Latest / The Lila Rose Show / E21: What To Look For In A Man

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E21: What To Look For In A Man · The Lila Rose Show

0:00
Hello everyone, welcome back to the Lila Rose Show.
0:03
It is so great to be with you guys.
0:05
I wanna just say thank you so much to everyone who's been
0:07
listening, sending emails to me. That's at
0:11
thoughts@lilaroseshow.com. Rating the podcast, sharing the
0:16
podcast with friends. All of those things help it
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reach more people. And I love doing this and I love
0:22
interacting with you guys, some of you guys listening on social
0:24
media, through social media, Instagram messages, whatever it
0:28
is, I love hearing from you and I'm eager to hear from you at
0:31
any point. So please, please keep reaching
0:33
out. I love it.
0:35
This has been a really busy last month for me, a very good last
0:41
month, but it's been pretty busy.
0:43
I announced, as many of you know, my book is coming out.
0:46
It comes out on May 4th, so very soon, which is really exciting.
0:51
It was harder to write that book that it was to even give birth
0:54
to my son Peter, my first child, which labor was really hard.
0:58
I will not get into the birth story right now, but I will say
1:02
writing book is hard work and I'm so grateful to be have it
1:05
behind me. But I'm really excited about
1:07
sharing this book. Fighting for Life is not just
1:10
stories about behind the scenes of activism for the last 15
1:14
years with live action, you know, personal stories and
1:17
struggles I've been through. But it's really a manual or a
1:19
guidebook for activists and for anybody who wants to make a
1:22
change in the world around them and fight for a 'cause that is
1:25
so important. And it talks a lot about the
1:27
change from within that we need to do, the healing we need to go
1:30
through the way we need to grow individually, because so much of
1:33
the change we make in the world is a direct reflection of the
1:37
change happening inside of us. So check out your copy,
1:41
pre-order it to secure your copy.
1:43
You can do that on Amazon or Barnes and Noba or wherever you
1:45
get your books. And I'm really excited for you
1:48
to read it. So with that said, this episode
1:52
today is another relationship episode.
1:55
It's another conversation or I think more me sharing my
2:00
thoughts on not just dating. We've talked about that on the
2:03
podcast a few times, but particularly on what to look for
2:08
in a man. And so this is primarily for,
2:11
yes, ladies listening, particularly Single Ladies.
2:14
But if you're married or in a relationship, I think it's also
2:17
helpful to see again, what was most things to most appreciate
2:22
maybe in the men with that we're already with.
2:24
And if you're a man who's listening, so glad you're here.
2:27
You are totally welcome to be listening because I hope this is
2:30
actually inspiring and helpful to you for the sorts of things
2:34
that I think women should be looking for in men and the
2:38
things that are universally important for men to have.
2:43
And I do plan to do an episode on what you look for in a woman
2:45
that is going to come eventually.
2:47
But I wanted to start with what to look for in a man.
2:51
And so this is really a lot of this has to do with
2:55
fundamentals. So you know.
2:57
First of all. I believe that to be a human
3:00
person, such as my belief, I think it's a scientific reality,
3:04
to be a human person is to be male or female.
3:08
So you're a man or a woman. And I do know you're listening
3:11
to this and there's a lot of conversation out there or, you
3:15
know, controversy around gender ideology, like, Oh well,
3:18
actually you can be non binary or 50 different genders.
3:21
Genders are limitless or they're just a social constructor,
3:24
whatever. And I think there's a lot of
3:27
contradiction built into that. I would say political philosophy
3:31
about gender, because the reality is, biologically
3:33
speaking, it's male or female. That's your chromosomes, your XX
3:38
or XY. There can be disorders of sexual
3:40
development which would lead people to be intersex, but
3:43
that's not its own gender. That is a disorder of being male
3:47
or female. And you know, disorders exist in
3:49
nature. We all have different forms of
3:51
our own disorders, but the point is to be a human person, you are
3:55
male or female. And the reason I'm starting with
3:57
this, you know, the conversation is what to look for in a man.
