Latest / Dope Discussion With Normthegreat1 🔥 / Loyalty and boundaries
Transcript
- Mr Normthegreat1: Yo, what up, what what up, man? You ready know who it is? This is the great one. We back in the building. Yes, Lord, we back in the building. Another day, another opportunity. You know, that's how we start every show by giving thanks to the Most High God for all his many blessings he's throw upon us. And one of the biggest blessings of them all to be back behind the mic one more time. Finally, we back in the building. We back in the building with a show and we got a special one today. We got a guest in the building, man, you know. Hope y'all had a good weekend so far. Hope you had a good week, but. Coach Kay Wds: We have this twisted sense of loyalty. loyalty doesn't mean that you got to stick around with people forever. Loyalty doesn't mean that you've got to accept people's BS and deal with what they got going on. Loyalty just means that if and when you do decide to break away, secrets are safe with you. Right? You don't have to worry about, you're not going to tell anything that they've got going on or stuff like that. You know, of course, when we got day ones, of course we got secrets and stuff that they've told us and things like that. but I feel like what happens with that is we stay involved and stay in situations because ⁓ exactly that. So ⁓ we do that, that's why we can't break free from our own trauma. We can't break free and try to heal. ⁓ Mr Normthegreat1: Nevertheless, let's get this thing started. We got a special guest in the building. She's been on the show before, but she back in the building, man. You know, she's off there with a host of other things and I ain't going through it. I'm let her do it. Welcome to the show. Coach Kay Wds: Hey, hey, hey. Thank you so much for having me back. I appreciate it. My name is Keisha Woods. I am the founder of Upgraded Mindsets. I'm located in Puree, Illinois. So I am a pleather of things. I am a full-time entrepreneur. I am an award-winning life and business coach, Amazon bestselling author. I am a motivational speaker, two-time podcast host of Empowering Real Talk and The Woman's Hustle, Thrills and Spills of Entrepreneurship. And then people like to play the fence. You know, they want to stay neutral, quote unquote. But when you're growing, you can't stay neutral. You can't stay neutral a journey of transformation and growth, whatever journey you're walking with. If you're, you know, trying to get better with God and you're trying to, you know, ⁓ yourself from certain situations, if you tired of drinking, but yet you still feel like you can go to the club. Yeah, I'm telling you right now, that's not going to work. You know, if you trying to quit smoking weed, Mr Normthegreat1: Nope. Coach Kay Wds: And I am all around inspiration, accountability, just big on empowering us to be better. I really work with women who are trying to really figure out life for themselves, personally, professionally, entrepreneurially, and understanding that the mind is where everything begins, because if your mind is not together, your life won't be either, in simple terms. and you still going over to the house where guess what? They blazing up five blunts an hour, you're not gonna stop. You know what I'm saying? Why keep putting yourself in those situations when you know that that's the environments that you're in. You have to isolate yourself for a little while and that's okay. But I will say this and this was actually something that came in my mind today because on healing journey, a lot of things come up. Mr Normthegreat1: Right. ⁓ Coach Kay Wds: But I'll dive a little more into that with this episode because I am super excited to be here vibing with you today because we definitely got some things to talk about. So thank you for having me. And it is if you're really walking a journey of healing and transformation, you can do it in silence. However, your actions and your mannerisms are going to reflect it. you're really on that journey, people will notice it. You don't got to tell them, but they're going to notice how you move in conversations that you have in spaces that you try to be in. But if you still in those old environments and you tell my own, I'm healing, I'm trying to work on myself. Mr Normthegreat1: Yeah, it's always good. Always good to have you in the building. See, I told you I should get out a lot. I ain't been going through all. I let her do it because, know, let her talk about her stuff. But yeah. So what you been up to lately, though? Coach Kay Wds: Just kind of really stepped into the podcasting has definitely been ⁓ on high level, which is such a blessing. I've doing a lot more motivational speaking. ⁓ I've got some group coaching going on. have my cohort going on as we record called Becoming Her, which is healed, empowered, and ready. It's for women who are really ⁓ trying to a guided journey on really figuring out what they want in their life. give credit where credit is due, but you saying it is different than you actually walking it. a lot of times people that's loud saying that they on a healing journey is the main ones that ain't doing Jack. And it's just the reality. So I'll say that to say, you know, we got to stop perpetrating the front. Our culture is in crisis. Our people are in crisis because we're letting social media take over. let AI take over. We're just doing so many things that. Mr Normthegreat1: the Coach Kay Wds: lot of times we operate in outdated systems and values and beliefs. ⁓ as women, especially, we struggle with that because we don't really know what we want, but because we carry titles of wives and mothers and things like that, we hold off with really doing what it is that we want to do. So becoming her is really just helping women become unapologetically who they want to be. is hindering us and pushing us back. We blame the other people for pushing us back, but it's really us because there are resources out here that can help us all be better. I didn't grow up in the environment of knowing what money was. I spent money. I'd spend my last on X, Y, and Z. It wasn't until six years ago that I really started to become a little more financially responsible. and still understanding that they can support everyone else, just not at the expense of themselves. the podcasts, like I said, are in full swing, really diving into