Latest / Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community / Chosen and Cherished: Adoption and Belonging | Jo-Anne Leighton

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Chosen and Cherished: Adoption and Belonging | Jo-Anne Leighton · Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community

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  What does loving your neighbor actually look like? This
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  is Journey with Care, where curious Canadians get inspired to
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  love others well through real life stories and honest
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  conversations.
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  Welcome listeners to another curious episode of Journey with Care.
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  I'm your host, Wendy Park. And today, our producer and co host,
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  Johan, will not be joining me in studio today because he's working
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  on a special project our team has been keeping a bit of a secret.
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  And I have a hard time keeping secrets, so you'll be hearing more about it
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  in the coming weeks, and and it will be available this fall. But
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  let's just say small groups don't have to be boring. They don't need to
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  guilt you or force a fake Christian smile. You wanna be
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  real, and you wanna be inspired, and you want conversations
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  that matter, that move your church into community without being weird about
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  it, if you know what I mean. Not because you have to care, but
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  you get to care. So stay tuned. We've got you. It's a new
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  opportunity that you will wanna get your hands on coming this fall,
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  and you're gonna hear more about it in the weeks to come. Well, today,
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  I'm thrilled to have a special guest with us in our Shasta studio,
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  Joanne Layton. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you. It's great to be
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  here. It is so good to have you. We're sitting here sipping our coffee
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  in the Shasta. One of those cold rainy days, so if people are hearing
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  the pitter patter of rain, it's just part of the ambiance here.
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  So, Joanne, I remember meeting you several years ago through our daughter
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  who you coached as a basketball coach. Do you remember
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  that? I do remember that. Yeah. Yeah. What a year that was. It
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  was incredible. Yeah. And tell me a little bit more.
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  I think you guys won, I know that, in the province. Right? You got
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  yeah. Yeah. That was the year we won junior varsity provincials.
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  Mhmm. And it was a first for the little private school, and,
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  that was quite exciting. And and I saw your
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  enthusiasm on the court and the way you poured into these teenage
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  girls and put yourself out there. It was so inspiring. What
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  I also didn't realize right away, but I learned
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  through our daughter, who was also adopted as a teenager, is that
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  you also have an adoption story. I do. Which was
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  really special that you were also mentoring our daughter, which,
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  meant a lot to us. Yeah. I was adopted
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  at 6 weeks old. I was in the foster care, but, my
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  parents were able to adopt me at 6 weeks old. So I
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  grew up basically in a stable family. I mean,
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  adoption is interesting because you're a kid in a family,
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  but you don't look like your family. And you're trying to figure out
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  who you are. Right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And you don't have
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  you know, there's this nurture nature Mhmm. Thing. I am
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  so different than my parents. In what way? Well, I like sports.
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  And they're not athletes? They're not athletes. They
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  didn't grow up playing sports, maybe baseball.
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  My mom loved to watch baseball, and my dad did too. And so I grew
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  up watching baseball, but that inspired me
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  to wanna do more. And I remember as a child watching
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  the Olympics and thinking, I'm gonna go to the Olympics someday. Of
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  course, that didn't happen. But, Oh, that's exciting. And you grew up here in the
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  Winnipeg area? Yes. I grew up in Winnipeg. Tell me a
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  little bit more about your family. We've heard a little bit about your
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  childhood, and I wanna go back there. You live here with your family. You have
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  some children. I heard about grandchildren as well. Mhmm. Tell us a little
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  bit about that. Yeah. I have 3 daughters,
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  and, you know, I'm married to a wonderful man, and, my
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  oldest daughter has 2 grandchildren, a boy and a girl, and,
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  they're athletic as well. They're into hockey. Not basketball,
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  but hockey's okay. So it's very
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  exciting to watch them because they have
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  like, they know who their grandparents are. They know who their parents are. And, you
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  know, as a natural born child, you know those things. As an
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  adopted child, you don't. Right. I'm curious how that was for
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  you becoming a mother, having your own adoption
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  story, and learning about your journey, but then now having
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  birth children and raising them, did that bring up different
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  emotions or different questions of your own journey as you
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  were raising them? I think when I had
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  my first daughter, at that point is when I
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  really became curious and I wrote to child and
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  family services and asked them was there
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  any background health information or you know, something
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  I should know because I'm raising my own child now. Right.
