Latest / Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community / The Village We All Need | Deb Richards

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The Village We All Need | Deb Richards · Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community

0:02
Their dreams are more, you know, having enough food, having
0:06
a safe house, having a yard for the kids to play
0:09
in. Just safety and stability. Some
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of them have some dreams about things they'd like to do.
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Most of the time, it's how to make the system work better. And
0:21
I think some of them will be system changers one
0:25
day once they can think further than the
0:29
present moment. Some care is easy to
0:32
notice. A meal dropped off, a gift given,
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a moment that feels complete. But most care
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doesn't look like that. I'm Johan, producer of Neighborly.
0:44
In this conversation, Shannon sits down with Deb Richards,
0:48
someone who has spent years walking alongside young moms, many of
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whom are caring more than we ever see. There are no quick wins
0:55
here, no instant transformations. Just the
0:59
steady work of showing up, building trust, and staying when
1:03
things are hard. And over time, something
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begins to grow. Not just support, but community.
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A kind of care that doesn't fix everything, but makes sure that no
1:14
one is carrying it alone. Let's join Shannon at
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the table. Good morning, Deb. I am so glad
1:22
that you are here today on the podcast. Well, you
1:26
are just such an incredible leader
1:29
in our community, really. You work at
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Youth for Christ and are overseeing the Young Parents program.
1:37
And I can't wait just to hear some of your background and your
1:41
stories of how you've gotten into this. But first, we always start off
1:45
with the same question for everybody growing up, who was a neighbor
1:49
that you'll never forget? My best friend's
1:52
parents. They were my favorite. They just welcomed everyone in,
1:56
and the house was always light.
2:00
There was a lot of laughter. They loved to be silly. They loved to tease.
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Everyone was just brought in with one big, giant hug.
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That is beautiful. It's crazy how
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much we remember how people make us feel,
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whether it's somebody that we, you know, you had a relationship
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with that family or if, you know, even just strangers. Like, we never forget
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that. And it's so neat how that
2:27
stayed with you. How old were you, I guess, when you first met them?
2:31
Eight, maybe? Yeah. Okay. Well, I'd love to hear a little
2:35
bit about how you found your way into the work
2:38
you're doing now. Where did that. That start from?
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And why are you here?
2:46
Yeah, it started back in high school. You know,
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one of my good friends found herself pregnant,
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and I lived in a small community,
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and it was a very churchy community. And
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I was scared for her, that she'd have a lot of judgment. And
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instinctively I just was like, she needs support, not judgment. You
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know, that just always stayed with Me, and I just always had that soft spot
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for teen moms, for people who
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found themselves suddenly on the outside, for people who needed
3:20
a lot of support. And so it was always kind of playing
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in the back of my heart of like, I'd love to serve
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young teen moms and help them get established, help them
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stabilize. And so I
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first heard about the Crisis Pregnancy center way back in the
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day and started volunteering with them. Learned a lot through them.
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And through them, I learned what love looks like in a
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whole new way where you just, again, you walk into that space and it's
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just love. And so
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when Youth for Christ started a teen moms program way back
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30 years ago, I helped get it started in our church
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and worked with that for a while and kind of bounced in and out of
4:07
it as I was raising our kids and
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then found that it wasn't really working for us. And I just needed
4:15
to get a job to help pay the bills and raise the kids. And
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then I was feeling really bored and
4:22
unsettled in the job that I was at. And I was just like, God,
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you've grown me so much, to the point where I just felt like I had
4:30
such a good relationship with him, and I just. I wanted to serve him.
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I wanted to do more than what I was doing. And so
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God brought this young mom as an intern to the place that I was
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working at, and one morning he says, well, what about
4:45
her? Are you ready to go back and love the young mums again?
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I was like, oh, let me think
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about that. Because
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it's not just a walk in the park. It requires a lot
5:01
of effort and showing up for people in hard spots.
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Yeah, well, that's kind of what I was going to ask next. Like, I imagine.
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I imagine you experience so much, and it's probably really
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powerful to walk with these young parents. But what
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keeps you showing up when the days do get hard or when
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maybe you see setbacks?
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Something that we do here a lot that my boss encouraged
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me to do right from day one, was to keep something that he
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called a journal of celebrations, or what sometimes I
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like to call evidence of God at work. And really
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it's a practice of noticing the little things.
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Because when you're working with people that have experienced a lot
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of trauma, that are often in crisis,
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it's not a fast work. And so in order to keep
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showing up every day and just walking alongside of them, you
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have to notice where God is showing up. And it might
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be that they responded to a message that you sent them.
