Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E275: Ages 0-3: Everything You Need to Know w/Dr Bill Sears | Lila Rose Show

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E275: Ages 0-3: Everything You Need to Know w/Dr Bill Sears | Lila Rose Show · The Lila Rose Show

• 0:00
  Over my 50 years in medical practice, I've been at over 1000
• 0:03
  births. What would you say are some
• 0:05
  crucial things that the mother should be doing during that
• 0:08
  immediate phase? So this is where it gets
• 0:09
  controversial. Sleep training, nutrition.
• 0:12
  Good. How much rest I?
• 0:13
  Remember 1985? Sleep training, baby training
• 0:16
  and the books look like you have trained a dog.
• 0:19
  Yeah. Still to this day.
• 0:20
  Trained dog, you know these books are wrong.
• 0:22
  At what age would you say you should draw a line of saying no,
• 0:25
  you gotta sleep in your own bed? If you believe something will
• 0:28
  work in your body, it is much more likely to work.
• 0:31
  That's the biggest mystery in medicine.
• 0:33
  What do you say to moms who make C-section moms?
• 0:35
  And we call the first month growing together.
• 0:39
  You're growing your Mama brain as my baby is growing a whole
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  body and mind. Doctor Bill Sears has been
• 0:48
  seeking and telling the truth about raising children for
• 0:51
  decades, even when the medical world and yes, sometimes even
• 0:55
  the government pushes against his common sense advice.
• 0:58
  Welcome back to the Lila Roche show.
• 1:00
  Today we're talking about everything that you need to
• 1:02
  know. For the first.
• 1:03
  Three years of your child's life.
• 1:05
  Also, a huge thank you to everybody who's been subscribing
• 1:08
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  Also, leave this video a like if you enjoy this episode and go
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  check out our Patreon. You're going to get ad free
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  episodes there as well as 30% off our brand new merch line,
• 1:37
  which is beautiful. You can check that out over at
• 1:39
  patreon.com/lila Roche show. Dr. Sears, welcome back to the
• 1:42
  podcast. Thank you, Lila.
• 1:44
  It's an honor to be here. Everyone's favorite.
• 1:46
  I'm so glad you're. This is you're one of my top
• 1:50
  favorite guests so and I'm ready to learn because we're doing the
• 1:53
  first three years of a baby's life.
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  Yes. Which I'm so excited about.
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  But first, how are you doing? Yeah, that's great.
• 2:00
  Great. And I love talking about babies.
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  Yes, especially the first year of life.
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  It's our topic today, So thank you.
• 2:06
  How I I before we dive in, we've had you on a few other times
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  already. People love it.
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  You've written 45 books. You were the pediatrician that
• 2:16
  was on the cover of Time magazine.
• 2:18
  You've had this very illustrious career and you're still going,
• 2:22
  you're still practicing, you're still speaking, you're still
• 2:25
  coming up with new books and all these resources.
• 2:28
  How do you How do you do it all? Well, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm in
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  good health. I take no prescription
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  medicines. I exercise 3 hours a day and
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  well say, hey Bill, you're getting older.
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  No, I'm entering my second childhood.
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  That's how I, you know, I'm not getting older.
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  I'm entering my second childhood.
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  So it's, it's a good life and it is, it's, it's why I love your
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  programs because I call it helpers high.
• 3:00
  You mentioned all the things I've done, but I drift off to
• 3:03
  sleep at night. It's that drift of helpers high
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  that somebody, maybe 3 or 4 people or three or 4000 people,
• 3:12
  maybe their life is better because of what they heard on
• 3:17
  our program today. I love that.
• 3:20
  And this is a topic that we're going to be diving into with
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  babies. You have eight of your own 8
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  babies. And I know your dear late wife
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  Martha was. This was her passion.
• 3:30
  Yeah. Children.
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  We have 8 babies, 15 grandbabies.
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  Amazing. So today we're going to be
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  talking about babies. We have all these books here.
• 3:39
  We have all these manuals. Why do you love talking about
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  babies so much? I I just love babies.
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  I love holding babies and my whole 50 years, last 50 years of
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  life has been with babies, you know, and, and I just love
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  there's it's God's greatest creation is a baby Lila.
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  Oh my goodness. I mean, I the, the just the, you
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  know, that big fat cheek and beautiful eyes I again babies I
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  think are God's greatest creations.
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  What is your own history? Is there anything about your own
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  infancy that you've learned from your own childhood and your
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  parents, your mother raising, are you raised by a single
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  mother that has influenced the way you approach this body of
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  work that we're going to be getting into?
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  Yes, thank you. I grew up and what would not be
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  called a very underprivileged child, single mom, a very I grew
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  up in a spiritually rich home, but financially poor.
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  You know, my dad took off when I was a month of age.
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  He didn't want any babies. But my mother.
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  Thank you, mom. My mother was smart.
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  She surrounded me with quality male mentors, football coaches,
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  priests, pastors, mentors. Wow.
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  And so I really owe a lot of, and I mentioned that because my
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  ministry sometimes as single moms, you know, there's a lot
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  you can do, a lot you can do. And my mother made-up for that.
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  And so thank you, mom. And so I think a lot of a lot of
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  my desire to work with young couples and help them get the
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  right start is because of what I missed.
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  But I use the term resilience a lot.
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  Children, babies are resilient. So I don't want parents
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  listening today. All the things to do the first,
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  oh, I should have done that. I wish I'd done that.
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  No babies can bounce back. You have all your life to parent
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  your baby. That's encouraging.
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  I'm that's a good way to start this out.
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  All right, well, let's start at the beginning, OK?
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  Because we're doing the first three years, you have this term
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  that you use in your book, often called your books, called birth
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  adventure. What is a birth adventure?
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  Birth Adventure Lila I've Over my 50 years in medical practice,
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  I've been at over 1000 births. My first 20 years in practice, I
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  was, what was, would it be called now, a perinatologist.
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  I was called to to go to high risk deliveries, high risk Lila
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  if there's anybody out there who doesn't believe in God, go
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  attend to birth. And men, if there's any doubt in
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  your mind who's a stronger sex is just go watch a birth.
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  You know, we men would be wimps if we had to deliver a baby.
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  So watching watching birth and I started studying that.
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  I said, wow, what a miracle. A mother grows a baby for nine
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  months inside and that beautiful, beautiful fat cheeked
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  baby comes out for the next 80 years or so.
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  So I started studying what really goes on at birth and
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  that's when I figured babies are God's greatest creation, so
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  let's birth a baby. So remember babies you would
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  want, if you were the creator of baby, you'd want that baby to be
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  healthy right after birth. So you would want to design a
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  healthy immune system to click on right after birth, right?
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  But not before because it you don't want it to interact.
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  Negatively before, but you want baby to be, you know, they're
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  coming out into the world, a lot of germs, so you want to prepare
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  them. So when baby slides through
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  mother's birth canal, baby is wrapped in a blanket of what we
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  call microbiome. Microbiome is a big buzzword now
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  a medicine. Microbiome just means an army of
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  healthy bacteria, gut bugs, bacteria that live in the gut
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  and in return for free food in a warm place to live, they help
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  your immune system. They make medicines for you.
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  So when a baby comes to a mother's birth canal, baby is
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  wrapped in a blanket of the microbiome to prepare the baby's
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  immune system right away, within minutes.
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  Next, the microbiome needs food to start working right away.
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  Treat to breast birth canal. Treat to breast and mother's
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  milk. I call it like homemade Kiefer,
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  OK. Mother's milk provides instant
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  food for the microbiome. So by the time within minutes to
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  hours after birth, baby has a army inside of his or her gut
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  making medicines to help her immune system fight better for
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  her. And that's just one of the
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  miracles of birth that I thought, wow, there's nothing
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  like a birth. It's very beautiful.
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  What do you say to moms who might be C-section moms?
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  And they're listening to you because C sections are so
• 9:45
  prevalent today. Well, glad you asked that I got
• 9:48
  my life is full of stories. So let me tell you a recent
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  story then happened a couple months ago.
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  In fact, I'm seeing her as a patient.
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  This afternoon, a mom calls me an attorney from northern San
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  Diego, and she says, Doctor Bill, I need a consultation.
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  I'm having a cesarean section, a surgical birth, my baby's
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  breech. And surgical births are
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  sometimes necessary maybe 1015% of the time for the health of
• 10:18
  the mommy and baby, because that's the end result.
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  You want healthy mommy and baby. And so I said, OK, here's what
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  you do. Right before birth, right before
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  the C-section, the surgery, have the doctor take a slob of your
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  vaginal secretions and put them in a container.
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  And right after birth, baby comes out.
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  As soon as baby's breathing OK, the doctor takes the secretions
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  and massages the baby with them and then puts a baby tooth cheek
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  to breast. Wow.
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  And she did that. She showed me a video of it.
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  And the doctor said to her, wow, you know, this is new science.
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  This is new science. You're right, Mama, we'll do
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  this. Thank you for asking.
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  So remember, moms, the birth, I told moms, you get what you
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  asked for. And he's going my baby, my body,
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  my birth. And that's why the new birthing
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  hospitals, they, they look like a first class hotel, you know,
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  tubs for laboring in and, and windows and music and lights and
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  all that. So moms, thank you for getting
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  the birth that you deserve. I love that you're so
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  encouraging of moms and encouraging them to ask, you
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  know, freely, boldly, for what is needed for the healthiest
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  outcomes for them and their babies.
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  And yeah, I, I, I love, I've, I've noticed that in the last
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  decade or so, the improvements in paternity wards and how
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  mothers are treated. And I think it's all so good
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  because it's not just about the mother.
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  It's, of course, about that little baby, which is everybody.
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  Everyone's the greatest. Event in your whole life at
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  birth. Wow.
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  So before we get into all of the health, nutrition, attachment
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  development of that baby in those critical first few months
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  and years, what are some of the stages of development that you
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  can tell us to be aware of, of those first few years of after a
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  baby is born? All right, well, let's go into
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  the first month. All right, now think about it
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  again. Baby is God's greatest creation
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  and the creator therefore would make sure that babies well
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  looked after right. So naturally the crater would
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  put into the brain of a mother mommy brain, an attachment
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  center like Agps baby this do this say this.
