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Welcome To Faction Wars (Chapter 1) · The Apocalypse Will Be Podcasted

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Hello, and this is the Apocalypse Will Be Podcasted.
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We are a married couple from Atlanta with boring
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day jobs. We have been together 12 years, and
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we usually create a lot of weird performance
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art to entertain people. But we are trying our
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hand at having a podcast because we have had
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an obsession lately, and that obsession is Dungeon
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Crawler Carl. This is a spoilers podcast, and
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we will be discussing plot points from all seven
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Dungeon Crawler Carl books. You should not start
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this podcast until you have finished book seven.
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We will not be discussing anything from Patreon
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or the Pineapple Cabaret. There are spoilers
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from this point forward. Be warned. Welcome,
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Crawler. Welcome to Faction Wars. That's quite
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an intro, both for a book and for a podcast.
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It really is. I don't know about you, but my
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first time hearing that. It gave me literal goosebumps.
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I was just like, we're here. We made it. One
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of the things I really like about the series
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is I think it did a very good job of building
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hype around Floors 6 and Floors 9. And I think
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that the payoff was absolutely worth it. 100
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% agree. So worth it. I'm so excited to finally
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get into Chapter 1, start really diving into
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this thing. Because after chapter one, it is
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just go, go, go, go, go the entire time. Well,
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let's get going and talk about the chapter then.
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Awesome. So right after that awesome intro, we
1:40
learned that there are 30 days left on the floor
1:44
or until someone wins Faction Wars. That means
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possibly nobody could win. And I wonder if that's
1:51
ever happened in a previous season of Faction
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Wars. I think there's the possibility because
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there are very specific conditions that have
2:00
to be met. And I have enjoyed learning more about
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other crawls from bringing in the crawlers from
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the outside. And hopefully we will continue to
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learn more about other crawls. Yeah, so some
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of those conditions maybe never being met. Like,
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yeah, maybe no one wins. Maybe everyone dies.
2:19
Maybe everyone dies. I mean, obviously in other
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seasons, like... Everyone could die, but they
2:25
just regenerate. But it would be interesting
2:27
if nobody won. And then that would be kind of
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a big blow for the factions in those systems
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of government because there's so much glory behind
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winning faction wars. It would definitely be
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embarrassing for everyone. It would be quite
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embarrassing for everyone. And the AI would be
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so happy. Cool. So we've got a view count, which
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we haven't really had those much in recent books.
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They kind of did away with that. I think that
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this serves a purpose here in that first they
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give you the amount of followers and the amount
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of favorites and the amount of views. And then
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they give you the amount of crawlers that are
3:00
left. And I think that those numbers are meant
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to stand in contrast to each other. So can you
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read out those numbers for us? Yes. So views,
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231 septillion. Followers, 887 quadrillion. Favorites,
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420 quadrillion. Ha ha, 420. Was that on purpose,
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Matt? Yeah, I don't really care at all about
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any numbers past a certain point. And that number
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is probably about 500 million. But I know you
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want to geek out a little bit about it to put
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it in perspective. I love big numbers. I find
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them extremely fascinating. I read like a mini
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novel about a Googleplex. So a septillion is
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quite big. To give you kind of an example and
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put that into context, the observable universe.
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is about 880 septillion meters wide. So 231 septillion,
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how many views they have, is about a quarter
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as wide as the universe in meters. A sphere containing
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a septillion gallons of water would be about
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19 ,000 kilometers wide, which is 50 % larger
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than the Earth itself. In remaining crawlers,
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32 ,000. But that is still a huge number. Give
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or take about less than 10K. So a lot of people
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have survived, but just the amount of people
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watching versus who is still in the game is really
4:24
stunning. It really is. But I think regardless,
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even if there is half a million crawlers left,
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I think that those views and those numbers for
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Carl and Donut would still probably be about
4:34
where they are. So something that I thought was
4:37
absolutely hilarious is that Carl gets informed
4:40
that he can pick up the gate of the feral gods
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in a mailbox like it was a freaking Amazon package.
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Here you go. Right on your doorstep. Curtains
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and a gate of the feral god. Here you go. Now
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that we are finally into chapter one, which I'm
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sorry we keep bringing this up, but those prologue
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chapters were rough. But now that we're here,
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we're going to be mostly going through point
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by point as far as what is interesting to us
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in the chapter. Yes. So I coming into this, I
5:11
was like, wait, how and why exactly was the Princess
5:13
Posse able to purchase a spot in Faction Wars?
