Latest / Catholic Spirit Radio / Catholic Conversations #189: Harp at the Bedside: A Hospice Nurse’s Song of Comfort

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Catholic Conversations #189: Harp at the Bedside: A Hospice Nurse’s Song of Comfort · Catholic Spirit Radio

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  Catholic Conversations on Catholic Spirit Radio. Hello and welcome, friends.
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  I'm Stan Ketsick. You know, some of the best conversations happen when we simply
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  sit down together, maybe with a cup of coffee or tea in hand,
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  talk about what matters most.
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  The joys, the questions, the everyday moments where we find our faith.
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  That's the spirit of this show.
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  Welcome to Catholic Conversations. This is your place to listen in,
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  to reflect, and to feel connected. Whether you're commuting,
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  listening at home, or actually sitting with that cup of coffee,
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  we're so glad that you've joined us.
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  Each week, we explore the beauty, the depth, and the lived experience of the Catholic faith.
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  We chat with interesting guests.
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  We dive into timeless teachings and discuss how our faith illuminates our modern
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  lives. So get comfortable.
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  Let's start a conversation that matters. This is Catholic Conversations on the
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  Catholic Spirit Radio Network.
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  Today, we're discussing a heartfelt topic that at some time and in some way
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  will touch us all, and that is the hospice experience.
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  My guest is the amazing Patty Kayser. She has a gift that she shares.
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  She taught herself harp and now volunteers to play it for hospice patients.
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  Patty, it is truly an honor to talk with you. Welcome to the show.
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  Thank you for letting me be here. I'm so happy. I've been excited about this
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  because I play the ukulele and I get to talk to a fellow musician.
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  And let me first do a little background on you. From what I have been told,
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  you were a hospice nurse.
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  You were a secular Franciscan. You taught death and dying courses, or do you still teach?
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  I still do, yes. Okay. You educate families about the process of dying,
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  and you taught yourself how to play the harp, and you play the harp for hospice patients.
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  Now, that is phenomenal because I believe as I get into heaven,
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  they'll probably be playing ukulele music, but most people will hear a harp.
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  Can you tell us a little bit? I mean, let's start at the beginning.
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  You're a hospice nurse long before you were a harpist. What first called you
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  to that challenging and very sacred work?
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  Well, I've been a registered nurse now for over 40 years.
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  I graduated from U of I nursing school in Chicago, and I worked in many specialties,
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  including oncology, med-surg.
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  Alzheimer's dementia unit, home health, just numerous places.
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  I also worked in Upstock Tricks and Mother Baby and Labor and Delivery.
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  And during that time, I got a calling to work in hospice.
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  And a lot had to do with it was the point that I was becoming a Franciscan too.
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  And so I had this draw to go and serve those that were dying.
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  So I actually ended up in the same hospital that I worked, we had an inpatient
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  unit, and I ended up going to that unit, but I actually worked OB and hospice at the same time.
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  Part-time at each one, once a week each one, and I really did see how life is
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  a circle, how many of the things that happen when you're born happen when you die also.
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  Wow. Now, you said you got a calling. Now, does that mean something touched
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  your heart and said you got to do this? Definitely.
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  At that time, I was reading scripture, and I really got a calling to,
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  felt that God was calling me.
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  Okay, and you said you are a secular Franciscan.
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  Tell us what that is. It's someone who might just be driving down the road and
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  going, I wonder what that means.
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  So at that time, when I was going into hospice, I also became very active at my parish.
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  And I pretty much was so active that I became like head of second grade.
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  I was a Eucharistic minister.
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  But I still felt there was something more than I needed. something a little
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  more intense than just my parish.
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  So actually we had a speaker come and they talked about the secular Franciscans
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  and I said, oh my Lord, that's what I'm supposed to do.
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  So I went to that meeting and I've been a secular Franciscan,
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  now for almost 23 years. And it is one of the charisms of the church.
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  Like the Dominicans, Benedictines, everybody has their own charism.
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  The Franciscans, a big part of our charism is a gospel to life and life to the gospel.
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  And living simply so others can simply live, and really working for the marginalized and the poor.
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  And I consider the poor being those
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  that are sick and suffering those that are dying too
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  besides the you know financially poor so it
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  really fit in the whole servant because as
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  a nurse you're pretty much a servant um and so nursing is a wonderful profession
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  because it is very i feel franciscan um and catholic if you look at a lot of
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  the orders way back they were the first ones to start the monasteries and the
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  hospitals and And, you know,
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  so that's where the Franciscans and all this meshed together to draw me into being more of a servant.
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  Okay. So how do you even get into the hospice end of things?
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  And do you just say to someone, hey, I'd like to volunteer? And then they brought you into it?
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  Well, I mean, I was working as a nurse in it. But you just moved into that direction.
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  You had the door open because you were a nurse. Right. Exactly.
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  There is special training. you can get, and I did get certified as a hospice
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  palliative care nurse, but you don't have to.
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  As long as you have nursing skills, you can be taught what the special care is for the dying.
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  Okay. And now let me ask you, how do you go from being someone who works in
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  hospice to thinking, you know what, I'm going to be a musician.
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  I'm going to learn the harp and I'm going to,
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  entertain and help these people as they transition. I mean, that is,
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  to me, that's just beautiful.
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  So when I did start working in hospice, I worked night shift.
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  Night shift is a very spiritual time. Everything's quiet.
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  Many people are sleeping. And I thought that wouldn't it be great if I could
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  play some kind of an instrument for these patients that were dying that would help them,
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  that would reinforce God's promises of His love and His promises of mercy and of heaven.
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  And so I thought, if I can find an instrument that's simple,
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  simple yet powerful, that would be great.
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  So I began to look actually online and looked for, and this was like 23 years
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  ago, looked for an instrument that I thought I could play.
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  And I came across this instrument that had a wonderful story behind it that
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  was being used by hospice therapists, music therapists.
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  So I thought, this is perfect. And things happened that really showed me that
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  it was what I was supposed to do.
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  I really wanted to play a violin my whole life.
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  Okay. And I never got to. But when I got older and I had my first son and I
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  was like 28, 30 years old, I thought, you know, maybe I can play a violin.