the woman's hustle, thrills and spills of entrepreneurship. Because a lot of times you see so much glorifying of entrepreneurship that nobody wants to talk about the spills, which are the days where you questioning things, you doubt in yourself. you ain't making no money. Mr Normthegreat1: Absolutely. Coach Kay Wds: Yep. I tricked off money all day. If I spent my bill money going out, going out of town and worrying about it when I get back, I did all of that. So I'm not the person that grew up knowing what money was. And a lot of us are not, but it's not too late because just like we know AI and social media, y'all scroll on social media for eight hours a day. You could be scrolling on a resource site that's helping you learn about investing, learn about you know, those type of things. And I am a very raw and uncut person as I also talk about it on Empowering Real Talk, which is focused on like self discovery, personal development mindset. I'm just big on mindset all the way around. I really believe that we need to really figure out and our minds. ⁓ And might not be ⁓ how is telling you or showing you it should be. putting money into stocks, learning about, you know what I'm saying, savings and things like that. So you have to choose what you want to pour into. And a lot of people just want to pour into toxicity, negativity, BS because it's stagnant and you see everybody else doing it and you don't want to be looked at as the black sheep, the outage or whatever. But I am so okay with being looked at like that now. So I really just work with us to really transform that. And I'm big on mental health. I am the president of our local NAMI chapter, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness, because I believe, and especially in the black communities, that we need to normalize the conversation about mental health, because we're hurting. Our culture is hurting the worst because we don't want to talk about those things. We want to keep suppressing and putting... because I fought to get to where I am now and I'm going to continue to fight to continue to elevate. Mr Normthegreat1: Absolutely, absolutely. think you see that a lot too with people. I think a lot of people and things and situations that they want to get out, but like you said, the loyalty to it and how they're going to be picked on and look that different. Like you sold out and all that. And I think call a coon and all this crazy stuff. But like, but then there's another thing I think once you get on this journey of elevation and stuff, think the part that most people will struggle with. Coach Kay Wds: brushing things under the rug and acting like that there's no problems going on when we are real life and mental health crisis. So really out here in community, ⁓ am big on community support, outreach, ⁓ you and just having the conversations with those who want to have it. Cause I ain't wasting my breath with just everybody. So I really like to talk to the people and engage with people who really are interested in wanting to elevate their life. So. Mr Normthegreat1: because it can be a lonely road. It can't get lonely because your journey only makes sense to you and you and God or whatever the case may be, but they're not gonna understand it. So when they don't understand your journey, they looking at it from the outside, like, then you start getting the, you think you better than everybody or you don't come around no more and all that. And everybody say you change or you acting like white for, you know, they throw everything at you, but nobody asks what you got going on. They see you doing this. Coach Kay Wds: That's just a few things that I got going on. So may sound like a lot, but you know, when you purpose driven, it don't be too much, but I'm blessed. Mr Normthegreat1: Oh yeah, that's always good though, that's always good. But you know, give it back. And in the community, know, a lot of time the stuff that you're trying to do to move forward is not received in the right way, you know. If you know what I mean. You be more in the community and know about that and know about how sometimes it's hard to get through to our people, you know what mean? Coach Kay Wds: Lord. Yes. You know what? Yeah. Absolutely. ⁓ for sure. Mr Normthegreat1: that you move in difference, they don't say that, they just say, you think you better than everybody. Coach Kay Wds: my goodness, and I see that so much and hear it and hear the whispers and stuff as someone who grew up, you know, ⁓ the streets, ⁓ gang affiliation, teen mom, you know, I beat a lot of odds, you know, been in jail, been stabbed, you know, all of those things. So when I talk about things, especially when it comes to breaking those cycles, I'm speaking from personal experience and ⁓ doesn't take until somebody hears my story. yeah, no. And you know what I come back with? No, you think I'm better than you. And I'm sorry, that's a you problem because what people are no longer going to do to me ⁓ try to make me feel bad about wanting better in my life. There's no reason why I should not want better in my life. There's no reason why you shouldn't want better in your life. So the fact that you trying to clown somebody for wanting better in a life, It's crazy work. But again, that just goes to show how backwards we're getting because we are so used to promoting struggle and promoting havoc glorifying the negative things that come behind us not being educated enough to be able to want better for ourselves. You know, we can go to other cultures and they say that the black dollar only lasts what they say seven hours. to be like, ⁓ I didn't know you went through that. I know because I'm somebody that doesn't harp on the past. ⁓ my resilience like a badge of honor. However, you won't hear me constantly talking about the things that I went through in my past because that doesn't define me and I don't want it to. So I have no problem telling my story, but I'm not gonna constantly just keep telling it for people to feel sorry for me because I'm overcoming. Basically when you get your money, you so thirsty to spend it you can't even save none because you trying to go and buy the new J's or you trying to go on vacation and you coming back and you like I'm just gonna figure it out. Yeah, again, I used to think like that but that was them are outdated values. Them are outdated mindsets. If you and especially