4:00
The reason I'm starting for this is because I think that
4:03
fundamentally to be male, to be a man, is to be called to
4:10
fatherhood. And to be female, to be a woman
4:13
is to be called to motherhood. And bear with me here because
4:17
this might sound controversial, but you know, we all begin life
4:20
very young as single cell embryos, children, adolescents,
4:24
we become adults. I think the true maturity
4:26
biologically is the ability to bring life into the world, to be
4:30
mothers or fathers. But I think a maturity
4:32
spiritually and emotionally is to be in the position where we
4:35
can mother or father others, even if that's not biological.
4:38
So, you know, stay with me here. Meaning if you're, you know,
4:41
before I became a biological mom, I mothered, you know, I, I,
4:45
I tried to mentor and care for other people and to use these
4:51
qualities that are unique to being a woman, which are
4:53
motherhood qualities to serve other people.
4:56
And so I think to be male is to be called to fatherhood.
5:00
To be female is to be called to motherhood.
5:02
That is really what the sexual difference is.
5:05
Male or female is really about children.
5:07
You know, there's the reason male or females, male and
5:10
females exist is so that our species can procreate and create
5:15
new lives. And so really our sexual
5:17
identity as men or women, it hinges on our motherhood or
5:22
fatherhood, that being the maturity of who we are as women
5:26
and men. OK, So what does this have to do
5:28
with what to look for in a man? I think it has everything about
5:32
what to look for in a man because listen, I and I talked
5:37
about this in the very first episode of the podcast.
5:39
If those you know, those original originals, thanks for
5:45
being here all this time. Know what I'm talking about?
5:48
You know 5 tips for dating? But really?
5:51
I think that what we're looking for in a significant other
5:55
ultimately should be oriented towards lifelong commitment,
5:59
towards marriage. I think we deep down want that.
6:02
I think we're built for that. You know, we want a soulmate or
6:04
we want, you know, to find the one, whatever it might be.
6:07
And so the thing that we should be ultimately looking for in a
6:12
man is not just, I think a friend, someone who's
6:16
attractive, somebody that we get along with, somebody who makes
6:19
us feel good, although that's kind of the way we're oriented
6:23
today, right? It's like, oh, is he cute?
6:25
You know, is he somebody that we feel good with?
6:28
Is he someone who we have fun with?
6:30
Those things are not bad, by the way.
6:32
Those things, those things can be great.
6:33
But ultimately what to look for in a man hinges around who we
6:38
would want to build our life project with, who we would want
6:41
to build a family with. Is this a man who is father
6:46
material and father material? Yes, in the biological sense,
6:49
because you know, family is about being open to biological
6:53
children. But more than that or or as
6:55
important, is a man with father like quality somebody that has
7:01
that maturity of a true father. Now, already this might be
7:04
raising some questions for you guys because everybody's had
7:07
different experiences with fathers, some had bad
7:09
experiences with fathers. Our model of fatherhood might
7:12
not be a positive thing. And so I really want to unpack
7:16
what this means because the fundamental piece I have here is
7:21
what we're looking for in a man is somebody that ultimately has
7:25
the maturity to be father, like to be a father, to build a life
7:30
with us. And that is supposed to be a
7:33
really good thing. So if you're listening and like,
7:35
oh, had a terrible father, my, my vision of fatherhood is a
7:38
negative thing. I want to walk through that
7:41
right now and talk through what it is about that man that we
7:46
want to be with, what it is to be a father.
7:47
What are those qualities? What are we looking for?
7:51
Before going into that, though, back to this, you know, focus on
7:55
marriage and lifelong commitment and love and responsibility.
7:58
A couple other thoughts there. I think that in today's dating
8:02
culture, there is this focus on really short term stuff, you
8:08
know, no strings attached, not wanting to have a lot of
8:13
commitment, not wanting to have a lot of responsibility, kind of
8:15
wanting to go where the wind blows.
8:17
I mean, if you're listening and you're a woman, you're like,
8:19
yeah, men, they just do not commit.
