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Care Journey | Radical Presence in Hard Places · Neighbourly: Real Stories of Care and Community

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Imagine the whole church discovering their passion to care,
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one small group at a time.
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You're listening to this special podcast series, Care Journey,
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from the Journey with Care
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podcast. I think one of the biggest things
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that it's helped me do in more empathy and
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grace, but also kinda ties into what God was already doing before and
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making this more sustainable. That this isn't about something that
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I need to do or I need to fix, but this is God
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calling me into these places. And sometimes it's just sitting with people,
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Sometimes it's just holding the baby
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that's crying. Welcome back to
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another episode of Journey with Care. We are in our Care Journey series,
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a series highlighting some of the topics that are core to the work of
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Care Impact in the community and their work with Care Portal.
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And we actually developed this small group course that goes deep on each of
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these topics. But what we wanted to do is give you a glimpse into some
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of them, give you some real stories, some real voices that hopefully
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inspire you, and maybe you'll spark interest in going deeper and taking the course
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or getting involved with Care Portal and maybe not, but that's fine.
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So today, we are talking about radical presence in hard
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places. We are bringing on a special guest, Mel.
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In interviewing Mel, we have a guest host. We are bringing back
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Tim, who is part of our Care Impact team. He's hosted a few
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episodes already in the past. But before we get into the interview,
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I wanna remind you that we have our journey with prayer 5
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minute devotional series to start off your week. That's on a separate feed. You can
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find it there in the show notes or head over to our website where you
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can get it on Friday, the same time as this one comes out. I also
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wanna remind you that this show exists because of the generosity of our donors,
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of our listeners, those who wanna sow into the work of Care Impact in the
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community. If you wanna get involved in any way, if you wanna
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support us, head over to Care Impact dotca or journey with Care dotca,
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and there are links there for you to be able to do that. We have
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some needs on the podcast, equipment upgrades,
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ongoing costs associated with getting this out every week.
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So if you wanna contribute to helping keep us going, that would be
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amazing. So, Tim, welcome back. As our host
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again on the podcast, you wanna briefly tell us about what we're gonna be talking
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about today and our guest. Thanks, Johan. It's great to be back,
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and, yes, you know me. This is a topic near and dear to my
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heart. Being able to lead a team of trauma care
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trainers as part of what we're doing with Care Impact across
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Canada is one of the gifts that I get to participate
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in. And we have Mel on, and,
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Mel, it's great to have you on the podcast. Our
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families go back to a friendship between our grandparents, I guess,
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and then our parents, and a church connection in the
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greater Ottawa area. I'm from Ottawa, and you live just outside Ottawa
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still. I'm a little further out here on the East Coast now. Can
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you tell us a little bit more about your family, Mel? Sure. And thanks for
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having me today, guys. Yeah. So, my husband, Chris, and I have been
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married for 20 years, and we lived in Alberta for a
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bit and back in Ontario. And we have 2 daughters,
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18 16, and we are a
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foster home of usually, kiddos 2 and under,
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and we've been doing that for about 10 years. And we also host international
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students as well. So great to have you. And you've
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recently joined our trauma care training team? Yes. That's
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exciting. We're truly blessed to have you on board. Can you
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share a bit about your journey in this topic of trauma
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care? Sure. Like I said, we had been we've been
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fostering now for about, 10 years, and
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when we started this and the training that was offered to
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us, we threw around words like trauma and
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attachment and some of those things, but I don't think anyone
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really knew or understood at that time what
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that looked like and the impact it had on kids, and how
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it affected their brains and their development. And so
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when I started learning a little bit more about trauma care
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and trauma training, maybe almost 2 years
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ago now, I got hooked on it pretty quickly,
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and it, has become life changing in
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our story and what we're doing fostering, and even in my own
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day to day life, parenting my own kids and just
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walking among people in our lives that have come from hard places.
