Latest / ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿 / 💆🏼‍♀️Self-Care Series: Is it me or is it them? 🤔

Transcript

💆🏼‍♀️Self-Care Series: Is it me or is it them? 🤔 · ✨️Aligned and Thriving: For Teachers🌿

• 0:20
  Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Aligned and
• 0:24
  Thriving for Teachers where we chat all things real, raw, and
• 0:28
  ridiculously relatable in teacher life.
• 0:31
  I'm Mel and today's episode is for every teacher who has ever
• 0:35
  sat in a meeting, read a parent email, or had a conversation
• 0:39
  with leadership and just thought, do they even see how
• 0:43
  much I'm doing? If you've ever felt like you're
• 0:47
  undervalued, dismissed, or just straight up invisible, this one
• 0:51
  is for you. We're talking about that
• 0:53
  emotional gut punch when your efforts just aren't
• 0:56
  acknowledged, or worse, when they're questioned.
• 1:00
  So let's unpack it, release it, and then shift into a mindset
• 1:04
  that protects your peace and reminds you of your worth.
• 1:09
  So when that appreciation is missing, let me paint the
• 1:15
  picture. You're staying back late.
• 1:17
  You're managing the behaviours, you're communicating with
• 1:19
  parents, you're differentiating your tasks, you're ticking off
• 1:22
  all your admin, you're handling extra responsibilities and
• 1:25
  somehow still smiling when the kids turn up at the gate.
• 1:29
  And then you get the so why didn't you reply to my email
• 1:33
  last night? Or that maths worksheet you said
• 1:37
  was too hard? Crickets from leadership after
• 1:41
  you've handled A meltdown or stepped in for a sick colleague.
• 1:44
  And then you start to question, am I even doing enough?
• 1:48
  Why does no one see how hard I'm trying?
• 1:51
  That emotional exhaustion is talking and it's valid.
• 1:56
  It is not you. It is a system issue.
• 2:00
  And I'm, I'm being honest, I've been on all sides.
• 2:03
  This is not about your effort. It is about a system that
• 2:07
  honestly expects way too much of teachers.
• 2:10
  It normalises over functioning, it celebrates the loudest
• 2:14
  voices, not the hardest workers. And it often forgets that
• 2:19
  teachers are humans and we also have hearts.
• 2:23
  The lack of validation can It can really slowly wear you down
• 2:28
  and when it keeps happening it starts to get and feel really
• 2:33
  personal. But here's the truth, you are
• 2:36
  not here to be a people pleasing, self sacrificing
• 2:40
  superhero. So get that through your head.
• 2:44
  You are here to teach, to care, and to protect your energy.
• 2:48
  And if you've forgotten how to do that, please go back to the
• 2:51
  episode about protecting your energy.
• 2:53
  I've already talked to you about this, so in case you need that
• 2:56
  reminder, go back and have a listen to that one.
• 2:59
  You're gonna do a bit of a mindset shift.
• 3:02
  You really need to start validating yourself first.
• 3:06
  You may not always get the thanks or the well done or the
• 3:09
  email that says we appreciate you.
• 3:12
  So here's your new job. Be your own validation.
• 3:15
  Start saying to yourself, I'm proud of how I handled that
• 3:19
  today. I showed up with love and
• 3:22
  integrity and that's enough. Their responses do not define my
• 3:27
  effort. Look, validation from other
• 3:30
  people, it's lovely. But your internal validation,
• 3:33
  now that's power. That is powerful.
• 3:37
  And I will tell you that again, although I am someone who has
• 3:40
  worked in leadership and still is, I like to tell people when
• 3:44
  they've done something, I do my absolute best to give that
• 3:47
  validation. But not everyone in my type of
• 3:49
  position does that and says, oh, thanks for doing that.
• 3:52
  Oh, oh, that was really insightful of you.
• 3:54
  I didn't even think of that. Thanks so much for pointing that
• 3:56
  out for me. I'm not saying to them, oh
• 4:00
  great, now I've stuffed up and I've taken it to heart.
• 4:02
  No, fantastic. So glad you read that.
• 4:05
  I must have missed that the first time around.
• 4:06
  Thanks for that. It really doesn't take much.
• 4:10
  OK, you're changing that validation perspective, but as
• 4:14
  you do, it doesn't always work that way.