8:21
You know, they're just interested in doing their thing.
8:23
Or maybe you're a man listening. You're like women, they're so
8:25
fighty. They're, they're not really
8:27
interested in commitment and like, you know, settling down.
8:30
They're just wanting to do their own thing or whatever.
8:32
I think that's very much a cultural.
8:34
Issue today where a. Lot of people are unrooted.
8:37
You know, we are, you know, we're told to focus on self
8:41
development, ourselves, our careers, our education.
8:44
And there's not a lot of conversation about focusing on
8:47
building a life with someone and rooting ourselves in service of
8:51
other people, in community and responsibility to others.
8:54
But I do want to say that I believe that the greatest source
8:59
of meaning and happiness this side of heaven is found in
9:03
relationships and service to others.
9:06
And so I think that's one of the reasons so many people today are
9:09
unhappy and they feel so restless because ultimately our
9:13
deepest satisfaction as human beings, the side of heaven, is
9:16
found in commitment and responsibility, in serving other
9:21
people. And I have the social data to
9:23
back that up. You know, The Atlantic is in a
9:25
lot of articles in the past and quoting a lot of social studies
9:29
about how those who are in committed marriages are actually
9:34
happier. They report more satisfaction in
9:37
their life. They report more happiness in
9:39
their life. And especially those people who
9:42
not just are in a committed marriage, but that marriage is
9:45
spiritual if there's more to them than just each other.
9:48
They they see. It in the light of faith and
9:51
they actually attend religious services.
9:52
Weekly so for. Them marriage isn't just a
9:55
promise they made to each other, but it's a promise before God.
9:57
And so they're looking for God, to God, for spiritual help and
10:01
for guidance in their marriage. And those people actually report
10:05
the greatest satisfaction and happiness.
10:08
And I think that's really important to remember, you know,
10:11
that I think there's so much negativity today around
10:14
marriage. I mean, think about it.
10:17
When was the last time you saw in pop culture?
10:21
You know, and, and occasionally it does happen, but I don't
10:25
think it's a dominant thing. People who never divorce, who
10:29
stay together, who duked it out, who loved each other till death,
10:32
like that is really honored and celebrated as the ideal.
10:36
I see mostly in pop culture things celebrated as like, oh,
10:39
divorce because it makes you happier.
10:42
You know, you're not good for each other anymore.
10:43
We fell out of love. We're still friends.
10:45
So we're divorcing. And there's this whole emphasis
10:48
on not committing, on rejecting your commitments, you know,
10:52
defaulting on them, divorce or on, yeah, just kind of going
10:57
your own way, you know, doing your own thing and not not
11:00
committing. But that's not what makes people
11:03
happy in the end. Now, this isn't to say just go
11:05
commit to anyone and make a life with them and you're going to be
11:07
great. No, I mean, that's the point of
11:10
this episode is what to look for in a man because who you marry
11:14
matters a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot.
11:17
And before I get into the qualities of particularly around
11:20
fatherhood and what that means for what to look for in a man, I
11:23
want to say too, for me, for my dating experiences all through
11:27
my 20 dating so many guys. Oh my gosh, I'm so grateful that
11:31
I met and married my husband Joe.
11:34
But through that process, I learned, you know, step by step,
11:40
the sorts of qualities that mattered most in a man because
11:44
each step of the way I'm like, OK, can I, could I marry this
11:46
guy? Could actually marry him?
11:48
And ultimately, there are lots of reasons for each one why we
11:51
weren't the right fit. And I think ultimately, when I
11:54
married my husband Joe, it's because he I knew was someone I
11:58
could. Build a life with.
11:59
Someone who would be an amazing father, somebody who yes, I was
12:02
attracted to. We had fun with, you know, had
12:04
fun together, we shared values, all those things.
12:06
But ultimately he was oriented towards the the wholeness of
12:11
what it meant to be a man. And that is responsibility for
12:16
others, love for others, care and affirmation of others in his
12:21
fatherhood. And now, of course, you know, we
12:22
have our son and my husband's an amazing dad to him.
