Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E280: Marriage After Sex-Work and More: Ask Lila! | Lila Rose Show

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E280: Marriage After Sex-Work and More: Ask Lila! | Lila Rose Show · The Lila Rose Show

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  Now I'm through cancer treatment, we're able to try
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  again. Don't think it's impossible that
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  I could have a baby, it's just less likely than maybe if I
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  hadn't gone through chemo. I would love your thoughts on
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  when to seriously pursue adoption.
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  I don't think that adoption is a.
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  That is so wise, I think. Yeah, you've really highlighted
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  that for me. That's beautiful.
• 0:20
  Hey everybody, welcome back to the Lila Rose show.
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  Today we are taking your calls. We are taking live calls from
• 0:26
  friends of the show, from whoever wants to call in to talk
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  about real issues in their lives.
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  I am not a therapist or a doctor, but I care deeply about
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  helping people live their most purposeful and healthy lives,
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  and that's what this show is all about.
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  You can contact the show by going to lilaroshow.com/ask or
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  subscribed over there. Thank you all so much.
• 1:01
  Hello. Hello.
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  Hi, is this Anna? This is she.
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  Thanks so much for calling. How are you doing?
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  I'm. Good.
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  Is this Lila? This is Lila, yes.
• 1:13
  My gosh, I'm talking to a celebrity.
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  I'm so glad to talk to you. Where are you calling from?
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  Well, we're visiting Colorado right now, but I live in
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  Bozeman, Mt. Nice.
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  Oh, Montana's gorgeous and Colorado's gorgeous.
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  Yeah. We love it.
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  Beautiful. Well, thanks so much for calling
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  in. What's what's on your mind
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  today? Yeah, so I'll just give you a
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  brief history and then I'll kind of ask my question.
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  My husband and I were married in 2021, so like 4 1/2 years ago.
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  And we were not getting pregnant.
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  And so we were seeking medical help and we knew we weren't
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  going to do IVF, but we were, you know, hoping to support my
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  body to be able to get pregnant. And I was.
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  Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer last October.
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  So that of course put a big halt in.
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  Sorry. You know, thank you.
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  Yeah, thanks. It's, I will say, just so you,
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  you know, to relieve your worry, I am cancer free now by the
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  grace of God, which is amazing. So before I went through
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  chemotherapy, I was of course encouraged to freeze embryos.
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  And we were decided that was not in line with our values and
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  didn't want to do that and just trusted that if we're supposed
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  to have biological kids that it will happen naturally after
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  chemotherapy, which is possible, it's just less likely.
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  And so now I'm through cancer treatment, we're able to try
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  again and I'm working with a really a medical team that I
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  feel really confident in. And I don't think it's
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  impossible that I could have a baby.
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  It's just less likely than maybe if I hadn't gone through chemo,
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  you know? And so I'm kind of just, I would
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  love your thoughts on when to seriously pursue adoption
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  because that's something we've always been open to.
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  However, you know, we can have our own biological kids.
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  That would be, I would that'll, it'll be hard for me if we
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  can't, but it's also I can accept that if that's the God's
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  will for us. So I would, yeah, I would just
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  love to kind of know your thoughts on that timeline and
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  and what we can think about. Thank you.
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  Well, first of all, Congrats on your beautiful marriage and on
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  beating cancer. You're amazing.
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  And I, I love this desire of your heart to be a mother and
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  that you have a desire too, for adoption.
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  That's really beautiful. Does your husband share that
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  openness to both? Obviously kids, it sounds like,
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  of course, but also to adoption. Yeah, that's a great question.
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  He before we got married, he was always like I, it's important to
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  me that we try for biological kids, but if I would rather
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  adopt than not be a parent like that was always something that
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  we had always thought of, that we were very open to.
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  Totally. Yep.
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  So listen, I think that it's it's a very beautiful desire.
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  I don't think that biological children need to be a either or
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  with your own with adoptive children, meaning you can, you
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  could adopt and you could be open to biological children.
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  There are absolutely families that do both and beautifully so.
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  And so I, I think has that been a conversation at all between
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  you and your husband of well, we could start the adoption process
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  and continue to be open to biological children and just see
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  what the Lord does or where are you?
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  Where are you guys so far in your conversations?
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  Yeah, that's great. Actually.
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  That's a great question. We have talked about that.
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  It's actually kind of a joke that we always joke like, well,
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  you know, once we adopt A kid that I'm going to get pregnant,
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  you know? What I mean, definitely, yeah.
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  Exactly. And we're pregnant.
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  Happening before, by the way, several couples I know
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  struggling with infertility pursued adoption, received their
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  first baby and we're so blessed by God and then would get
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  pregnant shortly thereafter and then they got to raise these two
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  siblings, you know, and their. Their.
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  Their. Hearts were full.
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  I know I thought I'm not, I mean, in my mind I'm like that.
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  I mean, that would, that would be amazing.
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  You know, So we've definitely talked about right now and I
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  would love to know your thoughts on this.
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  So I'm 33 and I will be, I'm like 33 1/2 because I'll be 34
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  in May. And we've talked about maybe
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  until I'm 35, not pursuing adoption seriously and then at
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  35 kind of see where we're at and then maybe more seriously
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  pursue, pursue that. And so I wanted to know your
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  thoughts on that or if it's something maybe we should just
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  start pursuing now. So that's a, that's a great
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  question. It's very, there's not a right
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  or wrong with that, first of all, and I know you know that,
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  but some, some, some things that might help with discernment
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  here. So first of all, you, I think
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  you mentioned you've been married five years.
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  Have you been open to life that whole time, meaning at least you
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  know, off contraceptives and you know, open to getting pregnant
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  and, or, or have you been trying that whole time, like very
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  intentionally trying to make sure you're together when you're
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  fertile? What's been the last five years
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  like for you guys? Well, so we were just, I was on
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  a medication that I was not able to be open to life,
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  unfortunately, and I worked really hard to get off of it.
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  It's it's a whole other thing. But I just, let's say I don't
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  recommend getting your children on ADHD medications ever.
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  But. Wow, interesting, great, great
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  advice I have. I have some really strong
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  thoughts about that. It's crazy that you're not, you
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  know, they're like, well, it's not safe to get pregnant when
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  you're on those. But then it's like, oh, that's
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  interesting. But you're kind of like you are
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  kind of dependent on them, so. Anyway, so you want to you want
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  to be a mother, you're going to do that's that's that's rough.
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  That is so between. Yeah, it's just, you know how it
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  is. There's a lot of problems, but
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  so I am very grateful I was able to get off of that.
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  So since then we have been but I just we figured out I was not
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  ovulating at all and we were needing That's why we seek out
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  medical support is to get my body to ovulate.
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  And that was before chemo, before cancer and chemo.
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  You you discovered you weren't ovulating at all.
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  Yes, correct. And I, it's, it's been a long
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  history, but I think the, the way the doctors have said it is
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  I, I'm able to ovulate, I just have a more sensitive kind of
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  system than other women. So sometimes my kind of danger
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  response shuts off a little sooner than other people, if
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  that makes sense. And so how long have you been
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  working with your current or since healing from cancer and
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  being cancer free? How long has that been?
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  That has only been so we've only been able to be open to trying
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  like a couple months now, like 3 months and I'm working with an
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  acupuncturist and then my other doctor and they both think like
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  looking at my blood work and stuff.
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  They're like, this isn't impossible.
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  We just need to get support your body to, to want to ovulate and
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  all that. So.
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  Right. What is your hesitation right
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  now with starting the adoption process and obviously being
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  continuing to be open and even pursuing biological children
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  versus waiting till 35? What What is the?
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  What is the? What is the kind of reasoning
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  behind that possible plan? That is, I'm so you see, I knew
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  I'm glad I called you because that's a great question.
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  I hearing that question, I honestly think maybe a little
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  bit of overwhelm about and fear about costs, probably just
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  because it's, you know, especially with cancer, we're
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  fine. We're not like, you know, on the
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  streets by any means. But it's also, I think it's
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  intimidating. And also I just, I'm like, man,
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  that's a lot of money. And I think I get intimidated
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  thinking, oh, that's going to be this huge big process.
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  I hope I can just get pregnant almost, you know what I mean?
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  Like it feels like a lot to undertake if I don't have to,
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  which it sounds silly, but that's I think, what's in my
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  head. Here's another question, if
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  let's just say you were able to have biological children, for
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  sure you get pregnant very soon. Would would would you believe at
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  that .0? Yeah, I don't, I don't want to
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  adopt. I mean, and and and where's your
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  husband at too? That's a great question.
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  I mean, I'm, I, we haven't had that exact conversation, but I
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  can't imagine he'd be closed off to, I mean, he, we're both very
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  open to adoption And like, you know, that picture of US
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  basically like being open to life until I, until we can't be
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  anymore is we're, we're comfortable with, you know what
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  I mean? And maybe being open to life in
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  all ways is if you put that adoption out there, it means
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  also, you know, being open to adoption too.
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  You know, it may be just closing that door once you're at an age
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  that you wouldn't want a little infant, I'd I or wouldn't be,
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  you know, as it wouldn't be as responsible, of course, you
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  know, to take on an infant if you're like 55 or something.
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  But yeah, I, that's a that, yeah, you're bringing up some
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  really great points because I personally am open to both for
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  sure. We, we have no like limit, like,
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  oh, we can only have this many kids or something.
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  We're Christians. We, you know, we believe in
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  God's will for us and, and all that.
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  So yeah, I'm not, I'm to answer your question, I'm not closed
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  off to to both having biological children that I'd be like, well,
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  we're definitely not adopting. That's not something that's
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  Crossman. Right.
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  And I'm asking that and definitely that's something to
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  discuss with your husband. Like what does he think about
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  that? Would he still be open to
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  adoptive children if you were to get pregnant and even have
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  multiple of your own biological kids?
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  Like where would where, where does he think his heart might be
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  at? I don't think that adoption is
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  a, a fill in for not being able to have biological children.
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  I think adoption, even though it can be used that way in a sense,
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  I think it is a, it is a calling and I think it's a very
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  beautiful 1. And I think more people should
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  be open to it. I think many people are and they
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  aren't able to be placed with children.
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  That's a whole other issue, right?
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  But I think everyone should be open to it and ask that question
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  of themselves. And, and it's, it's very
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  personal. It doesn't mean that everyone
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  has to, it just means I think we should be all open to it.
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  And so I, I say that because I would think about this lesson in
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  terms of, OK, end game must have child biological doesn't work
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  out. Let's go find an adoptive child,
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  right? And think about it more and
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  think about it more as, yes, I want, we want to have children.
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  We'd love to have children. We both feel open to adoption.