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  So I bought one, a brand new one for $1,500.
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  And I took lessons for about six months. And what year was this?
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  This was back in like 2003.
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  Okay. And I ended up...
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  Taking lessons, which is wonderful because it gave me the ability to read notes.
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  Could I play the violin? Not really. It was so difficult.
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  It's about the hardest instrument to learn to play, by the way. Yes.
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  And so I tried. And then I stopped the lessons because I thought I'm really not getting anywhere.
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  I'm going to keep the music book. I'm going to practice. And maybe I'll get
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  good enough to play one or two songs.
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  So I kept that violin up in my closet and I pull it out every so often.
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  Well, when I ended up going into hospice and found this online,
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  this harp, the harp was $749 for it.
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  And at the time, I did have my son and was going to be having more children and stuff.
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  I didn't have the money for it. And I thought, you know what,
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  if I can sell that violin, I can get money, money for the harp.
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  And so I found a resale store and I went and the lady looked at it and took
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  it back and came back to me and said, did you have a humidifier by your violin?
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  And I said, a humidifier? No.
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  She goes, that's probably why you have hairline cracks within it.
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  And she's like, I'm so sorry. I know you paid quite a bit for it,
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  but all I can give you is $750.
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  Oh my goodness. And that's when I knew God was with me. Oh, my goodness.
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  That's phenomenal. Yep. It
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  was like, oh, I mean, and he gave me an extra dollar. So, so nice of him.
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  So, basically, when I did get the harp, I totally called upon the Holy Spirit
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  to give me the gift to play this. And I still do.
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  Every time I play, I have a prayer that I say. Right.
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  That calls on the Holy Spirit to give me the gift to hit the right strings at the right time.
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  I call on St. Jebel, who is the first in Scripture.
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  He is said to be the creator of the harp. And it's in Genesis, and I call on him.
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  I also call on King David because it was replicated to what they believe King
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  David's harp looked like.
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  And I call on St. Cecilia, the patron saint of musicians.
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  So I have a lot of help. You've got a powerhouse behind you.
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  And when I make a mistake, I notice that my humanness is getting in it,
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  and I'm getting nervous.
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  I'm not trusting the Holy Spirit.
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  Well, I hope you're not nervous today. A little. Oh, don't be nervous.
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  Don't be nervous. I would like you, if you would, would you play us a song right
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  now since you're talking about that. Now, do you need to say a prayer or something?
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  You just talked about a prayer. Would you like to say it out loud,
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  or is it something you say internally? No, I make the sign of the cross on the harp.
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  Oh, beautiful. Every time before I play it, and I say, Dear Lord,
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  Holy Spirit, please give me the gift to play this harp. May I hit the correct strings.
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  And Saint Jebel, pray for me.
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  King David, pray for me. And Saint Cecilia, pray for me that I play this harp. Good. Amen. Amen.
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  So this is a psalm that I often play for the dying.
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  It's, they believed, written by King David, is Psalm 34, the cry of the poor.
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  And in this, it's calling out for God to help those that are suffering.
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  So this is, The Lord Hears the Cry of the Poor. Beautiful.
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  Oh, that is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
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  Those strings go right to your heart.
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  Would you mind describing this? And the reason I'm asking you to describe the
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  harp that you're holding,
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  when I first heard that I'd be having a conversation with you,
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  and I was told you were bringing in a harp,
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  I was thinking of the old Marx Brothers movies with Harpo Marx,
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  and he would bring in this huge, huge harp that had all these things.
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  Strings, but you are holding something absolutely beautiful.
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  And to anybody listening, if you'd like to see this, I believe Anne took pictures
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  of it, and we'll have it on our Facebook or on the website.
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  But please describe this beautiful harp you're holding, Patty. Thank you. Sure.
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  It is a replica of King David's harp, taken from old Jewish shackles and history
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  records of what they think King David's harp looked like.
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  And if you remember, King David did try to soothe King Saul's spirit, which was...
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  A lot of unrest with the harp. Also, King David danced before the tabernacle
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  as it was brought into Jerusalem with this harp also.
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  So the harp is very little. It's a lap harp.
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  It's 10 strings, and anybody that does the Liturgy of the Hours will constantly
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  hear a 10-stringed harp mentioned. Okay.
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  It's taken, you hear of it constantly in the Psalms, in Scripture,
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  and in the Liturgy of the Hours, you will hear it.
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  And that's what I think is so neat about it, is I do the liturgy,
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  the hours, as Franciscan, and I constantly hear them mentioning the heart. Oh, that's beautiful.
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  So, he has engraved in it the Star of David, and it also has the Holy Spirit on it engraved.
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  It's got scripture, and it says, I will sing a new song unto thee,
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  O God, upon its instrument of ten strings, from Psalm 144. Wow.
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  It's ten open strings. It's in C minor.
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  The strings are what they are. I can't shorten them or lengthen them.
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  So I am restricted in certain songs that I can play.
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  But I can move the scale up and down. And again, that is what the lessons in
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  the violin allowed me to do.
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  So that was God's plan as far as the violin, so that I learned how to read the
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  music to be able to get to this point.
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  You know, that was a part of the journey. You had to buy that violin,
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  and you had to go, I can't play this thing.
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  And you had to find your way to the harp. And I just think that's absolutely beautiful.
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  I would also like to, on the back of it, I'm looking at it, it looks like the
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  keys go along with the strings. Now, do you have to adjust it?
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  Is it hard to tune or does it stay in tune?
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  Is it something that's pretty much there? I always thought it was interesting
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  because you would think the strings would loosen up.
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  Yeah. But they actually tighten up. Like the scale, it's quite strange,
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  which it might be because there's a bridge on top of it and stuff.
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  But truly, to tune it is pretty easy. You just take one of those little Allen
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  wrenches, I think they call it, and you kind of screw the bottom.
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  And I have a tuner, electric tuner. And I just, I don't really have to tune it that often.
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  But it's really not that bad. It is, I do play by number because I can get to
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  the strings faster. So I convert all my notes to numbers because there's only
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  10 strings. So it makes it easier.
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  I only hit two strings at the same time. I have never been able to do,
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  use all three of my fingers and hit three.
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  Someday maybe I will. Well, let me tell you, it sounded absolutely beautiful.