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That's a historical thing that's never happened
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before. So I did some research. Originally, the
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Dreadnaughts had a spot in Faction Wars, but
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they pulled out after Carl destroyed their army
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using the Gate of the Feral Gods several books
5:28
ago. then the burrowers were going to take that
5:31
open slot. But they dropped out when news of
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them chucking infant AIs into stars came to the
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AI of this dungeon. And I guess they thought
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the AI wouldn't take so kindly to that. I believe
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they thought correctly. It's mentioned several
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times that AIs don't usually become primitive
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or feral this early. Because this one has sooner
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than expected, they probably thought either no
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one would find out about them chucking baby AIs
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into stars or that they would be dealing with
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a more stable AI at this point than what the
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current reality of the situation is. Just to
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clarify also, the burrowers are the mantids.
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The mantids are the people who oversee construction
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of AIs. So that left a slot open for Faction
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Wars. Another point that happens, and I'm not
6:24
100 % sure if this is actually a factor, but
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I'm pretty sure it is, is that Carl received
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stock certificates and pictures of each of the
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faction war participants' moms from a submarine
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judgment loot box. And because he received those
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stock certificates, that gave him a taxpaying
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citizen status, which elevated him to a different
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level above a typical crawler. And that actually
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gave him some legal rights because he has ownership
6:54
or stake in multiple different factions of alien
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governments. I think that that could be a factor.
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I also think that it's a possibility that there
7:05
were never any rules against a crawler being
7:08
able to buy a spot. It's just no one's ever had
7:11
access to the money before. And Donut is a record
7:15
setter as far as how much money she has. Carl
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certainly doesn't have enough money for this.
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No, he does not. His net worth is about 115 credits
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with those stock certificates that he has. But
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yeah, it's true. As far as we've seen, it does
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not specifically state anywhere in the books
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that a crawler cannot purchase a slot or a team
7:35
in Faction Wars. No, and I think that the stocks
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may be saying up some other things as well. Definitely.
7:40
I mean, most things are setting up other things
7:42
in these books and we don't always know where
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it's going to go. Regardless of Carl having some
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kind of taxpaying status outside of the dungeon
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allows them to be able to buy a spot in Faction
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Wars. What absolutely does is donut being on
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the board of directors for the Princess Posse
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or the Society for the Eradication of Cocker
8:02
Spaniels, which is mentioned by Quasar in The
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Butcher's Masquerade. Yeah, and I think it's
8:07
pretty cool that in The Butcher's Masquerade,
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they bring Jennifer, the head of the princess
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posse, to meet Carl. And she says she has a message
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for Donut. Her message is basically, we are working
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as hard as we can to eradicate hawker spaniels.
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It has been expensive, but I believe that we
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will be successful. And that is a coded message
8:32
where she is telling Donut. hey, like we think
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we are going to be able to buy a spot. It has
8:38
been much more than we expected, though. Right.
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Yes, I definitely didn't pick up on that. Brie
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kind of pointed out that that was a coded message.
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So the Society for the Eradication of Cocker
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Spaniels was able to crowdfund the funds, which
8:51
is 150 million credits, which is about how much
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it costs to buy a planet. The announcement for
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the Princess Posse. Having a spot in Faction
9:00
Wars was announced at the end of the Butcher's
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Masquerade. And to just be clear, the Society
9:07
for the Eradication of Cocker Spaniels and the
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Princess Posse are the same entity. It's just...
9:13
Think of it like a DBA. It actually is exactly
9:16
a DBA. The Society for the Eradication of Cocker
9:18
Spaniels doing business as Princess Posse. Okay,
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we established how they got a spot. So next,
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let's cover briefly. We're going to try and keep
9:27
this brief. overview rules of action wars okay
9:33
so it opens during the second floor but there's
9:36
no fighting until the crawlers arrive so there's
9:40
a bunch of people just kind of chilling drinking
9:42
gambling killing time interestingly enough they
9:45
don't seem to be leveling up very much it seems
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like only really the crawlers need to do that
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like this just seems like very chill country
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club vibes They do level up and such, but a lot
9:58
of what they do is the kind of the leaders are
10:00
the ones that are leveling up and they bring
10:02
this war chest, which is a set amount of supplies
10:06
that they're able to bring in with them. Most
10:08
of that is things like level up and like skill
10:10
point increase potions are like very small, very
10:14
powerful items. So that's all preparations. Then
10:18
there's the ceasefire. That starts once the floor
10:21
opens up and expires after 60 hours or until
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canceled. It can be canceled if a warlord is
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killed or a team is eliminated, which is what
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ends up happening. Yep. After that is the ramp
10:33
up, which is a good portion of the book. I would
10:35
say nearly a third of the book is the ramp up.