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  So mommy's growing with a is is is growing a baby brain brain
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  during really during a pregnancy and especially right after
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  birth. And we call the first month
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  growing together. You're growing your Mama brain
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  baby's growing the whole body brain they so the first month is
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  growing together. It's also a a time of recovery.
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  Mothers are recovering physically and sometimes
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  mentally from the birth. So I tell the mothers and the
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  dads and all the family make Mama a nest.
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  I know it's Martha. I would call it Martha's nest.
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  A nice big rocking chair next to a window with a table there with
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  her smoothie and water on it and music playing.
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  And then everybody's around the family to serve mommy because
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  again, mommy is doing the most important job in the world,
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  growing that precious little baby.
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  So the family needs to be aware of Mother's Week, Mother's week
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  at first month, kind of you're over the hump.
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  It's you're recovering from the birth as you're getting to know
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  your baby. So that term growing together, I
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  want moms to remember that I'm growing my mommy brain as my
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  baby is growing a whole body and mind.
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  See. So that's, that's beautiful.
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  No daddy brain. Yeah, there's a daddy brain too.
• 14:53
  Takes a little while to develop longer.
• 14:56
  But see, the dads actually have a double role in the first month
• 15:01
  or two. Especially Lila.
• 15:04
  You're there to father your baby, but also to care for
• 15:09
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  Go to presidiocare dot. Com I've heard the postpartum
• 17:05
  period actually referred to in the first three months.
• 17:08
  So would you say it's one to three months, the postpartum
• 17:10
  period where there's the most change?
• 17:12
  So what would you say are some crucial things that the mother
• 17:16
  should be doing during that immediate phase, both for her
• 17:20
  health and for baby's health? So this is where it gets
• 17:23
  controversial. Sleep training, nutrition, how
• 17:26
  much rest, and there's a lot of other dynamics at play depending
• 17:30
  if you have other children, if you are a single mom or if you
• 17:33
  have a husband who has maternity leave or not.
• 17:35
  So what would be some things to aim at for that first?
• 17:39
  Well, thank you. Pardon.
• 17:40
  Period. Thank you.
• 17:41
  You mentioned the term baby training that we call it all in
• 17:46
  Pediatrics, the bad words because.
• 17:49
  Sleep training I. Remember sleep training and baby
• 17:52
  training? I remember years ago and the
• 17:56
  fact that's how we started writing books.
• 17:59
  I remember 1985, baby number 4 was born and that's when it was
• 18:05
  sleep training and baby training and the books.
• 18:10
  It was like you have trained a dog, you know?
• 18:13
  Yeah, still to this day. Trained a dog.
• 18:16
  So now I said. And once I look, I remember one
• 18:18
  day we looked at each other. I said, you know, these books
• 18:20
  are wrong. We need to fix them.
• 18:24
  And so the first thing we did is teach moms to follow their
• 18:30
  intuition. When your baby cries, there's no
• 18:35
  one in the world that can tell you how long to let that baby
• 18:40
  cry. Nobody that's your mother you
• 18:43
  will know. See a baby's cry, Lila, A baby's
• 18:46
  cry is a baby's language. A baby is wired to talk to Mama
• 18:55
  and a Mama is wired with a mommy brain to listen to baby.
• 19:01
  They're growing together, especially in that first few
• 19:04
  months. See.
• 19:06
  So that whole thing, fortunately, the whole baby
• 19:09
  trainer has been kicked out of town, especially the slick, the
• 19:13
  sleep trainers, because now we know they were wrong.
• 19:17
  They were wrong. I mean, I'll tell you a story.
• 19:20
  There was a time when a big baby trainer was a sleep trainer was
• 19:26
  going to be filed for child abuse almost.
• 19:31
  Really. Yeah, because they would just
• 19:33
  let the baby cry and. It was, But they should not be
• 19:37
  telling mothers that. See, The thing is, they should
• 19:40
  not be telling mothers how long to let their baby cry.
• 19:45
  What we say is only you will know.
• 19:50
  You will know the baby's cry, the language, your mommy brain
• 19:56
  is there to read the language. You won't know when that's a
• 19:59
  quick pick me up and mommy needs me right away, pick me up.
• 20:03
  Oh, I think I can, you know, finish doing my job here a
• 20:06
  little bit. Babies maybe resettle herself.
• 20:10
  You won't know that. And that comes with time.
• 20:13
  That comes with time. That's the development of the
• 20:16
  mommy brain. So you're not saying, oh, you
• 20:20
  should never, ever let the baby cry.
• 20:22
  You're just saying it's going to be subjective.
• 20:25
  It's going to be personal. It's going to be based on what
• 20:27
  you feel is best in the moment because you're the only mother
• 20:30
  of that baby. There's never been a baby like
• 20:32
  that baby in the world before. And so saying oh it should be 20
• 20:35
  minutes, cried out and then check out the bit that is not a
• 20:38
  path for success. That's an old thing.
• 20:41
  Fortunately, that's gone by the wayside because Mamas are now
• 20:45
  smarter. The same mommy brain that got
• 20:49
  birthing where it should be now is getting mothering where it
• 20:54
  should be. Mother is saying, you know
• 20:56
  that's not right. My my instinct.
• 21:00
  See, mother's instinct has a biochemical nature.
• 21:05
  Mother's instinct means there is a center in your brain that GPS
• 21:13
  and see when mother responds to a cry and she's looking at a
• 21:19
  sweet baby, look at her as if baby could talk.
• 21:23
  Baby would say, thank you mommy for listening to me.
• 21:26
  And what happens in the brain is mother gets a surge of feel good
• 21:32
  hormones, prolactin, oxytocin, dopamine, we call them feel good
• 21:38
  hormones. Like a reward that says the
• 21:42
  divine, another divine design. Mommy, I'm going to reward you
• 21:48
  with a surge of feel good biochemicals in your brain
• 21:52
  because you listen to your brain and you picked me up.
• 21:56
  See, So mommy gets that too. Mommy gets that good feeling.
• 22:01
  In the early days of establishing A breastfeeding
• 22:05
  routine and getting breastfeeding going, do you have
• 22:07
  any tips for breastfeeding? Some mothers experience a lot of
• 22:11
  pain when they're starting to breastfeed or they worry about
• 22:14
  am I breastfeeding enough? Am I breastfeeding too much?
• 22:18
  So here are some general tips for breastfeeding.
• 22:20
  Sure, they say you're a first time mom.
• 22:23
  OK, the belief effect, first thing you start is I believe my
• 22:35
  breastfeeding is going to work. You say that in your pregnancy
• 22:39
  even. I believe I can't wait until my
• 22:43
  precious baby is latched onto my breast.
• 22:47
  I believe that my milk is the greatest, greatest nutrient in
• 22:54
  the whole world for my baby. I believe.
• 22:57
  I believe that's the biggest mystery in medicine called the
• 23:02
  belief effect, Lila, that if you believe something will work in
• 23:07
  your body, it is much more likely to work.
• 23:11
  Well. Much more likely work, you know,
• 23:14
  and and they discovered that by it used to be called a placebo
• 23:18
  effect. Now we call it a belief effect.
• 23:21
  It's better because now it's real.
• 23:23
  It's real that and we think the the belief center in your brain,
• 23:28
  your brains like your CEO of the rest of your body.
• 23:32
  The belief center says because breastfeeding is so good for you
• 23:38
  and your baby up here, we're going to prompt you to do it
• 23:42
  right. See so #1 believe it will work
• 23:46
  #2 even before delivery, a pre hire a lactation consultant.
• 23:54
  Now most hospitals have them because now we know that the
• 24:01
  sooner you get advice like even the first hour, most hospitals
• 24:07
  now within the first hour or two after birth will have a
• 24:11
  lactation consultant come to teach proper latch on.
• 24:16
  It's called in our books. In our baby book, we have
• 24:20
  Martha. We have pictures of Martha early
• 24:24
  on teaching baby latch on. So #1 they go for mouth.
• 24:32
  Babies suck. A real is not nipples.
• 24:36
  You don't want a little nipple chore.
• 24:39
  So the very first thing you do is you teach baby suck, suck
• 24:46
  above the nipples where the pressure is because that's where
• 24:49
  you milk the milk down. So This is why you'll you'll see
• 24:55
  lactation coleslaw. If I would make hospital rounds,
• 24:58
  I'll see lactation consultants with mothers going for the baby
• 25:03
  like that, teaching the baby that if you want milk there got
• 25:07
  to open your mouth and you got to open your left, see.
• 25:10
  So you'll see like that. So that's the lactation
• 25:14
  consultant. You get one in the hospital.
• 25:17
  So most nowadays, most mothers leave the hospital with a whole
• 25:21
  list of how to. You can also hire lactation
• 25:24
  consultants to come to your home for the first week or two.
• 25:30
  Our daughter Aaron is a certified.
• 25:34
  You have to take 500 hours of a course to become a certified
• 25:39
  lactation consultant. A certified lactation
• 25:43
  consultant. There's one in every town and as
• 25:47
  she goes and visits the mother every day for the first week or
• 25:51
  two and make sure they latch on right, They latch on right and
• 25:57
  then. So usually it takes mother only
• 26:00
  a week to learn how to because you want to feel good and not
• 26:06
  feel painful. You want to.
• 26:08
  Do that it's is it normal for there to be pain at the
• 26:11
  beginning of breastfeeding I've heard some people say if you
• 26:14
  feel pain you're doing it wrong and every other people saying
• 26:16
  yeah it's a little uncomfortable let's.
• 26:18
  Say is is it usual? Yes.
• 26:21
  Is it normal? No.
• 26:23
  No. It's not normal to feel pain for
• 26:28
  one of life's greatest, greatest experience nursing a baby.
• 26:33
  Now some mothers do, but that's like a red flag that I need
• 26:37
  help. If it hurts, you need help and
• 26:42
  call a lactation consultant right away.
• 26:45
  Sometimes babies have a tongue tie that they need to be
• 26:50
  clipped. I clip them in the office all
• 26:53
  the time. Takes 5 seconds.