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It might Be that they actually showed up for group. Wow. It might
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be that they shared something really hard with you or they let you pray with
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them for the first time. There are so many things written in our
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journal of celebrations over the year, you know, and often
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it really is just those little things, you know, I mean,
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holding a baby for the first time, being with a mom when she's
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giving birth, all those things are amazing. And they're kind of
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like those watershed moments where God, like, really shows up. Right. But
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noticing in the hard, where God shows up, where
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they're willing to just trust a little bit more,
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where they've shared something hard and you haven't walked away, so
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they trust you a little bit more. That keeps you coming back
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and waiting to see what God will do. Yeah. I
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love that you gave some of those specific examples of what
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it looks like, because I think it's
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easy for people to be drawn to ways to
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serve that have kind of an immediate result and kind of instant
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gratification. And that's not inherently bad. But
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that longer term, walking with
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somebody that, like, deep relationship, just being
7:23
consistent, that takes a lot of patience, I
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think, and takes persistence. Can you tell
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me about some of the young parents that you get to walk alongside
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and what that's like?
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There was a couple of moms way back in the day.
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They were both 15 maybe. Wow.
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And they were due about a month apart. They
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came from very different backgrounds, but they really bonded over
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their pregnancy, and it was really fun to watch. They were both so excited
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to have babies. Aw. And
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it ended up that they were both born same day,
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nine minutes apart. So we affectionately called them our twins.
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Yeah. And it was really fun to watch
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these little girls grow up and also watch their moms grow up and
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just walk with them through the good, the bad, and the
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ugly, you know, just to watch them keep showing up for their
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kids, be able to keep showing up for them and encourage them.
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That was a real joyful time. I mean, there was lots of heart in
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there too, but it just makes my heart smile when I think about them.
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That was quite a while ago. That was near the beginning of when I started
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at yfc. And, you know, some of the moms, like,
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we've walked with them, one mom since the beginning of
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COVID You know, I met her when she was 18 years old
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and just had her first baby and just growing that trust
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and she. She became the mom that invited all her mom
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friends to come and get support and really build up the community,
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you know. Wow. She's the mom that was always
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looking for things and it was always for other people,
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you know, oh, I know this mom who needs this. Can we go
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get that for her? Yes. You know, can I, can we
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go help this mom over here? This mom needs help, you know, and
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so she's building up that village and
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seeing beyond herself in so many ways, which was
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really cool to witness. One of our favorite
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things right now is watching how our moms come into community
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and support each other. And we have like a chat that we
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have going. And so one mom says, oh, I need prayer. And then
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all the moms are like, I'll pray for you, I'll pray for you. They're sending
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Bible verses, they're encouraging each other and
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that just sometimes we just don't even enter that conversation because it's just
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so beautiful to see them care for each other. They've built
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that village for each other that they're not alone.
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And so that is what everyone needs. They need a village. They
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need people to be in their corner. Yeah, that's
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been on my mind recently is my sister in law is about to have a
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baby and they had. Daycare was closed. They have a two year old
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also and daycare was closed for
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spring break about a week ago and I was on the phone with
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her and asking about, oh, where's my brother, you know, what's he up to?
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And she said, oh, he's driving our 2 year old 4 hours
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to my parents so they could watch him. During this
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time that daycare was closed. And she says it takes a village.
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And we hear that phrase. And
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something I've been thinking about too is like, you have to be a villager
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in order to have that village and being
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willing to invest in others and receive
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it. It's not one or the other. No, it really isn't.
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I love, I love that. Even said sometimes you guys
11:03
don't even engage in that chat when, when women are supporting one
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another because like that's the goal. I would, I would imagine, right,
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that you are supporting women who then get to support each other.
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That's incredible. Exactly. Yeah, yeah.
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And it always makes me sad when they isolate and don't let anyone
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in because that's when things go wrong. That's when
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you fall into a deep state of depression. That's when
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life gets really, really hard. If you don't have anyone to share your burdens
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with, I don't know how you do it. So we're
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always encouraging them to like reach out, respond back. And
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that's why even it's so important when you just get those messages back,
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you know, because it's easy to just say, no, I don't want to talk to
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anyone. But when you do reach out, your life automatically
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just gets that little bit brighter. Right. And you don't feel so alone
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anymore. Yeah. What are some of the
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realities that these young moms are carrying that
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people might not see? They're carrying
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their childhood, their teenage years that didn't quite get lived
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out how they thought. They're carrying a lot of
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baggage. A lot of them have been through the foster care system themselves,
12:17
and so there's always that background fear of their
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kids entering the foster care system. And
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they know very well their experiences. And
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while some foster experiences can be very
12:32
good, there can also be a lot of bad. And just that
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separation from your biological family is
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a trauma, even if it means that you're safer.