10:38
I would say so, too. Yeah. And a lot of stuff
10:41
definitely happens during the ramp up. But I
10:43
found myself a little frustrated because it just
10:45
kept being like, we can't do offensive magic.
10:47
We can't teleport. And I'm like. but you have
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all this really cool offensive magic. Yeah, that's
10:54
kind of supposed to be the point. Right. Now,
10:57
they can still get into combat with each other,
11:00
hand -to -hand, things like that, but they can
11:02
only enter into each other's territory through
11:04
designated corridors. Once they go through that,
11:07
they are able to traverse around in that territory
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however they want. The exception there is scouts,
11:14
right? And spies. Scouts and spies. Ellie is
11:17
the main scout for Princess Posse. Which makes
11:22
sense because she can fly. Flying is definitely
11:24
a very helpful skill for being a scout. And she's
11:27
very small. After that is open hostilities. I
11:30
don't think there are really very many rules
11:32
in place for the open hostilities. They last
11:35
until either there's four teams remaining or
11:38
90 hours left on the floor. Yeah. And that's
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basically what I wrote is all hell breaks loose.
11:46
That's true. After open hostilities is the killing
11:50
of the Rockos. And that's usually when the city
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ends up getting destroyed. And that's what drove
11:57
Priestley, one of the former cookbook authors,
12:00
to his breaking point to see such a beautiful
12:03
city. be destroyed. He was really obsessed with
12:07
Laracos and kind of the vibe that I get from
12:12
this is very Lord of the Rings inspired where
12:16
they talk about the great cities and how people
12:18
like wait their whole lives to gaze upon them
12:22
and there's definitely some literary allusions
12:24
to that in here. Oh that's really interesting
12:26
I hadn't considered that. So the NPCs are going
12:29
to have to hold the castle. In the Rakos, normally
12:34
I'm pretty sure that nobody would already be
12:37
holding the castle. Correct. I think that somebody
12:41
would have to like normally storm in and take
12:45
control of it and then hold it as opposed to
12:47
them having it to defend. So because there's
12:50
an NPC team, they were assigned to the Rakos
12:52
and that makes them the defending team, which
12:54
kind of makes sense. It is, but I also think
12:57
it's a little pedantic of the AI of like, just
13:00
because Laracos is NPC capital, let's call it,
13:03
doesn't mean that they had to give it to them
13:05
to defend. They could have just made the map,
13:06
you know, bigger. Yeah, but it's cooler this
13:09
way. They already do make the map bigger. And
13:11
I think there are some complaints about how much
13:13
work that was. Yes, there definitely were. So
13:16
the attacking team has to take it from the defending
13:18
team, hold it for six hours. The defending team
13:21
can take it back. But for the defending team
13:24
to win, they have to hold it for a full week.
13:28
Only individual teams can take the throne room,
13:31
not alliances. So the block can't collectively
13:34
take the throne room. Good guys can't collectively
13:38
take the throne room. And I think what they mean
13:40
by that is that they have to decide which one
13:44
of them is holding it. And people from that team
13:48
has to stay in. Whereas so when they're saying
13:50
they can't take it as alliance, I think what
13:52
they're saying is they can't just decide, oh,
13:55
like the good guys hold it. Like we're going
13:57
to put the NPCs in for a couple of hours while
13:59
the princess posse goes out and does things and
14:01
then we're going to switch. Right. Well, and
14:04
at this point, the rules haven't changed as they
14:07
do later where all the losers just die, which
14:09
is not how faction wars normally works. Okay,
14:13
so now that we have that background covered,
14:15
we want to go through more chronologically from
14:18
the chapter. So there is an update to the Bedlam
14:22
Bride quest, and that update is that the quest
14:25
is not completed. She is in the city, but she
14:28
is still trapped. And the way the AI describes
14:31
that is she's still on the bus, but she hasn't
14:35
actually gotten out into the city because she's
14:37
still trapped. The AI says something like...