now we can't afford, you know, the way to cost the living keep going up. I'm healing, I'm walking with God more, just really understanding all of that has put me on a different level, and I'm so grateful for that. I also understand, and I'm very uncut with that too. I don't mind still checking somebody ⁓ if you like you being disrespectful. And I think that that's where sometimes we fall short. When I say I'm on a positive growth journey and I'm ⁓ empowering others, Mr Normthegreat1: Yeah. Coach Kay Wds: Nobody can afford to sit here and not pay bills and go try to take a vacation and then they be like, ⁓ well I'm gonna let God figure it out. No God gonna let you go on and get evicted baby God finna let you go and get evicted because the thing is I Want people to stop saying that they're gonna give it to God when God is giving you Insight he's giving you signs signals and everything else, but he's also telling you action is required You know I'm saying I think people feel like that they can still try to test folks. And check you from a healing perspective. And I think people don't understand that because they're speaking still from a trauma field perspective. But if I'm checking you, I'm checking you from a healing perspective. that's the difference with me, but I really do wake up every day thinking about ways that I can help empower those who want to be helped. Mr Normthegreat1: I'm ⁓ Absolutely. Coach Kay Wds: And if the action ain't being poured through, don't know why you think that he's finna keep trying to come through. Now you might be blessed once. He may even give you twice, but he also giving you warnings with them things like, okay, barely letting you get by. I'm trying to show you something. But because we are not doing the inner work, we're not paying attention. And now we finna get on social media crying about how... Because earlier on in my journey, I was on that, I want to help everybody. I want to reach everybody. I want to talk to everybody. But that is draining. ⁓ just had to sit back, reevaluate, and say, you know what? I can't sit here and let the people who really don't want help drain me and stop me from pouring into those that do. So had to reevaluate some things, restructure, re-strategize. You know, I'm just gonna let God handle it. I can't believe this happening to me. I can't because just two days ago you was on there talking about you just came back from vacation. You spent $2,000 and now you came back. You got an eviction, your car payment behind, your lights behind here where I'm at in Illinois. April 1st, hey, this connection's going out for the light bill and the gas bills. People like they don't pay them all winter long, but come April 1st. And now, you know, because I did all of that, I really am starting to reach those who want to be reached. So it's definitely a blessing in itself. But I'm very unapologetic when I say I will still check you if you feel like that you're going to be disrespectful to me. You know, so I just still have my character. You know, I still walk my journey, but I'm still that person that I still smack them spade. Mr Normthegreat1: Yes, yes, yes. Coach Kay Wds: Now you're trying to get payment plans. You're trying to get some money to pay them. But why did you put yourself in that predicament all winter long? You didn't pay on it. Now you got a $3,000 bill because our lights and our gas bill comes together. They're not separate. So exactly. you knew this. ⁓ 1st to April 1st, if don't pay a bill, they can't disconnect us because of the weather. It's too cold. them cards on the spade table, because I'm a whoop you, you know, I'm still that person. And I think that, you know, when you're walking in, you know, transformation, people feel like that you're just supposed to be perfect. And I'm far from that. And I never portrayed to be that. just being able to share my story, uplift others, empower women and men too, because do have a couple of male clients, you know, as well. But I'm ⁓ Mr Normthegreat1: Cheese! Woo. Wee! Coach Kay Wds: But my thing is from November to April, you ain't paid nothing, nothing. Now April 1st, you're trying to get payment plans set up. You trying to do this. That is an outdated, broken, culturally effed up mindset that we need to break. Do I believe in, you know, that sometimes we may need to take a little bit from here to do this? I totally am okay with that. However, Mr Normthegreat1: Not even a little fuck more. Coach Kay Wds: accountable when it comes to women because I feel like sometimes that women feel like because I'm all about women empowerment that I'm always just going to be on our side and if we're wrong I'm going to call us out on that so you know I have a good male following because I'm that person that's gonna hold people accountable you know Mr Normthegreat1: Oh yeah, absolutely. I think that's one of a lot of the biggest things that is missing in our community and whatever the accountability because there's always a victim mentality, you know what saying? And that that gets overshadowed because everybody wants to make their pain exclusive. Like. Coach Kay Wds: You have not paid that bill in five months, Five months. So we got to get out of that mindset of thinking that people are just supposed to rescue us, supposed to come through, supposed to do these things for us. And then heaven forbid you don't, because now it's like, ⁓ there you go. You think you better than me? No, I'm being more financially responsible. I'm going need you to get on board with that. You know, so those are just some of the things that like ⁓ absolutely. Mr Normthegreat1: We know what happened to you, you know what saying? And it's unfortunate. A lot of unfortunate things happen to people all the time. A lot of things out of your control. But I mean, that don't stop your life. You still can survive. You know what saying? You can get better if that's what you want to do. And I think that a lot of people don't tell their story because of shame. But I think the only way you can heal is you have to not accept what happened to you per se, but tell your story and tell your truth. You know what saying? It is what it is. You can't change nothing. Coach Kay Wds: Right. Mr Normthegreat1: Thanks, Ab. Coach Kay Wds: That's part. Yes. Being a community is the things that I see and experience. You you also see it on social media. I try my best