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  We also feel, you know, you know, we're going to, of course,
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  be open to life as a married couple.
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  And you know, you are in your 30s, you've had these health
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  issues. And so those would all be
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  reasons for, you know, potentially opening up to
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  adoption sooner than later. But you're not, you're not
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  required to. I'm not saying God told me to
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  tell you that because at the end of the day, this is a very
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  personal discernment question, right?
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  But it when making the plans with your husband, I would just
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  explore that like, well, what would it look like?
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  Like explore all the scenarios, right?
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  You're open to adoption now as you continue to be open to
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  biological children. What would that look like if you
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  were blessed with both, right? How do you, how do you feel
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  about that? How do you feel about the timing
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  of what that would look like? Usually when you're open to
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  adoption, it takes at least a year, if not multiple years to
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  receive an adoptive child. So it's not like you, they say,
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  I want an adoptive, I want to adopt.
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  And they're like, here's a baby. Like unfortunately, because of
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  abortion and all these other, you know, tragic things in our
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  system, right? We don't, you know, we don't
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  treat children that way. We, we don't treat them well,
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  right? So, so that would be something
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  to explore. It's like like sit down and
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  write out those scenarios with your husband of like, what would
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  these different scenarios look like?
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  And then pray over them together.
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  That is so why I think, yeah, you've really highlighted that
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  for me because I think I often times, I've always said I
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  believe that children are a blessing.
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  They're not a right, you know, we don't have a right to
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  children. They're always a blessing.
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  However, I maybe was kind of looking at that more as like a,
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  well, if we can't have biological children, then we'll
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  just adopt. And it's more like it's more
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  about me than the child, where it's more just like if I'm open
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  to life, I open to it in all forms.
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  That's you've really, definitely given me some really helpful
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  advice. That's that's beautiful.
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  And if there are adoptive, if if you do feel called to adoption,
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  you're open to adoption, I believe the kids that the Lord
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  connects you with and brings to you will be a part of his
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  perfect plan, right? You will be their parents,
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  right? And so that's another piece of
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  this too, is there's the supernatural.
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  And that's where just opening it up to prayer and really just
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  asking the Lord, Hey, give us peace about what your plan is
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  here. One other piece, you mentioned
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  the financial struggles or just financial questions, I should
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  say, stress of just, you know, adoption is expensive today.
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  That is a fact. I do think that's another thing
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  to consider here because you, you don't want to be, you know,
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  you want to be mindful of that and, and where your family
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  household is AT and, and everything else.
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  Have you guys had those conversations about budgeting
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  and the different costs associated with adoption?
• 13:30
  How has that been for you? Yeah, we've definitely, I think
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  honestly, we haven't dove in enough to really know what the
• 13:37
  cost would be because, you know, I've heard things, but of course
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  I don't, I can't know until I really look into it.
• 13:42
  So we've had that conversation, but it's more been this broad
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  conversation of, oh man, it's really a shame that adoption is
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  so much money as opposed to can we do this?
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  Now that being said, we're we, it's something that we could
• 13:55
  afford. It's more just, OK, what does
• 13:56
  our budget need to look like so we can prepare for this, so we
• 13:59
  can also be responsible parents once the baby gets there, you
• 14:02
  know of. Course, have you guys considered
• 14:05
  another path that you may consider, you may already have
• 14:08
  considered and be called to is fostering and then fostering to
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  adopt. And that's usually less
• 14:13
  expensive. In fact, you're, you're doing,
• 14:16
  you know, the government in a sense of favor because you're
• 14:18
  helping them with these orphans, the orphan crisis in our country
• 14:22
  and then the social services system.
• 14:24
  So is that something you guys have discussed at all, like the
• 14:26
  potential for fostering? We haven't, we haven't said
• 14:29
  we're definitely not, but we have not talked about that
• 14:31
  specifically. We've talked more just like, you
• 14:34
  know, oh, where would we, you know, would domestic or abroad,
• 14:38
  like, you know, all that. We've just kind of talked about
• 14:40
  that. But I know that it's funny, my
• 14:42
  husband had mentioned to you about getting an older child,
• 14:45
  like not just a baby. And in my mind, I was like, no,
• 14:47
  but we'd of course just want to adopt A baby.
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  And then I was just like that. That's not necessarily true
• 14:51
  either. You know, I kind of almost had
• 14:53
  that assumption. So I definitely would need to we
• 14:56
  would need to talk about it to answer your question.
• 14:57
  Yes, I think a lot of the times with discernment, the more
• 15:01
  information we get and we can pray over the information we're
• 15:04
  saving, discussing with your husband, maybe having a a guide
• 15:07
  or counselor in your life that you respect spiritually.
• 15:10
  And then talking to the experiences of other Christian
• 15:13
  adoptive families, whether they've fostered to adopt,
• 15:16
  they've just adopted, they've adopted and had biological
• 15:19
  children. I think at this point you're in
• 15:21
  an information gathering stage. That's your discernment right
• 15:24
  now to really understand what does this entail?
• 15:27
  Because when you go into something and commit to it,
• 15:29
  right, you're you're going into that.
• 15:32
  You want to go into that with knowledge of what you're
• 15:33
  committing to. So I would say it's very
• 15:36
  beautiful. You're pursuing health for
• 15:38
  yourself. That's great.
• 15:40
  Keep that up. I actually had one other
• 15:42
  question about that. You said you love your medical
• 15:44
  team. Are they familiar with
• 15:45
  restorative reproductive medicine or Napro technology?
• 15:49
  What's sort of their background in terms of their expertise when
• 15:52
  it comes to infertility? Yeah, I'm glad.
• 15:56
  So I'm working with a naturopath who is much more open to
• 15:59
  different types as opposed to just like, you know, putting you
• 16:02
  through the IFIDF machine, like, you know, and they all know that
• 16:05
  I'm not open to that. So yeah, I that's funny you say
• 16:10
  that. I listen to podcast very
• 16:11
  recently on that type of technology and I will actually
• 16:16
  have to ask them about that because I know that right now
• 16:18
  the focus is just improving my egg quality and getting my body
• 16:22
  to ovulate. And they're hoping that it won't
• 16:24
  have to. Like, I think we're going to be
• 16:25
  like, OK, we'll, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it
• 16:27
  if it if it needs to get there. However, that's those are some
• 16:31
  really great questions to ask because I'm not sure.
• 16:33
  OK, so that you know that's one project, right?
• 16:36
  Your health, taking care of yourself, your your fertility.
• 16:39
  Ask them about restorative reproductive medicine.
• 16:41
  Do some research on that. A great research we've had on
• 16:44
  the show is Doctor Lauren Rubal also Doctor Marguerite Duane is
• 16:48
  amazing. Should we had the both on on the
• 16:51
  show. You could check out those
• 16:52
  episodes and then on the on the adoption front, just, you know,
• 16:55
  asking more questions, doing more research, doing more
• 16:58
  prayer. I think God has beautiful
• 17:00
  children in your future and I don't know their names, of
• 17:03
  course, are where they're going to come from, but you know,
• 17:06
  you're preparing for them, which is so beautiful.
• 17:09
  And so that the intentionality you put behind your health, your
• 17:12
  husband has health too. And then this process is going
• 17:15
  to prepare you to make the decisions that may need to be
• 17:17
  made or to just receive the blessings that God has in store
• 17:20
  for you. I love that that is I feel so.
• 17:25
  I feel so good. Thank you.
• 17:26
  Thank you. Of course, any other questions,
• 17:28
  Anna or thoughts? Yeah, I think I just really
• 17:34
  appreciate everything you said. I've you've given me a lot to
• 17:37
  pray on, think on, talk on with my husband, all the things.
• 17:40
  So I just want to thank you. I feel very grateful.
• 17:42
  Thank you. Beautiful.
• 17:43
  One other one other thought too. Or one other Quick note, we were
• 17:46
  talking about fostering and you mentioned your husband had a
• 17:49
  sense of maybe adopting an older child or fostering to adopt an
• 17:53
  older child. You'll want to talk to some
• 17:56
  Christian families that are have done that before you pursue
• 18:00
  that, especially if you're, you're obviously still able to
• 18:04
  have your own biological children.
• 18:05
  And I say that because that might be God's plan for you, by
• 18:07
  the way, to do just that, adopt an older child and then still
• 18:10
  have biological children. But there are other dynamics at
• 18:13
  play there too, because when you're adopting a child who's
• 18:15
  older from the foster care system, they need a lot of love
• 18:18
  and care and support. And so you want to make sure you
• 18:21
  can protect your ability to be open to life, which is your call
• 18:24
  as a Christian, you know, married couple and, and also
• 18:28
  understanding, like if you're going to be adopting an older
• 18:31
  child, you want to make sure that there is a, a level of
• 18:35
  peace and health in the home so that if you are bringing younger
• 18:39
  children into that picture, right, you can protect
• 18:42
  everybody. So that's just one note there.
• 18:44
  And I'm not saying it's not possible to adopt an older child
• 18:46
  and still have younger, younger children, whether they're other
• 18:49
  also biological or adoptive. But these are all the dynamics,
• 18:52
  right, that you really only learn about when you start to do
• 18:55
  that investigation of learning, you know, talking to other
• 18:57
  couples and, you know, reading stories and, and everything
• 19:01
  else. No, I love.
• 19:03
  That's a very, very good point. Thank you.
• 19:06
  Well, I'll be praying for you guys.
• 19:07
  I'm so excited for you and what God has in store, Anna, and
• 19:10
  thank you so much for calling. Thank you.
• 19:13
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  good. Hey, this is Peter.
• 20:54
  Hi Peter, thanks so much for calling.
• 20:56
  How are you doing? Good.
• 20:58
  How are you? Good.
• 21:00
  Thank you. Where Where are you calling
• 21:02
  from? I am calling from Springfield,
• 21:05
  IL. Nice.
• 21:08
  Thanks. So thank you so much for calling
• 21:09
  so. So what are what's on your mind
• 21:11
  today? Yeah, no, I thank you again for
• 21:14
  having me on the show. This is really exciting.
• 21:16
  So I I met a girl and really started to like her a lot and
• 21:23
  got to the point where I made the decision to date her.
• 21:28
  And we've been dating for some time now, and it gets to a point
• 21:32
  where you have to make the next step once you spend enough time
• 21:37
  with someone. And we're trying to get to that
• 21:39
  next step. And unfortunately, when we try
• 21:41
  to get to that next step, the number one hurdle in our
• 21:45
  relationship is the fact that I am Catholic and she is
• 21:50
  Protestant. And so there's some what I would
• 21:56
  see as minor differences that we can work through.
• 21:59
  It seems like the hurdle is quite big.
