Latest / Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community / Second Thoughts | Why Playing It Safe Won’t Change the World
Transcript
- 0:01We can be with people that don't look like us, and we can even get
- 0:04accusations from others thinking, oh, look who she's associating or he's associating
- 0:08with. We can do that. That is the Jesus way. That
- 0:12is how we are going to see growth within the church. Because we're all
- 0:16in really big trouble if Jesus only served people he agreed
- 0:19with. Mhmm. This is Journey with
- 0:23Care, a podcast by Care Impact where curious Canadians find
- 0:27inspiration to love others well through real life stories and
- 0:30honest conversations.
- 0:35What if the biggest thing holding us back isn't fear, but
- 0:39familiarity? What if staying in our comfort zone
- 0:42keeps us from fully living out our faith? We're in our
- 0:46second thoughts episode, Wendy. We are having a conversation about our
- 0:50previous conversation with David and Shannon Steeves. After
- 0:54our talk, I kept coming back to this. What are we missing when we only
- 0:57surround ourselves with people who think like us, worship like us, or
- 1:01live like us? And maybe more importantly, how do we break out of those
- 1:05bubbles? So, you wanna kick off this conversation,
- 1:09our second thoughts episode, which if you're new to this podcast,
- 1:12we're reflecting on our previous conversation wanting to take the content a little bit
- 1:16deeper. Maybe having those conversations we can't have in front of our guests. I don't
- 1:19know. What a conversation it really
- 1:23was. David and Shannon were a delight to have. A young married couple,
- 1:27very diverse. Talk about bursting bubbles, getting out of comfort
- 1:31zones. Bubbles were popping all over in their story,
- 1:34Johan, in the way they found each other, as an
- 1:38American and Canadian, but David coming from two cultures
- 1:42prior, three cultures, and and you'll have to pick up their story to to catch
- 1:46the details. And Shannon and David, how they're working through their
- 1:49marriage, how they're working through denominationalism and
- 1:53different thoughts, and even Shannon as she's taken on a role on our
- 1:56team, crossing the the barriers between social services
- 2:00and the most vulnerable people in our city of Winnipeg and
- 2:04the local churches. We could pick on so many areas of
- 2:08their story to say, oh, that's what it means to step out of your
- 2:11comfort zone. But, Johan, what did you get out of it? It made me
- 2:15think a little bit about my upbringing. We moved from Saskatchewan to
- 2:19Winnipeg, and my dad actually pastored, I like to say,
- 2:23a Jamaican black church even though my dad's a white,
- 2:26Pentecostal evangelical guy. But our church mostly
- 2:30consisted of a black community. It brought us some of those thoughts,
- 2:34and even when they got into talking about their different church
- 2:37experiences, I thought about, hey, what are my church experiences and what
- 2:41are the things I've brought with me to the new church expressions and the new
- 2:45jobs that I've had. Just really sitting with that, it's like, what have I brought
- 2:49with me that I've changed, I've adjusted things I don't wanna keep, things
- 2:52I I wanna hold on to? Yeah. I think we often don't even
- 2:56realize how insular our thinking is
- 3:00until we've crossed different thresholds where we've had to stretch our
- 3:03own imagination for how life actually operates. Sharing my
- 3:07experience, I grew up white Mennonite, very
- 3:10isolated, monocultural, I would say, for the most
- 3:14part. But being introduced as a young child into different
- 3:18cultures but even still, I I was still the person in power.
- 3:21My culture dominated the the room. And it it's taken
- 3:25me on a journey when I was going in South America and Middle East and
- 3:29just being the minority, but still realizing I'm carrying
- 3:33a certain assigned power I didn't like. I felt discomforted by
- 3:37I was also assaulted day after day with things that annoyed me, and I
- 3:41didn't understand the culture to, now in my own
- 3:45family being the only white Mennonite cultured
- 3:48person around our table and still realizing
- 3:52there's still things within me that I need to confront.
- 3:56It's not to say that my upbringing is bad. I have a lot to
- 3:59add value into conversation, but realizing that
- 4:03my way isn't the only way. How about you, Johan? My
- 4:07thinking is different. I can't go back to that girl that was five years old
- 4:10in Altona, Manitoba in kindergarten. I I can't be
- 4:14that person anymore. Because when you enter into different
- 4:17cultures, entered into different denominations, and things like that,
- 4:21it changes you, I would like to say for the better.