to try to not have a lot of that in my newsfeed as a business owner times two. I know that I have to be on social media, you know, to promote, to market, for coaching and podcasting. And then also with my other business, UPM business suites, which is my business hub that hosts myself and six other women business owners. No, you can't. think that what we, you know, it's just kind of like a AA meeting, right? People go into the meeting and the first thing they have to say is, hello, my name is XYZ and I'm an alcoholic. That from a mental and although I'm not a therapist, but I've studied enough to know that when you repeat things, you can change things. So I know that I have to be on social media. I know I have to show up for those reasons. However, I am very intentional on trying to train my algorithm to not show me that BS. Cause I don't want to see it. I don't want to see y'all crying about stuff. I don't want to see y'all moping about stuff that you moped about a year ago. I tell my clients this, listen, go look at your memories on your Facebook page. And because we are so used to keeping things suppressed because we're ashamed, you know, we'll want people to really know what's going on. ⁓ we won't talk about that. So what's happening is we're suppressing, we're holding things in now we're angry. I identified with that. I suppressed so much. The only, emotion that I would always like deal with openly was anger. I'm always cussing somebody out. I'm always snapping out on somebody, you know, they could do the smallest thing and I'm going in on them. Like I, If your memories are still talking about the same things that you talking about right now, that tell you right there, you ain't did no work. You ain't did no changes. Just last year, you saw about that same man that took you through the wringer. OK, because I'm a shift it ladies. I love us to death, but I love us enough to hold us accountable. You know that somebody is not good for you. make you think they stole a million dollars from me, know, the way I would go in on them, you know? But like understanding that, getting it out, being a part of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have a program called Sharing Hope, which is conversations for the Black and Brown community. I'm proud to leading that in my area and have hosted several conversations with us because Leave that man alone. It's time for us to do the inner work. Get that strength, gain that power so you can walk away. And me and I'ma tell y'all the same thing. Do not feel like you have to stay because you have a child with this woman. Do not feel that you have to stay because she may be helping out financially, but she throwing it in your face. Like we've got to break free from those toxic cycles. Mr Normthegreat1: Amen. Mmm. Coach Kay Wds: that's what I want us to do is normalize the conversations, have a safe space because one thing I want people to do is stop thinking that those that have brought you up in the trauma are gonna help you break free from the trauma, right? We have to talk to outside resource. Yes, do we want the people that have gone through things with us to rise up with us? Yes, it would be a dream, but it's just not reality 90 % of the time. And that requires you doing the inner work. Now I could tell you to trust God and say, know what, I'm just going to walk clear away. But I understand that that just might not be everybody's day. But I will tell you, spend every day being intentional in doing that and making something like that happen for both my ladies and my fellas. We've got to stop hiding that and stop suppressing and stop. Mr Normthegreat1: Mmm. Mmm. Coach Kay Wds: Some people like to stay stuck in their trauma. They, as you said, you know, they like to keep that victim mindset because they feel like that's what gets them the attention. That's what they, you know, they're like, oh, well, you know, I've gone through this or they compare their traumas with other people. You know, I've seen where people will be like, you know, I've gone through A, B and C and then the person next to them like, I've been through D, E, F, G, H, I, J, N, K. You know, like you trying to compare the traumas. And it's like, Holding on to toxic environments and toxic cycles and toxic relationships. We got to break free from that y'all our growth and our elevation and our depends on that right now ⁓ we fell it we fell is so bad Mr Normthegreat1: Facts, they're feeling. And I think like you said, just used to, the conditioning, they don't wanna change. They just used to doing the same thing. And like you said, like you go back to what you said, faith without work is dead, you know what saying? All that talk about God, God, God even he sit there and do nothing, all that, you ain't got no relationship. You don't talk to God till you need something like, like he a genie or something. That don't work like that. You ain't put no work in God's head. And some of the times, sometimes, Coach Kay Wds: There's no reason to compare those things. You each have gone through experiences that you have gone through, but trying to compare that is not helping us heal. And in order for us to do that, we have to both be ready to acknowledge and still support each other as we do that. Not trying to compare traumas with each other, because now that's gonna kick off argument. Well, what do you mean? You think I ain't been through enough? Because I've seen it. I've seen it live in an action. Yep. Right. Mr Normthegreat1: A lot of the things that we're asking God to do is already instilled in us. God already put that in us. I mean, you know why you're in this situation when you put yourself in there. Ain't got nothing to do with God or nobody else. You know why you're there. I mean, like you said, and like you say, you had the same light issue last year. This year, people keep doing the same thing over and over and looking for somebody to rescue them. It don't work like that. I mean, if you knew it, you knew it failed last year, why would you try it this year? I mean, it don't make sense. Coach Kay Wds: Somebody get mad because somebody else is saying that they trauma in so many words is worse than theirs. So now they're offended. And it's a whole argument about something that's so irrelevant. You shouldn't even be arguing about your traumas. Heal through them. So I really just say, you can't heal