• 26:54
  Well, that's it. If it's an anterior tongue tie
• 26:58
  because they can't open their mouth wide enough, sometimes
• 27:02
  it's a posterior back there that needs to be clipped by a a
• 27:07
  specialist who does that and a lactation consultant knows who.
• 27:12
  So a lactation consultant first does an exam of baby's mouth and
• 27:18
  make sure everything's OK, and then does a latch on a console
• 27:23
  and it almost always takes the pain away.
• 27:27
  So you think for a lot of women who might be experiencing pain
• 27:30
  with early breastfeeding is it's maybe a tongue tie issue or some
• 27:33
  sort of a a mouth issue that. Means that they didn't get a
• 27:37
  lactation consultant and nobody examined baby's mouth because if
• 27:42
  babies have tongue tie they're going to bite sometimes.
• 27:47
  What about Co sleeping in those first few months?
• 27:50
  Co sleeping. Do you recommend it?
• 27:52
  Do you think it's better to have baby be separate?
• 27:55
  I'll tell you a story that'll make your eyes go like that of
• 28:04
  what happened to us. OK, maybe #8 OK.
• 28:10
  I get a knock on the door one day and there are two persons
• 28:15
  there dressed like police and they're say we are here to
• 28:22
  investigate you for possible child abuse.
• 28:27
  And I don't handle things like that.
• 28:30
  Well, my wife does. So she pulled me aside and
• 28:35
  before I kicked him out and they said what?
• 28:38
  They said we saw you on television and you admitted that
• 28:42
  you sleep with your baby. No way.
• 28:45
  What year? I said yes, the world over.
• 28:48
  Most people sleep with their baby.
• 28:50
  Well, that's on our list of child abuse.
• 28:54
  OK, Yeah, that was that was 30 years ago.
• 28:59
  See, that's where things were. Now.
• 29:03
  My friend, Doctor Joe McKenna, we had talked about that.
• 29:06
  I helped them put together a whole center at Notre Dame
• 29:10
  University called the Mother Baby Sleep Institute at Notre
• 29:16
  Dame University. Where would they would take me?
• 29:19
  I we did this with our number 8. We would wire her up.
• 29:24
  We had at that time imaging was being developed and everything.
• 29:30
  So we wired her up with various sensors, sleeping next to Martha
• 29:36
  and sleeping with Martha way across the room.
• 29:39
  Her breathing was more steady was called heart rate
• 29:44
  variability, meaning your heart pumping the way it should was
• 29:47
  more steady the closer she was to Martha.
• 29:51
  So a biochemical great things happen when mothers and babies
• 29:57
  sleep next to each other. And Doctor McKenna took hundreds
• 30:00
  of babies and studied them at the sleep center.
• 30:03
  So now if I get any arguments on that, I say well go to Notre
• 30:09
  Dame sleep center and read their results because now Co sleeping
• 30:17
  is scientifically the I use the term show me the science a lot,
• 30:23
  not just a bunch of thinking. Show me the science.
• 30:26
  The science favors Co sleeping. Now when and where should babies
• 30:31
  sleep? My answer to mothers wherever
• 30:35
  your baby and you, wherever both of you sleep the best is the
• 30:41
  right arrangement for you period.
• 30:46
  Now that may change at various times and babies development.
• 30:51
  There may be times I'm called high need be how many times high
• 30:54
  need times And so you just ride with the flow.
• 31:00
  There will be times, there will be times when you know, OK baby,
• 31:06
  it's going through a high need stage.
• 31:08
  Baby needs to sleep with me. How long, how many months, how
• 31:12
  many years? Again, wherever you all sleep
• 31:17
  the best. I have so many questions, but
• 31:21
  it's also so encouraging to hear what you're saying because it
• 31:24
  reinforces go go with what feels natural as opposed to imposing
• 31:29
  these expectations about the schedule and how things should
• 31:32
  be, which the modern mother I think is always hairy.
• 31:35
  That that old song, do I know what comes naturally?
• 31:37
  You know, that's Mama see. And so that's I think what I
• 31:43
  want mothers to get over a program at appreciate and value
• 31:49
  the beautiful arc and science of mommy brain.
• 31:53
  So a few things you said, first of all, it is crazy that you had
• 31:57
  was it CPS Child Protective Services come to your door 30
• 32:01
  years ago as a father and mother of eight for your newborn
• 32:04
  because you said on national TV that you were Co sleeping and
• 32:08
  they said Co sleeping is child abuse.
• 32:10
  And you actually had California agents come to your.
• 32:12
  That's right. Isn't that?
• 32:14
  Ridiculous. That's the craziest story I
• 32:15
  think I've heard. I know it's like one of the
• 32:18
  craziest things that ever happened in our in our, it's
• 32:21
  like, but that happened. What did you tell them when they
• 32:25
  got to the get out and get off my lawn?
• 32:27
  That's what made me be nice, of course, and I say well come in,
• 32:31
  let me explain. I explained to her about the
• 32:33
  reasons, both of them the reasons that the science and and
• 32:40
  how we study this and it works and mother knows best.
• 32:47
  I said how on earth could a state Department of Child
• 32:55
  Protective Service come in and tell us how we're going to raise
• 32:59
  our baby? I don't think so.
• 33:02
  You're just, you were in Southern California at the time,
• 33:05
  still are. So this was a California CPS.
• 33:08
  It's terrifying. I mean, I remember when
• 33:09
  homeschooling, it wasn't clear whether that would even be legal
• 33:12
  realities. And thankfully it's a
• 33:13
  constitutional right, I believe to homeschool so.
• 33:16
  But in countries like Germany, you can't even homeschool.
• 33:18
  It's illegal. So it's just, it's crazy what
• 33:21
  happens if the government overreaches and then good people
• 33:24
  don't stand up. You stood up.
• 33:26
  You said I've got the science. You started an institute at
• 33:28
  Notre Dame to prove that Co sleeping is actually best for
• 33:31
  babies and mothers. No, it's funny you mention that.
• 33:35
  I tell my my politician friends, don't mess with mothers.
• 33:42
  They're going to overrule you. Well, if we can stand up and not
• 33:45
  believe the lie that we don't have a voice and we don't, we
• 33:47
  shouldn't listen to our intuition because I think that's
• 33:50
  what a lot of the messages have been.
• 33:52
  I mean, I think about the whole COVID, you know, pandemic and,
• 33:55
  you know, the vaccination of children and mothers were told
• 33:57
  you vaccinate your kids, vaccinate your kids and a lot of
• 33:59
  others. I don't know, but the kids are
• 34:00
  not sick from COVID. And I don't know if this is best
• 34:03
  for my kids. And this is an, you know, a
• 34:05
  vaccine that hasn't really been, you know, it's it's a it's an
• 34:07
  emergency use vaccine. So should I be really
• 34:09
  vaccinating my kids? And there were a lot of mothers
• 34:12
  who said, we're not going to. If you're going to force me to
• 34:14
  vaccinate my kids, I'm not going to send my.
• 34:15
  Kid to this. Mama knows.
• 34:18
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• 36:03
  One other question on sleep before we move on to postpartum
• 36:06
  questions for the mom. You said sometimes the baby will
• 36:09
  want, you know, want to Co sleep.
• 36:10
  Sometimes the baby may be fine, you know, sleeping next to mom
• 36:13
  or even in a crib and it'll it'll ebb and flow on the
• 36:16
  child's development. Every child's different.
• 36:19
  At what age would you say you should draw a line of saying no?
• 36:22
  You got to sleep in your own bed?
• 36:23
  Your own bed? Well, that that depends.
• 36:30
  Mama will know there are times a month, you know, it's time.
• 36:37
  We've I've heard that time, that word so many times in our house.
• 36:41
  It's time. It's time to wean from the
• 36:44
  breath, time to wean from the bed and that will take time.
• 36:49
  I remember our kids, we had bedrooms full of children for
• 36:54
  quite a while, but they would gradually move out, see and, and
• 37:01
  I remember our 10 year old Matthew, we call him Saint
• 37:07
  Matthew. He's one of these delightful
• 37:09
  kids and I used to put him to bed and I would sing to him and
• 37:18
  I would hum like, like go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep
• 37:24
  my little baby. And I'd sometimes fall asleep
• 37:30
  before. I might fall asleep over here.
• 37:33
  See, that's a very. 10 years old.
• 37:36
  I remember one night he said to me, Dad, I don't need you to
• 37:43
  help put me to sleep anymore, period.
• 37:48
  And he is our most a lot of our eight children and our most well
• 37:52
  developed and everything. So a child will tell you where
• 37:57
  I'm married to Wean. So listen to it.
• 38:00
  And I asked Martha one time, I said, tell me because she had I
• 38:08
  was developing a daddy brain takes a little longer.
• 38:12
  But I said, how did you? Because one time of our kids was
• 38:17
  just not being nice, you know, and daddy's role is to be sure
• 38:22
  the child is nice to Mama. So she handled it so well.
• 38:29
  I said, what? How did you know how to handle
• 38:32
  that? I said before I reacted, I asked
• 38:36
  myself if I were my baby, how would I want my mother to react?
• 38:44
  And I did it. So she took time to put yourself
• 38:49
  behind the eyes of your baby and say if I were my baby, how would
• 38:55
  I want my baby, my mother to react?
• 38:58
  Pick me up, let me alone, hug me, nurse me, sing to me.
• 39:04
  How would I want my mother to react?
• 39:07
  And you'll get it right. I love that.
• 39:10
  So for for sleep wedding and by sleep wedding, we're talking
• 39:13
  about wedding from Co sleeping. It sounds like you're saying it
• 39:17
  could be really most ages of young children under the age of
• 39:22
  even up to 10. Would you?
• 39:23
  Would you have a 10 year old in your bed?
• 39:24
  Or you're saying that you were just assisting Matthew by
• 39:27
  singing him to sleep? Exactly and see and and it could
• 39:30
  be three months, four months, five months, six months.
• 39:34
  Sometimes we would use what we would call a Co sleeper.
• 39:39
  We made a little, you know, a bed that attaches to your bed.
• 39:44
  So baby has his or her own sleeping space and Mama has his
• 39:50
  own, her own space. And then, but they're within
• 39:54
  like arm's reach of each other. So in case baby wakes up and
• 39:58
  fusses everything, mom can bring baby into the bed, breastfeed
• 40:05
  and put baby back into the sleep of the separate bed.