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  And they gave me none of that information. However, they
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  did say that I had 4 sisters.
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  Okay. And that was quite a shock.
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  And were you able to connect with them at all, or you haven't yet? Oh,
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  yeah. Okay. It's actually quite a interesting story,
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  but, yes, I have connected with them and, I have 2
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  twin sisters and another sister.
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  And then I've recently
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  well, recent, it's been about 10 years probably found another
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  sister who's actually younger than me. But there's one sister we
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  don't know, so the rest of us have all met. Okay. But,
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  can you take us back to the beginning of your adoption story? So you said
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  that you were adopted at 6 weeks out of foster care.
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  And do you know what led to your adoption
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  or some of these circumstances how your parents found you?
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  Well, interestingly enough,
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  what I know about that is that my mom and dad wanted to have
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  a child and that wasn't happening. My mom was
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  depressed and the doctor suggested that they
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  adopted a child. Mhmm. So I don't know that that would
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  happen nowadays, but back then, you know,
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  that was one of their remedies for depression.
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  Mhmm. So, I came into their life and, you know, they
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  gave me everything. You know, I had a a really good life. The
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  only thing is I did not look like them and I could not
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  understand that. As a child in,
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  I guess, middle school, I got called names
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  and stuff like that. I was probably
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  one of the only people, like, I look at pictures of my
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  friends when we were children and I had 4 good
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  friends. So there was 5 of us that hung out together, and they were
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  all very white children. Then there was me,
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  who had dark curly hair and tanned in the
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  summer like crazy. I was always like,
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  I was I did did not look the same. Beautiful child, but
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  But I I just didn't look the same. I just didn't have,
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  I guess, the you know, neighborhoods were different back then.
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  I was an oddball in that sense. So no one
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  had to tell you that people did say that as well, you you mentioned,
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  But you could look in the mirror, and you just Oh, yeah. Felt that there
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  was something different. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. I didn't have any
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  traits of my parents. I don't look like my parents.
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  Mhmm. And, certainly, that was
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  something that I was always curious about. And was that story of
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  your adoption very openly talked about? How did you
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  come into understanding yourself and accepting yourself for who
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  you are? My parents always told me I was adopted. Okay. And they
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  always told me that they chose me, which is not what every parent gets
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  to do with their children. You You just get what you get.
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  I was chosen. So, you know, I always did feel
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  special in that way. I know, you know, they had they had
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  people telling them that, oh, you shouldn't adopt a child. I'm gonna run
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  away when I'm older, and I'm gonna be, you know, horrible because
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  I'm not their flesh and blood and blah blah blah. But,
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  they totally, totally,
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  like, I I don't see any difference between my relationship with my
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  children and their relationship with me. They just,
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  this is our child. And I guess that really contributed to your
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  security. Because when I interact with you and when you were coaching there and
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  you're just, like, going and and doing such a great job of coaching, I
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  see nothing but a positive confidence in who you
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  are. And that's why you wouldn't see any insecurities. But
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  growing up, I imagine you had a lot to work through to get to where
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  you are today and, really impact other people's
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  lives and teenagers particular. You've been working years in in
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  coaching teenagers. I imagine all of that work you've
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  done really helps draw out the best in others
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  too. I hope so. I mean, that's always been my goal. My goal has
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  always been to pass on something more than
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  what I have to the people that I get to interact
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  with, especially in coaching, either to teach them
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  more, to have them do better than I could have ever done. Yeah.
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  And to me, that's where I find my satisfaction.
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  Mhmm. You know, kids are so vulnerable. And,
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  you know, over the years, you have kids tell you things that they probably wouldn't
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  tell their parents, you know, Wendi you're able to speak into their lives
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  and, that's very rewarding, you know. And
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  sometimes kids are they have their interesting
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  side where they just don't wanna listen or do something. And, you
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  know, it's it's interesting to try to pull out what's going on
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  and and just to try to help them through
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  overcome their own self doubt, their own Yeah. Yeah. So
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  I've I've I've enjoyed coaching in that aspect.
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  And to me, I love to win. I'm very competitive.
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  Hey. And it shows you you get championships. So there's nothing wrong with that.
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  Yeah. So but it's not about winning and losing
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  in a game to me. It's about winning and losing in life. Like, you
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  want to bring out the
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  best in people and to be able to pull those
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  things, those gems that they have that maybe they don't even know Mhmm.