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It's beautiful. And as you've shared your story, we've chatted even before,
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this moment together. Your 10 years in this
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space of caring for kids that are not biological
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to you and Chris in your home has been a journey of
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learning, really, and watching God guide you in
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practices that now you have language for perhaps,
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or or a lens for where that fits in this idea of trauma
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care. So we're talking today on this podcast about being
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radically present with those who are in or are
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from hard places. So some of the folks, as
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you're sharing, you know, in in your circle, those the children who come into
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your home, the families that are connected to those children you've been sharing, and
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we'll we'll we'll hear that a bit in your story in a few minutes. But
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the families of those children are carrying hard things.
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And so the language you and I might use is those carrying
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trauma, but for, the general population, the idea of coming from hard
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places or carrying hard things sometimes resonates a bit more easily.
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So from the research that we share and the trainings that we lead, you and
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I, a large percentage of our population is actually carrying
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trauma. Right? And and so this episode, we're really
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looking at this idea of withness. So not being a bystander
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and just looking and seeing the hard time that people might be
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having, or simply jumping in and offering a quick fix, but actually
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finding a way to simply be there, to be present with them. And this is
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what I hear from your story, what our listeners are gonna get to hear over
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the next few minutes from your story. So this idea that we're gonna lean into,
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and you'll hear from Mel as she shares this idea of empathy and compassion to
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be there, to listen, to be a shoulder. And as Mel and I
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even were talking, sometimes that person's in the mirror. Sometimes we need to encourage that
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person having a hard time in the mirror. You're not alone and to seek out
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that connection. So, Mel, can you tell us initially what drew you to work in
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this space of caring for those who are carrying trauma?
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Sure. I think, originally, 10, even probably even
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12 years ago, I'm at home with my girls and have been,
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blessed to be able to do that, and they now do school from home. When
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they were starting to become that school age, I had really been praying and asking
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God, what can I do to serve you from home? And
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over time, it was probably almost a 2 year journey that he took me on
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a, probably, well, preparing my heart and opening
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my eyes to, foster care. And I
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didn't have a lot of experience with it. I was naive
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with how much was around us at the time and what the needs were.
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And so, Chris and I started that journey, and we
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were probably about 2 years with our training and all the application and
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home studies and stuff. So we got our first little guy
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almost 10 years ago. And I know when I started this journey,
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probably like most people, I wanted to be faithful, and I wanted
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to help and protect kids that needed that support
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and that help. And I really struggled for the
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first little bit, and I really kept the families and kids
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separate. I felt that I needed to do that to protect,
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my own heart. And although I was not judgmental
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or angry or upset with maybe the bio families, but I didn't
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really give an opportunity to hold space for them or
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find a way to maybe, kinda be in it together, I
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guess. And the last 2 years, my journey has
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really taken a turn, and we had a placement that was very
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difficult and, very isolating, and she had quite a few
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medical needs, and I kinda hit a wall. It was hard. It
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was hard on our family. And when she, was
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reunified with her family, we needed a little break,
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and we took a little break. And through that time though,
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I God started to work in my heart and change
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what he wanted out of our
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journey in foster care. And he started stripping away some of the
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savior mentality and this, you need to do this
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right, and you need to do this to make this okay. You need to do
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this to make the kiddo okay. You need to do this to make sure your
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family's okay. And I think that's part of me hitting a wall a bit is
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that I was trying to still do quite a bit of it with my own,
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I've got this. I can do this. I have the skills. I have, you know,
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some of the knowledge, and God just really started to
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chip away at that and bring me to this place
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of seeing the family, seeing the child and the
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family for who they are and how much he loves them as a family.
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Also, for taking myself out of the equation.