12:25
It's so fun to see them together.
12:27
So let's unpack it. What does it mean then to be a
12:30
father? What do I, what do I mean when
12:33
I'm saying, oh, you know, if you're looking for a man, make
12:36
sure he's a father. You know, he already has kids.
12:40
How many kids? What the heck?
12:41
You know, I'm going to become a mom, a stepmom.
12:42
No, no, no. What I mean is he has the
12:45
qualities to be a father. And so let's unpack that.
12:50
First of all, I think that to be a father is to have the
12:56
prerequisite of somebody who is, has a respect, a profound
13:03
respect for other people. So I said the number one thing
13:05
is respect. The first thing.
13:07
I'm I'm not going to say it's number one in the sense that
13:08
these other things won't matter. But a?
13:10
Primary thing is respect. You want a man who has respect
13:14
for other people and by respect I don't just mean he'll open the
13:18
door for the elderly lady walking through it.
13:20
But it's the way he treats his family, it's the way he treats
13:23
his friends, it's the way he treats you, it's the way he
13:25
treats your family. It's the way he treats children
13:27
consistently when people are looking and when people aren't
13:30
looking. Does he treat other people with
13:32
respect? Does he show other people the.
13:35
Deference. That they are due the dignity
13:38
that they have for how he treats them.
13:42
Is he, you know, dishonest or is he unkind or is he dismissive of
13:49
others? You want somebody ultimately who
13:52
is going to treat other people with respect.
13:55
And this is hard, unfortunately, to find sometimes because I
13:59
think there's this societal, again, push of like not really
14:05
seeing people and meeting them where they're at and seeing God
14:08
in them. I think we're kind of rushing
14:10
through a day, We're climbing the ladder, we're doing our own
14:12
thing. And so slowing down.
14:14
I mean like, is this a man who really respects and reveres
14:17
other? People, he sees the.
14:19
Sacredness in other people, the weak, the vulnerable, people who
14:22
can't give him anything. He's not just nice to people who
14:24
will be nice back to him, but he shows that respect and deference
14:28
to his own family, to his grandparents, to the elderly,
14:31
two children. I think respect is key.
14:34
And does he respect himself? You know, does he respect his
14:38
own work? You know, is he someone who
14:41
respects his job and works hard? Is he somebody who respects his
14:45
employer and is honest in his work and his fellow employees?
14:49
Is he somebody who respects his own career and is trying to
14:53
build a career? You know, he understands the
14:54
value of that and the value of work?
14:58
Is he somebody who respects those who he might disagree
15:03
with? It has to do with sexuality.
15:05
Is he someone who is respectful of sex and has a reverence
15:11
towards sex? Or does he just think, you know,
15:13
sex is on his terms when he wants it how he wants it?
15:16
Obviously I would say a man that sees that sex can bring life
15:20
into the world and how bonding it is should not want to have
15:24
sex with you before marriage. He should want to commit his
15:26
life to you and then marry you and then be willing to have sex
15:29
because understands that sex can bring life into the world.
15:32
He understands that, you know, sex is so incredibly bonding.
15:35
So respect connects all these things.
15:38
And so a man of respect, is he a man of respect?
15:41
Because a father ultimately must respect others.
15:46
And I think if you look back to your own childhood when you're
15:48
listening to this, and if you have father wounds, I think many
15:51
people do. You know, even if those of us
15:53
had great fathers, they were probably imperfect.
15:57
Everybody's imperfect, by the way.
15:58
No one can be perfect anything in this world.
16:01
But a lot of those wounds might have to do with not being
16:04
respected as a child, not being treated or not seeing your
16:08
mother respected or, you know, respect might have to do with
16:12
one of those wounds. So a man of respect is so
16:14
important. The next thing that I would say
16:17
is essential for what to look for in a man.
16:19
And and it's I think a quality of being a father is a man of
16:24
affirmation. Is he a man who affirms you
16:29
other people in his life, who is someone who really delights and
16:35
and support is supportive of others?