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  And now, when you're playing it, you don't sing with it.
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  It's just the beauty of the strings that people hear when they're listening to you. Right.
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  I do not. I don't have a good voice to sing. So, I don't sing with it.
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  Some people have sung when I have played it, but it is very peaceful, so very quiet.
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  But it is just so perfect at the bedside of those that are unconscious, really, really.
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  Especially because the tone in that is, it keeps them in a nice, sedated state.
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  Well, we'll talk a little bit more about that when we come back for break.
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  If you're just tuning in to Catholic Spirit Radio, we're talking to Patty Kayser.
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  She plays the harp for hospice patients.
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  She's got a real beautiful background when it comes to dealing with people in
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  hospice, and she was a nurse.
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  And we'll get into more of that right after the break.
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  I just want to thank everybody who's listening in right now and remind them
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  that you're listening to the Catholic Conversations program on Catholic Spirit Radio.
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  Again, Patty Kayser is our guest. We'll have more right after this break, so stay with us.
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• 17:46
  Welcome back to Catholic Conversations on the Catholic Spirit Radio Network.
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  I'm Stan Ketzig. Before the break, we were discussing all kinds of beautiful, beautiful harp music.
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  Patty Kayser is our guest today. She's a hospice. Patty, do I call you a nurse?
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  Are you a therapist for hospice? What should we actually title you as?
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  Well, currently, I just retired from nursing five weeks ago. Oh, congratulations.
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  Yes. So I right away signed up to volunteer at the two local hospitals in town. Okay.
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  And in town, we have two million listeners. True, that's Bloomington.
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  That's Bloomington, okay. And so I already started playing at the bedside for
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  hospice patients for both of those hospitals. That is wonderful.
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  Well, I have to tell you, I love what you're doing. I had hospice experience one time myself.
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  And if you don't mind, I'm going to tell you what happened.
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  I play ukulele in a band called the Ukulele Moonshiners. We play all over Illinois.
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  We have a great time doing it.
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  But one of the places we play at was a senior home.
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  And I met a gentleman there who I recognized. He was a very famous ukulele player.
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  His name was Fred Fallon, a great ukulele player, a ukulele legend.
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  And he's from Chicago. And he was there and he came up and he was going to,
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  you know, can I sit in with you guys? I said, can you sit in?
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  You're Fred Fallon. Of course you can.
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  So we developed a friendship along and we would talk on the phone and we were
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  going to go back to his place and play just before, I want to say just,
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  I hate to say this, just before his death.
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  We had scheduled to play a gig.
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  And so we were talking, I was talking to him about the songs we were going to do, and we were excited.
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  And just before we were to do the gig, I got a call from his family saying,
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  Fred has gone into hospice, and he's not doing too well. So he wanted to tell
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  you he won't be able to play at the gig.
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  And I said, oh, that's, you know, he's such a great guy. I love the guy.
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  And they said, would you mind coming to play ukulele for Fred in his hospital
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  room? And I said, would I mind?
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  It would be an honor. My only fear was that I wouldn't mess up a song or something
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  because he's such a legend.
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  When you're amongst a legend, you want to make sure you do good for him.
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  So anyway, I get to the hospital. It's in Harvey, Illinois.
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  I'm bringing my ukulele up, and Fred is in the bed, and he hasn't moved very
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  much in a couple days, and it wasn't doing too well.
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  And his family was there, and we talked, and they said, well,
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  just play something. So I started playing a Hawaiian song.
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  I don't remember if it was Somewhere Over the Rainbow or Little Grass Shack.
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  It must have been Little Grass Shack because Fred was such a character.
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  Even though he was laying in the bed, he just lifted one finger and started
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  circling it, and he smiled, and his family said, look, he hears you.
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  And I went up and I kissed him on the forehead and told him I loved him.
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  And that was such a gift to me to be able to do that for him because he's,
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  I'll tell you what a legend this guy was.
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  When Tiny Tim was on his deathbed, Fred played on his deathbed,
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  played ukulele for Tiny Tim.
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  And I got to play for Fred on his deathbed. So he was just a great guy.
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  I still have his prayer card. And every time my band plays, you have a trio of people you pray to.
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  My band touches the prayer card and we say, let's play like Fred Fallon today.
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  And only one time in the last three years, we didn't do that.
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  And I think we had a bad gig that day.
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  So Fred's always with us. But I just want to say, it was so touching.
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  And I was so excited to talk to you because you really, as people are transitioning,
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  you get to affect their mood.
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  Can you do me a favor? Tell us about maybe the first time you ever had the guts
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  to take your harp in and play.
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  Because first of all, you taught yourself how to play the harp.
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  And then you must have felt the same anxiety. gee, I hope I can do this right.
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  I did. I, you know, asked permission.
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  They were my patients. I was their nurse. Okay. So I would go and just bring
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  it to them. You knew the family a little bit. Right.
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  And I was taking care of them. So it was wonderful because I was doing everything
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  for them besides spiritually helping them by playing the instrument.
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  So that was the really nice part.
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  So what I would do is bring my heart to work. And when there was time in between
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  all my busy things I had to do, a lot of times later towards the evening...
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  I would play for them, or I would do it after I clocked out if I didn't have the time.
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  Are they talking at this time? I would play for those that were wide awake and
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  just ask them and tell them that I'm playing old Catholic songs.
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  They may bring back memories of Mass, just really of God's messages of love,
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  forgiveness, and the promises of heaven.
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  And they were just very open to it. Family, very open to it.
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  A lot of times when they were unresponsive, family was there with them,
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  and I would play for them, and it would really touch them.
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  I even had one family, they recorded me as I was playing, and they asked if
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  it's okay if they play it.
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  So they had it playing constantly by the mom's ear, the music and stuff. So yes, it really was.
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  Do you feel the Holy Spirit in the room when you're doing that? Yes, definitely.
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  And I always try, you know, it's
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  really, it's really the gift of the Holy Spirit. It's, you know, I don't.
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  Want to be proud of it, want to, you know, remain very humble that it really
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  is the Lord that has given me this gift and really to use this gift.