- 4:25What what are your thoughts, going through different cultural experiences?
- 4:29Yeah. I mean, again, when we were in Saskatchewan, my dad was pastoring
- 4:33an indigenous church. So most of our community was indigenous. It wasn't officially
- 4:37indigenous, but that's the people that he had. And then we moved to Winnipeg, and
- 4:41it was a Jamaican church. So two very different cultural
- 4:44expressions with my white dad pastoring. So
- 4:48I I grew up with different cultural experiences and, like, even
- 4:52when David talked about I think about these different cultural experiences and I
- 4:55want to learn from each of them and bring the
- 4:59good with me. Just realizing that
- 5:03that Christianity, the kingdom isn't a Western
- 5:07religion that we've kinda grown up in, And realizing there's
- 5:11many different expressions and many different ways to worship
- 5:14and different communities, I I just love I
- 5:18love that fabric that the Lord weaves us in it, and there's not one right
- 5:22one. It's like that fragrance going before heaven of
- 5:25worship. God wants all the different fragrances. It'll
- 5:29be really boring if it if it all smelled the same, if it all sounded
- 5:33the same. So I I just really think bringing in all these
- 5:36different expressions are is just a representation of what the
- 5:40lord has in store for us when we get to heaven. Absolutely.
- 5:44I I think one of the things that I took away from our last interview
- 5:47with Shannon and David and from our own experiences that we've discussed
- 5:52over coffee is that there is such richness
- 5:55in diversity. In different ethnic diversities,
- 5:59in different denominations, we get to encounter one of the
- 6:03things I love about my job is I get to sit around tables that
- 6:06are Baptist, Pentecostal, Vineyard,
- 6:10Catholic, diocese. They're so and, like,
- 6:15sitting around different nucleus of tables that often
- 6:18think alike for the most part, that that's what unites them
- 6:22together. But being able to be sort of a neuron between
- 6:25cells sitting at different tables and celebrating the
- 6:29diversity, and that could go with cultural groups too. There's a
- 6:33a a quote. I think it's a bit adapted, but from Henry now, and
- 6:36he talks about diversity and how can we love
- 6:40across diversity. And he says something like this. Love begins when
- 6:44we risk being known by people who are different than us.
- 6:48And I think that's important. Like, it's not just about having a
- 6:52parade of diversity as if that becomes our goal,
- 6:55our end goal. But what does it mean to actually love
- 6:59another person, not just in my image or what how they fit
- 7:03into my world, but how do we actually just show up at the
- 7:07table and love each other in our diversity,
- 7:10but we have to get away from just simply our own
- 7:14kind, the places where we feel comfortable,
- 7:18but sitting within diversity. Yeah.
- 7:21Getting uncomfortable. Right? Mhmm. Yeah. I think we need to put
- 7:25ourselves in uncomfortable situations in in order to learn how to do
- 7:29that, get out of those comfort zones, to be able to learn how to love
- 7:32people properly. I mean, I've had the privilege of growing up where
- 7:36my parents fostered over 50 kids, different diverse
- 7:40backgrounds, all sorts of cultural backgrounds. So I've had to learn
- 7:43to love and live with different cultures and different
- 7:47expressions and whole different lifestyles, but not everybody
- 7:51has that opportunity. Sometimes we're stuck in those echo chambers
- 7:54where the person sitting beside us is very much like
- 7:57us. So how do we get churches out of their
- 8:01comfort zone and how do we get them learning to love these other
- 8:05diverse expressions? I know our society,
- 8:09we often find ourself with like minded people
- 8:13who think like us, who worship like us, and and and it's very easy by
- 8:16default we wanna find. I think there's a sense of security and
- 8:20camaraderie in that, but I think we have to be intentional.
- 8:24There's no one in Canada that can say, oh, I don't have
- 8:28the opportunity for diversity. We have to be
- 8:31intentional about seeing other people as our
- 8:35neighbor. We have to see that other person and not just be blocked out
- 8:39by fear. What if they don't like me or what if we don't think alike?