• 4:16
  So some strategies to help you deal with the disrespect or
• 4:20
  dismissal that you might get, whether it's from a parent or a
• 4:24
  team leader. Here's how you can hold your
• 4:26
  ground. So #1 don't respond from
• 4:30
  emotion. And gosh, I know that that's
• 4:33
  hard. It took me years to learn this
• 4:35
  one and I probably still stuff up every now and again,
• 4:39
  especially if I'm tired or rundown.
• 4:42
  But don't respond from emotion. You need to pause.
• 4:45
  You need to breathe. And then respond later when you
• 4:49
  are calm and in control. So what does that look like for
• 4:53
  you? It looks like when that angry
• 4:54
  parent might walk into your classroom and is demanding your
• 4:57
  attention. And you have the right to say,
• 5:00
  like to pause, take your breath and say, I can hear what you're
• 5:04
  saying. But right now, I'm about to
• 5:06
  teach class. Can you please go to the office
• 5:08
  and we'll make an appointment to chat about this further because
• 5:11
  I'm not going to do it justice right now.
• 5:14
  We really need some time. You can make it even shorter
• 5:17
  than that. It's those little conversations
• 5:20
  that you have. Full permission.
• 5:21
  OK, Can we park that for now? And I promise I'll come back to
• 5:24
  it later. Or you can have them watch you
• 5:27
  write a sticky note. Yep.
• 5:28
  I will contact you about that this afternoon when I'm off
• 5:30
  class. Thank you so much.
• 5:32
  It's all those little things. So don't respond from a place of
• 5:36
  emotion. You need to take that out of it
• 5:38
  #2 set boundaries. Again, If you've forgotten how
• 5:43
  to do that, go back to my episode on how to set boundaries
• 5:47
  because I've talked to you about this.
• 5:48
  You're getting this. You're getting this message.
• 5:50
  You should be so #2 is set some boundaries.
• 5:53
  You are not on call 24/7. Out of hours.
• 5:56
  Emails can wait. We even have like a government
• 5:58
  document thing. Is it policy?
• 6:01
  That's what it is that says that we have a right to disconnect.
• 6:06
  So no, you do not have to respond.
• 6:09
  And if they come in and start going or if it is leadership and
• 6:12
  they say to you, why didn't you respond?
• 6:14
  I didn't respond because it was actually out of hours and I'm at
• 6:16
  work now. So I'll respond now or if you
• 6:18
  give me a moment, I could talk to you.
• 6:20
  I could talk you through it now. It's those types of things
• 6:22
  because they can wait. There are obviously exceptional
• 6:27
  circumstances if you have a traumatic event or a natural
• 6:30
  disaster, like that's different guys.
• 6:32
  So I'm not saying do not respond at all.
• 6:34
  Obviously, if your school's been flooded and you can't go to work
• 6:37
  tomorrow, you probably need to respond to that.
• 6:39
  So like, you know, read between the lines there #3 use assertive
• 6:45
  language. Now, I didn't say be aggressive,
• 6:48
  I said use assertive language. And this might be something that
• 6:51
  you need to practise because it does take a bit of courage.
• 6:54
  So that 10 seconds of courage, pause, take a breath, then speak
• 6:58
  before you sort of progress. So it's like this, I hear your
• 7:00
  concern. Here's what I'm going to do and
• 7:03
  it might be here's what I'm going to do to to support your
• 7:05
  child or this is the plan moving forward.
• 7:09
  Thanks for your feedback. My priority is creating a safe
• 7:12
  and inclusive classroom for all. Here's what I'm going to do.
• 7:15
  It's like that parent that comes in and they're like, oh, such
• 7:18
  and such got hit in the head on the bus.
• 7:19
  What are you going to do about it?
• 7:20
  Well, thank you for that information.
• 7:23
  I hear your concern. My priority is creating a safe
• 7:26
  and inclusive classroom space for all that actually happened
• 7:29
  on the bus. But I will follow up what I can
• 7:31
  and I'll pass that on to. It's that type of thing.
• 7:36
  You just need to acknowledge that you've heard the person and
• 7:40
  an action step moving forward, but do it in an assertive, not
• 7:43
  aggressive right #4 and this is an important one.
