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Homecoming · The Steve Harvey Morning Show

0:10
Speaker 1: Warning.
0:10
Speaker 2: The following episode includes tantric astrology, station Wagons a Go,
0:15
Speaker 2: and folk song, The PBS Kids Show Arthur, the scattering
0:20
Speaker 2: of ashes, backscratches, and coming to term with the father's passing.
0:25
Speaker 2: Sensitive listeners, please take care.
0:31
Speaker 3: This is Peter Kaplan, the leterdary editor at the New
0:34
Speaker 3: York Observer.
0:35
Speaker 4: Editors were like movie directors, and they work with the writers.
0:39
Speaker 3: He had this old piece of advice that I think
0:42
Speaker 3: about a lot. When one of his writers was struggling
0:45
Speaker 3: with writer's block. Ke'd say, take out all your material
0:49
Speaker 3: and write a beginning, and then another and another, and
0:53
Speaker 3: keep going, and pretty soon you'll have this page full
0:57
Speaker 3: of beginnings. Even if that doesn't lead you where you
1:01
Speaker 3: want to go, you can step back and admire it
1:05
Speaker 3: and think, isn't that a beautiful thing? I've always loved
1:11
Speaker 3: that image. A bouquet full of beginnings promises paths to explore,
1:19
Speaker 3: and I wonder does it work the same for endings
1:27
Speaker 3: from Kaleidoscope and I hear podcast I'm Mongish particular. This
1:33
Speaker 3: is Skyline Drive in chapter one car Mines. This is
2:28
Speaker 3: me on my last full day in India. I've been
2:30
Speaker 3: to the car since four am. And I couldn't sleep
2:33
Speaker 3: the night before from sheer excitement. In Chennai, Mark said
2:38
Speaker 3: I wouldn't find the resolution I needed in astrology. I
2:41
Speaker 3: wasn't going to soothe my heartache with a reading or
2:43
Speaker 3: find direction and prophecies. The thing is I was still
2:48
Speaker 3: clinging desperately to this idea of making a joyous astrology
2:51
Speaker 3: show and ignoring my emotions. He said I needed something else.
2:55
Speaker 3: He said, you need to go to that home. And
2:58
Speaker 3: I knew what he meant. Somewhere along our trip I
3:03
Speaker 3: had told him about Gin House, an old family home
3:06
Speaker 3: tucked away and hobly a town in the southern state
3:09
Speaker 3: of Karnataka. As a kid, I spent so many summers there,
3:14
Speaker 3: playing badminton on the lawn, reading on the veranda, dipping
3:17
Speaker 3: my toes in the well out back, and just soaking
3:20
Speaker 3: in all this love and attention that my relatives there
3:23
Speaker 3: gave me. Until I was in my teens, I thought
3:26
Speaker 3: Jin House got the name because of all the warmth
3:28
Speaker 3: and entertaining and celebrating that took place there. But the
3:32
Speaker 3: Gin actually referred to the cotton gins and working mills
3:35
Speaker 3: in the back. But this house and the grounds wasn't
3:39
Speaker 3: just a wondrous place for me to spend my summer
3:41
Speaker 3: days running around and exploring. The house was a life
3:45
Speaker 3: raft for both my grandfather and my father when each
3:49
Speaker 3: of them was at sea. When my grandfather lost his
3:52
Speaker 3: businesses in his old age, this is where he picked
3:55
Speaker 3: himself up and focused on his writing. When my father
3:58
Speaker 3: had failed out of college just fifteen, this is where
4:01
Speaker 3: his aunt pleaded for him to be sent to be
4:04
Speaker 3: given one more chance. So he came, and he flourished,
4:09
Speaker 3: and it was just as magical and transformative for him.
4:12
Speaker 3: It's where he stood third in all university exam and
4:15
Speaker 3: learned woodworking and swam and the giant water tank out back,
4:19
Speaker 3: and embraced his cousins like siblings. And it's where, through
4:24
Speaker 3: the love of his aunt, he finally learned firsthand what
4:27
Speaker 3: it was like to have a mother. For months now,
4:33
Speaker 3: I felt incomplete in the absence of my father. I
4:36
Speaker 3: don't really have a sense of who I'm supposed to be.
4:40
Speaker 3: I've kept moving, trying to tell myself I was okay,
4:43
Speaker 3: putting my energy into the startup for this show. I
4:47
Speaker 3: hadn't actually cried, And as my wife Lizzie has told me,
4:52
Speaker 3: I've been distant.
