Latest / The Apocalypse Will Be Podcasted / Exploding Gremlins - Chapter 1 A Parade of Horribles

Transcript

Exploding Gremlins - Chapter 1 A Parade of Horribles · The Apocalypse Will Be Podcasted

0:00
Welcome back to the Apocalypse Will Be Podcasted,
0:02
a podcast where we overanalyze every chapter
0:05
of Dungeon Crawler Carl like it's a college thesis
0:07
written during a nervous breakdown. We talk theories,
0:10
character arcs, dungeon nonsense, and all the
0:12
moments that made us laugh, panic, or just sit
0:14
there staring at the wall for a while. We are
0:17
a big feelings podcast, so expect plenty of emotional
0:20
damage, character breakdowns, and way too much
0:23
discussion about things that probably were not
0:25
meant to be analyzed this hard. Sorry, Matt.
0:28
This is a full spoilers podcast covering all
0:31
released books, including the Pineapple Cabaret.
0:33
So if you're not caught up, now's your chance
0:35
to turn back. You've been warned. I'm going to
0:38
be starting off today's episode similarly to
0:40
how the first chapter starts. Welcome, Crawlers,
0:43
to Chapter 1, Episode 9 of The Apocalypse Will
0:48
Be Podcasted. I cannot believe that we are nine
0:50
episodes into Season 2 and finally at the first
0:53
chapter of the book. I can believe that. Like...
0:57
We have so much content to cover in this podcast.
1:00
We really need to get through these chapters
1:03
a little faster. Well, keeping in mind, a lot
1:05
of the chapters in book eight are like one page.
1:10
So we'll definitely be doing like two or three
1:12
chapters at a time at some points. Definitely
1:14
will. Yeah, some of the chapters in A Parade
1:16
of Horribles are really shockingly short. But
1:19
we get greeted with a very similar first line
1:24
of A Parade of Horribles as it was in this inevitable
1:28
ruin which is welcome crawler welcome to the
1:30
10th floor and i just i love that motif that
1:34
that matt has kind of established at this point
1:36
but we do get a ai announcement that the level
1:40
timer has been temporarily suspended for this
1:42
floor and that we are waiting for an announcement
1:44
from that inebriated fish which is cascadia and
1:48
i almost feel sorry for her at this point like
1:53
She just wants to die and the AI will absolutely
1:56
not let that happen. I feel a little sorry for
1:58
her because while she's done some real harm,
2:02
I don't think that there is a way to gain prominence
2:06
in the universe that they've set up that doesn't
2:09
involve the crawl. Like even people who are like
2:12
actresses or like influencers, it still seems
2:16
like they need to be involved in the crawl to
2:18
stay relevant. Yeah, they definitely do. But
2:21
like, There are different levels of involvement
2:24
in the crawl and like Cascadia was very heavily
2:27
involved in this season of Dungeon Crawler World
2:30
Earth and like this was her life's work that
2:34
she put into this and had a very big hand in
2:37
this compared to like people maybe like Zev who
2:41
have a much smaller role and maybe didn't really
2:43
want to be involved but because like of her involvement
2:46
with the Kuatine government and things like that
2:48
like she kind of had to be here. It's like this
2:50
is Cascadia's life work. And it's kind of the
2:52
difference between like Nazi Germany being an
2:55
infantry foot soldier versus being a corporal.
2:59
I think the difference is, is you could get out
3:01
of Germany. You could go somewhere else. You
3:03
could just not be involved in the Nazis at all.
3:06
And it just seems less viable in the world that
3:11
this is created. And so like I think it's just
3:14
more important to look at the system is bad.
3:17
And it's bad for everyone. I mean, believe me,
3:20
Germany during World War II, it went really bad
3:24
for most of the people who were involved at the
3:26
top. But, you know, I just I don't see like really
3:30
a way to escape. And like, I don't see a way
3:33
to like rise to prominence. It doesn't involve
3:35
being heavily involved in the crawl. Yeah. I
3:38
mean, kind of like thinking of Quasar, who, you
3:40
know, lives outside of the central system and
3:42
like way out in the middle of nowhere. He's still
3:45
involved in the crawl and like that was kind
3:48
of his way of like making it a name for himself
3:50
as a lawyer was to be a crawl lawyer. Yeah, but
3:54
I mean even Rosetta who like hates the crawl
3:56
and like her life's work is destroying it like
3:58
still has a TV show about the crawl. Yeah, but
4:01
that's more of a means to an end to the resistance
4:03
movement. It is, but I'm just not sure that all
4:06
her episodes are able to be dropping super secret
4:10
hints like what happened with Carl and most of
4:12
them. are probably in promotion of the crawl.