14:39
But you can win the quest if you just let her
14:42
out. What's the worst that could happen? What
14:45
is the worst that can happen? But unfortunately,
14:48
with the bedline ride, that is not a quest that
14:51
is going to be completed. Quest failed. Quest
14:53
does end up failing. In a very spectacular and
14:56
fun way, though, that leads to a very interesting
14:59
chapter that is very convoluted with a bunch
15:02
of agitants talking. It is one of my favorites,
15:05
and I can't wait to talk about it. We do find
15:07
out that 1 ,300 people died at the end of the
15:11
eighth floor, presumably from getting sucked
15:14
up into the portals or however that works, which
15:17
is a good bit. But like, honestly, with how batshit
15:21
of a plan that was, like, that doesn't seem like
15:24
too many. No. And I mean, it is still a historic
15:27
number that has gotten to the beginning of floor
15:29
nine. But yeah, that was definitely a high risk,
15:34
high reward plan. I mean, most people thought
15:36
it just wasn't even going to work. It's been
15:38
pretty funny. Jonah, it's completely covered
15:42
in crap. She like falls into this alleyway, like
15:45
face first into a bunch of mud. She's like, oh,
15:49
God. Yeah, well, in my note, and one of the things
15:53
that we've been trying to avoid for the podcast
15:55
is talking about our cats too much because we
15:58
know that that's not going to be interesting
16:00
for most listeners. But I will say as someone
16:03
who owns cats, Well, I don't own them. They live
16:07
with me. But as someone who has cat roommates.
16:09
They don't live with you. You live with them.
16:12
That is 100 % correct. Usually when cats get
16:15
dirty like this, they just completely lose their
16:18
shit. They go and hide. They scratch you. They
16:21
just meow at you until you help them. Donut is
16:25
actually taking this extremely well. Well, she's
16:29
grown throughout the series because in the beginning
16:31
of the series, she did not take it well. And
16:34
every time she got covered in blood and gore,
16:36
she was quite upset about it. And it was absolutely
16:39
unacceptable. Yeah, definitely. But for a cat
16:43
to just be like, could I please get cleaned up
16:45
as soon as possible? Like, this is amazing for
16:49
a cat. Real cats do not like this. They do not.
16:53
And then in a couple more pages, she gets covered
16:56
in more guts and blood. And I think that the
16:59
way she is at the end of this book is like the
17:01
worst she's gotten. are so we're babe well fortunately
17:05
they have that really really fancy shower that
17:07
takes all of 10 seconds and then you're sparkling
17:09
pristine clean which honestly if I could have
17:13
that and I could have the bed where they just
17:15
have to walk over it and they're completely rejuvenated
17:18
that would be so sweet it does show that it's
17:21
really bad for your mental health though which
17:22
is why there is that one scene I think in book
17:25
five or six where Carl is like no donut like
17:29
we need to go sit in a chair and like have normal
17:33
sleep. I need to go and just like unwind and
17:36
actually chill for a bit and not just I walked
17:39
over the bed. I mean, that's cool, but it doesn't
17:42
sound very relaxing. It's not good for your brain.
17:44
Jonah and Carl have teleported in to Laracos,
17:47
the city of dreams, and they don't really know
17:49
where they are. Carl guesses that they're on
17:52
one of the lower levels. And they're still a
17:54
poor part of town. Womp, womp, womp. Yeah, unfortunately,
17:59
even in the city of dreams. Even in magic NPC
18:02
cities, there's still a poor part of town. Yeah,
18:05
I mean, that's just life, ain't it? There's always
18:06
the rich and the poor. Yeah, but they really
18:09
destroyed the city by flooding it. They can see
18:12
signs of that everywhere. NPCs are working really
18:17
hard to repair it, even though it's just going
18:19
to get destroyed again. Right. But I do think
18:22
it's cool that the NPCs are repairing it, especially
18:24
because at this point, a lot of them have already
18:26
been awakened and they kind of know the direction
18:28
that things are heading. But regardless of that,
18:30
they're still putting in a lot of teamwork and
18:33
even repairing things like statues and stuff
18:35
that are completely superficial. But I think
18:37
that that shows that they have a lot of pride
18:40
in their home. Definitely. So they were gone
18:43
for four days. They were. And a lot happened
18:47
in that time. And we get some updates from Quasar.