• 22:01
  And I was just from your perspective and from your life
• 22:04
  experience, you seem like the perfect person to ask these
• 22:07
  types of questions too. Well, thank you so much for
• 22:10
  calling a few questions. So you said you've been dating
• 22:13
  for some time. How long have you guys been
• 22:15
  seeing each other for? We're we're on our second round,
• 22:19
  so it's been about a year total. A year total, OK.
• 22:23
  And and there was a break in between.
• 22:24
  How long was that break? That break was two months.
• 22:27
  OK, so not too long. And then what?
• 22:30
  What is your? What are your ages?
• 22:33
  I'm 35 years old and she is 26. OK, got it.
• 22:37
  And what what drew you to her in the first place?
• 22:42
  So I, I'm, I was going to move. I'm I work for myself and one of
• 22:48
  those blessed people to work remote.
• 22:49
  So I moved to the South Reno to be a fun uncle for my older
• 22:56
  brother and his five kids and take them to school while I can
• 22:59
  work and snowboard in the Tahoe area.
• 23:02
  And when taking the kids to preschool, the principal, you
• 23:08
  know, the principal end up talking to my sister-in-law and
• 23:11
  she had a daughter. So that's how we met and
• 23:14
  visiting for Christmas break. So we went snowshoeing.
• 23:18
  We went on a couple just normal coffee dinner dates.
• 23:24
  And at the end of the day, I just thought she was really,
• 23:28
  really, really, really nice. And from my experience in
• 23:33
  dating, that's usually the first step to me liking somebody.
• 23:37
  It's just how they treat others. And ultimately, she's really
• 23:41
  fun. We do same hobbies, we play
• 23:43
  tennis together, we like to go to the mountains, snowshoe,
• 23:47
  snowboard, snow ski. And ultimately the fact that she
• 23:51
  had faith really excited me as I've lived in California for
• 23:56
  about 10 years and always found it was hard to find a match
• 24:01
  within the faith perspective. And so the physical attraction
• 24:04
  was certainly there. And at the end of the day, I
• 24:07
  just felt the combination of her being really nice, her having
• 24:12
  really a lot of faith and just being genuine was really pretty
• 24:19
  simple guy. I think that's what I look for
• 24:21
  in a partner. And have you both talked about,
• 24:25
  you know, what your family would look like together?
• 24:29
  Have you had those conversations about we both can see our family
• 24:31
  looking like this in say 5 or 10 years if we were to get married?
• 24:37
  We have and that's that's usually where the foundation
• 24:41
  starts to fall apart in that we see each other as compatible and
• 24:48
  we have a lot of fun together as individual, you know,
• 24:51
  one-on-one. But when you add more than the
• 24:54
  one-on-one and little kids come into play, if I'm I'm open to
• 25:02
  trusting God and and having that play out and it's more or less
• 25:08
  when we talk about it, she gets scared.
• 25:11
  Because if she doesn't believe what I believe, then if our kids
• 25:15
  end up being one of the other than the other spouse will start
• 25:21
  to not necessarily resent each other, but more or less we'll
• 25:25
  have out of what their kids are learning.
• 25:29
  So, so it sounds like you've got some big theological
• 25:31
  differences. You said, of course you were
• 25:33
  Catholic. She's not Catholic.
• 25:35
  Does she oppose, You know, just let's say, let's start with
• 25:39
  this. Does she go to Mass with you?
• 25:42
  She would go to Mass with me, yes, and then I would go to her
• 25:48
  big church over in the Newport, Irvine area.
• 25:52
  OK. And is she, have you discussed
• 25:54
  how you will raise the kids? Is she willing to raise the
• 25:57
  children Catholic with you? That's where it's that's where
• 26:01
  it really starts to fall apart is she's not sure that's
• 26:05
  something she can do. I see.
• 26:08
  So you know, and I'm sure you know, this is one of the reasons
• 26:10
  you're calling as Catholics, you know, we believe this is really
• 26:13
  the Eucharist, body, blood, soul and divinity.
• 26:16
  You have to go to Mass, you know, obviously every week.
• 26:19
  It's such a blessing to go to Mass, quite frankly.
• 26:21
  But we go to Mass every week on at least on Sundays.
• 26:23
  You know, we raise our kids in the Catholic Church so we can
• 26:27
  marry non Catholics and love them and be loved well by them.
• 26:31
  We can even marry. Some Catholics have even married
• 26:33
  non believers. I don't recommend that, but you
• 26:36
  can marry a, a Protestant Christian, but they need to be
• 26:40
  in agreement with you that you can fulfill your responsibility
• 26:44
  because it's, it's not just a, a nice to have, it's a need to
• 26:46
  have as a Catholic to raise one's kids in the Catholic
• 26:49
  Church. Have you guys had that
• 26:51
  discussion? We have and so I actually was
• 26:53
  born in raised in a my dad is Irish Catholic, my mom is Greek
• 26:58
  Orthodox. So I was actually raised in a
• 27:00
  duo religious household and I know they're, they're quite
• 27:05
  similar, but I have a lot of experience just growing up in
• 27:08
  that environment of two different religions.
• 27:11
  And at the end of the day, me and my four siblings are all
• 27:14
  Catholic. You know, my my dad got married
• 27:17
  in a Greek church with my Greek mother, but at the end of the
• 27:21
  day, they had a Catholic priest there who observed the wedding
• 27:26
  with those qualifications, of course.
• 27:28
  And then ultimately my brothers and sisters and I were all
• 27:31
  raised Catholic. So I have that understanding and
• 27:34
  I would say I have a lot of the understanding.
• 27:36
  My parents are pre-K and a marriage counselors for the last
• 27:39
  30-40 years. And So what I struggle with my
• 27:44
  relationship is I can point out all the things that you probably
• 27:48
  could share with me or the fact that even the Protestant
• 27:52
  founder, Martin Luther venerates Mary believes she's a virgin,
• 27:58
  believes she was out. Then I can point all these
• 28:00
  things out. The book of James do works with
• 28:03
  faith without works is dead. And yet it's a it's more of a a
• 28:08
  combativeness discoveredness and it almost turns into like a team
• 28:12
  sport where it's my team is Protestant, your team is
• 28:16
  Catholic versus trying to find the truth.
• 28:19
  So I'm, I really wanted to call to see like what, what got you
• 28:24
  past that? When in your own experience, was
• 28:27
  it a book? Was it a person?
• 28:29
  Was it a, an experience that happened where God showed
• 28:32
  himself? I mean, it's more or less I, I
• 28:36
  have all the tools to share with her.
• 28:39
  And yet we still find ourselves at a crossroads.
• 28:43
  And I think it's just one of those things where if it came
• 28:46
  from somebody else, I think it would better our relationship
• 28:49
  because there's just a natural defensiveness when it's just
• 28:54
  one-on-one between us. Totally.
• 28:57
  So a few thoughts and and I think it's beautiful that you
• 29:01
  it's so good that you take your faith so seriously.
• 29:04
  That's such a blessing. And in a marriage, you know, I
• 29:07
  do think it's so important that the wife that there's mutual
• 29:11
  love and respect, of course, you know, complete love and respect
• 29:14
  between the spouses, but really very important too, that the
• 29:17
  wife has a respect for the husband's faith.
• 29:20
  And you know, sometimes I've talked to women who marry and
• 29:23
  then they become Christian later in their marriage.
• 29:26
  They didn't marry as Christians. They become Christian later.
• 29:27
  The husband's not there yet. You still owe respect, right, to
• 29:30
  your husband and let him go as at his own pace.
• 29:33
  And similarly, if you're married and you, you have a conversion
• 29:37
  and your wife doesn't yet respect her, this is before
• 29:39
  marriage. So you're not married yet.
• 29:41
  You're free, she's free. And I think that it's so
• 29:44
  important that you marry someone who is going to raise your kids
• 29:48
  Catholic. Now, I know you know that, but I
• 29:49
  wanted to say that because I understand how painful these
• 29:53
  things might be. You know, having friends have
• 29:54
  gone through similar things, but that is your North Star is you
• 29:58
  want to, you want that for your, your kids in the future that
• 30:01
  they are going to be raised in, in a Catholic home.
• 30:04
  And in terms of just how you navigate this with your
• 30:07
  girlfriend right now, you know, I, I, I do have some resources
• 30:11
  I'll recommend. I'd love to do that.
• 30:14
  I, I, I do have one more question though, before, before
• 30:16
  that in terms of just your dynamic with her, right?
• 30:19
  Have you guys, it sounds like you said, I think use the word,
• 30:22
  the phrase team sport, you know, back and forth about Protestant
• 30:26
  versus Catholic. Do you, do you all have this
• 30:28
  dynamic in other areas of your relationship where it it feels
• 30:32
  less collaborative and more combative?
• 30:34
  Or what's the what would you say the dynamic of your relationship
• 30:37
  is between you 2 separate from the Catholic, Protestant
• 30:41
  differences? Oh, it's, it's, it's, it's
• 30:45
  swimmingly great. Like I were.
• 30:48
  Long road trips. No, no big deal with that.
• 30:51
  Camping in a car when the tent doesn't work, weekly tennis
• 30:58
  playing and no one really cares who wins.
• 31:01
  We just want to have fun. Go to the beach, simple dinners,
• 31:07
  I mean board games, no one cares who wins.
• 31:10
  We just like well, maybe that's a little different board games,
• 31:13
  but in the sense of having fun we're it's it's easy.
• 31:17
  It's really easy. I mean, she made it clear when
• 31:20
  we first started dating. She typically gets annoyed even
• 31:23
  with some of her best friends after a couple days hanging out
• 31:27
  with them. She just wants her space and
• 31:29
  she's always says she's never felt like that with me.
• 31:32
  So it's just a tricky little bit of a mind, a little bit of a
• 31:38
  mind tornado in the sense that everything seems to go great.
• 31:41
  And if someone says, I mean, when we originally broke up, I
• 31:44
  asked her why we broke up. And her response was I don't
• 31:47
  know. And I said, well, what did you
• 31:49
  tell your parents? And she said I told them I don't
• 31:51
  know. And then I asked what you tell
• 31:53
  your best friend. And she said I don't know.
• 31:56
  And it's because it was really hard to pinpoint anything
• 31:59
  character wise because there just wasn't.
• 32:02
  And all of our memories were good.
• 32:04
  And it truly comes down to, and it's surprises a lot of my
• 32:07
  family and friends where it comes down to the, the break in
• 32:10
  our relationship. Really, if you want to narrow it
• 32:14
  down to one thing, it's this Catholic versus Protestant
• 32:17
  thing. And I, and I don't know if it's
• 32:19
  California Christian because I grew up around a lot of
• 32:22
  Christians here in Illinois, but it's almost as if it's it's
• 32:27
  taught to stay away from us. Right.