• 7:48
  Document everything. OK, Those conversations when
• 7:54
  that parent walks in that door, document it for your protection
• 7:59
  and for clarity. And for me, it's like, so I
• 8:01
  don't forget. That's why I love sticky notes
• 8:04
  because I'll write it down as a reminder and I will follow that
• 8:06
  up later. There is nothing worse than
• 8:08
  those people who forget to document and either admin come
• 8:11
  in and ask you for information and you don't know because you
• 8:13
  don't remember, or you might need that in the future for
• 8:16
  something else. So document everything #5 find
• 8:20
  your people, find your people. Sorry, now I'm laughing at
• 8:24
  myself and realise how lame that actually was.
• 8:28
  Anyway, find your people. So talk to a colleague who gets
• 8:33
  it. Vent, debrief, laugh, all the
• 8:35
  things you need to do. But you need a safe space.
• 8:37
  So obviously don't go to the staff room and vent there,
• 8:40
  especially if you're going to go vent about leadership because we
• 8:43
  always walk in OK? And we know when we've been
• 8:45
  talked about. I know, I know if someone said
• 8:48
  something, I'm like, say it to my face.
• 8:51
  I'd be much happier if you said it to my face instead of venting
• 8:54
  about it later behind my back. If there's something that you
• 8:56
  want me to fix, come and talk to me about it.
• 8:59
  And I'm pretty sure most other people would be the same.
• 9:01
  But as I said, I have teacher besties and if I really want a
• 9:04
  vent, I can ring my mum and talk to her and talk in code.
• 9:07
  Like I don't say names, I talk in hypotheticals just so I can
• 9:10
  get it out. Like, oh, say if this happened
• 9:12
  at school, how would you do with that?
• 9:14
  Or what would your response be like that type of thing.
• 9:17
  So that's really important too. So find your people, find your
• 9:20
  little support network. So now moving forward, I want to
• 9:25
  give you some some micro ways to help reclaim your power this
• 9:29
  week. So some actions, I want you to
• 9:31
  write yourself a thank you note at the end of the week.
• 9:35
  Yep, like thank you to yourself validation, thank you for all
• 9:39
  the hard work you did in teaching your spelling lessons.
• 9:43
  They were really engaging. Thank you for differentiating
• 9:45
  that maths task for those students.
• 9:47
  They seemed really engaged. It's those types of things.
• 9:49
  Sorry, I just paused for a moment to have a quick drink.
• 9:54
  That's never happened but I was very parched and it was going to
• 9:57
  sound really funny if I kept talking.
• 9:59
  So yes, write a thank you note to yourself at the end of the
• 10:02
  week. Oh like me validation.
• 10:04
  Make sure you stop and have a drink.
• 10:05
  Well done on drinking 2 litres of water during the week.
• 10:08
  During the week, every day haha. Screenshot a kind parent message
• 10:13
  or a student drawing and save it in a folder called Proof that I
• 10:15
  Matter. This is adorable and I have
• 10:18
  this. I literally am looking.
• 10:20
  I can't take a picture of it because privacy laws and all
• 10:23
  that jazz, but I literally have a photo wall in my office.
• 10:27
  I've got one of my family, like my kids, I've got Mother's Day
• 10:30
  pictures from them that they've drawn over the years.
• 10:33
  There's a picture of my husband and I on our honeymoon, pictures
• 10:35
  of my mum, my dad, like all of my family.
• 10:38
  They're all up on one side and then on the other side I have
• 10:41
  little messages and things from students.
• 10:46
  I have a thank you for being the best teacher, little sticky
• 10:49
  things from kids that they've drawn.
• 10:51
  I have a Baby Yoda because I remember when the stickers came
• 10:54
  out, they must have been at Woolworths or somewhere and you
• 10:58
  could get them. And I never had one.
• 11:00
  And I really liked Baby Yoda. I know his name is Grogu.
• 11:02
  But anyway, I really liked it. And I got one given to me from a
• 11:06
  student because they got 1. And so I have that stuck up
• 11:09
  there because it means something.
• 11:10
  It's those little reminders that just, they just give you the
• 11:14
  little warm fuzzy feelings. So make sure you do keep them
• 11:18
  and stick them somewhere or put them in a folder.
