Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E214: Too Old at 27? Dating Lies We’re Ditching - Ask Lila | Lila Rose Show

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E214: Too Old at 27? Dating Lies We’re Ditching - Ask Lila | Lila Rose Show · The Lila Rose Show

0:00
A little while back I encountered the red pill like
0:02
manosphere and I encountered some ideas regarding like what
0:07
men value in women and that specifically when it came to
0:11
aging right? I have found myself like kind of
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scared of getting older. Do not let Satan steal your joy
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or give you a perverted image of yourself.
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Write down these lies. Literally sit there and ask God.
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Tell me the truth and then cross out the lie.
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Should pro-life men date pro-choice women?
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What should you do? If you have an axe that you are
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in love with but you don't share values, but you're still talking
0:37
and you want to get back together again.
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And do women become less desirable?
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And are they less valuable as they grow older?
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These are all questions that I explored on the latest episode
0:47
of the Lila Roe show Call In Show.
0:49
This is episode 2. You can call the hotline as well
0:53
at 409-234-4689. That's 409-234-4689.
1:01
And because this episode is largely dating oriented, I
1:05
wanted to do something a little bit different with today's show
1:08
and that's using the show and using the comment section today
1:12
as a place to meet somebody. So this isn't officially a
1:15
matchmaking episode where if you are watching or you know someone
1:19
who would be interested in watching and is looking for that
1:21
special someone, I want you to leave a comment on this video
1:25
with your name, where you're from, and your social media
1:29
handles here in the comment section.
1:31
My hope is that some people can meet each other here at the Lila
1:34
Rose Show and we can facilitate connections.
1:36
Now, as you all know, I am not a licensed therapist or a medical
1:40
doctor, but I am somebody who in the last 20 years of my life
1:44
have been blessed with some incredible mentors, guides,
1:47
exports, and people who have loved me in my life to help me
1:51
make their best decisions for my life.
1:53
And so the purpose of this call in show here at the Lila Rose
1:56
Show is to share the best knowledge that I have, not that
1:59
I've come up with, but that has been given to me by like so many
2:02
people over the years. As always, I love to hear from
2:04
all of you, whether you're calling in or you're leaving
2:07
your own thoughts in the comment section.
2:08
I love hearing your input. And don't forget, this is a
2:11
matchmaking episode, so you can leave your name, your location
2:14
and anything else about you in the comment section.
2:16
And I hope some people. Can meet each other that way.
2:19
Hello. Hey, Jay.
2:20
Nice to meet you. How are you doing?
2:23
Doing well yourself. Good.
2:24
Thank you. Doing great.
2:26
What are what's on your mind today?
2:29
Yes, pretty much. So about three months ago I was
2:33
dating a girl for about two years and relationship was not
2:39
very chaste and that's kind of why I ended things kind of went
2:43
no contact for a little bit of time and then kind of started
2:48
talking to each other again. Just she seems like she wants to
2:53
start kind of moving back towards because she, we're both
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Catholic and she wants to start moving in that direction of
3:01
getting back into her face. And she's going to be down
3:06
because we were doing long distance.
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She's going to be down here in a few weeks.
3:09
And I was going to go out to visit her and rehash some things
3:13
and see how that would go. But yeah, I just, I'm just
3:17
calling to see if maybe if that's a good idea or or not.
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So, so I'm just, I'm tracking here.
3:23
So you guys dated for two years and you said that if I heard you
3:27
correctly, you said that you cut it off because you didn't think
3:30
the relationship was chased. Was there a reason that you cut
3:34
it off besides that in in terms of, well, you can, you know,
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struggle with chastity in a relationship and then make a
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good plan. And then, you know, hopefully if
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you feel like you're led to be with each other, you make a plan
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to get married. You get married, right?
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Was there something else about the relationship that you
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thought meant it wasn't a good she wasn't the right person to
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pursue for marriage? Yeah, there were a couple of
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things and I'd say it's on both sides, like a lack of maturity
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in some areas. We just had a couple of
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differences regarding sexual ethic.
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But like, I don't, I don't know. I feel like with our talks
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recently, that stuff has kind of been resolved.
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So I guess the main, I mean the main barrier was she didn't feel
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like that, like being chased in the relationship would be
4:23
something that she could do, but.
4:26
What about? Seems to be like something.
4:28
Yeah, sorry. Go ahead.
4:29
Well, in terms, so it sounds like you had different
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disagreements on what? On living sexual purity, right?
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It sounds like that was a disagreement you guys had.
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Was she a practicing Catholic? Not necessarily.
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Like when I'd go to mass invite and and invite her, she'd she'd
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come with and in our talks recently, she like seems very
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excited about like when I come to visit, going to mass and even
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even come with the confession. So it sounds like were there
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other other areas, I mean, besides dealing with sexual
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purity, were there other areas that you didn't feel that the
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two of you were aligned in terms of your values, in terms of how
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you would raise your children and educate them in terms of
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your morals? You mentioned she was practicing
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a Catholic to some degree, but maybe not as much as you are
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fully. So what were some of the other
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areas or were there other areas that you were not aligned?
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I'd say on politics a little bit because I'm definitely a little
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more traditional than she is. But in terms of like with like
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the like raising a family, we were very, very lockstep in like
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what we believed. Were you aligned, for example,
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on something like contraception and it not being that the
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purpose of getting married was to be open to life and
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contraception would be a violation of that?