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  And that's why when I was asked to talk, I said, if the Spirit is calling me,
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  apparently is, I will come talk on the radio station. Oh, I'm so glad. Thank you, Spirit.
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  Appreciate this because this is so fascinating. And actually,
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  I want to ask about the hospice experience in general.
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  What is, some people don't even know So what that is, what is the difference
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  between being in the hospital or being moved into hospice?
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  Can you enlighten us a little bit? Yeah.
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  When somebody has a terminal illness, the physician will hopefully give them the option of hospice.
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  And it's either you can continue to be aggressive with the care that you're
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  getting and know that you're not going to survive.
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  Or you can stop the aggressive treatment and go to hospice. Now,
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  the big thing with hospice is it treats the symptoms that you're having.
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  It does not treat the disease. And almost everybody, no matter what they're
• 23:56
  dying from, tends to have the same kind of symptoms.
• 23:59
  Some kind of pain, maybe a nausea, restlessness, shortness of breath.
• 24:05
  There's a commonality between all when they're dying. So the specialty in hospice is symptom control.
• 24:13
  And like I said, the number one thing is actually pain. People usually have pain.
• 24:17
  So there is a special team that consists of the physician, a nurse,
• 24:23
  a nursing assistant, a social worker, chaplain.
• 24:26
  It's a major team that also can have music therapy, art therapy.
• 24:31
  Not all of them have that, but massage therapy even.
• 24:35
  And this team then comes up with a plan of care for you based on what your symptoms
• 24:41
  are, what your psychosocial needs are.
• 24:44
  And the big thing is the specialty...
• 24:48
  We're trained in this area. So compared to going to a hospital and being on
• 24:54
  a regular floor and having a regular nurse taking care of you,
• 24:58
  they might not know all the stuff that you should know when you're working in hospice.
• 25:04
  And that's why it is really good to have hospice workers taking care of you
• 25:09
  at that point, because they know the symptoms and how to treat the symptoms
• 25:13
  and aren't afraid about dosages of medications.
• 25:18
  In hospice, there's not a fear of addiction to medication.
• 25:23
  And we know that this is pretty normal. Some people need higher doses than others due to tolerance.
• 25:29
  Trying to make them comfortable. And when you're not in hospice,
• 25:33
  everybody is fearful of giving you too much.
• 25:35
  I see. And so a lot of times your pain is not being treated well.
• 25:39
  I got you. Or other symptoms because they're fearful that they're going to cause your death.
• 25:44
  They're not going to cause your death. They're going to make you comfortable
• 25:47
  so you can relax and let death happen when it's going to happen.
• 25:50
  Well, not only do you have a beautiful H-A-R-P, you have a beautiful H-E-A-R-T.
• 25:55
  And I want to know, how do you handle your own emotions when you're playing?
• 25:58
  It's such a it's a tender time yeah and
• 26:02
  your heart you must be attached to these folks too yeah I mean you do the hospice
• 26:07
  that I worked at which was in the Chicagoland area we also take we also took
• 26:12
  residents and said they could actually live with us and they could be there
• 26:16
  for quite a while so you could get pretty attached to them mm-hmm.
• 26:20
  But that is one of the things, one of the benefits of working in hospice is
• 26:24
  you realize that we are all going to die.
• 26:28
  And so it's a given you know that that person has a short period of time.
• 26:33
  So you're preparing yourself that this is, you know, this is just a short time
• 26:38
  I'm going to be with them.
• 26:40
  And I hope I help them in their journey to God.
• 26:42
  You know, when you speak of that, many of our listeners may have a loved one
• 26:46
  entering hospice or facing eternal illness. You know, one of the things that
• 26:50
  are kind of, we never know what to say.
• 26:54
  Do you have any advice for those people who are volunteering and they know? Right.
• 27:00
  Are they to show emotion? Should they be crying? You know, I don't know.
• 27:04
  Well, the big thing with it is almost always the patient knows they're dying
• 27:09
  and the person knows that they're dying. Okay.
• 27:11
  But everybody's afraid to talk about it. Yes. Because they don't want the other one to feel bad.
• 27:17
  And so it's kind of sad because sometimes you lose important,
• 27:21
  powerful conversation that can happen at the end of life.
• 27:26
  So when you do go visit a friend or family and you just find out that they are
• 27:32
  going to be in hospice or are in hospice,
• 27:34
  sometimes it's just going and holding their hand and not saying anything and letting them open up.
• 27:42
  Depending on how you are, if you're not such an open person or how close you
• 27:46
  are to that person, you can just start saying, would you want to talk about hospice, how you feel?
• 27:53
  I mean, kind of, as a nurse, I don't have a problem asking the patients.
• 27:58
  One of the things I usually will ask is, are you afraid at all?
• 28:04
  And so they'll, you know, give me an answer to that, and then they could step on to something else.
• 28:10
  And questions like is there anything left
• 28:14
  you want to do or anything special
• 28:17
  you need to communicate to somebody well that's
• 28:20
  very important there were some cases where one
• 28:23
  patient she picked out birthday cards for every year for her child that she
• 28:28
  was leaving behind and writing notes for every year up until i think she turned
• 28:33
  21 oh is that touching so and two is there anything anyone you need to reconcile with and stuff.
• 28:41
  But pretty much you have to go with how open they are. If they don't want to
• 28:45
  talk about it, they're not ready to talk about it.
• 28:48
  And they don't necessarily have to talk about it either.
• 28:51
  But a lot of times by talking, they hear themselves and then they solve their own problem.
• 28:57
  You're not there to solve any problem or to enlighten them with something.
• 29:04
  Usually the dying at the end do a life review they may do it in their head they
• 29:10
  may do it out loud they look at the past in their life and try to figure out what did it all mean,
• 29:17
  you know why was i here did i do everything i was supposed to do or you know
• 29:22
  so it's kind of a life review they may share it with you they may not.
• 29:26
  But the main thing is to be there. If they're open, be as open as you can.
• 29:31
  I always encouraged people to go into the room by themselves with the person.
• 29:38
  I always said it's very difficult to go in with your siblings.
• 29:41
  Say your parents, one of your parents is going to be passing away.
• 29:46
  And you go in with the family.
• 29:48
  It's hard to open up your heart when your brother and sister are right there.