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Although it is definitely still a constant battle, I
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am learning that this is where he needs me to be right
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now, and and shifting that perspective of, I need to
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do this, but just do what I'm capable of doing in God's
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time. And with the trauma, and then as he started to work
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away at my heart there, I then did a TBRI
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satellite day conference, probably 2 years ago
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now, and that really changed. I
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couldn't believe the content that we were hearing and how much I
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knew this was going to be impactful for what we're doing. At the
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end of the conference, Amy Jo was
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representing Care Impact and sharing about what you guys
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do. And so that led me to reconnecting with Amy
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Jo and Tim and started this journey of
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digging deeper into what trauma care looks like and understanding
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what families and kids have gone through, and being able
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to walk with them in a different way
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than I had before. It's beautiful. So you've been on
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this 10 year journey, a way that God has given you
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and Chris as a family to walk alongside those in hard
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places has been through foster care. It's not a journey that everyone takes, and it's
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a journey for for the brave and the humble. Right? But but you've been on
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this learning journey, and now you've taken this step in the
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last couple years, like you said, to get training and now actually to turn
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around and become a trainer. Can you share a little bit about what
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has given you that added step now
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recently to to want to turn around and train others with this
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content? Yeah. Sure. When I did the help conference and then I
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did the advanced training with you guys, it was life changing. I
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can't even describe to people how beneficial it's been and
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how much it has really just changed my
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perspective and understanding on trauma and how it has
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affected kids and their families. And and my lens is foster
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care, and my lens is younger kids because that's what we've done. But it
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also made me more aware of all the people that that I am walking
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with that are coming from really hard places. And I
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think one of the biggest things that it's helped me do is
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more empathy and grace, but also kinda ties into what God was
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already doing before and making this more sustainable. That this isn't
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about something that I need to do or I need to fix,
11:58
but this is God calling me into these places. And
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sometimes, it's just sitting with people. Sometimes, it's just holding the baby that's
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crying, and sometimes, it's trying to encourage
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a bio mom or a bio dad or those little
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pieces. So you're seeing an importance in the whole community
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in a sense being equipped in some way? Yes. I think
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that after I did this training, it really, I think, opened my eyes
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to how many different people are walking with people with
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hard spaces, whether it's pastors' leadership, teachers,
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other foster families, adoptive families, kin families. And
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I think that's kinda where I got that passion from is that I know how
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life changing it was for me to be able to continue
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this journey and to be sustainable, and seeing
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the burnout from those around me of wanting to care for
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people in hard places, but maybe not having the full equipment that
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they need for the job. When we're fully equipped, we can do the
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job better and safer, and I think that
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there's still a big need of wanting to get some of this
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information out, and and help others understand
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those that they're walking life with, whether it's their job or
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mission or family, friends. I love it.
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Yeah. You're a mom. You're a foster mom. You're a church member. You're
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a community member. You're very connected in your community in various levels.
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And and speaking from each of those roles, you're saying I need to be equipped
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in these areas. And then there's more areas you've even spoken to that are
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roles that aren't yours, that you're recognizing the
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support that being able to be equipped with this
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meeting people in hard places or meeting people with a trauma care lens
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is helpful, your finding is is even vital, I hear you saying, I think.
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Yeah. A 100%. Yep. So good. Well, we we love
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stories on the podcast. Could you share a story of a time when you
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witnessed significant transformation in a person or a
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community due to this having a trauma care
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lens to to building connection? Sure. And this
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is kind of a story even before I fully understood about
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trauma and impact. And and I'm thankful too that God was
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gracious in our journey. And, you know, I had some equipment
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before we started this, and I'm we had this little girl that
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was with us. She came to us. She was 18 months old, and she
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was the most lost little person I'd ever seen. She would just walk
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around our house, and she didn't know how to sit and play. She didn't know
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how to kinda eat well in a high chair. Sleep was very
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dysregulated. You know, there's lots of little signs that were going off
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that now I understand a little bit more about that was probably
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a trauma response to something she had, you know, experienced or witnessed.
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But I think one of the things that God was gracious with is that
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through what I know now to to be true is,
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you know, showing up for these kids, being a constant in their life, having
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consistency of routine, you know, being neutral, kind of
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being with them as they figure out in their little brains
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how to be calmer, how to just be, how to
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breathe. And so, she was the most
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significant one in my head because she was really about the 3 month mark,
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and we, all of a sudden just it's almost as if her little body just
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went, and she can breathe, and she
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was settled, and she she started learning how
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to play with toys, and she started walking better. And some of these little
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things that I I know now, she wasn't able to do before because
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she was in such a state of dysregulation and
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and fear, most likely. And even one of our
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current placements is, again, 18 months,
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and he has a lot going on in his little life. And
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I feel this kinda more strength and more understanding now
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about where what he's probably been through, even though I don't know at all.