18:50
He tells them that the orbit of Earth has turned
18:53
into an absolute war zone. Quote, it's been a
18:57
class nine shit cyclone, unquote. And most of
19:02
what's been going on is good for Carl. But some
19:05
of it is going to itch like an infected ass tattoo.
19:10
Yeah. And then he gives a bunch of updates about
19:12
the Vengeance of the Daughter TV show in. So
19:15
far, that is a loose plot line where we have
19:18
not come back to it. And, you know, we've talked
19:22
about Quasar being a good lawyer. So maybe he
19:24
just did a really good job representing Carl's
19:26
interest here and they dropped it. Maybe the
19:29
AI didn't think it was amusing to rope them back
19:33
into that and thought that let's call the main
19:36
plot line for the intergalactic TV show was where
19:39
the real action was. So he didn't want to rope
19:42
Carl into some of that shit. Yeah, absolutely.
19:44
So the dream purchases sensation entertainment
19:47
who own the Vengeance of the Daughter TV show.
19:50
We're going to explore this more later when we
19:52
get to it. But I do think that the dream owning
19:55
sensation entertainment is part of what allows
19:57
them to try and assassinate Carl. Well, Odette
20:01
does mention that everyone owns their own entertainment
20:04
network and they are all using it to cheat. Yes,
20:07
that is absolutely happening. But I think that
20:10
somehow. sensation entertainment dream is able
20:13
to use this to try and assassinate carl but they
20:17
they do that through getting information yeah
20:19
i mean i'm gonna agree to disagree there because
20:21
i think that they already had substantial entertainment
20:24
holdings that were enough for them to cheat yeah
20:26
i mean it was definitely enough for them to cheat
20:28
regardless the cool thing that happens next in
20:31
the chapter um well i don't know if it's cool
20:33
but certainly interesting is Carl doubles over
20:37
in pain and he finds out that he has soul poisoning.
20:41
And this soul poisoning is going to build up
20:44
and it tells him that additional effects are
20:47
going to happen to him, side effects. That is
20:50
definitely some foreshadowing for what happens
20:53
later in the book. That screws him over and almost
20:56
gets him killed. Yeah, and he was definitely
20:59
supposed to learn his lesson here. And like even
21:01
the AI says like, hey, you know better than that.
21:04
And like Carl beats himself up over it. Like
21:06
I knew I was supposed to do something about this,
21:08
but I've been too busy. And I think some other
21:12
interesting foreshadowing is that this chapter
21:15
is where he starts blowing off his notifications
21:17
and not reading them, which is also going to
21:19
come back and bite him later. So the soul poisoning,
21:22
he's doubling over in pain and he finds out like,
21:26
OK, I got to get this out right away. And the
21:29
A .I. is like, you're trying to keep corrupted
21:32
souls in fabric. That's a pretty dumb idea. Also,
21:35
don't try and unequip this while it's full of
21:37
soul power. Yeah, for sure. And although he should
21:41
have dealt with this before, you do see the strain
21:43
that he's under because Donut has a very limited
21:46
amount of time. to pick a class and she's trying
21:50
to talk to him about it while he's trying to
21:52
deal with the soul poisoning. He's just like,
21:54
he's like trying to not show her that he's in
21:55
pain. He's like, all right, yeah, good job. You,
21:57
you, you do that. That's important. Talk to Mordecai
22:00
about it. I am curious because the AI is like,
22:02
don't try and unequip your jacket. I wonder what
22:05
happens if he does. I think there would be a
22:08
lot of explosions and not of a good kind. It
22:10
might actually kill him. So it could kill him
22:13
and maybe a bunch of people around him. I mean,
22:15
that's, that would be my best guess is big boom.
22:17
Big booms follow Carl around. They do. Yeah,
22:20
the class picking part is hilarious, especially
22:24
because the AI has Donut's number so hardcore
22:26
and starts offering her accessories. Ooh. Ooh.