16:38
Because I think. A really essential.
16:40
Thing for a father, you know, when you think about your future
16:42
kids, a really essential thing is that they they are affirming.
16:47
I think that's actually the number one thing for a father to
16:50
do. Yes, a father is a teacher, a
16:52
protector, provider, but also a father who can affirm a child
16:56
for who they are and affirm, you know, you're you, you know, as
17:00
the spouse, as the wife, whatever are they willing to
17:03
affirm? Are they willing to see the good
17:08
and point it? Out.
17:09
Call it out. Encourage it, cheer it on.
17:13
And as a woman, do they celebrate you?
17:15
You know, is he competitive with you?
17:18
If he is, that's a big red flag. That's not affirming.
17:21
Is he threatened by you? Is he negative about who you are
17:26
or what you're about or your your gifts and what you have to
17:28
offer? Those are all negative things.
17:31
Those are not affirming things. But or does he celebrate what's
17:35
good in you? Does he celebrate the best
17:39
things about you? And can you see him celebrating
17:42
your children? And so number one is respect.
17:45
Number 2 is affirmation. Is he a man who affirms people
17:50
around him? And this might look really
17:51
quiet. You know, this is not like a
17:53
showy thing. Like, oh, he just goes around
17:55
gushing. Like, oh, here's some amazing.
17:56
I mean, some people have those personalities.
17:58
But you can be a super quiet affirmer just like somebody who
18:03
you know, in their presence, you know that you are seen and you
18:06
know you are appreciated. And he he makes other people
18:11
under, you know, through maybe acts of service.
18:13
It could be his love language. You know, you guys have probably
18:15
heard the five love languages, acts of service, words of
18:18
affirmation, quality time, gifts and touch.
18:24
These are different ways that we show affirmation.
18:26
And love for others. So maybe he's really quiet in
18:29
the way he shows affirmation is through service like he does.
18:32
Things to help others. Maybe the way he shows
18:35
affirmation is through quality time, like just making
18:38
intentional time with you and others he loves.
18:40
But regardless, the the end result is affirmation,
18:44
affirmation of the person that he's with with.
18:46
And so I think that's going to be key.
18:49
Does is this a man of affirmation or is he a man
18:53
because maybe he's not at peace with himself.
18:55
Maybe he has rough edges and he doesn't really, he doesn't
18:59
really have that capacity built out in him yet to really love
19:02
and pour himself out. Maybe he's unfortunately
19:05
selfish, you know, or he's superficial or whatever.
19:08
So it's difficult for him to affirm others.
19:11
If that's the case, then maybe he's not, it's not time yet.
19:14
You know, he needs time to cook in the oven or whatever.
19:17
Like, you know, he's not marriage material right now.
19:19
Like don't maybe stop dating him.
19:21
Let him go off and live his life.
19:22
Go date other people. Ultimately you want a man of
19:26
respect and a man of affirmation.
19:29
So the next thing is pretty fundamental thing is integrity,
19:35
and this is connected to affirmation and respect, but I
19:37
wanted to call it out because I think that integrity is
19:42
wholeness. So integrity is, yes, it's
19:44
honesty, Integrity is trustworthiness, but integrity
19:49
is somebody that you can rely on them, you know, they're not
19:52
going to fall apart or do something to stab.
19:56
You in the back. Or stab someone else in the.
19:57
Back, or be unreliable or whatever.
20:00
Integrity is somebody who does what they say they will do.
20:05
And again, everybody makes. Mistakes.
20:06
So no one's going to have a perfect track record on this
20:08
but. Overall, that's what defines
20:11
him. What?
20:11
Defines him, is not flakiness. More than flakiness, what
20:14
defines him is he tries to be a man of his word.
20:16
He tries to do. What he'll say, he'll.
20:19
Do he tries to show up? He tries to be reliable because
20:22
when you're trying to build a family with someone or.
20:24
Life with someone. You want someone that's going to
20:26
be there through thick or thin. You want someone who's not?