• 11:21
  It's just, it means a lot. You can start yourself a weekly
• 11:25
  wins list. This is like being grateful.
• 11:27
  It doesn't have to be big, but little things that you might
• 11:30
  have won. So maybe that one kid you
• 11:33
  couldn't engage in that lesson actually did engage and did some
• 11:36
  work. That's a win.
• 11:38
  You need to practise saying no without explaining because your
• 11:42
  worth is not tied to your yes. OK, your energy is expensive.
• 11:45
  It's a luxury item like Taylor Swift says.
• 11:48
  But if you need a reminder of how to say no, go back to my
• 11:51
  episode on learning how to say no, because no is a full word.
• 11:54
  You need to protect yourself. OK?
• 11:57
  So learn how to say that. Practise saying that.
• 11:59
  Do some mirror work. Talk to yourself in the mirror.
• 12:01
  You might need some encouragement there.
• 12:03
  I want to give you now some energy protection type of
• 12:08
  affirmations. Say these out loud, say them in
• 12:11
  the car, say them in the mirror, say them in your head.
• 12:13
  When at least one of those parents gives you that look like
• 12:16
  oh you've done it again, these will be your go to.
• 12:20
  So come back to them. OK, the first one, I am doing my
• 12:24
  best and that is more than enough.
• 12:27
  I'm doing my best and that is more than enough.
• 12:30
  I don't need to explain my worth, I embody it.
• 12:35
  I don't need to explain my worth, I embody it.
• 12:40
  Other people's opinions are not my truth.
• 12:44
  I release the need to be understood by everyone.
• 12:49
  I've actually had to say that one to myself a few times.
• 12:51
  I release the need to be understood by everyone.
• 12:55
  I know from doing this wonderful podcast that not everyone's
• 12:58
  going to want to listen to me and not everyone's going to
• 13:00
  understand me. But for those who do, I hope
• 13:03
  that these messages hit home. So if no one's told you this
• 13:07
  lately, I see you, I appreciate you, and you are doing an
• 13:13
  incredible job. Even when it feels like no one
• 13:17
  notices, I'm 100% positive that there is someone who is.
• 13:22
  Even when those loud voices are drowning out all the kind ones,
• 13:27
  you will find a little bit of kindness somewhere in the world.
• 13:31
  Even when your leadership might forget to say thank, you know
• 13:35
  that they're human too, and sometimes they are a little bit
• 13:37
  busy. So I'll apologise for them and I
• 13:40
  say thank you for all you do. Your work matters, your energy
• 13:46
  matters, you matter. So take a deep breath.
• 13:52
  That was a big one. I think that really hit home for
• 13:55
  a lot of people. It certainly does for me and it
• 13:58
  sits right in my heart space. So if this episode for you hit a
• 14:02
  nerve or your heart, please screenshot it, share it to your
• 14:05
  stories, tag me aligned and thriving for teachers or aligned
• 14:09
  and thriving teachers. It's let's just remind each
• 14:12
  other that we are not alone in this.
• 14:14
  You are not alone in this. So until then, until the next
• 14:19
  time that we talk, make sure you rest, you hydrate, you block
• 14:24
  that parent if you need to. Kidding.
• 14:26
  Well, I'm actually not. Please don't add.
• 14:29
  Oh, that's a whole other thing. I was going to like say, oh,
• 14:31
  please don't add parents on Facebook.
• 14:32
  That can end up so bad. I don't know about you, but I've
• 14:35
  had lots of messages from parents on Facebook when they
• 14:38
  find you and then they start messaging you like, oh, you
• 14:41
  didn't reply to my email so I thought I'd just message you on
• 14:43
  here. No, sorry, out of business.
• 14:46
  I don't. I don't add parents as friends
• 14:48
  unless I'm actually friends with that parent prior to teaching
• 14:51
  their child. I have boundaries.
• 14:52
  Boundaries. See, go back to those episodes
• 14:55
  on boundaries and saying no because that is a forward.
• 14:58
  So until next time, stay aligned, keep thriving and go
• 15:04
  and have the best day, evening, morning, whatever it may be.
• 15:09
  Just go and be your amazing self and remember that you matter.
• 15:14
  I'll talk to you again soon guys.
• 15:15
  See you. Bye.