4:54
Speaker 5: Now that I haven't like him to complain about me the.
4:57
Speaker 6: Way you want to play.
4:59
Speaker 1: I'm happy to compla about you.
5:00
Speaker 3: On like ORL. Right.
5:03
Speaker 5: So I have mentioned over and over in the show
5:06
Speaker 5: that I'm not entirely present, and I know I definitely
5:10
Speaker 5: feel that, But can you talk a little bit about
5:12
Speaker 5: your perspective on that.
5:15
Speaker 1: I mean, I've said to you that I think that
5:18
Speaker 1: this show and working on this has been a wonderful gift,
5:24
Speaker 1: because if you aren't given something like that, then you
5:29
Speaker 1: are one who puts things away. It's not good for
5:31
Speaker 1: a person. It's not good for you, it's not good
5:34
Speaker 1: for any person. So I'm glad that you're not doing that.
5:37
Speaker 1: But also you basically have like a job on a
5:40
Speaker 1: job at a time when the kids are also reading.
5:44
Speaker 1: It's been a hard time to have you be kind
5:47
Speaker 1: of constantly either literally not there or there, but you know,
5:51
Speaker 1: half there, you're like half in and half out.
5:53
Speaker 6: I can think about that Dmitri Martin quote where he
5:57
Speaker 6: said that I guess he lost both his parents a
6:00
Speaker 6: pretty quick succession, or lost one of his parents and yeah,
6:04
Speaker 6: a mom in college or something, and he wrote a
6:07
Speaker 6: line that was losing a parent is the first hardest thing, Yeah.
6:12
Speaker 1: Your dad is who you are and how you imagine
6:16
Speaker 1: your future, which I think has been a lot of
6:18
Speaker 1: this experience views like okay, well kind of person am
6:22
Speaker 1: I going to be? And with my life trajrectory. I
6:25
Speaker 1: think that like grief is gigantic, it's like swimming in
6:29
Speaker 1: an ocean and like finding shallow parts where you can
6:32
Speaker 1: kind of stand for a bit and then you know
6:35
Speaker 1: the mariana try and it won't be for very long,
6:39
Speaker 1: but it's just like you keep swimming and hopefully over
6:44
Speaker 1: time you find warmer and shallower waters. That is, using
6:49
Speaker 1: the same metaphoricous. You've become a stronger swimmer through this,
6:52
Speaker 1: and we can't be a part of that, you know.
6:55
Speaker 1: So yeah, maybe you've been less present, but maybe that's
6:58
Speaker 1: just natural, you know. Maybe the best thing we could
7:01
Speaker 1: do is kind of try to take care of ourselves
7:05
Speaker 1: for the meantime and be there when you come back.
7:08
Speaker 3: And it's not that I think visiting gin House will
7:10
Speaker 3: solve that feeling for me exactly, but I wonder if
7:14
Speaker 3: it could put me on firmer footing, that is, if
7:17
Speaker 3: we ever make it there. This drive feels endless, which
7:23
Speaker 3: was always my Dad's favorite kind. We racked up over
7:27
Speaker 3: three hundred and fifty thousand miles in our Bulbo station wagon,
7:30
Speaker 3: the one my family got when I was four, driving
7:33
Speaker 3: across Nova, Scotia and West Virginia, the Outer Banks where
7:36
Speaker 3: that one time we drove to Quebec City because our dog,
7:39
Speaker 3: Shap who was ill with a thyroid disease, needed to
7:42
Speaker 3: drink holy water from Saint Anne depaucre A Cathedral there.
7:47
Speaker 3: We'd adopted our dog from a Catholic family, and somehow
7:50
Speaker 3: my mom got the idea that we need to respect
7:52
Speaker 3: my dog's religious background, so we did anyway. We spent
7:57
Speaker 3: those hours a mile singing and arguing, playing word games.
8:01
Speaker 3: We pulled over to sample peaches and found streams to
8:04
Speaker 3: cool our heels in, and we asked for directions, lots
8:08
Speaker 3: of directions. And after hours of driving, when the sky
8:14
Speaker 3: turned dark and our stomachs were full, the car got quiet.