20:30
Going to run away when the going gets tough because guess what
20:32
the. Going at some point will get
20:33
tough. You want somebody who when
20:37
you're in labor and giving. Birth, you know.
20:39
For the women listening, they're by your side.
20:42
Cheering you on as best they can.
20:44
I mean, everybody's going to do it differently, but.
20:46
You want a fighter? You want a fighter?
20:48
You want a a man who, yeah, can make mistakes, We all make
20:52
mistakes. But someone who gets back in the
20:54
ring, a man of integrity, and that comes with honesty and
20:58
trustworthiness and. Reliability.
21:00
All of those traits I would. Put underneath integrity.
21:04
And that's really what a good father is, I mean.
21:07
Think about the best moments in your life.
21:09
With your father, they probably. Had to do with him affirming
21:13
you, you know, spending quality time with you, loving on you,
21:19
praising you, you know, teaching you something.
21:22
They might have had to do with him showing respect for your
21:25
mother and love for your mother or other people.
21:28
Or it had to do. With your dad.
21:30
Being someone you could count on, you know, be having that
21:32
integrity and. Reliability where you.
21:35
Could go to him at a tough moment and you know, you know
21:38
where he would stand. You know he'd be there.
21:40
And maybe you wouldn't agree on everything, but you know he was
21:43
there. He was a rock.
21:45
And I think that in a marriage you need that in a man, you need
21:48
that in a partner, and children really need that.
21:52
So I think what flows from these three, respect, affirmation and
21:57
integrity are a lot of qualities that you could, you know, say
22:02
humility flows from these. You know, in order to respect
22:05
others, you have to have humility, somebody.
22:08
Who's serious about their work? Flows from all of these.
22:11
Because. I think it's really key as a
22:13
woman, when you're looking for a partner, to find a man who's
22:16
willing to work. And I don't just mean like make
22:19
money. You know, obviously you've got
22:20
to make money. To live but somebody who sees
22:23
the value. Of hard work and is reliable and
22:27
consistent and. Wants to support kids.
22:30
You know, like even if you're working as a woman too, there
22:32
will be times when you're not able.
22:33
To work because you just had a child.
22:35
Or, you know, maybe have a health issue or something.
22:38
And so I think that's so important that the man is
22:40
someone who is willing to be consistent and persistent and
22:43
providing for his family. But also flows.
22:46
From affirmation, respect and integrity, it is I think a, you
22:54
know, you can have fun, you can do all you know, have a great
22:56
personality, all these things, but it's ultimately an anchor
23:01
for the family. And I think it's.
23:03
Really key that we. Find someone we marry, someone
23:06
we try to. Be this ourselves, too.
23:08
But we marry someone. Who has that?
23:10
Anchor those anchor qualities to build something.
23:14
Solid with. To ultimately build family with
23:18
a life with somebody who has the.
23:22
The. Trustworthiness, that.
23:23
Groundedness that. Will be that.
23:26
Father and that husband and that partner in life lifelong.
23:31
So I hope that. These three qualities are not a
23:35
surprise to you. Notice that I did not say.
23:38
Oh, he has a. Great sense of humor.
23:40
You know, I didn't say something like, you know, he's extremely
23:43
courageous. I mean, I do think in order to
23:45
be an affirming, respectful integrity man of integrity.
23:49
Today takes courage so. By default, this kind of a man
23:52
will. Be courageous.
23:55
But note I didn't. Say, Oh yeah, he's super
23:57
attractive to you. Yes, I do think he needs to be
24:00
attractive to you should not marry someone who is not
24:04
attractive to you. That's not fair to them or to
24:05
you. So I think those are, yeah,
24:07
Givens. But I think the the focus should
24:10
be, you know, is this a man whose respect, who's a man of
24:13
respect? He's not just.
24:14
Respectful, but respect is the way he lives his life towards
24:18
others. You know towards the.
24:20
Law towards kids. Towards you is he a man of
24:24
affirmation? He's willing to go and show not
24:28
just respect, but show support for and appreciation for others
24:34
in his life. You know, he wants to give of
24:36
himself for others. That's what affirmation is.