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Was that something you guys were aligned on?
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That definitely was a was a hang up, but yeah, I mean that that
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that was a hang up. Definitely did believe that,
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yeah, marriage is for the beginning of children, but that
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that was something that still was a little contentious.
6:13
Got it. Well, I think the, I think it's
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absolutely key for you as a man of faith who values your faith,
6:22
right, to find a spouse because you're, it looks like you want
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to get married. Who's going to share that faith
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and everything that comes with it?
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Is that something that you're looking for?
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Yeah, yeah, that is, that is what I'm looking for.
6:37
Awesome. And it sounds like she has been
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not fully bought in. Are you as she brought up the
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things that she was not bought in specifically with you
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recently saying that she's changed her mind on them?
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Or is she more saying, oh, maybe make some compromises and I I
6:52
miss you and I want to get back together again?
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Not necessarily like the wanting to get back together, it's just
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we've been having some pretty good like dialogues about these
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topics and I guess just over time, like just a genuine
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changing of her mind on certain things.
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Got it. Has she changed her mind on the
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core teachings of the faith regarding sexuality and sexual
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ethics and marriage? Because I think, you know, as a,
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as a Catholic, there's certain things we know to be true about
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sexuality, marriage, the purpose of these things that are not
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questions of opinion. And so I think it's really
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essential that when we head towards marriage that we are
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fully aligned on those core morals and values.
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Are there areas that you're not sure you're aligned yet?
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Like when she says she's maybe changing her mind or having new
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dialogue, is she exploring these things or has she kind of come
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full 180 and she's like, no, I 100% am aligned on these key
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teachings. It's.
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More of an exploration. OK, got it.
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I think explorations obviously are very valuable, but this is
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your life, this is your future, and this is considering someone
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who would be the mother of your children and your wife to help
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you get to heaven, right? So, and it sounds like you guys
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were really involved with each other emotionally.
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You mentioned sexually. And so I think it's really key
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that you have good boundaries and you have good, you know,
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clarity for yourself because it's very easy to get entangled
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with someone, especially when there's all this enmeshing
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physically and emotionally that is not the right partner for us
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moving forward. I know, you know, talking with
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friends and even in my own experience having dated
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different people back in the day before meeting my great husband,
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like there's men that you and for me, it was men obviously
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that I would, you know, date and I really have a connection with
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and get very close to. But because we were not aligned
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on core things, it was most prudent to separate and make a
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clear separation because otherwise you get just re
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enmeshed, right? And then you're potentially
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closing yourself off to meeting somebody new because you're so,
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you know, hung up on this other relationship.
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So what are your what are your thoughts about that?
9:15
Yeah. I mean, I, I, I completely agree
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with that. Yeah, I guess I agree.
9:24
Yeah. I don't really have much else to
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say. Yeah.
9:27
What, what do you think is keeping you in it?
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You know, keeping you thinking about her, keeping you wanting
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to communicate with her, go see her potentially.
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What do you think is driving that?
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I mean, definitely the the connection was a a big thing.
9:44
I think it's just through our talking, just like a genuine
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curiosity, I guess that I guess I just didn't see previously.
9:54
That'd probably be the biggest thing, like a genuine
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willingness to like, actually get back into the faith.
10:01
Which is beautiful, by the way, that she seems to have that
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genuine curiosity. But you guys have this history,
10:07
right? It's not like you're just
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friends. You have this really deep
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history. And are you, how long have you
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guys been broken up for now? Going on like four months.
10:19
OK. So it's pretty fresh.
10:20
It sounds like it's pretty fresh and are you hoping to get
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married in the not too far future?
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What? What are your personal hopes for
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yourself? I mean, I, I wish if, if it's
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the Lord's will, it's just with my job very unreliable with
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where I'll be in like the next couple of years.
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So that's like the only barrier. Got it.
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So you're, it sounds like you're focusing on your career and
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developing your professional work so you can be in the
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position, your hope is to be in that position to get married.
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Yeah, it's I'm not, not necessarily closed off to it.
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It's just I understand that it may pose a challenge.
11:01
OK. And are you, are you taking
11:02
active strides in that area to get more prepared?
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As well as your free gift. So yeah, I think, I mean, it
11:57
sounds like you, you understand already the risks of what you're
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engaging in. I mean, four months broken up
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from someone that you've been involved with in such a intimate
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way. It is a very short amount of
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time, especially for two years. I don't know if you've heard the
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kind of rule of thumb where it can take up to twice as long and
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not always, but it can, especially if there's like
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sexual involvement, it can take up to twice as long to get over
12:21
somebody as a time that you were with them.
12:24
And if you're with someone two years, I'm not saying it's going
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to take you four years. It could take you six months,
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right? It could take you three months,
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but it's it's likely going to take some time to move on.
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And if you're continuing to re engage with her right, then that
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might add to that time that it would take to move on and could
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be very confusing for you. So I'm not saying go cold Turkey
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necessarily, right, because these things are prudential,
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right? It's not like there's some rule
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book for what you have to absolutely do.
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The only rules are like the moral rules, like God has our
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moral rules for a code of conduct.
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And the rest is kind of up to our prudence, our, our wisdom.
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But, you know, it sounds like you've had difficulty with this
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girl with chastity. It sounds like she's not fully
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aligned on the faith. And you know the purpose of
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dating is to discern if you're meant to marry someone, right?