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  About the way they do something. And, you know, I've coached kids where
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  they have absolutely no basketball skill
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  until they've come to practice, you know, for the first time.
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  And I'll never forget one one girl.
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  All she had to do was grab the ball, turn and shoot, and she did
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  that all year. She finally scored while the whole
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  bench erupted in such cheers Yeah. That it was
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  amazing. And to me, that was victory. Yeah. Because
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  the whole team was with us, like, with her,
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  with us, and she succeeded. And it was just
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  really, really a cool experience. No. I can only
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  imagine how gratifying that would be. And can
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  you see that being a case in your life growing up when you
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  were a teenager and looking for your identity and and trying to find that
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  security? Who were the people that were your coaches on the bench
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  or that helped you pivot when life was hard? And what kind of
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  characteristics did they have that helped you? Well, one of the, I
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  when I was a a youth, I would go to Youth For Christ. And
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  one of the, leaders there was also adopted.
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  Okay. Really, really
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  spoke into my life and was able to help me find things
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  about myself that I didn't know and draw those out and
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  encourage me, build me up.
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  So I would say most of my those teenage
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  years, you know, high school was was youth for
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  Christ. It really had a an impact on my life.
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  And it's interesting too. One of the first things you told me was this
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  person was also adopted. And and some might people say when you
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  have maybe a an untraditional upbringing or
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  you have certain things that aren't like the rest. You you
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  said when you're younger, there were things that you knew you were different.
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  But how some of those very things, whether it's adoption
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  or other conditions that stand people apart,
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  those are actually the greatest gifts. Right?
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  How God can use some things that feel
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  like flaws or, like, injustice or some things
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  that don't feel fair. Right? But how god
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  can use that to bring out the best in other people and to
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  speak life, I think. And that's what we're seeing on the court as well Yeah.
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  These teenagers. Yeah. And it's it's something that you
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  can't put your finger on. When I had my
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  first child, I met my twin
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  sisters, and one of them was living in
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  Toronto at the time, and my husband is from Toronto originally. So
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  we went to Toronto and I met her.
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  I actually had met her in Winnipeg. I should just back up a little bit.
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  I had met her in Winnipeg, but she had a a young child at the
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  time too, who was not happy to be out of her comfort
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  zone and was, you know, not, we didn't really get a visit.
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  Mhmm. So when we went to Toronto once, I phoned her up and I said,
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  can I come visit you? And so we did.
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  And well, it was just me at the time. And so I went
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  there, I left my daughter with my, with her
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  grandparents on my husband's side. And
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  we went down to Toronto and I'm sitting in her living room with her and
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  we're just talking. And, you know, there's a
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  saying that blood runs thicker than water. Like, I have
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  never wanted to know so much about a person before as
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  when I met her. It's just the weirdest thing.
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  And we realized we liked a lot of the same things,
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  and some of the things were strange. Like so we went
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  shopping, and we're at a a sewing fabric store.
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  Okay. And they had this whole box of buttons.
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  And both of us beelined for the buttons, and we're looking at them. And
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  we kind of both looked up at each other and said, do you like buttons?
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  And she said, yes. Do you? And I went, yes. That's weird.
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  Oh, that's so cool. But suddenly, there was somebody
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  who had something in
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  them that was genetic and was the same as
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  me. I mean, I don't particularly think we look alike.
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  However, she lives close to me and we shop
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  at the same grocery store. And one of my friends who worked at that grocery
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  store said, is your sister living around
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  here? And I looked at her and I went, yes. And she says, I
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  think I saw her. Oh. So So they recognized. They recognized.