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But knowing now, okay, this is why, you know, this is hard for
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him, or this is why he's dysregulated right now. And I'm
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able to just be with him and
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be a constant and be a routine for him and be a safe place so
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that hopefully, it takes a little bit of that stress off of his little brain
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and body, and he doesn't have to worry about where am I being fed, what
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am I being fed, am I sleeping, I'm tired, do I get a nap,
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do I not get a nap, All those kinds of things. So, yeah, that's
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kind of been our my couple stories that I have, like, right now, just
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showing up and kinda just doing the things. Now I know
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I don't have to fix him. I don't have to fix his family. I
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don't have to do certain things to make sure that it'll come as a certain
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way, which has kinda given me a bit more lightness and
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freedom, I guess, in in this journey that we're on.
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That's beautiful. So it sounds like the pressure's off in
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one sense of trying to do everything, at the same time it allows
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you that pressure being off allows you to be more present, which is
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exactly what, like, you and I would know from the training the science is telling
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us, and the Bible already tells us. Our hearts are already telling us we just
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want to be present. It sounds like you you have that freedom with this
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equipping that you have. And I love that desire in you to be able
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to see others have that freedom to know how to be with we we use
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a recurring theme in our training, right, that see the need behind the behavior. And
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it's easy to Yeah. Try and do something about the behaviors and
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even get exhausted trying to help with the behaviors when really
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there's a need below that, isn't there? I think we get hung up on the
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why. Why didn't this you know, why are they acting this way? Why why why
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why? We wanna figure it out. And it's not really about figuring it out all
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the time. Just being without. Love it.
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And the context, once again, that you have for
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building connection is with these little ones in your home. But I feel that
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as I was listening to you giving some tips, which our listeners caught
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hopefully a few moments ago, but consisting con connection, you had a
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number of things you just shared. Those are tools those
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are intentionalities we can carry in all our relationships.
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So good. Has there been a particular individual
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whose resilience and recovery has deeply inspired you? And it maybe it's
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one of those little ones that you've just shared stories about. But as we look
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at the behaviors, when we look at the challenges often, it's like,
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oh, man. What what do we do with this? And we need to lean into
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those stories of hope where we see change like you've been sharing, and and
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then to see the power of that individual to say yes to the witness
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that you're offering. We had one little girl, and, I did kinda
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reference her before. She had a lot of high needs and a lot of high
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medical needs, and God had already started while we had her
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working away at my heart and, I think, probably stripping away some of the things
18:43
that needed to go. And one of those pieces was
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I struggled with the view of reunification, and and it
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was more of a a selfish piece. And I struggled
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to I'm kinda black and white, so it was really,
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tricky for me for sometimes kiddos be reunified
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into different situations, sometimes with family, sometimes back home. But
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God had started planting this in my head of what
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reunification looked like. And I got to
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see reunification with this little girl and her family
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in a really, really lovely way. And I got to do it with one of
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my girls. It was actually a really neat thing. We had dropped her off
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for a weekend overnight visit, and her and I were both, you
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know, feeling our feelings of driving away and,
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you know, the letting go piece that's hard to do. And, my
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daughter was, a bit emotional, and and I said to her,
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but look at how happy her face is when she sees her people. These are
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her people. They're they're who she knows, and they're working so
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hard that they want to care for her. And it may not
19:52
look the way I think it should look or wanted it to look
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or anything like that. So that's just one of the stories
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that sticks out in my head, and I know it was part of my journey
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that the Lord had me on of, like, just that whole picture of
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of this, of, you know, understanding the trauma piece and understanding
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families, and and then, of course, what God was
20:13
doing for me and chipping away some of those things I
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had to let go of. Thank you for that story. Yeah. As we're
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thinking of this being radically present,
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as you mentioned earlier, this idea of a savior mentality can come
20:29
in where the witness is about them staying with me. Now
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I'm I'm the one that can be with them. And I love your
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lens into that family and saying and she being with
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her family and me doing everything I can to support that
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is witness also. Right? What she needs is
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witness, and she needs her family. I love that, Mel. And yet, so
20:51
heart tearing. Right? When Yeah. When we have to go through that process
20:54
of we were with you, we were your person. And Little
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People, as as much as any of us and even more so, need
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that consistent witness. Right? And so those moments are so difficult
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and so important. Taking a little turn here, this this this idea
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of of witness, being present with those in hardship is so
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central to your work, to our work. And can
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you recount the time when simply being present
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has had a significant impact? Just simply being present.
