Latest / The Bigger Stage w/ Matt Stone / How to Stay Shatterproof in Business & Life | Dr. Tasha Eurich x Matt Stone

Transcript

How to Stay Shatterproof in Business & Life | Dr. Tasha Eurich x Matt Stone · The Bigger Stage w/ Matt Stone

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  Welcome to The Building Business Relationships Show.
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  I'm Matt Stone, and before we officially launch, we're exploring
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  what matters most when it comes to relationships in business.
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  These early episodes are about testing ideas, learning from
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  guests, and hearing what you think belongs in the conversation.
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  So please listen in, share your thoughts and help shape what this show becomes.
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  Now, recently I got a chance to meet up with Dr. Tasha Eurich, the world's
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  foremost expert on self-awareness.
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  And in this short conversation that you're about to watch or listen to,
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  Tasha and I cover a lot of ground.
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  She talks about the connection between relationships and self-awareness, what's
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  really going on when we are reactive, and what excites her most about the launch of
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  The Building Business Relationships Show.
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  So thanks for tuning in.
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  Please do like and subscribe, and I hope you enjoy this
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  conversation as much as I did.
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  I am so excited to be here with my dear friend and the world's number one
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  guru on self-awareness, author of three books, Bankable Leadership, Insight,
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  and her latest book, Shatterproof, which is amazing by the way.
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  And Tasha Eurich has agreed to have a quick chat with me about the upcoming
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  Building Business Relationships Show.
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  Here I am.
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  Yay.
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  We even have a sunny day to do it.
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  Also, please admire my pink microphone, which is a extra,
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  that's all extra learned from
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  me.
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  Extra accent for the Show.
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  So yeah, I wanted to ask Tasha a few questions about it too
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  and, get her perspective.
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  So the show's gonna be rooted in relationships and building
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  great enterprises, you know, entrepreneurial enterprises
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  powered by great relationships.
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  So have you had a business relationship that's had a big impact on your life?
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  I am so lucky to have more to choose from to answer this question than
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  I possibly know what to do with.
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  I remember a mentor of mine once said that most people can trace
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  their success to, you know, two or three people opening one door.
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  And if we use that criteria, probably the person that's had the biggest
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  impact professionally in terms of not just my success, but who I am as a
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  person, uh, is Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, who is the number one executive
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  coach in the world, the number one leadership thinker in the world.
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  He's written several books that have sold millions of copies.
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  The big one is What Got You Here Won't Get You There.
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  Love that.
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  Classic.
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  A classic for any leader.
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  Yep.
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  And Marshall and I met maybe 12 years ago now.
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  It was through a mutual friend of ours who was also my mentor who told me,
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  it's time for you to meet Marshall.
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  And ever since then, he has not just opened doors for me professionally, but
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  he's just been a confidant and he now proudly calls himself, my honorary dad.
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  And I think that just is a testament to, these aren't just business relationships,
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  are they, they're, they, they transform our lives in ways that, you know,
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  usually we don't even anticipate.
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  Actually, it's one relationship leading to another one.
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  Yeah, exactly.
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  Exactly.
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  Yeah.
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  So do you remember what precipitated that moment of like, you were ready?
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  What, what was the seed of that?
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  Do you remember?
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  I
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  wish that I could tell you.
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  What was happening at the time was I was getting ready to publish my first
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  book, Bankable Leadership in 2013.
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  And the first conversation Marshall and I ever had, I will never
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  forget it because it happened at 6:00 AM on a Saturday morning.
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  Wow.
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  The only time he had available.
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  And, uh, it sort of had like the drama of a good, dramatic movie or TV Show
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  where he was like, at some points, like yelling at me, but in the most loving
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  way of like, you need to get your head out of your ass and think about this.
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  I was like, yes, yes I do.
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  And then, you know, we kind of connected, we, we shared a sense of
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  humor, so we were laughing, but, um, it's never boring with a good mentor.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  Right.
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  A good mentor is not just gonna sit there politely and quietly
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  and say, that's all very nice.