13:15
Yes. And so I think you have sort of
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discerned that with her already is that, would you say that's
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that's fair? Yeah, I guess that's why I did
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did break things off. Yeah.
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So what are you by getting together with her again, even in
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person and continuing to communicate with her?
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What do you think the you know, what are your goals, your
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personal goals for doing that? I mean, honestly, just try to,
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if I can bear some kind of witness to my faith in a way.
13:52
I mean, guess it kind of sounds like missionary dating in a way.
13:56
But yeah, that's that's kind of what's coming to my mind.
14:03
Yeah, it, it definitely sounds that way to me.
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And I think that it is one thing to kind of share the faith with
14:09
someone and give them that gift, but then it's another thing to
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kind of continue a romantic involvement with them, right?
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And it sounds like you're not fully over her yet.
14:21
That, yeah, that's true. So again, this is all
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prudential, but it's it's a tricky waters you're in because
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you have this history with her. She's not someone that is the
14:34
right person for you to marry, at least at this time.
14:37
Of course, you could come back into your life in the future,
14:39
right? And she could say, Oh, I'm
14:40
completely aligned on these things.
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We should consider another go of it.
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And you could even tell her like, Hey, if you change and you
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become completely aligned on these things, you know, feel
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free to reach out to me in the future, right?
14:51
Because I really care about you and, and obviously have this
14:53
deep connection with you. But you know, you, you want to
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be in a position where you can obviously live chastity and then
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be focused on the areas of your life that God is calling you to
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develop, right? Which it sounds like that's your
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professional work. Certainly that's your virtue.
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So do you have a good spiritual director or mentor that you talk
15:16
with regularly? I don't, yeah, I don't have a
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spiritual director. I have a few good friends that I
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talk with but not like some I go to for spiritual direction.
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I think I would recommend getting a good spiritual
15:33
director. Find someone that you believe is
15:36
holy and wise and ask them for. You could find a priest, ask
15:40
them to go to confession with them, ask to talk with them and
15:43
have them be someone who can help you grow in your own
15:46
virtues, in your own faith. And you can also get their
15:49
advice on these sorts of situations, you know, dating or
15:52
relationships. But based on, based on what
15:55
you're sharing with me, I would caution against getting too
16:00
involved again with this person. You know, you, you clearly have
16:04
a lot of feelings for her. You guys have been very intimate
16:07
in the past in multiple ways and you're very vulnerable right now
16:11
because you still have feelings. And so it is a missionary dating
16:15
approach that you would potentially be taking right now.
16:18
Now, I'm not saying to like cut off all contact necessarily and
16:21
and never speak with her again, but you have to have super
16:25
clarity and boundaries about the kinds of communications you have
16:28
with her because you guys are still, you know, emotionally and
16:34
romantically involved with each other.
16:35
But you know that definitively that this at this time is not
16:39
the right person to pursue marriage with, right?
16:41
So you have to align your behavior with what you know to
16:44
be true. Otherwise you're kind of just
16:46
going to drag something out, right?
16:48
And that's not good for her. That's not good for you.
16:52
Yeah, no, I mean, you're right. And then, you know, one last
16:57
thing is like, if like seeing someone like that, especially
17:00
with the context of how you see them, it's very easy to fall
17:02
back into habits of impurity. I'm not saying that's what would
17:06
happen with you guys because I know you have a lot of faith
17:09
and, you know, morals and character.
17:11
But that's just another thing. If you know, this is like an
17:13
area of temptation for you, I do think it's important to, you
17:17
know, avoid temptation as best we can and make sure we have
17:20
good boundaries so we don't put ourselves into temptation.
17:25
OK. Yeah, Yeah, I agree with 100%.
17:32
Yeah. Thank you.
17:33
Thank you for taking the time to answer my call, Lyla.
17:36
Of course, of course, and God bless you on your, you know,
17:39
your journey of just work and growing yourself.
17:42
I think that's amazing. And I just want to encourage you
17:45
that a man of faith who has sexual morals is such an
17:49
incredible leader in today's culture.
17:52
There's not a lot of men out there that have that those
17:56
standards and those morals. And it's an incredibly bright
17:58
light for Jesus Christ. And it's also very attractive to
18:02
the right kind of women. So I just want to encourage you
18:05
that if you're called to marriage, there is an amazing
18:07
woman out there for you who will value those things about you and
18:10
be on the same page with you. And just feel that this is one
18:13
of the reasons she loves you so much because of your character
18:16
and your morality and your faith.
18:17
And, you know, keep that vision in your mind, you know, don't
18:20
think, oh, there's, there's nobody else for me or God has.
18:23
No, there's no plan here. Like, remember, God has a plan,
18:25
and it's a beautiful, beautiful plan for you.
18:28
Yeah, you're 100% right. Thank you again, Lila.
18:32
Of course, thanks for calling and talking with me.
18:33
I really appreciate it. Great to chat with you.
18:35
God bless you. Yeah, God bless.
18:37
All right, take care. Bye bye.
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Hi, what? What's what's your name?
19:46
Eugene. Eugene, thank you so much for
19:49
calling. My question is, should a
19:53
pro-life man attempt to date a pro-choice woman?
19:58
Should a pro-life man attempt to date a pro-choice woman I would
20:02
say definitely not because of the fact that.
20:07
You as a man want or seeking a woman that could potentially one
20:11
day be a partner for you, a spouse, a wife.