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  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that was the first time ever
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  that, I sort of realized that there
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  are people that look like me. Yeah. So I'm curious
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  based on all that you've said and just your own personal experience,
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  what gives you a sense of belonging? Buttons are
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  one of those things. Yeah. I mean, with my with my
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  sisters, the things that we have in common, you
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  know, give me a sense of belonging to them. But I think, you know,
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  with my parents, the fact
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  that they chose me, you know, they, they said they
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  chose me and with my family, their side of the
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  family, they've accepted me. Like
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  I'm my mom and dad's daughter. Like they, they have not ever
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  wavered from that. And even when I go there now, my parents have both passed,
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  but, when I talked to my relatives, I'm their
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  daughter. Yeah. And I feel like I have a family that I belong
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  to, and that's one family. My second
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  family, which is my genetic family, you
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  know, I belong there too. So I think that
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  that's, you know, something that
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  maybe not a lot of people can relate to. Right. And sometimes you don't wanna
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  I mean, sometimes finding out your genetic family is scary because
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  you don't know it might be something you don't wanna find out. And they can
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  be messy stories. Right? It comes out of tragedy It can. And
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  grief as well. Like, we can't dismiss that piece of
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  it as well, and there's a lot of resilience too and
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  doing the right things so that you could have a flourishing life and
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  and selflessness involved with that as well. I can
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  only speak as an adoptive mom, to several
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  children, and I've never wanted my
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  children to hear me say, this is my adopted child. This is
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  my foster child. This is my c section child. Like,
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  what's the difference? Right? They're all my children.
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  And and sometimes when of course, people in our inner circle,
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  they know our circumstances of of the the arrangements.
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  However, I know sometimes strangers
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  look at me sideways and say, these are your children. Or and we
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  go to a restaurant, these are your children. They assume we're at different tables,
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  and I don't give them explanation because Right. I feel like they're my
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  children. Yeah. Why should you? It's it's the question, like, are those
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  your real parents? Yeah. Like, are those your real children? Like
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  those quest kind of questions. If my birth mother,
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  you know, if I grew up with her, I would
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  be her child and there'd be no question. Right. Cause I didn't and
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  I looked different than my parents. You know, people often
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  ask, are those your real parents? And I'm like,
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  yes. Yeah. In every way, shape, and form. Yeah. Why would you
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  even ask that question? Like, it doesn't make sense.
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  But one of the things, when I was with my sister
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  in Toronto, we were talking and we realized
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  that we actually grew up 2 streets
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  away from each other. And we didn't know that
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  until that moment. And, we worked at the same drugstore
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  and we played with the same kids. So I would have played with her as
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  a child. Wow. And my mom always said,
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  like, I think the people she thought that
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  there was someone in the neighborhood who she thought maybe it was my
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  birth mother. Okay. It wasn't, but it was the people who adopted
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  my sister. And my sister looked like me. We went to the same
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  elementary school. Anyway, we're sitting in our in
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  her living room in Toronto, and she said when she was
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  9, they moved. Oh, where did you move? And so she told
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  me, and she says, by the way, what was your last name
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  before you were married? Because she only knew me as Mary. So I told her
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  what my last name was, and she goes, oh, I had a teacher by that
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  name. And I went, you're kidding. We're boats. So she
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  told me, and I went, oh my goodness. That's my uncle. Like,
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  my my dad Wow. People who raised me Yeah. That's his brother.
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  Wow. And, she she then kinda turns pale, and she
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  goes, oh my goodness. Then I've lived with your first cousin. Turns
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  out, she had met all my family. Wow. And they
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  didn't know she was my sister. What a small world. It
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  was it was amazing. And the one thing and I have to appreciate this
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  about my mom. She said, you know, the one thing I
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  would love to do for you is give you a sibling, and I can't.
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  And, you know, I as a kid, I always I was grew up an only
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  child, and I always prayed for a sibling. And
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  my mom would then she took my sister and
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  her family. She would invite them for Christmas and stuff like that. So she got
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  to know them. They would come over and she said,
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  you know, I'm so happy that you have a sister. So one thing I couldn't
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  do for you, but now you've got it. So something happens to us.
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  You've got siblings. Like, we're just like,
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  like, that's the way it should be Right. As far as I'm
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  concerned. But, you know, I know not everybody gets that.
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  But I wonder if we could all get that. It's not so inaccessible
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  if we had a posture of maybe coloring outside the
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  lines a little and what belonging looks like, coloring outside the
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  lines a little about what family is. Right? And there should
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  be papers or no papers. This isn't about ownership of
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  children. Like, there are properties, but stewarding the village.
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  I think, wouldn't it be cool if every
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  Joanne, who's figuring out who they are with the curly hair, knew that
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  they had aunties and uncles and grandmas and grandpas and sisters and
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  brothers and cousins within her own
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  ecosystem that she felt belonging, not othered by
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  because they didn't quite know how to place you. Because it really had nothing
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  to do with you and your story. It had more to do with their
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  apprehensions and their rigid thinking. Can you speak
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  to our listeners about what it could look like for
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  each one of us, and particularly within the church, to
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  be that safe person, to be that person that extends belonging,
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  but also receives belonging. It's it's a two way thing. Right?