• 40:09
  And then that separate bed gradually gets farther and
• 40:13
  further away from Mama bed. Do you think that it's a good
• 40:17
  rule of thumb? Let's say by year one or by 6
• 40:20
  months baby should be in separate bed, maybe in separate
• 40:23
  room and then see how baby does. What what we learn because few
• 40:28
  kids we don't put a time limit. Every baby is different.
• 40:34
  Then our first 3 Lila Dr. our first 3 Jim, Balm and Peter.
• 40:40
  They were easy babies. We put them in their crib next
• 40:45
  to our room. They went to sleep the next two.
• 40:50
  Wow. Glued at the head.
• 40:55
  OK, so I think you have to ride with your flow but but again
• 41:03
  come back to what you said. I always as a as daddy come back
• 41:10
  to what Mama needs most is a happy rested mother.
• 41:19
  And that's where daddy bring comes in.
• 41:21
  If you see that mama's burning out, if you see that mama's
• 41:27
  giving so much of herself to the baby that she is burning out,
• 41:33
  step in Daddy nursing. I, I don't have babies.
• 41:39
  Let's say two favorite items to nurse.
• 41:46
  But well, I do have a deeper voice and sometimes babies come
• 41:50
  below to sleep even better with a a monotonous low pitched go to
• 41:56
  sleep, go to sleep type of thing.
• 41:59
  Have a hairy chest. You know they can pick hairs
• 42:02
  that babies love to do that Daddy to pick your hairs.
• 42:06
  So I would do the neck Nestle, I would put baby's head right in
• 42:11
  the crook of my neck and babies here with a vibration of their
• 42:15
  skull bone too, in addition to ears.
• 42:18
  And I would put it like that. Go to sleep, go to sleep, you
• 42:24
  know, like that. How sweet and daddy nursing.
• 42:28
  See. So dads sometimes need to step
• 42:32
  in when moms are burning out. What about naps?
• 42:37
  You have a rule of thumb for naps.
• 42:40
  Is there a certain age by at which you shouldn't try to get
• 42:43
  the child to nap? Just a personal example.
• 42:46
  We have a 20 month old now and she's she'll nap in the in the
• 42:51
  morning. Sometimes she doesn't want to
• 42:53
  nap, but if you really work at it half an hour you can get her
• 42:56
  down. Then she wants to be up.
• 42:58
  If she naps for more than an hour, she wants to be up until
• 43:00
  9:00 PM, sometimes 10:00 PM. And so my husband and I looked
• 43:03
  at each other she she's not even 2 yet, but this girl does not
• 43:06
  want to nap. Should we fight for her to nap,
• 43:08
  but then we risk her going to bed later?
• 43:10
  What do you recommend? Yeah.
• 43:11
  And and and nap time is important for actually most
• 43:16
  ages, especially children. They usually need in the first
• 43:20
  couple years at least 2 naps. Really.
• 43:22
  Yeah. Oh, She.
• 43:23
  She. And sometimes they get by with
• 43:25
  one nap it it depends on the child, but nap time and like
• 43:32
  getting back into say the first few months, for example, you
• 43:38
  know, babies are. Not no, they're just sleep, but
• 43:39
  they just it's, it's not hard to put a baby down for a nap when
• 43:43
  they're newborn. Once they hit one year, it
• 43:46
  starts. To get a little.
• 43:47
  Too tricky, yeah. And, and you know also what I
• 43:50
  love about watching mothers and babies.
• 43:54
  I love the mommy's face. See, babies have good visual
• 44:01
  development and as you as a newborn, they can see about a
• 44:06
  foot away. So I love say around 2 to three
• 44:09
  months watching a mommy face because mommies naturally
• 44:14
  exaggerate. They open their eyes wide, they
• 44:19
  open their mouth wide and the way they talk, they're good
• 44:25
  baby. You know, there is mother ease,
• 44:29
  mother talk, babies love that. See, so just mommy, just keep
• 44:37
  doing that, especially in the first in the early months, talk
• 44:40
  to your baby, you know, and then then around 3 months, it's
• 44:46
  called the reach out and grab someone stage.
• 44:49
  You know, babies like to pull your hair, like like to grab
• 44:52
  things, give them rattles and rings, saying they can go from
• 44:55
  hand to hand type of thing. And then around 4 months, it's
• 45:01
  really a great four to six months, a great stage where they
• 45:04
  have what's called binocular vision, where they can see well
• 45:08
  on a both eyes and they'll follow you as you're walking
• 45:13
  around the room and they're looking at things.
• 45:16
  So that's why we would spend as much time outdoors as you can
• 45:23
  because the sights and sounds of nature, babies love, they love
• 45:29
  the blue sky, the green trees, the birds chirping.
• 45:34
  So it's another little tip. Spend as much time wearing your
• 45:38
  baby, the baby in a carrier. Tiny babies like to be worn
• 45:45
  rather than wield. The older babies wield OK, but
• 45:50
  put the baby in a carrier because baby can then see things
• 45:55
  from your vantage point. They can look up the sky.
• 45:58
  What mommy sees, baby sees in a in a carrier.
• 46:02
  So baby wearing. So at four months, they can
• 46:06
  Their world is wide open to them.
• 46:09
  I love that. So for napping, go back to that
• 46:13
  for a moment. For napping, how do you
• 46:15
  recommend doing napping? If you think the naps are very
• 46:18
  important, we should be doing them, but their child isn't
• 46:21
  wanting to nap, what do you recommend?
• 46:23
  I wouldn't. And nap with them.
• 46:26
  Lay down with them. Nap with them.
• 46:29
  Wow. Lie down with them if baby won't
• 46:31
  go to sleep just do quiet time with them.
• 46:33
  You take a rest. What do you do with?
• 46:35
  I, I would, I would the baby sometimes lie down the baby and
• 46:40
  then as soon as the baby was asleep I would just swarm away.
• 46:47
  See so often times a nap time they need you to take and say
• 46:51
  you can schedule a baby's nap time.
• 46:55
  Say you want to obey a 2 year old to take a nap at 11:00 and
• 47:03
  3:00 or something like that, or just a one nap at noon 1 see lie
• 47:10
  down with them same time each day.
• 47:13
  Babies like some a little bit of scheduling.
• 47:16
  So pick a pick the nap time convenient for you too and all
• 47:20
  that. Now, if you have a caregiver, be
• 47:24
  sure your hair caregiver carries on your mommy brain.
• 47:30
  So when you interview a caregiver, one of the first
• 47:34
  questions we would ask ours was tell me, Mary, what what would
• 47:42
  you do when Peter starts to cry? What would you do if caregiver
• 47:50
  said, well, I would pick him up. My feeling is I would pick him
• 47:56
  up. Bingo.
• 47:58
  Good caregiver, good caregiver. You don't want 1 so well let her
• 48:03
  cry and train on her. See, so the caregiver needs to
• 48:07
  carry on the mommy tradition so the babies don't get confused.
• 48:12
  That's. So good and it's beautiful when
• 48:15
  you see the child just relaxing and I I this is our experience,
• 48:21
  my experience. If you are and we do, we've
• 48:24
  inevitably done Co sleeping. Not that we always want my
• 48:27
  husband's like they're big enough to have their own crib,
• 48:29
  but and he's he lets us do what he think we think is best for
• 48:32
  the baby. But the babies I they do sleep
• 48:36
  better when they have mom there. I've experienced.
• 48:39
  That if you were to ask the babies, they you pulled a bunch
• 48:42
  of babies where they want to sleep.
• 48:45
  Right. Close to mommy, see.
• 48:47
  So as long as this mommy sleeps, see, that's the thing.
• 48:50
  That's why we say wherever both of you sleep the best.
• 48:56
  So when the baby is you're trying to get this baby to nap
• 49:00
  and this is a little older because again, when they're very
• 49:01
  young, they usually nap a lot just on their own.
• 49:04
  They need, they're just constantly falling asleep.
• 49:05
  But when they're a little bit older and trying to get a more
• 49:07
  regularized nap. If you're a mother with other
• 49:10
  children, do you recommend just doing a quiet time and everybody
• 49:13
  lays down. We're all going to lay down
• 49:15
  together, even if you've got like a 5 year old in the home.
• 49:18
  Yeah, that's a good or you can What we would do, we'd have the
• 49:22
  older kids help put the baby down to a nap.
• 49:26
  So we would we would put the baby down for a nap and then
• 49:29
  have the older kid come in and lie down on the bed with them.
• 49:33
  How sweet. See.
• 49:36
  Because when what? Apparently, Parenting In a
• 49:39
  nutshell, Lila, is giving your children at all ages, giving
• 49:44
  your children the tools to succeed in life.
• 49:48
  So you want to teach your older children how to parent.
• 49:53
  OK. And so sometimes we would, we
• 49:55
  would put all, all of our older kids to work.
• 50:01
  And Martha needed that and you needed that with eight kids.
• 50:07
  I but I think that's also a secret of big families because a
• 50:09
  lot of people like, how do you do it with so many kids?
• 50:11
  It's overwhelming and. One at a time.
• 50:14
  One at a time. And the older kids do help.
• 50:16
  They do beautifully. And that's not parentifying
• 50:18
  them. It's helping them be part of the
• 50:20
  family. You have to teach the older
• 50:22
  children on that subject. I remember Doctor Bob, who's
• 50:27
  been on your program. See, Martha and I always
• 50:31
  reserved one night a week was our couple night.
• 50:38
  And the children were taught because this is Mommy and
• 50:41
  Daddy's time to be together, Mommy and Daddy time.
• 50:46
  So we'd put fire in the fireplace and Martha and I'd
• 50:49
  have a fondue. We have a fondue pot.
• 50:52
  We have a fondue together. And Bob still remembers our
• 50:57
  older child, still remembers the fact that you and mom took time
• 51:02
  for each other. And Bob says, I still remember
• 51:05
  crawling up, trying to get 1 little sliver of fondue and then
• 51:10
  crawling back. But see, you know again ma.
• 51:16
  See, when mom and dad are happy and their marriage is good, it
• 51:21
  makes parenting a lot easier too.
