes to the ends of
24:46
the earth. But the reality is you want a
24:50
partner. You know marriage is not about
24:53
winning someone. At the end of the day, it's not.
24:56
Yes, you want to hold their heart and you want yours to be
24:59
held too. So I do think a lot of the
25:02
language of like, he wins her heart.
25:04
Yeah, Yeah, he does and she wins his.
25:06
But at the end of the day, you're partners and you are
25:09
going to be spouses in a marriage and you're going to be
25:11
in it together. And there's not one who should
25:14
be, you know, always pursuing the other more than the other.
25:17
I don't think that, you know, yes, my husband and I are like
25:19
dating and stuff. He totally pursued me.
25:21
He did a beautiful job, but I also had to pursue him in terms
25:24
of, you know, really love him and care for him and show him
25:26
that I wanted I wanted to be with him.
25:28
It wasn't just him loving me all day.
25:30
Like I wanted to love him too. What's the lesson here?
25:34
The lesson is here is if you want to reject them, reject them
25:36
in a classy way. And you know, if you're
25:39
listening and you're a woman who is really into this guy that's
25:43
just not into you, let it go. Like you are beautiful.
25:46
God is a plan for you. You are unique.
25:49
There's someone out there, I believe, for just you.
25:51
If you're called to marriage, just someone out there for just
25:53
you is going to love you as you are and help you be better and
25:56
help you live a beautiful life. Don't waste your time and your
25:59
emotional energy on someone that is out of reach because they're
26:02
not seeing you the same way. OK?
26:04
And if you're a guy and you're really into this girl, like
26:06
she's something that you're just so in love with and she's just
26:08
not interested, yes, I, I know that hurts, but there's
26:12
something better for you. Not that she's not good enough
26:15
and there's some better girl, but I'm saying better for you.
26:18
Like there's someone that you will be loved by, who will want
26:22
to receive your love and your affection and your attention and
26:25
it's going to be beautiful. But if you're just pouring all
26:28
your energy emotionally and your angst into like, this is someone
26:31
I want to be with so badly and they don't want to be with me, I
26:34
know it's hard, but you got to let it go.
26:37
So my advice, I don't it's just a werewolf and the other guy's a
26:40
vampire. So don't be like the wolf I
26:44
guess be the vampire and said no, don't be.
26:47
Don't be any creepy guy from whatever girlfriend this movie.
26:50
But the point is like unrequited love hurts, but that's not your
26:56
destiny. And the best way to move out of
26:59
unrequited love is to direct your love towards the people
27:04
that do love you back and your energy towards building those
27:07
strong relationships where you can grow as a person.
27:10
Ultimately, I believe towards God who always loves us back.
27:13
He is love itself and we're only going to be fulfilled in God
27:17
whose complete and perfect love. But in this life, in our human
27:21
affairs, you know, don't, don't sit in the unrequited love like
27:25
it's not the place to end up. There's something that God has
27:28
for you. So have hope.
27:30
And if you are going on a date, you'll want to look great.
27:33
So go to carlyjeanlosangeles.com and find the cutest.
27:37
And this doesn't have to be just a date with someone that you're
27:38
not married to. If you're married, you can go
27:40
get an outfit and there's clothes for men too.
27:42
But carlyjeanlosangeles.com is a clothing company that shares
27:46
your values that has on trend ethically sourced adorable
27:50
pieces. It has capsule collection so you
27:52
can find the basic for everyday wear as well as those great
27:55
special pieces to spice up that everyday wear.
27:58
That special sweater, that fun pair of pants, that scarf, that
28:01
special dress. Check out
28:03
carlyjeanlosangeles.com. They have some great stuff in
28:06
for the fall. Great jacket, some great
28:08
dresses, some great sweaterscarlyjeanlosangeles.com.
28:12
And use the code Lila Rose at checkout for 20% off your order.
28:17
One more principle. Leave them better than they
28:19
found you. We'll probably do a dating
28:21
episode just on this, but I'm really, this is a really
28:25
important one. Leave the person better than
28:27
they found you. What do I mean by that?
28:31
Don't sleep with them. Like you know, this is not
28:33
someone that you're going to be using their body and giving them
28:36
your body for pleasure and connection, even though you're
28:38
not committed in a lifelong marriage.
28:39
Like don't do that. Give them friendship, share your
28:43
values, share experiences together that it may be
28:46
beautiful, but have those boundaries in your relationship
28:49
so that when you leave that relationship, they were edified
28:53
by you. They were ultimately encouraged
28:56
by you. They weren't scarred by you.
28:58
And so my closing thoughts here, God really does have a plan.
29:02
He has a plan for your life. I do not know what it is, OK?
29:06
I don't even know what God's plan is for my life tomorrow
29:08
because I might not live till tomorrow.
29:10
We are not promised tomorrow. This life is pure gift.
29:14
We can't really fully earn those gifts or lose those gifts.
29:19
You know, we can try to be better people.
29:20
We can try to follow God and do all of these things, but at the
29:23
end of the day, when one door closes, God has a plan.
29:27
And the most important thing I think in all of dating, yes,
29:30
this is a Christian message. This is a message of faith is
29:34
trust, trust that there is a plan, trust that it's going to
29:38
work out and a willingness to treat the people that we
29:42
encounter, whether we're dating them or we having to break up
29:44
with them or we're being broken up with.
29:47
Treating those people with respect the other day.
29:50
We're all human beings who have dignity and who deserve respect.
29:56
So remember, every breakup is a preparation for meeting that
30:01
love of your life. If you're called to marriage,
30:04
hang in there. Have hope, it's going to be
30:06
awesome.