around the people that put you through that. And that's what I want people to really understand. Yes! Yep. I don't bright. Yep. Mr Normthegreat1: and then you can blame everybody else or whatever, a lot of times people are there just feeling void, know, doing crazy stuff, being in toxic relationships that they know ain't going nowhere. And to be honest with you, half of these stuff ain't relationship, they just having relations. They're not together like that. I don't think a lot of people understand that because... It seems like trauma and hurt and all that, that's the people that people seem to want to be up under. And I don't know if it's a correlation or whatever, but it seems like the people that put the people through the most trauma, they want to stay connected for some reason or another. And they try to, I don't know, they try to, as a connection to the trauma that happened, that keep them connected. But at the same time, you said, you can't heal in the same place. You got broken a lot of places. But some people believe that they can do the work and still stay in the same environment. Coach Kay Wds: Yep. Yeah. Mr Normthegreat1: They're not together like that. In our culture, most of the time where you see a lot of people say single mom, but most of these people single, they were never together. They were out there just watching the sneaky Lincoln. They're proud about it now, and they'll tell you. You look on their page where they say, my man, that's not my man. So right then and there, they're telling you what they feel about their body to somebody that not even theirs. Sometimes, most of the time, you've got to change your whole environment. You've to change your circle. One of the hardest things people don't understand that everybody can go. You have to cut people off. And I'm talking about day ones and people that, you know, when you were young, we got people that we grew up with, and we thinking that we're to be together forever. I mean, we say anything when we're younger, y'all. You know, when you're young and teenager, we ride or die, you know, but. Coach Kay Wds: ⁓ absolutely. Yep. Not even there. And proud of that. I don't understand when we got so proud to say we was with somebody else's man or woman. I never understood that. I know like systematically the man has always, you know, probably has more of a liability as far as being with multiple women. Mr Normthegreat1: proud. Coach Kay Wds: and whoo! Man. Mr Normthegreat1: Yeah. Coach Kay Wds: Yeah. Yeah. Mr Normthegreat1: Even as you evolve and get older, you never thought that, dang, I never thought such a such would be in my life. But that's how life works, you know what saying? Once you start to elevate, and the thing about it, people all the time, like, once you get better in life and you get a better relationship, you start your path, you don't really have to cut people off, they just start falling off. Exactly. Coach Kay Wds: You know, some people try to be scientific behind that. Me personally, it's like, there's still a choice because even though people feel like that a man is supposed to be, you know, with multiple women, I believe in discipline for the man, just like I believe in discipline for the woman. It's up to what the man decides. You know, if you're telling me, ⁓ you know, I got to do this and I got to do that, you know, and it can roll into that whole submission thing, right? they're gonna fall off, they're gonna fall off. ⁓ know, I tell people this as well because again, people don't realize everything that I have gone through. speak passionately because it's life, it's from my own life experience. Do I have education? I do, you know. But my experiences is what shapes me and has me so passionate and purposeful. Mr Normthegreat1: Right. Coach Kay Wds: ⁓ If I'm not submitting to somebody just to speak cuz you're a man, right? A man will be like, well, you know, but nature stay I'm supposed to have this and I'm supposed to have that also says that you're supposed to be a human, know when it comes to discipline submission and things like that ⁓ People twisted definitions of that me submitting Mr Normthegreat1: Yeah. Coach Kay Wds: I've lost 30 year friendships because of this journey that I'm Friendships that, you know, we have a twisted sense of loyalty when it comes to that, right? When it comes to our day ones and people feeling like, you know, ⁓ you know, I can't do this because of that. And even in our family, you know, we know our family doing wrong. We know they out here being grimy, trifling, putting everybody's lives at risk in the family. Cause let's just call it for what it is. ⁓ you know, Mr Normthegreat1: Thanks. Coach Kay Wds: I'm a very bold, know, some call me alpha in nature it comes to, ⁓ know, how I speak, my character and certain things. ⁓ when I tell you, I love submitting to my man, I love being able to be soft because I didn't grow up with that. ⁓ that also, again, rolls down to the healing journey that I had to be on. The relationships that I was in years ago, Mr Normthegreat1: Fact. Coach Kay Wds: When we see that going on, then we think that that's loyalty because we are. you wouldn't even catch me looking at those same type of men now. looking at that. you know, ⁓ being and ⁓ even relationships I submitted because that's what I always wanted to do. You know, I submitted in toxic relationships because I thought that was the outdated way that I thought back then was because he was the man or he was taking care of a few little things that I was supposed to submit. Mr Normthegreat1: Right. Coach Kay Wds: but I also was in a domestic abuse relationship trying to be submissive. Now, I ain't no punk by no means. So, you know I'm saying? So I wasn't the girl that was balled up in the corner, not fighting back. I definitely was fighting back. But again, when it came to certain situations, I allowed that man to make decisions for me, you know, which probably wasn't the best decisions for either one of us. But because I wanted to be submissive to my man, I allowed that. Now, you can't do that now. characteristics gotta show. And a lot of times alpha men are truly ready to lead, don't have to say it. I am big on action and I am even bigger on energy. And if your action and your energy ain't aligning with that of what you wanting somebody to submit to, yeah, I'm good on that. You know I'm saying? ⁓ I just