• 51:23
  Oh yes, but the marriage, but God first, then the marriage and
• 51:26
  then the kids. But that actually helps the kids
• 51:28
  the most. What is the recommendation that
• 51:30
  you have for postpartum moms who are facing extra difficulty
• 51:35
  because maybe they're single mother or maybe they are
• 51:38
  postpartum is especially difficult.
• 51:41
  They have a postpartum depression.
• 51:44
  Maybe we can start with the recommendations for the single,
• 51:46
  those single moms, because there are some mothers who don't have
• 51:50
  a lot of support from a spouse. What do you recommend as some
• 51:55
  things to encourage them when they're dealing with postpartum?
• 51:59
  Sure, postpartum. Let me give you some new
• 52:04
  information, OK, about what postpartum repression is.
• 52:11
  And I just learned this a few years ago when I was writing the
• 52:15
  foreword for a a brain book for Doctor Michael Crawford, who's
• 52:21
  head of the Brain Institute in London, England.
• 52:24
  And we traveled together and gave brain talks.
• 52:26
  And I asked him what to say. Say what's new about postpartum
• 52:31
  depression? OK, now here are two guys
• 52:34
  talking about about postpartum depression.
• 52:38
  But he said, here's what's here's the new theory 1 theory.
• 52:42
  OK, he said there is a nutrient called omega-3 DHA.
• 52:49
  It's what's found in seafood. That's why one of the first
• 52:54
  things we feed babies is seafood.
• 52:56
  Now salmon, but we'll get to that later.
• 52:59
  But mother, the biggest nutrient that grows a baby brain inside
• 53:07
  of mother, the baby brain grows the fastest the last trimester
• 53:11
  of pregnancy, just when mothers start getting old down and and
• 53:17
  the the baby, the Omega threes come into the mother side of the
• 53:23
  placenta and then they get magnified 4 to five times as
• 53:29
  they go through the placenta. So the baby, then the baby side
• 53:33
  of the placenta gets four to five times the omega-3 that the
• 53:37
  mother gets. So the baby brain can grow.
• 53:42
  But after birth, the baby still needs the Omega threes they get
• 53:48
  from Mama. Oh, and milk and all.
• 53:51
  But now we know that many mothers suffer from omega-3
• 53:55
  insufficiency after birth. And if you're Omega threes are
• 54:02
  like the happy hormone in the brain.
• 54:05
  And So what we do in our alpha, we do what we call an omega-3
• 54:09
  index. We chat a little finger stick we
• 54:13
  do omega-3 level on mom to see if her levels way down and if it
• 54:20
  is she needed takes Omega threes as a supplement or eat more wild
• 54:26
  salmon. But now they found there is a
• 54:30
  biochemical basis a lot because to me it never made sense that
• 54:35
  at the at the very time a mother needs a baby the most is when
• 54:40
  the sometimes mothers feel the worst.
• 54:44
  So now we know there's a nutritional component.
• 54:48
  So that's the first thing you can do is nutrition, good
• 54:53
  nutrition from Mama. We show them how to make a
• 54:56
  smoothie in the morning and sip on it all the time.
• 55:00
  We have people, if we want to give them gifts, we have them
• 55:03
  send them a subscription for wild Alaskan salmon.
• 55:07
  Great gift to give a new mom. All right, You don't see that in
• 55:11
  the books. And and then we say to the mom,
• 55:17
  remember what your mother used to say when you're having a bad
• 55:19
  day, go outside and play. And we tell the moms, you know,
• 55:28
  put your baby in a carrier and go outside.
• 55:32
  They hide in the sky. Take a walk, you'll feel better.
• 55:36
  Nature's healing, like nature's very, very healing.
• 55:40
  That's why our mothers said to us having a bad day?
• 55:44
  Go outside and play. OK, Mom.
• 55:47
  That's so true. It's hard to feel bad when
• 55:50
  you're out in nature. Yeah, and so to and take your
• 55:52
  baby sounds like because the baby like you were describing
• 55:55
  especially when they're little you can be baby wearing.
• 55:58
  Yeah, take your baby and take a walk.
• 56:01
  One of the things that America has got a bad Rep for compared
• 56:04
  to some other countries is the lack of maternity and paternity
• 56:08
  leave. And, you know, one of the issues
• 56:12
  I have with this is that the default is, well, mother has to
• 56:16
  go in an office and work when the default should be mother
• 56:19
  shouldn't have to go into an office and work.
• 56:22
  So, you know, that conversation is almost like the wrong
• 56:24
  conversation. Instead of being like, give her
• 56:26
  more maternity leave, then she has to work only after six
• 56:29
  months. It's like, why does she have to
• 56:30
  go into work when her child is little, right?
• 56:33
  And it's one thing to work. I, I, I do support, you know, in
• 56:37
  this economy, of course, women should have, you know, it's good
• 56:41
  for women to be able to contribute to the family
• 56:43
  household, But going into an office 8910 hours a day is
• 56:47
  almost never going to be good for your little kids.
• 56:49
  How can that be good? See what you just said?
• 56:52
  It goes against mommy brain, Yeah.
• 56:54
  It's painfully there's all these there's all these videos.
• 56:56
  Doctor says that these girls crying I.
• 56:57
  Said my office a lot and I have three things that I say.
• 57:03
  The mom first of all, and I had this recently when a mom comes
• 57:09
  into my office with her newborn. She's happy and all but I see
• 57:14
  cheers coming down and she's what's matter.
• 57:16
  She says I have to go back to work next month.
• 57:21
  I said now do you want to or do you have to?
• 57:23
  So I have to. I would love, I said, just the
• 57:26
  fact of leaving my baby in the hands of someone else all day
• 57:32
  long. She says that that just is
• 57:34
  bothering my brain. It's wrong.
• 57:37
  So I said OK, all right, Tell me you have grandparent
• 57:44
  grandparents nearby. Oh, yeah.
• 57:46
  I said, tell me what? What does your grandparent do?
• 57:49
  What? What does your dad do for a
• 57:50
  living? Oh, he's an investment banker.
• 57:53
  Oh, Would you mind if I step out for a marry and give me a call?
• 57:55
  Give him a call. Give me his number.
• 57:57
  Just. Oh, yes.
• 58:00
  So I called him Frank. So congratulations, Frank.
• 58:03
  I'm here seeing your new your new granddaughter.
• 58:06
  Beautiful. I, I, I hear your investment
• 58:11
  maker. I'm calling you to give you an
• 58:14
  idea. How would you like to make the
• 58:15
  best investment you'd ever make in your whole life?
• 58:21
  Guaranteed return. You'll get 80 years of return.
• 58:26
  Best investment. And he's probably thinking,
• 58:29
  what's this dumb doctor doing? She calling me about investment.
• 58:32
  I know I'm the expert. I said pay for your dear
• 58:37
  daughter to stay home with your granddaughter, support her to
• 58:44
  stay home as long as you can and she wants as long as she wants
• 58:50
  and you can't. And he says, oh, Archer Bill,
• 58:55
  that makes sense. I never thought of that.
• 58:58
  Wow, yes, right away. Talk about a happy mom.
• 59:05
  And then secondly, they're now home businesses mothers can get
• 59:11
  in too that are very good. I've helped some join.
• 59:16
  Thirdly, there are most big companies now while they're
• 59:22
  offering longer maturity leaves or letting moms work from home.
• 59:30
  Our daughter, our number 8, who is now a mother of a 2 year old,
• 59:38
  she and her husband juggled their maternity leave.
• 59:42
  He got maternity leave and then she got maternity leave and they
• 59:46
  asked their companies if she could get it first and then he
• 59:50
  could get it second. And so they had six months where
• 59:55
  they allowed her to work from home, they allowed her to work
• 59:59
  from home. And it worked out beautiful.
• 1:00:03
  So things are getting better. I think that's true.
• 1:00:07
  Things are getting a lot better there.
• 1:00:08
  I think that's true. I think they they are getting
• 1:00:10
  better. You, you told that story about
• 1:00:13
  the investment banker when we had the last show and people
• 1:00:16
  loved it. There was a lot of people.
• 1:00:19
  It was very controversial though, actually that story,
• 1:00:22
  because some people were saying, well, it's not the dad's
• 1:00:25
  responsibility that the dad of the mom, It's not the dad of the
• 1:00:28
  mom's responsibility to pay for her to stay home.
• 1:00:32
  It's the husbands. And So what are the, what is he
• 1:00:36
  doing wrong? Or maybe what are they doing
• 1:00:38
  wrong as a couple? Because they have a lifestyle
• 1:00:40
  that's too affluent, so they can't pay their bills on one
• 1:00:42
  income. And so there was a lot of
• 1:00:44
  criticism, a lot of agreement, a lot of agreement, but there was
• 1:00:47
  criticism too. Because it's very hard for a
• 1:00:49
  daddy not to be able to financially support the whole
• 1:00:55
  thing. I went through that the first
• 1:00:57
  year of our marriage, OK, I was, I went to the hospital in the in
• 1:01:03
  the Boston Children's Hospital of Harvard Medical School.
• 1:01:07
  They bragged themselves of being the lowest paying hospital in
• 1:01:10
  the whole country for their interns.
• 1:01:14
  My wife was a nurse and and when we decided to get married and
• 1:01:19
  not wait, she said, don't worry honey, we'll make it.
• 1:01:23
  We'll make it together. So she got a job as a nurse
• 1:01:27
  there. They paid her five times what
• 1:01:30
  they're paying me. That's crazy.
• 1:01:31
  You were the doctor. Yeah, they paid.
• 1:01:34
  They were paying me. And then so together and she
• 1:01:37
  would bring a the baby Jim, then doctor Jim now should bring on
• 1:01:44
  her shift. She would bring her to the next
• 1:01:46
  door to my hospital and I would kind of father nurse while she
• 1:01:51
  went back to work. And then I would on my break, I
• 1:01:54
  bring him over to her. Did you have a caretaker?
• 1:01:57
  No, we kind of work together. They let you have a baby in the
• 1:02:00
  hospital. Yeah, because on my break and
• 1:02:04
  so, but I had I had AI could go to a room that was clean and all
• 1:02:10
  that and Martha and then so the hospital worked.