- 8:42God invites us into those places, and and we
- 8:46have nothing to fear in creating space
- 8:50around our table. And also not just waiting for people to come to
- 8:53us, but going into circles, being intentional, being a humble
- 8:57presence, in these places, not to assimilate and pretend, oh, now
- 9:01I'm Jamaican or now I'm South American from the
- 9:04from Bolivia, for example. But I can live within among
- 9:08them and learn different ways and practices and
- 9:12world views and learn to appreciate the
- 9:15other. So why do we build up these
- 9:19bubbles if it's keeping us from diverse experiences that
- 9:22could potentially be exciting? I would say we probably, deep
- 9:26down inside, fear discomfort.
- 9:30Like, who really wants to be discomforted. Right? We
- 9:34want something that's familiar. We want something that's
- 9:37safe, but it really challenges our
- 9:41security. But I believe that if we are secure in Christ, if
- 9:44our attachment is securely rooted in Christ, who by
- 9:48very nature of coming out of his comfort
- 9:52showed us the way of discomfort. He was always
- 9:55breaking social bubbles. If you you look through scripture, he
- 9:59was eating with outsiders. He was talking to the marginalized. He was challenging
- 10:03power struggles and structures within
- 10:07society, and we are invited to
- 10:10that. But I think we we've got to get through
- 10:14that notion of feeling safe
- 10:18is where god is. No. Actually, God is on the margins.
- 10:22And so if we wanna find Jesus, it's like Matthew 25.
- 10:26When did you see me hungry? When did you see me in prison? Who wants
- 10:28to be among the hungry? Who wants to go into prison? I've I've volunteered
- 10:32there. It's not a a most comforting place. But
- 10:36Jesus says, that's where I'm found. And often we're looking
- 10:39for Jesus in the clubhouse, in the church, where we
- 10:43feel safe, where we we have safe theology. We use a lot of
- 10:47safety talk. And our god is not safe. We know
- 10:51from Aslan. Right? But he is good. But I think we know
- 10:54inherently that going through uncomfortable experiences
- 10:58actually helps us to grow. It's like, why do we choose certain
- 11:02experiences to say, you know what, I wanna stay comfortable in this
- 11:05area. I don't really wanna grow in this area. So I think maybe
- 11:09maybe the question is what areas do I wanna grow? And
- 11:13then you take the answer to that question and say, okay, what areas do I
- 11:16need to get uncomfortable in order to do that? Mhmm. So like, do we wanna
- 11:20grow spiritually? Okay. What's gonna make you uncomfortable? How are you gonna grow
- 11:24spiritually? Because you learn from being uncomfortable and you
- 11:27learn from mistakes and taking risks. But it seems like
- 11:31we're not willing to do that in in so many areas. Yeah. And so
- 11:35that is an invitation. People will have different kinds of
- 11:38invitations right around them what that looks like. I
- 11:42couldn't tell every listener, do this x, y, and
- 11:45z, and then you are gonna grow, or then you are gonna be more open
- 11:49minded, or you're going to love others better. Yeah. It looks
- 11:53different for all of us. Right? It it is different. I I know one of
- 11:56the times, if I can share, I was invited to go to The Middle
- 12:00East on a peace mediation delegation tour. Now that
- 12:03was a a learning opportunity that I had when I was in seminary. I
- 12:07wanted to get out of the classroom because, like, I can read textbooks. I can
- 12:11talk to theologians in tweed suits, but I actually wanted to
- 12:14be in the Israel, in Palestine to see what has
- 12:18actually happened. I I went there on a biblical, like, quest to
- 12:22understand the Bible better, but I also wanted to understand in my global
- 12:26studies what is actually happening on the ground. And so I
- 12:29left my textbooks behind. I packed my little backpack and
- 12:33went there, one summer from peace mediation. And and I did
- 12:37some some touring on my own. And this is during an era
- 12:40when there were and still is it's not tour season right
- 12:44now, and it wasn't back then either. There's always wars, and
- 12:48and that was a really, time of unrest. And
- 12:52I sat down with soldier Israeli soldiers and had
- 12:56conversations with them. I stayed with a Palestinian family in
- 13:00the West Bank and and learned their stories. I got to
- 13:03visit with a family that was grieving because they had just
- 13:07lost their son and their brother and their uncle. He was a suicide
- 13:11bomber. I talked with a family who lost their
- 13:14son, a Palestinian boy getting bread and was shot,
- 13:18by snipers. I also went into settlements and Jewish
- 13:22settlements that had taken over the land. I sat with Christians and
- 13:26a huge uprising of church believers within the Palestinian. I
- 13:30sat with them, and I also on the Israeli, the the messianic
- 13:33Christians and Jews. That was my purpose, to sit with
- 13:37and have chai. Boy, did I learn to love chai. I came
- 13:40away from that experience, though, seeing Jesus
- 13:44in each one of them. And now when I look in the news, I know
- 13:47they they love to do black and white. This is what is right. If you're
- 13:51gonna be good, do the it's always more complicated. And I think
- 13:54it starts with a thousand cups of chai
- 13:58of just sitting and listening and hearing and
- 14:02relating. And I feel that Jesus taught me
- 14:05that. In the Garden Of Gethsemane, I was literally there talking
- 14:09with people. And that's what what Jesus was teaching me and
- 14:12inviting me to. And I can tell you, I learned a lot
- 14:16more out of that peace mediation delegation trip. I wasn't there bringing peace. I
- 14:19didn't obviously, there's still like, I couldn't be the hero there.