22:31
And even after the crown of the sepsis whore,
22:34
she has still not learned the not be sucked in
22:38
by her accessories lesson. She is. She's like,
22:41
ooh, this one comes with a hat. It was very fun
22:43
in the audio book where she's like, what's a
22:45
gahilly suit? And I mean, it was like, oh, I
22:48
know what that was. And Donut's going to hate
22:51
it. Oh, poor babe. But yeah, there were some
22:54
really funny comments in here. Definitely. She
22:57
wanted to pick one based on the accessories.
22:59
And Mordecai was like, do not get involved in
23:01
God nonsense. Absolutely not. There's enough
23:04
God nonsense on this floor. You do not want to
23:06
be getting involved with it. It was really funny.
23:08
One of the classes she was offered, she's like,
23:10
you Halloween aficionado comes with black lipstick
23:13
and a box cutter for some reason. Yeah, that's
23:17
a really dark joke. Although I do want to say
23:19
that the black lipstick was actually a point
23:22
in its favor. So right after this, going back
23:25
to the soul poisoning, Carl's trying to figure
23:27
out what am I going to do with this? Like, I
23:29
can't attack someone. Safe room rules apply right
23:32
now. So he finds a dead shark and decides to
23:35
grab it and throw it up in the air and punch
23:37
it. I think this is hilarious, but a bit of a
23:40
cop out. Why do you think it's a cop out? Because
23:43
I think you should have had to try to go find
23:45
some NPC character or something like that. I
23:48
don't think that the soul poisoning should have
23:50
been released into a dead corpse. I think that
23:54
that's a bit cheating. I don't think so because
23:57
with the Daughter's Kiss attack, I don't think
24:01
that it necessarily needs to be a direct combat
24:03
attack against an enemy. Because what if he wants
24:06
to use it in more of a tactical way of like,
24:08
oh, there's enemies in this bunker. So I'm going
24:12
to punch the wall to breach this bunker that
24:15
they're in, not necessarily like attacking them
24:17
directly. I guess I viewed the soul poisoning
24:20
is kind of like the blood bar where it's a built
24:25
in check by the AI to make sure that, you know,
24:29
you are still killing things. I guess so. I guess
24:32
so. But I still think that it could be used in
24:34
an attackable way and I don't see why it shouldn't
24:37
be. But alas. All right. So moving on. Sushi
24:41
smoothie. More ick on donut. She's not happy
24:45
about this one, but she still takes it pretty
24:47
well. She's just like, Carl, can you warn me
24:50
next time? Extremely fair. Very fair. So what
24:55
happens from this point? So also when they're
24:57
picking classes, Ellie does pick a class that
25:00
is queen, which makes her technically outrank
25:04
Donut as princess, which she is very mature and
25:07
supportive about. That definitely shows some
25:08
growth. It does. She's like, oh, you're a Hellstorm
25:10
queen. That's great. I think that earlier in
25:13
the series, if someone else had gotten a title
25:15
of queen, she would have found that to be appalling
25:19
and very unacceptable. This does show a lot of
25:22
growth for her and she's maturing a lot. It is.
25:24
Really cool to see Donut, who basically at the
25:27
beginning of the dungeon is a belligerent child.
25:29
And she's starting to be like a very mature little
25:32
adult cat. Let's see how that continues throughout
25:35
this book. So we keep going through this chapter.
25:38
They find out that they have suboptimal force
25:41
levels and there's only 58 soldiers in the princess
25:44
posse right now. But it says that there are recruits
25:48
waiting to be sworn in. And what was your assumption
25:51
of hearing that? Well, so there's other crawlers
25:55
who are waiting to join the princess posse, but
25:58
they can't do that until they actually make someone
26:02
a general and they have to do that by touching
26:05
someone. They do. So Donut says that she wants
26:07
to make Katia a general, but she doesn't know
26:09
when she's going to actually be in the same place
26:10
as her. Right. But this was also saying that
26:14
they have recruits waiting to be sworn in. It
26:16
was a bit of foreshadowing that pays off in a
26:19
couple of chapters because we think like, oh,
26:21
there's just a couple of crawlers waiting. Actually,
26:23
it's tens of thousands of former crawlers. And
26:27
that's, yeah, it's just great. Well, and it just
26:31
shows even early on that, like, they already
26:33
have a to -do list and it's already getting stressful
26:36
and we're still in the first chapter. Right.