4:15
Yeah, I think that's definitely true. I think
4:18
this is just a bit different of a situation because
4:21
of how ubiquitous it seems to be in the universe.
4:24
It almost seems like there's nothing else. It
4:27
seems like this is the thing. Yeah, I mean, their
4:30
entire way of life in the central system is dependent
4:34
on the crawl. It is foundational to everything
4:38
that they do. And I think that... You know, there's
4:41
an argument to be made that anybody who lives
4:43
in the center system is... Complicit. Complicit,
4:47
yes. That is the exact word I was looking for.
4:49
I think that's a very good argument. Yeah, definitely.
4:52
We are greeted at the beginning of this chapter
4:55
with some very large numbers. 933 septillion
4:58
views, 3 .5 quintillion followers, 971 quadrillion
5:03
favorites. I've already done a lot of talking
5:06
in previous episodes about the scale of these
5:07
numbers, but wow, that's astounding. There is
5:10
a point later in the book where the AI is giving
5:14
some kind of, oh, this is, you know, how many
5:17
followers you have. But he basically is just
5:20
like, it's everyone. It's fucking everyone at
5:22
this point. Everyone is watching, which I would
5:25
still like to know how much everyone is in the
5:26
entire Milky Way galaxy in the universe of Dungeon
5:30
Crawler Carl. So is Carl's bounty $32 million?
5:33
It is not $32 million. It is $3 ,200 ,000. And
5:37
yeah, it's $3 ,200 ,000 gold. He is rank three
5:41
on the leaderboard as of the beginning of this
5:43
floor. And it's not stated here, but Donut is
5:46
the number one crawler in the dungeon. Do we
5:49
know who number two is? I would guess Prepetente.
5:52
That's probably Prepetente. Yeah. Prepetente
5:55
or Lena. Actually, I think it's Lena. Maybe Ellie?
5:59
No, Lena. Because it says at the end of book
6:02
seven that her and Donut are basically like the
6:05
most powerful crawlers that have ever existed.
6:08
The leaderboard ranking isn't entirely dependent
6:10
on how powerful you are. That's a major factor,
6:12
but it also has to do with popularity and stuff.
6:15
Lucia Mar isn't super high on the leaderboard
6:17
anymore, but maybe people just kind of board
6:19
with her crazy. Well, yeah, I also just think
6:22
that she doesn't do anything, let's say, relevant
6:26
to the plot very often. The plot being the dungeon
6:30
crawler world episode. I don't think that she
6:34
gives the feeds a lot. Yeah, not so much anymore,
6:38
I guess. We find out there are 5 ,501 crawlers
6:44
at the beginning of the 10th floor. Which is
6:48
not a lot, but that is historically an extraordinarily
6:51
high number. I think most seasons there's 50
6:55
or less crawlers by this point. And I think there's
6:58
a lot of seasons where there's less than 10 crawlers
7:01
still alive at this point. So 5 ,500 is a lot.
7:06
I don't know why Matt decided that it needs to
7:08
be 5 ,501, but that seems more random than 5
7:13
,524 or something. 5 ,501 just seems very...
7:17
Maybe that one crawler is very important. I guess
7:20
so. I saw something the other day that was a
7:23
joke for statisticians, and it said that there
7:26
was a statistician that stopped believing in
7:29
the idea that there's someone out there for everyone
7:31
because they found out that the world population
7:32
was an odd number. Yeah. So there mathematically
7:36
isn't someone for everyone. I mean, some people
7:39
opt out. Yeah, but that was very silly. Conan
7:43
and Carl are both unceremoniously dumped onto
7:46
the floor of what we find out is their garage
7:49
straight from their meetings with their lawyers,
7:51
literally just like all out onto the ground.
7:53
They're both covered in gore. And I don't think
7:56
they're going to take a shower before he won.
7:58
I don't think they get a chance to take a shower.