- 14:23We we really need the Lord as hero there. But listening,
- 14:27it was very transformative for my life.
- 14:32Yeah. And this series is called the cost of indifference. So I was thinking about,
- 14:35okay, what's the cost of not having these diverse experiences?
- 14:39And again, it comes down to growth, I believe. Mhmm. It's like a
- 14:43plant in soil. If it sits in that same soil for too
- 14:47long, it has used up all those nutrients and there's nothing
- 14:50new coming into it. Right? Yeah. That's why so many farmers use
- 14:54crop rotation or they use diff they do different crops every year because it
- 14:58needs new nutrients in that soil, new experiences to be
- 15:01able to grow and be healthy. So I think the cost of
- 15:05indifference in in not diversifying and not getting
- 15:09these new experiences, not getting uncomfortable is gonna be lack
- 15:13of growth. You're gonna be stagnant. You're gonna be stuck in that
- 15:16echo chamber and not and not grow. Let's land the plane a little bit on
- 15:20that. I like what you're saying there, but how do we help churches
- 15:24get out of echo chambers and yet still hold their distinctives? And and we're
- 15:28not asking churches to change their theologies or their practices,
- 15:32but to grow and to create room for others in the community.
- 15:36How do we actually do that? Because there's a bit
- 15:40of territorialism around, well, this is what we believe.
- 15:44And yet, can I just be honest with you? The more I'm in
- 15:48different denominations and and around the tables, I love them
- 15:51all. But when we we stay within our denominations
- 15:55and we only affirm each other based on what we all believe
- 15:59to be true and we don't expand out and and we don't
- 16:03have room for listening to other perspectives. Don't get me wrong.
- 16:07I've done homeschooling out of necessity too, but we become a bunch of denominational
- 16:10homeschoolers. We don't get out. It it becomes insular,
- 16:14and we start acting weird in community. We start saying things that
- 16:18are destructive, not because I I don't think any denomination
- 16:22wants to be a bigot, but it sure sounds a lot like
- 16:25that. It sure sounds offensive, or it sure sounds territorial.
- 16:29It sure sounds, like a power struggle when it comes out
- 16:33because we're not necessarily in touch. We don't necessarily translate. And and
- 16:37I'm not saying denominations are bad. I think there's actually beauty in
- 16:40diversity. But there is a huge danger, and I
- 16:44see that played out. And the cost of indifference
- 16:48is in the community, not necessarily within the club around that table.
- 16:51People are will affirm each other. There's confirmation bias. We're like, oh,
- 16:55wow. We're we're we're endorsing certain behaviors and
- 16:59beliefs and even vocabulary that just don't translate
- 17:02into community. I don't think Jesus would have necessarily talked
- 17:06like that with the good Samaritan. I think there's a few things that we can
- 17:10do. I keep in thinking about church leaders. First of all,
- 17:13get around a table and have conversations like this
- 17:17about stuff. Mhmm. But the other thing, like, do what Jesus did and
- 17:21serve one another. It's not necessarily about, you know what, let's
- 17:25be ecumenical, let's do this unity thing and all get
- 17:29together and just worship together, but actually
- 17:33wash the feet of another pastor that you don't necessarily
- 17:37agree with or you don't have the same theology with. Like, let's learn
- 17:40to serve one another. And I think that that getting
- 17:44low, like, that's that's what's gonna cause
- 17:47transformation because that's what Jesus did.