• 29:52
  So I would encourage them to go by themselves, close the door,
• 29:55
  open your heart, talk about good times, be at times.
• 29:59
  Now, the patient could be awake or completely under, and we still believe they
• 30:05
  have the hearing that they can still hear, even though they're not responsive.
• 30:09
  To really open your heart and give them thanks for things that they did in life,
• 30:16
  just really, it's very healing for both the patient and the family.
• 30:20
  And I did it with my kids, with both of my parents when they were dying,
• 30:25
  that they all went in there separately.
• 30:27
  And you have to feel comfortable to be alone. But it is very healing.
• 30:32
  I want to ask you, can it be a joyful time? Is it always real sad?
• 30:38
  If you have a strong faith and you are...
• 30:43
  Talking about it. And I have seen a lot of people like that,
• 30:47
  that they can't wait to meet Jesus.
• 30:49
  Yeah, that's what I was referring to, kind of. It's like, hey,
• 30:53
  I'm going to be in heaven soon, that type of thing.
• 30:56
  Yes, and also the communion of saints, too, that you can't wait to see your
• 31:01
  deceased grandma and grandpa,
• 31:03
  that there is this communion of the dead, and that someday you're going to be
• 31:10
  with them, and now it's coming.
• 31:12
  But mostly, you know, the sadness is the physical, there will not be the physical
• 31:17
  presence of that person.
• 31:18
  And that is, you know, the hardest part, I think, the sad part,
• 31:23
  that you can't see them anymore. You can't hear their voice anymore.
• 31:27
  You know, I call on my mom and dad all the time to help me.
• 31:32
  In situations, I call on them to help me hear so that I, you know,
• 31:35
  don't screw up. Oh, you're fine.
• 31:39
  But that is the communion, communion of saints to call on those who have called before us.
• 31:44
  What do you know about death now that you didn't know before you were a hospice
• 31:49
  nurse and a hospice volunteer and someone who plays the harp for patients? I...
• 31:55
  What didn't I know? Well, as a nurse, you do, you know, you see death before
• 31:59
  I became a hospice nurse. I was even working in OB.
• 32:03
  Little, you know, babies, unfortunately, were dying and stuff.
• 32:07
  But one of the biggest things that I see is that really, you know,
• 32:13
  society is very scared of death.
• 32:15
  And, I mean, I've seen it through my whole career of nursing and that.
• 32:19
  And it's getting kind of even more, because if you look at, years ago,
• 32:25
  we used to have wakes two nights.
• 32:28
  Yeah, yeah. Now we've gotten down to one night. Sometimes a half hour and then a service.
• 32:33
  Exactly. It's difficult, yeah. Sometimes it's just at church in the vestibule and then gone.
• 32:39
  Years ago, before the 1920s, people had wakes in the home.
• 32:44
  And so death was very common because the antibiotics weren't. Hmm.
• 32:49
  Developed, yeah. So death was more common then.
• 32:53
  Now death is very, it's a scary thing. People don't want to think about it until
• 32:58
  somebody dies in the family.
• 33:00
  And then it's kind of in their face that, ooh, everybody's going to die.
• 33:04
  But we really, as a society, tried to not think about it. And that's one thing
• 33:09
  I love that the church does.
• 33:11
  With Lent and Advent, we are reminded that death is a part of life.
• 33:16
  So true. And Lent especially, you know, when we're marked with the ashes.
• 33:22
  You know, we're constantly, you know, told that death is going to happen.
• 33:27
  And, you know, Advent too, He came, He comes, He will come again.
• 33:31
  He will come again when either whichever comes first, His second coming or we die.
• 33:37
  So, there's a focus there about Lent especially. Yeah.
• 33:40
  Remember, man, you are dust, and to dust you shall return, as we're marked on our forehead.
• 33:45
  So again, the more, that's, to me, the bonus, the special thing about working
• 33:52
  in hospice was that it was a constant reminder that we all are going to die.
• 33:59
  And therefore, how do I feel about that? Is there something I fear about that?
• 34:04
  And if it is, if there is, what is it?
• 34:07
  And what do I need to do to overcome that fear? I love it. And I need to be ready.
• 34:12
  I need to be ready at any time. I can get in a car accident on the way home
• 34:17
  from this, and that could be it. You don't know. You never know. Yeah, you never know.
• 34:21
  That's the thing I saw in hospice. All ages, all of a sudden,
• 34:24
  you're living life. Everything's going good. Boom.
• 34:28
  You now have cancer all over, and you're in hospice.
• 34:32
  And you always think that it's way down the line, but it isn't always.
• 34:37
  And I worked with one priest who once said, it's kind of sad because people
• 34:42
  prepare more for a vacation than they do their own. Wow.
• 34:46
  That is very, very, very, very, very heart-touching. And oh,
• 34:51
  is that a beautiful, beautiful thought. Wow.
• 34:53
  That is, that is, you've got me, I got chills on that one. That's, that's something.
• 34:59
  Well, I just want to tell everybody that is tuned in, we are talking to Patty
• 35:03
  Kayser. She is a, am I saying your last name right?
• 35:05
  Yeah, that's right. Okay. All right. I just wanted to make sure that they knew
• 35:08
  about you. She is a volunteer for hospice. She plays the harp.
• 35:12
  And, you know, you might think, oh, she's one of those people,
• 35:15
  naturally talented, an amazing human.
• 35:18
  Well, she is an amazing human, but she taught herself at the harp and didn't start till the age of.
• 35:23
  Oh, gosh, that was like 20. No, maybe. Let me think now.
• 35:29
  40, like 40. Whatever it was, it doesn't matter when you start.
• 35:32
  If you're 50, I didn't learn the ukulele until I was 50.
• 35:36
  So I just want to encourage people to, first of all, be grateful for your life.
• 35:40
  If you're listening to this conversation, be grateful.
• 35:43
  And, you know, don't complain because there are people that are in a lot worse shape than you.
• 35:49
  And we have an angel sitting to my left that plays a harp just before they transition.
• 35:53
  We'll be back with more Patty Kayser and more Catholic conversations.
• 35:58
  I'm just excited today because this is such a great subject,
• 36:01
  and it's a subject people don't like to talk about, to be honest with you.