8:19
Speaker 3: My mom and sister would fall asleep, my dad kept
8:21
Speaker 3: pushing ahead, and me I'd stare out the window. We
8:27
Speaker 3: moved across highways and country roads, often until one or
8:30
Speaker 3: two in the morning. Sometimes I tried to find the
8:33
Speaker 3: rhythm of the tower lights, guessing when the next beam
8:36
Speaker 3: would shine down on the car. Often I'd look higher,
8:40
Speaker 3: wishing on the first star I spotted, or tracing my
8:43
Speaker 3: fingers across constellations both reel and imagine. And eventually I'd
8:51
Speaker 3: given to sleep, knowing that in this car, under this
8:55
Speaker 3: magnificent sky, I could close my eyes feeling safe. I've
9:01
Speaker 3: loved always moving forward, and now as I stare out
9:08
Speaker 3: the window at rural Canotica, I finally finally let tears
9:14
Speaker 3: stream down my face and I let go of everything
9:18
Speaker 3: I've been holding. In chapter two, White Magic, this is
9:40
Speaker 3: doctor Vijay satan Ryan, a tantric astrologer from.
9:45
Speaker 7: The age of File.
9:46
Speaker 4: That's the only thing I know about life is to
9:49
Speaker 4: how to heal people.
9:51
Speaker 3: For all of the astrologers we'd met or hunted for
9:53
Speaker 3: in China, there were so many disappointments except for this one.
9:59
Speaker 3: Around town. Doctor Vej has a reputation as a quote
10:02
Speaker 3: five star astrologer, and he agreed to meet with us
10:05
Speaker 3: after his TV appearance that morning. To tell you the truth,
10:08
Speaker 3: I did not have high hopes the words five star
10:11
Speaker 3: TV astrologer, I mean I pictured an astro televangelist. And
10:16
Speaker 3: as we waited in his sitting room, sweating from the
10:19
Speaker 3: chennai heat. All I was thinking about was how many
10:21
Speaker 3: days we'd wasted and what were we really going to
10:24
Speaker 3: learn here? But when he welcomed us into his humble
10:28
Speaker 3: office with just enough space for a desk and some chairs,
10:32
Speaker 3: it just felt different.
10:35
Speaker 4: I'm not a normal person to live a normal life.
10:38
Speaker 3: He's right, Very little about doctor Vij's story is normal.
10:44
Speaker 3: Before him, his parents had six daughters.
10:47
Speaker 4: My great grandfather told my mother and my father stating
10:51
Speaker 4: that U seven baby will be a son, and by
10:55
Speaker 4: what shiping Khali mark Khali, the genes will be changed
10:59
Speaker 4: from a feed people may.
11:01
Speaker 3: Through prayers and offerings, they supposedly changed the sex of
11:04
Speaker 3: their child, But that meant he'd also have to carry
11:07
Speaker 3: the burden of sustaining the family business. Vijay practices tantric astrology.
11:12
Speaker 3: In astrology he refers to as white magic, it's about
11:16
Speaker 3: using esoteric knowledge to reduce people's pain and relieve them
11:20
Speaker 3: of their negative karmic pressures. It can mean reversing curses,
11:24
Speaker 3: preventing infidelities, fighting witchcraft, and as he tells me, there
11:29
Speaker 3: are fewer than one hundred people in all of India,
11:32
Speaker 3: maybe even half of that who practice it. His father
11:35
Speaker 3: and grandfather did this work too, and every day he'd
11:38
Speaker 3: watch as they absorb people's pain.
11:41
Speaker 4: So I see people often coming to my great grandfather
11:44
Speaker 4: and my father. They used to cry, they used to screen.
11:49
Speaker 3: Vijai did this for eighteen years and then he left.
11:53
Speaker 3: He couldn't take the emotional toll. He hated that people
11:56
Speaker 3: would come to him and ask him to use tantric
11:58
Speaker 3: astrology for these evil reasons, to lure across against their will,
12:02
Speaker 3: or to put a curse on someone, things that went
12:06
Speaker 3: against the ethics that his grandfather and father practiced. So
12:09
Speaker 3: he fled. He went to the UK. He got a
12:12
Speaker 3: good job in fashion and marketing and merchandising. But however
12:17
Speaker 3: far he ran, he just couldn't get away my.
12:21
Speaker 4: Great grandfather, he called me. You might be in London
12:24
Speaker 4: these days, but I'll be buying by September nine, two
12:27
Speaker 4: thousand and nine, and you're supposed to be here to
12:29
Speaker 4: take care of your father, and you cannot take your grandma.
12:34
Speaker 3: For him, it was an act of devotion, seeding his
12:37
Speaker 3: own dreams for his family, because his love for his
12:40
Speaker 3: father and his grandfather was that strong. But before he
12:44
Speaker 3: could accept the mantle. His father had one final test
12:48
Speaker 3: for him.