- 17:51Yeah. And and we can learn from each other without losing our
- 17:55identity. I know my theology gets challenged every time
- 17:59I can get and my worldview gets challenged every time I
- 18:03encounter other people. That doesn't mean I just assimilate, and now all
- 18:07of a sudden now I have that theology. I think if we're
- 18:10rooted in Christ, the holy spirit can navigate that for
- 18:14us. He can be trusted in those situations. We're we're not gonna get cooties
- 18:18because we work alongside another denomination
- 18:22that thinks maybe vastly and polar opposite than we do on a
- 18:26certain issue. It's when we idolize those issues, those
- 18:29theologies, those doctrines that we wanna fight for, we
- 18:33miss out. The indifference there is that we miss out on
- 18:36serving the other, serving each other, and loving each other, the
- 18:40person that we disagree with. But, ultimately, the vulnerable
- 18:43person, they don't get served because we're too consumed
- 18:47with trying to set the world straight to think like us,
- 18:51to behave like us, rather than working together.
- 18:55And we gotta get over ourselves saying, you know what? If I serve this person,
- 18:59other people might think I agree with him. We don't need we don't need to
- 19:03agree with someone to serve them. We just need to love them and
- 19:06get to know them a little bit. And I think then the differences
- 19:10don't matter so much because we've seen the person that Jesus
- 19:14sees. Amen to that. I I know I've been challenged
- 19:17by people to say, k. Wendy, you're you're going to government
- 19:21table. You're you're you're working with organizations that are not
- 19:25not necessarily faith based. You're working with that denomination. Do you
- 19:28know what they believe? Several times, I have the burn marks and the scar marks
- 19:32to prove it. I've been burned at the stake for those things, but I will
- 19:35always side for the vulnerable. And it and it doesn't change who
- 19:39I am and who I believe god to be, but there's always a sense of
- 19:42mystery. There's always a sense of wonder. I don't have the corner on religion,
- 19:46but God sure does. He can be trusted. It's not fun to
- 19:49stick your neck out. However, I believe that's the
- 19:53Jesus way has always had us to be with
- 19:57the vulnerable, to sit in discomfort, to
- 20:01have conversations and learn to have civil conversations. And now in
- 20:05a a political time where we're we're hard pressed to find
- 20:08civil conversations. Right? But we're challenged to love the
- 20:12other, to have civil discourse, not always agreeing,
- 20:16with the other, and that's how we can grow together. But if at the
- 20:20bottom line is that we're gonna love them no matter what, it
- 20:24changes the outcome. We can do hard things. We can have hard conversations. We
- 20:28can sit in discomfort. We can be with people that don't look like us, and
- 20:31we can even get accusations from others thinking, oh, look who she's associate or
- 20:35he's associating with. We can do that. That is the Jesus
- 20:39way. That is how we are going to see growth within the church.
- 20:43Because we're all in really big trouble if Jesus only served
- 20:47people he agreed with. Mhmm. Let's land on the listener
- 20:51challenge for this week then. So think of someone that you are very
- 20:54different from, whether it's theologically or even
- 20:58culturally, and think of a way that you can serve
- 21:02that person or organization. And and do it. At
- 21:05least do it once. Try it. And that's gonna be the challenge for this
- 21:09week. But now it's time for that Care lingo segment. Here we go.
- 21:14CareLingo. Today, I'm gonna choose an acronym that
- 21:17sometimes gets thrown around in caregiver talk,
- 21:21TBRI. So, Johan, can you tell
- 21:25me what you think of when I say the word TBRI? It's
- 21:29not that hard because I came onto the team a couple years ago now, and
- 21:32I kept hearing this term, and I had no idea what you guys were talking
- 21:35about in the middle of a conversation. So this is a good one for our
- 21:39listeners to hear because I think we've probably thrown around the podcast in
- 21:42previous episodes. I think so. Yeah. So
- 21:46in true Johan fashion, I got two options, I think. TBRI,
- 21:50if I was hearing it for the first time, I might think too
- 21:53busy, rarely involved. You know, in the caregiver space,
- 21:57sometimes you we get so busy, that we'd Like TMI.