8:01
I wonder at what point do you just become okay
8:04
with being covered in gore? Because, I mean,
8:07
like, Donut in the early books lost her shit
8:10
and got very upset about it. And I don't think
8:12
she's ever at a point where she's happy with
8:14
it. But, like, it definitely got to a point where
8:16
they're just like, all right, well, I'll take
8:19
a shower when I can, but that's not the highest
8:21
priority. No, they have some very high priorities
8:24
in the next five minutes, and it's certainly
8:26
not shower. From now, where we are at right now,
8:29
that they hit the floor, they have five minutes
8:31
before the heat starts. And this is not a very
8:33
long chapter, but everything that happens seems
8:35
like it takes longer than five minutes. I know
8:37
that sometimes to explain everything that happened
8:39
in a minute takes longer than a minute to explain,
8:41
but it's still confusing. Find out here that
8:44
Donut is back as the party leader, which is determined
8:47
based on who in the party has the highest stats.
8:50
And Donut has some of the highest stats ever
8:52
in the history of the crawl. and I don't think
8:56
Carl's ever going to catch up. I don't know.
8:58
He did a lot of shit at the end of Book 8. He
9:01
did. I mean, maybe if he got credit for killing
9:04
a bunch of gods or something, that could be a
9:05
very large amount of experience, but they're
9:08
not going to end up in another scenario where
9:10
they're going to get to kill 50 ,000 people at
9:13
once, I don't think. No, but I think he could
9:16
kill a lot of gods on the next level. It's possible.
9:20
He could kill all the gods on the next level.
9:22
Maybe. Maybe. And Carl tells us that he looks
9:27
at the number of crawlers left, which is 5 ,501.
9:31
And that means that 75 % had taken deals. So
9:35
there was about 15 ,000 people that took deals.
9:38
And Carl's really relieved. And he says that
9:42
he didn't blame anyone for tapping out. Each
9:44
and every single one of them had earned it. And
9:46
I think that's absolutely true. But I still kind
9:50
of have mixed feelings about people taking deals
9:52
at this point. A lot of people did that because
9:55
they knew that that was what's better for like
9:57
the people that were still going. But like, I
10:01
don't think I'd take a deal because like I wouldn't
10:03
have any faith that I would ever get taken out
10:05
of stasis. No, for sure. But I think that we
10:08
get a lot more information about that in book
10:11
eight that was not given in book seven. So I
10:15
think that those people didn't have that information.
10:19
And they had an idea that like the crawl was
10:22
and everything was kind of falling apart and
10:23
there was a chance that everything was just going
10:25
to go to shit. Well, then that's a case of maybe
10:28
you'll get woken up one day versus inevitable
10:31
death. Yeah, that's fair. It's also kind of important
10:34
to note that kind of at the beginning of this
10:36
chapter, Carl notices there's two gremlins standing
10:38
off in the corner. So for like the majority of
10:40
this chapter, while Donna and Carl are talking
10:43
and everything else is happening, like these
10:44
gremlins are just kind of over there standing,
10:46
but they're watching them. But that's basically
10:49
that'll. come to a head and become relevant at
10:51
the end of the last two pages of this chapter.
10:53
I just wanted to throw out that they do talk
10:55
about Princess Chandra some. And Carl's like,
10:58
yeah, Quasar felled me in. And Donut was like,
11:00
well, I met her and you really know how to pick
11:02
him, Carl. Poor Carl. He did not pick her in
11:05
any way, shape or fashion. No, absolutely. And
11:08
Carl's like, yeah, I heard you had the upper
11:10
hand there. And Donut says, it's upper paw, Carl.
11:13
Don't be racist. That is one of my favorite Donut
11:16
lines. It's fantastic. It's one of the things
11:18
that I really like in books and like TV shows
11:22
where there's, you know, a lot of different like
11:24
races of beings existing. And that's something
11:27
that in Bojack Horseman, you get a lot of like
11:30
really funny interactions between different characters
11:33
because like they're bird people and they're
11:36
like anteater people and they're dog people and
11:39
just like, you know, they're human like, but
11:41
then they also are still doing animal things
11:44
and it can be very fun to play around with those
11:46
dynamics. Yeah. So on a more serious note, Justice
11:49
Light sent a really badass message that basically
11:53
said, I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry. Peace be
11:57
with you all. And Carl's hit with kind of a wave
11:59
of sadness in saying that message. But Rosetta
12:02
responds to it in chat. But she sends him a farewell
12:05
message. And I think it's interesting because,
12:08
like, we do learn in this. chapter here kind
12:13
of what his trap did and what effects it has
12:16
but i still think that we even by the end of
12:19
the book we don't really know the extent of the
12:23
ramifications of the trap that he set off i agree
12:27
and i also think it's hard to know what is the
12:30
trap and what is the containment zone being expanded
12:33
yeah definitely and like i wonder what like we
12:38
see that okay like breaking the nothing you know
12:40
a bunch of stuff is like flooding into the Skolopendra
12:42
club and you know that's a very obvious direct
12:44
impact but it also broke Sheol and like had stuff
12:48
going into Sheol but like we don't really know
12:50
what's happening in Sheol the AI doesn't know
12:52
what's happening there they kind of separated
12:54
themselves out and I wonder if the trap that
12:56
he set off kind of is what allowed Sheol to separate
13:00
themselves out from like the normal dungeon.