12:49
Speaker 4: You know, I wish to explain about an incident my
12:52
Speaker 4: great dad, who taught me how to live and how
12:55
Speaker 4: to be ethically right, to have the good rapp o
12:59
Speaker 4: good people.
13:00
Speaker 3: The only question he asked me. Then I learned that
13:04
Speaker 3: I shudder when I hear this. His dad wanted Vijay
13:07
Speaker 3: to predict his time of death. It feels cruel, masochistic.
13:14
Speaker 3: I mean, there are things you just don't want to know.
13:16
Speaker 3: And the idea of being forced to tell your parent
13:19
Speaker 3: when they're going to die, let alone being forced to
13:22
Speaker 3: be accurate about it, I can't fathom it. But Vijay's
13:27
Speaker 3: dad was asking him to put his craft over his emotion,
13:30
Speaker 3: to tell his brain to eclipse his heart.
13:33
Speaker 1: And I was shouted.
13:34
Speaker 4: I was just looking at him like that, and he
13:37
Speaker 4: told me, now, I'm a ya guru, I'm your mentor.
13:41
Speaker 3: I'm asking you, you see. And then Vijay, who'd already
13:46
Speaker 3: question whether this was the right line of work for
13:48
Speaker 3: his life, for his happiness, had to summon all his
13:52
Speaker 3: courage and look his father in the eye and tell
13:55
Speaker 3: him that.
13:56
Speaker 4: You'll have a kardi cust Between March twenty twenty one
14:02
Speaker 4: till twenty first stop.
14:05
Speaker 3: It was one of the hardest moments in Vijay's life,
14:08
Speaker 3: but for his dad, it was everything he wanted for
14:12
Speaker 3: his son.
14:13
Speaker 4: Then, my dad told me you'll be a you know,
14:16
Speaker 4: worthful person and you'll do real great things. But unfortunately
14:21
Speaker 4: I lost my great dad, who is my guru and
14:23
Speaker 4: my mentor on eight of March twenty twenty one.
14:26
Speaker 3: On my lap. I'm sure there are moments as an
14:29
Speaker 3: astrologer where you just don't want to be right and
14:32
Speaker 3: my heart breaks for him, but in some strange way,
14:37
Speaker 3: I also envy him. Vijay knew the exact moment his
14:41
Speaker 3: father would die. He didn't have to watch his father
14:43
Speaker 3: writhing in pain, wondering how long it would go on,
14:46
Speaker 3: or make a decision about when to give him the
14:49
Speaker 3: morphine to let him go. So I asked him about
14:53
Speaker 3: the power of his craft, these remedies he uses to
14:56
Speaker 3: help other people, and if he could have healed his
14:58
Speaker 3: father poss si we postponed that death.
15:01
Speaker 4: If that does re return in their chart, no worship
15:07
Speaker 4: or no uh you know, Libertie can't save her life.
15:11
Speaker 3: His glassy eyes betray the emotional distance and astrologer is
15:15
Speaker 3: supposed to keep. But as he talks, it occurs to
15:18
Speaker 3: me that I too, am the bearer of a lineage,
15:22
Speaker 3: the first son of a first son who was also
15:25
Speaker 3: desperately prayed for. And what were the responsibilities I ignored
15:30
Speaker 3: and the duties I turned my back on that led
15:33
Speaker 3: me to this room here? Chapter three, backscratch. This is
15:58
Speaker 3: the main roto Jin how but you'll never spot it
16:01
Speaker 3: unless you know where you're going. In fact, it's been
16:04
Speaker 3: so many years now that suras the wonderful driver I've hired,
16:08
Speaker 3: and I have to pull over to ask for directions
16:10
Speaker 3: to landmarks nearby. Finally we find this little gate with
16:16
Speaker 3: a watchman sitting, and then the long dirt drive into
16:19
Speaker 3: pure greenery. To me, Jin House has always felt like
16:23
Speaker 3: this secret garden, and it doesn't take long for the
16:26
Speaker 3: chaos of the business district to disappear behind you. The
16:30
Speaker 3: house probably isn't what you're expecting. It's a mid century home,
16:35
Speaker 3: minimalist elegance in red and white, with a welcoming veranda
16:39
Speaker 3: and beautifully kept lawns and gardens. On one hand, the
16:43
Speaker 3: place is simple. It's just three bedrooms and a kitchen,
16:47
Speaker 3: with the center hall that works as both living and
16:49
Speaker 3: dining room, but it's set in this oasis. The veranda
16:54
Speaker 3: looks out onto this beautiful lawn, perfect fatias and receptions
16:59
Speaker 3: and badman. The roof doubles his dance floor or a
17:03
Speaker 3: launchpad for paper airplanes. Over the next few hours, I'll
17:09
Speaker 3: wander the grounds. The housekeeper, who's been instructed to make
17:12
Speaker 3: me lunch all of my favorites, will overfeed me the
17:16
Speaker 3: same way my grandaunt would have insisted. I'll lays on
17:19
Speaker 3: a couch and thumb through books because there are so
17:23
Speaker 3: many books here in every room, and I'll sit on
17:26
Speaker 3: the veranda, just staring and thinking. Decades ago, i'd sit
17:33
Speaker 3: on this veranda in the early evenings with my grandfather
17:36
Speaker 3: when he'd break from his writing and pour himself a
17:38
Speaker 3: small peg of whiskey, and we trade stories as we
17:42
Speaker 3: watched out into the monsoons. This is where he told
17:45
Speaker 3: me to always carry a pen with me, to make
17:47
Speaker 3: sure I could write down my ideas at any moment.