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I kinda have two stories. 1 is with, someone not through a
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foster care lens, and just, someone I know in the community.
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She has come for some from some really, really hard
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places, and I had to learn through some of my fostering
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journey and some other, like, experiences of and then again with this
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trauma care lens of really just like, okay. This is how I can be here
21:47
for her, and this is what I can do. This is what I can't
21:51
do. And I just I find that I'm able to
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hold a lot more space for that. So when we're having those
21:58
conversations or she's, you know, talking about the hard things,
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I no longer feel like I have to just jump in and
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kinda fix and and do those kind of pieces. And then I
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think, you know, from the foster care lens, our our current
22:13
little guy, he has a lot going on, and I have been
22:16
able to be there for him after his visits.
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And there are times when he is pretty dysregulated
22:23
and pretty sad. And just being
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able to be there, and, he's learning how to snuggle and be
22:31
held and all those kinds of things. And so I am
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very thankful that I have this lens now, that I can
22:38
do the best with him and be intentional about just
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being there, and more understanding of why he's crying. This is not just,
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you know, what people may think is a temper tantrum, or I
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didn't get my way. It's all the pieces for their little
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their little brains and their little bodies. And part of the one of the things
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too that I've really tried to incorporate into what I'm doing right now that
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I've learned that I didn't know before taking the
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course is this idea of of modeling and
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trying to give words and help kids have words.
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So even though he's not really verbal yet, because he's not too just
23:15
being like, oh, you're feeling really sad today. And, yeah, it's really hard when we
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have to drive away from this family member, or I know you
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love them so much, and I know it's confusing for you to be here.
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I think before, I was very much like, oh, I don't wanna bring up the
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hard things in case I, like, trigger them, and then they're more upset.
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And that's been something I've had to kinda push myself a
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bit because my initial reaction is like, no. No. Don't stir the pot. Don't, you
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know, don't bring up the things, but they're already there. And I think I I'm
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more aware of that than I was before. Like, they're already there. He's
23:47
already dealing these things. And so, yeah, just kinda
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talking it out with him, even though he's not talking back, but just giving
23:55
him some of those, things that helpfully as he gets, you know, it does
23:58
get more verbal. He can maybe have some more ways to
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help express himself so he can get the help that he needs.
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That's beautiful. So what I what I hear, Mel, is this idea of being
24:10
physically present to your friend or to this little guy. You're physically there with
24:13
them. But I'm also hearing you being emotionally present,
24:17
not just reacting to it, but actually being present in those emotions. And now
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I'm also hearing you saying you're being verbally present, allowing your words, as opposed to
24:24
trying to fix, but allowing your words to offer verbal presence. It's
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it's amazing how many different ways we can be present with another,
24:31
isn't it? As you've been present with this friend or this this
24:35
little little guy, how have you seen them react to that kind
24:39
of simple presence in your support? I think for
24:43
the friend is I think she knows that she is someone
24:46
that she can say the things to, and sometimes it's a bouncing, you know,
24:50
bouncing off ideas, and sometimes it's just the listening piece. I
24:54
think I hope she knows that, that she can, you know, share those
24:58
things. I think for littles, it's a little bit trickier because
25:01
they're not talking, and you can't, it's kinda like a one way a
25:05
one way thing. But I think
25:09
just being that calm and that neutral will
25:12
hopefully be able to be impactful that way in in our
25:16
relationship. So good. Behaviors.
25:20
Behaviors are this as we talk about in our trauma care training, they're a tip
25:24
of the iceberg, but they're really pokey tip. They they really make a they
25:28
make a difference in our days, don't they, those big behaviors?