• 32:31
  Well, listen, one other question though.
• 32:33
  Do you think she's 2630? You're 35.
• 32:35
  That's a little bit of an age gap, nothing insane.
• 32:38
  Obviously, you can have a very beautiful marriage with an age
• 32:40
  gap like that. But do you think she's ready to
• 32:42
  get married? Very much so.
• 32:45
  We we've talked about that. I mean, she wants her kids and
• 32:49
  all that kind of stuff. And you know, I first questioned
• 32:53
  the age gap, but then I remind myself that her mom really
• 32:57
  wanted to make it happen to my sister-in-law.
• 32:58
  So they must have saw something. But at the end of the day, yeah,
• 33:03
  she's she's voiced family and babies.
• 33:07
  And I learned about the term toe head little blonde kids because
• 33:11
  that's what she is, even though I'm very dark and Greek.
• 33:15
  So all the things we talked about are very fun.
• 33:18
  It really is. I enjoy all of that common
• 33:21
  conversation. It just always comes to a halt
• 33:27
  when babies and kids are talked about about how we raise.
• 33:30
  Them, I mean, has she expressed fears about community because
• 33:34
  she's used to going to a Protestant church and and if
• 33:38
  you're raised in that, I don't know her experiences.
• 33:41
  You said, you know, that's probably her story to tell, but
• 33:44
  it's a it can feel different. There can be a bit of a culture
• 33:47
  shock I think for some non Catholic Christians once they
• 33:51
  come into the Catholic Church or they get involved with the
• 33:53
  Catholic Church because the experience of any given parish
• 33:56
  might be very different than the experience of their home church.
• 33:59
  Yeah, no, absolutely. When I when I first visitor for
• 34:02
  the very first time in the Orange County area, we went to
• 34:06
  Catholic Church the first day on Saturday and on Sunday we went
• 34:12
  to her church and see that was arguably, I think that I think
• 34:17
  that was the first time she ever been to a Catholic Church and
• 34:19
  just not knowing what to do and feeling as an outsider.
• 34:24
  And she's just a shy kind of fear based girl in general.
• 34:29
  She's just kind of get scared about things and has the
• 34:35
  wherewithal that maybe everyone's looking at me when I
• 34:38
  tried to explain that people are busy in their lives or down
• 34:41
  looking at their phones or busy with their own head, that they
• 34:45
  don't have time to pay attention to anybody else.
• 34:48
  But in the same respect, the very next day, I mean, I'm, I'm
• 34:51
  half Irish, I talk a lot. And I had, I didn't say a word
• 34:56
  after going to her church because I was shocked how that
• 35:00
  played out. I didn't even know what to say.
• 35:03
  So I understand what your question is, because that's
• 35:05
  exactly what happened. I think as a I'll, I'll share, I
• 35:10
  know you asked me earlier. So because I, I was Protestant,
• 35:13
  I became Catholic. I'll share a few things that
• 35:16
  help me with just navigating that.
• 35:20
  I mean, asking the tough questions because there are a
• 35:22
  lot of questions you have as Protestant when you're not
• 35:25
  raised Catholic. And even some Catholics who are
• 35:27
  raised Catholic have questions later.
• 35:29
  But you know, why do we teach? You know what, you know, what's
• 35:32
  the evidence for Mary being a perpetual virgin?
• 35:35
  And then you look at the church fathers and doctors, the
• 35:37
  tradition of the church. You know, that was really
• 35:40
  helpful to understand how Christianity has always seen
• 35:42
  Mother Mary and then the why behind that.
• 35:46
  She's set aside for just to just be the mother of Jesus and by
• 35:49
  adoption, all of our spiritual mother.
• 35:52
  There's that verse about Mary and Jesus's brothers coming and
• 35:55
  depending on the translation in the Gospels.
• 35:59
  And so a lot of Protestants get hung up on that.
• 36:00
  Well, Mary, it's clear Mary had other kids because in this Bible
• 36:04
  verse they're coming to see Jesus.
• 36:06
  And then you have to learn, OK, depending on translation here,
• 36:09
  the word can be used to mean cousins or extended family, not
• 36:13
  your immediate siblings. So I don't know if those are
• 36:16
  specific hang ups for her, but those just learning more the
• 36:19
  apologetics around Mary, her virginity.
• 36:23
  Also her role in Christianity as the mother of not just God but
• 36:27
  an adoptive mother for us as as Christians was really helpful.
• 36:32
  It sounds like you guys have probably had these conversations
• 36:34
  though. Oh, yeah, One night.
• 36:36
  It was just one night before, you know, after a dinner and
• 36:40
  board game. It's just out of nowhere.
• 36:43
  It's, you know, Jesus had a brother, right?
• 36:46
  And I'm like, no, so and then I listen.
• 36:51
  Of course I don't shut it down. And then we try to review it
• 36:55
  together and go over it all and I explain and and articulate the
• 37:00
  fact that that could just mean cousin or brother is a loose
• 37:05
  term of just fellow friend of sorts.
• 37:10
  So we do again, once the theme of this whole thing with my
• 37:14
  relationship is the week I can point out these things and
• 37:19
  explain them. And I'm almost to a point where
• 37:22
  I really believe as adults it's better to live out being a
• 37:28
  Catholic for others to observe and to convince themselves to
• 37:34
  look further than it is for me to be almost like a teacher and
• 37:39
  trying to convince the students of the correct answers for a
• 37:43
  speech. I mean, I think that's, I do
• 37:46
  think you're spot on. This is a little different in
• 37:48
  that it's a romantic dating relationship where you're
• 37:51
  discerning marriage, right? So in that sense, you guys got
• 37:54
  to hash out everything you know in every way before you get
• 37:58
  married. I mean, you want to really get
• 38:00
  to know the depths of the person, their soul, their
• 38:02
  history, their desires, and, and have them know yours because
• 38:07
  this is the biggest decision besides following Jesus, this is
• 38:10
  the biggest decision you're going to make in your life.
• 38:12
  So I respect that humble approach you take with people in
• 38:16
  this. I think it's totally appropriate
• 38:18
  for you guys to really get into the weeds here, which it sounds
• 38:21
  like you're doing some of that, but it also sounds like maybe
• 38:24
  you're a little hesitant to, you know, bring it up to her and and
• 38:29
  ask her about it. You kind of let her sort of ask
• 38:32
  questions or bring things up. Do you feel like you already
• 38:34
  have had with her all the conversations that would need to
• 38:37
  be had about the Catholic faith and what it means to raise kids
• 38:41
  Catholic? Or do you feel like there's
• 38:42
  still things on the table? I mean, I feel like it's
• 38:45
  endless. You could have endless
• 38:47
  conversations about it. So I think I've brought up and
• 38:50
  addressed the majority of them without being the most scholarly
• 38:55
  Catholic there is. I think I've done a good job of
• 38:58
  maintaining my faith and showing her where I believe and where I
• 39:03
  want to go with it. And it, it seems to make waves
• 39:07
  and then as a wave does, it goes back a little bit.
• 39:11
  So I'm, I just genuinely think when I, when I depict my future
• 39:17
  and I put her in it, it looks great.
• 39:20
  And so that's what I get hung up on continually to try.
• 39:23
  I am quite stubborn at times. So that can be a play in the
• 39:29
  fact that I'm wanting to make this work and I just genuinely
• 39:34
  like this girl. I, There's, there is love there.
• 39:39
  It just gets to a point where I'm my I try to stay positive
• 39:44
  when it's not. My older brother tells me I'm
• 39:47
  wildly optimistic when there should be no optimism in
• 39:50
  general. So I'm just trying to make that
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• 41:39
  You sound like a really a really great guy, Peter.
• 41:43
  And your faith is very deep, it sounds like, which is beautiful.
• 41:48
  And you know, and you know this like you can lead a horse to
• 41:52
  water, as they say. You can't make him drink, right?
• 41:54
  Faith is a gift. You have a lot of respect and
• 41:56
  love for this woman. She sounds very lovely.
• 42:00
  You have a responsibility to raise your kids Catholic.
• 42:04
  It's about getting to heaven. It's about serving God.
• 42:07
  And this woman has a real faith. It sounds like a very beautiful
• 42:09
  faith. But there's particular gifts
• 42:12
  we've been given as Catholics, which you know, and that
• 42:14
  includes our Mass Eucharist, things like the rosary, right?
• 42:18
  So I think it's really key. I mean, if you're going to move
• 42:20
  forward with her to really get to the bottom of what is she OK
• 42:24
  with and what is she not? Because when it comes to the
• 42:28
  negotiables versus the non negotiables, it sounds like she,
• 42:32
  it sounds like from what you said, she's not even sure maybe
• 42:34
  what her negotiables or non negotiables are when it comes to
• 42:38
  the practice of your faith when you have kids, do you think, do
• 42:41
  you think that's fair to say? Yeah, I would say, I would say
• 42:45
  that is fair to say. I would also just say at the if,
• 42:49
  if you had to make a decision today, I'm she would say I'm not
• 42:53
  sure I could have my kids be Catholic.
• 42:57
  Yeah, I mean, that is your that is your answer because you don't
• 43:01
  live in the future. You Live Today, right.
• 43:04
  So you can tell her, listen, like I love you.
• 43:07
  I I think you are an amazing you make you would make the most
• 43:09
  amazing mother. This is a non negotiable for me
• 43:12
  because this is my faith. And you don't even have to
• 43:15
  believe everything I believe because I, I respect that it is
• 43:18
  a gift faith, but it's, it's essential for me to raise my
• 43:22
  kids this way. And that means, you know, going
• 43:25
  to mass as a family on Sunday, I will, I want to teach them the
• 43:28
  rosary. You don't have to like, you mean
• 43:30
  maybe that's OK with you that she doesn't have to pray it, but
• 43:32
  I need you to support me praying with them, you know, in the
• 43:35
  evenings, what whatever the non negotiables are for you.
• 43:38
  Some of them are clear because they're actually Catholic
• 43:39
  teaching, right, in terms of what is mandatory.
• 43:41
  And then other things like the rosary are not mandatory.
• 43:43
  But there are things that are really important to you.
• 43:46
  And I think you just, you have that conversation with her.
• 43:49
  And if she just says, you know, Peter, I, I, I just can't, you
• 43:53
  know, then then I think you need to go to God and be like, Lord,
• 43:55
  am I supposed to hang around here for three more months and
• 43:58
  just continue to talk to her? And then and three months check
• 44:01
  in and be like, where are you at?
• 44:02
  And she says no again. But the but the bottom line is
• 44:04
  it can't go on forever, right? Because we are finite human
• 44:07
  beings. You have one life to live.
• 44:09
  And it sounds like you really feel called to to marry.