17:50
Speaker 3: It's something I still do. This is where I learned
17:53
Speaker 3: about how much he loved my dad, about how sometimes
17:57
Speaker 3: he'd squeeze him too hard because he couldn't express his love.
17:59
Speaker 3: And this is where I first heard the story about
18:04
Speaker 3: the backscratch. We all still tell it. I tell it,
18:09
Speaker 3: and this is how it starts. When my dad was
18:13
Speaker 3: just a kid, just seven or eight, my grandfather came
18:16
Speaker 3: in from out of town and sat next to him
18:19
Speaker 3: on a bed. Shanta, my sister, tells it.
18:23
Speaker 8: The story goes about Budge was traveling for work a lot,
18:27
Speaker 8: and back and forth to goa so I don't think
18:29
Speaker 8: he was able to really be there that often. And
18:32
Speaker 8: so one day he came to visit Dad and they
18:36
Speaker 8: were sitting on the edge of the bed and just talking.
18:39
Speaker 3: Ruby, my kid, tells it.
18:41
Speaker 9: So when I was about seven or eight, he was
18:45
Speaker 9: lying in bed and his dad just came in from
18:48
Speaker 9: that town. And he came and Salon is in his bed,
18:53
Speaker 9: and baba Ja said, Dad.
18:56
Speaker 3: You know, and I'm trying to be the best father.
18:59
Speaker 9: I it's hard going up with down mom, But.
19:02
Speaker 3: Is there anything I can do for you? Is there
19:04
Speaker 3: anything that's missing?
19:07
Speaker 9: Thought? And he thought, and then he finally said, you know,
19:11
Speaker 9: I've just fend.
19:12
Speaker 8: When his back itches, his mom comes and scratches it
19:15
Speaker 8: for him.
19:16
Speaker 3: And peered off and he starts scratching My dad's back
19:19
Speaker 3: for longer than the little Tyke needed.
19:23
Speaker 8: But Joe was so heartbroken to hear that.
19:25
Speaker 9: And they're just thinking, my son's growing up without a mother.
19:30
Speaker 8: This is such a simple thing, This is last thing
19:32
Speaker 8: I can do. Flee and just sat and scratched his back.
19:44
Speaker 3: Chapter four Ashes see it. It's February sixteen, twenty twenty three.
19:53
Speaker 3: We're on a boat on the Indian Ocean, not far
19:56
Speaker 3: from Covid Beach in South Goa beautiful. It's where my
19:59
Speaker 3: dad used to spend his weekends as a kid.
20:03
Speaker 9: Night you go on as.
20:05
Speaker 3: It's my mom, my wife, the kids, and my aunt
20:08
Speaker 3: someone all here together and my dad. Of course, we've
20:14
Speaker 3: got his ashes in a glorified shoe box that's printed
20:17
Speaker 3: to look like a clip art version of Heaven. I
20:19
Speaker 3: guess the waves are mild this morning, and the water
20:24
Speaker 3: is so blue. We spot pods of dolphins frolicking in
20:29
Speaker 3: the waters and racing alongside.
20:32
Speaker 10: Us by dozensop.
20:37
Speaker 3: Do you see him? There's this flock of seabirds flying
20:40
Speaker 3: in front. They stayed just ahead of us, like they're
20:43
Speaker 3: pulling us away from the sunkiss coast threaded with coconut
20:46
Speaker 3: trees and into something even more serene. We don't talk.