25:31
And I feel like they can turn our days upside down often. Do you have
25:34
an example of how you've navigated a challenging behavior using
25:38
this trauma care lens or this realizing somebody's coming from a hard place,
25:42
you wanna practice witness, and you've navigated that behavior
25:46
differently. You've shared a few examples already, but if you just share maybe one
25:49
more in a pointed way here. Well, currently, because we've
25:53
got, you know, a little guy, One of the things I learned from the course
25:56
too, just how important snacks and water can be in a drink.
26:00
And so, sometimes he comes back from visits, and I don't know
26:04
the last time he ate or how much he ate. So, I'm trying to be
26:08
more mindful about that and just kind of
26:11
start that before, you know, it kinda gets too far. Sometimes there's
26:15
moments where, say, I have to change his diaper, and he's really
26:19
upset from something. You know, sometimes I'll sing or, like, recite
26:22
a little book that I have memorized or those kinds of things of just
26:27
kind of just yeah. Just still bringing that calm. I guess we say that in
26:30
the course too, like, bring your calm for them when they are not.
26:34
And so that's I mean, those are kind of a little
26:37
few examples that I I do right now with that little guy. But
26:41
I'll often use, like, music or a snack or something to try
26:45
and engage him to when we're able to in the in play because I also
26:48
know that they can kind of come down a little bit too if we
26:52
can, you know, get playing with something or,
26:55
build something together. That's beautiful. And I think
26:59
when we talk about the training, it has this word trauma attached
27:03
to a trauma care training, and it sounds like this really
27:06
big, maybe scary thing. And then
27:10
you're sharing with us, and the 2 of us know as we do this training,
27:14
sometimes it surprises it's that practical. It's a snack and a drink. It's putting
27:18
on some music. That's trauma informed care, and it really is that practical.
27:22
Being along alongside someone, that witness is
27:25
so practical, isn't it? So simple. Is there a
27:29
particular advice you've shared a bunch of really great things already. Is there a
27:32
particular piece of advice you would give to a caregiver supporting someone,
27:37
who has trauma? Is there something that stands out for you? I think
27:41
that what what you just touched on too is really important to share. Although it
27:44
is life changing, a lot of it is practical and a lot of the things
27:47
we're already doing. And it's just kind of getting that information
27:51
behind, like, why you're doing it. And then some of it is, you know, some
27:55
of it was definitely, like, brand new information of, like, oh, it's almost more simple
27:58
than I've been trying to make it. I know I've been doing this for 10
28:01
years, and I I know that God's brought me on a journey of my own
28:05
personal peace in this and what, I've had to learn, and
28:08
he's probably gonna continue to teach me and strip away more and more
28:12
things. But I think too in the last little bit. Also, you
28:16
know, this idea of, like, I think it's important to make
28:19
sure you're taking care of yourself. And if you're working with people
28:23
from hard places, making sure you started or done
28:27
your own work so that you're not triggered, that you're not burnt out,
28:31
that you are not, you know, maybe being hurt by something that isn't actually
28:35
intended at you or anything like that. I think that's important
28:39
thing to bring to the table. We don't wanna put our stuff
28:43
onto kid that don't need anything extra on
28:46
them. I think that's been, important in my journey
28:50
too of, doing that and making sure that I'm doing
28:54
those pieces as well while dealing with and working
28:58
with people and kids in in trauma.
29:02
That's so good. So I'm hearing 2 things. The first I heard you sharing is
29:05
these things are so practical that many of us have already been doing a lot
29:09
of them, and the encouragement of we might be doing a lot
29:13
of these pieces. We might be missing a key puzzle piece and the thing's not
29:16
fitting together. It's not working out, but also the encouragement to keep doing what we're
29:19
doing and just understand the why so we can really just practice
29:23
it. I know we were sharing before as you're sharing your story. And to be
29:26
able to stick this through long term for the, you know, the kids that
29:30
you've cared for in your home, you have to know you're doing the right thing
29:33
even when it's not working out. Just to consistently
29:36
be with, in this holistic sense, you know, mentally, emotionally,
29:40
physically, all of that going on just verbally, you know, with your little guy just
29:44
saying those things over and over again. You're not seeing change because it's about
29:47
long term change. Trauma has a very large impact,
29:52
in its breadth and depth, and it takes time, doesn't it? So just
29:55
be consistent and know why and know you're doing the right thing and that it's
29:59
simple and practical. Just keep going. The other thing I heard you sharing
30:03
was this idea of self care. Now just
30:07
rounding out our conversation, we're talking in the
30:11
context of of being part of a church community. And as you know, Care
30:14
Impact is passionate about seeing the church across Canada
30:18
equipped and connected to be able to be with those in hard places.