• 44:14
  Oh, yeah, I, I, I Oh yeah. I want to be dead.
• 44:18
  I want to do the night time routine I want to do.
• 44:23
  I want to do all of it really so.
• 44:26
  It sounds like you're ready to get married job wise, sounds
• 44:30
  like emotionally, you know you're it sounds like you're
• 44:32
  ready to make that commitment. Yeah, I mean, I'm, I've always
• 44:35
  joked recently, recently been joking that I don't want to be
• 44:38
  an old dad, but I think that's already going to come and that's
• 44:41
  going to be my life. So I'm I'm ready to do it at any
• 44:43
  point. Yeah.
• 44:45
  So what do you think, Peter? Are you?
• 44:47
  Is your sense that you want to can continue to have these
• 44:52
  conversations with her in a certain period of time?
• 44:54
  What? Where are you at in your heart?
• 44:57
  Well, we, we recently just started talking again.
• 45:00
  The two months was October and November.
• 45:07
  So this is this is just coming back to the fold.
• 45:10
  And so this is quite incredible timing actually.
• 45:13
  So I'm in the early stages of trying again because I because
• 45:18
  I, I was the one that reached back out the two months off.
• 45:24
  I just had this, you know, we went a couple, we went one month
• 45:27
  for sure where we weren't going to say anything.
• 45:29
  We just agreed that we weren't going to contact each other.
• 45:31
  No contact for October and then I was praying every night about
• 45:36
  it. And ironically, November first
• 45:40
  came around and I had this overwhelming conviction that I
• 45:44
  needed to see her again. And so I made that happen and it
• 45:50
  was met with well, I'll, I'm not sure either.
• 45:53
  I think we should just be friends, which I responded, I'm
• 45:56
  not in the market to be friends. So I put boundaries on it, which
• 46:03
  I'm very usually not very good at this.
• 46:06
  And so, you know, days went by before she reached back out and
• 46:10
  said, well, I don't want to be friends, let's try again.
• 46:15
  So it's mutual on trying again. And it's been a little more
• 46:23
  potent about these conversations.
• 46:25
  I would say second time around, we've been quicker to the point
• 46:29
  versus the first time around. We just wanted to see if we
• 46:32
  enjoyed each other. So I would like to try to see, I
• 46:38
  would like to try to figure it out, of course.
• 46:41
  But I've, as I've been told, whether it's in business or in
• 46:44
  your personal life, having a deadline on things helps move
• 46:48
  things along versus the Infinity approach where you could just do
• 46:53
  this for forever. Yes, very, very well said.
• 46:57
  Very well said. And I think it sounds like you
• 46:59
  had this overwhelming conviction to reach back out to her.
• 47:02
  I mean, you're still in love with her, it sounds like, which
• 47:04
  is understandable. You dated for it sounds like a
• 47:06
  year. You guys have great chemistry.
• 47:08
  You, you, you, you love each other.
• 47:10
  That's very beautiful. It's very normal.
• 47:13
  But you have these differences that if they're not reconciled,
• 47:18
  right, when it comes to how you're going to raise your kids,
• 47:20
  you can't move forward and you need to, you need to separate
• 47:24
  and need to go your separate ways.
• 47:25
  And I guarantee you, Peter, God has a plan for both of you and
• 47:28
  it's going to be even better than you can imagine or what you
• 47:31
  were imagining together. So just keep that as your hope
• 47:35
  because I know you're very drawn to this woman.
• 47:37
  And I'm not saying she's not the one because you guys are going
• 47:40
  to do one more round of really kicking the tires here of
• 47:42
  understanding. Can we align?
• 47:44
  And you have non negotiables, Peter, in terms of how to raise
• 47:48
  your kids. And you're not doing it in some
• 47:49
  mean or harsh way like non negotiables.
• 47:51
  You're just going to be like, Hey, this is who I am.
• 47:53
  This is my faith. I love you, I respect you and
• 47:55
  your faith. But this is what I need to do as
• 47:57
  a, as a, as a father, as a Catholic father.
• 47:59
  And if she can be in support of that and collaborative with
• 48:04
  that, wonderful. That's a that's a, that's a
• 48:06
  green light for you, right. But if she's like, I don't have
• 48:09
  peace, I can't do this, then that is your answer.
• 48:13
  And so, you know, I would say have those conversations with
• 48:17
  her, you know, be willing to share what you can as best you
• 48:21
  can about the faith. I mean, another book I love is
• 48:23
  Roam Sweet Home. I don't know if you've read that
• 48:26
  one by Scott Hahn, his journey of becoming Protestant to
• 48:30
  Catholic, but maybe you could read that together and ask her
• 48:32
  what she thinks of it, if she's willing, you know, give it a
• 48:36
  shot. Like it sounds like you've
• 48:38
  already given it a bit of a shot, but now you're going to be
• 48:39
  more even intentional and and sort of not confrontational.
• 48:43
  You're not trying to confront her, but you're trying to really
• 48:45
  get to the bottom of these differences, right?
• 48:47
  So, you know, ask her, would you be willing to read this book
• 48:50
  with me? You know, make sure she really
• 48:52
  understands. Say these are these are my non
• 48:54
  negotiables. I love you.
• 48:55
  I'd love to meet, I'd love to marry you, but these are, these
• 48:58
  are my non negotiables. It's not coming from me, Peter.
• 49:00
  It's coming from my faith, from God.
• 49:03
  And, and then give it. I, I think the timeline is good.
• 49:07
  And I can't tell you right now what that timeline is.
• 49:09
  I think it should be less than a year and probably less than six
• 49:14
  months, but I think it's it's worth a shake.
• 49:17
  You know, you felt compelled to go back to her.
• 49:19
  It's worth a shake to, you know, love her, respect her, tell her
• 49:22
  you're non negotiables, have as many conversations as you can,
• 49:26
  but you need to be willing to walk away because at the end of
• 49:30
  the day, you serve God and he has a calling on your life and
• 49:35
  you're going to learn lessons through this relationship.
• 49:37
  She's learning lessons, but God ultimately has a plan and, and I
• 49:40
  believe you, you're called a marriage and there's something
• 49:42
  really beautiful that he has in your future for you.
• 49:46
  Well, thank you for saying that. I I mean, it's, it's nice to be
• 49:49
  affirmed in that way. And I really want her to listen
• 49:53
  to this after it goes live and why I want to listen to it.
• 49:57
  This part, you know, my conversation with you together
• 50:01
  with her. So because I know she's going to
• 50:05
  listen to this. Is there is there any?
• 50:08
  And I had to write this down to remind myself over there are
• 50:10
  there. What positives can you share
• 50:14
  about your time being a Protestant that allows you to
• 50:17
  become the Catholic that you are today?
• 50:19
  Of course, yeah. So I was raised evangelical, a
• 50:23
  beautiful church. That's How I Met Jesus.
• 50:25
  That's how I learned to read the Bible and and study the Bible.
• 50:29
  And I'm so grateful for that. I was baptized when I was
• 50:31
  Protestant and I, I, yeah, it's how I learned to fall in love
• 50:36
  with Jesus. And then I always wanted a
• 50:39
  deeper faith, though, to get as close to God as I I could.
• 50:43
  And I was always impressed by the beauty of Catholicism.
• 50:45
  I didn't really understand it because I wasn't raised with it,
• 50:49
  but I loved like the churches. I would learn about the history
• 50:51
  of the Saints, like Saint Joan of Arc or I learned about Mother
• 50:54
  Teresa, and I was very drawn to their faith.
• 50:57
  I thought it was really beautiful.
• 50:58
  I was always fascinated by Mother Mary because she's this,
• 51:01
  she's the most painted, drawn, sculpted woman.
• 51:06
  The poets have written poetry about her for 2000 years in in a
• 51:10
  sense, she's the most famous woman in history, the most
• 51:12
  beautiful woman in history, the mother of our Lord.
• 51:15
  And so she always fascinated me. I wanted to learn more about
• 51:17
  her, understand her better. She's so quiet in Scripture.
• 51:21
  You know, there's the Magnificat where she says that my soul
• 51:23
  magnifies the Lord. My spirit rejoices within me.
• 51:25
  She has these beautiful, like poet, poetic things that she
• 51:28
  says in Scripture that are so such a great prayer.
• 51:30
  We can pray as women and as men. And so I was drawn to all of
• 51:33
  that, but I wanted to understand as much as I could about her.
• 51:36
  So that was kind of my starting place.
• 51:38
  But I had questions like, well, what about praying to Mary?
• 51:41
  What about the Saints? What about purgatory?
• 51:44
  What's this teaching on the Eucharist?
• 51:46
  And every time I had a question, I would just research.
• 51:49
  I would talk to people who really understood the Catholic
• 51:51
  faith or read books on it. You know, Catholic Answers was a
• 51:54
  great resource. Patrick Madrid was always great.
• 51:58
  I would look, I would, I read Rome Sweet Home by Scott Hahn
• 52:02
  and every time had a question. The more I explored, I would
• 52:05
  always get a beautiful answer and it all just started to make
• 52:08
  sense. Like this all makes sense.
• 52:10
  And it wasn't to say that my Protestant faith was bad in any
• 52:12
  way or that the church I raised was raised up and didn't have
• 52:15
  the Holy Spirit and so many beautiful things happening in
• 52:18
  it. It was just that I was getting
• 52:19
  even deeper into faith and they were there.
• 52:23
  There were misunderstandings or just a lack of knowledge about a
• 52:26
  lot of these beautiful spiritual things and faith, you know,
• 52:28
  faith related things. And so that just gave me so much
• 52:31
  confidence. But I will say, and I, I'm going
• 52:35
  to guess this might be the case for your girlfriend because I
• 52:38
  know it's the case for most of the Protestants that I know and
• 52:41
  the ones that were become that have become Catholic.
• 52:43
  Honestly, one of the biggest challenges is the culture shock
• 52:46
  and the community piece because you can kind of get behind, OK,
• 52:50
  yeah, you can ask for Mother Mary's intercession.
• 52:52
  OK. It feels weird, but I, I
• 52:53
  understand theologically why it can make sense.
• 52:55
  And the rosary feels weird, but I can kind of like get along
• 52:58
  with it if I practice it more, right?
• 53:00
  But if you're not surrounded with other, like you're a woman,
• 53:03
  other women who believe the Catholic faith and like it
• 53:06
  doesn't feel weird. You know, it doesn't feel like
• 53:09
  idolatrous. It just feels like this is
• 53:11
  beautiful. It's helping lead us to Jesus.
• 53:13
  And you're not surrounded and you don't have other friends
• 53:15
  like that. You're not like in a community
• 53:17
  like that. And instead you have a beautiful
• 53:19
  Protestant community that is telling you you don't need Mary.