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  What could that look like if we did that? Well, I think it could
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  look beautiful. But I think I think as
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  people, we need to put aside our own
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  prejudices, our own preconceived ideas,
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  our own insecurities. The world
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  today is can be a hard place.
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  Maybe more so in the US, but, you know, there's so many
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  racial tensions. I think we're just more passive aggressive
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  about it here. I agree. I agree. It's not that it's not here, but you
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  just hear about it more Yeah. In the US. You know, like, if you're
• 22:19
  a black man in the US and you get arrested, you know, you're not
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  gonna have Yeah. Likely the same consideration
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  given to you as if you were a white man of the same age being
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  arrested. Or people assume things, and I know that happened with,
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  somebody that I had hired to work at a company, and they
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  got stopped by the police here in Canada Yeah. And assumed that the
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  police assumed that he had stolen the car. And, you
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  know, it just wasn't true. Yeah. But I think if we can
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  put those things aside and we can look at as a
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  family, look at families as
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  the parts that they are now even in a fully
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  natural family, you can have the oddball child Mhmm. Who got
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  the traits of, you know, their great uncle,
• 23:08
  whoever, from twice removed from, you know
• 23:12
  Now you're speaking to me. I'm that oddball child. There you
• 23:16
  go. But when you when you are that oddball child,
• 23:20
  you know, when you might not feel that you belong, I think to
• 23:24
  have other people look at you and to go, well,
• 23:28
  you're part of this family and not you're the oddball part of this family.
• 23:31
  Mhmm. You know, if you don't have those even if you are weird. Yeah. I
• 23:35
  mean, you know, weird isn't necessarily bad. No. It's great.
• 23:41
  Because of it. Yeah. Because those are the things that
• 23:44
  make the world go round, and they're the people that are
• 23:48
  often the creative ones that are And I wonder too.
• 23:52
  There's there's weird in all of us. Exactly. But are we willing to show it?
• 23:56
  Are we willing to put our authentic self out there? And and when
• 24:00
  I've seen the most genuine relationships of belonging,
• 24:04
  people can drop the masks, and they can be weird,
• 24:07
  and and still that it doesn't take away their security or their
• 24:11
  belonging or their worth. I think we should all be weird a little
• 24:15
  together. With you. I agree with you. Like, let's be weird together. I mean,
• 24:19
  it's it's awesome. I'm I'm sure half the kids I coach
• 24:23
  think I'm weird. But maybe that's what makes you accessible and makes
• 24:26
  you feel like you are a human cheering for them because I
• 24:30
  see you there on the court cheering for these kids and just
• 24:34
  putting your authentic self out there. What a gift. You are a mother
• 24:38
  and auntie to so many in that way. Yeah. And
• 24:41
  it's it's been it's been an exciting run. I'm not gonna
• 24:45
  lie. It's been, like, I have no regrets. I
• 24:49
  think I'm blessed more than a lot of people
• 24:53
  are at, you know, just in the way I grew up, in the parents I
• 24:56
  have, in the blood siblings that I have,
• 25:00
  and, you know, just with my own family.
• 25:04
  I'm blessed. I have no regrets whatsoever.
• 25:08
  Well and I can tell you're you're living a very contented,
• 25:12
  peace loving life. It is. And you could have
• 25:15
  chosen a different path. Oh, I could have. Actually, in high school,
• 25:21
  I could have chosen very differently. I mean, I was going
• 25:25
  down that path. Mhmm. But, you know, just having
• 25:28
  people around me, like I say, that one, person for me is
• 25:32
  for Christ who really impacted my life. I don't know quite where
• 25:36
  I'd be without that. Yeah. And having people who did
• 25:40
  believe in me and who were able to
• 25:44
  sort of readjust the path that was taken.
• 25:47
  Yeah. And I think that's something valuable to take in here that
• 25:51
  I'm noticing that not everybody has it
• 25:55
  on their journey to adopt a child or to be
• 25:59
  adopted. However, there's so many ways
• 26:02
  that people need to be their authentic self in whomever's
• 26:06
  life they they encounter, that it has tremendous impact.