24:39
It's going out and firming up others, using his strength,
24:42
using his qualities, using his gifts that go and firm up,
24:45
strengthen. Others right, because that's.
24:47
Ultimately, as a father, which is going to be.
24:49
Key to his fatherhood. And then is he a man of
24:52
integrity? You know, is he going to work
24:54
hard? Is he going to be honest?
24:55
Is he going to be trustworthy? Is he going to be reliable,
24:59
Those pieces? Are core character traits.
25:03
That aren't, I think, necessary in a man.
25:07
So I'd love to. Hear what you think.
25:09
What do you think? Did I miss something?
25:10
Is there a quality I haven't said that you think it's
25:12
essential? Is there something I said you?
25:15
Disagree with? I'd love to hear.
25:16
I think that I'm sure a lot of folks listening have a lot of
25:20
different opinions on this, but ultimately I think the essence
25:25
of fatherhood are comes down to these three traits.
25:28
And when we are looking for a spouse, we should be thinking in
25:33
terms of life partner, building a family with them, and even if
25:37
we can't have biological children, somebody.
25:39
Who is focused? On service of others you know
25:43
wanting to. Serve your spouse, yes.
25:45
But serving others around them. The last thing I'm going to say
25:48
on this topic for now, because I'm going to come back to it.
25:51
We're going to talk about women and what to look for in women,
25:53
woman, etcetera. But back to marriage, you know,
25:58
I think that, yeah, I talked about marriage being about
26:00
children and building a life together and commitment and to
26:05
death to us part. I mean, really fidelity.
26:09
But I also think, you know, marriage is a mission I really
26:14
have never liked. The sort of settle.
26:17
Down white picket fence idea of marriage.
26:21
I understand why to some that seems unattractive.
26:23
Maybe it's really attractive to you.
26:25
But some people like, I don't just want to settle down and I
26:28
wanted to explore. I want to do things.
26:29
I want to change the world, you know?
26:32
The book I just wrote is all about.
26:34
Changing the world. But in the last chapter of my
26:37
book, I actually got back to marriage because I think that
26:43
when I became a wife and a, you know, eventually a mother after
26:47
becoming a wife, when I got married, I didn't leave my
26:50
dreams, my mission, my calling behind.
26:54
In fact, I stepped into a deeper mission.
26:56
And I think that is the missing piece in the conversation today
27:01
around marriage, that marriage is not just between you and your
27:04
spouse. Yes, it is between you, I
27:07
believe your spouse and God. And it's not just even about
27:10
your children, although it's very much about your children.
27:13
But your marriage is a mission to change the world.
27:16
Your marriage is a mission to change yourself and grow
27:20
yourself and help your spouse grow but to unlove them and to
27:23
be there for them but your marriage is a.
27:25
Vehicle of love to. Serve and transform the world
27:30
around you. And I think that's so awesome.
27:34
That'll look different for everyone you know.
27:37
Every person is different and has a different calling a
27:40
different. Approach to their causes.
27:43
And their calling and every relationship and marriage is
27:45
different. It's unique.
27:46
Like two different. People are unique, but I think
27:49
they're all missions. And I think.
27:50
If we look at marriage and like finding the one, what to look
27:53
for in a man in terms of a mission, like we're on mission,
27:56
OK, We have a short time on this earth, right?
27:59
You have a short time on this earth.
28:01
I have a short time on this Earth.
28:03
We are not promised tomorrow. So what are we going to do with
28:07
the life we've been given? And if we are called to
28:10
marriage, you know, if you're listening, you might already be
28:13
married. What are you doing in that
28:15
marriage, that beautiful marriage?
28:17
You're fighting for part of that fight of your marriage and
28:21
loving your spouse, loving your. Kids is to also.
28:24
Be a light to the world around you.
28:26
To help. Other people around you to
28:28
inspire them to love them, to bring other people into your
28:32
home so that they can feel welcomed and see the beauty of
28:35
family so that they can feel loved to, you.