20:14
And a core part of that is an openness to life and an
20:17
appreciation for children and building a family together
20:20
because God blesses you guys with that.
20:22
So to have a woman, you know, maybe she's very misled, maybe
20:25
she has some good intentions, but she's so wrong on that core,
20:29
core issue is going to be a huge problem for the relationship.
20:37
So is there someone in in your life that you're interested in
20:41
that has said she's pro-choice and you're kind of grappling
20:43
with that right now? Kind of it, it's just in my
20:50
dating experience, being pro-life hasn't really helped me
20:54
and hasn't really been announced That and it really wasn't a
20:59
forefront issue for every situation with the woman to date
21:04
a relationship. In recent years though, it's
21:08
becoming more significant as you know, and it's just kind of hard
21:14
to find a pro-life woman these days.
21:16
And so I, I think when it comes to who's actually available to
21:20
date it, the odds are it's pro-choice women are going to be
21:24
more available than than pro-life women is the situation
21:28
I'm finding. Where are you finding when you
21:31
say the dating pool, there's not a lot of pro-life women?
21:33
Where are you? Where are you looking to meet
21:35
people that you could possibly date?
21:37
Well, it's everywhere. It's it could be at work, it
21:41
could be on an app, it could be at your church into your friends
21:46
group. So I've definitely navigated
21:50
multiple avenues that people generally use to find people to
21:55
date. And being pro-life as a guide,
22:00
it's never really been an asset or helpful for me.
22:02
And so I think it's inevitable that for relationships going
22:08
forward for a lot of men, it's going to lead to pro-life men
22:15
dating and trying to marry pro-choice women.
22:18
There's just the odds and the numbers show that there's just
22:21
not enough out there. Can I ask if you have a faith
22:25
and if you go to church? Yeah, I, I practice Catholicism.
22:30
I go to I go to math at least once a week usually.
22:33
OK, awesome. Are you involved in any
22:35
activities with your parish? Currently not right now, no.
22:42
OK. I think you're right that the
22:44
culture that we're in there are a lot of obviously pro, you
22:48
know, women that support abortion, women that don't have
22:51
the values that it sounds like you have in terms of pro-life,
22:53
pro marriage, pro family. And so you can't marry them like
22:57
they're not people that would make sense for you to date or
23:00
marry. So in that sense, you're, you
23:02
need to be selective. And I think that's that's a good
23:05
thing, right? But then to your point, you got
23:07
to find out where to meet people that share your values, both men
23:11
and women, men to be friends with, obviously, and women to be
23:13
friends with and then maybe find a potential spouse.
23:16
So I would recommend the parish that you're going to mass at and
23:20
maybe not even that parish, maybe it's another local parish,
23:23
but finding other parish activities where you may be,
23:27
it's more likely you're going to find like minded people.
23:31
Have you done any kind of volunteer activities, like
23:34
faith-based volunteer activities where you're located?
23:40
Not currently. I've moved around a bit.
23:42
I'm working, you know, young millennials, but that move
23:45
around a bit for my career. I've done some volunteer work in
23:50
the past at some crisis pregnancy centers.
23:53
I've done some volunteer stuff with churches.
23:59
I've done feeding the homeless, little things like that.
24:02
But I just in terms of who's actually, you know, doesn't have
24:06
a boyfriend, doesn't have a fiance, doesn't have a husband,
24:09
in terms of who's available. It's just there's just not a
24:11
little pro-life women seems to be anywhere in the West, really.
24:15
Do you mind? Me asking, do you?
24:17
Mind me asking where you live I'll?
24:23
I'll say I'm I'm in California. Somewhere in California.
24:27
So I'm in California. You may already know that, but
24:30
I, you know, I'm in Southern California.
24:33
I, I have family in Northern California and I know pockets of
24:37
people like different organizations, parishes,
24:41
communities where there are a lot of eligible bachelorettes
24:45
and bachelors who are very Catholic practicing their faith.
24:48
So I want to encourage you that those groups absolutely exist.
24:52
You know, plugging into them, it sounds like that's been the
24:55
tough thing for you because you're probably busy with your
24:57
career. You said you've been moving, but
24:59
I just want to encourage you that they absolutely exist for
25:03
like women absolutely exist out there.
25:04
And there are a lot of them in California.
25:07
There are groups like young Catholic professionals, I don't
25:10
know if you've heard of them, that have different events in
25:13
the community that are mixers. You can meet other people.
25:17
I know in Southern California, they have like speed dating
25:19
events at the the Diocese of Orange.
25:22
So and in Los Angeles, they have groups of, you know, young
25:26
Catholics who are very involved in their faith.
25:28
And I know it sounds like you're feeling discouraged, but I want
25:31
to encourage you that there are, you know, they do exist.
25:33
They are out there. It might be more of a, you know,
25:39
the tougher thing and not you, you can't find them in the
25:41
secular spaces. But going to those more
25:43
faith-based spaces or where you're going to see more
25:45
options, do you feel like that's something you can double down
25:51
on, or how do you feel about that?
25:54
Well, I'm in my 30s and all of those young Catholic
25:57
professionals, they don't have an H cut off per SE, but they
26:00
prefer people in their 20s. So I, I don't want to be like
26:03
awkward and stick out in a weird way.
26:04
And some of those things, some are more welcoming.
26:06
So it's I could show up, but it's not always the right place
26:13
to be if if you're over a certain age at some of these
26:15
events. Do you mind?
26:16
Do you mind me asking how old you are?