• 1:02:15
  I mean, it wasn't ideal, but. She pump with Martha pumps.
• 1:02:19
  She pumps and you pumped that you.
• 1:02:23
  Made. It work so you know it it'll
• 1:02:28
  work, but you do you think about OK, number one, what is best for
• 1:02:33
  my baby? What is best for me, my mommy
• 1:02:38
  brain and what are all the options?
• 1:02:43
  My husband a loan, my father, my grandfather.
• 1:02:51
  Look at all the options and do your best and I think you'll
• 1:02:55
  find that you can. Most moms are able to stay home
• 1:02:58
  if they really explore the options.
• 1:03:02
  Or the part time, I mean, I think part time, I know a lot of
• 1:03:04
  ladies like at my nonprofit Live Action, once they start to have
• 1:03:08
  children, they go part time and we have work from home and
• 1:03:12
  they're able to get a lot of really beautiful work done
• 1:03:15
  during nap times, evenings and even sometimes with babies
• 1:03:18
  playing they're. Able to feel a lot of moms.
• 1:03:21
  I don't know. I have a few moms coming.
• 1:03:23
  I I just enjoy a little break. I get off for a few hours on my
• 1:03:26
  job and it's just and they say when I I look forward to coming
• 1:03:31
  home, when I get home around 5 or 6, I look forward.
• 1:03:36
  I'm already leaking, you know, before I get home.
• 1:03:40
  And as soon as I get home I put my feet up.
• 1:03:43
  They have my nest all ready for me and I walk through the door.
• 1:03:48
  I take deep breaths and my baby comes to me from the caregiver
• 1:03:53
  and I sit and nurse. Wonderful.
• 1:03:57
  We went through you were sharing about some of the milestones of
• 1:04:02
  the development of the baby in the first year and things that
• 1:04:05
  mothers can do and fathers can do when they're very little.
• 1:04:09
  You talked about they're wanting to, you know, they only can see
• 1:04:13
  within a foot or so. So they're the expressions and
• 1:04:16
  interacting is really important. And you're talking about as they
• 1:04:18
  get a little bit older, they want to touch and so having
• 1:04:20
  tactile rattles and things to play with is important and they
• 1:04:22
  get a little older. They like to see the world to
• 1:04:25
  bringing them out on walks. Are there any other tips that
• 1:04:28
  you have in that first year or two of life?
• 1:04:31
  Just what you said, we call preschool baby goes to
• 1:04:36
  preschool. So this is born.
• 1:04:38
  So your whole life with your baby that first year preschool
• 1:04:42
  all right now six months big question is often feeding.
• 1:04:47
  All right, because the like a baby's brain grows the fastest
• 1:04:53
  in the last trimester of pregnancy and the first year of
• 1:04:57
  life. So that first year is so
• 1:05:00
  important because babies brain growth is the fastest.
• 1:05:05
  They so food, food for the brain, all right.
• 1:05:11
  And moms always say so first tip is how do you know when to start
• 1:05:16
  feeding? Anywhere between 5:00 and seven
• 1:05:19
  months is a range, but look for the cues from your baby.
• 1:05:25
  It's called mooching. Mooching means when babies start
• 1:05:30
  looking at the food, watching you eat, reaching and grabbing
• 1:05:36
  your spoon. Mooching, we call it.
• 1:05:40
  That's the clue is Mommy, I want some of that.
• 1:05:43
  I'm ready. OK, mooching.
• 1:05:45
  So that's ready. First food, you got a good
• 1:05:53
  memory time. Avocado is probably a good safe
• 1:05:58
  first food. It's mushy, so you want food
• 1:06:04
  that is high in healthy fat and protein.
• 1:06:08
  Fat and protein. That's mostly mama's milk.
• 1:06:12
  Mama's milk is 40 to 50% fat. See.
• 1:06:16
  So the term low fat diet in children especially that we
• 1:06:21
  don't even ever use anymore, that's a old, old term.
• 1:06:25
  Now we call smart fat diet. All right, so say, And why?
• 1:06:32
  Because a baby's brain is mostly fat.
• 1:06:35
  We call them little fatheads. Mama, you're feeding a fathead.
• 1:06:39
  That's how they remember this. So avocados.
• 1:06:42
  And you put a little bit in a bowl and watch the baby.
• 1:06:45
  Baby might take his finger and go like that and go like that
• 1:06:50
  with the avocado. Or you can take on your finger
• 1:06:54
  and all like that. The green, the green lips and
• 1:06:57
  the green face and all that. Avocados, salmon, seven months.
• 1:07:03
  OK, I give that little sign to the moms.
• 1:07:07
  Samoa salmon at seven months, Salmon at seven months.
• 1:07:11
  Wild Pacific salmon must be wild.
• 1:07:16
  Wild Alaskan or Pacific salmon as seven months.
• 1:07:20
  Now, why? Because most, most parents are
• 1:07:23
  confused about that. I think our books are probably
• 1:07:26
  the only one that mentioned salmon as one of the first
• 1:07:30
  foods. And here's why You're feeding
• 1:07:32
  the brain. Suppose lately you took the
• 1:07:36
  brain and you listed the 10 top nutrients in the brain.
• 1:07:45
  You took a piece of salmon on another page and you listed the
• 1:07:49
  10 top nutrients in a filet of salmon and you looked at them.
• 1:07:55
  My gosh, they're the same within the brains in the salmon, like,
• 1:08:02
  so that's why we, we say salmon you, you have first of all the
• 1:08:07
  nutrients, the healthy fats, GHAEPA, top fats in the brain,
• 1:08:14
  top fats in the salmon, Vitamin D, great for the brain.
• 1:08:20
  Salmon's one of the top food sources of vitamin D
• 1:08:25
  Astaxanthin, which mom's ever heard of, is an antioxidant
• 1:08:29
  because fat oxidizes. So you need antioxidant to keep
• 1:08:36
  the brain from oxidizing. As to xanthus was nature top
• 1:08:41
  antioxidants. That's what makes salmon pink.
• 1:08:44
  See protein, top source of protein.
• 1:08:48
  And then when I'm giving my little sermon to moms on salmon,
• 1:08:53
  I say, by the way, I show them a picture, you should eat that too
• 1:08:58
  from mommy brain. What's good for baby brain is
• 1:09:02
  good for mommy brain. And they never thought of that.
• 1:09:06
  As if somebody wants to give you a gift, have them give you a
• 1:09:08
  subscription to Wild Alaskan salmon.
• 1:09:11
  So when you are in that first year you're you're doing
• 1:09:17
  introduction of food, you're potentially beginning a weaning
• 1:09:21
  process or when would you recommend weaning?
• 1:09:24
  Weaning. You said earlier the baby
• 1:09:28
  directs that. The same, probably the same
• 1:09:30
  answer is how long should baby close sleep some you wean
• 1:09:37
  whenever mother and baby are ready.
• 1:09:40
  So what if mother's ready but baby's not?
• 1:09:42
  And an example I have, I've had many friends who they get
• 1:09:46
  pregnant again. Yeah.
• 1:09:48
  And this happened to me with our 2nd and yeah, the our second
• 1:09:52
  before our third and I was pregnant again.
• 1:09:55
  My son still wanted to breastfeed mostly at night.
• 1:09:57
  He was eating pretty well, normal solid foods.
• 1:10:00
  He was 22 months and I it was painful breastfeed him.
• 1:10:06
  No Martha felt usually, but I didn't want to.
• 1:10:08
  I didn't want to wean him because he seemed to really want
• 1:10:11
  it for comfort and intimacy. What do you think?
• 1:10:13
  Right, and see what? See a mother.
• 1:10:16
  A mother's body, again, greatest design, the world of the mother
• 1:10:25
  body life. A mother's body usually tells
• 1:10:28
  her when she's ready to read her baby and that usually comes
• 1:10:32
  around the 20th week. So it's physiologically safe for
• 1:10:39
  a mother to to feed her baby, just still breastfeed her baby
• 1:10:44
  up until about 20th week and then after that, sorry, a 20th
• 1:10:48
  week of pregnancy. So oh oh.
• 1:10:50
  Oh, while you're pregnant? So you can be pregnant with your
• 1:10:52
  second child and you can be up to 20 weeks and you can still be
• 1:10:56
  breastfeeding. Still be breastfeeding up to
• 1:10:58
  about 20 weeks and then after that the hormone we're not we
• 1:11:03
  don't think it's that safe to do.
• 1:11:05
  It's still questionable, but I give mother A the answer of 20
• 1:11:10
  weeks. And usually by that time, the
• 1:11:13
  mother's body saying enough is enough.
• 1:11:16
  You know, it doesn't. And I, we had Hayden #4 we have
• 1:11:21
  so many kids, we have to number #4 OK, Hayden.
• 1:11:25
  When Aaron number 5 was coming, Hayden was still nursing at
• 1:11:33
  three years of age. And she said, I don't like it
• 1:11:38
  anymore. I'll wait until the good milk
• 1:11:41
  comes and I'll start nursing again.
• 1:11:45
  But she didn't. But I'm.
• 1:11:47
  Meaning. What is that?
• 1:11:48
  Oh, the good meaning. She didn't like the milk that
• 1:11:50
  she was getting, that is. So funny and so she just stopped
• 1:11:55
  her and because but your body's will tell you here's your
• 1:11:59
  mother's body. Most will get tired and painful.
• 1:12:03
  But what do you? Do just as a Do you have advice
• 1:12:05
  for this situation? If the mother's body it's
• 1:12:08
  getting painful and she's not, it's not fun anymore to nurse.
• 1:12:12
  The baby's asking a lot for nursing.
• 1:12:14
  The baby at this point is at least a year, maybe 2, up to two
• 1:12:17
  years old, even a little older. And so she wants to wean, but
• 1:12:21
  the baby's not letting out. OK, the mother wants to wean,
• 1:12:24
  baby doesn't. OK, and that happens.
• 1:12:27
  All right, So see, we give them weaning tools.
• 1:12:34
  We have a whole chapter in our baby book on how to wean.
• 1:12:38
  And you want the mother to do it in a way that she feels good
• 1:12:41
  about it. OK, now #1 father nursing.