• 26:10
  It's not in solely adopting children, but
• 26:14
  being that mentor, being that presence, being that
• 26:18
  person that just doesn't withholds judgment. Right? Even if
• 26:22
  they they feel like they can't contribute into the lives or the or
• 26:25
  connect with the lives of others, but withholding judgment.
• 26:29
  Because you were mentioning before about prejudice,
• 26:33
  and I think a common misconception is like,
• 26:37
  well, I'm not racist, or I
• 26:40
  don't hold anything against that type of person,
• 26:44
  you name it, whether it's a neurodiversity or,
• 26:48
  whatever. And yet are you familiar with Jahari Window?
• 26:52
  Anyway, there's lots of blind spots that people have. Maybe we'll put it
• 26:56
  into the show notes. And we don't know what we don't know,
• 27:00
  but other people can see it. You saw the prejudice in others because you walked
• 27:04
  the street with beautiful curly hair and a tan skin. And
• 27:07
  you knew at a 6 year old level, you knew
• 27:11
  when you belonged or not. But that white
• 27:15
  grandma didn't know she was racist, most likely.
• 27:19
  And the and the the attitude, and the glance, and the words that she
• 27:22
  spoke, or those children on the playground. And there there's
• 27:26
  things that, we just don't know. And systemically,
• 27:29
  we just don't know that we hold power until that power is taken away
• 27:33
  from us. We just can't even know when we're in a position of power.
• 27:37
  But those the racial minorities or the ones that are being othered,
• 27:41
  they know. So I say that not to guilt
• 27:45
  us and to paralyze us from extending a a
• 27:49
  hand and and to to build relationship. But I think
• 27:53
  what we could take from this is that if I were
• 27:56
  with you when you were that little child, I could've
• 28:00
  probably just listened and
• 28:04
  learned from you. You know, kudos to my friends. I said
• 28:08
  I grew up with 4 other Yeah. Girls.
• 28:11
  They never thought of me as different.
• 28:15
  Mhmm. You know, as to this day, we're still
• 28:19
  friends. Oh, that's so cool. And, we get together every now and then.
• 28:23
  Mhmm. You know, we all sort of have different
• 28:26
  lives, but, we generally get together every
• 28:30
  now and then for their acceptance. I mean, I I
• 28:34
  feel totally blessed and lucky. And that's
• 28:37
  encouraging too because in a society that
• 28:41
  you may not feel it from everybody, 5
• 28:45
  friends can make all the difference. Right? Exactly.
• 28:49
  Yeah. And everybody needs Wendi. For kids to be
• 28:53
  friends to the ones who, you know, are standing on the playground
• 28:56
  alone or to, sort of pull them into their
• 29:00
  group is so important and
• 29:04
  something that, you know, we should teach children our
• 29:07
  children to do. Although, you know, it's very
• 29:11
  difficult because if they're a little different and,
• 29:15
  you know, perhaps parents may
• 29:18
  have different thoughts about a friend their
• 29:22
  child has Mhmm. Than the child having that
• 29:26
  friend. I mean, that's what movies are made about.
• 29:29
  Yeah. You know, it it it's it's tough, you know, if we can just
• 29:33
  set aside our differences and lay
• 29:37
  aside everything that trips us up and run that race before us. You know,
• 29:40
  it's, it's something that I think
• 29:44
  as, you know, communities, we need to
• 29:49
  learn to get a grip on our differences
• 29:52
  or think about why we think people are
• 29:56
  different if that's, you know, a problem. And, you know,
• 30:00
  really reach into yourself and figure it out. And sometimes, you
• 30:04
  know, people, you know, they're of a different religion. Yeah. And that's a
• 30:08
  tough one. Yeah. It's like I know, you know, I
• 30:11
  coach at a Christian private school and there's lots
• 30:15
  of Islamic people who go to it. Mhmm. And I
• 30:19
  was thinking about it this year and I was thinking, why don't Christians go
• 30:23
  to Islamic schools?