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You never stop missing your parents or your
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grandma. And so there's a lot of
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articles going around about that gap of not
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having a mother yourself and then becoming a mother. And
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that is a very real thing. You never stop missing your
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mom. And a lot of these
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moms and the dads, they didn't have
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stable parents growing up, or they were removed
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for whatever reason. And so they're learning how
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to parent without that mom to guide them without
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that mom maybe to call when the nights are long.
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So that's very real for them. And their
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losses in their lives are very significant. And the
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trauma is real. Jesus provides healing. But
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when you've never had anyone that you can really trust,
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how do you learn to trust Jesus? It's a slow process
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when you think of how long it takes us. Like, for
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me, I grew up in a Christian home learning about Jesus all my life.
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And still sometimes it can be hard to trust.
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Right. And so when you've never had that, it's that much
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harder to trust. So that's why we really celebrate when they do choose to trust
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us, you know? So, yeah, there's a lot of hidden baggage. And they're still trying
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to get up every day and take care of their kids and just get
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through each day. And there isn't a lot of room for
14:15
extra emotional energy. There isn't what we would think of
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normal. Like, their normal looks completely different. And so, like,
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the question is always, like, what do you want?
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Where do you see yourself? Can you even dream right now?
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If you have one dream, what is it? It's always about their kids.
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I want my kids to be healthy and happy and safe. I want to
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Give my kids everything I didn't have. I want to. It's all about their
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kids every time. Wow. While you're talking
14:46
about that, something I wonder is how much of
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what you're doing through this program is helping
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people learn how to dream. Good question.
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And I don't know, it just came to mind because I think about, you know,
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so many people who are experiencing trauma
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and. Or poverty that, you know, it can kind of be
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like, I'm just trying to get through the day or get through the week and
15:12
provide the next thing that there isn't this even,
15:16
like, thought to consider or time to think about the future to think
15:19
about. Like, what are my dreams for myself? I guess. How do you see that
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show up? Maybe that's a better question.
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Yeah. That's something that is really hard.
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And we sometimes do try to talk about it with them.
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It sometimes goes farther than other times.
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Sure. Depending on where the mums are at. Yeah. And again, they're not
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dreaming about going to the moon or
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traveling all over the world. Maybe in odd moments they
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do, but their dreams are more,
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you know, having enough food, having a safe house,
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having a yard for the kids to play in,
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just safety and stability. Some of them have some
16:04
dreams about things they'd like to do. Most of the
16:08
time, it's how to make the system work better. Yeah. And
16:12
I think some of them will be system changers one
16:16
day once they are
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stabilized, once they can think further than
16:24
the present moment. Yeah. Yeah. In this podcast,
16:28
we've, over various episodes, talked a little bit about
16:31
CarePortal. And in the last episode, I shared
16:35
kind of some of my experiences, helping to oversee this.
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This network of requests coming in and helping train
16:42
churches. And for those who don't know, the Young Parents
16:46
program, you and your staff sometimes are ones that
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submit needs into care portals so that nearby churches can help
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come alongside those moms and dads that you're serving.
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Can you think of a time where a request went out and
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something about the response stood out to you or
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just a story from any of those connections?
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Yeah. We've received quite a lot of support from Careportal. And whether it's like a
17:13
stroller or a crib or some groceries,
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the moms are always really appreciative. This Christmas,
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we got to try a new experiment with you guys with
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having people buy gifts for our kids.
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And I was a little hesitant at first, honestly,
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but the response we got from our moms just really blew me
17:37
away. One of the moms, when I messaged
17:41
her to ask her if this was something that would be helpful.
17:45
She just said, thank you, Jesus. Like, this had
17:49
been such a heavy burden on her heart,
17:52
wanting to give her kids Christmas. Yeah.
17:56
And so knowing that
18:00
someone else was gonna go out and buy her kids
18:04
Christmas presents to make sure they weren't forgotten
18:07
on Christmas Day was
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just such an answer to prayer for her. So when I asked her
18:15
what she thought her kids would like, she said, it
18:18
doesn't even matter. It's just that someone thought of us.