30:21
So why is trauma care crucial for the church community
30:25
in your understanding? I think we would
30:29
be naive to say that there are many, many
30:33
people in our pews that are, either have come from hard places or
30:37
are going through hard things at that time. Maybe they didn't necessarily grow up
30:40
with significant trauma or complex trauma, but I think most people are pretty
30:44
aware that people are really struggling right now. Do you know whether it's from
30:48
a past or even something current? The
30:52
need is there, and, yeah, I go back to that word, like,
30:56
being equipped to be able to, be with them, and I think just
30:59
understanding, our leadership
31:03
too, to whether it's kids ministry or, you know, life groups
31:07
or Sunday morning of
31:10
understanding, okay, this is this this is
31:14
what's going on here. And so these are ways that we can
31:17
either help, or sit with, or, you know, direct
31:21
people if there's, you know, obviously, more help is
31:24
needed. So I think that the church definitely needs
31:28
to be a very good tool for for that,
31:32
especially, I I think now too, like, we know we know so much more
31:35
than we did even 10 years ago. And I think when we know
31:39
better, we we can do better. And I think that there's a
31:42
responsibility in that as well, that if we're gonna continue to walk
31:46
with people from hard places, that we are
31:50
getting that information and that knowledge of how to do it well.
31:54
Good. So I hear you saying, you know, the church is called to care for
31:57
those in hard places, and they're out there. But, actually, they're also in here. They're
32:00
in the pews or the chairs or right in our community. It's so important.
32:04
How do you see this caring for those from hard places with a trauma
32:07
care lens fits with faith principles? I think
32:11
just, like, my own personal journey with it was, you know,
32:15
the the piece I struggled with was, you know, I felt God calling me
32:19
to do this, but I was also like, okay, God, I got this. And then,
32:22
you know, taking off and, you know, running too far ahead.
32:26
And when we look back at what God actually asking us to
32:29
do, and what his role is,
32:34
those are very, very different. And so I think making sure
32:37
we stay in our own lane and pointing towards Jesus,
32:41
walking beside people, holding space for people, empathy,
32:45
and then, you know, if we need to point in the direction, you know, to
32:49
pastoral care or counseling or, you know, different things like
32:52
that, then do so, of course. But just that
32:56
piece of, like, really, yeah, taking yourself out of the
33:00
equation in those spaces, has really been
33:04
a really big learning curve for me and a really impactful one. And I'm
33:07
thankful that God didn't leave me where I was,
33:11
trying to continue to do this, you know, more
33:15
running ahead of him than than I should have. And it it
33:19
definitely feels so much, more sustainable and
33:22
healthy. And a lot less pressure that I put on
33:26
myself in order to fix that. We wanna help those that we love,
33:30
we wanna help those around us, and sometimes helping isn't
33:34
the way we're used to helping or what we think it looks
33:37
like, or what we've done in the past. Yeah. I
33:41
love the name for God, the name for Jesus of
33:44
Emmanuel, God with us. And when I think of God coming to
33:48
save the world, he comes with skin on. He comes as a human
33:52
forever, which I think is, one of
33:55
the theologies that most blows my mind right now, that God became
33:59
human forever, in fact, a wounded human forever. He has wounds
34:03
in his hands and his side. So that idea of
34:07
him being with us embodied, and then we are his church. Right?
34:10
He's now with the broken and the hurting
34:14
through us, through his church. And as we already said, sometimes we
34:18
need the the with right here in in terms of of
34:21
accepting somebody else with us, embodying Jesus to
34:25
us. Looking ahead as we've, look to wrap up
34:28
the episode here, what changes do you hope to see
34:32
in your community or in your church related to trauma care?