13:02
Something else that I found interesting is that
13:06
It basically says nobody knows what's going on
13:09
with the gods, but they're acting weird. And
13:12
we don't know if that's Sheol or the containment
13:14
zone being expanded. We have no idea. Or it could
13:17
even be something else. I mean, I think it's
13:20
just a big mix of a lot of shit going on. Yeah.
13:25
I wonder what Justice Light's goal was. I still
13:29
don't think we know exactly what his goal was,
13:31
and we don't really know what's going on with
13:33
Juicebox. There's still a lot of unanswered questions.
13:36
I mean, I think what Justice Light was trying
13:38
to do is he was trying to break the crawl to
13:40
the point that he couldn't continue. Yeah, I
13:43
think so. And I think that he has a very interesting
13:46
mission with Juice Box. I think that he had this
13:51
plan regardless of knowing how a lot of things
13:56
were going to go down this season. And I think
13:59
because of AI breaking containment and everything
14:01
that... things went differently because of that.
14:04
Yeah. Like, there was a lot of unknown factors
14:07
that, like, he had no idea were going to happen.
14:09
So his trap that he set off is possibly having
14:12
bigger ramifications than he originally, like,
14:15
intended or planned for. Yeah, that's definitely
14:17
possible. Mm -hmm. So we find out Rosetta and
14:20
Tippett are still around. They are in the personal
14:24
space of Carl and Donut, and they are now listed
14:26
as hired mercenaries, and they are going to be
14:29
around for the rest of the book. And really great
14:32
additions to the series, I think, especially
14:33
Rosetta. I love Rosetta. We do learn a little
14:36
bit, basically, of what is happening because
14:39
the nothing got broken. And basically, everyone
14:41
who's in the Skull Pinder Club is having a really
14:44
bad time because there are all of these demons
14:47
and forgotten gods and insane entities roaming
14:51
around the club, murdering them and torturing
14:53
them. And nobody can die. Yeah. Nobody down there
14:57
can die. They just get... reincarnated over and
15:00
over again. It's kind of like what they did to
15:02
Growler Gary, but so much worse. Yeah, and I
15:06
think it's worth unpacking that they said that
15:08
the feed cut out after a couple of hours. There
15:11
has been unimaginable violence throughout the
15:14
entirety of the crawl. So if they stopped showing
15:17
it, it's real bad. But it doesn't specify if
15:21
the showrunners cut off the feed or if it cut
15:24
off for unknown reasons. And that's not really
15:27
clear. But I can definitely understand the showrunners
15:31
intentionally cutting off the feed if that is
15:32
what happened, because they don't want the galaxy
15:36
to watch the galaxy's elite get tortured and
15:39
murdered over and over again. That's not really
15:41
in their interests, I guess. Well, it makes people
15:45
not want to come hang out in the Scalopendra
15:47
Club for the next season, for sure. I think that
15:49
would be a pretty hard sell for the future. Yeah,
15:53
I think that would be pretty difficult. But considering
15:55
the violence shown so far, got cut off is pretty
15:59
bad. And it basically says that the 18th floor
16:02
is bad, the 17th floor is bad, the 16th floor
16:05
is safe, but no one can get there. Which, we
16:08
think the 16th floor is just the floor that's
16:10
the mirror? Yeah, it's just, the AI says it's
16:12
just a room with a giant mirror in it and it's
16:15
just a normal mirror taken from like a hotel
16:17
or like a Motel 8 or something. So at this point
16:20
we've seen all floors except for the 13th and
16:22
14th in some form, right? I believe so, yes.