• 1:12:49
  Somebody takes over, say nursing just means comforting, not only
• 1:12:56
  breastfeeding. So you're bringing other nurses.
• 1:13:01
  Father nursing say baby wants to nurse you say let's go outside
• 1:13:06
  and play or call dad if dad's home.
• 1:13:10
  Hey Dad, would you take a take Johnny out out and play you?
• 1:13:14
  Know what if it's bedtime now? What I would do was time to go
• 1:13:18
  to bed. I would take a child and the
• 1:13:22
  other in another room, another room, and I'd lie down with them
• 1:13:28
  and father nurse, I'd read a story.
• 1:13:33
  I would sing to them. I would give a little back rub.
• 1:13:38
  And Martha would not even be in the room.
• 1:13:40
  And she no, no, because if she's in the room, her breaths are in
• 1:13:43
  the room, I mean. It's.
• 1:13:47
  True. All three of you got it done.
• 1:13:48
  I mean, so, so, yeah, yeah. So and then but eventually see a
• 1:13:57
  child's brain, it's very, it's called neuroplasticity, very
• 1:14:03
  malleable. So I wanted to imprint that.
• 1:14:08
  When you're ready to go to sleep, here's how you go to
• 1:14:12
  sleep. Now, it wasn't you were nursing
• 1:14:16
  off to sleep from Mama. Now you're nursing off to sleep
• 1:14:19
  from daddy in a different way. And after a while, some of our
• 1:14:25
  kids like Matthew, for once, he got so he liked it so much.
• 1:14:30
  I would lay down with him again. He was 10 years old.
• 1:14:35
  He was our he's now our most independent child.
• 1:14:37
  But anyway, but it depends. See, because daddy, daddy brain
• 1:14:44
  is see like growing together. A daddy is growing his daddy
• 1:14:49
  brain as he's fathering what works for the child and laying
• 1:14:56
  down and and a daddy is my role right now is to let my mother
• 1:15:01
  let my wife rest and to get my child to sleep in a good way.
• 1:15:07
  Because see, you want you want sleep to be a positive thing for
• 1:15:12
  the rest of their life as they drift off to sleep.
• 1:15:15
  You want their brain full of memories.
• 1:15:18
  And our kids still talk, still talk to me about they Remember
• 1:15:24
  Me putting them to sleep after three years of age.
• 1:15:27
  The memory stays. I it's all very beautiful.
• 1:15:31
  I want to go back to weaning in a moment, but the breastfeeding
• 1:15:34
  and weaning. But before this, I meant to ask
• 1:15:36
  this earlier because you're sharing these very beautiful, I
• 1:15:40
  think very beautiful descriptions of daddy, you know,
• 1:15:44
  Co sleeping and mommy Co sleeping and the childhood just
• 1:15:48
  feeling so secure and attached and rooted and they have this
• 1:15:51
  beautiful memory of sleep. I think a lot of modern families
• 1:15:55
  today are listening and they say hi.
• 1:15:58
  Like we I got to get up to work in the morning and what about,
• 1:16:02
  you know, my skill? What about my time when the kids
• 1:16:04
  go down? It's my only time to get other
• 1:16:05
  stuff done. And there's a lot of harriedness
• 1:16:08
  and stress. And so parents feel overwhelmed
• 1:16:12
  and the idea of spending hours putting a kid to sleep.
• 1:16:15
  And they have maybe multiple kids.
• 1:16:17
  They say, no, no, no. This week they got to learn how
• 1:16:19
  to sleep, but they got to go to sleep at 7:00.
• 1:16:21
  And this is the deal. So what would you say to them?
• 1:16:25
  You use the term overwhelmed and stress, Yes, we do not want
• 1:16:31
  especially a mother, a new mother with a 2 year old thing
• 1:16:37
  to say or even A1 year old or less to be stressed and
• 1:16:41
  overwhelmed. So there's where Martha and I
• 1:16:46
  will have talks on that. And one thing I asked her to do
• 1:16:53
  is a honey, be honest with me. When you feel overwhelmed or you
• 1:16:58
  feel stressed, don't feel like you're being a not a good
• 1:17:03
  mother. If you're.
• 1:17:04
  No, no, you tell me. Do we have a deal?
• 1:17:07
  OK, So she would tell me. I need more of you today, Bill,
• 1:17:13
  I need more of you today. Men's moods are the same all
• 1:17:17
  month long. OK, so here's the thing.
• 1:17:21
  And so there were times when I would have to change my schedule
• 1:17:26
  a bit to help Martha from overload, like for weekends, for
• 1:17:33
  example, instead of being on call, I used to be on call for
• 1:17:38
  high risk deliveries and all that.
• 1:17:40
  Instead of being on call, I would take times off where I
• 1:17:43
  wasn't on call. I wasn't on call from my medical
• 1:17:46
  practice. I wasn't on call from the
• 1:17:48
  hospital. I was on call from my family.
• 1:17:52
  I was on call from my wife so that I could in the morning time
• 1:18:00
  even when baby was nursing. Martha would nurse the baby in
• 1:18:05
  the morning and as and they and I would take the baby after
• 1:18:13
  nursing and I would take baby put it baby in the baby carrier
• 1:18:18
  and I would take a walk with the baby and let Martha stay in bed.
• 1:18:24
  Weekends was her time for me to be with the baby after nursing
• 1:18:29
  in the morning and she could stay and she had three hours
• 1:18:33
  where I would go down the park. I'd walk with a baby and the
• 1:18:37
  babies love parks. They can look up and pick things
• 1:18:40
  off of things. So that's one thing if a dad can
• 1:18:43
  do or a grandpa can do or a grandmother can do, or you could
• 1:18:49
  hire a person to come in and do it so that moms sleeps in.
• 1:18:53
  Sleeping in is important so mom can sleep in while somebody else
• 1:18:59
  takes care of baby. It's a it takes the village in
• 1:19:02
  that sense, it takes a family. It should take a family.
• 1:19:06
  So what would you recommend for the first couple years of life
• 1:19:10
  in terms of behavioral guiding? Is there anything?
• 1:19:15
  And what I mean by that is when they're maybe after one year
• 1:19:18
  old, they start to develop their own will they start to decide I
• 1:19:22
  want to do this or that? And you're trying to guide the
• 1:19:24
  child, but the child might start being prone to tantrums at this
• 1:19:28
  stage, but they're too little to understand.
• 1:19:31
  You know you're not going to be able to explain everything to
• 1:19:33
  them and you they're too little to go to time out per SE.
• 1:19:36
  What would you recommend for how parents should approach that?
• 1:19:39
  The first thing I would recommend is that the persons
• 1:19:43
  who are facing that right now to read our podcast, your podcast
• 1:19:48
  on child discipline. Where?
• 1:19:50
  We take them through the first year of and the second year and
• 1:19:54
  3rd year of life on. Baby does this, you do this.
• 1:19:59
  OK, that's the first thing because I think, you know, we
• 1:20:01
  gave a lot of good. Yeah.
• 1:20:04
  Secondly, again, here's where dad comes in.
• 1:20:12
  If a baby or child at any age is doing something that upsets
• 1:20:19
  mommy. Because remember, the preface of
• 1:20:22
  our whole conversation is what our baby needs most is a happy.
• 1:20:27
  Arrested mom. OK, that's it.
• 1:20:32
  So if baby is doing something like, say a 1 1/2 year old
• 1:20:38
  throwing a temper tantrum or any anything that's bothering mom,
• 1:20:46
  dad steps in. Yeah, I remember one time Aaron
• 1:20:49
  was throwing a temper. A temper tantrum.
• 1:20:52
  How old was he? Sassy. 2.
• 1:20:54
  She was around 3 there. She'd been sassy to her mom, and
• 1:21:01
  I was just about ready to pick her up and take her to her room.
• 1:21:08
  But that's when Martha handled it very well, when she realized
• 1:21:14
  that she needed to be calmed by Martha.
• 1:21:18
  But then afterwards I took her up.
• 1:21:22
  I took her when she was sass, that being sassy and the Martha,
• 1:21:26
  I looked at her and I said, Aaron, I will never, ever, ever
• 1:21:34
  let you talk to the woman I love like that.
• 1:21:41
  And she looked at me. OK, Dad, she saw my daddy face.
• 1:21:45
  You don't do that. So daddy sometimes have to step
• 1:21:48
  in. We don't do this in our house,
• 1:21:52
  especially if they're being nasty to mom.
• 1:21:56
  We don't do that. And that's where daddy steps in.
• 1:21:59
  And kids will remember that. Oh, oh, last time I did this,
• 1:22:03
  Daddy picked me up and took took me to my room and, and Aaron,
• 1:22:09
  now you stay there and think about this.
• 1:22:12
  And when you're ready to think about this and talk about this,
• 1:22:16
  you come out and we'll have a talk about it, about how your
• 1:22:20
  mother loves you. Your mother loves you so much
• 1:22:24
  you don't upset her that way. So children need to know this is
• 1:22:29
  how we live in our house. These are the tools of nice,
• 1:22:35
  healthy living in our house, and you need to follow them.
• 1:22:39
  How often should you wear your baby?
• 1:22:43
  How often hold your baby? OK, if I had, if you said to
• 1:22:46
  give me a a number, I would say 3 hours a day.
• 1:22:52
  Or hold. Or hold 3 hours a day just to
• 1:22:57
  throw out a number. And again, especially when
• 1:22:59
  baby's little. Why?
• 1:23:03
  And we studied this a lot. OK, the art of baby wearing.
• 1:23:06
  All right, number one, say you put your baby in a carrier and
• 1:23:14
  you take a walk in the park. You're walking and moving, which
• 1:23:19
  is good for mommy and daddy. So you're walking, movement is
• 1:23:25
  good for the body. You get to the park and baby is
• 1:23:31
  being war with. Looking around, baby sees the
• 1:23:37
  world from the eyes of the baby wearer.
• 1:23:41
  What you see, baby sees because he's upright, he's not being
• 1:23:45
  wheeled. And look at the sky.