26:38
So basically there are 10 teams and this is where
26:42
Team Retribution, which is the NPC team, sends
26:45
them a truce. And Carl says, before we accept
26:49
the truce, and Donut has already accepted the
26:51
truce. And Carl does start to get on to her about
26:54
this, but she's like, hey, I've actually been
26:57
reading the rules. I was expecting this notification
27:00
and I was prepared for it. And Carl is like.
27:04
And did you have time to do that? Yes. And Donna's
27:07
response is just, well, I don't spend as much
27:09
time in the bathroom as you do. Maybe, Carl,
27:11
maybe you need to get checked out. I think you
27:13
have IBS. Carl having IBS is a ring joke throughout
27:15
the series, which is hilarious. It is definitely
27:18
a running joke throughout the series and like
27:20
everybody notices and knows Carl's like going
27:22
to the bathroom all the time. I don't think they
27:25
actually have an idea of why, because I don't
27:28
think any crawlers know about the existence of
27:31
the cookbook at all, even as a concept or something
27:34
that exists. And so like him having some kind
27:37
of resource like this that helps him out so much
27:39
isn't even on any of the other crawlers radar.
27:43
Yeah, I totally agree. And when. Donut has complained
27:47
so many times that that is what he picked from
27:50
the carousel. I think that that makes it even
27:52
more clear. Yeah, absolutely. So right after
27:55
this, they accept the truce offer and names their
28:00
alliance, the good guys, and then Gravy Boat
28:02
renames it to something else. And Donut's like,
28:05
what the hell? And Carl says, oh, don't worry
28:07
about it. Like Juice Box is probably going to
28:08
murder him pretty soon anyways. But she can't.
28:12
She can't murder him because as a NPC and not
28:15
someone from outside of the dungeon, she doesn't
28:18
have access to all of the features of the warlord
28:22
menus. So she needs Gravy Boat. Yeah, definitely.
28:25
At this point, we start getting announcements
28:27
from Cascadia and Carl notes that she is either
28:31
drunk or high, possibly both. She's definitely
28:35
drunk. And this is something that. She just keeps
28:38
going downhill throughout this book, getting
28:41
more and more upset and having a bit of a mental
28:45
breakdown. And I love that. It's very funny.
28:50
It is very funny. This is where they start going
28:52
over what Fraction Wars usually looks like and
28:55
how it usually goes. And I mean, obviously, from
28:59
a plot point, you know, they had to have their
29:02
own team to make a good book. It sounds like
29:06
it would be very boring otherwise. What, like
29:10
if the crawlers didn't end up having their own
29:12
team? Yeah, definitely, because they would just
29:14
have to join one of the existing teams. And it
29:18
is interesting that one of the things that Cascadia
29:20
says is that you might get remembered fondly
29:24
for employment by one of the teams if you fight
29:27
with distinction for them, and that that should
29:29
factor into your decision. But we know when you
29:32
take a deal that your contract might be, you
29:34
know, 15, 20 seasons long. 100 seasons. Yeah.
29:38
So I'm just curious, you know, how long the memories
29:42
of these warlords or these entities would be
29:45
as far as remembering crawlers and helping them
29:48
out later. Yeah. So like, is a dream going to
29:51
remember how nice you were and how you joined
29:54
their team in a thousand years? Yeah, they say
29:58
so, but I'm a little skeptical about it. So technically,
30:02
you know, crawlers might not choose to join Carl.
30:06
And I will say that we've already had some people
30:10
comment on his lack of planning overall about
30:14
how everything is always about him and it's always
30:17
the Carl show and that he makes, you know, reckless
30:21
decisions. So I don't think we encounter anyone
30:25
who decides to join the other teams throughout
30:28
this book. That is an option to them. It is.
30:32
And we do find out that some crawlers just decide
30:34
to go and hide in the woods and see if they can
30:37
just kind of camp out and coast until the end
30:39
of the floor. I don't think that works out for
30:41
anybody. The rest of Cascadia's announcement
30:44
is just going over the rules of Faction Wars,
30:47
which we already established at the beginning
30:48
of this episode. At the end, she mentions that
30:51
stairwells will open up when war is over or there
30:55
are 30 hours left for the floor to collapse.
30:59
And right after this is where Bree's favorite
31:03
character pops up. Hey, Baroness Victory. I love
31:06
her. Why? I just think she's a really cool character.