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  They're gonna pressure test, what you're, what you're saying,
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  You mean ChatGPT is not a good mentor?
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  Like everything you write in it, it says what a great idea!
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  Matt.
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  This is the best idea I've ever heard.
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  Wonderful.
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  It is nice and assuring, but uh, sometimes not reassuring in that.
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  Right, right.
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  Yeah.
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  For the self-awareness because you know,
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  nobody that you know tell you that about the idea.
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  They would never,
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  they would never say that.
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  No, but you can always go to ChatGPT to feel better in the moment, I suppose.
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  But Marshall's not that, Marshall's much more than that for you.
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  Do you remember those first conversations?
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  How it kind of helped you?
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  Um, what did it teach you about relationships?
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  Mm-hmm.
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  And your own, you know, venture.
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  Your, your passion, your, you had a vision, then, you wrote a book.
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  But as you were getting to know Marshall, like, what were some of
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  the connections you were making about the potential of this relationship
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  to really change your life?
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  I would say.
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  Uh, this is maybe a little bit less relationship focused, a little bit
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  more focused on sort of my journey.
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  But, you know, when I first came to Marshall, and still to this day, I have
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  a hard time with self-promotion, right?
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  Of, and when you're an author and when you're a speaker, you, you sort of have
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  to find a way to make peace with that.
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  And, you know, he said a couple of things.
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  He said, you know, the first thing is, is your personal comfort, more important
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  than the positive impact that you wanna make on, you know, all the leaders
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  and all the companies and all of the people that you're trying to influence?
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  And I said, no.
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  So that was a big insight.
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  And the second thing he told me was, get your ego out of this right.
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  Self-promotion.
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  Is sort of the wrong way to think about it.
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  You should really be thinking about it in terms of getting your message out.
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  So he gave me a Peter Drucker quote, which I do think is
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  focused on relationships also.
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  " The purpose of life is not to prove how right you are or how smart you are, it's
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  to make a positive difference." Mm-hmm.
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  And as long as we're doing that, we can start shouting it from the rooftops
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  because if we, you know, it's like your show, you know that what you are doing
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  is going to make a positive impact.
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  It becomes so much easier.
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  Yeah.
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  To um, not just promote it, but to connect to other people.
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  This point is so critical because we all have an ego and it's useful to us
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  when we have to perform, for example.
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  But I think what I found with you and with other people is, the good, solid
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  relationships you have will tell you the truth about, hey, that's a good idea, but
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  it's not done yet, or you're not ready yet, or have you thought about this?
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  Just keeping you on track and rooted in that legitimate purpose because
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  if you rob the world of what your gift is, yeah, that's the real loss.
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  Right?
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  That's what I heard in your story.
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  Yeah, and that's what I think Marshall, is so good at zeroing in on what people's
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  gifts are and um, yeah, it's, you sort of think about the sum total impact
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  he's had by doing that, and this man, I don't know how he can maintain the
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  number of relationships he maintains, but you know, at the end of every call
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  he says, what can I do to help you live a little bit better of a life?
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  Yeah.
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  And I know he's asking that question to everybody else that is important to
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  him.
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  Yeah, I remember, I've met him a couple times partially because of you, but
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  one of the times I met him at this event and he gave out his phone number
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  for anyone to go on a walk with him.
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  That's a big thing.
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  Walks.
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  Yeah.
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  Walks.
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  Yeah.
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  Because we were in
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  Nashville, so yeah.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  Um, what did that relationship, that was so pivotal for you, what did it teach
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  you about relationships in general?
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  And then let me ask a two part question.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  Which is a little bit complex, I suppose, but not for you.
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  No, it, gimme two parts.
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  Matt Stone, because what did it teach you?
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  But also as much of the self-awareness research that you've done and
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  the teaching that you do on self-awareness and coaching, connect
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  relationships to self-awareness.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  What is the nexus of those two and how do you manage your relationships in a
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  way that nurtures good self-awareness?
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  So, I sort of have two angles on this.
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  One is the causal impact between becoming more self-aware and
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  having better relationship.
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  Right.