• 36:05
  No, no, they don't. And we're getting it out there today.
• 36:07
  So we'll be back right after these messages.
• 36:09
  Thank you so much for tuning in to Catholic Conversations on the Catholic Spirit Radio Network.
• 36:15
  You're listening to Catholic Conversations on Catholic Spirit Radio.
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• 36:21
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• 36:33
  Welcome back to Catholic Conversations on the Catholic Spirit Radio Network.
• 36:37
  I'm Stan Ketsick. Before the break, we were discussing all kinds of things related to hospice.
• 36:42
  We're talking with Patti Kaeser. She is a hospice nurse who just retired as
• 36:48
  a nurse, but she's also a hospice volunteer. She plays beautiful harp music,
• 36:52
  and we'll get to some of that harp music again in this segment.
• 36:55
  Patti, I'm so grateful for you to be here today. We have learned so much about
• 37:00
  what people need at the end of their life.
• 37:03
  You know, while we went to the break, you and I were talking off air with John
• 37:07
  here, and you were telling us about a survey you've taken of your patients.
• 37:10
  Would you like to kind of tell us what that's all about?
• 37:13
  Sure. Yeah, I was prompted to do a survey. The reason being,
• 37:16
  I did see, even in my own life, that people, when they pass,
• 37:22
  a lot of history goes with them.
• 37:25
  And unless you get that history, it may be gone.
• 37:29
  So it could be, you know, history of your family tree. It could be what they did in life.
• 37:35
  But my question that I asked my patients would be and was, I would look at how old they were.
• 37:42
  And I said, if you could share some words of wisdom about what you learned about
• 37:47
  this life in the past 87 years that you've lived on this earth, what would it be?
• 37:53
  And so I would ask them, and if they needed time, I'd come back to them.
• 37:59
  But here's some of the examples of things that they said.
• 38:03
  Don't smoke, never start.
• 38:08
  Sounds good. Never say never. I'd never do that. But at a different time in your life, you may.
• 38:16
  Be happy. Education's important. Stay healthy.
• 38:21
  So multiple different, and let me see, I'll give you maybe a couple more.
• 38:25
  Life is life. It's whatever you make out of it.
• 38:29
  Be nice and understanding to everybody.
• 38:32
  Stop all this fighting. Don't know how to do it, but that's what needs to happen,
• 38:37
  especially these wars that have been going on for thousands of years. Amen.
• 38:42
  So all these things, and what I would do is, I would wait until after the patient
• 38:48
  had expired, and I would let the family know, this is what they wanted to broadcast to the world. Wow.
• 38:55
  So my thing, like I said, is, you know, ask questions now.
• 39:00
  Yeah. Write it down now. by me working in hospice, it gave me this wisdom to do this.
• 39:07
  And I interviewed my mom and dad like you wouldn't believe.
• 39:10
  I have writing of their whole history. And my dad especially was important because
• 39:15
  he lived in Poland and was taken by the Germans and was made to work on a farm.
• 39:21
  So I got so detailed that my sister and I went to Europe and followed his footsteps
• 39:29
  Oh, my goodness. And all the places that he was.
• 39:32
  And it was kind of neat because what I did is I took a picture of him from the
• 39:37
  time that he lived there, like when he was younger. I made multiple little pictures.
• 39:43
  And I laminated him, and on the back, I said, I was here in 1942.
• 39:47
  And he left his picture everywhere, all over Europe. Oh, my goodness.
• 39:52
  You know, now you're going to make me cry. Would you do us a favor and play
• 39:55
  another song? That is beyond touching. Oh, my gosh.
• 39:59
  Wow. That is really something. I mean, you got a chance to walk in your father's footsteps. Yep.
• 40:07
  Oh, my goodness. Because basically, I asked him.
• 40:10
  Do you need anything that just fell on the ground? I'll be happy to get it.
• 40:13
  Okay, I'll get it. You, you.
• 40:15
  Yeah, it really was a blessing that I, I had the insight to get,
• 40:20
  to get the information that we could do that and go, you know,
• 40:24
  meet our family there and just go to every spot that he was.
• 40:28
  That is, I just, I love that. Well, as you say your prayer before you do the
• 40:34
  beautiful music you're about to make, let's dedicate this to your father.
• 41:31
  Oh, Patty. Wow. Wow. Patty Kayser doing a beautiful song. What was the name of that song?
• 41:37
  I Have Love to You. I Have Love to You, dedicated to your father.
• 41:40
  And we just heard a beautiful story about you taking the footsteps of your father
• 41:45
  with your sister. Man, that's amazing.
• 41:48
  Do you, have you ever, out of all of your experiences, is there one that you
• 41:52
  hold closest to your heart, something not with your family, but with one of
• 41:56
  your patients that you might have had all these years, something you could talk about?
• 42:00
  I do. When I first started nursing, I was in oncology.
• 42:04
  And there was, he was headed towards hospice.
• 42:08
  And he was really one that was such a kind soul. And even though,
• 42:13
  you know, the thing is, even though people are in a period where,
• 42:16
  you know, there's fear, there is anxiety, you still see the goodness of people.
• 42:23
  And that just really, you know, showed me how nursing is just such a blessing to work in.
• 42:30
  To me, it is a wonderful profession where you can give and you get,
• 42:36
  you know, you can give your love and you get love back.
• 42:39
  And you truly see the soul of a person when they're, you know,
• 42:43
  to the point of dying and stuff.
• 42:47
  Do you feel that when you are in a room with someone and you are doing,
• 42:54
  you know, a musical performance,
• 42:56
  could you walk us through, like, do they ever request songs or does a family
• 43:00
  ask you to do anything or you just, you kind of tell them, this is what I'm going to do?
• 43:05
  Right. Typically what I will do is say that, okay, I'm going to play I Have
• 43:09
  Loved You and I'll read the words of the song.
• 43:13
  Okay. And I'll say, you know, that, you know, God is telling you,
• 43:16
  I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have called you, and you are mine.
• 43:21
  I have loved you, and I have called you. And so, I will reinforce what the words
• 43:28
  are since I'm not singing them.
• 43:30
  And a lot of times they will recognize them. Maybe sometimes they won't. I don't know.