16:25
Interesting. I don't think that we know much
16:27
about. Those floors, you know, that's kind of
16:29
been established with the whole plot of the Pineapple
16:32
Cabaret that, like, most of the floors after
16:34
12, like, never get looked at. And they're just,
16:39
like, the same thing that they've been for, like,
16:41
hundreds of seasons or thousands of seasons at
16:43
this point because they never get used. So, except
16:46
for the Skolopendra levels and, like, up to floor
16:49
12, like, nobody looks at them. But anybody who
16:53
wants to get away... from the skull offender
16:56
club they have to make their way through the
16:57
backstage death maze and then make their way
17:00
to the 16th floor and only one person was able
17:02
to do that we don't know how they must be badass
17:05
yeah and i think that um to me and like i'm a
17:10
little stuck on this like i really think that
17:14
the fight with the shadow mimics that carl and
17:16
donut had should have been a lot worse based
17:19
on all the other context clues that we have Yeah,
17:22
but, like, shadow mimics, it is, like, established
17:24
later that they're surprise predators or, like,
17:29
ambush predators. And, like, once they've lost
17:31
the element of surprise, that they're not that
17:34
big of a threat as far as, like, actual combat.
17:38
But it's very hard to root them out once they've,
17:40
like, established themselves somewhere. But,
17:41
like, they're not that hard to actually fight
17:43
one -on -one. Well, it doesn't seem to be going
17:45
so well for the people trying to escape from
17:47
the 18th onto the 17th. Yeah, but they're not
17:49
just being faced with shadow mimics. They're
17:51
also being faced with all the death maze that
17:55
it is. How much of that is still functioning,
17:58
and how much of it is just the shadow mimics
18:00
have taken over at that point, though? I don't
18:02
know. That's an interesting question. Yeah, well,
18:05
I mean, the shadow mimics made it to the death
18:08
maze, and a bunch of monsters made it from nothing
18:12
into the Skull Pinder Club. I'm sure those monsters
18:14
are also making their way into the death maze,
18:16
too. So, and also, like... The people that are
18:21
in the Skolopendra Club are there to, like, fuck
18:24
and party. They're not there to fight. So, like,
18:27
I don't think that they have, like, weapons and
18:29
gear and stuff. And, like, I don't know what
18:32
their, like, leveling system is like. I don't
18:34
know if they have spells and, like, skills and
18:37
such. Like, I think they're just basically people,
18:39
like, unenhanced people. And so, like, that's
18:42
not going to put them in a very strong position
18:44
to make it through the second -to -last floor
18:47
of the dungeon. Deal. I wouldn't go to the Scalapendra
18:50
Club unless I was a badass because it seems like
18:53
things have the opportunity of going wrong there.
18:56
All right, so Carl is starting to get his bearings
18:58
a bit, and he is wondering how the NPCs and Loracos
19:04
is doing now that it got teleported to the 12th
19:06
floor. We really don't learn anything about that
19:09
for the entirety of this book. We don't know
19:12
how Juicebox is doing. We don't know how... We
19:14
really don't know much about what's going on
19:16
in the Ascendancy Games floor. No, and that's
19:19
something that I really appreciate about these
19:21
books is that Matt's not scared to make people
19:25
wait. Yeah, definitely. And wait we are. Yeah,
19:30
not getting any updates about Katya in this book
19:32
was brutal. Carl isn't reading his messages.
19:36
Take a shot. Even though we don't drink. That
19:39
could definitely be a drinking game. Yeah, it's
19:42
definitely a party game and definitely a pattern
19:45
of behavior for him. it is but I mean he just
19:47
he kind of just skims through his messages here
19:49
to make sure that like you know everyone is that
19:52
he expects to check in has and they have um like
19:56
pretty much everyone you would expect to make
19:57
it from the ninth floor to the 10th floor has
19:59
um there's no like surprises of anyone who like
20:02
took a deal that said they weren't going to and
20:04
you know I was kind of just thinking like even
20:06
by the end of this book like I don't really think
20:09
that there's anyone that I was like there's a
20:11
lot of emotions that I've felt through this book
20:13
and like I I wouldn't say that there's anyone
20:16
that, like, died or that took a deal or, like,
20:18
went to the Pineapple Cabaret that I was, like,
20:20
super distraught about. I think you were supposed
20:22
to be upset about Louie. Yeah, I was pretty sad
20:26
about Louie. Like, I would say, like, pretty
20:28
much, like, the main group is still there. I
20:30
mean, Florin's there, Repetente, Carl, Donut,
20:33
Imani. Maybe some people care more about Batista
20:36
than I do. Batista, that was pretty hard. So,
20:39
we're told that... This is all Quasar knew about
20:44
the situation with the trap and the containment
20:47
zone and Sheol. Seems like Quasar knew a lot.