26:17
You said you're in your 30s. Yeah, I'm in my, I'll say mid
26:22
30s. OK.
26:23
I think, I mean my understanding of why CP and the others is I
26:26
think they go up to 40. So I think there's probably
26:29
still a lot of those events to go to, and I would encourage you
26:34
to check them out because I do think that there are a lot of
26:37
women that I talked to that are looking for eligible Catholic
26:40
men. And there's a lot of women who
26:43
are, you know, in their late 20s, early 30s, in their 30s who
26:47
are looking for a man that's more mature because, you know,
26:51
the younger guys in their 20s might not be what they're
26:54
looking for. So they're definitely out there.
26:56
And I would encourage just, you know, pursuing that, going to as
27:01
many kind of events as possible. I would do the online dating
27:04
thing. I know it sounds like it's a
27:05
pain, but I would encourage that it's, it is a, it is a tough
27:09
world out there. I'm not going to like deny that
27:10
because it's, it is a fact that it's tough and you're having to
27:13
deal with that. But I just want to encourage you
27:15
that they, they are out there and if you kind of double down
27:18
and pursuing these events, getting involved with the parish
27:20
online dating. And then really the most
27:23
important thing next to all of that is just really waiting on
27:28
God and listening to God. Do you, do you feel like you got
27:30
a message from God when you talked to him about this?
27:32
Or what are you? What's your kind of spiritual
27:34
sense of God's hand in your life right now when it comes to
27:37
trying to find a wife? I I just pray.
27:42
I definitely go to confession when I need to.
27:46
I wouldn't say I, I get messages from God about this.
27:49
I just try to live the good life.
27:53
And if I meet someone, I meet someone, yeah, kind of how I'm
27:57
operating. Yeah, well, keep on praying.
28:01
And I would also, you know, go to prayer, go to before the
28:04
Blessed Sacrament and just tell God what you're talking to me
28:07
about. Sounds like you might have done
28:09
this, but I think doing this regularly and just saying to
28:11
God, like, what do you, you know, listening for him?
28:14
Like, is there something else you'd want me to do differently
28:16
with my life? Is there something else that you
28:19
want from me? What are you?
28:22
How would you direct me? And asking him for that more
28:24
direct help because God will open doors for you.
28:28
He will guide you. He'll give you insights and
28:30
inspiration. I'm not saying he's going to
28:31
give you some audible direction or send you a letter from
28:34
heaven, obviously. But I do think like really
28:36
listening for God and taking that time in front of the
28:38
Blessed Sacrament, especially when you're dealing with
28:40
vocation stuff like I want to get married.
28:41
I'm not finding the right person.
28:44
God really does beat us in that. I definitely understand you're
28:51
saying it it. It definitely happens in
28:53
people's lives. Not everyone on their own
28:55
timelines though. Yeah, that is a fact, my friend.
28:59
That is true. And that's where that life of
29:02
faith comes in, right? And trusting when we can't see
29:04
everything in front of us and also it's not happening on our
29:07
timeline. That's when that's when the
29:09
faith, the real trust acts of trust kick in.
29:16
It's hard out there, but there is a plan and and stick to your
29:19
morals and your values because the last thing you want to do is
29:23
end up marrying a woman. That or getting involved with a
29:27
woman who is not pro-life, not pro marriage, who supports
29:32
things like abortion, divorce, contraception, that that is
29:36
ultimately would be a net loss for you because you're not
29:39
entering into the sacrament of marriage with her where you're
29:42
aligned right. So I just want to encourage you
29:45
to keep your standards high and in terms of the morality and
29:49
then to go before God. And, and also getting a good
29:52
mentor is also really good if you don't already have one, like
29:54
a spiritual guide. What are your what are your
29:56
thoughts on that? All all good ideas.
30:02
We'll pray and see what happens. Great.
30:06
All right, well, what what is a good what is a good game plans?
30:09
Before we wrap up here, what do you think's a good game plan for
30:12
next steps for you? More.
30:15
Go out more and try to navigate more consistently with the right
30:19
groups. I think it's really awesome and
30:23
courageous that you call and you're willing to talk about it
30:26
and that you have the standards you have and that you're willing
30:29
to put yourself out there and keep trying.
30:32
You know, when, when, when I believe, if God brings that
30:34
woman to your life, which I believe you will, she will value
30:37
that. And that will be that much more
30:38
valuable that you persevered in the faith and persevered in
30:45
being open to the the vocation to marriage.
30:49
I I sure hope so. All right, Thanks so much for
30:53
calling. OK.
30:55
Thanks all. Right.
30:56
God bless, right? So we just had a nice chat with
30:59
Eugene again, I know it can be tough out there for both men and
31:02
women. You guys know on the call and
31:04
show so far, we've had both men and women who say we can't find
31:07
somebody with our shared values of the other sex that we can,
31:11
you know, maybe date or marry or whatever.
31:13
And I just want to encourage you.
31:14
They're out there. So one thing we're going to do
31:16
today, and I'm going to say this at the beginning of this episode
31:18
too, put your your name where you're based out of in the
31:22
comment section here. We're going to make this a
31:23
matchmaking video on YouTube here.
31:26
So if you are looking for somebody to marry or date, put
31:31
your name and where you are in the comments section here.