34:36
I think just continue I mean, hopefully, you know, hopefully some
34:40
modeling, and, I'm part of a,
34:43
support group for foster and adoptive and kin moms. And
34:47
and so we we do, like, little tidbits of of training stuff there.
34:51
But, you know, that's something that I'm pretty
34:54
passionate about right now. And so I'm hoping that through some
34:58
of that stuff and through some of those conversations that I'm having with other people
35:02
that are kinda walking similar paths with me, I also, you
35:06
know, have quite a few, teacher connections, and I know
35:10
I think it'd be really great if we can start being able
35:14
to share and equip, you know, this training to not
35:17
just within our church, right, where people are people are everywhere that are
35:21
needing that and that we're walking along the side. Yeah.
35:25
Mel, your story is inspirational in how you are allowing
35:29
this idea of witness and you being equipped to be with those in hard
35:33
places. How can individuals and communities be part of creating
35:36
this change where they are? I think if the opportunity, you know,
35:40
presents itself for me, sharing a little bit about my personal growth is
35:44
definitely a big piece of kinda why I'm on this
35:48
new journey of understanding and and hopefully helping
35:51
facilitate trainings for trauma care. I think that there's a lot
35:55
of people that are struggling and a lot of not understanding some, you know, some
35:59
of the behaviors or some of the things that they're seeing with the people they're
36:01
walking with. And so, you know, I'm I'm hoping to kind of
36:05
be in a light and an encouragement in that area of, like, there are other
36:09
resources out there. There are other things that we can equip ourselves with, whether
36:12
it's podcast, book training, all these different
36:16
options out there. But I think for me, it's just maybe having
36:19
those conversation and depending on the circumstance, you
36:23
know, maybe I can share a tidbit here and there depending on where they're at,
36:26
and and if they're, you know, kinda open for that. But I
36:30
think I'm hoping that, yeah, we can just keep sharing
36:33
this more and more. And I think the word trauma and
36:37
attachment and all those things that were kinda just words that we've said before,
36:41
people are starting to realize, I think, that there there's lots of things in
36:45
there. This information that we have now is
36:48
is crucial in in what we do and and how we do our
36:52
day to day with our people. That's so good. Training
36:56
and equipping is vital. You found it vital on your journey, and yet what I'm
37:00
hearing from you, how can people be part of creating change? It's
37:03
sharing stories if you have 1 or listening to someone else's story if they have
37:07
one to share, about this idea of being with those in heard
37:11
places. Beautiful. Mel, before we wrap up, is there anything else
37:14
you'd like to share with our listeners, perhaps a story of hope or a key
37:18
takeaway? I think, one of the
37:22
big things for me that's come on this journey is or and then
37:26
I'm reminding myself of daily is that our hope is in Christ
37:30
and not in, you know, circumstances or what I can and can't
37:33
do. Because sometimes, these are pretty hard, and sometimes circumstances seem
37:37
pretty pretty heavy. But I really do believe that
37:41
God is can heal and can redeem and
37:45
do these pieces and these stories of my own life, and as well
37:49
as those that we're walking with. And just hanging on to that, I think,
37:52
is important and crucial that
37:56
he has it at the end of the day, even in the mess and
38:01
the brokenness that we're sometimes surrounded with. So right
38:04
now, trying to hold on to those pieces of our hope is in
38:08
Christ because it can't be in the circumstances and it can't be
38:12
can't even really be in people. Right? Because people are gonna continue to,
38:16
you know, stumble and fall, and we have to keep our hope looking
38:19
up. It's beautiful. And, of course, you and
38:23
I can speak to going to careimpact.ca, where you can
38:27
express interest in trauma care training, where you can hear
38:31
more from Mel, more stories, and from the rest of the
38:34
team. You can request training in your area or sign up for
38:38
an existing course there. Thank you, Mel, for coming on to the podcast.
38:42
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences in and insights with us
38:45
today. Thank you very much for having me today.
38:50
Thank you for joining another conversation on Journey with Care,
38:54
where we inspire curious Canadians on their path of faith
38:57
and living life with purpose in community. Journey with Care is an
39:01
initiative of Care Impact, a Canadian charity dedicated to
39:05
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39:08
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39:35
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