20:51
I guess he did. He's very helpful. But, you know,
20:55
I think that Carl wants people to have all the
20:58
answers sometimes and they just don't. So he
21:01
also, Quasar was able to kind of what Carl is
21:03
also alluding to here is knowing kind of how
21:06
this floor was going to work. And Quasar was
21:07
able to tell him some information. And that's
21:10
that's a part of a negotiation process when crawlers
21:14
are meeting with their lawyers to take deals
21:15
is like they can be given snippets of information
21:18
about the next floor with like, oh, you'll get
21:20
a season added on to your indentureship. And
21:23
Carl was probably like, sure, boy, add as many
21:26
of those on as you as you can. I don't care because
21:28
he's not concerned about being in an indentureship
21:31
at any point. No. And it says that Herpetente
21:35
messaged Carl a rant about Juergen. Do you know
21:38
what that's about? Probably that he's a big oaf
21:41
and he's stupid and incompetent. A ruiner. A
21:45
ruiner, yeah. I wonder if it was similar to Repetente's
21:50
rant about Carl. Repetente, I mean, you know,
21:52
he likes to complain about people being stupid.
21:55
And I will say, Jurgen doesn't seem like the
21:58
smartest guy. I don't think he's stupid by any
22:01
means. He's made it this far, but he definitely
22:03
does come off as kind of a big oaf. Big oafs
22:05
typically do well in these types of situations.
22:09
He's very big and strong. So with everything
22:11
that she's been through, Donut is still excited
22:14
about accessories. Yep. It is time for her to
22:17
pick a new class and several of them come with
22:19
exciting accessories. Like a Las Vegas showgirl
22:22
with feather boa for Mongo. Which Mongo having
22:25
a feather boa seems a little redundant. He's
22:27
already got a lot of feathers. I think it would
22:28
be adorable. I want to see the fan art on that.
22:30
Probably already exists. That's real cute. I
22:33
mean, yeah, probably. What color? Pink and green,
22:37
of course. Pink and green. Okay. Yeah. I like
22:40
pink and green. There's also the problematic
22:42
influencer class, which comes with an upgrade
22:45
to her social media board. It kind of confuses
22:47
me because like, shouldn't her social media board
22:49
not be working because shouldn't that be one
22:52
of the loopholes that got closed with communicating
22:56
with the outside? Probably. Like, I do think
22:59
that Carl's rant about the people cheating in
23:04
book seven is a bit hypocritical. Donut has been
23:08
cheating with the social media board to some
23:10
extent. Yes, but it's supposed to not work that
23:14
way. Like it's supposed to not allow that. But
23:17
I think that she's just clever and the donut
23:20
holes are clever. So, I mean, she was able to
23:23
organize a revolution with Zev through the social
23:27
media board. Had some social commentary. It definitely
23:30
is. She also has some new classes available to
23:33
her that are related to her new deity titles.
23:36
She has some questions about that and she's asking
23:38
Mordecai for help. And he's like, look, this
23:40
this new deity class stuff is like all brand
23:43
new to me. So like we're going to figure this
23:45
out together. She ends up picking one that comes
23:48
with a healing aura and a hat for both Mongo
23:51
and. So obviously that's very exciting to her
23:54
and her love for hats. But when she picks this
23:57
class, she gets a message from Kepri. And she's
24:00
like, isn't that that weird bug god that Karl
24:02
and Katya fought on the last floor? It says he's
24:04
forming a death cult in my name. What does that
24:06
mean? Mordecai's like, nothing good. It is not
24:09
anything good. No, and I tried to go and read
24:13
that part from later. And that part of the book
24:17
is really unhinged. And I had some trouble following
24:21
it, but it's something about wings and feet.
24:24
It was really odd. You're talking about later
24:26
in this book? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, all the
24:29
God stuff is always weird. This was real weird.
24:32
Because I basically did a search for Capri and
24:35
read everything related to him. And I was like,
24:38
I don't know what's going on there. His head
24:41
is a bug. Not the face of a bug. His head is
24:44
a bug. Very weird. He's a weird God. Everyone
24:47
is weirded out by him. Nobody likes him. Well,
24:50
that entire chapter was real weird. Yes. So her...