- 22:01Too busy, rarely involved. It could be a good text. Yeah. Exactly. It's
- 22:05like Yeah. That guy is TBRI. He's too busy, rarely involved.
- 22:09What Care Impact's doing, you know? We don't want TBRI
- 22:13people, connected to Care Impact. Oh, no. That is
- 22:17not even straight. Yeah. And then there's
- 22:21the other one, TBRI. Totally burnt
- 22:24out running on instinct. Now I I
- 22:28sometimes relate to this one a little bit more. I'm not totally burnt out,
- 22:31but, you know, sometimes you get busier times, like Mhmm. When
- 22:35that when that next podcast episode is due and you haven't started the
- 22:39edit yet, I'm running on instinct. Just, you know, click, click, click, click, click,
- 22:42click, and this episode's getting out tomorrow no matter what. Yeah.
- 22:46Yes. So TBRI. So what is the real definition? Well, let me
- 22:50translate here for you. I can put it's something that I utilize all the
- 22:54time. It it it's a filter that I use and we use as a a
- 22:57team here at Caro Impact, but it refers to trust based
- 23:02relational intervention. So t, trust be
- 23:05based relational intervention. It comes out of the
- 23:09Karen Purvis Institute for Child Development. So, originally, this
- 23:13is a term TBI, trust based relational intervention was referred
- 23:16to child development, particularly with foster kids,
- 23:20kids coming from difficult places in in adoption and some
- 23:24beautiful training out of that. Some of our team members have that training.
- 23:28Also, is the basis for, trauma free world, which we are
- 23:32doing trauma care, training across Canada using
- 23:36TBRI. So it's a trauma informed approach that is
- 23:39designed to help people in hard places heal through
- 23:43connection. Relationships is so important, and empowering
- 23:46them. And and being able to redirect where they are going. It's
- 23:50going beyond the behavior looking what are the what's behind the
- 23:54behavior that's causing this person such distress. And
- 23:57it's not about managing those behaviors. It's looking at the root
- 24:01causes, who have gone through significant loss
- 24:05or trauma, neglect. I would go further than that. I
- 24:08utilize it actually in how I negotiate with government or how I
- 24:12sit at the table with pastors. Those that are actually have
- 24:15fear responses, I'm like, k. What's going behind that behavior?
- 24:19The way people are are behaving, how do I connect with
- 24:23them? How do I relationally connect? Because Care Impact is all
- 24:27about breaking relational poverty across these sectors.
- 24:31And so we have to learn how do we connect before
- 24:35we bring, some possible solutions, direction,
- 24:39and supports into those areas. Because it's not just about fixing
- 24:42people, it's about connecting with people, and there's actually healing.
- 24:46And it's beautiful that it's it's when science catches up with
- 24:50God. There's a lot of neuroscience involved with TBRI,
- 24:54but it's all biblically based, and it's something that,
- 24:58is changing families. It's changing social systems. I I have
- 25:02asks from social services if we can bring some training
- 25:06in this nature. So that's TBRI. You have
- 25:09it. Trust based relational intervention. So,
- 25:13listeners, if you think you might know someone that needs to know what
- 25:17TBRI is, send them this episode and continue to share the
- 25:21podcast. Again, we are on Facebook. We got a Care Impact podcast
- 25:24group if you wanna go on there and get the latest updates. And maybe you
- 25:28have a word you wanna add add to this Care Lingo segment or
- 25:32whatever else, join our community there. And I think that's
- 25:35it, Wendy. We will see you next week. Later. Thank you for
- 25:39joining us on Journey with Care. To get more information on weekly
- 25:43episodes, upcoming opportunities, or to connect with our
- 25:46community, visit journeywithcare.ca, or find Care Impact
- 25:50on Facebook and Instagram. Or just check the show notes for these
- 25:53links and all the links related to this episode. Share your thoughts,
- 25:57leave us a message, and be part of a network of individuals journeying in
- 26:01faith and purpose. Together, let's discover how we can make a
- 26:04meaningful impact.