• 30:26
  And I just thought, I wonder if there's any that
• 30:30
  do because I don't know. Right. It's just something I was thinking about,
• 30:34
  and it may be because the
• 30:37
  Islamic schools don't want the Christians to come there. I don't know if that's the
• 30:41
  reason, but it could be. Yeah. But anyway, welcoming
• 30:45
  all these Islamic kids is,
• 30:49
  pretty awesome because they're pretty great kids. Yeah. You know, I
• 30:52
  have grown to just their
• 30:56
  kids. They Yeah. In in my case, they play basketball
• 31:00
  and we're we're a team. So what does that mean? It
• 31:03
  means everybody is valuable. Everybody has a
• 31:07
  place. Yeah. It may not be the same job on the
• 31:10
  team, but everybody has that place. You know,
• 31:14
  there's the person who takes up the ball. Well, there's the person
• 31:17
  who plays under the basket. They can't do the same
• 31:21
  things because, generally, the person who brings the ball is
• 31:25
  short, shorter than the person under the basket. Like, they can't
• 31:28
  do the same job. Doesn't make them any less of a part of the
• 31:32
  team. Right. It makes them part of something as
• 31:36
  a whole. Well and and it goes to the the point of we
• 31:40
  are all created by creator
• 31:45
  in the image of God, have inherent value
• 31:48
  and are beloved. Not because we attend the
• 31:52
  right religious institution or we follow
• 31:56
  the right flanograph Jesus, But by grace, we have
• 31:59
  been saved, not as fire insurance, but
• 32:03
  as a way of adding flourishing and life and vitality. Yes. We
• 32:07
  believe in Jesus as the way, the truth, and the life, but not to lord
• 32:10
  it over others or other ourselves or other others,
• 32:14
  so to speak, but that we're all made in the image of God.
• 32:18
  And Jesus said it so well. All you have to like, there's all these laws
• 32:22
  that we get tripped up about. But what do we have to do at the
• 32:26
  end of the day? Love God, keep your eyes up, and love your
• 32:29
  neighbor as yourself, not if they look the same as
• 32:33
  you, if they go to this the the right religion, if they it's none of
• 32:37
  our business. It's above our pay grade. Right. Exactly. If Jesus finds them, and I
• 32:41
  believe Jesus has more superpowers than me to bring them into the kingdom of
• 32:44
  God, life would be so much simpler. It would be. And
• 32:48
  maybe that's why he said it. He's like, quit stressing out about all those
• 32:52
  things. I've got this. You know, I think that's so true. I
• 32:55
  mean, we all have a place at the table, and
• 32:59
  we all need to do our part in that
• 33:03
  place. If everybody could get on board with that,
• 33:06
  there would be a lot less angst. Yeah.
• 33:10
  People are people. We're all humans. We belong to the same human
• 33:14
  race. And, yes, it is a race and there we are
• 33:18
  competitive. Yeah. But the point is we are part of the same
• 33:21
  team, no matter what we look like or no mother, no matter what our
• 33:25
  background is, we're running towards a goal.
• 33:29
  And, you know, everybody has different goals, and we need to
• 33:33
  appreciate that, to accept that. Because when the community
• 33:36
  flourishes, we all flourish. Right? So we
• 33:40
  wanna do things for the betterment of community, for each other, for
• 33:44
  our neighbor, because when they do well, we all do better.
• 33:47
  So I think it just stands to reason
• 33:51
  that we want to care for others, not
• 33:55
  for selfish reasons because we just all want to get through
• 33:59
  this race in a good way. Yeah. And there is a finish
• 34:02
  line. Yeah. One day we'll find it. I
• 34:06
  feel we're we're getting closer to that, you and I, than than our kids.
• 34:10
  Absolutely. Absolutely. But, you know, wrenches
• 34:14
  get thrown in along the way and, you may come up
• 34:17
  against some really hard times, but the point
• 34:21
  is, you know, to keep going. It takes a village to raise a
• 34:24
  child. I mean, that's we've heard that so many times, but it really
• 34:28
  does. It does. It really does because, you
• 34:32
  know, I've always my my girls have had somebody
• 34:36
  who they would, you know, if they couldn't confide in me, which, you know,
• 34:40
  for for whatever reason, they had somebody to go to.
• 34:44
  And to me, that's village part of
• 34:48
  raising children because it does take a village to raise a child. And I think
• 34:51
  that's also a word of encouragement to caregivers and and
• 34:55
  parental caregivers that you don't have to have it all.