20:52
Speaker 3: I look at my mom and aunt tearing up. My
20:55
Speaker 3: son Henry is crying and he's in Lizzie's arms. Meanwhile,
21:00
Speaker 3: Ruby thinks this is a joy ride, arms up in
21:02
Speaker 3: the air. ADU wouldn't want us to be sad, as
21:05
Speaker 3: they put it, and Ruby's right in a way. After
21:09
Speaker 3: a few minutes of more intentional silence, where we sit
21:13
Speaker 3: rock gently by the waves and our feelings, my mom
21:16
Speaker 3: and I climbed to the very back of the boat.
21:19
Speaker 3: She asked me to sing a chant when she can't
21:21
Speaker 3: muster one. My dad loved Jay Nick, and we lean
21:34
Speaker 3: over the railing to say goodbye one final time. I
21:44
Speaker 3: still don't believe in astrology. But doctor v Jay, the
21:48
Speaker 3: tantric astrologer I'd visited, and I had told me I
21:51
Speaker 3: would carry my grief for seven more months. It would
21:55
Speaker 3: be seven more months before I'd finally be myself again.
21:58
Speaker 4: You'll come hold of this and you will long be
22:03
Speaker 4: laying what you are now.
22:08
Speaker 3: That was August. It's the end of February. Now, by
22:13
Speaker 3: the time I'm back in the States, seven months will
22:16
Speaker 3: have passed. Chapter five. The first hardest thing This is
22:36
Speaker 3: April twenty twenty two. Doctor Kamar's prediction about my father
22:40
Speaker 3: falling ill had come true, and I'd raced down to
22:42
Speaker 3: Atlanta a few times to be with him. But now
22:46
Speaker 3: I'm saying bye to my dad as I head back
22:48
Speaker 3: to New York. This is him and his lazy boy,
22:53
Speaker 3: with a bowl of pistachios on his stomach and a
22:56
Speaker 3: mystery paperback by his side, both smiling. Because the doctor
23:01
Speaker 3: has a plan. The chemo should give him three months,
23:05
Speaker 3: there's a chance he'll have much longer. This is me
23:10
Speaker 3: getting a call that very same night, soon after my
23:13
Speaker 3: plane hit the tarmac at LaGuardia, that my father had
23:16
Speaker 3: to be rushed to the emergency room. This is him,
23:21
Speaker 3: days later, still in the hospital, telling my sister that
23:25
Speaker 3: I can't make you happy and I can't make sense.
23:33
Speaker 3: This is him holding my mom's hand, telling her over
23:36
Speaker 3: and over how beautiful she is, telling her she's always
23:39
Speaker 3: been his only head.
23:44
Speaker 4: So cute.
23:46
Speaker 3: This is me walking into the hospital to relieve my mom.
23:50
Speaker 3: It's my turn to spend the night with him, but
23:52
Speaker 3: my mom tells me that the fight is over, that
23:54
Speaker 3: my only mission is to bring him home so he
23:56
Speaker 3: can pass amongst his loved ones. This is me signing
24:04
Speaker 3: the Forum for Hospice, knowing that when the morphine kicks in,
24:08
Speaker 3: it'll knock him out. These will be my last moments
24:18
Speaker 3: with him conscious. Do you know who's waiting at home
24:20
Speaker 3: for you? You don't know? Do you want to see Barkley?
24:25
Speaker 3: This is me shaving him one last time. I'm just
24:27
Speaker 3: going to shave a little bit on your face. They're
24:31
Speaker 3: barber style. I use a warm washcloth to soften the
24:35
Speaker 3: subtle I gently lather his face. I take my time
24:40
Speaker 3: with each stroke. This is me putting my cologne on him.
24:45
Speaker 3: Do you remember that you used to put after shave
24:48
Speaker 3: on me? Yeah. He used to laugh and joke and
24:53
Speaker 3: tell stories as I watched him shave as a kid.
24:55
Speaker 3: And then he'd spray a scent into the heel of
24:57
Speaker 3: his palms and rub them into my cheek and tiny circles,
25:02
Speaker 3: warning me of how it might sting. This is me
25:06
Speaker 3: playing in messages, an old going song from his sister
25:09
Speaker 3: and nephew, a message from my aunt.
25:11
Speaker 8: Someone I love you so.