24:53
The class is Assassin of Sekhmet, and all of
24:56
the pets get accessories, and there's a lot of
24:58
great spells that they will go into great detail
25:00
in the next chapter after the first race. Right
25:03
after Donut chooses her class, we get an announcement
25:05
from the AI. Warning! The next heat starts in
25:08
two minutes, and you don't have a vehicle or
25:10
a mount. You're not allowed to walk, dumbasses.
25:13
Donut is like, Carl, what's a heat? That sounds
25:16
obscene. It's understandable for her to have
25:18
that opinion. Makes sense as a cat. But this
25:21
is where the two gremlins that have been standing
25:23
in the corner come into the story and they come
25:26
up and start trying to talk to them and state
25:30
their case and then immediately start eating
25:32
the shit out of each other. Yeah, this is one
25:34
of those scenes where I hope the TV show makes
25:37
it this far because this is just hilarious to
25:39
me. Yeah, they're rolling around trying to murder
25:42
each other basically while also stating their
25:46
case for, you know, choosing. one of them as
25:49
their mechanic or gremlin for the rest of the
25:52
heats. And Donut's like, what the heck is going
25:55
on? And Carl's like, I think they're applying
25:56
for a job right now. And we get a long AI description
26:00
when Carl inspects each of them, basically talking
26:04
about who they are and what they do. The gist
26:06
of it is that Hetty is a mechanic for mechanical
26:11
vehicles. And as long as they can get the car
26:14
or whatever back to the garage, it'll get fixed.
26:16
And the same thing. for Chris. He is for biological
26:21
mounts and they're listed as non -combatant NPC
26:24
donut. Gives a little bit of side eye to the
26:27
whole non -combatant thing. Chris's weapon is
26:29
a vegetable and Hedy is beating Chris with a
26:33
hammer and it says that she pulled the hammer
26:35
out of a box it couldn't have possibly fit into.
26:39
Yep, that's just video game logic, basically.
26:42
But they can die, which is very important to
26:45
know. Fortunately, That doesn't become a problem
26:48
in the book, but they can be killed. And they're
26:52
going back and forth. And, you know, Donut's
26:55
not really sure if she wants mechanical or biological.
26:59
I mean, that's not quite true. She says immediately
27:01
that she wants a biological one because she has
27:04
a bunch of good pet spells. But Hedy tells her
27:08
that those won't work. Right. Yes. And so, yeah,
27:11
none of her like heal critters spells will work.
27:13
And then Carl's like, well, what about like we
27:15
have these like fix it scrolls and stuff? Will
27:16
those work on vehicles? And nope, that's not
27:19
going to work on the vehicles either. But Hedy
27:21
has a very good closing argument, which is if
27:25
you have any other pets in your party, a mechanical
27:28
vehicle won't ever try to eat them. And that's
27:31
all Donut needs to hear. Yep. That was it. And
27:33
she says, you, I choose you. Pointing at Hedy.
27:37
And then Chris starts to protest a little bit
27:40
and is like, wait, no, please. And Donut's like,
27:41
nope, sorry. And then he fucking explodes. Yep.
27:45
Just explodes in a shower of gore. And I do love
27:49
that because that is kind of similar to how a
27:51
lot of video games are. Usually they don't like
27:53
actually explode, but like you'll make a choice
27:55
like that in the game. And then like one of those
27:57
NPCs just ceases to exist for the rest of the
28:00
time. It's aligned with video game logic in general,
28:03
but just in a more, you know, Dungeon Crawler
28:05
Carl. Esk theme. And that's where this chapter
28:08
ends. Exploding gremlins. Next chapter is really
28:11
great. I'm super excited about it. I am too.
28:14
New achievement. You've listened to another episode
28:17
of The Apocalypse Will Be Podcasted. We release
28:20
new episodes every Sunday. Visit us on our website
28:24
to find all our podcast platforms. RSS .com forward
28:28
slash podcasts or follow us on Apple Podcasts,
28:33
Spotify, YouTube, the iHeartRadio app, or wherever
28:37
you get your podcasts. You can find us on Facebook
28:40
at The Apocalypse Will Be Podcasted, and on Instagram
28:43
at Apocalypse Will Be Podcasted. Now, get out
28:47
there and like, comment, and subscribe.