want people to understand, do your research on who you trying to be with and do your research on the definition of these things. Being submissive does not necessarily mean that your man is trying to control you because, and me and you have talked about this, a real relationship that's on that, actually a woman is the neck. He the head, but the woman is the neck. You're still holding, you're still carrying, you're still, you know, doing those things, but he's also coming to you, talking to you, asking for, you know, insight, asking for support, asking for guidance. We got to stop letting social media depict what our relationship's supposed to look like. Do your own research. Cause I guarantee you spend an hour researching what submission really is about. You gonna look at it from a whole different perspective. Mr Normthegreat1: Absolutely, but I'm glad we on there. So let's run through that right quick because at the end of the day, like you say, just because you are male, got a male part or whatever, that don't mean you deserve submission. First and foremost, when a man, let's go to the script to the word, if a man get a wife, you know what saying? I gotta bring a man supposed to first be doing something before he bring a woman into his life. Coach Kay Wds: Right. Mr Normthegreat1: That's what most people got it wrong already because the women moving a man into their place and he ain't got no plan. First and foremost ladies, I'm going tell you right now, when you meet a man, he's supposed to be doing something. You can't help somebody do nothing. He's like, you're a help me, you're a helper. You're not supposed to be doing the heavy lifting and all that stuff. You come in to help him do what he's doing. But if he's not doing anything, you need to move on because what's going to happen is you're going to push him to do things that he don't want to do or He's gonna call you a nag because you're doing your job and you're quick, ready to help and support, but how can you support somebody that's not doing anything? So now the time when you get with a man, he's supposed to have a plan, a vision, and be already doing something, so you're supposed to come in. Like you're supposed to be able to sit down and say, well, baby, I try to be, I don't know, I'm trying to start a landscaping business. I wanna do a car wash. So if you give that to a help me and you're just talking. She gonna go off for next, that'd be Sunday. So by Wednesday she come to you, and you be like, what are you talking about? I done looked this up, I saw some lawn mower prices, I saw this, this the product that they use to wash cars. That's what she done jumped on that. Now, hopefully when you said that you was intentional, you wasn't lying. Because when she come back to you, she coming back to you with that, and she already did the part she's supposed to do. But most people what they do is they lie and say things to keep the woman off of them. But when she come back to them, you nagging. Did you talk to somebody by the car wash, man? ⁓ I you, I got it, man, I got it. So you have to be intentional when dating and be straight up with people because if you got a true helpmate, she is there to push you to be better and vice versa. But we take this role and the names and say submission and put like somebody under your feet like she a slave or no, she's a copilot. If you ain't there, she should be able to run the ship without you. Coach Kay Wds: Yeah. Mr Normthegreat1: That's what it is supposed to about. Even if I'm the head of my house or whatever, I still make decisions, but we still have conversations. It's not about, I'ma just come home and say, yo, we moving to Africa. It don't work like that. We make decisions that's best for the whole family. You know what saying? And then I have to make a decision. We go from there. It's not the way people try to put it like, I'm the man. I just run everything. You don't got no say. Well, you trying to break slavery. We've been out of that. We ain't in slavery no more. It don't work like that. ⁓ nobody going through that, man. You know? Coach Kay Wds: Come on. Right. Thanks. Hey, come on! ⁓ Mr Normthegreat1: And I think that's where a lot of things come at where it's a power struggle then because ain't no grown person gonna let you just put them under their feet and do all this nonsense, man. You know what saying? And I think in our culture, relationships and stuff off the rail because a lot of bad information and no teaching. You know what saying? Everybody just wanna be called something. You can't just be a, you're a man, of course a male, but you have to be a man and a man ain't running through every woman he see, you know? That don't even make sense. a grown, after a certain age, Coach Kay Wds: yet. That part. Woo! Mr Normthegreat1: You always require, even if you go to the doctor, the doctor tell you less food is better, less women is better because if you got three or four women, you're not, you definitely ain't on purpose. I can tell you that right now. I'll tell any man if you tell me you got three or four women you talk to right now, you ain't on purpose. Cause there's no way you focus on what you're doing and you talking to three or four women. No, you're not focused. You got enough time, you barely got time to focus on one woman and your family and doing what you gotta be doing. Coach Kay Wds: No! Mr Normthegreat1: But if you ain't doing nothing, got a lot of time on your hands. Coach Kay Wds: Man, I'm telling you. And I think that what people gotta understand is, and I'm also learning this too, just from having conversations off of social media, a lot of people that are really making those kinds of moves, they ain't on social media. It's the people that feel like that they gotta put every wakey move on social media, them the ones that's not doing nothing for real. Now, don't get it twisted. I'm a business owner. I'm a business owner that has to make content, you know, so you will see that every day. But one thing that you don't see me talk about is my personal life to that effect. I'm transparent, but I'm not, when it comes to like my relationships and stuff like that, I don't, I never have been that person. Even when I was walking in toxic behaviors, I still wasn't on social media talking about it and promoting and talking about how my man made me mad and tagging people and talking smack. I