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  There's tons of data showing that people who know who they are and how other
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  people see them have, um, everything from, uh, you know, deeper friendships
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  to longer lasting marriages, to better relationships with their kids,
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  um, you know, and their coworkers.
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  If you're a leader, you're more influential and motivational and trusted.
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  So that's sort of one angle.
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  So from self-awareness to relationships.
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  But I also can draw the causality the other way, which is from relationships
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  to self-awareness, if and only if those relationships contain what I call loving
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  critics, which is essentially in our, in our, you know, 12 plus years of
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  researching self-awareness, what we found is the most highly self-aware people don't
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  surround themselves with human ChatGPTs.
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  They surround themselves with what we termed 'loving critics'.
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  So for someone to be a loving critic, they first have to support you.
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  No frenemies need apply.
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  But the second thing, which is just as important, and in my opinion pretty
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  rare, is they have to have a track record of telling you the truth.
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  They have to have a track record of being like, no, I don't like your new haircut.
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  And I'm gonna tell you because no one else is telling you and you're
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  walking around with bangs and why did you get, you know, whatever.
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  Hopefully it's a little bit more helpful than that.
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  That seems kind of shallow in terms of feedback, but you know what I mean.
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  Right.
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  My
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  bangs are awful.
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  Your bangs.
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  They're terrible.
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  Me too.
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  Someone talked me out of them today.
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  You talked to me out of bangs.
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  Um,
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  but, but I think that's ultimately how relationships
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  can increase our self-awareness.
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  And then it's like this one beautiful
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  circle, virtu, virtuous cycle.
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  Yeah, exactly.
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  Absolutely.
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  One feeds the other.
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  Yes.
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  Yeah.
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  It's, it's amazing.
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  Okay, so listen, there's all these topics on communication and, and leadership.
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  I mean, leadership is, is so everywhere, but we don't necessarily
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  know what it means in this context unless you get down into the details.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  And so I'm wondering what's the topic around relationships that
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  we're not talking about that we
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  should
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  be?
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  So, as an author, I, every time I've written a book, have written
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  the book that I needed at the time.
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  And my most recent book talks about how, you know, this is just empirically and
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  objectively, we are living in a world that is getting more and more chaotic, more and
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  more disruptive, more and more stressful.
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  And, uh, people are increasingly not okay.
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  I think about the clients that I'm coaching.
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  So many of them are coming to me with problems that weren't the same as they
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  were, you know, 5, 10, 15 years ago.
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  It's things that I identify with.
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  They're saying things like, you know, the level of stress that I'm facing is so high
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  that there are times when I just lose it.
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  Right?
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  So the topic that we're not talking about when it comes to relationships,
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  in my opinion enough is reactivity; is, when you're stressed, how easy
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  it is to allow yourself to go with your first response to a situation.
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  And, um, I've been under a ton of stress lately, just candidly we all have.
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  Right?
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  And there have been several times in the last couple of months where I have
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  gotten in my own way in such profound, like, to such a profound extent by
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  not pausing between the reaction I have initially and like, how do I want
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  to show up in this relationship and what is it that I want to do instead?
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  The good news is, the good news for me and for anyone else, maybe who is dealing
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  with this, is I'm seeing my clients make huge steps forward, and they're doing that
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  by ironically, uh, reading Shatterproof and using the tools from it to understand
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  their triggers and to understand all the things that are setting them off, right?
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  That's the kind of thing that we have to understand in order to pick our response.
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  Absolutely.
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  Yeah.
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  When you can observe yourself, you can't observe yourself if you don't pause.
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  No.
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  So you can take a breath and observe yourself and say, what is this reaction
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  that I'm having signaling to me.
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  Really?
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  Mm-hmm.
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  The power of the pause is that I can sometimes get, even, get clarity that
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  the emotional trigger I'm having, the reaction I'm having may not be my first
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  instinct about it, may not be accurate.
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  Like, for example, if I feel really rageful in a moment, like
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  let's say you're driving mm-hmm.
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  What you're actually doing when you do road rage is that
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  you were afraid of something.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  You were afraid of getting hit, for example.