• 53:21
  Like, you know, you can go directly to Jesus and you have
• 53:24
  this whole different kind of world.
• 53:27
  Of course, it can be hard to just feel more comfortable in
• 53:31
  the Catholic space, so to speak. So what helped me a lot was in
• 53:36
  college, I started to make friends who were Catholic other
• 53:39
  women and become really close with them and understand their
• 53:42
  love for Jesus and how they understood Mary and the Saints.
• 53:45
  And it all made so much sense. It was so it felt so normal and
• 53:48
  beautiful and that was so helpful to me.
• 53:50
  But I, I can imagine if I had if I hadn't had that and if I was
• 53:53
  like dating a Catholic guy, let's just say theoretically,
• 53:55
  like putting myself in what her shoes are right now.
• 53:57
  And I know she's older than college, she's 26, but I can
• 54:00
  imagine it might be feel more overwhelming, right, because you
• 54:04
  don't have those other Catholic friends or community.
• 54:07
  So but I would just encourage her if she's open, if she feels
• 54:11
  in her heart, Hey, Peter, seems like the guy God has for me to
• 54:14
  marry. I I love this guy.
• 54:16
  I want to marry him. I just don't know how to
• 54:18
  reconcile this stuff. I would for her, you know, get
• 54:23
  on a journey of OK, I'm going to try to make meet some more
• 54:25
  Catholics to understand them better.
• 54:27
  I'm going to try to go to Mass more regularly to, you know,
• 54:30
  I'll say I still go to my Protestant church if I feel
• 54:32
  called to do that too. But I'm going to just really
• 54:34
  give this a fairer shake, a deeper shake because I feel
• 54:38
  really drawn to Peter And I know this these elements are non
• 54:41
  negotiables for him. So that would be, I don't know
• 54:45
  if that's helpful. Again, if she listens to this,
• 54:47
  you know lots of love for you, but that would be some thoughts
• 54:51
  for what she could do next if she feels led and and called to
• 54:54
  do that. Of course, thank you for saying
• 54:57
  that. Of course, God's got a great
• 55:01
  plan for both of you. And you know, I don't know if it
• 55:05
  will be to marry each other, but enter into this with freedom
• 55:09
  knowing that God has that plan. And the and the most important
• 55:11
  thing is to take it to prayer, which it sounds like you've been
• 55:14
  doing. But yes, very much so.
• 55:18
  Do you get a sense in prayer what the Lord may be doing right
• 55:20
  now? I don't know honestly, I, I,
• 55:30
  I'll do my rosary in the morning, I'll dedicate it to my
• 55:33
  girlfriend, ask Mary to help out a little bit.
• 55:38
  And I usually feel a fire after I'm done doing that and I just
• 55:46
  launches me into my day. So I don't know if that's just
• 55:50
  me, just for me, or if that's based in the fact that I'm
• 55:57
  trying to figure this out as a for me and my girlfriend.
• 56:00
  The one thing I will say doing this relationship is that I've
• 56:05
  become more or less of a cradle Catholic for sure.
• 56:14
  So there's the I've always said that's one thing.
• 56:17
  When I pray, I'm always like, Hey, thanks God for introducing
• 56:20
  me this girl, because it's it's solidified my belief in God and
• 56:28
  my Catholic faith. So there's that's the first
• 56:32
  positive I always acknowledge through this relationship versus
• 56:37
  meeting someone who echoes your who's the echo chamber for you
• 56:42
  and just was born and raised the same way.
• 56:45
  But yeah, nothing like I said when I was when I was praying
• 56:50
  the two months, the one month for sure when we weren't
• 56:53
  talking, basically two months, I just, I was almost asking for
• 56:59
  her to not be in my mind, not to be in my thoughts.
• 57:02
  And I have incredible vivid dreams every night.
• 57:05
  I remember every dream type thing.
• 57:08
  And so she was making her way into a lot of those those two
• 57:12
  months off. So not to over think and take
• 57:17
  that as anything because also I have wildly weird dreams and
• 57:20
  those not those are not reality that I just felt like I needed
• 57:27
  even a better answer than I don't know.
• 57:31
  And so those answers are coming out now because I won't allow
• 57:36
  the answer of I don't know. And I'm telling her don't worry
• 57:41
  about hurting my feelings. I just need to know why we broke
• 57:45
  up and they were a couple, you know, more humanly reasons that
• 57:52
  I'm able to correct quite easily.
• 57:55
  And then the constant remained the uncertainty.
• 58:00
  It wasn't necessarily a harsh of I can't have my kids be
• 58:04
  Catholic. It was more of an uncertainty of
• 58:08
  I don't know if my kids can be Catholic.
• 58:10
  Right. Well, it sounds like you know
• 58:13
  what you need to discover with her about where she's at and
• 58:17
  what she can commit to or not. And I think the other thing
• 58:22
  that's really important for you right now, Peter, do you have a
• 58:25
  spiritual director or a mentor that you talk to regularly and
• 58:29
  share everything we are very vulnerable with about your
• 58:32
  discernment process here? I do actually.
• 58:37
  I, I I haven't been as consistent lately.
• 58:39
  I've had some health issues, so I've kind of been redirecting my
• 58:45
  my time and my energy towards my health.
• 58:48
  But yeah, I mean, I should be able to reconnect with a priest
• 58:55
  that I work with who's incredibly intelligent and
• 58:58
  actually knows, like my 20 cousins and my 12 aunts and
• 59:04
  uncles and my dad and my parents.
• 59:06
  And beautiful. That's beautiful.
• 59:09
  Well, get back together with him and I would talk to him
• 59:12
  regularly at least every two weeks.
• 59:14
  I do a touch point with him right now if he can do that with
• 59:17
  you because you're like an active discernment right now.
• 59:20
  And this is, this is, you know, this is a, a process and you're
• 59:24
  doing it actively and intentionally.
• 59:25
  And he's going to be a great guide to you.
• 59:27
  So tell him the whole story, you know, if he doesn't already know
• 59:30
  it, and have him help guide you during this time.
• 59:33
  And then the other thing, you know, this of course, as a, as a
• 59:36
  Christian man, as a Catholic man, but it's also really
• 59:39
  important this phase in the relationship of discernment is
• 59:41
  chastity, because that's where the devil may tempt you guys the
• 59:45
  most, because he wants to confuse the discernment process.
• 59:48
  And there's nothing more confusing for a discernment
• 59:50
  process than mortal sin and getting, you know, all hung up
• 59:54
  in that space. So I would just just encourage
• 59:56
  that as well. I know when emotions are high
• 59:58
  and, and things are like very emotionally intense, that can be
• 1:00:01
  an extra temptation too. So I just want to encourage you
• 1:00:03
  in that space too, because that could be a that could get in the
• 1:00:07
  way of of the discernment process as well.
• 1:00:10
  Oh, that was conversation like #4 and when we first met each
• 1:00:13
  other and we both agreed on that and even to the point where we
• 1:00:17
  both were like, we don't want to live with you.
• 1:00:19
  I don't want to live with you and I don't want to live with
• 1:00:21
  you until we're married. So I was I was pretty surprised
• 1:00:25
  and happy to hear that just because I've always I've voiced
• 1:00:29
  that early and other dating situation relationships or
• 1:00:34
  opportunities and it was typically met with, well, that's
• 1:00:38
  weird. That's that's a non negotiable
• 1:00:41
  if you're if you're dating a girl and she tells you it's
• 1:00:44
  weird to not sleep together or do sexual things before marriage
• 1:00:47
  and you just be like, it was lovely to meet you, but like
• 1:00:50
  goodbye basically because I want.
• 1:00:52
  My bathroom until I don't have to.
• 1:00:55
  Right. I mean, there are so many
• 1:00:57
  beautiful Catholic women out there and Christian women out
• 1:01:00
  there who want a chaste man. And I know when you're in the
• 1:01:04
  dating scene, you might be in a space where there's like a lot
• 1:01:06
  of non faith-based women who are like, you know, not interested
• 1:01:11
  in chastity. But to encourage you, there's so
• 1:01:14
  many, so many people out there like you.
• 1:01:15
  It's just a matter of getting connected.
• 1:01:17
  And that's of course the challenging thing with dating
• 1:01:19
  today. But they are out there to
• 1:01:21
  encourage you and I, and I know you know that.
• 1:01:25
  Yeah, it's yeah. No, it's it's nice to find
• 1:01:27
  someone who will that's, I mean, it's not to think that she's the
• 1:01:32
  only one that ever has these opinions that share mine when it
• 1:01:35
  comes to that. But when you finally meet
• 1:01:37
  someone like that and then she's pretty, she's nice, she has
• 1:01:41
  faith. We get to laugh together.
• 1:01:45
  It's kind of like, OK, well, as a guy, I mean, I'll speak for
• 1:01:48
  myself individually. I don't have a long list of
• 1:01:52
  things to check off to say, all right, I want to do this.
• 1:01:54
  It's really quite a short list. It's a good list, but it's
• 1:01:57
  short. Yeah, the most important things,
• 1:02:00
  which is beautiful. Well, listen, Peter, is there
• 1:02:04
  anything else that you want to ask me or any other thoughts
• 1:02:07
  that you have? I think you have a very clear
• 1:02:11
  next steps and I'll be praying for you guys as you enter this
• 1:02:16
  kind of final discernment chapter.
• 1:02:19
  No, thank you very much for the prayers.
• 1:02:21
  I, I welcome them all and, you know, I, I hope we can listen to
• 1:02:26
  this together, me and her, and read Scott Hahn's book and talk
• 1:02:32
  about Mary and why we pray to the Saints and they're not
• 1:02:35
  actually dead and all those things.
• 1:02:37
  I think it'd be nice. Wonderful.
• 1:02:40
  Well, thank you. So thank you so much for calling
• 1:02:42
  Peter. Yeah.
• 1:02:45
  Thank you, Lila. Thank you again.
• 1:02:46
  God bless you brother. You too.
• 1:02:48
  Thank you. Thanks so much.
• 1:02:50
  Bye bye. Bye.
• 1:02:51
  Bye. Hi Gabby.
• 1:02:52
  How are you doing? I woke.
• 1:02:54
  Up pretty sick. I think I might have COVID, but
• 1:02:56
  other than that I'm doing good. Oh goodness.
• 1:02:58
  So. We've got some sick.
• 1:03:00
  Like wanting to throw up. It was disgusting.
• 1:03:02
  Oh no, I'm so sorry. Do you feel well enough to talk
• 1:03:05
  right now? Yeah, I do.
• 1:03:07
  OK. All right.
• 1:03:08
  Good nap, so I'm good. OK, well, things are definitely
• 1:03:11
  going around in my household. A few of us are sick too.