never was that person. I have always valued privacy in my relationships and that never will change. But I think people really need to realize it's people out here and it's us we are here with farms acres land We relocate we moving out the country and then the ones that silent So I want you to understand people that if you're looking at social media and you see people on there That's talking about their relationships 24 7 they make the people you want to follow them They make the ones you want to follow them make the ones you want to be like They make the ones that, you know, our relationship goals. The ones that's relationship goals is the ones that's off the radar. And I advise you to do the same thing because if you are truly trying to work on a relationship, because you both can break free from the toxic behaviors if you make a pledge to each other to really begin those journeys of transformation with each other, but also within yourself, because you got to change within you first. You can't expect nobody to change for you. that's one of the things I see too. People want people to change for them, you know, but if they're changing for you, then they're doing themselves a disservice as well. So stop feeling like people have to, ⁓ know, change for you. ⁓ if he want to be with me, he'll change. No, if he want to be better for himself, he'll change. Or if you want to be better for yourself, you'll change because the biggest thing in relationships is compromise. Mr Normthegreat1: back. Coach Kay Wds: You're not going to like everything that your man may say or do. he ain't gonna like everything that you say or do, especially when you're building with each other and growing each other, ⁓ with each other and things like that. There are gonna be things where you're like, no, you know, but trust is key. You you gotta trust that he's not gonna lead you astray. You gotta trust that he ⁓ building himself to guide you. the household and whatever else, but ⁓ feeling like that people are supposed to change for you. Change for yourself and start attracting like-minded because I can't be around nobody that has that mindset of, they need to change for me. They need to do this. They need to do that. Yeah, I ⁓ don't with that. ⁓ I deal with that at all. You know, I don't even like having conversations about that. I do from a coaching perspective. Mr Normthegreat1: you Coach Kay Wds: know, with my one-on-one clients, even in my group coaching, we kind of had conversations about that, you know, but you've got to want to change for you. You've got to change inside first for you. So even to the submission part, ⁓ that all that really aligns together. You can't ⁓ be in rightful submissive if... neither one of y'all are trying to do the work and you just believe that it's my way or the highway. If that's how you believe, you're not ready to leave. And if you're a woman who feels like that you always that happy wife, happy life, you're not ready to be a wife. Mr Normthegreat1: Yeah, that's that right there put people in a bad situation and I think culturally is a lot of bad teaching a lot of ideologies That's horrible and outdated that's never been a thing Then you got this woman versus men joints still going on YouTube and all that crazy stuff. It's just like at the end of the day Coach Kay Wds: ⁓ yeah. Mr Normthegreat1: They got other people thinking for you, man. You got to think for yourself in the life that you want, you know? The heck with what everybody else say. It works for you. Nobody to approve it. It works for you and your person. That's all that matters. But I think oftentimes people allow... Other people thoughts and most miserable people got that I never understood in our culture and community the most miserable single person You ain't never see what nobody never happy giving out advice What the heck you can tell somebody but how to be miserable and they the most miserable and they ain't never happy I never got nothing going on but they could tell you what they wouldn't put up or what they wouldn't do Well, we know you can never get the opportunity because you're miserable. You don't even like happiness You don't even know what it is. But like I said, ⁓ got a long way to go because... Everybody so stubborn in their own way, you know what saying? Everybody want what they want. I think they got the best idea for things that is just everybody what they say want to be outside, you whatever the hell that is. Everybody want to be outside, you know what I'm You see down in Houston and all these other places, man, it's just crazy, man. like I tell people all the time, I've never seen an era in life where women don't want to be women. Me personally, if you can get in a position in life, you paying all your bills as a single person, you got somebody Coach Kay Wds: Thanks. ⁓ Mr Normthegreat1: coming in in their life they take care of most of the stuff and making life easier for you but you refuse that life and say no I rather do it by myself crazy Coach Kay Wds: Again, that's somebody that's allowing, they're not speaking for themselves. They're not. Now, some instances, there are some who feel like that if they're doing like inner work, they may not want to bring that into their lives in that moment. And it's totally understandable. ⁓ that's if you're doing the work, you know, ⁓ if you're doing the work, if that situation comes to play, and that's a genuine opportunity, you can have that conversation. If that is meant for it to happen, that person is going to say, you know what, I understand. I will give you your space, but I'm not going anywhere type things. There could be those instances, right? But you've got people that are allowing other people to think for them. You've got these influencers on social media. You got these parodies that you see in these clips, these skits that they be doing people think is so real. Mr Normthegreat1: Thank Coach Kay Wds: Like some of that stuff ain't real people. Some of these things are social media content. That's what it is. They're trying to market. They are promoting a skit and it's not real. Are there situations and instances that they could be speaking about that are real? Yes. But if you're watching a clip on social media, it's not real. 95 % of the time, you know, so we've got to stop allowing Mr Normthegreat1: Yeah. Coach Kay Wds: a social media post to dictate our relationship