31:09
And I really like kind of the intricacies of
31:13
like laws and rules. I actually got into law
31:16
school, but. It was during the 2008 recession,
31:20
so I decided not to go. But it's something that
31:23
I'm really passionate about. And just the way
31:26
that the rules are interpreted and the way that
31:30
she finds loopholes for them is honestly what
31:33
I kind of love about law in general. Yeah, absolutely.
31:36
But does she really find loopholes? Oh, she does.
31:39
I guess so. I guess so. I know Baroness Victory
31:43
is great. She's such a badass. She's a matter
31:46
of fact. I mean, I really like all the orcs.
31:49
I like Baroness Victory and Princess Formidable
31:51
a lot. Do you like stalwart? No, but you're not
31:55
supposed to. Like, that's pretty clear. He does
31:58
make for some pretty fantastic dialogue with
32:00
Donut, though. So, Carl is still bald. It is
32:05
very upsetting to Mongo. It's very upsetting
32:07
to Mongo. Donut will not have Carl bald. And
32:11
he looks very weird without eyebrows. Everyone
32:14
looks weird without eyebrows. Go and just look
32:18
up like celebrities without eyebrows. It's very
32:20
strange looking. But I mean, other people laugh
32:23
at him and like this is definitely not just like
32:26
donut being ridiculous. Like other people see
32:29
him and they're like, you need to deal with this
32:30
right away. He absolutely needs to deal with
32:32
it right away. If I lost all of my hair and eyebrows,
32:35
I would be quite upset about it. I'd be quite
32:38
upset about you losing that too. Sure would.
32:41
So that's almost the end of the chapter. And
32:44
then we get a breakdown of Donut's class, which
32:48
is Death, Dead, Hellcat. We do want to read this
32:53
passage out because it is important for the rest
32:56
of the book. So great, isn't it? It's a long
33:00
range sniper and assassin class. Doesn't come
33:04
with many new spells, but the range on all my
33:07
existing spells is quadrupled. My dexterity is
33:10
much higher. The odds of one of my spells inflicting
33:14
an insta -kill is higher, too. Oh, and I can
33:17
go invisible at will, and on top of it, I get
33:20
to keep most of my spells from the last floor.
33:22
But best of all, it comes with a hat. And a ghillie
33:25
suit. Foreshadowing. And a ghillie suit. I love
33:30
it. Something that I kind of want to see is like
33:34
a rendering, not a rendering, but I want to see
33:37
someone draw Donut with like all of her gear
33:40
by the end of book seven with her proper, with
33:43
all of her bracelets, like with her cloak that
33:48
she gets with the ghillie suit on. She just must
33:52
look kind of ridiculous, but also totally decked
33:55
out. I know, but cats don't even like it if you
33:58
put Halloween costumes or like bows on them.
34:00
And she is wearing so many things. She is wearing
34:03
a lot of gear. Yeah, definitely. And just one
34:06
other thing that I wanted to mention before we
34:07
closed out this episode is when I was going through
34:11
and researching this chapter, I was almost completely
34:16
reading stuff in The Butcher's Masquerade because
34:20
the sixth and the ninth floor really are connected
34:23
to each other. and the fifth book and the seventh
34:27
book are really connected to each other while
34:29
book six the bedlam bride has a lot of intergalactic
34:33
policy and like ai implications as far as you
34:38
know most of the foreshadowing for this book
34:40
is far as what happens in the dungeon not outside
34:43
the dungeon is actually in book five it is um
34:46
like the way that the skull of pendra levels
34:50
work is very interesting and they are all interconnected
34:53
in a very very serious way we found out all the
34:57
way at the end of this book in the epilogue something
35:00
very interesting happens which you know i know
35:03
we're a spoiler podcast but that is super intricate
35:05
and complicated that we'll be talking about in
35:08
many episodes from now we made it through chapter
35:12
one we're here we did it i guess but i am excited
35:15
because a lot of my favorite chapters are in
35:17
this book i think Almost all of my favorite chapters
35:20
are in this book, as much as I love the rest
35:23
of the series, like this inevitable ruin. Chef's
35:27
kiss. That's why we started with this book. Absolutely.
35:30
Thank you so much and look forward to having
35:33
you join us next week for chapter two. New achievement.
35:39
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35:41
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