31:34
We're also going to do this on IG because I understand YouTube
31:37
sometimes there's more men than women and then IG is more women
31:40
and men's. We're going to do it both places
31:41
to maximize the opportunity for people to connect, but put your
31:44
information in the comment section here so that you guys
31:47
can potentially connect with the future love of your life.
31:50
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32:44
Hello. This is Lila.
32:46
What's your name? Terez.
32:49
Hi, Terez. That is my name.
32:52
I'm sorry. I got really nervous.
32:54
It's such an honor to speak to you.
32:55
I'm such a huge fan. You are so sweet.
32:58
Well, thank you so much for calling.
32:59
It's my honor to speak with you and I'm very excited to talk to
33:03
you. So thank you.
33:04
Nice to meet you, Teres. How are you doing today?
33:07
I'm doing fine. I'm at work.
33:09
I just stepped away for a few moments just to make this phone
33:11
call. So I'm really, really excited to
33:12
speak to you. So looking forward to this all
33:14
day. That makes that makes me so
33:16
happy. Well, thank you for calling and
33:18
and taking the moment. What are you?
33:21
What are what's on your mind today?
33:23
So the question that I had has been a question that has been
33:26
ruminating in my head for, I want to say like 7 years now.
33:32
So I guess for context, I'm a convert.
33:34
I converted last year, was receding to the Easter virtual.
33:38
It was a whole thing. It was beautiful.
33:40
I loved, I loved being Catholic. It's great.
33:43
But before becoming Catholic, I went through like this phase
33:47
where I was like really discovering.
33:50
I, I guess like more so searching for like what it was
33:52
that I believed in. And so I just listened to a lot
33:54
of content like on the Internet, read some books.
33:58
And so like a little while back, I encountered the red pill, like
34:01
manosphere, I think I was like 16.
34:04
And I encountered some ideas regarding like what men value in
34:09
women and that specifically when it came to aging, right.
34:13
And I heard these ideas and I think Andrew Tape like still
34:19
perpetuates an idea like this where it's like, if you're over
34:22
the age of 30 or something like that, it's like, you know, no
34:25
man will will find you valuable, which is like ridiculous now
34:27
that I'm saying it out loud. But at the time, because I was a
34:32
teenager, I, I, I, I internalized that a lot more
34:36
than perhaps I wanted to. And so even though like, yeah, I
34:40
came to reject like all these ideas, you know, just like my
34:45
talking to people in real life, I, I still, as I got, as I'm,
34:50
I'm older now I'm 23. I, I know I'm still young.
34:54
But as I've gotten older, I have found myself like kind of scared
34:58
of getting older, like kind of scared of like aging and what
35:02
the aging process will be like. And I thought about it and I've
35:06
talked about it with other girls and I've noticed this is a
35:08
common trend that our society really, really idolizes youth a
35:13
lot. And there is a beauty to youth.
35:16
I'm not discounting that. There is a beauty to like that
35:18
phase of life and as there is with all phases of life, but it
35:21
seems like it's not very pro-life and it's not very
35:26
all-encompassing of the Christian ideal, so to speak.
35:30
I'm not sure if that's even the right way of saying it to, like,
35:32
fetishize youth, you know? Yeah.
35:37
And I'm, I'm still kind of sorting through it myself right
35:40
now. I wonder if it's vain that I put
35:43
on sunscreen every day. I wonder if it's vain that I
35:45
like, want to like, I, I get happy when people, like, tell me
35:49
like, oh, yeah, you look like you're in your early 20s.
35:51
Well, I am in my early 20s, so that makes sense, you know?
35:54
So yeah, that's a lot that I just put on you right now.
35:57
But I've noticed that this is like a recurring thought pattern
36:01
and not just like with young women, but like all women in
36:03
general. And I wanted to hear your
36:05
thoughts on it, on what could be like a Christian approach to, to
36:08
aging, to like, to growing in wisdom, because I know that like
36:12
modern conventions certainly do apply.
36:14
We know that was a lot. I'm sorry.
36:16
Thank you for listening to me. OK, so first of all, Therese, I
36:20
love what you're wrestling with here because I do agree with
36:24
you. This is such a important
36:27
obviously topic, but it is something that our society I
36:30
think gets wrong a lot of the time where we do idolize youth
36:33
and we use the word fetish, fetishize youth sometimes.
36:38
Red pill obviously is really disrespectful to women in
36:42
general, by the way, but it specifically seems to talk about
36:47
a woman's value is how young she is and how many babies she's
36:50
able to bear as opposed to it's a woman's value is her innate
36:54
human dignity that God gave her because she's made in God's
36:57
image, right? Regardless of whether or not
36:59
she's able to have children. So anyways, I think you have
37:03
really good self-awareness about how these things have influenced
37:06
you. And you know, it's normal to
37:07
wrestle with some of this stuff, especially in today's culture.
37:11
I think that, you know, just a few highline high level thoughts
37:15
on this in terms of the red pills sort of ideology about
37:21
women's value and what men find attractive.
37:27
Do you feel like you're called to marriage or is that something
37:29
that you're hoping for in the future?
37:32
Yes, it is something that I'm hoping for.
37:34
Beautiful and it sounds like you're you mentioned you came
37:38
into the church, which is so beautiful.
37:39
Congratulations. So you're practicing your faith.
37:42
You're it sounds like your faith is very important to you.
37:45
Yes, beautiful, beautiful. Well, I want to encourage you
37:49
that God's plans are always perfect and we will never be let
37:55
down by God. He's our loving Father.