• 1:23:48
  And they get to the park and they can pull leaves off the
• 1:23:52
  trees. They can touch things they what
• 1:23:58
  you say baby hears. So they the baby is in the world
• 1:24:04
  of the wearer. So say mommy's on her cell
• 1:24:06
  phone, which I see happen. I don't approve of, but
• 1:24:12
  sometimes mom isn't get distracted, but they have to.
• 1:24:15
  They're working maybe on a cell phone.
• 1:24:17
  So mommy's talking to her cell phone.
• 1:24:19
  Baby's listening. Hey, baby ears love mommy voice,
• 1:24:26
  Mommy voice. They love to hear mommy.
• 1:24:28
  I love that mommy hey. And then say you're walking on a
• 1:24:32
  beach, you hear the waves, you look at the sky, see.
• 1:24:39
  So I'd say what they baby learns a lot in the arms of the baby
• 1:24:45
  wearer. So I'm I'm going to throw out
• 1:24:47
  three hours a day. What do you recommend for
• 1:24:50
  families who have maybe one or two children and they are
• 1:24:55
  wanting to have more children? Do you have any recommendations
• 1:25:00
  for the ideal spacing of children?
• 1:25:04
  This is very controversial. Most doctors in today's medical
• 1:25:09
  system tell mothers after they have a baby to wait at least one
• 1:25:13
  full year before getting pregnant, and they're even told
• 1:25:17
  you should go on birth control. Now, if you're a practicing
• 1:25:21
  Catholic, you're going to not do birth control.
• 1:25:24
  You may do fertility awareness, you might do natural family
• 1:25:27
  planning to space pregnancies, But typically speaking there's a
• 1:25:30
  lot of pressure not to have children close together.
• 1:25:35
  I know, but you use the term pressure.
• 1:25:38
  I think that's a decision that mommy brain and daddy brain will
• 1:25:44
  make and no one out there outside to tell them no.
• 1:25:52
  What I think is the term ideal doesn't pretend to every family,
• 1:25:59
  but my suggestion would be that say you have baby #1.
• 1:26:08
  I think baby #2 should come within a year and a half of baby
• 1:26:15
  #1. Now, the reason for that is they
• 1:26:21
  play well together. OK?
• 1:26:26
  Bob and Jim were space set. I remember how peaceful it was
• 1:26:32
  when Martha and I had time together, when Bob and Jim were
• 1:26:36
  there in their playroom playing with each other.
• 1:26:40
  Wow. So it freed us up.
• 1:26:43
  Secondly, it's good for the older child to have to take care
• 1:26:50
  of bit of the younger child. It gets them out of their
• 1:26:53
  selfish self. You know, they, they when, when
• 1:26:58
  they got a little owie, I would have Jim put the Band-Aid on Bob
• 1:27:04
  for the for the owie and and rub them a little bit.
• 1:27:08
  You know, it teaches them to take care of your training, a
• 1:27:13
  future dad or future mom out there.
• 1:27:16
  And so I think for the first two, I think closer.
• 1:27:22
  All right. After that, it a lot depends
• 1:27:27
  upon the individual family. Some will say, OK, I need a
• 1:27:32
  rest. OK, take one.
• 1:27:35
  I need a rest now. Others will say, well, you know,
• 1:27:42
  let's have our babies maybe every two years while we're both
• 1:27:49
  healthy. Ah, let's have our blessings
• 1:27:55
  when we're able to. We don't know how our bodies are
• 1:27:58
  going to be 10 years down the road.
• 1:28:01
  We don't know what our financial situation might be down the
• 1:28:04
  road, but now we know we're healthy and able to.
• 1:28:09
  So a lot of moms say, hey, let's do it now, let's have one, one
• 1:28:16
  year, three years, five years, eight years, something like
• 1:28:20
  that. Well, yours are what, 1-3 and
• 1:28:22
  five? See now to me that is wonderful.
• 1:28:30
  The. Lord gives the gift.
• 1:28:31
  So we're we're, I said, Lord, it's in your hands, but we would
• 1:28:34
  love to. I said she's she's one.
• 1:28:36
  She we're ready for the next. Yeah.
• 1:28:39
  And we, Martha and I talked about that.
• 1:28:45
  We practice natural child, natural child spacing.
• 1:28:50
  And I tell a story. Remember one time we were she
• 1:28:58
  did take a birth control pill and she regret that.
• 1:29:01
  She regretted it for the rest of her life.
• 1:29:04
  Wow, why? She was just advised to by her
• 1:29:08
  doctors. They all do, and she.
• 1:29:12
  When we talk, you know, when you get older, you reach lacing, she
• 1:29:15
  said. That's what I saw on my regret
• 1:29:18
  list. I didn't follow what I felt.
• 1:29:23
  I follow what my doctor told me. I think that's such a especially
• 1:29:27
  for Martha's generation. That was my, that's what I've
• 1:29:32
  heard is just everywhere. That's what the every doctor
• 1:29:35
  would say is get on birth control, especially space kids
• 1:29:38
  are just a stop having kids indefinitely.
• 1:29:40
  It's a little bit less now. There's a little bit more
• 1:29:42
  respect for women who say, no, I'm not going to do that because
• 1:29:46
  where's there's more information about the harm of birth control.
• 1:29:50
  And I think there's a more of a philosophical understanding that
• 1:29:52
  just because you have a technology to space birth, so
• 1:29:55
  doesn't mean you should use it, because it's not necessarily a
• 1:29:58
  good thing. Sure.
• 1:30:00
  And, and Martha said, as you mentioned the term blessing,
• 1:30:03
  because when we got into natural child spacing, she would say,
• 1:30:08
  you know, Bill, if we're, if we're meant to have another
• 1:30:12
  baby, God will bless us, period. That was it.
• 1:30:17
  I love that. Let God plan your parenthood.
• 1:30:21
  Let God Planned Parenthood any other advice that you have for
• 1:30:27
  the first three years of life. Well, let's see.
• 1:30:31
  We didn't talk too much about two to three, I realized.
• 1:30:33
  Yeah. Yeah, I, I and I, I think it's
• 1:30:36
  a, it's a time of growing together.
• 1:30:40
  But I want to re emphasize that's the time for the couple
• 1:30:47
  to grow together too, and to come back to what our baby needs
• 1:30:52
  most is a happy, rested mother. What a baby needs most is happy
• 1:30:58
  parents. And Martha and I used to talk
• 1:31:03
  about what our children need most is a happy marriage.
• 1:31:07
  So we need to take care of our selves too see.
• 1:31:12
  And sometimes it's hard for a mother to to get out of that.
• 1:31:16
  My baby needs me so much, I don't have time for anything
• 1:31:19
  else. See again.
• 1:31:21
  And I give this, I guess I want to give this chat today a
• 1:31:30
  tribute to Martha. Dear Martha, as whenever you
• 1:31:34
  know, she went to heaven a few months ago.
• 1:31:37
  And I remember the day before she went, we had a little talk
• 1:31:43
  and I said, honey, how do you want me to carry on our legacy
• 1:31:50
  of helping people grow to their babies?
• 1:31:54
  How do you want me to carry our legacy?
• 1:31:58
  And she said, Bill, carry on our legacy.
• 1:32:02
  Please carry on our legacy and say, what are what do you wish
• 1:32:06
  me exactly to do? She said keep healthy was her
• 1:32:12
  first thing because I guess if you don't keep mentally and
• 1:32:15
  physically healthy, you can't do much.
• 1:32:17
  So #1 keep healthy #2 serve God number three, serve people.
• 1:32:27
  That's what you and I are doing today.
• 1:32:30
  And she's saying that to me. And then a few hours later, she
• 1:32:35
  went into a little almost coma. And I knew this was she was
• 1:32:41
  going to be going to heaven any minute.
• 1:32:44
  And her eyes were closed, couldn't talk.
• 1:32:49
  But then she opens her eyes about halfway, she opens her
• 1:32:54
  mouth and I could read her lips and her last words to me were I
• 1:33:02
  love you, I love you. And she drifted off, See.
• 1:33:13
  So I want to carry on. So This is why, you know, talks
• 1:33:17
  like this. I feel so good about Lila
• 1:33:21
  because I'm carrying on her tradition, you know, of serving
• 1:33:25
  people. Such a beautiful soul.
• 1:33:30
  Sorry. No, I'm crying.
• 1:33:34
  It was a real privilege to go to Martha's funeral.
• 1:33:38
  It was deeply moving to hear you speak and you see her children
• 1:33:43
  there and grandchildren and and then to hear about the and be
• 1:33:47
  one of the thousands and really millions in the end of women
• 1:33:50
  that have been impacted through your work and her books and and
• 1:33:55
  it's it's just begun. I think there's so many more
• 1:33:58
  that will be impacted by her legacy and your legacy you're
• 1:34:02
  carrying it on. I'm sure she's very proud of.
• 1:34:04
  And I'll I'll go to bed tonight with a high dose of the helpers
• 1:34:10
  high because you have such a great audience.
• 1:34:15
  But it feels so good to know that maybe something you said
• 1:34:19
  something I said some little tip.
• 1:34:23
  Well, health give help give that little precious newborn 80 more
• 1:34:29
  happier years. Wow.
• 1:34:32
  I love that. Thank you so much.
• 1:34:34
  Thank you, Lila. Where can people find your work?
• 1:34:38
  People can find our work on askdoctorsears.com,
• 1:34:41
  askdoctorsears.com on any of our books, The baby books, the
• 1:34:46
  Healthy Pregnancy book, the Healthy Brain All.
• 1:34:50
  We donate the proceeds from all of our books to children's
• 1:34:54
  charities. Beautiful.
• 1:34:56
  Thank you so much for joining the podcast.
• 1:34:57
  Thank you. Always such a joy.
• 1:35:00
  Hey guys, we're heading over to Patreon now to sit down with
• 1:35:02
  Doctor Bill Sears and answer your questions.
• 1:35:05
  Go sign up at patreon.com/lila Rose Show and join us over
• 1:35:08
  there. Thank you so much for your
• 1:35:10
  support. A huge thank you to our partner
• 1:35:12
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• 1:35:13
  broadcaster in the entire world. EWTN is reaching millions of
• 1:35:17
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• 1:35:20
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• 1:35:24
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• 1:35:29
  Two BHK flats for rent in Kanpur.