25:15
Speaker 3: Much, so so much, some whispers of things I needed
25:21
Speaker 3: him to know, and hoping he hears you know we
25:25
Speaker 3: love you so much? Shit, Yeah, you know you're a
25:29
Speaker 3: wonderful Dad. This is me in the back of an
25:34
Speaker 3: Atlanta ambulence taking him home. This is me staring out
25:38
Speaker 3: into traffic, collecting out the back window, caressing his hair,
25:42
Speaker 3: pushing it across his forehead, gripping his hand repeatedly, desperately
25:47
Speaker 3: trying to communicate my love with each squeeze, not knowing
25:51
Speaker 3: what's getting through. This is me tracing my fingertips gently
25:57
Speaker 3: down his papery skin, kissing his forehead, scratching his back
26:02
Speaker 3: gently for way too long because I still can epilogue.
26:41
Speaker 3: This is my friend aj.
26:44
Speaker 10: Of all types of interesting.
26:46
Speaker 3: Way back at the beginning of the show, he told.
26:48
Speaker 6: Me curiosity and gratitude are my two favorite virtues, and
26:52
Speaker 6: I agree.
26:53
Speaker 3: I think both lead to a richer life. There was
26:56
Speaker 3: always so much to be curious about, so much to
26:58
Speaker 3: be grateful for. But as I try finally to end
27:03
Speaker 3: this show, I keep thinking about another drive. In twenty seventeen,
27:17
Speaker 3: we just moved to Atlanta so I could take a
27:19
Speaker 3: job in podcasting. That Thanksgiving, we headed up I ninety
27:23
Speaker 3: five to my cousin Shanta's to be with my parents
27:26
Speaker 3: and sister and cousins and dogs. Everyone was just so happy,
27:31
Speaker 3: cooking together, making gingerbread houses, drinking cider, wandering through a
27:36
Speaker 3: farm that saw down the perfect Christmas tree. And then
27:40
Speaker 3: when the weekend was over and it was finally time
27:43
Speaker 3: to say goodbye and the anxiety of a new work
27:46
Speaker 3: week had started to settle in, Lizzie turned to me
27:49
Speaker 3: and she said, why don't we skip I ninety five?
27:53
Speaker 3: Why don't we take the long way home? That afternoon
27:57
Speaker 3: we drove across Skyline Drive, the famous Skyland Drive, the
28:02
Speaker 3: one that stitches a path along the edge of the
28:04
Speaker 3: Blue Ridge Mountains as you drive through the Shenandoah National Park.
28:09
Speaker 3: At the time, our kids were seven and four, and
28:12
Speaker 3: back then when they used to ask how long till
28:15
Speaker 3: we get there? Lizzie and I would relay the time
28:17
Speaker 3: in episodes of the PBS show Arthur, like it's five
28:22
Speaker 3: Arthurs till we're home, which meant two and a half hours.
28:26
Speaker 3: But somehow, on this one hundred mile parkway, we didn't
28:29
Speaker 3: have to answer that question once. We just marveled at
28:34
Speaker 3: all the red and yellow painted across the tree tops,
28:38
Speaker 3: and the fog that rolled in and out across the
28:40
Speaker 3: blue and purple mountaintops, and the way the light played
28:43
Speaker 3: favorites with parts of the valley below and somewhere along
28:47
Speaker 3: the way, as the kids started to nod off and
28:50
Speaker 3: Lizzy squeeze my hand, and as we watched the sunset,
28:53
Speaker 3: I realized who I became in that moment, in the
28:56
Speaker 3: driver's seat, steering an endless road, and I know who
29:00
Speaker 3: I can be. I don't have to waste time endlessly
29:04
Speaker 3: obsessing about the future. I can choose moments like this,
29:08
Speaker 3: the ones that make my heart leap. I can choose
29:12
Speaker 3: the long way home over and over and never regret it.
29:17
Speaker 3: And I can fill the time I have left because
29:20
Speaker 3: I understand how precious that time is with a series
29:25
Speaker 3: of skyline drives.
29:29
Speaker 10: High am, it's all see.
29:36
Speaker 11: Weeply like a whirlone.
29:43
Speaker 10: Myuscars are hiding.
29:51
Speaker 11: My branches.
29:51
Speaker 10: Don't shoe you sigh of.
29:59
Speaker 11: It's all a street roots like a new bomb. Your
30:13
Speaker 11: wind is blowning.
30:20
Speaker 10: And over I go. But now I see a storm
30:29
Speaker 10: cloud up in the disk and a terrible old man
30:39
Speaker 10: a beautiful show.
30:42
Speaker 11: So take me down, easy, take me down, easey, Let
30:50
Speaker 11: me land softly.