37:57
And I'm not saying that you or I are even promised tomorrow,
38:00
right? So we don't know what the future
38:01
will hold if you will get married, how long I will live,
38:04
how long you will live. But I do know that God will make
38:08
good on His plan for you. And so, you know, I do think
38:11
it's probably very likely you're called to get married.
38:13
I don't know for a fact. Obviously, you might have other
38:14
there might be other callings for you, especially if that's on
38:17
your heart. And I just want to encourage you
38:19
that there is a man for you and maybe you won't meet him till
38:21
you're 30. I don't know, right you so, but
38:24
if you trust in God and continue to be the best person that you
38:28
can be, right, God's plan is not going to be wrecked by red pill
38:31
ideology on the Internet, right? And I just want to like like as
38:36
an example, St. Gianna Mullah, her feet stay was
38:41
just a couple days ago. She got married at 33.
38:45
She's. Like, I love her, by the way.
38:47
You know, you know her, you know her stuff.
38:50
So you know, that's 10 years from now.
38:52
And I'm not saying you're going to wait 10 years to get married,
38:54
but I just want to encourage you like do not let Satan steal your
38:58
joy or give you a perverted image of yourself or of women or
39:02
men at general. Because this idea that you're
39:05
more or less valuable based on your age or that God can't bring
39:10
you your vocation in his timing and that, you know, if you are
39:12
not in your 20s anymore, you've missed the window.
39:15
Like none of that is true. So I, I, I think one thing that
39:21
might be helpful when it comes to these red pill ideas and this
39:24
idea about women only being valuable when they're young and
39:27
fertile. I would maybe even do the
39:30
exercise. Like you just verbalize it to
39:32
me. But like, write down these lies
39:35
that you might be, you know, might come to mind because of
39:38
just again, watching videos about this when you were in your
39:41
teen years, whatever, right? Literally go in front of the
39:43
busted sacrament, write down the lies that you might sometimes
39:47
just come to mind about your value and your age, about
39:50
finding a man, about what men value, about what is valuable
39:52
about you. And then literally sit there and
39:56
ask God tell me the truth and then write down the truth next
40:00
to it and then cross out the lie.
40:03
So like just do like a formal process.
40:05
Just be like, these are not true, right?
40:08
Like it is not true. That if I am in my 30s one day,
40:11
like if that's what ends up happening and I'm still not
40:13
married, then that means I can't get married.
40:15
Or it is not true that women are less valuable or less beautiful
40:20
if they are older than than younger, Right.
40:22
So I think an exercise like that might be really powerful And
40:27
just clarifying in your own mind, like, these are the lies
40:30
and then this is the truth. Yeah.
40:35
That's that's so helpful. Thank you for thank you for
40:37
suggesting that. That's so beautiful.
40:38
Of course, and then, you know, you mentioned just about the
40:41
spiritual perspective on aging and this is connected to kind of
40:45
like the lies versus the truth. But you know, Holy Scripture has
40:48
so many references to the beauty and the glory of age.
40:55
So it's like very clear from a spiritual perspective that with
40:59
age we are meant to have the gift of more wisdom because of
41:04
life experiences and an openness to hopefully hearing God's
41:07
voice. And that maturity is actually a
41:09
glory, a glorification of God. It actually talks about Gray
41:14
hair as a crown of glory, which I know is tough when, like, you
41:20
know, people don't embrace Gray hair as they get older.
41:23
But I think about my mother and she went totally Gray.
41:26
She's in her 60s now and she's totally Gray and she's gorgeous
41:31
and she's so refined and lovely and she's like my model, right?
41:34
For just aging gracefully. And she is, she's beautiful,
41:40
right? So I think having that other
41:43
just view of like asking God to give you the wisdom to see aging
41:48
through his eyes and for his glory can change the narrative
41:52
that this in the culture if we fill our minds and hearts with
41:55
that. And there are actual Bible
41:57
verses you could look at about aging that might also help.
42:03
Like this is from the book of Job.
42:06
You could write this down Job 1212 Wisdom is with the aged and
42:10
understanding and length of days.
42:13
So it talks about, you know, the value and experience of
42:16
knowledge that you gain over time in life.
42:20
Or in Proverbs 2029, it says the glory of young men is their
42:25
strength, but the beauty of the aged is their Gray hair.
42:30
So it talks about like what a beautiful gift aging can be,
42:33
even the physical signs of it. And then in Psalm 92, it talks
42:38
about the flourishing of the righteous in their old age and
42:40
how valuable their wisdom is. So these are just ideas of
42:45
things to meditate on or think about.
42:47
But I think you know the truth deep in your heart.
42:50
You sound very self aware and and wise for your years and I
42:54
just want to encourage you to hold on to those truths and not
42:57
let Satan and the culture's lies like waste your time.
43:02
Basically. Because it is just time wasting
43:05
right? To spend time in our brains even
43:08
thinking about all this crap, right that the culture pushes
43:11
when the truth is so peace giving and so beautiful.
43:16
Mm hmm. Yeah, thank you, Lila.
43:19
That was a beautiful response. I, I will say I, I think things
43:22
have gotten better for me because, you know, I'm dating
43:25
someone And as you know, it's, it's, I think it's very helpful
43:29
to like get out of your head and like not just like ruminate on
43:33
the Internet about like what men are like in theory and instead
43:38
like talk to like actual gentlemen in real life, you
43:41
know, and see what you know. And but I think more than that,
43:45
I think I will just become a lot more comfortable in like
43:49
recognizing like the Lord's timing is his timing.