• 34:59
  Look for aunties and uncles and aunts, grandmas and grandpas,
• 35:03
  to graft into your family. You weren't created to do it
• 35:07
  all, and I think that's that's a too high of a standard we have for
• 35:10
  ourself that isn't even good for anyone. Right. Yeah. Case
• 35:14
  in point, if, you know, another family has adopted a child,
• 35:18
  even though you've adopted a child, you don't know what it's like to be the
• 35:22
  adopted child. You know, there's people out there that
• 35:25
  can address that. Yeah. Some might argue that if you were
• 35:29
  adopted as a baby, well, then you don't know any better or that you you
• 35:33
  didn't have trauma through that separation. But
• 35:36
  that needs to be demystified because you will grow
• 35:40
  up asking those questions and still needing that
• 35:44
  inherent need for belonging that you you are enough, you are
• 35:47
  beloved, and those question marks that you didn't have a choice
• 35:51
  in, those still need to be unpacked no matter what
• 35:54
  age a child is grafted into a beautiful new story, but
• 35:58
  it still is birthed at a tragedy or trauma or
• 36:02
  a choice that that mom had to selflessly make to give
• 36:06
  you a life. That's right. And I think even if, like, I did not
• 36:09
  have the trauma of being in foster home and foster home after foster
• 36:13
  home, however, I did not look like my parents.
• 36:16
  And that, as a young child, was always
• 36:21
  on my mind. You know, people would ask questions,
• 36:24
  and I didn't know how to answer them. So that's
• 36:28
  trauma. I couldn't explain it. You know, at that point,
• 36:31
  I probably didn't know the whole story either. But, I think, you
• 36:35
  know, it's it's all for the good and it definitely is what
• 36:39
  made me me. Yeah. You know, adversity sometimes
• 36:43
  I I think, you know, why do I choose the harder path
• 36:49
  than, you know, a nice easy path? You know, there's always been
• 36:53
  adversity, and I think, you know, I'm I am
• 36:56
  an overcomer, so I will tend to choose the
• 37:00
  harder path. You like a good challenge. I like a good challenge. Like, I think
• 37:03
  if I didn't have challenges, you know, life would be boring.
• 37:07
  What would I do? Yep. It's probably one of your resilient superpowers
• 37:11
  that you a muscle that you have been developing
• 37:15
  since childhood. That definitely shows
• 37:18
  in the way you, care for others. Well,
• 37:22
  Joanne, I could keep talking with you. We're gonna have to pour another cup of
• 37:25
  coffee here if you have the time because, we could go on. But
• 37:29
  thank you so much for coming on to the podcast and sharing your story,
• 37:33
  and, I just really appreciate you you doing so.
• 37:36
  Well, you're welcome. It was really, just a wonderful
• 37:40
  opportunity to do this, and I thank you for it. And I I
• 37:44
  hope that people out there are thinking a little bit more
• 37:47
  about, you know, those oddball children that
• 37:51
  they see Even if it's their own natural
• 37:55
  born children. Well, you are a beautiful oddball if that's what you're referring
• 37:59
  to. You keep being you. We love it. And if we
• 38:02
  have listeners that have questions or would like to
• 38:06
  to provide some feedback, I just wanna encourage you to do that. Go to CareImpact
• 38:10
  CA and and give us your feedback. We would love to hear from
• 38:14
  you. Get your personal reflections. Maybe you're an adoptee or an adoptive
• 38:18
  family, or maybe you wanna become that auntie, that grandpa,
• 38:22
  that that big brother to other children who are looking for
• 38:25
  belonging, who are looking to belong. And may I just encourage us
• 38:29
  all to drop the mask and just be ourselves? That is a such
• 38:33
  a good invitation. What a great reflection we were able to have today,
• 38:37
  and I just thank you again. Oh, you're welcome.
• 38:41
  Thank you for joining another conversation on Journey with Care, where
• 38:45
  we inspire curious Canadians on their path of faith and
• 38:48
  living life with purpose in community. Journey with Care is an
• 38:52
  initiative of Care Impact, a Canadian charity dedicated to
• 38:55
  connecting and equipping the whole church to journey well in community.
• 38:59
  You can visit their website at careimpact.ca or visit journeywithcare.
• 39:04
  Ca to get more information on weekly episodes, Journey with Prayer,
• 39:07
  and details about our upcoming events and meetups. You can
• 39:11
  also leave us a message, share your thoughts, and connect with like minded
• 39:15
  individuals who are on their own journeys of faith and purpose. Thank
• 39:19
  you for sharing this podcast and and helping these stories reach the community.
• 39:23
  Together, we can explore ways to journey in a good way. And
• 39:26
  always remember to stay curious.