30:54
Speaker 10: Back in your arm.
31:03
Speaker 3: Oh man, I cannot thank you enough for listening to
31:06
Speaker 3: the show. Like all podcasts, our show growth through word
31:10
Speaker 3: of mouth. So if you liked Skyline Drive, tell a friend,
31:13
Speaker 3: post about it on social media, or write us a
31:16
Speaker 3: little review. We read them all because we are obsessives
31:19
Speaker 3: and a few of us are geminised, and also we
31:22
Speaker 3: just like the feedback. Also, there's been too much crying,
31:26
Speaker 3: so Anna give us a dope beat. Skyline Drive is
31:45
Speaker 3: a production of Kaleidoscope and iHeart Podcast. If you like
31:49
Speaker 3: the show, you should know my incredible team carried me
31:51
Speaker 3: across the finish line. So thank you so much to
31:54
Speaker 3: Mary Philip Sandy, our supervising producer, Mitra Bunshahi, our producer,
31:59
Speaker 3: Mark Lotto, my story editor, and Anna Rubinovo, who produced
32:02
Speaker 3: and elevated the sound of all of these shows along
32:05
Speaker 3: with through Chivareu and soundboard. I am truly indebted to
32:10
Speaker 3: all of you. Everyone keeps asking me about the theme
32:13
Speaker 3: song bought me aka Spencer Stevenson wrote the gorgeous score
32:17
Speaker 3: for this season. Also, I'm so grateful to the musicians
32:19
Speaker 3: whose music lifted me in my very lowest moments before
32:23
Speaker 3: I started writing with including him man Shu Suri who
32:26
Speaker 3: read the episode Warning Mo and Azatti Records, Peter Matthew Bauer,
32:30
Speaker 3: Raginder Alaf Mohman, Vinnie De Sai, Lush Life Motor Sales,
32:35
Speaker 3: and James Henry Junior, who's stunning stunning song closed out
32:39
Speaker 3: this episode. Also my aunt Indu Gersape and my cousin
32:43
Speaker 3: Annan Gerzape for singing that beautiful go In folk song.
32:47
Speaker 3: Thank you to Simon and Argrin Bukshi, all the participants, Geene, Michelle, Annie,
32:52
Speaker 3: George and our house astrologers, Doctor Kumar and Janelle Belgrave.
32:56
Speaker 3: The show is executive produced for iHeart by Mickey Tour
33:00
Speaker 3: and Katrina Norvell. Thank you to my partners at Kaleidoscope,
33:04
Speaker 3: especially Ozwalishan who encouraged me to tell this story and
33:07
Speaker 3: gave me the room to tell it as we co
33:09
Speaker 3: founded this business, but also Kate Osborne and Costas Linos.
33:13
Speaker 3: Thank you to our investors and board for backing this
33:16
Speaker 3: crazy project. Thank you to Vahiney Shory for managing the
33:20
Speaker 3: social media for this show on top of everything else.
33:23
Speaker 3: Special thanks to Ali, Nathan Connell, Will and Bob at iHeart.
33:28
Speaker 3: I want to give my family some extra love, but
33:31
Speaker 3: especially Lizzie and Henry and Ruby and also Sarah then
33:35
Speaker 3: Shanta and as always a big big thank you to
33:40
Speaker 3: my Alma and my dad, Lalita and Omeish who I
33:44
Speaker 3: thank my lucky stars for I'm Mongish Hitticular. Thank you
33:49
Speaker 3: so so much for listening.
33:53
Speaker 7: Sometimes I care a lot.
33:56
Speaker 8: Usually I don't even care about time.
34:00
Speaker 4: Sometimes I'm sometimes.
34:03
Speaker 7: Sometimes ecept sometimes from sometimes sometimes I'm.
34:09
Speaker 11: Times sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes.
34:13
Speaker 10: Sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes.
34:16
Speaker 7: Sometimes I'm passive fits, sometimes I pass to fit. Sometimes
34:19
Speaker 7: I stay sober. Sometimes it's past the fits. Sometimes I'm hustling.
34:22
Speaker 7: Sometimes I'm lacking it. Sometimes I got the ship, sometimes
34:25
Speaker 7: I'm lacking it. Get low, man, there'll be too much vanity.
34:29
Speaker 10: How to live life or my life will to wapities.
34:31
Speaker 5: Listen, I love the man.
34:32
Speaker 4: This is my reality always.
34:34
Speaker 10: I could use the word paperty lapity, bagrity