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  Am I on the right track?
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  Yes.
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  Um, that, so there's, I talk about a four-step process in
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  Shatterproof, but just to kind of really distill it to its essence.
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  Um, when, when we are reactive, it's usually because one of
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  our three fundamental human needs is being frustrated.
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  So the first is confidence.
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  We want to, we wanna feel like we're, we're doing well and we're
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  getting better and we're growing.
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  Uh, the second is choice.
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  It's not just having agency, it's being able to live our lives with
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  authenticity, like to be who we are.
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  And the third is connection.
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  And that is everything from feeling like we belong, you know, like talking to
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  people at the grocery store to having mutually supportive relationships.
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  Yeah.
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  And that's been helpful, um, for me personally, uh, you know, if I'm, if I
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  am feeling like I'm being neglected in a relationship or something, I say like,
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  okay, there's nothing wrong with me.
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  I'm a human being who's, you know, for whatever reason, whose need
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  for connection is being frustrated.
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  So, of course I'm upset about this and I think there's sort of this weird
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  paradox of in understanding why we might be so upset, we start to get
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  a little bit more ability to, pause and to choose something different.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  Um, but it really comes back to those three needs.
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  That's so good.
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  And, and that is one of the really most, I think, useful things.
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  There's so many useful things in Shatterproof, but those
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  three Cs, just spot on.
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  Absolutely spot on.
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  Um, and the other thing from Insight, the loving critic, that, that language, I
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  have to say I've stolen that many times.
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  Cool.
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  I mean, I do give you credit, but, um, I just think that that phrase captures
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  exactly the kind of person that you want.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  And, you know, we don't usually talk about loving people in business, and
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  yet that's exactly who you want on your team to be giving you feedback.
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  I, I, and most of my mentors believe that it's all about
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  love in every part of our lives.
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  Yeah.
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  Otherwise, what are you doing?
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  That's exactly right.
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  What are you doing Matt Stone?
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  What's the, what's the point?
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  Yeah, exactly.
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  Okay.
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  Listen, we, you know, this is a short, like, pre-launch video, so, uh, I
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  just have one more question to ask you, and that is, I've told you even
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  some secrets about this show that I'm not even gonna talk about now.
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  But we are planning a show, this is gonna come out in 2026, and we're
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  planning a really entertaining, uh, show about building great enterprises
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  about entrepreneurship, about visionaries and about relationships,
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  but it's gonna be really entertaining.
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  So now that you know what I've told you behind the scenes, let's
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  tease the audience a little bit.
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  What are you excited about with the launch of this show in 2026?
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  So I am lucky enough to have heard, uh, a lot about this.
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  And the observation I have is this show is unlike any show.
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  That I've seen or heard before.
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  And ultimately, you know, it's, the question is like, for what purpose?
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  For what purpose?
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  And I, as an entrepreneur, as a fifth generation entrepreneur,
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  I hope I have some credibility on which to base my opinion.
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  Um, I know this is gonna help so many of my peers and my colleagues, people
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  who are, uh, stressed out strivers who are trying to do big things in the world
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  and build enterprises and companies, and, uh, I, I think it's gonna be a, a
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  place of community, a place of learning, and a place of, uh, inspiration.
• 15:52
  Wow.
• 15:52
  Thank you so much for taking the time, and it's great to see you in person.
• 15:56
  Always great to see you.
• 15:56
  Always great to see you.
• 15:57
  So thank you, Tasha.
• 15:59
  You've been a great gift to the audience.
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  Ah.
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  All right.
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  Thanks for listening to The Building Business Relationships Show.
• 16:06
  This pre-launch phase is all about discovery, so if something sparked your
• 16:10
  interest, I'd love to hear from you.
• 16:12
  Share your thoughts, ideas, or guest suggestions, and help us shape the
• 16:16
  conversations that come, and of course, subscribe, so you'll be the
• 16:20
  first to know when we officially launch and when new content drops.
• 16:23
  Thanks for listening and watching.
• 16:25
  We'll see you next time.