status or what we want in a man. ⁓ well, you know, I follow such and such and they said that I shouldn't be wanting this, you know, or I follow such and such and, they say that I shouldn't be doing this. And I'm speaking from men and women because we got, what is it? The red pill, blue pill whole scenario. You know, we, we see that that's still relevant, especially on YouTube. We still see it. doesn't come up in my newsfeed at all anymore. Again, Mr Normthegreat1: Hehehehehe ⁓ Coach Kay Wds: I train my algorithms on all my platforms. I don't want to see it. know, I have especially Instagram and YouTube. I have trained them very well. I see things about personal development, entrepreneurship, women empowerment. I'm very intentional in those things. God, know, spiritual things. I'm very intentional about setting those things. So I'm doing that work to make sure, cause I know I got to keep showing up, but Mr Normthegreat1: Bye. Coach Kay Wds: Stop allowing people and you know, one could probably say, well, you know, Keisha, you on social media talking and talking about how people should be. No, I'm just giving words of encouragement. I could be giving advice, but at the end of the day, I'm only giving you things to help you begin the journey. I'm not telling you that transformation takes a one night. It don't. I'm still walking the journey. I'm transforming. I'm evolving. There's a IMG. I'm healing. Mr Normthegreat1: Yeah. ⁓ Coach Kay Wds: And I'll probably continue to do those things because one of the things that this journey has allowed me is to become a lifelong learner. I'm not closed minded anymore. I used to always think I was right. You couldn't tell me nothing. I'm gonna argue you up and down, you know, but now I sit, listen, I can have healthy debate. People feel like relationships ain't supposed to have arguments. happen, but it's how they're handled. Mr Normthegreat1: Absolutely. Coach Kay Wds: If you're ready to put somebody out every time you get mad, you know, that's not healthy. You know, if you leave every time you get mad, that's not healthy. You know, I know people that are married and they'll sit up there. They get they get into it. They block each other. Y'all married. How y'all blocking each other? Like what? Like no, you know, I do agree with the power of the pause. I teach that a lot because Mr Normthegreat1: What? That's crazy. Coach Kay Wds: Sometimes when we are, know, emotions can dictate words that sometimes aren't needed to be said in that moment. So I am very big on the power of the pause. I don't speak on marriage a lot because I've never been married and I don't try to, you know, put that out there. But even in relationships in general, if there's a disagreement going on and it gets a little heated, I would suggest like the power of the pause. Walking away for a second, but. I never have been the person that likes to go to bed mad at my man. So, you know, if a situation has happened that it has caused a disagreement or argument, yes, I will walk away for a little bit, but I don't want to go to bed with that energy with my man. You know what saying? So like, we're going to talk about it and it still may be a little emotional, but that's what relationships are. You're supposed to be able to want to talk about things so you can resolve the things because Mr Normthegreat1: Okay. Coach Kay Wds: If you're repeating the same cycles, the same argument, you shouldn't be having You shouldn't be having the same argument. You should be talking about things, having discussions and working on how things can change for the next time. You didn't agree with how I handled the situation. I didn't agree with how you handled the situation. ⁓ So let's talk about that things can be handled. So the next time ⁓ we don't have to about the same thing again, cause I don't like repetitive. conversations that aren't getting anywhere. You know what I'm saying? So, you know, there's just so many things that I just see with us that need to change nobody is sitting here judging anybody people, but I will tell y'all this. It's time for you to really evaluate how you want life. Life is not promised to any of us. could not, we could go to sleep and close our eyes and never wake up. You know, ⁓ if not, Mr Normthegreat1: Amen. Coach Kay Wds: living a fulfilling, satisfying life day or doing what it takes to get to that point, then you're doing yourself a disservice. You trying to be with somebody is not a fulfilling life. If you can't get fulfilled from yourself, you got work to do, And it's just that simple. So feel like I done took over the show, you know what I'm saying? But I appreciate you having me on just to like, Mr Normthegreat1: That's... Coach Kay Wds: really had these conversations because I know how dedicated you are in to get these messages out there. So I'm just grateful for your platform to be able to do so. Mr Normthegreat1: yeah, absolutely man. know, I invite people, I let you do your thing. I let you do your thing, man. Great, do your thing. But like I said, it's always good to get you. See, we have a lot to talk about. We're have to get you back on here soon. Like I said, we're have to get you back on there. We about to get up out here. You got any final thoughts on where people can reach you at or whatever? ⁓ the people know. Coach Kay Wds: Anytime. Absolutely, so I'm on all social media platforms at Coach K transforms. am on YouTube at upgraded mindsets with a Z. You can check out my website, which is upgraded mindsets with the Z dot life. ⁓ you want to learn more about my services that I offer, check the podcast If you're interested in any of my services, as far as coaching, I do have my books on my website, which is From Havoc to Healing, 30 Days of Reconditioning, which is my Amazon bestseller. I have my guided journal, which is Becoming Her, Healed, Empowered, and Ready. is also on my website. You can ⁓ those things. But if you're interested in learning more about how I can help you make transformation, then go to my website, schedule a free chat, and I'd be more than happy to talk to you. Mr Normthegreat1: Yes sir, yes sir, like I say man, thank you for coming through. We appreciate it, we gonna get you back on here soon. And like I said, ⁓ family, know, God willing, be back up in here, same place, same time next week. Peace, we outta here. Coach Kay Wds: Thank you for having me.