• 43:35
  But basically, I have a whole, like, probably like 20 songs.
• 43:40
  Like I just played like two weeks ago, and I played for like an hour for the,
• 43:45
  you know, and it's nice. I have like a light for my stand, so I don't need to
• 43:51
  put light in the room or anything.
• 43:53
  It can be very dark in there, and yet I still pray. And as I'm playing, I'm praying too.
• 44:00
  I was going to ask you, do they ask you to pray with them? Do they like afterwards?
• 44:03
  Do they say, would you mind praying with me?
• 44:06
  Right, I would. Yes. Okay. Yeah, I do. I would pray with them too.
• 44:09
  This one on the patient was unresponsive. I was praying in my head.
• 44:13
  Okay. And that, so, yes.
• 44:16
  Have you ever had any experiences where you felt, were you there when someone passed while you were?
• 44:22
  A lot of times, well, not a lot of times, but several times I played after they passed. Okay.
• 44:28
  When the chaplain would say a prayer and then I would play the music.
• 44:32
  Oh, that has to be soothing for the family. Right.
• 44:35
  What kind of comments do you get from families when you're in there?
• 44:38
  They must really love the fact that somebody is coming in to do this. Yes.
• 44:42
  They, you know, thank me for it. But again, I say it's the Holy Spirit.
• 44:46
  God is letting you know that He loves you. That is amazing. We're talking to Patty Kayser.
• 44:50
  She plays the harp at the hospices that you work with. Do you want to give the information?
• 44:57
  Well, I mean, the two main hospitals in Bloomington. Bloomington's you play for?
• 45:01
  I haven't started yet with the one. It's supposed to start very soon,
• 45:06
  but the other one I already started playing.
• 45:07
  And I know if you're listening right now, you look forward to hearing Patty,
• 45:10
  but not too soon. Yes, right.
• 45:13
  I'm just kidding. But, you know, I just think, is there humor involved ever, dude? Do people laugh?
• 45:19
  You know, that's why I was asking about celebrations. I think it should be joyful.
• 45:23
  You are bringing joy to people when you do this. And you brought joy to John
• 45:26
  and I today. John is smiling over there. I was smiling.
• 45:29
  It really touches our hearts. So it's just beautiful that you do this.
• 45:33
  Yeah. I mean, it's definitely a calling. Like, not everybody,
• 45:37
  you know, is into this kind of thing. It definitely...
• 45:41
  It was just a calling from God to, you know, expand my role as a nurse into this area.
• 45:47
  What if somebody listening to this conversation right now would like to help
• 45:51
  out at hospice? What would your suggestion of them be, even if they're not a musician?
• 45:55
  Or are there other entertainment things that they do for people?
• 45:59
  I mean, hospice is part of the team is a volunteer.
• 46:04
  It's a requirement from Medicare that they have volunteers. The volunteers,
• 46:08
  there are different tasks that they can do.
• 46:10
  Just sit with the patient, patient visit. Are you trained then?
• 46:14
  Yes. They train you. Hospice will.
• 46:16
  You say, call up and give them your name. Hospice will do the rest and they'll train you. Right.
• 46:20
  You would call any. And it's not just, I'm working with the hospitals,
• 46:25
  but there are just home health hospices too. Oh, people are in their homes?
• 46:30
  So they have hospice visits. Do you ever visit in the home?
• 46:33
  Well, yeah. Yeah, see, the whole thing is, and I would have to say that hospice
• 46:38
  in general, the biggest thing
• 46:40
  fallacy about hospice is that people think hospice is 24-7 care of a patient
• 46:48
  by staff and that all of everything's covered. And that is not true.
• 46:55
  Basically, like most of the patients, like 99% are taken care of in the home by the family.
• 47:03
  And what hospice does is come in like two to three times a week,
• 47:09
  a nurse for an hour to visit the family, educate them, make suggestions.
• 47:15
  And then a home health aide comes out twice a week or more to bathe the patient and everything.
• 47:21
  It's not a 24-7 kind of care where they're taken care of. So family is the one really giving the care.
• 47:29
  So there are, like the facility that I worked at was a freestanding hospice.
• 47:35
  There is one in Peoria. What does that mean, freestanding? That means it's solely
• 47:39
  for inpatient hospice care. Oh, I see. Okay.
• 47:42
  The one that I worked for, though, took residence where you can pay,
• 47:47
  kind of like a nursing home, where you pay a daily amount and you can live there,
• 47:50
  but you're being taken care of by hospice staff.
• 47:53
  That is the ideal.
• 47:56
  But there is a freestanding hospice in Peoria, and that is the closest to what
• 48:02
  I worked at. but I don't believe they have residential though.
• 48:06
  There are different levels of care, and routine care is where they're at home
• 48:11
  or a nursing home or assisted living, and the nurse comes to visit them.
• 48:15
  There's also respite care where the family needs a break, and they're either
• 48:20
  given five days where the patient can go inpatient to a hospital or a nursing
• 48:24
  home, and they're totally taken care of, and it's free.
• 48:28
  And then you have what's called general inpatient, which is the highest level of care.
• 48:33
  And that is covered 100% by hospice, but there is stringent criteria for it.
• 48:39
  And that is, those are the patients that are inpatient at the hospitals because
• 48:44
  their symptoms can't be controlled at home.
• 48:47
  They've tried everything and their pain is too bad and maybe they need to be on a drip.
• 48:52
  So there's different levels of care with it. You teach courses in, is it grief? No.
• 48:59
  So I've been teaching throughout my career in hospice.
• 49:04
  One time I taught at a church and gave all of the stories that families have
• 49:09
  given me about communication after death.
• 49:12
  And that's a whole other topic. We got another show, John.
• 49:16
  That is very interesting. I can just imagine.
• 49:20
  Oh, my. So I taught a class about that. I have taught to my Franciscans several
• 49:25
  classes just on dying and preparing for death.
• 49:29
  And my main role as a hospice nurse, besides giving medication and treating
• 49:37
  the symptoms, was education. Mm-hmm.
• 49:41
  Families feel out of control. They don't know what's going on.
• 49:44
  And what makes them feel like they're in control is if they know what's going
• 49:48
  to happen potentially next.