• 1:03:13
  And I think I might even have a scratch.
• 1:03:15
  If you if I sound scratchy, that's my throat sounds
• 1:03:17
  scratchy. That's why.
• 1:03:18
  So I'm I'm so glad you've called.
• 1:03:20
  What's on your mind today? Really quick, this is a side
• 1:03:23
  note, but so I'm a baby Christian and I'll tell you a
• 1:03:26
  little bit my back story, but I first heard your podcast when
• 1:03:29
  you were on the whatever podcast and what you said was absolutely
• 1:03:33
  amazing. So I almost had an abortion and
• 1:03:36
  I was super like pro feminist, pro everything pro like
• 1:03:41
  everything that I thought I was. And then when I listened to
• 1:03:44
  Whatever podcast, I started listening to you and it was
• 1:03:47
  absolutely insane. I was already a baby believer at
• 1:03:49
  that point, but like you, just you have such an eloquence to
• 1:03:53
  you and you have such a strong wavering faith that truly helped
• 1:03:56
  me like in a lot of my baby Christian days.
• 1:03:59
  And I do appreciate that. So I just wanted to let you know
• 1:04:01
  that. That means the world to me.
• 1:04:03
  Thank you. That is so beautiful.
• 1:04:06
  I'm so grateful for your faith. What a blessing and what an
• 1:04:09
  amazing story you have that you went from that perspective and
• 1:04:13
  worldview and feminism and everything else and now you're
• 1:04:16
  in love with God. So that thank you for sharing
• 1:04:17
  that. That made my, that truly made my
• 1:04:19
  day. And something that's so crazy
• 1:04:21
  is, and I'm sorry if I'm rambling, but this is truly
• 1:04:25
  something that now I'm passionate about because of all
• 1:04:28
  the things I'm listening to, but the abortion industry really
• 1:04:30
  does lie to you. And when I almost had an
• 1:04:34
  abortion almost nine years ago, 10 years ago, when I first went
• 1:04:39
  in when I was 21, I was told a bunch of lies and I was told a
• 1:04:42
  bunch of things, like it was just cells.
• 1:04:43
  It'll be OK. It's just a simple pill.
• 1:04:47
  And she made it seem so easy, like it was literally going to
• 1:04:50
  be an antibiotic. And Oh my gosh, when I and it
• 1:04:55
  still like makes me clear up to think about that I could ever
• 1:04:57
  have done this. But then I started seeing, like,
• 1:04:59
  videos of what an actual abortion was, and it's insane.
• 1:05:03
  It's nothing what they tell you, and it's just insane.
• 1:05:07
  So yeah. So I'm really thankful that you
• 1:05:10
  are doing what you're doing with live action because now I'm able
• 1:05:12
  to help with my local Planned Parenthood.
• 1:05:14
  And I do appreciate that too, because this is amazing.
• 1:05:18
  It's crazy what other people like what God can do with other
• 1:05:20
  people. Wow and and help at your local
• 1:05:23
  pregnancy center. Yeah, I did like a 40 day.
• 1:05:26
  It's the 40 day prayer thing for them.
• 1:05:30
  I'm not comfortable quite enough to go to the clinics, but I'm
• 1:05:34
  getting there. Beautiful.
• 1:05:37
  How old is your? You said you almost had an
• 1:05:39
  abortion but you didn't. How old is your child now?
• 1:05:43
  I have an 11 year old and I actually have a 13 year old but
• 1:05:47
  he's not in my custody yet so. And how?
• 1:05:51
  What are boys girls? I have two boys.
• 1:05:55
  Beautiful, congratulations, you are such an amazing and strong
• 1:05:58
  Mama to fight for them. Thank you.
• 1:06:01
  It's so beautiful. Yeah.
• 1:06:02
  So 11 and and 12 or 13. You said one you are full
• 1:06:07
  custody you're raising. Are the dads in the picture for
• 1:06:11
  these kiddos? Unfortunately not, no.
• 1:06:15
  So the older one is with his dad.
• 1:06:17
  He is an amazing dad, so I give 100% props to him.
• 1:06:22
  I was an addiction and I was also in sex work, so I had a lot
• 1:06:29
  of things that I did to heal. I was not a very good mom for a
• 1:06:33
  little bit, but by the grace of God, like obviously I am now,
• 1:06:38
  but my youngest 1, he is with me full time.
• 1:06:40
  He is and his dad isn't in the picture, unfortunately.
• 1:06:44
  But yeah, it's it kind of is what it is about that it really
• 1:06:48
  sucks because men are really important now that time has gone
• 1:06:53
  by. But my boys are really good
• 1:06:54
  boys, so I am thankful for that. And I want to just also
• 1:06:59
  congratulate and celebrate what what you've come through
• 1:07:03
  addiction. You mentioned sex work, these
• 1:07:04
  things. And now to be a woman of faith,
• 1:07:07
  living a life, seeking to live a life of faith, raising your kids
• 1:07:12
  with love and and intention as you are.
• 1:07:14
  I mean, I just wanted to commend that that's, that is a huge,
• 1:07:16
  that takes a tremendous amount of courage and humility to do
• 1:07:19
  that. It does, yeah.
• 1:07:21
  But I really couldn't have done it without God.
• 1:07:23
  Like, and I know I'm talking so much, but so when I found God, I
• 1:07:29
  found God like absolutely lost like I was, I really wanted to
• 1:07:34
  end it with myself and I just, I felt like I had lost my kids
• 1:07:37
  forever and I was praying. I didn't know who I was praying
• 1:07:40
  to. I was Buddhist at the time.
• 1:07:42
  And eventually I started praying and then the next couple days,
• 1:07:47
  like I ended up getting a second chance.
• 1:07:49
  I was able to go to A and Oxford house, which is like a sober
• 1:07:53
  living house, and I was able to get my kids back.
• 1:07:56
  And ever since then I knew that the presence of God was real and
• 1:08:00
  that it was Jesus. Like it was an immediate thing.
• 1:08:02
  It was, it was like I didn't have to think about it.
• 1:08:04
  Like I knew it was Jesus even though I didn't know who Jesus
• 1:08:06
  was. It was absolutely insane.
• 1:08:08
  So I truly put 100% praise. God, what was your growing up
• 1:08:16
  like? Were you raised with any faith?
• 1:08:18
  What was your childhood like where you were in the position
• 1:08:22
  where you're getting into these things that sounds like in your
• 1:08:24
  later teens and into your 20s? Yeah, so I was actually not
• 1:08:30
  raised bad. My parents were married.
• 1:08:33
  They did not have a problem with drinking.
• 1:08:36
  And I didn't get into that stuff until I had my first son at like
• 1:08:43
  the end of 17 when I was 18 years old.
• 1:08:45
  And I had really bad postpartum depression, and I didn't ask for
• 1:08:49
  help. And I ended up getting into
• 1:08:52
  drugs really badly. And then that turned into
• 1:08:54
  surfing, and then that turned into other stuff.
• 1:08:56
  So I didn't grow up to that. I have siblings that I'm super
• 1:09:01
  close with now. Yeah, so.
• 1:09:05
  And I didn't really have faith around me, by the way.
• 1:09:06
  So to answer your question, my dad is Catholic or was Catholic.
• 1:09:11
  He passed away a couple years ago, but he was Catholic, but he
• 1:09:15
  wasn't practicing it. And like when he was, when I was
• 1:09:18
  super young, I remember like, seeing him pray and stuff, but I
• 1:09:23
  really didn't ask too much about it.
• 1:09:25
  And I didn't ask the right questions because I was really
• 1:09:27
  on. But yeah, so I didn't really
• 1:09:30
  grow up with very strong faith at all.
• 1:09:31
  Like I really didn't know who Jesus was or anything like that.
• 1:09:34
  And he and Jesus really met you. He loves you so much.
• 1:09:37
  He met you and now you're. Now you're his.
• 1:09:39
  And how long? How long have you been sober and
• 1:09:43
  walking this new life? I've been sober since 2021.
• 1:09:49
  Amazing. And then that's amazing and I've
• 1:09:51
  been walking. Thank you so much, Lila.
• 1:09:55
  And I've been walking this life for two years, so not that long.
• 1:10:00
  I'm still really new at all this, but.
• 1:10:03
  It's a lifelong. Project.
• 1:10:06
  Yes it is and it is. I used to be fun of people for
• 1:10:09
  like being so like into God, you know, And then now I'm like on
• 1:10:15
  the floor is worshipping God and crying because like he has
• 1:10:18
  changed my life and like he can change anybody's like he can
• 1:10:21
  change my life, anybody. It's insane.
• 1:10:23
  It's so beautiful. It's amazing.
• 1:10:26
  So do you have any specific questions or are you more just
• 1:10:31
  wanting to kind of just talk about this new journey that
• 1:10:34
  you're on, which is so beautiful?
• 1:10:37
  I actually did have questions, but if you wanted to ask
• 1:10:40
  questions about this new journey, that's fine.
• 1:10:42
  Ask me the questions, I'm sure I'll be asking you more, but
• 1:10:45
  what? What was on your mind in terms
• 1:10:47
  of questions? OK so I am dating somebody and I
• 1:10:52
  want to know I had like 6 questions so if I'm talking too
• 1:10:56
  much please just tell me. But so I want to know how do you
• 1:11:00
  start blending families? Like, how do you start?
• 1:11:02
  Like, he is a believer. So he used to date a long time
• 1:11:06
  ago, he wasn't a believer. Now he's a believer.
• 1:11:07
  And I just don't know how to blend that in at all.
• 1:11:12
  And is he he has kids? When you say blend families,
• 1:11:15
  does your boyfriend have children?
• 1:11:17
  No he doesn't. OK, blending just like with him.
• 1:11:20
  Got it. OK.
• 1:11:21
  And he is a man of faith, that sounds like.
• 1:11:24
  How long have you guys been seeing each other for?
• 1:11:28
  Not that long, maybe just six months.
• 1:11:30
  Six months. OK.
• 1:11:31
  Has he met your sons, Either of them or both of them?
• 1:11:35
  One of them, yes. OK.
• 1:11:37
  And my son loves him a lot. That's very, very beautiful.
• 1:11:40
  So are you discussing marriage with him?
• 1:11:43
  How? How serious are you all in the
• 1:11:44
  relationship? I do.
• 1:11:48
  We do talk about marriage, but I just didn't know if that was too
• 1:11:51
  soon. You know, I've never really seen
• 1:11:53
  a healthy relationship. I mean, my parents are both
• 1:11:56
  married, but we're married, but I just, I don't know.
• 1:11:59
  I still don't know if that makes sense.