28:39
Know father and mother your children, but look around the
28:42
children in your community. Are there other ways?
28:44
To go above and beyond to serve the children around you.
28:48
Marriage is ultimately strong. Marriage is strong.
28:50
Families, I think, are the secret to rebuilding our
28:55
culture. I think they are the secret to
29:00
any culture's greatness. You know, it's not individuals
29:04
that make up a culture at its greatest.
29:07
Core it is. Families, families, the family
29:11
you're raised in, the family you choose, the family you build.
29:15
And so if you're listening to this, I hope you are inspired.
29:17
Especially if you're single, you're figuring out your life,
29:20
maybe you're dating, whatever. I hope you're inspired.
29:23
To see a bigger. Vision for it.
29:25
It's not just falling in love and having some.
29:29
Love. You know, whatever, whatever you
29:31
know it is falling in love, that's beautiful.
29:32
It is, you know. All of the beautiful beauty.
29:34
Of romance, of course, but romance is more than about you
29:39
and the one you love. I think romance marriage
29:43
ultimately is about a mission. To serve others.
29:47
And to make the world around you better.
29:51
So I talk about this a lot in Fighting for life.
29:54
I share all my I share my love story in it to some degree.
29:57
I don't get into super detail, but I definitely fear part of
29:59
it. And I just.
30:02
Talk a lot about. You know the cause within the
30:04
cause. Like the pro-life?
30:05
Fight. I've been doing this since I was
30:08
a teenager. I've learned a lot.
30:10
I'm still in it. There's still children dying.
30:13
We have to end abortion. There's so much to do.
30:15
We've seen a lot of victories, but there's so much more to
30:17
achieve. For the sake of.
30:19
Justice and protection of the innocent.
30:22
But my contribution of being a wife, being a mom, building my
30:25
family, I think that's ultimately the greatest
30:29
contribution. I will leave.
30:30
I hope, I pray I can leave. Because it is.
30:34
Building something new and true and beautiful in the middle.
30:38
Of the battlefield. That, I think, is our culture
30:42
today. So don't be afraid.
30:44
Of that, don't be afraid of commitment to responsibility,
30:47
building something deep and beautiful and new in this.
30:51
Crazy, crazy world. Because that is how we.
30:55
Change this. Crazy, crazy.
30:56
World. That is how we bring beauty into
30:58
this. Crazy, crazy world.
31:00
So thank you all so much for listening.
31:04
I hope you enjoyed this episode of the show.
31:06
I've been doing a lot of interviews lately so it was fun
31:08
to do a little differently this episode and I will be back, if
31:13
not the next episode soon on the episode.
31:16
About what to look. For in a woman, in a, in a, in
31:20
a, in a spouse and a woman. And yeah, let me know what you
31:25
think. Send me your thoughts.
31:26
Thoughts at lilaroastshow.com. Send me your questions.
31:29
Send me your. Episode ideas, You know, what do
31:31
you want me to talk more about on this podcast or who do you
31:33
want me to interview and please? Get your copy pre orderate.
31:38
Of fighting for life. Actually I should.
31:40
Have said this already for those listening.
31:43
There is a special extras if you do.
31:47
Pre-order fighting for life and you go to
31:49
fightingforlifebook.com and you put an image of the pre-order
31:54
sticker or you know e-mail that you got.
31:56
You can screenshot it on your phone or on your computer, we
31:59
will send you. Immediately the first chapter.
32:01
Free. I can't wait for you to read it
32:03
and we will also send you a free.
32:04
Study guide which is actually. Really cool.
32:07
I worked on it with my mother-in-law, believe it or not
32:09
and my father-in-law and it's actually really deep study guide
32:13
and I think really interesting and helpful.
32:15
So you will get that immediately in your e-mail if you pre-order
32:19
and you submit the pre-order information at
32:20
fightingforlifebook.com. So please check that out.
32:23
I hope you get it and thank you all so much.
32:26
Again, I hope you have a. Great rest of your.
32:28
Morning, day or night and I will see you all again soon.