• 49:51
  So educating them what they may be seeing next in the dying process helps relieve their anxiety.
• 49:58
  So education has always been the gift God gave me because I'm the one that always
• 50:04
  educated all the new nurses coming in, the students that are coming in.
• 50:08
  And I just kept being thrown into these education roles.
• 50:11
  I'm like, okay, Lord, that's where you're sending me. And the same thing.
• 50:14
  I mean, I have gotten so much wisdom from working with the dying that I don't
• 50:20
  want to keep it to myself.
• 50:21
  I want to share that wisdom. Yeah, I think that's wonderful.
• 50:25
  At the beginning, we talked about you being a nurse, and we were talking about
• 50:29
  the palliative care versus hospice.
• 50:31
  Can you go over that real quick just to let me know what the difference of that? Right.
• 50:35
  Palliative care, the biggest difference is that palliative care is for those
• 50:41
  patients that have a chronic illness that they most likely are going to die
• 50:45
  from, but it's not going to be in the next six months. I see.
• 50:48
  It's going to be longer than that. Okay. And that is the thing,
• 50:52
  the criteria for hospice is you have to, it has to be thought that you're going
• 50:57
  to die in the next six months.
• 50:59
  The other difference with palliative care is that there isn't,
• 51:04
  it's not as structured as hospice is.
• 51:09
  It just really hasn't taken off like hospice did. And even the Medicare benefits
• 51:15
  for it are not really clear.
• 51:17
  The team it still has a team approach but
• 51:20
  hospice has more team members than they do and.
• 51:24
  It's just it really a lot of times they kind of work together like in the hospital
• 51:29
  there may be a palliative care nurse practitioner that's going around and seeing
• 51:34
  patients that are really ill and their their goal is to really the overall goal
• 51:40
  with palliative care is to try to.
• 51:43
  Better their quality of life, and try to avoid constant readmissions to the hospital, too.
• 51:50
  So the focus is, you know, a little different. I mean, we still in hospice want
• 51:55
  quality of life to the very end, but we're very, very into the symptom control.
• 52:00
  They are, too, but we're definitely, you know, deeper than that.
• 52:05
  There are, you know, some of the downsides to palliative care is there may be
• 52:09
  limited services in the area that you live.
• 52:12
  There may be lack of professionals that were trained in palliative care.
• 52:17
  Insurance coverage is not fully covered on all aspects of it.
• 52:22
  And there's poor coordination between different health care settings with it.
• 52:27
  So you can have like fragmented care.
• 52:30
  So I think that we really, they haven't.
• 52:34
  They haven't gotten that deep into figuring out how to really make it work.
• 52:39
  The idea is good that you want to have the best quality, know that they're probably
• 52:45
  going to die from this, but it might not be for a year or two.
• 52:48
  Another big difference, too, is the palliative care can have curative treatment
• 52:55
  done, whereas in hospice, when you're in hospice, you have to stop the curative treatment.
• 53:01
  Well, in all of your nursing and the beautiful volunteer work that you've done
• 53:07
  for hospice and your work with hospice and other situations,
• 53:11
  have you seen any miracles?
• 53:13
  You know what? I truly think a lot of times, well, that the miracles happen
• 53:18
  before you've gotten to hospice.
• 53:20
  I really have not seen, I mean, I have, one thing I have seen,
• 53:26
  though, people have come into hospice and then they graduate out because maybe
• 53:31
  they had a stroke and the stroke,
• 53:33
  after strokes, you can be pretty out of it.
• 53:36
  But then the brain can start to find other paths and take over different areas.
• 53:42
  And all of a sudden they start to improve.
• 53:45
  So there have been cases like that where they came in and they looked bad and
• 53:49
  they looked like they were going to die.
• 53:50
  But within a week or two, they started waking up and they moved,
• 53:55
  actually stopped hospice and went to rehab.
• 53:58
  That's good. That's mostly, but I haven't seen where they've,
• 54:01
  you know, like they have, really, I haven't seen a major miracle.
• 54:05
  More all of a sudden they were dying and boom, they're not.
• 54:09
  You know that, yeah. My last question for you before we kind of wrap this up.
• 54:14
  What do you think about life when you hear people complaining now?
• 54:20
  When you see what's going on every time you go into a room where someone is, their life is ending.
• 54:28
  And, you know, you might hear someone go, oh, I'm just, I'm tired of politics.
• 54:32
  I'm tired of the world. I'm tired of everything.
• 54:35
  Right. Give them some advice. Yeah, I mean...
• 54:39
  You really have to think that, you know, we're here for a certain time, and time is our gift.
• 54:46
  What are you going to do with your time? Are you going to spend it complaining?
• 54:50
  Yes. Are you, you know, making little stuff get y'all anxious and worried in
• 54:56
  the realm of things is really important?
• 54:59
  Use your time. Time is a gift, and use the gifts that you've been given in your time.
• 55:06
  You have given us the gift of the heart today.
• 55:09
  Patty Kayser, I can't thank you enough. If you would mind, could you play as I read us out?
• 55:16
  Would that bother you if someone's talking while you're playing?
• 55:20
  Or if it is, I'll just be quiet and then I'll do the exit. But we can just let you play us out.
• 55:25
  I can just let everybody know that that brings an end to today's Catholic Conversations
• 55:30
  on Catholic Spirit Radio.
• 55:31
  We have been blessed with Patty Kayser. She has a beautiful harp and she plays
• 55:37
  this for hospice patients. She's a volunteer.
• 55:40
  It's my hope in our discussion today that we've offered you not just food for
• 55:44
  thought, but maybe a spark of encouragement for your own faith journey.
• 55:47
  Remember, our faith is a living conversation with God, with the church, and with each other.
• 55:52
  If you missed any part of today's show or you want to revisit our conversation,
• 55:55
  you can find it on our podcast at catholicspiritradio.com.
• 55:59
  Thank you for spending time with us on the Catholic Spirit Radio Network today. I'm Stan Ketzik.
• 56:05
  That's Patty Kayser playing the beautiful ten-string harp. Thank you for spending
• 56:09
  some time with us. I'm going to be quiet now and just listen.
• 56:12
  Thank you, Patty. Thank you.