• 1:12:01
  Do you have a do you have family that you trust and you know or
• 1:12:06
  friends for me from church that you trust and you know that have
• 1:12:09
  gotten to know this boyfriend? No, not really.
• 1:12:17
  I mean kind of yeah, like we have like recovery based
• 1:12:21
  friends, yeah, that I've talked to and stuff.
• 1:12:24
  Like we do talk about marriage and he is a really good guy and
• 1:12:27
  he does tell me what he wants and I told him what I want.
• 1:12:31
  I just didn't know if like, I guess, yeah.
• 1:12:35
  Like, I just didn't know how to start blending that in, like
• 1:12:39
  talking about marriage more with a kid, you know?
• 1:12:43
  Well, I think you don't want to. You don't want to get your you
• 1:12:46
  have a son, right? And you don't want, you have two
• 1:12:49
  sons and you don't want their relationship to your boyfriend
• 1:12:53
  to in any way get ahead of yours.
• 1:12:55
  And in fact, you want to stagger it significantly in my opinion,
• 1:12:59
  because you are you're dating, you know, you're a single
• 1:13:02
  mother, you're figuring out what the Lord may have for you.
• 1:13:05
  And you really want to protect your kids.
• 1:13:07
  And as I know you, you desire that.
• 1:13:08
  And so when you're dating someone, how you introduce them
• 1:13:12
  to your sons, how you include them with your sons really has
• 1:13:15
  to be with an eye towards protecting your kids because
• 1:13:17
  you're not married yet, right? This guy could peace out, you
• 1:13:19
  could break up. It might not work out, you know,
• 1:13:22
  he might not even be a good guy. And I'm not saying this about
• 1:13:24
  your boyfriend, but you know, just theoretically, when you're
• 1:13:26
  dating, you're kind of vetting people into to a sense and
• 1:13:29
  they're kind of vetting you in a in their own way.
• 1:13:31
  And and you're doing that in part before you, you know, get
• 1:13:34
  them really close with your own kids because you're protecting
• 1:13:36
  your kids. So I guess the next question
• 1:13:39
  would be with, with this gentleman that you're dating,
• 1:13:43
  where is he at? Is he talked to you and said,
• 1:13:46
  hey, I want to pursue marriage with you?
• 1:13:48
  Has he indicated that he wants to be engaged soon?
• 1:13:51
  Kind of what's his place right now in the relationship or his
• 1:13:55
  his, his status in the relationship.
• 1:13:58
  Yeah, he has talked about the marriage thing and he has talked
• 1:14:02
  about wanting to become engaged and I feel like it would be good
• 1:14:06
  timing. But yeah, his head seems he
• 1:14:10
  talks about it more than I do definitely.
• 1:14:11
  But it's not like an unhealthy thing.
• 1:14:15
  Yeah, he does talk about it. And is he, when you say he's a
• 1:14:18
  man of faith, so you guys have the same faith in terms of are
• 1:14:21
  you going to the same church or what's the faith relationship
• 1:14:25
  like with you 2? We now are starting to go to the
• 1:14:28
  same church. He was going to a different
• 1:14:29
  church. But yeah, we do go to the same
• 1:14:32
  church now and my son comes with us and yeah, so and we're we do
• 1:14:38
  Bible studies together. Beautiful.
• 1:14:39
  And I just also didn't know if that was a good thing to do in
• 1:14:42
  dating. Like should I be doing that in
• 1:14:43
  dating or is that a little bit not appropriate?
• 1:14:46
  Is that with your son or just the two of you?
• 1:14:49
  Oh, just me and him. No, it's a fantastic no.
• 1:14:52
  I, I would say 100% do Bible studies together and I would
• 1:14:56
  spend lots of time together, Bible studies, praying together,
• 1:15:00
  doing fun activities together. I mean, I think the key thing
• 1:15:03
  with dating is you want to spend a lot of time with the person
• 1:15:06
  and you want to try to do it with other people too, So you
• 1:15:08
  see how they are with your community if at all possible.
• 1:15:12
  And you know, obviously you want to, you know, in all of that
• 1:15:15
  protect chastity because that's sometimes a challenging thing,
• 1:15:18
  especially in today's culture, you know, sleeping together.
• 1:15:20
  He's so. Respectful of that so.
• 1:15:22
  Amazing, amazing. He sounds like a good guy.
• 1:15:24
  So that's that's awesome. So and is he in terms of your
• 1:15:29
  shared vision for the future, have you guys discussed, hey,
• 1:15:32
  this is how we see your family and our family culture, let's
• 1:15:35
  say in five years if we were to get married over the next 10
• 1:15:38
  years, have you guys had conversations like that?
• 1:15:41
  Yeah, we have. He's like, it's so weird, but it
• 1:15:44
  really is completely like, we have the same vision with
• 1:15:47
  everything. That's amazing.
• 1:15:49
  And have you, do you have a spiritual mentor or counselor or
• 1:15:53
  guide someone that you meet with and, and they really know you,
• 1:15:57
  you've kind of shared your whole life with them.
• 1:15:59
  Do you have anyone like that in your life right now?
• 1:16:02
  Yeah, I do. I have a spiritual mentor.
• 1:16:05
  And what do they, what do they think about the relationship
• 1:16:08
  you're in and about this, this gentleman?
• 1:16:12
  Well, she actually thinks it's a really good idea.
• 1:16:14
  She's we've done like other things together with my
• 1:16:17
  boyfriend there and she really likes them and she thinks it's a
• 1:16:20
  really good idea. So I don't know, maybe I, I'm
• 1:16:24
  just like nervous, but yeah, I don't know.
• 1:16:27
  Well, what what makes you feel he sounds It sounds.
• 1:16:29
  That's great. That's awesome.
• 1:16:30
  What what do you think? If you if you said you might be
• 1:16:32
  nervous, do you have fears about taking the next step with him
• 1:16:37
  and getting engaged? No, not with, not with him.
• 1:16:42
  It's just more like, I just want to be protective with my kids,
• 1:16:45
  you know, they come first. And when you say that, what are
• 1:16:48
  your fears about your your kids? Well, first question, what
• 1:16:51
  what's the current relationship like with your son and with your
• 1:16:54
  boyfriend? It sounds like they've met each
• 1:16:56
  other. Have they spent time together?
• 1:16:57
  What? What is their relationship like
• 1:16:58
  right now? It's good.
• 1:17:01
  They hang out together all the time.
• 1:17:04
  Like even when I'm at work they'll just hang out and stuff.
• 1:17:06
  So it's a really good relationship.
• 1:17:08
  I just wanted to make sure that it wasn't too soon, that's all.
• 1:17:11
  But yeah. But it's been 6.
• 1:17:13
  It's been 6 months you said? Yeah.
• 1:17:16
  Is that not a long time or is that?
• 1:17:18
  I think that's, I think that's a good amount of time.
• 1:17:20
  I mean, you're 31 years old. How old is this gentleman?
• 1:17:24
  36. Yeah, you're both in your 30s
• 1:17:27
  and neither of you have been married before.
• 1:17:29
  He doesn't have any other kids. I think that's a beautiful
• 1:17:32
  amount of time that you've been seeing each other.
• 1:17:34
  I think it's very appropriate for you to be talking about
• 1:17:37
  marriage. And it sounds like that's what
• 1:17:39
  he's marriage minded, which is good.
• 1:17:41
  That's what you want. You're marriage minded.
• 1:17:43
  That's wonderful. So and you're met your spiritual
• 1:17:46
  mentors involved and she met him.
• 1:17:48
  She approves of him. I mean, these are all wonderful.
• 1:17:50
  These are all green flags. OK, good.
• 1:17:53
  I just needed extra like I just need somebody to validate a
• 1:17:57
  little bit more I. Guess do you have any red flags
• 1:17:59
  or yellow flags? Are there things that you've
• 1:18:01
  seen concerns that you have, whether about your son and, and
• 1:18:05
  your boyfriend or about, you know, the future?
• 1:18:07
  Anything that's been a red flag or a yellow flag for you?
• 1:18:12
  Actually, no, I haven't seen any red or yellow flags.
• 1:18:15
  Like if we get into any kind of argument, which wasn't even an
• 1:18:19
  argument, he is so mature and like, talks to me about it,
• 1:18:23
  like, not in front of my son and everything.
• 1:18:25
  So yeah, not no, there's none at all that I can think of.
• 1:18:29
  That's awesome. Well, it sounds like you've got
• 1:18:33
  a beautiful relationship and you know, I think continuing to talk
• 1:18:36
  to that spiritual guide, I highly recommend some form of
• 1:18:40
  premarital counseling. You could ask your church or
• 1:18:43
  find a local church that does this.
• 1:18:45
  Have you guys looked into that at all yet or discussed that at
• 1:18:47
  all? Yeah, we have.
• 1:18:49
  He's, he's talked about it before because he was talking
• 1:18:54
  about how he knows one or something like that.
• 1:18:55
  So amazing. We'll definitely do that one.
• 1:18:58
  I would go for that before you got married.
• 1:19:00
  That's a beautiful way to really get even more fully aligned.
• 1:19:04
  But it sounds like God's really directing your path and, you
• 1:19:09
  know, back to your son. Do you feel like this man could
• 1:19:12
  be a good kind of foster father, ultimately adoptive father for
• 1:19:16
  your son? Yeah, I do.
• 1:19:19
  He is a very good man. Amazing.
• 1:19:22
  That's really beautiful. And and has your son said
• 1:19:24
  anything about him? Yeah, he says that he likes him
• 1:19:27
  a lot so. That's beautiful.
• 1:19:30
  That's great. Good.
• 1:19:32
  Well, congratulations. And I'm going to be praying for
• 1:19:36
  your relationship as you make these next steps of discernment
• 1:19:38
  because that's really what you're doing.
• 1:19:40
  You're discerning. Are we going to get married?
• 1:19:41
  And I think premarital counseling is a great thing to
• 1:19:43
  do. And it sounds like there's no
• 1:19:45
  reasons, not in any way, no significant reasons not to move
• 1:19:49
  forward. And I think God has a beautiful
• 1:19:51
  plan. Thank you so much for calling.
• 1:19:53
  I'm going to be praying for you. I'm so proud of you.
• 1:19:55
  Seriously, you're amazing. So feel better.
• 1:19:58
  You're amazing. And hang in there.
• 1:19:59
  And I'll be praying for your relationship too.
• 1:20:02
  Thank you so much. For thank you for calling.
• 1:20:04
  God bless you, sister. Thank you so much for joining us
• 1:20:07
  for this new episode of the Lila Roe Show.
• 1:20:09
  Make sure that you hit that subscribe button if you haven't
• 1:20:12
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• 1:20:14
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• 1:20:15
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• 1:20:18
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