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Wow. And you know what? It's really humbling
18:26
when you hear something like that, because we get caught up in our own
18:30
concerns and everyone does, but
18:34
just that mother's heart to want to do
18:38
good for her kids and not sure how she's going to do it. Right. And
18:41
then Jesus steps in. Yeah. With Christmas gifts. Yeah.
18:45
And that's a beautiful thing. Wow. Yeah. Another
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mom from that Christmas gifts drive was.
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She was thrilled that the person from the
18:57
church through careportal would like, message her and
19:00
also ask what her son would like and gave her choices.
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Said, I was looking at these things. Which one do you think your son would
19:08
love? And that giving that mom a voice
19:12
to choose was a
19:15
wonderful experience for her. It wasn't someone just being like, ah,
19:19
here, here's something for you because you need it kind
19:23
of thing. It was treating them like valued
19:27
people. Yeah. You know, everyone wants to be seen,
19:31
known, and loved. Right. And so every time
19:35
you do something like that, you're adding value to their person. Yeah.
19:39
And so often I think for me,
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it's. It's easy to take for granted the amount
19:46
of agency and choice I have when it comes to just
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how I live. You know, I can choose, do I want
19:54
to go work at a coffee shop today, or do I want to work from
19:57
home, or, you know, do I want to make a coffee or
20:01
do I want to go buy a coffee? You know, like, just these, like, simple
20:04
choices. Or. Or even when it comes to, like, Christmas, like, oh,
20:08
thinking about, what do I want to get my mom for Christmas this year? Not
20:12
am I going to be able to give my mom. You know, I think it's
20:15
so important that we create ways for people
20:19
who often have a lot of choices made for them,
20:22
can have that choice and can have that
20:26
sense of dignity and that. That just being a human that
20:30
you. You can decide what do you want to give your kid this year?
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And someone's going to help support you with getting that item,
20:38
but you get to choose what that is, and you get to wrap it and
20:41
give it to them on Christmas morning. That's community.
20:45
Yeah. And that even just the wrapping the gift yourself was something
20:49
that I requested for each of the gifts. Just like, send wrapping
20:52
papers, send tape, let the mom do the mom
20:56
thing. Every mom wants to wrap that gift to put it under
21:00
the tree for their kiddo. Yeah. And it's sometimes in those little details,
21:04
right? Like, yeah, just even in the gifts we
21:08
give them or in the ways we show up for them, sometimes it's just those
21:11
little details. You know, during COVID when we
21:15
couldn't go have group, we'd just go to them. We'd call it our coffee
21:19
ministry. And we'd just show up at the door with coffee and timbits and like,
21:22
stand on their doorstep and chat for 15 minutes just to make sure. Yeah.
21:26
That they saw another human face. Yeah. I love that we're talking
21:30
about again, kind of we said this at the beginning, but just how
21:34
people feel, because that makes so much difference.
21:38
When you feel supported, when you feel cared for, you can
21:41
ideally be more confident and feel like, okay, I might not have
21:45
all the answers for how to, you know, be a mom today, but
21:49
I, I, I know I have people in my corner and that I can do
21:52
it. So one question. Yeah, one question I have is what have you
21:56
learned that actually makes a difference in those early
21:59
parenting seasons? And as a mom yourself, I don't
22:03
have that experience. And so just from all that you've gotten to walk with people
22:06
through, what have you learned? Wow.
22:10
A lot. And I feel like also not a lot sometimes.
22:14
Yeah. Because every experience is new. Right. And so
22:18
you have the years of built up wisdom, but, but
22:22
not assuming that, you know, what they need would be
22:25
step number one, based on my own experiences in life,
22:29
like from my neighbor, from my grandma, of just being
22:33
that welcoming presence, you know, like
22:36
for every mom and child that walks through the door, you're excited to see them.
22:40
You're going to check in with them, you're going to make sure that they're
22:44
seen, make sure that someone knows them,
22:48
make sure that they feel loved. And so in those early days
22:52
of parenting, you know, celebrating with them, this
22:56
is a new life, this is their new child.
22:59
And it's someone that God has created and loves.