43:51
And I, I may not, it may not happen in accord with like my
43:57
plan or what I think is quote UN quote best for me, but it it
44:01
will be beautiful no matter what.
44:03
And glory to God for that. Things will be beautiful if I as
44:07
long as I just trust in him. And so, yeah, I mean, that was
44:10
my question. It's one that I've, I, I've
44:13
talked about it with like a lot. Like my, I have a little sister.
44:17
She's 15 and it's interesting. Like she gets affected by this
44:20
and she's like a, a child. Like she feels the need to put
44:23
sunscreen on every day. So it's, it's really like a
44:26
pervasive part of like unfortunate.
44:28
It's unfortunately, it's becoming a pervasive part of
44:30
like being a woman today. But I, I, your response is so
44:34
beautiful. I'm talking a lot.
44:35
I'm sorry. I I'm so excited.
44:37
You've got great, you've got great thoughts.
44:39
Those are all. Thank you for sharing all that.
44:40
So I'm, it's, you're right about all of that and the sunscreen
44:43
stuff like we can take care of our bodies.
44:46
I don't think sunscreen means that we are hyper focused on
44:48
youth. It just means we're protecting
44:50
our skin from the sun potentially, right?
44:52
So I don't think it's cosmetics or certain, you know, things to
44:55
protect our skin or like working out or sleeping well, like those
44:59
are just taking care of the temple that God's given us.
45:02
So she can put on sunscreen and that doesn't mean she's like
45:05
idolizing her youth. It just means that she's trying
45:07
to take care of her body. Now, she might be idolizing her
45:10
youth in her mind, right? And that's a different thing
45:13
that she needs to work through potentially.
45:14
But I think the act of taking care of ourselves, sunscreen,
45:18
things like that are not inherently wrong.
45:21
They can be actually really good, even if some people maybe
45:25
have different motivations, right?
45:31
But I love that you are so passionate about your faith and
45:35
it sounds like you've got a wonderful head on your
45:36
shoulders. One last question for you, do
45:39
you have a spiritual director or a mentor currently that you are
45:43
talking with? Yeah, I have one.
45:47
She's a religious sister. She's such a beautiful person.
45:51
I won't say her name. Actually.
45:53
Should I shot her out? It's totally.
45:55
Empty. Yeah.
45:57
Her name is Sister Anna Palka. She's from the New Jersey
46:01
Rutgers area. And she is the most beautiful
46:04
human being I've ever met in my life.
46:06
She is so, so sweet. How wonderful.
46:08
Yeah. So I talked to her not as much
46:14
recently because she's busy, but I, I, we shoot for once a month.
46:17
So I I have showed for all of these thoughts and we've worked
46:21
through them together. You are on top of it.
46:23
That is beautiful. She sounds beautiful.
46:25
And thank you for being a witness even in this call
46:27
because you've got such a good head on your shoulders and for
46:29
just sharing that you struggled with this.
46:31
But it's something that you're receiving God's truth about.
46:33
And I just want to encourage you that God wants us also to be
46:38
free from hang ups and lies and that there is freedom, right?
46:41
So like if this keeps coming back to you and it's something
46:44
you keep struggling with, that there is freedom from it.
46:47
And so you can obviously talk with your amazing spiritual
46:49
director about that. But I do think some of these
46:50
like habits of even just like writing down the lie, replacing
46:53
with the truth, and like making that a practice in your mind can
46:56
be really powerful. Yeah, no, that's a beautiful
47:02
practice. I definitely need to get started
47:04
on that for sure. I'm going to Adoration tomorrow,
47:08
so maybe I'll do that. That is the best place.
47:10
That is the best place, and you can tell Jesus everything and
47:13
just have Him affirm you what the truth is.
47:15
You can read Holy Scripture on it.
47:16
And He's given us so much encouragement right in the
47:21
truth. So be encouraged by that.
47:23
God created you and every single year of your life is a beautiful
47:26
year that God has specifically given you to bring him glory.
47:29
Let that light shine and thank you so much for calling.
47:34
Thank you Lila, I really appreciate it.
47:36
I, I hope I can let you know that when I was converting, I
47:39
watched a lot of your videos and I just found like your story to
47:42
be so inspiring. So thank you.
47:44
Thank you so much for for sharing your story.
47:46
That means the world to me. Therese, thank you so much.
47:49
God bless. You all.
47:51
Right. Thank you.
47:52
Bye, bye. Thanks so much for listening to
47:55
the second call in show. I had a lot of fun covered
47:58
conversations with some of you. Thank you again to the great
48:00
folks who called in. Let me know what you guys think.
48:02
I always want to hear from you. You can put your comments in the
48:05
comment section. Did you agree?
48:07
Do you disagree? What are you wrestling with?
48:09
And also for matchmaking, if you're interested, what's your
48:12
name and your age and your location, we would love to maybe
48:16
find help people find each other in the comment section.
48:19
Thank you guys so much and we'll see you next time.
48:22
And a huge thank you to EWTN Eternal Word Television Network,
48:26
which is the largest religious broadcaster in the world.
48:28
You can get access to Lila Rose Show episodes 24 hours in
48:33
advance at ewtn.com. Slash on demand.
48:36
And a big thank you to EWTN and their incredible mission to
48:39
bring souls to Jesus.