23:04
So rejoicing with them, having the privilege
23:07
to hold that new baby and to pray over that new
23:11
child and to bless them, sometimes bringing a
23:15
meal, sometimes just those texts
23:18
to say how it's going. For a little while, we had a doula
23:22
who could go and do all the supporting things
23:26
after children were born, and so she could go and hold
23:30
the baby so the mom could have a shower, she could wash the
23:34
bottles, she could help with nursing, you know,
23:38
do laundry. This last week, we had
23:41
a mom come by for a group. Her baby is a week and a half
23:45
old. She had that exhausted new mom look about her, and
23:48
she's, like, trying to hold it all together. And I said, right now, your only
23:52
job is, like, holding the baby, feeding the
23:56
baby, and keeping the baby clean. Laundry will
24:00
wait. Everything else will wait. Just, like, be good to
24:03
yourself. Yeah. You know, like every new mom, you need to
24:07
remember to be good to yourself, because life just changed.
24:11
You're doing something that you haven't done before. Even if you've had
24:14
three kids, this is a new child with new needs.
24:19
And your body's gone through a lot, so it's
24:23
doing what anyone would want done for them,
24:27
you know? And when you stop to think what has supported
24:31
you, then go and do that for someone else.
24:35
That's what being a village is about. When you've received,
24:39
give it back out to someone else. And, you
24:43
know, if you want to learn generosity, like, these moms
24:46
blow me away every time they're in the midst of
24:50
all their own stuff, and another mom comes in that's more
24:54
needy than them. They just love
24:57
her. Wow. They speak words of love over her.
25:01
They hold her while they cry. They stop everything
25:05
else they're doing to be there for them. Oh, you need this. I'll
25:09
give you this. Oh, there's. There's a homeless person over
25:13
there. I'm gonna give them this leftover food that program gave me to
25:17
take home. Like, their hearts are generous
25:20
to those who are also suffering.
25:25
There's so much to learn from them. That
25:28
kind of goes back to this idea of, like you said, not assuming what
25:32
people need. And so I think taking that a step further, of not having an
25:36
expectation that there's always others that need the help
25:41
and we're not. But actually, like, those that
25:44
were serving and loving and helping actually can serve in
25:48
love as well. And I think that's not always maybe
25:52
something we say, but I think sometimes this kind of internal, especially in
25:56
church communities, like you said, very churchy worlds.
25:59
And I love what you said that, you know, it might not
26:03
seem like on the outside someone has a lot to give, but then they
26:07
still give. I think that's really important that people understand,
26:10
is we can have a lot going on in our
26:14
world and a lot of needs ourselves, but that
26:18
doesn't have to stop us from finding ways To Care.
26:21
That's right. You know, all. All those ways you listed of sending a text or,
26:25
you know, making extra of your own dinner and bringing that to a
26:29
new mom or bringing that to your neighbor, all of these
26:33
small ways actually become. Become how we live
26:36
in community and how we be a village, just like you said.
26:40
Yep, exactly. Deb, thank you so much for coming
26:43
on today. I have just loved getting to hear your
26:47
wisdom. And I think about when I become a new mom, I'm going to have
26:51
to call you and. And get all the tips. You bet. Just thank you
26:54
for. For being willing to share. We are so blessed by
26:58
you and love that
27:01
through this ministry and through really
27:05
relationships, people are finding community and finding
27:08
hope. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. And
27:13
you know, the community that is being built up in
27:16
Winnipeg to serve people, to serve families.
27:20
Care Portal being a big part of that and, you know,
27:23
all these other ministries that we work together with, like, that's building up
27:28
a village where none of us feel like we have to do it all
27:33
and we can go, oh, I can call so and so for this and they'll
27:37
help you with that. Just like we ask the moms to share their burdens with
27:40
us so that we can help them carry their burdens.
27:44
When we're all working together, the burden becomes lighter
27:48
because, you know, you don't have to carry it all. Right. So
27:52
I'm really thankful for all the different organizations that are
27:55
coming together in Winnipeg to create that village for each
27:59
other and for the communities that we serve. That's right.
28:05
The stories we share here remind us that CARE does not have to be perfect
28:08
to be powerful. It just has to be present Neighbourly
28:12
is an initiative of Care Impact, a Canadian charity equipping churches,
28:16
agencies and communities with technology and training to care better
28:19
together. This episode was produced by CARE Creatives Co, a
28:23
social enterprise of Care Impact. If you're building a podcast and want help with
28:27
strategy, editing or full production, visit CareCreativesCo
28:31
CA to connect with us. I'm Johan. Thanks for
28:35
listening and keep being the kind of neighbor someone will never forget
28:39
in a good way.
28:55
Breaking all chains When I see you
28:58
in a stranger I no longer stay
29:04
Turning over tables Tearing
29:07
down walls Building up the
29:11
bridges between the
29:14
souls of these Turning over
29:17
tables Breaking.